|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 12, 2010 18:44:31 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. From the shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <From further down the Hallway of Random Encounters, Stank and LD Williams are watching> LD: What the hell is going on here? S: Oh shit, not this again. *Poe approaches from the direction of Chamber V* P: Not what again? LD: Oh, you weren't here last time, were you? P: Why is Moose repeatedly hitting Davin with a chair? And why isn't Davin dead? LD: Wrestling physics. P: What? S: Wrestling physics. See? Moose hits Davin, Davin no-sells. Wrestling physics. P: But why does it keep happening? *Ecosystem rounds the corner, looks at Davin take another chair shot, and Moose walking away* E: Oh no. Not another one. P: Wait, Davin no sells all the time, believe me I know, but this doesn't make sense E: If a tree falls in the woods, and there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? P: What? S: If a wrestler gets hit with a chair, and no-sells it, did it ever really happen? *Voltage wanders into the frame. People look shocked.* E: Um...I thought you were dead. V: Well, I was. Am. Whatever. Anyway, I happened to catch this and, well, I just KNEW I had to be a part of it. S: You always were an attention whore. P: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?! LD: Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. V: So...who's the champs? *Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. From the shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <Just then Moose walks into the hall sipping a coffee and HEARTPUNCHES Voltage. Voltage slumps to the floor> P: HOW. THE. FUCK. LD: Wrestling physics. P: No.......No don't tell me that again..... *Davin and Curt Schilling come into frame carrying Dunkin' Donuts coffees.* C'TGG'S: Hey guys, what's going on? *They look over as Moosehead Jack is walking away after another vicious chair shot* P: But how are... LD: Wrestling Phy- P: STOP SAYING THAT! DM: Hey Moose. How's it going? MHJ: Ah pretty good, yourself? Hey Curt. DM: You know we have a match this week. MHJ: Yeah I saw that. Way to bring it with that lame ass promo. DM: How many times are you going to hit me with that chair? MHJ: How many times are you going to no-sell it? <There is a quiet pause between them and they look around uncomfortably while Poe just stares at them. Suddenly, Davin throws his coffee in Moose's face. Moose bellows in pain and the two of them brawl down the hallway> SDM: What the hell is going on here? P: I wish I knew. LD: Wrestling - P: So help me, say it again, and you're eating a Hieroglyph. S: So touchy. He's just answering your question. E: Yeah, it's Wrestling Physics. Don't you read the archives? *We hear lots of loud clanging as Davin and Moose have apparently found their way into the kitchen* DM: *from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the hot oil spot again this time! MHJ: *also from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the grill spot! SDM: This is just... *Suddenly Samantha Darling-Moreland goes sprinting by* SDM: STOP IT YOU TWO! YOU'VE GOT A MATCH! SDM: Who the hell was that? S: That was you SDM: WHAT? Poe: How the HELL is this even possible? <Voltage gets to his feet> V: Whooo! ROCK AND ROLL! I'M THE GNARLIEST DOUBLE CHAMP EV......OOOOF <Moose runs in and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, then walks away without a word after watching Moose clock Davin with a chair, again. From the kitchen we hear "I AM NOT FUCKING PLAYING, PUT THE GREASE DOWN! THEN TURN OFF THE DAMN GRILL! HOW MANY SPOTS DO YOU THINK WE CAN COME UP WITH? <pause> Something with the freezer? Good idea!> P: I really hate this place E: It's like the circle of life SDM: No, it is NOTHING like that *fade, again* |
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 12, 2010 18:45:00 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. From the shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <From further down the Hallway of Random Encounters, Stank and LD Williams are watching> LD: What the hell is going on here? S: Oh shit, not this again. *Poe approaches from the direction of Chamber V* P: Not what again? LD: Oh, you weren't here last time, were you? P: Why is Moose repeatedly hitting Davin with a chair? And why isn't Davin dead? LD: Wrestling physics. P: What? S: Wrestling physics. See? Moose hits Davin, Davin no-sells. Wrestling physics. P: But why does it keep happening? *Ecosystem rounds the corner, looks at Davin take another chair shot, and Moose walking away* E: Oh no. Not another one. P: Wait, Davin no sells all the time, believe me I know, but this doesn't make sense E: If a tree falls in the woods, and there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? P: What? S: If a wrestler gets hit with a chair, and no-sells it, did it ever really happen? *Voltage wanders into the frame. People look shocked.