OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Dublin, New Hampshire
IHOP vs. THE HEROES GUILD & RAVENNA BLUEIHOP enter the arena first, accompanied by the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth. They pause at ringside to have words with a few fans, then climb into the ring. As they warm up, the lights dim, “Front Line” starts to play, and The Heroes Guild and Ravenna Blue, who 'Crete seems to have talked into wearing a cape, step onto the stage. They pause for a moment to soak up the fan's cheers before marching to the ring. The two teams stand nose-to-nose and referee Angelo Barros gives them their instructions and orders them to separate. Skurge and the Amnesiac and Concrete TG and Ravenna head to their corners, leaving Nayr and SYB to start things off. Barros calls for the bell and we're underway.
As usual, SYB has a lot to say to his opponent, and he punctuates his comments with a slap across the face. Nayr glares at him, and SYB follows up with another slap. SYB with an Irish whip, but Nayr reverses and pulls SYB into a belly-to-belly suplex. SYB rolls to his feet, but Nayr is up first and catches him with a kick to the temple. SYB staggers and Nayr goes to the ropes – springboard moonsault DDT! Nayr hooks the leg and gets two before The Amnesiac breaks it up with an elbow. The Amnesiac gets in a few kicks before Barros forces him out of the ring. SYB is up and takes over, then drags Nayr to IHOP's corner and tags Skurge.
Skurge buries a fist in Nayr's stomach and takes him over with a suplex. Scoop and a slam, followed by an elbow to the temple. Skurge sends Nayr to the ropes and plants him with a power slam, bouncing to his feet and tagging The Amnesiac. Skurge hoists Nayr for a power bomb as The Amnesiac climbs the ropes. Nayr shifts his weight and reverses into a hurricanrana, toppling Skurge into the turnbuckles, which knocks The Amnesiac off balance and crotches him on the top rope. Nayr crawls toward his corner and lunges, but Skurge hooks his ankle and drags him back. The Amnesiac climbs down, and Skurge slings Nayr into the corner before ducking out of the ring.
The Amnesiac rocks Nayr with chops, then sends him across the ring and levels him with a dropkick. He sets up the Pure Amnesia, but Ravenna nails him with a springboard dropkick to break it up. Barros ushers Ravenna out of the ring, and The Amnesiac grabs Nayr's leg to drag him back to IHOP's corner. Nayr levers himself off the mat and nails The Amnesiac with an enzugiri and dives for his corner, making the tag to Concrete.
Concrete is in and levels The Amnesiac with a clothesline. Skurge comes in and gets the same treatment. SYB comes in swinging, and Concrete catches a punch, spins him around, and kicks him in the backside, sending him back to his corner. Concrete turns around as Skurge and The Amnesiac rush him with a tandem clothesline. Concrete limbos under it, turns, and nails both opponents with a split-legged dropkick. Skurge stumbles back, and Ravenna sprints across the ring and springboards off the ropes, hitting Skurge with a crossbody takes them both over the ropes to the floor. Concrete rolls to his feet and staggers The Amnesiac with a forearm, then sends him to the ropes and elevates him with a one-man flapjack. CTG rolls The Amnesiac to his feet, hooks his arms, and drives his face into his knee. The Amnesiac bounces off and falls against the ropes. CTG rebounds off the opposite ropes and nails The Amnesiac in the back of the head with the C-T-G. The Amnesiac falls forward, and CTG rolls him over and covers. He gets two before SYB breaks it up.
SYB and The Amnesiac send Concrete to the ropes and drop him with a double elbow. Ravenna comes in to help, but Barros cuts her off, giving SYB time to hit the Jersey Turnpike before ducking out of the ring. The Amnesiac tags Skurge, then pins CTG's arms, holding him open for a series of blows from Skurge. The Amnesiac lets go, and Skurge plants CTG with an impaler DDT. He covers, but Ravenna breaks it up. Barros sends her back to the corner and Skurge drags CTG to his feet and sends him to the ropes. Ravenna makes a blind tag. Skurge drops CTG with a big boot, and Ravenna springboards into the ring and levels Skurge with a leg lariat. Skurge rolls to his feet and Ravenna staggers him with a superkick, and tries an Irish whip. Skurge reverses and sends her to the ropes. Ravenna with a handspring elbow. She rolls to her feet and hits the ropes, driving a knee into Skurge's face as he gets up. Ravenna runs up the turnbuckles and nails a moonsault, then hooks the leg. Skurge kicks out at two, SYB and The Amnesiac are already in the ring, with the heroes only a step behind, and things break down.
