OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 09-10-08

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Steinbach, Manitoba Canada

Elimination Match[/u]
LD Williams, Chris Cole, Attitude Adjuster, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III, Ryan HArdcore, The Amnesiac, SYB & Skurge vs. Davin Moreland, Alexander Darling, Firewoman, Phantos, Lucios, Bunny, Carl From Fresno & Justin Sane

No Rules, Anything Goes Match[/u]
Stank vs. Concrete TG vs. Moosehead Jack

Tytan vs. Apocalyptic Existence
DH Magnusson vs. Damon Wrath
Eric O'Mac & Poe vs. Outback Jack & Spin Hansen
Tyson Kincaid vs. Seamus McNasty vs. ZK DeBeers
Dead & Blitz vs. Cape Town Cannibals

Card subject to Canadian bacon overdose

[mooseheadjack]

*Outback Jack is backstage after Mayhem, getting stitched up while drinking beer, as SFJ 47 approaches him*

SFJ: Outback Jack, what happened out there tonight?

OBJ: Well, Eric stole a win. Good on ya, mate! *drinks beer and belches* Australian for, you didn't get the job done. You've been taking people out on your "path of rage", but you had to cheat to win against me, and I'm good to go against you this week. Now, you've got Poe as a partner this week. Maybe he can send some more ravens over, because I've got some nice recipes I'd like to try, or maybe I'll just rip their heads off and drink their blood. Meanwhile, I think you know who my partner is, but just in case you've forgotten, he's Spin Freakin' Hansen! We might just bust out the most extreme version of the Call of the Wild you've ever seen! We might pull off something you've never seen before! What you can count on, is that I don't give a crap about your history around here, and I plan to end your future.When I get through with you, people will remember you as the less fortunate member of Revolution XX.

[mooseheadjack]

Alexis - …

Ax-Man - …

Alexis - …

Ax-Man – ALRIGHT! I SCREWED up!

Alexis – I told you to check that noise before we left!

AM – It was one of over a DOZEN noises that car made!

Alexis – NO! THAT noise was clearly DIFFERENT!

AM – Look I already admitted I was wrong. I didn’t think the car would break down.

Alexis – We’ve LOST a lot of time. Niles and Viper are close. Stank called and told me Bennett dropped a hint that they were at Jared’s. I’ve been trying to reach him or Blackdragon, but no answer.

AM – You smell that?

Alexis – *Phew* Yes.

AM – We must be close.

<It’s a HOT afternoon in New Mexico when Ax-Man and Alexis Darling arrive at their destination. The landscape glows in the orange hue of the setting sun. A pig farm spreads out for 3 acres sitting before an arid mountainous back drop. Alexis and Ax exit their vehicle and begin to walk toward a modest looking house.>

AM – God the smell…

Alexis – I know. I hope our man is home.

AM - Let’s just get this over with and get back to the hotel, before the stench sets in my clothes.

<A black Labrador and German Shepard lazily stroll up to Ax and Alexis Darling, from behind the house. Ax tenses up initially, but the dogs seem friendly enough. What doesn’t look so friendly though, is the 7ft 2in, grotesque, monstrosity, of a coverall wearing, man who follows the dogs out.>

AM – Holy shit.

Alexis – Good god that guy is huge.

AM – I… recognize him. He’s a lot… bigger than he used to be.

Alexis – You know him?

<The large man lumbers toward Alexis…>

LM – Pritteeeeeey.

AM – Watch it, babe!

<The large man scoops Alexis Darling up and throws her over his massive shoulder. He then turns to leave while Alexis struggles in his grip, but not before screaming at Ax…>

Alexis – Don’t call me BABE!

AM – Oh for FUCK's sake woman! You seriously want to get on me about that now???

Alexis – Just HELP ME, dammit!

<Ax-Man strides up behind the big man, leaps up and grabs Alexis's arms. Ax pulls but the big man shakes him loose, plopping him to the dirt. Ax-Man, disgusted, stands and dusts himself off.>

AM – Grunt! Put her down!

Grunt – No!

AM – C’mon man!

Grunt – No!

<Ax-Man shrugs his shoulders clearly at wit's end. Alexis shoots him a look - DO SOMETHING!!!>

AM – Grunt…listen... I'll... I'll give you a candy bar?

<Grunt stops and turns, holding onto Alexis, momentarily taking her death gaze off of Ax-Man.>

Grunt - What kind?

AM - Payday.

Grunt - Hmmm... Grunt no like peanuts.

<Alexis, unhappy with how negotiations have broken down, lays across Grunt's massive shoulder as the big man turns and makes off with what he perceives as his "pretty". Ax-Man returns to Alexis's sight, while she crosses her arms, rolls her eyes, and mouths the words "Candy bar?">

AM - Grunt! You put her down RIGHT now… I MEAN IT!

Grunt – Go away.

AM – DROP HER!

<To Ax and Alexis’s surprise, Grunt drops his prize. Alexis lands on her hands and knees, on the dirt, with a thud! She looks up at Ax-Man.>

Alexis – Drop HER???

<Ax-Man shrugs his shoulders and holds out his hands pleading innocence. The dogs trot over to attend to Alexis. Grunt however, is not pleased.>

Grunt – Little man hurt Grunt ears.

AM – You’ve expanded your vocabulary, Grunt.

Grunt – Grunt no like gnat-man.

AM – It’s Ax-Man, actually.

Grunt – Gnat-man should be quiet now.

<Alexis sees no reason to stick around for this stimulating conversation, so she begins to crawl away… the dogs have a different plan for her however, as for the first time since they arrived, the canines begin to growl, warning the young Miss Darling not to move.>

Grunt – Pritty stay.

Alexis – Whatever you say big guy… nice doggies.

Grunt – Aren’t they though? The black lab is a stray that wandered onto the farm a couple of years ago, but Sadie-girl I raised from a pup. Don’t pet her too much. German Shepards are a powerful breed. Most of the time people share affection, affection, affection, and that creates frustration. In a powerful breed, that's going to lead him into aggression. So exercise and discipline play a big role in balance.

AM – Uh… what?

Grunt - The most important thing that we have to provide every day is that WE are the pack leader, that WE set the rules, the boundaries and the limitations, and THEN we love. Most of the people, they go to get a dog because they need somebody to love. So they are going after what THEY need, not what the DOG needs. And that, to me, creates instability immediately, and the dog sees the human as a soft energy. So they don't follow the lovable leader or a spiritual leader; they follow a dominant one.

<Alexis and Ax-Man stare up at the behemoth known as Grunt, stunned by the dimwitted beast's sudden lucid oration.>

SS – You’ll have to excuse, Grunt. His favorite TV show is The Dog Whisperer.

<Ax and Alexis turn toward the new voice and see a man walk out onto the porch from behind a screen door in front of his house. The dogs immediately forget about Alexis and run over to the man, expectantly. The man doesn’t disappoint as he pulls doggie snacks out of his pocket and pop a couple to each dog.>

Grunt – Sid look! Grunt find pritty!

SS – Now Grunt you leave these nice people from the OOWF alone.

Grunt – Grrr Grunt no like OOWF. Gnat-Man hurt ears with yell.

<Alexis rises from the ground and dusts herself off.>

Alexis – You must be Sydney Shale.

SS – I am.

Alexis – You knew we were coming?

SS – I figured someone from the OOWF would eventually make their way here.

<Ax-Man gives Grunt a wide birth, as he walks over and joins Alexis and Sydney Shale.>

AM – I remember you. I think I saw you hanging around backstage when I wrestled at OOWF.

SS – Yeah, Larry and I were Grunt’s handlers back in our OOWF days.

Alexis – Larry as in…?

SS – Yeah… Lawrence J. Bennett.

Alexis – Actually he’s the reason we’re here.

SS – I figured as much. You two might as well come on inside. I got dinner in the oven. Grunt make sure you feed the hogs in pin 4. Mr. Bates and his boys will be here tomorrow to collect their pork from the smokehouse, so don’t touch anything in there you hear me.

Grunt – Yeah Sid. Grunt hear you.

