OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 02-27-08

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF Midweek Mayhem
Live! From buzzards Bay, Massachusetts

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
Stank vs. Donovan Viper

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
F. Fonzworth MacCappington III vs. Outback Jack

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u]
Phantos & Lucios vs. The Heels

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Eric O'Mac vs. Davin Moreland

OOWF Invitational Finals[/u]
Capellan vs. Chris Cole

Midnight Sons vs. Team RabbxtFire
Canadian Dragon vs. Alexander Darling
The Dead vs. Voltage
Ecosystem vs. LD Williams
Firechild vs. Ryan Hardcore
The Nerve Agent vs. Blitz
Damon Wrath & Seamus McNasty vs. IHOP

card subject to carpal tunnel syndrome

[mooseheadjack]

After a good rest and a Flight to Texas....

(We are LIVE from the Joe and Harry Freeman Coliseum in San Antonio Texas. The camera pans the crowd, all dressed in tuxedoes and evening gowns. The camera focuses on the stage, where candid photos of two masked wrestlers are showing.)

Announcer Voice: Ladies and Gentlemen, your host for tonight, 2 time Onslaught Champion and Run DLP Founder, Davin Moreland!!

Davin: Thank you. It is indeed an honor to be with you here tonight. We are gathered to celebrate the crowning achievement in a career, winning a World Championship. We are here to celebrate Phantos and Lucios’ victory, and their career. Many friends, family, co-workers, and associates are gathered with us tonight. Let’s bring out or first Special guest. He has an extensive career as a tag team wrestler and knows what it takes to win a championship. He has held over 40 tag team titles, and had 4 runs as a NWA World Tag team Champion. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Robert Gibson!

(The camera shows Phantos & Lucios seated on the front row and clapping heartily. Robert Gibson heads to the stage, pausing to shake the new champions’ hands. He reaches the podium)

RG: Thank you. I spent basically an entire career being a tag team wrestler. I know the long road these two have traveled to get to where they are. You overcome self doubt, strife within the team. And yet these two persevered. They never broke up; they never turned on each other. I would like to honor them by giving Phantos & Lucios authentic replica belt buckles of the NWA World Tag Team Titles I held with Ricky Morton. By the way, Donations to the Bail Ricky out of Jail Again fund are currently being accepted at his website, freerickymortonagain.com.

(From out in the crown, Ricky Morton screams loudly “Robert, I’m OUT again”)

RG: We’re getting a head start for next time partner. Those Child Support payments don’t grow on trees you know.

(Robert walks off stage and presents P & L with his gift. Award show music strikes up and the camera cuts to a blank white screen where a dark-haired former athlete wearing a BYU Jersey is standing.)

DHFAWABYUJ: Hi folks, I’m Heisman Trophy Winner Ty Detmer. Just like Phantos & Lucios, I got my start here in San Antonio. It was the lessons learned at Southwest High School that led me to 42 NCAA passing records at BYU and an NFL career. It is always great to see fellow San Antonioans make it big. Congratulations guys!

(The camera cuts back to the arena, where Davin is again at the podium)

Davin: Thank you Ty, and say hello to Koy for us. Like football, tag team wrestling is about teamwork. You can have great individual talents, but if you don’t work well together as a team, you can’t be successful. Our Next guest knows a lot about working as a team. He has put together several championship teams as the owner of the San Antonio Spurs. Ladies and gentlemen, Red McCombs!

(McCombs makes his way to the podium from off stage.)

Thank you Darin, I have been involved in sports and teamwork since 1972 and I can tell you first hand, it is hard work. You have to have the right people working with you. (He nods to Davin) and these two have found that in Mr. Maryland here. His help in getting them some corporate sponsorships has really helped turn these guys around. Money is wonderful. Everyone should have some!

(McCombs heads off stage to a chorus of boos. Davin grabs the microphone immediately and introduces the next guest)

Davin: ladies and Gentlemen, Indra K Nooyi

(A small, Indian woman (Dots, not Feathers) approaches the stage in total silence. She reaches the podium and begins to speak in an amazingly-unaccented voice.)

IKN: Hello. I am Indra Krishnamurthy Nooyi. I am the CEO of PepsiCo. Since our involvement with the esteemed honorees, the sales of our Aquafina line have the greatest growth rate of all PepsiCo brands. We are thankful for their continued promotional efforts, and would like to reward them with stock equaling 2% ownership of PepsiCo. Thank You.

(She walks off stage. The crowd is still quiet. So Davin grabs the mic again and introduces our next guest.

Alright Ladies and gentlemen, a San Antonio Icon, Former Spurs Great, Number 50, David Robinson!

(The crowd erupts at the name. The lights dim and Mr. Robinson appears on the big screen behind the podium. The crowd becomes subdued, seeing as their hero is not live in person. David begins to speak, but there is no sound. 45 seconds of silence ensue as the video plays, but the live crowd hears nothing. Davin again grabs the microphone as we see David grinning broadly and waving.

Davin: We seem to be having some technical difficulties folks, but don’t worry, when we come back, we still have two more wrestling legends appearing live! (The crowd begins to boo) And Free Dunkin’ Donuts Coffee for Everyone! (The crowd erupts in cheers again)

(The camera fades to the earlier white screen. Another former athlete is wearing a jersey, this one an ugly green and blue combination.)

AFAWAJ: I’m UCLA Head Football Coach Rick Neuheisel. I quarterbacked the San Antonio Gunslingers of the USFL. I’d like to congratulate (stares oddly, apparently trying to read a cue card) Phantom and Luscious on their championship. (Looks off screen) Am I done now? I need that $1000 to pay off some paizan. I can’t believe I bet on those two in the OOWF Invitational brackets. Damn them for losing to 15 Seeds!

(The camera fades back in to the coliseum. Davin is introducing our next guest.

Davin: Our next guest also can attest to the hard work it is winning a World Tag Team Championship. Ladies and gentlemen, Beautiful Bobby Eaton!

(Eaton walks through the crowd. He stops to shake Phantos & Lucios hands before reaching the podium)

BE: Thank you. It doesn’t seem right making this speech without the best tag team partner I EVER had at my side, May I now introduce..(He gets cut off by a blond man rushing to the stage. He stops, and is obviously out of breath. Eaton addresses him quietly, but still within earshot of the mic.)

BE: Stan, what are you doing here?

Stan Lane: I wasn’t sure if you meant me or Condrey, and I wanted to beat him up here.

(Dennis Condrey is seen staggering to the stage holding a martini glass)

DC: Ahhhhhggggg. Bessssss evaaaaaaa lovaaaabooooo Deeeeennnzzzzzzz

BE: Dennis go sit down, you’re drunk!

SL: Yeah you washed up old has been!

BE: (Staring @ lane) Ummm..Hello Stan? You get off the stage also. The best partner I ever had wasn’t you OR Dennis. It wa..(He gets cut off again by a balding, pot bellied man rushing the stage….. )

Arn Anderson: Sorry I’m late Bobby, I had to Help Ric back in catering. Some idiot was back there heart punching everyone yelling about too much mustard.

BE: That’s Nice Arn, but why are you here?

AA: Obviously, You and I were a GREAT team while we were part of the Dangerous Alliance. World Champs!

BE: That we were Arn, but you weren’t the best partner I ever had.

AA: I wasn’t? then who was?

BE: Nick Gulas. (the camera pans to find Nick Gulas approaching the stage)

Ty Detmer: Who?

Davin Robinson: Who? (He mouths the words, but we still can’t hear him)

Robert Gibson: Who?

Dennis Condrey: Whhhhhhhhhh( and passes out)

Stan Lane: Who?

Indra Nooyi: Who?

Rick Neuheisel: Who?

Paizan Neuheisel owes money to: Who?

Jamie Lynn Spears: Who?

Jamie Lynn’s unborn child:Who?

Mrs. Moreland: Who?

Davin Moreland: Who?

Phantos: Who?

Lucios: Who?

Susan Lucci (she is contractually obligated to be at ALL award shows): Who?

(The camera pans to a blank opera-house style box that is empty. Suddenly, the spirits of Gorilla Monsoon and Gordon Solie appear.)

Spirit of Monsoon: Who?

Spirit of Solie: Who?

Jeopardy Champion Ken Jennings: Who?

BE: Nick Gulas, My partner in the Jet Set way back in the day. We kicked a lot of ass together. His dad was the promoter.

Spirit of Solie: Makes sense now

(Solie and Monsoon’s spirits vanish)

BE: Anyway I’d like to congratulate the champs and present them with autographed copies of my new book “How to be a nobody in the wrestling business and still get laid nightly.”

(Eaton exits the stage and presents P & L with the books. Suddenly, taped screams of Shawn! Shawn! echo through the coliseum and the Heartbreak Kid himself appears on stage. HBK does his standard posing and strutting before stepping behind the mic.)

