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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:30:44 GMT -5
"The Main Event" Chris Cole is in the hallway of random encounters. He walks past Moosehead Jack and decides to stop for a quick chat.
Cole: Moose
MHJ: Cole
Cole: So it looks like you are forming another stable to combat Run DEA.
MHJ: I'm not forming anything. I'm a part of something but it isn't mine to lead.
Cole: It never is.
MHJ: You seem to be having issues with DEA as well. Davin is one of your most bitter rivals, you and Darling have fought over the IC and the Onslaught Title, you have targeted the current IC Champ Firewoman, and Phantos and Lucios claim to be the best team in OOWF History without seeming to grasp what the 3 Piece Set had done. Lots of motivation for hatred. Perhaps you and I should talk more about joining forces.
Cole: No offense Moose, but the last two times we've joined forces it hasn't worked out well for me. I'm going to handle my own business.
MHJ: Good luck with that. And good luck in our Dance of Death this Sunday Night.
Cole: I'm watching you Moose. I don't trust you.
MHJ: And I'm always watching my back around you.
The two men stare for a few more seconds and then walk in opposite directions.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:31:02 GMT -5
<Moose makes he way down the hall and we Firewoman and Davin standing chatting>
FW: If you keep DROPPING potential allies, no one will side with us!
DM: Davin Moreland gave him a choice, he did not answer as fast as Davin Moreland wished. Next time, he will think faster when Davin Moreland asks for a response. Next time.....
<Davin stops when he notices Moose standing there. Somewhat shocked, he drops the third person bit>
DM: What can we do for you Moose? Kinda ballsy walking up on two DEA members
MHJ: Nothing is going to happen, right Fire?
<Fire just stares at Moose>
DM: What can we do for you?
MHJ: You know, I am all for a good beat down. And I will admit, that one was pretty well orchestrated. I will say you got one over on us.
DM: Run DEA doesn't "get one over" on people, we do what we want, when we wa....
MHJ: Yeah yeah, I've heard it before. Just so you know what you've gotten yourselves into. This wasn't anything personal before, for the most part <glances at Fire> Now? We may have to reconsider that stance. DEA might want to watch their backs.
<Moose turns to walk away and Davin moves to attack, but Fire grabs him and stops him>
DM: What the hell are you doing!
FW: Don't be stupid! Poe's locker room is RIGHT OVER THERE. The second they hear anything, Tytan, Tyson, Poe and Seamus are out here, and suddenly it goes from a two on one beat down, to a five on two beat down! And I have no idea where Phantos, Lucios, Mags or Alex are. We both have title matches in a few days, its not worth it right now.
<Davin just glares at Firewoman>
DM: Davin Moreland will take Firewoman's advice under consideration. Davin Moreland has decided not to attack, but because that is what Davin Moreland decided, not because Firewoman said so
<Davin turns and walks away>
FW: Whatever
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:31:21 GMT -5
Chris Evans is sitting in the OOWF Newcomers locker room, pondering over his choices when a Sexy Female Journalist joins him.
SFJ: Lionheart, do you have any comments over where your loyalties stand?
Evans: Dammit, what the hell have I gotten myself into? On one hand, I’ve got myself a possible spot with a faction that could have the ability to rid this federation of Run DEA once and for all.
But then, on the other hand…
*clip of Firewoman’s conversation with Evans is played*
FW: Nice. You'll fit in around here quite well. And if you're really looking for a team, maybe stop by RunDEA Suites sponsored by Aquafina.
Evans: If I try to join them, I’d already have the backing of Firewoman, a member with some pretty good standing in that group and someone who, even if I question her motives, I’ve got a lot of respect for, so it wouldn’t be as tough to get in. And hey, maybe when I started, I would’ve jumped at the opportunity to join the most powerful group in OOWF. It would also mean a serious boost to my career, as well as the potential to really push my limits. But, after seeing what they did to Poe, I’m not sure if I can bring myself to do that. Maybe close to it, but not like that.
SFJ: Any last words you wanna say?
Evans: Well, all I know is that I’ve got D.H. Magnusson in the Fatal 4 Way match at the Dance of Death V. Right now, he’s my target, and with that title on the line, I’m pretty sure he’s not gonna pussy out and bring a weapon into the ring, although with what I’ve seen, I don’t think he’s interested in that belt, but instead on finishing the job he started with Seamus and myself. And as for Run DEA I’m not gonna get involved in any of the other RunDEA situation.
This interview is over.
*fade to black*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:31:44 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is IN THE GYM~! training with the other members of the former Run DLP in what looks to be some sort of handicap match...with 4 trampolines in the ring. Even Lucios with his 3" Vertical Leap is occasionally hitting the trampoline, so the visuals are pretty cool as the 3 are clearly a well-oiled machine. Moonbeam comes flying into the gym, apparently desperate for something.*
SFJ420: *yelling* DAVIN! DAVIN! I need COMMENTS FROM YOU!
DM: *yelling back* Does Moonbeam have a Ninja Cam with Moonbeam?
SFJ420: YES!
*Davin calls Phantos and Lucios to the middle of the ring; and Phantos is HEATED as he's gesticulating wildly. Finally Davin gives them both the international sign for "I got this", and they calm down a bit, before powdering out and leaving via the back door. Davin grabs a towel and gestures to a couple of chairs. They both sit, and Moonbeam appears to calm down a bit.*
SFJ420: Dude, Davin dude...
DM: What has Davin Moreland told you?
SFJ420: Oh, shit, right...I'm here with the Greatest 2-Time OOWF World Heavyweight Champion of All-Time Davin Moreland. Davin, I need to get your comments about your match at Dance of Death.
DM: Why?
SFJ420: Um...because it's Friday and all you've done is hit Diamond Cutters to a couple of Midcarders, one who isn't even in this week's match.
DM: So?
SFJ420: SO?!?! SO?!?!?! Dude, man, you GOTTA say something, I mean, POE vs STANK vs YOU vs The OTHER GUY~!
DM: The Amnesiac.
SFJ420: He has a name?
DM: Yes. The Amnesiac was better served to keep The Amnesiac's self quiet. The Amnesiac would have been better off anonymous. Now, The Amnesiac has Davin Moreland's attention. Davin Moreland feels disrespected by The Amnesiac. Davin Moreland deserves The Amnesiac's respect. The Amnesiac has the opportunity of a lifetime at Dance of Death; and The Amnesiac will probably never have this opportunity again. The Amnesiac sealed The Amnesiac's fate. Now, The Amnesiac will walk out the way The Amnesiac came in - forgotten and a loser. The Amnesiac isn't in the same galaxy as Stank The No-Seller, Poe the Kid Toucher, or Davin the World Champion; never mind the same league. Here's some advice. Do lots of powdering out; and try not to get The Amnesiac hurt. Stank the No-Seller and Poe the Kid Toucher might actually feel badly about that.
SFJ420: Ok, cool man, one down, 2 to go.
DM: Davin Moreland has to cut promos on 3 people?
SFJ420: Davin Moreland is in a Fatal 4-Way, and at least 2, and probably all three of your opponents hate you and want to kill you.
DM: Davin Moreland is a fantastic heel. Other heels around the World should take notes and try to emulate Davin Moreland.
SFJ420: I guess. Yeah. So whatever, man. Cut some promos.
DM: Fine. Stank the No-Seller. Davin Moreland is simply better than Stank the No-Seller now. Davin Moreland proved it at Hell on Earth, and Davin Moreland proved it the month leading up to, and including New Year's Evil - Hell in the Cell. Davin Moreland at less than 50% absolutely EMBARRASSED Stank the No-Seller. Let's be clear - Stank the No-Seller obviously isn't the wrestler Stank the No-Seller once was. Stank the No-Seller still has the mindset, but simply doesn't have the physical skills to compete with the elite wrestlers in this business anymore. That's why Stank the No-Seller re-teamed with FF Capslock; FF Capslock can carry Stank the No-Seller in a match and hide Stank the No-Seller's weaknesses.
DM: Stank the No-Seller, if Stank the No-Seller didn't have the history and legacy Stank the No-Seller has; Davin Moreland would find it difficult to pay any attention whatsoever to Stank the No-Seller. Davin Moreland would find it difficult to cut a promo on Stank the No-Seller. Davin Moreland only cuts promos on those Davin Moreland feels worthy of Davin Moreland's ire and/or respect. It is clear Davin Moreland doesn't respect Stank the No-Seller. *batistalaughs* And why should Davin Moreland? Stank the No-Seller is Davin Moreland's bitch. But, Davin Moreland still remember Stank the No-Seller big-timing the roster, desperately hanging on to Stank the No-Seller's place on the card; sabotaging Davin Moreland at every turn...Davin Moreland has gotten Davin Moreland's revenge already - true. *batistalaughs* However, Davin Moreland still has a little somethin' for Stank the No-Seller's sorry ass.
Goldberg: The assiest ass ass that ever assy ass ass ass.
DM: Where the fuck did Goldberg come from?
Goldberg: WHO'S NEXT?
DM: Davin Moreland, you overrated piece of crap.
*Davin Moreland DRILLS Goldberg with a SPEAR! He follows that up with a JACKHAMMER! He pulls Goldberg up and hits a REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER! OOWF body clean-up officials come in like Oompa Loompas and drag Goldberg away*
DM: Davin Moreland hopes the REAL PEOPLE'S CHAMPION - Diamond Dallas Page saw that. Consider it a bit of retribution for Diamond Dallas Page getting the shaft at Halloween Havoc in 1998 when Goldberg went over Diamond Dallas Page for no fucking reason other than to keep the fucking winning streak going. Davin Moreland did what Davin Moreland could; Diamond Dallas Page.
SFJ420: Yeah, I was like 10 then.
DM: Davin Moreland doesn't care how old Moonbeam was.
SFJ420: Fine. You have one more to do.
DM: Poe the Kid Toucher - Davin Moreland knows the Ankle Lock. Davin Moreland uses the Ankle Lock. Davin Moreland is GOOD at the Ankle Lock. Davin Moreland knows Alexander Darling shattered Poe's ankle in Japan. Davin Moreland knows it didn't heal quite right. Davin Moreland knows the LAST time Davin Moreland faced Poe the Kid Toucher - Davin Moreland injured that ankle again. *batistalaughs* Poe the Kid Toucher can try to be as dark and twisted as Poe the Kid Toucher wants. But, the fact remains, that Davin Moreland doesn't care about Poe the Kid Toucher's history, who Poe the Kid Toucher hangs out with (Hi Moose!), or how many smurfy Spooky things Poe the Kid Toucher does that apparently have some psychological effect on some of the weaker minded among us.
