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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 20, 2008 11:53:42 GMT -5
Just then, a cloud of smoke envelops the Outback Steakhouse
GB: Crikey! What in the blazes is this?
OBJ: Oh shit. I think it's....
Sounds of punches, slams, grunts, clangy metal, and assorted violence can be heard.
When the smoke clears, Underdawg and Blackdragon are seen standing over the fallen bodies of Outback Jack, Gatorbait, and Wally B King.
UD: You mean the beating we gave you last Wednesday isn't enough? All that slaughter that we gave you last week, all the pain, knowing that you two have a rematch against us and all you can think about is what you did in Japan years ago? You want to talk about old death matches? There is no bigger death match than the one you two wallabies will face than one with a hound from hell and an angry dragon.
BD: *snickers*
UD: What?
BD: Do you know what an angry dragon is?
UD: No.
BD: You might want to ask Viper.
DV (in the distance): I AM NOT A HOMO!
UD: Stop laughing, we're supposed to be angry at the lack of respect we're getting as a tag team.
BD: Ahem, sorry. No respect at all. You two want to make laughs, reminice on your Empty Team days? You can have Wally, Ladder, you can even have King Kong in your corner for all I care, because King Kong ain't got shit on The Black Dawgs.
UD: We're stealing movie quotes now, dragon?
BD: Hey, Big Dawg. It's not a bad thing. It's a good thing.
UD: ....
BD kicks The American Elk in the face. UD looks at Ladder, and just nods.
BD: That better?
UD: Indeed.
BD: Talk about stealing catchphrases... Oooh! Ribs!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 20, 2008 11:54:11 GMT -5
<Niles is sleeping fitfully in his hospital bed when a shadow falls across him. Niles blinks several times, then looks up. His eyes immediately go wide and he opens his mouth to scream, but a hand darts out and closes around his throat. The camera pans up and we see Moosehead Jack standing there.>
MHJ: Shhh, shhh, shhh Niles. No need to yell. I am getting pretty good at visiting my victims in the hospital, but you have no need to worry, I am not here to finish you off, I prefer to do that in the ring. <Jack slowly loosens his grip on Niles throat and sits on the edge of the bed.>
See there Niles, we can be friends again right? You know, it is funny, I hear you talking to Concrete and you say I am the beast that must be destroyed. You might have a point there. But you know, I have to think back, think back to when you first showed up in the OOWF. We extended an invitation for you to join the Establishment, we took you in, helped you get your title shots, hell helped you get the title. Then you turned your back on us, on me. Well, Mr. Holy-Man, that makes you something of a Judas, now doesn’t it? But that is ok. Your pieces of silver are around your waist – at least for the moment.
<Niles eyes dart around the room, looking for escape>
I get the feeling you don’t trust me. Let me put your mind at ease. See Niles, since we are friends and all, I brought you a little something that might bring you a little comfort.
<Jack reaches into his jacket pocked and pulls out a crucifix and a bible, Niles looks at him questioningly>
Since it appears that you are now a man of faith, I thought this would be something to comfort you in your hours of need, you know the hours before I finally get you one on one in the ring and tear you to pieces.
<Jack starts to hand the gifts to Niles, Niles reaches out tentatively, Jack pulls them back at the last second>
Before I give this to you, there is something I want to read to you, you don’t mind do you?
<Jack opens the bible to a place he has marked>
One of the heads of the beast seemed to have had a fatal wound, but the fatal wound had been healed. The whole world was astonished and followed the beast. Men worshiped the dragon because he had given authority to the beast, and they also worshiped the beast and asked, "Who is like the beast? Who can make war against him?"The beast was given a mouth to utter proud words and blasphemies and to exercise his authority for forty-two months. He opened his mouth to blaspheme God, and to slander his name and his dwelling place and those who live in heaven. He was given power to make war against the saints and to conquer them. And he was given authority over every tribe, people, language and nation. All inhabitants of the earth will worship the beast--all whose names have not been written in the book of life belonging to the Lamb that was slain from the creation of the world. (NIV) Revelation 13:3-8
<Jack closes the bible and sits quietly for a moment letting the words sink in>
We know how that story ends, right Niles? But this is a different matter entirely. I am the beast, I have no regret for my actions, my conscience is clear. You, you are the little lamb, I will lead you to the slaughter. But that is not enough. No Niles, you want a Holy War? Are you willing to risk it all? They say those who have the mark of the beast can never expect salvation. They can never experience peace. They are doomed to an eternity of torture and hell. <Jack gets a psychotic look in his eyes> The mark of the beast upon thine forehead……
<With that Jack lunges at Niles and jabs him repeatedly in the forehead with the crucifix until blood flows from from an open gash. Niles tries to fight back, but Jack grabs the bible and slams it into Niles head. Jack opens the bible and smears Niles blood across the Holy Word. Niles lays still, and Jack slowly gets to his feet.>
Niles, you want a war, you got it. You may convince Concrete, but you will never convince me. Blood will flow, yours and mine, in the end, you are nothing but a false prophet, and a false prophet cannot slay the beast.
Trust me.
<Jack leaves the hospital room>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 20, 2008 11:54:32 GMT -5
<Stank is lounging in D&D's locker room when FF Capslock walks in shaking>
FFC - MAN! WHOOOOO! YEAAHHHHHHH!
Stank - ?
FFC - WHAT DUDE?
Stank - What the hell is the matter with you?
FFC - IT'S THE REBEL YELLLLLL! WHOAAAAAA!
RF - WHOOOOOO!
FFC - WHOOOOOO!!!!
RF - WHOOOOOO!!!!!
FFC - WHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stank - ALRIGHT BOTH OF YOU STOP IT! Ric, don't you have a deposition to get to?
RF - I depositioned your MOM on SPACE...
Stank - Yeah Yeah we get it... you have a large penis. You mind?
RF - WHOOOOO!
FFC - WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Stank - I SAID QUIT IT! DAMMMIT Lock! What's gotten into you?
FFC - IWASINWCWLOCKERROOMANDTHEYOFFEREDMEADRINKSOISAIDSUREANDTHEYWERELIKEDUDEANDIWASLIKEDUDE ANDTHEYWERELIKEYEAHRIGHTONANDIWASLIKEWHOAANDTHEYSCREAMEDFFCFFCFFCSOILIKEDRANKWHATTHEYGAVEME ANDITHOUGHTITWASLIKESOUTHERNCOMFORTBUTITWASTRIPPLESTRENGTHREDBULLSONOWIMLIKEWHOOOOOWHOOOOOO!!!!!!
Stank -
FFC - DUDE?!!!
Stank - Amazingly enough... I understood that.
FFC - YEAAAAHH!
Stank - Red Bull doesn't taste anything like Southern Comfort.
FFC - IKNOWTHATNOW!
Stank - Here... drink this. It'll calm you down.
<Stank hands FFC a bottle of rum then leaves>
Stank - Overcaffenated crazy sumbitch. HEY! YOU TWO
<wCw stop dead in their tracks>
Wilder - Dude?
Stank - Don't start with me with the extreme skater boi speak. What did you guys do to my partner?
Westgaard - What? We offered him a drink?
Stank - REDBULL?
Wilder - Dude? What did he expect?
Stank - We drink ALCOHOL!
Westgaard - Dude... that's like bad for you and stuff. It's such a downer. We'd NEVER touch that stuff.
Wilder - Yeah dude. We need to stay energized to be EXTREME and keep OUR titles!
<wCw high five each other>
wCw - YEAH!
<Stank rolls his eyes... suddenly a thought occurs to him>
Stank - You know what guys... you're right. I'm sorry for being so pissy. Why don't you two stop by D&D's locker room and you can show us how to be extreme like you dudes.
Wilder - No offense dude... but that sounds like a trap.
Stank - I'm hurt you would think such a thing. I promise this is on the up & up. You want our match to be all it can be, right? Don't you want to blow the roof off the place? Well...
Wilder - That WOULD be cool... Alright! We'll be there, dude.
Westgaard - But don't cross us dude.
Stank - Perish the thought.
<Stank turns away from wCw with a sick grin on his face>
Stank - Excellent.
Wilder - What was that?