HBK: Thank You. It is great to be back home in San Antonio (crowd pops) In today’s world, It has been refreshing and a pleasure to watch these two excel without resorting to vulgarity. I’d like to give them each a gold cross to wear while traveling. Congratulations!

(HBK exits the stage and walks down to P & L and gives them his gift when they are interrupted by a big-breasted blonde. She approaches the champs and stands facing them.

BBB: Which one of you is Phantos?

(Phantos meekly raises his hand)

Phantos: (yells excitedly) I know who you are… you’re STORMY DANIELS!!!!!!!!

SD: You got it sugar. And I have a gift for you.

(Daniels rips off her top, showing her biggest fan her 36DD tits up close and personal. Phantos passes out. Shawn grabs the crosses away from Phantos & Lucios and storms away. On Stage Davin grabs the mic one more time)

And finally folks, Road Dogg Jesse James & OOWF General Manager, the Rick!

(Road Dogg & Rick approach the stage, Rick is carrying a leather case.)

RDJJ (In his DX voice): Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Children of all ages. Run DLP is proud to present the Double-O Double-U F TAG team CHAMPIONS of the WOOORLD…

GMtR: (Cuts RDJJ off) We are here to present Phantos and Lucios with their NEW OOWF Tag Team Championship Belts. Our thanks to Run DLP sponsor Sprint PCS for paying for the new straps.

(Rick opens the case and pulls out the belts. The new straps feature the Sprint PCS logo on the side plates. Phantos & Lucios come on stage and put the belts around their waists. {Like all good champions should}They hold their hands up high and more award show music plays. Suddenly, The Heels come rushing through the crowd and charge the stage. Adrenaline dives at Phantos and takes him to the ground. Capps attempts a spear on Lucios, who sidesteps it and allows Capps to crash head-first into the podium. Lucios hoists Adjuster up and BORDER TOSSES him OFF THE STAGE!!! Phantos trades blows with Johnny when Lucios Smacks Adrenaline from behind with Eaton’s Book! Lucios drags him to his feet, he and Phantos bow to Gibson on the front row, and DOUBLE DROPKICK Adrenaline OFF THE STAGE!!! The Crowd cheers loudly as Davin grabs the mic one last time. )

Davin: Thank you for coming! Good Night San Antonio!

(Fade to black)

[mooseheadjack]

<A clearly agitated Moosehead Jack and LD Williams grab a SFJ for an impromptu interview>

LDW: I am not sure what the hell that shit was out there, but I know damn well we can do THAT a hell of a lot better

MHJ: I am not sure if the referees were too timid for their own good, or what the problem was, but a Midnight Sons - KZ match should NOT end like that.

LDW: So boys, we have a little proposition for you on Wednesday night, after we all take care of our business, KZ vs. The Midnight Sons, in a Street Fight, come as you are, bring what you can carry. hat do you boys say?

MHJ: And don't worry about running it past Rick, its all taken care of already, all we need is you to agree

<Moose and LD walk off leaving the SFJ looking confused>

[mooseheadjack]

*Run DLP is standing outside the Joe and Harry Freeman Coliseum in San Antonio.*

L: Thanks for doing that for us Davin...I know that couldn't have been easy.

DM: Aw Hell, for you guys; it's my honor.

P: So, are you going back now?

DM: Yeah, are you guys staying?

L: Yeah, for a couple of days. Then we'll cut a killer promo against the Heels, and get ready for our match.

P: Yeah, Lucios is still all angry about what happened.

L: THEY INTERRUPTED OUR CELEBRATION!!!

P: So? They're heels. That's what they do.

L: That's not the point. They need to be taught a lesson.

DM: Well Champs, I'm gonna take off. See you in a couple days. I'll be at Mom's.

P: See ya later Ch....Davin...

*Davin casts his eyes downward for a second before regaining composure and bumping knuckles with the boys*

*We break for Commercial, presented by Sprint PCS*

*We cut back to Davin Moreland, who is on the Yum! Foods Gulfstream-V. He's just staring aimlessly out the window, when he gets a call from one of the guys in the cabin*

OOTGITC: So did you still want to stop in Harrisonburg? ETA's about 20 minutes give or take.

DM: Actually...let's skip it and go to Barnstable Municipal. I think I need to be alone for a while

OOTGITC: Roger that. Do you want us to have the limo ready for you Mr. Moreland?

DM: No. Hell - it's less than a half mile to my Mom's from there. No. I'll just walk.

OOTGITC: You sure, sir?

DM: Yeah. I'm sure. Thanks.

OOTGITC: Ok, contacting Harrisonburg and Barnstable municipal for change of flight plan...Changing Course...Ok, new ETA to Barnstable Municipal now 1 hour, 55 minutes.

DM: Thanks.

*Davin returns to blankly staring out the window, rubbing his temples*

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

Seamus and Damon working out together

Seamus: "Ahhh it's gonna be an Advil kind of day."

Damon: " Yeah, give be a bottle."

Seamus: "I'm not sure which is worse that ass whipping we gave each other or the hangover?"

Damon: "The hangover"

Seamus: "Yeah good match, people got thier money's worth"

Damon: " So who is this IHOP?

Seamus: "International House of Pancakes?"

Damon: "No, this tag team were up against?"

Seamus: "Intergalactic House of Pinheads?"

Damon: "ahhh I don't think so..."

Seamus: Inter-department Heads of Paperwork?

Damon: "No"

Seamus: "Indepandant Homes of Preverts?"

Damon: "No"

Seamus: "Idiotic Homos of Paris?"

Damon: "Not there is anything wrong with that"

Seamus: " It's da house of pain, you know pain don't ya Big D...you know suffering, we have a soup line and we ladel it out to all comers...house of pain...really? Well everyone saw what Wrath and I did to each other at the pay-per-view...and we like each other...we don't even know you...I don't think the booker man wasn't very smart...McNasty and Wrath have been up and down the road together...
we've shared pork and beans and swaped beauty queens...
we have walked thru hell and pissed fire and spit brimbstone...
we have broken bones and split up homes...
we have totaled cars and closed down bars...
we have history...I know that there are few people in this world that have my back like Damon and I have his..."

Damon" You want pain...grab your bowl and get in line"

Seamus: "NO soup for you!"

[mooseheadjack]

<Moose appears to be heading somewhere important, carrying a thick folder down the hall when he is stopped by a very angry The Dead>

TD: I WAS FUCKING ROBBED!!!

MHJ: I agree

TD: This is not what I signed up for dammit! And to make matters worse, there are rumors that YOU had something to do with it!

MHJ: Davin is a moron, I am sure that is where THAT came from, don’t listen to a word he says. Look, Dead, look at it this way. Davin no longer has the title, right?

TD: Clearly

MHJ: And while you may not have it, our associate has it. Bennett is building his reserves so to speak, and the Onslaught title is simply the first step.

TD: Look, I wanted that title! I took Moreland to the limit, I was the one h couldn’t beat! Then those two pull a fast one and walk away with a title I earned! They didn’t earn SHIT!

MHJ: So challenge Eric

TD: I should go over there and grab them by their scrawny……wait, what?

MHJ: Challenge Eric

TD: But you said…..

MHJ: I don’t give orders Dead, I asked for you two to keep the peace for the greater good. You feel like you were wronged by him, challenge him. Just keep in mind that there is strength in numbers. What seems like a defeat now, can turn into a victory later.

TD:<thinking for a moment> And Darling?

MHJ: At this moment, I could care less, beat the hell out of him. But we do have a meeting with Alexis today, so things could change. Look, why don’t you take a few days and just think things through. You have Voltage this week, get ready for that.

TD: Moose, I will give you the benefit of the doubt on this one, this one time. If you, or anyone else is trying to screw me over, so help me……

MHJ: I know. We all know. Trust me when I tell you, it was all Darling’s idea

<The Dead walks off without saying another word and Moose heads down the hall and heads into one of the Administrative Offices where we see LJ Bennett already waiting>

LJB: You’re late

MHJ: Had to take care of something. Who is first?

LJB: Alexis Darling

MHJ: Yeah it was her brother that caused the crap. The Dead is pissed.

LJB: You smooth it over?

MHJ: For now

<the is a knock on the door and Alexis Darling walks in. Bennett and Moose both stand, Bennett shakes Alexis’ hand, she looks at Moose and a slight tremble goes through her before they all sit down>

LJB: Ms. Bennett, my apologies for keeping you waiting, I realize you are a busy woman. Now, I understand that the DEA brings a lot to the table.

AD: Indeed, we have corporate holdings across the world and a net worth in the hundreds of millions, pending some legal issues of our own.

LJB: And Alexander is well known for his ability in the ring, we feel like he could be a valuable asset to have should Rick insist on forcing the roster to choose sides.

AD: While that is all well and good, what can you offer us? Clearly money is not an issue….

LJB: Clearly? It seems you have a member who is a little free spending.

