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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 13:52:59 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From The Bottom, Netherlands
OOWF World Heavyweight Championship Street Fight[/u]
Hardbody Harris vs. Chris Cole
OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
Capellan vs. Eric O'Mac
OOWF World Tag Team Title Cage Match[/u]
The Devil's Brigade vs. The Team From Down Under
Onslaught Championship Tournament - Round 1[/u]
SoulDragon vs. Nayr
Matt Daddy vs. Mercury
Austraroo vs. Concrete TG
Uncle Entity - bye
Mr. Jealous vs. PRedator
Chris Alt vs. Josh O'Neal
Corax vs. Firechild vs. Shashwat Mishra
Niles Anderson vs. Siriram
Moosehead Jack & LD Williams vs. The BlackDawgs
Thim Reynolds vs. Canadian Dragon
wCw vs. The Chickenshit Heels
Grounded In Reality vs. Drink & Destroy
Seraph vs. Microplay
Card subject to whirling dervish
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:14:33 GMT -5
[Invisible Ninja Cameraman is filming in Attitude Adjuster's car as Johnny Adrenaline pulls himself into the front seat.]
JA: I put my clubs in the trunk, didn't I?
AA: Yeah, you did.
JA: Good. How the hell'd we wind up in a ladder match with those guys?
AA: What were we supposed to do? Get mauled right then and there?
JA: That bastard Rick backed us into a corner. We're Chickenshit Heels, damn it! We're supposed to duck out of matches like that.
AA: Yeah, and when we get duped into actually having to fight for ourselves, that's the payoff for the crowd following the story. It's good business.
JA: Really? You don't see that on TV much anymore.
AA: Well, except OOWF TV.
JA: Well, yeah.
AA: Ya know, since they got that O'Neal kid guarding the promos, we could probably get em fairly easily.
JA: Good point. You still got your cash?
AA: Um.... uh...
JA: You didn't...
AA: He was running a 12 for 11 special! And I couldn't say no to Ric!
JA: Gimme the damn money!
AA: That's my money! Niles gave it to me!
JA: Do you think he'd want you spending it on sandwiches?
AA: He wants to see me happy.
JA: And I want our promos back!
AA: Okay, okay... fair enough, No more sandwiches. So, what you have in mind?
JA: Well, first of all, we'll need Boogey to create a diver...
[Johnny turns around to Invisible Ninja Cameraman, grabs the invisible camera, and tosses it out onto the highway. Scrambled screen as we cut to black.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:15:54 GMT -5
Outside the OOWF arena, Phil is accosted by a pair of overweight, spotty, spectacled teenage fans in "Iron Maiden" t-shirts.
Overweight, Spotty, Spectacled Teenaged Fan in an Iron Maiden T-shirt #1: Mr Phil! Mr Phil! Can we ask you a question please!
Phil: Arr, what be it ye be wantin' laddies?
OSSTFiaIMT#2: We need you to resolve an important disagreement between my colleague and I. We've been arguing the point ever since you joined the OOWF, and now that you've finally come here to Ypres, we wanted to get the official word.
Phil: Aye? Ask me yer question, then.
OSSTFiaIMT#1: Well I say you're clearly a 3rd Edition character, because you've multi-classed as a Wizard, a Pirate and a Ninja, none of which were classes in the earlier editions. I think it's clear you could not have been created under the prior, inferior rules sets –
OSSTFiaIMT#2: And I say that you aren't multi-classed at all! Your description clearly shows you as an 11th level Wizard Ninja Pirate. It doesn't mention separate levels for each, and I therefore maintain that "Wizard Ninja Pirate" is a homebrew class you created for yourself –
OSSTFiaIMT#1: Then how do you explain the addition of "Lawyer" to his class list? If that's not a clear character revision caused by the release of the 3.5 edition rules –
OSSTFiaIMT#2: It's just a reference to a secondary skill he took! He's a Wizard Ninja Pirate! It's totally like a 1st Edition Bard!
OSSTFiaIMT#1: You're insane! "11th level" is just his character level, not his class level!
Phil cracks both their skulls together, scoops out the brains, and slurps them down greedily.
Phil: Mmmmm, nerdy.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:16:20 GMT -5
Sexy female Journalist number 45 is standing by with the number one contender for the OOWF World Heavyweight Title, “The Main Event” Chris Cole.
SFJ: Chris, last night you defeated Harris again by disqualification. After the match you destroyed Hardbody’s Tricked out Title. Why did you do it?
