OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 01-25-05

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
01-25 Live! From Ixtapa, Mexico

Non-Title Match[/u]
Niles Anderson vs. Moosehead Jack & Concrete TG

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
LD Williams vs. Capellan

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u]
The Team From Down Under vs. The Devil's Brigade

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Eric O'Mac vs. Austraroo

Submission Match[/u]
Chris Cole vs. Siriram

Best of Seven Series, Match 4 (Corax leads 2-1) Triage Match - anything goes, no rules[/u]
Corax vs. Thim Reynolds

Mercury vs. Uncle Entity
Mr. Jealous vs. Chris Alt
Seraph vs. Shashwat Mishra
wCw vs. The Chickenshit Heels
Drink & Destroy vs. The Black Dawgs
Canadian Dragon vs. SoulDragon
Firechild vs. Justin Sane
Hardbody Harris & Phil vs. Microplay & Donovan Viper

Card subject to Weimar Republic approval

[mooseheadjack]

<The camera cuts to Concrete TG’s locker room, the door flies open and Concrete comes storming in, cursing (in a PG way) and throwing things around>

Mysterious Voice: Well well well. I take it you’ve seen the match

<Crete grabs a steel work out bar and rushes toward the voice yelling>

CTG: Dammit Moose! I am tired of your head games!

MHJ: Just calm down killer <Crete stops and drops the bar to his side, a look of fury still burns in his eyes> Look. This wasn’t my idea, but it certainly works in our favor, no doesn’t it?

CTG: Forget it Jack. I am not teaming with you. I don’t trust Niles, and I sure as hell don’t trust you. I don’t need your help winning the match.

MHJ: Good ‘ol naïve Concrete. You don’t get it do you?

CTG:<sighs heavily> Get what Jack? Can’t you ever get to the point?

MHJ: Look Crete, this is our chance. This is our chance to get rid of Niles. It is two on one, we are the former tag champs. We can eliminate Niles once and for all. Rick has led the lamb to the slaughter.

CTG: Forget it Jack. I don’t need to resort to that to win.

MHJ: Oh really? Crete let me remind you of something. Niles is the man that took out Semaj. Niles is the man that turned on you, you thought he was a bible thumping good guy. He made you look like a chump. Think back to the time you were suspended…

CTG: Because of YOU

MHJ: Whatever. Think back to that night. Sure, I got in the way on purpose. But you were swinging that chair at Niles, you wanted to splatter his head across that arena. Are you honestly going to tell me that hatred for Niles has mysteriously gone away?

<Crete just glares at Jack and doesn’t say anything>

MHJ: Crete, this is your golden opportunity. Look at it this way. What happens if Niles is put out of commission?

CTG: I would think the title is vacated if the injury is bad enough? But I am not going to injure a guy Jack, that is not me.

MHJ: Not even if it means the chance to beat ME for the world title?

CTG: <stops and snaps around to look at Jack> What?

MHJ: Think about it Crete. Me and you get rid of Niles, put him out of commission and the title gets vacated. Suddenly, that three way match at Dance of Death becomes a one on one match for the world title. You couldn’t ask for a better shot at redemption than that. You beating me, one, two, three in the middle of the ring, holding that world title high above your head, knowing you beat the one man who swears you will never hold that title in your career.

<CTG doesn’t say anything, he seems completely lost in thought. He barely notices when Jack gets up and heads toward the door>

MHJ: but Crete, you go ahead and keep to your morals. You keep your high values and such. It is really up to you. I know what you are capable of, I know what we are capable of. You decide how far you are willing to go. Come on Crete, you know damn well it is worth it.

Trust me.

[mooseheadjack]

The camera crew moves backstage to Stank’s locker room. They can hear uproarious laughter. As they go in, they find Stank laughing uncontrollably. He is sitting on his sofa. Shashwat is also in the room with a goofy looking grin on his face.

Stank looks at the cameraman and says, “Listen to this. I have got a match against this little whelp at Night of Firsts. And, he has the gall to come in here and tell me to back out.” He looks at Shashwat. “Listen boy, you are 5 foot 8, 175 pounds. I am 6 foot 7, over 300 pounds. I will throw you helluva far. I mean this is ridiculous. I will squash you like a bug and not even notice. They will be wiping you off the floor with a mop.”

Shashwat gets up from his chair and walks up calmly to Stank. Stank looks at him, amused.

Shashwat slaps Stank on the face, says “See Ya” and bolts out of the door. Stank shouts, “Son of a….” and follows after him.

As Shashwat turns the corner, he bumps into Seraph. Both men get knocked to the ground. Stank catches up and grabs Shashwat by the hair. “Bad day, bitch!”. He tosses Shashwat into a wall and Shashwat goes right through it! Seraph comes through and starts pummeling Shashwat with rights and lefts. He gets Shashwat back up to his feet and pushes him towards Stank. Stank locks in a bear hug and the turns it into a belly to belly suplex on the floor. Seraph is not done and locks in the sharpshooter on a writhing Shashwat.

The officials run in and separate everyone.

[mooseheadjack]

*Niles Anderson is in his lockerroom with Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster. Niles is polishing his championship title.*

Niles - Fuck the Rick!

AA - You tell em, champ!

JA - Fuck him AND his stupid ass!

DV - I'm not a...

*Niles, clearly out of patience takes his title and smashes it into Donnie Vipers face.*

Niles - I swear that gimmick is SO OLD!

AA - uh... yeah, it is...

JA - What do you mean, Alan? We use it in our promos all the...

AA - Shut the fuck up, Johnny!

Niles - I mean, what is the world coming too? First, I gotta take on some no-name... <Niles checks out the booking sheet> Tommy Wilder because of some peabrained night of firsts idea...

AA - Yeah!

JA - Tell em like it is champ!

