OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 09-03-08

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Burnside Harbor, Nunavut Canada

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match
LD Williams vs. Davin Moreland

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
Alexander Darling vs. DH Magnusson

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u]
Phantos & Lucios vs. Dead & Blitz

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Attitude Adjuster vs. Apocalyptic Existence vs. ZK DeBeers

OOWF Campeonas de Trios Title Match[/u]
IHOP & The Amnesiac vs. Insane Homeless Bunny

Winner Gets an Intercontinental Title Match at the Hell On Earth PPV[/u]
Spin Hansen vs. Chris Cole vs. Poe vs. Damon Wrath

Winner Gets an Onslaught Championship Match Next Week[/u]
Tytan vs. Tyson Kincaid vs. Firewoman vs. Seamus McNasty

Stank vs. Moosehead Jack vs. Concrete TG
Eric O'Mac vs. Outback Jack
The Worlds Greatest Fag Team vs. Cape Town Cannibals

Card subject to data loss

[mooseheadjack]

Seamus: "Great Tyson, Tytan and Tits...who the hell did I piss off?"

Connor: Well, you have been gone."

Semaus: "Look, I had a beach party with Marshie then flew to Memphis to say goodbye to Chef, rode the train to Denver with Joe, partied like a rock start with Hil and Bill woke up next to Chelsea...Gods how I love the redheads...then Diddy wouldn't let me use his fucking plane so I called Lance got to Michigan in time to plant a virus in a computer, jumped a plane to the PPV and then went to Paris in time to help Amy get to the hospital so fuck you...I'm tired..."

[mooseheadjack]

<Stank is hobbling around the Destroyitarium on a massively taped knee. His head is wrapped in a bandage and the big man is not happy. So when Moosehead Jack walks in, on his cellphone, you can imagine what Stank is thinking. Stank pauses and locks eyes with Moose.>

Stank - Not now, Moose, I am NOT in the mood for any of your bullshit.

<Moose puts his hand over the phone, so the person on the other end can't hear him say...>

MHJ - Relax, Stank, I only came here so you could listen to this first hand.

<Moose puts his phone on speaker and out comes the voice of Concrete Takaken Gryfon.>

CTG - ...job done... are you listening to ME! Hello? Did you just put me on speaker?

<Moose ends the call. Stank just glares at him.>

MHJ - He claim he called to-

Stank - I don't give a shit about him, you, or anyone else right now. If you've come to collect on the bounty, make your move, or get the fuck out.

<Moose doesn't move.>

Stank - You won't leave...? Fine. Then I will.

<Stank hobbles over to a exit and walks out the Destroyitarium SLAMMING the door behind him. He gets about five steps before he is accosted by SFJ#73>

Stank - Don't say a word to me, woman! Give me that mic!

<SFJ#73 complies. Stank turns toward the camera.>

Stank - I'd like to congratulate Davin Moreland on a hard fought victory. You've now got your opportunity to become OOWF World Champ free and clear. Boy did I EVER underestimate this different you! I mean look at this... cameraman get a shot of my taped knee here.

<The camera pans down to Stank's taped knee.>

Stank - Wow! You tried to end my career! THAT'S some impressive work right there I tell you.

Was it something I said?

I'm sure after the admirable display you showed during our match and the World title match, everyone will be forced to admit that you are great, Davin, and you will go on to beat LD Williams and hold the World Title with distinction and honor. I look forward to seeing that... but after the adrenaline wears off, when the euphoria dies down, the last drop of champagne is consumed, and the celebration ends, I want you to look at that title belt and realize something...

It wasn't worth it.

I'm going to make sure you realize that for the rest of your numbered days. You may not be afraid now in the wake of Judgment's Eve... but before too long you will be... THIS I promise you.

But all of that is if you can get past LD.

To be continued, my friend.

Right now I have more pressing matters to attend to. Bigger fish to fry if you will. Take your mic back, Marcy. I'm done.

<Stank hands the mic back to SFJ#73 and hobbles off.>

[mooseheadjack]

(Tytan sits in his locker room alone. He is pissed off there is a large dent in a nearby locker as well as some chairs overturned as Sylvia and her camerman enter.)

Sylvia: Tytan...can we have a word with you?

Tytan: Do you want to ask me about my lose to LD? Or are you asking about my match at Mayhem?

Sylvia: Actually I want to talk about both. And the missing presence of your mystery man?

Tytan: (Grabbing the mic) Alright fine. Let's get down to business. LD I take what I said back. You are not as washed up as Bennett was making you sound. So from this day on I have nothing but respect for you. You fought one hell of a battle and I hope the day will come when I have the honor of facing you again, because tonight the better man won, and that pissed me the hell off. It's not to say the nest time we face that it won't change and it will be me with my hand raised. Now, you got other things to worry about with the Psycho Davin. LD if you need some back up say the word and I will be glad to help you.

Now onto Mayhem. It seems like I am now in line to get a shot at the Onslaught Title. I will take that and make the most out of it. The only thing is it seems like I have to go through three others again. Tyson it seems you and I faced each other a long time ago and we have some unfinished business to take care of. Seamus...I have been waiting to face you in the ring. I owe you a good beatdown. Which then leaves me to the final person in this match. Firewoman. Damn I will just say this much you are either crazy or just plain dumb. You want to step in the ring in your condition. You guys were all trying to tell AA to do the right thing. I am asking you to do the same and get out while you can. Now don' t get me wrong. You are one hell of a wrestler and you have been a great Onslaught Champ but Tyson is just going to try to protect you and Seamus just doesn't care who he fights and then there is me. I want a shot at the title and I'm pissed off so right now I really can care less who I beat down and you have seen what I can do. So watch out come Mayhem.

And finally onto the final question of the night. Where was my hooded friend? (Turns to him as he steps out of the shadows.) Why don't you ask him yourself?

Sylvia: Uh...wow...how did you do that one? And where were you tonight?

Hooded Friend: Where was I? I was right where I was suppose to be. I was watching the match and doing my part. Where were you?

Sylvia: Uh...okay...I was well....doing what I was suppose to be doing.

HF: Then it is settled then we were all there doing are thing. (Tytan and HF look to each other and nod and HF turns and leaves)

Sylvia: So when are we going to find out who this guy is?

Tytan: Soon...soon the whole OOWF will know.

