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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 14:20:41 GMT -5
Chris Alt & Hardbody Harris' Excellent Adventure
*Chris Alt is walking into the OOWF Corporate Office building, where he sees Hardbody Harris pacing in front of an office*
HH: Chris! They called you up here, too?
CA: They sure did. What's going on?
HH: I don't know. I'm thinking that our Best of 7 series has been so amazing that they're going to offer us a DVD deal and a pay increase. But I've been wrong before.
CA: You never know, the next three matches might be too quick to become instant classics like the first three.
HH: Don't you mean the next FOUR?
CA: Nah... I mean, no offense, buddy... but I really don't plan on letting you beat me again.
HH: We'll just have to see about that.
*an attractive woman in her thirties comes out of the office*
AW: Oh, good. You guys are here. Come on into the office, please.
*CA and HH follow her into the office, where a man sits in a suit and tie*
AW: Gentleman, this is Mr. Brian Laguna, a Hollywood casting agent. He asked me to bring you guys in to speak with him.
HH: How many times am I going to have to turn you guys down on the Swedish penis enlarger endorsements.
CA: And I'm not doing any Japanese shampoo commercials.
HH: Dude... you shave your head.
CA: Exactly! Why would a bald guy endorse shampoo?
HH: ...
BL: *clears throat* Actually, I have something a lot better than commercials in mind for you guys. You see, my studio is doing a buddy comedy... a totally original, groundbreaking piece about two police officers who don't get along and are forced to be partners against their will and zany antics ensue. And since you guys have great chemistry as the #1 BEST FRIENDS IN THE OOWF, I thought perhaps you'd be interested in the roles.
CA: WHAT? You want US to be in a movie?
HH: Will I have to show my ass?
BL: Actually, no. Chris has the nude scenes. With Scarlett Johansson.
HH: But... but... I have the nicer ass! Don't I get any love scenes?
BL: Not any that appear on screen, but you do get to make out with Emma Watson, who will play Chris's spirited younger sister in the movie.
HH: Who?
CA: She's Hermione from the "Harry Potter" movies.
HH: Dude! She's like, 14!
BL: Well, your character is a bit of a pedophile.
HH: He gets Scarlett Johansson and I get the little girl from Harry Potter? That's not even right!
CA: At least you won't be making out with Camryn Manheim.
BL: Actually, she's up for the role if Miss Watson doesn't take it.
HH: D'oh!
BL: So, are you boys interested?
HH: If you can change the pedo--
CA (interupting): WE'LL DO IT!
HH: Damn you.
*a few hours later, HH and CA are on a plane out to Los Angeles*
HH: I can't believe we didn't even talk about this first.
CA: What was there to talk about? They want us to be in a movie, Hardbody. They NEEDS them the #1 BEST FRIENDS IN THE OOWF!! I mean, who else were they gonna take? Who else could fill in our shoes?
HH: That's easy for YOU to say. You're not the one that's gotta suck face with a little girl.
CA: Relax. Attitude Adjuster does it all the time, and it isn't acting when he does it.
HH: You have a point there. But he doesn't do it in front of cameras.
CA *pulling a black VHS tape out of his backpack*: That's what YOU think.
HH: Oh, SNAP!!
*our heroes have arrived at Hollywood. BL leads them through many movie sets. We see lots of famous faces as they pass.*
BL: OK guys. The director is right around the corner. He's directed lots of big budget movies, so he thinks he's a bit of a hotshot. Don't mind his attitude.
*they round the corner and approach the director, who sits in his chair as if he were a king upon a throne*
D: Who the fuck are these two fuckwits? I told you I wanted Affleck and Damon!!
HH: Ouch.
BL: *clears throat* Um, sir... this is Hardbody Harris and Chris Alt, the #1 BEST FRIENDS IN THE OOWF!!
D: What the fuck is an OOWF?
BL: It's a professional wrestling company, sir.
D: These fucksticks are wrestlers? Pro wrestling is an embarassment. Get these assholes out of my sight.
HH: Excuse ME, sir! Pro wrestling is NOT an embarassment. We are ATHLETES who strive to use our bodies to tell stories of combat and glory! That you would call us an embarassment is an OUTRAGE!
Matt Hardy: Lita, you slut! Adam, you're feces! I hope you get hit by a truck and die! I'll never die! Never!
CA: What's Matt Hardy doing here?
MH: I came to ask you guys if I can have a job with the OOWF.
HH: No.
MH: Please? They're jobbing me to Candace Michelle next week.
CA: Triple H! What are you doing here! And why are you humping that corpse?
HHH: Dude. I'm not Triple H. I'm Kane. Obviously. Duh, you can tell by the Kane mask I'm wearing. And I'm humping Kane's, I mean MY dead ex-girlfriend, Katie Vick. Because I'm Kane.
CA: Kane doesn't wear a mask anymore.
RF: Whoooo! He got you there champ! Whoooo!
Johnny Adrenaline: One meatball sub on wheat. Hold the cheese.
RF: Whoooo! Coming right up BY GOD!!
HH: I... stand by what I say... pro wrestling is not an--
Perry Saturn: MOPPY? MOPPY? WHERE ARE YOU, MOPPY?
Dawn Marie: Torrie, it's not MY fault your father had a heart attack while I was fucking him. It's YOUR fault for not loving him enough!
Torrie Wilson: Sorry Dawn, I'm a little busy right now turning heel on the diva search chick for no adequately explained reason.
RAW writer: Oh, I'm sorry. It's because we wanted to trade Christy Hemme, who's at least making an attempt to learn to wrestle, so that Trish will have absolutely NOTHING to come back to. Just our little way of furthur shitting on the fans who bothered to care about the women's division.
TW: Oh, right. And Dawn... you fucking my father didn't kill him. The gonorrhea did.
CA: Oh, burn.
*HH gives CA a dirty look*
CA: Whaaaaaaaat?
HH: You wanna help me out here?
CA: Oh. Right. Look, wrestling is a very--
David Arquette: Excuse me. I don't mean to intrude, but as a former WCW World Heavyweight Champion, I can vouch for what these guys are saying about the honor and dignity of professional wrestling. Plus, I really liked it when Mae Young gave birth to Mark Henry's child and it was a hand.
CA: Oh, fuck it. Let's go.
*Our two heroes find themselves at the ticket counter at the airport*
HH: What do you mean no more flights! We have a pay-per-view we gotta get to! And I left Fievel with Blackdragon! He's charging me by the hour.
CA: I think she means it just like it sounds, dude. We're gonna have to rent a car.
HH: I hate renting cars.
*the boys find themselves at the Hertz counter*
Hertz employee: Well, I'd love to help you fellers out, but alls I got left is a jalopy, and she ain't perty and she don't run fast.
CA: We're not in a position to be picky. We'll take it.
HE: I mean it when I say she don't run fast. She--
HH: WE GET IT, OLD MAN! IT'S A SLOW CAR.
CA: Damn, dude. You're irritable today.
HH: I got rejected in favor of Ben Affleck. My ego is bruised.
CA: I can't argue that.
HE: Alright then. Here's the keys.
*the boys go out into the rental lot where they're confronted by a shit brown... something... that looks like once, forty or fifty years ago, it might have been a van of some sort.*
HH: We should put that thing out of it's misery.
CA: It's all we have, Hardbody. Let's make lemonade.
HH: How. We have no water, no ice, no sugar--
CA: It's a figure of speech. Come on, you drive the first leg.
*the boys get into the van. It runs slow. Verrrrrrrrry slow. As they take it onto the highway, it hits 15 MPH and begins to rattle violently.*
CA: Ease up, bro.
HH: Dude, we're going 15.
CA: What's the rush?
HH: Uhhh... for one thing, we're on the interstate.
*cars drive by, horns blaring. Drivers are leaning out their windows shouting obscenities as they pass our heroes*
CA: Slow and steady wins the race, Hardbody.
*for the next several hours, our heroes progress at a snail's pace down the highway, interacting with angry drivers*
HH: Chris, we've got to do something about this. Look out the window.
*we see an Amish horse and buggy pass the van. An Amish woman gives our heroes the middle finger*
CA: Yeesh.