Niles - Then I got a handicapped match? Against the 2 guys I gotta defend my title against only a few days after! There's almost no way I'm gonna be in perfect health for my title defense! How is that fair!

RS - Damn.

AA - Yo, Farooq, when did you get here?

RS - I'm always around you guys. Got nothing better to do but help out with your promos.

JA - Does that mean...

RF - WHOOOOOO!!! I ALMOST TOOK LITA ON A RIDE ON SPACE MOUNTAIN THIS WEEK!!!!

JHK - Anybody need some kidney shots?

Niles - When the fuck did our lockerroom become a zoo?

JA - Well, uh... I guess our promos have been kinda overbooked lately.

AA - Shut the fuck up, Johnny! Never admit a weakness or else our promo ratings will go down.

*The Rick walks in the locker room and stops as he sees how full it is.*

TR - What the fuck is going on?!?

AA - Uh, we're having a team meeting.

TR - Do you guys have any idea of how much this is going to cost? Hell, Flair is still under WWE contract! The litigation fees alone will be a fortune!

RF - WHOOOOOO!!!!

RS - I think "Damn" would be more appropriate in that sentence.

RF - If I may step out of character for a moment, you're probably right Ron. But if I don't "WHOOOO!!!!", the fans would do it for me anyways.

TR - Why are you still here?

RF - Well, didn't you read that recent interview of mine? I need to work these days because of the divorce. So I'm picking up dates with you guys and the WWE when I can. And besides, I'm gonna take THE BROAD FOR A RIDE ON SPACE MOUNTAIN!!! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT WHISKEY BOY!!! WHOOOOO!!!!

Niles - The question is: what are you doing here, The Rick?

TR - I heard a commotion in here and I decided to check it out. I gotta say, I'm not happy with any of you right now. Niles, you're constant douchebaggery is not making things any better.

Niles - Well maybe if you actually booked fairly for once, I wouldn't be such a douchebag!

TR - Well maybe if you actually competed in your matches instead of trying to find ways out of them, I wouldn't book you into corners!

Niles - Well maybe if... if... GET HIM JESUS!!!

*Jesus H Kidneypuncher, who strategically placed himself behind The Rick during the interactions, gives The Rick a stiff kidneyshot. The Rick collapses onto the floor, grabbing his kidneys.*

Niles - RUN EVERYBODY!!!

*The lockerroom clears out as The Rick lays sprawled out in pain.*

AA <running alongside Niles> - Woah, what just happened there?

Niles - Fuck the Rick!

JA - Way to be champ!

*The crew runs off screen. Fade to Black.*

[mooseheadjack]

[As everybody disperses, The Chickenshit Heels wind up back at their locker room.]

JA: By the way, Tude, big ups on getting the DECIDING pinfall in our match this week.

AA: Man, that was AWESOME!

JA: Yeah, I would've been there, but...

[Mid-sentence, F.F. Capslock walks in.]

FFC: ALAN! WE DID IT, BUDDY!

AA: Uh, yeah, we did.

JA: Look, Fat Fuck... that's what it stands for, right? If you hadn't taken me out like the coward you are, all three of us would've survived the match.

FFC: Heh, heh, heh... SHUT THE FUCK UP, JOHNNY!

JA: Ya know, I'm tired of you and all your shit. You're ruining a perectly good team here.

FFC: LOOK JACKASS! WITH THAT WIN, ME AND ALAN HAVE MORE TAG TEAM VICTORIES THAN YOU DO WITH ALAN IN THE LAST MONTH!

JA: ...

AA: ... Johnny, I think he's right, man.

FFC: YEAH, SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!

[Johnny storms out without a word. The camera follows him as he goes into the hallway and immediately runs into Stank as Stank walks out of the bathroom.]

JA: Hey man! You need to get your partner out of my business!

Stank: You need to get the fuck outta my face!

JA: I'm just saying he's butting in where he isn't wanted. And it seems to me like he'd rather be tag team partners with Alan than with a hoss like you.

Stank: What did I tell you just a minute ago?

JA: And if it wasn't for your partner's incompetence, we ALL would've survived the elimination tag match.

[Stank flinches at Johnny, and Adrenaline runs off. Stank shakes his head and ponders to himself momentarily, then walks away.]

[mooseheadjack]

Stank walks into D&D's locker room where he spies AA and FFC guffawing.


Stank -

AA catches Stank's glance and walks out

Stank - So let me get this straight. *I* YOUR TAG TEAM PARTNER, get BLINDSIDED by Camby then, the black GECKO like the coward he is, slaps on his little submission move WHILE I'M ALREADY KNOCKED OUT, and I'm eleminated from the match with *YOU* NOWHERE IN SIGHT!

THEN

That little punk "ALAN" is about to get knocked OUT by Tommy's left and *YOU* MY TAG TEAM PARTNER take the HIT for HIM!??

FFC - Stank buddy...

Stank - NO! NO! I don't WANT to HEAR IT!

FFC - STANK, WOULD YA JUST LISTEN?

Stank - Save it! I have to go wash up! I still have some Shashwat on me.

Stank turns to leave but, FFC grabs him by the shoulder and spins him around.

FFC - We WON the match DIDN'T WE?

Stank - *WE* won NOTHING!

Stank knocks FFC's arm off of his shoulder then walks out leaving FFC to contemplate matters.

RS - Damn.

FFC - Indeed Ron. Indeed.

[mooseheadjack]

(where "With Jupiter in Mind" should be playing, something faster, angrier, and haunting begins. The lyrics that shout out are certainly not those of a hero...)

o/` You cannot save me....
You can't even save yourself!

I cannot save you,
I can't even save myself!