(Fade)

[mooseheadjack]

<Stank hobbles onto the OOWF Plane heading back to North America. He manages to make his way don the aisle, passing Alexander Darling, passing Phantos and Lucios, passing Magnusson and Jack, passing Davin Moreland and shooting him a look of death. Finally Stank gets to the rear of the plan and plops down in a seat with a little extra room. Stank moves his heavily wrapped knee so he can stretch out. Stank finally relaxes a bit and leans back closing his eyes, when someone sits down next to him>

Stank: <without opening his eyes> Moose. It has to be Moose.

MHJ: Trust me?

Stank: <wearily> What Moose? What do you want? Can I not just spend a few hours in peace while we finally get back to the states? I plan on sitting right here the whole time, if I don't move, I can't get attacked, right?

MHJ: Sounds like a solid plan. Just wondering, have you seen the lineup for next week?

Stank: No, I have not, and right now Moose, I don't really care.

MHJ: You have a match against me

Stank: Again? Someone seems to be giving you plenty of chances to take me out.

MHJ: That's not all. You are facing Crete too

Stank: Me, you and Crete?

MHJ: Yep

Stank: dammit

<Stank turns and looks out the window and seems to slip into deep thought>

[mooseheadjack]

(Tytan is heading to the OOWF airplane when he is suddenly stopped by someone.)

Tytan: What the fuc-

Diana: It's me Jason. Diana.

Tytan: What the hell are you doing here? You know the investigation hasn't closed yet, and you are asking to get yourself arrested.

Diana: I don't care about that right now. I had to tell you this.

Tytan: What?

Diana: Jonathan has been moved.

Tytan: To another part of the hospital. He did move.

Diana: No he's gone altogether.

Tytan:(Suprised) What? did he get moved to another hospital?

Diana: Someone came in and said his company was taking over his care and he was being moved to another location. That's all I could get since I wasn't family.

Tytan: Now, this is weird. Someone is trying to start Ultimo Inc back up.

Diana: I know Steel has some emergeny plans in case of dire situations but I don't know if this was one of them

Loudspeaker: This is the final call for boarding for flight 5101 to Canada. Final Call.

Tytan: If that's the case we can be in for some trouble. Now, I have to get going.

Diana: I'll be in touch after I could see what I could find out.

Tytan: Good, and Diana.

Diana: Yes, Jason.

Tytan: Be careful.

Diana: Thanks. Oh and sorry about your match last night. Maybe you'll get him next time.

Tytan: Thanks, and I hope you are right.

(They walk off in opposite directions.)

End Scene.

[mooseheadjack]

<Stank is half asleep when he senses someone sit next to him. He opens his eyes, looks over, and groans.>

Stank - What the fuck do you want Bennett?

LJB - Tough break in your match.

Stank - Fuck you.

LJB - Actually I didn't come here to discuss that. I actually wanted to ask you about Lexie.

Stank - Again... fuck you.

LJB - Just what is it you hope to accomplish? None of you are going to find what you're looking for.

Stank - Are you admitting there's something to find?

LJB - Uh... no. I'm not... that is... there is nothing. I meant to say there is nothing to find.

Stank - Yeah, whatever helps you sleep at night.

<LJ Bennett scowls and is about to leave when Stank grabs his arm.>

Stank - Wait there is something I've been meaning to ask you.

LJB - What?

Stank - How do you know my brother?

LJB - ... ... ...

Stank - I'm listening.

LJB - ... ... I don't know your brother, Mr. Mann and that's the honest to God's truth.

Stank - He said he worked for you.

LJB - Lot's of people have worked for me over the years. I can't keep track of them all.

Stank - No he said it like you know each other.

LJB - Mr. Mann I don't know your brother other than what Donovan Viper and Niles Anderson have told me.

Stank - WHAT?

LJB - Whoops, will you look at the time. I've got to go see one of your own about joining my side. Good day to you.

<LJ Bennett rises and walks up the aisle, while Stank pulls out his cell to call Alexis Darling.>

[mooseheadjack]

Selena is sitting in a darkened dressing room, surrounded by a circle of candles. She is brushing the hair on a doll with a sweet, loving, if not scary smile on her face. The dressing room door opens, taking her attention away from the doll.

SG: Master!

Selena jumps up, dropping the doll precariously next to a candle. She literally leaps into Poe’s arms.

SG: Where have you been?

Selena takes his coat and tosses it into a corner. Selena then smells the air like something stinks.

SG: What is that? I smell skank.

Poe: It is nothing my goddess. I passed by one of those Single Female Journalists.

SG: I hate them and their fake boobies. But they taste good. Yummy.

Poe: Did you hear the news my darling?

SG: Paramore’s coming to Canada???

Poe: Oh…I don’t know. But I have a match on Wednesday that will earn me an Intercontinental Title shot when I win. The Boy will have no where to hide from me then.

SG: And then he’ll feel massive amounts of pain??

Poe strokes Selena’s hair as she smiles up at him.

Poe: Truly…massive…amounts of pain.

They laugh as they embrace. As we fade out, we see the doll’s hair catch on fire.

[mooseheadjack]

(Little Texas’ “God Blessed Texas” fires out of the sound system and The OOWF World Tag Team Champions appear on the ramp. Phantos is carrying what appears to be a frame covered in a cloth. Lucios is carrying an easel and a small box. The Champions enter the ring. Phantos grabs a couple of microphones and away we go.)

Phantos: it’s great to be back here in….. (Stage whisper) Pssst, Luc, Where are we?

(The Crowd laughs)

Lucios (busy setting the frame on the easel): Canada

(Crowd pops)

Phantos: It’s great to be here and we have a special little presentation for you fine folks. I do need to introduce our special assistant tonight…. The Next Onslaught Champion, Firewoman!

(THe Cult's "Firewoman" strikes up and she heads to ringside.)

Lucios: Now. Let me begin. Since we have been in this company, we have stated that we are the best tag team in the business. The Measuring Stick, If you please. Backstage and talking to the OOWF fans around the globe, the names of 5 tag teams are continually thrown in our faces as teams we need to prove ourselves equal to.