SYB and The Amnesiac send Ravenna to the ropes. She ducks a double clothesline attempt, hops over SYB's leg sweep, and runs into a superkick from The Amnesiac. They move in to pick her up, but Concrete sprints across the ring and nails them with a double clothesline that takes all three to the outside. Skurge gets to his feet and moves toward Ravenna. Nayr sprints across the ring, springs off of Skurge's back to the top rope, and dives to the outside. He's off balance though, and overshoots, slamming back-first onto the ringside railing. Nayr bounces off and falls into the crowd, where he lays still. SYB and The Amnesiac break off their attack on Concrete, who dives over the railing to check on his partner. Barros sees Nayr is down, but EMT's are already running to ringside, so he turns back to the match, subtly motioning for Skurge and Ravenna to continue.
Skurge backs Ravenna to the ropes and sends her across the ring. She ducks a lariat and hits the opposite ropes. SYB recovers his wits and hooks her ankle sending her pitching forward. Skurge positions himself so that Ravenna slams head first into his knee, then hooks her arms and drags her up – Double Underhook DDT!. Skurge hooks the leg and Barros counts three.
WINNERS, in 15:12, IHOP.
After the match: IHOP celebrate their victory in the ring, taunting the fans and trying to distract them from the sight of Nayr, strapped to a backboard, being carried from the arena. Concrete TG, head down, follows the EMTs, with Ravenna by his side trying to console him.
OOWF Invitational Tag Team Tournament Semi-Finals[/u]
TEAM FUEL vs. THE MIDNIGHT SONSLed Zeppelin’s “Immigrant Song” leads The Midnight Sons to the ring. They don’t get their hands on The Five, but they do get to face Plus Two. As the Sons step through the topes, and the music changes to Metallica as Team Fuel makes their way to the ring. DH Magnusson & Spin Hansen stare down Plus Two, and Chris Evans stares confidently stares back. Bryce Larson? He has a staring contest of his own…with the neutral corner turnbuckle. Evans goes over to get him, and Barros calls for the bell!
Russ: Razz, there is so much at stake in this match. If Fuel wins, what does that mean for The Five and the Plus Two?
Razz: You’re exactly right, Russ! You’ve also got The Midnight Sons, who have a chance to exact some measure of revenge by taking our Firewoman’s lackeys.
Russ: Don’t let Fuel hear you say that, Razz. You might be in trouble there.
Razz: From Evans, maybe. The only person Larson scares right now is a mirror.While our commentators continue to insult Larson’s current mental capacity, there is a very entertaining, back & forth match going on in the ring. Evans has the upper hand on DHM, and tags in Larson. The two go to work on DHM’s left arm, ending with a stiff kick to the shoulder by Bryce. Bryce bridges over, tweaking the arm, but DHM refuses to tap out. Spin Hansen tries to break the move up, but he’s taken over the top rope by Evans. Hansen lands on his feet, and Evans has to roll through to avoid being hurt. Hansen immediately grabs Evans, and throws him into the ring steps, eliciting a strong reaction from the crowd.
With Evans down, The Sons focus on Bryce, beating him down in the center of the ring. Magnusson heads up top while Spin puts Bryce into position for a power bomb. Spin catches himself just in time as Bryce rotates through the power bomb, landing on his feet. Bryce goes for a European Uppercut, but Spin moves out of the way, turning Bryce around and pushing him right into a BIG BOOT TO THE HEAD from DHM, coming from the second turnbuckle! Bryce, having another crazy shot to the head, bounces off of the mat, quickly getting to a knee, but seems loopy and drops to the canvas, then outside the ring. Evans, still reeling on the outside, looks concerned for his partner when the medical staff arrives.
Evans attempts to make it to his feet as Barros works through the ten count. The medical staff has gotten Bryce onto a chair on the outside, and begin to check his sensory skills. Evans barely makes it into the ring, but is a) overmatched by The Midnight Sons and b) concerned for his partner’s well-being. But he’s a gamer, and gives it everything he’s got. Bryce isn’t being cooperative with the medical staff, and Evans is starting to fall victim to the offensive efforts of The Sons. They finally get him into position for the 100 Proof when Bryce throws his chair into the ring, causing a distraction. DHM comes down off the ropes and grabs Larson as Spin moves towards Bryce obviously having enough. DHM chucks Evans over the top rope, but Evans catches himself on the apron. DHM moves towards him, but stops dead in his tracks when he has a red light on his chest. We’ll let Russ & Razz take it over from here:
Russ: Razz, DHM seems to have a sniper scope’s pointer on his chest!
Razz: It’s Bryce! He’s grabbed the medical staff’s pen light, and he’s using the pointer. DHM is frantically looking around to see what’s happening, and he’s yelling at Spin, too!