CC: Haven’t you figured it out yet? Harris is a joke. I’ve beaten him two weeks in a row. My arm was raised in victory two weeks in a row. I should be champion right now. Obviously Rick is tired of all the DQs as well because next week Hardbody and I will go toe to toe in a Street Fight. Throw the rulebook out the window because there will be no DQs at Mayhem. And since I will be winning that match and becoming the OOWF Champion, I figure I’d get a jump start at destroying that monstrosity that Harris calls a belt. Rick you better have a real OOWF World Title lined up and I the building on Wednesday because after the match you are going to walk down that aisle and personally present me with the REAL OOWF World Heavyweight Title.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:16:43 GMT -5
FFC - Who in the blue f*ck is Grounded in Reality?
Stank - Phil and Justin Sane.
FFC - Really? They formed a tag team?
Stank - Yeah and Phil just happens to be my lawyer.
FFC - Oh wonderful. What do you need a lawyer for anyway?
Stank - Problems on my old job. You know I used to be VP of a prestigious...
FFC - *SNOOOOORE*
Stank - Ehhh f*ck you.
FFC - No no Stank. I'm sorry, continue.
Stank - Anyway... A lot of my co-workers didn't like that I held such a high position so...
FFC - *SNOOOOOOORE!*
Stank - You know what? Kiss my black hairy ass!
FFC - Ha! No I'm sorry, really. Finish your story.
Stank - Look the bottom line is we can't touch the Chickenshit Heels and now we got to fight someone else.
FFC - Let's try out one of those promos Josh is carrying... YO JOSH! C'MON MAN The boogeyman AIN'T HERE!
Josh O'Neil walks in timidly carrying the promos around his neck. Stank and FFC reach over and pick a few choice sentences. They busily put the words together then stand back to admire their efforts.
Stank - Ok go for it.
FFC - What? You want ME to start?
Stank - What's the problem?
FFC - I think you should go first.
Stank - It don't make me no nevermind.
FFC - No wait! I'll do it.
FFC cracks his knuckles then begins.
FFC - At midweek mayhem... I can't do this.
Stank - What? You had it. Go ahead.
FFC - No No there's something missing.
Stank - There's a ton of stuff still missing.
FFC - No I mean. This promo needs more... what's the word I'm looking for.
Josh O'Neil picks up a word from behind the sofa and hands it to FFC
FFC - Kane? No not this.
Stank - Man this promo sucks. Check behind that cooler over there. I think some of it worked its way by that chest.
Justin Sane sticks his head inside the door
JS - Hey Fellas! Look at what I got HERE!
FFC - HEY! WE STOLE THOSE PROMOS FIRST!
Stank - Get em JOSH!
Josh O'Neil chases Justin Sane down the hall and out of sight.
Stank - Good. While he's doing that let's go grab a beer.
FFC - Shouldn't we wait for Josh?
Stank - He'll catch up.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:17:06 GMT -5
*AA and JA are still driving down the road when AA's cell phone rings. AA looks down and sees that its Niles calling.*
AA - Hello?
Niles - What in the blue fuck was that ring announcement about? They didn't even get my full name right.
AA - I thought your full name was Niles Reginald Archibald Archibald Anderson III?
Niles - It's Niles Reginald FUCKING Archibald Archibald Anderson III!!!
JA - Is that Niles? Tell him I said hi!
AA - Shut the fuck up!
Niles - What the fuck did you just say to me?!?
AA - No, I was speaking to Johnny!
Niles - Johnny is there? Put him on!
AA - Johnny...
JA - Go to hell! You want to talk to me rude like that then you can shove it!
AA - He told you to shove it.
Niles - He siad what?!?
JA - What the fuck? I told you to shove it!
Niles - TELL THAT FUCKTARD I HOPE HE LOSES HIS MATCH AT THE PPV!!!
AA - He wants you to lose your match.
JA - That'd be your match too!
AA - Hey Niles, I'm in that match too! And its for the bag of promos! You need to wish us luck!
Niles - Well thats what you get for getting my middle name wrong!
AA - What are you talking about? I got the double Archibalds perfectly!
Niles - FUCK YOU DOUCHE-PACKAGE!!!
*Niles hangs up the phone on that note.*
AA - He hung up!
JA - Way to go! Getting Niles all pissed off at us! How are we gonna get gifts now?!?
AA - I guess I didn't think that one all the way through.
JA - You better hope he doesn't stay mad or I'll...
AA - Shut the fuck up Johnny!
