OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 04-30-08

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Pyongsong, North Korea

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
LD Williams vs. Stank

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
Donovan Viper vs. Alexander Darling

OOWF World Tag Team Championship Match - Stips to be announced[/u]
Phantos & Lucios vs. IHOP vs. BAD vs. The Midnight Sons vs. The Heels

OOWF Onslaught Championship Ladder Match[/u]
Firewoman vs. Bunny

Best of Seven Series Match 4: Davin Moreland Leads 2-1[/u]
Davin Moreland vs. Chris Cole

First Blood Match[/u]
Concrete TG vs. Eric O'Mac

The World's Greatest Fag Team vs. Ecosystem & Blitz
The Dead vs. Outback Jack vs. Beast
Mark Vander & Capellan vs. The Nerve Agent & Voltage
Carl From Fresno vs. The Amnesiac vs. Tyson Kincaid

Card subject to altered states

[mooseheadjack]

*OOWF Arena*

It's just a few minutes after the ending of out Blood on the Great Wall PPV that saw all three singles championships change hands. It's been a monumental night here for the OOWF and we hope to see everyone Wednesday....wait, we're getting word on an altercation in the back.

The camera cuts backstage and we see Alexander Darling pick up The Nerve Agent like a lawn dart and toss him head first into a plaster wall putting a dent into it and he's screaming as he does.

Alexander Darling: A FUCKING RAVEN...HOW THE FUCK DOES A RAVEN GET INTO THE GOD DAMN ARENA...AND WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT NOISE COMING FROM? TELL ME NERVE...DO YOU HEAR IT?

The Nerve Agent says nothing as he's unconscious on the ground. All of a sudden someone hits Darling from behind and we see that it's Voltage.

Voltage: Leave my new partner alone.

Darling just looks at him with contempt before kicking him right in the stomach. He picks him up into position and locks in the Darling Driver and slams Voltage down through a random convenient table.

Alexander: I CAN'T HEAR YOU VOLTAGE...WHAT DID YOU SAY...CAN NO ONE ELSE HEAR THAT FUCKING SOUND???

Alexander Darling has seemingly fucking lost it here in the moments after Blood on the Great Wall as he's seemingly attacked The Nerve Agent and Voltage for no reason whatsoever. He starts to walk away when his sister comes running into the area looking like the devil himself is chasing her, but instead it's just a pitch black raven. Alexis is screaming and Darling's eyes look like they lose all emotion. He holds out his hand and the not-yet fired Josh O'Neill places a barbed-wire bat into his hand. Alexander closes his eyes and seems to be going into some sort of Zen-state as he moves his head around when he lashes out and swings the bat and HOLY FUCK...he hit the raven and blood is splattered everywhere.

Alexander: NO MORE FUCKING GAMES...IF YOU WANT ME, COME GET ME. MOOSE, POE...I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHO. YOU COST ME GOLD...I WILL COST YOU BLOOD.

Alexander wipes the blood that splattered on him across his face and instead of leaving turns back around. He hands the bat back to Josh and takes a few light tubes from him. He walks over to where The Nerve Agent is beginning to stir and he picks him up...CRUCIFIX BOMB. Darling then rolls Nerve over onto his stomach and places the first light tube under his face...He gets him into position...MOTHERFUCKING CURBSTOMP on the light tube and The Nerve Agent is a bloody mess. Darling takes another tube and twirls it in his hand before smashing it over Voltage's head. He collapses to the ground. Darling rolls him over, gets him into position...and another MOTHERFUCKING CURBSTOMP on the light tube.

Darling turns around and takes his sister into his arms as she's finally calming down...

Alexander: OOWF, You want me focused...you got it. If anyone else wants to play games, I just got two words for ya,,,

BOOYAH, BITCHES!!!

[mooseheadjack]

Inside Firewoman’s Locker Room, Lucky is tending to the cut on Firewoman’s lip from her first match.

FW: Ow…dammit, Lucky. [She pushes him away]

L: Sorry…. I don’t think it’ll need stitches though.

FW: Good. Is Backlash over yet? I need to let Chri—

L: Not yet. I don’t think it’s started yet? I don’t know how these time zones work…

There’s a knock on the door. Firewoman and Lucky look at each other, as they don’t know who would be knocking. Firewoman signals Lucky to get towards the back of the room, as she grabs a hockey stick she keeps with her.

FW: Who is it?

AD: [Through the door] Alexander. Can I come in?

FW: Yeah right. I wasn’t born yesterday.

AD: Look, it’s fine. I know it was Lexie’s idea….

[Firewoman and Lucky look at each other. Lucky shrugs. Firewoman takes a deep breath and opens the door.]

AD: Can I come in?

FW: I don’t think so. Even when I’m fairly certain you aren’t here to exact revenge, you aren’t allowed in here.

AD: Lucky, can you give us a minute?

Lucky checks with Firewoman, who nods.

L: I’ll go see about getting that international phone call. [He leaves]

AD: So. Congratulations. I mean that.

FW: Thanks. Sorry about…

AD: Yeah…thanks. So…. You going out to celebrate?

FW: I thought I might. I have some friends I said I’d –

AD: These “friends” where you’ve been staying?

FW: Yeah.

AD: There was no need. Lexie explained everything. And thank you.

FW: For punching your sister in the face?

AD: For doing an incredibly stupid thing, risking your career, to protect her yes. And for pulling your punch.

FW: I didn’t mean to… I –

AD: And for everything else you’ve been trying to do. But no more secrets.

FW: If I had a quarter for every time one of us said that…

AD: [Smiles] True. But that’s it right? You two don’t have anything else you’re hiding?

FW: [Now it's her turn to smile, and some of her regular smart-ass-ness returns] What would you like to know? I'll tell you everything

AD: Never mind… GEEZ I hate when you do that. C’mon, let’s go. DEA is celebrating your win in style. The limo is waiting, and Lexie wants to go to this disco-thing…

FW: She does? Is she okay? After the raven….

AD: [visibly shaken at the mere mention of the incident] She’s fine… now. I think she’d really want to celebrate with you…. I can’t believe I just said that…

FW: So you’re okay with—

AD: Let’s not talk about it, okay?

[Lucky comes back in to the room]

L: Sorry, Fire. No luck. In fact, there’s something wrong with the telecom satellite, and we might not be able to make contact with him until after Mayhem.

AD: Well, hopefully we all survive that. C’mon Lucky, party time. Let’s go.

Firewoman and Lucky grab their coats and head out to celebrate.