AD: She is being dealt with.

LJB: If you don’t mind my candor, your approach to her appears to be a bit………lacking. We are prepared to offer you a generous monthly stipend that I believe would solve your budget problems with her.

AD:<raising an eyebrow> Well we would certainly be open to discussion on that. But my main focus is Alexander. His goal is the world title.

LJB: As well it should be

AD: I don’t see how he fits into your plans with, HIM <looking at Moose> involved.

MHJ: I’ll handle this. Alexis, I can call you Alexis, right? I know your past. I know there is something about me you don’t like. Well, the feeling is mutual with both you and Alexander….

LJB: What Moose is trying to say……

MHJ: What I am trying to say is this, if Darling wants to go after the world title, or any other title, I don’t care. I don’t give the orders. But, know this, if Darling and I happen to cross paths, I would treat him like anyone else. If he wants to back Bennett, he needs to keep in mind that there is no hierarchy, this is not a corporation, we watch out for on another, but Bennett here is the ONLY boss.

AD: <staring coldly at Moose> Mr. Darling is not used to taking orders from anyone but me……

LJB: I think you misunderstand. There will not be a whole lot of orders given. We want the most talented men in the OOWF to fight against Rick. Alexander Darling is one of those men. He owes us nothing, other than defending us against Rick and Rick’s men.

AD: And what if Rick wins this little war? He would be the GM and be free to reign with impunity, which would put Mr. Darling at a distinct disadvantage.

LJB: Rick is a paper GM right now, all his decisions have to be cleared by me. This is a war he cannot win, but is too stubborn to walk away from.

AD: Mr. Bennett, we will consider your generous offer. I will be in touch

<Alexis gets to her feet and shakes Bennett’s hand and gives Moose an icy stare, then walks out of the room>

LJB: She doesn’t like you, what the hell did you do to her?

MHJ: not a damn thing

[mooseheadjack]

*Scheme Gene is interviewing Outback Jack, who appears surprisingly calm*

SG: Outback Jack, for a man who recently lost the Intercontinental Title you don't seem too upset!

OBJ: For once you're right, Gene. Sure, MacCappington may have stolen the match with a roll-up and feet on the ropes. What's more important is what I've learned about him. He has gotten soft. He's distracted. His finisher can't get the job done. He's ripe for the picking.

SG: Are you suggesting that his wealth and luxurious lifestyle have changed him?

OBJ: I suspect so. I mean, the old Capslock I knew wouldn't have been phased the least by being embarassed at the Mattapoisett Yacht Club Cotillion.

SG: When did that happen?

OBJ: Assuming Wally got the hookers, the midgets, and the donkey over there on time, about 5 minutes ago.

SG: Fans, call my Hotline tonight for more details!

[mooseheadjack]

Just outside the door to the DESTROYITARIUM...

SFJ18: D.H.! D.H.! What is the is the Midnight Sons response to KZ's challenge?

D.H. Magnusson: Our response? I'm sorry, I haven't had a chance to talk it over with Spin yet, so I really can't say. I fully intend to bring it to the table once he finishes up his prior business in the boiler room. We'll discuss the merits, as well as the disadvantages of adding a second match to our weekly workload. Then, if the contracts appear to be in order, and it's in our best mutual fiscal interests, I'm sure we'll be able to....

DHM laughs

DHM: What is our response? What do you THINK our response is Shannon? You ever seen me back outta a fight? You ever seen Spin do it? It don't happen. I ain't gotta talk to Spin to know he's down for this. Jack and Williams are right. Too damn many rules ruined what coulda been the fight of the night Sunday. This time we ain't gotta worry about that. Fire and the Bunny? That'll make for a good warmup, I reckon.

SFJ18: That makes it sounds like you're taking Team Rabbxtfire pretty lightly.

DHM: I don't take nobody around here lightly, Shannon. The OOWF is full of the best and brightest that professional wrestling have to offer. 'Cept for maybe SYB, but even he's got backup these days. With Rabbxtfire, it's simple. we grab the girl, break her in half, and move on to the REAL business at hand.

SFJ18: But Firewoman is a fierce competitor, something I'm sure your partner Spin would agree with.

DHM: Who was talking about Firewoman?

SFJ18: ...

DHM: Look, Fire's a hell of a talent. I got all the respect in the world for her. That broad has more than her share of ba...guts. It's gonna be a fight with her, but the lady's got a real problem with makin' bad choices. DEA, the kid, pickin' the wrong fights...She's a 10 dollar talent livin' in a 25 cent world. And Rabbxt? That kid's got more ablity than you'd believe possible. I figure he'll be the real deal, he ever gets around to growin' up. Damn shame he won't get the chance to do it before Mayhem. We ain't lookin' them over, we're runnin' them over. Me an' Spin, we got a long stretch a' road ahead of us this week. Rabbxtfire, KZ, makin' sure that LOADED keep their noses outta Outback Jack and Stank's matches...Rabbxtfire's just bump we gotta roll over t'get to rest.

DHM: Jack, Williams...You're a pair triple-tough bastards, but the Midnight Sons ain't exactly creampuffs. You want a fight? You got a fight. Bring your weapons, bring your bad additudes...Hell, bring the goddamned marines! But while you're finding everything y'can to bring down with ya, don't forget a couple stretchers. You're gonna need 'em. We gotta get past you to get ours around here? People been tellin' us that the only way past KZ is to go over their broken bodies...

DHM pauses, taking the time to wrap a section of his logging chain around his left fist and forearm

DHM: And we're gonna do just that.

DHM turns to leave

SFJ18: Wait. One more question. What side are the Midnight Sons falling on in the war being LJ Bennett and GMtheRick?

DHM: ...We'll talk about that later. Get movin'. I got work to do.

[mooseheadjack]

<Spin gets finished in the boiler room and catches up with DH just after he finishes his promo>

SH: You ready?

DHM: I guess, you sure we should do this now?

SH: Look, you don’t have to agree to anything right now, just listen to what they have to say

<the camera cuts back to Moose and LJ Bennett sitting in their office suite, Moose looks irritable and ready to leave, Bennett is organizing papers>

MHJ: Why the hell do you need me for this?

LJB: It shows we are all unified

MHJ: Why aren’t the Heels or the Dead here then? Or LD?

<As if on cue LD Williams walks in>

LDW: You wanted to see me Bennett?

LJB: Yes LD I would like you to be here for our next meeting, please, take a seat.

<LD Grabs a seat in the corner and he and Moose start discussing strategy when there is a knock at the door, DH Magnusson and Spin Hansen walk into the room>

LJB: Gentlemen, please, have a seat, you have a moment to talk, correct?

<DH looks at Spin, but Spin answers before his partner can say anything>

SH: Yeah we got time

LJB: Gentlemen as you know, GM the Rick is trying to take control of the company from those who have the company’s best interests in mind. Spin, as you quite well know, Rick is not what he appears to be, he was single handedly responsible for cutting the legs out from under your main event run.

SH: Bennett, save your breath, I have that bastard Rick, you need me you just tell me where.

DH: Wait, wait a minute here. Bennett, I know you hate Rick, and Spin, I know you hate them too. But think about this clearly for a minute. You already have The Heels recruited, and you have KZ sitting right there. If we sign on, what about us? You have three teams all capable of winning the tag titles.

LJB: Which guarantees that we would control the tag titles. Nothing Rick could recruit could touch any of those three teams. And beside, just because one of our teams holds the title doesn’t mean the others can’t challenge for them.

MHJ: Its real simple guys. We are not asking you to like everyone backing Bennett. Hell neither of us much care for Adrenaline or AA, but for the greater good, we are willing to put that aside. You don’t have to be friends with them, you can fight them to the death for the titles, titles we will ALL control, but when the time comes and we need to all be in the ring together fighting Rick’s men, there will not be a greater army in all of wrestling.

SH: Fuck it, I am down, lets do this!

DH: Spin, Stank asked us to stay neutral…..

LD: If I recall correctly he did more than ask, sounded like he demanded it to me

LJB: We are not making any demands here, you are free to reach your own decisions. DH, you seem to be a bit on the fence here. If I may, Mr. Hansen has been around the OOWF a bit longer than you have. Rick, well lets say Rick plays his favorites. For reasons known only to him, Mr. Hansen languished in the Onslaught division despite CLEARLY dominating it. His frustrations grew, to the point that he sought the PHWF as an outlet. Rick saw that Spin was being groomed for a main event spot, and as a result, Spin would demand a higher spot on the OOWF card. Instead of letting that happen, Rick shut the PHWF down. He is a selfish man. I see you very much in the same vein as Spin, you have a ton of talent, but you are not the toadying suck up like Crete and Cole are that Rick prefers. Let me ask you this, after you were robbed of your tag titles by the Los Defenestrators, how many rematches did you get?

