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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 19, 2009 9:59:16 GMT -5
*Fade back into Poe's locker room. The OOWF World champion walks out from the back using a towel to wipe blood from his hands. He is greeted by the sight of the OOWF Intercontinental champion standing in the middle of the room wielding Moose's barbed wire baseball bat, a wide-eyed Selena Gomez staring up at Stank while sitting on the floor in the lotus position in front of the big man. Stank is casually tossing Firewoman's Zippo lighter up and down in his free hand. KZ and Seamus are no where to be found.*
Poe - Stank, my friend. It's good to see you.
Stank - Poe.
Poe - Goddess... a moment.
*Selena hops up to her feet and scampers off. Stank catches the lighter one last time and puts it in his pocket.*
Poe - What brings you to my humble abode? Business or pleasure?
Stank - We'll see.
*A low moan is heard from the back area. Poe turns around and closes the door behind him, cutting off the noise.*
Stank - I had an interesting conversation with Davin Moreland earlier.
*Poe spits on the floor at the mention of Davin's name.*
Poe - Do tell.
Stank - He's of the opinion that you and your... associates need to be kept in check... that you need to be watched.
Poe - The opinions of one Davin Moreland mean as much to me as do the opinions of worms that crawl the earth.
Stank - I'm inclined to agree except... I share his opinion.
Poe - DO you now?
*Stank lowers the bat and leans it against a nearby chair. He folds his muscualr arms across his massive chest.*
Poe - I would think, my friend, that you would not be so quick to side with Moreland after all that has transpired between you.
Stank - I could say the same for you and Alex.
*Poe lets loose a throaty laugh.*
Poe - You are a remarkable man, Stank. A worthy adversary if I've ever known one. It is why I call you friend. There are so few worthy of such a title. You are right to point out the similarities of our own individual tales. True. Much has transpired between the boy and myself. He tried to end my career as Moreland tried to end yours. I KNOW the well from which you draw your hatred for Davin Moreland. It is the same DEEP well from where my own hatred of the boy Darling boils. It is the well of betrayal and it never dries up. The best we can do is replace that hate with the blood of those who betrayed us, filling that well with every. last. drop. of the plasma that flows in their veins... and unlike the well... their arteries do indeed dry up eventually. That's when the well is full. Not with hate, but with the blood of your enemy.
Stank - With retribution.
Poe - Exactly.
Stank - That's a nice thought there Poe. Very descriptive.
Poe - You think I and my ministry need to be watched. Join us.
Stank - Excuse me?
Poe - You should join us Lucas... can I call you Lucas?
Stank - That's the name my parents gave me so... sure.
*A loud exclamation of pain is heard from the back.*
Stank - I always had an affinity for the Darling twins, despite their betrayal.
Poe - Is that sympathy I see in your eyes? Sympathy for the boy and Isis?
Stank - No. Just pity.
Poe - Your pity is wasted. They are not worth it.
Stank - Yeah...? Well... I actually came here to talk to Moose, but I see he's not here. As far as your invitation goes well... you want to draw similarities to our stories and true... they exist, but I'm not quite the sick bastard I know you to be.
*Poe look turns to deadly serious*
Poe - I am not sick. I'm not.
Stank - Alright. Well... that whole "well" thing you were describing to me sounds like a personal problem, so that's a "no" on my joining you and your group.
Poe - Fine. I'm sure you'll change your mind eventually. Soon you'll know things the way I know them to be.
Stank - Oh... I know a lot, Poe. I know plenty. I just wonder... if you know... what I know.
Poe - Meaning?
Stank - I've been distracted dealing with trying to hold Drink & Destroy together and with capturing the IC title, while you have been slowly amassing power here in the OOWF. I have contacts in Japan. I know of your exploits there. I know how you like to do business and I'm here to tell you. This ain't New Japan. This is the OOWF and despite how you might feel about me... despite whatever respect you may hold for me I want you to know, that while I may return that respect as far as you and I in the ring is concerned, the shit you pulled in Japan will not fly here, as long as I am part of the OOWF. You may have ONE of them Poe.
*Stank leans in close to the OOWF World Champion.*
Stank - ... but I'm going to make damn sure you don't get the other.
*Poe stares down at Stank in confusion. Stank turns and walks out heading toward Team FuEL's locker room. The camera cuts back into Poe's locker room and fades on a close up shot of Moose's bat leaning against Poe's chair*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 19, 2009 10:00:01 GMT -5
(Tytan and Eco drive into a Dunkin' Donuts parking lot. They sit down at a window table.)
Tytan: You need to tell me everything right now.
Eco: Everything?
Tytan: Everything or I walk.
Eco: Okay. When I was a young guy, my family wad dirt poor. I found out my family had connections to the Inagawa crime family, but my father wanted nothing to do with them. I agreed privately to be a low-level lackey helping to run drugs state-side if it would help us make ends meet. One time, I got mugged by a gang member from the ghetto who took my whole stash. That's when they took my pinky. They perform minor amputations when someone has wronged them.
Tytan: How is that you wronging them?
Eco: I had a gun at the time. I refused to use it to protect drugs.
Tytan: Gotcha. So they're calling in a debt?
Eco: No, they were paid back in full. Yoshi just intimidated me into helping them because of what they could do to me, my friends, and my family.
Tytan: And why did they want Fire?
Eco: Apparently Fire pissed them off in some manner, someone in their family either died or came close to it, she left Japan. That's about all I know.
Tytan: Figures. I hate that bitch.
Eco: Then why did you come to stop me?
Tytan: Because you don't hate that bitch. You were being made to do something it wasn't your place to do. Where is she now?
Eco: Well, I'm not--
(A car swerves into the parking lot. Matte pops out and walks into the door.)
Tytan: What are you doing here?
Matte: I'm curious and have nowhere to be.
Eco: Sit down. (Matte takes a seat.) Anyway Tytan, I'm not sure where Fire is right now. I handed her off to some Italian friends in the protection business, and they'll talk to Yoshi.
Matte: So this is all mafia bullshit, right?
Tytan: You catch up fast.
Eco: Right. Anyway, good news here is that she won't be in the Inagawa's hands immediately. Vito will be negotiating with them on hand-off and storage prices, probably try to get assurances that they won't torture her as an American...
Tytan: How long will that take?
Eco: Weeks. Plenty of time for the rest of FuEL to find and save her...assuming they really care.
Matte: Are you going to help them?
Eco: That's right, Matte. I was too afraid of the Yakuza to not help them kidnap Firewoman, but openly helping others undermine them, I can't see any problem with that. (Eco rolls his eyes.) Barkeep! Drink please!
Pimple-Faced Kid: This is a Dunkin' Donuts. We have orange juice....
Eco: That'll do. (Kid throws Eco an orange juice which he catches.) Anyway, that's basically everything. Hopefully, Evans and Larson are not as worthless as I think they are.
Tytan: All right. I'm okay holding off with doing anything for NOW--but you've pissed a lot of people off.
Eco: Just a lot more ass for you to kick, I guess.
Tytan: (smirking) How about you, flippy boy? You in with us this week? Or are we living too...dangerously...for you?
Matte: Tytan, I tried to blow my head off a couple weeks ago. Do you really think I'm afraid of how dangerous hanging with you two is?
Tytan: (turning to Eco) I like him. Can we keep him?
Eco: You know, Matte, I'm glad to have you here with us. I was so concerned when I heard about...your unfortunate occurrence.
Matte: Really? FLASHBACK!
Eco: Oh. Right.
Tytan: Can we start calling you "The Selfish Slant-Eyed Cunt"?
Eco: Please don't. Anyway, Matte, you're right. I didn't care. At ALL. You know why? Because ambition consumes me. Right now, I care about you VERY deeply. You know why? Because you provide me with an opportunity to snatch the Campeones de Trios Titles and, with any luck (Eco gets a glimmer in his eye), you will be extending your hand as an ally soon enough.
Matte: I'm not sure what they call this attitude of yours. Objectivism, individualist nihilism...
Eco: I usually call it "Working Smarter", I think.
Tytan: Matte, face it, you're an outcast. A damn talented one, but an outcast nonetheless. Everyone backstage besides us may have cooed a little coo when you tried to kill yourself, but now they avoid you like the plague because they think you're unbalanced. We're more than happy to have you on board no matter what kind of person you are, so long as you can help us. And in turn, we will give you what you need: Loyalty.
Matte: (pausing) Fine. I'm in. But don't expect me to act too excited.
Eco: Awesome. Then we have our team of Tytan, Ecosystem and Matte. Wait...that's an awesome acronym.
Tytan: Eh?
Eco: Go Team TEaM!
