OOWF New Year’s Evil IV
Live! From Springfield, New Jersey
<the screen is black, but the voice guy comes on and speaks
New Years Eve is a time to reflect on the past year <clips of the OOWF Civil War> and how it has affected you <quick shots of numerous title changes and bloody beat downs.> The coming year is a time for endless possibilities and new beginnings. In the OOWF, it is a time to celebrate rebirth and renewal. <shots of Davin and Stank’s attempted double homicide> It is about peace <chair shots> love <electrocution> and happiness <Firewoman in a hospital bed> and goodwill to all <backstage brawls and people getting thrown into walls> In the OOWF, we do things a little differently….<shots of all the OOWF wrestlers standing there with various weapons>…..in the OOWF, there is the easy way, the right way, then the evil way <huge brawl among everyone with their weapons>
Happy New Year!>
<the scratchy Auld Lang Syne by Guy Lombardo starts to play, but it quickly scratches off and we cut to the Springfield Arena for a live performance!>Russ: WELCOME TO OOWF New Year’s Evil IV! Folks I am Russ, and as always I am joined by Russ and Nash!
Razz: It’s great ta be here in Springfield, New Jersey! This ain’t far from my old stompin’ grounds back in New York City!
Nash: And it’s great to be here in Springfield, home of the Baltusrol Country Club! Did you know Baltusrol is one of Jack Nickalus’ favorite golf courses? It is truly one of the most beautiful courses in the world
Russ: What are you doing?
Razz: And what the hell are you wearing?
<the camera pans back and we see Nash standing there in full Payne Stewart gear>
Nash: Hey, there is a recession on, you gotta take the money where you can. <turns to the camera> and if you are going to go to Baltusrol, make sure you pick up some Titleist golf balls! Hit my balls at Baltusrol!
Russ: Are you done? Can we talk about the show?
Razz: it is OFF THA HOOK!
Nash: Fine, I can get the rest of the deals in later in the show
Russ: There’s more?
Nash: Of course
Russ: Wonderful. How bout we talk about our first match, Tyson Kincaid facing Concrete TG
Razz: This should be a classic match between two outstanding wrestlers. They can both work the mat, and they can both take to the air.
Nash: You are both overlooking one important thing. Remember what Moose said to Kincaid? Will Kincaid act on it? What’s to say Kincaid doesn’t take Crete out?
Russ: I know Tyson Kincaid, and I just cannot see him stooping to that level
Razz: Well in fairness Russ, you can’t see ANYone stooping to that level, but it happens
Russ: That may be the case, but Crete has had so many battles with Moose, he knows to expect the unexpected, you are not going to catch Crete unaware
Nash: Not so sure about that. I think Crete better have eyes in the back of his head
Russ: Let’s head to the ring and see what happensTYSON KINCAID vs. CONCRETE TG“With Jupiter in Mind” blares over the sound system and Concrete TG makes his way to the ring, slapping hands and giving hugs, the whole nine yards the whole way down to the ring. Crete springs over the top rope and heads to a corner, scales the turnbuckles and plays to the crowd. “Idle Hands” by the Gutter Twins plays next and Tyson Kincaid steps from the back onto the ramp. Kincaid gets mostly a positive reaction, but after some of the comments from Moose this week, there is a smattering of boos as well. Tyson heads to the ring and steps between the ropes and looks ready to go. Crete hops off the turnbuckle and the two men meet face to face in the middle of the ring. Referee Angel Barros calls for the bell and this one is underway.
The two men slowly circle and lock up, Tyson pushes Crete to a corner and Barros calls for a clean break. Kincaid slowly backs away and we get the clean break. He takes a few steps back and Crete starts to come out of the corner, and Tyson grabs a side head lock and takes Crete to the mat. Crete quickly fights to one knee, then to his feet and shoves Kincaid into the ropes, but Kincaid takes him to the mat with a shoulder block. Crete hops to his feet and Kincaid scoops him up for a slam, but Crete holds onto Kincaid’s arm and takes him over into an arm bar. Crete traps Kincaid in a figure four arm bar and tries for the submission, but Kincaid quickly moves to the ropes and grabs the bottom for the break. Crete keeps the hold on through four, then breaks the hold. Kincaid slips under the bottom rope and shakes his arm trying to get the feeling back. From the inside Crete gets a running start and launches himself between the ropes, catching Kincaid unaware, sending him sprawling up the ramp.
Barros starts the ten count as Crete is quickly back to his feet, pulling Kincaid up as well. Crete hooks Kincaid and hits a snap suplex on the floor. Kincaid howls in pain and grabs his lower back in pain. Crete gets to his feet and pulls Kincaid up again and shoots him into the ring and slides under the bottom rope just beating the ten count. Crete covers, but Kincaid kicks out before there can even be a one count. Crete measures Kincaid, waiting for him to get to his feet, when he does, Crete grabs him by the throat and lifts him for a choke slam, but drops him across his knee, and keeps him there in a pendulum back breaker trying for the submission. Kincaid howls in pain, but refuses to give up. Finally Crete drops Kincaid to the mat and heads to the top rope and waits for Kincaid to get to his feet. As he does, Crete leaps for what looks to be a double sledge, but Kincaid was playing a little possum there and he spins and hits Crete in the face with that cool spinning John Morrison kick while Crete is in mid air. Crete’s head snaps back and he hits the mat like a sack of potatoes. Now it is Kincaid’s turn to take over.