* E: Um...I thought you were dead. V: Well, I was. Am. Whatever. Anyway, I happened to catch this and, well, I just KNEW I had to be a part of it. S: You always were an attention whore. P: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?! LD: Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. V: So...who's the champs? *Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. From the shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <Just then Moose walks into the hall sipping a coffee and HEARTPUNCHES Voltage. Voltage slumps to the floor> P: HOW. THE. FUCK. LD: Wrestling physics. P: No.......No don't tell me that again..... *Davin and Curt Schilling come into frame carrying Dunkin' Donuts coffees.* C'TGG'S: Hey guys, what's going on? *They look over as Moosehead Jack is walking away after another vicious chair shot* P: But how are... LD: Wrestling Phy- P: STOP SAYING THAT! DM: Hey Moose. How's it going? MHJ: Ah pretty good, yourself? Hey Curt. DM: You know we have a match this week. MHJ: Yeah I saw that. Way to bring it with that lame ass promo. DM: How many times are you going to hit me with that chair? MHJ: How many times are you going to no-sell it? <There is a quiet pause between them and they look around uncomfortably while Poe just stares at them. Suddenly, Davin throws his coffee in Moose's face. Moose bellows in pain and the two of them brawl down the hallway> SDM: What the hell is going on here? P: I wish I knew. LD: Wrestling - P: So help me, say it again, and you're eating a Hieroglyph. S: So touchy. He's just answering your question. E: Yeah, it's Wrestling Physics. Don't you read the archives? *We hear lots of loud clanging as Davin and Moose have apparently found their way into the kitchen* DM: *from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the hot oil spot again this time! MHJ: *also from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the grill spot! SDM: This is just... *Suddenly Samantha Darling-Moreland goes sprinting by* SDM: STOP IT YOU TWO! YOU'VE GOT A MATCH! SDM: Who the hell was that? S: That was you SDM: WHAT? Poe: How the HELL is this even possible? <Voltage gets to his feet> V: Whooo! ROCK AND ROLL! I'M THE GNARLIEST DOUBLE CHAMP EV......OOOOF <Moose runs in and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, then walks away without a word after watching Moose clock Davin with a chair, again. From the kitchen we hear "I AM NOT FUCKING PLAYING, PUT THE GREASE DOWN! THEN TURN OFF THE DAMN GRILL! HOW MANY SPOTS DO YOU THINK WE CAN COME UP WITH? <pause> Something with the freezer? Good idea!> P: I really hate this place. E: It's like the circle of life. SDM: No, it is NOTHING like that. *Hardbody Harris walks in* HH: It's JUST like that. *He and Fievel start singing "Circle of Life" from "The Lion King"* C'TGG'S: That's horrid. LD: THAT is Wrestling Physics, my friend. *Stank, Curt, Eco, Hardbody and LD all start nodding* P: That's it. I fucking warned you. *Selena charges in* S: DON'T DO IT! P: Why? DM: *from the kitchen* THAT ICE CREAM IS HEAVY, YOU JERK! SDM: *from the kitchen* Since you two are in there, can you get me a popsicle? SDM: A popsicle? Really? *Firewoman wanders in* FW: You love popsicles. *fade, again* |
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 12, 2010 18:45:25 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. From the shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <From further down the Hallway of Random Encounters, Stank and LD Williams are watching> LD: What the hell is going on here? S: Oh shit, not this again. *Poe approaches from the direction of Chamber V* P: Not what again? LD: Oh, you weren't here last time, were you? P: Why is Moose repeatedly hitting Davin with a chair? And why isn't Davin dead? LD: Wrestling physics. P: What? S: Wrestling physics. See? Moose hits Davin, Davin no-sells. Wrestling physics. P: But why does it keep happening? *Ecosystem rounds the corner, looks at Davin take another chair shot, and Moose walking away* E: Oh no. Not another one. P: Wait, Davin no sells all the time, believe me I know, but this doesn't make sense E: If a tree falls in the woods, and there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? P: What? S: If a wrestler gets hit with a chair, and no-sells it, did it ever really happen? *Voltage wanders into the frame. People look shocked.