Russ: That’s a man fearing for his life now, not a man who wants to wrestle!
Razz: Russ--Evans is up! SPRINGBOARD SHOOTING STAR DROPKICK! That move doesn’t even exist!
Russ: That’s because DashBee just made it up while writing the match!
Razz: Kayfabe just called…
Russ: Fuck that bitch! Did you see the impact of that dropkick? DHM might be out!
Razz: Evans is going for the cover, here comes Spin…
Russ: Larson is in…spear to Spin!Barros hits the mat for the 1…2…3! Larson’s shenanigans paid off, giving Fuel the win.
WINNERS in 17:32: Team Fuel (Evans pin on Magnusson following a Springboard Shooting Star Dropkick)
Evans and Larson celebrate in the ring, but Larson drops down to a knee, obviously still feeling the effects of the big boot to the head. Team Fuel heads to the back, Larson being assisted by medical staff.
KZ vs. TEAM TEAMTeam TeAM is announced first and makes their way to the ring to the roar of the crowd. They already know that Team Fuel has won, so the winner of this match will face them in the OOWF Invitational Tag Team Tournament finals at Doomy Doomy Doom Doom 6. Tytan and Eco soak up the cheers for a moment then Tytan steps to the apron as the OOWF world tag team champions kz are announced. Moose and LD come to the top of the ramp and the boos rain down on them. They don’t storm the ring as usual though, and Moose still has a noticeable limp from an attack by Matt Folz earlier this week. The champs make it to the ring and step between the ropes. Moose and Tytan glare at one another as Moose steps onto the apron and LD remains in the ring to start things off. Eco and Ld lock up in the middle of the ring and Eco slips behind him and grabs a half nelson and tries to take LD to the mat, but LD reverses positions and catches Eco with several clubbing forearms to the back of the head, then spins him around and catches him with a knee to the gut and tries a suplex, but Eco slips out of it and lands on his feet behind LD. When Williams spins around, Eco connects with a drop kick to the jaw that sends Williams to the mat. LD pops up immediately and charges, but Eco takes him to the mat with a deep arm drag, then reaches out and tags in Tytan.
Tytan comes in and connects with a big boot to LD’s ribs, then pulls him off the mat and sends him to the ropes and catches him on the rebound in a military press, then slams him to the mat, bounds off the ropes and drops an elbow across his chest and covers, but Moose comes in and breaks up the pin with a kick to the back of Tytan’s head at two. Tytan gets to his feet and glares at Moose, but does nothing. Instead he pulls LD to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him on the rebound in a bear hug. LD howls in pain as Tytan tries to squeeze the breath out of him. The referee asks LD if he wants to quit, but LD just snarls at him and digs his thumbs deep into Tytan’s eyes. As Tytan staggers around trying to get his vision back, LD reaches out and tags in Moose. Moose charges in and clips Tytan from behind sending him to the mat.
Moose grabs Tytan’s leg and kicks at his hamstring, then puts his leg on the bottom rope and leaps in the air and drops his knee across Tytan’s knee. Tytan grabs his leg in pain, but Moose just snarls and does it a second time. Moose pulls Tytan into the middle of the ring and traps him in a spinning toe hold, then drops to the mat, dropping his weight on Tytan’s knee. Moose keeps working Tytan’s leg and knee, keeping the big man on the mat where his power advantage is useless. Moose keeps hold of the leg and tags in LD, Williams climbs to the second rope and leaps off, driving his knee down across Tytan’s leg. Tytan screams in pain, and tries to crawl across the ring to tag Eco, but LD cuts him off with an elbow to the head, then traps him in the figure four. Several times Moose would bait Eco to come into the ring, then drop to the floor and grab LD’s arm and put more pressure on Tytan’s leg. Finally after several minutes of agony, the fans start to thunderously cheer for Tytan, and he manages to turn the hold! LD quickly breaks the hold and tags in Moose.
Moose comes in and grabs Tytan before he can tag in Eco and pulls him to his feet and sends him to the ropes, but lowers his head a moment too soon. Tytan catches Moose with a knee lift standing him up, then nearly decapitates him with a clothesline. Tytan turns and dives to his corner and makes the hot tag to Eco, and the crowd erupts!