Matte: Shh, not so loud!
Eco: Why?
Matte: It's too catchy. Someone from the internet might--
(A fan runs up to Tytan, Eco and Matte. He is wearing a Team TEaM shirt.)
Fan: Team TEaM! Woo! I love you guys!
(Tytan SPEARS the fuck out of the fan and pins him. The Dunkin' Donuts guy makes the count.)
Winner and STILL DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion...TYTAN!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 19, 2009 10:00:30 GMT -5
Matte: Wow...that's was cool since we got Run DLP's panties in a bundle Tim Horton's decided that they should hook up with us.
Tytan: Yeah it was pretty cool to see how quick they moved on it.
Eco: Well we are the new hottest group in the OOWF, and after this tournament we will have a lot more gold.
Matte:Right up there with the new Ministry of Darkness.
(Tytan growls.)
Matte: What's the matter big man?
Eco: Remember he still hates Poe.
(The attractive girl from behind the counter comes around and pours Team TEaM another round of coffee.)
Matte: You know I already like the atmosphere better here.
(They all laugh and toast each other.)
FADE
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 19, 2009 10:01:07 GMT -5
<We cut to an early morning shot of one of the towers of Vlad Dracul's towers where Moosehead Jack stands, alone, staring over the fields. After a long pause, he speaks>  Over five hundred years ago, this castle, this area was the scene of unspeakable horrors. A madman named Vlad Dracul crushed all those who dared oppose him. When a place sees horrors such as those, impailings, burnings, torture, it leaves its mark not just on the people, but on the land as well. Listen to the wind, you can still hear the cries of the damned. Five hundred years ago, a man reigned who was so ruthless and so blood thirsty that he would sacrifice his own family to strike fear into peoples hearts. This man was so heartless that he would invite the ruling elite to a feast, then lock the doors and burn the building down, a man who took sadistic pleasure in watching a man impailed beg for their lives as they slowly died in excruciating pain. Now, over five hundred years later, that man is back. Johnny, AA, Anders, I am not Vlad the Impailer. I am not claiming any sort of royal heritage. But I am telling you, his ruthlessness inspires me, and that is bad news for you. You have three of the sickest, most twisted individuals in all of wrestling across the ring from you, you damn sure better be ready for the worst. Heels, we go way back. Both of you were here in the first years of the OOWF. You made your reputation on a feud with Drink & Destroy. Well I have news for you, kz is not Drink & Destroy. You are not going to swerve us, you are not going to come up with clever promos about our ancestors owning you in the wild west. What you are going to do, is the same thing every other team in the OOWF is going to do: You are going to get into that ring, and you are going to be slaughtered by kz. It makes no difference if you like it or not, your fate is sealed. And Anders? I knew it was only a matter of time before our paths crossed. I know about your reputation, I know what you have done. But the OOWF is not some little Euro fed. You claim to be all about violence and bloodshed? This week is your chance to prove it. You can either step up and run with us, or we will send you back to your little Norwegian town in a pine box. <Moose stares at the camera for a moment, then looks back across the wind swept fields, as if listening to something only he can hear> |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 19, 2009 10:01:25 GMT -5
**SFJ#47 approaches L.D. Williams.**
SFJ#47: “L.D., what are your thoughts on Alexander Darling rejoining Poe?”
LDW: “I don't have any. What Poe does with his playthings is his business, not mine.”
SGJ#47: “But, there are some who would argue that you are one of those playthings.”
LDW: “Then those people are fools. I've said it before and...Fuck it. I'm tired of repeating myself. If people want to ignore two World Title reigns, two Intercontinental Title reigns, four Tag Team Title reigns and a laundry list of other accomplishments and believe that I'm just following other people's orders... Let Them. Let them revel in their delusions and and luxuriate in their fantasies until they find themselves clawing desperately for one last breath as I choke the life out of their bodies. Regardless of who I associate with, I am L.D. Williams, and woe to any man woman or child who doesn't Fear Me.”
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 19, 2009 10:01:58 GMT -5
*Fade in* as Chris Evans & Bryce Larson are seen WALKING~! into the arena, and the SFJ that has been assigned to track them down and ask them about Firewoman runs to catch-up with them.
SFJthatttdaataFW: Evans! Larson! Chris! Bryce! Wait! Stop!
Evans & Larson try to speed up and enter the building befor eshe catches up to them, but don't want to be all obvious about it so they don't run.
SFJthatttdaataFW: Hey you too! [Looking to the cameraman.] Are you getting this? [Camera nods.] Good! [To Evans & Larson.] Chris Evans & Bryce Larson, what's--
CE: No comment.
SFJthatttdaataFW: Wait...what? No comment? Your partner and leader basically gets kidnapped by mysterious ninjas--smart ninjas who attacked her all at once--and you have no comment?
BL: No, we have no fucking comment! Better?
CE: Now get that camera out of our faces. There's a few Romanians who we plan to take our anger on.
BL: GM The Eric O'Mac...feel free to let us face all three of them. We're good with that.
SFJthatttdaataFW: But what about your partner? Where is she? Who is she seeing? What's this about? Why did Ecosys--
CE: Listen sweetheart, we'll give you answers as soon as we get some!
SFJthatttdaataFW: Wait, you don't know what's going on? Surely she told you about this.
BL: Hey, we have no fucking clue what's going on. For all we know, they kidnapped her and took her camping in upstate New York.
CE: Or maybe they took her out to a nice chicken dinner.
BL: And never call her again!
CE: We have no idea. But when we find out, there will be hell to pay.
SFJthatttdaataFW: What about Ecosystem?
BL: Unless he plans to provide some answers, he'd be best to stay away from us.
SFJthatttdaataFW: Well--
BL: Listen babe, this interview is over.
CE: Yeah, thanks for your time!
*Fade out*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 19, 2009 10:02:21 GMT -5
Stank - She's been WHAT, now??
*Stank is in Team FuEL's Locker room looking down at Bryce Larson and Chris Evans.*
C"L"E - Apparently by some pretty smart ninjas.
BL - They attacked her all at once.
Stank -
C"L"E -
BL - Seriously.
Stank -
BL -
C"L"E -
Stank - When she gets back tell her I'd like to speak with her.
*Stank turns and exits from Team FuEL's locker room. He walks down the Hall of no consequence, rounds a corner, and enters the Destroyitarium where he finds The Dead and Thim Reynolds sitting at a nearby table, while Shannon refills Thim's mug.*
TD - Stank.
Stank - Dead. Thim.
TR - Stank.
Stank -
TD -
TR - Do we intend on winning this tournament or what?
Stank - Shannon, pour me my usual.
*Shannon retreats to the bar as Stank pulls up a chair and sits with his partners in the Trios tournament, as the camera fades.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 19, 2009 10:02:38 GMT -5
*OBJ is in Empty Team mode*
OBJ: IHOP, it's your bad luck. We're pissed off, and we're going to make an example of you. As for kz, you made another mistake. You didn't finish the job, and you've got hell to pay.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 19, 2009 10:03:22 GMT -5
*GTV Promo*
In a dark room lit only by a night vision camera sits a bloody Alexander Darling as Alexis cleans him up and stitches the long deep gashes in his arm.
Alexis: I'm so sor...
Alexander: Don't be. It's what Master requested. It's what needed to be done.
Alexis: Are you fucking serious? This is nuts Alex. We can leave here. We've gotten past this.
Alexander: No, this is right. Master explained that we have been wrong in the past. The present is right.
Alexis: Oh my god. Stop it. This isn't what I signed up for. It was different in Japan. We didn't know better. Now we do.
Alexander: No, now we lose our allies because of our weakness. Master will eliminate weakness and we shall be better in the long run.
Alexis: I know you're still there brother dear. You refused to tell him where...
Alexander: I would never refuse Master the information should I have it. Luckily for those involved, SHE was moved before we came back to Master and I don't know where SHE is. So, let's forget about it and follow Master's orders.
Alexis: Alex...I don't know if I can do this with you.
Alexander: Then go...leave me like everyone else. All I need is my Master and things will be right.
Alexis looks down at her brother and sighs as she continues to wipe the blood off his face before she collapses next to him and takes his hand in her own.
