OOWF Operation: Red, White & Bruised PPV

[mooseheadjack]

SFJ9: D.H. Magnusson, you and Spin Hansen, are facing 3 other teams at Red, White & Bruised, as the result of losing a coin flip for the world tag team championship match. What's your mindset going into the PPV?

D.H. Magnusson: About what? About getting screwed out of our rematch for our titles? Or about our illustrious GM making the decision by flippin' a coin? Or maybe about the fact that we get knocked down th' card AGAIN, despite us showin' that we're the part a the ELITE in th' world's only real tag team division? Which thoughts ya want Shannon? I got 'bout a dozen of them...Not includin' the Onslaught title.

SFJ9: The Onslaught Title?

DHM: Yeah...Tonight me an' Spin...we're gonna go out there and do what we do best. We're gonna raise a little hell, kick a little ass, an' get back t'where we need t'be. But after that, I got a little unsettled business with Attitude Adjuster. If he thinks he's done with me just 'cause we're the premier team in th' OOWF...Well, that ain't deadly mistake, but it sure as hell could wind up bein' a fatal one.

DHM: But tonight...tonight we the Cannibals, Carl and Bunny, an' Blitz an' Th' Dead. For the Cannibals - wrong place, wrong time, boys. An' I'm almost sorry for what's gonna happen. Same with Carl an' Bunny...except I mean th' part 'bout bein' sorry. But Blitz an' Th' Dead? Well...me an' the walkin' chalk outline, we got some more of that unfinished business. Only he don't know 'bout it. Or at least he didn't. Now he does.

SFJ9: But I don't recall -

DHM: Don't be worryin' non about it.

Random Backstage Production Assistant: Mr. Magnusson? You've got a call in the prodution office, says they're your manager?

SFJ9: Manager? But I just saw Wally B. Kin-

DHM: WALLY AIN'T MY MANAGER! We ain't the Droogs.

SFJ9: Droogs?

DHM: Yeah...somethin' about La Bamba. Y'hafta ask him. You got you soundbyte Shannon, now get out. I got a call t'take.

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF Operation Onslaught: Red, White and Bruised PPV/250th Show
Live! From Camp Anaconda, Iraq

<The screen flickers to life and we see Tony Schiavone!>

Schiavone: We’re LIVE from Camp Anaconda, Iraq right before our Pay-Per-View this evening! I’m Tony Schiavone, and since the announce table is full, I’ve been shoved outside to cover this Bake Sale, proceeds to benefit the OOWF Antoine Cutter Memorial Jobbers Fund. This should prove to be, the BEST BAKE SALE IN THE HISTORY OF RECORDED TIME! Because we’ve been away from the Unites States for so long on this interminable World Tour, many of our Superstars’ friends and family have made the trip for this one, setting up this Bake Sale angle, er, I mean, GREATEST BAKE SALE EVER! Let’s try to get a few words from some people here…Hey! There’s WCW LEGEND Diamond Dallas Page! PAGE! PAGE! Great to see you, buddy!

DDP: Tony.

Schiavone: What brings you by here? The greatest bake sale ever?

DDP: Yeah Tony. It’s the fucking bake sale. Nothing to do with the Pay-Per-View or anything, or Bennett or Alexis, or Ax-Man or Blackdragon or Boston or Davin or ANYTHING from that relatively important angle. No. The Bake Sale.

Schiavone: Great to hear you’re doing your part for the jobbers of the OOWF.

DDP: Get the fuck out of my face before I Diamond Cut you, Tony.

Schiavone: That’s great Page! Hey, is that Davin’s Mother there with you?

DDP: Yeah, leave her alone.

Schiavone: DAVIN’S MOM! DAVIN’S MOM!

DMM: Yes? Oh, TV! Oh. Tony.

Schiavone: Mrs. Moreland, thank you for joining us from the BEST BAKE SALE EVER!

DMM: Uh-huh. Doing my part for the jobbers. Are we done? (she takes something off a plate in front of her and bites into it)

Schiavone: Not yet! I…

DMM: Oh…these are disgusting.

*LD’s Mother comes into frame*

LDM: WHATCHU SAY BOUT MY SALMON CAKES?

DMM: I said they’re disgusting. They taste like used tampon.

LDM: *gets in her face* HOW YOU KNOW what that tastes like?

DMM: *steps up to her* I can smell it on your breath, fat woman.

LDM: WHATCHU SAY?!??!

DMM: YOU HEARD ME BITCH!

LDM: OH NO YOU DI’INT!

*LD’s Momma slaps Davin’s Mom in the face, and Davin’s Mom returns fire and knocks the taste out of LD’s Momma’s mouth. This degenerates quickly, and they start throwing haymakers at each other. Diamond Dallas Page tries to break them up, but everyone, including Tony Schiavone, starts chanting “Fight, Fight!” Out of nowhere, LD Williams comes FLYING into frame, and gets in between the two, pushing Davin’s Mom out of the way.*

LD: GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY MOMMA!

*All of a sudden, Davin Moreland comes out of nowhere into frame, and shoves LD Williams…HARD*

DM: GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY MOMMA!

*Stare down*

DDP: DO IT!

*Davin hauls off with a right hand, which connects, and LD and Davin start trading haymakers, as do LD’s Momma and Davin’s Mom. Davin eventually hits a Belly-to-Belly Suplex through the Bake Sale table, sending baked goods everywhere. LD pretty much no-sells it, X-Division style, and is back up pummeling Davin. He gets the best of it, and then KICK-WHAM-DDT! Davin is DOWN. DDP hits a DIAMOND CUTTER OUT OF NOWHERE on LD! LD’s Momma tries a DDT on Davin’s Mom, but she reverses it into a NOT TOO SHABBY DIAMOND CUTTER! She, however falls down too, since she’s kinda old and hurt pretty badly. FINALLY, Indie Worker Security comes in to break the whole melee up*

Schiavone: *jaw dropped* Back to you, Russ.

<but first a rousing rendition of The Star Spangled Banner by Cory Hart>

Cory Hart comes out and gets the mic and starts to sing, but suddenly ZAKK WYLDE RUNS OUT AND KILLS HIM WITH A CHAIR!!! Zakk stands over Cory Hart’s prone body for a moment then pulls up a chair, grabs his axe and plays the Star Spangled Banner for the troops

We open with shot of a door that says “OOWF OFFICIALS ONLY” SFJ is Pretty is standing in front of the door with a mic:

SFIiP: I am standing here in the OOWF Suites where I am told a high level meeting is about to take place. <Several well dressed men pass by and file into the room, SFJiP tries to get a comment from them, but they just pass through and head inside the room> I have no idea what this meeting is about but……wait here comes GM the Rick….RICK can I have a word with you for a moment?

GMtR: What?

SFJiP: What is this meeting about? What is going on? Does this concern the future of the OOWF?

GMtR: No comment

<GM the Rick pushes past SFJiP and heads into the room>

SFJiP: All I can say is that this appears to be a meeting of some VERY high level members of the OOWF, but no one is saying……LJ BENNETT!!! Can I have a word with you?

LJB: Yes darling?

SFJiP: This meeting? The fans want to know what is going on? Can you elaborate on the situation?

LJB: I am afraid I cannot. Now, if you’ll excuse me

<with that Bennett pushes past SFJiP and heads into the room>

SFJiP: There you have it, all we know is that there is some sort of high level meeting going on, but no one has said a word regarding what it is about. We will stay right here and give you updates should anything happen.

<we skip the intro and go right to the announce team, who appear to be stunned by the events unfolding at the OOWF suites>

Russ: Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to OOWF Operation Onslaught: Red, White and Bruised! I am Russ and I am joined, as always, by Razz and Nash. Gentlemen I have to say I am stunned by this meeting, what could they possibly be discussing?
Razz: I dunno Russ, but when you have that many suits together in one place, it can’t be a good thing. I can’t imagine what hey could possibly be talking about.
Nash: You guys really don’t see it?
Razz: See what?
Nash: We are at war. Two sides are battling it out tooth and nail. The only reason all these people could possibly be here is because………someone is surrendering
RAZZ: WHOAH!
Russ: Nash, that can’t possibly…….you really think one side will call it quits? This is huge!
Nash: I can’t see any other reason why they would be here. You heard it here first folks.
<there is a moment of stunned silence, then Russ finally speaks up>
Russ: Ladies and Gentlemen, we are all taken aback by this potential blockbuster announcement, but the show must go on, and we have a fantastic lineup for you the fans at home, and the troops right here in Iraq! <cheap pop> We start with a man making his return to the OOWF, well actually he made his return at MidWeek Mayhem, so he is making his second appearance in a few days
Razz: Apocalyptic Existence is back after along hiatus, he faces Afghani standout Zabi Khan at Mayhem and Khan, to his credit, has asked for and received a rematch
Nash: This Khan kid, I remember seeing him wrestle Andre the Giant back in Madison Square Garden, probably about 1980. Knocked Andre off his feet and broke his leg. I was on the under card that night, I faced Tony Garea, it was one of the…….
Russ: Wait, Zabi Khan is 20 years old
Nash: So?
Russ: He wasn’t born until 1988. And that was Killer Khan. And he weighed about 100lbs more than Zabi. And you weren’t even there.
Razz: OWNED!
Nash: Shut up Razz, don’t we have a match to go to?

<first we make a stop backstage>

SFJ#47: “This is SFJ#47, backstage at Operation Onslaught: Red, White & Bruised, and I am approaching the locker room of World Heavyweight Champion L.D. Williams, to get his comments on the possibility that the war may end tonight.”

**SFJ#47 knocks on the locker room door and, when no one answers, puts her ear to the door. She hears voices, and enters. Inside, L.D. Williams, Moosehead Jack, Eric O'Mac, IHOP, Attitude Adjuster, F.F. MacCappington, Ryan Hardcore, Donovan Viper and L.D. William's mother are talking. SFJ#47 approaches L.D.**

SFJ#47: “L.D., what is your reaction to the possibility that the war may end tonight?”

LD: “This is my reaction. If we’re ever going to get a picture of Bennett's army as champions for the cover of the OOWF magazine, it'll have to be now.”

SFJ#47: “But how did you find a photographer?”

LD: “Ma's going to do it. She's taken pictures of all of the big moments in my life.”

LD's Mother: “It's true – his first knuckle knife, his first contract, his first arraignment...”

LD: “Alright, let’s get this done.”

LD'sM: “Okay everyone, gather on the far wall – and make sure your belts are visible.”

**All of the title holders do as their told and arrange themselves with some difficulty.**
....

LD'sM: “Son, can I see you for a moment?”

**L.D. walks over, and SFJ#47 follows.**

LD'sM: “Son, what about Donovan?”

LD: “What about him?”

LD'sM: “He's over in the corner by himself.”

LD: “He doesn't have a title.”

LDS'M: “But the poor dear looks so forlorn...”

LD: “<sigh> Hang on...”

*******

**Carl from Fresno, eating one of Roma's Pretty Wonderful Wraps, is walking down the Hallway of Random Violence, when he hears someone call his name. He turns around, and L.D. Williams drills him with a ladder. Carl goes down, the wrap goes flying, and the ladder lands on top. A referee slides in to make the count.

WINNER AND NEW OOWF DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION – LADDER!

Williams picks up the ladder and the belt and walks away.**

*******
**L.D. Williams walks into his locker room.**

LD: “Hey Donnie, catch.”

**Williams throws the ladder and it hits Viper in the knees. Viper goes down, and lands on top of the ladder. A referee materializes to make the count.**


WINNER AND NEW OOWF DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION – DONOVAN VIPER!

LD: “Alright, now you're in the picture.”

LD'SM: “Perfect. Okay everyone, take your places.”

LD'SM: “You can stop trying to hide, AA, I'm not going to hurt you again.”

LD'SM: “SYB, sweetie, every time you make a rude gesture at the camera, I break a bone, mmkay?”

LD'SM: “Good, now everyone say 'napalm!'”

*******

**With the picture taken, L.D. throws everyone out of the locker room. Viper is the last to leave. He slowly opens the door and looks around carefully before stepping into the hallway. He takes about three steps before Carl from Fresno slams him in the face with a chair. Viper crumples to the floor, and Carl covers him. A referee slides in and counts the pin.

WINNER AND NEW OOWF DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION – CARL FROM FRESNO!

Carl gets up and sees L.D. standing in the doorway of his locker room.**

CFF: “That wrap was expensive. Jerl.”

APOCALYPTIC EXISTENCE vs. ZABI KHAN

Zabi Khan asked for, and received a rematch from Mayhem against the returning Apocalyptic Existence. Khan sprints to the ring and slides under the ropes, then climbs to the top rope and salutes the troops. He gets a bit of a mixed reaction, being from Afghanistan and all. Apocalyptic Existence comes to the ring led by Former Referee and Current Manager Chad Patton. He steps between the ropes and starts toward Khan, but Khan learned his lesson from last time and he spins around and catches AE before he can finish the attack. AE just grins and backs into his corner where he gets some last minute instructions from Patton. Khan waits in his corner and the referee finally calls for the bell. AE walks to the center of the ring, still no real expression on his face. Khan meets him in the middle of the ring and the two lock up. AE pushes Khan back to one corner and the referee calls for a clean break. Khan is willing, but AE tries to get a cheap shot in. Khan moves out of the way and catches AE with a drop kick to the back that does little more than annoy him. AE moves to the middle of the ring and they lock up again, this time AE grabs an arm wringer, but Khan quickly works his way to the ropes and uses them to flip out of it and reverse it into an arm drag. AE pops back to his feet and Khan catches him with a head scissors that snaps him across the ring and out to the floor. AE gets to his feet and is not happy, Chad Patton comes over to console him, Khan gets a running start and leaps over the top rope at AE, but AE steps out of the way and Khan crashes and burns. AE throws him under the ropes back into the ring and waits on the apron for Khan to get to his feet. Khan stands up and AE springs to the top rope and catches Khan with a clothesline/head lock that drives him to the mat. AE covers, but only gets a two count. AE gets to his feet and pulls Khan up and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a titl-a-whirl back breaker, then runs to the corner and lands the BME! AE hooks the leg, but only gets a two count. AE gets to his feet and toys with Khan a little, kicking the back of his head and taunting him. He pulls Khan to his feet and grabs his head and slaps him. Khan grabs AE and hits a jawbreaker! Khan gets to his feet all fired up. He waits for AE to get up then hits a Shining Wizard, then a standing moonsault for a two count. Khan kip up then pulls AE to his feet and sends him to the ropes and connects with a knee to the midsection then a rolling mahistrol cradle! One, two, thre….NO! AE kicks out! AE struggles to his feet and Khan peppers him with a couple of shots to the head, then climbs to the top rope, but AE falls against the ropes and crotches him on the top rope. AE regains his composure and climbs the corner and puts Khan on his shoulders and hits a top rope fall away slam! AE immediately pounces on Khan and locks him in the Damnation! Khan struggles but he is forced to tap.
WINNER in 7:11 – Apocalyptic Existence

Russ: Nice win for Apocalyptic Existence, he seems to have gotten himself together during his time off.
Razz: That’s just it Russ, a lot of people don’t understand that in this business it’s not all about being an awesome physical specimen, there is a big mental part to wrestling. You can be in the greatest physical condition in the world, but if your head is not in the game, then you stand a good chance of getting hurt, or hurting someone else.
Nash: Y’see that is why my game was so good. Now, I have always been in pretty good shape through my career, certainly nothing to sneeze at. I DID finish second in the Mr. Manitoba contest, but the biggest part of my career was the mental aspect. If you can get into your opponents mind, you have the match halfway won, and to get into your opponent’s head, your head has to be in the game.
Razz: See I never cared about the mind games, for me it was all about brute force. There was nothing like getting into that ring and throwing someone around
Nash: And that is why you never did anything outside of a bingo hall
Razz: well I suppose I could have done something if I kept my lips fixed on the Orange Goblins ass
Nash: what? I have no idea what you are talking about
Russ: I hate to break up this enlightening debate, but up next we have a three team three way dance, think you guys would like to comment on that?
Razz: Oh yeah, the match! Well, The Sons certainly will not be happy about losing out on the steel cage match. I think they are going to make a statement here tonight.
Nash: I am picking the Cape Town Cannibals to win this match.
Russ: Really?
Nash: No, not really. Watch out for Dead and Blitz, they mesh well, but I think the Sons anger will carry them to victory.
Russ: I have to think the Sons are the favorites in this match, but sometimes your anger can work against you. There is only one way to find out for sure, let’s head to the ring.

