OOWF MADNESS IV PPV

[mooseheadjack]

*The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth is walking around the Warminster Thunderdome, clearly searching for someone. She carries a file folder. There’s black tape covering part of the front of the folder. Clearly, it says something that she doesn’t want to be seen. After much searching, the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth arrives at the door she’s looking for. She knocks…

Voice: What?
DM: It’s Dorothy. Dorothy Mantooth? I thought you might want to talk.

*The door opens quickly. The man in the doorway is somewhat taken aback at the woman standing in front of him. His mouth hangs open, and he is unable to greet her…

DM: Um, so…do you tend to go by Moosehead or Jack?
MHJ: Whatever you like.
DM: Okay, Jack. Here’s the score. I gave you that DVD with the security footage of Skurge in Rick’s office a couple of weeks ago, but I haven’t had time to follow up. Solly and Skurge have been…well…a handful lately.
MHJ: So I’ve seen. They look fine in the ring, though. I mean, they’re losing, but they’re doing it in style.
DM: Yeah, they’re fine. It’ll just take some time for them to work through the concussions. Anyway, the file that Skurge took on that DVD? I’ve got it here, and I’m giving it to you.
MHJ: Really? Just like that? No strings?
DM: Jack, please. Nothing’s free.
MHJ: Okay. What do you want?
DM: Well, Skurge was really upset by the contents of this folder. I mean really upset. Rick must have done something to him in the past that he’s not over yet.
MHJ: Yeah, he did.
DM: Oh. So there was someth…wait, how would you know about it?
MHJ: Let’s just say I knew Skurge for a while before he showed up here and leave it at that for now. So – same question: what do you want?
DM: To sign up. Count IHOP in. Whatever Rick did to Skurge, he’s going to pay for it. It may wind up being Skurge in Solly’s body who goes after Rick, or it may be Skurge himself, but one way or another, it’s going to happen. Might as well be for the greater good, no?
MHJ: Tell you what. Skurge has been okay since he got here, but I’m not overly impressed with Solly’s record. If they beat Blitz and Voltage at OOWF Madness IV, IHOP is in. In the meantime, I’ll just hold on to this folder as a sign of good faith.
DM: Fine. That’s not the complete version anyway. You can see the whole package when we’re in.

*The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth turns and starts to walk away. She pauses and turns her head back toward Moosehead Jack...

DM: Trust me.

With that, the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth turns a corner, leaving Moosehead Jack agape once again…

*FADE*

[mooseheadjack]

*Ric Flair’s Sandwich Shop*

We’re about 24 hours away from the OOWF Madness PPV and most wrestlers are going through their last minute preparations in anticipation of their last North American show for a few months. Some of those wrestlers have actually taken some time to grab a quick bite to eat as Ric Flair’s Sandwich Shop is packed at the moment. Scattered throughout the place are guys like Nerve Agent, Voltage, and Puck Dupp while others have come and gone getting their meals to go. But in the back corner of the shop sits almost the entire DEA faction. Sitting at a table are Alexander and Alexis Darling, Hayden Panettiere, Firewoman, and Lucky. It looks they all just gave their order to Lex Luger who’s working the shop today as Flair is down in Orlando for his Hall of Fame induction. Behind the counter working the grill is Barry Windham and everyone is just hoping he doesn’t eat everything ordered himself. Tully Blanchard was around as well giving sermons to any who will listen, but that stopped when Seraph showed up, stripped Tully naked and took him away. And that’s where we pick up the DEA conversation.

Hayden Panettiere: This is such a weird working environment.

Alexis Darling: And I guess that’s why you can’t wait to get out of here. I mean who else will I be able to talk to?

Firewoman: What am I chopped liver?

Alexis: No, but you also hate me for whatever reason and I don’t foresee us spending too much time together.

Lucky: Actually, in my spare time I’ve been calculating some things and based on the approximate time that you, Alexis, have spent with Hayden and the amount of time you, Firewoman, have spent with outside influences and combining that with the AAVQ and subjecting it to the foreign factor that the roster is sure to undergo, I anticipate a growth of 23.64% in the amount of time you two spend together.

The four people at the table all turn to look at Lucky and just stare at him before Alexander talks.

Alexander Darling: What the hell did you just say…in English, please?

Lucky: Oh, just that I think because we’re traveling overseas I would expect Ms. Woman and Ms. Darling to spend more time together because both are cautious about outside factors coming into play.

Alexander: And you didn’t say that at first why? Actually, forget it, Fire thinks you’re useful so I’ll deal with not understanding anything you say. I was wondering, out of curiosity, if you had any insight about my match tomorrow with MacCappington.

Lucky: Truthfully, having not scouted the specifics between yourself and the champion it would be tough to form a substantiated opinion.

Alexander: Humor me, make an educated guess.

Lucky: Okay I guess. Well, Mr. MacCappington has a distinct size and power advantage which could be troubling. And you don’t have the speed or finesse of Firewoman to exhibit the same offensive strategy she had, so what I would suggest is a methodical pace because you are sure to have the stamina advantage.

Hayden starts coughing on her pink lemonade.

Alexis: Everything okay there Hayden?

Alexander starts laughing and after a second Alexis and Firewoman catch on while Lucky looks on completely clueless.

Hayden: Yea, sure everything is fine now. I just couldn’t swallow everything.

At this point Alexander cracks up laughing and Firewoman is cringing while Alexis just acts as if the details don’t affect her.

Hayden: What did I…my god Alex, grow up. I meant the lemonade.

Alexander: Sorry, sorry but that was too easy.

Alexis: I don’t think we need to hear any more brother. I’d actually like Lucky to continue his point. It was fascinating and it might be something we could implement into our planning for tomorrow. Go head Lucky.

Lucky: Okay sure, I’m confused now, but anyway. So, what I would suggest is something I’ve noticed you’re very good at and work over a specific part of the body and make it influence the end. Now Fonzworth has trunks for legs so those would be tough, so based on what I know…your Darling Vice should have a 62.37% MBT success rate and the Death by Darling will be tougher to lock in because of the large neck of the champ but it would have a bit higher MBT rate of 82.1%.

Alexander: Do I even want to know what MBT means or should I just accept it and move on to anything else?

Firewoman: I’ve found it better to ignore the abbreviations and just listen to the actual words.

Lucky: HEY!

Firewoman: What?

Lucky: Nothing I guess. That was just a little mean. Oh, one other thing Mr. Darling. I’m not sure what your strength levels are, but if you can get Mr. MacCappington up for your crucifix bomb or even the Darling Driver…it will be a huge mental swing of momentum in the match.

Alexander: Excellent information Lucky, make sure Fire treats you to something special this week, especially if I use this information to my advantage.

Alexis: Are you sure it’s even needed Alex? I mean we do have…

Alexander: I know what we have, but it never hurts to be prepared for all possible divergences, right?

Alexis: Good Alexander. I’m glad you’re not just going with the flow for a change.

Alexander: Well with everything going on, I figured it’s time to be a bit proactive. And I don’t always just go with the flow, isn’t that right Hayden.

Hayden: Hey, cut it out. My virgin ears…

Firewoman: Only virgin part…

Alexander gives Firewoman a bit of a look…

Firewoman: Sorry, I guess. Was just joking. Hayden knows I think she’s a dear.

Hayden: Totally Firewoman. And that’s why before I leave you all tomorrow, I have a special present for you. But that’s tomorrow. Today is just a day to relax for me, unless you need one last interview Alex.

Alexander: Nope, I’m good really. Things have been hectic the last few days, even weeks. Rick or Bennett, Bennett or Rick, Davin and Moose playing recruiter-it’s all been weighing on my mind. And then there is a trip that none of us at this table are looking forward to. But we all realized that now, more than ever, we needed to come together and we have. Right now, we’re as stable as we’ve been since I’ve gotten and what that means is trouble for the rest of this company. Specifically, tomorrow it’s trouble for Firechild, Davin Moreland, and especially MacCappington.

Alexander stops talking abruptly when he notices two people walk into the shop. The unseen ninja cameraman turns to the counter and we see LD Williams and LJ Bennett have entered the establishment. Alexander quickly excuses him from the table and heads to the counter as we hear Hayden ask Lucky;

Hayden: Lucky, with all of your expertise on numbers is there any chance you have any prediction on my upcoming movie or even the 3rd season of my hit television show on NBC, Heroes?

As Lucky starts to go off on another long, monotonous, and boring explanation of Nielsen numbers and the MPAA and other things the ninja camera view changes to one focused on Bennett and Williams at the counter.

Alexander: Bennett, Williams…how you two gentlemen doing today?

LJ Bennett: Why hello there Mr. Darling. I’m doing well today, Rick is still nowhere to be found and I’ve received some good news over the past few days. Some of it actually pertaining to you.

Alexander: That doesn’t surprise me actually, but if you don’t mind why don’t we keep that news between us and I can let the world know of my decision tomorrow.

LJB: That seems fair Alexander. And good luck with your Intercontinental Championship match tomorrow. Not that I think you need any luck. Especially tomorrow.

Alexander: Well, I appreciate that Mr. Bennett, but right now I was hoping to have a word with LD here.

LD Williams: Whatever you want to say to me, you can say in front of Mr. Bennett.

Alexander: I know that Williams, but I’d prefer to say this just to you for now. If you want to come back and tell Bennett everything I tell you, that’s your prerogative…but give me the respect I’d give you.

LDW: Only cause of our history Darling.

Darling and Williams head just outside the shop to talk.

LDW: So, what is it you wanted?

Alexander: Nothing big, I just wanted to wish you good luck tomorrow against Stank. You deserve that World Title.

LDW: What are you talking about? I’m not wrestling…

Alexander: I know.

LDW: What are you getting at Darling?

Alexander: Nothing at all Williams.

LDW: I know you better than that. You have something up your sleeve.

Alexander: I always do, but this time I’ll put my cards out on the table.

LDW: All of them?

Alexander: Never all…you know that. But here’s what I’m going to say. You’re the most talented guy aligned with Bennett. You’re wrestling Capellan. Viper is wrestling Stank. And there are things you don’t know…things I’ve heard.

LDW: What things Darling?[/b]

Alexander: They aren’t important yet. But Williams, compared to what other people around here say I’ll be straight with you when I know things. Just remember that no matter what else happens.

LDW: You’re a confusing fuck Darling…Just tell me what you want to tell me.

Alexander: It’s not my place LD. But look around at the company you keep and truly think about who would have your best interests in mind. And who may just be using you to accomplish their goals.

LDW: Is this another Moose thing?

Alexander: No names Williams. Just be careful and remember to always remember to look out for yourself before anyone else.

LDW: Like you?

Alexander: At least I’m upfront about it. Now enjoy your meal. I have to finish preparing for my match tomorrow.

LDW: I bet you do.

Alexander: I haven’t shown all my cards Williams. Not all of ‘em just yet.

Alexander heads back in to join his group as they finish up their meal and he sits down just as Lucky finishes discussing the finer points of what a television share is and you can see Alexis actually SLEEPING at the table. Meanwhile, Williams has joined Bennett at the counter.

LJB: And what did our Mr. Darling have to say this time?

LDW: Nothing specific. Just wanted to know some things. You do realize he’s a complete wildcard.

LJB: Yea, I know that he thinks he’s a step ahead, but he’ll fall in line soon enough. And if he doesn’t well I know a few people that will keep him out of the way:

LDW: Like who?

LJB: Nothing you need to concern yourself with Mr. Williams. You just need to focus on taking out Capellan this week.