Save yourself! o/`

(A lone figure walks to the ring to no pyro - one dressed in a black leather longcoat, a multi-colored bandana the only flash of color seen on the figure. His black hair is tied firmly back, short for two small pieces that hang in saddened eyes. The figure climbs into the ring as the lyrics continue in their haunting, strangely gleeful tones)

o/` now that you've been damaged, your soul has suffered such abuse,
Glad I'm not your savior, I am just as f*cked as you.... i am just as f*cked as you o/`

(the refrain repeats before the figure dares to speak)

There was a time, a long time ago.... when I could come to this ring with a smile on my face and one thought in my mind - success. That thought would only be satisfied if my hand was raised in victory and that you, the fans, were satisfied with the battle itself. I know you people like my work.

(crowd applauds in approval, but there is nervousness in the air. Whispers among fans that perhaps CTG will turn on his fans?)

It's in this work I've taken the most pride, and I work hard every time I have stepped into this ring. I want to smile, and I want to laugh, and I want to enjoy this for as long as my heart and body can take it.

(crowd murmurs nervously as speculation increases)

Of late, I have had the ill fortune of having to continually cross paths with Moosehead JAck and Niles Anderson. Their work with this company is nothing more than legalized destruction and physical brutality - something that even a good-hearted man such as myself is capable of with the right circumstances.

As the OOWF title is nearly within my reach, it seems that something else has happened.

(CTG walks in a slow circle around the ring)

Do you see it? No? something missing? I'm sure there is.

What's missing has been destroyed.

The laughter in my heart? Broken faster than the liquor reserves in a barfight.

The smile on my face? Shattered with the blows of chains, the sting of barbed wire.

The color? drained away by the looming darkness that hovers at the topmost tiers of the OOWF.

This is all that remains of that color.

(he pats the bandana, absently pointing to his now black sideburns, which are still long)

I am still the one people call "concrete", but when I came here I was the wall in a city neighborhood, covered with graffitti and decorated with the laughter of children and the soul of a loose-knit family.

Now, all that remains is stone, hardened by steel, fire, and the coldest dark of a crime-ravaged ghetto, a gun-riddled barrio, a lost and forgotten corner of a city ruled by nothing but evil.

I am but a single stone building standing over what was once home. One that was forged for the single hope of success.

I leave it to you, my fans, the citizens who make our work possible - to see if there will be laughter and color.... or a silent fortress.

My one goal - the OOWF championship - is the key to all this. And no matter how dark Moosehead JAck and Niles Anderson wish to make me..... they had best realize that concrete stands up to a lot of abuse - and when you punch a concrete wall, you're more likely to break your hand.

Moose thinks that this change is good for me, and that I'll follow in his footsteps. He is wrong. Concrete is stronger than the darkness that surrounds it.

Niles thinks that this darkness will break me. Concrete is stronger than that.

I am Concrete.

I am the walls that hold this building in place.

I am the ceiling above you.

I am the floor beneath you.

I am all around you, cold, silent, waiting.

Waiting for the chance that when you try to smash me again, that your flesh will break first.

(CTG places the microphone carefully on the mat and walks to the back. the only other shred of hope is the glimmer of a purple silken cord that holds his black ponytail in place.)

[mooseheadjack]

[Johnny Adrenaline walks in unannounced to The Rick's office, where the GM is watching his Dayton Flyers play basketball on television.]

The Rick: Damn it, Adrenaline! Do you ever knock?

JA: Ooh, what's the score?

The Rick: 15-11, Flyers. Still early.

JA: I knew scoring was up with the new rules, but shit! How many's Forsberg scored?

The Rick: It's BASKETBALL, dumbass!

JA: Oh... right. Hey, I wanted to...

The Rick: Before you go any further, tell Niles and all your cronies that his actions earlier will not go unpunished.

JA: It was an accident. Shows what can happen when a promo gets outta control. They should really be left to professionals.

The Rick: Whatever, Johnny. Look, we got a TV timeout on the game, so make your point.

JA: Capslock's all up in our business, ruining everything. He wants to be AA's partner, and I'm sick of him telling me to shut up. What I want is a tag team match: Me and Tude vs. Drink & Destroy.

The Rick: Ha! Are you serious?? I would LOVE to let those two get their hands on you!

JA: Great...

The Rick: But I can't.

JA: Huh?

The Rick: You're already booked up this week.

JA: Well, then ch...

[Before Johnny can finish his thought, an imposing figure emerges behind Johnny, casting a shadow across the Rick's desk. Johnny slowly turns around to find Stank.]

Stank: Long time, no see, bitch!

JA: Don't be talking to the boss that way!

The Rick: He was talking to you, dipshit!

Stank: Can I get a match, boss?

The Rick: Maybe, shoot.

Stank: Look, F.F. is delusional, thinks he's Capps' partner and he's lost his mind. Insetad of playing around like this, we should be focused on the tag team titles.

JA: I totally agree.

Stank: So what I want... is US versus THEM...

JA: Well, great minds think alike, Stank, but we're already booked up.

Stank: Can I finish?... Drink & Destroy vs. the Chickenshit Heels at Dance of Death.

The Rick: Again, I'd LOVE to let you and Capslock beat on Johnny boy here, but if you'll remember, Dance of Death is a gimmick pay per view. All the matches are multiway matches. A regular tag team match would screw it all up.

JA: Well, we tried, come on Stank.

The Rick: [grins] But I've got a good idea, though. Ya know what? At Dance of Death, Johnny, I WILL put you and your buddy here in the ring together.

Stank and JA: [simultaneously] He ain't my buddy!

The Rick: At Dance of Death, it's gonna be Stank vs. Johnny Adrenaline vs. F.F. Capslock vs. Attitude Adjuster in a four way dance!

Stank: Even better than I imagined. Thanks, boss.

JA: ...

The Rick: What's the matter, Johnny?

Stank: Yeah, Johnny, what's wrong? This is what you wanted, right? Now you can even beat some sense into your partner personally.