* E: Um...I thought you were dead. V: Well, I was. Am. Whatever. Anyway, I happened to catch this and, well, I just KNEW I had to be a part of it. S: You always were an attention whore. P: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?! LD: Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. V: So...who's the champs? *Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. From the shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <Just then Moose walks into the hall sipping a coffee and HEARTPUNCHES Voltage. Voltage slumps to the floor> P: HOW. THE. FUCK. LD: Wrestling physics. P: No.......No don't tell me that again..... *Davin and Curt Schilling come into frame carrying Dunkin' Donuts coffees.* C'TGG'S: Hey guys, what's going on? *They look over as Moosehead Jack is walking away after another vicious chair shot* P: But how are... LD: Wrestling Phy- P: STOP SAYING THAT! DM: Hey Moose. How's it going? MHJ: Ah pretty good, yourself? Hey Curt. DM: You know we have a match this week. MHJ: Yeah I saw that. Way to bring it with that lame ass promo. DM: How many times are you going to hit me with that chair? MHJ: How many times are you going to no-sell it? <There is a quiet pause between them and they look around uncomfortably while Poe just stares at them. Suddenly, Davin throws his coffee in Moose's face. Moose bellows in pain and the two of them brawl down the hallway> SDM: What the hell is going on here? P: I wish I knew. LD: Wrestling - P: So help me, say it again, and you're eating a Hieroglyph. S: So touchy. He's just answering your question. E: Yeah, it's Wrestling Physics. Don't you read the archives? *We hear lots of loud clanging as Davin and Moose have apparently found their way into the kitchen* DM: *from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the hot oil spot again this time! MHJ: *also from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the grill spot! SDM: This is just... *Suddenly Samantha Darling-Moreland goes sprinting by* SDM: STOP IT YOU TWO! YOU'VE GOT A MATCH! SDM: Who the hell was that? S: That was you SDM: WHAT? Poe: How the HELL is this even possible? <Voltage gets to his feet> V: Whooo! ROCK AND ROLL! I'M THE GNARLIEST DOUBLE CHAMP EV......OOOOF <Moose runs in and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, then walks away without a word after watching Moose clock Davin with a chair, again. From the kitchen we hear "I AM NOT FUCKING PLAYING, PUT THE GREASE DOWN! THEN TURN OFF THE DAMN GRILL! HOW MANY SPOTS DO YOU THINK WE CAN COME UP WITH? <pause> Something with the freezer? Good idea!> P: I really hate this place. E: It's like the circle of life. SDM: No, it is NOTHING like that. *Hardbody Harris walks in* HH: It's JUST like that. *He and Fievel start singing "Circle of Life" from "The Lion King"* C'TGG'S: That's horrid. LD: THAT is Wrestling Physics, my friend. *Stank, Curt, Eco, Hardbody and LD all start nodding* P: That's it. I fucking warned you. *Selena charges in* S: DON'T DO IT! P: Why? DM: *from the kitchen* THAT ICE CREAM IS HEAVY, YOU JERK! SDM: *from the kitchen* Since you two are in there, can you get me a popsicle? SDM: A popsicle? Really? *Firewoman wanders in* FW: You love popsicles. HH: From the day we arrive on the planet Fievel: And blinking, step into the sun HH: There's more to be seen than can ever be seen Fievel: More to do than can ever be done Selena: What are they singing? Poe: A Disney song Goddess Selena: Disney? Never heard of them <Voltage struggles to his feet again> V: Whoo......ooo, Roll and Rock, I'm the......the HURFFFF <Moose appears again and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, watches Moose slam Davin with a chair again, and listens to Moose and Davin fight in the kitchen, then looks satisfied and walks away> Selena: Where is Uncle Moose going? P: I have no idea anymore <Samantha Darling-Moreland walks back to the small crowd with a popsicle and unwraps it........AND BEAST POPS OUT!> B: YAAAAAAARRRRGHGHGHH Where's Carl Coolname? LD: No rape B: What? LD: No rape B: Since when? LD: Since you raped Carl Coolname B: THAT'S BULLSHIT! Screw this place, I am out of here, I need some Taco Bell <Beast crashes through the arena walls and disappears from sight> SDM: WHY THE HELL DID SOMEONE JUST POP OUT OF MY POPSICLE?? P: Seriously, I am running out of words here.... *fade, again* |