*End GTV Promo*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 19, 2009 10:04:00 GMT -5
<kz are in Poe's locker room watching OOWFtv when Outback Jack's promo comes on> *OBJ is in Empty Team mode* OBJ: IHOP, it's your bad luck. We're pissed off, and we're going to make an example of you. As for kz, you made another mistake. You didn't finish the job, and you've got hell to pay. MHJ: That's cute Jack, real cute. You think you are going to threaten us into a title shot? Face it Jack, you and Gator are a couple of has beens. We are done with you two. We have spilled enough of your blood, its not a challenge anymore. Quite honestly, beating you two into oblivion is getting..........boring. LD: You two talk big, but the fact is, you can't get the job done. So, as far as we are concerned, you go to the bottom of the list. The Heels, Davin's little fraud buddies, IHOP and Larson and Evans are all in line for shots before you two. You want another shot at these titles? You have to earn it. Until you do, you get nothing. <Moose and LD laugh as we fade to black> |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 19, 2009 10:04:19 GMT -5
Nayr and Concrete TG are HANGING OUT~! in the Heroes Guild Locker Room.
Nayr: So, uh, did you see Darlingman's latest promo?
Concrete: Certainly, citizen paladin. It was a worthy display of uncorruptible loyalty.
Nayr: Um, I guess so, but loyalty to who? To the voices in his head? I'm starting to feel really nervous around him.
Concrete: Citizen Nayr, I can cite numerous examples of mentally unstable superheroes that were successful in protecting those around them. Batman, to name one.
Nayr: Uh, Batgirl had her legs broken. Also, one of the Robins died.
Concrete: Yes, well, Jean Gray of the X-Men-
Nayr: ... went crazy and almost killed everyone?
Concrete: Ah yes, but she didn't kill everyone, did she?
Nayr: I guess not. I still don't trust him.
Concrete: Well, fear not, Nayr. For if he does betray us, I have a secret plan.
Nayr: Which is?
Concrete: ...
Nayr: ...
Concrete: I forgot to tell you about my latest superpower. It detects when invisible ninja cameramen are in the vicinity.
Nayr: Wow, really? That is so cool.
Concrete: Aha, yes. *Picks up a remote, switches off TV in the corner which had been playing the promo in real-time.*
FADE
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 19, 2009 10:05:04 GMT -5
*Davin and Lucios are WATCHING~! the following promo on OOWF-TV* <kz are in Poe's locker room watching OOWFtv when Outback Jack's promo comes on> *OBJ is in Empty Team mode* OBJ: IHOP, it's your bad luck. We're pissed off, and we're going to make an example of you. As for kz, you made another mistake. You didn't finish the job, and you've got hell to pay. MHJ: That's cute Jack, real cute. You think you are going to threaten us into a title shot? Face it Jack, you and Gator are a couple of has beens. We are done with you two. We have spilled enough of your blood, its not a challenge anymore. Quite honestly, beating you two into oblivion is getting..........boring. LD: You two talk big, but the fact is, you can't get the job done. So, as far as we are concerned, you go to the bottom of the list. The Heels, Davin's little fraud buddies, IHOP and Larson and Evans are all in line for shots before you two. You want another shot at these titles? You have to earn it. Until you do, you get nothing. <Moose and LD laugh as we fade to black> DM: Damn. L: Yeah. DM: *yells to the other room* P-DAWG! P: *comes in with a towel around his neck after a trampoline sesion* Yeah? DM: You got any stamps? P: Uh...I dunno? DM: That's ok...MOONBEAM! SFJ420: *comes into the room with her eyes bright red* Dude? DM: Stamps. You got any stamps? SFJ420: Nahhh man...Stamps? DM: HONEY! SDM: *comes into the room, also with bright red eyes. Interesting* What? DM: Got any stamps? SDM: Stamps? DM: Like, postage stamps? SDM: No, fucko, I gave them to you last week. DM: Shit, that's right. Hold on. *Davin hops off the couch and leaves the room* SDM: The fuck? L: Wait...I just got it. Yeah. You'll see. *Davin comes back into the room with several books of "Forever" stamps and sits back on the couch facing the camera, holding them up. The camera pans around and does hard cuts to each person.* P: Do you often feel the need to put absolutely no pride or effort into your promos? L: Do you find yourself having to repeat the same sorry phrases over and over, week after week? SDM: Do you wish you didn't have to try anymore, if only you had enough stamps to mail it in on a consistent basis? SFJ420: Dude, like, totally wait no more, because Former 3-Time World Champion is like, uh, here or something for, uh...stamps and...anyone have any Nutter Butters? DM: Thanks Moonbeam. Hi, I'm Davin Moreland. You might know me from such television programs as "OOWF Mayhem" and from such commercials as "Dunkin' Donuts". Also be sure to check me out in a special guest appearance on this year's hottest new addition to ABC's TGIF Lineup. Coming this fall, it's "Moose and Mouse", Fridays at 9 (8 Central) on ABC. Now, as a 3-time World Champion, at times Davin Moreland has felt the need to mail things in...promos, matches...sometimes there just isn't time to put in all the effort you need. L: You may remember such promo classics as "I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard." P: Classic, yes, but certainly trite and unimaginative. SDM: And who can forget "throwing coffee on someone to start a feud"? SFJ420: Wait...what does that say? DM: Absolutely Moonbeam. At times, even Davin Moreland needs some stamps. But certainly not to the degree and frequency of two of the greatest mail-inners of all time; Team From Down Under and kz! SDM: Now alone, Moosehead Jack uses his share of stamps, but teamed with LD Williams, there's not another force in this universe that can mail it in like they do. L: Not even the Team from Down Under. And they have an excuse. Half that team is mute. P: That's true. However, when feuding with the same team for months, and repeating the same match over and over a dozen times; you're bound to start mailing it in after a while. SFJ420: Now, YOU can mail it in like the pros and like...uh...Davin can I bum a cigarette? DM: Well stated, Moonbeam. And now, for a limited time only to a selected few lucky callers, we bring you this offer. This special offer will NOT be sold in stores! Call today, and you too can get your "Team From Down Under" or "kz" approved "Book of Stamps"! These stamps can be used WHENEVER you feel the need to Mail Something In! Normally these books of stamps sold alone would cost $19.95...but if you call now - we'll give you one of EACH book. That's right, a Team From Down Under AND a kz Book of "Mailing It In" Stamps! Just pay separate shipping and handling! P: What a deal! SDM: You said it Phantos. It IS a great deal. DM: What if I can make that great deal even better? L: What do you mean, Davin? DM: For the next 10 minutes only, the first 500 callers will receive an autographed book of stamps by the tag team that started it all, the Chickenshit Heels! SDM: The Chickenshit Heels??!?! DM: That's right. Only this throwback, classic tag team can literally re-post promos from 2006 and get title shots! No one has used more stamps than these two guys, and now they can be yours forever if you're one of the first 500 callers. SDM: So, you're telling me, you can have Team From Down Under Stamps, kz Stamps, AND Chickenshit Heel Stamps? That's amazing! SFJ420: But like, dude, we're totally not even done yet. P: Hey you finished a line! L: SHH! P: Sorry. DM: That's right, because for today only, we have something very special. SDM: I saw this, it's incredible. DM: It truly is. Call now, and you will not only get Moosehead Jack in kz; but you'll get Moosehead Jack's solo collection for free! L: This includes the "I'm totally not a face" DVD, complete with such hits as "Beating Up SYB and Random Jobbers" and "Heart to Heart Talks with Selena Gomez" P: Is the classic hit "Blood, Respect, Trust Me" in there? SDM: That's on the 2nd free DVD, "Blood, Respect, Trust Me", a look back at the classic Moose/Crete feud. SFJ420: Dude...like, isn't that still going on? *All Laugh* DM: So hurry and call the number that's been at the bottom of your screen. 1-877-MAIL-IT-IN. For only $19.95 (plus separate shipping and handling), you'll receive: The Team From Down Under Book of Stamps. The kz Book of Stamps. The Chickenshit Heels AUTOGRAPHED Book of Stamps. And last but not least, you'll receive the Moosehead Jack Solo Collection, which includes the DVDs "I'm Totally Not a Face" and "Blood, Respect, Trust Me"! And you know what? I'm going to throw in one more thing. Alexander Darling's "Struggle With Color" collection; which includes all of his early work in bright yellow italics. *Oohs and Ahhs* DM: This offer won't last all day, so CALL NOW! *Blue screen with phone number and address, as well as the fast talking wrap-up guy* *fade* |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 19, 2009 10:05:36 GMT -5
<Moose and LD are still watching OOWFtv - hey, it's a slow day - and catch Davin Moreland's promo>
LD: Holy shit
MHJ: No kidding
LD: Did he just manage to cut a whole promo and not mention a single thing about his match this week?
MHJ: And he accuses US of mailing it in?
LD:<mocking Davin> Call NOW! and you will get all of Davin Moreland's greatest hits! Fan pandering? A collection of mindless NPC's? Davin hanging out with partners who promo less frequently than anyone else? It's all there! And it, too, can be YOURS!