JA: ...

The Rick: I should make you assistant GM for ideas like that, Johnny.

Stank: [hugs Johnny around the neck] You're right, Rick, this was a GREAT idea, Johnny. Hey, if F.F. and Alan can hang out, why can't we? Let's go get a drink, buddy. It's on me!

[Stank leaves, but Johnny stands in silence.]

The Rick: Johnny, go on.

JA: I take back what I said about the Champ's promo earlier!

[Johnny turns to leave but The Rick stops him before he gets out the door.]

The Rick: Hey Johnny!

JA: Yeah...?

The Rick: Shut the fuck up, Johnny!

[Johnny sulks away and The Rick turns back to the game.]

[mooseheadjack]

We change scenes to the arena loading docks where The Devil's brigade is sitting planning for their match this week, Harper is doing push ups and Tommy is drinking a pint of Guiness.

HC: Here's our chance Tommy, a shot at the tag titles. I defintiely am looking forward to this.

TO: dem silly wankas wunna no wut fekkin hit em

HC: exactly....

TO: I dunno, i kinna trear my bollocks dat we dinna get ta tak the straps off the silly fekkin wankas in wCw

HC: So we win the titles and desstroy them when they come sniffin around.

TO: Aye...I willin to give me left nut ta break dat ferry wanka Westgaard's jaw

HC: all in good time my friend.

TO: hey ya tink i could be gettin' a shot at the IC belt if i beat Williams at night of first?

HC: lets worry about the tag titles for now.....

Tommy nods while looking deep in thought

[mooseheadjack]

Attitude Adjuster is in deep thought when Johnny Adrenaline busts into the locker room.

JA: Hey ’Tude, I just got back from The Rick’s office, and we have a bit of a situation.

AA: Situation? Tell me about it. We have this “Night of Firsts” coming up tomorrow. I have a match against this Uncle Entity guy and can’t think of a decent promo to put the match over. Who the hell is the Entity guy anyway. Does he ever cut promos around here? Damn, I hate guys who don’t pull their weight.

Johnny chuckles.

AA: What!

JA: You said “pull your weight.” You know, you work hard around here, but if you keep gaining weight, you won’t be able to pull it anywhere soon.

AA: Are you trying to say I’ve gained…ah, never mind. I have to cut this promo!

JA: But there’s something I have to…

AA: Shut the fuck up, Johnny! I’m trying to create a promo! Ok, that’s it, time for a team meeting. Everyone in here. Even the monkey!

From out of nowhere, Ric Flair, Ron Simmons, Jesus C. Kidneypuncher, The Boogeyman and Fred the Monkey come into the locker room and stand around Attitude Adjuster. Johnny goes off in the corner muttering “Shut the fuck up, Johnny.”

AA: Guys, I have a problem. I’m facing the guy Uncle Entity at Night of Firsts. I need to cut a promo to hype the match, ‘cause otherwise I’m gonna be the beer run match before the semi-main event. So what do you know about Uncle Entity?

(Silence)

AA: Ric, you’re King of the Promos. What would you do?

RF: WHOOOO!!!!! MEAN, BY GAWD, GENE!!!!!! I’M A KISS-STEALING, JET-FLYING, LIMO-RIDING SON…OF…A GUN!!!!!!

AA: Yeah, that’s good, but you never mentioned Uncle Entity.

RF: Who?

AA: Jesus, what would you do?

JCK: Hmmmm. I don’t think I’ve ever cut a promo. How about a sneak attack where you punch Entity in the kidneys?

AA: Well, at least you said his name. By the way, here’s $200 for getting your name in this promo.

JCK: Great, now I can eat!

AA: Boogeyman?

TB: I’d say “I’m The Boogeyman!! And I’m coming to get you!!” And then I’d eat some worms.

AA: You’re kinda a one-trick promo, aren’t you?

TB: What do you expect? Mr. McMahon writes my promos. I’m lucky I’m not stripping to my boxers and getting kicked in the crotch by Linda.

AA: Fred?

FTM: OOOOHHH, OOOOOOHHHH, OOOHHH!!!!!! AHHH, AHHH, AHHHH!!!!!

AA: Look, that may cut it in the WWE, but not here in the OOWF. Ron?

RS: Damn?

AA: Great. Well, thanks guys, you’ve been a great help. Now go on about your business. Can anyone get me a sandwich?

RF: I HAVE TO FIND A SFJ TO TAKE ON SPACE MOUNTAIN!!!!!

JCK: I have to find some kidneys to punch.

TB: I have to find someone to scare.

FTM: OOOOHHH, OOOOOOHHHH, OOOHHH!!!!!! AHHH, AHHH, AHHHH!!!!!

RS: Damn…

AA: Now then, Johnny. What was so important that you interrupted this promo session?

JA: The Rick just booked us into a four-way singles match at Dance of Death against Stank and FF Capslock!

RS: Damn!

AA: Uncle Entity, at Night of Firsts, you better watch your ass, buddy!

JA: Now you’re using Capslock’s catchphrases? That’s going too far!

[mooseheadjack]

Austaroo: Next week i have another shot at the Onslaught championship and this time, you won't have the cheap way out and i will walk into Mexico to kick your ass and take home the Onslaught Championship.WOOOOOOOOOOO.

[mooseheadjack]

FF Capslock walks into a bar and see's Stank already seated.

FF- Hey man. Thought I'd find you here.

S- Yeah. Hey.

FF- So we got our own singles agenda tomorrow. I didn't think we'd be together stratigizing yet. But we do have a match Wednesday.

S- I know.

FF- Against the Black Dawgs. We gotta get a win over them to...uh...y'know...get ourselves up a little higher on the conteders list? Get another title shot? Know'm sayin?

S- Yeah...we'll do real well.