[mooseheadjack]

*Firewoman is sitting at a table with a Smithwicks relaxing from the Disco-y stuff for a second with Alexis, Alexander and Lucky all sitting around the table chatting away. She feels her Sprint PCS phone go off (since she obviously had it set on vibrate), and notices she has a text message. She opens it:*

TM: Fire, congratulations on winning the Onslaught Title. I feel better now that someone who has been so deserving of it now has it. Now you've got to defend it, and I know you're up to the challenge. I'm really proud of you - you finally did it. Again, Congratulations - D

*Fire smiles to herself for a second before going back to her drink and re-joining the party*

[mooseheadjack]

A clip rolls of The Knife making his statement before the pay-per-view

Apr 27, 2008 4:11:24 GMT -5 @theknife said:

Bunny...you violent sociopath...you are undeserving of your belt. You are an acrobat who decided he wanted to be a wrestler and somehow lucked himself into a title. Your time is coming and I'm going to be the one who shows it to you. Your sins are numerous and your deeds committed against God have stacked up against you.

Alexander Darling...you are the embodiment of Greed...one of the seven deadly sins...and somehow you are a champion. The OOWF need not look any farther than its Intercontinental Champion to see why it is a sin-filled pot of evil and blasphemy.

And Stank...You are a drunken wretch. You are fat...gluttonous and despicable. You are not deserving to represent this company. You are the reason OOWF is laughed at amongst other wrestling promotions.

The Knife appears on screen, wearing his white robes and standing in front of a crucifix

TK- Need I say more? You were all judged. You flew in the face of God and you were all punished. Are the ones who replaced you any better? Not hardly, but you were judged by the Lord.

LD WIlliams...Donovan Viper...Firewoman...

We have a thug, who has done nothing but bully the others around him for his own advancement. And I'm pretty sure Viper and Firewoman are both homosexuals. We all know how the Lord feels about homosexuality. Your time is coming. You are undeserving of the titles and accolades you've accumulated.

FEAR THE LORD YOUR MASTER!!!

FEAR THE RIGHT HAND OF GOD!!!

FEAR THE KNIFE!!!

[mooseheadjack]

Firewoman sits at table as party continues – man walks up to table and hands her a envelope and whispers to her – give this to Alexis…and walks away…Firewoman looks down to see a wax seal with a P stamped into it. She rips the envelope open and reads the message…

REMEMBER me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.


Missing you, P

[mooseheadjack]

*Stank is sitting in the Destroyitarium when OBJ walks over to him, carrying a plate of food*

OBJ: It was a hell of a run, mate.

Stank: I suppose so.

OBJ: No question about it. And at Mayhem I expect you to start another one. First things first, though. Try some of this. Cooked it myself. Better than anything the locals make around here.

Stank: That's not saying much. What is it?

OBJ: Grilled raven. Tastes like chicken!

Stank: Why is it that everytime someone wants people to eat something gross they say it tastes like chicken? And where the hell did you get a raven?

OBJ: Well, Darling didn't seem like he wanted it. It seemed like a shame to waste a perfectly good raven. Here, try some!

Stank: Maybe later.

[mooseheadjack]

:::Ryan Hardcore and Lauren Phoenix standing backstage with SFJ #487:::

SFJ 487: I'm standing here with Ryan Hardcore coming off his loss last night. Ryan, what's it like knowing you have to wear that suit and look like the character from Family G--

RH: No! Fucking stop right there. Do NOT compare to that piece of shit cartoon.

SFJ 487: Well, sorry, but... it's really the only cartoon reference I could think of that fits your situation.

RH: Well, still, fuck you. I am NOT a God damn cartoon character! Sure, I lost the match, but I'm a wrestler! And I'll prove how good I am this week, chicken suit or not!

LP: Ry, chill out a bit, I think it's sexy.

SFJ 487: Sorrrrrrry, you just really reminded me of that cartoon character--

RH: I told you, I'M NOT A FUCKING CARTOON CHARACTER!

Old Lady in rocking chair: He's a chicken I tells ya!!! A giant chicken!!!

RH: *sigh*

[mooseheadjack]

<Moose walks into the locker room and sees LD Williams sitting alone, exhausted with the OOWF World title draped across his lap, he is leaning back with his eyes closed soaking in the nights events. Moose walks over and hands him an ice cold Canadian beer>

MHJ: Hey champ

LDW: Moose! Thanks for the beer man, I feel like I was just through hell and back.....twice

MHJ: You pretty much did. Hey I got something to show you

<Moose pops a tape into the tv and hits play>

So Moose, feeling all high and mighty are you? Think it’s time to make a challenge? No problem. I’ll put my title shot on the line to get my hands on you. You talk big Moose, running your mouth about how evil and violent you are…big talk for a guy with a corrupt GM and an entire stable of lackeys backing him up. You say the carnage will begin after you beat me? I don’t think so. The carnage will begin that night when I teach you the real meaning of violence. I can’t even tell you what I’m gonna do to you Jack, cause it’s too graphic for words.

Actually Moose, beating the crap out of you at the next PPV is a great idea. I can keep you off Johnny’s back, keep my title shot, and most importantly, teach you a much-needed lesson in humility all at the same time. Perfect.

As for you, Attitude Adjuster, I’ve got no problem with you…yet. Your trying to jump the line and walk right into a title shot is kind of amusing actually. You have no idea what you’ve walked into here AA. I don’t know how things work where you’re from, but here in the OOWF you have to earn title shots. I suggest you stay out of the way and let me destroy Jack first, then you can step up and we’ll see what you’re made of.

Jack, you like to say “Trust Me”. I’ve got some better advice for you…

Fear Me.

LDW: Fear me. HA Haven't said that in awhile!

MHJ: Did you ever teach me that lesson in humility?

LDW: Shit no, I would still be beating on you if I was trying to get THAT point across

Well, well, well LD Williams, seems to me like the young pup wants to run with the big dogs. I knew you would accept. There was no doubt in my mind that you would be good to go for the match. See, LDW I have no real problem with you, in fact, I respect you. You just have the misfortune of standing in the way of something I want, the intercontinental title. Of course, Williams, you know what this is all about right? You and I both know this has nothing to do with you being champion. Sure you would love to be the champion, but Johnny won’t let you will he? Think about what you said, beating me would get me off of Johnny’s back. Seems to me like you are doing nothing but protecting Adrenaline’s ass. Why are you waiting? What are you waiting for? YOU beat CTG, right in the middle of the ring, YOU made him tap out, YOU should be facing Concrete at the PPV, not Johnny. Johnny knows you are loyal, hell so do I. That’s the one thing about you Williams, you are tough, one of the toughest son of a bitches it the OOWF, but you are not too bright. Johnny talks you out of your rightful spot so HE can get another title shot. He talks you into fighting me, a fight you can win, but you can not survive. Think about it Williams, right now, YOU hold the trump card, YOU hold the victory over CTG, YOU should be calling the shots, not Johnny. But now, all the pressure is on you, when you lose this match at the PPV, and you WILL lose, then what? You start all the way at the bottom. No title shot, no shot at glory, no running with the big dogs. Think about that.

MHJ: Adrenaline hasn't changed in four years

LDW: Why did I ever run with him again? Hey look at that Moose, you respect me!