<Grunt lumbers off presumably toward hog pin 4. The dogs follow the big man as Shale, Ax, and Alexis walk inside the farmhouse. 900 yards up a dirt road a man looks over all the action through high-powered binoculars. When he pulls the binoculars down from his face we recognize him as Niles Anderson. Another man exits a black Ford Escalade parked nearby. He approaches Niles with a scowl on his face.>

NA – Hey Donnie take a look.

DV – It literally smells like SHIT out here.

NA – Just look.

<Donovan Viper grabs the binoculars and takes a peek. He stops on the lumbering hoss walking toward the pig pens.>

DV – That’s… Grunt. What the fuck is he doing here?

NA – You know that big dude?

DV – You remember Grunt. He was around during the beginning of the OOWF. The big fucking guy?

NA - Oh yeah.

DV - I barely spoke three words to him… probably because the moron could barely speak three words his damn self. A fucking brickwall in the ring, though. Christ! He’s gained a TON of weight.

NA – He lost that loser leaves the OOWF match against Blade?

DV – Yeah…

NA - What are you thinking?

DV - Bennett used to manage Grunt.

NA - Really?

DV - Yeah... I always saw him and some other guy behind the scenes with the big lug... I'd forgotten all about that.

NA - ...

DV - ...

NA - ... We need to call Bennett.

<Fade>

[mooseheadjack]

The heels in the upcoming Elimination Match are gathered together inside one of Bennett’s Suites. Pinned to a cork board are the official OOWF Profile Photos for their opponents at Mayhem. Ryan Hardcore is hovering around Firewoman’s picture.

RH: So Alan, you hit that? Way to go my man.

Attitude Adjuster: Way to go? Haven’t you heard yet? She’s pregnant. This isn’t cool.

RH: That is why I always carry these (Whips out a sleeve of Trojans)

The Amnesiac: You know those are only 98% effective right?

RH: They are? Cap, how many women have I been with.

F. Fonzworth McCappington: I believe you are up to 1,543 my good sir.

RH: So that means……..

SYB: That means theoretically you’d have 30.86 offspring by now.

RH: That’s a lot of child support.

LD Williams: Can we get back to planning for this match?

Skurge: Your title isn’t on the line. Why should you even care?

LDW: I care because I’m a wrestler. And caring each and every week is how I became the best in the world. I’m not about to take the night off.

Chris Cole: Plus we get to soften some of the OOWF biggest cancers, Davin Moreland & Alexander Darling.

AA: Don’t forget about Firewoman.

RH: No problem. I’ll be sure to land a dropkick to the stomach. That should clear up your whole paternity issue.

AA: I didn’t say to do that.

FFM: So you want responsibility for the child?

AA: I didn’t say that either.

Skurge: What are you doing about it.

AA: I DON’T KNOW! LEAVE ME ALONE ABOUT IT.

SYB: Do you want me to go get you a sandwich? That should cheer you up.

AA: It usually does.

SYB runs out to go get AA a sandwich.

Skurge: Hope you like Pastrami on Rye.

AA: You know I prefer Ham & Swi-

LDW: You guys better take this seriously. Last week Moreland put up a good fight but I was able to claim victory. But the last time Cole fought Darling he lost. Firewoman is definitely inside AA’s head right now. Phantos & Lucios are the tag champs despite SYB & Skurge’s efforts. And somehow Bunny, Carl, and Justin Sane managed to pick up a win over Hardcore, MacCappington, and AA.

Skurge: But me SYB & Amnesiac beat them.

LDW: You did. The point is that all of you have failed recently against some of these foes. You need to train harder because I’m not going to carry all of you on my back.

CC: I softened up Darling real good. Just put a little pressure on that shoulder and he’ll cave.

RH: And you know where to hit Firewoman.

AA: I never said that.

FFM: We all know what we need to do. Enough of this trivial squambling.

CC: (pulls out a pair of darts) If we work together as a team then we won’t be stopped. (throws the first dart) Take it one elimination at a time. Work the injuries that they all have built up and pick them apart. (throws the second) It is that simple.

AA: Where is the Jew with my sandwich?

Camera pans to the board and we see the pictures of Davin Moreland and Alexander Darling with darts directly between their eyes.

[mooseheadjack]

Firewoman is LURKING~! Outside the room where Bennett’s team is having their conference. As the door opens, she ducks around a corner, until she sees Attitude Adjuster walking alone down a hall way. She tries to catch up.

FW: Alan….Alan….ALAN!!

AA: What do you want? Haven’t you done enough?

FW: Haven’t I done enough? I hate to tell you this, but it takes two to tango. And not that you’re that great a…”dancer,” but you were –

AA: You… you tricked me. I was drunk. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.

FW: You came to my room. Not the other way around.

AA: God only knows what terrible disgusting things you did to me.

Firewoman thinks for a minute, and a very large smile breaks across her face

FW: You had no complaints at the time.

AA: Ugh, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. What do you want?

FW: Alright look. I wasn’t even going to tell you to begin with, but your boss forced it. So yell at him. All I wanted to know is how involved you want—

AA: What? I can’t talk about that right now! I’m still digesting all this! Please, just go away and get out of my face, skank! I need to find my sandwich.

FW: That’s fine. I’ll leave you alone, and you know where to find me. But while you’re digesting all this, Alan, I want you to think about something, because the irony is really nice. You started this little ‘rumor,’ so you somehow must have had an inkling all along. That did not keep you from ramming me in the stomach with the butt of a tennis racket. We’ll have to wait and see if there’s any long term damage from that, but just think. You did that to your own child. How does that sparkle with you, Daddy?

Firewoman storms angrily down the hall back towards her locker room. Attitude Adjuster stands in the hallway looking somewhere between wanting to punch a wall, and feeling like he just got punched in the gut himself.

[mooseheadjack]

(Tytan sits with his Hooded Friend alone after finishing some training.)

Tytan: I think we have dragged out this game enough.

HF: So you think it's time they learn what our game is.

Tytan: It was nice to give them a tease of what is about to start.

HF: Besides how much longer can we do this Hooded Friend Angle. This thing can get itchy.

Tytan: What do you expect from the budget around here.

(Kayfabe peeks around the corner and shakes her finger in disgust.)

HF: What? What? You want to come here and put the thing on.

(Kayfabe comes over and the Hooded Friend takes off the robe and hands it to her. The camera never shows who it is. Kayfabe sees and looks a bit surprised. Then she steps back and looks at Tytan and then looks at him and nods in approval. She then puts on the robe for about a minute and feels it starting to get itchy. She quickly takes it off and hands it back, HF then puts it back on. Kayfabe gives in admitting that they are right.)

HF: Thank You.

(Kayfabe then turns and heads off.)

Tytan: Well at least she agreed.

HF: So then it's settled.

Tytan: At Mayhem it begins.

HF: And believe me this one will be good.

(Fade Out)

[mooseheadjack]

(CTG is PACING~! in his locker room when the door comes crashing down)

CTG: !!!!

Stank: (STORMS into Crete's locker room with a baseball bat in hand) You gonna WISH you finished me off at Mayhem!

CTG: (backs up to a bin marked "Hardore playground" and draws his own bat) and of course, you didn't see the END of the match when Moosehead Jack blasted me with the bat and shattered it

Stank: Just shut the fuck up and take your asswhupin like a man (swings)

CTG: (Blocks) I will defend myself

Stank: just wastin time (keeps swinging)

CTG: (blocking and parrying blows) Were my actions deliberate I would be laughing and celebrating

Stank: You're probably done with that (swinging harder)

CTG: (blocking and parrying) Stank, if I wanted to harm you I would not resort to such guerilla tactics.

Stank: Makin you a good suspect (swings for Crete's legs)'

CTG: (leaps over the swing) Quite the contrary - while you cling to what you feel is Moosehead Jack's "Honesty" and "Trust", I have no reason to lie to you and have us lose this war. In fact, you risk suspension with this very act.

Stank: worth it to me (swings for Crete's head)

CTG: (ducks) hardly. (Steps up and swings the bat downward, aimed right between Stank's eyes)

Stank: !?!?!?!?!?!?