Well, Right Now, let’s put one of those teams behind us. We had a little rivalry with Alan Capps and Johnny Adrenaline not too long ago. We challenged them, they ducked us. We challenged the again, they ducked us again. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Once we finally got them in the ring, we scored a decisive victory over them and Then ended the career of Johnny Adrenaline.

Phantos: What my partner is saying, is that we Proved we are the better team. The Heels just didn’t Measure Up.

(Phantos grabs the cloth pulls it off, and we see a large framed photo of Johnny and Alan; bloody and bruised; backing up the ramp clutching the OOWF Tag Team Championships. Lucios opens the box and produces a bottle of lighter fluid. He soaks the photo & frame with the entire contents of the bottle.)

Lucios: Firewoman, will you do us the honors?

(Firewoman produces her Zippo and lights the frame. The entire fixture is engulfed in flames in less than a second. The Run-DEA members stand and admire their work for a moment before heading to the back. OOficials come scurrying to the ring with fire extinguishers to prevent the fire from spreading.

We cut to Attitude Adjuster’s locker room, where he is watching OOWF-TV)

AA: THAT JUST ISN’T RIGHT!! THAT ISN’T FUCKING RIGHT!!

(Hard cut to the next promo)

[mooseheadjack]

[We are live on the OOWF plane to Canada. We see Stank starting to dose off, and he feels someone sit beside him. Again. He opens his eyes, and he sees Eric O'Mac.]

Stank: Oh for fuck's sake.

Eric: Why so serious?

Stank: Get the hell up! I'm trying to sleep!

Eric: We can't talk?

Stank: I'd much rather beat the fucking shit out of you.

Eric: Ask me if I give a fuck.

Stank: Is there something you don't understand about GET UP GETUP GETUP GETUP GETUP GETUP?

Eric: Fine. Just keep in mind that we'll run into each other again soon. If you thought Davin Moreland did a number on your leg....just wait til you see what I plan on doing to your career.

*Eric gets up....and walks down the aisle and sits beside Moose.*

Moose: Eric.

Eric: Why so serious?

Moose: How many times did you see that movie again?

Eric: Movie?

Moose: Did you want something?

Eric: Information.

Moose: About?

Eric: Outback Jack.

Moose: You've faced him several times in your career.

Eric: I have?

Moose: Yeah. He's no pushover.

Eric: And what should I expect?

Moose: Pain and violence.

Eric: Funny. The same things I was thinking he should expect.

*A brief silence.*

Eric: The war is almost over, Moose.

Moose: I know.

Eric: Then perhaps you can remind everyone else. We need to shore up our team for War Games and to be honest, I don't really trust anyone.

Moose: Should you?

Eric: You know my stance on that. With few exceptions, people on both sides are weak. Instead of making statements, we've passed up opportunities to show that LJ Bennett is the future of the OOWF...and to honest, I feel that he's dropped the ball too.

Moose: Don't do anything rash.

Eric: Everyone has 4 weeks to get their act together. After that - no guarentees.

*Fade out.*

[mooseheadjack]

Firewoman is sitting on the plane, with her hands gripping the armrests tightly. OOWF management has rearranged the assigned seats so she's no longer sitting next to Dead, and instead takes Alexis's old seat next to Alexander. Unfortunately for her, this seat is also near the window.

Alexander returns from searching for a pillow so he can doze a bit, and sees her being all tense.

AD: Hey...you okay? Is it the--

FW; You know, not everything I go through has to do with being pregnant.

AD: I know, I just....

FW: I hate this. I've got anti-anxiety stuff for flying but I can't take them, thanks to that idiot up the aisle there.

AD: Shhh....what about yoga? meditation? Any of that work?

FW: Maybe.

AD: Here, you dropped your head phones.

FW: Oh, yeah. Thanks. I've got a relaxation thing programmed on it, so that will help.

[She looks around and then drops her voice so no one can hear this part of the conversation. I mean, people have reputations to keep and stuff

FW: Look....you've been really, really great. And I was just wondering...well. If it wouldn't be too weird or anything....

AD: Us? Weird? Come on, spill it.

FW: Well.... would you want to be the godfather? I mean, if you say no I'd totally understand, I mean it's kind of--

AD: Yes. I'd be honored. I'm ... well, I'm really

FW: Okay, enough. "Yes" is enough.

AD: Okay.

Firewoman puts on her headphones, having dealt with that particular loose end, and tries to relax. Alex sits in silence for a bit, and then appears to get a thought. He gently taps her arm, and she only jumps a little, but doesn't open her eyes.

AD: Fire?

FW: What.

AD: I dont' have to ... well, being godfather doesn't mean I have to help you....you know....

FW: Help me what?

AD: You know.....be there when.....

FW: When I deliver?

AD: Yeah, that.

FW: Of course it does.

Alexander's face turns pale as he tries to figure out a way to get out of this. Firewoman opens one eye, and looks. Then she smiles.

FW; Don't be silly. Of course that's not what it means. You'd be useless.

AD: Yes. Yes I would be.

Firewoman laughs

FW: All I really need you to do is keep Tyson away from me. I just don't need that right now.

AD: Why? What is up with that?

Firewoman has already put her headphones back on and closed her eyes.

[mooseheadjack]

AA sits down next to Stank on the plane.

Stank: What?!??! A mean, seriously, what do you want with me??

AA: Dude, I'm just...you know...ummm...yeah.

Stank: You're the father??? What the hell???

AA: Yeah, that's kinda what I'm saying.

(The two sit silently together.)

Stank: So what the hell are you doing sitting here???

AA: Well, remember when Johnny and I faked the pregnancy test on Capslock? You guys, you know, aren't pulling a fast one on me, are you?

Stank (laughing nearly uncontrollably): Hell no!!!! Although that would be pretty good. Nope, you're on your own this time.

AA: Damn!!!

(AA walks off muttering to himself.)

[mooseheadjack]

*Moments ago...still on the plane*

*Stank is dozing away in his seat; finally with 20 minutes to himself, probably dreaming of five or whoever. However, he feels someone sit in the seat next to him. He grumbles something as he opens his eyes to see who it is; and he sees Davin Moreland, holding a beer*

S: Get the fuck out of here.

DM: Beer, Lucas?

*Stank considers the offer for a second and takes the beer, and sees Davin has one of his own, and holds it up*

DM: A toast.

S: A toast? How about a toast to fuck off?