DM: *batistalaughs* Davin Moreland doesn't care about that. All Davin Moreland really cares about is Davin Moreland's OOWF World Heavyweight Championship. After that, all Davin Moreland cares about is destroying Poe's ankle. Davin Moreland doesn't want to do that for Alexis, or for Firewoman, or for Alexander Darling. No. Davin Moreland wants to do it for Davin Moreland's own amusement. Davin Moreland *batistalaughs* would love to see Poe the Kid Toucher trying to wrestle like Poe the Kid Toucher is Zack Gowen. Poe the Kid Toucher, having to hobble around. Never being able to *batistalaughs* walk right again. Poe the Kid Toucher will always remember WHO it was who destroyed Poe the Kid Toucher's ankle. Alexander Darling started the job. Davin Moreland finishes it. Very soon.
SFJ420: Word. Ok. Those are your promos.
DM: Davin Moreland has more now.
SFJ420: You do? But before, you...
Cheerleader Melissa/Ryesha Sayed - SILENCE!
Jeff Dunham's "Achmed the Terrorist" - I KILL you.
DM: You may both go now.
*They, well, "go now"*
DM: First, to Selena the Jailbait. Selena the Jailbait; you got Selena the Jailbait involved in Davin Moreland's match this past week on Mayhem. Davin Moreland will not stand for such insolence from a child. Davin Moreland will warn Selena the Jailbait one time and one time only. Do NOT interfere in the match at Dance of Death. Not only will Selena the Jailbait regret it; but so will Poe the Kid Toucher. Davin Moreland hopes Davin Moreland has made that as clear as possible.
SFJ420: More?
DM: Sure.
SFJ420: Damn, dude. Alright man, who else?
DM: This is for Davin Moreland's brothers. The Greatest Tag Team in the History of Recorded Time faces a gauntlet of jobbers this week. All Davin Moreland has to say is this: Just don't show up. Forfeit. Davin Moreland has just been in the ring with Phantos and Lucios. Phantos and Lucios will NOT lose. Phantos and Lucios will win and win SO impressively; that the Bookerman will have an extra hour to deal with. Why? The Greatest Tag Team in the History of Recorded Time, Phantos and Lucios. They ARE the Measuring Stick, and y'all motherfuckers just DON'T measure up.
SFJ420: You are like, completely committed to keeping "motherfucker" in there, aren't you?
DM: When Davin Moreland cuts the promo, Davin Moreland can hit the tagline however Davin Moreland wants.
*Samantha Darling wanders into the gym*
DM: Hey babe.
SD: Hey.
*She sits on the arm of the chair and puts her arm around the Champ*
SFJ420: I'm now also joined by Samantha Darling. Samantha, any comments about Davin's match?
SD: Other than "he's a lead pipe lock to win"? No. Not really. I just hope he doesn't do anything stupid this week and gets himself hurt. We have plans after the match.
DM: Samantha Darling is correct.
SD: And we were SUPPOSED to have these plans a fucking month ago; but the Champ here decided to try to kill himself in 3 consecutive matches.
DM: Davin Moreland apologizes. Davin Moreland is just trying to pop the ratings and buyrates.
SD: You've accomplished that dear. Now remember - after the match, you shower, and then we bounce. We've been putting this trip off too many times now.
DM: Yes dear.
SD: Say you'll do it.
DM: Davin Moreland will do it.
SD: Promise?
DM: Promise.
SD: Ok, go get dressed. There has to be a restaurant around here somewhere.
DM: Davin Moreland imagines so.
SFJ420: Hey guys? Was there any more...
SD + DM: THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:32:08 GMT -5
As Davin Moreland turns around, he comes nose-to-nose with The Amnesiac.
DM: What the fuck do you want, The Amnesiac? Davin Moreland's got dinner plans.
AMN: The Amnesiac is here to show Davin Moreland the level of respect that Davin Moreland thinks he deserves. The Amnesiac is not the cowardly type who will attack Davin Moreland from behind in a random hallway. The Amnesiac is the sort of man who will confront his opponent, Davin Moreland face-to-face, and show him that The Amnesiac is not afraid of him.
DM: Fine. The Amnesiac has proven he's not scared. Run along now.
Samantha Darling ducks for cover as The Amnesiac throws the first punch. Moreland blocks and throws a punch of his own. The two trade blows until eventually The Amnesiac gets the upper hand. He grabs Morelands head and runs him into the closest wall, headfirst. Moreland crumples to the ground. The Amnesiac lays the boots to Davin's midsection.
AMN: Do you realize how fucking idiotic you sound when you talk in the third person?!
The rest of the members of Run DEA who are present make a bee-line for The Amnesiac, who runs past Fezzik standing in a nearby hallway. Run DEA runs smack-dab into Fezzik, who stands steady as a rock. Samantha kneels down by Davin, calling out to the other members to help her with him. They back away from Fezzik slowly, who turns and leaves down the hallway.
*FADE TO BLACK*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:32:39 GMT -5
*Celebrity Interviewer for Stank, Jenna Fischer, makes her way to the back of the Destroyitarium where she spots FF Capslock and Stank, sitting at a table. She catches up to them at the tail end of their conversation.*
FFC - Okay?
Stank - Fine. Give 'em Hell, Lock.
FFC - You know I will.
JF - Excuse me. I don't mean to interrupt, but can I ask you a couple of questions about this Sunday's Pay Per View?
Stank - Sure. Pull up a chair.
*FFC excuses himself while Jenna and the camera crew set up for the interview.*
JF - Okay... Uh... You now find yourself once again battling for the World Heavyweight Championship against the current champion, Davin Moreland, and two other opponents, Poe and The Amnesiac. I'm not going to ask you for your thoughts. I'm not even going to ask you for a run-down on your opponents...
Stank - Okay?
JF - What I want to ask you is what I think the OOWF fans here want to know.
Stank - Okay.
JF - Do you think you can win? and if the answer is, yes... why?
Stank -
JF -
Stank - A Batistalaugh would be very appropriate right now, but I'll spare you one and just answer the question. Do I think I can win? I know I can win. I go into every match knowing that I can win. Why? Because I'm a big timer as Davin the 2 time world heavyweight dickhead is so fond of labeling me. He does that. He throws out these labels that describes himself to a tee. He loves to project. No Seller. Big Timing. Desperate hanger on to one's spot. That's Moreland up and down. There's something he said about me that is very true. I have a legacy in this company. A very good one. One that Moreland truly covets.
He's jealous.
He's always been jealous. That's what Davin the One Who Buries is all about. He looks at the World Champions that came before him and he does his damnedest to bury them.
Exhibit A Chris Cole.
Now there's no love lost between Cole and I. Our history is on record, but for every thing Cole did that I didn't like what I can not dispute is that Cole was a great World Heavyweight Champion. The longest reigning before my run. Cole and I have been at odds from almost day one, but I never... not once in all our battles through D&D and 3 Piece Set... not once have I tried to deny the man his legacy, his props. I respect... That's right I said it... I respect what Chris Cole can do in the ring. I would never presume beating him would be a cake walk much less boast about it. Why? Because the man is a 2 time World Heavyweight Champion. Something that Moreland and the rest of his ilk deride. It's pathetic the way they treat him.
Let's look at my stablemate, my brother in arms LD Williams. He beat me for the World Title. Something the current Champion couldn't do. Moreland beats him and doesn't have the balls to want to face him again. He barely mentions LD. Doesn't acknowledge him. Doesn't consider him a threat.
Crete. Again. No love lost there. For as much as I couldn't stand his reign as World Champion, I respect the fact that he was World Champion. I respect his winning the World championship, if not how he reigned. Nonetheless, Crete deserves better. He's not a traitor for following his heart. And if you doubt his ability ask the guy who hates him more than anyone about that.
Point is... Run DEA... Davin Moreland in particular... they ply their trade on tarnishing and trying to tear down the legacies of those who came before them. Davin Moreland is World Champion. For as much as I hate the man... I know what he's capable of in the ring. I respect the fact that he is World Champion... but the man? The child that holds that title I will never respect as long as he continues to be the myopic prick he's been this past year.
There's a difference between big timing and belittling. You see Moreland, more often than not, is a small man. He plays beneath his station. And when small men try to big time... it comes off as belittling. You get what I'm saying?
JF - I think so.
Stank - I big time because I'm a big man. I am big time. Regardless of whether I hold the World title or not. Some people can handle that... others can't. I like to surround myself with those who can. Big time people like FF Capslock, Spin Hansen, Outback Jack, LD Williams and I thought DH Magnusson was there... but he wants to be amongst the small people. So be it.
JF - You haven't said much about your other opponents.
Stank - When it comes to Davin Moreland and myself in a squared circle... there are no other opponents. There are just obstacles. Some may think that arrogant if not dangerous and irresponsible. Maybe that's me big timing again, but I want everyone to take note. This shit began with Run DEA and Drink and Destroy. Davin Moreland and myself... and you best believe this shit will END with the same player's it began with. I don't care who else wants to get involved. Moreland the Great Pretender's end comes at MY hand and the rest of Run DEA will fall. Why?
Because I am Drink and Destroy and you... are fucked.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:32:58 GMT -5
*The camera focuses on a complacent looking Tytan, strolling the Hallway of Random Encounters, with the OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title. It then turns to Nayr, who is creeping along a distance behind him.*
Nayr: Check this out. Tytan is allied with Moosehead Jack, one of the most evil men in this federation. If I can take the title from him, I'll be thwarting evil and I'll have my first OOWF title since my return.
Nayr charges! Before Tytan can react, Nayr leaps to his shoulders, spins around, and it's time for The Driver of A Thousand Truths... is totally blocked. Tytan shifts Nayr around- spinning powerslam on the concrete floor! Tytan doesn't even bother to pin, he just does the Jericho standing pin for the three count.
Referee Junior Hale: Your winner, and STILL OOWF DDT IRON Champion, Tytan!
Tytan ambles off as Bryce comes running up. Bryce helps the dazed Nayr to his feet.
Bryce: You fucking idiot. Focus on our match at Dance of Death.
Nayr: Owwwww...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:33:16 GMT -5
[OOWF TV is shooting a special live edition of "OOWF: Inside Scoop" as the wrestlers prepare themselves for the Pay-Per-View and the OOWF Invitational. A Sexy Female Journalist with some number no one cares to remember is interviewing some of the OOWF higher-ups about the state of the company. Behind them, ring workers (and some of the curtain-jerkers) are setting up setting up the ring for this week's Mayhem. Also in attendance are the majority of the OOWF Superstars, who are signing autographs for fans near ringside.] SFJ: So tell us, why has the OOWF become so... [Just then, all the lights in the arena go off.} SFJ: Well folks, that's the risk you take with live television. I'm sure we'll have things sorted out in just a... [Suddenly, the light's blast back on. Standing in the ring is a figure that the camera can't quite make out. The figure is wearing a black hoodie with the hood up, black hair spilling out from the hood, black jeans, and black and white Converse. The camera zooms in and focuses intently on the figure.] SFJ (from off-screen): We don't know exactly what is going on here just yet... [Soon, all the ring crew, the fans, and the wrestlers themselves have taken notice of what is going on. The figure slowly rolls up his sleeves, revealing multiple tattoos covering both arms.] SFJ: Hmm...nah, it couldn't be... [Just then the figure pulls back his hood and reveals himself. It's The Dead!] SFJ: Oh my god! He was banned indefinitely! What is he doing here?!? [The Dead motions for the SFJ's microphone. She cautiously inches toward the ring and extends the mic toward The Dead. Dead quickly snatches it away and the SFJ moves back to a safer location.] Dead: God damn, it is good to be back!