Eco comes in and immediately sends Moose back to the mat with a punch to the side of the head. LD Williams comes in and Eco catches him with an atomic drop that sends LD over the top rope to the floor. Eco pulls Moose to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a power slam and covers, but Moose rolls his shoulder at two. Eco pulls him to his feet again and hits a northern lights suplex and bridges, but LD comes back into the ring and breaks it up at two. Tytan comes back into the ring and he spears LD through the ropes and back to the floor. On the floor LD and Tytan roll around hammering each other with punches to the face. Inside the ring, Eco whips Moose to the corner and charges in, but Moose gets a boot up catching Eco on the jaw. Moose turns around and digs a chain out of his pocket and wraps it around his fist and BLASTS Eco! Eco collapses to the mat. Moose ditches the chain and Moose covers and gets the one, two, three!
WINNERS in 12:57 – kz
Before kz can do anything, Matt Folz runs to the ring and shows the referee the chain that Moose used on Eco. At first the ref does nothing, but then he confers with the officials and ORDERS THE MATCH RESTARTED! Moose is incredulous and grabs the referee by the shirt and threatens murder, Eco grabs Moose from behind and rolls him up and gets the one, two THREE!
WINNERS in 13:05 – Team TeAM
Tytan, Eco and Folz celebrate outside the ring, while inside the ring kz seethes with rage. They turn their attention to the referee and he beats a hasty retreat to the back before they can actually end his life. Folks, this is far from over.
MATT FOLZ vs. FIREWOMAN – OOWF Onslaught Championship Match"Flame On" fires up as a red V appears on the OOWFtron. Firewoman comes out to boos, and she soaks them up. She is carrying her
Heavy Metal Iron Person DDT Championship belt, and hands it off to the referee, making some sign about trading it in for the Onslaught. Referee Davis Hightower takes it and hands it off to the time keeper. Firewoman's ribs are taped from this week's shenanigans, and two weeks straight of very high Firesaults. "Battle Without Honor or Humanity" plays and Mercenary Matt Folz makes his entrance to cheers. He's also moving a bit more slowly than usual, thanks to the attention he received from the Five. He gets in the ring, and displays the belt for all to see. Firewoman gives him a mocking golf clap, Hightower takes the belt out of the ring, and we get started.
Folz smirks, Firewoman's face is focused, serious, and we get an opening lock up of the usual routine. Folz wins, and hits a basic suplex on Firewoman, banging those ribs into the mat. She instinctively grabs them, but then focuses again and lets go. She kips up, but then matrixes to dodge a quick clothesline attempt from Folz. Folz goes past her into the corner, and she turns to follow him in with some (WOOOOOOOOO!) chops (WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!). She follows it up with a Christian-esque Fireslap, that smacks the taste right out of Folz's mouth. He staggers a bit out to the side, and Firewoman helps him with a bulldog. She rolls him over and goes for the quick pin, but they are too close to the ropes. Folz puts his foot on the bottom rope, and Hightower calls it out. Firewoman steps back to allow Folz up. Folz is again smirking, but so is Fire. She holds up a finger, because
Matt Folz has used his first rope break. Folz stops smirking and they now get down to serious business.
Folz drives Fire backward with his own [WOOOOO!] series [WOOOO!] of [WOOOOO!] chops [WOOOOOO!]. He gets her in the corner, and lets his anger fly with a flurry of forearms...but she's in the corner. The referee starts the 5 count as Fire tries to block. Folz breaks it off at four and a half and steps back. Now it's Fire's turn to stagger out of a corner, and staggers straight into Folz. Folz grabs the leg and gets her up and over for a T-bone Suplex. Folz makes the cover and Firewoman kicks out at two. Fire is dizzy, and Folz grabs at her, but this time gets a fist full of hair to "help" her up. Firewoman reaches up to get his hand out of her hair, but this draws it to Hightower's attention. In fact, she may be holding his hand there.
Matt Folz has received his first warning.Folz is furious and tries to argue his case with Hightower, who shrugs and tells him if he hadn't grabbed her hair, she couldn't have held it there. Firewoman laughs at Folz and holds up a single finger, points at Folz, and makes a zero sign then points to herself. Folz is not amused, and Firewoman should really be paying attention because Folz rushes at her, enraged, and clotheslines her right over the ropes. Firewoman hits the floor hard, grasping her ribs again, and Folz follows her out. Hightower starts the ten count. Folz grabs Firewoman around the waist in a bear hug, and rams her back-first into the ring apron, using her rib tape as a guide. Firewoman crumples as Folz rolls into the ring. Hightower gets to eight before Firewoman can drag herself into the ring. Folz puts the boots to her for a bit, and then gets her into an STF, cranking her ribs more. Firewoman struggles, but to no avail, but she sees the edge of the ring is close. She reluctantly grabs the ropes.
Firewoman has used her first rope break.