Stank - Nothin.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 20, 2008 11:55:17 GMT -5
[Turn on your TV, here on ESPN8, The Ocho! (Yes, I know I stile this from Dodgeball. Or possibly Bill Simmons) There is a special ESPN8 interview from the winner of DreamJob 556 with OOWF Onslaught Champion, Eric O'Mac!]
DreamJobWinner: How are you Eric?
Eric: I'm good. A little sore, but I'm good.
DJW: You are an exceptional athlete, and a great wrestler. Are you happy with your current status?
Eric: Yeah, I suppose, I mean, I've had some ups and downs over the past year or so, but for the most part, I can't complain.
DJW: Are you enjoying your current year in OOWF?
Eric: Yeah, I mean, my record, while it's steller, it doesn't speak of what an exceptional wrestler I am. I've had a couple of losses that should be wins, but I've been screwed out of many victories. In a perfect world, where all is fair, I would have a perfect record. Unfortunetely, in the OOWF, things aren't about being fair, or being a great athlete or great wrestler, it's all about your gimmick. If you aren't a pirate, a born again Christian, or a superhero freak, then you don't go to the top. It's simple.
DJW: You are a Christian aren't you?
Eric: Yeah man, I rely on God for everything I get. God's blessed me athletically and professionally. But that doesn't mean I go around shoving that in everyone's face. Some things are left better unsaid.
DJW: What's the difference between Eric of this current year, and last year?
Eric: Well, I mean, last year, the OOWF was just starting, and I was battling L.D. Williams for respect to begin with, and that led to us being aligned with Johnny and me tagging with Carl. This year, even though I'm technically part of the Establishment, I'm also kind of on my own. I'm battling for singles glory, and I'm a champion.
DJW: Let's touch on the Establishment. What kind of relationship do you have with these guys?
Eric: The Establishment isn't a stable, so to speak. It's just a group of the best wrestlers in the world watching each other's back. We're not about cutting funny promos, breaking kayfabe, and hanging out with Ric Flair, we're about going out, kicking ass, and proving we are the best.
DJW: What do you think of the Establishment members individually? Let's start with MooseheadJack.
Eric: Moose is a complex fellow. He's a great talent, but he's also kind of whacked up in the head. I'm definetely happier being aligned with him than against him that's for sure. He's more of a hardcore extreme type that will put his body through anything to finish the job. He's looked at as the 'leader' of our little group, and I don't think that's accurate - he's more of a figurehead. I think all of us have our own strengths, but I also think that people look at see how brutal he is and then wonder how bad the rest of us are. He's definetely one of the best, but only when he wants to be.
DJW: How about L.D. Williams?
Eric: I've got nothing but respect for L.D. We broke into the OOWF together, we were in the group with Johnny and Carl, and now we're aligned again. I can't say enough good things about him, he's just a straight up badass.
DJW: And lastly, Thim Reynolds?
Eric: Good guy. I mean, he's also a no nonsense kind of guy. He's also a hell of a wrestler, and me and him are also in the same division in the OOWF, so there's a little friendly competition between me and him, even though I don't think he'll have a chance in hell of beating me. [Laughs.]
DJW: Okay, you recently became the Onslaught Champion in the OOWF. What is it like for you to hold such an honorary title?
Eric: Well, it's like you said, it's an honor. The Onslaught division is about being the best pure wrestler in the company, and I feel I've been the best for quite a while, so for me to finally get a shot, it was humbling, but I also made the most of it when I got my shot. I had been screwed out of opportunity everytime an opportunity came near me - I made sure I capitilized when I got my one shot. The way the OOWF management is, if I lose this title, I'll probably never get another title shot again.
DJW: Do you think you being a title holder will get you more recognition within the company?
Eric: I would think so, but as of now, the only recognition I got was a little footnote in the online results. I haven't been asked to be marketed or anything like that, my title win was barely acknowledged. If anything, I think I'm a living example of how classless the OOWF management is. I think if it had been anyone else in the company, it would be all over OOWF news and the OOWF website - title changes are usually a big thing - but for some reason, when I win a title, I get nothing.
DJW: Now you've been champion for less than a week, and this week you've got your first title defense against former champion Firechild. What are your thoughts?
Eric: I've got no opinion on Firechild. Obviously a good wrestler. But also a classless punk. Attacking me backstage - it was very big of him. Especially since the Onslaught division is about being the best wrestler - I now realize he needed a backstage attack to give himself a chance.
But I mean, make no doubt about it, I'm going to go in there, and I'm going to win. It's simple as that. I've got a couple of new moves that I want to debut, and I'm going to prove to him I'm no lackey - I'm no second fiddle - I'm the one that's going to knock his lights out. And hey, I think I'll show some of the OOWF management who needs to be the big name of this company - I've got the ball, and I'm going to run with it. If Firechild happens to get in the way, I'll have to run him over.
DJW: Ok, I'm getting a fair assessment of who you are. Who would you say Eric O'Mac is?
Eric: Eric O'Mac is just a great athlete who is a hell of a wrestler, is just looking for the proper recognition. He's just looking for fair treatment. He's tried of being screwed out of every opportunity, and is prepared to make his own way if the highway is shut down. And with the support of the Establishment, I don't think anyone can tell me otherwise.
DJW: Thank you for your time Eric. Join us next week here on ESPN8 for anothe rhard hitting interview. For Eric O'Mac, this is Dream Job Winner, Good night!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 20, 2008 11:55:39 GMT -5
<Shot opens obviously outside, but all you see is SFJ #36’s head and shoulders, against a clear blue sky, her hair blowing in the wind….>
#36: How did I get into this? I swear, someone is going to see right up my skirt…. OH! Are we on? Hello! This is SFJ36 in Las Vegas, with WCW – The amazing Capellan and the current OOWF Tag Team Champions, Tommy Wilder and JW Westgaard! Guys – before we begin, can we PLEASE get down from here?
Cap: <Smiles and shakes his head> Nonono – you said you would follow us anywhere for the interview…
TW: And try ANYTHING…
Cap: So here we are! And this wasn’t our FIRST idea –
JWW: Just the one we could do on TV…. <Winks at SFJ36>
36: Oh – OH! Hey! Well, anyway – Cap, this week you wrestle Seraph.
Cap: Yep! Hey you got your kneepads on?
36: Yes…I don’t believe I have to do this for an INTERVIEW….
Cap: Cool – yeah – Seraph. This is gonna be a great match – The dude looks all chill on the outside – but he is a tough man who will go way over the edge if he needs to. This match should be awesome, you know? Serious blow the roof off potential!
36: So you’re confident on winning?
TW: More confident that you’re lookin’, Suzie…
Cap: Sure I’m confident – what, I’m supposed to THINK I’m going to lose? No title shots thinking that way…
36: And Westgaard, Wilder – this week, you defend against Drink and Destroy – the biggest team in OOWF. Any thoughts?
TW: Yep! Get a helmet, Broadcast Babe!
JWW: Tommy – she meant about the match. Look – we’ve given up size in nearly EVERY match we’ve been in as a team. Kid isn’t exactly Andre the Giant, you know? But I got the power, Tommy has the speed. I’ll brawl with anyone, and Tommy? We’ve seen him do som seriously crazy shit to win a match. I guess what I’m saying is we’re the champs – we scouted every team we’ve faced, and beaten them. We don’t plan on turning these belts over anytime soon.
TW: I gotta ask though- what is up with everyone turning hell all of the sudden? Black Dragon and the ‘Dog, Drink and Destroy, even the Aussies are talking about resurrecting some hardcore persona from back in the day – Dudes? To quote a great newsman and hero – WHASSUPWITDAT?
36: Maybe they feel they need to have an edge…
TW: For what? The Hawk didn’t become a great ‘boarder by wearing black – he did it by doing what came natural, and going after the Big Air. “Blackdogs”, Aussies, Drink and Destroy, heck, even The Chickenshits or the Devil’s Brigade – you want a shot at the belts? Just ask dudes! We’re not hidin’ or anything….just look UP!
Cap: Speaking of up – time to roll guys, before 5-0 shows.
36: Police? Is this illegal?
TW: It is? Dudes! This isn’t legal! What WILL we do?
JWW: Tommy – This isn’t SANE, let alone legal.