LDW: About that…


*Fade to black*

[mooseheadjack]

(It's late Sunday morning, and Gryfon is packing up his stuff to catch the next shuttle to the Citrus Bowl for Wrestlemania. As he's zipping up his rollercase, the phone rings)

CTG: (answers) This is Gryfon

??: Concrete? Have you got a minute?

CTG: Always - what's going on?

??: Madness, as usual

CTG: wow, an OOWF PPV, TNA tv, ROH, WM - this IS a busy wrestling weekend

??: but one of the Madness matches should concern you - Moosehead Jack v. GM The Rick in a steel cage

CTG: a situation that I've been assured that help will be on the way.

??: let me repeat that for you - Moosehead Jack. GM The Rick. Steel Cage.

CTG: I know about the match.

??: Do you realize what Moosehead Jack has in store for your beloved GM?

CTG: Do you realize how many other people are available that are right there?

??: You realize there are more than one man's life at stake here

CTG: Why me? why NOW? Why did my "Beloved GM" get involved to put himself into that position? Do you realize how CLOSE I am to the ultimate victory - the ultimate JUSTICE that the WWE needs?

??: Do you realizes what dies if your beloved GM gets killed in that cage? Everything, Concrete, Everything OOWF is No More. Moose wins, Bennett wins, we lose. 40 years of darkness, earthquakes, volcanoes, The Dead winning a major title, cats and dogs living together - what does this mean to an OOWF Original who knows how Things Must Be?

CTG: This isn't about Moose, and he and I are done, I won, he lost

??: This is well above and beyond you and Moose, Concrete. No one's going to make you a swank .swf video focused on the colors gray and purple, with bonus imagery of a Pantheris Leo and a red-tailed hawk, a blurry picture of a comic book rack and plenty of cheesy references to the 1960's "Batman" live action show.

CTG: Why isn't there anyone else down there who can do this?

??: Because of Your Promise, Concrete. Do you remember the promise you made the entire OOWF and its fans?

CTG: My.... promise?

??: You said that if the OOWF ever needed you, you'd come back. You apparently aren't comprehending what I'm saying, aren't you? You're putting Randy F. Orton before the company that truly made you who you are? The company you swore you'd protect with your Blood, Sweat and Tears? The company you PROMISED you'd help in its darkest hour?

CTG: But we're talking about WRESTLEMANIA here - the Showcase of the Immortals, where legends and eras begin and end! Wrestlers dream their entire LIVES and don't even get close! I'm THERE! This is the dream that's born for every wrestler who enters the ring for the first time! This is the ultimate karmic, cosmic irony on Vince McMahon! Someone who invaded his league, a man from a company he'd didn't know EXISTED til about 8 months ago - is about to lead his company into the future!

??: Show me a hero who goes back on a promise and I'll show you a man who's really forgotten his purpose. Concrete, I'm only gonna ask once, and if you don't want to answer me, fine. Just remember - You made a Promise, and Heroes Always Keep their Promises. If you break that Promise, what does that make YOU, "Hero"?

CTG: ..... I think you already know the answer to that.

(CTG hangs up the phone, gathers his gear and leaves the hotel room)

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF MADNESS IV
Live! From Warminster, Pennsylvania

<that creepy haunting little girl voice starts while the screen is still black>

Madness is the behavior whereby a person flouts societal norms and becomes a danger to himself and others.

Madness is the brain’s inability to deal with pain and suffering. Often those with madness escape reality completely. Others suffer full mental collapse.

<that creepy string music starts to play, growing in volume until it nearly drowns out the little girl’s voice, violent images of the OOWF flashing on the screen>

The OOWF is no different. Are you mad? You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t. We’re all a little mad. Come join us, <the music stops and the screen goes black before the final picture shows> join us join us forever.

<the screen goes black and there is an almost deafening silence before the little girls speaks in a barely audible whisper>

……then you can be mad too.

CARL FROM FRESNO vs. PUCK DUPP – Contract on a Pole Match

One of these two men will receive an official contract from the OOWF and become an immediate part of the roster. Puck Dupp makes his way to the ring first amid a chorus of boos. He mostly ignores the cat calls, though he does threaten a few fans on his way to the ring. Dem Belly Full (Me Still Hungry) starts and Carl From Fresno comes out and the crowd erupts. This could be the greatest ovation a jobber has ever received. Carl stands there in awe as the fans toss food at him. He catches a bucket of popcorn and a twix and eats hungrily as he makes his way to the ring grinning like an idiot. As soon as Carl to step through the ropes Dupp charges across the ring and slams him in the side of the head with a knee sending Carl back to the floor. Dupp immediately runs to the corner and starts climbing for the contract. Need a moment? Carl stuffs the other twix into his mouth and inexplicably Dupp stops climbing the corner. This gives Carl time to grab a chair and throw it at Dupp bouncing it off his head and sending Dupp falling back into the ring. Carl climbs into the ring and pulls Dupp to his feet and sends him to the ropes and elevates him with a high back body drop, then bounds off the ropes and drops a big leg across his chest. Dupp is stunned and Carl heads to the corner with the contract and gets to the second rope. Dupp quickly gets to his feet and tries to pull Carl off of the second rope, but Carl turns on the ropes and connects with a couple kicks to the chest that backs Dupp off, then Carl TAKES FLIGHT FROM THE SECOND ROPE!!! NOT SO HIGH CROSS BODY!! The fans erupt and even Carl looks a little shocked that he hit a move from the ropes, but of course there is no count. Carl gets to his feet and climbs the corner again and makes it to the top rope when Dupp gets to his feet and grabs the chair Carl tossed into the ring and SLAMS him on the back with it stunning Carl for a moment. The powerful Dupp grabs Carl from the top rope and hits a TOP ROPE BURNING HAMMER!!! Carl could be dead. Seriously folks, someone might want to check on him. Dupp sits there for a moment while the crowd sits in stunned silence, then as Dupp gets to his feet and heads to the corner, the crowd starts chanting Carl’s name and he slowly starts getting to his feet. Dupp sees this and climbs to the second rope and waits for Carl to get to his feet, he leaps off the ropes trying for a clothesline, but Carl catches him and reverses it into a power slam. Both men are down on the mat, but again, there is no count. Dupp starts moving first, but he rolls under the ropes to the floor. He rummages under the ring and pulls out a huge ladder, has to be 16 feet easily. He slips back into the ring and pulls Carl to his feet and hits a t-bone suplex that sends Carl under the ropes to the floor. Carl doesn’t stay down, instead he tries to get up right away, Dupp steps out of the ring onto the apron and hits a running knee drop to the head that dazes Carl and puts him flat on the floor. Dupp climbs to the top of the ladder and stands perched there for a moment, the crowd goes quiet with anticipation, then Dupp leaps and hits a SUPERFLY SPLASH ONTO CARL WHO IS ON THE FLOOR!!! Ok maybe that was a little obvious, but still the crowd erupts in a HOLY SHIT chant, and once again, Carl may well be dead. Course, Dupp isn’t looking too good himself, having knocked the wind completely out of himself. Both men writhe in agony on the floor for several minutes. Dupp crawls under the bottom rope and still can’t even get to his feet, instead he crawls across the ring to the corner where the contract is and starts pulling himself to his feet using the ropes. Dupp looks over his shoulder and his eyes bulge with rage when he sees Carl crawling under the bottom rope too. Dupp gets a burst of energy and runs across the ring and drops an elbow across the back of Carl’s neck, then rains shots down on him and chokes him until he appears to be unconscious. Dupp breathes a sigh of relief and gets to his feet and slowly makes his way across the ring toward the contract as the fans burst into a CA-RL CA-RL CA-RL chant. Carl From Fresno does the Zombie Sit-Up of the Undead, and Dupp stops in his tracks and turns around and sees Carl sitting up and flies into a rage and charges over and starts hammering Carl with kicks and punches but Carl fights them off and works to his feet using the ropes, as Dupp is hammering Carl from behind with punches to the head, Carl grabs the top rope and starts shaking it furiously, then turns around an gives Dupp the big YOU! Finger point, the crowd loves that, then Carl hammers Dupp with shots to the head backing him to the ropes. Carl whips Dupp to the ropes and connects with a big boot to the face that staggers Dupp, then Carl kicks Dupp in the midsection and PLANTS him with a package pile driver! Carl gets to his feet and starts climbing and makes it to the top rope when Dupp gets to his feet and lunges to the ropes crotching Carl on the top. Dupp makes his way to the corner and hits a hangman’s neck breaker from the top, and kicks Carl out of the ring to the floor. Dupp starts a slow deliberate climb up the ropes, on the outside Carl gets up and looks at Dupp, then grabs the ladder and takes it to the corner where the contract is and starts climbing! The two men are close to the contract, Carl at the top of the ladder and Puck up most of the pole. They trade shots as both reach for the contract, finally Carl avoids a shot from Carl and slams him face first into the pole, then grabs him and hip tosses him off of the pole! Dupp sails through the air and CRASHES THROUGH THE LAOTIAN ANNOUCNE TABLE!!! The crowd erupts again, and Carl reaches up and grabs the contract!
WINNER in 15:58 – Carl From Fresno

IHOP vs. VOLTAGE & BLITZ

Voltage and Blitz make their way to the ring while the crowd is still buzzing over the Carl From Fresno – Puck Dupp match. They get into the ring and wait. IHOP is announced and they get a surprising reaction from the crowd, seems like maybe people are starting to warm up to them some. SYB and Skurge make their way to the ring and climb between the ropes and are immediately jumped by Blitz and Voltage. Blitz grabs SYB and throws him over the top rope then gets a running start and does a back flip over the top rope that wipes SYB out. Inside the ring Voltage backs Skurge into the corner with several hard knife edge chops, but Skurge quickly reverses it and hammers Voltage in the corner, beating him down to the mat. Blitz comes back into the ring and tries to attack from behind, but Skurge turns and pops him in the mouth with a super kick that rocks him back on his heels. Skurge grabs Blitz and throws him into the corner with his partner (who is now back on his feet) and immediately drops to his hands and knees and SYB comes back into the ring and sprints across, leaps off of Skurge’s back and pancakes Voltage and Blitz in the corner. Blitz staggers a bit and SYB takes him to the mat with a drop toe hold, and Skurge bounces off the ropes and connects with a dropkick to the face. SYB pulls Voltage out of the corner and hauls him up in a vertical suplex, then drops him down across Skurge’s knee back first. Skurge gets to his feet and lands Rolling Thunder on Volt, but Blitz catches him with a boot to the face before the referee can make the three count. Finally some order is restored and we have Skurge and Blitz in the ring. Skurge pulls him to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a spinning heel kick, then springs off the bottom rope and drops a leg across his chest, but doesn’t make the cover, instead he tags SYB into the match. SYB climbs to the second rope and waits for Blitz to get to his feet, when he does SYB leaps and catches him with a clothesline. SYB leaps to his feet and celebrates, and is about to pat himself on the back a la Barry Horowitz, when Skurge barks something from the apron. SYB snaps back and falls on Blitz for the cover but only gets a two count. SYB gets o his feet and climbs the ropes again and leaps when Blitz gets up, but this time Blitz sees him and catches him with a drop kick to the face. SYB crashes to the mat, and hops to his feet grabbing his face in pain and Blitz grabs him and rocks him with a release overhead suplex that sends him to the corner where Voltage is waiting. Blitz tags in Volt and pulls SYB to his feet and drapes him across the top rope throat first, Voltage bounds off the far ropes and leap frogs over Blitz and crashes down on the small of SYB’s back. Voltage pulls SYB up again and plants him on the mat with a scoop slam, rolls him over and hits a leaping knee drop into the small of the back. Volt rolls SYB over and gets a two count but SYB manages to kick out. Voltage pulls him to his feet and whips him to the ropes and catches him in a sleeper hold! SYB fights it but Voltage holds on like a bulldog and SYB begins to fade. He drops to one knee and then slumps to the mat. The referee checks his arm and it falls once, twice, and looks to be heading down for the third time when Skurge runs in and nails Voltage from behind with an enzuguri. Both men are down on the mat and the referee starts the ten count. As SYB and Voltage get to their feet they both hit the ropes, but collide in mid-ring head first. SYB falls to the mat face first, and Voltage staggers and falls between the ropes to the floor. On the outside Voltage rummages around under the ring and pulls out…..A WINDOW!!! This must be a left over from his old Defenestrator days! Inside the ring, Blitz starts coming into the ring, which draws Skurge into the action. As the referee is admonishing Skurge and getting him out of the ring, Blitz runs back into the ring and throws SYB over the top rope to the floor. Voltage grabs SYB and is about to slam him face first through the window, when the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth runs to ringside and flashes Voltage. Voltage stands dumbfounded for a moment, which allows Skurge to rush around the ring and grab a chair, and slam it into the window, sending shards of glass into Voltage’s back, causing screams of agony. SYB gets a burst of adrenaline and spears voltage through the window frame, then rolls him under the ropes into the ring. Meanwhile Skurge pulls Blitz off of the apron and plants him on the floor with a DDT. Inside the ring, SYB hauls Voltage onto his shoulders and hits a Hebrew Buster (DVD) then tags Skurge in. SYB pulls Voltage to his feet and hefts him up on his shoulders and walks to the corner. Skurge grabs Voltage in a front face lock and leaps off the ropes, at the same time SYB flips him off his shoulders and Skurge drives Voltage to the mat with a flying DDT (or something close). Blitz gets to his feet on the outside but SYB turns and gets a running start and leaps through the ropes and nails him, sending him hard into the steel barricade. Skurge covers Voltage and hooks the leg and gets the one, two, three.
WINNERS in 8:19 – IHOP