*a little girl on a tricycle petals by the van, yelling "move it, jerks!"*
HH: Alright, we GET it.
*an elderly crippled man on crutches attached to his arms passes the van*
CA: OHHHHHH.
HH: Man, forget this. Obviously we can get to where we're going faster by WALKING.
CA: *sigh* This is turning into the worst road trip EVER.
*it's almost dark, and our heroes have walked many miles. A bus pulls up to the heroes and an extremely hot woman in a bikini stops in the doorway*
HW: You fellas need a ride? We're on our way to a beauty pagent, and there's only one other man on here. We need some sexy boys like y'all to keep us company.
HH: I swear, I've seen this in a movie before. Only more subtle.
CA: It was Dumb and Dumber.
HH: Oh, right.
CA: We'll ride with y'all!
*the boys get on the bus, which is full of girls in bikinis.*
HH: I think I've died and gone to Heaven! Whoo hoo!
CA: Hey... making out with that redhead over there... is that...? It IS! It's Donovan Viper!!
DV: Hey. I'm not here to fight with you guys. Truce for now.
CA: Dude, sure. Whatever. I'm just shocked that you're not a homo.
DV: Dude, I've been TELLING people this.
CA: Yes, and nobody has been BELIEVING you.
HH: Chris! Come make out with these girls with me!
CA: Can't, dude.
HH: What? Why not?
CA: Um, the little lady at home, remember?
HH: She'll never know.
CA: Uh, invisible ninja camerman sees all and broadcasts all.
HH: Damn. Sucks to be you right now. C'mere, ladies!!
*several hours pass as CA quietly reads "Romance of the Three Kingdoms" while DV and HH make out with many bikini-clad women.*
HH: So... what's your name, doll?
Bikini Chick: It was Tom before the operation, but now I go by Candi.
HH: Uh... excuse me?
"Candi": Don't act like you didn't know, stud.
HH: Know what?
"Candi": That you're on a bus full of women who used to be men. You silly.
HH: OH GOD. OH GOD. *starts scrubbing furiously at his tongue with his hands* Viper! They're all dudes!! Sort of!!
DV: I KNOW, right? Isn't this awesome!!
HH: PULL THE GODDAM BUS OVER!!!
*the bus pulls over, and HH leaps off the bus, spitting and messing with his tongue, while CA calmly exits the bus, nose still buried in his book*
HH: Great. Now what?
CA: You really should read this book when I'm done. It's very--
HH: CHRIS!
CA: Eh?
HH: We're in the middle of nowhere. I have no idea where we are, or how to get to where we want to go next.
CA: Uhhh... hey! Who's that guy approaching us?
Mysterious Man: Why... it's Hardbody Harris and Chris Alt!! I'm a HUGE fan!!
HH: Who are you?
MM: My name is Chuck-O, and I'm the head booker of GCW: Grundy County Wrestling.
CA: Sounds... great. Do you have a car we can... borrow indefinitely?
C-O: As a matter of fact, I do. But only if you do me a favor.
HH: And that is?
C-O: I'm doing a GCW show tonight, and it'd be a HUGE deal for me if I could get the #1 BEST FRIENDS IN THE OOWF to compete!
CA: Yeah. Sure. Why not?
*A few hours pass. CA and HH are now backstage in a high school gym in their wrestling gear. C-O approaches them*
CA: So who are we wrestling?
C-O: You're in the main event against the GCW tag team champions... Jessi Nolan... and Jessi Nolan's ass.
HH: Wait, what?
CA: We're wrestling a girl?
C-O: And her ass.
CA: And here I thought today couldn't get any weirder.
Chyna: Quit crying, you pussies. When you're as desperate for work as I am, jobbing to Jessi Nolan isn't so bad.
HH: We're not desperate for work. And that's easy for you to say, you're a woman.
Chyna *snorts*: If you say so.
CA: Yeah dude, I saw her sex video. Her penis is bigger than X-Pac's.
C-O: Time to get out there.
*CA and HH hit the ring to face JN... and her ass*
JN: Here's the ending. You're going to hit my ass with the TO BE EDITED IN LATER, but I roll you up and pin you.
HH *whispering to CA*: I'm not going to job to a girl.
CA: But you already laid down for Niles Anderson once this year.
*the bell rings*
Tim Russ: BAH GAWD THIS IS A SLOBBERKNOCKER!!
CA: Russ? What're you doing here?
TR: Supplementing my income. Mind your business and wrestle your match.
*the match is underway*
TR: HARDBODY HARRIS AND CHRIS ALT ARE FUTURE OOWF HALL OF FAMERS, BUT THEY MAY BE OUTMATCHED BY JESSI NOLAN... and her ass.
*HH rolls up JN for the pin while CA brawls with her ass on the outside*
C-O: DAMMIT! Nobody's changed a finish on me in twenty years!
HH: Well, we just did.
CA: We're rebels.
C-O: FUCKERS! You're not borrowing MY car!
CA: Dammit! Tim, can we bum a ride with you?
TR: I'm not leaving tonight, guys.
CA: Where're you going?
TR: I'm gonna snort some blow off Jessi Nolan's ass.
HH: Now what?
STAY TUNED AS THE GREATEST ADVENTURE OF THE #1 BEST FRIENDS IN THE OOWF CONTINUES!!!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 14:23:58 GMT -5
MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Joe, Montana
Ross: Welcome to beautiful Joe, Montana! Folks we have an exciting card of OOWF action for you tonight! Razz: We sure do, Niles Anderson defends his title against Microplay, Blackdragon defends his Intercontinental title against Eric O’Mac Ross: We also have new Onslaught Champion Firechild defending his title against former champ Thim Reynolds in a rematch, as well as new tag team champions 3Piece Set giving Drink & Destroy a rematch for he OOWF tag team titles, inside a barbed wire steel cage! Razz: We also have the latest match between Chris Alt and Hardbody Harris, the fifth match in their best of seven series. Ross: We kick things off with another match in the Mark Vander rehab series; he takes on the Wyoming/Dakotas Heavyweight champion, Steve Young. Ross, I gotta say I think Vander looks like he is completely recovered Razz: Well, looks are often deceiving, but I would tend to agree with you, he looks like he is ok, but I think he wants to be 100% certain before he goes into his pay per view match against Donovan Viper Ross: Meanwhile, Donovan Viper gets the UnderDawg tonight, that doesn’t seem like good planning by Viper, or maybe just smart planning by Vander! Razz: Little bit of both Ross
MARK VANDER vs. STEVE YOUNG
Steve Young comes down to the ring in a San Francisco 49ers No. 8 jersey. The Wyoming/Dakotas Heavyweight Champion is a huge heel in this neck of the woods, especially here in Joe, Montana. Young yells at the fans, points to his jersey and exclaims that he’s a better athlete that the man the town is named after. Young even does the 5-second pose gimmick, striking a Heisman pose for the crowd. Unfortunately, three seconds into the pose, Vander gets tired of the pose and clobbers Young from behind. The crowd instantly falls behind Vander. Vander pounds on Young with a series of punches, whips him into the ropes and delivers a spectacular dropkick to the face. Vander pulls Young up by the hair, but Young surprises Vander with a poke to the eyes and hits a neck breaker out of nowhere! Vander drops hard to the mat and instantly holds his neck. Young jumps on Vander with kicks to the head and shoulders, then clamps on the REVERSE CHINLOCK OF DOOM, which apparently really gets Young over in this area. Not surprisingly, Randy Orton last week sold out the Cheyenne High School for a CHINLOCK SUBMISSION MATCH against Billy Jack Haynes. Anyway, Young continues the chin lock until Vander powers out. A couple elbows do the trick; Vander runs across the ring, ducks a clothesline, nails the Thesz Press and pummels Young with rights. German Suplex sends Young crashing to the mat. Vander waits in the corner for Young to stand up, then DESTROYS HIM WITH THE CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL. Young does a complete 360 in the air, then a Flair Flop (look, the local dude has talent!). Vander makes the academic cover. WINNER in 6:14, Mark Vander
Ross: Well Vander certainly looked ok to me in that match Razz: Yeah, but we aren’t doctors Ross, you never really know what is going on inside. Ross: That may well be so, but I gotta think Vander is one of the toughest SOB’s on the planet, I think he can handle a little pain, especially since he is so consumed with getting Missy back Razz: I think he knows he has one shot at getting her back, and that is on September 25th, he wants to be 100% for that match, I don’t blame him for being a bit cautious. Ross: Next up we have an Onslaught division three way dance between Hellion, the recently surging Uncle Entity, and the always bizarre GimmickMan, who do you like in this one? Razz: Well, GimmickMan hasn’t shown a pulse in weeks. Hellion has to be feeling pretty banged up from that Coal Miner’s glove match with Corax last week, so I am gonna go with Uncle Entity. Ross: Entity is certainly coming on strong, the man is certainly deserving of a shot at the Onslaught title, and I would like to think that whoever wins the rematch between Thim and Firechild gives him the match next week Razz: I would hope so, let’s see what happens!