TW: ‘Bird – Sane is all a matter of perspective, man – up off the lip of the 40 foot half pipe, looking down on the 180 side of a Dobie McTwist, everyone looks kinda small and crazy….
36: What did he say? At times he’s worse the O’Neill….
Cap: He said sometimes, you just gotta let go and let the breeze of life blown you around a bit 36 – you ready?
<Shot pans out…and out….and out…. wCw and SFJ36 are on TOP of the Luxor – SFJ 36 and JWW on rollerblades, Cap and Wilder on trail boards (heavy duty skateboards).
36: JW? You aren’t SERIOUSLY going to ride down the side of this pyramid, are you?
JWW: Sure – why not?
36: But you’re the mature, sane….Oh god, they gotten to you….
JWW: <Tucking the bottle of MT. Dew into his belt> Maybe ….But this is gonna be a hell of a lot of fun!
Cap: COWABUNGA!!!! <Starts down the side>
JWW: They still say that? GERONIMO!!!! <Tucks, starts down>
36: OHGODOHGODOHGOD….
TW: Gee Suzie, I usually don’t get that until the END of the date!
36: Huh? <Tommy gives her a little push> OOOOHHHHH MY GOOODDDDD!!!!
<…..Pause…..>
36: YES! YES!!! YESS!!! THIS IS GREAT! WHAT A RUUUUSSSSH!
TW: <Grins> Get ‘em every time…. LOOK OUT VEGAS! IT’S WILD TIMES!
<Tommy flys down the side of the Luxor, as a police helicopter flies into view…>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 20, 2008 11:56:02 GMT -5
[Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster are seen at the front desk at the hospital where Niles Anderson is recovering.]
AA: Yeah, can you tell us what room Niles Anderson is in?
Nurse: Um.... [looks on computer] ...room 412.
AA: Can we go see him?
Nurse: Well, we've been hesitant to let anyone see him. He's had several, um, incidents, in the last coouple of days.
JA: Honey, do we look trouble?
Nurse: Actually...
AA: We're his best friends.
Nurse: I thought that the concrete guy was his best friend. That's what Mr. Anderson told me anyway.
JA: That's just a ruse. He's playing Concrete like a cheap banjo. We're his REAL friends.
Nurse: Don't ya think keeping kayfabe might be a good idea? Ya know, the cameras ARE rolling.
[Johnny and AA look at each other in amazement.]
Nurse: What? I'm a fan. I read Keller. I know how it works.
[Johnny and AA shake their heads in disappointment at that comment and go down to Niles' room. AA knocks on the door and the Chickenshit Heels stroll in. Niles comes to and sees the blood-stained bible Moose left him laying next to him and hurriedly grabs it and acts like he's reading it.]
JA: What's up, man?
AA: Yeah, we came to... WHOA! What's that on your bible?
NA: Oh, um.... it's ketchup.
AA: Ketchup? Oh, they must be feeding you good up in here.
NA: Yeah, it's not bad.
AA: Man, you gotta watch that talk about being a face. It's gonna ruin our gimick.
NA: Maybe you two should stop leeching off my heat.
JA: [to AA] Told ya.
NA: Don't worry about it, it's all part of the plan.
AA: Well... right. Of course it is. Right Johnny? That's what I've said all along.
JA: Look, we figured we'd bring you some holiday cheer. Naitch?
[Ric Flair storms in the room in doctor's apparel carrying a tray of sandwiches. AA grabs a couple, and Johnny hands one to Niles.]
RF: AND I TOOK FIFTY NURSES TO SPACE MOUNTAIN!!! WHOOOOOOOOO!!!
JA: (to AA) Maybe that wasn't ketchup on that bible.
AA: And Niles, he saved a nurse for you.
NA: Really?
RF: HELL NO FAT BOY! THE LADIES CAN'T RESIST A LIMOUSINE RIDIN, JET FLYIN, KISS STEALIN, WHEELIN DEALIN, SON OF A BITCH LIKE THE NATURE BOY!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
[Flair begins stripping.]
AA: Naitch, Naitch, settle down, champ. Look, um, go wait in the limo.
RF: WHOOOOOOOOO!!!! [Flair leaves.]
JA: We didn't bring just food. Ron?
[Ron Simmons walks in, pushing a keg on a hand truck.]
RS: Did somebody say they wanted a drink?
NA: Man, I'm all about that.
AA: [laughs] Whatcha gonna do, Johnny? Ron didn't bring any girly drinks.
JA: I'll survive.
RS: Girly drinks? Damn. [hands Niles a glass]
NA: Man, ya'll are great.
Nurse: [peeking in around door] Ya'll can't have alcohol in here.
AA: Shit.
NA: But I'm...
Nurse: Get it out. Sorry guys.
RS: Damn. [Pushes keg back out.]
AA: Well... never mind that. We know you've found the Lord and all, so we thought we'd bring in somebody special.
NA: Billy Graham?
JA: Superstar Billy Graham? He's that guy preaching on TV?
AA: No, dumbass! But Superstar did get religious, too. No Niles, we present to you, Jesus.
[Aaron Aguliera, last seen as Carlito's bodyguard, Jesus, walks into the room to total silence.]
AA: Whatcha think, boss?
NA: [silence]
JA: [to AA] He's in awe.
J: I'd just like to thank you Mr. Anderson, for inviting me down here. I've been looking for work for a while now, and I was beginning to get discouraged, especially after that deal with the Bulldog guy fell through. But thanks to you, and your two friends here, I feel like I have a purpose again.
NA: [silence]
JA: This is the guy you've been talking about, right? The savior? I didn't know he was Hispanic.
AA: THAT guy can walk on water? I gotta see this.
[Niles looks at Johnny and AA like they're crazy, then passes back out.]
J: Is he okay?
JA: He'll be fine. [JA grabs a sandwich off the plate Flair brought in.] Want one?
AA: How do you say "sandwich" in Spanish?
[Jesus takes the sandwich, and he and the Chickenshit Heels leave the room, flipping off the light on he way out.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 20, 2008 11:56:23 GMT -5
<Jack walks into the locker room where LD Williams and Thim Reynolds sit. Jack is covered in blood and still has a crazed look in his eyes>
TR: Jesus Jack, you look like hell!
MHJ: Where's Eric?
LDW: Off doing something on The Ocho, why, what's up?
MHJ: Look, make sure he gets this message. This thing with Niles and Crete, it is gonna get sick. Niles is taking this to a whole nother level, and I am too.
LDW: Yeah about that....
MHJ: Hold on. Look, Williams you have the IC title to defend, Thim, you are a wrecking machine, you need to go out there and keep hurting people, Eric has the Onslaught title. What I am getting at...I know we have each other's backs, and if you need any favors from me, just ask, but this thing with Niles and Crete? I gotta do this one on my own.
TR: What? But Niles and Crete are siding up, and Niles still has Adrenaline and AA, Jack are you sure about this?
MHJ: <looks a little distant> Yeah. You guys focus on what you gotta do. When this is done, when Niles and Concrete are done, then it's back to normal. Right now, I can't drag you guys into this, not this. It's too much.
Trust me.
<Jack leaves the room, Thim and LD Williams look at each other>
LDW: I think he has finally snapped
TR: Yeah, and they thought he was dangerous before......
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 20, 2008 11:56:43 GMT -5
(CTG, so busy preparing for his matches that he hasn't seen all that's gone on in Niles' room, finally returns to see him. He has a small bag in his hand.)
CTG: (peek) Hey Niles....??
Niles: (unconscious)
CTG: (slips inside anyway, whispering) darn, I was hoping you were awake. I brought you something.....
(CTG opens the bag and pulls out a small book)
CTG: I found you a bible - I didn't think OOWFShop sold em, but it was only five bucks...... I wanted to read to you a passage about this time of year.
(CTG lovingly opens the book, flips a few pages, then reads aloud quietly)
CTG: "....and there were the same crowds of people, gathered quietly like a Flock at night, and lo, an Angel of the Ring appeared before them. The glory of the Ring shone round about them, and they were quite confused, when the Angel said unto them 'Esse! I bring you tidings, holmes! Cause today, up in Canada, was born a Wolverine - he is Chris Benoit! And he's gonna be awesome, vato! When we see him, he'll have gold around his waist and a big grin on his face!' And suddenly around this Angel were a multitude of the Greater workrate praising Benoit, and saying - 'glory to the Dungeon in the highest - and in work, peace, goodwill to all fans.' "
That's what wrestling is all about, Niles....