After the match IHOP stand in the ring with the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth and raise their arms in victory. Before they leave the ring, LJ Bennett walks out and makes his way to the ring clapping for IHOP. He gets into the ring and shares a handshake with all three, then raises their arms in victory. The four leave the ring together as the crowd buzzes with anticipation.

RYAN HARDCORE vs. OUTBACK JACK vs. THE NERVE AGENT

Nerve is out to the ring first, then Ryan Hardcore and Lauren Phoenix follow. Finally Outback Jack is announced and he comes out, pauses at the top of the ramp and slams a beer, then heads down the ramp to the ring. He gets about halfway down the ramp and stops and pulls another beer from his pocket and pops the top and slams half of it. Jack gets to ringside and walks up behind Lauren Phoenix and grabs her by the hair and tilts her head back and pours the beer down her throat, making sure to let plenty run down her neck soaking her shirt. She fights at first then swallows like a good girl. This appears to enrage Ryan Hardcore and he comes out of the ring and charges at Jack, but Jack catches him with a kick to the mid-section and plants him with a DDT on the floor. As Jack stands up he sees Nerves charging toward the ropes, he leaps to the top rope, steadies himself for a second, then leaps, but Jack sidesteps and Nerve slams into the steel barricade. Jack looks at Phoenix for a moment, she gives him a little shimmy and the crowd pops. OBJ rolls under the ropes and this one is official. Nerves jumps back on the apron and steps into the ring and locks up with Jack, Jack pushes him to the corner and the referee calls for a clean break, and Jack tries to back off and Nerve catches him with a kick to the midsection, then spins him back into the corner and blisters him with chops. Jack starts to fight back and Nerve rakes the eyes, then hangs him across the top rope throat first and chokes him until the referee threatens disqualification. Nerve breaks, then Hardcore gets on the apron. Nerve grabs Jack’s feet and keeps him hung on the ropes, Hardcore runs down the apron and connects with a kick to Jack’s forehead, sending him off the top rope and crashing to the mat where Nerve immediately tries a cover, but Hardcore kicks him between the ropes breaking it up. Nerve gets to his feet and he and Hardcore begin to argue, Nerve takes a swipe at him, but Hardcore ducks it then uses the ropes to catapult Nerve out of the ring. Nerve flips over the top rope and lands on his feet, then pulls Hardcore off the apron and tries a clothesline, but Hardcore ducks it and PASTES Nerve with a super kick to the mouth sending him to the floor. Hardcore rolls into the ring and waits for Jack to stand up, and when he does, he takes him over with an Olympic Slam, then springs off the bottom rope with a moonsault, covers, but can only get a two count. Hardcore pulls Jack to his feet and plants him in the middle of the ring with a slam, then climbs to the top rope, but Nerve Agent slips back into the ring and shakes the ropes and crotches Hardcore on the top. Nerve climbs up to superplex Hardcore off, but before he can do it, Jack comes over and we get the powerbomb/superplex combo that has become so popular to the kids these days. Jack covers Nerve, but Nerve kicks out at two. Jack pulls Nerve to his feet and tries a whip to the ropes, but Nerve reverses it and catches Jack and hot shots him on the top rope. Jack hits the mat and rolls out of the ring to the floor. Nerve turns around and eats a clothesline from Hardcore. Ryan mounts Nerve and hammers away with shots to the face, then pulls Nerve up and sends him to the ropes but lowers his head a moment too soon. Nerve flips over Hardcore’s back and grabs him and hits a German suplex with a bridge for a two count. Both men get to their feet quickly and Hardcore catches Nerve with a kick to the gut and lifts him for a suplex, but Nerve slips out of it and lands on his feet behind him and rolls him up for a two count. Hardcore kicks out and once again both men get to their feet. They see Jack on the apron, Nerve runs down the ropes and tries a clothesline but Jack ducks it. When he stands back up, he cannot duck the spinning heel kick from Hardcore that sends him back to the floor. Hardcore stands in the middle of the ring and encourages Nerve to get a running start and flip over the ropes onto Jack. Nerve hits the ropes, but Hardcore steps in and nearly decapitates him with a clothesline! Hardcore covers, and gets a two count, but Jack slips back into the ring and breaks it up with a kick to Hardcore’s face. All three men make it to their feet and a massive brawl breaks out in the middle of the ring. Nerve and Hardcore work together to take Jack to the mat and pummel him with kicks to the chest before dragging him to the corner and tying him in the tree of woe. Hardcore charges in and tries a spear, but Jack sits up and Hardcore crashes shoulder first into the ring post and falls between the ropes to the floor. Jack frees himself and catches Nerve charging in with a big boot to the side of the face, then follows it with a bulldog from the second rope as he staggers away. Jack gets to his feet and catches Hardcore climbing onto the apron, so he gets a running start and blasts him in the face with a knee, sending Hardcore flying off the apron and slamming into the guardrail. Jack turns around and ducks a clothesline from Nerve, catches him with a kick to the midsection and lifts him for the CHOMP!!! Nerve may well be dead. Jack flips him over and locks on the cross face, the referee checks Nerve, but he isn’t moving enough to tap, so the referee calls for the bell, this one is over.
WINNER in 13:33 – Outback Jack

[mooseheadjack]

THE DEAD & FIREWOMAN vs. DAVIN MORELAND & FIRECHILD

The DEA has spared no expense for their last show in the states and as a final send-off to the contract signed with Gwen Stefani for Firewoman’s entrance. “There Can Be Only One” booms and out on the stage comes Alexander and Alexis Darling. They stand off to the side and make motion for the back and we hear the loud drum beats of a marching band and here one comes out onto the stage. They start doing a marching band version of “Hollaback Girl” and get a minute into it when we hear someone say something.

Unknown Voice: That’s good, but it isn’t what it should be…let me show ya something.

Holy shit, Gwen Stefani is here, live and in-person. She has a microphone,

Gwen Stefani: I just wanted to thank Alexis for making the call and asking if I would…

We see Alexis telling Gwen to be quiet, giving her the universal sign that she’s said too much…

Oh right, sorry Lexie. Anyway, it’d be my pleasure to introduce someone I truly respect for standing up in a man’s world which is what this song is all about. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s all give a big hand for FIREWOMAN!!!

Firewoman slowly makes her way out onto the stage just as Gwen tells the marching band to hit the music again. We are then treated to a great live performance of “Hollaback Girl” by Gwen Stefani and it includes the whole she-bang of extras. The harajuku girls come out in their cheerleading uniforms to dance backup for Gwen and they aren’t alone as KENNY, JOHNNY, MITCH, NICKY, and MIKEY join them as the FIRESQUAD. But that’s not all…nope, definitely not all. Next out is Hayden Panettiere in her Bring it On costume and she has brought along some friends, Kristen Bell, Eliza Dushku, Kirsten Dunst, and others are all there in the uniforms doing specific Fire based cheers. There is a ton of pyro and fireworks all throughout the entrance and Firewoman is actually not glaring at the Darlings for a change and just seems to be going along with it. At least until all of the fire shoots up behind her and she gets a huge smile for just a fraction of a second. The song ends and everyone except the Darlings head to the back for The DEA Madness WrestleMania party that should last through the night.

Alexander walks over to Firewoman and gives her some last words before patting her on the back and heading to the back to prepare for his Intercontinental Title match tonight. Alexis joins Firewoman and stands at her side. The two women barely acknowledge each beyond a very quick nod to one another and it looks like they’ll be heading down to the ring in silence until “Firewoman” by The Cult finally starts and they finish their walk down to the ring. Firewoman steps into the ring and greets her partner.