CTG: I'm not about to see either of us suspended, that means Moose wins and our defenses are weakened. Save your rage for the ring, and use it to survive whoever thinks they can implicate me in such a heinous act. We will settle with Moosehead Jack.... and I will make sure this ends ONCE AND FOR ALL.

Stank: (Fumes)

CTG: Trust Moose if you wish, but his "truth" is never as clear as mine. Moose wants to win this war and dividing Team Rick is a step in that direction.

Stank: (slowly backs off)

CTG: (lowers the bat) It seems I need to speak up further on this matter. I'll be speaking to Rick shortly.

Stank: Whatever (storms out, trying to sort this all out in his head)

[mooseheadjack]

Attitude Adjuster is outside the arena on his cell phone. He’s hiding from the Invisible Ninja Cameraman, but obviously that isn’t working too well. Let’s eavesdrop, shall we?

AA: What the hell am I supposed to do? She says it’s mine. But I’m telling you it’s not!

AA listens to the other end of the line.

AA: No way! I am NOT going to do that! You know how much I hate needles!

AA again pauses to the other end of the line.

AA: No, I don’t want you to turn on your Wrestler Voice Recognition Device, Johnny! Damn it, this isn’t a promo! This is real life!

AA: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know I haven’t whipped out a good promo in months. What? I’ve been too busy whipping out other things? Oh, that’s funny, Johnny. Real funny. And is that Viper I hear laughing the in the background? Tell him to go fuck himself!

AA: Yes, Donnie, I know you’re not a homo.

AA: What do possibly mean, “Do the right thing?” Damn it, the kid isn’t mine! I had a vasectomy! I’m impotent! I couldn’t get it up! It was my twin brother! There has to be SOME excuse! I’m telling you, Johnny, you can’t trust anything that bleeds for four days and doesn’t die! IT’S NOT MY FAULT!

AA: Yeah, I did steal that from Snitzky. He was funny. Hey, maybe I can bring a baby carriage to the ring and punt a doll into the stands?

AA: OK, I won’t. It was funny when he did it, though!

AA: Oh, now that’s cute. You just have a comeback for everything, huh? Hey, what if the baby is yours, huh? Then you wouldn’t be laughing! After all, it’s not like you got anything hanging off your arm right now. Maybe with all this flying around Firewoman’s been doing, she took a little sidetrip to…to…where the hell are you anyway??

AA: The Carribbean? Screw you. I hope you get washed off the island by one of those hurricanes.

AA: Where am I? Effing Canada. Been avoiding public places for the last two weeks. Stupid Medicine Man. Isn’t there a statute of limitations in Canada? It’s not like we killed him or anything.

AA: Oh yeah, there was that, too. Shit, I forgot about that.

AA: I don’t know. I haven’t even had time to think about this week’s Midweek Mayhem in Steinbach, Manitoba, Canada (cheap pop!). I’m in some sort of elimination match battle royal something or another. I don’t even know what the winner gets. Probably a stick up the ass knowing these people.

AA: Yeah, I’ll was thinking about doing the usual. You know, hide under the ring or pretend to be eliminated or sit at the commentary booth.

AA: What’s with this “right thing” again?!??! Protect Firewoman!! Are you serious?!? You shithead! I could go whack Lucios and Phantos over the head for you, but NO!, you say I should protect Firewoman. You’re just no fun anymore, Johnny.

AA: OK, fine. Whatever. Yeah, do the right thing. Yes, I’ll protect Firewoman. Can I hit Lucios and Phantos with Firewoman??

AA: OK, OK. I won’t hit Lucios and Phantos with Firewoman. You’re such a buzzkill.

AA: Yeah, have a good one to you, too, buttwipe. I hope Donnie reams you.

AA: Yes, Donnie, I know you’re not a homo.

AA (clicks the phone shut): Protect Firewoman. This sucks.

[mooseheadjack]

"I’m telling you, Johnny, you can’t trust anything that bleeds for four days and doesn’t die! IT’S NOT MY FAULT!"

Those two sentences are quiet possibly the best sentences EVER.

[mooseheadjack]

*Davin Moreland is FUCKING HEATED and is sitting on the bed in his private suite in the Run DEA Locker Room and Suites, presented by Aquafina and Starwood Hotels. He's in the room with Samantha Darling (sitting next to him), Phantos and Lucios (sitting in chairs nearby)*

SD: I'm just saying you need to calm down.

DM: Oh sure, I'll calm down. I'll calm down when I beat the living shit out of everyone who did that to me.

P: But you don't even know who it was.

DM: No, but I know who it wasn't, and they're all in the room with me. And it wasn't LD. Other than that, everyone's a suspect.

L: You can't mean someone from Run DEA?

DM: Can't I? You don't see Alexander getting a bug up his ass over something and doing this? I KNOW Stank was there. I know Crete was there. That was terrific, some hero. You're such a fucking fraud Takaken, and everyone knows it. Your hero act is just that, an act. Someone's in the way of what you want, and you take care of it. Kinda like how you go around bashing Stank's head in with a baseball bat all the time?

SD: I don't think Alex would have done that.

DM: Look at me, and say that again. Without laughing.

SD: I don't think Alex would have done that, Davin. He's...different. Way different than I ever remember him.

DM: Fine, whatever. All I know is WE have a pretty big match this week where ALL of DEA will be represented. We're all on the same side, and I trust two of you.

L: We're not going to let anything happen, D, we got your back.

DM: I know guys. Listen, I know we haven't had a chance to hang out much since we've been on this ungodly road trip. But when we head back to the States we should all go out.

P: Pizza Hut?

DM: Uh...sure

L: In Harrisonburg? *smirks*

DM: Yeah, not Harrisonburg.

P: Why not, DAVIN??!??!

DM: *notices a rather impatient look on Samantha's face* Because go fuck yourself, that's why not. We don't really want to go THERE do we? There's a certain Dog Whisperer or whatever in the next room who'd be very interesting in the story about a certain someone staying at my Mom's house.

P: shut up Shut Up SHUT UP!

DM: Fine. Then you shut up.

P: Fine. Jerk.

DM: Oh *I* am the jerk?

L: You're both the jerks. Shut Up.

P: You can't tell me what to do.

SD: Phantos, sweetie?

P: Helllllloooooooooooooooooooo Nurse!

SD: Shut the fuck up, K?

P: Aww man...

L: Listen, we've been together for quite some time now, as long as anyone; at least, in terms of all the founding members being together.

DM: There's only three of us.

L: Still, we've been Champions multiple times; you will be World Champion is you can ever get a fair shake, and we're already Division Killers. Would we have done that separately? Maybe, but I don't think there's anyway in heck that we're THIS successful this quickly without each other.

DM: Heck?

L: Don't start...

DM: You kiss your mother with that mouth?

L: Ok, seriously. No matter what's been going on around us; getting screwed constantly by management, the war...

DM: And again guys, you guys coming on board in the war right away meant a lot to me.

L: Hey, don't look at me...Phantos did the convincing.

DM: P-Dawg?

P: There's a lot you don't know about me.

SD: I think that's all of them.

DM: Regardless, no matter who has come and gone, the three of us are unified no matter what, and I trust you guys to have my back.

L: Same with us, D.

SD: So where does that leave things for Mayhem?

DM: You know what? Fuck it. I don't even care anymore. Hell, I probably deserved it on some level. Doesn't say much for Team Unity, but if it got something out of their system, fine. However, for THIS week; I need to know that the people I'm going to war with are going to be there with me.

SD: How do we do that?

DM: Simple. *stands up*

P: We ask. *stands up*

*Lucios opens the door and runs across Lucky*

L: Can you get everyone together? We're gonna have a little talk.

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

*The door of Crete's locker room swings open. Crete reaches into the bin of hardcore plunder, and grabs a violin. Looking annoyed, Crete reaches in with his other hand, and grabs another violin. Meanwhile, a loud belch erupts from behind the opening door*

OBJ: Australian for, we got this gallon of milk delivered to the Destroyitarium, and I figured it was supposed to be for you.