FF- Dude. What's going on with you?

S- What was up with you on Wednesday!?

FF- What? I did everything I could to help us win that match.

S- You mean help you and Capps win that match.

FF- There's still a W on your record man. We all won.

S- I think you want to be Attitude Adjuster's partner.

FF- No, I don't. He's just my friend, man.

S- Then why are you constantly berating and degrading Johnny?

FF- Because, I hate him?

S- Yeah me too. What a douche.

FF- I know!

S- Seriously. But why'd you take that shot for 'tude on Wednesday?

FF- It helped us win the match didn't it?

S- Yeah, I guess.

FF- I just need to do something with my spare time, so I got a buddy. I mean, you always off with Five...

S- Oh. So you're saying she's Yoko now?

FF- No! You got your thing. I got my thing.

S- What's that supposed to mean!?

FF- I dunno.

S- You saying bro's before hoe's?

FF- No!

S- You calling Five a ho!?

FF- I didn't say that!

S- Whatever man. We'll settle this at Dance of Death.

FF- Why? What's going on at Dance of Death?

S- Adrenaline vs. Adjuster vs. me vs. you.

FF- I don't wanna fight you or Alan!

S- Well, you're gonna fight both of us. We'll see where your loyalties lie, pal.

FF- Okay. But we'll worry about that later. We gotta worry about the Black Dawgs.

S- Yeah, sure. I'll see you there.

Capslock walks away slowly and confused.

[mooseheadjack]

[Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster are seen standing around in their locker room.]

JA: Who ya got this weekend?

AA: Well, it's weekends like this why I don't bet the NFL. They're tossups.

JA: Two words: Steve Smith.

AA: Three letters: M-V-P.

JA: Ah, you're just a west coast guy.

Invisible Ninja Cameraman; HEY!

AA: You're not supposed to talk! OH! We're back from the break.

:Originally posted by Attitude Adjuster
AA: Now then, Johnny. What was so important that you interrupted this promo session?

JA: The Rick just booked us into a four-way singles match at Dance of Death against Stank and FF Capslock!

RS: Damn!

AA: Uncle Entity, at Night of Firsts, you better watch your ass, buddy!

JA: Now you’re using Capslock’s catchphrases? That’s going too far!

JA: [deep breath] Did you hear what I said? It's you vs. me vs. Capslock vs. Stank next Sunday.

AA: Well, great. I got two friends in the match. All I got to worry about is Stank.

JA: No, no, no. You're not getting this. F.F. hates me more than he likes you, so while Capslock is off killing me, Stank's gonna be killing you.

AA: No, he doesn't. F.F. loves me. And Johnny, he doesn't hate you. He just doesn't undertand you.

JA: Yeah, he's so confused he beat my ass TWICE last Wednesday night. And that's when I was his PARTNER!

AA: Calm down, Johnny. We have a Night of Firsts to worry about. I got Entity. Who you got?

JA: Don't remind me.

AA: Oh yeah... sorry bout that.

JA: You got my back?

AA: Of course I do. We're partners! [looks at watch] Ooh, I gotta go. Me and Capslock are cutting a promo together.

[AA happily takes off, leaving Johnny by himself in the locker room.]

JA: HE'S YOUR OPPONENT AT THE PAY PER VIEW!

INC: Shut the fuck up, Johnny.

[mooseheadjack]

<Moose, Eric, LDW and Thim are all sittting in the back talking strategy>

EOM: Can you believe this? I have to face Chris Alt? What has that chump ever done to deserve a match against me? ME? The greatest Onslaught Champion walking the face of the planet?

Thim: <ahem>

EOM: Hey, no offense buddy, but I AM one of the longest reigning champs ever. I am that damn great.

MHJ: Eric, you are the man and all that, but don't sleep on Alt. There is something different about him lately. I am not sure what, but he is also a lot tougher than he looks.

EOM: <pshaw> Please. I got him. Thim what about you?

TR: Siriram

LDW: Put some knots on his head for me will ya? That bastard called me out.

MHJ: He seems to run with that idiot Shashwat too. I have a feeling I will be crossing paths with him down the line.

TR: Made Cole tap like a little bitch. I have heard about him. He is one hell ofa no-nonsense guy. I am looking foward to this one.

MHJ: Williams, you got O'Neil huh?

LDW: Yeah, Irish bastard. That one is gonna be a scrap. Should be fun. You notice most of the guys we are matched against this week should be our allies?

MHJ: Yeah I noticed that. Even Johnny I guess.

LDW: HA! Johnny probably shit himself when he saw he had you

MHJ: <thinking for a moment> Yeah there was a time when me and Johnny were close. Hell he is the one who started things between me and that idiot Concrete. Johnny used to be something to be reckoned with around here, now he is more concerned with cutting promos than being taken seriously.

TR: Hey, he is seriously one of Niles bitch boys

MHJ:Yeah. For sure. I am sure Niles will stick his nose in my business again this week. He is not smart enough to stay away. That's ok, Johnny it is you this weekend, then, Niles, at Dance of Death, your career ends.

Trust me

[mooseheadjack]

**Thim Reynolds, Eric O’ Mac, and L.D. Williams continue their discussion in a restaurant.**

LD: “Moose can handle himself. If he needs us, he’ll let us know.”

TR: “Besides, if things get out of hand we can lend him Eric’s psych experiment.”

LD: “You mean your new tag partner?”

**L.D. catches the salt shaker aimed at his head.**

EOM: “Speaking of which…Hey, Justin.”

JS: “Errol, Lodi, Thin. So, when do I get my match with Ladder?”

TR: “Maybe when you’ve earned it?”

JS: “Hey, I beat the Caledonian -”

LD: “Canadian”

JS: “- Canadian Dragon by count out.”

EOM: “Um, actually Justin, you lost…and took a Canadian Destroyer off a ladder.”