Dead: I look around and see a lot of familiar faces, and a few new ones. And I'm sure more than a few of you remember me.
Dead: Ahh, those looks bring back memories...
[The Dead pauses and laughs for a moment.]
Dead: Now I'm sure you'd all like to sit there and admire me for the rest of the day, but I'm actually a busy man, so I'll just cut straight to the point. Ever since I was unceremoniously ejected from the OOWF, I've sat back and watched what has happened to this company. And quite frankly, a lot of it made me sick. Sides being chosen up every week for a ridiculous little melodrama is not what this sport is about. I came back for one reason, and one reason only. I'm here again to prove to every last damn one of you that I will not be sidetracked again on my way to the top. I am hereby throwing my name in for the OOWF Invitational. I don't give a good god damn which side any of you are on, or where your "allegiances" lie. I am here to beat the hell out of anyone that gets into this ring with me.
[Some of the wrestlers in the crowd begin to smile. In others, fire burns beneath their eyes.]
Dead: Rick has re-instated me, and while I don't have a match this weekend, you can bet your ass that I'll be watching very intently. Rick has also agreed to give me a tune-up match this week at Mayhem, so I'll see you all there...
[The Dead smirks and drops the microphone. The lights go off for a moment, and when they come back on he is gone.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:33:39 GMT -5
GM The Rick is in the ring, and he’s got the MIC!
GMTR: For years I’ve complained about having to be in this position. I don’t ever remember interviewing for the job. I don’t ever remember wanting this job. Somehow I just became the GM of this horseshit operation. And I’ve put up with a lot of crap from a lot of different wrestlers. Just once, I’ve always wanted to actually do something about it. Well, today I have my chance. The two idiots about to make their way to the ring, Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster, have decided they have to have a Loser Leaves Town match. And even though they are two of my best money-making properties and the No. 1 Promo Team in the OOWF—yes, I’ll even admit that—I have no problem getting rid of at least one of them. Hell, if there was some way I could get rid of them both—trust me, I’ve tried, and like cockroaches they keep finding their way back—I’d do it. So with that, let’s bring out The Chickenshit Heels for the contract signing angle they demanded.
JA and AA come out—surprisingly—together, but between them is a wimpy guy with horn-rimmed glasses and a briefcase. He must be the lawyer that always shows up at these kinds of things. The trio step into the ring and the attorney sits down at the desk set up in the middle of the ring. He pulls a multi-page contract and a pen out of his briefcase. AA grabs the mic from The Rick just before JA can reach for it.
AA: I am here with this other guy (pointing to JA) to perform the Greatest Contract Signing Angle EVAR! Unfortunately, we’ve been forced to use The Rick’s personal attorney, and because of that we still have some legal issues to iron out. Because I’m legally obligated—I think I signed something I didn’t read—I have to introduce the attorney, Harvard Whipleheimer Mortimer Quiggleman, the Fourth.
HWMQ4: Call me Harv.
AA: Shut up.
During all this, JA has hopped from the ring, tried to grab a mic from a ring announcer. But the ring announcer fights him for it, so JA has given an ADRENALINE RUSH TO THE RING ANNOUNCER ON THE CONCRETE FLOOR! But since we’re doing a one-camera shot, fans at home missed the action. JA climbs back into the ring with a mic.
JA: You shut up! For the last four years I’ve had to listen to you yap and yap and yap about stuff that doesn’t make sense. You’ve gotten us in so much trouble, and I always seem to be the one getting beat up because of it. Go all the back to Beast. You ran your mouth and I got beat up. Well, AA, it’s time that you get the beating I deserve to give you! Let’s get on with the contract signing! Give me the paper and let’s get this over with.
AA: Dude, it’s never that simple. We have to argue about details. For instance, this can’t just be a simple Loser Leaves Town match. The fans deserve more. Now I’ve been thinking…
JA: Oh, hell. You’ve been thinking.
AA: Shut the fuck up, Johnny!
JA: Somehow I knew that was coming.
AA: I thought we could do an Empty Arena Match, and battle all over the building. I could do a Sweet Pickle Relish Suplex. In fact, Harv, write that into the contract. After all, I invented the move.
(Harv sighs and adds a line to the contract. We look over Harv’s shoulder and see there are many things added and crossed out in the contract.)
JA: You can’t even do a suplex! In fact, I bet you couldn’t suplex me right now!
AA: Are you trying to do a Special Move Challenge Angle right now?
JA: Sure, why not. I say you can’t suplex me, and I’m offering $10,000 that says you can’t do it.
JA pulls $10,000 out of his trunks.
AA: How long have you kept $10,000 in your trunks?
JA: Long enough. It’s better than a cup. Ever notice how I no-sell low blows?
AA: Nah, never noticed that.
JA: Me either. But I thought it was a funny line.
AA: Me too. That was good, Johnny. (AA goes to slap Johnny on the back, but Johnny stops him and whispers in his ear.)
JA (whisper): We’re supposed to hate each other, remember?
AA (not in a whisper): Oh. Oh yeah. Keeping the storyline is difficult for me sometimes.
GMtR (from ringside): Ah, hell. Will you two get on with it!?!
So AA and JA start the Suplex Challenge. For three or four minutes they argue about what type of suplex AA has to hit. Then he aborts two or three attempts because the crowd is too loud. Finally, he tries to grab Johnny but claims JA has too much oil on his body. The ref (who looks suspiciously like Chris Masters—hey, the guys needs work!) wipes down Johnny. Finally, AA tells JA to turn around so he can attempt a German Suplex. But when Johnny turns his back, AA pulls brass knuckles out of his tights and clobbers JA in the back of the head.
JA: Man, I should have seen that coming.
GMtR: Can we get on with the contract signing now?!? This is getting as long as a RUN DEA promo!
JA: Rick! Really? We have like four pages to go before we reach their length.
AA: So, I’ve been thinking. No Empty Arena Match. Without a crowd, we lose merchandising and concession money. I’m not leaving any money on the table. In fact, I say we let all the homeless people within a 25-mile radius into the arena just for our match. Harv, write that into the contract. (Harv dutifully scratches out and adds lines to the contract.) Hey, Johnny, you have any ideas?
JA: I just want to kick your ass.
AA: Cool. Then I have one more. I want this to be a pole match.
JA: Of course.
(Concrete TG comes on the giant video screen): Yeah, I kinda figured it would come to that.
AA (whipping around and staring at the video screen): Who invited you?
CTG: No one. But since this might be your last match, I just wanted to say I’m sorry we never really had a big feud after doing that Sharpie on a Pole match.
JA: Will you two get a room!
AA (to Concrete): Hey, I’ll get with you after this angle. Maybe we can go to the WWE and do something.
CTG: Gotcha.
AA: Anyway, this won’t just be a typical Pole Match. This is going to be a Pole on a Pole Match. Write that down, Harv.
JA: So a clangy pole on a pole? Good, something else I can beat you with.
AA: No, not a clangy pole. A Pole Pole. A Polack. Ivan Putski. I worked it all out with him. Harv, write this down. And let me present Polish Power IVAN PUTSKI!
Ivan Putski walks down to ringside and gets in the ring. AA offers a handshake. Putski just stares at him. AA offers the handshake again. Putski reaches for AA’s hand, but then whips him into the ropes and nails him with the POLISH HAMMER!!! Putski climbs out of the ring and walks out.
JA: I guess you can scratch that out, Harv. Hey, AA, you got everything you want now?
AA: Shut the fuck up, Johnny. That old man’s still pretty powerful. I knew I should have offered him more than $25. But I thought he was hard up. He told me the last time he tried to work, some guy named Canadian Bulldog offered him a job and then bailed on him.
GMtR: Will you guys just sign the contract!!!!
AA: OK, OK. But we have to decide who signs first. Because you know the guy who signs second always attacks the guy who signs first.
JA: Then I’m signing second.
AA: No way. I’m not falling for that.
GMtR: How about you just sign at the same time, you VAGINA SANDERS!
AA: We could arm wrestle for it.
JA: That’s a good idea.
GMtR: Ah, hell. Why don’t you just have a wedding, too?
AA: Wow, glad you mentioned that. I forgot all about the wedding. Hey, wedding people in the back, come out now!
A full-blown wrestling wedding procession comes down to ringside, complete with a midget preacher. Because midgets always make everything funnier. Just as the face groom is about to put the ring on the female champ’s finger, Donnie Viper runs out to stop the wedding. Donnie’s got the MIC!
DV: Stop the wedding! I love you!!!!
Everyone: Which one?
DV: I AM NOT A HOMO!!!
AA: Ah, it’s good to see Donnie back.
JA: Yeah, he’s a cool dude.
With that, the wedding procession leaves the ring, leaving AA and JA and—somehow—an arm wrestling table. Both men do the usual attempt at lockup and back away, and spend the better part of 10 minutes accusing each other of trying to manipulate the match. They finally lockup and start the match. JA gets the early advantage and nearly pins AA’s arm. AA tries to fight back by telling the ref to look the other way then using his free hand for extra power. But Johnny fights back again. AA uses a lightning quick 5-Star Poke to the Eyes to get the match back to even. The two former partners are very tired but won’t give up, when suddenly GM THE RICK CLOBBERS BOTH OF THEM WITH A STEEL CHAIR!!!! GM the Rick stomps a mudhole in both men, then turn the table over on them.
GMtR: I’m so tired of this shit! Even if this has been the best Contract Signing Angle EVAR!, you guys need to, you know, SIGN THE GOD DAMN CONTRACT!
With that, GM the Rick grabs the contract and a pen, puts the pen in AA’s hand and forces his hand to sign the contract, then walks over to JA and does the same thing.
GMtR: There! The contract is signed. And that means at Dance of Death V in Hell, Michigan (cheap pop!), Attitude Adjuster and Johnny Adrenaline are going to be in some sort of Loser Leaves Town match and I’m going to finally be done with one of you two!
AA (laying bleeding on the mat): But probably only for 60 days or until one of us comes back as a masked guy, right?
GMtR: Shut the fuck up, AA!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:34:03 GMT -5
Firewoman is taking a break from the really busy Hallway of Random Encounters, sitting in her locker room in front of a low table. The table has candles in glass jars, figurines, a glass of water, bottles of hot peppers, and other paraphernalia on it. She takes a cigar out of the package, and lights it. She puffs a couple of times first, and then blows the smoke over the table. She does this three times, then sets the cigar on a white plate on the table. She picks up a bottle of Jamaican rum, unscrews the cap and takes a swig. Instead of swallowing it, she sprays it over the altar, and does this two more times. She moves her lips in silent prayer a few times, then picks up a satin bag and dumps a white cloth out of it. She unfolds the cloth and reveals four pennies. She puts some tobacco in her right hand, spits in it and then picks the pennies up. She holds them for a bit, still speaking silently, and then tosses the pennies onto the table. She looks at them, and a frown crosses her face briefly. She picks them up again and repeats the process....speaking, tossing, frowning. She does this several times. Finally she picks up the pennies, takes a deep breath, makes the sign of the cross, and tosses again. She stares emotionless at what she sees, and then appears to give a nod of acceptance. She puts the pennies back into the bag, and sighs. She sits there for a minute, and gets up, stretches and heads out into the ridiculously busy Hallway of Random Encounters.