HELLION vs. GIMMICKMAN vs. UNCLE ENTITY(w/Jesse Garron)
The bell rings and both Uncle Entity and Hellion turn around and chop GimmickMan in the chest - GimmickMan looks stunned, and then looks in pain as they do it again and again. After three chops GimmickMan is backed up to the ropes and Uncle Entity and Hellion join forces again to clothesline GimmickMan straight over the top rope and down to the floor. Hellion dusts his hands off and moves towards the ropes to gloat over GimmickMan but Uncle Entity, who isn't taking any time out to be smug, picks him up and hot shots him on the top rope. Hellion staggers off the ropes and straight into a rising European Uppercut from Uncle Entity. Hellion drops to the mat and Uncle Entity immediately moves to cover but Hellion is straight back up and manages to land a quick elbow drop on Uncle while he is down. Hellion and Uncle Entity square off in the middle of the ring once more and it's Uncle Entity's power that gets the upper-hand here and he whips Hellion across the ring and into the ropes. Seeing GimmickMan rising from the floor Hellion uses Uncle Entity's imparted momentum and hits GimmickMan with a 619, knocking him straight into the corner-post and back to the floor. Uncle Entity now charges and Hellion, stood on the ring apron but Hellion front flips over the oncoming rush, springs off the other side of the ring and takes Uncle Entity down with a flying forearm but lands awkwardly on the ropes as he falls. Uncle Entity and Hellion are down in the center of the ring and GimmickMan is still down on the outside, blood running from a wound in his head. Hellion is up first runs the ropes once more and chop block Uncle Entity as he rises back to his feet . . . off the ropes once more and Hellion hits a drop kick straight to the face of Uncle Entity - this is speed Vs Power and speed certainly has the upper-hand at the moment. After three more shots off the ropes Uncle Entity manages a desperation one footed leap from the canvas and almost takes Hellions head off with a clothesline. Still virtually on one leg after several chop blocks and drop-kicks to the thigh Uncle Entity manages to get behind the slowly recovering Hellion and snap in the Crucifix - so quickly after that devastating clothesline Hellion doesn't survive for long and the ref calls for the stoppage by TKO after Hellion passes out just as we see GimmickMan’s hand appear on the ring apron to try and climb back in. WINNER in 6:55 Uncle Entity
Ross: Uncle Entity continues his winning ways and picks up a nice win tonight. That should elevate Uncle Entity right into the thick of things in the Onslaught division Razz: yeah it should, although you gotta admit Entity caught a bit of a break tonight, GimmickMan was a non factor, and Hellion was still recovering from that beating from Corax, still, a win is a win, and it moves Entity a little farther up the ladder Ross: While that match was certainly a display of what the athletes here in the OOWF can do, our next match is not going to be so scientific Razz: Ross, our next match is going to be a flat out brawl. The Devil’s Brigade and Moosehead Jack and Concrete TG have had their issues, tonight they split up and face each other one on one, Jack and Camby is gonna be a brawl.
MOOSEHEADJACK vs. HARPER CAMBY
Jack comes out first and seems to be in the highest level of pissed off there is. No CTG by his side. Camby come to the ring sans O’Neil and Moose and Camby lock up, trading power moves and Massive punches. At 5 minutes in Camby nails a power slam but Moose kicks out at two. At 7 ½ minutes in Camby attempts an Irish whip but Moose reverses into a wicked DDT that gets two. Moose nails Camby with a heart punch that sends Camby out of the ring. Moose follows and the brawls begins on the outside. As MHJ and Camby fight up the entrance ramp, Tommy O’Neil attacks out of nowhere, nailing moose with a wicked left hook to the back of the head. HC has grabs a chair and waffles Jack With three quick stiff chair shots, and TO is carrying a bag of sorts and pulls a tazer out of the bag and tags moose with it and he stops struggling As HC continues pummeling Moose with a chair, Tommy is fumbling with something in the black bag. Moose is down and Tommy pulls a roll of duct tape out of the bag and binds Moose’s hands behind his back and tapes the bag to his head. Tommy looks at his tag partner and yells “Arpah…time to git da feck atta here!!!” Moose is down on the stage and as TDB makes their escape they are met at the stage with chair shots from LD Williams and Eric O’Mac stopping them in their tracks. CTG races out of the crowd and rips the bag off of moose’s head and runs to nearby dumpster and throws the bag in. CTG does no more than dive away when a massive explosion erupts from the dumpster showering everybody nearby with flying trash. CTG gathers Moose, bleeding like a stuck pig and still feeling the tazer effects, to his feet and they walk to where LD and EOM have TDB pinned on the ramp. CTG and Moose begin pummeling the hell out of TDB as EOM and LD chuckle and walk away. Moose is again squaring off with Camby, trading massive punches. CTG slams TO’s head in to the stage a couple times and drags him backstage. The cameras stick with Moose and Camby. Camby has gained the advantage, but is covered in blood from the chair shot. Camby nails Moose with a power bomb on the stage. Camby goes for another but Moose counters out and hits Camby with a sort arm clothesline. Camby is down and Moose is eyeing up the edge of the stage. The crowd is going fricking bonkers now. Moose grabs Camby and appears to be going to pile drive him off the stage! Camby reverse and set up the dominator off the stage and as HC has Camby in the air Moose shifts his weight and into a BULLDOG OFF THE STAGE!!!!!!! They miss the target of the conveniently placed electronic gadgets and debris and land on the floor! Camby and Moose are both motionless and the base of the stage. As paramedics are rushing to their aid, the match is announced as a no contest. WINNER - No Contest, at 16:54
As soon as the results are announced, the camera cuts to a feed backstage to CTG and O’Neil pummeling the hell out of each, out of nowhere a flock of security personnel and bookers fly in and pull TO and CTG apart. When security finally gets things under control, CTG and TO on the ground GM The Rick walks in, looking as though somebody has thoroughly sanded his vagina.
GMtR: “You douchebags really wanna tear each other apart huh?
Both men, pinned to the ground, begin yelling obscenities at each other
GMtR: “Well I’ll be damned if its not on a match. Security, handcuff these two crazy bastards and stuff them in a locker room somewhere. Make sure they are both in the ring when their match is up. Do not let either of them out of your sight until then…. GOT IT?!?!?!”
Security guards: Got it Sir!
With that the twenty or so security guards Cuff CTG and TO and split up hauling each of them to different locker rooms.