MHJ: Shut up

LDW: HA!

An indeterminate Sexy Female Journalist tracks L.D. Williams down to get his reaction to Moose Head Jack’s comments:

“Moose, for a guy who prides himself on being a master of head games, you disappoint me. Who says that you, the triple threat match, and the IC title aren’t just means to an end? I team with Johnny because it’s in my best interests. He doesn’t control me anymore than your partner the GM controls you. My goals are my own, Jack. I would have thought someone with your deviousness would understand my master plan, but perhaps I misjudged you…regardless, after the PPV I won’t be the one who starts at the bottom – you will.”

MHJ: So, what was the master plan?

LDW: This <holds up the World title>

MHJ: Four years ago?

LDW: Canadians are meticulous

Camera cuts to the back where MHJ is walking, he bumps into LDW, the two stare at each other, MHJ looks around behind LDW

LDW “what the hell are you looking for”
MHJ “your leash, Johnny usually keeps you on a pretty short leash, I am surprised he let you get this far from his side”
LDW steps real close to MHJ “you trying to be funny? You wanna throwdown right here?”
MHJ “woah woah calm down, see there you go again not using that ten cent brain of yours, first things first. You say this is all a plan of yours, that teaming with Adrenaline is in your best interests, tell me, how is a match against me and Double A in your best interest?”
LDW “Because then I can prove to Johnny and everyone else that I am worthy of that Intercontinental title, when I beat you and Double A in the middle of the ring, everyone will know that I am for real!”
MHJ smirks – “That’s what I thought, do you even listen to yourself when you talk? You want to beat me and Double A so you can prove you are worthy to Johnny? Who the HELL is Johnny? Is he the champ?”
LDW “well no but . .”
MHJ “EXACTLY! He has you thinking like HE is the champ and HE calls the shots around here. Let me let you in on a little secret, Johnny has no stroke around here, he runs his mouth awful reckless for someone who is no more than a FORMER intercontinental champion. Has he beat Concrete recently?”
LDW “well no, but…..”
MHJ “NO, that was you, you beat him. Has Johnny sent Concrete to the hospital lately and damn near ended his career?”
LDW “well no but…..”
MHJ “NO that was me! I nearly killed Concrete. Its time you wised up boy, once you get your head on straight, you just might have a career around here. Now what is the best way to shorten your career?”
LDW “Well if I . . ..
MHJ gets real close to LDW “The best way to shorten your career around here is to PISS ME OFF. Right now I got no problem with YOU, you just so happen to be in the match that I am going to win, so I can get what I want. You keep screwing around and listening to Adrenaline and that idiot Concrete and you are gonna end up on my bad side, and you don’t want that.”
Trust me.

MHJ walks away leaving LDW standing there in deep thought.

LDW: Good times, Moose, Good times

<The two clink their beers and sit in silence for a moment>

LDW: So I guess this means you will be wanting a title shot once your arm heals

MHJ: Nah, not right now. There are other things more pressing

LDW: More pressing than the world title?

MHJ: Look, you are the champ right now, you deserve the spotlight. Crete wants a piece of my ass, and I owe Darling. Everyone is looking for us to be at each others throats over this belt. They don't get that if I can't have the title, you are the only other person in the OOWF that I would be content holding it.

LDW: Cause you can beat me at any time, right?

MHJ: Don't YOU start too. No, because I know all I have to do is ask, and I get a match. No bullshit, no interference, nothing. And one day, KZ will face off. Just not right now.

LDW: Sounds good. And when we do, we are gonna tear the place down

MHJ: Damn right

<another clink of the beers and the two men sit in silence as we fade to black>

[mooseheadjack]

OBJ - Well do you mind if I...?

Stank - Go ahead.

<Outback Jack sits, grabs a napkin, and tucks it in his collar. He grabs a fork and knife then digs in. He takes a bite, scowls a bit, then swallows.>

OBJ - Blech! It needs something.

Stank - Lysol?

OBJ - No, Worcestershire sauce... and maybe a little dried Croc spice.

Stank - Croc... spice?

OBJ - Yeah, Australian secret ingredient.

Stank - Keep it a secret.

<Jack takes another bite.>

OBJ - Blach! Yeah, definitely Croc spice. Worcestershire will have to do though. Be right back, mate.

<Outback Jack stands and walks to the back through a door behind the bar of the Destroyitarium. Spin walks over with two mugs of beer and sits one mug down in front of Stank. Stank thanks Spin and they raise their mugs in a toast and down each mug of brew.>

Spin - DH and I are heading out.

Stank - I haven't seen Mags. Where is he?

Spin - He's in the back looking for his logging chain.

Stank - Alright.

Spin - You wanna come with?

Stank - No. I'll just sit here for a while.

Spin - It was a hell of a run, man.

Stank - ... Yeah it was.

<Spin finishes off the last drops of his beer, knocks fists with Stank, then heads off. Stank sits and reflects a bit before looking up at the cameraman who makes no illusions to his presence.>

Stank - Williams... congratulations, Champ. You beat me. You now hold the most prestigious title in the OOWF... and I'm happy it's you. I mean it. I can think of few who are as worthy.

But now comes the hard part... holding on to that title. I did it longer than anyone else in the OOWF... longer than Microplay, than Viper, Underdawg, than Crete, than Chris motherfuckin Cole. So I know what I'm talking about.

Now comes the hard part Williams... and it begins at Mayhem where I get my rematch.

And make no mistake. I have EVERY intention on becoming the OOWF World Champion, again.

[mooseheadjack]

"The Main Event" Chris Cole walks into the locker room of the NEW OOWF
World Heavyweight Champion, L.D. Williams. Williams stans up wuickly and slings the title over his shoulder. Cole walks up and stares hard at it. He then meets Williams's gaze and extends his hand.

CC: Congratulations Champ. (Williams shakes Cole's hand) I just wanted to let you know that once I'm done with Davin Moreland that I'll be coming to collect my title shot.

LDW: Last I checked you were still down 2-1.

CC: True, but I finally got my win and that was all I needed to snowball it to 3 more wins.

LDW: I look forward to defending the title against you......or Davin.

CC: It will be me. And might I remind you that the reason I am the number one contender is because I won the OOWF Invitational. And I defeated you in the Semi Finals.

LDW: I'm a fighting Champ and if you survive Moreland you will get your shot.

CC: I know you are and that is why I respect you. Enjoy the spotlight. I really am happy that you brought the title into The Bennett Army Camp. You deserve all that comes with being the Champ. And in a month be ready.

Cole pats Williams on the back and walks out of the room.

[mooseheadjack]

??: Guess every country has PBR...

[The figure sits and drinks. And drinks. And drinks. He never removes his glasses and never pulls the hood down from his head. He just drinks. Eventually he's had his fill and stands up to leave. He bumps into a regular patron of the bar who takes offense.]