(CTG closes the book and wipes a tear from his eye)
CTG: And Eddie's right, I can't let this match ruin my christmas. I want you at my side, Niles, and I'll prove to you that I AM a worthy opponent.
(CTG leaves the bible on the stand next to Niles)
CTG: I'll see you at Midweek Mayhem, Niles. We'll stop Moose... togeteher.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 20, 2008 11:57:06 GMT -5
Attitude Adjuster is hanging out with Johnny Adrenaline, Ric Flair and Jesus C. Kidneypuncher at a local dining establishment.
AA: Wow, I never really thought I’d be able to meet Jesus. And you look remarkably young, too.
JCK: Well, I try to stay in shape because I never know when my next big break will come. That Bulldog guy may have messed with me, but it seems like the OOWF is on the up and up. And by the way, I pronounce my name “Hey-soos,” not “Geez-us.”
AA: Hey no problem there, “Hey-soos.” Must be one of those weird dialect things like when we go to Canada. Anyway, we were thinking that since Niles is all into God now, we needed someone to be on our side. I mean, Ric and Ron and Fred the Monkey and The Boogeyman are cool and all, but none of them actually have ties with the Big Buddha, you know? So, for instance, we have a match this week against The Devil’s Brigade. Can you, like, throw lightning or create a flood or something?
JCK: I’m not sure about that. But I can run out and punch them in the kidneys!
AA: Does that have some mythical dehabilitating feature? Is a kidney punch worse than a heart punch? Those hurt.
JCK: If you need, I could stab them in the kidneys.
AA: Wow, I didn’t know Jesus did things like that. I thought you were all peaceful and stuff. Hey, Johnny, this guy’s gonna be more useful than I thought.
Johnny, Ric and Ron are trying to stifle laughter.
JA: Look guys, we gotta get back to the arena and the traffic is looking pretty bad.
RF: I’ll drive!
15 minutes later
AA: Damn, we’re stuck in all this traffic.
RF: WHHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JA: Calm down, Ric. It’s OK, it’s just a little traffic.
RF: A…LITTLE…TRAFFIC!!!!! ABUSE…OF…ROADWAYS!!!!!!! WHHHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ric gets out of the car and struts up to the driver in front of him.
RF: HEY, FAT BOY!!!!!!! MOVE YOUR CAR NOW!!!!!!!!!!
Other Driver: But I’m stuck here just like you. There’s no where to go.
RF: WE CAN GO TO SPACE MOUNTAIN, FAT BOY!!!!!! THAT’S WHERE I TOOK YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!!! WHHOOOOOO!!!!!!
OD: Space Mountain? Girlfriend? I don’t understand. Plus, I’m gay.
RF: WHHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Ric strips off his jacket, struts around to the front of the car, struts up onto the hood and drops repeated elbows on the hood of the car!!! He then opens the hood, checks the oil, drops the dipstick to the ground and drops an elbow on the dipstick!!!!
RF: YOU’RE A QUART LOW!!!!! WHOOOO!!!!!!!!!
JCK: I wonder if I still have that Bulldog guy’s E-Mail...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 20, 2008 11:57:23 GMT -5
Seraph is seen sitting reading some book in a dimly lit corner of backstage when a blindfolded WWE Champion John Cena bumps into him while looking for his self-respect.
JC: YO yo yo yo yo homey- The Champ is HERE! Have you seen that Kurt Angle loser? I was just on my way to a my next match against him where I'm gonna be handcuffed and in leg irons along with this blindfold - I mean I know that Kurt Angle sucks, but I think there might actually be a chance he wins this time - because you know - a hell. who am I kidding, I'll be cashing checks and breaking necks all the way to the bank on that one - hells yea! Because I'm rolling with the power of the chain gang, where as Kurt and his buddy Davari are busy ganging eachother in the shower -Damn! You catching all this homey - I'm busting out my mad skillz here tonight - you one lucky bastard because the Champ is here!
[The camera zooms out from Cena's overly animated blindfold shroud to reveal that Seraph up and left at somepoint during Cena's pointless rant - a witty and sarcastic OOWF superstar might have given Cena a parting 'you can't see me' as he left, but Seraph... Seraph said nothing.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 20, 2008 11:57:40 GMT -5
*The BlackDawgs are walking through the parking lot when 1 boomerang strikes BD on the head, taking him down. Another strikes a glancing blow on UD, who staggers slightly, then another direct hit takes him down too.*
GB: I've got to work on my aim.
OBJ: Don't think of it as work, think of it as fun.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 20, 2008 11:58:01 GMT -5
SFJ#34C (they're real!) stomps down the corridor, nearly walking into Capellan.
"What's the matter?" he asks, catching sight of her furious expression.
"I tried to get an interview with Seraph." the SFJ waves her hands dismissively, "And he just said nothing! I mean, why did he have to be so rude? I'm just trying to do my job!"
"Don't worry about it." Capellan rests his hand on her shoulder, "'raph's a strange dude, but he's OK. He was probably just wrapped up in something."
"Oh, ok." the SFJ's attention span is exceeded, and she skips off down the corridor.
Capellan, however, frowns thoughtfully before he walks away.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 20, 2008 11:58:23 GMT -5
<The two "W"s from wCw rollerblade into Drink & Destroy's locker room. There they witness Stank & FF Capslock drinking cans of... MOUNTAIN DEW?>
TW - Whoa! You guys are down with the DEW?
Stank - Yeah. We want to be hyper rad radicals like the Tag-Team Champs.
FFC - After all... It's worked for you guys. It's bound to have a great effect on us.
Stank - Here... join us! Do the DEW dudes!
<FFC hands the Tag-Team champion's large plastic cups filled with Mountain Dew. wCw happily gulp down several cups. A good time is had by all>
FFC - So... about our match. We want to put on the best match possible.
JWW - Sure... Totally! We ALWAYS try to have the match of the night!
Stank - Exactly. And we wouldn't want it any other w... Hey? Are you alright?
TW - Dude... IIIIII feeel funny.
JWW - Whassup with the rooom spinning. HEE HEE HEE HEE! You look sho funny!
TW - YO! Wha was in those DEWS, bros?
FFC - What are you guys talking about? It was just Mountain Dew.
Stank - Hey you guys look a little out of it. You want to lie down?
JWW - Nah... I think we should *hic* get back to our... whooooooa!
FFC - Oookaay. Well if you insist on leaving, allow us to push you down the hall to your locker room. You shouldn't be roller blading in your state.
TW - Thanks dudes.
<Wilder and Westgaard collapse in a heap>
Stank - Damn these guys can't hold their liqour for nothin!
FFC - Never have I seen such lightweights!
Stank - And it was only Dew mixed with ZIMA! Geez! Frickin pansies!
FFC - Well Zima or no... that should slow the buggers down enough for our match tonight! Help me get these guys to their room.
<Drink and Destroy lift wCw to their feet and roll the Tag Champs to their locker room. They tuck the two in their bunk beds then look on fondly at their handy work>
Stank - Aww they're like little angels!
FFC - Nighty night dudes. Sweet dreams. Heh Heh.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 20, 2008 11:58:58 GMT -5
## EOM arrive in the dressing room after his interview
Thim: hiya Eric, good interview man
EOM: thanks. Nice of them to ask me really considering how much attention this belt gets around here - especially with this thing with Niles and Moose going off like it is
TR: yeah, they have gone a bit off the deep end really this time haven't then
EOM: kinda yea, all I'm saying is that I'm glad I'm not in Niles shoes - I have no idea what state Moose is going to be in when this thing all blows over but I know Niles isn't going to be looking pretty
TR: yeah, about that. Moose has asked that we stay out of this one - something about going alone for now.
EOM: well that's a bit rich isn't it considering we just got this team together
TR: if you say so, but who's going to argue with him when he's in this mood!!