CTG: Oh, Citizen Outback Jack, thank you. *Lowers the violins to his side*

OBJ (shaking his head): I would have thought you would have known, mate. Violins is the last refuge of the incompetent.

*OOC: This might be the worst pun in OOWF history, but this is "Pun's" house.

[mooseheadjack]

*GMtheRick is seen walking down the Hall of NO Encounters, turns and walks into his office. As he flips the lights on, he is startled at first....as the walls seem to have been bludgeoned with blood....and Eric O'Mac is sitting at Rick's desk, dressed to the nines, $500 shirt, Rolex, and Oakley's perched on Eric's head instead of covering his blue eyes. Rick looks a little worried and a little pissed when he notices Eric sitting with a creepy smile.*

Rick: What the fuck do you want?

*Eric answers in a raspy voice.*

Eric: Hey, Ricky.....Ricky.....turn the lights off.

Rick: Are you fucking crazy? Do you really think...

Eric: JUST DO IT NOW!!!

*Rick flinches, and flips the lights off...and it seems that there is a blue light of sorts in the room, as the fluids on the wall are creating a weird glow...the room, with lights off, does not look the same as it did moments ago.*

Rick: What the fuck is this?

Eric: Turn the lights on, Ricky. Don't make me ask a second time.

*Rick flips the lights back on...and the blood is gone. The office looks normal. The only thing that is different is Eric's eyes, which seem to be completely white.*

Rick: Damnit, Eric, you know I fucking hate this.

Eric: Scared, Ricky?

Rick: Not scared. Pissed off that you are using a form of "Gay Spooky" and that you are doing it in my office!

Eric: Ask me if I give a fuck.

Rick: That's another thing that's getting on my nerves, too.

Eric: Again....ask me if I give a fuck.

Rick: Do you give a fuck?

Eric: Don't confuse my contempt for you with an opportunity to ask a stupid question.

Rick: Why the fuck are you sitting in my chair?

Eric: Ricky, you've said enough. Sit down. Shut up. Don't do anything that will piss me off.

Rick: You can't do anything to me. You'll be suspended and likely fired...

*Eric slams his hands on the desk, making Rick jump.*

Eric: DAMNIT!!! Do you HONESTLY think I care about being suspended? No....no.......even though I agreed to this ceasefire to save from the headaches of having a locker room destroy each other day after day after day, this only reason I still adhere to it....IS YOU.

Rick: See here....

Eric: SHUT THE FUCK UP! Here is what WE are going to do....I am going to shut the door...

*Eric motions with his hand....and the door slams shut. Gay spooky at it's best.*

Eric:.....and I am going to share with you a story. A story no one here knows except your good friend, LJ Bennett. And this is what you are going to do....you are going to sit down in this chair....and you are going to listen, and you are going to LISTEN....VERY....CLOSELY.....to what I am saying. You see, I've gotten quite a reputation over the past 9 months, and that reputation seems to change once a month...and I want to go through EVERY ONE of those reputations that I Seem to have garnered, roll them up into one....EXCLUSIVE package deal type of things...and spell out for you EXACTLY why this war is happening and what you could have done to prevent everything.

Eric: Now...let's see....you remember the reason I left, right? You screwed me over during my first reign as Onslaught Champion, you gave unproven title shots during my second reign as Onslaught Champion, and in the end, you had me jobbing to unproven rookies and being fodder for guys who are no longer here. You decided to push guys like Hardbody Harris and Microplay while I was lighting it up on the undercard. And then, when you wanted to meet to talk about a contract extension, you quite simply couldn't guarentee that you could give me a reason to stay in the OOWF. So I left because you were a dickhead.

You know, 8 years ago, I met my father for the first time and decided I wanted to be a wrestler. I grew up in North Carolina to a mother who was a crackwhore and never knowing my father until I was 18. So, I took the long drive from Greenville to my father's house up north, and it was everything that I had ever dreamed of. You see, my father is a man of power. He does what he wants, regardless of the consequences. In the 8 years that I've known my father, I've learned more about the way the world works....and ESPECIALLY the way the wrestling world works.

So, when I graduated from East Carolina with my degree in Business in 2001, I had been training to be a wrestler and I received a call from Carlos Colon and I traveled to work for him in Puerto Rico. Now, don't worry, I'm not going to bore you with all of my accomplishments elsewhere. But the fact is, me and Carlos had a GREAT relationship. I promised him athleticism, I promised him a damn good show, and I promised him the match of the night, every night. Since I was able to come through on my accomplishments, Carlos pushed me to the top. I had a damn good 2 and a half years in Puerto Rico, but there's a reason I'm here and not still wrestling there.

I'm sure Firewoman found this out weeks ago on her self imposed vacation where she attacked an official for DQing her in a match with AA....and as a result of the DQ, she RETAINED her title, yet she somehow thinks that I SCREWED HER out of the title, when, if she could had just maintained her FUCKING COMPOSURE, she'd still be Onslaught Champion - now, she's just a dirty, no good, knocked up bottom feeding, FAT BOY fucking, white trash slut. And she thinks that this information is SCARING ME....but it is what is FUELING ME to continue this war against you and your supporters Rick. You see, Carlos had grown tired of me. He thought that there were some other wrestlers that would look just as good as me. He tried writing me out, jobbing me to unproven rookies, and making me look bad. I was getting a bad shake and EVERYONE who wasn't kissing his ass knew it. So, you know what I did?

....I divided the locker room and tried to take over.

That's right. You heard correctly. I took EVERYONE that was on my side, and we led a revolt against Carlos Colon, we called for his head and his job.

Obviously, it didn't work. That's why I'm here. You see, I made a mistake.

I mistakenly thought that everyone on my side had my drive, my passion, would be able to match my ability, and had the same reasons as I did to rise against Carlos Colon. That wasn't the case. A lot of these wrestlers, money talked, and they left, one by one, and soon, there were only a handful of us and Carlos fired all of us...except me. I was able to sit down with him, and he explained that he had a great relationship with my father and did not want to fire me...but he did give me the choice to leave. He said that the other Puerto Rico wrestlers did not want me in the locker room, that I had become a locker room cancer, and that while he personally had no hard feelings...it was time for me to leave and to leave on my own accord.

So I left, came to the OOWF and the rest is history. And when you fail to learn form your mistakes, you are doomed to repeat history. And I sure as hell don't plan on repeating history.

Do you understand where I'm coming from, Rick? Do you understand how FRUSTRATED it can be to work hard your entire life and to get screwed because you were playing by the rules?

I played by the rules, and I got screwed. That's OK. I'm making my own rules now. So far, history has repeated itself. You have Davin Moreland acting like a petulant bitch, Firewoman continuing to deny reality, and Team Aquafina claiming to be division killers. You know what happened last time you had a division killer, Rick? You stripped him of his title and moved him to another division. Why don't you have the balls to do that now? Strip Phantos and Lucios of their tag team titles and force them to compete in the singles division?

You know why I wear the PHWF Title Belt? It's because I'd rather represent a defunct company that you helped ruin that represent the piece of shit product that you are wanting to put onto the airwaves, Rick.

The fact is you are biased towards those wrestlers and it's why those wrestlers continue to get all of the breaks. It's why people like me and Moose have to continue to look like the bad guys. Because we continually get our hands dirty, commenting heinous deeds against other wrestlers because we have no choice.

So, in a few weeks, your future in the OOWF will be determined in a War Games match - a team of your supporters and a team of people who are on MY SIDE. For the past 9 months, I've stirred up shit in the locker rooms, divided people, started bitter rivalries...ITS ALL MY FAULT. BUT I DID IT FOR ME AND I DID IT BECAUSE I WANTED SOMEONE WHO CAN BE UNBIASED! AND RICKY....THAT'S NOT YOU! YOU PUT MOOSE IS A GAUNTLET MATCH AGAINST 60 OTHER WRESTLERS! YOU SCREWED ME OUT OF OPPORTUNITY AFTER OPPORTUNITY! YOU RUINED CHRIS COLE'S CAREER AND YOU EXILED JOHNNY AND ALAN!