RP: Watch where the fuck you're going! (I guess he speaks perfect English)

[The man doesn't respond and tries to walk past him, however the regular patron won't let him through.]

RP: Look, I'm talking to you! Are you fucking deaf or what?

[The figure continues not to respond. This pisses the regular patron off and he grabs a beer bottle by the neck and swings it toward the figure's head. The hooded figure catches the man's wrist before he can bring the bottle down over his head.]


??: Big mistake.

[The figure twists the man's wrist, snapping it loudly. The patron screams in pain and his friends come over to "even the odds". Just then our mystery man takes off his sunglasses and pulls back his hood. It's The Dead!

Dead: Big fucking mistake.

[The biggest member of the group charges at The Dead. The Dead deftly sidesteps him and tosses him into the jukebox in the corner. The music comes to a screeching halt as the man goes head-first into it.]

Dead: Any more takers?

[Two more men run at The Dead and begin to swing wildly. The Dead easily avoids their clumsy punches. He picks up one of the men and tosses him over the bar. The other man thinks he sees an opening and charges at The Dead from behind, but The Dead hip tosses him to the ground and locks his arm in an armbar.]

Dead: This won't feel good.

[A sickening sound echoes through the bar as The Dead snaps the man's arm in two. The Dead stands up casually and looks at the original patron who started the whole thing.}

RP: Please man, don't hurt me. I was just fooling around...

[The Dead puts his glasses back on and pulls the hood back up over his head. He walks right past the man (who is shitting bricks) and toward the door.]

RP: Oh thank god...

Dead: One more thing...

[Instinctively the man turns around. Wrong move. BOOM! The Dead Closes the Casket on the unlucky punk. His head smacks hard against the bar room floor and he's out cold. The Dead casually walks outside with a smile on his face...]





[...which is disrupted when he runs into Firewoman. She's apparently having a night out on the town to celebrate her victory.]

Dead: Where are the wonder twins?

[Firewoman calmly answers.]

Fire: They'll catch up. Hey, this looks like a cool place...

Dead: You don't want to go in there.

Fire: Why not?

Dead: Let's just say that the service is sub-par.

Fire: If you say so.

Dead: Look, you know this isn't over, right?

Fire: Why, whatever do you mean? [Firewoman grins.]

Dead: Cute. You just need to know that, one way or another, things have a way of resolving themselves...

Fire: And just what is that supposed to...

[The Dead is already walking away into the darkness. A moment later the Darlings catch up with Firewoman and they continue to celebrate.]

[mooseheadjack]

Moments later, (ha!) Firewoman is getting herself set up at the OOWF Arena in Pyongsong, North Korea. Well, she was. She's now sitting on the couch in her locker room, staring at her new championship belt, admiring her name etched in gold. At least, part of her brain is; the other part is making plans, and contingency plans upon that, for whatever may come in the future. Lucky is off seeing what he can do about getting a phone call to the States. The door to the locker room opens...Firewoman is up like a shot, grabs the person who dares enter without even knocking, and pushes them against the wall with her forearm at their throat.

Lonelygirl15: HEY!!!!! What the heck???

FW: Who are you?

LG15: New interviewer. Alexander's new assistant.

FW: Really. Are you even old enough to be out of the country without your mommy?

LG15: I am if you are. Let go, you're hurting me.

FW: Okay. But rule 1? NO ONE is allowed in my locker room unless I invite them. And you aren't invited.

LG15: But I need to interview you...

FW: Fine...but out there.

Firewoman releases her and then follows her out the door to the common area of the DEA Suites. Lonelygirl15 rubs her neck.

LG15: *cough* Okay, sorry. I need to ask you your reaction to being the first woman to hold the OOWF Onslaught Championship.

FW: Obviously, I'm ecstatic. If I weren't in such a good mood about it, you'd not be standing here talking to me right now.

LG15: Bunny has apparently activated his rematch clause for Wednesday's Mayhem, and included a ladder match stipulation. Any comments?

FW: Yeah, you're terrible. Where's Lucky?

LG15: Talking to some phone company person.

FW: Right. Anyway, Bunny is well within his rights to have a rematch, and I'll gladly give it to him, with or without ladders. I know he thinks that this plays to his strengths, but he forgets that I'm no slouch with the high risk moves either. Where's the Ninja Cam? [Firewoman looks around and then directly into the camera]

Bunny....I told you I'd take it from you. I'd rather have taken it from Eric, but no matter. And I've proven myself. Once again we see there is no belt you possess that I cannot take from you--

AD: Got it! Indiana Jones.

Both women turn to look at him as he enters the room, with Alexis following him.

LG15: Huh?

FW: Glad someone finally got that. It was likely before your time, Betsy.

LG15: Huh?

FW: Are we done now?

LG15: Um, yeah, I guess.... [She is still rubbing her neck]

AD: What the fuck happened to you?

FW: She walked into my locker room without knocking. Just barged right in.

AD: Oh...right. Yeah, forgot to tell you... don't do that.

LG15: Gee, no kidding.

Firewoman smiles at Lexie, who smiles back in amusement, despite herself. Lonelygirl15 wanders off to do whatever it is she does when not needed...stand in a corner, whatever. Firewoman reaches into her pocket for something and a piece of paper falls out.

LD: Hey you dropped this.

FW: GIVE ME THAT!

But before she can snatch it away, Lexie looks at it, and begins to read....Her eyes widen in horror, and she then sees the red wax seal on the outside of the envelope.

AD: What is it?

FW: It's... nothing?

AD snatches it from Lexie's hands, as she sits down on the couch. He reads it, and then spins to confront Firewoman about 2 inches from her face.

AD: WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GET THAT!?!?

FW: First of all, step OFF. [Darling steps back] That's better. Second of all, someone gave it to me at the bar where we were celebrating.

AD: WHO! WHAT DID HE LOOK LIKE!?!

FW: He looked like some guy that delivered things for a living. I don't know it was dark... I was drinking...

AD: Don't give me that shit. You have impeccable street smarts. Tell me what you remember!!

FW: Well, he did look familiar. I may have seen him around the arena, near the offices. But they get deliveries over there all the time, so.....

AD: You're right. They do. And I bet they send them too. GODDAMMIT....They need to STOP playing game with me...

FW: Who?

AD: You know who. Your friend, Moose....

FW: My friend? Whoa, you are way out of line, now...

AD: The one that flies your boyfriend in? Don't tell me you didn't have to do something for him for that. Like set up a fake delivery?

FW: ENOUGH. Get your paranoia in check. You never trust me on this ONE issue. This is not Moose messing with you. This is the real thing, and it's time you start believing it. I was right before, and I'm right now.

Alexander lets this sink in for a minute.

AD: I don't know...I know you didn't have anything to do with it. I just saw the letter and --

FW: It's okay. You're allowed. But I think your wrong. It's not Moose or Bennett.