DM: A toast to "Team Unity", Lucas. To Team Rick, and all our aggregate success.

S: *pulls off his beer* It's an awfully good thing I can't attack you on the plane.

DM: Don't think I didn't realize it. *sips off his own beer*

S: What the fuck do you want? I know it wasn't to chat about Team Unity.

DM: You sure? Maybe I am. Maybe I'm here to tell you "no hard feelings" and hope we could still work together for the greater good?

S: You're so full of shit. If this were about "team unity" you wouldn't have Con-chair-to'd my knee 15 times, now would you?

DM: Haven't you been paying attention, Lucas? This isn't about Team Unity or No team Unity. This is about me, finally about me; and what I have to do for myself. Besides, it wasn't me who ran down the ramp and blasted you in the head with a chair.

S: No, but Davin; you went too far; and so help me...if we EVER are in a match together again, you're going to be reminded of this. You made a big mistake today.

DM: Did I? Because if it were you, you would have done the same thing; well, at least the OLD you would have.

S: Nah. Not this Davin. Not even then.

DM: Welp. *tugs off his beer* Let the record show that I, Davin Moreland, punked out the longest-reigning-ever World Champion like a chump to send a message. A message to a lot of people. I assume "Message Received", Lucas?

*Just at that second, Alexander Darling happens to be walking by; and it looks like Stank doesn't care much about a suspension right now*

AD: DAVIN! What the fuck are you doing? Get the fuck out of here!

DM: I'm having a chat with my good buddy Stank about Team Unity. You know. Team Rick 4 Life, right? Just chattin' with the boss here.

*As Stank is about to swing, Alexander PHYSICALLY REMOVES Davin from his seat and moves him to the aisle*

AD: What the FUCK man? Get the fuck out of here, NOW!

DM: Why so serious?

AD: You hate comic books and comic book movies.

DM: I do. It just felt right.

AD: Get. The. Fuck. Out. Now.

DM: Fine, I'm going, I'm going. Where's your sister?

AD: Where you left her, asshole.

DM: Right, right. Anyway, see you later Alexander...and Champ, you take care of that knee. Looks like it's a bit tender.

*Stank LEAPS out of his seat, but is restrained by Darling. Davin chuckles to himself as he walks up the aisle, where all the wrestlers (clearly) are sitting*

DM: Ayo, Bunny.

B: Ayo.

DM: Go get those straps this week.

B: Ayo.

*walking*

DM: Hey Carl, you got enough to eat man?

CFF: For the first time in years, I don't think I could eat another thing?

DM: What about a cheesesteak?

CFF: CHEESESTEAK?

DM: I'll have em send you one.

*walking*

DM: Citizen Concrete Takaken Gryfon. Your meddling ways and interference betray you.

CTG: Citizen Moreland, you are no better than the evil-doers we battle against.

DM: Nor are you, Citizen Takaken, with your bounty and all.

CTG: You take the word of that vile, reprehensible Citizen Moose over that of my own? I daresay Citizen Moreland, you may be as vile as he.

DM: Watch your back, Superhero. Stank isn't in a very good mood nowadays.

*walking*

DM: Hey Moose.

MHJ: Davin.

DM: How bout them Eagles?

MHJ: You know Davin, you're not exactly endearing yourself to your teammates of late. Team Unity, indeed.

DM: You of all people Moose should realize that there are sometimes things more important that "the team".

MHJ: Still, if you want to take people out, they should be the right people.

DM: Maybe our definitions of "the right people" are different. We should hang out more. You've got my number, right?

MHJ: No.

DM: Lemme see your phone. *Davin presumably goes to put his number in* Oh, sure, here it is. You do have it.

MHJ: *takes the phone back and slowly closes it* Looks like I do.

DM: Have a pleasant flight, Moose.

*walking*

DM: *stops and stares* Tick Tock, LD. It's a shame it has to happen in your home country.

LD: The beating I give you? It's a shame that happens anywhere. Good thing you don't have kids.

*Grins and walks away. He crouches down in the aisle next to a seat*

DM: We're cool, right?

P: Yup. You said it's not personal, and you'd do whatever it takes. It bothered me at first, but I'm over it D. Besides, I think I know why you are the way you are now.

DM: You do?

P: There's a lot you don't know about me.

*They bump knuckles and finally Davin returns to his seat near the fire exit in front*

DM: Got any more beers?

SD: Your arms broken?

DM: Oh, be a pal. My shoulders hurt from carrying this company for so long.

SD: That might be a bit of an overstatement.

DM: Might be. Carrying Team Rick though? Not so much an overstatement.

SD: I'm not going to disagree with that. *hands Davin a beer*

DM: *Pats Sam on the head* Good Sam.

SD: Seriously, STOP doing that.

FW: Yes, stop, it's disgusting and you're messing with my biorhythms.

DM: Sorry Lis. Listen, I don't want to sound presumptuous or anything, but I didn't know where you actually, like, LIVED, so I had a couple of things delivered to the Suites when we get to Nunavut. For you and the baby.

FW: Davin, you didn't have to. Really.

DM: I'm not a monster, Fire. Besides, it's all stuff I had to buy; we don't sponsor any of it; so you'd better like it.

FW: Nice. Will you leave me alone now?

DM: Need anything?

FW: Yes, to be left alone.

DM: Aye Aye.

*sips off his beer a bit, and speaks more softly so as not to disturb Fire*

DM: So?

SD: So...what?

DM: So I have a match this week.

SD: I've heard rumors.

DM: Well, not that I expect it to happen 100%, I'm sure Bennett will find SOME reason why I can't have the match. However, if he does, he picked the right week to have it happen. This will be my third war in less than a week.

SD: You scared?

*Davin cuts his eyes at Samantha*

SD: You sound scared.

DM: You need to clean your ears out. You're sitting next to the next OOWF World Champion. Feel free to bask in my reflected glory.

SD: I really should hate you when you're being a pompous jackass.

DM: You SHOULD...but...

SD: But...I'll admit; since you stopped being pussified Davin, and started doing what's best for you instead of being the Team Rick Designated Punching Bag because no one else would step up...I like this Davin better.

DM: Know what? So do I. And when I become Champ this week, there are going to be some changes.

SD: Like what?