JS: “Exactly – that match would have been mine if Ladder hadn’t interfered. I will have vengeance I WILL!”

LD: “Down boy. I know I’m going to regret asking, but how are you still walking after that?”

JW: “Years of training to harden my skull. My mother started working with me when I was very young.”

TR: “Dropped you on your head a lot?”

JS: “Watch.”

**Justin Sane grabs a tray from a passing waitress and slams it into his head, knocking himself out cold. The other three exchange a long look, then resume the conversation. Several minutes pass, then Justin springs up and slides back into the booth**

JS: “See? Didn’t feel a thing.”

LD: “No sense, no feeling.”

EOM: “Look Justin, this is a big week for you. You’ve got Underdawg at Night of Firsts, and Firechild at Mayhem. If you can win both of those matches-”

**Williams and Thim have simultaneous coughing fits.**

EOM: “-then we’ll see what we can do about getting you that matchwith Ladder.”

JS: “Not a problem. I’ll quench the Dog and muzzle the Fire. Ladder’s ass is mine!”

**Justin jumps up, spins on his heel, and walks right into a waitress with a tray of glasses. Sane goes down in a shower of glass. He gets back to his feet, swings wildly at thin air, and stumbles out the door.**

TR: “I’m so glad we’ve got him to watch our backs.”

LD: “Hey, he’s your partner.”

**Thim takes a swing but L.D. ducks.**

[mooseheadjack]

As Seraph goes out in to the parking lot towards his vehicle, he hears a familiar and as always unwelcome voice call out, “ Hey Seraph! Yo Bitch!”

Seraph turns around slowly and sees Shashwat approaching him, his baseball bat in his right hand.

Shashwat walks till he is about three feet away from Seraph. Seraph stands his ground and looks ready for anything. Shashwat says, “Without your buddy Stank to do your dirty work Seraph, do you think you stand a chance, punk? Back in the locker room, the two of you did a nice number on me. But at Night of Firsts, I took care of Stank. It is your turn now.”

Seraph stands and just looks at Shashwat, not backing away an inch, a half-mocking smile on his face.

Shashwat continues, “I came to ask you a favour. Why wait till Mayhem? Let us get it on now!”

Seraph replies, “Sure. Give me your best shot.”

Shashwat swings the baseball bat but Seraph ducks. Seraph tackles Shashwat with a spear. Both men roll about trying to get an upper hand. Seraph momentarily gains the upper hand hitting Shashwat on the jaw. The baseball bat drops out of his hand. Seraph pulls Shashwat up to his feet and throws him against the side of a car. Shashwat bounces back of it and incredibly manages a spinning roundhouse kick. Seraph staggers. Shashwat runs at him but Seraph sidesteps and trips Shashwat over and locks in the Crippler Crossface in a flash. Try as he might, Shashwat can’t get out of it. He passes out.

Seraph lets go, stands up and walks back towards his car. Shashwat is up and grabs his baseball bat. Obviously he was playing possum! He hits Seraph in the back and on the legs. Seraph staggers and Shashwat continues to hit him. Seraph gets knocked down and Shashwat focuses his attention on Seraph’s car. He smashes the windows and creates several dents for good measure. Seraph starts to get back to his feet but Shashwat hits him on the face with the bat and Seraph stays down.

[mooseheadjack]

"Hey bro." Wilder flops down on a bench in the wCw locker room. "Ready for the rematch with Williams?"

"You know it." Capellan nods before taking a swig from a can of [insert promotional product here]. "And if LD thinks a cheap belt shot is going to be enough to retain the title a second time, he has another thing coming. But listen man, I gotta run. There's a sweet senorita waiting for me."

Wilder laughs, "No problem bro."

Capellan heads down the corridor and out the back of the building, where he finds Adrenaline sitting on a dumpster, sulking.

"Hey Johnny." Capellan waves nonchalantly as he walks by.

"What?" Adrenaline looks shocked, "You can't just walk by me with a 'hey Johnny'! Heels and faces don't do that!"

Capellan stops and frowns,

"You're still a heel?"

"Of course I'm still a heel!"

"You sure, dude? You've been hanging out with Stank and FFC a lot lately. And there's that whole put-upon-and-insulted-flunkie vibe you got going. That's usually a sign of a face turn."

Arenaline fumes to himself as Capellan walks away, then suddenly looks up at the camera.

"Just wait!" Adrenaline promises, "AA and I have your buddies wCw this week, and after what we do to them, you won't think I'm a face anymore!"

[mooseheadjack]

As Capellan continues his quest towards his waiting senorita, he fails to notice the Sanest Man Alive sneaking up with a fire extinguisher in hand.

JS: First I'll take out The Captain for OD Williams, then me and this fire suppression system will make short work of the Firefighter at Midweek Mayhem.

As Justin continues his monologue he fails to notice that wCw have exited the building and are standing behind him.

JWW: And just what are you planning on doing?

The sudden appearance of the birdman surprises Justin who procedes to spray the extinguisher into his own face. Blinded he stumbles into a nearbye golf cart accidently hitting the gas and sending it shooting through the parking lot. It runs up several lose pieces of the set, that made a conveinently placed ramp. As the golf cart and Justin fly through the air, they pull a complete 360 before crashing into the back of a production truck. All the while Capellan and wCw look on in shock and amazement.

TW: *whispering* That was awesome.

JWW: Don't even think about it kid.

camera fades to black.

[mooseheadjack]

*Sexy Female Journalist -9 is standing by backstage with Chris Alt*

SFJ-9: Chris, first of all I'd just like to thank you for your time... it seems after a rookie year where you were all over the place, you've been awfully quiet so far throughout 2006. Why so low key?