*Eric stops, catches his breath.*

Eric: All we ever wanted was a fair shake, Rick. That's all. We've all made you a ton of money. We've given you credibility. We've given the company credibility. But none of that matters to you Rick. You've made up your mind and you've forced us to make up our minds.

But you can still change things. You can save your career, you can save your life and you can resign. If you resign now, the locker room will come back together. Hell, the OOWF may even bring you back in a year or so if you can promsie to be unbiased. But it's imperative that you resign, and you do it as soon as possible. You see, Ricky...my father taught me that you need to stand up for what you believe in and take a stand, regardless of the consequences, regardless of what everyone else says. Now, you've had some choice words for Dad in the past, but his advice not only applies to me...they apply to you. You see, I don't honestly think you even know why we have a war to begin with. I'm sure you think that this revolution is being led by a bunch of whiny wrestlers who are mad because things aren't going there way, but you would be wrong. I understand things don't always go my way. I'm prepared to live with that. But as someone in management who goes out of his way to ruin the careers of the people who work so hard for him....you see, it makes me sick.

So Rick, I'm going to leave, and I'm going to prepare for my match at Mayhem. Poe and I are going to beat the absolute shit out of Outback Jack and Spin Hansen. But while we're preparing, I want you to think long and hard. And listen to me. There is no love lost between you and I, but I wouldn't be asking you this if I didn't have everyone's best interest in mind. Resign Ricky. Leave this place, take some time off. Because if you do Ricky, you won't just be saving your life....

....you will be saving mine.

*With that, Eric walks out of the room, revealing the PHWF World Title around his waist. As he walks past Rick, he holds out his hand. Rick looks at it, shakes it....and Eric pull Rick's to his feet and burns his eyes into Rick's eyes! Still grasping Rick's hand, Eric's frown and grimace turns into a creepy smile and Erick released the hand shake...and leaves the room.*

[mooseheadjack]

*Run DEA Luxury Suites sponsored by Aquafina and Starwood Hotels*

We’re in the special Hollywood Tans room of the Run DEA suites where Alexander Darling is sitting in a chair getting his arm massaged by a sweet girl, hey isn’t that….nah, it couldn’t be….could it??? Anyway, he’s busy getting his arm and shoulder rubbed while LonelyGirl15 lays in one of the tanning beds.

LG15: I don’t understand why you can’t just take a few weeks off and rest your shoulder Alex. It’s really hurt and I hate seeing you in so much pain.

Alexander: Don’t you think I’d love to take some time off and get back to 100%, but I can’t right now. Things are coming to a head here and with Davin going back and forth from supportive partner to complete fucking asshole and Stank’s head being pulled in like a thousand different directions between my sister, this bounty, Bennett, Moose, Crete and everything else I feel like I have to step up.

LG15: But why you? You don’t even like GMtR and it was LJ.

Alexander: Don’t even go there babe. Whatever happened in the past with Bennett and I to get me to the OOWF all changed once the lines were drawn. I picked my side, or had my side picked for me and I’m not going to back down on that. Besides, I’ve changed from who I was back then.

*Knock* *Knock*

Lucky pokes his head into the Hollywood Tans room and Alexander motions for him to come in and he’s carrying with him a large steel briefcase.

Alexander: Is that what I think it is?

Lucky: Yea, sorry it took so long to get it to you. But I really didn’t expect to have to pay anything out on it and I had to wait for some of the overseas bets to come in.

LG15: What’s he talking about Alex?

Alexander stays silent. LG sits up in the tanning bed and Lucky’s eyes bug out as he’s never seen anyone as pretty as LG stare at him wearing the smallest of two-piece bikinis like LG is at the moment. He quickly sputters out,

Lucky: Alex placed a bet on AA and won.

LG15: You did what?

Alexander: Well, ummm, ya see….

LG15: And you say you’ve changed?

Alexander: I have. Just look what I’ve been doing; I’ve supported Firewoman every step of the way, I’ve backed up every member of Team Unity every chance I could, I stayed and fought D.H. when I could have easily walked out and kept my belt, and there are other things too.

LG15: Yea, you’ve turned into a regular white bread baby face. It’s actually very charming especially after that nasty incident with Mr. Moose.

Alexander: See, that’s another thing…I haven’t killed Chris Cole yet. As much as I want to, I’ve been a good little soldier and followed this damn ceasefire. Even though I really wanna go out there, take Mr. Opening Act’s head, slam it into a wall a few times and then carve…well, never mind.

Lucky: Right, well where would you like me to leave this Mr. Darling?

Alexander motions for him to bring it over. Lucky hands the case off while the “Unnamed Masseuse” stops rubbing Alexander’s shoulder. Alex places the briefcase on a small table and he unsnaps the buttons and opens the case…

Unnamed Masseuse: HOLY SHIT!!!

Alexander: Keep it down, would you. I thought you didn’t want him to know you were here.

She just nods and turns back towards the case where her eyes bug out as Alexander picks up a stack of bills and flips through them and we can see that it’s a stack of fifty $50.00 bills and it looks like there’s at least 200 more stacks in the case. He takes one of the stacks and hands it to the masseuse.

Alexander: Thanks for coming. I know you didn't want to, but I don't know a better masseuse.

Masseuse: That's a lie. It's a sweet lie, but I can't accept this it's too much.

Alexander just forces it into her hand and makes sure she keeps it before turning to Lucky.

Alexander: Lucky, you took your cut already right?

Lucky: Yes sir.

Alexander: And that other thing I told you to take care of?

Lucky: The dealer will be at the arena in Dayton to go over the specifics of exactly what it is you’re looking for.

Alexander: She can take care of that. It’s acceptable to me.

LG15: What are you talking about?

Alexander: Nothing really. Just that I already promised Fire that a bike will be at the arena for the PPV, but now, given that she’s you know…

LG15: Pregnant, you can say it.

Alexander: Yea that. Well, she’s still getting the bike, but it’s not really practical at the moment so I had Lucky contact the custom car maker we use and he’s going to make sure Fire has a baby-safe car.

LG15: You’re really taking this godfather thing serious.

Alexander: Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I?

LG15: I guess maybe you have changed. But how did you win the bet? No one in their right mind could have predicted Alan.

Alexander: LG, changing doesn’t mean I’ve become stupid. I still have my connections and I still have eyes and ears all over the place. And to borrow a phrase from an old family friend, “Everyone has a price.”

LG just shakes her head as Alexander starts to wince when “Unnamed Masseuse” starts to wrap his shoulder.

*Fade Ou….Fade In to another location*

Alexis Darling is sitting in a plush hotel room and we can hear the shower running as she picks up her phone and dials a number.

Alexis: Hey you what’s…okay, calm down.

Unfortunately this is one of those instances where we can only hear one side of the conversation.

Okay, so what you’re saying is that he’s completely nuts?

Why would he do that? Doesn’t he know what’s at stake?

No, I totally get that but this isn’t the time or the place for a complete personality change.

What do you think I could do?

I don’t know if that’s true anymore. Things were changing even before I left.

I don’t even know if I want to come back.

Because I don’t fit in with anyone there anymore and besides if all this stuff I’m finding out is true, I don’t know if anyone will want me back.

It’s big and it’s not good for anyone.

Not Bennett; not Rick; not Crete; not Stank; not Moose; not Davin; not Fire; not Eric; not even Alex or Sam. It’s bad and it could change everything.

I’m not afraid of anything.

I didn’t leave because of him.

FUCK YOU!

Fine, I’ll call him and tell him top get his head out of his ass. You deal with that other thing and make sure it doesn’t blow up in your faces.

Don’t tell me to trust you. It’s tacky and no one ever believes it. It makes you sound like a stupid movie villain.

I’ll think about it. I should go before anyone comes in.

There is no one in the shower.

You don’t hear anything. I have to go.

Bye.

*Now Fade Out*

[mooseheadjack]

(Tytan wanders the hall of Random Encounters with his Hooded Friend.)

Tytan: Apocalyptic Existence who the hell is this guy?

HF: Don't take no one lightly. Otherwise you can become the same thing that we are fighting against.