As she walks down the hall she finds who she is looking for.
FW: Caps.
FF: What the hell do you want? A preview of what I'm going to do to you Sunday night?
FW: Caps, Caps, Caps....how's the back?
FF: What do you mean?
FW: You took a couple of hellacious shots from Tytan at Mayhem Wednesday night.
FF: So?
FW: And then after Mayhem, there was all sorts of drama between you and the rest of your team.
FF: Get to the point, bitch.
FW: The point. The point is that I am the only one around here who hasn't been on the 'hey aren't you the new guy' band wagon.
FF: Yes, you proudly reminded me that you and that douchebag partner of yours stole my belt.
FW: After you tried to get him to turn on me, so I guess we could call it even, eh?
FF: Again, your point?
FW: Just that we are in the same match this weekend, and while I'd love nothing more to crush your skull and set fire to your carcass, we have a common enemy in Tytan. Just think about it.
Firewoman walks away as Capslock shakes his head. As she heads back to her locker room, she runs into Tyson.
TK: Fire.
FW: Really, that's it?
TK: I got nothing to say to you.
FW: No kidding. Well, I have one thing to say to you. I know that you've been having problems. I saw Rick insist you get medically cleared for work.
TK: So?
FW: So. If you get into that ring with me, or anyone else, at anything less than 100% able to work? You'll prove that everything I've said about you the past few months has been right. See ya Sunday.
With that Firewoman goes back to her room. But first she stops off at a payphone in the hallway. She unscrews the receiver and does something unseen with her knife. There's an audible click and then a dialtone. She puts the handset back together and then dials.
Female Voice: Hello?
FW: Hey. We're going out tonight.
FV: Uh...okay...where are you?
FW: Hallway. I broke my cell phone by throwing it against the wall.
FV: Great. Two hours?
FW: Yep. See ya.
Firewoman hangs up and then heads back into her locker room.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:34:23 GMT -5
(Tytan is walking decked out in a Custom made gray suite. Hell he had to spend some of the money he made. He heads out to Ric's sandwich shop where he see Firewoman with Lucky enjoying a nice quiet lunch. A lunch that is about to get interrupted.)
Tytan heads over pushing tables out of the way.
FW: Oh great what the hell do you want now?
Lucky: Should I get the others?
Tytan: No. There is no need for that. I just have something to say and then I walk away. I will save it for the ring this Sunday.
FW: Oh by the way nice suite. Where did you get it Wall-mart?
Tytan: Do you see, this is why I can't stand you Fire. You and your boys represent what is wrong with this sport. The cheap shots, the drunken debauchery. Which would just be a normal night for you? Doing whatever the fuck you want.
FW: We are RUN....
Tytan: Save it sister I know who the hell you are and don't give a rats ass. You don't have any respect for this sport that we all love. You spit on the history...just look at Phantos and Lucios, and treat it like the sport didn't exist until you came around.
FW: Wow the first thing that came out of your mouth that's not a load of crap.
Tytan: This is pro wrestling not a soap opera about your life. I can care less who you are sleeping with and all that. You are just trash and that is why I chose you. That night you slid the the title to your boy and helped him win the match was the day you proved to me that you don't even deserve to be in a ring.
FW: Are you done?
Tytan: Not even close...it seems you have pissed off a ton of wrestlers around here and we are all looking to kick your ass. So I would shine that title up real nice for Sunday because you are not going to leave the ring with it.
FW: It hasn't happened so far.
Tytan: I know you got something planned and if you do the Heavens and whatever Gods and Goddesses you pray to better be ready because I will not rest until that title and you are gone from the OOWF. Face it time is running out.
(Tytan then readjusts his jacket and starts to turn. Firewoman is fuming right now and somehow is still managing to keep her cool.)
Tytan: (Turning back) Oh...and have a nice day.
(Tytan turns and walks off)
FADE
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:34:48 GMT -5
[We cut to a pre-taped package as the camera is going to various people backstage, as well as some shots taken remotely of people we haven’t seen in a while, the question obviously being, “Who do you think is going to win tonight’s Loser Leaves Town match between Attitude Adjuster and Johnny Adrenaline?”]
Eric O’Mac: Man, I dunno. Put me on the spot and I’ll say AA. He’s got that Sweet Pickle Relish Suplex, ya know?
Donnie Viper: I AM NOT A… wait, what? Johnny’ll win. He’s a sneaky sumbitch.
Moosehead Jack: A match like that and there are no winners. Two no good chickenshit bastards that are so full of their own shit… I hope they kill each other honestly. And if they don’t, one day I’ll finish the job. Because it’s not like either of them are actually going away. It’s just one more swerve in their never ending line of them. Trust me.
Hardbody Harris: [the camera goes in a door but there’s some random chick sitting on the #1 FACE IN THE OOWF, the only thing we hear is “OH CORY!,” so we can’t exactly get an answer.]
Skurge: What’s the difference between Attitude Adjuster and the U.S. economy? Both can’t handle their money, but only one’s getting a bailout.
L.D. Williams: Capps by default. Adrenaline isn’t man enough to beat him. Believe me, I know.
Ron Simmons: DAMN!
Chris Cole: Those two cowards? If we’re lucky, Johnny will get lost on a golf course and Capps will get lost in a casino. Look, I go on after them, and we’ll be there til 1am because you know they’re gonna cut a rambling promo before the match. Maybe if we tell catering to stay home, AA won’t show. Wait, you wanna know who I think will win? It’ll be a no contest schmozz, probably with two dozen run-ins, and neither guy is going anywhere. I know how it works.
Outback Jack: [BELCH!] That’s Australian for “I don’t give a shit.” I hope the ring implodes with them in it.
Beast: Get out of my face, shitdick. I put both those guys on the map four years ago. They never sent me any portion of their check, so fuck ‘em.
Kevin Nash: It’s gonna be like watching two of your brothers fight to the death. I’ll admit, it’s going to be very uncomfortable sitting at ringside and calling this match. I can’t make a prediction. [Cameraman asks why] Why not? Because I gotta go take a shit right now. Get back with me later.
F.F. Capslock: I love those guys! I mean, I think they’re a couple of little twerps and one of them is gonna get what’s coming to them.
Firewoman: I hope Johnny kicks the crap out of that old, fat, wannabe playboy.
Ric Flair: THIS SUNDAY NIGHT!! HELL, MICHIGAN!! A LITTLE REDUNDANT, DON’TCHA THINK?? LOSER LEAVES TOWN!! JOHNNY ADRENALINE!! ATTITUDE ADJUSTER!! BRIGHT LIGHTS!! BIG CITY!! ONE MAN GOES ON!! THE OTHER GOES HOME!! LIMOUSINES!! LEAR JETS!! ARMANI SUITS!! WOMEN BANGING ON THE DOOR AT 2AM SO YOU CAN MAKE EM GO ‘WHOOO!’ DANCE ALL NIGHT!! DANCE A LITTLE LONGER!! WE’RE TALKIN ABOUT THE NATIONAL WRESTLING ALLIANCE!! SLICK RIC!! HARLEY RACE!! DUSTY RHODES!! RICKY STEAMBOAT!! THE ROAD WARRIORS!! STING!! JACK BRISCO!! ARN ANDERSON!! BARRY WINDHAM!! TULLY BLANCHARD!! JIMMY GARVIN!! NIKITA! MAGNUM! CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA!! NORFOLK, VIRGINIA!! THE OMNI! BALTIMORE!! CHICAGO!! DALLAS!! KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI!! THE BIG HOUSE!! ON THE BIG SIDE OF TOWN!!...
Alexander Darling: Who?
Stank: You really think one of them is gonna send the other packing? This is just those two little shitheads doing their boy who cried wolf routine one more time. And you know what happened there, don’t you?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:35:10 GMT -5
Nayr: I'm interested in who Firewoman is sleeping with, it should be me- what, Johnny Adrenaline or Attidude Adjuster? I dunno, Capps has the weight advantage.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:35:31 GMT -5
*Moose is in the usual 1 bulb room when the door swings open accompanied by a loud belch. Outback Jack strolls in, hands Moose a beer, and sits down*
MHJ: I thought you might be stopping by.
OBJ: You thought right. Now, I've got no complaints about what you said to Spin, cause I have maybe held back a bit.
MHJ: So?
OBJ: I don't want you interfering with what LD and I are working on. You of all people should appreciate it. You don't want to get in the way of Fear Us. Trust me, mate!
*OBJ goes to walk out the door, turns, and gets the Jack of the Hinterlands face*
OBJ: Looks like business is picking up!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:35:58 GMT -5
Cut to Firewoman's Locker Room, where she and Lucky are passing a flask back and forth.
L: So what was he talking about?
FW: Who knows....I'm not even certain he's fully conscious. At least I'm not pumped so full of "supplements" that if my supply ever ran out, I could actually still wrestle.
L: That's an idea you know...
FW: Hm...I'll put that on the list.
There is a knock on the door and Alexis Darling and DH Magnusson are there, dressed for a night out.
FW: Great, let's go.
DHM: Hey, a flask! You started before us! No fair!
LD: What is the occasion?
FW: I dunno...eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die? Everyone says I'm too fucking serious, so let's all go out and not be so serious.
DHM: Fair enough. Pass the flask and let's get going.
The group starts to head out and they run into Capt. Phantos
P: You all are going out? Can I come too?
FW: Sorry, captaiin, they don't serve Aquafina where we're going.
P: That's fine. I can have... um.... I'll drink beer.
FW: Naw, you can't do that. You're not used to it, and then you know what drinking to much beer can lead to....
P: What?
DHM: Dancing...terrible terrible dancing.
P: Huh?
Firewoman links her arm around Phantos' arm, and walks him away from the others a little bit.
FW: Listen, how about instead, after Dance of Death, we go out and celebrate our respective wins...just me and you.
P: Lucios?
FW: Ditch him.
P: Oh....OH...you mean......
FW: Just the two of us, kay?
P: Alright!
FW: Alright gang, let's roll.
The group heads out and we fade to a bar that...well, to call it a dive would be generous. It is several HOURS later, and as we find our group's table, we see there are two nearly empty bottles of Jameson in front of Lucky and Firewoman, some martini glasses in front of Alexis, and more than a few bottles of Newcastle in front of DH.
Oh, and everyone's speech is slurred, but I can't type that, so just imagine it, kay?
LD: So have you called him?
FW: No, I'm not calling that whiney bitch, he can call me.
LD: But you broke your cell phone.