Lexie has been sitting on the couch, silent tears welling in her eyes. Alexander still looks as if he's going to trash the place, and turns to go out the door, into the hallway. Firewoman stands a moment, then sits down next to Lexie, putting her arms around her and pulling her to her shoulder. She places a kiss on her forehead, as the camera fades.

[mooseheadjack]

**L.D. Williams is alone in his locker room. holding the World Heavyweight Title Belt.**

LD: “Three-and-a-half years of blood, sweat, and even a few tears, and all of it was for this moment. Stank, beating you last night was the greatest accomplishment of my career, and it has nothing to do with this belt. You are a worthy champion, a credit to this business, and perhaps the greatest wrestler I have ever stepped in the ring with. It was an honour to wrestle you and an honour to defeat you.”

**The camera zooms in on the belt, specifically the nameplate, which says “Stank”.**

LD: “That’s right…still your name – and it will be until after Mayhem. I beat you, Stank, and I earned this title. But, at the moment, that’s all I am – a titleholder. At Mayhem, if I beat you – WHEN I beat you – then, I can call myself the Champion. Then, the era of The Canadian Original begins, THEN, I will be THE MAN…




…and Heaven help anyone who stands in my way.”

[mooseheadjack]

*Davin Moreland is SITTING in the Run DLP Locker Room, Presented by Aquafina at a desk doing some GM's Office paperwork, with a tape of the last Celtics/Hawks playoff game playing on the Sony Multimedia Center*

DM: HEY ASSHOLES! GUESS WHAT! YOU'RE ON THE ROAD IN THE PLAYOFFS! Jesus...this pisses me off. 400 Veterans on the team and they play like this.

*Phantos comes in relatively quickly*

P: Is everything ok? I heard yelling.

DM: Oh? Yeah. Everything's fine. Stupid Celtics.

P: Yeah. Spurs lost yesterday too I guess.

DM: Well, they can't all be sweeps. Anyway, at least you and Lucios don't have to worry about winning the series.

P: Lucios doesn't care about basketball. He only cares about wrestling. And tape. And training. And more tape.

CFF: I like basketball.

DM: Yeah, but you're a stupid Lakers fan.

CFF: At least my team's gonna sweep.

DM: I'm so gonna steal your passport.

P: So, what are you gonna do about Cole?

DM: Ah. Nothing. He wants to play dirty, we can play dirty.

P: He's just going to be going after you with more and more people.

DM: Yeah. He'll be chasing the cheap bullshit wins. It's the only way he can beat me. One on one? He doesn't stand a chance.

CFF: You want us out there?

DM: No. I mean, if they start the beatdown thing again, then yeah, but no, not for the match. I'll let you know.

CFF: Alright. Anything you need, boss.

DM: Not your boss. Phantos is the captain, I guess HE'D be the boss.

CFF: You're shittin me. Who made HIM captain?

P: Why can't I be captain.

CFF: I didn't think you, like, cared enough to be captain.

P: There's a lot you don't know about me.

DM: OK, on that note, I'm outta here for a bit, I gotta drop these off.

*Davin leaves Phantos and Carl From Fresno talking about what each other doesn't know about each other or something. He takes the files to the GM's Office and in the HALLWAY of RANDOM ENCOUNTERS, he runs into Stank.*

DM: Hey Champ.

S: I'm not the champ. Weren't you watching?

DM: Longest ever reigning Heavyweight Champ? That's permanent "Champ" status.

S: Anyway.

DM: Listen Lucas, I know you've got LD in a rematch at Mayhem. If there is ANYTHING you need me to do, you know where to find me.

S: I won't need you, but I'll keep that in mind.

DM: Hey, we'll be doing photo shoots again sometime. I know it.

S: *smirks* Me first.

DM: *smiles* You're on.

*They bump knuckles and Davin goes on to the GM's Office*

DM: Erlana, here ya go.

E: Thanks. Hey Davin, you should really talk to Rick...

DM: Well, we'll see about that. There's a lot of damage there that needs to be repaired.

E: Just think about it.

DM: I will think about it. If anyone needs me my phone's on.

E: Where are you going?

DM: Out. I'll be back.

*Davin goes out. He ends up at the Punk bar that's been so popular so far. It's subdued now, as only the hardcore alcoholics are pretty much there now. He orders a PBR from the bartender, and sits at a sidebar next to a young woman wearing a baseball hat, obviously trying to be incognito, and is facing the wall*

DM: Did you want one?

??: No, I've got this one here.

DM: So, what is it?

??: Nice to see you too.

DM: Cute.

??: I know.

DM: Seriously though. We promised each other we weren't going to do this cloak and dagger shit anymore.

??: It had to be this way.

DM: You couldn't have just texted me or something?

??: Davin, things are getting serious.

DM: Wait...what? With that?

??: *nods*

DM: Ok...

??: You know how you said if I needed your help with anything to just ask you?

DM: Yeah...hey...are you crying?

??: Shut. Up.

DM: Are you asking?

??: I think so.

DM: You THINK so?

??: It's...complicated...

DM: Oh for Christ's sake it's always COMPLICATED.

??: *through gritted teeth* This is hard enough with you being such an asshole.

DM: Fine. What do you need?

??: Nothing. At least, nothing yet. I just need to know that you're there for me.

DM: I think there's no question about that.

??: *takes a deep breath* Good. I just...just needed to know that. I think we'll have to talk again soon.

DM: Texting is easier than super-spying.

??: Oh, but this way is much more fun. Plus, you pay for my drinks this way.

DM: Need a ride?

??: Nah. I think it's probably best if we don't take any chances.

DM: I really hope this can stop someday.

??: Yeah, well. Don't hold your breath.

DM: I know. I'm not. Tab's at the bar?

??: Yup. See ya.

DM: *claps her shoulder* See ya.

*Davin pays the woman's bar tab and heads back for the Arena. The mystery woman pulls out her phone and looks to be texting someone as we fade*

[mooseheadjack]

<Moosehead Jack is waling through the halls -which must be getting kind of crowded- when SFJ13 spots him and rushes over>

SFJ13: Moose, can I have a word with you?

MHJ: Sure

SFJ13: Well, LD Williams won the world title, and Donovan Viper won the Intercontinental title, bringing both titles into Bennett's Army, IHOP and The Heels have a shot at winning the tag titles at Mayhem. Where does this leave Moosehead Jack? It seems like you are the odd man out in this war.

MHJ: Odd man out. That's an interesting way of looking at it. Right now, I am not doing anything, I won't be cleared to wrestle for a few more weeks, so this gives me a chance to sit back and explore my options. Now, clearly there is no reason to chase the World or Intercontinental titles. And we have two teams here in the Army that can win the tag titles. So really, if I am so inclined, that leaves only the Onslaught Championship

SFJ13: Are you calling out Firewoman? You two have been somewhat friendly of late.