EOM: good point
TR: speaking of good points Eric, exactly how good of a point was 'don't think he'll have a chance in hell of beating me' . . .
EOM: oh come on Thim. You're not going to get all pissy about that throw away comment with me are you - look the interviewer was looking for some gossip so I sold her some. Don't worry about it man - I'd much rather be facing Firechild this week than you, you know that
TR: OK fine. But just remember that just because you're currently holding my belt doesn't mean that I'm not going to be pushing theRick for a shot as soon as possible - speaking of which watch that bastard Firechild, he's a tricky fuck
EOM: you're telling me, he's blind-sided me once already
TR: well we're going to have to stick together on this one then aren't we
EOM: if that's cool with you then it's cool with me
TR: cool . . .
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 20, 2008 12:14:26 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Jackpot, Nevada SHASHWAT MISHRA vs. BENNETT SINATRALocal Vegas Championship Wrestling Brass Knuckles champion Bennett “The Velvet Fog” Sinatra is out, he is flanked by his two goons, Knuckles and Rocky. Newcomer Shashwat Mishra comes out next and waits at ringside while sizing up the competition. He waits for a moment then heads to the back. Sinatra, Rocky and Knuckles are laughing in the ring and making the international “coward” sign. After a few seconds Mishra comes back to ringside carrying a chair that is wrapped in barbed wire and what looks like cloth. Mishra taunts Sinatra from the ramp, finally Sinatra has had enough, and he sends his goons to take care of his light work. As they are about to snatch up Mishra, Shashwat produces a lighter and ignites the chair! FLAMING BARBED WIRE CHAIR!! Rocky gets a shot right on the head, which drops him instantly, Knuckles, tries to run, but he gets a flaming barbed wire chair shot across the back. Mishra drops the chair and slides under the ropes. Officials rush out with a fire extinguisher to put out the chair, Sinatra stands staring in disbelief. This allows Mishra to level him with a clothesline. While the ref is paying attention to what is going on outside the ring, Mishra pulls a piece of metal from his tights, it is wrapped in tape, for a better grip, and SM pummels Sinatra’s forehead with it. SM pulls Sinatra to his feet and sends him to the ropes, SM runs to the corner, climbs the ropes and propels himself backward, catching a rebounding Sinatra in the mouth with a back elbow. SM stomps away at Sinatra, then drops a leg across his face. SM pulls Sinatra up and hits him with the Bangladesh Breaker (a vertical suplex into a sit down rude awakening, into a reverse snap mare) Sinatra is out, SM rolls him over and locks on the STF, the ref checks, but Sinatra is out cold. He calls for the bell, this one is over. WINNER in 6:42 Shashwat Mishra MERCURY vs. UNCLE ENTITYOut of the gate the lockup is won by Mercury who immediately takes control with a switched side headlock, flowing it by a quick tap top the back of UE's knees to drop him to the canvas and then an elbow drop to the thigh . . . both wrestlers are back to their feet with UE rubbing the back of his leg to try and get some feeling into it. UE switches the lockup this time and hits a great looking German release suplex but is unable to follow-up properly as Mercury rolls straight out of the ring. UE moves over to 'help' Mercury back into the ring but Mercury grabs UE's feet and pulls him half out of the ring before slamming his leg down on the ring apron. Before UE can roll out of the way Mercury, still outside, drags him over to the corner and wraps his knee around it. The ref warns Mercury off but it's too late, the damage is done. Mercury now takes control of the match as UE tries in vain to hold him off on one leg - which is just standing out like a target for Mercury who hits it with every offensive move he can think of. By this stage Mercury is beginning to get more than a little bit cocky . . . UE is still struggling after all of the work on the knee by Mercury and as he once more tries to get to his feet, Mercury runs the ropes and totally levels him with a flying lariat. Mercury pulls UE into position slightly nearer the corner, climbs to the top turnbuckle, gestures to the crowd and takes off for the Lead Poisoning. As he leaps his foot slips slightly causing him to under-rotate on the second flip and he crashes into the mat short of UE, narrowly avoiding landing straight on his head. The ref starts a ten count which is answered fir by UE who pulls himself up using the ropes at 6 followed by a very badly dazed Mercury at 9. Sensing the moment, UE just manages to lift Mercury before his leg gives out again but as he was going to bring him down into the The Soul Driver anyway he still manages to hit the move. UE crawls round for the cover and the one, two three. WINNER in 15:23 – Uncle Entity CANADIAN DRAGON vs. AUSTRAROOCD and Austraroo lock up to start and CD gets things started with an arm drag which lead to a solid minute and half flurry of reversals and chain wrestling. After all is said and done, Roo ends up flat on his back after CD nails him with a three amigos series of vertical suplexes. CD covers but Roo kicks out. Roo tries to get some offense going with some quick rabbit punches and a kick to the gut and a DDT. Roo goes for a delayed vertical suplex but CD counters into a roll up for two. Roo charges and his clothesline is ducked and CD nails a Neck breaker. CD goes for a Maple Leaf and cinches it in, but somehow fights his way to the ropes. CD breaks the hold and pulls Roo up and pulls him into the corner at sets himself up on the tope rope and nails Roo with a wicked looking tornado DDT. Roo is down and glassy eyed. CD with a cover and Roo kicks at 2 7/8. CD pulls Roo up and sets him up for the Canadian Destroyer, but somehow Roo has the where-with-all to back body drop CD. As CD gets to his feet ROO NAILS HIM WITH A ROO KICK TO THE JAW! Roo is out on his feet, but manages to covers CD and holds on for the 1,2,3! WINNER in 8:58 - Austraroo CAPELLAN vs. SERAPHCap attacks Seraph at the bell. He is really fired up tonight, hitting lefts, rights, kicks, and some stiff forearms. He snap suplexes Seraph. A snap mare is followed up with a kick to the back. Cap hits his picture perfect dropkick. Seraph tries a Russian leg sweep but Cap is able to jump out of it and nail Seraph with a DDT and a cover for 2. They duke it out in the middle of the ring. Seraph kicks Cap through the ropes and finally is able to take a breather from Cap’s high octane offense. Seraph climbs to the outside and chops Cap into the guard rail and tosses him back into the ring. Cap tries for a move off the apron, but Seraph trips him up. He then grabs Cap and swings him into the guardrail. Cap is now favoring his ribs. Seraph throws Cap into the guardrail and follows up with a running kick to the chest. Back in the ring, Seraph hits his snap mare and then lands a knee drop to Cap’s ribs. Cap tries to come back with kicks, but Seraph gets the better of it. Seraph then nails a pile driver. Seraph goes for the cover but Cap kicks out at 2. Seraph locks in an abdominal stretch which Cap sells like a champ (still favoring those ribs). Seraph pulls hard on the stretch and also lands a few punches to the exposed ribs. Cap is able to hip toss out of the hold, but gets caught with a drop toe hold by Seraph slamming his head into the turnbuckle. Seraph sets up for the superplex. Cap blocks it and fights back Seraph is teetering and almost falls back to the ring. Seraph stabilizes and is able to land punches of his own to regain control. He sets Cap up again and