Ross: MAH GAWD! The Devil’s Brigade tried to MURDER Moosehead Jack! Thank GOD for Concrete TG! These two animals have GOT to be stopped! Razz: It did seem like a bit much Ross, but other than the whole attempted murder thing, that was a helluva match! Ross: And that was just the first half! We have Concrete and Tommy O’Neil later tonight! I have never seen two wrestlers that have had to be restrained like that, that match is going to be intense! Razz: And speaking of intense, you want intensity to eleven? Look no further than Mr. Jealous! This guy is a ticking time bomb! Ross: Corax and LD Williams have their work cut out for them tonight, not only is Mr. Jealous an emotional powder keg, he is strong as an ox, and mean as a snake. LD Williams is one tough son of a gun, and Corax is sneaky as they come, and they are going to need it tonight against this madman
LD WILLIAMS vs. CORAX vs. MR. JEALOUS
MJ and Corax immediately double team LDW and takes turns stomping him in the corner. Corax murders LDW with a Shining Wizard as he tries to pull himself from the corner. MJ takes Corax down with a running sledge to the back of the head and tosses him out of the ring. Shoulder blocks to LDW’s midsection. Hard whip into the opposite corner crumples LDW to the mat and before MJ can follow up, Corax hits the spring board drop kick, then immediately kips up and nails MJ with a senton splash for two. Corax pounds on him for a little while, but LDW springs off MJ’s back and clotheslines Corax down. LDW exchanges punches with MJ but Corax rolls LDW up for two. MJ clotheslines them both. He then stands on LDW’s chest before pulling Corax up. Stepping off LDW, he scoop slams Corax on top of LDW. Big splash on both of them. And a pair of two counts ensues. LDW whipped into the corner, but he rebounds and clotheslines Corax before drop kicking MJ in the knee. Thunderous DDT gets a 2 count as Corax drops an elbow. Some nasty knees to LDW’s spine follow and Corax chop blocks MJ. Corax brutalizes the knee for a moment before moving back to LDW. LDW wins the punch exchange, but his DDT is stopped by a stumbling clothesline from MJ. MJ turns into a drop toe hold and Corax drives his knee into the mat. A spin kick puts LDW back down and Corax works MJ’s knee with some old school goodness in the form of a spinning toe hold. LDW takes Corax down with a reverse DDT for 2. Ref checks on MJ who is complaining about his knee. Back and forth between Corax ends badly for Corax as LDW drops him with a smooth as butter DDT. MJ stumbles away from the ref and shoves LDW out of the ring, hits a quick splash just in case and steals the pinfall. WINNER in 7:51 Mr. Jealous
Ross: That is what you call bowling shoe ugly, but a win is a win Razz: That’s right, a win is a win and this puts Mr. Jealous right into contention for the Intercontinental title Ross: And that is a match I look forward to, although I think LD Williams can’t be too happy with the way this one ended Razz: He may not be, but the result is in the record book, it was a little shady to be certain, but like you said, a win is a win Ross: Indeed it is. Dr. Murder and Mikey Styner face wCw, this should be a really interesting contrast of styles. Styner is massive; do you think Wilder and Westgaard will be able to counteract that weight advantage? Razz: Well, Westgaard is strong, he can handle Mikey, but Wilder, not so much, he is the speed of the team and while he will easily be able to out run Styner, if Mikey catches him, watch out! Ross: This is a good test for Murder and Mikey, wCw has been one of the hottest teams as of late, how do you like their chances Razz: Well I am never going to discount wCw, they have proven in the past, they are fearless. If they can keep Wilder safe from Mikey, they certainly have a chance.
DR. MURDER & MIKEY STYNER(w/The Evil Wizard) vs. wCw
Wilder and Westgaard jump the heels at the bell. TW takes DocM over the top with a spinning heel kick, and JWW punches MS back to the ropes. wCw tries a double clothesline, but can't get the massive Styner over the top, so they use a double dropkick instead, and MS falls thru the ropes the the floor. As the heels regroup, the ref gets some order. DocM comes back in and JWW works a headlock. Murder can't shake him off, and JWW takes him over. Tag to Wilder, who comes in with a somersault leg drop, which gets two. Oklahoma roll also gets two. A frustrated Murder tags out to Styner. MS comes in and immediately takes Wilder down with a running double axe handle. Big elbow drop misses though, and Wilder plays stick and move, dropkicking the knee and getting a few other shots in while staying ahead of Styner. Tag to Westgaard. Running forearm knocks Styner off balance, and JWW calls for the CROSSCHECK~! He nails it, but Styner falls into the ropes and stays on his feet, obviously out of it. Westgaard goes for it again, but DocM low bridges him, and JWW goes over the top to the floor. Tag to Murder, who hops down and stomps away at JWW. He rolls him back in, then takes him down with a stiff scoop slam. DocM slugs Westgaard back into the corner and tags Styner. MS pounds away in the corner, then clobbers JWW with a running avalanche. Tag back to DocM, who hits two vertical suplexes consecutively, then drops JWW gut first onto the top rope. Murder follows in, but JWW kicks him away. DocM comes back again, and Westgaard grabs him in a head scissors and pulls him over the top to the floor. Styner comes down the apron, but JWW shoves him off. Westgaard falls back into the ring and makes the tag to Wilder. TW sprints down the apron, climbs the turnbuckle and hits a plancha on both Murder and Styner. He rolls Murder back in, who spins around and walks right into the ICE AUGER~! Wilder goes up top and hits a guillotine leg drop. One, two... but Styner is back in to break it up. The ref gets MS out and DocM gets a low blow. He whips Wilder into the corner and looks for the CORONER SPLASH~! But TW moves and hits a springboard moonsault. Irish Whip, and Styner gets a blind tag. JWW low bridges Murder for payback from earlier, and Styner stalks Wilder. But Tommy sticks and moves again. While the ref tries to get Murder back to the corner, Westgaard comes in from behind and gets a blatant low blow on Styner. Wilder goes to the top, and Westgaard launches him toward Styner, but Mikey catches him and flattens him with a power slam. Murder pulls JWW out of the ring and the three count is academic. WINNERS in 14:58 Dr. Murder & Mikey Styner
Ross: You were right Razz, Wilder had one misstep and it ended up costing them the match. You gotta give them credit for trying, but there is just no way Wilder can overcome such a weight disadvantage Razz: Yeah, it wasn’t the smartest move in the world, but in the heat of the moment, sometimes you do things without thinking. And really you gotta give credit to Dr. Murder too, his quick thinking pulling Westgaard out of the ring helped give them that match. I applaud them, and like most of our matches here in the OOWF, hope there is a rematch Ross: Well, I am not so sure I will want a rematch for our next match. We saw Concrete and Tommy have to be physically restrained earlier tonight, they had to be restrained and sent to different locker rooms, what is gonna happen when you let these two animals out of their cages Razz: I’ll tell ya what’s gonna happen, all hell is gonna break loose.
CONCRETE TG vs. TOMMY O’NEIL
TO is out first flanked by security guards. They haul him into the ring and push him into a corner, making sure they will be between Him and CTG. Concrete’s music hits and here he comes escorted by his security guards. They do the same thing as was done to TO. The ref motions to the security to remove the ‘cuffs, and a split second after they are off, both men are tearing into each other with fist and feet of fury. At 3 ½ minutes after a massive reverse DDT on Crete, TO digs under the ring and pulls out a ladder. And sets it up on the outside, and attempts a huge leg drop from the top into the ring. CTG moves at the last second, and pounces on TO unloading with fists to the back of the head and neck. CTG picks TO up at the 6:15 mark and connects with a Backwall but TO kick out at two. CTG picks TO and attempts an Irish whip, but gets reversed into a short arm clothesline. TO quickly locks in the Gaelic cloverleaf. CTG is fighting as TO puts massive amounts of pressure on CTG’s neck and back. CTG will not tap and TO is getting frustrated. He releases the hold and climbs out of the ring and grabs a chair. Back into the ring and CTG turns around and eats a massive chair shot and CTG is down. TO covers but somehow CTG kicks out. Another chair shot, and TO covers again. Kick out at 2 ½. TO attempts to lock on the cloverleaf again, but CTG fights it hits a desperation jawbreaker. CTG with a super kick and TO is out of the ring. CTG follows and nails TO with an elbow to the back of the head. CTG picks up O’Neill and NAILS HIM WITH A CEMENT MIXER THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE. TO looks dead. CTG is stirring and crawls over to the ring. CTG pulls out two Barb Wire baseball bats and raises them above his head. The Crowd goes bonkers. TO begins to crawl away as CTG stalks him. CTG swing a bat and nails TO in the leg. TO falls over onto his back. As CTG rears back to hit him again TO boots CTG square in the nuts, causing him to drop one of the bats. TO grabs the bat and crawls into the ring, awaiting CTG to come after him. CTG finally gets to his feet and gets into the ring. CTG charges TO with the Bat, TO throws his bat at Crete, just missing him. CTG keeps coming. CTG swings the Bat as TO throws the Wicked left hook. CTG’s bat connects with the back of TO’s head as O’Neil’s fist squarely plants itself into the upper jaw/nose/cheekbone on CTG. Both men crumple to the mat. Blood is pouring from CTG’s Nose and a massive cut under his eye. A pool of blood is forming under the head of Tommy O’Neil. From a massive gash above his ear is opened up. The ref checks on both men. They are both out cold. WINNER – No Contest in 14:47
Ross: THAT WAS BARBARIC! Razz: Wasn’t it great! Man! That was intense! Ross: I don’t know if I would call two guys trying to kill one another great, those two may never be the same again! Razz: Well I have a feeling they will be ok. Concrete has been through worse with Moose, and form what I hear this match was a typical Saturday night in Dublin for Tommy. Ross: Well I know this, I saw Tommy Rich and Buzz Sawyer, I saw them tear and claw at each other, I saw the Last Battle of Atlanta, and let me tell you neither one of them was ever the same again, this kind of carnage drains your career, and in the case of these two, that is just sad Razz: Tommy who? Buzz what now? Ross: Never mind, let’s move on to the next match Razz: Hey, this next match is gonna be something. Niles Anderson gave Morte and Endo an ultimatum last week, choose Niles side or choose Moosehead Jack’s side. The Establishment stuck to their roots, and Niles, Johnny and AA didn’t like it too much Ross: That’s an understatement. There is a lot of dislike between these two teams, but this is part of something even bigger, Razz I have never seen men choose up sides like this before, you have Moose and Niles creating an army, just looking for something to spark an all out war. So far we have been lucky; I fear that our luck will soon run out Razz: And when it does, oh boy, it is gonna get violent around here!