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 12, 2010 18:45:57 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. From the shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <From further down the Hallway of Random Encounters, Stank and LD Williams are watching> LD: What the hell is going on here? S: Oh shit, not this again. *Poe approaches from the direction of Chamber V* P: Not what again? LD: Oh, you weren't here last time, were you? P: Why is Moose repeatedly hitting Davin with a chair? And why isn't Davin dead? LD: Wrestling physics. P: What? S: Wrestling physics. See? Moose hits Davin, Davin no-sells. Wrestling physics. P: But why does it keep happening? *Ecosystem rounds the corner, looks at Davin take another chair shot, and Moose walking away* E: Oh no. Not another one. P: Wait, Davin no sells all the time, believe me I know, but this doesn't make sense E: If a tree falls in the woods, and there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? P: What? S: If a wrestler gets hit with a chair, and no-sells it, did it ever really happen? *Voltage wanders into the frame. People look shocked.* E: Um...I thought you were dead. V: Well, I was. Am. Whatever. Anyway, I happened to catch this and, well, I just KNEW I had to be a part of it. S: You always were an attention whore. P: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?! LD: Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. V: So...who's the champs? *Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. From the shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <Just then Moose walks into the hall sipping a coffee and HEARTPUNCHES Voltage. Voltage slumps to the floor> P: HOW. THE. FUCK. LD: Wrestling physics. P: No.......No don't tell me that again..... *Davin and Curt Schilling come into frame carrying Dunkin' Donuts coffees.* C'TGG'S: Hey guys, what's going on? *They look over as Moosehead Jack is walking away after another vicious chair shot* P: But how are... LD: Wrestling Phy- P: STOP SAYING THAT! DM: Hey Moose. How's it going? MHJ: Ah pretty good, yourself? Hey Curt. DM: You know we have a match this week. MHJ: Yeah I saw that. Way to bring it with that lame ass promo. DM: How many times are you going to hit me with that chair? MHJ: How many times are you going to no-sell it? <There is a quiet pause between them and they look around uncomfortably while Poe just stares at them. Suddenly, Davin throws his coffee in Moose's face. Moose bellows in pain and the two of them brawl down the hallway> SDM: What the hell is going on here? P: I wish I knew. LD: Wrestling - P: So help me, say it again, and you're eating a Hieroglyph. S: So touchy. He's just answering your question. E: Yeah, it's Wrestling Physics. Don't you read the archives? *We hear lots of loud clanging as Davin and Moose have apparently found their way into the kitchen* DM: *from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the hot oil spot again this time! MHJ: *also from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the grill spot! SDM: This is just... *Suddenly Samantha Darling-Moreland goes sprinting by* SDM: STOP IT YOU TWO! YOU'VE GOT A MATCH! SDM: Who the hell was that? S: That was you SDM: WHAT? Poe: How the HELL is this even possible? <Voltage gets to his feet> V: Whooo! ROCK AND ROLL! I'M THE GNARLIEST DOUBLE CHAMP EV......OOOOF <Moose runs in and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, then walks away without a word after watching Moose clock Davin with a chair, again. From the kitchen we hear "I AM NOT FUCKING PLAYING, PUT THE GREASE DOWN! THEN TURN OFF THE DAMN GRILL! HOW MANY SPOTS DO YOU THINK WE CAN COME UP WITH? <pause> Something with the freezer? Good idea!> P: I really hate this place. E: It's like the circle of life. SDM: No, it is NOTHING like that. *Hardbody Harris walks in* HH: It's JUST like that. *He and Fievel start singing "Circle of Life" from "The Lion King"* C'TGG'S: That's horrid. LD: THAT is Wrestling Physics, my friend. *Stank, Curt, Eco, Hardbody and LD all start nodding* P: That's it. I fucking warned you. *Selena charges in* S: DON'T DO IT! P: Why? DM: *from the kitchen* THAT ICE CREAM IS HEAVY, YOU JERK! SDM: *from the kitchen* Since you two are in there, can you get me a popsicle? SDM: A popsicle? Really? *Firewoman wanders in* FW: You love popsicles. HH: From the day we arrive on the planet Fievel: And blinking, step into the sun HH: There's more to be seen than can ever be seen Fievel: More to do than can ever be done Selena: What are they singing? Poe: A Disney song Goddess Selena: Disney? Never heard of them <Voltage struggles to his feet again> V: Whoo......ooo, Roll and Rock, I'm the......the HURFFFF <Moose appears again and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, watches Moose slam Davin with a chair again, and listens to Moose and Davin fight in the kitchen, then looks satisfied and walks away> Selena: Where is Uncle Moose going? P: I have no idea anymore <Samantha Darling-Moreland walks back to the small crowd with a popsicle and unwraps it........AND BEAST POPS OUT!