Dead meets Fire in the ring, this is an odd pairing to say the least, but they have been rather friendly in the last few weeks. They huddle up in their corner and it looks like Dead will start. The equally unlikely pairing of Davin Moreland and Firechild make their way to the ring next. The crowd seems to be a bit confused trying to sort out all the connections that led to this tag team match, but they cheer anyway. Firechild is starting for his team, the referee calls for the bell and this one is underway. Fire and Dead slowly circle, then lock up. Fire grabs the arm wringer, but Dead frees himself almost immediately with a knee to the mid section that doubles Fire over in pain. Dead tries a scissors kick to the back of the head but Fire moves out of the way and catches Dead with a step behind clothesline that slams him to the mat. Fire grabs Dead’s arm and drags him to his corner and tags in Davin Moreland. Moreland comes in and yanks Dead to his feet, right into a double choke, then sends him flying to the mat. Moreland bounds off the ropes and tries a big elbow, but Dead moves out of the way. Dead spins up to his feet and waits for Moreland to get up, as he gets to one knee, Dead nails him in the face with a stiff kick that sends him back to the mat. Dead reaches out and tags in Firewoman, she comes in and pulls Moreland up, then snapmares him to the mat, then lands a drop kick to the back of his head. Fire grabs Moreland’s arms and sets him up for a curb stomp, but Firechild comes in and takes a swipe at her to break it up. Firewoman’s anger gets the best of her and she chases Firechild back to the corner. When she turns her attention back to Davin Moreland, he nearly decapitates her with a big boot to the face. Moreland pulls Fire off of the mat and sends her to the ropes and catches her with a bone rattling spine buster, covers, but only gets a two count. Davin gets to his feet and tags in Firechild, then pulls Fire up and plants her on the mat, Firechild climbs to the top rope and leaps, driving an elbow right into her chest. Firechild covers, but once again Firewoman kicks out at two. Firechild pulls Firewoman up and lifts her up and drops her across his knee and stretches her trying for a submission, but there is none coming. Firechild reaches out and tags in Moreland, Davin comes in and climbs to the second rope and drops a leg across Fire’s chest, sending her crashing to the mat off of Fire’s knee. Moreland covers, but Dead charges across the ring and breaks it up at two. This brings Firechild back into the match and he and Dead brawl in the center of the ring while Davin pulls Fire to her feet and tries a whip to the ropes, but Fire reverses it and takes him over with a hurracarana that sends Davin to the floor. Firechild is getting the better of Dead with some stiff shots to the face when Firewoman charges across the ring and nails Firechild from behind. Then throws him out of the ring to the floor. Dead and Firewoman stand in the center of the ring and then get a running start and leap over the top rope. Firewoman takes out Firechild, but Davin sidesteps Dead and he crashes to the floor. Firewoman pulls Firechild to his feet and ties him in the tree of woe on the guardrail, then climbs on the apron and hits a flying knee to the mid section. Firechild crashes to the floor and Firewoman sets him up for the Firestomp on the floor! Before she hits the move, she points to Alexis and gives her a little nod. The slightest smile creeps across Alexis’ face as Firewoman drives Firechild’s face into the concrete. On the opposite side of the ring Moreland pulls Dead up and lifts him in a vertical suplex, then sends him crashing down on the ring steps chest first. Fire and Davin both roll back into the ring, I think the referee has lost track of who the legal people were, so he is just going to let them go at it. They exchange chops in the middle of the ring and Davin gets the better of it, then whips Fire to the ropes, she springs off the bottom rope and tries a cross body block but Davin catches her and hits a fall away slam that sends her across the ring. Re grabs her back in pain and Moreland immediately grabs her legs and turns her over in a Boston Crab Fire tries to make it to the ropes, but Davin is too strong and pulls her back into the middle of the ring. Just when it looks like Firewoman might have to submit, The Dead slips into the ring and pops Davin in the face with a super kick! Davin crumbles to the mat, nearly knocked out. Dead turns around and he eats a super kick from Firechild before he can do anything. He goes down like he was shot, and now its Firewoman and Firechild. Firechild measures Firewoman as she gets to her feet, then grabs her for a DDT, but Fire reverses it into a suplex with a bridge for a one count. Fire kicks out and spins to his feet and catches Firewoman with a kick to the mid section, then tries a whip to the ropes, but she reverses it and sends Firechild, Dead catches him with a kick to the back of the head as he hits the ropes staggering him. Davin runs around the ring and pulls Dead off the apron and they brawl around ringside hitting each other with anything that is not nailed down. Firechild pulls Firewoman to her feet and sets her up for the DevilDriver, but she back drops out of it and grabs Fire as he gets to his feet and scoops him up for a slam, but Firechild small packages her and gets a two count before Fire shirts her weight and rolls Firechild over and gets the surprise three count!
WINNERS in 18:38 – Firewoman & The Dead

CHRIS COLE vs. ECOSYSTEM

Ecosystem comes to the ring first, the rest of LOADED comes to the ring with him, then follows him down to ringside. Chris Cole comes out, and he is followed by Firechild, who is carrying a barbed wire wrapped chair. They come to the ring and Cole climbs between the ropes and he glares at the rest of LOADED as they no doubt have some less than flattering remarks about Cole losing to Moose last week. With his attention distracted elsewhere, Eco takes the opportunity to blindside Cole sending him to the mat. Eco immediately hits the ropes and drops a knee across his chest and covers but only gets a one count. Cole spins to his feet and ducks a spinning heel kick from Eco and shoves him to the ropes and elevates him on the rebound, but Eco lands on his feet and rebounds off the ropes, Cole snaps him over with a deep am drag, but Eco rolls through and comes up right back on his feet. Eco charges and takes Cole over with a head scissors, then grabs the arm and rolls him up in a mahistrol cradle for a one count. Cole kicks out and immediately grabs Eco’s legs and pounces on him and tries a STF, but Eco slips out of it and works the hammer lock. Cole quickly gets to the his feet and backs to the corner and rocks Eco with several elbows to the jaw, then turns and whips him across the ring to the opposite corner. Eco scales the ropes and turns and leaps at Cole with a cross body, but Cole lands a drop kick in mid air that sends Eco crashing to the mat. Cole pulls him to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a power slam that gets a two count. Cole does not let up the attack at all, instead he pulls Eco to a sitting position and crosses Eco’s arms and pulls back planting his knee in Eco’s back trying for the submission. The referee checks, but Eco refuses to give up, and instead fights his way to his feet, and gets to the ropes and forces the break. Eco argues with the referee for a moment and while he does that, Cole charges, but Eco lowers his shoulder and back drops Cole over the top rope to the floor. Cole barely hits the floor before the rest of LOADED is on him stomping away mercilessly. This brings Firechild around the ring with the chair, Ryan Hardcore gets a shot, Donovan Viper gets a shot, and he is just about to bring it down on MacCappington’s skull when he stops short and MacCappington stands and stares at him smirking. The referee has seen enough, and he clears ringside of everyone involved. They make their way to the back as Eco slips out of the ring and nails Cole from behind with a lariat to the back of the head that sends The Main Event to the steel stairs face first. With the referee still trying to get LOADED and Firechild to the back, Ecosystem grabs one of the TV monitors from the Polish Announce Table and waits for Cole to stand up, then BLASTS him right in the face. Cole falls to the mat as Eco gets rid of the evidence. When we see Cole again his face is a mass of blood. Eco pulls him up and rolls him under the bottom rope and follows him in and makes the casual cover and gets a two count. Eco clearly believes he has the match in hand so he takes his time pulling Cole to his feet, then hauls him up in a vertical suplex, and leaves him there for a moment, letting the blood drip to the mat, then spikes him down with a brain buster. The Main Event is in serious trouble as Eco climbs to the top rope and nails the SOY BOMB! Eco covers and hook the leg, but Cole is able to shoot one hand out and grab the bottom rope before the referee can make the three count. Eco pulls Cole to his feet and hits an exploder suplex that sends Cole across the ring writhing in pain. Eco takes a second to pose for the crowd and then heads to the top rope, but as he gets there Cole shakes the ropes and Eco falls off the top rope, guillotining himself on the top rope, then falling hard to the floor. Cole regains his composure and gets to his feet just as Eco rolls back into the ring, badly dazed, but amazingly not hurt. Cole lands a couple of stiff kicks to Eco’s head, then hauls him up and plants him on the mat with a scoop slam. Cole bounds off the ropes and drops a Ric Flair knee across his forehead, covers, and gets a two count. The Main Event shows a little frustration and grabs Eco by the feet and starts swinging him in a giant swing! Round and round he goes until he finally releases Eco and Eco sails across the ring. Cole falls to the mat dizzy as well. After several minutes Cole gets to his feet, and Eco gets to his feet just as Cole grabs him from behind and hits a series of three German suplexes, the last one a release suplex that sends Eco crashing into the corner, slamming the back of his head into the turn buckle. Eco pulls himself to his feet in the corner and Cole charges in, but Eco gets a boot up just in time, catching Cole right in the jaw and spinning him around. Eco climbs to the second rope and tries a victory roll, but Cole catches him halfway before he can finish it. Cole stops him and sets him up, and hits him with a tombstone pile driver! Eco is knocked out, Cole coves and gets the one, two three!
WINNER in 10:57 – Chris Cole

THE MIDNIGHT SONS vs. BAD

BAD makes their way to the ring, Seamus and Wrath are both polishing off a pint of some ridiculously strong Irish brew. They wait in the ring, ready for what is sure to be a fight. Led Zeppelin’s Immigrant Song blares over the speakers and DH Magnusson and Spin Hansen charge the ring, Seamus and Wrath leave the ring and the four brawlers meet at ringside. I have a feeling this one is not going to be a scientific classic. Seamus catches Spin with a shot to the face that stops him for a split second, long enough for Seamus to slam him face first into the steel. Magnusson and Wrath get tangled up and hit the floor, rolling around ring side trading shots like they were bitter enemies. Wrath gets to his feet, but can’t avoid a clothesline from DH that sends him into the crowd. DH hops the railing and the fight moves into the crowd. The Longneck crowd parts like the red sea, but also offers up a bevy of weapons. On the other side of the ring, Seamus has Spin pinned against the guardrail and is peppering him with shots to the face that opens a gash right above Spin’s eye. The sight of his own blood sends Spin into a rage and he comes at Seamus with stiff shots to the side of the head. Spin bulrushes Seamus and sends him back first into the apron. Seamus falls to the floor grabbing his back, Spin stands over him and pulls his head back and lays some BRUTAL cross faces across Seamus face, giving him a bloody nose. Spin pulls Seamus to his feet and whips him to the stairs, but Seamus stops and turns around just in time to get a spear from Spin that sends him crashing into the ring post, smacking his head on the steel. In the crowd, someone hands Magnusson a Delaware Blue Hens football helmet, he puts it on just as Wrath grabs a chair and slams it on his head. DH completely no sells it (thanks to the football helmet, take notes Colin) and grabs Wrath and slams him in the face with a head butt. Wrath fall to his knees as blood runs off his face. Magnusson takes the helmet off and grabs Wrath and tries to pull him to his feet, but Wrath grabs a cookie sheet and jams it into DH’s midsection doubling him over, then takes the sheet and whacks Magnusson across the face with it. DH falls to one knee, so Wrath grabs a chair and slams it down on the top of his head, sending him to the floor. Wrath grabs Magnusson by the leg and pulls him through the crowd to the ramp. Meanwhile Spin is slow to get up from the spear on Seamus, but he makes it to his feet and grabs Seamus and scoops him up on his shoulder and drives tries to crush his ribs with a power slam on the ramp. Seamus howls in pain as Spin gets to his feet and lands a couple of stiff kicks to his chest then hops over the guard rail into the crowd. Spin grabs a chair and uses another one to step to the top of the guardrail and leaps with a chair assisted elbow aimed for Seamus. Lucky for him he rolls out of the way at the last second and Spin crashes to the floor and grabs his arm in pain. Meanwhile Wrath has Magnusson at the top of the ramp and pulls him to his feet and slams him face first into the set. Magnusson staggers away and Wrath takes him to the stage with a bulldog. Seamus pulls Spin to his feet and they fight their way to the top of the ramp and join the others, so far folks I am not sure if this is even an official match. Wrath and Seamus put the boots to Spin and set him up for a spike pile driver but DH gets to his feet and attacks Wrath from behind forcing him to drop Spin. Wrath turns and swings wildly at Magnusson, but he catches Wrath and slams him to the steel with a cobra clutch slam. Seamus charges but Magnusson catches him with a big boot to the side of the head that stuns him, then delivers a clothesline from hell that sends Seamus rolling half way down the ramp. By now, Spin is back on his feet and he is on top of Wrath raining shots down on his head. Magnusson measures Seamus and keeps kicking him as he gets to his feet until he is all the way back down the ramp to ring side. At the top of the ramp, Spin pulls Wrath to his feet and lifts him on his shoulder for a slam, but Wrath slips off his shoulder and grabs Spin and does the Matt Hardy leaping choke slam thing OFF THE STAGE THROUGH A TABLE!! The crowd pops big for this one as both men lie in the wreckage of the table. Meanwhile back at ring side, DH rolls Seamus under the ropes and the referee finally calls for the bell, I guess NOW we have an official match. Somehow, Spin and Wrath are pulling themselves from the wreckage of the table already, folks these are some tough bastards. Inside the ring, Magnusson drops a series of big elbows across Seamus’ chest, and covers, but only gets a two count. He pulls McNasty to his feet and sends him to the ropes and takes him down with a drop toe hold and then pounces on him and locks Seamus in a full nelson/camel clutch combo! Seamus is in trouble. He refuses to give up and slowly works his way to the ropes. As Seamus grabs the ropes, Spin and Wrath make it back to ring side. Wrath ducks a shot from Spin and catches him on the side of the head with an enzuguri sending him to one knee. Wrath rolls into the ring and nails Magnusson from behind allowing Seamus to slip out of the ring to the floor. Wrath and Magnusson trade shots for a minute, then Magnusson rocks Wrath with a spinning fist to the side of the head and whips him to the ropes where Spin low bridges him and sends him over the top rope to the floor. Spin pounces on Wrath and the two of them roll around in the spilled beer and blood on the floor. Magnusson turns his attention back to Seamus and leans between the ropes to pull Seamus back into the ring. Seamus gets to his feet and BLASTS Magnusson in the head with a shillelagh (cause all Irishmen have one) Magnusson falls back into the ring, nearly out cold, Seamus slides under the ropes and covers Magnusson, the referee never saw a thing and makes the three count.
WINNERS in 20:52 – B.A.D