ATTITUDE ADJUSTER & JOHNNY ADRENALINE vs. THE ESTABLISHMENT
JA starts for his team and after some stalling and consulting with AA he outwrestles Morte at the onset. Morte manages to counter with some lucha goodness and Johnny consults AA again. Endo tagged in and they lock up. Endo manages to keep JA off guard with quick hitting offense and JA rakes the eyes before making the tag. AA thumbs Endo in the yes, trash talks Morte, then tags right back out. JA shakes his head and punches Endo a few times until Endo fires back with a Ghetto Blaster. AA cheers him on and draws the ref’s attention. JA sneaks in a low blow and Morte protest. JA and AA isolate on Endo, but basically only choke and cheap shot him, neither wanting to do anything that resembles a wrestling move. Endo manages to fight out of his predicament and tag in Morte who cleans house until NA appears out of nowhere and pulls him out of the ring. NA’s interference begins a chain of run ins and the match is ruled a no contest as both teams, MHJ, CTG, Viper, UD, SD, Mercury, and just for the hell of it, the tag champs brawl all over the place. WINNER – No Contest in 4:44
After the match, in the wild melee, Moosehead Jack is brawling with Harper Camby, both men covered in dried blood. While they are brawling Niles Anderson comes up behind them and tries to slam a chair across the back of Jack’s head, Jack moves at the last second and the chair slams down across Harper Camby’s head. Niles immediately bails out of the ring and points to his head. Jack just glares at Niles.
Ross: Has everyone lost their minds tonight? Razz: Come on Ross, every show needs at least one good pull apart brawl. And did you see Niles nearly catch Jack with that chair? Ross: That could well have been the spark that ignited the powder keg around here, this place is getting crazy Razz: all I know is when it goes up, I want to be right here, not down at the ring Ross: You said that right. Razz, last week Beast, even with all his remarkable strength, did something that I thought was impossible, he slammed Phil! It was one of the most remarkable things I have ever seen in my life Razz: It was pretty amazing. Even though Phil has the size advantage, it is surprising how evenly matches these two are. You almost have to score some sort of knock out on these two if you want to score a pin, moves don’t work so well, you basically have to batter them into submission Ross: They do have tow of the most devastating moves in the OOWF, the BIG MONSTER HAMMER CLUB O’DEATH and Phil’s Canadian Destroyer, devastating moves no doubt, but how do you use them? Getting them into position to execute the moves is nearly impossible Razz: They may not be as quick as watching Wilder or some of the lightweights here, but it is like watching two heavyweight fighters throwing punches that would knock out a normal person, you talk about heavy hitters! Ross: I think that is pretty fair, will tonight settle anything, what will it take? Razz: Well no, I don’t think tonight will settle anything, and as far as what it will take? I have no idea, what can hold these two?
PHIL vs. BEAST
Beast and Phil don’t even wait to enter the ring before they start beating on each other. Down the ramp way they’re already throwing huge haymakers at one another. It’s punchy-punchy, kicky-kicky into the ring, out of the ring and into the crowd! Beast gets the upper hand, tosses Phil back over the ring barrier, then steps up on the barrier and dives onto Phil, continuing the attack. Beast looks under the ring and finds a trash can lid. This isn’t a STREET FIGHT! But who’s going to tell Beast and Phil? Kabong! goes the trash can lid on Phil’s head. And now Beast’s found a ladder! He tries to bring it into the ring, but Phil baseball slides into the ladder, ramming it into Beast. Beast is up again, resting against the ring post. Phil grabs the ladder and tries to ram it into Beast’s head against the post! Beast ducks away! Man, you’d think they were fighting over a woman instead of an iParrot! Phil rolls back into the ring, but Beast has the advantage. Trash can lid drops Phil in the center of the ring. And Beast climbs the ladder…TOP OF THE LADDER LEG DROP!!! One, two…somehow Phil kicks out! This is legalized mayhem there! Beast slams Phil’s head into a chair, then goes outside for another chair. He’s trying a one-man CON-CHAIR-TO!! But Phil’s telescopic leg sweeps Beast off his feet, and the chair hits Beast in the head. Phil picks up Beast and flapjacks him into the ladder! Oh, this is getting ugly…the ref would have to stop this if it were the WWE. The action goes outside and Beast storms back, ramming Phil into the ring steps. Beast pulls out one of Phil’s telescopic arms and puts it between the steps and the ring. HE KICKED THE STEPS INTO THE RING. Phil’s arm is dented and bent, and won’t telescope back into his body!!! Beast stares at the damage, and that gives Phil enough time to grab a reverse headlock and DDT Beast into the steps!! Both men are down, but Phil gets up first. He rams Beast’s head into the steps one more time, then rolls him into the ring on top of the ladder. Phil climbs the turnbuckle using his one good arm, and GOOD GAWD!!!!! MOONSAULT ON BEAST ON THE LADDER!!! That must be it! 1, 2, 3…it’s over. WINNER in 15:28, Phil
Ross: <silence> I’m not sure what to say, I am at a loss for words! Razz: That. Was. Incredible! Ross: The massive Phil hit a moonsault on Beast! How is it that Beast is not crushed is beyond me Razz: How is it that the laws of physics have not been shattered here is beyond me, a guy that big shouldn’t be able to do that! Ross: Beast has GOT to be injured; he has to have internal injuries! There is no way a man can get up from that! Razz: Well Ross, lookit there, he is getting up and leaving the ring on his own power! Ross: That is the most incredible thing I have ever seen in my life Razz: Let’s move on, if that is possible, the Team From Down Under faces off against SoulDragon and Mercury, what do you make of this match Ross: Well Dragon and Mercury have come along nicely as a team, so it is hard to call any of their victories an upset anymore. They certainly have their work cut out for them tonight. Jack and Gator have told me that they are refocused and their only priority is to win the titles from 3Piece Set, that makes them a very dangerous team in my estimation Razz: Gotta agree there, but once again, you can’t over look anyone here in the OOWF, if you do, you will lose and then it is back to square one. I have a feeling Jack and Gator will not overlook this dangerous team though
THE TEAM FROM DOWN UNDER(w/Wally B. King) vs. SOULDRAGON & MERCURY(w/The Evil Wizard)