Kincaid waits for Crete to struggle to his feet, then grabs him and hits a t-bone suplex, folding Crete in half. Kincaid covers and hooks the leg, but Crete kicks out at two. Tyson pulls Crete to his feet and sends him to the ropes and connects with a perfect drop kick to the jaw. Crete falls out of the ring awkwardly and lands on the back of his head, Kincaid doesn’t give him a moments rest, leaving the ring and pulling Crete to his feet and rocking him with a European uppercut. Kincaid tries a whip into the guardrail but Crete reverses it and sends Kincaid toward the ring post. Showing his athleticism, Kincaid leaps onto the apron and propels himself backward at a charging Crete, catching him in the face with a knee! Crete is OUT!
Kincaid rolls Crete into the ring and springs over the top rope and drops an elbow across his chest, covers, and hooks the leg, but can only get a two count. Kincaid pulls Crete to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a roll through half crab trying for the submission. Crete howls in pain but will not give up, eventually working his way to the ropes to force the break. Kincaid pulls Crete up again and sets him on the top rope and climbs up and hooks him for a superplex, but Crete blocks the move and fights Kincaid off landing some stiff shots. Finally Crete stands up and grabs Kincaid by the throat and hits a TOP ROPE SIDE EFFECT! Now it is Crete’s turn to make the cover, but Kincaid kicks out at two.
Crete gets to his feet slowly and catches Kincaid with a knee drop across the chest and covers again, but once again Kincaid is out at two. Both men are back up and Crete whips Kincaid into the corner and follows, but Kincaid steps out of the way and Crete does the Bret Hart-break-your-sternum-on-the-turnbuckle move and staggers backward. Kincaid slips behind him and rolls him up for a two count, but Crete manages to kick out. Both men are up surprisingly fast and Crete ducks a clothesline attempt and hauls Kincaid onto his shoulders for an airplane spin, but Kincaid reverses that into a crucifix for a two count. Both men remain on the mat for a moment, then slowly get to their feet. Kincaid turns toward Crete and Crete catches him with a super kick to the jaw, then heads to the corner. Crete gets to the top rope, but Kincaid is on his feet and falls against the ropes, crotching Crete. Kincaid runs to the corner and grabs Crete and hits a DRIVER 8! Kincaid covers, hooking both legs, one, two, three!
WINNER in 10:58 – Tyson Kincaid
After the bell rings, Moosehead Jack sprints to ringside with a chair and slides it under the ropes right at Kincaid’s feet. Tyson picks the chair up and sees Crete struggling to his feet. Kincaid looks at Moose, then back to Crete. As Crete stands up, Kincaid CRACKS him with the chair. The crowd immediately boos as Moose grins on the outside and heads up the ramp. Kincaid is not done though. He pulls Crete to his feet, Crete is on rubber legs. Kincaid looks at the camera and yells for Fire, then sets Crete up and KILLS him with a pile driver on the chair. Kincaid looks at his work as medics hit the ring. Tyson leaves the ring and he and Moose have a stare down on the outside. Moose offers his hand and Kincaid reaches out and shakes it, and the two men leave while the crowd boos LOUDLY.
Russ: It was bad enough that Kincaid attacked Crete after Mayhem, but to do it AGAIN! That is just WRONG!
Nash: Russ, you have to see that Kincaid is making a statement here, he wants Firewoman. He has been overlooked since Tytan decided to attack, and he is sending a message
Russ: This is NOT how you do it!
Razz: What better way?
Nash: I am sure Russ would like to see Fire send a Western Union telegram – Western Union, We’re There When You Need Us.
Russ: Will you stop! Look, attacking someone with a chair is vile, contemptible, reprehensible and…..
Nash: And the perfect way to send a message that you will not be overlooked
Russ: I give up. We might as well move on to the next match. Next up we have a THREE-WAY Campeonas de Trios title match!
Nash: Speaking of camping, Coleman should be your supplier of camping ranges, stoves, and lanterns
Russ: not CAMPING, Campeonas
Razz: Is that Italian?
Russ: Does it matter?
Razz: Well, no I guess it really doesn’t
<just then, a special guest shows up and sits down at the table>
Russ: Well, uh, welcome Santino
SM: Athank you Russty, and Razzle, it is good to see you too. And the Big STD Kevin Nash, Santino has heard about you!
Russ: Well, Santino what brings you here?
SM: Santino was in the back, and I heard you mangle the most a-beautiful language in the world. Italian is the language of love, so Russty, when you as if Campeonas is Italian, it makes Santino ANGRY!
Nash: So?
SM: SO! Santino Marella is a former Inter Continent champion!
Russ: If we can get things back on topic here, Razz this is going to be a tough match to officiate, so who do you like in this match?
Razz: Well, The Heels and Wrath really haven’t done much together, so I think the odds of them coming out of this match with the titles is pretty slim. Poe, Moose and Seamus could be a downright frightening unit, but I think right now they are probably a bit too focused on mayhem, so I am going with the champs to manage to find a way to retain
Nash: Razz, as usual you are looking at this all wrong. Poe, Moose and Seamus are the best trio, period. They are going to walk out of this match with the titles.
Russ: Santino would you like to make a prediction?
SM: Thank-a you Russty. Santino sees it like this, will the Chicken and Stars Heels and Damon Wrapping win? No they will not. Will Mooseheaded Jack, Toe or Nasty Shaming win? No. Will Hop Scotch win? No
Russ: Then who wins?
SM: If they look at me wrong, ME! Santino Marella!
Russ: Uh huh. Let’s head to the ringIHOP vs. THE CHICKENSHIT HEELS & DAMON WRATH vs. MOOSEHEAD JACK, SEAMUS MCNASTY & POE – OOWF Campeonas de Trios Triple Threat Title MatchThe unlikely team of The Chickenshit Heels and Damon Wrath come out first, though calling them a team may be a bit of a stretch. Johnny and AA come out first, and Wrath trails behind them. The Heels don’t even acknowledge his existence as they head to the ring. Next out is the trio of Moosehead Jack, Poe and Seamus McNasty. They storm the ring and immediately attack The Chickenshit Heels and Damon Wrath.