CAPELLAN vs. LD WILLIAMS

Capellan makes his way to the ring to the cheers of the crowd and climbs between the ropes and waits in the corner. LD Williams is announced and he gets a mixed reaction from the crowd. Williams is still pretty beat up from his street fight with Donovan Viper, but knowing him that won’t slow him down a bit. Williams climbs between the ropes and steps to the center of the ring where Capellan meets him. The two men stare each other down as referee Mel Creech goes over the instructions. The bell rings and neither man moves, instead the staring contest continues. I guess I could take the easy way out and say they stayed this way for the duration of the 60 minute time limit, and thus it was a draw, but NOTHING IS EASY IN THE OOWF!! Creech gets between them and tells them to get on with the match. The two slowly circle then move to lock up when LD stuns Cap with a chop to the chest. Cap recovers quick enough and blisters Williams with a chop of his own. The two men stand in the center of the ring and exchange brutal stiff chops for over a minute, both men’s chests turning beet red before Williams nails Cap with a knee to the mid section, then lifts him with a tilt-a-whirl suplex and drops him across his knee, and covers, but Cap kicks out before there is even a one count. Both men spin to their feet and Williams charges but Cap sidesteps and sends Williams to the ropes and connects with a perfect dropkick to the jaw on the rebound that sends Williams to the mat. Capellan pounces and grabs Williams in a side head lock, really wrenching on the pressure. LD grabs Cap and turns him over on the mat for a quick two count before Cap rights him self. LD slowly fights to his feet and backs Cap into the corner and Creech calls for a clean break, Cap gives it, but Williams catches him in the face with a forearm that sends him to the mat. LD stands and argues with the referee while face washing Cap with the laces of his boots. The ref threatens DQ and LD stops and pulls Cap up and whips him to the opposite corner. Cap hits hard and LD charges, but Cap sidesteps and LD slams chest first into the corner hard enough to make the whole ring rattle, as he staggers back Cap hits a spinning front kick that catches LD with in the face sending him to the mat. Cap pulls LD to his feet and sends him to the ropes and bounds off the ropes himself and catches LD in the face with a flying kick that almost takes Williams’ head off his shoulders. Capellan kips to his feet and climbs to the top rope and tries a shooting star press, but Williams gets his knees up just in time and Cap crashes and burns. Capellan writhes in pain on the mat as LD slowly gets to his feet. Williams pulls Cap to his feet and lifts him in the air and drops him stomach first down across his knee, further driving the wind out of him. Williams covers, but Cap kicks out at two. LD pulls Cap to a sitting position and puts him in a face lock and leans all his weight on Cap keeping him from taking a deep breath. Cap is starting to fade as Williams keeps on the pressure, he starts to fight back and LD releases the hold and slams him back to the mat and drives a knee into his midsection. LD pulls Capellan to his feet and sends him to the ropes and tries a knee to the midsection, but Capellan leaps over his leg and gets a rollup for a two count. LD kicks out of that and immediately gets to his feet and catches Cap with a stiff clothesline that sends him right back to the mat. Williams drives an elbow down into Cap’s throat and covers, but Cap gets his foot on the bottom rope. Capellan slides under the bottom rope and sits on the apron and tries to get his bearings. LD Williams gets a running start and tries a baseball slide into Capellan but he moves out of the way and LD slides half way out of the ring, Capellan gets to his feet and drops hits a double leg drop on LD on the apron, then pulls him all the way off to the floor and hops back onto the apron, as LD gets to his feet, Cap charges and hits a spinning leg lariat. Capellan shoots Williams back into the ring and covers, but LD gets his shoulder up at two. Capellan climbs to the top rope, but LD gets to his feet and catches him on the top, the two men battle it out at the top, Capellan finally gets the better of it with several head buts that drops Williams to the mat. Cap steadies himself and hits a 360 SSP! The crowd erupts as Cap covers and gets the one, two, NO! How did LD kick out of that? Capellan gets to his feet as LD Williams crawls to the ropes and Cap gets a running start and nails the Cab Fare (619) sending LD back to the middle of the ring. LD gets to his feet and Cap charges and tries to snap off a hurracarana, but LD catches him and dumps him over the top rope. Williams turns around and falls to one knee trying to get his bearings back, Capellan landed on the apron and quickly gets to his feet and waits for LD to turn back around, when he does, Cap springs to the top rope and leaps, catches LD in a front face lock, then shifts his weight and DRIVES LD to the mat with a spike DDT! Capellan keeps hold of Williams and rolls through and hooks both legs and LD’s head in a cradle and gets the one, two, THREE! Just as LD kicks out! That has to be considered a bit of an upset!
WINNER in 23:21 - Capellan

[mooseheadjack]

ERIC O’MAC vs. BUNNY – Onslaught Championship 15 Minute Beat the Clock Match

The house lights go out in the arena, and it’s dark until a huge (but somewhat creepy) pink Bunny face comes on the Jumbotron, and the PA starts up the music:

Have you ever been hated or discriminated against, I have, I’ve been protested and demonstrated against, picket signs for my wicked rhymes, look at the times, sick is the mind of the motherfuckin' kid that's behind, all this commotion, emotions run deep as ocean's explodin', tempers flaring from parents, just blow 'em off and keep goin', not takin' nothin' from no one,
give 'em hell long as i'm breathin', keep kickin' ass in the mornin', an' takin' names in the
evening, leave 'em with a taste as sour as vinegar in they mouth, see they can trigger me but they'll never figure me out, look at me now, I bet ya' probably sick of me now, ain't you mama, i'ma make you look so ridiculous now...

I'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make you cry, but tonight i'm
cleanin' out my closet, {one more time}, I said i'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make you cry, but tonight i'm cleanin' out my closet...

Bunny in his resplendent pink bunny suit wearing a bright red baseball hat (to the side obviously) which is covering what looks like plastic Easter grass being used as hair. The crowd pops huge for Bunny along with a small, but noticeable “Please Don’t Die” chant. Bunny whips his hat and the Easter grass into the crowd, and he does some break dancing for the crowd, who just eats it up.

The guitar intro for “To Be Loved” by Papa Roach starts as the WWE symbol flashes on the Jumbotron before it’s replaced by a bold-blocked “E”. Eric O’Mac appears at the top of the ramp to hysterical boos from the crowd, with his belt on his shoulder just as the lyrics start. The big pyro goes off and Eric is REALLY screwing with the crowd this week…fake handshakes…”I’m better than you” the whole nine yards out of the “Heel Handbook”. He finally makes his way into the ring, taking his sweet time. He guns his Oakleys out into the crowd and hands the Onslaught Title to Referee Angelo Barros. Barros raises the title high over his head:

This match is for the OOWF Onslaught Title. 15 Minutes of Fame rules.

Barros hands the ring to the timekeeper. The timekeeper walks back to his chair and Barros calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!

Eric O’Mac charges Bunny quickly, who was caught napping. O’Mac catches Bunny in a front waist lock and hoists him over for a BELLY to BELLY SUPLEX! Bunny has the presence of mind to flip out of it, and land on his feet as Eric Douche bag Poses for the crowd (to resounding disapproval). Eric turns around slowly, and is stunned by a PELE KICK from Bunny. Eric doesn’t fall, and Bunny moves quickly trying for a Springboard Cross body, but O’Mac catches him and WHIPS~! Him down with a sick POWER SLAM. Pose from O’Mac. O’Mac stomps on the prone Bunny for a little bit before pulling him up for a GERMAN SUPLEX! He keeps the hands locked and HITS ANOTHER GERMAN SUPLEX! The hands are STILL locked and finally O’Mac hits the Hat Trick with the RELEASE GREMAN SUPLEX, and Bunny’s momentum carries him across the ring. Pose by Eric. He lazily walks over to Bunny, steps on his chest and flexes…C’MON BABY COVER: 1, 2, no. Bunny is able to slip out and out to the floor. Eric just rests on the nearest rope and laughs as Barros starts a count.

Barros is to 6 before Bunny slides back in, and Eric is immediately on him with stomps and kicks. Pose by Eric, and he locks on a SHARPSHOOTER~! It’s not in the middle of the ring, but it’s effective, and Bunny is in BIG TROUBLE. After a full 2 minutes, Bunny manages to get to the ropes, and Eric takes the whole 5 count to break the hold. Eric poses as Bunny tries to pull himself up as he has been thoroughly been dominated so far. Bunny finally pulls him up a turnbuckle, and leans against it trying to catch his breath.

PA: 10 minutes to go.

Eric catches the struggling Bunny out of the corner of his eye, and charges. Bunny, out of desperation hits a DROP TOE HOLD, and O’Mac hits the top turnbuckle hard and unprotected, as his face plants on the buckle. Eric holds his face and Bunny summons energy out of somewhere and hits a sweet Springboard Swinging Neck breaker. Bunny follows it up…BUNNY BITE! BUNNY BITE!! BUNNY HITE!!! Three big Bunny Bites looks like it did some damage. Bunny sticks to the mat for now, and hits a Springboard Corkscrew Moonsault and covers: 1, 2, no. Bunny to the top rope, and hits a 630 squarely. Cover: 1, 2, no. Bunny starts to run around the ring trying to figure out what to do next. To the top rope. GORGEOUS MOOSNAULT, but O’Mac got the KNEES UP! Ow. That took a lot out of the Bunny and both men are down. Barros starts a count.


Both men pull themselves up by the ropes at 5, and Bunny charges; but Eric bails to the outside, laughing. Barros starts a count, but by the time he hits 8, Bunny realizes he’s in a dire situation. He hopes the turnbuckle, and quickly whips off a DOUBLE MOONSAULT TO THE OUTSIDE ON ERIC O’MAC! The crowd likey, and gives the appropriate “Holy Shit!” chant. Bunny is first up, and hops the apron, BUNNY HOP! Eric’s in rough shape. BUNNY BITE! BUNNY BITE!! And Bunny rolls Eric back in the ring. He quickly covers: 1, 2, NO! Bunny looks around again, and tries for another Springboard Moonsault , but Eric rolls out of the way. Eric, playing a bit of possum, is up first. He quickly gets to Bunny and hits a RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX! Eric hops the closest turnbuckle. E-MAC ATTACK! That’s gotta do it, Cover: 1, 2, NO! Bunny kicked out of the E-Mac Attack! O’Mac can’t believe it.

PA: 5 minutes to go

Eric is quickly on Bunny, and decides to lock in everyone’s favorite…the CHINLOCK! All this really does is give Bunny a chance to recover, but all Eric cares about is melting time off the clock.