<but first, we catch Spin and DH in the back>

In the Gorilla Position:

SFJ16: Spin Hansen and D.H. Magnusson, what are your reactions to the stunning news that LJ Bennett has LEFT the OOWF, in effect ending the company's bloody civil war?

SH: (to DHM) "in effect".

DHM: (to SH) "bloody civil war".

SH: She's good.

DHM: Yeah.

SFJ16: Ummm...Guys?

DHM: You want our reaction? It's like this, Shannon: It don't matter none.

SH: It wasn't never the Midnight Sons war. Only we reasons we got involved was that crap they pulled on Firechild -

DHM: An' Rick.

SH: SCREW RICK!

DHM: An' because it was the right thing to do. Don't matter who was on who's side, don't matter who was promised what...All that mattered was that the important people - those people out there in th' cheap seats - they was the ones gettin' the worst outta all this.

SH: We lost Firechild, and Chris was...IS... a hell of guy. Somebody still gotta pay for that, and I'll make damned sure they do. And we lost Johnny Adrenaline - and even a piece a' crap like him don't deserve that. So anytime Rick wants to talk about about winning the little pissing contest, I'm gonna cram pictures of those two down his stinkin' throat. And if the piece of trash Bennett thinks about sticking his face in our business again...He'll get to see what a big nasty bastard I can really be.

DHM: It don't matter who left...It don't matter who thinks they won, Shannon. I'm still here. This mean son of a bitch is still here. Stank an' Jack...They're still here.

DHM: But most of all, OUR army is still here. An' we ain't goin' anywhere!

SH: You got your soundbyte, now get out. Me and Mags, we're going to go celebrate with our army.

SFJ16 barely manages to step out the way as the Sons run past her, climbing over the barricades and into the fans and to the ring

THE MIDNIGHT SONS vs. CAPE TOWN CANNIBALS vs. THE DEAD & BLITZ

Cape Town Cannibals are out first and they wait for their opponents. The Dead and Blitz are announced next and they make their way to the ring and climb between the ropes and just stare at the Cape Town Cannibals. Immigrant Song blares over the sound system and DH Magnusson and Spin Hansen make their way to the ring through the crowd. Blitz and Dead shove WWE and TNA toward Magnusson and Hansen, then they bail out of the ring. Probably a smart move. WWE staggers toward Spin, Spin goozles him and choke slams him to the mat. TNA comes at Magnusson, Magnusson side steps him and sends him to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a boot to the face that sends TNA back to the topes, on the second rebound Magnusson catches him with a straight punch to the jaw that sends TNA to the mat, then to the floor. Spin and Magnusson pull WWE off the mat and sends him to the ropes and they hit a double back drop that sends WWE to the lights, then crashing to the mat. Spin picks him up and hauls him onto his shoulders and drills him with a Death Valley Driver and makes the cover, but Dead makes it back into the ring and catches Spin with a kick to the face. Spin gets to his feet and throws WWE over the top rope to the floor and he and Dead lock up, taking turns hammering each other with shots to the head. Being the bigger man, Spin gets the better of the exchange and grabs Dead for a whip to the ropes. Spin tries a clothesline, but Dead ducks the move and hits the ropes on the opposite side, making a blind tag to Blitz. Spin catches Dead and is going to go for a choke slam, but Blitz springs off the top rope and snaps Spin over with a hurracarana. Blitz gets to his feet and Spin gets to his, Blitz tries a spinning heel kick, but Spin catches him and dumps him to the mat. As Blitz gets up, Spin tries a hooking crescent kick, but Blitz uses his speed to sweep Spins leg and sends him to the mat. Blitz hits a standing moonsault for a one count, then pulls Spin up and tries a scoop slam, but he can’t get the large Spin up. Spin nails a double ax-handle to the small of Blitz’s back, then makes the tag to Magnusson. Magnusson comes in and drops an elbow into the small of Blitz’s back, then grabs a chin lock and pulls back on Blitz’s head keeping a knee planted firmly in the small of his back. Blitz fights to his feet, but Magnusson grabs him and hits a side slam, covers, but only gets a one count when Dead comes in and kicks him in the face. Magnusson gets to his feet and pulls Blitz up and hauls him into a vertical suplex and leaves him there to think about it for a moment, then turns it into a jack hammer driving Blitz to the mat. Magnusson covers and from the outside TNA reaches in and rakes Magnusson’s eyes breaking up the pin. Spin jumps off the apron and grabs TNA and runs him face first into the ring post, then hammers him with rights and lefts to the face. WWE tries to save his partner by pulling Spin off of him, Spin turns and hits a clothesline from hell that nearly breaks WWE’s neck. Inside the ring, Magnusson whips Blitz to the ropes and tries a back drop, but Blitz shifts in mid air and lands on his feet behind Magnusson and catches him with kicks to the legs and side of the head staggering Magnusson. Blitz races over and makes the tag to Dead, then grabs Magnusson and sends him to the ropes, Blitz drops to the mat and as Magnusson steps over him, Dead catches him right in the mouth with Close the Casket! Magnusson’s eyes roll back in his head but he doesn’t immediately go down, so Dead and Blitz hit Total Elimination and Magnusson falls to the mat. Dead covers, but Spin makes it back into the ring just in time to break the three count. Dead pulls Magnusson to his feet and whips him into the corner and follows him in with a clothesline, then grabs Magnusson and tries a bulldog but Magnusson throws him off to the center of the ring. Before Magnusson can charge out of the corner and do anything, Blitz runs over and wraps the tag rope around his throat and chokes Magnusson. Meanwhile medics are looking at TNA who has been split wide open. WWE is back on his feet and he sees his partner and he bellows like a wounded animal and hops onto the apron and tags Magnusson and storms into the ring and goes after Dead. Dead just watches, kind of amused. He ducks a clothesline attempt and shoves WWE to the ropes, and POPS him in the face with a Close the Casket. Blitz is still choking Magnusson with the tag rope, the referee finally gets wind of it and calls for the break threatening disqualification. Spin runs around the outside of the ring and pulls Blitz off the apron and grabs him for a DVD, but Blitz wiggles free and lands behind Spin and shoves him shoulder first into the steps. Inside the ring, Magnusson gets his breath back and breaks up Dead’s pin attempt on WWE. The referee forces Magnusson back to his corner since he is not the legal man, and Dead crawls across the ring and makes the tag to Blitz. Blitz races around the ring and hits a spring board SSP on a dazed WWE, the referee returns from chasing Magnusson out of the ring and sees the cover and makes the one, two, three just before Magnusson can make it back into the ring to break it up.
WINNERS in 12:12 – Dead & Blitz

Russ: What just happened there?
Razz: Dead and Blitz scored the upset
Russ: And we thought the Sons were in a rage before?
Nash: This is the time in the show where, if I were in the back, I would find somewhere dark and quiet to go until it was time for my match
Razz: You sayin’ you would run from a fight?
Nash: From the two of them? Yes
Russ: I think in this case Nash is right, they are not going to be much in the frame of mind for diplomacy, I have a feeling they will lash out at whoever they come across first.
Razz: Can’t they be suspended for that?
Russ: Well I suppose it depends on who it is. So, gentlemen, Dead and Blitz, do they have a potential future as a team?
Razz: They worked together well in the ring. They gave up a lot of strength and size to the Sons, but they let their speed be their advantage. I think they could certainly have a future as a team
Nash: If you look at the tag landscape of the OOWF right now, there are a lot of smaller teams. Dead and Blitz certainly match up favorably against IHOP and Phantos and Lucios. I think in a one on one match they may have a little bit of trouble against the Sons, but I think, like tonight, they could overcome that.
Russ: I think the biggest problem they would face as a team is that both men covet the Onslaught Championship. Would the two be willing to put singles glory aside to pursue tag team gold?
Nash: I know I wouldn’t
Razz: Well yeah, we know YOU wouldn’t
Russ: Up next, Revolution XXX, THE Amnesiac and Tyson Kincaid face the controversial ZK DeBeers and what should be Mark Vander
Razz: But, we all saw what Eric O’Mac did to Mark Vander last week, and as a result of that, he is on the shelf for the time being. No replacement has been announced, Nash you have any idea who his partner could be?
Nash: I have no idea
Russ: Nash?
Nash: What? I really have no idea
Razz: You sure its not you?
Nash: Why the hell would I team with DeBeers in the third card of the match?
Razz: Well, you ARE wearing your wrestling gear
Nash: I always wear this, don’t you Razz?
Razz: I would look like a fool if I walked around all day in a singlet.
Nash: You would look like a fool no matter what
Razz: Go to hell Oz
Russ: Let’s go to the ring and see if we can solve the mystery of ZK DeBeers partner

<before we go to the ring, we head to the back>

(We open in a small corner of the mess hall on the base where the referees are seated at a couple of different tables. SFJ #52 is sitting between the tables)

SFJ#52: I'm here with the OOWF referee corps to get their reactions to the news of the high-level meeting at Sunday's PPV. Mel, you're the current Senior referee, will you be allowed to attend this historic meeting?

Creech: Why wouldn't I? I should be sitting next to our definitive head honcho, LJ Bennett, and when Rick's done licking his boots I'll call the rest of this group in to make sure he's properly escorted from the base.

Glaw: *coughcoughbullshitcough*

SFJ#52: Mr. Hightower, you've stood with Mr. Creech through this war, do you feel that Bennett has won this war?

Hightower: It's hard to tell - we're so busy breaking up fights inside and outside of the arena, never mind the ring. I've given up on keeping score.

Creech: Don't worry, Davis, we've got this one

Glaw: *coughcoughbullshitcough*

SFJ#52: Sterling, you're a staunch supporter of GM The Rick despite your recent disciplines stemming from your days with the Heroes' Guild. Why do you still back Rick?

Glaw: Mr. Scaia was correct in his assessment that perhaps I adhered too closely to the rules, to the point of overstepping my bounds as an official. I have in time corrected this error and have been a fair and partial official.

Creech: *coughcoughbullshitcough*

Glaw: (glaring at Mel) I don't seek personal gains in this war, but continue to hope that we will see a swift end this Sunday no matter who remains in charge.

Creech: (smirking at Glaw)

SFJ#52: Angelo, you and "Junior" hale have never spoken up much when it came to this war. What are your thoughts?

Angelo: I think I'd rather see it all shake out - and you can have a seat next to me (griinning at the SFJ)

Hale: I just want this to be over and Bennett to go away.

Creech: poisoning another mind, Glaw?

Glaw: Saving him FROM poison - and the brainwashing you gave Hightower

Hightower: I do my job the way it's supposed to

Glaw: Under CREECH? and how much extra has he paid you?

Creech: hiding some guilt, Glaw?

Glaw: I am innocent of any crime you dare accuse me - but if you want evidence, here's one I'll gladly plead guilty

(Glaw leaps from his seat and punches Creech the fuck out!)

Glaw: It'll be worth the fine

Creech: (stands, nose bleeding) you overbearing, white-toasted sunnovabitch!

(SFJ #52 leaps clear as the two top refs start brawling. The other three try to break it up to no avail)

REVOLUTION XXX vs. ZK DEBEERS & MARK VANDER

Revolution XXX, THE Amnesiac and Tyson Kincaid come to the ring first and wait, they get a mixed reaction of cheers and boos from the assembled military crowd. ZK DeBeers is announced next, and he gets a HUGE chorus of boos. He comes out alone, Mark Vander is nowhere in sight. DeBeers has a defiant look on his face as he comes to the ring, ignoring the taunts from the crowd. DeBeers climbs between the ropes and immediately asks for a mic:

Each and every one of you know damn well that Mark Vander was seriously injured at the hands of Eric O’Mac last week. But someone thinks I am to be the butt end of a good joke. They refused to change the match to a singles match, instead insisting that the card go on as planned because we have to make the troops happy. Well I did my time in the South African Army rising to the rank of Colonel, so my time is done! I am not here to entertain you people <more boos> That said, since management insists on me being part of this farce, I challenge anyone in the back to come out and be my partner. Lets go, this is your shot at glory. Come on, get out here. <After several seconds no one comes out, which is not surprising> Uh huh, I see how it is. The cowards in the back are only rivaled by the cowards in the crowd. <Tremendous boos> Fine, I will just fight this match on my own, referee ring the……

<An unknown voice pipes up>

YOU WILL STAND DOWN SOLDIER!

ZKD: Who the hell are you?

UV: My name is Major General Jeffery J. Schlosser <HUGE pop> and I will be damned if you run down the fine men of the 101st Airborne! <even bigger pop> You want a partner? You could look out in this audience and pick any man or woman in the crowd and they would be the toughest partner you have ever had in your life! <more huge pops> But soldier, I got something special for you. He is a three time Armed Forces wrestling champion, he stands 6’6” and weighs 325 pounds. From Atlanta, Georgia……Gabriel Richard!