*With that, the Chickenshit Heels sulk on their respective sides of the car, AA still keeping his eyes on the road.*
AA <muttering> - If it was an On a Pole match, we DEFINITELY would've won...
JA - Shit the fuck up Alan!!!
*Fade to Black*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:17:26 GMT -5
Cole & Firechild sit at a table. The Matt Daddy is in front of the table.
CC: So you want to join 3 Piece Set?
MD: Well I know I’ve had my battles with Firechild in the past but I think that you and he could be real good role models for the youth of today. You guys have a very rock and roll vibe going and if you turned your message into a positive one then it could really hit home to a lot of impressionable young men and women of today.
FC: So we should quit swearing?
MD: That is a start
CC: And drinking?
MD: You can drink if you do so responsibly and let the children know that they should not drink until they are 21.
FC: How about sex with bitches?
MD: For starters the swearing. As far as pre-marital sex goes that really should not be taught to our children. We should save ourselves for marriage.
CC: How about random beatings?
MD: Those should be stopped. Violence should be used as a last resort. You should try to solve your problems with words not fists.
FC: You know something Chris, I think I learned something today.
CC: What?
FC: I think we are living our lives the wrong way. I think we need to follow Matt Daddy’s lead and become role models for today’s youth. I think we need to quit drinking and partying with our groupies. I’ve seen the light.
CC: You have?
FC: If Seraph couldn’t make me see the light, what chance does this guy have.
<FC smirks and then he stands up and levels Matt Daddy with the chair. Cole joins I with some boots of his own. FC then delivers Wings of the Phoenix through the table.>
CC: In case you haven’t figured it out…we are going in a different direction for our third member.
FC: Hope you understand.
<Cole & FC walk off laughing>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:17:50 GMT -5
FF Capslock, Stank and Josh O’Neal are in a bar. And they’re drinking! Oh, and Josh has the Bag O Promos in the Box O Metal around his neck.
FFC: So you’re cool now with The Boogeyman, right Josh?
JO: Yeah, The Boogeyman is not coming to get me.
S: That’s right, Josh. The Boogeyman is not coming to get you.
FFC: So let’s drink!
JO: YEAH!! AND SLAP AROUND A NUN!!
Suddenly spooky smoke floats up from behind the bar. Josh starts to tremble, but Stank and FFC try to calm him. The smoke turns red, and slowly The Boogeyman rises up from behind the bar.
TB: I’m The Boogeyman! And I’m coming to serve you!
Stank and FFC laugh nervously, and JO relaxes slightly.
TB: So what can I get you?
Stank: Guinness.
JO: That sounds good.
FFC: I’ll have a Corona with lime.
Stank and JO stare at FFC.
FFC: Ummm, joking? I’ll have a Guinness, too.
The Boogeyman pours three Guinness and slides them over to the trio. He walks back over to the group and stares at Josh.
JO: What?!?! You want to fight? I’ll fight you!
TB: BOOO!!!!!!!!!
Josh tumbles off the back of his chair, jumps up and runs out the door. Just as he reaches the crest of the door, a pair of swinging golf clubs smash into Josh’s head. Josh goes down, and Attitude Adjuster and Johnny Adrenaline rip the Box O Metal with the Bag O Promos from around the neck of JO. The Chickenshit Heels then rush to their car and squeal off before Drink & Destroy can respond.
FFC: Damn it! The got the Bag O Promos back!
Stank: Technically, yes. But what they actually have is a Bag O Promos in a Box O Metal. A LOCKED Box O Metal. And I (fishing for something in his pants pocket, then showing it to FFC) have the key.
Meanwhile, JA’s driving down the road when AA makes the realization.
AA: IT’S LOCKED!!!!
JA: Come on, did you really expect to get the Bag O Promos back that easily? We still have a blowoff PPV with those guys. You don’t watch wrestling much, do you?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:18:14 GMT -5
Behind the scenes again
Chuck Norris and Matt Daddy are back stage. An attractive nurse is tending to Matt Daddy's wounds.
MD: "What was that about Chuck... You told me those two were good guys. Man, I don't think I can express how much I despise being hit with a chair week after week after week.
Chuck: "Hmmm... I must have gotten my facts wrong. Why on earth did I think they were good guys?"
MD: "You know, if I hadn't known you since I was 4 years old... I would have thought that you were misleading me. Chuck... I need to know that you're going to be there for me for my next match. I'm really eager to get a chance at that title. I honestly feel like I've worked really hard in my few weeks here and I've accomplished a lot..."