PA: 3 Minutes to go.

Bunny starts to power up, and gets to his feet, but Eric steps around the Chin lock and hits a ROCK BOTTOM! O’Mac does a throat slash, indicating the match is over. He kicks Bunny’s arms against his sides, and tosses his elbow pad into the crowd, and runs the ropes…BENNETT ELBOW! Cover: 1, 2, Thr..NO!! Bunny will not quit!

PA: 2 minutes to go.

O’Mac looks to hit another Chin lock, but Bunny manages to slip away and hits a quick scissor kick, knocking Eric to the mat. Bunny frantically looks around the arena for an answer, and may have found it! He runs and hops to the middle of the top rope, bounces on it three times, higher each time, and LEAPS across the ring and catches the overhead cam with his…paws. He shimmies up to the top of the loose wire rigging. He’s gotta be 20 feet up! The crowd is all sorts of batshit and there’s a huge “Please Don’t Die” chant going on at the same time. Bunny looks to the sky and inhales deeply…The wire rigging collapses just as Bunny takes off for a TRIPLE CORKSCREW MOONSAULT! And Eric saw it coming and rolls out of the way to the floor. Bunny with a huge crash and burn!

PA: 1 minute to go.

Barros is apoplectic with all the chaos around him. The camera and the rigging just missed him, so he’s trying to kick everything out of the ring, but he tries simultaneously to check on Bunny to make sure he’s not dead, and the crowd is equally concerned, but buzzing loudly. Eric slowly recovers with a huge grin on his face and leans against the Laotian announce table looking over at the timekeeper. Eventually, O’Mac wanders over to the timekeeper, asking how much time is remaining as the chaos continues in the ring. He’s told 10 seconds, and Eric starts a countdown, holding his hands up to the crowd and screaming, once he gets down to 1, then waits a beat, and then…silence.

Eric: *looks at the timekeeper pissed off, and yells into the mic* “I thought you said there were 10 seconds left.”

Timekeeper: *into the mic and screaming* “It doesn’t MATTER how much time is left!”

Eric has a look of shock on his face and never sees the timekeeper blast him over the head with the microphone. Stunned, he backs away, and the timekeeper PASTES~! Him over the head with chair shots; 4 in all. Eric is completely obliterated on the floor. The timekeeper, an unusually tall man it appears, wearing dark sunglasses and a black baseball cap, dressed in all black; places the chair on the ground, picks O’Mac up, and DRILLS~! Him with a DIAMOND CUTTER ON THE CHAIR~! He bundles a bloodied and unconscious O’Mac into the ring and screams:

“BUNNY! COVER!”

Bunny summoning what’s left of his strength and already just lucky to be alive; manages to drag himself over to O’Mac, much to the shock of Barros who takes a second to register what’s going on. Bunny throws an arm over Barros who falls for the cover…1…2….3!!!! NEW CHAMP!!!!

The timekeeper rings the bell and the auto-synchronized clock stops at 14:58:53.
WINNER by PINFALL (with assistance) in 14:59 and NEW OOWF ONSLAUGHT CHAMPION…BUNNY!!!!!

The timekeeper actually goes into the ring and hands Barros the belt, as the timekeeper raises Bunny’s arm, and Barros raises the other arm, and awards Bunny his belt. Bunny and the timekeeper shake hands, and Bunny leaves up the ramp to the Eminem blasting and the crowd matching in volume. Bunny does no flipping as this all seems to be sinking in. Once he gets to the top of the ramp, he holds the belt high to the delight of the crowd before leaving.

As Barros goes up the ramp as well, the Timekeeper remains in the ring while Eric stirs back into consciousness. The Timekeeper gets on his knees and puts the microphone to his mouth as Eric is visibly trying to piece what happened together.

T: “Hey Eric, I got a surprise for you. First of all, I told you a little fib about the time, turns out there was more time than I thought. Oops. So, unfortunately for you, the match counts, and you are no longer the champ.”

The crowd cheers ridiculously at that comment and the Timekeeper takes of his hat. Then his wig. Then his fake glasses and nose! The crowd goes absolutely crazy!

T: “Payback’s a bitch Eric.”

Davin Moreland goes up the ramp to “Pull Me Under” and Eric just lays in the ring with his jaw wide open.

PHANTOS & LUCIOS vs. THE HEELS – OOWF World Tag Team Title 2/3 Falls Match

The Heels come out first and pause at the top of the ramp and hold up their OOWF world tag team titles. They make their way to the ring pausing occasionally along the way to mock the crowd. They climb between the ropes and give us a Heels five second pose. Their music hits and Phantos and Lucios come to the ring, also pausing at the top of the ramp to show the crowd the real, at least to them, OOWF world tag team titles. The recognized tag team champions climb between the ropes and are immediately attacked by the Heels. AA catches Lucios with a kick to the side of the knee that sends the big man to the mat while Johnny grabs Phantos and backs him back into the corner and hammers him in the face with closed fists. AA pulls Lucios up and shoves him back into the corner and lays a couple stiff kicks to his knee. The Heels try the double whip to the center of the ring, but Phantos and Lucios reverse it and sends The Heels toward one another. They stop before colliding and point to their head, then turn around to face their foes, Lucios charges out of the corner for a clothesline, but AA ducks and Johnny eats a clothesline to the back of the head, with him down Phantos charges and catches Adrenaline with a bulldog. The Heels bail out of the ring and try to call a time out to regroup. Phantos waits in the middle of the ring while Lucios grabs the tag rope and waits impatiently in his corner. The Heels slowly climb back on the apron and AA looks like he is going to start things off, Phantos moves to lock up but AA pokes him in the eyes, then unleashes a few cocky chops, then yells at the crowd which gives Phantos the chance to unleash a few chops of his own rocking AA, then finishing it off with an enzuguri. AA takes a few steps and starts to throw punches then falls face first to the mat. AA crawls to his corner and tags in Johnny. Adrenaline slowly steps between the ropes and he and Phantos slowly circle. They lock up and Phantos slips behind Johnny and takes him to the mat, then lets him up and tries a kick to the mid section but Johnny catches it and laughs. Adrenaline tries to sweep the leg but Phantos hops over his leg and catches Adrenaline in a Randy Orton back breaker. Phantos covers, but only gets a one count. Phantos pulls Adrenaline to his feet and reaches out and tags in Lucios. Lucios uses the ropes to propel himself into the ring, nailing Adrenaline with a shoulder block. Johnny sells the shoulder block like a champ and flops across the ring. Lucios grabs Johnny and sends him to the ropes and elevates him with a high back body drop, then when Adrenaline gets to his feet, Lucios sends him over the top rope with a drop kick to the jaw. Adrenaline grabs his jaw on the outside and AA comes over to comfort him, Phantos and Lucios get a running start from the middle of the ring and leap over the top rope and take The Heels out. The champs grab Adrenaline and roll him back into the ring Lucios stalks him and Johnny begs off from the beating that is coming. AA distracts the referee and Lucios for just a second, which allows Johnny to nail the low blow, doubling Lucios over in pain. Adrenaline grabs him and PLANTS him on the mat with a DDT then tags in AA. Attitude Adjuster comes in and drops a knee across Lucios throat, and keeps it there while he argues with the referee. AA lets Lucios up and scoops him up and plants him on the mat with a slam, then calls for the CLAW!!! NO NOT THE CLAW!!! AA waits for Lucios to get to his feet, then slaps on the CLAW!! Lucios fights for a moment, then falls to the mat, the referee is about to count him out when Phantos lures Johnny into the ring, as the referee is chasing Adrenaline out, Phantos slips in and POPS AA in the mouth with a super kick, then drapes Lucios across his chest. The referee turns around and sees the pin, and makes the three count before Johnny can break it up. WINNERS OF FALL 1 – in 13:12 – Phantos & Lucios. Lucios gets to his feet and tries to shake his head clear. He crawls to his corner and makes the tag o Phantos. Phantos comes in and pulls AA to his feet and scoops him up and plants him on the mat, then climbs to the top rope and tries a corkscrew moonsault but AA gets his knees up just in time and Phantos takes the full bunt to his mid section. AA crawls across the ring and tags in Johnny, Adrenaline comes in and pulls Phantos up and kicks him in the gut and plants him with a butterfly face plant. Johnny charges across the ring and nails Lucios knocking him off the apron. He turns his attention back to Phantos and runs across the ring and catches Phantos with a kick to the jaw, then drives an elbow into his throat. Adrenaline does the non-scientific two handed choke to Phantos until the referee threatens disqualification. Johnny pulls Phantos to his feet and sends him into The Heels corner. He turns and argues with the referee screaming that Phantos pulled his hair, in the meantime AA wraps the tag rope around Phantos throat and chokes him out. Lucios comes into the match to try and break it up, but the referee moves to get him out of the ring, which allows Adrenaline to run over and grab Phantos legs and pull him off the mat. The crowd boos lustily, and the Heels soak it up. Adrenaline tags in AA, then snap mares Phantos to the mat, and AA comes off the second rope and snaps Phantos head to the mat (you know, the Curt Hennig neck snap) AA pulls Phantos to his feet and sets him up and nearly breaks his neck with a pile driver. AA covers, but Lucios comes in and breaks it up. AA pulls Phantos to his feet and throws him back to the corner, then walks across the ring and argues with Lucios, daring him to come back into the ring. The whole time Johnny has Phantos and is choking him on the top rope, then guillotines him but hopping off the apron. Phantos snaps back to the center of the ring. AA turns back to Phantos and scoops him up and plants him with a slam, then once again calls for the claw! Phantos gets to his feet and AA tries to slap the claw on, but Phantos grabs his hand and blocks it! The two men fight it out, and just when it appears that Phantos is losing the fight, he catches AA with a knee to the mid section, then drops him to the mat with a scissors kick to the back of the head. Both men are down, and both are struggling to crawl to their respective corners. AA makes the tag first, and Johnny charges into the ring, but before he can get to Phantos, Phantos uses a burst of energy to leap the rest of the way across the ring and make the tag to Lucios. Lucios explodes into the ring and drops Johnny with a right to the head, Johnny pops up again and gets another shot to the head, a third one nets the same result. Lucios runs across the ring and hip tosses AA into the ring and throws him into the corner and hammers him mercilessly. Johnny tries to save his partner, but Lucios catches him and throws him into the corner, then gets a running start and nails a Stinger splash that crushes the Heels Johnny falls to the mat, and AA staggers out of the corner and falls to the mat and rolls under the bottom rope to the floor. Lucios grabs Johnny and military presses him and throws him over the top rope to the floor crashing on AA. The Heels regroup on the floor. Johnny slips back into the ring but tries to keep his distance from Lucios. Lucios grabs Johnny and whips him to the ropes and lowers his head, Johnny leap frogs over him and lands awkwardly and immediately falls to the mat and grabs his knee in pain. Lucios takes a step back and lets the referee check on Johnny. As the ref is distracted, AA slips into the ring and PASTES Lucios with one of the title belts. Johnny immediately gets to his feet and grabs a stunned Lucios and DRILLS him with the Adrenaline Rush! Johnny floats over and covers as AA runs around the ring and pulls Phantos off the apron and runs him into the ring post. The referee hits the mat and Johnny gets the one, two, three! WINNERS OF THE SECOND FALL, in 28:11 – The Heels. Phantos remains on the floor as a dark red spot spreads across his mask. Johnny puts the boots to Phantos as AA joins him. They sends Lucios to the ropes and nail him with a flap jack. Johnny climbs to the top rope, but Phantos gets to the apron and shoves Adrenaline off and sends him to the mat. Lucios catches AA with an elbow to the head, then grabs him for a choke slam and plants him on the mat. Phantos staggers and climbs to the top rope, but Johnny gets to his feet and throws Phantos off the top, Phantos foot clips the referee and he goes down in a heap. Lucios whips AA to the ropes and catches him with a hurracarana and covers, but there is no referee! Phantos climbs to the top rope again and Lucios hefts AA up to his shoulders! It looks like the champs are going for the Dropkick Device!! AA frees himself and rolls forward in a victory roll just as referee Mel Creech comes to the ring, Phantos sees what is happening on the other side of the ring, so he waits till Johnny is on his feet and leaps with a perfect cross body block and hooks the leg as Referee Hightower recovers, both referee’s make the three count and raise the wrestler’s hands. Creech raises AA’s arm, Hightower raises Phantos arm! Looks like we have a referee dispute! As the referee’s argue over who is the winner The Heels attack Phantos and Lucios and the fight spills out of the ring and heads to the back. The referee’s can’t make a decision and GM the Rick runs out and tries to restore order, but when it looks like the referee’s are going to come to blows, Rick gets fed up, LJ Bennett comes out to argue for The Heels, finally Rick grabs all four title belts and heads to the back. The official announcement on this one is:
WINNERS in 37:27 – No Contest

[mooseheadjack]

F. FONZWORTH MACCAPPINGTON III vs. ALEXANDER DARLING – OOWF Intercontinental Title Match

Backstage, Alexis and Alexander Darling are standing right behind the curtain near Sound Guy.