MHJ: But wait LD, Davin Moreland is the conscience of the OOWF! Why, he is just like Dudley Do-Right come to life! Did you see the way he heroically saved Shawn Johnson!
LD:<serious now> I think Davin might want to mind his own damn business right about now. Davin you have two partners who are barely around to watch your back. You don't run with DEA anymore, you might want to run your mouth just a bit less, and worry more about not being a giant sack of crap who got his ass handed to him by Alexander Darling
<from the back we hear muffled screams of Alexander Darling, apparently Poe is having some fun>
LD: Yeah, that Alexander Darling
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 19, 2009 10:06:22 GMT -5
*All of Run DLP is WALKING~! out to their rental car. Suddenly, Moonbeam goes down like she was hit by a taser* SDM: Dude, what the fuck? DM: Oh, that's just her SFJ alert system. Hers is a little stronger, cause she, you know, tends to get distracted. P: A little stronger? L: Not like she felt it. *Davin digs around and pulls out her [your sponsor here smartphone] and reads the emergency update. DM: They tasered her for this garbage? *He hands it to Samantha* SDM: *starts giggling then laughing out loud before handing it to Phantos, and then Lucios, who similarly laugh out loud.* DM: Hey, give him credit. It's cute that he tried. SDM: But...come on! DM: Ok, fine. Let's go through it then. L: Need some stamps? DM: Nope, they had plenty on that last one. <Moose and LD are still watching OOWFtv - hey, it's a slow day - and catch Davin Moreland's promo> LD: Holy shit MHJ: No kidding LD: Did he just manage to cut a whole promo and not mention a single thing about his match this week? MHJ: And he accuses US of mailing it in? DM: Of course, there's an entire promo regarding our match this week. Regarding traitormask. Remember? L: Finishing P: Each other's DM: Sentences? SDM: Got them yelled at because it was annoying? SFJ420: *on the ground sort of writhing*...dude... DM: So, that's a big, fat fail by Uncle Moose. Let's see what else we have here? P: Than ANYONE else? L: I think Gatorbait would like a word. P: Besides, there's nothing wrong with a little pandering. L: It makes people feel good. DM: And in the end, isn't that our job? SDM: You should have let her die. DM: I know. 4 days later and she's getting cozy with Terrell Owens. Very sad situation. L: And you, of course, have no precedent of doing that. P: At all. SFJ420: ...got your name on... DM: Um, sure. DM: I have a great fucking idea, LD. Why don't you come out from behind Moose's skirt and say that to my face? And tell me, how does it feel to be the lackey of a lackey anyway? I've never needed anyone to fight my battles for me, and I sure as fuck remember kicking your sorry ass a number of times. So please, I'm beggin' you. If you wanna dance, tell me where and when. By the way, does this constitute a heel turn by you? DM: THAT Alexander Darling beat the shit out of both of you, let's not forget. Remember the strap match, Moose? Alexander is one fucked up individual, and it would not be in your best interest to underestimate him. Then again, you don't have a choice. You've both got your orders after all. So I'll leave ya to it. You both do lackey shit for Poe, Moose, keep building that "I'm totally not a face" resume by talking to Selena and the fucking seal. You're both going to end up trapped in a situation you don't want to be in very soon. Poe and the Darlings on one side...Fire and the two talent enhancement guys on the other side...and, oh yeah, the Motherfucking Measuring Sticks watching from across the room, laughing our asses off. DM: Continuing to deny the facts and being stuck in this constant circle will spell disaster for kz, one way or the other. DM: Trust me. *fade* |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 19, 2009 10:06:47 GMT -5
<Still watching>
LD:<looking at Moose> Oh LAWD! We're FACES now because DAVIN said so!
MHJ: Yeah, I guess we should just start bouncing on trampolines like mindless idiots. Maybe watch the same tape over and over again. That's how you get to be the measuring sticks of the OOWF
LD: Funny how the measuring sticks haven't done shit in......how long again?
MHJ: Well....they DID lose that loser leaves town match to the Aussies
LD: The same Aussie team that we have kicked the shit out of for the last several weeks?
MHJ: The very same
LD: Interesting. And, didn't the supposed faciest face team in the OOWF completely circumvent the stips of that match and come back to the OOWF weeks later without masks?
MHJ: They sure did
LD: That sounds rather heelish
MHJ: Well you see, when you are a face, as Davin well knows, you can do whatever you want and hide behind being a face. Davin, Phantos and Lucios are such pandering twits that they see nothing wrong with ANYTHING they do. If the fans object, they just come up with some half assed explanation for WHY they did what they did, and all is right again.
LD: Like attacking Firewoman in a hospital after Fire just did what everyone else wanted to do?
MHJ: Exactly. But, you see, it was ok because Davin and Shawn shared a tender moment or some bullshit.
LD: I find this all very interesting
MHJ: And did you also know that we are Poe's lackeys?
LD: I KNOW! All that evil stuff we do because HE tells us to! You know, like.........ummm, and there was that one time when.............wait, aren't lackeys supposed to be bossed around by someone?
MHJ: I think that's the theory
LD: Does Davin even know what lackey means?
MHJ: Clearly not. I would suggest he look it up, but I guess he is not being sponsored by Websters Dictionary, so what good would it do?
LD: Very true. And really? Faces?
MHJ: Well LD, you see, its like this. We are not completely one dimensional heels. We do not just go out and randomly attack people for no reason.
LD: Yeah I remember when you got here, you did a lot of that
MHJ: Yeah I did, and it got boring. So I have expanded my character a little bit to keep things interesting, and evidently when you do that, you become a face.
LD: Well......if thats the case, wasn't Davin a face when he was in Run DEA then?
MHJ: It would certainly seem so. He wasn't just a one dimensional character, oh no sir, they had drama
LD: And drama equals facedom?
MHJ: Anything other than the same old boring promo over and over again about how we are going to bleed people dry, how we are going to dominate everyone, how we are natural born killers, yep, that seems to make us faces.
LD: Huh. Sounds kind of boring
MHJ: It is.
LD: Shouldn't Davin worry more about his match? Or, since he is a face now, does he get to have a running commentary on everyone?
MHJ: Well, LD, I don't know. I suppose the heel thing for us to do would be to find him, attack him, and leave him lying in a bloody heap somewhere
LD: Well we could do that for sure. But don't you think he would just miraculously recover from that attack, storm into our locker room and attack us? And because we are heels, we would attack him ninja style and he would somehow defy the odds and leave us all lying?
MHJ: Well, when you are superface, I guess those are the powers you get
LD: Again, it sounds kind of boring
MHJ: My thoughts exactly
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 19, 2009 10:07:13 GMT -5
SFJ: Lionheart, Bryce Larson said that since Firewoman is nowhere to be found, that you two are going to be facing the Dracul brothers tonight in a 3 on 2 handicap match for the OOWF Campeonas de Trios titles. Are you worried about being at a disadvantage?
Evans: Disadvantage? *batistalaugh* Look sweetie, if we were any other team, we might be worried about that. But come…ON. Do you know who we are? We’re the future of this business. We’ve taken down everyone that’s come against us, and tonight’s gonna be no different.
We work together better than any tag team in this whole business, and we’re gonna prove it once again against those 3 no-names.
SFJ: Well, aren’t you worried about the Trios tournament?
E: Look, the only ones I’m even remotely concerned with is DLP and the team of Poe and kz, cause DLP can actually get it done in the ring, and the team of Poe and kz has actually got some good potential as a Trios team. Besides that, it’s friggin IHOP and a bunch of guys thrown together in random Trios teams. What the hell should we be concerned about?
Evans walks away.
SFJ: Well, have you heard anything about Firewoman?
Evans stops in his tracks and talks in a more serious tone.
E: Not yet. But as soon as we’re done here, we’re gonna go look for her, and whoever had anything to do with her disappearance is gonna regret the day they were ever born. I already have an idea where to begin, and tonight, he's gonna see what happens when you cross Team FUEL. I don’t abandon my allies, especially not her.
*fade to black*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 19, 2009 10:08:08 GMT -5
*Davin and the gang are enjoying a pre-match ice cream. Hundreds of fans have gathered around, so of course they're all signing autographs in between bites. Suddenly, a Romanian guy comes running at them holding a [your sponsor here] laptop and yelling in Romanian to them*
RGRATHA[ysh]L: Davin! Davin! Luat la spre a vedea!
DM: See what?
RGRATHA[ysh]L: Privire, a privi!
*The last Captain Fear and Moosey promo runs*
DM: *laughing (not in a Batista way)* So that's a no, LD? Captain Fear and Moosey, full of sound and fury signifying lackey. LD, you should ask Moose to ask Poe for permission to do a backstage attack. That's very heelish.