CA: Well you know... sometimes when a man is quiet, he just doesn't have a whole lot to say. I've been dealing with this little sophomore slump I've been having, and right now getting focused and getting back into my winning ways is more important to me than getting my face in front of the TV cameras. But have no fear- there's a lot I need to get off my chest... and when the time is right, you'll all get to hear what I have to say.

SFJ-9: Funny you should mention that slump you've been having... you hit a few weeks of success but then at the Night of Firsts, you were pinned by Eric O'Mac. That has to feel like a big setback.

CA: You would think so, but you know what? It doesn't. O'Mac got a fluke win and he had to bend the rules to get it done. I know, you know, and O'Mac knows that if he and I were to ever go toe to toe again, I'd teach his ass a little lesson, and if he doubts me, then let me just say this: Eric, I have nothing but time on my hands. You and I, in a Best 2 of 3 falls match, at any time of your choosing. If you aren't scared of being exposed as my inferior in the ring, you name the date.

SFJ-9: That's a big challenge, Chris. But for right now, you have Mr. Jealous at this week's Mayhem. What are your thoughts?

CA: You know, I'm getting pretty tired of that illiterate bastard. I think it's time to put Mr. Jealous out of his misery for good.

SFJ-9: And what do you see for yourself after you take care of your business this week?

CA: Well you know something, I'd be more than willing to finally reclaim my Intercontinental title from LD Williams whenever the Rick wants to sign that match... or hey, I've kicked Niles Anderson's ass so many times I've lost count... I could always take another run at him. Hell, I'd even be more than content with teaming up with my best friend forever Hardbody Harris and taking a shot at the Tag Team Championship. So, ya know, just whatever the Rick wants me to do... but I've got a fever for some gold, and no matter who I have to beat to get it, it's gonna be around my waist, and it's going to happen soon.

SFJ-9: What about your issues with the 3 Piece Set?

CA: Ha. Those douchebags? They can talk all the shit they like, but you'll notice they won't throw the first punch at me. You know why? Because they're not as stupid as they come off. They know a war with Chris Alt is one they won't win. So they can prance around here like a bunch of preening peacocks and sling around some insults all they want, but when push comes to shove, they know better than to have to scuffle with me. The 3 Piece Set isn't even an issue as far as I'm concerned.

SFJ-9: Clearly. And how is your support group with Beast going?

*CA's face darkens*

CA: You know what? This interview is over.

*CA leaves and we fade to black*

[mooseheadjack]

:Originally posted by I AM DOUG
All the while Capellan and wCw look on in shock and amazement.

TW: *whispering* That was awesome.

JWW: Don't even think about it kid.

camera fades to black.

the camera fades back in and JW and Wilder are WALKING!!

JW: how's the ribs? Anderson looked like he was landing some stiff shots man at nights of firsts

TW: they're there...I'm not worried...I'm stoked for the match agianst Tubby and Adrenaline though.

JW: hey bud let me pick up some slack this week, I know youlike to go all out, but lets try and save those ribs for when we get our gold back and we can really tear the roof off the building.

[mooseheadjack]

D&D's music hits as Stank walks out to the ring to the delight and disdain of many in the crowd. Stank grabs a mic...

Stank - You know lately I've been feeling... I don't know... a little on my own. You see my PARTNER The Pride of Fresno... It appears he's found a NEW runnin buddy. Now far be it from ME to point out the obvious, but STANK & FFC are supposed to be Drink & DESTROY... Yet the only thing that's getting destroyed around here... is D&D's win loss record and D&D's PARTNERSHIP!
LOCK... You wanna hang around that no promo havin, partner nabbin, Viper shaggin, belly saggin, PRICK Alan... Then you best...

D&D's music interrupts as FFC walks down to the ring. He grabs the mic from Stank...

FFC - Ok Stank THIS is getting ridiculous! What are we? The 4 Live Kru? This in-fighting just because I got a friend outside the ring...

Stank - BUT that's just it! Your friendship is affecting OUR partnership. WE all SAW IT! You saved AA and left ME high and dry! DO YOU DENY IT?

FFC - HEY! I DID what was BEST for the TEAM! YOU were out of it! There was nothing I could DO!

Stank - If you really believe that then Why have I been wasting MY time carrying your sorry ASS!

Crowd - OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

FFC - You know what? I'm gonna let that one slide just this...

Stank - Just like our winning matches, huh. You're just gonna let our record SLIDE while you're dicking around with Attitude Adjuster.

Crowd - OOOOOOOOOOOH!

FFC - Now THAT'S NOT fair! How many times have we LOST because of you and SFJ#5!

Crowd - OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!

Stank - Oh so what are you saying? Are you actually comparing me getting some tail, with you hanging out with AA? Just how far have you taken this relationship with Alan?

Crowd - OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

FFC - Oh yeah that's great... yeah I'm a homo... ha ha I get it. You're so funny... ... funny smellin.

Crowd - OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

Stank - Your MOMMA'S funny smellin...

Crowd - OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

Before things get even more heated The Black Dawgs music plays as Underdawg and Black Dragon stand at the top of the ramp.

UD - Are we interupting you two fairies, cause we can come back later after your lover's spat.

BD - Yeah... I mean it's not like you're overlooking the fact that you are about to have a match with the greatest tag team since the Hart Foundation! So why don't you two love birds just carry on... don't mind us. We'll just be beating the crap out of you later...

The crowd goes wild as Stank charges out of the ring and up the ramp to confront The Black Dawgs! Stank PLOWS into BD first who is planted on the steel stage. UD grabs stank from behind and gets ELBOWED in the JAW by Stank for his troubles! FFC is still in the ring because he is preoccupied by ATTITUDE ADJUSTER who has come to the ring from out of the crowd. Stank is distracted by AA's arrival long enough to get ATTACKED by Dawg and Dragon who are beating the snot out of Stank. FFC waves AA off and runs up the ramp to help even the odds. The Black Dawgs choose this moment to leave as FFC runs up to his fallen partner.