DeBeers gets a smug look on his face and turns to The Amnesiac and Tyson Kincaid and taunts them. Kincaid and The Amnesiac have a look of concern on their faces until they see Richard coming toward the ring, then they start laughing. DeBeers is furious, and turns around and sees Richard climbing onto the apron. To put it nicely, Richard is black as the darkest night. And he is huge. And he is pissed off. DeBeers begs off for a moment as Richard plants himself on the apron and tells DeBeers to turn around and fight. He turns around and gets POPPED right in the mouth by X marks the spot! Tyson Kincaid pulls DeBeers to his feet and sends him into the corner and follows him in with a back elbow, then The Amnesiac follows with a high knee to the face. DeBeers staggers out doubled over and grabbing his jaw in pain, The Amnesiac hits the ropes and hits a flipping neck breaker that plants DeBeers on the mat. The Amnesiac pulls him to his feet and tags in Tyson Kincaid, The Amnesiac hits an inverted atomic drop, and Tyson charges off the ropes and nearly decapitates DeBeers with a heart attack clothesline. Tyson covers, but DeBeers manages to roll his shoulder at two. Tyson gets to his feet and tags The Amnesiac back into the ring, but DeBeers manages to roll out of the ring to the floor, where once again he is booed mercilessly. Richard leaves the ring and helps his partner to his feet, DeBeers is thankful for the help until he realizes it is Richard then he shoves him away and calls him “boy.” That doesn’t sit real well with Richard, and he grabs DeBeers and throws him into the ring. DeBeers gets to his feet and stares at Richard and screams at him, but The Amnesiac catches him and hits a BURNING HAMMER! The Amnesiac covers, but DeBeers manages to roll his shoulder at two. The Amnesiac tags Kincaid back into the ring and he waits for DeBeers to get to his feet and kicks him in the gut and hits a double underhook back breaker, then springs off the bottom rope and drops a knee across DeBeers chest. Kincaid pulls him to his feet and hits a t-bone suplex, then tags The Amnesiac back into the match. The Amnesiac climbs to the top rope and hits a diving head but and covers, but DeBeers manages to get his foot on the ropes and avoids the three count. DeBeers scoots into the corner and tries to beg off but The Amnesiac grabs him and starts to pull him out of the corner. DeBeers uses the only move he can at the moment, nailing The Amnesiac in the jewels. The Amnesiac doubles over in pain and DeBeers crawls across the ring and slowly gets to his feet. He finally stands and walks to his corner and comes face to face with Richard. Richard stares daggers into DeBeers, DeBeers reaches out and slaps Richard across the face! Richard’s head almost explodes with rage and he steps between the ropes and grabs DeBeers by the throat with both hands, lifts him high into the air and DRIVES him to the mat with a sit out power bomb. DeBeers is stunned. Richard gets to his feet, and the crowd goes ape shit. He looks at The Amnesiac and points to DeBeers and yells, COVER HIM! The Amnesiac shrugs and falls on top of DeBeers and gets the three count.
WINNERS in 14:11 – Revolution XXX

Russ: HE GOT WHAT HE DESERVED!!!!
Nash: That was the biggest display of chicanery that I have ever seen!
Razz: Are you saying he didn’t deserve it?
Nash: No, that’s not what I’m saying, I am just saying that was the biggest display that I have seen in a long time. Well done
Russ: ZK DeBeers has not exactly endeared himself to the fans, or wrestlers in the OOWF, that said, the man CAN wrestle
Razz: Oh, make no mistake about it DeBeers is an accomplished wrestler, the man could be a champion in this fed one day, but his personal outlook on things leaves a lot to be desired.
Nash: See, that part of it doesn’t matter to me at all. If the man can go in the ring, and DeBeers can, then he is a worthy wrestler. You are not going to agree with everything everyone believes in, and I am not saying I agree with his views, but hey…..I mean did you know The Giant thought that midgets should require licenses?
Russ: What?
Nash: It’s true
Russ: That is the most outlandish thing I have ever heard. You would agree with that right Razz?
Razz:………..
Russ: Razz?
Razz:……….
Russ: Did his mic get cut off?
Razz: THE FUCKER WANTED ME TO GET A LICENSE!! I AM NOT A DAMN MIDGET!!
Russ: Oh, uh, touched a nerve there.
Razz: I AM THE AVERAGE HEIGHT FOR AN AVERAGE ADULT MALE!!
Nash: Calm down killer
Russ: Maybe we should talk about our next match. Next up is the suddenly demented Eric O’Mac taking on The Knife
Razz: Russ, last week Eric snapped, what he did to Vander was BRUTAL! That was just about the closest I have seen to attempted murder in the ring
Nash: See, you two are what’s wrong with wrestling right now. Eric is no more demented or psychotic than anyone involved in this conflict SHOULD be. He is sending a message to all those involved, he is not taking any more crap from anyone, and will do whatever is necessary to win this war. By any means necessary.
Russ: There is a way to make your point, then there is attempting to end someone’s career. Eric went too damn far! Especially with Vander! He hadn’t even picked a side.
Nash: And that was his mistake. You are either with me, or you are against me. There is no neutral in war
Razz: Tell that to Belgium
Nash: Exactly, you see what happened to them!
Russ: Before this breaks down into a debate on world history, I just have to say that I find Eric’s actions reprehensible and borderline criminal and I hope Knife teaches him a lesson on misplaced righteous indignation tonight.
Nash: Wow
Razz: Wordy
Russ: GO TO THE RING![/b]

<…..after we talk to Eric O’Mac>

*An OOWF plot device caught up with Eric O'Mac*

PD: Eric, do you have a reaction to the news that there will be a surrender?

Eric: There will BE no surrender. Only casualties.

*Eric shoves her out of the way and walks off.*

ERIC O’MAC vs. THE KNIFE

The Knife comes to the ring first with a stoic look on his face. He ignores the crowd and rolls under the bottom rope and kneels in the corner preparing for his match. Eric O’Mac is announced next, and he is greeted by his Revolution XXX mates at the top of the ramp. They head down the ramp together and The Amnesiac and Tyson Kincaid take up their place at ring side. Eric leaps over the top rope and soaks in the boos of the crowd, all the while keeping a slightly demented look spread across his face. The bell sounds and Eric immediately charges across the ring and tries to land a kick right to the back of Knife’s head, but Knife rolls out of the way and Eric’s leg goes between the turnbuckles catching nothing but air. Knife spins to his feet and catches Eric with some stiff kicks to the hamstring, then pulls him out of the corner and rocks his head back with several European uppercuts. Knife sends Eric to the ropes, but Eric reverses it, however he lowers his head a moment too soon and Knife drops an elbow down on the back of his head. Knife grabs Eric and hits a pump handle slam, and covers him for a one count. Eric kicks out easily and spins to his feet and just manages to duck a spinning heel kick from Knife. Eric grabs Knife’s head and hits a HIGH IMPACT MOVE! that rocks Knife’s head back and sends him to the mat. Eric drags Knife to the ropes and hangs him on the bottom rope, standing on Knife’s back choking him out while the referee makes the five count. Eric breaks at four then turns and argues with the referee while Tyson grabs Knife and continues to choke him on the bottom rope. Tyson lets go and Eric grabs Knife’s legs and drags him into the middle of the ring and hits a wheelbarrow suplex that sends Knife across the ring. Eric gets to his feet and waits for Knife to stand up, then catches him with a drop kick to the face that sends him over the top rope to the floor. Knife barely hits the floor when The Amnesiac and Kincaid approach. Knife catches Kincaid with a blistering knife edge chop, and turns and nails The Amnesiac with a forearm to the face. He goes after The Amnesiac, but Kincaid stops him with a chop block that sends Knife to the floor. Eric pushes the referee aside and leaves the ring, leaping off the apron and connecting with a kick to Knife’s knee. Eric pulls Knife to his feet and sends him toward the steps, Knife tries to leap to avoid the steps but he ends up catching his knee on the stairs and flipping to the floor. Eric keeps up the attack, grabbing Knife’s leg and slamming it into the guard rail. Eric wedges Knife’s leg into the guard rail and climbs back to the apron and leaps off dropping a knee across Knife’s leg. Knife howls in pain as Eric may have just snapped his leg. Eric shows no remorse whatsoever and pulls Eric up and rolls him under the bottom rope, then heads to the corner and leaps to the top rope, pauses for a moment, then hits the MAC ATTACK! Eric lands hard and drives all the air out of Knife, but he does not go for the cover, instead he grabs Knife by the head and hammers him with shots to the face. The referee threatens disqualification, but Eric jumps to his feet and backs the referee into the corner arguing with him with a demented look in his eyes. While Eric is arguing with the ref, Knife summons his strength and crawls across the ring and grabs Eric from behind and rolls him up for a two count. Eric kicks out and spins to his feet, more livid than ever. Knife is on the mat on his hands and knees still trying to get his breath after that Mac Attack, Eric bounds off the ropes and connects with the Randy Orton kick to the side of the head, Knife’s head snaps back and his eyes roll into the back of his head and he slumps to the mat. But Eric moves in before the referee can step into check on him, Eric pulls Knife to his feet and feet and grabs him by the throat and hits the Smackdown! Eric stands over a barely conscious Knife and glares at him. The referee steps in and tells Eric to make the cover, but Eric just pushes him aside and climbs to the top rope once again and hits another MAC ATTACK! Knife is done. Eric falls on Knife and makes the cover, the referee hits the mat and makes the one, two, NO!! Eric pulls Knife up before the three count! The referee threatens Eric with disqualification but Eric just laughs at him, pulls Knife to his feet and throws him between the ropes to the floor. Eric slithers out of the ring and grabs Knife and pulls him to his feet once again. Knife is so out of it he can barely stand and he keeps falling to the floor on rubber legs, so Eric yells for The Amnesiac and Kincaid to hold Knife up. Eric kicks Knife in the gut and doubles him over then grabs him and hits a POWERBOMB on the floor! The referee is about to wave this match off when Eric rolls Knife back into the ring and locks him in a rear naked choke hold. The referee sees blood running from Knife’s mouth and he immediately calls for the bell, mercifully ending this match. The referee calls for the bell, but Eric keeps the move on, finally releasing it when the referee threatens disqualification. As if that wasn’t enough, Eric shoves the referee aside and locks Knife in a triangle choke for good measure. The referee is about to reverse the decision when The Amnesiac and Tyson Kincaid pull him off of him and usher him to the back, ducking debris thrown into the ring by the crowd.
WINNER in 10:04 – Eric O’Mac

[mooseheadjack]

Russ: THAT NO GOOD DIRTY ROTTEN SON OF A BITCH!
Razz: I haven’t seen a beating that bad…..
Nash: Since I threw Rey Mysterio into the side of a building?
Razz: Well, no, that wasn’t THAT bad, more comical than anything
Nash: I broke his neck
Razz: I am pretty sure you didn’t
Nash: He never walked again after that!
Razz: He won the world title just a few years ago
Nash: In a wheelchair?
Razz: NO YOU IDIOT!
Russ: Will you two please focus? I am begging, PLEADING, with anyone in the back who is listening, someone needs to stop Eric O’Mac before he injures another wrestler! This man HAS to be stopped.
Nash: You know Russ, I gotta step up and say something here, I think you are way off base here, and your pleading is really weak. Look, Eric faced two men who are accomplished wrestlers. And he beat them, badly. So, lets cut the rah rah crap, these guys got in the ring knowing his mind set, knowing what he was capable of, and they took the match anyway. I am not going to sit here and feel bad for two professional athletes that couldn’t defend themselves.
Russ: It has NO business in this sport!
Razz: I gotta agree with Nash on this one, you don’t wanna get punked, then you better bring it. They knew the risk, they wanted the glory. Instead they got hurt.
Russ: You two have no conscience. But I am not going to debate this with you now because we have more matches to move on to. Next up, Chris Cole tries to get back into the game. He demanded a match against Stank, and Stank certainly agreed.
Razz: This is a big match for Cole. He had kind of faded a little bit in the last few months, and now, according to him, he wants to reestablish himself as The Main Event in the OOWF
Nash: The man IS a former world champion, and the second longest reigning champion of all time….
Razz: The problem is, he is facing the man who is the longest reigning champion of all time
Nash: What better way to make your mark than that.
Russ: I think Cole has the determination, I wonder how the talks of surrender will affect him in the ring tonight?
Nash: He is a professional, those things don’t even enter your radar
Russ: Let’s go to the ring to find out

<once again, we cut backstage and get responses on the possible surrender>

Sexy Female Journalist Century 21: Chris Cole, what do you think about the possible surrender of one side tonight?

CC: It was only a matter of time before Team Rick surrendered. We hold the gold, we have the legends, we have the desire. Rick Scaia is an inept leader. He is late on his payments which has caused many of us to wander around not knowing where the event will be held. He is always drunk and is a terrible leader. It is about time that his followers realized that and will accept the rule of myself, Eric, Moose, and the rest of Team Bennett. The OOWF can now go forth into the future and focus on creating a product where the best in the world like myself are treated as such.

I'm only sad that I won't have one more time to brutalize Rick inside the cage.

<on another side of the Arena, Sexy Female Journalist 69 talks to Stank>

SFJ69: Stank, what do you think about the possible surrender of one side tonight?

Stank: There will be no surrender.

Though I grow weary of this war, I know that Bennett is not the man to lead this company. Those who have allied themselves with Bennett... they are lost, and even if many fall to my left, and more to my right, I will see this to the end...