DH: Can’t say I recall any

LJB: Instead you got put into a best of seven series against Phantos & Lucios, with the winners receiving 5 weeks worth of titles shots. Now, I know you two should have beat Phantos & Lucios, but was that series even necessary? What did that do for you? Essentially all it did was take you out of title shots for 10 weeks. TEN weeks, that, in my opinion, the best new tag team in the OOWF could not get title shots. Now, to me, that seems a bit biased, especially when you consider Rick has a soft spot for Phantos & Lucios

DH: Well, when you put it like that…….

LJB: Look, there is no need for a definitive answer today. Take some time, discuss it among yourselves, you have my card, give me a call when you make your decision. Just think about who is backing Rick, and who is backing me.

MHJ: Oh and DH?

DH: What?

MHJ: you bring all the stretchers you want, we’ll bring the bodybags

<KZ and The Midnight Sons exchange Stares of Mutual Respect and Intensity them Spin and DH get to their feet, Spin shakes Bennett’s hand and nods to Moose and LD, DH is caught up in thought and just wanders out the door>

[mooseheadjack]

The Main Event" Chris Cole walks into GM The Rick's Office.

CC: Are you ready to accept my help now?

GMtR: What are babbling about?

CC: You know damn well. I've been saying for week's that you needed to get people looking at your back but still you've sat there and not acted. Bennett & Moose are going to unite the entire locker room against you. You will not survive with your job if you don't start taking action.

GMtR: You are just mad that Moose attacked you.

CC: You should be more mad. Moose ruined one of your PPV Main Events. First he took out Capellan. Cap was in no shape to compete on PPV. Then he tried to take me out. Inmates can not run the asylum. We learned that during the 3 Piece Set heyday.

GMtR: Don't remind me.

CC: The point is that Moose & Bennett have already started the war. First they stole one of your Main Events. What will they take from us next? They have a hack who ran PHWF out of business trying to do the same to OOWF. If we don't stop this now we might all be begging for jobs with TNA or even worse ROH.

GMtR: And just what do you suggest.

CC: Well I have a few ideas......

[mooseheadjack]

The Dunkin' Donuts Limousine pulls up the the Buzzards Bay Civic Arena, Laundromat, Liquor Supply & Hair Care Salon The NEW Tag Team Champions exit the vehicle, Sprint PCS Championship Belts around their waists, and enter the Arena. A Randomly Numbered Sexy Female Journalist is waiting for them as they make their way to the Locker Rooms.

RNSFJ: Guys, can I get a couple words with you two?

Lucios: Walk with us then, I refuse to stop and talk in these halls today.

RNSFJ: Why?

Phantos: Duh! The Heels attacked us IN SAN ANTONIO!!!! There's no telling where they might be.

RNSFJ: Thats actually something I'd like some comments about. The Heels have signed their contract, something you two pressed Rick about for months. Are you satisfied now that you will have your shot at their belts?

(They reach the Run DLP Aquafina Locker Room. Lucios opens the door, tosses his bags aside and sits down, beckoning the RNSFJ to do the same.)

Lucios: Let's get some things straight. (Pauses and looks directly into the camera) Capps, Adrenaline, we aren't after those belts you carry around. They mean NOTHING to us. Those pieces of leather with metal riveted to them stopped being of any importance back in September when you lost the Championships to Alt and Harris. You stole those straps. They haven't represented anything of consequence since. We are not feuding with you over them.

RNSFJ: Then Why....

Phantos: Unfinished business toots. Before they vanished from the face of the wrestling planet, we issued a challenge to them. and those Yellow-Bellied Cowards never responded to it.

Lucios: You see, we took them on in their own match, And They Couldn't Beat Us. We challenged them to OUR match, 2 out fo 3 Falls, and they turned cheek and ran. Then they re-appear and have done nothing but make sneak attacks ever since.

Phantos: They say they want to re-claim their spot in the comapny. Well let me tell you boys, Your spot as far as we are concerned, is at the back of the line. Team RabbxtFire deserves title shots beofre you do. Midnight Sons deserve title matches before you do The Defenstrators deserve a rematch before you do. Heck, SYB and Skurge deserve a shot before you do. Whatever strings you pulled with Bennett and that contract, just know your are at the bottom of the food chain around here. Now go. We have work to do

(Fade to Black)

[mooseheadjack]

<we continue on in the Office Suite in Buzzards Bay Arena>

MHJ: I don’t think Spin will be making the decisions for both of them, but I think he can get DH to listen to him faster than Stank can

LJB: And you and the Sons can co-exist?

MHJ: Of course, I resp….

<before Moose can finish there is a knock at the door, Firewoman walks in wearing a Belichick hoodie and dark sunglasses>

LJB: Firewoman, I am so glad you could make it, I take it the disguise was so no one saw you come in here?

FW: I don’t need any crap from the rest of DEA or any of the SFJ’s running around. So why did you want to talk to me alone? I heard you met with Alexis earlier today.

LJB: Indeed we did meet with Ms. Darling this afternoon, but we wanted to meet with you individually as well.

FW: Why?

LJB: Well, to start, we are not sure if Alexis is interested in siding with us, which is her prerogative of course. We also have done our research and discovered that your contract with DEA is not binding. Now, far be it for us to tamper, we would just like to offer you the opportunities that DEA is currently not providing.

FW: Like?

LJB: Well, to be perfectly honest, we feet you are wasting your talent in a team with Rabbxt. He is a good talent on his own, but he should be challenging for the Onslaught title. As for you, your record before you sided with DEA was stellar, since then, it has been……pedestrian. With the backing of me and my men, we feel you could challenge for the IC, if not the world, title.

FW: And who’s to say that the DEA is not thinking along those same lines?

LJB: They may well be. And if they join as a collective unit, the point is moot. I also know that you and Alexis don’t quite see eye to eye. All we are doing is offering you an opportunity.

FW: So, me being a woman has no effect on you?

LJB: Fire, when I ran the PHWF we had a woman, Courtney Shaw, who was among the best I have ever seen in the ring. We were grooming her for great things before Rick stepped in and cost her her shot. The closure of the PHWF was so devastating to her that last I heard she was out of the business. Now, unfortunately there is nothing I can do for Ms. Shaw, but I can make you the same offer I made her, I don’t care what gender you are, if you can go in that ring, you put asses in the seat, and you make me money, it sounds cold, but that’s the bottom line isn’t it?

<Firewoman sits quietly for a moment then looks at Moose and Bennett>

FW: You have given me something to think about, and of course you know I can’t make any promises right now

LJB: Of course

FW: I want to see what Alexis is going to do, and I need to give this some though.

LJB: Certainly, you have my card, and you know where to find me. Fire, Rick is going to try and convince you that this is all a great misunderstanding. He took an opportunity from woman, I know how hard it is to make it in this business, especially for a woman. Don’t think for a second he wouldn’t do it again

<without saying another word Firewoman puts her dark glasses back on and puts the hood back over her face and gets up and leaves the room>

[mooseheadjack]

Firewoman enters the DEA luxury suites. No one is there except Alexander.

AD: Well?

FW: [taking off her sunglasses and hooded sweat shirt.] Yeah. Pretty much what I expected. Pretty words, but no substance.

AD: And they bought the whole 'disguise' thing.

FW: Yeah. Although they do make some good points about my lack of success since joining with you. I think a renegotiation may be in order.

AD: One issue at a time.

[mooseheadjack]

(Spin and D.H. are on the way back to the Destroyitarium...)

SH: I hate being pulled in so many directions, Mags. We've got a group that genuinely seems interested in elevating our positions here in exchange for our help, we've got a G.M. that is out to get us and will do his best to make our lives hell if we side one way, and we've got the one group that we know isn't gonna screw us over adamant about neutrality.

DHM: Well, all I can say is that I know that Stank an' Jack have our best interests in mind, Spin. Th' most important thing to do right now is to keep our focus on tonight's matches. We need to do what we're best at... beatin' things to a pulp.

SH: Yeah, you're right... I just wish I had some idea of what the best option for us is.

DHM: You know what I think. Who've you talked to?

SH: A few friends. My wife.

DHM: When is she comin' back to work here, by the way? Sugar always was pretty--

SH: Kayfabe! Plus she said she needs a while off. Remember what living a normal life, that kind of thing. She was just tired of touring, plus I don't think that working with an ass like Alt helped matters.

DHM: An' have you talked to whatshisname in the boiler room?

SH: Actually, that's the other thing... he told me that he's going to get out of here before the sides come to him, too. Because I can guarantee you that he could be the difference maker if he decided to join with one team or another. He and Redman said that I can keep all of the equipment that we used to train with, including the Redman suit.

DHM: An' what're your plans with it?

SH: Well, I've been doing a lot of thinking since you took me to your old stomping grounds... what do you say we try to re-create 'em as best we can? I've dragged some steel-belted radials down there... and a mini-fridge.