FFC - Stank... Stank I'm sorry! I didn't know Alan was...

Stank jumps to his feet and LIFTS FFC up for the STANK-U! The crowd gasps in anticipation as Stank hesitates... just as it looks like Stank is only going to lower FFC back down without incident... JOHNNY ADRENALINE runs out from the back and WALLOPS FFC in the HEAD with a STEEL CHAIR! Stank drops FFC and turns to confront Adrenaline. He gives Johnny the Hulk Hogan "YOU!" finger of doom! Johnny backs up the ramp.

JA - Now Now Stank! Don't do anything foolish

Stank - SHUT THE F...

Before Stank can finish the sentence AA sneaks up behind Stank and takes him down with a STEEL CHAIR! The Chickenshit Heels survey the damage then AA confronts Johnny.

AA - Why'd you HIT FFC?

JA - He HAD it commin! What are YOU upset for?

AA - FF Capslock is MY FRIEND!

JA - OH FOR GOD'S SAKE AA!

The Chickenshit Heels continue to bicker all the way up to the back as the camera fades on the slowly reviving Drink & Destroy.

[mooseheadjack]

Sriram walks into Thim Reynolds' locker-room. Thim immediately gets up, ready to fight.

Sriram: Easy there, tiger. The ring is where I do my business, and you won fair and square, so props to you.

*Thim relaxes a bit, but not completely*

Sriram: Anyway, I have a proposition for you.

Thim: And that is?

Sriram: The thing is, we sorta have a common agenda this week.

Thim: We do?

Sriram: Yes, they're named the 3 Piece Set.

Thim: I'm not facing any of them this week.

Sriram: No, but your NEW~! tag team partner is. *snickers*

*Thim throws a Boogeyman clock at Sriram, but he ducks*

Sriram: Anyway, if you could help your partner out, and make sure that Firechild doesn't..ahem...cut to any shenanigans for my match against Chris Cole, I'd appreciate it. I'm going to make him tap, as you said, like a little bitch.

*Sriram walks out of the room with a satisfied look on his face, while Thim looks on, confused*

[mooseheadjack]

**L.D. Williams is backstage when SFJ#37 approaches**

SFJ: “L.D., you what looked like the fight of your life against Tommy O’Neil, but It almost seemed like you were enjoying yourself.”

LD: “Actually, I was. I can’t understand a word O’ Neil says, and he’s pretty much a homicidal maniac outside the ring, but once we step through the ropes, we speak the same language. Every once in a while, it’s nice to set aside titles and promos and all that other stuff, and just try to beat the crap out of a guy who’s trying to beat the crap out of you.

O’Neil, anytime you want to have another go, you know where to find me.”

SFJ: “And what about your match with Capellan at Midweek Mayhem?”

LD: “Capellan is a great wrestler, and he’s a tough son of a gun. I’m sure he’ll give it his best shot at Mayhem, but it just won’t be enough. This belt isn’t going anywhere.”

[mooseheadjack]

(CTG is warming up in the locker room, expression stoic. He's not wearing headphones and seems to be completely focused on what he's doing when Moose walks in)

MHJ: just like old times, crete?

CTG: ......

MHJ: You realize we get to soften Niles up a lot tonight.

CTG: ......

MHJ: and when the dust settles, we can settle.

CTG: (finishes his warm up) this isn't about us, Moose. I'm done with you.

MHJ: (expression darkens) ..... what?

CTG: my goal is Niles Anderson and getting that belt away from him. You apparently weren't listening when I spoke of it earlier in the ring.

MHJ: I've heard it all before, 'crete, you're just slowly working your way to my side of things. Since you don't have any of your AYUFF buddies anymore you don't have them pouring lies in your ear. Semaj B isn't coming back no matter who you beat in the ring. What do expect to accomplish while I'm still standing and Niles still has the OOWF title?

CTG: you weren't listening.

MHJ: Oh, I listen.... (strikes a dramatic pose) "I AM CONCRETE! I AM THE WALLS AROUND YOU AND THE FLOOR BENEATH YOU! NOTHING'S MORE SOLID THAN CONCRETE" (laughs)

CTG: ......

MHJ: you see, 'crete, I think I've accomplished what I wanted with you- you're not laughing or being stupid or even humane anymore. I like that. Now you're nothing more than two shades of gray from me. And tonight, I'll make sure that even your little fruity bandana is black - or at least bloodsoaked brown - when this match is over. I'm your partner, but that doesn't give you a free pass against me.

CTG: .... do what you want. divide your attentions and my path will be that much clearer. I don't want to fight you anymore, Moose. I don't want to be your friend anymore, which I know was one of your goals. but when this is over, and I finally defeat Niles AND you if I have to, I will be OOWF champion again. When the lights come back up, all of this darkness will be gone. The gold of the OOWF belt draws in light, and spreads it over all who seek it. That is the golden symbol that will cure all that which haunts me now.

MHJ: (chuckles) just keep on believing that. And when you wake up you'll be living off machines.

Trust me.

(MHJ walks out of the locker room. CTG seethes, pauses to calm himself, then seats himself, head in his hands)

[mooseheadjack]

Old School Promotime!!

Cole: Two weeks ago I was defeated by a no name rookie. He got lucky! The next week I beat him within an inch of his nothing life. This week we are locked in a submission match. Sririam, listen up and listen good. They don’t call me “The Main Event” around here for nothing. I am going to lock you into the cloverleaf and drive my knee into your neck until you scream like a girl and quit or until you pass out. I am the next OOWF World Heavyweight Champion. Niles is simply keeping that title warm for me. After I dispose of you I’ll be heading to immortality while you will be looking over what is left of your so called career.