MHJ: I am not calling her out. She is a smart wrestler, she knows that right now she is a target. IF I decide that the Onslaught title is something I might want, then she will know it. I will not deny that I have tried to recruit Fire to Bennett's side, she would make a worthy addition, but she has been less than receptive to it. Plus, anytime I can take something from the DEA, that is just a bonus

SFJ13: Speaking of the DEA, Alexander Darling blames you for the odd series of gifts and the raven that was in the building, do you have a response to this?

MHJ: My my, Alexander Darling is starting to lose touch with reality isn't he? He loses his title because of a BIRD, and what does he do? He attacks two guys in the back. Look Darling, as much as I would LOVE to say I was behind it, its not me. I am innocent. Its over, remember?

SFJ13: With all due respect Moose, no one believes it is over between you two.

MHJ: Time will tell. You know all about time right Darling? Time is like the heartbeat of your life, ticking, ticking, ticking away. As the time draws nearer, it becomes almost audible, doesn't it. Just remember Darling, you can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future. Though, in your case, it might be wise to worry.

SFJ13: What about Crete?

MHJ: Ah yes, what about Crete, the million dollar question. You would think I would be out for vengeance, I mean Crete DID break my arm and all that. But after sitting back and watching you these last few weeks, you know what Crete, I am going to pass. You are clearly broken. The Crete I see out there is simply going through the motions. The Crete I see out there is lacking the fire, the intensity, the passion. You know, its funny, Crete was fond of a certain saying years ago, "THIS CONCRETE DON'T CRACK" Well after years and years of hammering away, that Concrete has not only cracked, it has shattered. Right now, if you want some sort of revenge against me, you want a match against me, you want retribution, you are going to have to prove to me that you have it together, that you are the Crete that has been my bitterest rival for years.

Because right now, if you step in the ring with me, I WILL end your career.

Trust me

<Moose walks away and the Invisible Ninja Cameraman follows him, he rounds a few corners and comes across The Dead, who has sobered up a bit from earlier>

MHJ: Dead, I have been meaning to talk to you.

TD: So talk

MHJ: Have you talked to Muerte?

TD: Yeah I talked to him Saturday. Its pretty much what you said, I think he will be interested, but there are a few small details to work out

MHJ: Like what?

TD:<looking around> Now is probably not the time, too many ears, you know?

MHJ: Yeah I know. Look, tough match out there last week. You can beat Fire

TD: Hell yeah I can. I think I need to let Fire know that, despite us teaming, I want that Onslaught title, I don't care who is holding it, Fire, you, Eric, it doesn't matter, I have been here too long without gold.

MHJ: Go get it then. Look, if you want me in your corner, just give me the word. Now, lets find somewhere to talk about Muerte.

<fade>

[mooseheadjack]

[The Dead and Moosehead Jack deftly avoid the ninja cameramen while they discuss El Muerte and Japan. The cameramen do, however, catch up in time to see The Dead leaving his meeting with Moosehead Jack and head into the hallway of random encounters. Suddenly, he randomly encounters Firewoman.]

Fire: .....

Dead: .....

[The Dead just points at the Onslaught Title that she has slung over her shoulder.]

Dead: Soon.

[mooseheadjack]

Lucios is alone with a cameraman. It appears to be very dark behind him

Lucios: The Heels, B A D, I H O P, Midnight Sons. Everyone has a catchy name. Catchy music. Drinking Games. Lovely and Talented valets. Over-The-Top promos. Canadian Accents. We don't have any of that. We are Phantos & Lucios. Tag Team Specialists. There is no way... WHAT SO EVER, That we don't walk out of Mayhem as Champions. We never LOST The World Tag Team Championships. We are the Best. Tag. Team. In. Wrestling. We are the measuring stick. Wednesday, The Championship Belts go BACK around our waists.

[mooseheadjack]

In the Fortress On Snobbery

FFM- Hey Ryan...Ryan?

RH- Right here.

FFM- Why are you still wearing that?

RH- Lauren likes it.

FFM- If Lauren loved putting three fingers into your asshole while manually stimulating your hog with a bored out honeydew melon, would you do that?

RH- Were you spying on us?

FFM- Well anyways, I wanted to check something with you. Did you see the booking sheet?

RH- Yeah, we're fighting Eco and Blitz, right?

FFM- That's not the part I wanted you to look at. Did you submit our name to management?

RH- I sure did. I figured WWE wasn't using that name anymore so we could have it.

FFM- I think they made a mistake then. It says "World's Greatest Fag Team."

RH- What?! That's not what I wrote.

FFM- Did you jerk the pen maybe? Were you, say, writing it on the back of Lauren while going balls deep into her asshole?

RH- Okay, I swear you're spying on me now.

FFM- Well its been trademarked and they're making t-shirts and I can't get it changed now.

RH- Oh well. If there's one thing I know about the OOWF, they certainly don't take gay stuff way too far. They're probably forget all about it.

FFM- Yeah, I'm sure they will. Hey Donnie! They forgot all about that old homo thing they used to do with you, right?

DV- Oh yeah. I haven't heard that in...gosh, 3...4 hours?

FFM- Oh sweet. Well that's awesome. Yeah, this will blow right over I'm sure.

[mooseheadjack]

*OOWF Arena; Pyongsong, North Korea*

We see a lone figure walking down one of the many halls of random encounters in the OOWF Arena but for a change there is no chance meeting happening. Instead the figure makes it to a set of double doors and pushes his way inside. We take a look and see that the room is Drink & Destroy’s Destroyatarium and for a change the room is quite empty. There’s only the bartender and a large man sitting at the bar. Even without a close look we can tell that the large man is the former OOWF World Heavyweight Champion Stank. Stank turns when he hears the doors open, but doesn’t react when he sees who the person is. Instead he turns back to his drink as the figure walks up to the bar and takes a seat near the former champ.

Stank: Expected to see you here a few weeks ago…definitely didn’t expect you here today of all days.

Lone Figure: I wanted to come by earlier but things got hectic.

Stank: I noticed. I got to see some of it. I have to admit it was a lot like watching The O.C.

LF: Try living it…wait, did you just admit to watching The O.C.?

Stank: I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about Alex. You gonna tell me what brings you by?

Alexander Darling: Ya know, I try to be inconspicuous for a change and there ya go calling me by name.

Stank: HA, I didn’t think you knew the meaning of laying low.

Alexander: There’s a lot…

Phantos: THAT’S MY LINE, jerl!

Alexander and Stank look around the bar and they’re still the only two patrons in the Destroyatarium. They kinda just decide to let it go and move on.

Alexander: Anyway, I know there’s other things we could talk about and I figure we’ll get to that at some point. I’ve really been thinking about what you said, but right now I just wanted a drink.

Stank: Haven’t you been drinking since Sunday?

Alexander: That was for Firewoman. She deserved to celebrate her title win without me bringing her down. This drink here is for me.