DHM: Stocked with beer?

SH: Is there any other kind? Let's get working... we've got a helluva night ahead of us.

(The Midnight Sons open the door to the boiler room. "Freewill" by Rush is playing loudly as the scene fades...)

[mooseheadjack]

Viper is sitting in the Fortress of Snobbery.

DV: GodDAMMIT! Had him in that godDAMN cage and chains match. CHAINS! THAT'S MY WEAPON!

FFM3: Kane's weapon is fire, he never wins inferno matches.

DV: That's twice now. TWICE that I had Stank, and that World Fucking Championship in my hands, and it slipped through my fingers. What do I need to do to beat this guy?

FFM3: Well, you've been victorious in quite a few of your past feuds, right?

DV: Yeah...

FFM3: Well, what did you do to win those?

DV: Well, there was the time I hired the two goons, The Devil's Brigade to be my backup.

FFM3: You got two goons in the Defenestrators.

DV: Those two goons ended up turning on me and putting me in the hospital, though.

FFM3: Ooh, yeah. Not a good idea.

DV: There was the time I kidnapped Mark Vander's girl and brutally and sexually tortured her.

FFM3: You could do THAT! I still have Five's number.

DV: You would let me do that to Five?

FFM3: Actually... no. I'm still trying to tap that.

DV: You'd do your former best friend's ex-girlfriend?

FFM3: Emphasis on the word "former". But I mean, you do want to be champ bad enough, you could...

DV: No, no, no. I'm an asshole, but I'm couldn't do that again...

FFM3: Well, how did you win your feud against Underdawg?

DV: I took over his stable and kicked him out.

FFM3: THAT's IT!

DV: What?

FFM3: Join Drink & Destroy and then oust Stank from underneath! He'll never know what's coming!

DV: That's stupid, Fonz.

FFM3: Come to think of it, it is. Well you could always just do what I did to gain the Intercontinental Championship (ahem, Jeeves!)

Lance: Yes, sir (brings McCappington his newly won Intercontinental Championship Belt and places it on his shoulder.

FFM3: You could... you know... BEAT HIM!

DV: Yeah, you THINK? That's what I've been trying to do.

FFM3: Hey, this is pretty cool. The two former members of Drink & Destroy are now the top singles champions of the company. I wonder why Stank hasn't called to congratulate me yet.

(just then "Nice and Slow" from Usher can be heard)

FFM3: Why, I do believe that's Stank calling now. Jeeves!

Lance reaches into McCappington's pocket, pulls out his cell phone and answers.

Lance: Mr. McCappington's cellular phone. Who may I ask is calling?

(lots of yelling can be heard over the phone)

Lance: It's your former associate, Lucas, on the phone for you sir.

FFM3: Stank! Called to congratulate me? It's cool, huh? The former Drink & Destroy guys, the best tag team of all time are now the two best singles wrestlers in the company. You're not congratul.. wha... But I thought you'd be happy for... Well, I know Outback's with you now and Viper's with me, but still... Oh, come on, man, the history... Man, you're just no fun anymore, you know that? Well, then why the hell'd you call me? Oh. Fine then, I didn't want to talk to you anyways, ingrate!

FFM3: He wants to talk to you.

Voice over the phone: (incoherent shouting)

DV: What? Oh... YOU HAD TO GO THERE DIDN'T YOU! IMA KILL YOU MOTHERFUCKER THEN IMA GO TAKE YOUR BELT!! THAT'S RIGHT!!!! DID YOU JUST CALL ME A you suck and are banned? THAT'S IT! THAT'S IT! YOU'RE DEAD!

Viper hangs up the phone.

DV: GAH!! I'M GOING TO KILL THAT BASTARD!

FFM3: What did he say?

DV: HE... WENT... THERE.... Ok. It's time to take it personal. Give me Five's number!

FFM3: Woah, you're not REALLY gonna torture her, are you?

Viper looks at the phone's list.

DV: A ha! You do have it.

FFM3: Oh geez. This isn't going to be good...

DV: Hello?

Voice over the phone: (loud yelling again)

DV: DAMMIT! It was Stank.

FFM3: That crafty Stank. Must have switch up the number on my phone when we split up. He always knew I secretly wanted to tap that ass. So now what?

DV: Now what? Figure out a way to win this Wednesday...

DC: By the way. Why do you have Usher as the ring tone for Stank on your cell phone?

FFM3: Um... it was from back when we were a tag team. Never bothered to change it.

DV: Usher?

FFM3: Inside joke. I swear. Now let's get back to you beating Stank.

[mooseheadjack]

Firechild is backstage with his favourite mikestand, SFJ# 69.

SFJ#69 - Firechild, do you have any message for Ryan Hardcore after your defeat to him at the pay per view?

FC- I have a message for him, that I will deliver in the ring, to take back to his master. Apart from leaving Ryan broken and bleeding in the ring, the subtext for the message is this - you can't break me my cheating, you can't stop me by beating me down in a two, three or even four on one assault. Along with Cole, I WROTE THE BOOK on being a conniving, cheating heel in this federation. I am the playmaker of the multi-man beat down. I am the evil genius of the cunning double-cross. The only man ALIVE who can outlast me in a hardcore environment is Moosehead Jack. The only man who can technically outwrestle me, Thim Reynolds left this Federation in disgrace. You cannot, and will not stop me.

The fact that MacCrappington felt the need to smack me with his cane, busting up my beautiful nose, shows that he has no faith in his henchmen. It shows that he fears the revenge I shall wreak on him. But it's not me you should fear Fonzie, it's the clock, because it's counting down...thats 70 days from Mayhem till I can lay hands on you, and believe me by then I will have carved a bloody swathe through your little cadre of followers. You will stand alone against me, and you will fall to judgment. Tick tock. Tick tock. The clock is running., Don't say I didn't warn you....

SFJ#69- You seem very confident given that Ryan beat you at the PPV.

FC- I'll admit I made the mistake of assuming that his little piece of ass was the only backup that he'd bring. I thought Ryan had a set, had some ambition to prove ghis worth, but it seems he's willing to get cheap wins, hiding behind his stable.....

The journalist coughs 'hyprocrite' under her breath, interrupting Firechild's flow...

FC- Hyprcrote you say? Fair enough, I'll admit that some of our tactics in the 3 Piece Set were less than honourable, but the fans LOVED us for it. We were heels with style and panache, and the thing is, even without cheating we can still win and we STILL have panache. MacCappington and his cronies don't have one bit of the style or verve that we had.... and on the topic of the Set, I want to send a message out to my former running buddy Chris Cole.

SFJ#69- Go on.

FC- I'm less than happpy about Moosehead Jack and his wrecking crew attacking Cole and Capellan last night, potentially ruining a fantastic match. I want Cole, and for all the bad blood thats passed between us, Capellan as well to know that if they want someone to stand with them against Moose and his wreckers, then I'd be PROUD to do so.

SFJ#69- Even though you have your hands full with LOADED?

FC-In short, yes. You see, when I was in the 3 Piece Set I tried to be as bad as I could be, and that took me to a few Onslaught titles, and a tag title, then in the Heroes Guild I tried to be as good as I can be and that took me to an Intercontinental reign. Now I'm just going to be myself, and that means I'm really good at being bad, and anyone and anything that pisses me off is gonna feel what it is to burn, and that counts for MacCappington and LOADED, Moose and kz and Randy fucking Orton if I ever cross paths with the prick.

Firechild spits this last, and then marches out of shot, clearly all fired up....

[mooseheadjack]

Firewoman and Rabbxt are watching her match with Spin a couple of weeks ago. At least, they are trying to, on the very tiny television screen they now have...

R: Man, this sucks. I can't hardly see any detail. Where's the...

FW: Seriously, let it alone.

R: Whatever. So, yeah, I see what you mean though, I think it's a good idea to...

FW: Shhh! Ninjacam [points to the camera.

R: Ah. Yes.

FW: Just remember what we came up with. Spin is bigger than both of us combined, I think, but he does have weaknesses, too. And DH is ... well, just remember what we talked about.

R: Right.

FW: Seriously, I'm really proud of the way you stepped up at the PPV. I think you keeping your head was the key to our victory.

R: Well, I didn't want any more flourescent tubes shattering down over me.

FW: Well, you recovered well. You didn't get carried away, kept your head in the match. That's exactly the kind of thing we need to do if we're going to be successful.

R: Well, technically, I did get carried away... on the stretcher.

FW: Hehe right. And I'm not opposed to, um...extra additives in the ring to ensure a victory. Just be sure the refs don't see 'em next time.

R: Okay, I'm off to get some Mountain Dew.

He flips out of the room. Firewoman is flipping through her calendar, when Alexander Darling walks in, looking through some files or something.

FW: Hey, Alex, can I ask you about something?

AD: Is it about spending things?

FW: Well, yes...kind of ...