SG: You’re gonna go out on time this time?

Alexander: Shut the fuck up.

Alexis: I think you’re doing the right thing, Alex.

Alexander: Sure hope so, Lexie.

“There Can Be Only One” booms over the sound system as the lights go dark except for the white strobe as “Prelude 12/21” by AFI starts. The drum hits and out steps Alexander Darling from the back. Alexander visibly takes a deep breath as he appears at the top of the ramp. Alexis is alongside as they head towards the ring as Queen’s “Princes of the Universe” begins to play. The crowd is booing (obviously), but Alexander seems unaffected. The Darlings both get into the ring, as Alexis hands her brother his face guard. They hug and Alexis gives Alexander a reassuring nod before heading out to the floor.

Probably the worst entrance music ever, “Spring” by Vivaldi fires up to a lusty chorus of boos from the crowd. F. Fonzworth MacCappington III appears at the top of the ramp with Lance, and FFMIII has his nose high in the air, ignoring the peasants who paid to watch him wrestle. He and Lance exchange words on the floor before MacCappington enters the ring and looks to talk trash to Alexander. Referee Davis Hightower tells them both to stop it and asks for MacCappington’s belt. He obliges and Hightower holds it high in the air, signifying that: This Match will be for the OOWF Intercontinental Championship. This will also be Hightower’s first Championship match. Hightower looks at both competitors and then signals the timekeeper for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!

Alexander Darling walks to the corner and takes a moment to look around at the fans that are booing him without pause. He then looks down at his sister for a moment before turning to face MacCappington across the ring. FFM is basking in the fans cheers that he’s been getting since backing the Rick. Darling shakes his head in disbelief and heads to the center of the ring for instructions from the ref. Mac lazily strolls to the center of the ring and is seemingly uninterested in anything the ref is saying. Darling continues to stare through Fonzie right until they’re sent to their respective corners to wait for the bell. Darling kneels down in his corner and calls his sister over. They whisper a few things back and forth for a moment and it ends with them both giving each other a nod. The ref makes sure both sides are ready and once he gets confirmation, he’s about to call for the bell when Alexander stops him and asks for a mic from someone. A ring hands him one and Alex taps it a few times to make sure it’s working. MacCappington is giving him a strange look while Darling takes his usual perch on the top turnbuckle. The fans continue to boo him as he starts to talk.

Alexander Darling: Here’s what I don’t understand about you people…from day one you’ve booed me, and you’ve booed my sister, and you’ve booed everyone I’m associated with, but why? I’ll tell ya why…because you are all gullible marks. Since I’ve stepped foot in this company, I’ve done nothing any of you wouldn’t have done if you were in my position. I used everything in my disposal to take every advantage I could in this company. I found an old friend and took her away from someone who was holding her back and you boo me for it. I found someone who was lost in the shuffle since his return and put him back as the rightful Onslaught Champion and I was mocked for it. For fuck’s sake, I stood up to Moosehead Jack and it was like I never even mattered to you people…and that’s fine because my goal isn’t to matter to anyone.

MacCappington walks over to Darling and is asking what the fuck he thinks he’s doing. Motioning to the center of the ring and trying to get Darling to shut up and get started. Darling holds up his hand and tells Mac to give him a minute.

See, MacCappington here is a prime example. He turns on you fans and treats one of your heroes like a slave and all is forgotten once he says a few nice things about Rick. It’s all a bunch of bullshit. At least I’m honest with who I am. I am Alexander Darling and whether or not you like or respect me doesn’t me a god damn thing to me. And I guess a lot of you may be wondering what the point of this is, so let me tell ya the truth about your boy MacCappington here.

Fonzworth heads back to Darling and is speaking quite animatedly to him, telling him to get off the turnbuckle and start this match and holy shit, Darling just slapped MacCappington across the face. MacCappington looks steamed, but he doesn’t respond to Darling and actually backs off. This is totally un-FFM like.

Look at that, I can slap him right across the face and he does nothing…do you want to know why? It’s because a few weeks ago, I got an interesting phone call from your new hero Mac over here.

Mac is waving his hands telling Darling to shut the fuck up, but Alexander ignores him and continues.,

So, I take the call and listen to what he has to say. And he made some interesting points about the current state of the OOWF. And then he really intrigued me when he told me that the combined powers of The DEA and LOADED would have a lot of sway when it came to choosing between Rick and Bennett. I listened to what he offered me, and what he offered was to lie down in this match and let me become the IC Champ. Now that sounded great and something I’d surely have no problem with in the grand scheme, but then I really got to thinking. What’s in it for him? What’s the bottom line?

MacCappington is giving Darling a death glare, but refuses to make a move just in case this plays out differently than it’s leading right now. He makes a motion for Alexander to continue and get on with it…Darling gives Fonzworth a long, long look

And truthfully I don’t know what the end game was on his side, but I looked at it from all sides and I have to admit I was really tempted to merge our two alliance to form the potentially unstoppable DE-LOADED, but there was a doubt in my mind. And when it almost caused a fracture within The DEA before we even merged, I had to really look at my best interests and I realized something Mac. I don’t fucking need you. As I said before, I am Alexander Darling. I am “The Darling of Professional Wrestling.” And I don’t need anyone like Rick or Bennett or even you MacCappington. So let me tell ya what happens next. I’m going to get off this turnbuckle, I’m going to hand this microphone back to the ring attendant…then I’m going to walk across this ring, I’m going to slap the fuck out of ya again and then I’m going to take your belt from you, and truthfully, there ain’t a damn thing you can do about it.

MacCappington is staring at Darling in complete shock and disbelief as Darling starts going through the motions he just mentioned. Off the turnbuckle, gives back the microphone, walks to the center of the ring, and slaps F. Fonzworth MacCappington right across the face again. And Mac is still standing there in shock. Darling is telling him to fight it takes FFM a second to realize what just happened. When Darling goes to slap him for a third time, Fonzie catches his hand and hits Darling with a punch of his own and we’re underway with a slugfest here as the ref calls for the bell and Darling slips around quickly and locks his hands. RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX! Darling follows up with a couple of elbow drops before hopping up the nearest turnbuckle. FLYING LEG DROP! Cover: 1, 2, Th…NO! FFM kicks out and starts to yell at Darling. Clearly heard was “That wasn’t the deal”. Darling shoots FFM a hand gesture telling him he’s number one, and FFM is LIVID! He goes after Darling hard but gets caught with a DROP TOE HOLD and FFM face plants on the mat. Darling follows up, smashing his face into the mat a couple times. He retreats to the ropes and hits a SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT! Cover: 1, 2, NO! FFM kicked out HARD and Darling flies across the ring. Now MacCappington is up, trying to shake off the earlier attack, and gets to a recovering Darling, and blisters him with 3 or 4 blistering chops all the way to the turnbuckle. Hard whip across the ring to the opposite turnbuckle, and FFM follows closely behind with a HUGE SPLASH~! Snap mare takeover. Kick to the back of the head X 2. FFM in control and scoops Darling up for a PILEDRIVER! FFM runs the ropes, GIANT ELBOW! Cover: 1, 2, No. FFM presses his attack, picks up Darling by the head, and lands a sick DDT! FFM goes to lock in a Boston Crab, but Darling gets to the ropes and bails to the floor. Hightower tries to keep FFM from going after him, but that’s not gonna work.

FFM is on Darling quickly and clubs him a couple times on the back. FFM whips Darling into the ring apron, ow. As Darling staggers backward into FFM, MacCappington hits a TILT-A-WHIRL GUTBUSTER~! Double ow. FFM picks Darling up by the head again as Lance hops the apron, distracting Hightower. FFM uses the distraction for a LOW BLOW KICK~! And FFM grabs the back of Darling’s head and BULLDOGS HIM INTO THE STEEL POST~! Darling is BLEEDING~! Alexis goes after Lance on the apron and they get into a slap fight, distracting Hightower further. This allows FFM to whip a bleeding Alexander into the steel steps, sending the steps, and Darling, sprawling. FFM goes to the Canadian Announce Table and takes the top off and the monitors out. He yells to Nash “Back up or you’ll blow a quad”. Nash backs up. FFM drags Darling on top of the table, then joins them there. Crowd is on their feet in expectation. He signals…GREETINGS FROM FR…PACIFIC HEIGHTS THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE!~!~!~!~!

Russ: BAH GAWD! THE CARNAGE!

The crowd eschews their normal “Holy Shit” chant for a “That Was Awesome” chant in honor of the probably dead Darling. Hightower heard the table break and leaves the slap fight to go out to the floor to check on the combatant. MacCappington is already up, and gets a tongue-lashing from Hightower. FFM laughs and rolls into the ring as Hightower checks on Darling. Darling is stirring, so Hightower has no choice but to go back to the ring and start a count. FFM sits on a turnbuckle and waits.

Darling somehow gets up and staggers to the apron by the count of 8. Alexis manages to get away from the slap fight and bother FFM on the turnbuckle, forcing Hightower over to chastise her. Darling gets to the ring, and sprawls out. Lance is trying to restart the slap fight with Alexis who is arguing with FFM who is being yelled at by Hightower. Darling kips up, but drops to his knees, unable to stand. He drags himself across the ring to where the fracas is. He lines up FFM…LOW BLOW~! Hightower has NO idea. As FFM crumples in pain, Darling maneuvers himself, and ROLLS HIM UP! He’s got a HANDFUL OF TIGHTS and HIS FEET ON THE ROPES! Hightower just now sees them and starts a count…1, 2, 3!!!!!!!!! NEW CHAMP!!!!!
WINNER in 21:36 by PINFALL via the Low Blow/Rollup/Tights/Rope Combo and NEW OOWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION….ALEXANDER DARLING!

Post-match, FFM looks to get revenge. He and Lance go to beat down Alexander, but Alexis comes into the ring with a STEEL CHAIR and PASTES~!~~! Lance. LOADED powders out, and Hightower hands Alexander the belt. Alexander raises the belt, and gets his arms raised by Alexis and Hightower to the boos of the crowd. MacCappington turns to check on Lance, and sees that he is out cold, when he turns back around, Darling has slipped back into the ring and DRILLS MacCappington between the eyes with the title, opening a huge gash on his forehead. Darling bails out as MacCappington gets back to his feet and glares at Darling in a furious rage as blood pours down his face.