DM: Well, I don't want to get into that now. I've got a match to prepare for. I'm up against LD Williams, one of the baddest dudes on the planet, and he's playing a home game. As usual, the odds are stacked against me. That said, this is what I asked for. My shot. I've had two shots before, but I wasn't ready. I'm ready this time. I can taste it. It's mine for the taking. I've got to go through one tough hombre to do it; but I think he realizes now what he's really up against. This isn't the same guy who got a lucky roll-up win against him over a year ago. And I'm not focused on anything else but getting the pin or submission. Whatever it takes.

SD: You're not focused on anything else?

DM: *looks over* No.

SD: That's the right answer.

DM: Dear God I'm so glad they speak English where we're going.

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

<Davin is dozing away in his seat, probably dreaming of sucking Paul Pierce's dick or whoever. However, he feels someone sit in the seat next to him. He grumbles something as he opens his eyes to see who it is; and he sees Stank.>

DM - Where's Sam?

Stank - Off pretending like she likes you somewhere else.

DM - Listen Lucas-

Stank - No YOU listen. I'm not the one. If you think burying me is sending a message to anyone you are sadly mistaken. The only thing you have done is piss me off. I'm not going to pretend you give a shit about that so I will talk about something you do give a shit about... the OOWF World Championship.

Had things gone down differently between us no one would have cheered louder than I after you won the title. It would have been a tremendous victory for you and the team, but since you've decided to be an ass and go the route you're on I want you to know something.

Having me as an ally would have only lead to great things. Having me as an enemy...

DM - Lucas, I don't have to lis-

Stank - I'm not finished. This story is being written by me. Shut the fuck up... now as I was saying... having me as an enemy will only lead to your doom. That's not hyperbole. Ask Crete if you don't believe me.

DM - I'm not Crete.

Stank - No you're not. Crete would know when to quit while he's ahead. Keep antagonizing me Davin. Keep it up. I will take the suspension and beat you to within an inch of your pathetic life. No hard feelings buddy, but that would be my way of sending a message to you and anyone else. You fuck with me you get hurt. It's that simple. Beer?

DM - No thank you.

Stank - Enjoy the rest of your flight.

<Stank rises from the seat and walks back down the aisle toward his own. On the way back he stops by where Concrete is sitting.>

Stank - That's twice you've interfered in one of my matches.

CTG - I was trying to help.

Stank - Bullshit Crete. I heard you on the phone with Moose.

CTG - You heard...? I KNEW he put me on speaker. Listen, I was just warning Moose that his nefarious plan will not work.

Stank - The only thing Moose plans is bleeding you dry at Mayhem... and I just might let him before taking you both out.

CTG - Think about what you're saying. You and I are allies.

Stank - Yeah, I thought Davin was an ally too.

CTG - ...

<Stank continues down the aisle and tries to pass by Moosehead Jack, but you know Moose is going to say something.>

MHJ - You given any thought to what's coming?

Stank - You mean my kicking yours and Crete's collective asses at Mayhem?

MHJ - Cute. No. I mean Hell on Earth.

Stank - What about it.

MHJ - The war is coming to an end... it might not be the end you want.

Stank - Listen, Moose. I'm tired. I'm not in the mood for your bullshit.

MHJ - All I'm saying...

<Moose looks over toward Bennett and Eric O'Mac. He then turns to LD sitting next to him, lost in his own thoughts.>

MHJ - ... never mind.

<Moose pulls a magazine out of the seat pocket in front of him and begins thumbing through it. Stank gives Moose a curious look, then heads back toward his seat.>

<Fade>

[mooseheadjack]

*Outback Jack is making his way through the aisle, on his way back from a beer run. He lets out a large belch and grins as he approaches Crete.*

OBJ: Australian for nice work, mate. I had my doubts about you going into the match, but you are a tough fucking bastard when push comes to shove.

CTG (looking uncomfortable about the language): Citizen Outback Jack, I appreciate your intentions, but perhaps you could consider that the youth of America look up to those of us who have the opportunity to achieve fame in the sports entertainment industry, and thus we have an obligation to...*realizes OBJ has wandered away*

*OBJ pauses near Davin's seat. His smile fades and a vacant look passes over his face, followed by an odd light in his eyes*

DM: You got something to say to me?

*OBJ shakes his head, and his expression returns to normal. He wanders over to where Moose and LD are sitting, drinks more beer and belches.*

OBJ: Australian for for "that was a fun little match", Moose.

MHJ: You seemed to be enjoying yourself.

OBJ: Indeed, mate, I was. I can't wait to have some more fun with Eric. *Starts to walk away.* Hey champ, good luck, but try not to put Davin on the shelf. Be a shame if something was to end his career prematurely.

LD: No doubt.

*OBJ strolls off as Moose smiles.*

[mooseheadjack]

*Fade in to the palatial IHOP lockerroom, where IHOP has just arrived after a relatively short plane ride. The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth is elsewhere. Fezzik is mumbling incoherently in Greenlandian in the corner. The Amnesiac is with Fezzik, listening intently, trying to figure out if he spoke kalaallisut at some point in his hazy past. SYB and Skurge are sitting on a couch drinking…