AD: [sighs] Well, at least you asked first. What is it?

FW: Well, as you know, I'll need to be in Columbus this weekend for the Arnold Fitness Expo, to make my appearance at the General Nutrition Centers booth, as part of my promo deal with them.

AD: Yeah. How does that affect me?

FW: Well, they're flying me there, taking care of hotel and everything else. I was wondering though...

AD: Come on, out with it.

FW: Well, I'd kind of like to go to Danville, IL on Sunday and then to Indy on Monday for RAW....

AD: So go.

FW: See, GNC will only fly me back to wherever it is Mayhem will be. They already bought the tickets, so I'd need to make my own arrangements to get to Danville, and then out of Indy....

AD: Ah, and this is where I come in.... [He is still only half listening, reading his reports]

FW: Right, I can book a flight to Danville, in coach so it's not too expensive....although I'd probably have to take the red eye....

AD: Don't be silly. You'll take the DEA Jet.

FW: Oh, no. Won't that be too expensive for just one person to go to those places?

AD: Yeah well [still distracted] it wouldn't do for a DEA team member to be riding coach. That's silly. I'll tell Alexis to have the jet waiting for you Sunday before the tapinig to take you directly to Danville. Then you and what's-his-face can take it to Indy, and we'll fly you back for Mayhem. I guess him too, if he wants.

FW: Wow, that'd be really great. Thanks, I appreciate it.

AD: Here, take this [he quickly finds a sheet of paper and scribbles some directions on them, and signs it.]. Take it to our transportation division, and they'll get it all set up.

FW: Okay, thanks. Alexander continues to his locker room/office, still distracted somewhat by the papers he has.

Alexis Darling comes in.

FW: Oooooh, Lexie.......

AlexisD: Please don't call me that.

FW: Sorry. I'll need the jet this weekend.

AlexisD: Excuse me?

FW: [hands her the piece of paper] It's all arranged. Here, take this to transportation for me, will you? I have some yoga to do.

Firewoman leaves Alexis standing there looking at the paper.

[mooseheadjack]

The same Randomly Numbered Sexy Female Journalist who was last seen speaking with Phantos and Lucios has now found The Heels.

RNSFJ: I’m here with The Heels, who will be challenging Phantos and Lucios for the OOWF tag team titles at Midweek Mayhem this week in Buzzards Bay, Massachusetts. What do you have to say to the tag team champions?

AA: The Who? Tag team champions? Honey, we’re the tag team champions. See, we have the belts right here. (Shows off the belt slung over his shoulder and slaps the belt on the shoulder of Adrenaline.) Whatever drivel those other two jobbers are feeding you is complete nonsense.

JA: See, it works like this! We are The Heels! The best tag team in the world today, and therefore by default the best tag team in the OOWF. Just look at our resume. We broke up Drink & Destroy. We broke up Weapons X. We were six-man tag team champions with Ric Flair when he was talented. The OOWF had the highest television ratings in history the two times we were champions. AA, show her the ratings!

(AA pulls out a sheet of paper, unfolds it and quickly shows it to the RNSFJ but pulls it back before she has a chance to read it.)

JA: Since we left, the OOWF has been in shambles. Hell, FF Capslock changes his name and became some rich guy character and Stank—Stank, for GAWD’s SAKE—is their world champion. There’s more flippy dudes here than ina circus. There’s a woman in the damn ring, and she’s kicking guy’s asses. That’s pathetic! So when LJ Bennett contacted us from our world-wide tag team champion appreciation tour, it took a lot of money and a lot of stipulations to get us back to the OOWF. In the end, LJ made us an offer we couldn’t refuse. Because for 102 days the OOWF was the greatest wresting association in the business. And now that we’re back—as champions—it will be so again.

AA: So at Midweek Mayhem—in Buzzards Bay, Massa... Johnny, Buzzard’s FREAKING Bay? Are they serious?

JA: Yeah, that’s how far they’ve fallen.

AA: In Buzzards Bay, Massachusetts, The Heels will treat the fans to a tag team title match. But it won’t be for the so-called pieces of advertising crap Phantos and Lucios have wrapped around their pencil-neck geek waists. It will be for these titles (showing off The Heels’ titles), for the real tag team titles.

[mooseheadjack]

*We fade in and we're at the Moreland house in Cummaquid, MA; 20 minutes from B-Bay. Sitting around the kitchen table are Davin, his Mom, and Diamond Dallas Page*

DM: Hell. I don't know what I should do.

DDP: Listen, Davin, I went through the same thing in WCW. You've got two ways you can go. You can do the easy thing; and join the insurgency; or you can do the hard thing, which is stand on your principles and fight, no matter what the odds.

DM: I know.

AM: Davin, listen. You've already accomplished mo-wah in the OOWF than you ever thought was possible. You said yourself you've got more money now than you could ever spend. Why not hang it up? Why not retiah and travel the world; while you still have a body left that works.

DM: Ma...

AM: It's an option; and I think it's a good one.

DM: Dallas?

DDP: She's not wrong. Sometimes I wish I never went to Stamford. Now look what happened? I wrestle Kanyon in Middle school gyms. And who's betta than Kanyon? Well, me; even though I'm in my 50s.

DM: Are you saying I should quit, too?

DDP: I'd never tell you what to do.

DM: Is it what you'd do?

DDP: No.

AM: Ah, Christ, Dallas.

DDP: What Andrea? It's not what I'd do. Hell, I've already DONE what I would do in his situation.

DM: Fight.

DDP: Damn right. And damned if I wasn't more over when I was taking 1 on 6 beatdowns every night.

DM: That doesn't sound so promising.

AM: Well, listen, that thing with Rick; that's still good, right?

DM: As far as I know, yeah

DDP: I get what you're saying.

AM: Thought you might.

DM: What are you saying?

AM: If you're gonna do it. And you seem intent on doing it. Go all in, and get yourself in 100%.

DDP: If that's the way you go, THAT is the ONLY way to go.

DM: Alright then. Well, I should head up ovah the bridge. You guys comin up tomorrow?

AM: Of course. We'll bring Jamie Lynn too.

DM: Phantos will be thrilled.

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

*Gorilla Position of the OOWF Arena*

Standing there, waiting for their cues to make their way out are the Darlings, Alexander and Alexis. Alexander is wearing a custom-made Armani suit while Alexis is in a dark black dress. Both have on a pair of dark sunglasses, while Alexander also has a cast on his right hand. Alexander looks over to his sister who keeps her face staring straight ahead.

Alexander Darling: Look, I’ve apologized already. What else do you want me to say?

Alexis Darling: I don’t want to hear your apologies Alex. You know what happened and you refused to come with me.

Alexander: Like I had any idea he was going to be there. Bennett had told me it was a one-on-one get to know ya meeting. He agreed that “he” wouldn’t be there.

Alexis: You can not be that naïve, can ya? I don’t know how he knows what happened, but he does. And you can be sure that if he knows, he’ll use it to manipulate us.

Alexander: Fuck that Lexie. I made you a promise in Japan and I intend to stick to it. We will not be manipulated by anyone like that again. Moosehead Jack, especially.

Alexis: What are you saying then? Do you really think opposing Bennett is out best course of action?

Alexander: What I’m saying is I refuse to be forced into a decision because of Bennett or Moose’s mind games. If they want to play it that way with us, that’s their decision. They’ve already proven that they can’t trust us by having Firewoman meet with them in disguise. And from everything else you’ve both said, they haven’t offered anything that could persuade us.

Alexis: And Rick has?

Alexander: Rick’s a moron and if we want to find out anything about those opposing Bennett and Moose, we need to look elsewhere.

Alexis: But he really hates you Alex. There’s no chance he or Cole would ever even consider working with you.

Alexander: They will if they’re smart. And as dumb as we made Davin look on Sunday, he’s not stupid. That plan was carried out to perfection and Davin, once he gets over losing his precious title will realize that having The DEA and Alexander Darling, specifically, on his side will do the right thing.

Alexis: So that’s it…you want to side with Rick, just like that?

Alexander: Nope. For now, The DEA will do our own thing. We’ll see how things play out. We’ll make sure that when the time comes, The DEA is in position to call our own shots…and the only way to do that is to have power. And power comes in titles…so the next goal is to get some more gold in our locker room. Tag team, Intercontinental, World…I don’t care who’s next. But someone is.

Alexis: That’s what I like to hear brother, but it doesn’t change that I was played yesterday.

Alexander: No it doesn’t and maybe we can find out just how truthful they’re being when they say there isn’t a pecking order. When we get out there, I’ll have something interesting to say.

Alexis: I guess it’s time then.

Within seconds the entire arena goes dark and a white strobe light starts bouncing throughout the arena. Suddenly a booming voice comes over the sound system, ”There Can Be Only One.” That leads directly into ”Prelude 12/21.” Right as the first drum beat hits, The Darlings make their way out from the gorilla position. It takes the Darlings the rest of the song to even take another step and as soon as they do, the final music kicks in, ”Princes of the Universe.”