Stank: What, you think just cause we both lost our belts on Sunday that makes it the same? Hell, why don’t we just invite the freak in the bunny suit to join us?

Alexander: Actually not saying that at all Stank. I know there’s a huge difference between what you lost and what I lost, but it doesn’t change the fact we both lost something that meant something to us. And when you think about it, we lost em to LD Williams and Donovan Viper.

Stank: I hadn’t even thought about that side of it. So, the “brothers” are champs. That will be a damn interesting family dinner. Wish I could get pictures.

Alexander: I hear that. I know you may not believe me, but good luck Wednesday.

Alexander takes a few bills out and tosses them onto the bar and motions for the bartender to refill Stank’s glass before he turns to walk back towards the exit.

Stank: Hey Alex…

Alexander stops and turns to look back at Stank,

You ain’t ever gotten on my bad side and while I may not like everything about you, you got balls and that is something I can understand. And I know you’ve done pissed off a lot of people here, but as far as I know you’re good with the guys here so anytime you, Alexis, or Firewoman need a drink, the door’s open. Just don't bring Josh, that'd be a problem.

Alexander nods in appreciation…
Alexander: You know this doesn’t mean I’ve chosen a side, right…I still think it’s pointless fighting for someone who refuses to even make a statement.

Stank shrugs,
Stank: If you think this is still about Team Rick and Team Bennett, you haven’t been paying close enough attention. Alex, it’s your choice what to do and I’m not saying this as a threat because as I said I have no issue with you, but watch your back. I know you have other things going on, but if you’re not standing on one side, there’s a good chance you get caught in the crossfire.

Alexander stares at Stank for a minute as he seems to be really thinking about what was said.

*Fade Out*

[mooseheadjack]

Firewoman is WALKING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters, when she hears a voice behind her.

V: Well… Look who’s here all by herself, without backup.

Firewoman spins around to see Eric O’ Mac standing about 10 feet from her.

FW: Oh, it’s you. She turns back around to continue on her way.

EoM: I wouldn’t do that if I were you.

She turns back around, and sighs, mildly annoyed..

FW: What do you want, Eric? I’m busy.

EoM: Going to beat up more defenseless women?

FW: Lexie is hardly defenseless…

EoM: Oh save it. I have no idea what she sees in you.

FW: Aw….jealous?

EoM: Shut up.

FW: You know. I always thought the Onslaught belt would look good on me when you had it. And now I see I was right.

EoM: You are really just begging for it.

FW: You wanna take a shot Eric? Go ahead.

Fire steps right up to him. Eric O’ Mac thinks about it for a bit.

EoM: For some reason, Bennett has declared you ‘hands off’ in our campaigning to get member--

FW: Campaigning…interesting word for it.

EoM: -- A decision with which I whole-heartedly disagree. In fact, the amount of turmoil you’ve caused since you’ve been here should move you to the front of the line.

FW: Turmoil? Ha! Your thug of a boss has caused more drama and turmoil than I ever could.

EoM: You may want to rethink your stance, Firewoman. I’d hate to be on the same side as you, again; but I’d tolerate it, at least if it let us get rid of Rick and his buddies.

FW: Look. You talk like we’re best friends or something. You don’t know me. When you were with DEA you thought you were too good to even acknowledge me. So let me fill you in. I can tell you, I have been in these situations many times before. Choosing sides is a good way to get hurt. Best thing is always to lay low until it all blows over, let things sort themselves out.

EoM: Isn’t that the coward’s way out?

Firewoman bristles

FW: It’s the smart way out, Eric. I mean, it’s not like I’m turning tail and running after my partner handcuffs me to the ring.

Now it is Eric O’ Mac’s turn to bristle

FW: I mean, he pissed me off and I threw him through a table. You? You packed up your toys and went home to be Bennett’s lapdog.

EoM: I am no one’s lapdog.

FW: Whatever you say. That’s why you’re standing here, doing Bennett’s bidding, trying to recruit me in a war I want no part of.

The air in the hallway grows icy as Firewoman and Eric have reached an impasse in their conversation.

EoM: Sounds like you’ve made a decision. So you’re not joining Bennett.

FW: Do I stutter? I’m not joining. I’m staying out of it. I came to OOWF to wrestle, not to get involved in an overblown turf war.

EoM: I’m sorry to hear that, Fire. Because if you’re not—

FW: I know. With us or against us. That’s your rule, Eric, not mine.

EoM: Right. Because you’re so good at following rules. I bet if I called your old promotion in Japan about that, they’d totally back you up.

Eric O’ Mac barely gets the sentence out, because at the word “Japan,” Firewoman changes her demeanor faster than Festus when he hears the bell. She pauses for a split second, but not long enough to remember anything she said to Davin about staying out of trouble. She snaps, and fires a right punch to Eric’s solar plexus that doubles him over, followed by a left hook to the eye. Eric staggers back as Fire stands ready to follow up if necessary.

FW: I bet if you mind your own business, and stay out of my face, you wouldn't get hurt.

Eric O’Mac is stunned that Firewoman punched him, and reaches up to his forehead. As he pulls his hand away, he sees that Firewoman has busted his eyebrow wide open!!

EoM: You fucking bitch!

Eric lunges at Firewoman, who stands quite ready to continue this dance. Before he can get to her, Moosehead Jack comes from out of thin air apparently, and corrals Eric back, eventually stepping between Eric and Firewoman.

MHJ: Don’t do it, Eric. Bennett said…

EoM: Fuck Bennett!! Did you see what she did? I’m going to fucking kill you.

FW: Go ahead and try it. You won’t underestimate me again.

Moose and Eric struggle a bit as Firewoman stands defiant. Finally, Moose gets the upper hand, and he pushes Eric back as they break apart.

FW: Hey, a nice preview of your first blood match tomorrow. Hope you bleed the same way then.

MHJ: Not now, Eric! Go get yourself cleaned up.

Eric hesitates… and then storms off around the corner, blood running from the cut on his brow, down his face, and dripping off his chin. Moosehead Jack turns to face Firewoman, who does not flinch.

FW: Now what?

MHJ: Now what? You kinda bloodied my partner’s face. I guess you haven’t lost your punch after all.

FW: Yeah, well, maybe you can send him three black roses in the hospital.

MHJ: I have no idea what you’re talking about. I suppose you feel you have a good reason for all this?

FW: He kinda got in my face. Kinda like you are right now. Didn't I tell Attitude Adjuster to give you the message --

MHJ: Mr. Bennett will not be pleased. You know, he has really tried to get along with you, and –

And the last straw has just been laid on this particular camel’s back.

FW: You know what…. FUCK Bennett. Yeah, you heard me. FUCK him. Since he got involved, there’s been NOTHING but choosing sides and drama, and very fucking little wrestling or compelling episodic television. That’s not what I signed up for.

MHJ: I think you should check your tone.