Moose grabs Johnny Adrenaline and throws him over the top rope to the floor and follows him to the outside, while Poe attacks AA from behind and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a big boot to the face that sends him out of the ring as well. Poe steps over the ropes and slams AA’s head into the guard rail. Meanwhile, inside the ring, Wrath and Seamus square off, an old rivalry here, and two guys who know one another well. Seamus and Wrath exchange shots to the head, and Seamus connects with a big bionic elbow between the eyes that stuns Wrath, McNasty then takes him to the mat with a clothesline.
Meanwhile, IHOP is never officially announced, but they come to the ring as well. Skurge slides under the ropes and spears Seamus as he gets to his feet. On the outside, while the referee is not looking, SYB grabs a chair and SLAMS it across Moose’s back sending him to his knees. SYB then plants his boot on Adrenaline’s throat and chokes him out. The Amnesiac joins Poe in a merciless beat down of Attitude Adjuster which lasts several seconds until Poe turns to The Amnesiac and catches him with an elbow to the face, then throws him into the stairs. Poe spots SYB putting the boots to Adrenaline and makes a beeline for SYB. SYB sees Poe charging at him, screams like a bitch, and hops the railing and tries to escape through the crowd. Poe hops the railing and follows him.
Inside the ring, Skurge pulls Seamus to his feet and rocks him with several European uppercuts that send him to the corner. Skurge then charges in and monkey flips Seamus out of the corner, as soon as he hits the mat, Wrath comes off the ropes and drops a leg across Seamus and covers, but Skurge breaks up the count at two. Outside the ring, Adrenaline gets to his feet and catches a knee to the side of the face from Moose that sends him back into the guard rail. Adrenaline reaches into the first row and grabs a drink from a little boy and turns and throws it into Moose’s face, temporarily blinding him, more. Attitude Adjuster is back on his feet and the Heels pull Moose up and hit a double side Russian leg sweep on Moose on the floor, slamming the back of Moose’s head against the concrete.
Meanwhile, Poe has caught SYB going through the crowd and drags him back toward the guard rail and throws him over the barricade onto the ramp. As Poe is climbing over the guard rail, SYB gets up and grabs the barricade and crotches Poe! Poe howls in pain and falls onto the ramp where SYB immediately puts the boots to him. SYB pulls Poe to his feet and grabs him and hits a suplex on the ramp. SYB starts to walk away, but Poe reaches out and grabs his ankle. SYB turns and kicks Poe in the face as he sits up sending Poe back to the ramp. SYB grabs a cord from around ringside and loops it around Poe’s throat and drags him up the ramp to the top of the stage.
Back inside the ring, Skurge pulls Wrath to his feet and tries a clothesline, but Wrath ducks and takes Skurge to the mat with a side suplex. Seamus is also on his feet and he and Wrath give a knowing look then wait for Skurge to get to his feet. They head to opposite ropes and Seamus goes low clipping Skurge’s knee, while Wrath goes high with a clothesline. They turn Skurge inside out and send him to the mat. Wrath covers, but Seamus pulls him off before he can get a two count, then falls on Skurge himself, but Wrath pulls him off as well. Seamus and Wrath go nose to nose again in the middle of the ring, and start swinging. Skurge gets to his feet while they are distracted and he stumbles to the corner and climbs the ropes. Skurge leaps and catches Seamus and Wrath with a cross body block taking both men down. Seamus rolls to one knee and looks out of the ring, and immediately takes off because…..
On the outside, The Chickenshit Heels have Moose in a precarious spot. Adrenaline is setting Moose up for a suplex while Attitude Adjuster has climbed onto the apron. They are going to hit an ADRENALINE RUSH on Moose ON THE FLOOR! Seamus runs down the apron and nails AA on the back of the head with a double axe handle sending him off the apron and into Adrenaline, who drops Moose. Seamus hops off the apron and pulls AA to his feet and SLAMS him face first into the ring post! When we see AA again he is wearing the crimson mask. As if he can smell the blood, Moose is on AA hammering him with shots to the face before dragging him to the stairs and putting his head against the steps, gets a running start, and KICKS AA’s head into the stairs! The thud of skull on steel echoes throughout the arena.
At the top of the ramp, SYB has Poe down and is trying to choke the life out of him. Satisfied that Poe is subdues, SYB pulls him up and sets him up for a pile driver, but Poe backdrops SYB instead, sending him to the steel howling in pain. Poe turns around and glares at SYB with what can best be described as a murderous look on his face. SYB tries a punch to the mid section, but it doesn’t even faze Poe. SYB tries a low blow, but Poe catches his arm and pulls him to his feet, right into a clothesline. SYB is stunned, but starts crawling toward one of the light towers.
Meanwhile, Johnny Adrenaline slides into the ring and kicks Skurge in the face. Skurge had had Wrath trapped in a figure four. Seamus slides back into the ring and takes Adrenaline down from behind. Damon Wrath gets to his feet and steps out of the ring and pulls Moose off of Attitude Adjuster and the two of them brawl around the ring. AA gets up and slides into the ring. So, let’s see who is in the ring now? Skurge, Johnny, AA and Seamus. It looks kind of bad for the champs, but The Amnesiac hops over the top rope and Skurge and The Amnesiac attack.
On the outside Damon Wrath charges at Moose, but Moose ducks a clothesline, grabs Wrath’s arm and twists it, HEARTPUNCH! Moose kicks Wrath, then DDT’s him on the floor! Wrath is OUT! Moose looks to the top of the ramp and grabs a chair and heads up to where SYB is climbing for his life.