finally hits the superplex. Cover gets 2. Cap tries to comeback, but is too beat up to capitalize on the opening. Seraph is able to land a viscous knee to the ribs. Cap rolls to the outside. Seraph calmly sits down in a corner and looks to be mediating. Cap gets back to his feet, climbs to the apron and springboards in, but Seraph is up again and catches him with a power bomb pin for two. Seraph locks in the sharpshooter, but Cap gets to the ropes. Seraph locks it in again after pulling Cap clear across the ring away from the ropes. Cap is screaming in pain but finds a way out by flipping over forces Seraph to break the hold. Seraph goes for a running clothesline into the corner, but Cap backdrops him out of the ring. Cap hits an Asai Moonsault on Seraph. Seraph climbs back into the ring and Cap springboards back into the ring, nailing Seraph with a spinning kick to the back of the head. Cap goes for the cover and gets a 2 count. Seraph tries to German Suplex Cap, but Cap lands on his feet. Inverted DDT by Cap gets a two count. Seraph power slams Cap. Seraph comes back with more kicks, but Cap starts blocking them. A spin kick by Cap takes Seraph down. Cap goes for the Spinning Dragon Kick but Seraph ducks it. Cap is able to hit a hurricarana instead. Seraph nails Cap with a clothesline which flips Cap over onto his face. Seraph covers for 2. Seraph is shaking his head wondering how much pain he has to inflict on Cap to keep him down. Seraph pile drives Cap again and covers but only gets two. Cap tries to fight back. Seraph locks in rear naked choke, but Cap is able to flip Seraph to break it. Cap comes back like a house on fire hitting hip tosses and clotheslines. Cap jumps to the top rope but Seraph is up and catches him on the turnbuckle managing to hit the Propitiation from the turnbuckle. Seraph covers and finally gets the 3 count. WINNER at 25:14 Seraph THE CHICKENSHIT HEELS vs. THE DEVIL’S BRIGADEThe Devil's Brigade paces the ring, waiting for the CSH, who appear to be in no hurry. Johnny and AA eventually make their way to the ring and onto the ring apron. They taunt the brigade, explaining in great detail the pain they're going to cause. Harper yawns in terror, walks over, and knocks their heads together, sending the Heels to the floor. Harper makes to follow, but the ref backs him off while the CHS regain the ring. Tommy and AA elect to start for their teams and the ref calls for the bell. They lock up and AA grabs a headlock. Tommy shoots him into the ropes and hits a belly-to-belly suplex. AA gets up, dusts himself off, and tags a surprised Johnny Adrenaline. JA glares at his partner and climbs in the ring. JA circles for a lockup, pokes Tommy in the eye, and goes back to his corner, tagging AA despite the fact he's busy taunting the fans. AA turns round incredulously. Johnny holds the ropes for him to enter. AA stomps into the ring, points at Camby, and sac punches Tommy as the ref turns away. AA stops back to his corner, slaps JA on the shoulder, and points him back into the ring. As they make the switch, they're hit by a flying Harper, who drives JA into the corner and AA to the floor. Camby throws JA hard into the Brigade’s corner. Before he can follow up the referee forces him out of the ring. JA recovers in the corner and goes after Tommy. As JA reaches for him, Tommy explodes up from his knees with a wicked left to the jaw that flips JA right over backwards. Tommy, still having trouble walking, throws JA into the corner and makes the tag. Camby punches away at JA and slings him into the ropes. As Camby hits the opposite strands, AA hooks his ankle. Camby to land on his face and JA drops an elbow to the back of his head. As the Ref yells at AA to get back to his corner, JA picks Camby up, pokes him in the eye, and snap mares him over. JA with a kick to the back of the head. As he attempts a second one, Camby grabs his leg and yanks him off his feet. Camby doesn’t bother getting up, throwing himself in the air just enough to drive an elbow into JA’s throat. Camby rolls on top and punches away until AA knocks him off with a diving forearm. The ref ushers AA out as Camby gets up. JA nails a low blow, and pulls Camby’s tights, levering him into the CSH’s corner. Camby strikes the second turnbuckle face-first and goes down as JA makes the tag. AA climbs the ropes and drops a knee to the back of Camby’s head. AA picks him up and shoves him into the corner. AA with a chop that echoes through the building. AA hits a second one and turns to tell the fans how good he is, drawing the Ref’s attention so that JA can choke Camby with the tag rope. AA turns around and spri-er-lumbers back into the corner, driving his shoulder into Camby’s midsection. AA pulls Camby out of the corner and hits the attitude adjustment. AA covers, but Tommy’s in to break it up at two. The Ref directs Tommy back to his corner, and AA takes the opportunity to knee drop Camby rather below the belt. AA attempts to kick Camby in the head, but Camby grabs his foot. AA tries to fight him off, but can’t maintain enough balance to get a shot in. Camby stands up, still holding the foot. Camby knocks AA off-balance and grabs both his legs AA goes down. Camby turns AA on the mat and slingshots AA into the Brigades corner, where AA flies full tilt into a Wicked Left Hook. AA crumples to the mat. JA comes in, but Camby scoops him up. Tommy off the ropes – Triple 6!! Tommy throws JA through the ropes and follows him out as Camby covers AA. One…Two…Three. WINNERS in 19:59 - The Devil’s Brigade. PHIL vs. DONOVAN VIPER The announcer announces Phil first, nothing. Then he announces Donovan Viper, nothing. The crowd gets anxious, the ref and announcers both look confused. Finally we see on the mammOOthtron that Phil is making his way to the ring. As he rounds a corner Donovan Viper attacks him with a chair, dropping Phil to one knee. Viper hammers on Phil’s head, but Phil shoves him off and gets to his feet, Viper charges but eats a big boot from Phil. Phil hip tosses Viper onto a table, but before he can do anything Viper reaches up and rakes Phil’s eyes, Phil staggers for a moment, Viper stands on top of the table and leaps hitting a flying clothesline that sends both men sprawling to the floor. Viper is up to his feet first, Phil slowly gets to his feet, standing in front of the table, DV charges and Phil hits a big back drop that sends DV down and through the table. Phil pulls Viper out of the wreckage and drags him toward the wall, Phil attempts to slam Viper’s head into the wall, but Viper blocks it, switches behind Phil, low blows him and runs a doubled over Phil into the wall! Phil’s head is imbedded into the drywall. He pulls his head free, slumps to his knees and eats a DEATH ELBOW to the head. Phil falls to the floor, Donovan Viper grabs Ayaka’s bat and hammers away on Phil. After Phil stops moving, Donnie drops the bat and starts to walk away. After a few seconds, we hear Ayaka yell for Donnie, as he turns around, Phil comes charging and spears Viper through the door. Both men crash through the wood, and once the dust settles we see GM the Rick sitting behind where his desk would normally be, the desk is shattered, and in his hands, Rick holds the neck of a whiskey bottle, the rest is gone. GM the Rick slowly looks from the gaping hole in the wall, to the shattered whiskey bottle to the two men choking each other on his floor. GM the Rick: THAT IS IT!!!!!! ENOUGH!!!!
<Viper and Phil stop fighting and slowly get to their feet>
Since it is obvious you two cannot handle a regular match, next week in Captain Cook, Hawaii, you two have a falls count anywhere, ANYWHERE, match. It is an Island, so I assume you two can only go so far.