SoulDragon and Mercury attack to start, they get a few shots in on the Aussies, and try a double whip to the ropes, Gator and Jack reverse it though and send SD and Merc to the ropes, OBJ elevates Mercury and drops him across his knee. GatorBait throws a wicked back elbow that catches SoulDragon above the eye and opens up a HUGE nasty gash. Wizard pulls Mercury out of the ring to recover, but Jack and Gator keep a bloody SoulDragon in the ring. GatorBait whips him to the ropes and hits a wicked spine buster. Tag to OBJ, Jack comes in, hits the ropes and drops a big knee right on SD’s chest and makes the cover, Evil Wizard reaches in and puts Dragon’s foot on the bottom rope. Wally B. King runs over to Wizard and cuts him in half with a spear! As Wizard gets to his feet, Wally crowns him with his pimp cane! Mercury comes over and grabs Wally and threatens him with bodily harm, OBJ and GB leave the ring on opposite side, round the corner and catch an unaware Mercury with THE CALL OF THE WILD! Mercury may well be dead. GatorBait, being the legal man rolls back in and tries to pull SD off the mat, Dragon nails GB wit ha punch to the throat that drops him to his knees. SD is on his knees as well and peppers GB with punches to the face, for good measure he rakes the eyes. SD gets to his feet and looks for the tag, but Mercury is still dead on the outside. SoulDragon grabs GB’s arm, does an arm wringer then hits a crescent kick that knocks GB to the mat, SD keeps hold of his arm and pulls him back to his feet, and then kills him with a short arm clothesline. SD charges the corner and knocks OBJ off the apron, then hits the ropes and hits a Dragonsault on GB. SD covers, but can only get a two count. Both men back to their feet, SD whips GB to the ropes, but lowers his head a second too soon, GB drops an elbow to the back of his head, then whips him into the TFDU corner. Tag to OBJ, Jack comes in and hits a few body shots, but SD fights out of the corner and dives to his corner, but Mercury still isn’t there, he is finally slowly getting to his feet on the other side. SD slowly gets to his feet and turns around and eats a clothesline from OBJ. Jack covers but SD kicks out at two. Jack pulls SD to his feet, SD regains control with a kick to the mid section and whips Jack to the ropes, blind tag to GB, but SD catches OBJ on the rebound and hits an OMEN DRIVER! He makes the cover but the ref tells him OBJ isn’t the legal man. SD staggers to his feet, when he turns around he walks right into a super kick from GB that knocks him into the ropes, SD’s nearly unconscious body rebounds and GB sets him up, and hits THE CHOMP! SoulDragon is DEAD! The cover is academic; Mercury finally rolls into the ring just as the ref counts the three WINNERS in 10:22 The Team From Down Under
Ross: What on earth was that? Was it just me or did it seem like Mercury left SoulDragon out to dry? Razz: Stop trying to start controversy Ross, Mercury suffered an injury to start the match, you saw it, he took the Call of the Wild, it took him awhile to get his bearings back Ross: While I do agree that the Call of the Wild is a devastating move, he didn’t even tag in, he didn’t even make it onto the apron until after the match was over, if I were SoulDragon I would be fuming! Razz: There you go trying to cause trouble, it was a simple matter of Mercury trying to recover and SoulDragon having to go it along, which against the Aussies is certainly no easy task Ross: Something just doesn’t smell right. Our next match should fix that. At Judgment Eve Capellan and Canadian Dragon wrestled a fantastic match, which Capellan won. Both men have asked for a rematch tonight, who ya got Razz? Razz: Well it is rare to see Dragon lose two matches in a row to the same guy so I am going to go with Canadian Dragon, but Capellan is double tough, and a great wrestler to boot, so a win by him wouldn’t surprise me either. Ross: Way to ride the fence there Razz. I think Canadian Dragon may be more technically proficient, but I am going to give Capellan the edge tonight, as good as Dragon is in the air, Capellan is just a little better. This should be an outstanding match
CANADIAN DRAGON vs. CAPELLAN
Good fast sequence to start, with Capellan hitting a deep arm drag takedown sending Dragon out to the apron. CD springboards in with a cross body and hits some stiff kicks to Cap's midsection. Dragon goes for another kicking combination but Cap hits a dropkick. Cap goes for a handspring elbow, but Dragon blocks with a backdrop suplex and a follows it up with a falcon arrow for two. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets another two. Dragon goes for an abdominal stretch, but Capellan fights out of it. Cap goes for a clothesline, but Dragon blocks. He hooks on another abdominal stretch and turns it into a nasty pump handle backbreaker. Dragon locks on a triangle choke, but Cap fights up and goes into a springboard DDT. Capellan is still hurting though, and can't follow it up. Dragon is the first to his feet, but his Gory Special attempt is reversed into an arm drag. Capellan is still slow to get up so Dragon dropkicks him in the face and locks on an STF. Cap makes the ropes and uses them to hit a Spinning Dragon Kick out of nowhere! He can't cover and the ref starts a ten count. Capellan finally pulls himself over to make the cover, which gets a long two count. Cap goes to send Dragon to the corner, but Dragon reverses. Cap hits the corner hard and ends up in the Tree of Woe. Dragon charges in for the sliding dropkick, but misses and crotches himself. Cap hits a stiff super kick which gets a two. Cap goes to the apron, and snaps off a rana for two. Head scissors puts Dragon down again, and Capellan follows it up with a sunset flip for another two count. Capellan hits a corkscrew moonsault for two. Another attempt hits the knees and Dragon nearly KILLS him with a power bomb. Dragon misses a blind charge and Capellan comes back with the rana, but gets caught with a backbreaker. Dragon goes for a springboard Dragon Sault, but Cap rolls out of the way. Dragon does manage to land on his feet, bit Cap sees an opening and goes for the Spinning Dragon Kick. Dragon ducks though and locks on the Dragon Sleeper! Capellan is trying to fight out of it, but Dragon drops to a knee. Capellan won't quit though and gets back up to his feet. He tries to get to the corner, and tries to climb the ropes to flip out of the move. Dragon switches his grip on Capellan and manages to keep Capellan up in the tombstone posistion! The crowd erupts as Canadian Dragon hits the Canadian Destroyer for the pin. WINNER in 38:07 Canadian Dragon
Ross: Well that certainly did not disappoint! Razz: Helluva match, Capellan may have lost, but he gave it everything he had, great effort from the youngster. Ross: That is why he is a former Onslaught champion, and why Canadian Dragon is a former World Champion, these are two of the most talented athletes in the OOWF, once again, we gotta ask, how about that rubber match? GM the Rick, if you are listening, book this match! Razz: I would love to see them go at it one more time Ross: What do you make of the next match? Razz: Wow, where do you start? These two never really settled anything from their Ministry days, some people say Donovan has been ducking UnderDawg, I don’t believe that at all. In the last few weeks they have cost each other matches and escalated the intensity, it is gonna come to a head here tonight Ross: More of that famous OOWF violence no doubt, this one is not gonna be pretty, it is going to be a fight, plain and simple a fight.