> B: YAAAAAAARRRRGHGHGHH Where's Carl Coolname? LD: No rape B: What? LD: No rape B: Since when? LD: Since you raped Carl Coolname B: THAT'S BULLSHIT! Screw this place, I am out of here, I need some Taco Bell <Beast crashes through the arena walls and disappears from sight> SDM: WHY THE HELL DID SOMEONE JUST POP OUT OF MY POPSICLE?? P: Seriously, I am running out of words here.... *fade, again* [Edited on 3-23-2010 by mooseheadjack] P: ... and who the HELL is mooseheadjack? S: What? P: It says Edited on March 23, 2010 by mooseheadjack. V: Dude, I think you're pronouncing the name wrong. S: Wow Poe. You not only broke the fade you've pushed us past the edit bracket. This promo is sick. SDM: Tell me about it. SDM: Tell US about it CTG: Wow there are TWO of you too. S: Last time there ended up being two of me... THAT was a NIGHTMARE to clean up. LD: Yeah and now there are two Davin's and three Moose... S: Meese? FW: Moose'ses siz? LD: Three MOOSEHEAD JACK'S, okay? P: I'm out of here. S: You can try to leave, but the promo will always suck you back in. E: How did we get out of the neverending promo last time? V: OOOH! I have an idea! <Moose appears again and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, watches Moose slam Davin with a chair again, and listens to Moose and Davin fight in the kitchen, then looks on as Moose walks into the hall sipping a coffee and HEARTPUNCHES Voltage AGAIN while Voltage is slumped on the floor. Satisfied, Moose starts to walk away> E: WHY, DAMMIT, WHY? MEESE: HE had an idea. JINX! I said it FIRST! NO I said it FIRST! FUCK YOU! <Moose and Moose brawl with each other off camera.> S: Now I've seen everything. *Fade, again* |
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 12, 2010 18:51:13 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. From the shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <From further down the Hallway of Random Encounters, Stank and LD Williams are watching> LD: What the hell is going on here? S: Oh shit, not this again. *Poe approaches from the direction of Chamber V* P: Not what again? LD: Oh, you weren't here last time, were you? P: Why is Moose repeatedly hitting Davin with a chair? And why isn't Davin dead? LD: Wrestling physics. P: What? S: Wrestling physics. See? Moose hits Davin, Davin no-sells. Wrestling physics. P: But why does it keep happening? *Ecosystem rounds the corner, looks at Davin take another chair shot, and Moose walking away* E: Oh no. Not another one. P: Wait, Davin no sells all the time, believe me I know, but this doesn't make sense E: If a tree falls in the woods, and there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? P: What? S: If a wrestler gets hit with a chair, and no-sells it, did it ever really happen? *Voltage wanders into the frame. People look shocked.* E: Um...I thought you were dead. V: Well, I was. Am. Whatever. Anyway, I happened to catch this and, well, I just KNEW I had to be a part of it. S: You always were an attention whore. P: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?! LD: Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. V: So...who's the champs? *Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. From the shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <Just then Moose walks into the hall sipping a coffee and HEARTPUNCHES Voltage. Voltage slumps to the floor> P: HOW. THE. FUCK. LD: Wrestling physics. P: No.......No don't tell me that again..... *Davin and Curt Schilling come into frame carrying Dunkin' Donuts coffees.* C'TGG'S: Hey guys, what's going on? *They look over as Moosehead Jack is walking away after another vicious chair shot* P: But how are... LD: Wrestling Phy- P: STOP SAYING THAT! DM: Hey Moose. How's it going? MHJ: Ah pretty good, yourself? Hey Curt. DM: You know we have a match this week. MHJ: Yeah I saw that. Way to bring it with that lame ass promo. DM: How many times are you going to hit me with that chair? MHJ: How many times are you going to no-sell it? <There is a quiet pause between them and they look around uncomfortably while Poe just stares at them. Suddenly, Davin throws his coffee in Moose's face. Moose bellows in pain and the two of them brawl down the hallway> SDM: What the hell is going