Tytan: (Stops and lets that soak in.) You do have a point...Apocalyptic Existence or whatever you call yourself. You need to make sure you are ready for Mayhem simply because in case you haven't realized it I am just slightly pissed off. You saw what happened these last two weeks. first there was my fight with LD. I came that close and still a way off. Then last week if it wasn't for Seamus I would be the one with the shot at the Onslaught title. So you come to Mayhem with that pip-squeak manager of yours and be ready to get your head ripped off. And if your manager decides to stick his head into something it doesn't belong in then I have no problem ripping it off and shoving it down your throat.

HF: Then remember after that our plan comes into action.

Tytan: That's right. Don't think I forgot about that. I am tired of this war between Bennett and Rick. It's time to cause some change of our own on the scene. It's time for some champs around here who call themselves division killers find out what it means to be really hunted.

HF: You felt what we did to you at the Pay-Per-View. Wait until we don't have to worry about having to play these stupid games.

Tytan: See you sooner then you think Champs.

(Fade Out)

[mooseheadjack]

"God Blessed Texas" begins to play throught the loudspeakers and the OOWF World Tag Team Champions head to ringside, (championship belts around their waists as usual.) Phantos stops along the way to greet some fans, and Lucios heads straight to the ring, stopping at the announce table for a couple of microphones.

Lucios: Ladies and Gentlemen, If you will recall, Last week, we put one of the "Top Five Tag Teams in OOWF History" Behind us. We stated our case an punctuated it with a little demonstration by our special assistant, Firewoman.

We are here to announce that Next Week, in Thunder Bay, Ontario, we will put to rest the Second of the "Top Five Tag Teams in OOWF History" behind us as well. We will again enlist the help of a special assistant. Set your DVR's. It will be a moment to remember.

Phantos: We find ourselves the topic of much conversation lately. Make no mistake, we Are The Measuring Stick. If you'd like to see if you measure up, our dance card is wide open. We will back down from No challengers. We will defend these Championships against anyone that comes along.

Lucios: Just do your homework boys. They don't call us Division Killers for no reason.

[mooseheadjack]

<Stank is in the hallway of random encounters when he turns around and spies Moosehead Jack!>

Stank - What are you STALKING me? Leave me the fuck alone!

<Moose simply makes the "c'mere" gesture with his finger.>

Stank - Nah uh. I am not interested in hearing anymore of your theories on Crete!... ... ?

<Moose walks over and grabs Stank's arm and pulls the big man over in front of a nearby door. Moose place his finger in front of his lips requesting Stank to keep quiet, as he puts his ear to the door. Stank puts his ear to the door as well, and hears the voices of two men inside. One is LJ Bennett the other is GM The Rick. The two seem to be in a heated discussion but it's not clear what's being said. Stank whispers to Moose...>

Stank - So? They run this company. Surely they meet every once in awhile, no matter the bad blood.

<Moose just looks up at Stank like the big man is stupid. Stank angrily whispers...>

Stank - What?!

<Moose points to the door and once again gestures for Stank to be quiet. Stank puts his ear to the door and still only hears the muffled sounds of Rick and Bennett in what sounds like an argument... suddenly they are joined by a third voice... Concrete T. Gryfon. Stank whispers...>

Stank - So? Crete told me his punk ass was going to go see Rick, anyway. I'll admit I don't understand why Bennett is present or why they're meeting in this room, but...

<Moose shoots Stank a look of exasperation, pleading for him to shut up and listen.>

Stank - Fuck you Moose! I'm out!

<Stank turns to leave. Moose GRABS Stank's arm prompting the big man to violently shake him loose, almost knocking Moose against the door. Moose stands firm and points to the door.>

Stank - Moose I SWEAR to G-

Moose - Shhhhh.

Stank - What! You can't even HEAR what's being said!

<Moose grabs Stank by his right ear and yanks the big man's head down to eye level.>

Stank - Mutha fucka I will KIL-

<Moose slaps Stank across the face! Murder slowly fills the big man's eyes, as the dark cloud of death covers Stank like a shroud. Moose may just have drawn his last breath before Stank hears a fourth voice in the room, arresting the D&D leader's attention momentarily from ending Moose's life.>

Stank - is that...? Blackdragon?

<Laughter erupts from inside the room, surprisingly from all four men as if to mock Stank's disbelief. Stank turns from facing the door, to facing Moose. Moose can read on Stank's face what the big man is about to do. Stank stands and raises his foot to kick in the door when Moose nearly tackles Stank away from the door, out of earshot.>

Stank - What the fuck, Moose?!?

Moose - Don't you want to know what's going on?

Stank - ... I was just ABOUT to FIND out!

Moose - Do you honestly believe by charging in there and busting heads you'll get the answers you want?

Stank - This is bullshit, Moose! Blackdragon is not supposed to be here!

Moose - He and Crete walked in there together. I heard them talking about you, before they got inside.

Stank - ...

Moose - You still believe Crete is on your side?

Stank - ...

Moose -...

Stank - What the fuck was Bennett doing in there laughing it up with his enemies?

Moose - ...

Stank - ...

Moose - Gotta admit... it's a curious thing.

<Stank glares at Moose for a moment, turns, then walks away without saying another word.>

<Fade>

[mooseheadjack]

<Moose stands there for a moment after Stank leaves and appears to be contemplating something, when he turns around and naturally standing right there is Sexy Female Journalist 13>

SFJ13: Moose you appear to be contemplating something, care to share what is on your mind?

MHJ: You know, for this entire war I have been a good soldier. I believe in what Eric, Cole and Bennett started, and I plan on seeing this through to the end. But I will admit, and this may piss some people off, but I don't care, the war is not my main focus right now.

<Moose pauses for a moment then looks up at the camera, with a rage in his eyes that we haven't seen in awhile. When Moose speaks his voice is dripping with venom, but in that oddly soothing Jake Roberts way>

You see, I have been in the OOWF for a long time. In three weeks, it will be four years. Four years of blood, four years of sweat, and four years of tears. Looking back, I wouldn't change a damn thing. However, as some of my......colleagues......have pointed out, I tended to throw around the word respect an awful lot. That may have been the case at one time. It was an effective was to suck someone in. Tell them that I respect them. When you think someone respects you, it changes your whole approach to facing them. If puts you off your game a little bit. As soon as they bought into it, I knew I had them. They would go into the match thinking they had my respect, and I would decimate them. They were off their game, and they paid with their blood.

As with anything, people caught on. What was an advantage for me no longer worked. Idiots like Alexander Darling mocked respect. Well Darling, respect from me is one thing you will NEVER have to worry about. In fact, I find it quite ironic that you have become all the things you accused me of. But I am sure you will explain it all away, and decide that somehow it is all different.

SFJ13: If I may interrupt, what does this have to do with now?

MHJ: It has to do with the fact that until recently, there was ONE person in the OOWF I ever truly respected, and that is LD Williams. LD knows, I have his back, always have, always will. But over the last year, there is one other man who has earned my respect, whether he wants it or not.

SFJ13: And who would that be?

MHJ: Stank

SFJ13: But.........but he is on the other side of the war!

MHJ: There is a saying, know thy enemy. I am not going to pretend Stank and I are friends, I am not going to pretend he gives the slightest shit about my respect, but it's there. And that is why what Crete is doing is really starting to piss me off.

Crete, you think I don't see right through what you are doing? Do you really think you are being sneaky? You know damn well that if Stank and I put our differences aside, even for a second, and work together, you cannot get away with the bullshit you want to. Look at what happened last year. Crete was trying to turn the OOWF into his own personal playground. He cheated, he lied, he did all he wanted to and justified it behind some bullshit moral hero code. You did the very things you accused me of doing. And what happened Crete? You remember right? You managed to force Stank and I to work together, and it proved to be your ruination.

Crete is all too familiar with the term "divide and conquer." Hell he has accused me of doing that very thing. Sound familiar Crete? You put this bounty on Stank, and contacted ME to take Stank out, knowing damn well that that would lead to a long, drawn out, bloody, violent feud between Stank and I. And while we were trying to kill each other, you would be free to re-assemble your Heroes. That's right Crete, I hear things too. Contacting Blackdragon was just a coincidence right? A Mysterious benefactor took care of Firechild's rehab. I wonder who THAT could have been? It's all too convenient Crete. And its not going to work.