Chuck: "You're also on a loosing streak there partner. You lost to a 16 year old Halfling luchadore”
MD: “And he was a challenge the whole way through. Now that you mentioned it, I don’t think I have been working as hard as I could be. During the match I was relying on you to be there ring side… I was relying on CTG to get Nayr off me. I need to take initiative, I need to train harder, work harder, study my opponents harder.”
Attractive nurse: “All done Mr. Daddy… You’re going to have to lay off taking chair shots to the face for a while though.”
MD hops off the table and goes to the back to review some tapes.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:18:38 GMT -5
D&D pick Josh up off the floor.
Stank- You alright, Josh?
JO- God DAMMIT!
FFC- Chill out, bro. It's cool.
JO- No its NOT! I had a duty! I had an obligation! I SWORE MY ALLEGEANCE TO YOU GUYS AND I FAILED!
S- Seriously, man. They can't even open the box without thhis ke...
JO- I'll get it back!
FFC- Don't worry about it, man.
JO- Seriously?
S- Yeah dude. They have to bring it back to the PPV. And they will because they need to win that match to get us to open it.
JO- It doesn't matter. I fucked up!
FFC- Settle down, Josh. We got it covered dude.
S- Seriously, its fine.
JO- I'm just so PISSED OFF! I hate The Chickenshit Heels! I hate that I fucked this whole thing up! I hate that damned Boogeyman and...and...and THERE'S THE SON OF A BITCH MICROPLAY!!
D&D turn around to see that Microplay has just entered the bar.
MP- Oh shit.
Josh scrambles over to Microplay and starts beating the shit out of him.
FFC- I tells ya Stank, I love this kid.
S- Yeah, he's growing on me.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:19:49 GMT -5
*TTFDU are ready to cut a promo, with life-size cardboard cutouts of the Devil's Brigade*
OBJ: You can see Camby's a big man, but this week WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!
*large throwing knives fly past and rip through the pictures of the DB's. The camera swings around to see a masked man in black running away*
GB: So much for this promo. I told you guys we should have made that O'Neal guy an offer for the safe.
WBK: Maybe I know a guy who could pick the lock...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:20:40 GMT -5
wCw are in their locker room. Missy, arms folded and looking very grumpy, sits on a couch toward the back of shot.
"O'Mac again, Cap?" JW shakes his head, "Rick's certainly giving him plenty of chances to get the title."
Capellan nods,
"The weird thing is how quiet Eric's been about it." he notes, "He was always running around with that agent of his when he was holding thre Onslaught Belt. You'd think we'd never hear the end of how he was 'robbed' and was going to make me pay for it."
"He probably just doesn't think you're worth the effort." Missy sniffs.
Capellan raises his eyebrows,
"I've beaten him twice."
"Luck." Missy flicks her hand dismissively, "I've seen your type before. You're all about that 'the honor of competition' shit. Which is just code for 'I haven't got the balls to go all out to be a winner'."
"We did save your ass from the Devil's Brigade, sister." Wilder reminds her as he looks up from his PS2 for the first time.
"One time, maybe." Missy shakes her head, "But you guys are just like Vander, and we all know how well he protected me."
"And yet you're still here." JW remarks.
"Lame-ass protection is better than no protection at all." Missy shakes her head, "You got any booze? No? Shit, you babyfaces are all the same."
"Depends. Didn't the babyfaces in Turner's old promotion use to be asses to women?" Capellan ponders.
"Yeah but bro, who'd want to have any kind of association with Turner's promotion?"
"True enough." Cap agrees, "But, getting back to the subject of matches ... what are we gonna do about Missy when we're in the ring? We're not up against the DB this week, which means they and the pyscho babe with the baseball bat could come after her while we're busy in matches."
JW shrugs,
"I guess she'll just have to come down to the ring with us."
He pauses, and the members of wCw all share a smile.
"Oh no!" Missy realises where this is going, "No way I'm working as valet for you guys! Nuh uh! Not happening!"
"Okay, Missy." Capellan says blandly, "That's your call. Maybe if we lock the door when we leave you'll be OK here alone when Camby and O'Neill come knocking."
Missy buries her head in her hands,
"I hate you losers."
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:24:05 GMT -5
<Jack, LDW, Thim and Eric are sitting in the locker room pondering strategy>
MHJ: So Thim, what is the deal with you and Canadian Dragon?
TR: He pisses me off. He thinks that Canadian Destroyer is the be all end all of moves.