The Darlings make their way into the ring and this crowd is looking for blood after they screwed the hometown boy this week. Alexander is trying to hold back his laughter but after a few moments of the crowd’s jeers he can’t stop himself and just falls down into the corner laughing hysterically. Alexis tries to hide a smirk from appearing on her dark face, but even she can’t as she has to turn herself away from the camera and walks over near her brother. She jumps up and takes a seat on the turnbuckle above him. She hands him a microphone.

Alexander: My god, you people have made this so much better than even I could have hoped for.

The crowd starts up again, ”SHUT THE FUCK UP, clap clap clapclapclap, SHUT THE FUCK UP…

Alexander: Keep it up and this will just last longer. You can boo me all you want, but you people should expect this by now. A history making team has one more game to go down as the greatest team ever and what do they do. Lose the biggest game of their lives. And ya know who that reminds me of, your hero…Davin Moreland. The supposed greatest Onslaught Champion ever has a chance to come home as the longest reigning Onslaught Champ ever and what does he do, loses the match 3 days before his homecoming. He’s a loser, just like the Patriots were losers.

The security team here in Buzzard’s Bay, Massachusetts is having a tough time keeping the crowd back as Darling continues to talk in the ring. He’s having a blast doing this.

In a few moments, the entire escapade will be explained to you and hopefully your simple minds can comprehend it. Concessions were made, negotiations were tedious, but at the end of the day, The DEA is making their place as the premier group within the OOWF and if anyone…I mean anyone wants to have an issue with that. I’m standing right here.

Alexander takes a moment and looks over to the corner where his sister is sitting and he takes his sunglasses off and turns to look back at the hard camera. He rips the cast off his non-injured wrist.

I was going to have some fun out here and yell and scream about how much pain my wrist has been in since Sunday, but it seems like someone back there wants to play games with me and my sister. So here’s the truth; Davin Moreland…I expect you to be coming for me and whenever that time is, I’ll be standing here ready for a match that could tear the roof off any building. But what I want right now is this. MOOSEHEAD JACK, I know you’ve got this little respect thing going with the boys in the back. LD Williams, the Midnight Sons, everyone else…I don’t care. You made it personal this week, playing games with my sister. So you and LD Williams can tag up for one night only for the second time this week. Next week, at Mayhem, let’s see exactly how much respect you have. Me and you, one-on-one, match, brawl, or fight…no more games. You want to show me what Bennett can offer…you bring it to the ring.

Alexis, during her brothers talk has jumped down from the turnbuckle and has come to stand next to her brother. She leans up to whisper in his ear and you can see that is she almost visibly shaking. Alexander looks down and nods his head up-and-down at her.

Now that that is out of the way, let’s get down to business. It is my pleasure to bring to Buzzards Bay, the NEW OOWF ONSLAUGHT CHAMPION…here he is, Eric O’Mac, The E.

"To Be Loved" comes on over the PA system. Eric O'Mac, complete with his Onslaught Title wrapped out his waist, walks out to MANY JEERS. Eric, wearing his trademark Oakley sunglasses, smirks at the crowd as they continue to egg him on. Eric gets into the ring, taking off his fur coat, points to the Onslaught Title and does the "Orton pose" as pyro and ballyhoo goes on. Eric shakes Alexander's hand and then goes over to Alexis Darling, and gives her a quick peck on the cheek. Alexis hands Eric a second microphone as the music dies down and Eric begins to speak.

The E: Let me start out by saying....HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

*Boos*

You see, for the past month, we have taken you on a roller coaster type ride, and just when you think the coaster couldn't have any more twists and turns and you see the end in sight, the bottom falls out from under you and you take one more swerve that you didn't see coming!

*More boos.*

For those of you who have no idea what happened, let me spell it out for you. You see, about a month ago, I had a little meeting with Miss Darling and she and I came to terms on an agreement. After we had another meeting with Alex over here, it was confirmed and this is how it went down. We would throw the match against Nerve Agent and Blitz and have "miscommunication." Let's see how that one went down again.

*The video of the TNA/Blitz vs. Darling/Eric match plays and shows the ending.*

The E: Ah, that was great. And then, I was "knocked out" by my own sledgehammer and covered in blood. Let me see that video of me again?

*The video shows Darling's promo with Eric knocked out, covered in blood.*

It's amazing how you can make ANYTHING look like blood. Cherry syrup in this case, and that wasn't even my fur coat I'm wearing. We found it at the Salvation Army. I wouldn't have one of my furs get messed up by cherry syrup. Anyways, me and Darling had a hell of a match last week that was, absolutely, 100% practiced. I mean, sure we had some interference, but we overcame that. We threatened each other, we talked a bunch of shit. Hell, I even tried to get buddy-buddy with Davin. It was ALL too perfect.

*Some more boos.*

Eric: ANNNYWAYS, as we all saw at the pay per view, I put Alex in a wristlock, he taps, Davin loses the title, and everyone in DEA wins. This brings me to my next point. I've maintained that I wouldn't join DEA because I wouldn't be a lackey. But the deal Alex and Alexis presented to me, well, it was just too sweet to pass up.

You see, DEA no longer stands for "Darling-Enterprise Agency." No, it now stands for the "Darling-Eric Agency." And why is that? That's because my contract with DEA will give me the position as co-partner!

*BOOO*

All I've got to do is cross some t's and dot some i's and I will do that right now!

Another handshake between Alexander and Eric as the two hold the ropes open for Alexis to get out of the ring. Both men jump to the floor and start to walk to the back when Alexis taps Alexander on the shoulder. She whispers something to him and he nods as he goes to grab Eric. He mentions something to Eric and they both turn to look at the entranceway. They shake their head and make their way back to the ring. They walk around the ring to the backside and hope over the guardrail. Ah, Alexis remember the last time DEA had a contract-signing in the ring and refuse to make the same mistake twice. The three of them walk out through the audience and out of the building.

*Fade to black*

[mooseheadjack]

*Outback Jack is WALKING when he apparently randomly encouters Seamus McNasty*

OBJ: Hey, mate, have a beer *hands Seamus a beer*

*Seamus looks suspiciously at OBJ, then drinks some beer*

OBJ: Now, technically, you just broke one of the fundamental OOWF rules, which is don't trust anyone.

*Seamus looks down at his beer*

OBJ: Lucky for you, the number one rule in my book is that I don't play games with another man's beer.

Seamus: OK, so I'm guessing that you've got something to say about chosing sides between The Rick and Bennet.

OBJ: Yes and no, mate. Keep in mind that whoever comes out on top in this pissing match will need some dogs of war. For that matter, so will the other guy.

Seamus: So you're playing the angles?

OBJ: Not really. I'm backing whatever Stank decides. Just saying, you might be valuable as a free agent.

Seamus: Why the free advice?

OBJ: Free advice is worth what you pay for it, mate. *Swills beerand belches loudly*

[mooseheadjack]

F. Fonzworth MacCappington III and Donovan Viper are joined in The Fortress Of Snobbery by the rest of LOADED.

FFM- Ryan...you did very well. Now if we can continue to destroy Firechild, I'll be ecstatic. By the time he's allowed to retaliate, he will be so injured he won't be able to lift a finger against me. Jevves, give Ryan a raise. Now, on to the rest of you. Viper, may I borrow your chain?

DV- Sure thing.

FFM- Let's see this here...okay, now a chain is only as strong as its weakest link.

he wraps the chain around his fists and pulls in opposite directions. One link near the end breaks and the chain comes apart.

FFM- Now, let's try the stronger side here

he wraps again and pulls and it in opposite directions and the chain doesn't break

FFM- Look at that. You get it, everybody? So who is the weak link here? Which one of you does not belong. You! You! You doubted me.

Volt- Me?

FFM- You didn't believe I would win the title did you?

Volt- Of course I did.

FFM- Really?

Voltage starts to cry

Volt- n...n....no, no I didn't.

FFM- Aw....its okay...its okay. Jeeves? The Boo Box.

Volt- NO!

FFM- Yes, the Boo Box.

MacCappington and Hardcore shove Voltage into a large chest and lock it, then put scorpions into a small door on the top. As Voltage screams inside MacCappington puts a pinkslip through the hole.

FFM- We'll have a severance package sent to you, assuming you live.

Eco- What the fuck!?

FFM- He was holding you back, Eco. Believe me, you'll be much better without him.

DV- The Boo Box?

FFM- Yeah, I saw it in a movie.

DV- Which movie did that?

FFM- I don't remember. Citizen Kane or Gone With The Wind or Flashdance or something. Anyways, let's move forward, gentlemen. Now that, we've trimmed the fat, we're a more scrumptious meal. We'll be much better for it. Trust me.

DV- What'd you say?