L: Should we run or something?
P: I'm pretty scared.
DM: LD clearly is afraid to face me in a match. The attempts at obfuscation are honorable...or to translate to Canadian for LD "honourable"; but in the end, simply meaningless; because neither of them are that good at it.
RGRATHA[ysh]L: Creştin Jericho friptură al tău promos?
DM: I wish he would. He'd be less boring.
SDM: So, are we done with this now?
DM: Probably. They'll never do anything. They have a bug up their ass for being called out. This will pass, and they'll go back to cutting Blood, Respect, Trust Me promos on TFDU. Awesome.
L: It's such a waste.
DM: What the fuck ever. They're committed to being irrelevant. Look what's happened to them. Just look! Does 2006 Moose let this go? Hell, does 2008 LD let this go? Captain Fear and Moosey should just give up, put on the masks and join the Heroes Guild.
P: Or be lackeys for Poe.
DM: May as well. They're all alike. All talk. No action. Whatever. We've got a match to win.
SDM: Let's go.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 19, 2009 10:08:40 GMT -5
SFJ: Well, have you heard anything about Firewoman? Evans stops in his tracks and talks in a more serious tone. E: Not yet. But as soon as we’re done here, we’re gonna go look for her, and whoever had anything to do with her disappearance is gonna regret the day they were ever born. I don’t abandon my allies, especially not her. *fade to black* (Ecosystem is sitting at a bar, watching this promo on television.) Eco: Um, Tytan? Tytan: Yeah, Eco? Eco: ...Evans and Larson aren't blaming us for Firewoman's abduction. They're just blaming the ninjas. Tytan: You mean your guido buddies? I mean, they *did* do all the work. Eco: Fair. (Eco takes a sip of some indeterminate liquid.) Also, have you been watching OOWF-TV recently? SO MUCH RUN DLP. Tytan: I know. And SO MUCH KZ. (Matte shows up to the bar.) Matte: Something really weird just happened. Tytan: What's up? Matte: I was just hanging out with Bunny, Super Mario and BRICK~!, and we were shooting off fireworks, and then we attached tons of fireworks to BRICK~! and he shot 500 feet up and crash landed on an abandoned factory, sending glass shards everywhere. There are ten people in the hospital. Eco: That sounds...entirely normal for us. Matte: No, that's not the weird part. NO ONE FROM OOWF-TV WAS THERE TO COVER IT. They're all doing round-the-clock coverage of Davin and Moose and friends. Tytan: Wait...so we can cause unbridled destruction and no one will notice? Matte: Basically. (The three of them all look at each other. The bartender comes over.) Bartender: That will be $10, Mr. Koizumi. Eco: Ooh, how unlucky. (pulls out a few sticks of dynamite from his pocket) I only have twenty sticks of dynamite and no one to police me. Bartender: ...As I said, Mr. Koizumi, I hope you enjoyed your drink on the house. (The bartender hustles away.) Tytan: Why aren't our opponents this week using TV time to attack us? Matte: Because they're not self-absorbed egomaniacs who spend all their time talking about how awesome they are? Eco: You mean they're PUSSIES! Matte: No, no I don't. Eco: Then you're calling Moose a pussy. Matte: What? No, I'm not. Eco: Okay, logic train. 1) Pussies exist. 2) Either people who cut lots of attack promos are pussies, or the people who don't are pussies. So either Stank is a pussy, or Moose is a pussy. Matte: There is something wrong with your train of thought. Anyway, Stank is not a pussy, we should take him seri- Eco: HEY MOOSE SOMEONE JUST CALLED YOU A PUSSY BY IMPLICATION. (Moose runs in and heart punches Matte and runs out.) Matte: ...I hate you. Eco: I know. Tytan: Oh shit. Eco: What? Tytan: Moose didn't come alone. (Following the running Moose is HALF OF THE FILM CREW IN THE OOWF. They almost trample Team TEaM in their excitement.) Matte: SO MANY FEET OW. Tytan: This must be how all of Michael Jackson's relatives felt. Eco: Speaking of which, I haven't heard anything about the Iranian election since he died. I guess it all got resolved! (Team TEaM shares a good hearty laugh over the total non sequitur of political irony as they are trampled, and the scene fades.) |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 19, 2009 10:09:14 GMT -5
... Eco: ...Evans and Larson aren't blaming us for Firewoman's abduction. They're just blaming the ninjas. ... ... (Team TEaM shares a good hearty laugh over the total non sequitur of political irony as they are trampled, and the scene fades.) Bryce Larson: Did you see what that idiot said? Chris Evans: Yeah, we're not blaming them? BL: Sometimes being so wrong can be so innocent... CE: And sometimes it can hurt like hell. Larson & Evans leave before Team TEaM realizes they're even there, and head off to be sequestered in a lockerroom with a couple of retired local female gymnasts (they retire in their twenties!) to prepare for their big title defense later tonight.
*Fade out* |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 19, 2009 10:09:31 GMT -5
<Davin, Phantos and Lucios excuse themselves from their fans and ice cream and stand up to leave. When they turn around, Poe, Moose and LD Williams are standing there staring at them>
MHJ: Time to die, bitch
<with that the three of them attack, Poe kicks Davin in the gut, dropping him to one knee, Williams then catches him with a kick to the side of the head that sends him to the floor. With this Phantos grabs Williams and catches him with several forearm shots to the side of the head. Williams stops him cold with a knee to the gut. Moose and Lucios square off, Moose grabs one of the chairs and swings it at Lucios, Lucios narrowly avoids it and shoves Moose into the table. Lucios leaps at Moose, but Moose moves out of the way and Lucios CRASHES through the table, splintering it and sending ice cream everywhere.
Davin is back on his feet, and he lands a couple of kicks to Poe's ankle, hobbling the big man. Davin turns and looks at his fans and grabs Poe by the head for a REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER, but Moose grabs the chair and SLAMS it across Davin's back. Davin staggers, and Poe spins him around and hits the HIEROGLYPH KICK! Davin flies backward and crashes through the conveniently placed window pane of OOWF Ice Cream Shoppe! Davin lands in a pile of glass, and we can see he is bloody. Poe steps through the window and rakes Davin's face in the shards of glass.
Meanwhile inside, Phantos catches LD Williams with a enzuguri that stops him in his tracks. Phantos turns to run and leap onto a table, and Moose is right there and HAMMERS him with a heart punch! Phantos staggers and turns around and LD hits him with a CANADIAN DESTROYER! Kz pulls Lucios out of the wreckage of the table and Moose DROPS him onto the floor with a DDT on the chair! Phantos and Lucios are out!
Kz leaves the OOWF Ice Cream Shoppe and help Poe pull a bloody Davin out of the wreckage of the glass. Moose and Poe hold him in place and LD glares at him. Davin smirks and spits a mouth full of blood at LD. LD kicks Davin in the gut, then hits the CANADIAN DESTROYER on the cement floor! Davin is out cold.
KZ and Poe stand over the carnage and look around>
MHJ: So, how long till they're back on their feet to attack us?
LD: Probably not long
MHJ: Well.......they know where to find us
<KZ and Poe walk away while medics attend to Run DLP>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 19, 2009 10:09:54 GMT -5
*Samantha Darling-Moreland returns from somewhere to happen upon what's left of the ice cream shop*
SDM: Ah Fuck.
*Phantos and Lucios are stirring, picking glass out of their masks. Davin is wiping some blood from his mouth*
SDM: You okay?
DM: I'm gonna have to be. Poe ordered his lackeys to attack us 20 minutes before Mayhem's posted. Those matches have been written for days.
L: You tore your tights.
DM: DAMMIT, I JUST BOUGHT THESE!
P: So, are we supposed to sell this or something?
DM: Yeah, we should all limp to the car. I dunno what else he expects.
SDM: Retribution?
DM: Retribution for what? The same lame sneak attack as always? This time it's different because Poe gave the order? They'll either get us in a fair fight or not at all. This bullshit is not worth our time. We've got better things to worry about...PHANTOS!
P: *stops walking toward the car* What?
DM: LIMPING! You have to LIMP! Hold your arm or something too.
L: You have to overdo it, because it's going to look like a miraculous comeback in like 20 minutes, and we don't want to be accused of no-selling.
*Phantos starts Shawn Michaels-selling a limp now*
SDM: Good work, P-Dawg.
DM: You have to drive dear.
SDM: I know.
DM: Captain Fear and Moosey, doing whatever Master Poe tells them too. I thought they were trying to disprove that theory. OH DEAR GOD MY ANKLE IS GOING TO FALL OFF!