SYB: What are you grinning about, Skurge?
Skurge: Dude, do you know how good it feels to come home with gold? I mean, only 3 Olympians were able to do that this year. It’s something special.
SYB: Wow. You suuure do get emotional when you drink. And to be fair, it was the Summer Olympics. You guys don’t get much time to practice for those.
Skurge: Good point. Oh yeah, I forgot to remind you that now that we’re in Canada, you’ll want to watch how much you drink, eh? This is the high-octane stuff. Not that piss we get across the border.
SYB: In Mexico?
Skurge: No, jackass, in the States.
SYB: Oh. Well, it’s okay, I’m not drinking beer anyway. I decided to go for a hard lemonade.
Skurge: That’s fine. When Dorothy gets back, the two of you can swap makeup secrets and braid each other’s hai– Huh. Well, you can swap makeup stories, anyway.
SYB: Fuck off, eh?
Skurge: Man up and have a beer, eh?
SYB: Yeah, whatever. Hard lemonade is good, yo. Look, we need to get The Amnesiac away from Fezzik at some point so we can go over our strategy for OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Burnside Harbor, Nunavut, Canada.
Skurge: It’s Burnside Harbour, actually.
SYB: But the card for this week says “Harbor.”
Skurge: That’s a typo. Anyway, why do we need a strategy meeting? It’s pretty simple. We go out to the ring, Fezzik destroys our opponents, and we crack a beer. We don’t have to worry aboot losing the Champions de Trois titles.
SYB: Isn’t that Campeonas de Trios titles?
Skurge: Nah. We’re in Canada, eh? No one speaks Spanish here. We have to learn French in school.
SYB: Gee, that must come in handy.
Skurge: Yeah, not so much. Pass me another beer, eh? I have to get as many of these in me as I can while we’re here. Hey, you said you looked at the card earlier. Who are we fighting?
SYB: I thought Fezzik was going to take care of that for us? What does it matter?
Skurge: Well, I’ve had, what, 16 of these now? I’m feeling a bit ornery. I’d like to make a few threats and whatnot while we’ve got this camera pointed at us.
SYB: Uh, let’s see…looks like it’s Insane Homeless Bunny again.
Skurge: Damn. Who’s in that group again? I suck at remembering shit like that.
SYB: Yeah, I’ll have to look it up. I can’t remember either.
Skurge: Don’t worry aboot it, eh? I’ll just go generic. Insane Homeless Bunny…um…you guys are going doon this week. Uh…IHOP will fuck you up real good. And then we’ll fuck you up again.
SYB: Really? That’s what you’ve got? Holy shit, man. Go back to drinking and leave the threats to me.
Skurge: *buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurp* Okay.
SYB: Insane Homeless Bunny…IHB…wait, IHB is like IHOP. Too much like IHOP, in fact. What the hell are you bastards trying to do? Wait, I’ve got it – you’re trying to confuse the fans into buying your merchandise instead of ours! That’s fucking cheap! Well I’ve got news for you, fuckers – IHOP’s cut of merchandising? That’s Skurge’s beer money. If you start cutting into that, he’s going to get sober. You wouldn’t like him when he’s sober. Take that as a warning.
Skurge: What’d you just say aboot my beer money?
SYB: That depends. Do you want Fezzik to handle things this week, or do you want to get your hands dirty?
Skurge: I’m good either way, actually.
SYB: In that case, Insane Homeless Bunny has hatched a master plan to cut into our merchandising income, thereby lessening the amount of beer that you can buy.
Skurge: Wait, the rabbit hatched a what now?
SYB: You’re a pain in the ass when you’re this drunk. The guys we’re scheduled to fight this week are going to take your beer away.
Skurge: Like fuck they are! Where are those motherfuckers? I going to take them the fuck oot.
SYB: Hold the rage in until tomorrow, my friend. Hey Fezzik: you can stay in the palatial lockerroom. We won’t be needing your services tomorrow.
Fezzik: You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted.
SYB: Riiight. I don’t think any of these guys wear masks, but that’s sound advice nonetheless.
Skurge: Pass me another beer, eh? And speaking of which, we need to get The Amnesiac away from Fezzik at some point to go over our strategy for this week. Who are we fighting again?
SYB: You, my friend, are going to be some kind of hungover in the morning.
Skurge: I suuure am.

*FADE*

[mooseheadjack]

Run DEA members are getting settled in the Canadian version of their Suites by Aquafina. Firewoman comes in to see a whole load of boxes, and Davin Moreland putting black electrician’s tape on the last of some red cases of a Certain Cola. She looks at this, and decides it’s some Davin thing that she doesn’t want to know about, and then looks around at the mess.

FW: Oh what the hell is all this stuff? Did Bennett put us in the mail room again?

DM: Your presents.

FW: My what?

DM: Yeah. What I told you on the plane. Crib, changing table, rocking chair, pram, Pack n' Play, pretty much an entire nursery plus a year's worth of formula, clothes and diapers. And you've got a wide variety of herbal and green teas, caffeine-free chocolates and caffiene-free uh, non-sponsor related cola. That’s why the tape.

Firewoman stands there with her mouth open, but is uncharacteristically speechless.

DM: There's also a number to call a courier (paid for) to send it to wherever the hell it is you're supposed to live, or to get it from city to city, depending upon--

FW: I can’t accept this.

DM: Sure you can. I’m sorry I was a jerk earlier, and I’ll probably be a jerk again, so—

FW: No, I really can’t—

DM: You’re not going to cry again, are you? Look, I know you can’t help it, but it really is getting old.

FW: You’re telling me. I think I’m too stunned to cry.

DM: Alright it doesn’t appear Attitude Adjuster is going to do anything, and while I know Chris says he’ll be there…

FW: It’s fine. Thank you. It’s really just too much, Davin.

DM: Don’t. Just take care of yourself. I know medical gave you clearance for the next couple of months, but maybe just take it easy? No run ins or anything, okay?

FW: I… uh, okay.

DM: Good. Now I have to take care of some….stuff. See you.

He leaves as Firewoman wonders what the heck she’s going to do with all this stuff.

[mooseheadjack]

<as Firewoman looks around at all the things Davin has left for her, she senses someone is in the doorway. Fire spins around and sees Moose standing there>

FW: What do you want Moose?

MHJ: Quite a spread you have there isn't it

FW: I......well......you know.....for the baby and all

MHJ: Kinda like robbing Peter to pay Paul huh

FW: I have no idea what you are talking about

MHJ: Of course you don't. Oh, by the way, if you need anything........

FW: I know, I know, just come to you and you will help out however you can

MHJ: No, actually, its not mine, you are on your own. You had your chance, and you blew it

<Moose turns and walks away leaving Fire speechless>

[mooseheadjack]

Chris Cole enters DEA Suites. Cole walks calmly up to Alexander Darling. The rest of Run DEA looks on making sure Cole doesn't start too much trouble. Cole stops and stares at Darling for a few seconds before starting a slow clap.

CC: Bravo Alex. Big win on Sunday.

AD: What are you doing here Cole?

CC: I just wanted to tell you that on Sunday you were the better man.

AD: I already knew that.

CC: I also wanted to give you a warning. You paid a price for your win. (Cole pats Darling's injured shoulder and Alex winces in pain.) A price that will be your undoing. You need time off to heal. And yuo won't get that time off while you are carrying around that Intercontinental Title. But after I win the number one contender match this week at Mayhem I'm going to finish what I started. I'm going to be the next Intercontinental Champion and then Alex you can have your vacation and heal that shoulder of yours.