There will be... no... surrender.[/i]

STANK vs. CHRIS COLE

Stank comes out first to a wild ovation from the crowd. He pauses at the top of the ramp and does a nice snap salute to the troops who return the salute in kind. Stank grins and makes his way to the ring. Chris Cole is announced next, and all the cheers that Stank was getting, now turn to a rousing chorus of boos. Cole sneers at the crowd and ignores them as he heads to the ring. Cole steps between the ropes and goes nose to nose with Stank in the center of the ring. The two of them have a free exchange of ideas that goes sour when Stank states his preference for Romanticism art work, while Chris Cole clearly believes that the neoclassicism period is far superior. The disagreement quickly turns to punches and the two men stand toe to toe trading haymakers, ahhh just like the Greeks. Cole decides he is tired of being punched in the head, so he gouges Stank in the eye dropping the big man to one knee. Cole bounds off the ropes and leaps over Stank, snapping his head backward and bending his body in a way it wasn’t meant to bend. Stank hits the mat and immediately grabs his lower back in pain. Cole is never one to miss an opening, and he sees Stank in pain and immediately pounces on Stank, driving a knee into the small of his back. Cole pulls Stank to his feet and whips him hard into the corner, Stank slams into the turn buckles, then staggers out a few steps and falls to his knees in pain. Cole charges and hits a low clothesline that bends Stank over backward again, doing more damage to that already injured back. Cole Grabs Stank and drags him to the middle of the ring and grabs his legs and turns him over in a Boston crab, trying for the submission win. Stank fights the move and refuses to give up, instead he scratches and claws his way to the ropes to force the break. Stank rolls under the bottom rope to get a breather, but Cole slides out of the ring behind him and grabs Stank by the back of the head and tries to slam him face first into the Pakistani Announce Table, but Stank blocks it, grabs a monitor, and BLASTS Cole in the face with it! Evidently the referee didn’t see that either because the match continues. Cole drops to the floor grabbing his face. When Stank pulls Cole to his feet, we see he has a small gash over his eye and a blood is trickling down his cheek. Stank takes Cole and slams him face first into the ring post, then rolls into the ring to break the count. Cole writhes in pain on the floor, and when we finally get a good look at him we see he has been split wide open. Cole struggles to get onto the apron, Stank charges across the ring and catches him with a boot to the face that sends him back to the floor. Once again Cole fights his way back onto the apron and once again Stank catches him there. Stank hooks Cole and lifts him for a high vertical suplex, leaving him up there to think about it for a moment before slamming backward on the mat. Stank floats over and covers, but Cole manages to kick out at two. Stank pulls Cole to a sitting position and locks him in a head lock, putting all his weight on Cole making it hard for Cole to breathe. Cole starts to fade and just when it looks like he is done, he reaches up and jams his thumb into Stank’s eye forcing him to break the hold. Stank staggers around the ring trying to clear his vision, and when he does, he is furious. He waits for Cole to pull himself to his feet, then charges across the ring and nearly cuts Cole in half with a spear. Stank covers and gets a three, but then the referee sees that Cole had his foot draped across the bottom rope so he waves it off. Stank waits in the middle of the ring, clearly in a tremendous amount of pain. Cole pulls himself to the corner and Stank charges going for a spear into the corner, but Cole moves out of the way and Stank SLAMS into the ring post head first! The sickening thud echoes through out the arena and Stank goes limp. The intrepid OOWF cameraman rushes around and we see that Stank has split his head open on the post, and blood is dripping off his head and pooling on the apron. Cole tries to wipe the blood from his eyes and pulls Stank out of the corner and lets him flop to the mat. Cole falls on Stank and covers, but somehow Stank rolls his shoulder at two! How the hell? Cole looks stunned. He struggles to his feet and climbs the ropes and leaps, dropping a knee across Stank’s chest, another cover only gets a two count. Cole pulls Stank to his feet and sets him up for a pedigree, but Stank blocks it, then back drops out of it. Cole hits the mat hard and rolls out of the ring to the floor. Stank follows Cole and pulls him up off the floor and scoops him up, and immediately drops him again and falls to one knee grabbing his back. Cole gets to his feet and hits a running boot to the face that sends Stank to the floor. Both men are down on the floor. Cole is trying to get up, he is a bloody mess. His entire face is covered with blood and it is running down his chest. Cole staggers around and almost falls to the floor several times. Stank is struggling to his feet, grabbing his back in pain the whole time. Cole makes a motion to the back and Eric O’Mac heads down the ramp with a barbed wire chair. The referee turns for a moment as Eric gets halfway there and tells him to get lost. With the referee distracted, Cole grabs a chair and SLAMS it down repeatedly on Stank’s back. Cole tosses the chair aside and rolls into the ring. Eric leaves and the referee starts the ten count on Stank. Stank gets to his knees, and starts to climb onto the apron, but the pain in the back stops him, and he can’t beat the ten count.
WINNER in 10:38 by count out – Chris Cole

Russ: Well, it certainly appears that the old Chris Cole is back.
Razz: I suppose you are going to rail against that win too?
Russ: It was a cheap way to beat a man that Cole knew he couldn’t beat clean in the middle of the ring
Nash: Let me ask you this, how many men HAVE beat Stank clean?
Russ: Well, not many I suppose
Nash: Exactly. When you are facing someone like that, you take a win however you can get it.
Russ: It’s cowardly and cheap. This is not how wrestling ought to be.
Nash: The 1950’s are calling again Russ
Russ: Oh yeah Mr. Smarty pants?
Nash: Smarty pants?
Russ: I would like to introduce our special guest for the evening, he is a man who is respected across the wrestling universe, ladies and gentlemen, The Living Legend, Bruno Sanmartino!
BS: Thank you Russ, hello Razz and Nash
Russ: Bruno, what do you think of the way Cole won his match?
BS: It’s a doggone shame the way the wrestlers of today treat their matches. When I was selling out Madison Square Garden every Saturday night for seven years, a win MEANT something to us. When you lost a match, it was the worst feeling in the world. The kids today, they don’t care they just want to collect a paycheck.
Razz: Well, I agree to a point, but wrestling is not what it used to…..
BS: It’s that darn internet! The fans today, everything is right at their fingertips! They all think they know the business. That is what killed wrestling!
Nash: Well I am sorry we can’t all do headlocks for 45 minutes
BS: There is no psychology, there is no mystery, there is no suspension of belief! You have guys jumping off of ladders then getting up two minutes later! It’s an outrage!
<kayfabe runs up to Bruno and hugs him deeply>
BS: What was that?
Russ: That was kayfabe. And I think I love you.
Nash: Good god, ok can we move on to the next match?
Razz: A Taipei death match between Outback Jack and Tytan! This one is gonna be OFF THA HOOK!
Nash: So Bruno, what do you think of Taipei Death matches?
BS: I have no idea what they even are? Is it some sort of martial arts match?
Russ: It’s a barbed wire cage match, the cage is actually constructed from barbed wire, and before the match, both competitors wrap their hands in tape, then dunk them in glue, then grind their hands into broken glass.
BS: WHAT? That is the most barbaric thing I have ever heard of! That is not wrestling!
Razz: Hey the fans eat it up.
BS: I can’t sit here and watch this. You are no better than Vince. I am leaving
Nash: What’s with him?
Russ: Let’s go to the ring

<not so fast…..a word with Tytan>

(Ultimo Inc catches wind of the same plot device.)

SDI: Any comment on the words of a possible surrender?

Steel: Al-Queda is finally surrendering! Yo Joe!

Podvod: Now maybe the OOWF can move forward!

Tytan: Over! It's not over until we say it's over!

Podvod: (Interrupting) Tytan don't. Someone did that already a while back!

Tytan: Damn and I thought I was going to get an Exalt!

(Kayfabe appears off camera and shakes her head and gives Tytan the thumbs down.)

Tytan: What I can't even try to be funny!

(Kayfabe shakes her head no.)

Tytan: Fine...(Tytan stomps off to the ring)

OUTBACK JACK vs. TYTAN – Taipei Death Match

Tytan is led to the ring by Drs. Steel and Podvod, he already has his fists wrapped in tape and glue. As he gets to the ring he shoves his fists into two buckets of broken glass coating his fists nicely, then steps into the barbed wire cage without a hint of expression on his face. Outback Jack is announced next and he comes to the ring drinking a bottle of Fosters. He drains the beer. then holds the bottle with one hand and punches it with the other shattering it in his fist, then finishes the job in the broken glass buckets. Jack steps into the barbed wire cage and the two men glare at one another. The referee calls for the bell and this one is underway. The two men meet in the center of the ring, words are exchanged, looks are made in disgust, and then punches start to fly. Folks we have a good old fashioned hockey fight here, each man has the other by the back of the head and they are just HAMMERING each other with shots to the face. Shots to the face from fists that are covered in broken glass. Needless to say, this goes on for a minute or so, and already both men are pouring blood. Tytan gains the advantage with a thumb to the eye, then grabs Jack by the throat, picks him up off the mat and rams him back first into the cage! Jack gets hung on the wire as the razor sharp barbs tear into his back. While he is on the wire, Tytan lands some stiff blows to the ribs that drive the wind from Jack. Finally Jack falls off of the cage, but Tytan doesn’t give him a moments rest as he pulls him up and takes him right back to the cage and runs his face across the barbed wire. Jack frees himself with a mule kick to Tytan’s groinal area. Tytan falls to his knees in pain, Jack tears a strand of wire off the cage and wraps it around his boot and kicks Tytan in the face sending him to the mat. Jack does the Garvin stop on Tytan, hitting each pressure point, and leaving Tytan a bloody mess. Jack takes the wire off of his boot and uses it to tie Tytan to the cage, then pulls off another long strip of wire, which he uses to whip the snot out of Tytan, leaving long lash marks across his back. Tytan grunts in pain before finally freeing himself from the cage. Jack bounds off the ropes charging at Tytan, but Tytan catches him and hits a spine buster that slams the back of Jack’s head against the canvas. As Tytan stands up and flexes a little, it opens the cuts on his back a little more and he winces in pain. Tytan grabs the strand of barbed wire that Jack used to whip him and he wraps it around Jack’s head and begins to tighten it, digging the barbs into Jacks scalp. Jack yells in pain, but manages to reach up and gouge Tytan’s eyes, forcing the break. As Tytan staggers in pain, Jack grabs his head and lands a hard headbut that hurts both men. The barbs dig into Jacks head even more, and the head but lands on the bridge of Tytan’s nose, possibly breaking it. Tytan staggers and Jack charges and Tytan catches him with a boot to the gut, then hauls him up for a power bomb, but Jack hammers Tytan on top of the head with shots, Tytan staggers backward and slips on the strand of barbed wire and both men fall backward into the side of the cage! The cage cannot take it and the whole side collapses, both men fall from the ring to the cement floor tangled in barbed wire! Jack twitches in pain because barbs tear into him no matter how he moves. Tytan finally shows some emotion and howls in pain as the barbs tear deeply into his bicep. He gets to his feet with part of the cage still dangling from his back and staggers over to Podvod. Steel quickly reaches into his bag and gives Tytan a shot of something behind the referee’s back that seems to dull the pain. Jack gets to his feet and gets that familiar Empty Team glazed over look in his eyes. Uh oh. He tears the strands of barbed wire off his body and grabs a piece of the wood from the fence and charges at Tytan and breaks it across his back sending Tytan crashing into Steel, then into the guard rail. Jack reaches into the bucket of broken glass and grabs a handful and grinds it into Tytan’s scalp until the blood flows off his head. Jack pulls Tytan up and throws him into the cage, but Tytan staggers back and catches Jack with an elbow to the face. Tytan pulls Jack up and grabs him by the throat and choke slams him on the floor. Tytan then rummages under the ring and pulls out two tables and sets them up next to each other on the floor. On one table he piles the broken remains of the barbed wire cage, on the other, he pulls Jack to his feet and rolls him onto the table, then climbs up himself and lifts Jack and POWERBOMBS him through the barbed wire, the wood fencing and the table! The Air Base crowd erupts into a HOLY SHIT chant as Tytan pulls Jack up, dragging most of the wreckage with him and throws him back into the ring. Tytan climbs in after him, both men are horribly bloody messes. Tytan falls on Jack and the referee counts, one, two, NO! Jack rolls his shoulder! How the hell could he kick out of that? Tytan shows a little frustration, and a whole lot of exhaustion as he tries to wipe the blood from his face. He slowly gets to his feet and pulls Jack up by the hair, lifts him, and sets him on the top rope. Tytan starts to climb up but Jack grabs him and starts biting him on his already likely broken nose! Tytan howls in pain and falls off the turnbuckle back into the ring. Jack leaps off the top rope once Tytan struggles back to his feet and hits a flying Thesz press, and hammers away at Tytan! Tytan shoves him off and both men struggle to their feet and trade shots to the head, but weak from blood loss and the fatigue of the match neither man has much left. Tytan swings wildly and Jack ducks and grabs his head and sends him into the wire, as Tytan rebounds, Jack hits an enzuguri that sends Tytan to the mat. Jack falls to his knees, clearly exhausted, but he manages to roll out of the ring and pulls the one remaining table closer to the ring and takes the barbed wire and piles it under the table. Jack slides back into the ring where Tytan is just getting to his feet. He charges, but Tytan catches him with a snap power slam, hooks the leg and gets a two count. Once again, Tytan cannot believe that Jack can kick out. Tytan pulls himself to his feet using the ropes and he can barely stand. He grabs Jack by the hair and pulls him up and hits a half nelson choke slam. Jack hits the mat, and his eyes roll into his head, Tytan falls to one knee and tries to regain himself before he makes the cover. He falls on Jack and the referee counts, one, two, thre….NO! Jack once again rolls his shoulder! Tytan looks out to Podvod and Steele evidently looking for an answer on how to put Jack away. Tytan pulls Jack to his feet and throws him between the ropes to the floor, just missing the table. Jack hits the concrete with a sickening thud, inside the ring, Tytan falls to his knees, blood pouring out of numerous wounds on his head. The crowd is now cheering both men rabidly. Tytan gets to his feet and leans between the ropes and grabs Jack, but Jack grabs a chair and SLAMS it across Tytan’s head! Tytan slumps on the ropes, clinging to consciousness. Jack gets onto the apron and pulls Tytan up, and sets him up and HITS A CHOMP THROUGH THE TABLE ONTO THE PILE OF BARBED WIRE!!! The crowd goes silent for a moment because they are concerned that Tytan may really be dead, they see him twitch a bit and the whole place erupts into thunderous applause. Drs. Podvod and Steele look horrified at what has just happened to their charge. Jack summons his last bit of strength and pulls Tytan out of the wreckage and rolls him into the ring. Jack barely makes it into the ring before he collapses falling with one arm draped across Tytan. The referee is in position and makes the one, two, three as the audience counts along, this blood soaked affair is mercifully over!
WINNER in 22:48 – Outback Jack

After the match Davin Moreland and Stank come to the ring and help Jack to his feet, they give Jack a Fosters, he cracks it and slams it, getting beer all over himself resulting in a grotesque mix of blood and beer. Davin and Stank help Jack stand upright and they watch Drs. Podvod and Steele help Tytan to his feet. He gets to his feet and finally appears to get his bearings. He shakes off Podvod and Steele and staggers over to Jack. Jack gets ready for a fight, and both men stare at one another for a moment. The crowd goes silent with anticipation, and just as the tension reaches its breaking point, Tytan holds out his hand. Jack eyes him for a moment, then shakes Tytan’s hand. The big man turns and Podvod and Steele help him out of the ring. Jack soaks up the cheers for a moment longer before Stank and Davin help him to the back as well.