Inside the ring, Seamus and AA collide in the middle of the ring and both men go down. Skurge ducks a clothesline from Adrenaline, and he and The Amnesiac POP him in the mouth with a double super kick! The Amnesiac pulls AA to his feet and hangs him in the ropes, then grabs Seamus and clotheslines him over the top rope, but Seamus lands on his feet. From the outside Seamus grabs The Amnesiac’s leg and pulls him out of the ring, and slams him face first into the guard rail, but The Amnesiac composes himself fast enough to catch Seamus with an enzuguri as he turns to head back to the ring.
At the top of the ramp, SYB is climbing for his life, but really isn’t all that high up there. Poe is standing there looking rather amused. Moose gets to the top of the ramp with the chair and he and Poe look at one another, then Moose throws the chair at SYB, catching him right on the back of the head. SYB teeters for a moment, then falls backward. The crowd gasps, but SYB catches his foot on one of the rungs of the light tower, which saved him from a head first fall to the stage. Poe steps in and grabs a dazed SYB off the tower, walks to the middle of the stage and sets him up and TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVES HIM ON THE STAGE! SYB is dead. Poe and Moose look to the ring where we see….
Skurge pulls a dazed Johnny Adrenaline to his feet and pulls him to the corner. Attitude Adjuster is still stuck in the ropes, the referee is working to free him, but you saw how hard it was for them to free Andre the Giant, just sayin. Skurge pulls Adrenaline up and sets him on the top rope and sets him up and hits a MUSCLE BUSTER! Poe and Moose see this and try to get to the ring to break up the pin, but they are a few seconds too late and Skurge gets the three count!
WINNERS in 22:41 – and still OOWF Campeonas de Trios champions – IHOP!
Skurge slides out of the ring just as AA frees himself and Moose and Poe get into the ring. On the outside The Amnesiac tosses him his share of the Chimpionship and they head up the ramp where a very concerned Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth is kneeling over SYB. Skurge and The Amnesiac and less concerned however, and they grabs SYB by the arms and pull him to his feet. The four of them, now also joined by Fezzik, stand at the top of the ramp with their arms raised in victory. Course, it looks a lot like Weekend at Bernie’s because SYB has NO idea where he is. The crowd roars their approval, and the champs head to the back.
Russ: BAH GAWD SYB IS DEAD!
Razz: I have seen some crazy things in my life, but I have NEVER seen anything like that! And somehow, IHOP still retains!
Nash: In my mind, the better team did not win here tonight, Moose, Seamus and Poe dominated, but hey, sometimes it is better to be lucky than good
Russ: Well I wouldn’t say lucky, but IHOP survived to fight another day
Razz: And that is really all that matters. But you have to wonder, what kind of shape is SYB going to be in for Mayhem?
Russ: I can’t believe he will be able to wrestle at Mayhem, I mean he just took a TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER OFF A LIGHT TOWER!
Nash: You know what will help? Some good old fashioned BC Headache powder. Just take two BC’s and call me when you are feeling awesome! <Nash gives a cheesy thumbs up>
Razz: You are really hard up aren’t you?
Nash: Like Solly on a Saturday night in college
Russ: You know, you could just call JBL, I’m sure he could offer you some sound financial advice
Nash: Forget it. That is a lame angle, I want nothing to do with it.
Razz: So you would rather shill products all night
Nash: Hey, Razz if I were you, I would watch your tone
Razz: Oh really. And why is that?
Nash: Because my agent told me Keebler is looking for a spokesperson, you aren’t too tall to be an elf
Razz: Fuck you Nash
Russ: Can we get back to the show? Please. Next up we have an Onslaught championship match. Alexander Darling won the title from Chris Cole at MidWeek Mayhem, and he makes his first defense tonight, against Cole
Nash: That title is still around? Really? Still all about wrestling?
Razz: It is, and it is something that should never disappear Nash, no matter how foreign wrestling is to you
Russ: By all accounts, Darling is going to keep the stips the same for his title run, so who does that favor?
Razz: Well, it clearly favors the champion. Alexander Darling is a lot of things, and not all of them pleasant. One of those things is a great wrestler. It is going to be hard to beat him in twenty minutes.
Nash: Not so sure about that. Darling has a temper. And from what I have heard, a champion can lose the title if his is disqualified. If I am Cole, I am baiting him through the whole match hoping for him to lose his temper and hand me the title
Russ: Wouldn’t it be more satisfying beating him by pin fall?
Nash: A win is a win Russ
Russ: Let’s head to the ringALEXANDER DARLING vs. CHRIS COLE – OOWF Onslaught Championship MatchFormer champion “The Main Event” Chris Cole comes out and looks less than pleased about not having his title around his waist. Cole steps between the ropes and waits in the ring. The lights dim and we get the pompous entrance of the new Onslaught champion, Alexander Darling. The crowd boos loudly as Darling stands at the top of the ramp and soaks in the boos waiting for his cue to move. Darling goes through his obnoxiously long intro, complete with two minute intro, wind machine, and muppet jacket. Finally he slowly makes his way to the ring keeping his eyes on Cole the whole time. Darling steps between the ropes and holds his title high in the air for Cole to see, then makes sure to walk right up to him and hold it in his face. Cole ignores him completely, Darling just smirks and hands the title off to the referee. Now the ref holds it up, then calls for the bell, and this one is underway.
The two slowly circle and lock up. Cole grabs a side head lock and Darling shoves him to the ropes and tries a clothesline, but Cole slides between Darling’s legs and jumps up behind him and hits a LUNGBLOWER! Darling hits the mat and rolls out of the ring wincing in pain and grabbing his back. Cole starts to move toward the ropes, but the referee stops him. The ref starts the ten count, and Darling gets on the apron and back into the ring at seven. Cole moves toward Darling to lock up again, but Darling catches him in the gut with a boot, doubling Cole over in pain. Darling hits the ropes and tries a knee lift, but Cole sweeps his leg and sends Darling to the mat. Cole drops an elbow across Darling’s chest, then grabs a side head lock.