on here? P: I wish I knew. LD: Wrestling - P: So help me, say it again, and you're eating a Hieroglyph. S: So touchy. He's just answering your question. E: Yeah, it's Wrestling Physics. Don't you read the archives? *We hear lots of loud clanging as Davin and Moose have apparently found their way into the kitchen* DM: *from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the hot oil spot again this time! MHJ: *also from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the grill spot! SDM: This is just... *Suddenly Samantha Darling-Moreland goes sprinting by* SDM: STOP IT YOU TWO! YOU'VE GOT A MATCH! SDM: Who the hell was that? S: That was you SDM: WHAT? Poe: How the HELL is this even possible? <Voltage gets to his feet> V: Whooo! ROCK AND ROLL! I'M THE GNARLIEST DOUBLE CHAMP EV......OOOOF <Moose runs in and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, then walks away without a word after watching Moose clock Davin with a chair, again. From the kitchen we hear "I AM NOT FUCKING PLAYING, PUT THE GREASE DOWN! THEN TURN OFF THE DAMN GRILL! HOW MANY SPOTS DO YOU THINK WE CAN COME UP WITH? <pause> Something with the freezer? Good idea!> P: I really hate this place. E: It's like the circle of life. SDM: No, it is NOTHING like that. *Hardbody Harris walks in* HH: It's JUST like that. *He and Fievel start singing "Circle of Life" from "The Lion King"* C'TGG'S: That's horrid. LD: THAT is Wrestling Physics, my friend. *Stank, Curt, Eco, Hardbody and LD all start nodding* P: That's it. I fucking warned you. *Selena charges in* S: DON'T DO IT! P: Why? DM: *from the kitchen* THAT ICE CREAM IS HEAVY, YOU JERK! SDM: *from the kitchen* Since you two are in there, can you get me a popsicle? SDM: A popsicle? Really? *Firewoman wanders in* FW: You love popsicles. HH: From the day we arrive on the planet Fievel: And blinking, step into the sun HH: There's more to be seen than can ever be seen Fievel: More to do than can ever be done Selena: What are they singing? Poe: A Disney song Goddess Selena: Disney? Never heard of them <Voltage struggles to his feet again> V: Whoo......ooo, Roll and Rock, I'm the......the HURFFFF <Moose appears again and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, watches Moose slam Davin with a chair again, and listens to Moose and Davin fight in the kitchen, then looks satisfied and walks away> Selena: Where is Uncle Moose going? P: I have no idea anymore <Samantha Darling-Moreland walks back to the small crowd with a popsicle and unwraps it........AND BEAST POPS OUT!> B: YAAAAAAARRRRGHGHGHH Where's Carl Coolname? LD: No rape B: What? LD: No rape B: Since when? LD: Since you raped Carl Coolname B: THAT'S BULLSHIT! Screw this place, I am out of here, I need some Taco Bell <Beast crashes through the arena walls and disappears from sight> SDM: WHY THE HELL DID SOMEONE JUST POP OUT OF MY POPSICLE?? P: Seriously, I am running out of words here.... *fade, again* [Edited on 3-23-2010 by mooseheadjack] P: ... and who the HELL is mooseheadjack? S: What? P: It says Edited on March 23, 2010 by mooseheadjack. V: Dude, I think you're pronouncing the name wrong. S: Wow Poe. You not only broke the fade you've pushed us past the edit bracket. This promo is sick. SDM: Tell me about it. SDM: Tell US about it CTG: Wow there are TWO of you too. S: Last time there ended up being two of me... THAT was a NIGHTMARE to clean up. LD: Yeah and now there are two Davin's and three Moose... S: Meese? FW: Moose'ses siz? LD: Three MOOSEHEAD JACK'S, okay? P: I'm out of here. S: You can try to leave, but the promo will always suck you back in. E: How did we get out of the neverending promo last time? V: OOOH! I have an idea! <Moose appears again and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, watches Moose slam Davin with a chair again, and listens to Moose and Davin fight in the kitchen, then looks on as Moose walks into the hall sipping a coffee and HEARTPUNCHES Voltage AGAIN while Voltage is slumped on the floor. Satisfied, Moose starts to walk away> E: WHY, DAMMIT, WHY? MEESE: HE had an idea. JINX! I said it FIRST! NO I said it FIRST! FUCK YOU! <Moose and Moose brawl with each other off camera.> S: Now I've seen everything. *Fade, again* *Outback Jack walks in, talking on his cell* OBJ: No,mate, it's not a fire alarm. The Destroyitarium has a Space-Time Discontinuity Alarm. We stole it from the Heros Guild a couple years ago, just to make sure we never get involved in a never-ending promo. *OBJ stops and looks around, drinks beer and belches* OBJ: Australian for damn! Ron Simmons: That was my line! |