Firewoman tries to catch her breath leaning against the ropes, as Folz holds up his finger to let her know she has one. Firewoman is no longer smiling, and hasn't been for a while. She flings herself off the rope into an Ironic Yakuza kick that levels Folz. She grabs his ankle, and looks to maybe be getting a bit of revenge for the attack on her brother. She cranks on the Anklelock. Now it's Folz's turn to try and figure a way out of it, and the only one he sees is to crawl to the side. Firewoman resists, but Folz manages to get there and grab the ropes.
Matt Folz has used his second rope break. Firewoman doesn't waste time reminding him of the score, holding up two fingers, however she immediately reapplies the ankle lock at her earliest opportunity. This time, Folz can't get to the corner. But he's not tapping either, and it looks like Firewoman doesn't care if she twists his foot right off.
Folz eventually does the really obvious thing that no one ever does and turns in the direction of the hold and uses his other foot to push Firewoman off and back into the ropes. As she bounces out, he grabs her and hits a German Suplex, then makes the cover, but Fire just barely gets a shoulder up. He helps her up by the head (carefully avoiding the hair this time), but when she gets to her feet, Firewoman is able to push him off. She heads to the top rope and leaps off with a flying elbow drop. Folz falls back, and Firewoman hits the ropes again and flies into a Thesz press. She rains down punches on him, and yes folks, some of those are closed fists. She reopens the cuts from his earlier superkicks (courtesy of Larson) and punches (courtesy of LD) and he begins to bleed. Fire doesn't notice that, but she does notice Hightower signaling that
Firewoman has received her first warning. Firewoman stands and wipes Folz's blood on her chest and face, and laughs. Folz tries to get up, but Fire kicks him hard enough to roll him over. She hooks the legs into position, and hits the Firestomp. Folz's face leaves an ugly red streak on the mat, and Fire turns him over and makes a pin. One...two....NO! Folz gets a shoulder up. Fire turns to argue with Hightower, not realizing her leg is still tangled with Folz's. Folz does, however, and with a quick turn, Fire falls to the mat, with her leg in a figure four. Folz is cranking down and Firewoman slaps the mat in extreme pain. Or does she? Hard to say, as she manages to flip over and reverse the hold. Now it's Folz's turn to flail around, and flail around he does, and his hand instinctively reaches for the ropes. He lets go almost as quickly as he grabs them, but it's no use because Hightower saw it.
Matt Folz has used his third and final rope break. Firewoman stands on wobbly legs, laughing, holding three fingers up, as her prediction that Folz used his rope breaks first comes true. Folz can't believe what he did. Firewoman heads over to the turnbuckle, and starts messing with the pad. She gets the pad off, and Hightower makes the signal.
Firewoman has used her second warning. She laughs mockingly and assists Folz to a standing position. She tries to whip him to that corner, but Folz is ready and reverses, sending her back first to the exposed turnbuckle. Ouch. Firewoman falls forward, and Folz goes in again, but Fire hits a drop toe hold sending Folz face first into the...wait! He catches himself! He avoids the exposed metal. It's his turn to laugh now, and he climbs the ropes in the corner, hoisting Firewoman up with him. He gets to the second rope, then the third and switches around so he's standing on the outside. Firewoman is on the second rope on the inside, and it looks like he's going to try to toss her off the rope somehow. He teases it once, twice, but each time he can't get Firewoman more than a few inches off the ropes she standing on. He goes for a third time, but Firewoman hits a Low Blow out of desperation. Hightower signals
Firewoman has used her third warning but she really had no choice there.
Folz slips his feet of the ropes and falls onto the corner, seated on the top ropes (which really, without the pad there, had to have added insult to injury). Firewoman falls too, landing on her feet and staggers back. She looks at the clock on the OOWFtron which is dangerously close to 0:00. She runs back, slingshots herself off the ropes, and then flips up for the Flamethrower! She hits it! Folz's eyes are open, but there's no way he knows where he is. Firewoman is having a hard time breathing, but she rolls over as quick as she can, crawls over to Folz and makes the desperate pin, and Hightower falls to start the count, when BUZZ!!!! She was too slow! The time limit has expired!!