Darling shifts around Cole and rolls him over and keeps his shoulders down for a two count. Cole pushes off the mat, but Darling works his way to one knee, then to his feet and takes Cole over with a belly to back suplex. Darling immediately gets to his feet and climbs to the second rope and waits for Cole to get to his feet, when he does, Darling leaps and drives an elbow between his eyes. Cole hits the mat, but Darling doesn’t cover, instead he waits for Cole to get back to one knee, then hits the ropes and takes him to the mat with a swinging neck breaker, rolls him over so he is face down on the mat, then drops a knee across the back of Cole’s head, then pulls him to a sitting position and clamps on a head lock, but makes sure to twist Cole’s neck awkwardly and keep all his weight on the back of Cole’s neck.
The crowd begins to
cheer Chris Cole, once again proving what a colossal douchebag Alexander Darling is. Cole fights to his feet and frees himself with a couple of elbows to the midsection, then tries to run the ropes, but Darling grabs a hand full of hair and pulls him to the mat, drawing a warning from the referee. While the ref is yelling at Darling, Darling makes sure to kick Cole in the mouth. Darling pulls Cole to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a knee to the midsection, then hooks him and hauls him up in a vertical suplex, keeps him up there to think about it for a few moments, then drives him straight down, BRAINBUSTER! Cole is OUT! Darling floats over and covers, but Cole gets his foot on the bottom rope, his first rope save of the match.
Darling immediately pulls Cole to his feet, Cole can barely stand, Darling kicks him low and sets him up for a pile driver, but Cole blocks it the first time. Darling tries it a second time and Cole kicks his feet and reverses it, but doesn’t back drop Darling, instead he holds onto Darling’s legs, and grabs his head and hits a SNOW PLOW! Cole hooks Darling’s leg, but somehow the champ kicks out at two. Cole pulls the dazed champion to his feet and whips him into the corner, Cole follows him in and catches him with an elbow to the jaw, then sets Cole on the top rope, climbs to the second rope and hooks him for a superplex! Both men crash to the mat, but Cole floats over and covers, but Darling manages to roll his shoulder at two.
Cole shows a little frustration and gets to his feet and returns the favor of the boot to the mouth by planting his foot right on Darling’s face. Cole then grabs Darling’s legs and drags him to the center of the ring and locks him in a figure four leg lock. The time keeper announces that we are fifteen minutes into the match. Darling is howling in pain, there is no way he can make it five more minutes. Darling inches his way toward the ropes while Cole tries to put more pressure on his leg, and I would imagine, snap it like a twig. Finally after over two minutes in excruciating pain, Darling makes it to the ropes and forces the break, his first.
Cole realizes that he is now down to three minutes left to win the title, so he pulls Darling to his feet and hauls him up with a suplex, then drops him down into a neck breaker. Cole floats over and covers, but he only gets a two count again. Cole scoops Darling up and plants him on the mat and climbs to the corner and leaps, dropping a knee across the inside of Darling’s leg! Cole immediately goes on the attack and motions for the figure four once again, this time when he leans in for it, Darling grabs him in a small package and gets a two count, but Cole shifts it and gets a two count of his own. Darling shifts his weight again, and reaches out and pushes off the bottom rope to roll Cole over even more, and gets the one, two, three! Darling retains! Cole is stunned!
WINNER in 19:39 – Alexander Darling
After the match, Darling grabs a mic:
CUT THE MUSIC. I have had enough. Eric O’Mac you colossal piece of crap, I am TIRED of you ignoring me. I am asking…..no, fuck that, I am DEMANDING that you bring your ass to the ring NOW! I am going to end you once and for all.<Darling drops the mic and gets ready for a fight. The lights go out and LL Cool J begins. The lights begin to strobe, making everything look all psychedelic, then the music stops, and the lights go out again. When they come back on, Alexander Darling is standing alone in the middle of the ring. Eric still hasn’t answered him. Darling looks beyond furious. Alexis tries to calm him, but he shoves her aside and storms to the back>
Russ: I would hate to be the first person that crosses paths with Alexander Darling
Razz: I am just glad it wasn’t one of us, I mean really though, since Darling won the Onslaught championship, he has been covered with blood and ignored by Eric O’Mac. Not exactly the show of respect most champions are used to
Nash: Really, what’s the deal with Eric? When you are called out, just come out already. Maybe he can’t hear him. If that’s the case, maybe needs a Miracle Ear. Miracle Ear is the barely visible hearing aid that will give your hearing the boost it needs. Tiny and barely noticeable, no one will know that you can’t hear.
Russ: Will you stop.
Razz: Can they get you a miracle quad? Or miracle knees?
Nash: How bout a miracle step ladder so you can see over the table
Russ: How bout we talk about the wrestling instead of endorsement deals? Next up we have an OOWF World Tag Team title triple threat match, I know Phantos and Lucios are not happy about this, but I have to think this is all their own doing.
Nash: What?
Razz: Hey, it’s real simple, had they defended the titles against Larson and Nayr, maybe then they win the match and this is a one on one match against Fear Us, a team they have beaten in the past.
Nash: The champions were well within their rights to refuse a title match against a team that had been together for a few weeks, GM the Rick was pretty irresponsible there and he is even more so now
Russ: Well Nash, you have been a tag champion before, what would you do?