FW: Oh...yeah....well, still....he can call Lucky.
L: He has been, but I'm too afraid to pick up the phone.
DHM: Alright guys, now what do we do?
L: Firewoman and Lexie can make out again, that was entertaining.
FW&LD: Okay!
DHM: Actually, it may have been entertaining for us, but I don't think the locals appreciated it.
FW: No? Well, why the fuck not? It's not like they probably all don't have a buncha videos--
L: Um, maybe hold it down, Fire
LD: Yeah, I mean, they shouldn't be here anyway. They should be at home with their wives, not sucking down that swill...what the fuck is it?
DHM: *belch* PBR, I think.
LD: What a dumb ass name
DHM: Seriously ladies.....keep it down.
FW: Fine.....
DHM:.......
L:.......
LD:..........
L: We should probably head back.
DHM: Yeah...it looks like Howard there is getting ready to close up.
FW: Who's Howard?
DHM: Bartender. He's a big fan....of Tytan.
FW: I knew he was a total fucking tool, when he gave me hell about Old Granddad being better than Jameson's.
L: Let it go, Fire
FW: Fuck let it go. Tytan....his time is coming....big... fucking.....have you noticed how he mispronounces shit? Stupid Tyson.......
LD: Tytan.......
FW: Whatever.....
DHM: Okay, far be it from me.....to like.....be the voice of reason here....but they are closing.....
Bartender: LAST CALL!
LD: Okay....Lucky, you were designated driver.
L: I was? But I was drunk before we left!
DHM: Uh-oh.......
L: What now....
FW: I know......Let's.......
Fire lays her head down on the table and is out.
LD: That .... is the best idea ever.
DHM: Huh?
LD: Last person to pass out drives home.
L: That's a terrible idea.
LD: Okay, last person to pass out calls ... ALEX ... to come get us.
The three laugh. Firewoman wakes up.
BT: Hey....you four. Time's up, get out.
LD: We're in no condition to go anywhere.
FW: Speak for yourself Lexie, I'm not so think as you drunk I am.....
BT: I don't care, out you go.
The four get up and put their coats on, as only incredibly drunk people can. Lucky drops a wad of cash to take care of the tab. Firewoman grabs the bottle of Jameson, and as they leave, she spies the bartender's poster of Tytan that he was hoping to get autographed at Dance of Death. Fire looks at it, takes a swig of whiskey, and...yes, spits whiskey through her Zippo lighter, igniting the poster. The four hurry out the door, as only incredibly drunk people can, while the bartender puts the fire out. Once outside, Lexie starts drunk dialing numbers to have someone come pick them up.
L: Was this long enough?
FW: Gosh, I hope so....I'd hate to disappoint.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:36:22 GMT -5
The following events take place MOMENTS AGO
D.H. Magnusson is WALKING~! down the Hallway of Random Interviews:
SFJ86: D.H. Magnusson, coming up at...
DHM: Shut it.
SFJ86: What?
DHM: Your face. Shut it.
SFJ86: But you're coming up aga -
DHM: What? ConcreteTG, Seamus McNasty, and Chris Evans? Yeah...the has-been, the wannabe, and the nevergonna. What's the "Hero" gonna do? Quit the company and run away again? Seamus? He gonna act like "one of the boys" at me? And the kid?
*chuckles*
DHM: You wanna make this somethin' personal kid? You wanna make a run at me just because I gave ya little boo-boo on your poor wittle head? I got a target on me? Well good on ya, kid. I ain't hard t'find. See, I was almost like you once - thinkin' that pride was a thing that someone else could get to - thinkin' that if I busted my hump out there for those parasites that it might make them give a damn...Thinkin' that pretty titles an' shiny little belts matter? Well excuse th' hell outta me, mister "King a th' Indies"...But while you were busted your ass to a sawbuck a night for a handful a people that couldn't give a damn about you in high schools night after night I was makin' real scratch bustin' people's bones down on the docks. While you was bringin' apples to th' teacher up in Canadia in your little "wrestling" school I was being made inta a MONSTER by Larry Sharpe.
DHM: You wanna target me? You wanna be focused on me? I ain't hard t'find kid. In fact come Sunday, I'll be real hard t'miss. Hell, I might just be th' last thing y'see in this company.
*DHM piefaces the Ninjacam, heading towards the RUN-DEA Suites*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:36:46 GMT -5
*The Amnesiac (minus Fezzik) is walking down the Hallway of Random Encounters when *BAM!* A door flies open and smacks the Amnesiac smack dab in the face! Eric O'Mac steps out, looks to the Amnesiac, and cocks his head.*
Eric: Normally, I'd apologize. But I owe you a shot. Let it be remembered right now that I NEVER forget - and I always, ALWAYS, get in the last shot. You may have cost me a ton in legal fees - Super Mario doesn't come cheap - but I'll always have the last laugh.
*A SFJ walks up to Eric O'Mac with a microphone ready.*
SFJ: What's going on?
Eric: You're here to conduct the interview, aren't you? Do your damn job.
SFJ: OK. I'm here with former World Heavyweight Champion Eric O'Mac This Sunday, at Dance of Death, you are facing former associate and friend Alexander Darling. Would you like to give us your thoughts?
Eric: Not as much as you'd like to spread your legs for me, that's for sure.
SFJ: ?!?
Eric: I'm sorry, I've been doing this thing where I read people to see what they think of me, and I've gotten pretty damn good at it. And when I read you, I can sense, nay, I can tell that you absolutely would like to have my children.
SFJ: Wow, Eric, um....
Eric: I'm very sorry to bring this up while on camera. We can discuss it after the cameras are off. Although, this ninja camera men never sleep. I'd hate it if they formed a union and went on strike. Can you imagine the OOWF then? We wouldn't have cameras to cover all the drama that goes on in these halls. We wouldn't have cameras to cover all the promos. All the action!
SFJ: Yeah, it would be pretty terrible.
Eric: Anyways, we'll talk personally later.
SFJ: That sounds great Eric. Now, back to the question. Would care to comment on your match this weekend with Alexander Darling?
Eric: It's interesting the way things begin to take a turn for me after my return. Hell, the fans have even began to cheer me! Not that I care. But they admire me. They treasure me. You can't blame them, really. My talent is so obvious, so awesome, that even if you don't like me, you can appreciate what I do. You can't hold talent down, no matter how much my brother in law would like to. No, no, there's no stopping what can't be stopped. Like the cream that I am, I'm rising to the top of the OOWF!
With that being said, I'm facing Alexander Darling and here is where the fun really begins. You see, Alexander Darling has finally sprouted some hair on his balls, and he's decided to go on an all out offensive against me. This is the start of what I like call "magic." Why? Because I hate Alexander Darling. I detest him. I can realize that Alexander Darling is the biggest piece of trash that walks around in the OOWF today. He personifies what trash is to me. Hell, we're pratically opposites. You see, there's me. Eric O'Mac. A Sports Entertainment God! The Big E! The Mac on the mat and the mack in the sack! And then there's..........Alexander Darling. Let's just say it's genetically impossible for me to like Alexander Darling, because quite honestly, even as scewed up as my family line is, at least it doesn't look like my gene pool has been pissed in. And you know what?
SFJ: What?
Eric: Alexander Darling hates me right back and that is just fine with me. It's what makes our rivalry so special, what makes our matches so unforgettable. And without a shadow of a doubt, we're going to put on one hell of a show Sunday, hatred aside.
SFJ: A match you feel that you'll come out on top, right?
Eric: You dirty girl. On top. But yes. You see, Alex has made an interesting point. He feels that I haven't been at the top of my game. He feels that I could go on to do great things, but I'm just fine staying at the bottom.
He's absolutely wrong. But let's assume that he's right. And he's mentioned that the times that he's felt I've been at the top of my game were during the Imperial Onslaught. The match that I entered #2. The match that I won. Who did I pin to win that title shot?
Alexander Darling.
So, using his own logic, when I'm at the top of my game, Alexander Darling can't beat me.
So, this weekend at the PPV, two men will enter, one man will walk out a winner, and I will prove that beyond a shadow of a doubt, I am the better wrestler, I am the better competitor, and I will beat the absolute piss out of Alexander Darling! And when it's all said and done, when the curtain has closed, the lights go out and me and this SFJ get it on like Donkey Kong, the referee will be raising my hand in victory...
...and Alexander Darling will get burned.
*Chris Evans starts to walk by.*
Eric: *talkking to SFJ* Now, this is going to be the man right here. That's blue chipper.
Chris Evans: I'm sorry?
Eric: You're Chris Evans, aren't you? The "Lionheart"?
Chris Evans: That's me.
Eric: If you've been living under a rock for the past year, I'll introduce myself. The name is Eric O'Mac.
Chris Evans: It's nice to meet you.
Eric: Kid, let's forget the pleasentries, and keep your mouth shut for just a second. I've seen recently where you've pondered joining forces with other groups, other cliques here. Stables, loose alliances, what not, do I have that right?
Chris Evans: Yeah.
Eric: Here's some advice you can take to your grave concerning the OOWF - don't trust a soul. You can't trust Moose, despite what he tells you. You can't trust Drink and Destroy. You can't trust The Heroes Guild. And you sure as hell can't trust Run DEA. The only person you can trust is yourself. Take it from someone who has started a war or two in this company - other people are worthless. You don't want to depend on them. You don't want to be indebted to them. You don't have any friends, despite what you are told.
You are new here - if you've learned anything in your time here, it's this. You are always better off by yourself.
Chris Evans: Uh...thanks.
Eric: Don't mention it.
*Chris Evans turns to walk away, when he trips over The Amnesiac's body.*
Chris Evans: The hell?
Eric: Shit, I forgot.
*Eric points at The Amnesiac.*
Eric: HA!
*Eric turns to the SFJ.*
Eric: Let's me and you get better aquainted.
*Eric and the SFJ walk away.*
*Fade out.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:37:05 GMT -5
**Fear Us are sitting at their customary table in the Destroyitarium when Wally B King walks in and joins them. Unfortunately, SFJ#27 is tailing him.**
WBK: “A lot of recruiting going on out there.”
OBJ: “Yep.”
SFJ#27: “Are you guys planning on doing the same?”
OBJ: “Nope.”
SFJ#27: “Numbers might make the difference if things continue to escalate.”
WLD: “You don't get recruited into Drink and Destroy. There's no contract to sign. It's not an 'alliance of convenience' and we aren't trying to prove some philosophical point. We enjoy each other's company and a quiet drink or twelve, that's all. If anyone in the OOWF belongs as part of that, they'll find their way here.”
**As Williams finishes speaking, Chris Cole enters the Destroyitarium. The bartender slides him a drink as he walks by, and Cole sits down at the table. Wally pulls a deck of cards out of his pocket and deals.**
WBK: “Excuse us dear. Mr. Cole has some money I want to win back.”