AD: Injured shoulder or not if we meet again the result will always be the same.

Cole shakes his head and starts to walk out. He stops by Firewoman.

CC: AA? Seriously?

Firewoman rolls her eyes. As Cole is exiting you can hear him mumble something that may or may not have been the word "whore"

[mooseheadjack]

(Tytan sits and watches the latest on OOWF-tv and wonders what the hell is going on with the state of the Federation. He begins talking and at first you think it is to himself and then you later see he is talking to the hooded man.)

Tytan: What in the hell is going on here? I feel like I woke up in an episode of Monday Night Raw. I am waiting to walk outside into the hallway a run into Vince Russo.

HM: I agree but Firewoman does have one enchanting glow about her.

Tytan: Will you stop. I have a match to be ready for.

HM: I know you do but it seems like no one but you an Seamus care about the match.

Tytan: Then let me fight him then, at least then we will know that there would be a wrestling match and not this WWE crap.

HM: Save it for the ring, you are loosing focus keep doing that at you will loose the match too.

Tytan: You are right, now I need to train.

(fAde)

[mooseheadjack]

*As Chris Cole is leaving the Run DEA Suites, Presented by Aquafina, Davin yells to him...*

DM: Hey Cole!

CC: The fuck do you want?

DM: Don't you understand? You should really stop fucking with Run DEA.

CC: Why?

DM: Because go fuck yourself, that's why, and besides that; you didn't get enough when I buried you from the "Main Event" to the "Lower Midcard", but you're not going to stop until my boy Darling here makes you "The Curtain Jerker" Chris Cole?

CC: Fuck off.

DM: Sure. You know Cole, you're a lot like the Yankees. Once great, and now you're just another irrelevant third place team. In other words, your time...has passed - and don't you forget who ended your relevance, Cole...Run...D...E...A...

*Cole weighs how much a suspension might be worth, but shakes his head and walks away, but notices Davin making the Diamond Cutter sign as he does*

AD: Your boy?

DM: Like brothers man; we have to watch out for each other. Fuck with my boys, and you fuck with me.

AD: Listen, you stay out of my way. You're unpredictable and can't be trusted.

DM: Can't be trusted? Fuck you. Unpredictable? Damned skippy...in fact, watch this.

*Davin leaves and makes a beeline for the Destroyitarium. OBJ, DH Magnusson and Spin start shoving him around immediately. Davin doesn't resist.*

DM: Guys, please, I just need to talk to Stank.

OBJ: Haven't you done enough, boyo?

S: *from the bar* He wants to talk, let him talk.

*Davin sits at the bar next to Stank and nods to the bartender who puts a beer in front of him*

S: You've got about 10 seconds before I bust this bottle over your head.

DM: Understandable. Lucas, I want to apologize.

S: Oh, go fuck yourself and your apology. You had your chance and were too busy being full of yourself. 5 seconds.

DM: Fine, how about this then. If I win the Championship, first shot is yours. Least I can do. I feel terrible about what happened and what I did, and this is the only way I can think of to make it up to you. Hell Lucas, you've mentored me; you've helped me get to where I am, and we've gone to war together. We're still at war, and I've let that get lost in the shuffle. Greater good, right? Stank, I've still got your back, and I'm truly sorry about how things went down. I just hope you can forgive me someday. If there's anything you need at all; you know where I am, and you have my number. Again Lucas, I wish I could take it back; I really could, and I'm sorry. All offers stand. I mean it.

S: Get the fuck out, Davin. Now.

DM: Sure thing, Lucas. Again...I'm truly sorry.

*Davin sighs and walks out of the Destroyitarium with his head down*

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

(Tytan walks out to the ring as the sounds of "Save Yourself" play, he grabs a mic and gets ready to speak when he sees the hooded man make an appearance on the ramp. They nod to each other and continue.)

Tytan: Fire, I have to start out by commending you. It seems in the relationship between you and AA I guess we know who wears the pants in that one. But I didn't come out here to talk about AA I came out here to talk about you Fire. First off congratulations on being pregnant, second why isn't your damn boyfriend Chris giving the same speech that he is using on HBK. You know it would work for you too. Fire, walk away. Why are you being that stupid and continuing to step into this ring? Are you still no believing that you actually have a child in there. I don't even know why I am saying all this stuff...oh I know! If you are this way now what kind of mother are you going to be? I know you are enjoying getting all the attention since you never got it when you were younger but come on.
It's simple. You keep on getting into this ring and I will not be responsible for what I will do to you. Does that one sound familiar Chris? Or do I have to get AA in the ring with you an accidentally hit him so I get you pissed off enough that you wake up! Think about what you are doing, will this Attitude be the same after that baby kicks!?
Fire I have no problem fighting you if you are that dumb to get in the ring. But I will not claim any responsibility before I kick your ass. And those men in your life need to start acting like real men and stop letting you lead them around.

(Drops the mic and leaves)

Fade

_

[mooseheadjack]

**L.D. Williams is about to settle into his locker room when SFJ#47 approaches.**

SFJ#47: “L.D., you survived your match with Tytan, and now this week you face the ‘New’ Davin Moreland. Your thoughts?”

LD: “First things first. Tytan, I said you would have the opportunity to prove you belonged among the elite, and you did exactly that. It won’t be the last title shot you see, and it won’t be the last time we go head to head. For what it’s worth, you’ve earned my respect, and I look forward to the next time we meet.
Now, on to Mr. Moreland. Davin, you’ve spent a lot of time claiming that you deserve a title shot. Well, now you have one. In a few short hours, we’ll find out if you are the golden boy you claim to be.You’ve passed a lot of tests, but Wednesday night will be the biggest one of all.
Oh, and Davin, don’t think I’ve forgotten about being hit with the belt. For now, we handle this like gentlemen, but think twice before you push me again. You do not want to make this personal.”

[mooseheadjack]

*back in the DESTROYITARUIM*

Spin Hansen: Gee, guys...maybe is really really sorry. Maybe we should over to let come back for a group hug, and maybe some cocoa.

Outback Jack: With the little marshmellows?

SH: Absolutely.

*OBJ and SH both burst into laughter, stopping when they notice that the other two member of Drink and Destroy aren't joining in.*

Stank: Sorry, boys - but I don't find a damned thing funny about the guy that tried to end my career a week ago.