Nash: I would walk into that ring, take my half of the tag title, and slam it right upside someone’s head. Intentional disqualification, danger of losing your titles in an unfair match eliminated
Russ: That’s heinous
Razz: It’s pretty smart though
Russ: Well I have a feeling that Phantos and Lucios, despite their poor judgment joining Run DEA, will not do that
Nash: Which is why they will never be as good as The Outsiders. You are the champs, you DO NOT let people push you around.
Russ: Let’s go to the ring. PHANTOS & LUCIOS vs. BRYCE LARSON & NAYR vs. FEAR US – OOWF World Tag Team Title Triple Threat Match“The King of the Indies” Bryce “The Bad Ass Dragon” Larson and Nayr make their way to the ring, sprinting as usual. They slide under the ropes and leap onto the turnbuckles and pose for the crowd and get a nice pop. Fear Us is announced next and they slowly make their way to the ring, getting a less vocal pop, but a nice round of respect as well. Fear Us steps between the ropes and takes a long look at the kids then retire to their corner. “God Blessed Texas” comes on, and Phantos and Lucios come to the top of the ramp with the titles
slung over their shoulders! thanks to Fear Us. The camera cuts back to the ring where Fear Us is sharing a nice laugh over this. The champs make their way to the ring and climb between the ropes. The rules of this match are simple: the first team to score a pin, wins the titles. Only one person from each team can be the legal man in the ring at any given time.
Phantos and Lucios step out of the ring and demand that the other two teams start things off. Fear Us just shrugs their shoulders and LD Williams steps between the ropes and motions for one of Larson or Nayr to come into the ring. Nayr starts to step between the ropes, but Larson stops him and steps in himself. The referee calls for the bell, and this one is underway.
Williams and Larson slowly circle and lock up. Larson immediately grabs an arm wringer and takes Williams to one knee, but the former world champion immediately straightens up and KILLS Larson with a brutal knife edge chop, then buries a knee into his gut and takes him to the mat with a snap mare and kicks him in the back of the head. Larson gets to one knee and Williams bounds off the ropes and connects with a drop kick to the side of Larson’s head, sending him across the ring. Williams pulls Larson to his feet and NAILS him with a head but, then tags in Outback Jack.
Jack comes in and traps Larson in the corner and immediately starts biting him, then sends him to the ropes, but lowers his head a moment too soon, and Larson leaps over his back and bounds off the opposite ropes and tries a cross body block, but Jack catches him with a power slam! Jack covers, hooking the leg, but Phantos is quickly into the ring to break it up. Jack gets to his feet to chase Phantos, but he gets out of the ring first. When Jack turns back around Larson catches him with an enzurguri, then tags in Nayr. Nayr climbs to the top rope and hits a perfect flying elbow to Jack’s back, then rolls him over and covers, but this time Lucios reaches in and pulls Nayr off of him.
Nayr gets to his feet and catches Lucios with a drop kick to the back as he is leaving the ring, sending him through the ropes to the floor. Lucios is FURIOUS and gets back onto the apron and is about to go after Nayr when Phantos stops him. Meanwhile Jack grabs Nayr from behind and sends him to the corner, Jack charges, but Nayr slips out of the way and Jack hits the corner chest first. Nayr climbs to the top rope and leaps and snaps Jack over with a perfect hurracarana, but Jack kicks out at two, sending Nayr right toward the Fear Us corner, where LD NAILS him with a forearm to the jaw. Jack gets to his feet and staggers a moment, and he gets too close to the champs corner. Lucios reaches out and tags himself in, and immediately charges to the Fear Us corner and grabs Nayr before he can make a tag to LD Williams.
Lucios pulls Nayr to the middle of the ring and grabs his arm, then drops a leg across his chest. The big man then pulls Nayr to his feet and hauls him into a fireman’s carry, and DRIVES him to the mat with a DVD! Lucios covers, but Larson comes in and breaks it up, which brings in Phantos. Phantos and Larson square off, Phantos goes for a spinning heel kick, but Larson ducks and goes for one of his own, but Phantos ducks his too. When they both straighten up to look at one another, Fear Us charges across the ring and clotheslines them both over the top rope to the floor. Fear Us then grab Nayr and Lucios and send them into opposite corners, they do the double whip, and Lucios catches Nayr with a big boot to the jaw and stands there looking down at Nayr bad move. Williams and Jack charge out of the corner and nearly cut Lucios in half with a CALL OF THE WILD!
Williams steps onto the apron and Jack pulls Nayr to his feet and throws him into the Fear Us corner where LD tags himself into the match. He charges in and catches Lucios in a mahistrol cradle for a two count, but Phantos is back into the ring and he breaks it up before he can get the three count. Williams pulls Lucios to his feet and tries a whip, but Lucios reverses it and pulls Williams back to him and plants him on the mat with a belly to belly suplex. Lucios gets to his feet and tags in Phantos. Phantos springs over the top rope and peppers Williams with rights and lefts before catching him with a dropkick to the jaw that sends Williams back into the corner. Phantos tags in Lucios and Lucios runs in and catches Williams with a clothesline in the corner, then drops to his hands and knees and Phantos gets a running start and NAILS Williams with a flying spinning heel kick. Williams staggers out of the corner and Lucios takes him over with a t-bone suplex and covers for a two count.
Lucios gets to his feet and measures Williams, lining him up for a boot to the side of the head, when Larson reaches out and tags himself into the match. Larson steps between the ropes and starts toward Williams, but Lucios spins him around and gives him a shove, Larson shoves him right back. Lucios is about to hammer him but the referee tells Lucios to get out of the ring. LD Williams is back on his feet now, and grabs Larson from behind and KILLS him with a release German suplex. Williams crawls to his corner and makes the tag to Outback Jack.