SDM: That might be a little too much.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 19, 2009 10:10:14 GMT -5
<Poe, LD and Moose get back to the locker room where DLP's latest promo is playing>
LD: Huh. Hey Poe, I think I missed the part where you told us to attack Davin and the masked idiots
Poe: I believe I missed it as well. Where did I say that?
MHJ: You didn't. Davin is, as always, delusional. I told you, faces justify anything, and Davin is the best at it. He could convince a deaf man that he could hear. He is a master bullshitter.
LDW: I am already tired of this shit. <turning to Poe and Moose> We need to make sure those three win their match this week. I want them next week.
Poe: What about our........
LDW: We WILL beat The Heels and Denial. And next week, we put an end to Run DLP too
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 19, 2009 10:10:32 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Budapest, Romania MATT FOLZ vs. TAVIAN DRACULSince we are in his hometown, Tavian Dracul gets his own intro. plays and Tavian Dracul slowly makes his way to the ring. The fans boo him, and watch in awe as one of the supposed descendents of Vlad the Impailer makes his way to the ring and steps between the ropes just as the music hits its crescendo. Dracul waits in the ring and plays and OOWF newcomer Matt Folz makes his way to the ring. He eyes his opponent warily, but sneers and steps between the ropes. The bell rings and the two men meet in the middle of the ring and trade hammering shots to the head. Folz catches Dracul with a knee to the mid-section and sends him to the ropes, but the big man from Budapest rebounds off the ropes with a lunging clothesline that catches Folz across the chest and sends him to the mat. Dracul pulls Folz to his feet and picks him up and slams him to the mat, then bounds off the ropes and tries a knee drop, but Folz moves out of the way, gets to his feet quickly and catches Dracul with a kick upside the head. Dracul struggles to his feet and slumps against the ropes, Folz charges and takes him over the top rope with a clothesline. Dracul hits the floor and Folz follows him out, grabs one of the wires lying around the ring and wraps it around his throat and chokes him with it. The referee administers the ten count, Folz breaks at eight and slides back into the ring to break the count, then heads right back to the outside. As Folz tries to pull Dracul to his feet, Tavian grabs his tights and slings him face first into the steel guard rail. Folz falls to the floor grabbing the side of his head, Dracul gets to his feet and he is not done yet. He puts the side of Matt’s head against the guard rail, gets a running start and lands a hard kick to the side of the head. Folz falls to the floor in pain, Dracul pulls him to his feet and rolls him into the ring, and follows, just beating the ten count. Once inside, Dracul pulls a dazed Matt Folz to his feet and lifts him onto his shoulders and walks around for a moment, then hits a Death Valley PILEDRIVER! Dracul snarls at the fans and covers, one, two, NO! Folz kicks out at two! Dracul cannot believe it, and gets to his feet and backs the referee into the corner threatening to leave him skinned alive and nailed to a door for all to see. While he is arguing, Folz is back on his feet. He runs up behind Dracul and rolls him up from behind, then turns that into a release German suplex that sends Dracul halfway across the ring, landing HARD on the back of his neck. Dracul struggles to his feet and Folz grabs him and hits a T-BONE suplex, then heads to the top rope. Folz leaps and hits a diving head but, then gets to his feet and slashes his throat. The end is near. Folz grabs Dracul as he gets up, pulls him into a short arm clothesline, but holds onto his arm, then flips him over, pounces, and locks in a proper STF! Dracul fights the move, and is close to the ropes, but Folz leans back even harder pulling Dracul away from the ropes. Finally after several minutes of torture, Dracul has no choice, he taps out. WINNER in 7:06 – Matt Folz OOWF Invitational Campeonas de Trios Title Tournament – Round 1[/u] IHOP vs. SPIN HANSEN & THE TEAM FROM DOWN UNDERAmnesiac and Gator start things off, with Gator getting the quick upper hand, leaving Amnesiac to get a pep talk from SYB and Skurge. Back at it, and this time Amnesiac slips out of a half nelson and gets a deep arm drag, then again, channeling Ricky Steamboat, and a tag to SYB puts IHOP in control. SYB puts the boots to Gator, but he gets cocky stops to talk to a fan and gets popped for his trouble. Tag to Spin, and a huge shoulder block sends SYB bouncing out of the ring like a ping pong ball. IHOP regroups, and SYB gets back in and tags in Skurge. Skurge doesn't fare much better, getting trapped in the Aussies' corner and Gator and OBJ pound the shit out of him. SYB and Amnesiac hop in to break it up and we have a donnybrook, and Spin and TFDU clear the ring. IHOP clears the cobwebs and regroups again, and SYB tries his hand again. Eye gouge stops Spin in his tracks, and a knee lift puts him down. Tag Skurge, and a measured fist drop to the face scores. Amnesiac in now as IHOP gets the flow going, and a picture perfect standing dropkick puts Spin out to the floor. Amnesiac has some words for the ref, which allows Skurge and SYB to maul Hansen on the floor. That draws Gator and Jack around, and we've got a brawl on the floor. Amnesiac lines up Spin for a big double axe handle to the floor... but Spin catches him on the way down with a HUGE LARIAT~! Amnesiac sells it like he's dead. Spin rolls him back in and crawls in for the cover. The ref dives in after breaking up the brawl on the floor and makes the count, but SYB makes the save at the last minute. Jack hops in to protest... but when the ref dispels him, Skurge and SYB sneak in for the INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT~! Amnesiac drapes an arm over, but Gator drags him off and puts a beating on him and we've got another pier sixer! In the commotion, Spin gets the tag to OBJ. Jack drops all three IHOP members. Gator looks to line up THE CHOMP... but Skurge low bridges him, sending him tumbling to the floor. BOOMERANG sends SYB over the top rope and hard to the floor. CROC HUNTER for Amnesiac, but Skurge grabs Jack off with the EXECUTIONER~! OBJ struggles with it, looking for the ropes, but Spin is over for SPINAL JUSTICE~! Hansen takes Skurge to the floor and pounds on him some more. Amnesiac stumbles up and OBJ comes in from the apron for a sunset flip... but Amnesiac falls forward with it AND GETS THE PIN~! We have an upset! WINNERS in 16:57: IHOP STANK, THIM REYNOLDS & THE DEAD vs. TEAM TeAM"Lay Your Hands On Me", "Skin", and "Doomsday Clock" play in a bit of a mash up as Stank, The Dead, and Thim Reynolds walk down the ramp. The makeshift team puts on a show of unity, posing for the crowd as they soak in the cheers of the audience. PA: Boys and girls of every age...wouldn't you like to see something STRANGE?Tytan, Ecosystem, and Matte enter to the tune of "This Is Halloween". The crowd gives the new team a highly mixed reaction, leaning boos due to Eco's actions over the past week. Matte locks up with Stank in the middle of the ring. Stank pushes Matte in the corner, but Matte leans outside the ropes and the referee pushes Stank back. Matte then hops up the ropes and jumps OVER the referee to land a cross body on Stank for a 1-count. Stank gets up and levels Matte with a lariat. Matte is about to get up when Eco calls over to him. Eco: Give up! Tag, tag!
Razz: Is he telling him to tag out after one clothesline?
Russ: It's all part of "Work Smarter, Not Harder", I suppose.Matte ducks under Stank's lariat and gives Tytan the tag. Tytan comes off the turnbuckles with a BIG clothesline. Tytan picks the big man up and lands a spine buster on him for a two-count only. Tytan pulls in a chin lock on Stank, who struggles a bit before standing up with Tytan on his back, running backwards into the turnbuckles. Stank stumbles over to Thim Reynolds and tags him in. Thim and Tytan exchange blows for a bit. Thim whips Tytan into the ropes for an attempted Neck Cracker, but Tytan reverses it into an Olympic slam. Tytan then locks a full nelson onto Thim. Thim manages to sweep his legs out front and pulls himself forward toward the ropes. Eco tries to pull back the ropes further, but the referee admonishes him and Thim gets his rope break. Tytan pulls Thim up for a scoop slam, but Thim slides off and pushes Tytan face first into the turnbuckles, catching him off with an exploding German. With both men down, Thim gets the tag to The Dead first who comes in and sets up the Close The Coffin super kick. As Tytan stumbles up however, he sees Matte and Eco gesture with their legs. Tytan spins around, catches Dead's kick, and pulls him up into a big Samoan Drop. Tytan goes to his corner and tags in Eco, who is EN FUEGO~! Drive-by kick to the stumbling Dead, Eco only gets a 2-count. Eco pulls Dead up and starts throwing punches. He hops up on the second rope and flies off with a back cross body, but is caught by Dead. Dead throws him backwards and he hits the mat hard...immediately rolling out of the ring. Eco is hiding under the ring apron until Stank pulls him out and rolls him back into the ring. Eco makes a two-hand gesture to the audience and all of a sudden a fan in a trench coat jumps the barricade and starts running around the ring. Fan: IT'S-A ME, A FAN! NOT-A SUPER MARIO!Security moves to remove Mario. The referee goes over to see what's going on, while Eco is pulled up off the mat by Dead--but Eco catches Dead with a hard right assisted by the BRASS KNUCKLES he pulled from under the ring! Hiding them back in his tights, he goes for the cover as the referee turns around, 1-2-3, good night. WINNERS in 6:42--Tytan, Ecosystem and Matte, Team TEaM! Ecosystem celebrates in the ring as though he has just won every medal in the Olympics. SFJ #3.1412 comes up to Ecosystem in the ring. SFJ #3.1412: Ecosystem, how are you feeling after the first victory of the so-called "Team TEaM"?