[mooseheadjack]

STANK vs. DONOVAN VIPER – Title vs. Title Shots Match

Donovan Viper comes to the ring first, he seems to be especially agitated about what just happened with Alexander Darling and the DEA. He paces in the ring like a caged animal. Stank comes out to the top of the ramp and holds his title high in the air for all to see. As Stank starts to make his way toward the ring, the fans next to the ramp shrink back and hold their noses. Stank says something to them then shakes his head and continues on to the ring. Stank climbs on the apron and Viper immediately charges across the ring and tries to attack Stank aiming for Stank’s shoulder, but Stank catches him with a right cross that snaps Viper’s head back and sends him across the ring, Stank steps between the ropes, but Viper charges him and catches him with a clothesline that rocks the big man. Viper grabs Stan’s arm and hammer locks him and sends him into the corner shoulder first. Stank grimaces in pain, but fights back, grabbing Viper by the back of the head and slamming him in the face with a head but. Once again Viper takes a few steps back, but once again Stank can’t get the advantage as Viper charges at Stank and hits him with a high knee that catches him below the chin and sends him between the ropes to the floor. Viper follows Stank to the floor and uses a cord on the floor to choke him, the referee threatens to disqualify Viper so he lets Stank go, then grabs him and runs him shoulder first into the ring post. Viper grabs a chair and swings for the fences, aiming at Stank’s shoulder, but Stank moves out of the way and Viper warps the chair around the ring post. Stank catches Viper with a boot to the face that sends him flying, then scoops him up and drops him throat first on the steel barricade. Stank shoots Viper back into the ring and follows him in. Viper gets to his feet but Stank catches him with some clubbing shots to the back of the head, then sends him to the ropes and lifts him in the air and plants him with a thunderous spine buster. Stank covers, but Viper gets out at two. Stank gets to his feet and grabs Viper by the hair and tosses him into the corner and drives several elbows into the side of his head. Stank pulls Viper out of the corner and hauls him up in a vertical suplex and leaves him there for a bit to think about it before crashing to the mat. Stank floats over so he is on top of Viper and hammers him with MMA type punches trying to get Viper to submit. To his credit, Viper blocks a lot of the shots and grabs Stank’s arm and locks on an arm bar, wrenching on the shoulder trying for a submission of his own. Stank is forced to grab the ropes to force the break. Viper slips from underneath Stank and gets to his feet first and catches Stank with a shot to the mouth before he can get to his feet. He kicks Stank repeatedly until the big man falls between the ropes to the floor. On the outside Viper reaches under the ring and grabs his chain and wraps it around his fist, and concealed from the referee, lands several stiff shots to Stank’s forehead, opening a nasty gash. Viper takes the chain and wraps it around Stank’s head and squeezes until blood spurts from his head. Finally Viper is caught with the chain as he slips it down around Stank’s throat and the referee once again threatens him with disqualification, so he breaks the hold and throws Stank back into the ring. Viper crawls in and covers Stank, but Stank rolls his shoulder at two. Viper grabs Stank’s arm and repeatedly drops elbows down across the injured wing, then locks him in a Fujiwara arm bar. Stank rolls to his feet while Viper still has hold of his arm and using his incredible strength lifts Viper off the mat and SLAMS him to the canvas. The back of Stank’s head bounces off the canvas and he releases the hold, but Stank also sinks back to one knee grabbing his arm and shoulder. Viper pulls himself to his feet using the ropes, and when he turns around Stank charges and clotheslines him over the top, then follows him out and slams Viper on the floor, then grabs Viper’s chain and climbs back on the apron. Stank wraps the chain around his fist and fist drops Viper off the apron, opening a nasty cut on Viper’s face as well. The referee saw what happened, but appears to be willing to let some things slide in this. Viper staggers around ring side trying to wipe the blood from his eyes, Stank catches up with him, but Viper turns and smashes a bottle in Stank’s face, dropping him to the floor. Viper grabs Stank and PLANTS him with a Sidewinder on the floor! Stank is in trouble! Viper rolls in to break the count, then pulls Stank to his feet and rolls him back into the ring and locks him in the Anaconda Vice Stank struggles, but finally makes it to the bottom rope and just manages to get his foot on the bottom rope forcing the break. Viper gets to his feet and waits for Stank to get to his feet, then charges at him with a Death Elbow! But in one fluid motion Stank catches him and drills Viper with the STANK-U! Both men are down and the referee starts the ten count. Stank gets to his feet and pulls Viper to his feet and whips him into the corner and catches him with a massive clothesline, as Viper staggers out of the corner, Stank grabs him and locks him in the Southern Comfort! Viper fights it with all he’s worth, and makes it to the ropes before Stank can fall to the mat with it. Stank releases the hold, and when Viper gets back to his feet Stank kicks him in the midsection and power bombs him to hell, then locks on the Southern Comfort again! This time they are right in the middle of the ring! Viper struggles to make it to the ropes, but he can’t pull Stank with him. Viper refuses to tap and as the blood pours from his head, he goes limp and the referee calls for the bell!
WINNER in 20:20 – and STILL OOWF World Heavyweight Champion – STANK

Stank grabs his title and holds it high and looks down at Viper who stares back at Stank with amazement. Stank holds the title in Viper’s face and then grins. Viper just glares at Stank, then rolls under the bottom rope and storms to the back.

<We cut to the back where we see F. Fonzworth MacCappington storming through the arena presumably looking for Alexander Darling>

FFM: WHERE THE FUCK IS HE!!! I AM GOING TO FUCKING MURDER HIM!! DARLING YOU SCREWED WITH THE WRONG DAMN PERSON!!!

<FFM rounds the corner and he sees LJ Bennett standing there as if he were waiting on him>

FFM: Bennett get the fuck out of my way. This is NOT how it was supposed to go down! First I am going to murder that little punk Darling, then I am coming back for you!

LJB: Calm down

FFM: DON’T FUCKING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!

LJB: Calm down for a moment, in reality, this only changes things for the better.

FFM: WHAT?

LJB: Come with me for a moment

FFM: Forget it Bennett, you had your chance. When you see that little piece of shit Darling, you tell him his ass is MINE!

MOOSEHEAD JACK vs. GM THE RICK – Steel Cage Match

GM the Rick is out first. He is dressed in black workout pants and a Dayton Flyers t-shirt. He slowly walks to the ring and stares at the cage for a moment before walking in. When the door closes behind him, he visibly jumps and gulps hard. Rick examines the cage and cringes when he feels the steel.

“Scarecrow” by Ministry plays, but Moose does not show up. He is announced a second time, but still nothing. "Scarecrow" starts playing again and, cameras cut to the back early to see Moosehead Jack is WALKING~! to the ring, when he's blindsided by someone in civilian clothes. Security hurries to restrain the stranger as Moose gets to his feet, and as HE is restrained his eyes go wide. The camera snaps right to see CONCRETE TG standing there with a baseball bat in hand, rage in his eyes
CTG: Moose there is no way in hell I am going to let you get in that cage with Rick! It would be a slaughter and you damn well know it! I think you have proved your point!

MHJ: And just what do you think you are going to do to stop me?

<Crete raises baseball bat>

CTG: Whatever I have to. It took me a bit to realize it, but the OOWF is home. I am back. I gave up my shot at the WWE title, because there are some injustices that would be far greater should they happen, there are injustices that, if prevented, will do more good than me holding the WWE world title.

<Moose stares at Crete in a rage, but slowly that rage melts and Moose starts laughing his evil sinister laugh>

CTG: What’s so funny? So help me Moose, you take ONE step toward that ring and I will…..

MHJ: You will what? You will do nothing. And once again Crete, the joke is on you. Rick is going to get what he deserves, its just not going to be from me

CTG: What?

MHJ: Take a look

<CTG turns and looks at one of the monitors and we cut back to GM the Rick standing in the center of the ring staring at the OOTron. What he fails to see is a man dressed completely in black scale the cage behind him and climb down into the ring. With Rick’s attention focused elsewhere he is easy prey. The man in black charges across the ring and slams Rick in the back of the head with a forearm that sends him slumping against the ropes. The man in black grabs Rick and sends him repeatedly into the cage until Rick’s face is a bloody mess. The man in black mounts Rick and hammers away. Finally F. Fonzworth MacCapppington, Donovan Viper, Ecosystem and Ryan Hardcore rush to the ring getting a huge pop from the fans, they storm into the ring and the man in black is backed into the corner. He begs off as Rick gets to his feet. As he does, Viper hits the ropes and NAILS Rick from behind with a Death Elbow that sends him staggering right into a choke slam from MacCappington! IT WAS A SET UP ALL ALONG!! They shake hands with the man in black as Eric, LD Williams, IHOP, The Heels, The Dead and LJ Bennett all make their way to the ring and take turns brutalizing Rick. Hardcore locks the cage door and MacCappington and Eric produce handcuffs and cuff Rick onto the cage crucifixion style. The whole time the man in black is sitting in the top turnbuckle in the corner watching the proceedings. Finally LJ Bennett produces a mic and speaks:

Ladies and Gentlemen, please allow me to introduce the newest member of the Bennett Army, he is a former world heavyweight champion, and one of the most distinguished men to ever step foot in an OOWF ring……Ladies and Gentlemen……THE MAIN EVENT CHRIS COLE!!!!![/b]

The masked man hops off the turnbuckle and takes off his mask revealing that it is indeed Chris Cole. The fans try to litter the ring with debris, but they can’t make it into the cage. Backstage Crete turns to Moose

CTG:<in stunned disbelief> You son of a…….this was a set up all along

<Crete runs toward the ring but stops at the top of the ramp where he is joined by Davin Moreland, Phantos, Lucios, Capellan, Firechild, Bunny and Carl From Fresno. They all stare at the carnage in the middle of the ring.>

<A camera pans up to one of the luxury box suites and we see Stank, Outback Jack, DH Magnusson, Spin Hansen, Seamus McNasty, Damon Wrath, The Nerve Agent, Blitz and Voltage staring down at the carnage>

<the camera pans over to another luxury suite where we see Alexander Darling standing with the Intercontinental title draped over his shoulder, he is flanked by Firewoman and Alexis Darling. They look somewhat concerned about the events that are unfolding below them>

<The camera then zooms in to GM the Rick, hanging on the cage, barely conscious, blood pouring off of his forehead. We slowly fade to black with Russ and Razz speaking in whispers.

Russ: What is going to happen to the OOWF Razz?

Razz: I don’t know Russ, I don’t know

Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF Blood on the Great Wall Pay Per View! Live April 27th From Beijing, China! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem Live! April 2nd from Isafjordhur, Iceland!

For all your OOWF shopping needs, check out www.cafepress.com/oowfshirts

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This has been an OOWF production, produced by the LD-Tar-Jack-Fire-Crete-Cap-Tommy-Tex-Bunny- Dead-Sop Production Company in accordance with Ecosystem Ltd.

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF VIDEO EXCLUSIVE!


(Backstage, some of the Jobber squad is watching WM on a tv where the main event is cranking up. Out walks Orton, out walks Triple H.... but then THIS plays......)

Puck Dupp: Cena??

(the jobbers look at each other)

Then where's Concrete?

(a crash is heard outside, followed by a lot of shouting and swearing. The jobbers abandon their TV to see what the commotion is about)