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 12, 2010 18:51:55 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. He looks down at the end of the hall and spies FF CAPSLOCK!* DM: Capslock? *FF Capslock walks over and faces Davin.* FFC: In a second Moose is going to jump out of the shadows and smash you over the head with a chair. DM: How do you know this? *FFC grins like the cat who ate the canary.* FFC: That's not important. What is important is the choice you make. DM: Choice? FFC: You can either join me and get out of this promo... or you can stay here and get beaned over the head. DM: Leave? How the hell are we going to do that? FFC: There's no time. Choose now. DM: Wait... *a muffled sound comes from off camera. FFC sighs and walks off into the shadows. A second later from out of those same shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <From further down the Hallway of Random Encounters, Stank and LD Williams are watching> LD: What the hell is going on here? S: Oh shit, not this again. *Poe approaches from the direction of Chamber V* P: Not what again? LD: Oh, you weren't here last time, were you? P: Why is Moose repeatedly hitting Davin with a chair? And why isn't Davin dead? FFC: Wrestling physics. LD: That's what I was going to say, FF. What the hell are YOU doing here? FFC: I've been trapped here. And I'm going to get out. S: Oh yeah? And where is Lock? LD: What do you mean? He's standing right there in front of you. S: I don't know who this man is but he sure as hell isn't FF Capslock. FFC: How do you know I'm not Capslock? S: I know Lock. He reveled in this kind of shit. He wouldn't want to leave. You do. P: What the HELL is going on? S: Wrestling physics. See? Moose hits Davin, Davin no-sells. people pretending to be unused characters suddenly appear. Wrestling physics. P: But why does it keep happening? *Ecosystem rounds the corner, looks at Davin take another chair shot, and Moose walking away* E: Oh no. Not another one. P: Wait, Davin no sells all the time, believe me I know, but this doesn't make sense E: If a tree falls in the woods, and there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? P: What? S: If a wrestler gets hit with a chair, and no-sells it, did it ever really happen? *Voltage wanders into the frame. People look shocked. All except FF Capslock.* E: Um...I thought you were dead. V: Well, I was. Am. Whatever. Anyway, I happened to catch this and, well, I just KNEW I had to be a part of it. S: You always were an attention whore. FFC: No he serves a purpose. He represents a causality affect and he's a candidate. S: Candidate? For what? FFC: Keeper of the Neverending Promo. P: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?! FFC: You're ALL candidates. And you've been manipulated into staying in this promo. LD: I say just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. V: Uh excuse me. I have a question. S: What? V: So...who's the champs? *Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. From the shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <Just then Moose walks into the hall sipping a coffee and HEARTPUNCHES Voltage. Voltage slumps to the floor> P: HOW. THE. FUCK. LD: Wrestling physics. FFC: Just like I said. P: No.......No don't tell me that again..... *Davin and Curt Schilling come into frame carrying Dunkin' Donuts coffees.* C'TGG'S: Hey guys, what's going on? *They look over as Moosehead Jack is walking away after another vicious chair shot* P: But how are... LD: Wrestling Phy- P: STOP SAYING THAT! DM: Hey Moose. How's it going? MHJ: Ah pretty good, yourself? Hey Curt. DM: You know we have a match this week. MHJ: Yeah I saw that. Way to bring it with that lame ass promo. DM: How many times are you going to hit me with that chair? MHJ: How many times are you going to no-sell it? <There is a quiet pause between them and they look around uncomfortably while Poe just stares at them. Suddenly, Davin throws his coffee in Moose's face. Moose bellows in pain and the two of them brawl down the hallway> SDM: What the hell is going on here? P: I wish I knew. LD: Wrestling - P: So help me, say it again, and you're eating a Hieroglyph. S: So touchy. He's just answering your question. E: Yeah, it's Wrestling Physics. Don't you read the archives? *We hear lots of loud clanging as Davin and Moose have apparently found their way into the kitchen* FFC: You're all in danger. If you come with me, I promise. No harm will come to you. DM: *from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the hot oil spot again this time! MHJ: *also from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the