EOM: Well it IS pretty cool...
TR: Yeah, but it is not practical, I mean he might be able to hit it on the smaller guys like Nayr and ROo, but me? Not a chance.
MHJ: Why areyou even bothering with him anyway, you should be taking the title from Harris, you can beat him.
TR: In good time, who is gonna beat Harris right now anyway? Cole? Even if he does I can take Cole out. Slow and steady my friend. First Dragon then the rest of them. Eric, when are you gonna beat Capellan for LDW's IC title?
<LDW just smirks>
EOM: <on a cellphone, not paying attention> co star with who? Stacey Kiebler? Like the elf? Dancing with what? No, I don't think so, you can get me something better than that.......Yeah, but Chuck Norris is old as hell, if I was in the movie with him, there is no way I could lose a fight to him.......right
TR:<shaking his head> You just answered my question. <turning to Jack and Williams, what about you two, you got the BlackDawgs again this week.
MHJ: Yeah, I thought they would kick up more of a stink for me laying out Blackdragon, looks like we need to get their attention a little more. Once we are done with them, I want the Devil's.
<Williams finishes taping his wrist> Let's go pay a visit.
<LDW leaves the room leaving Jack watching him leave>
MHJ: I like this guy.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:24:39 GMT -5
**Black Dragon is walking down the hall when he is leveled from behind by a lariat from L.D. Williams. Dragon rolls to his feet and they exchange punches. Dragon gets the better of it until Williams ducks a punch and slams Dragon’s face into the wall. A cloud of smoke appears, and Underdawg materializes into the path of a chairshot form Moosehead Jack as Williams DDTs Dragon.**
LD: “Now that we have your attention.”
MHJ: “Maybe this week you’ll be a little more..inspired.”
**Jack kicks Dragon in the head.**
MHJ: “Last week was a joke. It wasn’t worth the trip to the ring. I suggest you bring your best this week boys or I promise you we will end this…permanently.”
** Williams leans over Underdawg**
LD: “Eighteen months, puppyboy. Eighteen months I’ve waited to get revenge for my first match in the OOWF…my first match with you…my first loss. At Mayhem you belong to me.”
MHJ: “Trust me…Fear him.”
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:25:04 GMT -5
FF Capslock & Stank are at the bar.
S- So we got Grounded in Reality to deal with. We should probably cut a promo on 'em. Somehow establish a reason for this match to exist.
FFC- Are they dastardly heels that need to be smote?
S- Uh...no. They're fun babyfaces.
FFC- What are we?
S- Fun babyfaces.
FFC- How the hell do you set up a match between two fun babyfaces and two other fun babyfaces?
S- Justin did take some of our rightfully stolen words earlier.
FFC- So now we just have to set up something with Phil. You said he was your lawyer?
S- Yeah. Why?
FFC- Let me see his card.
Stank hands him a business card. Capslock dials the number.
FFC- Hello? Yeah, is this Phil? Oh good, this is FF Capslock. I just called to tell you something. You suck!
He slams the phone down laughing.
S- Wow. That is just lazy.
FFC- What? Why? That was pretty good, I thought.
S- So the reason for this match is Justin took some of the Chickenshit's words from us and you called Phil and told him that he sucks? That's the worst reason ever!
FFC- Want me to throw milk on his motorcycle?
S- I don't think he has a motorcycle. And even if he did, that's way worse.
Josh O'Neal come crashing through the bar window and smashes through some tables. He stands up bleeding and angry.
FFC- He isn't beating you, is he Josh?
JO- Just a temporary advantage!
He dives back through and attacks Microplay again.
S- I think I should call Chris Alt. Just to see how he's doing. Maybe I can get Phil to line him up a good last will and testiment.
FFC- I think that would be nice of you. I guess I won't have to return that Dashboard Confessional he lent me.
S- You listen to that crap?
FFC- No! I just borrowed it...uh...to make sure I didn't like it.
S- Riiiiight, Fag.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:25:26 GMT -5
*TTFDU are back on the set where they were taping a promo when Iron Eyes walks in.*
WBK: Any luck?
IE: Nobody had another set of Devil's Brigade cutouts. Apparently they're not a big seller.
GB: What a surprise.
IE: I did find a Barry Bonds, so I thought you guys could compare him to Camby.
OBJ: That could work.
IE: Yeah, but that Moosehead Jack guy saw it and went berserk. He ripped it to shreds.
OBJ (drinking Foster's & belching): That's Australian for damn.
Ron Simmons: Hey!