FW: I think you should get out of my way. Bennett doesn’t scare me. YOU don’t scare me.

MHJ: No? [Moose is a combination of annoyed, amused, and furious. ] Perhaps we have overestimated your usefulness to us after all.

FW: Then why does this little band of two-bit thugs keep hassling me?

MHJ: Two-bit thugs?

FW: Oh yeah. Bennett? He’s nothing. He can wear his fancy suits and flaunt his money, but in the grand scheme of things? I’ve seen men who would make him tremble with fear, and guess what? I’m still here. So for the last time, EVER, get out of my way…

MHJ: Or what? You’ll blow up a building?

[Moosehead Jack appears to have touched a nerve, as an already on-the-edge Firewoman lunges for him. Before she touches him, Lucky comes out of nowhere and pulls her back.]

L: FIRE DON”T! He’s not a wrestler, he’s a manager! You can’t touch him.

FW: As if that really matters at this point? Let me go.

L: So why ask for more trouble? Let’s go.

Lucky manages to talk enough sense into Firewoman to pull her down the hall away from Moosehead Jack. Moose glares in their general direction for a bit, and then turns to go the other direction, seething. He walks maybe fifty feet, and runs into Eric, who is coming back with a towel and some ice held against his head.

EoM: Did I tell you? Didn’t I fucking tell you?

MHJ: Okay. You were right. Let’s go talk to Bennett.
________
Thanks to Eric for the help

[mooseheadjack]

Stank still sits alone in the Drink & Destroy’s Destroyatarium, moments after Alexander leaves…young man dressed in black walks in, walks up to Stank and hands Stank an envelope, as usual it is wax sealed with a P …Stank looks it over with a frown and rips it open

I stood upon a high place,
And saw, below, many devils
Running, leaping,
and carousing in sin.
One looked up, grinning,
And said, "Comrade! Brother!"

You have become your own worse enemy.
P

[mooseheadjack]

As Moose and Eric o’ Mac are walking to Bennett’s office they are stopped by a young man dressed in black…the man hands Moose an envelope with a wax seal and a P on it…Moose looks down, looks up to confront the man…looks around to an empty hall except for Eric and him…he rips the envelope open…

Black riders came from the sea.
There was clang and clang of spear and shield,
And clash and clash of hoof and heel,
Wild shouts and the wave of hair
In the rush upon the wind:
Thus the ride of sin.

I look forward to meeting you!
P

[mooseheadjack]

*OBJ strolls into LD Williams' locker room, swilling cheap North Korean whiskey and looking more deranged than usual. LD jumps to his feet quickly.*

OBJ: Take it easy, mate. I just came by to congratulate you.

LDW: You're going to congratulate me for beating one of your team mates?

OBJ: No, I'm going to congratulate you for surviving this long. As the only other active wrestler to do it, I know what it has taken. As for you beating Stank, that was pretty impressive too.

LD: Thanks. But aren't you forgetting the other Original who's been here from the beginning.

OBJ: Moose? No I didn't forget him.

*MHJ and Eric are conveniently passing by outside*

MHJ: I thought my ears were burning.

OBJ: I was about to say that as a "manager" you're not an active wrestler, so LD and I are now the last 2 iron men of OOWF.

Eric: That might not last if you keep hanging with Rick's team.

OBJ: Hey, Eric, cut yourself shaving?

*Eric raises a fist, but OBJ smashes the end of the whiskey bottle on a table to keep him at bay, then strolls away laughing hysterically*

MHJ: That's odd.

LDW: What could possibly be odd about Outback Jack acting like a drunken idiot?

MHJ: He didn't belch.

[mooseheadjack]

* Fade in to the palatial IHOP lockerroom. The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth is staring out the window, doing everything in her power to avoid so much as looking at SYB, at whom she is, of course, still pissed for his comments in Bennett’s office. Meanwhile, in what may be the longest setup to a promo ever, SYB and Skurge are just finishing up “Say It Ain’t So” on Rock Band…

SYB: Awesome! I got 100% on that song!
Skurge: Yeah, and a 25-note streak, eh? Bass on the easy setting isn’t exactly challenging, John Paul Joones.
SYB: Well…how about you eat a goat cock? How about that? Huh?
Skurge: Speaking of which, how aboot you talk some more shit aboot our manager and see where that gets you?
SYB: How about you…uh…I kind of fucked up on that one, didn’t I? How do I get Dorothy to like me again?
Skurge: First of all, I’m not sure that “again” really applies here. Secondly, admitting that you were more of an ass than usual while you’re apologizing to her would be a fantastic start, don’t you think?
SYB: That’s just crazy enough to work!

*SYB heads over to the window and thinks about tapping the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth on the shoulder. He decides that touching her would probably only make her madder, though, so he simply stands behind her to deliver his apology…

SYB: Um, Dorothy?…Dorothy?…Fine. Don’t even look at me. Just listen. I get that you’re pissed, and I think you’ve got a right to be. I was a total dick in Bennett’s office. I was trying to show off for the boss, and I failed miserably. But this tension between you and me can’t go on forever. Look, I was pissed when you cost us a match a couple of weeks ago, but then you made up for it by helping us win a match, so it all evened out. That’s all I’m asking for here – a chance to make it up to you. Rumor has it that you like seafood. What if we find a nice Korean seafood restaurant and talk about all of this over dinner? What do you say?…Dorothy?…Fine – I’ll pay for half. How does that sound?…Nothing? Okay then. I’ve tried to plead my case. If you won’t listen, there’s not much I can do.

*SYB walks back over to Skurge, who just finished playing “Green Grass and High Tides” on drums…

SYB: Well, that was a waste of time.
Skurge: What happened? She didn’t accept your apology? Wait – you did apologize, right?
SYB: Of course I did.
Skurge: And you refrained from calling her “Beefytits”?
SYB: I’m pretty sure I did, yeah.
Skurge: Huh. That’s weird. She’s usually much more forgiving than that. Maybe you just pushed her too far this time, eh?
SYB: I dunno. Maybe I did. Will you talk to her for me? This shit has to end so we can concentrate on our match this week. We’ve got titles to think about.
Skurge: Wow. You said “titles.” You must be taking this really seriously. I was totally expecting to hear “titties” there.
SYB: Honestly, it never even occurred to me.
Skurge: Okay then. This is serious. Leave Dorothy to me, eh? You get started on reviewing tape of our opponents. We may not know what kind of match we’ll be in, but at least we can study up on the other teams.

*SYB goes into the tape room while Skurge approaches the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth. He’s somewhat worried about the upcoming conversation, wondering whether she’ll listen to reason. As he walks up behind her, she turns her head slightly, and Skurge breaks out into a bout of uncontrollable laughter. The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth catches him out of the corner of her eye and turns toward him with a puzzled expression on her face. Before she asks Skurge what’s going on, she removes her iPod earbuds…

*FADE*