WINNER – 15:00 time limit draw
After the match Firewoman is enraged, and lets Hightower know it (without actually touching him). While they are arguing, Folz gradually comes to, shaking the cobwebs from his head, and figures out what happens. He stands, grabbing the Onslaught belt from Hightower, and raises it triumphantly, turning to mock Firewoman. She turns her attention away from Hightower, and faces Folz, not backing down for a second. Folz screams at her to do something, and all she does is smile, because in fact she HAS been doing something. She's been positioning Folz so he doesn't see Team Fuel come down the ramp. They clobber him from behind, and they do the standard Team Legacy kicking, although much better and more believable, while Firewoman laughs. They are soon joined by Stank and LD Williams. Stank grabs Folz and hits the Stank U. LD Williams picks him up and hits a DDT. The boos get louder as Poe and Moosehead Jack appear at the top of the ramp, and do so to hold off Ecosystem and Tytan. Back in the ring, everyone appears to have gotten tired of their game and stand back to admire their work. Firewoman asks LD and Stank to pick Folz up and they oblige. Folz is wobbly, but can stand on his own. She shoos them out of the ring, and they each take a side with Evans and Larson so the ring is surrounded. Firewoman looks at Folz, smiles, waves bye-bye, and super kicks Folz right in the jaw. Folz flies backward toward the ropes. Firewoman goes up to the ropes near where he lands, leaps on to the second rope and comes down hard with her foot right on his ankle. Poe and Moose both cringe. Firewoman grabs the Onslaught Championship belt, and the Heavy Metal Iron Person DDT title, and heads up the ramp with the rest of V. Moose nods his head approvingly, but Firewoman doesn't notice, handing the Onslaught belt off to a random production assistant and heading back to
chamber V. I suspect a damaged locker room in the very near future.
STANK vs. DAVIN MORELAND – OOWF Intercontinental Title MatchThis heated rivalry is about to continue, and the New Hampshire crowd is expressing their excitement. “Toxicity” fires up over the sound system, and Davin Moreland appears at the top of the ramp with Samantha Darling-Moreland. They walk slowly down to the ring, waving a bit to the fans. Davin does his Double Jump of Impressive Athleticism into the ring, and then does some 4-corner top-turnbuckle posing; making the international sign for “me wanty belt”. This awesome celebration is spoiled by the sound of “Skin” firing up, and the OOWF Intercontinental Champion, Stank, makes his way to the ring. He kind of waves the belt in Davin's face a little before handing it to Senior Referee Davis Hightower. Stank feels this is the right time to gesture to the crowd, which is met with some hot booing action. Stank laughs and flips off the crowd as Hightower holds the belt high in the air. This match is for the OOWF Intercontinental Championship. He hands it to the outside and calls for the bell...WE'RE UNDERWAY!
The two rather large individuals meet near the middle of the ring, and get into some talking and gesturing. It appears that Davin is getting the better of this, perhaps said something about Stank's mother, which goes over about as well as you'd expect. Big right hands from the Champion ensue, rocking the taller Davin all the way into the corner. After a couple more big shots to the jaw and temple, Stank WHIPS Davin all the way across the ring to the other corner. He follows right behind and kills Davin with a BIG Fat Guy Splash. Davin crumples over in the corner. Stank stands him back up with some knife-edge chops, and then some Batista Shoulderblocks. There's a pretty good chance Davin can't breathe now. He's also bleeding from above his eye, probably due to Stank's Illegal Closed Fist Punches. Stank grabs Davin, and using the turnbuckle as a springboard-y thing, hits a SLINGSHOT DELAYED BRAINBUSTER on Davin. That was pretty cool looking. The cover gets a surprisingly long 2 count.
Even Stank's a little surprised, so he decides to press the issue. Stank runs (well, jogs kinda) to the ropes and hits the Stankonia 2.0! Stank will cover again, 1...2...thr...NO! Davin just does roll the shoulder and Stank starts a-slapping the mat. Hightower assures the champ that it was, indeed, just a 2-count, so Stank gets back to work, and by work I mean “waits for Davin to get up”. He's setting him up for something...perhaps the Stank-U? Davin groggily gets to his feet as Stank moves behind him...SOUTHERN COMFORT! Stank has it locked in, powers Davin to the ground, and pulls back hard on the neck with Davin. Davin's in a very bad way, and Stank looks like he's not letting up. Davin is close to tapping three or four different times, which keeps the crowd in it while they're in this res...er...submission hold. Davin eventually finds the lost Power of the Shaky Arm, and literally SPRINGS into the ropes with Stank on his back. He didn't so much grab the ropes as launch right into them, getting tangled up in them in the process. Hightower gets in a loud discussion with Stank about health insurance reform, looking for clarification as to what a public option really means. In the meantime, Samantha helps Davin get free of the ropes.