<Phil and Donnie glare at each other>
GET OUT!!!!!! WINNER – No Match THIM REYNOLDS vs. CORAXOnslaught rules match, Thim stands in the corner; arms crossed across his chest defiantly, and stares at Corax intently as he makes his way to the ring. Corax appears to be intently debating something, with himself as usual. He climbs between the ropes, and we hear him yell, FINE, I’LL DO IT! Then marches up to Thim and backhands him across the face. Thim slowly turns back to look at Corax, a trickle of blood runs from his lip. A broad smile spreads across Thim’s face, and the brawl is on! Thim lunges at Corax out of the corner, but Corax is just a bit quicker than Thim and drops him to the mat with a drop toe hold. Corax springs to his feet, and as Thim gets to one knee, Corax unleashes a drop kick to his face. Thim falls to the mat and Corax bounds off the ropes and hits a running leg drop. Cover only gets a one count. Corax pulls Thim to his feet and grabs a side head lock; Thim immediately reverses it into a belly to back suplex that folds Corax in half. Thim rolls Corax over on his stomach and pummels the back of his head with forearms. Thim hooks a half nelson and rolls Corax over, but can only get two. Thim pulls Corax to his feet and unleashes a brutal chop. Corax staggers a moment, then goes nuts and unleashes a series of chops that back Thim to the ropes. Corax whips Thim to the opposite ropes and catches him with a high knee to the chin, then keeps hammering on Thim with kicks and chops. Corax takes a step back and goes for the shining wizard, but Thim catches his leg and pulls him in and hits a capture suplex. Both men are quickly back to their feet, Corax charges and Thim hits him with a release belly to belly suplex. Corax slowly gets to his feet near the ropes, Thim charges and Corax tries to back drop Thim over the top rope to the floor, but Thim lands on the apron, spins Corax around and hits a clothesline from the apron. Thim climbs back into the ring and covers, but Corax gets his foot on the ropes at two. Thim pulls Corax to his feet and hits a series of head buts that rocks Corax, Thim tries a whip but Corax reverses it and catches Thim in an atomic drop, followed by a super kick to the mouth. Corax grabs Thim’s legs and rolls through, two count, Thim bridges up out of it, spins through it twice and lifts Corax and hits a PENDULUM PILEDRIVER! Corax may be dead. Thim pulls a stunned Corax to his feet, shoves him hard into the corner, Corax hits chest first and staggers out of the corner, Thim grabs Corax from behind and lifts him for a choke slam and drops him down across his knee. As soon as Corax hits the mat, Thim locks on the Adjustment. Corax fights for the ropes, but can’t make it and is forced to tap out. WINNER in 13:41 Thim Reynolds After the match, Corax immediately slides out to the floor and grabs a chair. As Thim gets to his feet, Corax climbs the ropes and leaps off, slamming the chair down across Thim’s head. Thim crumples to the mat, blood pours from a large gash on his head. Thim’s eyes look glassy as he fights to stay conscious. Corax throws the chair at him and leaves the ring. Thim is helped to his feet and heads to the back. THE TEAM FROM DOWN UNDER vs. THE BLACK DAWGSThe TFDU are announced first but no one comes out. They switch to a backstage feed and both teams are brawling towards the ring. BD power bombs GB against a wall. Even as GB slams into the polished bricks, OBJ nearly decapitates BD with a Boomerang~!!! UD and OBJ exchange huge right hands and fight there way down the ramp. GB recovers first and stomps away at BD before whipping him hard head first into a wall. GB hits a huge jumping hook kick to the back of UD’s head. UD staggers right into an OBJ big boot. TFDU drag UD into the ring and the ref rings the bell. BD staggers down the aisle as OBJ takes it to UD in the corner. Huge corner splash is avoided and UD snatches OBJ up with desperation choke slam. GB meets BD on the entrance ramp and they slug it out. OBJ takes himself and UD over the top rope with a clothesline. GB attempts to commit murder with a Chomp~!!! on the steel to BD, but BD flips out of it and locks in a Full Nelson. GB blocks the attempt at a Dragon Suplex and counters with a mule kick. The ref has totally lost control and signals for the bell as BD writhes in pain. NO CONTEST. UD whiffs on a big boot and turns right into a spear from GB. They haul UD to his feet only for GB to take a wicked chair shot to the back of the head. UD uses the distraction and nearly uppercuts OBJ out of his boots. BD wails on GB with the chair until UD whips OBJ into a vile chair shot. WINNERS – No Contest in 7:49 ERIC O’MAC vs. FIRECHILD – Onslaught Championship MatchEOM stalls before locking up, very hesitant to get things going. FC goes to initiate things, but Eric steps between the ropes in the corner. Finally, EOM decides he's ready and goes face to face with FC in the middle of the ring. Eric talks some smack, and sticks his face out, asking Firechild to punch him. FC wants to wrestle and refuses to hit him. Eric slaps him! FC looks to the ref, as if to get the okay to deck him, then drops Eric with a single right hand. FC covers, and Eric looks like he grabs FC's tights. Firechild quickly pulls away, stands up, and pulls out a set of brass knuckles that Eric had just placed on him. The ref asks FC about it, and Firechild pleas innocent. However, the diversion allows Eric to roll FC up from behind and GETS THE THREE COUNT with a handful of tights in perhaps the biggest disgrace of an Onslaught Title match in some time. Eric slips out of the ring and grabs the title, as Firechild lets an audible "What the fuck was that?" get picked up by the ringside cameras. WINNER in 3:02 and STILL Onslaught Champion: Eric O'Mac wCw vs. DRINK & DESTROY – OOWF World Tag Team Title MatchThis is OBVIOUSLY the stiffest challenge for the champions thus far. But the champs refuse to back own from the bigger challengers, getting right in Stank and Capslock's faces as the bell sounds. After a few seconds of a stare down, Stank palms Tommy's face and shoves him away, drawing a retaliation right hand from Westgaard. FFC grabs JWW and pounds him down, but Wilder flies in with a forearm. Stank grabs TW from behind and tosses him across the ring, and Tommy charges right back and dropkicks him. Stank stays on his feet and backdrops TW over the top on a second charge. But as Stank turns to taunt Wilder, Westgaard runs from behind and clotheslines Stank over the top. Capslock charges, but JWW ducks, then peppers him with rights and lefts. To the ropes, but FFC takes Westgaard down hard with a shoulder block. Capslock tries again, but J.W. grabs the ropes and points behind FFC. He turns around into an "Air Pillman" springboard clothesline from Wilder. Cover gets two, and the referee still hasn't got control of this one. Stank back in, but the champs double team him, as well. JWW can't suplex him, and Wilder's help is for naught, so they drop him with a DDT instead. Thesz Press by JWW on FFC, and Tommy comes off the second rope with a leg drop. Stank pulls Tommy off by the leg before the ref can count, but Tommy hits an enziguri, knocking Stank out of the ring. wCw sets up for Nitro, but J.W. can't get leverage on FFC, and Capslock shoves him away. Tommy comes off the top, but FFC catches him and gets a fall away slam, sending Tommy bouncing out of the ring. Stank rolls back in, and Westgaard charges at Capslock. But FFC moves and Westgaard eats a boot from Stank. Things finally settle down as the challengers isolate Westgaard in their corner. Some standard big man offense keeps JWW tied up for a bit, and Capslock drops Westgaard with a huge belly to belly. Cover is broken up by Wilder. FFC sends JWW to the ropes, but misses a clothesline, and Westgaard rebounds with the CROSSCHECK~! Both guys are down and we have a count. Ref gets to five and Capslock realizes he's in his own corner. Tag to Stank, and he drags JWW back to the middle before Tommy can get a tag. Big splash misses, but Westgaard rolled away from his corner, and can't get to Wilder to tag out. JWW gets to his feet and tries to leap over Stank, but gets a spine buster for his troubles. STANKONIA~! Cover broken up by Tommy again. That pisses Stank off, and he chases Wilder back to the corner and they have words. But as Stank goes back toward Westgaard, JWW crawls between his legs and makes the tag! Tommy in with a missile dropkick then dropkicks Capslock's knees, knocking him off the apron. Tommy walks on Stank's back, then springboards back with a Lionsault. Tommy with a somersault plancha over the top onto Capslock, and they scatter on the floor. Stank gets to his feet, but Westgaard has recovered and nails him with a CROSSCHECK~! Stank sells it big and flops out to the floor. Tommy rolls Capslock back in, and the champs look for Nitro again. But Tommy sees Stank stirring on the floor, so TW leaps off with a head scissors and hits him with a hurricanrana. As JWW cheers on Tommy, Capslock recovers and hits JWW with GREETINGS FROM FRESNO~! Neither man is legal, so the ref refuses to count. Tommy on the apron and tries to sunset flip in on FFC. But Capslock sits on him, and again, since FFC isn't legal, the ref will not count. FFC is upset about that, and throws Westgaard over the top in frustration. Capslock looks for Greetings From Fresno on Wilder, but Tommy counters into a tornado DDT. As the ref tries to get Capslock out of the ring, Stank's decided he's seen enough, opts for the previously denied heel turn, grabbing a chair from ringside. But before he can make it to Wilder, Westgaard comes in with the hockey stick and hits the chair back into Stank's face! JWW drops the stick and bails. The