FFM- I said truss me...Jeeves, fetch my truss...the hernia's acting up.

DV- Since when do you have a hernia?

FFM- Since when do you never shut the fuck up?

[mooseheadjack]

*FADE IN TO THE IHOP(tm) LOCKERROOM*

Skurge is killing a case of Labatts when he sees SYB staggering toward the door, gasping and wheezing.
SYB: Fifty... (gasp) jumping... JACKS! I... fucking... hate...you.
SYB collapses in a pool of his own sweat and begins to froth at the mouth like SD Jones.
Skurge: It was for your own good, eh? I'm not going to waste my time teaming up with the company's whipping boy. We need to make you strong and use muscles you never knew you had inside you.
SYB: (looks up) What? I'm sorry, I don't speak Spanish.
Skurge slowly shakes his head.
SYB: Relax hoser... I'm mapping oot a gameplan for our match as we speak. Peep this.
SYB hobbles over to the IHOP(tm) computer and flips a switch.
<Greetings Professor Solly> the computer speaks.
SYB: Hello Joshua
Skurge: Eh?
SYB: Not eh, ah... Josh-u-a
Skurge: Oh, I see.
SYB: I googled McNasty - look what I found.
The camera zooms in on a site called www.photobucket.com/dmantooth/for_champ_only and we see a familiar-looking woman posing spread eagle with a devilish grin on her face.
SYB: It appears our Miss Mantooth is a fan of the roast beef.
Skurge: B-b-b-but I thought she was a saint.
SYB: Well here is the saint's taint - sit down, take a look and forget aboot your troubles for a while, eh?
SYB gets up and motions for Skurge to take his seat.
Skurge thinks about it for a second and shrugs his shoulders.
Skurge: Why not.
Skurge sits down and his eyes almost bug out of his head.
Skurge: That's what I'm talking aboot!
SYB: Hands above the desk, eh?
"SKURGE!"
The guys look up to see an enraged Dorothy Mantooth in the doorway.
DM: Skurge how could you? Those are private pictures!
Skurge: It wasn't me, it was SYB! He brought up the page, not me.
DM: Leave him out of this. SYB can't even tie his shoes without crying. Skurge, I thought you were a gentleman. I thought you were different. You're just like everyone else around here. You're the kind of guy who would take me out to a nice seafood dinner and never call me again.
SYB is biting his lip to control his laughter.
Skurge: I-I-I-I-I don't know what to say. My most humble apologies, my dear.
DM: Zip it, clown. I'm done with you. SYB, come with me. I have a job for you.
SYB slowly rises to his feet, looks at Skurge and mouths "FIFTY JUMPING JACKS" as he and The Lovely Miss Mantooth exit.

*FADE OUT*

[mooseheadjack]

(Once FFM and Viper have left, Ecosystem opens up the Boo Box.)

Eco: Volt, you okay?

Volt: You know, I am so sick and tired of being shoved into a a box filled with scorpions every time we lose the tag titles.

Eco: Oh, don't say that.

Volt: No, I mean it! I tell you what mate, if I'm not wanted here, then I think I'm just going to shove off.

Eco: You mean leave the group? Because I forget we're in it half the time.

Volt: No. More than that.

Eco: You mean...

(Voltage splits into two people, one being translucent and one solid.)

Volt: Eco, meet Jobber Voltage.

Jobber Voltage (translucent): Pleased to meetcha, mate.

Volt: I'm going to be heading to Australia, and in the meantime, he's going to stick around and lose a couple matches for me until my contract expires or until I write promos again.

Eco: You can't say--

Volt: Watch.

(Moosehead Jack runs in and heartpunches Jobber Voltage.)

JV: Owie.

Eco: Huh.

Volt: Exactly. No downside.

Eco: So I guess this is goodbye.

Volt: Kind of.

Eco: Do you...do you want to...

Volt: Well...I mean, we should...

Eco: Yeah.

Volt: Yeah.

(Pause.)

Eco: Erm.

Volt: So yeah.

Eco: Yeah. Okay.

Volt: Okay.

(Eco and Voltage share the most awkward hug ever.)

Volt: Let go now.

Eco: Right.

Volt: Okay. See you around.

Eco: ...when I'm in Australia?

Volt: Which is fairly often, if you remember the subplot we had with John Howard for a while.

Eco: Oh yeah.

Volt: Peace.

(Voltage fades away somehow while Jobber Voltage gets up off the ground.)

Eco: I'm going to miss that guy.

JV: Crikey mate, he's a good bloke.

Eco: Eh. Not the same.

[mooseheadjack]

(GM The Rick settles in to see what his favorite WWE wrestler is up to this week)

We're in the arena and in the ring is William Regal, Gryfon, Triple H and Randy Orton for a "photo opportunity." The red carpet covers the ring, and Regal asks the three WWE Superstars to come together in the center of the ring for the photo op. They hesitate and come together and let the photographers snap the photo. Each man gets a microphone.

Gryfon thanks both of them for coming out, and says he has a concern with one of them, that being Triple H. Gryfon comes face to face with The Game and says he doesn't appreciate the Pedigree he got last week on RAW. Triple H says Gryfon and some fans might not appreciate it, but Orton wasn't available at that moment, which the fans cheer to. HHH tells him he is going to get more of the same at WrestleMania. Gryfon reminds The Game that his luck hasn't been all that great at WM. They square up and Orton interferes, saying one thing will remain the same, he will still be WWE Champion.

Orton says there isn't a damn thing either of them can do about that. Triple H and Gryfon double team Orton, throwing him over the top rope. They come face to face and start brawling in the center of the ring. Orton comes back in the ring and lays out both men with a pair of RKO's. Orton stands over both fallen men, as the crowd chants "YOU SUCK" and holds his WWE Title up high as his music hits. Orton walks towards the back as Gryfon and Triple H lay in the ring.

Back from commercial and Mr. Kennedy runs into Randy Orton in the back. Kennedy says after he wins Money in the Bank this year, he is going to cash it in on that night and tells Orton, if he is still Champion, he will drop the WWE Title to Kennedy. Orton says you can make all the threats you want, but he is still walking out of WrestleMania as the WWE Champion. Kennedy says we'll see about that.


GMtR: oh really..? (FFs)

We're backstage with William Regal and Todd Grisham. Regal says tonight's RAW main event will be Mr. Kennedy and Randy Orton vs. Gryfon and Triple H. Chris Jericho walks up and tells Regal he wants to be in the Money in the Bank match. Regal says tonight, Jericho will have to qualify against a man who has already qualified, Jeff Hardy. Regal says that match is next. Jericho cracks jokes before making his exit.

GMtR: I'll come back to that match (FFs)

Orton and Kennedy are out first, followed by Triple H. Gryfon's music hits and he comes out to another strong, positive reaction. The bell sounds and Gryfon attacks Orton. We go to commercial shortly after this.

Back from commercial and Triple H has Kennedy in the ring, in control. Kennedy blocks an attack in the turnbuckle. Gryfon gets tagged in and hits Kennedy with a series of rights and lefts. Gryfon taunts Triple H with a Heroes' pose, and HHH responds with a DX chop. Kennedy comes from behind with a low blow on Triple H. Orton gets tagged in and goes to work on The Game with kicks and stomps.

Orton gets a 2 count on Triple H as Kennedy is tagged back in. Kennedy takes it to The Game in the turnbuckle and we get a little bit of double team from the heels. They've been focusing on the knee and thigh of Triple H. Triple H goes down in the turnbuckle and gets hit by a huge running kick from Kennedy. 2 count on Triple H.

Orton in the ring now and he has Triple H grounded to the mat with a chinlock. Orton taunts Gryfon as Gryfon distracts the referee and Kennedy chokes Triple H on the outside. Orton drops HHH face first, hard, onto the canvas but only gets a 2 count. Kennedy comes back in and they double team The Game again. Triple H gets slung in the corner but hits Kennedy with a big boot. Triple H crawls towards Gryfon, but Orton gets tagged in first and blocks the tag. Orton goes back to work on Triple H and starts stalking him.

Triple H blocks the RKO and tags in Gryfon right when Orton tags in Kennedy. Gryfon comes in and cleans house of Kennedy, with a series of high impact moves. Gryfon hits the Gryfecta. A Final Justice on Kennedy is interrupted by Orton. Gryfon catches Kennedy and locks on the Dragnet and Kennedy taps out.

Gryfon and Triple H come face to face in the ring. Kennedy comes from behind and hits the Mic Check on Gryfon, laying him out as Triple H just looked on. Triple H looks at Gryfon who is down on the mat.

Winners: Gryfon and Triple H

After the match, Kennedy's music hits as Triple H watches him leave the arena area. Triple H stands tall over Gryfon as RAW goes off the air.

GMtR: (shaking head) and Triple H brought him over just to hold him down too..... (rewinds to the Jericho/Hardy match)