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:37:33 GMT -5
*IC* *OOWF Hotel*
It’s late at night at the local hotel near Hell, Michigan (cheap pop) and the place is relatively quiet. Most wrestlers are either tucked away in their rooms or out on the town for the night and that’s when our story begins. A ninja camera turns on in the hotel room of Alexander Darling where we see him relaxing on the couch with Olympic Gold Medalist Shawn Johnson on his arms and they’re watching some late-night television.
Alexander: I was just thinking.
OGM SJ: Uh oh, this normally gets me in trouble.
Alexander: That’s cute. But seriously, we haven’t talked to Alicia in a while and we never really got a chance when we were in Mass to hang with her. Do ya think she’d like to come down for a few days? Maybe get her a ticket for the PPV and have her hang out for a while?
OGM SJ: You’re not getting tired of me or anything, are you? I’ve seen how you’ve gotten rid of…
Alexander: That’s not it at all Shawn. I know it’s not like me, but…
Alexander’s cell phone starts ringing and he hesitates for a second before answering. He slides his hand across Shawn’s face and she smiles as he answers.
Alexander Darling. Speak now. Okay, stop laughing Lexie. How drunk are you? And no one thought to… Fine. Are you serious? Can’t you call a cab? So, now I’m invited? Whatever. I’ll be there as soon as I find a car. No, you can’t all fit in my car. If you wanted me to take Phantos’ truck, you could have just called him. Damn it Lex, I know I’m your brother. I said fine already. Where are you? How the fuck am I supposed to magically guess? What was the name of the bar? Dam Site Inn? Are you kidding me? God, I hate how cheap this company is. Can’t we play in one normal city. Yes, I hear you. I’m on my way. Bye sister darling.
Alexander turns to OGM SJ and shrugs.
Feel like going for a ride?
OGM SJ: Sure, but what car are we gonna take?
Alexander Still working on that. I’ll figure something out.
Alexander and OGM SJ put on some extra clothes since it’s freezing in Hell. (HA, Hell froze over.) Alexander puts on a dark black hoodie and some gloves as they exit the hotel room. OGM SJ pushes open the door and it slams into something. Alexander peeks his head around and looks down and see a knocked out guy…what the fuck is his name again? Oh yea, it’s The Amnesiac. Eric pops out of his hotel room and looks down the hall and sees Alexander standing there and then sees OGM SJ holding the door and The Amnesiac laid out. The former friends and current enemies share a look and a nod.
Eric O’Mac: HA!
And Eric goes back into his room and we move on. Alexander and OGM SJ make their way through the halls that in no way should be halls of random meetings, but it sure seems like they are as they turn a corner and see Tytan exit his hotel room. Alexander pulls Shawn back and tells her to go downstairs and wait for him. She nods as he peeks back around the corner. Tytan starts to walk in the opposite direction of Darling. Alex looks around for something and the only thing he sees of any use is a flowerpot. He shrugs as he picks it up and pulls his hood down low over his face. He stalks behind Tytan and just as Tytan starts to hear the footsteps, Alexander cracks the pot over his head. Tytan stumbles as he tries to reach behind him to fight back, but Alex grabs him from behind and slams his head into a door. Again and again and again until the door finally opens and we The Dead standing there.
The Dead: I thought trashing rooms was my gimmick.
Alexander: That’s funny. Do you mind stepping out of the way for a second.
The Dead steps to the side as Alexander reaches down and lifts Tytan up…CRUCIFIX POWERBOMB into the wall and Tytan is out of it. Alexander reaches into his pocket and tosses a few one hundred dollar bills onto the counter.
The Dead: Aren’t you going to pin him and take the title?
Alexander: Nah, this wasn’t about that. But you totally should. Sorry about the damages, and it’s good to see you again. Very nice comeback promo.
The Dead: Uh, thanks I think. But haven’t we, like hated each other.
Alexander: The past is the past. If you want to, I mean we totally could go back to that, but you’re just coming back and I have way too much on my plate. I think it’s just better to let it go for now.
The Dead: For now, but I haven’t forgotten.
Alexander: Good to know, but for now I need to go pick up some people.
Alexander looks like he just thought of something and reaches into the pocket of Tytan’s brand new and now bloody suit. He pulls out a key ring that clearly has an Ultimo Inc. logo.
Perfect. Are you gonna pin him or not Deadly?
The Dead: Might as well.
The Dead puts his foot on Tytan’s chest as a ninja ref slides into the room. And he counts 1, 2, and 3.
Your winner and NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION…THE DEAD!!!
*Fade to parking garage*
Alexander meets OGM SJ as she looks at the keys in his hand.
OGM SJ: Do I even wanna know how you got a set of Ultimo keys?
Alexander: Probably not.
Alexander continues to hit the buttons on the key until he finally hears a beep. A very nice SUV’s lights flash and Alexander grins. He nods his head as he helps Shawn into the passenger seat. As he walks around the back of the vehicle, he notices a lot of computer equipment in the back and he looks thoughtful for a moment. He gets into the driver’s seat and adjusts some settings before taking off in the car.
OGM SJ: Ya know, since it’s just you and me for now, I was thinking.
Alexander: Now who’s getting who into trouble.
Shawn laughs and just as she’s about to lean over Alexander stops her and sighs as he looks in the rear view mirror.
OGM SJ: What’s wrong?
Alexander just points into the backseat. Shawn turns her and gets a pissed off look as a ninja cameraman waves at her.
God damn it, there’s more ninja cameramen then chinks in the fucking world. It infuriates me.
Alexander: Hey there, calm down Shawn. Look, since we can’t do that, why don’t you do that other thing I love for you to do.
OGM SJ: Here? Now?
Shawn nods and starts unzipping her pants…
Alexander: No, no…not that here and now. I was talking about an interview.
OGM SJ: But we’re already like a thousand words in. And you wonder why people hate Run DEA. Hey, did we just run over Kayfabe?
Darling turns and looks behind the car. Alexander: Yup. She’s a bitch anyway. So, what do ya say?
OGM SJ: You know me Alex. I can never say no to you. Let’s start with last week’s Mayhem. You lost. How does that feel?
Alexander: Right to the heart of it, huh? That’s good Shawn. Losing sucks, I’m not going to lie. Both Davin and I hate it with every fiber of our being, but yet we still lost this week. And we always seem to lose when we tag with one another. Now one could say we just don’t have the chemistry together, but if you ever see our matches, you can obviously tell that’s not the case. The issue is that when we do get put together like we were this week, we never go into the match with the focus of winning.
OGM SJ: Then what do you go into the matches with the focus of?
Alexander: Blood. Pain. Ending careers. We may never win a battle when we go into a match with our thoughts like that, but you can damn well bet we will win the war. Poe and Eric may have gotten their hands raised, but neither one left feeling like a winner. And that’s what it comes down to.
OGM SJ: What exactly do you mean?
Alexander: Shockingly, it was one of the lessons Poe taught me in Japan and it’s one he seems to have forgotten. If you prepare for the future, the present will take care of itself. And he doesn’t seem to get that anymore. He’s too worried about keeping his precious Selena safe. Or making new allies and trying to keep that group from breaking apart when everyone knows that it’s a losing fight.
OGM SJ: Why do you believe Poe and Moose and all of them won’t be able to stick together?
Alexander: Because as surprising as it may be, I do know something about loyalty. From both sides. I know what it’s like to be loyal to Poe and what that takes from you and how it can’t last too long if you have your own goals. Because god forbid Poe ever lets someone have his or her own thoughts. And then secondly, for as much as people may hate what we in Run DEA stand for, one thing that no one can deny is that when push comes to shove, we are fiercely loyal to one another. Firewoman, for everything we’ve been through, has shown time and time again where her loyalty lies. Phantos & Lucios, BY GAWD THE GREATEST MOTHERFUCKING TAG TEAM IN THE OOWF, have shown time and time again how loyal they are. For everything Davin and I have put each other through we have shown where our loyalties lie. And DH may be the new guy on the block, but it took less than a week for him to show this company where his loyalties are. And in turn, he now has my loyalty.
OGM SJ: For as much as you hate the word respect, you sure do throw the word loyalty around a lot. Some would say the two go hand-in-hand.
Alexander: They would and they’d be morons. Respect is a pointless fucking word and more and more people are throwing it around like it means something in this company. It started with Moose and his manipulations. And now it seems that guys like Williams, Stank, and Cole want to start tossing it around too. You wanna know what respect and 35 cents gets you today Shawn?
OGM SJ: What’s that?
Alexander: A phone call to someone who should hang up on you. The word doesn’t mean a goddamn thing. Stank respects Moose, big fucking deal because the first chance Moose gets, he’ll swing a chair upside Stank’s head if it gets him ahead. Williams respects Stank, whoop de damn fucking doo because if I seem to recall, it didn’t stop the two of them from damn near killing each other a year ago. See I’m not under any misconceptions either, I know Run DEA isn’t forever. There will be a day when someone, it could be Fire, it could be Lucios, it could be Davin, or it could even be myself thinks it’s time to move on and then the proverbial shit will hit the fan.
OGM SJ: And that doesn’t worry you?
Alexander: This is a business Shawn. Sometimes business ventures fail and it’s time to move on, but no one ever leaves a successful business. And right now, no one can deny that Run DEA is successful. We’ve had more success in the past, but it doesn’t change the fact that we have the current OOWF World Heavyweight Champion and the current OOWF Intercontinental Champion in our midst. And we’d have more, if Rick wasn’t such a ball less bitch.
OGM SJ: Okay, you’ve spoken on a lot so far and we’re almost to the *OGM SJ laughs* The Dam Site Inn; do you have any comments for Eric before we get there?
Alexander: What can I say about good ole Eric? I got to hear his little spiel earlier today and he just doesn’t fucking get it. He said we were complete opposites and nothing could be further from the truth. See, Eric and me are practically the same side of the same coin. Neither one of us were the golden child of our families. His father sent him to Puerto Rico and I was basically forced to go to Japan by mine. Eric’s older brother is clearly the pride of his father’s eyes and so is mine. We’ve both gotten by using our abilities in the ring and used our name when it suits our purpose.
OGM SJ: If you two are so similar, then why are you having such huge issues?
Alexander: Because Eric did get something right. I truly do hate him now. He wants to call me trash. He wants to think that if he’s at the top of his game that I can’t beat him. He wants to think he’s better than me. And he’s wrong on every fucking account. There was a time when Eric and I were like brothers and there’s going to be a small part of me that hates what I have to do to him Sunday.
OGM SJ: And what is it that you have to do?
Alexander: Unfortunately Shawn, I’m going to step into that ring on Sunday and I’m going to make Eric hurt. I’m going to make Eric suffer. And then I’m going to make Eric bleed. And once I get done doing ALL of that, I’m going to do what I know will make Eric hurt the worst.
OGM SJ: Kill him?
Alexander: No Shawn. I’m going to beat Eric. I’m going to put Eric’s shoulders to the mat. The ref is going to count three. And then Eric and the rest of the world will truly know who the better wrestler is. And what truly sucks about that for Eric is at some point during that match, he’s going to realize that and there won’t be a goddamn thing he can do about it. Because I am Alexander Darling. I am Run DEA. And I am “The Darling of Professional Wrestling.”