Jack comes in and pulls Larson to his feet and lifts him with a long-delayed vertical suplex. While he is up in the air, Phantos comes in behind the referee’s back and POPS him in the mouth with a super kick sending both men to the mat. Nayr comes in and tackles Phantos and they fall through the ropes and fall to the floor awkwardly. Lucios takes advantage of the chaos and slips into the ring and waits for Jack to get to his feet, when he does, Lucios charges with a boot to the face, but Jack moves at the last second and it catches Bryce Larson SQUARE in the face! Larson goes down like he has been shot! Jack tags in LD Williams, then attacks Lucios and THEY fall out of the ring as well and brawl around ringside. Williams steps into the ring and pounces on a barely conscious Bryce Larson and locks him into the cross face! Larson fights with everything he has, but Williams is not about to break the hold, he pulls back even harder, Larson inches his way to the ropes, but Williams pulls back even more! Finally Larson can take no more and he taps out!
WINNERS in 32:29 and NEW OOWF World Tag Team Champions – FEAR US!
Fear Us celebrate in the middle of the ring as Phantos and Lucios look on in complete disbelief. We hear Lucios saying something about not being pinned, but the roar of the crowd, and the arrival of the rest of Drink and Destroy drown out his protests
Russ: THEY DID IT!
Nash: The champions were never pinned!
Razz: Hey, that’s the rules, its not real fair, but that’s what it is
Russ: This is LD Williams’ third tag team title reign, each time with a different partner, he may be one of the greatest tag team wrestlers the OOWF has ever seen
Nash: This is where I normally say something bad about whoever it is Russ is talking about, but not this time. LD Williams is a great wrestler, tough as hell. I just hope Fear Us can get a clean win over Phantos and Lucios, otherwise I have to think their reign is somewhat tainted.
Razz: Not in this case though Nash, Phantos and Lucios knew the rules going in, they didn’t have to be pinned to lose the titles. They weren’t, and they did.
Russ: It may not be the ideal way, but the champs knew the rules going into the match. Our next match features similar rules, Firewoman is defending her Intercontinental title against Spin Hansen and Tytan. If Tytan or Spin pins the other, they win the title
Nash: You know, I have never understood why a champion would allow themselves to be put in that kind of position, it makes no sense. I know when I was the British Columbia Heavyweight champion, musta been around ’78 or so, they wanted me to run a program with Butcher Vachon AND Bad News Allen. I told them, forget it. I am a one on one kinda guy, you start getting into threesomes, and I start getting uncomfortable
Razz: Not according to Hall and HHH
Nash: What did they tell you?
Russ: This has nothing to do with the match! How bout we get some predictions. Who wins this match?
Razz: Spin Hansen. Firewoman is going to be so consumed with getting at Tytan she is going to forget about Hansen and that is a dangerous thing to do
Nash: You know, I am sure they don’t want this in the back, but I am going to say there is not going to be a winner. That’s right, no contest. There is no way you are keeping Fire and Tytan in the ring. This thing is going to get out of control because of the bad blood between Fire and Tytan, and the ref is going to end up tossing the match.
Russ: Perhaps I am jaded, but I think there will be a finish, and I think Fire is going to pull this one out. Even though she is outsized by both men, I see her using her brains and letting the two behemoths wail on one another, then slipping in and taking advantage of that to get the win.FIREWOMAN vs. TYTAN vs. SPIN HANSEN – OOWF Intercontinental Title MatchSpin “Freakin’” Hansen remains in the ring after celebrating the Fear Us title win. He is announced, and as he is calming from the celebration, an eerie look of calm comes across his face. Tytan is announced next and he comes to the ring accompanied by Jonathan Steele. Tytan steps between the ropes and he stares at Spin, and Steele warns Spin to stay out of his way. Spin smirks and ignores him. Finally, the OOWF Intercontinental champion Firewoman is announced as the Cult’s “Firewoman” blares through the arena. Fire comes to the ring with a look of pure hate on her face, she steps between the ropes, and immediately Tytan attacks.
Fire and Tytan go toe to toe trading blows. Several of the shots from the much larger Tytan rock Fire backward, so Fire ducks a shot and slips behind Tytan and jumps on his back and immediately starts biting the side of Tytan’s head. Tytan howls in pain and staggers around the ring trying to get a grip on Fire to throw her over his shoulder to the mat. As he staggers around, Spin explodes out of the corner and takes them both between the ropes to the floor with a spear. On the floor, Spin is up first, and he pulls Tytan off the floor and scoops him up and slams him back first into the ring post, then drops him to the floor. Spin turns around and sees Fire just getting to her feet, so he charges and nearly decapitates her with a clothesline.
Spin rolls Fire into the ring and covers, but Fire kicks out at one. Spin pulls Fire up and grabs her by the back of the head and hammers her in the face with forearms backing her across the ring. Spin whips Fire across the ring, but Fire sees Tytan getting to his feet on the outside, so she leaps over the top rope and slams into Tytan, driving him into the steel guard rail. Spin remains in the middle of the ring and stares out of the ring as Fire mounts Tytan and hammers him with shots to the face. Fire pulls Tytan to his feet and slams him face first into the guard rail, then catches him with a spinning heel kick to the sternum sending Tytan back to the mat. Jonathan Steel grabs Fire from behind and spins her around Fire stares at him incredulously then grabs him by the shirt and is about to murder him when Tytan clotheslines Fire from behind. Tytan grabs Fire in a head lock, and without the referee seeing, grabs a bottle and SMASHES it in Fire’s face. Fire drops to her knees howling in pain, covering her face with her hands, but blood is already running through her fingers.