ref turns to see a chair and the stick lying in the ring, but can't make a call on anything. Tommy hits the AIRWALK~! One, two, three, and somehow the champions retain. WINNERS in 22:22 - wCw. LD WILLIAMS vs. CHRIS ALT vs. MR. JEALOUS – OOWF Intercontinental Title MatchMJ attacks CA as LD makes his entrance. MJ mauls CA in the corner with a huge clothesline then beals him across the ring. 2 count follows as LD takes his time. MJ with a couple of scoop slams and a big elbow drop for another 2. MJ gives LD a cautious look before hauling CA up for the Jealous Rage~!!! CA snaps out of his daze and counters with an inverted DDT. LD finally attacks and tosses CA out of the ring. He stomps on MJ’s head a few times before pulling him to his feet for a DDT. LD covers, but CA pulls him out of the ring at the last moment. They exchange rights and lefts until LD thumbs CA’s eye and hits him with forearm shot that staggers him towards the steps. MJ has joined them on the outside and clubs LD from behind. LD stumbles forward and CA toe trips him face first into the steps. The ref begins a count since all three men are on the outside. CA rolls in just long enough to break before MJ roughly pulls him back out. Hard whip into the barricade is followed by some shoulders to the gut. LD comes up bleeding locks in a choke hold on MJ from behind. MJ runs him back first into the ring post three times before LD releases. MJ charges with a clothesline and MJ gets nothing but steel. LD quickly grabs the arm and swings it into the steel again. Before he can follow up, CA springs off of MJ’s back with a clothesline to LD. The ref is very lenient with the count as MJ rolls back in. CA and LD brawl up the ramp. MJ sees this and follows suit. The ref gives up on a count and allows all three to continue brawling. CA back flips out of a German Suplex and takes LD down with a back suplex. MJ pounces and takes CA down with a vicious clothesline. He drags CA to his feet and positions him for a power bomb off the stage. LD low blows MJ, gives CA a look and the two of them give the larger man a tandem front suplex off the stage and through the stage equipment below. That moment of camaraderie complete CA and LD continue brawling to the back as MJ lies barely conscious in a pile of broken wood and tangled wires. The ref has no choice but to declare the match a NO CONTEST. WINNER – No Contest in 23:11 NILES ANDERSON vs. HARDBODY HARRIS vs. CHRIS COLE – OOWF World Heavyweight Title MatchMatch start up with Niles Anderson offering a handshake to Harris and Cole – who both look dubious….Niles hands the belt to the referee, and requests that the ref allow each of his competitors to touch it. Niles then asks for a time out, and kneels in his corner for a moment of prayer…. And Chris Cole stalks up behind him, ready to drop the hammer! But Hardbody grabs his arm, spins the 3PS member around and goes for a fast TO BE EDITED IN LATER! Coles twists free, and takes a swing at Harris! Harris ducks, and connects with a shot of his own! Now Chris Cole and Hardbody are trading punches in the middle of the ring, and Niles is JUST finishing up his prayer! Niles boldly walks up to the two battlers, and separates them, admonishing both for using a closed first – HH looks confused, but Cole simply obliges by nailing the Champ with a clothesline! Now Coles starts in with kicks and stomps, while Hardbody looks on, as if he is unsure of what to do. Niles covers, while Coles goes off the far ropes for an elbow drop – and Harris EXPLODES off the opposite ropes, hitting Cole square with a flying shoulder tackle! Harris goes on the offensive, hitting a delayed vertical suplex, a DDT, and then the #1 Leg Drop in the OOWF! Niles gets to his feet just as Cole rolls out of the ring. Niles comes up behind Hardbody, who, sensing impending danger, spins around, fists cocked. Niles holds up his hands, offers to shake…. Harris warily shakes hands with the Champ, and then Anderson locks up clean? ? Niles to the head lock – push off to the ropes by Harris, shoulder tackle knocks Niles to the mat. The champ is up, Harris charges, Niles drops Harris jumps over, to the opposite ropes, back, Niles leapfrogs – Harris rebounds, a second leapfrog by Niles. 3rd time, Harris catches Niles in mid-leap and plants the champ with a spine buster! Quick cover, Niles kicks out at 2! Both up – Niles applauds, and offers another handshake! Cole is back in the ring, and hits Harris from behind with a forearm shiver – As Harris arches his back in pain, Coles hooks the neck and drives HHH over his knee in a backbreaker variant. Coles muscles Harris up, hits a second backbreaker! He lets Harris hit the mat, and drives a boot into Hardbody gut – before he can do any more damage, Niles is over with a release German suplex on Chris Cole! Harris rolls out of the ring to recover, and now it is Niles Anderson, putting on a clinic – suplexes, arm drags, a hip toss – always one move ahead of Cole, who is getting more pissed by the minute…. Then Niles is a step too slow, and it is Chris Cole with a reversal and a DDT! Before Niles can react, Cole stomps on the champ’s knee – then goes to the knee wrench, and a knee bar! Niles tries to roll out, but Cole turns THAT into a STF! Harris is starting to get back into the ring – but the crowd starts CHEERING NILES ANDERSON? Niles seems to draw energy from the crowd, and makes it to the ropes, just as Harris nails Coles in the head with a running kick! The three men continue to tear it up for the next several minutes, usually in pairs while the third man recovers, but Cole keeps finding himself in the unusual position of being double-teamed by two men! Harris and Anderson are working together! Cole keeps fighting, and Niles and Harris face off enough for him to keep in the fight…. Then as Harris and Niles are jockeying for control of a knuckle lock test of strength, Cole takes to opportunity to remove a top turnbuckle pad, while the ref was focusing on Anderson and Harris. Cole off the ropes and hits the Champ with a sick chop block to the knee, and since Niles and Hardbody were locked up, Harris gets pulled down to the mat too! Cole grabs Hardbody, sucker-punches him and then runs him to the corner, driving the #1 FACE in the OOWF into the exposed turnbuckle bolt! Blood splatters from Harris’ forehead as Cole’s signals for The Headliner! But Harris, on instinct alone, reverses it into The To Be Edited In Later! Coles is out! Niles has crawled over behind Harris, and school-boys Hardbody! Hooking both legs, Niles waits until the ref drops to check the shoulders - then switches his grip to pull the tights for extra leverage! 1 -2 -3 NILES ANDERSON RETAINS! WINNER in 38:17 and STILL OOWF Champion – Niles Anderson! MICROPLAY vs. MOOSEHEAD JACK vs. CONCRETE TG – #1 Contender’s MatchJack slumps in a corner, and as soon as the bell ring Concrete charges across the ring to get to Jack, Microplay cuts him off half way across the ring by blind siding him with a running elbow to the head. MP scoops CTG up and slams him to the mat, then hits the ropes and drops a knee across his chest. Cover only gets a one count, Concrete slips out and is quickly up to his feet. MP buries a knee in his midsection and sends Crete to the ropes, Concrete reverses the whip and follows MP to the ropes and clotheslines him over the top to the floor. Concrete slowly turns around and sees Moose slumped in the corner and slowly walks toward him. Jack begins to laugh, just as Crete lunges toward Jack, Microplay charges across the ring and drops Crete with a double axe handle to the back of the head. With Concrete down, Jack springs to his feet, clotheslines MP over the top rope and mounts Concrete and pummels him with punches. After a few seconds of this, Concrete reverses and rolls Jack over and lays into Jack like there is no tomorrow. This continues for most of the match. Concrete tries to get to Jack, but Jack avoids him and Crete gets attacked by Microplay. Jack then takes the opportunity to land a few shots on Crete. Jack and Concrete are exchanging shots in the middle of the ring, Microplay climbs to the top rope, Jack shoves Crete back to the ropes, which knocks MP off balance and he crotches himself on the top rope then falls into the corner. The ref moves to check on MP. Microplay is in the corner recovering, trying to pull himself to his feet. In side the ring, Jack and Concrete are going toe to toe, exchanging rights and lefts. Concrete starts to get the better of it, until Jack goes to the eyes. After quick check to see that the referee is distracted, and Jack reaches into his pocket and pulls out a chain. Jack wraps it around his fist, and KO’s Crete, catching him right in the temple. Before Jack can cover Crete, Niles Anderson hits the ring, grabs Jack and throws him over the top rope. Niles glances over his shoulder, sees that Concrete is not moving, and that MP is slowly recovering and climbing the ropes. Niles leaves the ring and he and Jack brawl up the ramp. Inside the ring, Microplay finally makes it to the top rope for the big elbow; he leaps AND THERE IS NO ONE HOME! MP crashes to the mat, Concrete springs to his feet and hits the CEMENT MIXER! Both men are down, Concrete slowly crawls over to Microplay and drapes his arm across his shoulder and gets the three count. WINNER in 26:41 Concrete TG As the ref raises Concrete’s arm, he locks eyes with both Jack and Niles, who have stopped brawling and have been separated by security. Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF HOLIDAY HELL PPV, Live January 1st from Wakamatsu, Japan! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF MidWeek Mayhem, December 21, live from Captain Cook, Hawaii!
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