OGM SJ: Wow, I actually can’t wait to see this match.
Alexander: You and everyone else who can open their eyes and see.
OGM SJ: Clearly the Chinese won’t be watching then. Hey, look we’re here. Um, why is DH choking Lucky with a chain?
Alexander: Probably because Lucky didn’t know who DH was and he has no soul or something. We should probably stop him before he kills him.
Alexander pulls up and puts the car into park as he and Shawn jump out of the car. Shawn goes to help Alexis into the passenger seat while Alexander goes over and pulls DH off of Lucky. He says a few things and nods along with him and finally unwraps the chain from Lucky as he jumps into the back of the truck. Lucky looks at Alex…
Lucky: Who is that?
DH looks like he’s about to jump out of the truck when Lexie turns around to face him.
Alexis: I’m so glad you’re with us now DH. You were always my favorite in Dunkin Donuts.
DH just pats drunken Lexie on her head as he leans back and tries to get some sleep. Alexander looks around and realizes someone is missing.
Alexander: Has anyone seen Fire?
Lexie leans across the car and pokes her head out the window. And if you could see it, it truly would be a hilarious image.
Alexis: She was just with us. But then she lit some poster on fire. And then she let go of my hand. And then she stopped kis…
Alexander: SHUT UP. I do not want to know.
Lucky: But it was so…
Alexander: If you want to live, you’ll stop talking now Lucky. Now can someone just point the direction Fire went.
Alexis: You’re no fun brother dear. But maybe we can have some…
Alexander: My lord, someone point in a direction.
DH Magnusson finally points down the alley next to the bar. Alexander quickly turns around and heads down the alley while Alexis clearly pouts before falling back into her seat and wrapping her arms around Shawn.
Alexis: You smell pretty.
Alexander walks down the alley where he sees Firewoman sitting against the wall of the bar while she plays with her Zippo. Alexander takes a seat next to her.
Alexander: What’s wrong?
Firewoman: Nothing.
Alexander: Fire?
Firewoman: It’s nothing really. I just had too much to drink and I’m not feeling well.
Alexander: If you say so.
Firewoman: What’s that supposed to mean?
Alexander: Look, I’m not gonna make you talk to me. If and when you want to, you will. But we should get out of here. You need to rest before Sunday and I’m afraid if I leave my sister alone any longer, well I just don’t know what I’m going to walk back into.
Firewoman: About your sister…
Alexander helps Firewoman to her feet.
Alexander: Don’t. Just don’t say a word. I really do not want details about you and my sister.
Firewoman: You are so easy Alex.
Alex helps Firewoman into the back seat and as soon as she gets in Alexis starts rambling once again. And she quickly brings DH and Lucky into the conversation and as I’m sure you can imagine what happens when 4 drunk people are in a car. The conversation gets very loud and Alexander starts banging his head against the steering wheel.
*Fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:38:07 GMT -5
<Moosehead Jack is sitting in a dingy hotel room somewhere in Hell, Michigan. He turns on OOWFtv and re-watches a promo from yesterday> *Moose is in the usual 1 bulb room when the door swings open accompanied by a loud belch. Outback Jack strolls in, hands Moose a beer, and sits down* MHJ: I thought you might be stopping by. OBJ: You thought right. Now, I've got no complaints about what you said to Spin, cause I have maybe held back a bit. MHJ: So? OBJ: I don't want you interfering with what LD and I are working on. You of all people should appreciate it. You don't want to get in the way of Fear Us. Trust me, mate! *OBJ goes to walk out the door, turns, and gets the Jack of the Hinterlands face* OBJ: Looks like business is picking up! <Moose turns off the promo and sits quietly for a moment> MHJ: You know, I would think that Jack, more than just about anyone else, would know that threats just don't work on me. Should our paths cross, we all know what the consequences will be. That doesn't change the fact that Spin Hansen has become an after thought to Drink and Destroy. Everyone knows that Stank is the lead dog, Lock looks like he is chasing the Intercontinental title, and Fear Us are the tag champs. Where does that leave you Spin? You were pushed right out of that Intercontinental title match by Lock and instead put in a match with me, Matte and Cole, all having to earn a title shot. The funny thing is, I don't remember anyone in Drink and Destroy saying a word in your defense. You see its real simple. I saw Alexander Darling's promo, and once again Darling proves he is a moron who doesn't get it. When I say I respect someone, it is because I respect them as wrestlers. I respect what they can do in that ring. Stank and Williams have damn sure earned that respect from me. But they know me. And I know them. And no amount of respect in the world will keep any of us from doing what we do. Its how it goes. Stank would just as soon beat me down and leave me lying in the middle of the ring as anything else, if it means him getting his hands on the title. I know this. It doesn't change anything. But loyalty? You are fooling yourself. There is no loyalty in pro wrestling. Dogs are loyal to their masters because their masters rule over them. They are loyal through fear. Someone once said, loyalty means nothing unless it has at its heart the absolute principle of self-sacrifice. So let me ask you this Darling. While I know YOU are dumb enough to sacrifice yourself to save your precious DEA, do you really think anyone else would? Do you really think Davin, Fire, Mags, Phantos or Lucios would sacrifice themselves for DEA? If you think they would, you are delusional. Loyalty means less than nothing in wrestling. You should be loyal to one person, and one person only, and that is yourself. Anything else, and I guarantee you will be led to your ruination. Those who show blind loyalty are easily manipulated. Right Alex? Right Spin So, it all comes down to Dance of Death. I climb in the ring with Spin, Matte and Cole. One of us gets a shot at the Intercontinental title. Whether that is Firewoman, Tytan, Tyson or Lock, it makes no difference. Cole, you and have never completely seen eye to eye. I know what you have done in the past, but the past doesn't matter. All that matters is tomorrow, and tomorrow you can either prove yourself worthy of your past, or you can keep heading down that road to mediocrity. Spin, Drink and Destroy put you in this position. You have to face three men that are hungry for gold. Three men who are thinking clearly. Three men who are not worried about where they stand in the pecking order. You had one partner abandon you. Are the rest real far behind? Matte, this is the opportunity of a lifetime for you. The pressure of a pay per view. Being in the ring with three veterans. Knowing that if you blow it, if you let your nerves get to you and you look like shit out there that this is an opportunity that will never come again. All that resting on your shoulders. It would be a shame if you cracked. This Sunday, one of us walks out of Dance of Death V with a guaranteed title shot. Only one of us will survive. Only one of us can go into the match with a clear head. And that one will walk out victorious Trust me
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:38:30 GMT -5
We catch up with The Amnesiac walking down the Hallway of Random Encounters. As he walks by, a door opens. The Amnesiac tenses up, and jumps a bit. Moosehead Jack walks out of the door, and looks at The Amnesiac.
MHJ: What are you so jumpy about?
AMN: Oh, I'm not jumpy. It's just that over the last day, I've run into two different doors. Apparently, I need to go see the doctor, because my reflexes are way off. You'd think I'd see a door flying at my face fast enough to get out of the way, but man... they just keep hitting me.
Moose shrugs and walks off. Another door opens right behind The Amnesiac and knocks him down again. Eric O'Mac walks out of the door, points down at The Amnesiac (for the third time today), and says:
EOM: HA!
*FADE TO BLACK*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:38:56 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is AWOKEN~!~! by a bunch of loud voices at the entrance of the Run DEA Locker Room and Suites, presented by Aquafina and Starwood Hotels. Of course, since Davin woke up, this wakes up Samantha Darling as well.*
SD: *groggily* What the fuck?
DM: No idea. Davin Moreland imagines it should be an interesting scene though.
*They both open the door to their suite and see Firewoman (melancholy drunk), DH Magnusson (fighting drunk), Lucky (annoying drunk) and Alexis (superwhore drunk) stumble through the door, closely tailed by OMG Shawn Johnson, mumbling something about "chinks", and Alexander Darling, who looks like he'd rather be anywhere else right now*
DM: Good Morning, everyone.
FW: Oh. Hey Davin.
DH: What ya say, Moreland? Wanna go a couple rounds? Afraid I'll knock ya out?
L: Do you believe Yankees fans thinking Melky Cabrera making $1.5 million/year is OK?!?!?
LD: *jumps (literally) on Davin* Hey sexy.
SD: *pushes her off* Are you fucking serious?
LD: C'mon....Can't you share? It'll be fun.
DM+SD: NO!
LD: *pouts for a minute and then looks around* Hey...uh..Shawn. I want to...show you something...
*They both leave. In fact, Firewoman mopes to her room, and Lucky and DH are apparently going to try to kill each other in the gym. This leaves Alex.*
DM: Looks like Alexander Darling had an interesting evening.
AD: Alexander Darling just had to run out and designated drive this crew home. It was interesting until that point though.
SD: Wow. That was very...uh...selfless and responsible of you.
AD: Let's not let that get around, ok?
DM: Aww...Alexander Darling loves Alexander Darling's friends and family. They can ALWAYS count on Alexander Darling.
AD: I said. Shut up.
SD: Alexander Darling, humanitarian.
AD: Ok, I said shut the fuck up, already.
DM: Fine. THAT was the crew that went out? Davin Moreland thought OMG Shawn Johnson was, you know, a minor?
AD: Shut up, ass. She didn't go. WE were here. Those 4 went out.
SD: You were here doing what?
AD: Alright. I really hate the fucking both of you right now. Why don't you both just leave me alone?
DM: You woke Davin Moreland and Samantha Darling up. No way Davin Moreland and Samantha Darling can go back to sleep that easily.
AD: Well, I'm sure you'll figure something out...*he turns to leave*...Hey, where are you guys going, anyway?
SD: Um...to bed?
AD: No jackass, I mean after Hell on Earth.
SD: Oh. A trip.
AD: To where?
DM: Somewhere.
AD: Why won't you tell me?
DM: Because I don't like you.
AD: Nice.
SD: It's a secret. I'd rather not be followed by ninja-cams.
AD: You'll never totally ditch them, you know.
DM: Davin Moreland and Samantha Darling have done it before.
AD: Well, good luck. Don't do anything stupid and make it back in time for Mayhem.
SD: We'll be back Monday night, probably.
AD: Huh? That's not much of a trip.
DM: It's long enough.
AD: Fine. Any of you see where Shawn went?
*Davin and Samantha both point to Lexie's suite*
AD: Aw...fuck. Wait...actually...yeah, I'll see you guys later.
*he leaves*
DM: Bedtime, Dear.
SD: I'm not sleepy now. Stupid Alexander.
DM: Hey, it wasn't Alexander Darling's fault.
SD: True. You have to entertain me until I fall asleep now.