Stank is trying to explain to Hightower that a public option is the only way to truly engender competition in the health insurance industry just as Davin clubs him from behind with some clothesline-ish thingy. Stank doesn't go all the way down, but does drop to a knee. He's conveniently in position for a Shining Wizard, which Davin conveniently hits for the crowd's enjoyment. Stank sells it like the champion he is, and Davin covers...1...2...no. Stank kicked out pretty strong, so Davin hits the ropes and Stank, who had gotten to his hands and knees, eats a Basement Dropkick for his troubles. That looked like it might have hurt. Stank is out cold (or so it appears) and Davin turns to the crowd before hitting a STANDING MOONSAULT! Davin covers, and that's GOT to be it. 1...2...thr...NO! Stank kicked out again, and now it's Davin's turn to be shocked. He gets into a discussion with Hightower about financial industry regulation. Hightower's obviously a bit of a supply-sider so it gets a little heated at times. Meanwhile, Stank is fully recovered, and reaches into his tights for something. Why...it's brass knuckles! That's so new and original in the world of wrestling. With the much taller Davin standing (still bloody) in front of the much shorter Hightower, who's back is conveniently turned to Stank, he never sees the RIGHT CROSS TO THE TEMPLE WITH THE KNUCS! Davin, predictably, falls to the mat like a sack of potatoes.
Stank manages to toss the brass knuckles out of the ring and into the crowd as Hightower remains oblivious to the shenanigans and tomfoolery that has just taken place. Stank drops into a cover, but just as Hightower is about to slide in for a count he hears a voice from the apron scream “REAGAN SUCKS!”
Samantha appears to be the guilty party as she has hopped up on the apron and is gesturing to the crowd. They spontaneously start a “Reagan Sucks” chant, which is pretty funny, especially since he's dead. “Reagan Sucked” would be far more accurate. Obviously, Hightower can't stand for this, and goes to admonish a defiant Samantha, who hops off the apron. Stank is livid, and grabs Hightower by the shirt, demanding he make the count. Hightower is forced to point to his OOWF logo embroidered on his spiffy referee shirt. Finally, they stop this horseplay, and Stank covers Davin again...1...2...NO! Davin kicks out! Stank has a look of genuine shock on his face, and obviously, since he's a heel, blames Hightower for his misfortune. In fact, he's still deeply involved in this discussion when he eats a sick chop block from Davin. Thank goodness this isn't football, that would be a penalty! He caught him good too, as Stank is up quickly, but limping badly. Davin uses the distraction to pull Stank up...WAY up for a Delayed Vertical Suplex...Davin checks his watch...whistles a little tune...asks Hightower if he knows of any good pizza places around here...checks his watch again...and Suplexes Stank...over the Top Rope and out to the floor! Stank comes up bloody and looks very unhappy.
Davin does some face pop posing for the crowd after he ascends the turnbuckles to the top, waiting for Stank to sort of get up. He does, gingerly, and looks up just in time to see Davin hitting the Harlem Hangover on Stank on the outside. Stank must be dead! Davin doesn't roll Stank back in the ring, but whispers something to Samantha, who heads immediately to the back. Davin locks Stank in a SHARPSHOOTER out on the floor! Hightower very nicely comes outside to remind Davin that he's not in the ring, and Davin doesn't seem to particularly care much. Hightower heads back in the ring and starts a count, and it's not too long after that when Stank starts tapping for all he's worth. It, however, isn't doing him much good at all. The crowd is cheering, but a little confused by this. Hightower's at 8 when it appears Stank passes out due to the amount of pain his knee is in. Not surprisingly, this is the knee which was injured months ago. Also not surprisingly, Davin was the culprit then too. Hightower reaches 10 and calls for the bell.
WINNER in 12:46 by DOUBLE COUNTOUT...No Contest!
Simultaneously with the bell ringing, Poe's music fires up, and the rest of The Five + Two comes flying down to the ring from the back. By then, however, only Stank's left, because at 10, Davin dropped the hold, and booked it through the crowd before The Five even got to the ring. They all gather around Stank, and we head to commercial with Moosehead Jack shaking his fist in the general direction of the way Davin went. Literally shaking his fist. Like, “get off my lawn” style.
POE vs. OUTBACK JACK vs. ALEXANDER DARLING – OOWF World Heavyweight Title Three Way DanceThe announcer announces this match, with a slight change of stipulations. The only way for the champion to lose the title is for him to be pinned. Should Alexander Darling pin Outback Jack, or vice versa, they win the match, but not the title. Jack heads to the ring first and the Darling’s make their entrances and wait in the middle of the ring for the champion. Poe’s music plays and he comes up through the bottom of the stage with Selena by his side. They make their way to the ring and the champ holds the ropes for Selena, all the while never taking his eyes off his opponents. Selena takes the world title off of Poe’s waist and skips around the ring with it, being sure to show it to Jack and especially Darling, before handing it to the referee. The ref holds the title in the air and Selena leaves the ring. The bell rings and we are ready to go.