Russ: MAH GAWD THE CARNAGE!
Razz: Wow, I have seen a lot of violence and bloodshed in my time in wrestling, and I gotta say, that was kind of hard to watch
Nash: That was just sick. That’s really all I can say about that. Well, that, and somewhere Tommy Dreamer is watching that again and rubbing one out.
Razz: Tommy is indeed a sick, sick man.
Russ: What do you guys think of the show of respect at the end of the match? I have to say Tytan’s actions really surprised me.
Nash: When you are in a war like that……..something changes inside you. You suddenly realize that as much as you hate that man, there is someone on the other side of the ring that hates you just as much, who will stop at nothing to end your career. When you get to a certain point where you can’t put him down, the hatred turns into a certain kind of respect.
Russ: And you know this how exactly?
Nash:<the lights dim> It was Cameroon, had to be around 1987 or so…..
Razz: Ah Christ
Nash: I was headlining the Cameroon Wrestling Federation, and I had a BRUTAL feud going with Kareem Muhammad over the heavyweight title. We traded wins and losses, we traded blood. I hated him more than any man on the planet. Our last match was a Conganeese Death Match, the match lasted almost two hours, and was so brutal we actually needed in-match transfusions. I finally put him down with an inverted 360 corkscrew moonsault from the top of the cage, but as I was flying through the air, I remember thinking to myself, man, I have some respect for this man.
Razz: That’s quite a story there Nash
Russ: And not one damn bit of it is true either!
Nash: Sure it is, it’s on the internet, so it MUST be true right?
Russ: I……..
Razz: This is probably where it is best to just move on before Russ’s head explodes. Next up, the brutality probably won’t slow down one bit as Davin Moreland faces Poe in a Boot Camp match!
Russ: There is certainly no love lost between these two, that’s for sure.
Nash: It does seem to be a bit telling what Moreland said to Darling last week though
Razz: What’s that?
Nash: Well, Alexander Darling was feuding with Poe, settling an old score, then suddenly Davin is killing himself trying to get rid of Poe, seems a little odd if you ask me
Russ: You are not really going to imply that Darling is afraid to fight his own battles are you?
Russ: Alexander Darling is a fine upstanding man, he moved on from Poe, and it just so happened that Davin Moreland took issue with some things Poe said. That’s all there is to it.
Nash: Of course it is. And what do you think of that story Razz?
Razz: I think I am looking forward to a boot camp match that should be brutal as hell. I really don’t care how the hell they got here, the fact is, they are here now, and that is all that matters.
Nash: Party pooper
Russ: The ring lets go to it

<but first…..>

*A Plot Device happens to be in the general vicinity of Davin Moreland*

PD: Davin! Any thoughts on the announcement of surrender by one of the sides at the PPV?

DM: Fuck that.

*fade*

DAVIN MORELAND vs. POE – Boot Camp Match

This next match will be a Boot Camp (No DQ) match. “Pull Me Under” fires up over the PA system and the troops come to life with a LOUD “Da-Vin” chant. Davin is very accommodating down the ramp, signing autographs and posing for pictures, although one can’t help noticing him carrying his Trusty Rebar. Finally Davin hits the ring and chats up fellow Massachusetts resident, Referee Angelo Barros; probably something about him not having to do a whole bunch in this match. “For Whom the Bell Tolls” starts up, and an immediate deafening “BOO” is followed by a “U-S-A” chant, unfortunately, and even more unfortunately, some epithets targeted at Poe’s Egyptian Heritage. None of this seems to faze Poe, as he and Selena both arrive to the ring with chairs. Selena, being from the United States, is wearing a blue top with white stars, and a red and white stripped skirt, which only serves to confuse some of the troops even more. Poe climbs in, and Barros immediately calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!

No lockup here, as Poe starts a-swingin’ his chair immediately. Davin saw it coming, ducks, and just MURDERS Poe with his Trusty Rebar, over and over and over again, drawing blood almost immediately. The “USA” chants start again (sigh). Davin is apparently satisfied with his beating, but is sick of working in the ring, so he tosses Poe to the outside. Davin climbs the turnbuckle. MOONSAULT to the outside connects! Davin is up quickly, poses for the crowd drawing a tremendous cheer, and looks under the ring for toys. He ends up tossing three tables in the ring, a ladder (not LADDER); a bottle of what looks like lighter fluid, four chairs, a couple of trash cans, a kitchen sink, a shopping cart and a Stop Sign all go flying in. He goes to take apart the Steel Steps, but despite the crowd noise, doesn’t notice that Poe is now up, and SPEARS Davin right into the steps, splaying them everywhere. Poe snaps off a GERMAN SUPLEX into the STEEL POST. RUNNING BULLDOG onto the STEEL STEPS, and Davin is “busted whaaaade open”. Poe takes both halves of the Steel Steps, and tosses them into the ring, and gets a Bic Lighter from Nash at the announce table, tossing that in as well.

Davin is in horrible shape, bleeding profusely, especially from the back of his head and noticeably bruised already. Poe press slams him into the ring. Poe, pretty bloody himself from the rebar attack early on, seems to be in complete control as he rolls into the ring. He grabs the Stop Sign, and, almost symbolically, as Davin starts to get up, whacks him over the head with it. Davin does a Flair Flop, drawing some crowd approval. Poe sets up the ladder, and takes the lid off the trash can. He goes over to Davin and assaults him with it, and Davin could be dead. Poe goes across the ring and rights the Shopping Cart on its wheels, and whips it across the ring, where it drills a trying-to-stand Davin in the back of the head. Barros implores Poe to go cover, but Poe isn’t hearing any of it. He’s got the Kitchen Sink, and heaves it across the ring, and it falls directly on Davin’s back. Poe searches the ring for something (taking a bit of time) and finds the Bic Lighter. He goes for the Lighter Fluid, but instead of using it, drops the lighter next to it, going over to Davin, and locking on the ANKLE LOCK!

He’s visibly trying to break his ankle, and immediately grapevines the leg. Barros finally has something to do, and checks on Davin, looking for the submission. Davin says no, and the crowd starts yet ANOTHER “USA” chant. Davin is trying everything he can think of to get out of the hold; no rope breaks in this one. Finally, with some reserve on energy, he somehow manages to leverage himself and slingshots Poe into the second turnbuckle. Davin, literally on one leg, grabs a chair and heads up to the top of the ladder! He sees Poe get to his feet, and hits a ZACK GOWEN VAN DAMINATOR OFF THE TOP OF THE LADDER RIGHT TO POE’S FACE! Davin doesn’t cover, or try for submission, but Poe is almost certainly dead now, to the cheers of the crowd. As if not to leave out annoying ALL of Run DEA, the crowd starts a “That Was Awesome” chant, which Davin encourages. Davin’s at the tables, and starts to set them up, and then stack them. He’s got all three tables stacked atop one another, and goes for the LIGHTER FLUID! He DOUSES the tables and grabs the Bic…WE HAVE FLAMING TABLES! Davin limps across the ring and grabs another chair, heading back up to the top of the ladder…Davin, don’t you know Fire’s rule o’ the tables??? He dramatically gets to the top of the ladder, then out of nowhere, Poe; a moment ago in a coma, SPEARS the ladder and DAVIN FALLS FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER THROUGH TRIPLE-STACKED FLAMING TABLES! Poe drags Davin, who clearly has second-degree burns now, out of the flaming wreckage and covers. It’s over. One…Two…Thre…NO!! NO!! He kicked OUT!

Both Barros and Poe are both just slack-jawed and stunned at this. Poe takes a few seconds before he can even react, and goes to get a piece of charred and still flaming table, raises it high over his head, and eats a HODOKEN from Davin, still on the mat! Poe falls backward into the still really hot tables. Davin, never leaving his knees, locks on an ANKLE LOCK! Poe is in SEVERE pain, and Barros checks on him. Now it’s DAVIN trying to break Poe’s ankle. Davin tries to get more leverage and stands up, albeit really on just one leg. A few seconds of Poe screaming passes, before HE manages to somehow roll and kick Davin off. Davin gets to his feet, but Poe ROLLS HIM UP! HANDFUL OF TIGHTS! 1, 2, 3! JUST as Davin kicks out!
WINNER in 18:16 by PINFALL - POE!

Poe immediately grabs his leg after the rollup, and Selena goes to comfort him. Davin? Not done. He grabs the Lighter Fluid. He grabs the Bic Lighter. FIREBALL TO POE!! Poe shoves Selena out of the way at the last second and takes the full fireball himself! Selena immediately crawls over to Poe who is writhing in pain on the mat. Davin leaves up the ramp to cheers. Poe wins the match, Davin wins (presumably) the segment. As Davin walks back up the ramp, he gets a little bit more of a mixed response from the crowd, perhaps he crossed some sort of line here?

Nash: Ok Russ, how are you going to defend THAT?
Razz: Yeah I gotta say, throwin’ the fire after the match was over, I am kind of surprised that Davin would do that
Russ: In his defense, Davin is not the most stable man around…..
Nash: Really? You are going THAT direction?
Russ:<sighs>Davin did at the end of the match was wrong, I can’t justify it. Poe won a brutal match and Davin resorted to a post match attack, it was wrong, there, are you happy? I admitted it.
Nash: Wow, he is slipping in his old age
Russ: I HEARD THAT
Nash: Yeah well, hear this Russ, since you got a guest, I get to have one too
Razz: When do I get a guest?
Nash: No one likes you. Ladies and Gentlemen, the man, the myth, the legend, the human drinking machine, Last Call, Scott Hall!
SH:<staggering up to the announce booth> HEEEEY YO! How many of you are here to see THA GOOD GUYS? <nice pop> Yeah I still got it. KEV!! When did you get here?
Nash: Been here the whole time Scotty
SH: No Shit? Hey, you seen someone runnin’ round here, Kay Babe or somethin’ like that?
Nash: You mean Kayfabe Scotty?
SH: Hell yeah! You know her too? She is HAWT she makes the ol machmismo go up, if you know what I mean <Scott Hall starts rubbing his nipples through his ICP shirt>
Nash: Calm down big man. Why don’t you announce the next match?
SH: Hell yes! Next up is the Camping de Taurus title match. The champions…..uhhh Worlds Greatest Fag Team…….HEY! Are Lenny and Lodi here again? I liked them!
Nash: No, its not them, its F. Fonzworth MacCappington and Ryan Hardore
SH: Oh, Nash, I can’t say all that
Nash: I know Scotty, just tell them who they are teaming with
SH: Their partner is……..Attitude Adjuster…..HEY! I know him! He told me to bet on Michigan against App State! Fucker! I lost my Beer Money!
<James Storm and Robert Roode show up>
RR: Someone call us?
SH: How’d they do that?
Nash: Nah guys, its just Scott, you know how he gets
JS: Sorry ‘bout your damn luck!
<They disappear>
SH: How the hell does that happen?
Nash: Its better not to ask, now who are the champs facing?
SH: Uh, they are facing, lemme see, A Bunny, Justin Sane, so an insane Bunny I guess, and Carl From Fresno. I wonder where he is from Kev? D’ya know?
Nash: I am pretty sure he is from Fresno Scotty.
SH: HEY! That’s his name! That’s really handy! How lucky is he that he was born in Fresno?
Nash: Let’s go to the ring

<but before that, that’s right, to the back where a Breathy Sexy Female Journalist runs up to Attitude Adjuster.>

BSFJ: What do you think of this major announcement?

AA: Have you been running? You seem out of breath.

BSFJ: I'm trying to be sexy.

AA: Oh.

BSFJ: So what do you think of this major announcement?

AA: What do I care? I have plus-money bets on both sides. Either way, I make money. Besides, regardless of who wins, I still got the belts!

<We then head, via the magic of the OOWF to another undisclosed location, where we see Donovan Viper>

The plot device has caught up with Donovan Viper. Who happens to be lounging by a pool with Niles Anderson. They're wearing sunglasses, lounge clothes, and drinking while being pampered by beautiful women.

PD: Viper, what is your reaction to the upcoming surrender at Operation Onslaught?

DV (not looking): Another mojito please.

PD: Um, I'm not a waiter.

DV (looks): What the hell are you doing here? Can't you see I'm on vacation?

NA: Um, Donnie. There's a cameraman with him...

DV: What? YOU! SHUT THAT CAMERA OFF!!!

NA: WE CANNOT HAVE BENNETT GET WIND OF US COMPLETELY WASTING HIS MONEY LIKE THIS!

Viper piefaces Plot Device and throws the invisible ninja cameraman in the pool, destroying the camera. However, the camera does happen to catch a glimpse of Johnny Adrenaline laying on a flotation device with a pina colada (in the pineapple!) right before the picture goes out.

THE WORLDS GREATEST FAG TEAM & ATTITUDE ADJUSTER vs. JUSTIN SANE, CARL FROM FRESNO & BUNNY – Campeonas de Trios Title Match