Eco: Journalist-lady-person, I got something to tell all the fans at home. Not only are we the newest faction in the OOWF, but we're already the most decorated. You see—(Tytan spears the journalist and goes for the cover. Matte grudgingly counts 1-2-3.) WINNER and STILL DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION...TYTAN!Team TEAM hits the floor following the match, and make their way to the back. They’re up on the stage when Chris Evans & Bryce Larson come out wielding chairs! Chair shots are in order for everyone! Larson hits an elevated DDT to Matte on the stage! Evans hits a step-up Enzigiuri on Tytan, stunning him long enough for Evans to follow up with a dropkick that sends Tytan rolling down the ramp to the floor. Ecosystem is getting up as Evans nails him with another chair shot! Larson sets his chair up, and they sit Eco down on the chair. Evans then produces a roll of duct tape, and they tape Eco to the fucking chair! Larson hands Evans a mic, and stands in front of Eco with another mic. Chris Evans: What the hell did you do to Firewoman!
Ecosystem: You don’t want to get involved in this man…
CE: She’s part of FUEL, we’re already involved!
Evans then pushes a chair against Eco’s throat.
E: I’m telling you…this is before FUEL, and has nothing to do with you two.
BL: Listen! We’re not fucking around! Now talk!
CE: Maybe this will entice you…
Evans grabs a second chair, and he and Larson set-up for a Con-chair-to.
E: Go ahead and do it! I’m not talking…
BL: You’re as good as dead Eco…it doesn’t stop with the Con-chair-to!
E: I ain’t talking, so do it!Evans and Larson nail Ecosystem with the Con-chair-to! Eco is out cold, still taped to the chair. Larson starts to unwrap Eco as Evans throws the two other chairs, one hitting Matte and the other hitting Tytan. Evans then lifts Eco into position for the Mountie Killer! Larson steps up onto the chair and jumps off with a double stomp onto Eco’s lower testicular region! Evans connects with the Mountie Killer in the stage! CAREER KILLER! Security and EMTs rush the area as Larson and Evans look out over the carnage they’ve caused--knowing that wherever Firewoman is, when she sees this, she’ll be proud. THE CHICKENSHIT HEELS & ANDERS DENIAL vs. POE & KZThe Chickenshit Heels come to the ring first, Anders Denial trails behind them a good ways, he doesn’t seem overly interested in teaming with The Heels. They step between the ropes and Johnny and AA appear to be trying to give Denial instructions, but he just stares them down and they slowly back out of the ring onto the apron. It appears that Denial will be starting for their team. KZ and Poe are announced next, they come to the ring, alone again, Selena remains in the back. Probably a good idea. The world champ and world tag team champions make their way to the ring and climb inside. Moose stares at Denial, who looks at him and tilts his head a little bit, seems like there is something going on there. Poe decides he will start for their team and he moves to the middle of the ring and he and Denial stare one another down. The referee calls for the bell and we are underway. Poe towers over Denial, but Denial does not take a step back. Finally Denial breaks the tension by shoving Poe, Poe comes back with an attempted chop, but Denial ducks it and comes back with a kick to Poe’s knee cap. Denial backs Poe into the corner and follows him in and chokes him and bites him at the same time. The referee threatens disqualification, but Denial breaks the hold, then connects with a chop to the bridge of Poe’s nose, sending him to one knee. Denial grabs Poe’s arm and pulls him out of the corner into a short clothesline. On the apron Johnny and AA scream for the tag, so Denial calmly walks over to the corner and slaps Johnny on the chest, HARD, tagging him into the match. Adrenaline comes into the ring and grabs his chest, and looks back at Denial, who is now on the apron. AA takes a few steps away from Denial just to be safe. Meanwhile Johnny runs to the corner and tries to grab Poe, but Poe is on one knee and he catches Adrenaline by the throat and shoves him back on the ropes and connects with a clubbing shot to the chest. Poe sends Johnny across the ring and catches him on the rebound with a big back body drop, then as he hits the mat, Poe drops a knee across his chest and keeps it there, and reaches out and tags in LD Williams. Williams comes in and catches Adrenaline with a kick to the face as he tries to get to his feet, then pulls him up and slams him face first into the turnbuckle. He hits the top turnbuckle several times, then the middle for a few, then finally the bottom, then stomps the hell out of Johnny until the referee comes in and breaks the two of them up. The ref pushes LD back, and AA sneaks into the ring and chop blocks him from behind sending him to the mat. As LD grabs his knee in pain, Johnny gets back to his feet and shoves the referee aside and grabs LD’s leg and traps him in a figure four leg lock. While the referee is checking on LD to see if he wants to submit, AA grabs his arms from the outside to give him a little more leverage. LD yells in pain but refuses to quit. After a few times of this, Moose hope off the apron and runs around the ring, pulls AA off the apron and SLAMS him face first into the ring post. Denial hops off the apron and he and Moose stare one another down. Moose looks down and see’s AA bleeding like a stuck pig, I mean we are talking Midnight Rockers – Buddy Rose & Doug Somers level of gore here. He smirks and backs back to his side of the ring. Anders watches him go, then slowly climbs onto the apron, never even bothering to check on his partner. Inside the ring, LD has finally reversed the hold and Johnny breaks the leg lock and crawls to the corner to tag in Denial, but Denial just stares at him. LD gets to his feet and tags in Moose, then runs across the ring and grabs Adrenaline from behind and hits a release German suplex, folding Johnny in half, Moose bounds off the ropes and drops a knee across the back of Adrenaline’s head, then rubs his face into the mat. Moose pulls Johnny to his feet and throws him between the ropes to the floor. Moose then walks across the ring and stares at Denial. Meanwhile Poe and Williams hop off the apron. Poe grabs Johnny from behind and holds his arms, Williams grabs a bottle off the announce table and SMASHES it upside Johnny’s head! Adrenaline slumps to the floor grabbing his face, blood is running between his fingers. LD shoots Johnny back into the ring, then he and Poe run around the ring and put the boots to AA, who has just struggled back to his feet. The whole time, Denial remains stoic on the apron, not moving a muscle to help his partners. Moose mounts Adrenaline and hammers him with shots to the face, then pulls him to his feet, tries a whip to the ropes, but pulls him back, pins the arm HEARTPUNCH! Adrenaline staggers, Moose grabs him and hits the RANHEI! Moose flips a barely conscious Adrenaline over and locks him in the ji-endo, the whole time staring at Denial. After several seconds, it appears that Johnny completely loses consciousness and the referee calls for the bell. WINNERS in 14:21 – Poe & kz After the match, kz and Poe leave and AA slides into the ring and helps Johnny to his feet. They are both bloody and battered. All this time, Denial has not moved from the apron at all. Now, he slowly steps between the ropes and waits in the corner, slowly chopping and stomping. When The Chickenshit Heels turn around, he charges out of the corner and hits a DOUBLE BUSINESS SIDE on the Heels! Johnny and AA both hit the mat, and medics almost immediately fill the ring. Denial stands over them for a moment, shaking with silent laughter. The whole time, kz and Poe are watching him at the top of the ramp. They head to the back, and Denial finally slowly leaves the ring and heads to the back himself while Johnny and AA are attended to. THE HEROES GUILD vs. RUN DLPYour Romanian crowd is clearly a sucker for tournaments, so they're getting exactly what they want here tonight. OOWF is playing one of their largest venues yet tonight – Stadionul Steaua; which is completely sold out at nearly 28,000 paid attendance tonight. You couldn't ask for a better night to be outside, so the atmosphere is at a fever pitch here. To add to tonight's “big deal feel”, we've imported former WWE employee Lillian Garcia to handle the ring announcements this evening. Let's go to the ring right now. LG: Ladies and Gentlemen introducing next, another 1st round match in the Campeonas de Trios tournament!*crowd cheers * *”Front Line” by Pillar fires up * LG: Introducing first...representing the Heroes Guild...weighing in at a combined weight of 405 lbs...Nayr, and Concrete Takaken Gryfon!*crowd does the requisite amount of cheering * LG: And their partner...