UNDERDAWG vs. DONOVAN VIPER
UnderDawg doesn’t wait until the bell rings, he rushes toward the ropes and leaps over the top and catches Donovan Viper on the way to the ring with an amazing suicide dive over the top rope. Viper is sent flying up the ramp. Dawg is up first; he grabs Viper and slams him hard on the ramp. Then drops a leg across his throat. Viper rolls down the ramp toward the ring, trying to regain his breath. Dawg pulls Viper to his knees and pounds away at Viper’s head, several stiff shots open a gash on Viper’s forehead. Viper frees himself by grabbing Dawg’s pants and pulling him backward into the ring post. UD collapses in a heap on the floor. Viper gets to his feet and rolls to the ring for safety. UD slowly gets to his knees on the outside, the ring post has opened a gash on his head as well, so, less than a minute into the match and both men are bloody, pretty good by OOWF standards. Viper reaches into his boot and pulls out a chain, he slides over to the ring post, grabs UD by the head and smacks the back of his head into the post, dazing the big man, he then wraps the chain around the post, and around UD’s throat and pulls back, choking UD out! Donnie puts his foot on the ring post and pulls back as hard as he can. UD fights for a moment, then goes limp! MY GOD HE’S KILLED THE DAWG! The ref threatens DQ so Viper lets go, UD falls to the floor, apparently dead, Viper rejoices in the ring. Paramedics rush to ring side to revive the UnderDawg, but there’s no need for that! As they get there UnderDawg does the ZOMBIE SIT-UP OF THE DAMNED! Viper doesn’t see it; UD gets to his feet and slides in the ring. Viper turns around and UD rocks him with shots to the head. Viper looks stunned and bails out of the ring, UD follows him and they battle up the ramp. By now the ref has pretty much given up on this one and called for the bell WINNER – Double Count out in 5:44
But the action doesn’t stop there. Both men battle at the top of the ramp, UnderDawg stops a charging DV with a boot to the face and sets him up for a LAST RIDE off of the stage! DV escapes and lands behind UD, grabs him and destroys him with a sidewinder on the metal stage! DV pulls UD to his feet and positions him with his back facing a 20 foot drop into conveniently placed OOWF technical equipment. Dawg is barely able to stand; DV lines him up for the Death Elbow. DV charges, but UD catches him by the throat, and in one fluid motion lifts him, turns and they dive off the stage and crash into all the stuff! HOLY SHIT! Medical officials rush to the scene, but WAIT! This isn’t the end! Both men are slowly moving! MY GOD THEY NO-SOLD THE SUICIDE DROP! UnderDawg is up first, he pulls Donovan Viper out of the wreckage and slams him face first into the arena wall. When he rebounds he scoops him up for a FIREPLUG PILEDRIVER ON THE FLOOR! UD hits the move; Donovan Viper may well be dead! UnderDawg slowly gets to his feet, when someone dressed all in black attacks him with a baseball bat, slamming it across his back, and into his ribs. UD is doubled over in pain. The mysterious figure raises the bat for the final blow, but UD grabs them by the throat. Before he can do anything, The Devil’s Brigade come out and jump UD. He fights them off for a moment, but a shining wizard and a Wicked left drop the big man. Harper Camby sets him up for the Dominator, but wCw runs in to make the save, TDB, the masked person and Corax collect a barely conscious Donovan Viper and flee.
Ross: My God! Is there something in the water here in Joe, Montana? What is going on with the lengths these guys will go to injure one another tonight? Razz: It is a little crazy, I mean these guys are borderline suicidal tonight! We need Dr. Katz in here or something, this place is NUTS! Ross: I hope both UnderDawg and Donovan Viper are ok and who on earth was the masked person who attacked UnderDawg? What was that about? Razz: I have no idea, but we know Donovan Viper and Niles Anderson both seem to have a fondness of attackers dressed all in black Ross: That is certainly something we will keep our eyes on, but in all honesty Razz, I cannot wait for the next match Razz: It’s Armageddon for Chris Alt tonight; he HAS to win this match. We have been hesitant to call any of his losses must win, well tonight it is certainly must win, if he loses, it is all over Ross: I have a feeling Alt is going to be extra motivated in this one tonight, and in all honesty he HAS to be, if not, the title shot at Hell on Earth goes to Hardbody Harris Razz: Two of the most technically sound wrestlers in the OOWF, in a must win match for one, this is gonna be off tha hook!
CHRIS ALT vs. HARDBODY HARRIS – Best of Seven Series: Match 5
Another gentleman’s handshake to start things, but CA holds on and kicks HH in the gut then pounds away at his neck. Swinging neck breaker follows for the quick 2. HH a little off guard as CA brings the lightning quick pin attempts. HH finally gets into the contest by ducking a CA spin kick and clotheslining him down. HH pulls him back up for a second clothesline, but CA ducks, swings behind him and drives HH to the mat with a German Suplex but can’t quite hold the bridge. CA attacks HH with a vengeance and garners another two counter with a hurricarrana. HH actually has to bail and CA follows with a flip dive. Both men wiped out, but CA recovers first. However, HH finally gains the advantage and rams CA into the ring apron twice. HH takes the action back to the ring and hits the Double Axe Handle of Doom on a recovering CA. HH maintains control with some dancing jabs and haymaker. BG Memorial Face Plant~!!! avoided and CA takes him down with a side kick. A vicious streak emerges and CA drives his knee into HH’s head repeatedly before locking in a grounded sleeper. HH feeds off the crowd and rolls onto his stomach. He gets to his feet and rams CA into the turn buckles until he let goes. HH collapses in exhaustion and CA recovers. He grabs the weakened HH and hits a brutal DDT for 2. Another quick cover results in the same and CA bangs HH’s head into the mat before sitting him up and kicking him in the back of the head. CA up top for the 450 splash, but nobody’s home and the count is on. CA recovers first but staggers into a huge right hand. CA kicks HH in the gut, but can’t string together any offense as he too is fighting on fumes after nearly forty minutes of non stop action. HH gets his second wind and unloads on CA. First he whips CA into two of the corners then bangs his head on the top turnbuckle eight times, and once on each of the others. He then hauls him up and kills him with a One and Only~!!! but remarkably CA gets his foot on the rope. HH punches him in the face then performs the dreaded Fish Hook~!!! CA doesn’t take too kindly to this and breaks it up with a jaw breaker and another super kick for two. CA says it’s over, but HH cradles him for 2, rolls through with it and hits a swinging neck breaker. HH slaps the thigh and this time the BG Memorial Face Plant~!!! drives CA to the canvas. CA again kicks out and now HH seems frustrated. Stalling vertical Suplex and HH signals for end game. To Be Edited Later~!!! countered into Spinal Contusion which is in turn countered back into the To Be Edited In Later~!!! into a series of back and forth rolls ups that get each a handful of 2 counts until HH rolls into a final attempt at the To Be Edited Later~!!! only to get stood up on his head with a DDT. Ref counts and HH rolls the shoulder and it looks like he kicked out, but ref rules in favor of CA. WINNER in 58:42 Chris Alt (Hardbody Harris leads the best of seven series 3-2)
Ross: Did Harris have his shoulder up Razz? Razz: Well it looked like it to me, but I’m not the referee. Ross: I hate to second guess the ref, but it looked like Harris got his shoulder up, but here in the OOWF all referee decisions are final, Chris Alt lives to fight another day! Razz: He had to have that one, now it is down to a 3 to 2 advantage for Hardbody Harris, Chris Alt is right back into this one! Ross: Wow, now, if we can regain our composure for a moment, I hope we are treated to another classic. Firechild defends his newly won Onslaught title against former champ Thim Reynolds. Razz: It was a great match at Judgment Eve, and I expect more of the same, Thim wants the title back, Firechild wants to keep 3Piece Set dripping with gold. Ross: It amazes me that Firechild seemingly feels no remorse over what he did to Seraph, and by the way folks, we have not heard anything beyond Seraph being taken to a private medical facility of his choosing; Seraph if you are listening tonight, everyone here at OOWF wishes you a speedy recovery. Razz: Well said Ross, and Firechild is just a heartless bastard, you gotta be. If he worried about what he did, he would lose focus, and lose his title, and he will not allow that to happen, it is cold, but it is true Ross: It is repulsive. I may not like some of Thim’s methods, but I hope he beats the ever loving hell out of Firechild tonight Razz: Way to remain unbiased Ross
THIM REYNOLDS vs. FIRECHILD – Onslaught Championship Match