You want Stank taken out? You do it. I am not going to do your dirty work. How bout for once in your life, you stand up and be a man.

I am proposing this to you Crete, and if you have one ounce of courage in that worthless body of yours you will take it. No matter what happens this week, at the September 17th Mayhem, it's you and Stank, one on one in the middle of the ring. If you think you can take Stank you, you do your best.

Oh, and one more thing. Since you insist on trying to drag me into this, I am going to be the special referee.

<Moose turns and walks away without another word>

[mooseheadjack]

*Fade into the palatial IHOP lockerroom. The Amnesiac is on drums, Skurge is on guitar, the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth is on bass, and Fezzik is on vocals…

DM: Hey guys, are you sure we’re supposed to be playing Rock Band? Didn’t Mr. Bennett take away our gaming privileges?
TA: He, uh, gave them back as a reward for us winning the Chupacabras du Trident titles.
Skurge: Dude. That’s Chimichangas de Trinket titles. Get it right, eh? So, who are we defending them against this week?
DM: No one. There’s a big elimination tag match that you’re in this week.
Skurge: Really? Oh, shit. I forgot. This game is so distracting. I was just assuming we’d get some kind of feature match since we’re in Canada and all.
TA: Why would we be featured in Canada?
Skurge: *sigh* Any idea where I’m from, Amnesiac?
TA: Ontario – smallish city in California. C’mon, we’re partners now – gimme some credit.
Skurge: Fuck. You made me miss a note. Also, you’re holding the drumsticks upside-down.
TA: Oh.
Skurge: Also, I’m originally from Toronto, Ontario, now residing in St. Catharines, Ontario – both of which are in Canada, you moron.
TA: Oh yeah. Wow. Not sure how I forgot that one.
Skurge: Just play drums.
Fezzik: Esmyrf…Essssssssmmmmmmyrrrf…Frsf pt szooooooobr… <Translation: Wanted…Waaaaaaaannnnnnteeeed…Dead or aliiiiiiive…>
DM: My my, Fezzik, what a lovely singing voice you have.
Fezzik: Thank you, lady.

*Just then, the door opens and SYB enters…

SYB: Hey guys! You ready for the big elimination match this week?
Skurge: Where the hell have you been? Amnesiac sucks at drums. Get in here.
TA: Hey! That’s The Amnesiac!
SYB: I was off getting Attitude Adjuster a sammich.
Skurge: Suckup. What kind of sandwich did you get him?
SYB: Canadian bacon.
Skurge: Here we just call it bacon, eh? And get me another couple of beers before you sit doon. You know I can’t play this game sober.
SYB: Do you do anything sober?
Skurge: Good point. Hey The Amnesiac, since you’re not playing anymore, why don’t you see if you can round up a copy of the card for this week so we can go over who’s on the other team again?
TA: Hey Skurge, why don’t you stop bossing everyone around you fucking, uh, hoser?

*But Skurge doesn’t hear The Amnesiac’s attempted insult, as his attention is fully on “Enter Sandman,” which is very difficult. The Amnesiac leaves to find a copy of the card while his teammates rock into the night…

*FADE*

[mooseheadjack]

[The Dead is standing outside the arena at night, a single streetlight glows overhead. He is wearing a black hoodie, making his eyes barely visible from under the hood. He looks contemplative as he stares out into the distance. After a moment he locks eyes with the camera a slowly begins to speak.]

I've been in this company, in this business, long enough to know when things aren't going the way you think they should be. I've busted my ass in backwater burgs across this country and across the world to get where I am. I've sweat and bleed on bar-room floors and in dirty flea-markets. I did all of these things for the chance, the chance, to make it here. I've broken bones and lost years off of my life to be able to wrestle in the OOWF.

[The Dead glances down toward the street and takes a breath before continuing.]

The point is, I have sacrificed a whole hell of a lot to get here. When I showed up, I made people take notice. I destroyed my competitors in a gauntlet match. I made a name for myself in the Onslaught division by being the my damn wrestler in that ring every night. I waited, and waited, as I was passed over or screwed over for that title. But then I got my chance. Then Firewoman and I tore the fucking roof down for that belt. I kept bleeding and kept fighting for that belt. But someway, somehow, I lost my way. I lost my belt and sunk into obscurity. I let everything I had ever worked for get away from me.

[The Dead glances back at the arena for a moment.]

So now I have two choices. I can go back there and become what I once was. I can become even more then that. Or I can take this road here in front of me and walk away. Leave it all behind and start again somewhere new. It seems like those are my only options.

[The Dead looks back at the arena one more time.]

Walking away would be easy, so I guess it's a good thing that I like things the hard way. From this moment on, I will stop at nothing to take my place at the very top of this federation. This week I send a message to those unfortunate sons of bitches who have to be in the ring with me. Next week's message is very simple, and it goes out to anyone who gets in my way. Watch your fucking back.

[The Dead turns and heads back to the arena as he disappears into the night.]

[mooseheadjack]

Selena is sitting alone in a darkened dressing room. There is a fire in a trashcan in front of her, illuminating her face. In fact, it’s the only light in the room it appears. She has her iPod on and is softly humming along to the music. She holds in front of her two small handmade dolls. She holds them over the fire.

SG: You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you absolutely have been found wanting…

Selena drops one into the fire. She holds the second doll close to her face as if she’s studying it.

SG: *singing softly* There’s too many men; too many people; making too many problems. And there’s not much love to go ‘round…

Suddenly her head snaps up in attention. She looks at someone standing above her and removes her ear buds.

SG: Oh, it’s you…

Selena smiles and holds the doll up towards whoever is standing above her.

SG: Wanna play too?

Selena apparently sees a reaction and shrugs.

SG: Okay, more fun for me.

Selena puts her ear buds back in.

SG: *sings softly* These men of steel; these men of power. Are losing…control by the hour…

Selena drops the second doll into the fire.

[mooseheadjack]

Firewoman is overseeing delivery men picking up the boxes of baby stuff purchased by Davin.

Lucky: Wow, that’s a lot of stuff.

FW: Yeah, wow. How did Alexander know to place a bet on Attitude Adjuster?

Lucky: I have no idea. I’m just the bookie. Seriously, you didn’t even tell ME. Where is all this stuff going?

FW: I don’t have time for this right now, I have to do a promo for the match, remember that? Wrestling? The reason we’re all here?

Lucky: Oh…yeah. So I guess I’ll get a mic.

Lucky produces a mic from out of nowhere, and changes from valet to interviewer.

L: Firewoman, some comments on your upcoming match?

FW: An elimination match against eight of Bennett’s best? Let’s go down the list. LD Williams and Chris Cole, I’ve never met in the ring. But they are clearly formidable opponents. I have and can handle Ryan Hardcore and MacCappington, and IHOP. That just leaves ….

L: Attitude Adjuster.

FW: Yeah….
Firewoman looks down for a bit, biting her lip.

We’re on opposite sides of this battle. He’s just like any other person on Bennett’s side to me.

L: You don’t expect us to believe that.

FW: Please don’t go all “West Side Story” on me. Is that it?

L: No….I’m counting the people in the match….we’re missing one. Oh, the Amnesiac.

FW: Oh yeah.. I always forget about him.

L: Okay, anything else? I notice there’s no Eric O’ Mac in this, or Tyson.

FW: Oh yes, I do have something to say. Eric, that was a brilliant little speech you gave, and yeah, that is what I found out during my Bennett-imposed vacation, engineered by you. Bravo, you beat me to the punch. But, Eric, we both know that’s not the whole story. There are many other little things in your past you want to keep deeply and darkly hidden, and one really big thing. Just something to think about.

L: And… uh… Tyson?

FW: There’s nothing to talk about there. Clearly Tyson agrees as he’s been keeping to himself all week. We done? I need to get my rest.

L: Yeah, we’re done.