D.H. Magnusson: Yeah, and I ain't th' kind t'play with other people's feelin's, teasin' them with lil marshmellows an' stuff.

*DHM deftly ducks the bottle thrown at him by Spin Hansen, but is caught unaware by the one one hurled by Stank*

Sta: I'm glad you 3 are having ALL KINDS OF FUN, but maybe - just maybe- you'd like to take a look around you. Maggs, you got a title match coming up this week, and you don't act your head is in this damned thing at all. I don't care what you have going on with Firewoman and her people, you need to put that crap in the back, or Darling is going to take you apart.

Sta: Hansen, you win tonight, and you're next in line for a shot at that belt. You want to act like that matters to you? Or maybe you want to fall short again, because you're not paying attention?

Sta: And you Jack - you're supposed to be the crafty veteran, you're supposed to know what you're going up against with O'Mac tonight. Maybe you haven't noticed his little tendency to try and CRIPPLE out there lately? For the love of god, you three act like we're the King Shits of Turd Hill, and if you haven't noticed THAT ISN'T US ANYMORE!

*the room falls quiet, and after several long moments Spin Hansen stands up, grabbing a bottle and staring a hole into Stank*

SH: You think I'm not paying attention? I'm more focused than I have been in years. I'm seeing and noticing ALL kinds of things I never have before. Even in here.

*Hansen storms out, heading the direction of the boiler room*

DHM: What I got goin' on with Fire ain't nobody's nothing. We're friends, me an' her. That's all. You think I got warm fuzzies for her runnin' buddies? You think I got the warm fuzzies for Moreland? I ain't forgot th' man backjumpin' me and tryin' t'bully me when I first got here, an' I sure as hell ain't forgot the crap he pulled on you Sunday. You think I ain't got my head in th' game, just because Darling is all kinds of cozy with Fire? You'll see what I think about Darling, an' his money, and his "better than everyone" crap this week. An' while I'm doin' it, I think I'll even keep an eye fer anybody tryin' to collect this bounty I been hearin' about...startin' with that so-called "hero" you're in th' ring with this week. But first, I'm gonna go out there an' win that belt. Whyn't you go get that knee checked out again, champ. I'll be in my locker room if ya need me.

*Magnusson stalks out, nearly taking the door off it's hinges as he does. Stank looks to Outback Jack, who drains his beer and tosses it in the vicinty of the Bass Player*

OBJ: BUUURRRRAP!

Sta: Well?

OBJ: That was Austrailian for "Your pep talks need work, mate."

[mooseheadjack]

***Before Karmic's promo***

*Moments Later*

Alexander Darling comes flying down the hallway just in time to see Davin Moreland walking out of the Destroyatorium…

Alexander Darling: Oh Jesus fucking Christ, now what?

Davin Moreland: Don’t worry about it brother dear. I just gave Stank a heart-felt apology. All good on Team Unity now.

Alexander: My lord, you really are being a condescending, arrogant fucking jerk off right now.

Davin: Well, I figure if you’re going to turn into the flag-waving pussy of Team Rick, someone should take up your mantle of being the most hated guy in the locker room.

Alexander: You’re doing a damn good job.

Davin: Thanks partner. I’m gonna go take your interesting sister out for dinner now. Don’t wait up.

Alexander looks like he has more to say, but he holds his tongue as Davin walks down the hall and back towards the Run DEA Luxury Suites. Alexander waits for a moment before taking a deep breath and heading into the Destroyatorium. As soon as he steps in, he can see that Spin Hansen, Outback Jack, and D.H. Magnusson are all ready for a fight. Seeing Darling walk in, they relax a little, but not all the way. Alexander nods to all 3 members of D&D.

Alexander: Guys, good to see everyone. I was hoping to have a word with the big man over there and I really don’t want any issue.

Spin and Outback seem to be agreeable with this and step out of Darling’s way, but Magnusson doesn’t move. The two guys eye each other for a moment.

D.H. Magnusson: You know I don’t really like you.

Alexander: Mags…

DH: Actually, I’d like to talk this time. I really didn’t like you, but you’ve been stand-up when it comes to Fire and this war, but don’t think that’s going to change how hard I come after that belt this week.

Alexander: Wouldn’t expect anything less. Now, if you don’t mind, I really do need to talk to Stank.

DH: No problem.

D.H. slaps Alexander on the shoulder as he lets him pass by and there is a very noticeable wince from Darling as he heads over to Stank. Alex takes a seat next to Stank and you can see that the beer that Davin gave Stank is still sitting there untouched.

Alexander: Something wrong?

Stank just gives Darling a look like he’s fucking nuts for asking such a dumb question.

I mean you haven’t even touched this beer.

Stank: Yea, I’m not sure if your partner poisoned it.

Alexander: He told me he said he was sorry.

Stank: And you believe him?

Alexander: What choice do I really have? When no one else in this company was willing to stand next to me in Japan, it was him who grabbed the ball and was there for me.

Stank: If you had asked…

Alexander: I get that now, but back then I really thought I had alienated the entire locker room. I’ve never been the most liked person in any company I’ve worked at, but things have been changing for me here in the OOWF. I don’t know if it’s been just how personal things with Moose got or if it was having someone as close as Fire around, but I truly feel like I belong here.

Stank: What the fuck are you talking about?

Alexander: Don’t worry about it and don’t worry about Davin, really. He’s just got his head all fucked up right now because of the way Bennett has been twisting him in circles. Half the time he doesn’t know which way is forward.

Stank: Darling, don’t make excuses for him. You’ve made your bed and faced it head on. Sooner or later, Davin is going to have to do the same and I’m going to make damn sure I’m there for it.

Alexander: Speaking of facing things head on…War Games is coming in a few weeks and I know you’re going to be the one choosing Team Rick. I want in.

Stank eyes Darling.

Stank: I’ll see what I can do.

Alexander: Take care of yourself Stank. And by the way, you almost done with my sister?

Stank just laughs as he also slaps Alexander on the back and this time there is a really noticeable gasp of pain from Alexander.

Stank: You really should have someone look at that.

Alexander just grits his teeth as he walks out of the Destroyatorium with his right arm noticeably hanging low.

*Fade*