For a moment, none of the men move. Poe glares at Darling and the two of them meet in the middle of the ring. Jack maintains his distance for a moment then joins the other two. Poe pie faces him away and says something to Darling, but Darling never gets a chance to answer because Jack charges in and blindsides the champ, sending him to one knee. Jack hammers Poe with shots to the face, and Poe responds with an elbow to the gut, then shoves Jack to the ropes, but Jack rebounds with a Thesz press and hammers on Poe some more. Darling initially looks like he wants to join the fray, then shrugs and steps back into the corner and watches the match.
Jack breaks the punches when the referee gets to four and pulls Poe to his feet and shoves him into the corner and charges in and leaps to the second rope and starts the ten punches of doom, but Poe stops him after three and carries him out of the corner and hits an inverted atomic drop, then bounds off the ropes and drops Jack to the mat with a clubbing clothesline from hell. Poe turns and looks at Darling and an evil grin spreads across his face and he motions for Darling to come out of the corner and join the match. Darling snarls and charges out of the corner and the two men hammer away hockey style on one another. The larger Poe begins to get the advantage, so Darling ducks a punch and slips behind Poe and kicks a knee out, sending Poe to one knee on the mat. Darling grabs Poe from behind and drops him to the mat with an inverted DDT. He covers, but Poe kicks out at one.
Jack is on his feet and he and Darling pull Poe to his feet and hook him and take him over with a suplex. Darling floats over and coves, but Jack breaks it up at one with a kick to the back of the head, then pulls Darling up and throws him between the ropes to the floor and covers once again, and gets a one count. Jack waits for Poe to get to his feet then heads to the ropes, but from the outside, Darling reaches up and low bridges him, sending him tumbling over the top rope to the floor. Darling pulls Jack up and sends him shoulder and head first into the ring steps, then slides into the ring and charges at Poe, Poe tries a boot to the face, but Darling ducks it and bounds off the ropes and tries a cross body block, but Poe catches him and turns it into a fall away slam, sending Darling across the ring. Darling backs into the corner and Poe charges in and catches him with a boot wash across the face, then keeps his boot on Darling’s throat until the referee threatens him with disqualification.
Poe pulls Darling out of the corner and hammers him with forearms to the side of the head, then sends him to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a big powerslam and hooks the leg hard for a two count. Poe snaps at the referee then pulls Darling up and backs him into the corner again and nails him with several elbows to the side of the head that snap Darling’s head back. Poe takes a look over his shoulder and see Outback Jack is back in the ring, and whips Darling toward him intending to knock them both goofy, but Jack sees it coming and nearly cuts Darling in half with a SPEAR! Jack covers, and gets a two count, but Poe kick him in the head and pulls him off of Darling.
Poe lifts Jack by the throat and is about to chokeslam him straight to hell when Darling recovers, bounds off the ropes and clips Poe’s leg, rolling that suspect ankle in the process. Poe falls to the mat, snarling in pain, then Darling hits a low drop kick sending him out of the ring to the floor. Meanwhile Jack grabs Darling from behind as he gets to his feet and tries to set up the CHOMP, but Darling reverses it and sends Jack to the ropes and catches him with a low kick, then tries a piledriver, but Jack reverses it into a back drop. Jack hits the ropes and drops a fist between Darling’s eyes, then heads to the middle rope and waits for Darling to get to his feet. When Darling stands up, Jack leaps, but Darling catches him with a superkick to the jaw. Darling pulls a dazed Jack to his feet and lifts him up and hits the DARLING DRIVER! On the outside Poe is just getting to his feet he and Darling lock eyes as Darling covers and gets the one, two, three.
WINNER in 22:11 – Alexander Darling – Poe retains the OOWF World Heavyweight Title
After the match, Matt Folz charges to the ring with Ecosystem and Tytan in tow, and they attack Poe from behind. They have the advantage for a second, then the rest of The Five come out and it is a five on three beating. Outback Jack joins the fight, then The Midnight Sons hit the ring giving them the numbers advantage once again. Finally Team Fuel races to the ring, and The Five has the advantage once again. Alexander Darling remains in the ring watching the fight at ringside. The crowd is urging him to get into the fray, so he leaves the ring and……heads up the ramp to the back. Officials flood ringside trying to get them separated, before they do, Moosehead Jack grabs a pink barbed wire baseball bat from beneath the ring, hey Moose is all for Breast Cancer Awareness, he likes boobies too, and BLASTS Folz with it, sending him to the floor. Moose rakes the bat across Folz’s forehead tearing his flesh and causing a river of blood to flow before he is finally pulled off of him. The two sides are finally separated and we close with The Five and Fuel standing at the top of the ramp while Drink and Destroy and Team TEaM stay at ringside.
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