*'Hip Hop Holiday' by 3 the Hard Way starts up. * LG: From Wellington, New Zealand...weighing in at 230 lbs...KIWI JOO!The crowd goes kinda batshit for the re-appearance of Kiwi Joo after a long absence. He meets up with the Heroes Guild in the ring, and they high five and what not. They start to do some posing, but they're interrupted by the always busy Lillian Garcia. LG: And their opponents...“Walk This Way” by Run DMC starts up and the crowd gets to their feet, as Run DLP is about to make their first official entrance since re-forming. LG: Weighing in at a combined weight of 852 lbs...Davin Moreland, Lucios and Phantos...Run DLP!Run DLP heads down the ramp; arms full with Bags of Free Stuff. Clearly they can't possibly get into the ring until all this stuff has been given away; which takes a minute. They finally do make their way into the ring, to monster cheers, and do some posing. Fall River's Own Angelo Barros realizes there's the requisite number of people in the ring so he calls for the bell...WE'RE UNDERWAY! Both teams mill around for a little bit to figure out who will go first, and they decide on Phantos and Nayr to kick things off. Somewhere Jack Evans is smiling. They act like they're going to lock up; but instead it's some immediate cursory chain wrestling. They both do the arm bar kip up thing and get into some Arm Drags. Phantos gets off a nice, tight arm drag and holds the arm bar for a minute. Nayr's trying to get a tag, but Phantos powers (yes, powers) him back to the middle of the ring. Phantos continues to hold the arm bar, and then gets an idea. He sits down and locks in a Cross-Arm Breaker. Who knew? Joo and Crete are arguing about who's going to break up the hold; meanwhile, nobody is. Finally, Kiwi Joo ducks under the rope to break up the hold. He's cut off by Lucios who turns him inside out with a clothesline. Barros is yelling at Lucios to get out of the ring, and meanwhile Davin and Crete have squared off trading haymakers. While this is happening, Phantos continues to rock the Cross-Arm Breaker, and Nayr is actually tapping; but Barros never sees it because Joo finally recovers and breaks up the hold. This leads to a brief Pier 6 Brawl, which in most companies would mean a Commercial Break...but NOT THE OOWF! People scrap around a little bit but Barros, to his credit, eventually restores order. Phantos is working the arm pretty well, but finally Nayr is able to get some offense in as he reverses an Irish Whip into a DDT of Wind +3. He caught it cleanly, and is able to drag himself over to Kiwi Joo for a tag. Joo wants a shot at the smaller Phantos, but he's denied as Phantos does the dramatic swan dive and gets Lucios involved. Lucios does some Big-Man-No-Selling, including an awesome no-sell of a Flying Shoulder Block. Kiwi Joo looks to tag out right away, but Lucios catches him for a Gutwrench Suplex and covers. That got a long 2. Lucios gets to his feet and goes to attack Joo, but Joo is able to escape between his legs and tag in Crete. The crowd pops a little bit as Crete steps in; but Lucios' face doesn't change, even a little. They lock up. Lucios is able to shove Crete into the corner, but Barros demands a clean break...and gets one. Lucios goes back in to follow up, but Crete was cat-quick out of the corner and hits a waist lock; then a textbook Greco-Roman Takedown. Crete hops to his feet, and helps Lucios to his, before hitting the LONG ARM OF THE LAW! Crete's gonna cover! 1...2...DAVIN jumps in and breaks up the count! Crete starts pontificating about how cheaters never prosper at Davin, who is backing toward the outside. Crete continues the speech, when he is SCHOOLBOY ROLLED UP by Lucios, and that got an awfully long 2-count. Crete kicks out of it, and when he goes to counter Lucios, he's already tagged in Davin Moreland. The crowd pops big for this. Davin starts with the traitormask trash talk; and Crete follows that up with some Comic Book trash talk which, quite frankly, doesn't make sense to me so I'll leave it at that. Davin lunges in, but Crete fires back with several chops and a Dropkick which sends Davin into the corner. HURRICARANA from Crete sends Davin to the mat, and takes to the top rope. Crete takes off for a FROGSPLASH, and Davin scrambles to his feet and reverses it midair into a POWER SLAM. Davin covers, and that gets 2. Both men take a second to get to their feet, and then it's a CHOP FEST, as the 2 just trade chops back and forth. Eventually it looks like Davin's getting the better of it; but suddenly Crete ducks a chop, and tries to reverse into FINAL JUSTICE, but Phantos dropkicks Crete's ankle. Crete's unhappy, but Nayr is VERY unhappy, and he charges across the ring; and brings Kiwi Joo with him. That Pier 4 Action tumbles to the outside, and a distracted Concrete TG doesn't see Davin setting up for a REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER until it's too late. Davin obliterates Crete with it. WINNERS in 10:46 by PINFALL...Run DLP! After the match, Run DLP pose in the ring, and they notice Poe and kz standing at the top of the ramp watching them. The three of them move to the ropes and invite them in. Poe and kz head toward the ring, but OOWF security get between them and escort them to the back before the two teams can come to blows. BRYCE LARSON & CHRIS EVANS vs. TAVIAN, VLAD & RADU DRACUL – OOWF Campeonas de Trios Title MatchThe Draculs hit the ring first, and look like they’re ready for blood! Russ: Razz, those Draculs are hitting the ring, and look like they’re ready for blood!
Razz: Well, they are descendents of Vlad the Impailer, so they have a pre-disposition for brutality!
Russ: And they have a great advantage tonight, as Fuel is down a member with the disappearance of Firewoman.
Razz; Right-O you are Russell, but if you saw the comments from Evans & Larson, they’re in no mood to play around.Metallica’s Fuel hits the PA speakers, and Chris Evans & Bryce Larson waste no time getting to the ring, dropping the belts on the ringside floor as they slide under the ropes and attack their Romanian challengers. Evans goes right for Vlad, unloading on him with forearms. Larson gets to Tavian first, hitting successive kicks to his right leg. Evans quickly disposes of Vlad, then cuts off Radu before he can get to Larson. Larson throws Tavian to the outside, and turns to join Evans with Radu. Evans sees this, and throws Radu right into Larson’s Yakuza kick! With Radu down, Larson & Evans cross the ring. Larson goes over the top and nails Vlad with a Tope’ Suicodo to the floor! On the other side, Evans flies over with a Sasuke Special on Tavian! The crowd is going nuts, but Larson & Evans don’t care. They immediately hit the ring to get back to work on Radu. Larson puts Radu on his shoulders and nails a Finlay Roll, followed by a 450 splash from Evans, and Larson finishes off More Bang For Your Buck with a Split Legged Moonsault! Vlad is trying to get into the ring, so Evans helps him in. Larson follows up with a series of strikes to Vlad, who seems out on his feet. Larson and Evans hit opposite ropes and connect with Total Elimination! They look outside and see Tavian, so Larson drags him into the ring. Larson lifts Tavian in a wheel barrow, and Evans jumps under to connect with a code breaker for The Sweet Taste of Professionalism! Larson then turns Tavian over into a Boston Crab. Evans hits the ropes and dropkicks Tavian in the face! Tavian still doesn’t tap out, so Evans hits the ropes another dropkick to the face! Tavian shakes his head no, so Evans hits repeated knee strikes to the head. The referee finally pushes Evans away, and turns around to see that Tavian has blacked out, she calls for the bell. WINNERS in 4:17 and STILL OOWF Campeonas de Trios Champions - TEAM FUEL (TKO when Tavian Dracul was unresponsive to the referee) As soon as the match ends, Tytan and Matte storm the ring and they brawl with Evans and Larson. Bryce and Chris are getting the better of it all when, inexplicably, the Dracul’s help Tytan and Matte! Tytan hauls Larson up for a STEINER SCREWDRIVER while Matte grabs a chair and slams it across Evans back, and is about to DDT him, when Firewoman’s music plays! Tytan drops Larson, and Matte lets go of Evans and look to the ramp waiting for Fire to come, but she never does. Instead, Larson and Evans slide out of the ring and run around the ring and head up the ramp. They point to their heads to let everyone know how clever they are, while Matte and Tytan dare them to come back into the ring as we fade. Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action! Be sure to check out the Bloodbath in Paradise 2 PPV, Live! July 26th from Dubai, United Arab Emirates! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem, Live! July 22nd from Istanbul, Turkey!
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