OBJ: Sorry, mate. You're not in this promo.
RS: Damn.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:25:50 GMT -5
Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster are at a construction site. AA has in his hands a jackhammer, and has it aimed at the Box O Locked Promos. The Box O Locked Promos looks a little worse for wear.
AA: I’m sure this will work!
JA: Just like you thought the sledgehammer would work? And the bolt cutters? And the welding torch?
AA: So it’s a little tougher than we thought. But I think it’s weakening.
AA flips the switch on the jackhammer and begins to pound on the box. The box bounces up and down from the force, and AA scramble after the box with the jackhammer. After a few minutes, the box is still unopened.
JA: So what’s next on your list?
AA: Shut the fuck up, Johnny! This isn’t funny! Let’s try that wrecking ball over there.
JA: Well, hurry up at least. We have a fantasy baseball draft to attend tonight.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:26:12 GMT -5
MHJ and LDW have left the scene. Underdawg does a zombie situp as Blackdragon gets up on to his knees.
BD: Dawg... Shouldn't we be exacting revenge on them?
UD: Oh, we will.
BD: Well, let's go grab and chair and hunt them down.
UD: No. I have more inventive ways to show my wrath.
BD: Um... why are you smiling?
UD: Because this is fun.
BD: It's fun to get laid out like this.
UD: No. This is fun, because I am treating this like a contest. It's a contest to see who can be more evil. Who can express more vile and contempt for the other. Who can be more violent, for no other reason than to be violent. I like this feud a lot. Not because I hate LD Williams or Moosehead Jack, no. It's not that at all. I like this feud because there are few in the OOWF as evil as I. And this little episode serves to step up my game.
BD: You're sick, you know that?
UD: I know. And I like it.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:27:07 GMT -5
Nayr is looking at the match card.
Nayr: New rules for the onslaught division, eh? I guess the Onslaught division isn’t about weight limits... it’s about time limits! Aha ha ha! Oh, I just slay myself.
As he turns to leave, he notices a TV, on the OOWF 23/7 channel (doesn’t air from midnight to 1:00).
***OOC***
sorry, I couldn’t think of anything more original for the channel name
***IC***
Matt Daddy’s promo is playing.
Nayr: I’m not sixteen! Darn you Chuck Norris, darn you to heck!
***OOC***
Sorry, I should have made it a bit clearer. Nayr is your average wrestling age. He’s 5"5, which is my projected growth size. He’s like me in the future, only he’s a wrestler.
***IC***
Nayr: Small! I’m not small! I’m normal sized. Everyone else is just too big, that’s all!
He turns to face the screen, having mastered how Invisible Ninja Cameramen work.
Nayr: Starting Wednesday, I’m gonna get some respect around here! Why, I might just turn heel! I’d call myself the Dark Side of Nayr, see if I don’t. And I’ll get cheap heat like no one’s business!
Dark Side of Nayr: Souldragon, I’d give up now if I were you! The Onslaught title is mine! Mine, you hear me? Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!
Nayr shakes his head and reverts back to normal.
Nayr: Whoa. What was that?
Invisible Ninja Cameraman: That was a Hayabusa reference.
Nayr; Haya-who? I guess this means I have a dark side in me. I wonder if someday, it might be unleashed, with sinister consequences. Nah, never happen.
Nayr walks away, chuckling to himself. He seems fine now, but will a different side of his personality emerge Wednesday?
***OOC***
No, it won’t, because it’s way too early for a heel turn. But someday, maybe.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:27:58 GMT -5
P - Yar!
Stank - That's it? That's all you have to say?
P - Yar!
Stank - Well... ok. I would've expected more from you but, I guess you're still pretty sore over Capslock's antics earlier.
P - Yar!
Stank - Right.
P - ... ... ... Ok talk to you soon.
Stank clicks off his cellphone.
FFC - So?
Stank - Phil will draw up the papers but, he sounds pretty upset.
FFC - Never underestimate the power of the phrase "You Suck". Look what it did to Angle.
Stank - Yeah he got so mad he actually had them try to censor the crowd.
FFC - Yeah and he teased turning on his country.
Stank - That's just insane.
JS - NO! I'M Justin sane!
FFC - Well speak of the devil.
Stank - I just got off the phone with your partner. We're gonna kick your stinking teeth in at Mayhem!
FFC - Yeah! You better watch your ass, buddy!
Stank - Yeah Feel it! Fear it! Smell it! RUN!
FFC - YEAH!
Stank - HELLS YEAH!