From inside the ring Spin sees this and a snarl crosses his face. Spin charges across the ring and steps between the ropes, and leaps at Tytan, catching him with something like a Thesz press off the apron, hammering him with shots to the face. Spin pulls Tytan to his feet and rolls him into the ring, and follows. As Tytan gets to one knee, Spin hits the ropes and catches him with a boot to the side of the head. Tytan hits the mat and Spin drops an elbow across his chest and covers, but Tytan powers out at two. Spin pulls him to a sitting position and repeatedly drops an elbow onto the top of his head, then slams him back to the mat and tries a leg drop, but Tytan moves out of the way and Spin gets nothing but mat.
On the outside, we see Fire get to her feet, her face a crimson mask of blood. Fire slowly climbs onto the apron and Tytan immediately spots her and charges over, but Fire catches him with a kick to the side of the head, then grabs his head and guillotines him on the top rope sending him staggering backward in the ring, right into the waiting arms of Spin, who lifts Tytan up and hits an atomic drop. Tytan lurches forward, and EATS a super kick from Fire. Fire falls on Tytan for the pin, but before she can get a one count, Spin drops an elbow on the back of her head, and pulls her off of him. Spin sends Fire to the ropes and catches her with a THUNDEROUS spine buster! Spin covers, but now it is Tytan’s turn to break things up at two.
Tytan pulls Spin off of Fire and hammers him with chops to the chest, then grabs him by the head and slams him face first into the turn buckle, as Spin staggers backward, Tytan comes off the ropes and DRILLS him with a clothesline. Tytan pulls Spin to a sitting position and locks him in a guillotine choke trying for the submission. Spin struggles, and you can see his face turning red. Spin fights the move and manages to turn just enough to get his foot on the bottom rope. Tytan will not break the hold though. The referee makes it to four, then Fire flies on and drops a knee across Tytan’s face causing him to break the hold, and causing blood to pour from his nose.
Fire grabs Tytan while he is on the mat and hits the FIRESTOMP! Tytan is in trouble! Fire covers, but Spin pulls Fire off of him. Spin tries to get to his feet but falls to one knee, still feeling the effects of the guillotine choke. Fire adds to his misery with a Shining Wizard to the back of the head. Fire climbs to the top rope and waits for Tytan to get to his feet then hits the BFE! But Tytan catches her and turns it into the TYTAN SCREWDRIVER! Literally, Fire may be dead. Tytan covers, but once again Spin breaks it up at two. Tytan shows his frustration by yelling at the referee, then grabbing him and throwing him out of the ring to the floor. Tytan grabs a prone Fire by the back of the head and just HAMMERS her with rights and lefts. Spin gets to his feet and charges in and clotheslines Tytan on the back of the head sending him to the mat, and pounces on him, locking him in the Whiskey Tango Foxtrot! Tytan is in trouble, but there is no referee to call it! Finally the referee gets to his knees, but turns to the announcer and waves it off! He is calling it a no contest? The crowd is not happy with this decision.
WINNER in 26:21 – No Contest
Spin finally breaks the hold, and gets to his feet and helps Fire to hers, but Fire shoves him aside and immediately attacks Tytan, now hammering him with shots to the face. Spin shrugs his shoulders and leaves the ring, pausing for a moment to look at the Intercontinental title. Officials and members of DEA rush to the ring to pull Tytan and Firewoman apart before someone gets killed.
Russ: Nash was……right?
Razz: Whoda thunk that?
Nash: It just goes to show that I have a brain for this kind of thing. Or, for our German speaking friends, Es geht gerade, zu zeigen, dass ich ein Gehirn für diese Art der Sache habe
Russ: Since when do you speak German?
Nash: That’s a fine question Russ. You know, in my line of work I travel all around the world. I never know where employment opportunities may come up, so I thought it would behoove
Razz: behoove?
Nash: it would be to my advantage to learn another language, and the Rosetta Stone language system has helped me develop my skills
Russ: Oh for the love of…..
Razz: How does that work?
Nash: Rosetta Stone changes the WAY you learn a language, making learning fun and easy
Russ: WILL YOU STOP! WE HAVE A MAIN EVENT WORLD TITLE HELL IN THE CELL MATCH TO TALK ABOUT!
Nash: Why are you always yelling?
Razz: I think his spine is out of alignment or something. I think he should try Teeter Hang Ups Inversion Therapy….HEY I DID IT!
Nash: See, it’s that easy
Russ: I hate you both.
Nash: Calm down Russ, I got plenty to say about the title match…..things have gone too far.
Russ: That’s it?
Nash: Look, professional wrestling is a violent business by nature. There is no place that is more inviting for those with a big ego than professional wrestling. We are all ego cases to some degree, you have to be to make it. But there is a time, when it moves past a clash of ego, into something more personal, and that is when things go from competitive to dangerous. Somehow along the way Stank and Moreland have crossed that line.
Razz: When I was in ECW, Sabu and I had a feud. That started out as one of mutual respect, but somewhere along the lines, that changed. He did business his way, and I did it mine, and before I knew it, we were legitimately trying to hurt one another in that ring. Thankfully the powers that be stepped in and stopped it before one of us could end the others career. I hope someone here has the same sense, both men have left the last two matches on a stretcher, I can’t see how this will be any different.
Russ: Uh, wow. That was really deep. But I have to agree, this has passed athletic competition and moved into a darker, more dangerous territory. But there is something about Davin Moreland, he has a look in his eyes that makes me nervous. Stank had better be careful in this one. I think the champ retains, but at a HUGE cost.
Razz: I think Stank wins this one. He wants that title around his waist again, he hasn’t said as much as Davin, but I think Stank is ultra focused, which is dangerous.
Nash: I like Stank, but Moreland doesn’t have to beat Stank, Stank has to beat Moreland. The champions advantage, and Davin takes advantage of that to retain the title
Russ: Well said, let’s head to the ring