DM: Davin Moreland is sure Davin Moreland can come up with something.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:39:25 GMT -5
There’s a knock on Poe’s dressing room door. Poe is still in the center of the room, meditating. Selena is sitting on the couch, reading. SG: Ugh, more people. They better have brought me presents this time. Selena walks to the door and opens in. There in the doorway are two large twin Hawaiian brothers. SG: Um…hi? Poe looks up and sees the two men. Poe: Well, I’ll be damned. 2H: Aloha, brah. The two men enter past Selena and both shake Poe’s hand, followed by man-hugs. Poe: It has been too long my friends. SG: Girl in the dark here! Selena stares at the three of them. Poe: My apologies goddess, these two fine gentlemen are, or were two of my disciples in Japan. SG: Holy shit. Selena laughs. SG: I just said shit. Poe: This is Kai, and this is Aina. They are known as the Flyin’ Hawaiians, perhaps the best tag team in the world today. K: Actually, I’m Aina and he’s Kai. Poe: You were always a bad liar Kai. K: Worth a shot…who do you always know? Poe: Aina’s prettier. A: He’s right brah. Selena holds out her hand. SG: I’m Selena! A: Yes, we know. Both men kiss Selena’s hand. SG: I like these guys! Wanna see my voodoo dolls? K: Maybe later… Poe: So what brings you both to Michigan of all places? K: We were doing a show for ROH down in Evansville, Indiana and saw what happened at Midweek Mayhem. We figured we’d come up before our next show in Kalamazoo and see how you’re doing. Poe: I am a bit sore, but I will be fine. You know pain is a state of mind. A: How could we forget your teachings? We still have the scars to prove it. SG: What’s ROH? Poe: It is another wrestling organization here in the US goddess. SG: Jeez, how many are there? A: A lot. Poe: So the Flyin’ Hawaiians, IWGP Tag Team Champions finally came stateside? K: Actually…wow I hate this…but they insisted on calling us Pineapple Express. Some marketing crap. SG: Ohmygod you’re named after pot! A: I thought it was a movie? SG: It was the pot in the movie! Poe: Have you heard from any of my other disciples? I have not kept in touch as I’d liked. A: Kamehameha retired. Tiburon joined us in New Japan. We kinda lost touch with the rest. But no one has heard from Ketsueki Seishin at all. Poe: I have. He is well and still in service to me, but is his own man now. He has proven to be quite the ally. So how long will you be staying here in Hell? A: I think we’ll hang around until after the Pay-Per-View. We can’t miss your first World Title shot here. K: Is this Davin Moreland guy really as big a douche as he seems? Poe: He’s worse. A: Well, we got your back brah. And if the Boy tries anymore of his nonsense…well, we’ll do what we’ve been wanting to do to him for a long time brah. K: He didn’t just ruin things for you, he ruined things for all of us. NOAH was so embarrassed by the whole thing how it went down that they no longer wanted to associate with any of us. Only Ando Nakamura stayed. Poe: I am sorry for that my brothers. You are most welcome here and as always, I appreciate your loyalty. Selena goes to the refrigerator and bring back a jar. SG: Wanna pickle?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:39:47 GMT -5
*SFJ#3 is standing by with The Heroes Guild. Although Bryce Larson isn’t there, Nayr is reading a comic book and Concrete TG is debating whether or not pirates are better than ninjas with Damon Wrath, she seems undeterred.*
Blitz: SFJ#3, you’re about to conduct an interview with the world famous Heroes’ Guild. Thoughts?
SFJ: Oh, it will be a walk in the park. I’ve been through the drill so many times. And it’s not as if they are tricky guys to interview.
Blitz: Do you have any plans for a celebration party after Dance of Death?
SFJ: I won’t be having a party until I beat up that bitch SFJ#4. She’s been after my spot for years, but she’s got nothing on me. And after that I’m going to rape SFJ#2.
B: Well good luck for your interview. Give ‘em hell.
SFJ: Thanks. Now if you’ll excuse me I have an interview to conduct.
*SFJ#3 leaves.*
B: While I wait for my interviewer to arrive, I’m going to cut a quick promo.
Tonight, live from Cheap Pop, MI, The Heroes’ Guild will have a chance to capture every belt in the OOWF. Okay, we’ll have a chance of capturing the Tag Titles and the Onslaught tiles. And after we win the Tag Titles, someone that may still be a part of The Heroes Guild will have a title shot.
But that’s not what The Heroes’ Guild is about. We’re not here just to win title belts. We’re here to fight injustice. We’re here to right wrongs. And Fear Us, you have been oppressing the OOWF. Your revolting burping. Your poker promos where something less than a Royal Flush wins. It is completely against the spirit of the OOWF. The world will be a better place once you two are out of it.
DW: Oh, are cutting a promo?
B: Yeah?
DW: What are you saying?
B: That we wish our opponents will die a fiery death in hell and all that.
DW: Okay, that’s cool. Hopefully we can team up with Fear Us to get some quick falls over those IHOP bastards.
B: Wait, we’re feuding with IHOP?
DW: Not really. Well, kind of.
B: Okay.
Hey, Fear Us, I didn’t mean all that. I mean, we can still be friends. We have a mutual enemy in IHOP, who we can work against together, or something.
DW: Do you even read the OOWF?
B: Do you even care about Kayfabe?
DW: Okay fine. Do you even watch OOWF TV?
B: Sometimes.
DW: Good enough.
CTG: Citizens, tonight we
B: Where have you been?
CTG: I’ve been right here this entire promo, arguing with Damon Wrath about Pirates and Ninjas.
B: Then what have you been doing since he’s been talking with me?
CTG: Just sitting there.
B: Excellent.
SFJ: Can I have an interview now?
B: No, I’m cutting a promo.
We, the Citizens of The Heroes’ Guild, are committed to fighting illegal immigrants. And IHOP, that’s exactly what you are. You can play Rock Band all you like, but at Dance of Death, you need to prepare by playing some Dance Dance Revolution. Which is exactly what I intend to do.
*All the members of The Guild and SFJ#3 start playing Dance Dance Revolution on the 5 machines in the Guild lockerroom as we fade out.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jan 26, 2009 18:40:24 GMT -5
Fade into Bryce Larson is sitting on the bed in his hotel room, and we hear someone in the shower. There is a knock at the door.
BL: What the hell are you doing here?
Nayr: I wanted to stop by, talk to you.
BL: Okay.
N: Hey, who's in the shower?
BL: Your mom.
N: Hey!
BL: Kidding. It's Farrah.
N: How the hell did you pull that one off?
BL: You seriously need help with women, huh? All you did was stare at her rack. It is a nice rack, though.
N: Damn straight it is.
BL: So, really, what are you doing here?
N: You seem to have a long list of potential partners, huh?
BL: Yeah, I've gotten some calls.
N: Yeah, but Davin Moreland, Eric O'Mac, Chris Evans? You've never teamed with those guys. Would you really consider them?
BL: Why not?
N: Well, take Moreland for example. He's Run DEA. They already have Phantos & Lucios. And do you want to be in Run DEA? you're in the Heroes Guild!
BL: I'm not in the Heroes Guild, Nayr.
N: I have footage...footage of you wearing the shirt.
BL: Call it a test drive. And I didn't end up buying the car.
N: I just don't get it.
BL: What's there not to get?
N: The Guild needs you, and you need the Guild. You bring us an edge that we desparately need.
BL: Maybe the OOWF can sign Edge, then you won't need me.
N: Very funny. Listen, I don't have a list. I want to team with you. We made a good team Bryce, and I think we can be champions.
BL: We already tried that, Nayr. It didn't work.
N: Well, make it work!
BL: Who the hell are you, Tim Gunn? You're a smurfy midget, now?
N: No--
BL: That would explain the problems you have with women.
N: Listen, I'm not smurfy (notthattheresanythingwrongwiththat) and I'm not a midget (notthattheresanythingwrongwiththat). I'm legally tall enough to ride roller coasters, and I love women.
BL: Right, I get it.
N: But listen, if you won't team with me, then I'll have to pick someone else on Sunday.
BL: Well, first of all, I fully expect you to pick Gryfon. Second of all, you won't be picking at all, I will.
N: Let's call the whole thing off. Seriously Bryce, let's cash in this title shot together. I'm sure we can wrestle some jobbers tomorrow night, or even be the surprise team in the Guantlet.
BL: I've had enough Gauntlets for one week, thanks.
N: I'm serious.
BL: So am I. We're wrestling on Sunday, and I'm winning. If you're so hell bent on us teaming, fine. I'll add you to the list.
N: The list? You'll add me to the list? We beat the champs together!
BL: In a non title match. And, according to you, it was lucky.
N: We still won.
BL: Right, but we lost. A lot. Let's move on.
N: Fine, have it your way. But I'm in it to win it on Sunday.
BL: I fully expect that. And I expect you to lose.
N: Well, either way, after Sunday, will you still help me with girls?
BL: Sure. We'll start with girls and work our way up to women.
N: Speaking of women, Farrah sure is taking a long shower. Is she getting ready for something?
BL: Yeah...it's called a little "Afternoon Delight." [fucking finger quotes!]
Blitz, Damon Wrath & Concrete TG walk into the room.
BL: You couldn't have closed the door when you came in?
N: Sorry, they came with me. Just in case--
BL: Just in case what? Like I'm going to attack you in my hotel room.
N: I know, it's dumb, sorry. 'Crete insisted.
BL: [Glares at CTG] Really. Well, the shower's off. She'll be ready to go, trust me.
N: Ready to go? Afternoon Delight? I don't get it.
BL: Well, it goes a little something like this...
[Suddenly, the group breaks out into song...]
See, the numbrs do work out, 'cause Warth don't sing.
N: Wow. I can't wait to learn more.
Farrah: [Getting out of the bathroom, naked] Wow, company!
N: Boobies!
CTG: [Covering Blitz's eyes] Citizens, we must depart!
N: But... [Points to naked Farrah] ...boobies!
BL: Sorry, babe.
F: [Frantically wrapping herself in a towel.] It's okay, the singing should have given it away.
Blitz: Maybe.
F: Thanks, smart ass.
N: Farrah, does it hurt?
F: What?
N: Getting all waxed like that?
BL: Dude!
N: Sorry! Sorry, Farrah.
F: It's fine, Nayr. It hurts at first, but you get used to it. It's worth it.
BL: Yes it is!
N: Listen Bryce, just think about what we talked about, okay?
BL: Right. I will. And then I'll take that title shot from you tomorrow night. Weren't you all leaving?
CTG: Citizens Blitz, Wrath and Paladin, we shall depart. Citizens Larson and Jacoby, have a splendid afternoon.
BL: Thanks.
F: Hey, thanks!
N: Just know this Bryce. If you insist on having this match--and I can tell that you do--then be rest assured that I'm coming at you 100%. I'm not losing this title shot.
The Hereos Guild leave, and the camera is on Bryce and Farrah (looking mighty fine in just a towel, by the way.)
F: Hey, your phone was in the bathroom, and beeped. Here.
BL: [Checking his phone.] It's a text. [Reads] Oooh...I have to make a phone call.
[Bryce reaches for the OOWF camera man's power chord, pulling it out of the socket. See, his battery ran out, so he had to plug in.]
BL: Hey, Farrah, how do you feel about...
Feed lost
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