Justin Sane, Carl From Fresno and Bunny come out to the top of the ramp to the Beastie Boys “Fight For Your Right” Why? Cause I said so, that’s why. The……colorful, trio makes their way to the ring and climb between the ropes and head to their corner to decide who will start the match. The Campeonas de Trios champions, the Worlds Greatest Fag Team, FF MacCappington and Ryan Hardcore, and their partner the OOWF Onslaught Champion, Attitude Adjuster are announced next and come to the ring. It appears that AA begs off of starting the match first, he DOES have an Onslaught title match to worry about. MacCappington and Hardcore look less than pleased about this. Ryan Hardcore decides to start things off against Carl From Fresno, the referee calls for the bell and this one is underway. Carl and Hardcore circle and lock up, Carl shoves Ryan back to the corner and tries a big chop, but Hardcore ducks under it and escapes the corner, and catches Carl with a kick to the hamstring that staggers the big man briefly. Hardcore grabs Carl’s arm and scales the ropes and is going to go for a fancy Gail Kim arm drag, but Carl pulls him off the rope right into a Black Hole Slam and covers and gets a two count broken up by MacCappington. Carl reaches out and tags in Bunny, he flips over the top rope and drops a leg across Hardcore’s chest, and tries a cover, but Hardcore rolls out of the ring to the floor before he can get covered. Bunny gets to his feet and without hesitation gets a running start and leaps over the top rope and slams into Ryan Hardcore on the outside. The crowd pops nicely at Bunny trying to kill himself. Bunny rolls Hardcore back into the ring where he crawls toward his corner trying to make a tag, but Bunny hops (HA!) onto the apron and connects with a spring board drop kick to the side of Hardcore’s head that stops him in his tracks. Bunny drags Hardcore back to his corner and tags in Justin Sane, Sane climbs to the top rope and waits for Hardcore to get to his feet and tries to hit a hurracarana, but Hardcore side steps it and Sane slams into the mat. Hardcore pulls Sane to his feet and shoves him into the champions corner and tags in MacCappington. FFM steps in and hammers Sane to the mat with repeated shots to the face. He pulls a dazed Sane to his feet and starts a whip to the ropes, but them pulls him back and nearly decapitates him with a short clothesline. Justin Sane has no idea where he is, well more so now than usual. MacCappington drops a big elbow across his chest and covers, but Sane manages to kick out before the three count. MacCappington gets a few kicks in on Sane, kicking him back to the mat as he gets to his feet. Finally he pulls him to his feet and slaps him across the face, sending Sane back against the ropes. Justin bounds off the ropes and shocks MacCappington with a forearm to the jaw. He rebounds again and hits another one, then goes for the trifecta, but MacCappington grabs him and military presses him high in the air, and throws him over the top rope. Sane crashes to the floor with a deafening OOF. Hardcore jumps off the apron and runs around and grabs Sane and rolls him back into the ring, much to the dismay of Carl and Bunny. MacCappington walks over and stands on Sane’s throat while he argues with the referee over the possibility of success in the new Iraq. Can democracy really come from a country that barely practices it itself? Theses and many other hard hitting questions will be answered on OOWF Round Table. Meanwhile MacCappington gets the four count and breaks just before the disqualification. FFM reaches out and tags in Attitude Adjuster, he comes into the ring and drops an elbow across Sane’s chest and covers, but only gets a two count. AA pulls Sane to his feet and whips him to the ropes and lowers his head, Sane grabs AA and rolls him into a small package, AA kicks out at two, then leaps toward his corner and tags Hardcore back into the match. Hardcore looks at AA funny, then steps between the ropes and pulls Sane to his feet, but Sane hits a stunner! Hardcore writhes in pain on the mat grabbing his jaw, Sane crawls across the ring toward his corner. Ryan gets up and grabs Sane’s leg and tries to pull him back to the middle of the ring, but Sane kicks him off and makes the tag to Carl! Carl comes in a house on fire! He levels Hardcore with a clothesline, ducks a clothesline attempt from a charging MacCappington and drops him with a bolo punch. He charges to the champs corner, but AA drops off the mat before he can get to him. Carl turns his attention back to Hardcore, who is back on his feet, Hardcore swings wildly and Carl easily ducks the move and catches Hardcore with an Atomic drop that sends him into the face corner, where Bunny nails him, Sane nails him, then Bunny grabs his head and guillotines him on the top rope sending him staggering back into the ring. Carl grabs Hardcore and lifts him in the air, and hits the AIRPLANE SPIN OF DOOM!! Carl dumps Hardcore in the middle of the ring and staggers for a moment, then dives and makes the tag to Bunny. Bunny climbs to the top rope and hits an inverted corkscrew SSP! Bunny slams down on Hardcore driving all the wind out of him, he hooks the leg, Carl and Sane charge into the ring and double clothesline MacCappington who is in the ring trying to break up the pin, AA tries to slide under the bottom rope, but it too late! Bunny gets the three count, WE HAVE NEW CAMPEONAS DE TRIOS CHAMPIONS! WHAT AN UPSET!
WINNERS in 12:42 and NEW OOWF Campeonas de Trios Champions – Justin Sane, Bunny and Carl From Fresno!

Russ: WHAT AN UPSET!
Razz: Wow! I would never have picked that! Way to go Justin, Bunny and Carl!
SH: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Nash: Calm down Scotty. That was a pretty big upset, but from the looks of things, I don’t think MacCappington and Hardcore are going to be real happy with Attitude Adjuster,
Russ: NOW who is trying to stir up trouble?
Nash: Hey I am just sayin, it looked like AA’s head wasn’t into that match completely.
Russ: Well he DOES have an Onslaught championship match next and…….is Scott Hall urinating in a cup?
Nash: Huh….oh yeah, he does that sometimes
Razz: Wow. I saw that a lot in ECW
Nash: I’ll bet you did
SH: Hey Razz…..golden showers bring gay prowlers….HA! I just totally made that up! SCORE ONE FOR THE BAD GUY!
Razz: can someone get him out of here?
Nash: Hey Kev, why don’t you go to the Officers Club and have on one me?
SH: I’m an officer?
Nash: And a gentleman, now go on, say hi to Sean for me
<Hall leaves>
Nash: Now. Where were we?
Razz: Why do you bring him out here every show?
Nash: Come on, people will pay good money for a train wreck like that!
Russ: You are a sick twisted individual
Nash: Thank you
Russ: That wasn’t a compliment
Razz: SO, anyway, we have an Onslaught match next, Attitude Adjuster stays out here and pulls double duty as he faces Seamus McNasty
Russ: Seamus is determined to prove himself as a solo wrestler after having some tag team success with Damon Wrath in Gaelic Storm, this would be a good opportunity to prove that he can make it as a solo wrestler.
Nash: He has a pretty tall order in front of him gentlemen, I mean Attitude Adjuster, in case you have forgot, is one half of the greatest tag team in OOWF history.
Razz: Double A WAS a great tag wrestler, no doubt about that, but this is solo wresting, and that doesn’t always translate
Russ: I think Bret Hart may disagree with you
Razz: Well there are always exceptions
Nash: And look, what AA may lack in physical gifts, he makes up for in brilliance. Have you seen the rules for the Onslaught title now? You HAVE to cheat to win the match! Brilliant!
Russ: You think making a mockery out of what was once a pure wrestling title is brilliant?
Nash: Well it made the title worth watching. Let’s face it, when it was a “pure” wrestling title it was boring. Now, there is some intrigue
Russ: I hate you
Razz: I think he really does.
Nash: And yet, I will still put my pants on one leg at a time
Razz: What?
Nash: Let’s go to the ring

[mooseheadjack]

<but first, the OOWF camera zooms to an undisclosed location where we see Firewoman>

Firewoman is at a local drinking establishment. Oh sure, this is Iraq but with all the Americans and a smattering of the remaining Europeans around, a brisk speak-easy business has developed. Anyway, she is surrounded by handsome soldiers in camo, doing rounds of shots. Ninja cams and mic stands being what they are, they have managed to locate the secret speakeasy for an interview.

MS: Firewoman! What are you doing in Iraq? Weren't you suspended?

FW: I was suspended from competition, yes. Which means I can come and go as I please, and do whatever I want.

MS: So, what is it you are doing?

FW: I am "entertaining the troops."

"The troops" let out a large cheer at this, and one orders another round.

MS: But how did you get clearance? They don't just let anyone fly in and out of here, unless it's on military or military-related business.

FW: Or photo ops for future campaign ads...

MS: Huh?

FW: Look, you came and started bugging me and my newest bestest friends here, so what did you want?

MS: Huh? Oh... I am assuming that you saw the press release about high level talks among the OOWF board, and rumors that one side or another might surr--

FW: SHHHH!!! We don't say the S word here.

MS: Oh...uh...withdra--

FW: SHHHH!! Not that either.

MS: Um.....

FW: Look, I've said from the start that this was nothing more than a glorified turf war, with one side wanting what the other one has and being pissed off about not getting their way. Some spoiled little rich kid who as best as anyone can tell has been a failure at damn near anything gets set up to be in a position of power, and he really can't handle it, were it not for the thugs he has surrounding him.

MS: Um....

FW: Truth be told, while people may have been disgruntled with their leadership before, that doesn't mean they wanted or needed any outside intervention. And there's nothing more dangerous that a group of people who feel cornered and invaded from the outside....

MS: Are we still talking about OOWF?

FW: Of course we are...what else would we be talking about?

MS: But I don't really see Bennett as a poor little rich kid, that...

FW: Who said I was talking about Bennett?

There is a pause, as the mic stand tries to comprehend all this.

FW: Point is, Bennett's side, regardless of who is really in charge over there has bitten off more than they can chew, and they're finally starting to realize it. And I for one couldn't be happier.

Now if you'll excuse me, my friends only have so much time before they're AWOL... cheers!

The ninja cam and the mic stand nod and withdraw, leaving the sounds of laughing and partying service men behind them.

<one more camera change takes us back to the arena and to Seamus McNasty with Sexy Female Journalist 150 Proof>

SFJ150P: Seamus what are your thoughts on the possible surrender of one side tonight?

Over – Overacting, overdone, red rover, red rover send Moose right over, red clover, 4 leaf clover, crimson and clover, over and over, it’s not over, over the rainbow, overrated, x-rated, faded, dated, created….wait what where we talking about? Oh yeah the war…well as with most things like this they end when someone gets an offer that too good to refuse…so I ask you who would be the easier to buy off? Who cares less? Why would one side give in? Is there an outside pressure? A threat? A merger? Is Tytan a cross dressing goat fucker? All these questions and more answered in the next episode of Soap.

ATTITUDE ADJUSTER vs. SEAMUS MCNASTY – OOWF Onslaught Championship Match

Attitude Adjuster comes to the ring hesitantly, as Seamus McNasty is already there and whipping the crowd into a fury. As AA walks down the entry ramp, he makes the universal sign for the audience to be quiet. The crowd makes the universal response of getting even louder, so that didn’t seem to do any good. AA calls for the ref to open the ring ropes for him. The ref rolls his eyes and AA threatens to walk out of the match. The ref threatens AA with losing the title and AA reminds him that walking out is considered cheating and therefore a win. The ref and Seamus both freak out about that one, and Seamus steps over to let AA into the ring. As AA steps through the ropes, Seamus pulls up, crotching AA. The ref decides that’s as good a place as any to start the match. Seamus goes for the quick pin and pulls the tights, but AA kicks out at two. Seamus quickly whips AA into the ropes and lassos AA with a huge clothesline! They do the WWE thing where AA keeps getting up and Seamus keeps clothesline-ing him down, which kinda renders the power of a clothesline useless if the opponent can keep getting up. But whatever. AA finally rolls out of the ring and simultaneously claims Seamus pulled his tights, used a closed fist and has a foreign object. The ref tells AA that’s apparently all legal, and AA goes apeshit, banging the security railing and ripping up the padding on the concrete floor. Then AA decides to argue with the announce crew. Meanwhile Seamus rolled out of the ring and taps AA on the shoulder. That gets his attention, but not like the HAYMAKER that rocks AA to the floor! Seamus tosses AA back into the ring, and catches him with a knee drop and a series of punches to the head. AA finally begs off, then hits Seamus with his trusty Greco-Roman Thumb to the Eye. Seamus turns away holding his eye, so AA chop blocks Seamus’ knee. AA goes for a leg lock, wrenching the knee, but Seamus powers out with numerous forearms to the chest. AA gets up screaming about Seamus cheating, and gets shoulder blocked into the corner for his efforts. AA claims a hair pull, so Seamus makes it count and tosses AA across the ring by the hair! AA stumbles to his feet, looking for Seamus. But Seamus is behind him—Finnegan’s Wake backstabber! AA convulses like his back is broken! Seamus goes for the pin, 1, he remembers to pull the tights, 2 but AA kicks out. Seamus slaps the mat in frustration, picks AA up and KILLS HIM with the Irish Car Bomb! One, two, three! AA’s motionless! Seamus rolls out of the ring and grabs the Onslaught belt and holds it high in the air! The crowd goes nuts! But in the ring, AA is pleading with the ref that the pin was by legal means. The ref thinks for a second and agrees. The ref grabs the belt from Seamus and heads to the ring announcer for a conference.
WINNER in 10:59 by Disqualification for Not Cheating…and STILL ONSLAUGHT CHAMPION...Attitude Adjuster!

The ref hands AA the belt as he remains prone on the canvas. Seamus decides if he’s going to lose a title, he’s going to lose it right. He grabs a chair and rolls into the ring. He sets waiting for AA to get up, but like a good face waits forever, giving FF MacCappington and Ryan Hardcore time to run to the ring and save their Trios partner. Seamus swings wildly at all three as they leave, but misses everyone.

Russ: That may have been the most shameful display that I have ever seen in my life.
Nash: BRILLIANT!! SIMPLY BRILLIANT!
Razz: Wow, I am really not sure WHAT to think about that, I mean, AA was well within the rules so…..
Russ: The rules? Nash, we live in a world that has rules and those rules need to be enforced by men with striped shirts. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Kevin Nash? They have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You cheer for Attitude Adjuster and laugh at those who follow the rules; you have that luxury. I don’t have the luxury of sitting here and not caring about what I see: that Attitude Adjuster’s win, while legal, makes a mockery of wrestling and that my beliefs, while dated and incomprehensible to you, are what keeps me going. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about back stage you want the refs in the ring, you need the refs in that ring. We use words like kayfabe, insider, face and heel. We use then as the backbone of a career in professional wrestling. You use them as a punch line. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of wealth that wrestling provided and then questions the manner in which the sport should be done I would rather you just said "thank you," and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest that you pick up a weapon and head into the ring. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think is brilliant or clever.
<silence falls across the booth for several long awkward seconds>
Razz: Uh, did you just have a stroke?
Nash: And I WOULD go to the ring with a weapon, but I have this bad quad and all
Russ: You ALWAYS have a bad quad
Nash: Why are you so mean?
Razz: Lets get things back on track here. Next up is the world tag team title match, Phantos and Lucios won a coin flip for the right to face the champions IHOP inside a fifteen foot high steel cage tonight, so what are your thoughts?
Nash: I can’t help that I have sensitive quads
Russ: No, the match! I think tonight Phantos and Lucios reclaim their spot as the top tag team in the OOWF today
Nash: That spot is held by The Chickenshit Heels
Russ: They aren’t even a team anymore!
Nash: They are that great!
Razz: To help speed things along, I have a couple of guests that know a thing or two about tag team wrestling! Folks these guys are LEGENDS
Nash: You got Scott and Pac back out here?
Russ: Clearly he is talking about Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson, the Rock N’Roll Express!
Razz: Uh well, no actually, I got, THE GREAT KHALI AND UMAGA!
<more silence in the booth>
Nash: Are they even a team?
Russ: Have they ever teamed?
Nash: Can they even talk?
Razz: Gentlemen, please have a seat and thank you for joining us
Umaga: SAMOA!
Khali: BLAAAAARGH!
Russ: See this is just pointless!
Razz: Just ask them something
Russ: Fine. So Umaga, what do you think of Phantos & Lucios?
Umaga: Why I think they are a team that displays all that is good among tag teams, even going back to such historic teams as the Fabulous Kangaroos and Tony Garea and Rick Martel. They perform sublimely in the ring, functioning as one. What do you think Khali?
Khali: Oh I concur 100%, they are poetry in motion to borrow an old chestnut from a broadcast colleague. I rather enjoy their strict adherence to the rule book
Russ: What?...I mean, I couldn't agree more with your concise description but…….
Umaga: What? Russ, did you know that I hold a Masters degree from Oxford in literature? I can quote Tennyson….. Half a league, half a league, Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death, Rode the six hundred. Forward, the Light Brigade! Charge for the guns!" he said: Into the valley of Death Rode the six hundred.
Khali: And Russ, I have a back ground in advanced physics and recently applied to do research at one of the more prestigious academies in India. I hope to find a way to make cold fusion a practical alternative to nuclear energy
Russ: Yeah, but I mean, your WRESTLING characters……
Umaga:<sighs> Fine….. SAMOA!!!
Khali: BLAAAAAARGH
Razz: I think that just about says it all, lets head to the ring for some more action!