[mooseheadjack]

**SFJ#47 is standing with L.D. Williams**

SFJ#47: “L.D., last week you had one of your toughest title defenses against Davin Moreland. Your thoughts?”

LD: “Well, Davin didn’t pin me in eighteen seconds to take the title, so I guess I’m not as washed up as some people thought. Davin, I won’t mince words – you took me to the limit. To the limit - not past it. If you want to be World Heavyweight Champion, you’re going to need to bring a little bit more. I’ll give you credit though; I haven’t heard a single complaint or excuse.
You’ll get another chance, Davin. We both know you deserve it. But, before it happens, I have a suggestion. Get your affairs in order. Forget about Bennett, forget about Rick, and most importantly, resolve your issues with your masked friends. Somewhere along the line you’ve managed to convince a lot of people that you’re the heir apparent. I don’t happen to agree. When we find out who the better man is, I don’t want there to be any doubts. No distractions and no excuses Moreland. Next time, we settle this,”

SFJ#47: “What’s your opinion of the elimination match this week?”

LD: “I’m just glad I’m not writing it.”

**L.D. and SFJ#47 both step back so Kayfabe’s attempted spear misses them and Kayfabe goes through the wall behind them.**

SFJ#47: “You were saying?”

LD: “It should be an interesting preview of what’s to come in the War Games match at the pay-per-view. We’ll win Wednesday night, just like we’re going to win at Hell on Earth.”

[mooseheadjack]

In the Dingy Locker Room Of "You're Never Gonna Get Your Security Deposit Back"~

D.H. Magnusson: It's the return of Damon Wrath....again. How many time this make, Wrath? Three? Four? It seems like every time you get in th' ring with anybody worth a damn, three things happen: First, y'get your teeth rammed down yer throat. Then ya run off and hide for a few weeks. An' after that ya make your big return, askin' people t'give a damn. No one ever does, an' I'm damned sorry about that, because it's kinda my fault.

Your second match in this company, I made you tap an' set you packin'. Then my main man Spin done it. Then it just kept happenin'. By yourself, workin' with Seamus...everytime time y'get beat, you tuck your tail an' run. I woulda thought that maybe all these big names y'been trainin' with might have taught ya a thing or two about bein' a man but hey, I ain't never been accused a' bein' the brightest.

Coupla weeks ago, I told Seamus I was gonna be sorry about what had t'go down in that ring...You don't get the same benefit. Y'got no respect for the boys, y'got no respect for the fans...You get a pass on the fist one: Anyone in this company who thinks you're disrespectin' them, they can kick your ass themselves - assumin' they can find you. But the fans? Those people're th' reason we're here. They're why we do what we do. They're how we put food on our families tables. They're what keeps each and every one of us goin' night after night after night...

An' I'll be DAMNED if I'm gonna let you slap them in face.

So bring all your fancy trainin' with you. Bring your big name fightin' camps an' sparrin' partners with you. Show me you're HALF th' fighter ya always pretend t'be...an' after I put you down, don't go runnin' an' hidin' and that'll show me you might be half the MAN y'pretend t'be.

Oh, an' Alex? Heal up that wing, buddyboy...you an' me, we got unfinished business.

[mooseheadjack]

*Davin Moreland is his OWN PLOT DEVICE in the GORILLA POSITION!*

DM: LD...well, a clean win is a clean win. Your actions, and the actions of my "teammates" notwithstanding, the match itself was clean, and there are no excuses. Whether or not I get another shot is up to me - you did your part, you finally manned up and faced me. And, you beat me. That's good. Good for you LD.

DM: And I've got some thoughts for the rest of you, especially those on "Team Rick". I will say this one time, and one time only. If I EVER find out who was responsible for your little stomp party, I WILL...END...YOUR...CAREER...even if it takes me years to do it, it will be done. Who knows, maybe someone else will do it for me. I'm not saying that maybe I didn't deserve a little something for the way I've been acting of late; but that was a little too much - and the fact that you couldn't man up and face me without masks? Well, it makes me fear for Team Rick, because there are at least 10 Cowards on our team. Straight. Up. Cowards.

DM: And I know that they didn't come from Run DEA; we've talked and I believe them, besides; we have an 8-(wo)man-tag match together. ALL OF DEA (and Bunny) IN THE SAME RING AT THE SAME TIME! The GREATEST STABLE in the HISTORY of the OOWF! Together at last!

DM: So you're asking yourselves, what are my thoughts on the match? It was a bitch to write, that's what I think.

*Kayfabe attempts a flying superkick out of nowhere, but Davin catches her foot, spins her around...REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER on the floor*

DM: It should be an interesting preview of what’s to come in the War Games match at the pay-per-view. We’ll win Wednesday night, and cowards notwithstanding, we’re going to win at Hell on Earth. Plus, I get to hit Cole, which is always a good time.

[mooseheadjack]

**The camera focuses on L.D. Williams.**

LD: “SHUT IT!!!”

**The camera pans to show Chris Cole, Attitude Adjuster, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III, Ryan Hardcore, The Amnesiac, SYB and Skurge sitting in a locker room with L.D. standing in front of them.**

LD: “Alright, This week at Mayhem we-”

AA: “I need a sandwich.”

SYB: “Got it.”

**SYB gets up and almost makes it to the door.**

LD: “If you take ONE MORE STEP, you won’t live to make it to Mayhem.”

**SYB skulks back to his seat.**

AA: “I still need a sandwich.”

LD: “Ma’s in town AA. I could call and ask her to bring you one.”

AA: “Never mind.”

LD: “Now. The elimination match this week. Whatever else you might call it-”

FFMC: “Lazy booking?”

SYB: “A cheap way to stall storylines until the anniversary show?”

**Someone outside the room starts rattling the door angrily. Hardcore gets up and braces a chair under the handle.**

LD: “Whatever else you might call it, it comes down to Team Bennett vs. Team Rick. That means it’s an opportunity. If either team dominates this match, they’ll have an advantage in the War Games match at Hell on Earth. We need that advantage. We need that confidence. And we are going to get it.”

**L.D. pauses and looks around the room.**

LD: “Skurge, Do you know where we are?”

S: “Steinbach?”

LD: “Steinbach. Manitoba. Canada. We are home. Where they make real beer. No more second and third-rate countries where they want to cheer us but are afraid the U.S. might take it the wrong way and move in to ‘fight the terrorists.’ This is our country – God’s country Skurge. I expect you to do your people and your country proud.”

**Skurge gets a very intense looks and nods.**

LD: “You. With the mask. Wait, don’t tell me…Amnesiac.”

TA: “THE Amnesiac.”

LD: “Whatever. You want people to remember your name? Win the match.”

**As THE Amnesiac nods, L.D.’s gaze pauses on SYB for a moment, then skips to Chris Cole.**

LD: “Cole…This match – it’s a main event. You haven’t seen one of those in a while.”

CC: “Watch it.”

LD: “You know you belong in the main event. I know you belong in the main event, Hell, it’s your name. But, there are a lot of people who are convinced that you don’t belong there any more. This is your chance to prove them all wrong.”

CC: “Damn Right.”

LD: “The World’s Greatest….(sigh) FF and Ryan. Win this match, and maybe we can convince somebody to fix that.”

SYB: “What about me?”

LD: “Try not to get killed.”

LD: “AA – Do you want to convince Firewoman you deserve to be a part of your child’s life?”

AA: “No.”

LD: “…Do you want to prove that you deserve to be the Onslaught Champion?”

AA: “Not especially.”

LD: “(sigh) Want a World Title shot?”

AA: “ABSOLUTELY!”

LD: “You know what you have to do. Gentlemen, let me clear. This match isn’t just about winning. It’s not just about causing pain. We need to dominate. We need to humiliate them. This is our chance to carve a hole in Rick’s army mere weeks before this war comes to an end. Domination gentlemen, nothing less.”

**With nods and mutterings of agreement, everyone stands up to leave.**

LD: “And gentlemen – anyone who disappoints will answer to me.”

TA: (snickering) “AND his mother.”

AA: “Dude…SO not funny.”