JS - And I'M supposed to be the crazy one?
FFC - Why don't you get out of here before we have ladder choke you out with it's third rung!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:28:26 GMT -5
[Scene cuts into a close up of Attitude Adjuster and Johnny Adrenaline, still at the construction site, staring at each other in disbelief, and the shot slowly pans away to show the box containing the BAG O'PROMOS, busted up, banged up, and bent up, yet STILL locked.]
JA: Looks to me like there's only one other option.
AA: If the wrecking ball didn't work, what will?
JA: This...
[Johnny pulls a stick of dynamite out of his pocket.]
AA: What the hell?
JA: You forgot you had this in your BAG O'FOREIGN OBJECTS, didn't ya?
AA: That's right, we took it from that old medicine man in Canada. I forgot about that.
JA: Got a light?
AA: I drink, I don't smoke.
JA: You don't have a lighter? A match, anything? How were we supposed to use this, then?
AA: Whack someone across the head with it?
JA: Like the good ol' slapjack? Come on, you know that was lame.
AA: Ask one of the workers here.
JA: You crazy, if they know we have dynamite, they'll like get us in trouble.
AA: Okay... you blow the box up? You're gonna ruin the promos too.
JA: Look man, we can't get this box open. Wouldn't it be better if we destroyed it? Then NOBODY could ever use our promos!
AA: And, best part, no ladder match at Madness! You're right, Johnny. Let's find a light.
[The Chickenshit Heels turn to search for a lighter, when suddenly, someone flies right over their head and swipes the box out of Johnny's hands.]
JA: What the hell?
[TCH turn to see Tommy Wilder landing on his skateboard, metal box in hand. TW does a railslide across a steel beam in the yard, and turns to a stop.]
TW: Want these?
AA: Yeah, we...
[Mid-sentence, J.W. Westgaard clotheslines Adrenaline and Capps down from behind.]
JWW: Do it!
[Tommy takes off on the skateboard, and JWW jogs after him. TCH get to their feet in time to see Wilder do a handplant on a bridge across the way, fall onto his feet, and toss the box into the river.]
AA: That son of a bitch!
JA: It's cool, though. He just got rid of the promos for us!
AA: Yeah, but... if someone finds them.
JA: Who's gonna go down there to get them?
[AA just looks at Johnny as we fade to black.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:28:46 GMT -5
Matt Daddy is in a soup kitchen feeding starving children when Chuck Norris walks in.
Chuck: “What the blue blazes are you doing in here? I thought you were going to review a couple of wrestling tapes and prepare for a title shot?
MD: “I noticed as I was reviewing the tapes that it’s been a long time since I’ve done something good for society. I haven’t been all that wholesome in a while. The only thing that I’ve really been doing is taking away wins from people who deserve victory once in a while.”
-Chuck cuts him off
Chuck: “Are you really that naïve? Why are you wasting your time here? You get paid to wrestle and to win matches. If you don’t win matches, you’ll never get to where the big bucks are and you’ll stay a midcarder for life. Get your coat partner and let’s get your ass back in the TV room. You need to learn discipline and you need to learn it now.
-Chuck takes his shirt off
Chuck: “Do you really think that I could have a body like this if I focused on soup kitchens, building arenas or watching your ass? I know when it’s time to work out and when to do this kind of thing. Now, it’s time to work… not play.”
MD: “I’m sorry that you feel that way Chuck…”
-MD serves up another bowl of soup. The man blesses him.
MD: “But I just wouldn’t be me if I didn’t do these kinds of things. I need to save children from burning buildings, I need to rescue panda’s from poachers, I need to establish work unions in places that are treated unfairly. It’s my duty as a human being and if you can’t be here by my side… Then maybe we should part ways.
Chuck: “You’re right Matt, I over reacted. You just wouldn’t be you if…”
-Chuck jerks his head swiftly west.
MD: “What’s wrong Chuck?”
Chuck: “I think someone just cussed me out.”
MD: “Cussing you out? I don’t approve of that.”
-MD hands the ladle to another worker.
MD: “I have to go… there is work to be done”
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:29:07 GMT -5
## Thim walks into the dressing room to find Eric O Mac stretching out
EOM: Hiya Thim, you OK? You look a bit distracted . . .
TR: yea, I'm OK, kinda
EOM: only kinda?? Whassup dude?
TR: Eric . . .
EOM: yea, come on dude, spit it out
TR: do you think that you could hit the Canadian Destroyer?