<but first…..>

<IHOP IS BACKSTAGE~!>

<An unidentified homely reporter shoves a microphone in SYB's face>
UHR: SYB, any comment about a possible surrender?
SYB <looks into the camera>: Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention? I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you to stop what you're doing and listen...
UHR: ...
Skurge: <to SYB>: Line?
SYB <to Skurge>: Uh, CANNONBALL?
Skurge <whispers>: No, I don't think that's the one, eh?
SYB <to the camera, whispers>: Uh, how about "No surrender"?
Skurge <shouting>: NO SURRENDER~!
SYB <shouting>: NO SURRENDER~!
<SYB and Skurge are about to leave but the UHR grabs Skurge>
UHR: Any last words?
Skurge: Yeah toots. How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
UHR: I don't know.
Skurge: A-thank you. Let's go Jooboy!

<IHOP heads down the hallway>

<FADE OUT>

IHOP vs. PHANTOS & LUCIOS – OOWF World Tag Team Title Steel Cage Match

Phantos and Lucios won the coin toss for the right to face IHOP inside a 20 foot high steel cage. The match will be pin fall or submission only, no escape. Phantos and Lucios come to the ring and step through the cage door and head right to their corner for a bit of last minute discussion. Phantos looks surprisingly calm, but Lucios appears to be chomping at the bit to get the match started. IHOP are announced and they come out to the top of the ramp and hold the titles high in the air. SYB and Skurge start down the ramp, they get about halfway when they stop. SYB produces a mic, from where we probably don’t want to know, and much to the chagrin of the troops, he speaks:

You know, no. This does not work for us. We never agreed to a cage match, hell we never agreed to face you two. This was done behind our backs by that conniving GM the Rick, so forget it. We have beat you two chumps too many times for you to deserve another title match. As far as I am concerned we are going to get into our sweet ass tank, and get the hell out of this forsaken dump <boos>

SYB tosses the mic aside and he and Skurge turn around and start back up the ramp. They don’t make it far before The Midnight Sons come out from the back. DH Magnusson is carrying a barbed wire baseball bat and Spin Hansen is carrying a barbed wire wrapped crowbar. They back IHOP down the ramp toward the cage. Phantos and Lucios leave the ring and grab SYB and Skurge and throw them in through the door of the cage, then follow. The referee slams the door behind them and this match is officially underway! Lucios grabs SYB and runs him face first into the cage, then follows with a big boot to the back of the head that slams his face into the cage a second time. Phantos and Skurge go after one another but the referee quickly intervenes to keep this from getting out of control and sends them to their corners leaving SYB and Lucios as the legal men. SYB staggers off the cage and Lucios bounds off the ropes and sends SYB flying with a shoulder block that sends SYB into the P&L corner. Lucios reaches out and tags in Phantos. Phantos steps between the ropes and catches SYB’s foot as he tries a kick, and takes him to the mat with a dragon whip. SYB gets to his feet and staggers back into the corner, Phantos climbs onto the ropes and hits the ten punches of doom. SYB takes a few steps out of the corner, swings at nothing in particular, and falls face first to the mat. Phantos drops a leg across the back of SYB’s head, then pulls him to his feet and slams him face first into the cage again. This time SYB comes off the cage busted open. Phantos catches SYB with a back body drop then tags in Lucios. Lucios comes into the ring and whips SYB to the ropes and catches him in a military press, but Skurge runs into the ring and clips his knee from behind, sending SYB and Lucios to the mat. Skurge drags SYB toward their corner, then steps between the ropes and SYB reaches out and tags Skurge into the match. Skurge waits for Lucios to get to his feet again, then springs to the top rope and leaps and catches the back of Lucios knee, sending him to the mat again writhing in pain clutching his knee. Skurge drags Lucios to the ropes and lays Lucios’ foot across the bottom rope and repeatedly drops knees across the inside of his leg. Lucios howls in pain when Skurge traps him in a spinning toe hold, but will not quit. Phantos urges the crowd on and we get a LU-CI-OOOOOOOS (think of RU-FI-OOOO from Hook). Lucios fights to his feet and tries an enzugiri, but Skurge ducks the move, Lucios lands on his feet and Skurge nails him with a forearm to the back of the head that sends him face first into the cage. Lucios slumps to the mat, still grabbing his knee. Skurge tags in SYB who comes in and immediately hits a low drop kick that sends the side of Lucios head into the metal bar that supports the cage. Lucios falls to the mat and we see a dark spot spread across his mask where he has been busted open. SYB pulls Lucios to his feet and backs him into a neutral corner and puts his injured leg over the bottom rope and lands some stiff kicks to the knee. Lucios has had enough and he shoves SYB backward to the mat. SYB gets right back to his feet and charges into the corner, but Lucios gets a boot up that catches SYB right in the face. Lucios explodes out of the corner and bulldogs SYB to the mat, then crawls to his corner and tags in Phantos. Phantos explodes into the ring, pulling SYB to his feet and scooping him up and slamming him face first into the cage, then dumping him between the ropes. Skurge comes in and tries to attack from behind, but Phantos turns in time and catches him with a drop kick to the jaw that sends him to the mat. Phantos grabs Skurge and slams him face first into all four sides of the cage, with the last one, he adds a snap suplex that plants him on the mat. By this time SYB is back on his feet and he nails Phantos with a clothesline from behind that drops Phantos. SYB pulls Phantos to his feet and hits a trio of Jewish suplexes, bridging the last one and getting a two count. SYB drags Phantos to the corner and tags in Skurge, Skurge comes in and grabs Phantos’ legs and SYB climbs to the top rope and does the MAZELTOV! Dive right into Phantos crotch, just like it was a Friday night. Skurge covers, but Lucios makes into the ring in time to break up the pin. Skurge grabs Phantos’ legs and tags SYB back into the match, Skurge catapults Phantos and SYB bounds off the ropes and nails a HEBREW HAMMER! Phantos hits the mat dazed, SYB covers, but Lucios comes into the ring and pulls him off of Phantos and slams him in the face with a head but that sends SYB to his knees. Phantos struggles to his feet and makes the tag. Lucios comes in and catches SYB with a boot to the side of the head while he is still on his knees, sending him sprawling. Skurge comes in and tries a clothesline, but Lucios ducks it and hits a spinning clothesline from hell that nearly breaks his neck. Lucios grabs Skurge and throws him into the cage, then on the rebound hefts him up into a STEINER SCREWDRIVER! Driving Lucios head first into the mat. Skurge could be dead. Lucios gets to his feet and grabs a dazed SYB by the hair and drags him to the center of the ring, then stares out at the crowd as they go insane. Finally Lucios points to Phantos and points up, the crowd knows what is coming! Phantos climbs to the top rope, then pauses there for a moment, then turns and starts climbing the cage! Phantos climbs all the way to the top of the cage and perches on the top of the cage! The crowd erupts in wild cheers as Lucios hauls SYB onto his shoulders, struggling to keep his knee from buckling, Phantos leaps, DROPKICK DEVICE! SYB IS DEAD! Lucios drags a stunned Phantos over to SYB and drapes him across SYB’s prone body, the referee hits the mat and the fans count along, ONE, TWO, THREE!!!! NEW OOWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!
WINNERS in 27:07 and NEW OOWF World Tag Team Champions – Phantos & Lucios

Russ: NEW CHAMPIONS!! NEW CHAMPIONS!! BAH GAWD THEY DID IT! THE MEASURING STICK OF TAG TEAM WRESTLING HAS THE BELTS ONCE AGAIN!
Razz: I gotta say, they said they were going to do it and they did! Congrats to the champs!
Nash: Now let’s see if they can hold on to the titles for a bit, like the greatest tag team in OOWF history, The Chickenshit Heels!
Razz: Guys what do you think about it?
Khali: Well, the dynamic is certainly one that lends…..
Russ: Guys……
Khali:<sighs> blaaaaaaaaaargh
Umaga: <sighs> samoa
Razz: Thanks for joining us guys! Make sure you get your parting gifts before you go!
Nash: That is the last time you EVER get to pick guest hosts
Russ: EVAR!
Razz: You guys suck
Russ: So now the big question is this, will Phantos and Lucios give The Midnight Sons a shot at the gold?
Nash: Well, if their side surrenders, then sure
Russ: And if they don’t?
Nash: Well if they still expect to be a somewhat cohesive unit with Drink and Destroy and the Sons in particular, offering them a tag title shot would be about the dumbest thing they could do, that would tear Team Unity right to pieces.
Razz: I think if any two teams could pull this off, it would be these two, but yeah, you are right, that is a very dangerous thing to attempt and still try and preserve unity
Russ: But after tonight, they won’t need unity, one team is going to surrender, so the war will be over!
Nash: I am not sold on a surrender myself
Razz: Yeah until I hear it, I am not sure I am going to buy it either
Russ: Fine, you naysayers can doubt all you want, I am going to celebrate it, but first things first, we have an Intercontinental title match between Moosehead Jack and Alexander Darling.
Razz: To say that these two don’t like each other is an understatement
Nash: Thank you Capt. Obvious
Razz: Well what do you want me to say? Moose has left Darling for dead after a beating, Darling kidnapped Moose and tortured him, this is not going to be a wrestling match
Russ: No, it isn’t. and to make it worse, they will be enclosed inside a steel cage, and they will have leather straps that they can freely use to whip the holy bejesus out of each other with.
Nash: I have seen my share of violence, hell we just saw a good chunk of it tonight. I have seen things that would make most people retch, and I am going to say, this match will not be for the faint of heart.
Razz: Yeah, I really believe you would have to physically restrain these two from doing permanent damage. The level of hate here is really kinda scary
Russ: We did lour best to warn you, so now, let’s head to the ring

<but first, a word from Alexander Darling>

Alexander: I was told I had to give a quote on a possible surrender. If either side is willing to surrender now, after everything that's happened then they deserve to be beat down by every single member of the roster that has fought with their heart, body, and soul no matter what side they have chosen.

I'm not the most likeable guy in this locker room and I fully understand why, but no one there should ever doubt that I'm willing to fight with everything I have when I put my mind to it. If Bennett surrenders, then he is as much a coward as I expected him to be; and having been teammates and opponents to quite a few members of those fighting with him I expect a majority of those to stand in line with the rest of us for their parting shots at him. Just as I expect those of us who have fought for Rick will do the same if he surrenders.

And Rick or Bennett surrendering really won't change too much around here hen all is said and done. Too much has been said, and way too much has been done according to some for bygones to be bygones. The lines for some people have already been drawn, and in a few cases the line has been far walked past.

Ask Eric if he gives a shit about Bennett surrendering? Ask Stank or Davin if their feelings about Eric, Cole, and Moose will change if Rick surrenders. Ask LD Williams if it will affect just how he defends the OOWF World Title? Ask Crete if he'll stop being holier than thou? And especially ask Moose if Bennett surrendering changes his opinion about me?

That should be a good soundbyte.

Now get the fuck out of here, I have an Intercontinental Title to reclaim

<we spin around the arena and come to SFJ13 with Moosehead Jack>

SFJ13: Moose would you care to comment on the possibility that there could be a surrender by the end of the night?

MHJ: You can declare all the surrenders you want. The fact remains some people have crossed lines that should never have been crossed. War or not, no surrender in the world will stop some of us from finishing the job.

Oh, and Bennett, if you are considering surrendering, it would be in your best interest to consider otherwise.

MOOSEHEAD JACK vs. ALEXANDER DARLING – Intercontinental Title Steel Cage Strap Match

The music starts and a white strobe light begins to bounce through the arena and the first thing we hear is ”There Can Be Only One.” That leads directly into ”Prelude 12/21.” The drum beat of Prelude hits and Darling takes a step onto the ramp. He doesn’t move until it finishes and a blue spotlight focuses on him and ”Princes of the Universe.” Darling makes his way down the ramp to mostly cheers, displaying his strap on the way into the cage. He goes in the door, and into the ring; Mel Creech corners him to make sure he doesn’t rush the door before he starts the match. The familiar “Scarecrow” by Ministry fires up, and the OOWF Intercontinental Champion Moosehead Jack holds his Intercontinental Title belt in the air as he jogs down the ramp. Is that his strap? He speeds (well as much as Moose can) into the ring and starts to whip Darling unmercifully with the IC Belt. Creech calls for the bell. This match is for the OOWF Intercontinental Championship. WE’RE UNDERWAY!

And Moose is showing no stopping with the whipping. Using the gold side out, Darling is already busted open, and nearly unconscious. Moose stops momentarily and pulls Darling up, though he’s on spaghetti legs, and DRILLS him with the HEARTPUNCH! Darling is so out of it, he falls over. Moose isn’t heard, but mouths something like “No-sell THAT motherfucker”. Moose snaps the belt around his knee, gold side out…KNEE DROP TO THE FACE WITH THE BELT! This is getting ugly, and Darling is COVERED in blood. Moose straps the belt around his elbow…ELBOW DROP TO THE FACE WITH THE BELT! Moose doesn’t cover, instead he pulls Darling up and tosses him HARD into the cage, followed with a BELT WHIP TO THE FACE! Before Darling falls, Moose catches him and CHEESE GRATES his face into the cage. Darling just falls down backward, absolutely incapable of defending himself. Moose goes to the second rope! He flies and hits the FLYING IC BELT TO THE FACE. Moose simply stands and cackles to the crowd as they boo. Moose stands the lifeless Darling up in the corner. SPINNING CHOP TO THE NECK, and Darling’s head tilts to the side in a not ok way. ANOTHER HEARTPUNCH! STANDING CLOTHESLINE, and that spills Darling into the cage. Moose gets on the turnbuckle and taunts Darling, then the crowd. Moose could do this for years, because Darling is probably dead. Moose puts the belt back around his waist and pulls Darling in from the outside. JI-ENDO! Moose has it locked and Creech, who to this point was just kind of leaning in one of the corners, sighs as he actually has to go to work. He’s on his knees checking on Darling, who very well might not respond. Oddly, rather than stop the match due to blood loss, he decides to do the “lift the arm three times”. Predictably, the first and second times, the arm falls like an anchor. The third time however, just as the arm was about to fall to his side for the third time, Darling stops it! He’s still ALIVE! Moose initially thinks he’s won, until Creech gives him the bad news. The crowd goes absolutely batshit.