FC and TR circle another, not wanting to be the first to lock up. TR shoots in and drives FC into the corner. Clean break, but FC shoves him. TR responds with a barrage of slaps to the face and a headlock take down. TR really working the hold and FC has to break by getting to the ropes. They lock up proper and FC snatches a head lock and grinds it in. TR sends him to the ropes, but FC shoulder tackles him down, and then drops a quick elbow to the chest. Two more follow and a knee drop get a two count. FC pulls him up and drags him to the corner where he chops the hell out of TR FC then slaps him for good measure and it’s like flipping a switch. TR explodes out of the corner with a clothesline. Another clothesline follows and TR whips him into the corner before punching and stomping him down. Running boot scrape to the jaw and TR firmly in control. FC bails to the outside, but TR catches him with another clothesline then rolls him back in. Sling shot leg drop gets 2 and TR hooks FC with a modified camel clutch but FC fights out of it by shifting his weight into a pin attempt for 2. Wild clothesline misses and FC nails him with a dropkick. FC with a pair of running elbow drops before sitting TR up and dropkicking him in the face. Lion Sault gets him another two. He argues with the ref and TR rolls him up. FC kicks out, but TR immediately transitions into an ankle lock and FC is forced to seek refuge in the ropes. Ref forces TR to break and FC chop blocks him from behind alternates between working the knee and the back before TR manages to fight his way back in with a snap power slam for two. Favoring the back as he pulls FC to his feet and FC jacks the jaw with a jaw breaker that staggers him. FC takes him down with a flying neck breaker, and then rolls him onto his stomach before hitting a two footed stomp to his lower back. D-Tuner~!!! And TR is moments from tapping while FC yells at him. TR gets the ropes but the damage is down and FC stalks him. Double leg take down, but TR kicks FC away and manages to hit a spine buster when FC rushes him. Both down, but they’re up by six and start the slug fest in earnest. FC manages to turn the tide and get a kick to the gut. Wings of the Phoenix~!!! Attempted, but TR drops to one knee, frees an arm and hits a modified Samoan Drop for the long 2. FC manages to hit the stun gun after they both get back to their feet. FC tries to follow up, but TR rolls him up. FC, however, manages to roll through with it into a pinning predicament of his own that prevents the ref from seeing him grab the tights. WINNER in 22:48 and Still Onslaught Champion – Firechild
Ross: Well Firechild retains, thanks to a little pull of the tights! Razz: The ref didn’t see it, so it didn’t happen! Ross: You know that is a load of BS Razz, the Onslaught division is supposed to be about pure wrestling, not using the tights or having your friends help you win a match, what Firechild is doing is disgraceful Razz:: Well this is far from over, nothing was really settled, throw em in a cage! This one will get more intense as the weeks go on Ross: our next match is another feud that has reached scary heights Razz: Yeah I think it is fair to say 3Piece Set and Drink & Destroy are not on each other’s Christmas Card list Ross: That is an understatement. 3Piece Set won the titles last week at Judgment Eve, but that is not the worst of it, they decimated Capslock and Stank and whipped them like Government mules! It was appalling. If I were Ax and Cole, there is no way I would get in that cage with them Razz: Well that is one thing about 3Piece Set, they are fearless when it comes to the matches, they will get in the ring with anyone in any type of match, they have no fear. That said, I am not so sure I would be so quick to get into the ring – especially inside a cage – with these two right now
3PIECE SET vs. DRINK & DESTROY – OOWF World Tag Team Title Match
The former champs enter first, ready to do battle, irate over the injustice at the PPV. 3PS then enters, demanding that the official hold off D&D until the bell rings. Bell sounds and D&D go after the champs before they can even take off the belts. Door gets locked, and FFC pounds on Ax while Stank beats on Cole. FFC press slams Ax into the cage. Stank kicks Cole down in the corner. Ax goes to the top rope and tries to climb out, but gets caught in the barbed wire. Capslock brings him down, bringing some of the wire with him. FFC gets some back elbows in the corner. Stank rams Cole into the turnbuckle ten times, then continues the beating. Suddenly, a trap door opens on the other side of the ring, and Firechild emerges with a barbed wire baseball bat and smashes Stank across the back of the head with it. FFC turns around and sees it, but Cole blindsides him with one of the title belts. Another shot to Stank's head opens up a nasty gash, and Ax comes over with some of the wire off the cage and chokes Capslock out with it, puncturing holes in FFC's neck. The ref steps in to stop the carnage, but FC hits the official with the bat. Ax lays the barbed wire out on the mat, and FC and Cole lift Stank for a suplex and drop him on the barbed wire. Ax adds insult to injury with another shot with the title belt. Cole takes the bat to FFC, as officials storm the ring, trying to get in. The bell sounds as the officials unlock the door. 3PS finally relents and cockily leaves the cage, their opponents an unconscious and bloody mess. WINNER - No Contest at 6:22
Ross: Was that really necessary? Did Ax and Cole REALLY need to intensify this feud any more? Razz: Actually that is a smart move, very smart. Ross: Making two very large strong men furious is a smart move? Razz: It is when you get into their heads. Capslock and Stank are seething right now, they are seeing red. They are now more focused on hurting Ax and Cole than they are beating them. When you lose focus you are more prone to take a DQ, and as we know, the titles don’t change hands on a DQ, so 3PS takes a beating, a few DQ wins and they keep the titles, brilliant! Ross: Getting maimed in the process, I am not so sure that that is a brilliant idea Razz. Switching gears, the rumor is that Blackdragon himself went to GM the Rick and asked him to give Eric O’Mac a title shot this week. That right there is a class act if you ask me Razz: It was a nice gesture by Blackdragon for sure, Eric is certainly deserving, he is a helluva wrestler Ross: What do you make of LD Williams theory of hanging out in the background until opportunity presents itself? Razz: Well, it has worked for LD Williams so far, he kind of stayed in Johnny Adrenaline’s shadow, and since Johnny turned on him he has kind of flown under the radar, but you ask anyone back there who they don’t want to face, and Williams name comes up. I don’t know if that is the best route to take for everyone, but you cannot deny the success it has had for him Ross: It is nice to see Eric step up and get a match, let’s see if he makes the most of it tonight
BLACKDRAGON vs. ERIC O’MAC – OOWF Intercontinental Title Match
Chain wrestling exhibition to start things and EOM works a front face lock out of that. BD counters out and gets a takedown from behind and EOM rolls thru that somehow and gets a cradle for a quick two count. However, BD hooks EOM as he gets up and looks for the Dragon Lock, but EOM escapes and rolls to the floor. Back in, and EOM backs BD into a corner, but BD reverses and unloads some chops on EOM. Hip toss out of the corner and BD works an arm bar. EOM flips out of that, gets an arm drag of his own, and works an arm bar himself. BD fights that off, and sends EOM to the ropes. Cross body attempt is caught, and BD hits a modified fall away slam. BD follows, but EOM pulls the middle rope down and sends BD to the floor. Baseball slide puts Dragon to the rail and EOM follows with a no hands somersault plancha. But BD sidesteps him, and EOM lands HARD on the floor. BD rolls him back in and gets two, as Eric seems to be really hurt. A few slams soften up the back even more, and BD works a Boston Crab. EOM tries to power out, but is unsuccessful, so he gets to the ropes instead. BD takes his time following up, and EOM hot shots him on the top rope. Schoolboy gets two, and EOM takes him down with a super kick, borrowing from his former Revolution XX partner. Running leg drop and EOM gets another two count. Eric drags the champion to the ropes and chokes him out. Guillotine catapult into the bottom rope, and BD is gasping for air now. Running back elbow by EOM takes BD down again. EOM looks for a spinning heel kick, but Dragon catches his leg, takes him down and looks for the Dragon Lock. EOM kicks him back into the corner, then charges. BD ducks and EOM jumps onto the middle rope, then does a split legged moonsault back onto BD. One, two, and Dragon is out right in the nick of time. Double reversal sets up for the DKO DROP~!, but EOM grabs a stiff headlock and chokes BD down. The ref breaks it, and EOM begins arguing with the official. EOM goes to the top, but BD is up and meets him halfway. They slug it out on top, and a forearm to the throat sends BD falling back to the canvas. As BD pops back up, EOM looks for the MAC ATTACK~! But since BD is up, he has to adjust in mid-air, and the angle is all wrong. BD uses EOM's momentum against him and rolls thru with it. One... two... three... and Dragon retains. Winner in 19:49 and STILL IC Champion: Black Dragon
Ross: great effort by Eric O’Mac, he has nothing to be ashamed of in that loss Razz: It is gonna take one hell of an effort to unseat the champ, Eric came close, but couldn’t quite do it. I think Blackdragon has held onto that title a whole lot longer than anyone thought he would, my hats off to him Ross: Dragon has been an exemplary champion, taking on all comers with dignity, I certainly wish I could say the same about our heavy weight champion Niles Anderson, Mr. Anderson seems to have a case of the limber tail Razz: Well a smart champion knows when to fight today, or run and live to fight another day. Niles seems to choose the latter more often than not. Ross: Microplay has been obsessed with regaining the title, he feels he is the rightful champion after all these months and ever since he hired on the Evil Wizard he has been even more focused on this title Razz: Well in all honestly I don’t think he was pinned for the title, and after he lost he went into a bit of a funk for awhile and lost direction. It certainly appears that he has regained the focus that made him the first ever OOWF world champion
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