EOM: What?? You're kidding right
TR: No . . . do you think you could hit it
EOM: maybe, dunno - never tried . . . I guess. If that chump Dragon can do it I don't see any reason why I'd want to. I've got a great enough arsenal of my own
TR: yea right I know. Look CD's been distracted lately but I know him . . . I've been watching him and sooner or later his head is going to be back in the game and he's going to be coming for me again.
EOM: so what's the problem? You've taken him before
TR: I know but like I said I was in his head . . . next time he'll be prepared. The Canadian Destroyer is something I've not faced before and I only just managed to avoid it last time
EOM: so what do you want from me
TR: I want you to help me in a training session. You get as many shots at trying to hit the Destroyer on me as we've got time for and I'll see how many ways out of it I can find - we'll keep going until . . .
EOM: until what
TR: well if you manage to actually hit it it'll probably hospitalise me - think about it . . . all my weight and yours coming down on my neck after a flip . . . ouchie!!!
EOM: well, OK . . . if you're sure
TR: hey, if you're sure you can take the counters it's a risk I'm willing to go for . . . after all, we never did get the Onslaught Rules match did we??
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:29:28 GMT -5
FF Capslock has gone over to the gym where Chris Alt is doing some curls and listening to Something Corporate)
FF- Hey Chris.
CA- FF Capslock? What are you doing in a gym?
FF- I don't know. Its wierd here. But I just wanted to talk to you man.
CA- Yeah sure, what's up?
FF- Listen, I think its important that you don't show up at Midweek Mayhem this week.
CA- Don't show up? Why?
FF- Because you have to fight Josh.
CA- Oh yeah? That should be fun. I like wrestling the newer guys sometimes.
FF- No! It won't be! He's really unbalanced these days and you might be seriously injured.
CA- Imbalanced?
FF- No. That's not a word.
CA- It isn't? I swear I saw that somewhere.
FF- I think imbalance is a word, as in "to be in a state on imbalance." But, I don't think you can be imbalanced.
CA- I didn't know that.
FF- Obviously. Anyways, can you just miss Midweek Mayhem?
CA- No man. I don't miss shows. It should be a good bout.
FF- You can fight him whenever, man. But he's really pissed right now and its not a good idea.
CA- Well maybe we can talk about it. Where is he?
FF- He's been fighting Microplay for the last hour and a half or so.
CA- Really? An hour and a half?
FF- Yeah.
CA- And he hasn't quit yet.
FF- Nope.
CA- I have been feeling a little under the weather lately...
[Edited on 3-14-2006 by Figure Foreskin]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 14:34:00 GMT -5
Moosehead Jack sits behind a desk in a dark room with a light bulb hanging over head. LD Williams stands behind him with his arms folded. MHJ: So, Underdawg. You think you can out-evil me? You think that your and your cronie, Blackdragon, can muster up enough malevolence to do battle with this tag team of myself and LD Williams? We are born of anger, and brought together with a common bond of hate and contempt for the rest of the OOWF locker room. You like to say you are evil, but where is your success as a tag team? You've squandered every title shot that has been given to you, you've... *light flickers* MHJ pats the bulb. LDW: Moose... I think it's time to leave... *light flickers more* MHJ trys to adjust the bulb. MHJ: He doesn't dare... LDW: Come on, let's... *the light shuts off and the room is pitch black* MHJ: Fuck. LD... Brace yourself. We're not letting them get to us like this. *the sound of smoke can be heard, but we can't see, since it's pitch black* LDW: You smell that? It's brimstone. Backs against each other, Moose. These bastards are gonna ambush us. MHJ: YOU THINK YOUR PARLOR TRICKS ARE ENOUGH TO SCARE US, BLACK DAWGS? WE WILL NOT FEAR YOU. YOU WILL FEAR US! A voice can be heard... UD: I fear no man... Not even men the likes of you two. Moosehead Jack... LD Williams... bring your all to the ring this Wednesday at Midweek Mayhem. Bring your hate, bring your evil, and bring your brutality. We will bring ours tenfold. MHJ: Oh we will.. Trust *BONK* the light comes back on, and we see Blackdragon finishing twisting a new light bulb into the socket. Moosehead Jack and LD Williams are sprawled out on the floor. On the table, a steel chair with two dents on it and an empty light bulb package. BD: A little advice, boys. Stop using those old incandescent light bulbs, and start using these compact flourescent bulbs. They produce the same amount of light while using up a lot less energy, lasting a lot longer, and they don't... *hehe* flicker.  |
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