Moose looks perplexed, because he really thinks that Darling should be dead, but he keeps the JI-ENDO locked in; but suddenly, Darling leaves his feet, and lands Moose DIRECTLY on his back, breaking the hold. Creech starts a 10 count, which Moose answers at 4. Moose takes the IC belt off, and looks to whip Darling with it again, but Darling hits a DROP TOE HOLD, and Moose lands on the IC Belt FACE FIRST! Darling gets to his knees, amazingly, and grabs his strap; whipping Moose mercilessly in retaliation. Whip, whip, whip, and you can already see welts forming on Moose’s back. Darling, in a fit of rage, gets on Moose’s back and takes the point of the belt buckle and just STABS Moose in the forehead with it, and then starts carving. There is a lot of blood. He ends this by carving a BIG “AD” on Moose’s back. Darling gives the “that’s it” sign, and hefts Moose on his shoulders…He’s looking for a DARLING DRIVER! Moose slips out the back door! DIAMOND CUTTER! A bloody Moose hesitates for a second before covering to gather himself, 1, 2, NO! Darling kicks out! Moose slaps the mat repeatedly and starts screaming at Creech, who just kind of shrugs and goes back to the corner. Moose stalks him, not finished with this conversation, and doesn’t see Darling charging after him holding the IC Belt, and BLASTS him in the head with it. Instead of covering, it appears Darling has lost his mind, and starts to climb the cage. What the hell is he going to do? With the blood loss though, it’s a slow journey, and he doesn’t notice Bloody Moose going up after him. Darling is near the top, when he feels Moose trying to pull him off. Darling kicks his hands away, but Moose keeps climbing, and they’re at the top of the cage! Darling throwing left hands! Moose throwing right hands! Moose seems to be getting the better of this, until Darling takes a punch flush in the nose (probably broken again), and instead of punching back, grabs Moose’s hair and throws him to the mat! Moose is DEAD! Darling proceeds all the way to the top of the cage! MOONSAULT! Crash and burn! Darling misses badly, but may have clipped Moose in the face with his foot. Creech starts a slow count.

At 8, Darling crawls a little across the canvas, and tosses his arm over Moose! 1, 2, 3! Moose got the shoulder up just as Creech hit 3! It’s over!
WINNER in 23:41 by PINFALL and NEW OOWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION…ALEXANDER DARLING!

<Silence fills the booth again for several seconds, finally Russ speaks up>
Russ: Folks, first off, congratulations to Alexander Darling on winning the Intercontinental title again, but I have to say, the rage in that cage, the pure hatred, was frightening
Nash: I am gonna agree there Russ, that was hard to watch, but not in the same way as the Tytan Outback Jack match. That match was gory, this match, this was something else. I really believe had either man had a lethal weapon in that ring, someone would have died tonight
Razz: Even without the weapons, someone almost died. I have seen a lot, I mean ECW was not shy about the bloodshed and violence, but man, this kind of puts a whole lot of that to shame.
Nash: My question is this, where do they go from here?
Russ: You know, I rarely say this kind of thing, but I think that perhaps it is in management’s best interest, as divided as they may be, to keep these two away from one another for a bit. It is just TOO much hatred, and knowing both men as I do, neither is going to give an inch.
Nash: Shockingly, I might have to agree with that
Razz: You run the risk of getting an all consuming feud. And while the people might like to see that, though after what we saw tonight, I cannot imaging how, all it is going to do is consume their careers and leave them broken men, believe me, I saw Tommy Rich in ECW, he was never the same after his war with Buzz Sawyer
Russ: That segues nicely into our main event match that features Concrete TG, a man that was very close to that type obsessive feud with Moose, facing the OOWF World Heavyweight champion, LD Williams
Russ: I think Crete and Williams match up very well, they have similar styles, this should be an exceptional match
Nash: I would have agreed with you, until yesterday
Razz: What changed yesterday?
Nash: Crete seems to have come to the conclusion that The Amnesiac was sent to block Crete from achieving his ultimate goal…….bringing the OOWF evil to justice or some such nonsense
Russ: Well he DOES have a point there
Nash: He may, but I know Crete, this is going to be eating away at the back of his mind throughout the match, and against LD Williams, if you are not 100% focused, you are not going to win. End of story
Razz: That’s a good point Nash, LD is a fierce competitor, and you need to be on you’re “A” game to beat him, anything less than that, and you are done
Russ: Well, I have faith that Crete can separate the two things going on, beside, if Crete should win the world title, that puts him in an eminently better position to deal out justice as he sees fit and punish those responsible for bringing war to the OOWF.
Nash: So, you are picking Crete to win the world title tonight then?
Russ: Yes, yes I am
Nash: I am going with LD, Crete is far too distracted to deal with this
Razz: I gotta agree with Nash on this one, Crete will fight the good fight, but there will be something that causes that momentary lapse of concentration and that will be all the champ needs
Russ: Well there is only one way to find out, lets go to……wait folks, I am getting word that there is something going on in the back, head to the back, quick…….

SFJiP: I am standing here where there is a high level meeting going on between the warring factions of the OOWF and the Board of Trustees. Moments ago a page came out and hurried down the hall, the only thing I could get from him was that he was sent to get someone.

<The page comes back and tries to slip past SFJiP but she stops him>

SFJiP: So who did you summon?

<the page just looks down the hall where we see Davin Moreland limping toward the meeting room, he gets there and SFJiP stops him before he can go inside>

SFJiP: Davin, can you tell us anything about why you have been summoned to this meeting?

DM: I have no idea. But if it is to sign surrender papers, they can kiss my ass.

<Davin steps inside the door and SFJiP turns back to the camera>

SFJiP: From the looks of things, it appears that Team Rick is surrendering! This has been quite a development and I…..

<just then Eric O’Mac shows up>

SFJiP: Were you summoned too?

EOM: What do you mean “too”?

SFJiP: Well, just moments ago, Davin Moreland was summoned into the room. Do you have any idea why?

<an evil smile spreads across Eric’s face>

ROM: Yeah I am sure I know what is up

<With that Eric slips into the room>

SFJiP: Russ, that’s all we know right now, Davin Moreland and Eric O’Mac have been summoned to the office. Who knows what will happen here. Back to you Russ, Razz and Nash!

Russ: Wow, I am speechless! Could it really be Rick that is surrendering?
Razz: It sure looks that way!
Nash: I am telling you, there is no way this is a surrender! NO CHANCE
Russ: Regardless, we have a main event to go to, so lets head to the ring!

<but first, a moment with Concrete TG!>

(CTG hears the news on a monitor in the workout area. Military PFC SFJ #82 walks up to him)

MPFCSFJ#82: Concrete, do you feel this announcement could mean "Mission Accomplished" for Team Rick?

CTG: (finishes his reps) Far from it, Citizen-

MPFCSFJ#82: I'm enlisted, thank you.

CTG: *ahem* far from it, Private 1st Class. Both sides have been at each other's throats. We have been fortunate thus far that we have not had any casualties or serious, career-ending injuries. What we might have here is a moment of truce, where perhaps Mr. Bennett and GM The Rick can have time to settle their differences.

MPFCSFJ#82: Do you think one side will surrender in the course of those negotiations?

CTG: While the OOWF has always had its reasonable amounts of chaos and confusion, since Bennett's arrival this has quickly spiraled out of control. It's about time that balance and order - what passes for it in this company - be restored.

MPFCSFJ#82: Will you be attending said meeting?

CTG: Unlikely. I hope that the referee corps will be on hand to find out they will be getting their old boss back.

MPFCSFJ#82: On the off-chance that your team surrenders-

CTG: That is NOT a possibility. We may not be entirely united, some may be forwarding their personal agendas through this war, but Team Bennett has not weakened our resolve.
This Sunday, we can hope that this war ends peacefully, but like your mission here, "Mission accomplished" may never come, now if you’ll excuse me, its time for my match.

LD WILLIAMS vs. CONCRETE TG – OOWF World Heavyweight Title Steel Cage Match

The cage is lowered and the lights go low. “With Jupiter in Mind” comes over the PA and Concrete TG, in full Super-Hero regalia, comes down the ramp to mostly cheers. He slaps hands with the crowd as he makes his way into the ring. He shakes hands with Sterling Glaw as he gets in the steel door. “Jekyll and Hyde” by Petra starts up as the Champ, LD Williams makes his way down, to a surprisingly mixed reaction, similar to the ones he’s been getting in recent weeks. He gets in the cage and into the ring, notices Glaw, shakes his head, grins and noticeably says “figures”. Odds aren’t great for the Champ tonight, but the door is closed, and Glaw calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!

LD sneers at a handshake offer from Crete, and they lock up. Crete gets the leverage and pushes LD back to the turnbuckle. He immediately gives the clean break, and gets KNIFE EDGE CHOPS for his display of sportsmanship. 5, 6 of them in total before they get to the turnbuckle. Two more chops from LD, and he WHIPS Crete into the far corner, running directly behind him and SPLASHING him in the corner. Snap-Mare takeover, kick to the back of the head, and LD goes to the TOP! MISSLE DROPKICK to the BACK OF THE HEAD! Cover: 1, 2, NO! Crete just does kick out, as LD thought he finished this one early.

LD pulls Crete up for some more chops. Choppity-Choppity-Chop-Chop. Another whip into the far corner with LD Following…and Crete got the elbow up! He jacked LD’s jaw hard. Crete shakes out the cobwebs; RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX. SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT! Cover: 1, 2, no and LD kicked out pretty easily. Now it’s Crete pulling up LD in this back and forth match. Crete tries to lock on the SCAFFOLD! He’s almost got it locks, but LD pushes himself backward, and Crete’s back EATS CAGE, and that breaks the hold. LD starts to show his ruthless streak a bit, grabbing Crete and mashing his face in the cage. Yes, that will draw some blood. LD grabs the weakened Crete, and pulls him into the middle of the ring, and LOCKS ON THE STF! Crete is done for, as Glaw checks on his buddy. Crete refuses to give, and eventually is able to leverage himself, and get a couple of Mule Kicks to the back of LD’s head, forcing him to break the hold, and that last kick really rocked him. Both men are down, and Glaw starts a count.

Glaw gets to 6 before Crete gets up, and gives him the HEROES TAUNT before picking up LD, hefts him onto his shoulder, yelling “You want to play rough, Citizen Williams?” Crete promptly vaults LD right into the cage, sending the Champ HARD back to the mat. Now it’s Crete who mashes LD’s face into the cage, and that busts him open. Crete picks him and hits a WHEELBARROW SUPLEX. WALK-UP MOONSAULT! COVER…1, 2, thr…NO! The Champ just does kick out, and Crete can’t believe it, looking questionably at Glaw, who fires back with an “Are you serious, like I’d count slow on you” look. Crete signals to the crowd, and locks up LD. He’s looking for the FINAL JUSTICE! He lifts LD up…and LD REVERSES INTO A DDT! COVER! 1, 2, 3! IT’S OVER!
WINNER by PINFALL in 12:25…and STILL OOWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…LD WILLIAMS!

LD Williams grabs his title and leaves the cage, and is passed going out by The Amnesiac coming in. The Amnesiac waits for Crete to get to his feet then DRILLS him with a super kick to the mouth. Crete is knocked goofy. The Amnesiac pulls Crete to his feet and sends him face first into the cage. As Crete lies on the mat trying to regain his bearings. The Amnesiac pulls him to his feet and DESTROYS him with a hangman’s DDT! Officials are raising the cage to save Crete, and just as some members of Rick’s Team get to the ring, The Amnesiac slides out on the opposite side. They start to give chase when the OOTron flickers to life and we see Davin Moreland and Eric O’Mac sitting at a table with a microphone, and behind them stand LJ Bennett, GM the Rick and a half dozen older gentlemen dressed impeccably well. SFJiP appears with a mic on screen:

SFJiP: I am standing here for what promises to be a monumental announcement from both sides, I have no idea what it is, but it appears that it is about to start!

<Eric O’Mac begins to read a prepared statement>

EOM: In January, events were put into motion that cast the OOWF into a brutal Civil War, dividing the locker room and forcing many to chose sides against their will for the very protection of their careers

DM:<also reading> This Civil War has completely consumed all things OOWF, the titles have become prisoner to the War, careers have been lost, blood has been shed, and bones have been broken, all in the name of winning a bitter power struggle. This war has cost more than just physical and mental loss. Based on the results of the last MidWeek Mayhem, where only ONE match went to a conclusive decision, the Board of Trustees feels it is in the OOWF’s best financial interest to bring hostilities to an end, at least temporarily.

EOM: Today is a watershed moment in OOWF history. Today both warring factions of the OOWF have agreed to a temporary cease fire, ending hostilities until further notice.

DM: This cease fire means that there is to be no physical contact between members of the opposite sides of this war outside of a sanctioned match agreed upon by members of the booking committee.

EOM: Any break in these rules will result in a mandatory 30 day suspension without pay. This edict supercedes any contract, verbal agreement, or promises made. There will be NO exceptions to this rule, all suspensions will be strictly and absolutely upheld.

DM: As for the matter of ending the war on a permanent basis, sole ownership of the GM position will be at stake in a War Games match at the OOWF Hell On Earth IV Pay Per View and 4 Year Anniversary Show, Live September 28th from Dayton, Ohio. Each side will choose five men from their team. The winning team’s GM will assume complete control, while the other will be cast from the OOWF.

<Davin and Eric get to their feet and exchange a tense handshake. During the handshake it appears that Eric presses a folded piece of paper into Davin’s hand. Davin looks down at the piece of paper, somewhat distracted>

EOM: The complete cease of hostilities begins <Eric grabs a chair and SMACKS Davin upside the head sending him to the floor> Now.

<Eric and Bennett walk off, Davin is quickly back to his feet and pissed off beyond reason. He starts to go after Eric, but GM the Rick steps in and stops him. Davin seethes for a moment, then looks at the piece of paper in his hand and laughs, then he and Rick head off in the opposite direction>

Russ: MAH GAWD! Did I just hear that right? A Cease Fire?
Nash: I knew it wouldn’t be a surrender
Razz: Yeah but this is a big step toward a re-unified OOWF! 30 day suspensions for ANY altercations outside the ring! That is HUGE!
Nash: The way things are going now, the whole roster could be suspended!
Russ: Folks we are out of time! Join us Wednesday for MidWeek Mayhem, Live! From Luxor, Egypt to see how this all shakes out!

Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF Judgment Eve III, Live August 30 from Qeqetarsauq, Greenland! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem Live! July 30th, from Luxor, Egypt!

For all your OOWF shopping needs, check out www.cafepress.com/oowfshirts

Join us for OOWF Chat on Wednesday nights!

[mooseheadjack]

After the show Chris Cole enters Bennett's office.

CC: I want to be one of the five. There isn't anybody here with the championship history that I have. And remember that I'm the one who delivered one of the biggest blows of the war when we tricked Rick into the cage match. I've earned my spot Bennett.