grill spot! SDM: This is just... *Suddenly Samantha Darling-Moreland goes sprinting by* SDM: STOP IT YOU TWO! YOU'VE GOT A MATCH! SDM: Who the hell was that? S: That was you SDM: WHAT? Poe: How the HELL is this even possible? <Voltage gets to his feet> V: Whooo! ROCK AND ROLL! I'M THE GNARLIEST DOUBLE CHAMP EV......OOOOF <Moose runs in and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, then walks away without a word after watching Moose clock Davin with a chair, again. From the kitchen we hear "I AM NOT FUCKING PLAYING, PUT THE GREASE DOWN! THEN TURN OFF THE DAMN GRILL! HOW MANY SPOTS DO YOU THINK WE CAN COME UP WITH? <pause> Something with the freezer? Good idea!> P: I really hate this place. I'm with you Lock. E: And disrupt the circle of life? Not me. SDM: No, it is NOTHING like that. *Hardbody Harris walks in* HH: It's JUST like that. *He and Fievel start singing "Circle of Life" from "The Lion King"* C'TGG'S: That's horrid. LD: THAT is Wrestling Physics, my friend. *Stank, Curt, Eco, Hardbody, FFC, and LD all start nodding* P: That's it. I fucking warned you. *Selena charges in* S: DON'T DO IT! P: Why? DM: *from the kitchen* THAT ICE CREAM IS HEAVY, YOU JERK! SDM: *from the kitchen* Since you two are in there, can you get me a popsicle? SDM: A popsicle? Really? *Firewoman wanders in* FW: You love popsicles. HH: From the day we arrive on the planet Fievel: And blinking, step into the sun HH: There's more to be seen than can ever be seen Fievel: More to do than can ever be done Selena: What are they singing? Poe: A Disney song Goddess Selena: Disney? Never heard of them <Voltage struggles to his feet again> V: Whoo......ooo, Roll and Rock, I'm the......the HURFFFF <Moose appears again and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, watches Moose slam Davin with a chair again, and listens to Moose and Davin fight in the kitchen, then looks satisfied and walks away> FFC: We need to stop Moose from doing that! S: Not until you tell us who you really are! FFC: *Sigh* Fine. I'm a centuries old wrestling entity known as the Smark. S: Bennett? FFC: No, no. THE Smark. I'm the original. E: You said you were centuries old when I know for a fact there were no smarks before the internet. FFC: A real smark would know that not to be true. S: What are you doing here? FFC: I've been trapped here on the neverending promo by the original Mark. He's the one that trapped you all here with me. Selena: Where is Uncle Moose going? P: I have no idea anymore <Samantha Darling-Moreland walks back to the small crowd with a popsicle and unwraps it........AND BEAST POPS OUT!> B: YAAAAAAARRRRGHGHGHH Where's Carl Coolname? LD: No rape B: What? LD: No rape B: Since when? LD: Since you raped Carl Coolname B: THAT'S BULLSHIT! Screw this place, I am out of here, I need some Taco Bell <Beast crashes through the arena walls and disappears from sight> SDM: WHY THE HELL DID SOMEONE JUST POP OUT OF MY POPSICLE?? P: Seriously, I am running out of words here.... FFC: Then come with me. P: I don't know. S: This is a lot for us process. Give us some time to think about it. FFC: There is no time. LD: I'm not going anywhere with you. E: I think I speak for everyone when I say none of us will. S: Is that a fade coming? *fade, again* [Edited on 3-23-2010 by mooseheadjack] P: ... and who the HELL is mooseheadjack? S: What? P: It says Edited on March 23, 2010 by mooseheadjack. V: Dude, I think you're pronouncing the name wrong. S: Wow Poe. You not only broke the fade you've pushed us past the edit bracket. This promo is sick. SDM: Tell me about it. SDM: Tell US about it CTG: Wow there are TWO of you too. S: Last time there ended up being two of me... THAT was a NIGHTMARE to clean up. LD: Yeah and now there are two Davin's and three Moose... S: Meese? FW: Moose'ses siz? LD: Three MOOSEHEAD JACK'S, okay? P: I should have left with FF Capslock. S: You can try to leave, but the promo will always sucks us back in. E: How did we get out of the neverending promo the last time? V: OOOH! I have an idea! <Moose appears again and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, watches Moose slam Davin with a chair again, and listens to Moose and Davin fight in the kitchen, then looks on as Moose walks into the hall sipping a coffee and HEARTPUNCHES Voltage AGAIN while Voltage is slumped on the floor. Satisfied, Moose starts to walk away> E: WHY, DAMMIT, WHY? MEESE: HE had an idea. JINX! I said it FIRST! NO I said it FIRST! FUCK YOU! <Moose and Moose brawl with each other off camera.> S: Now I've seen everything. *Fade, again* *Outback Jack walks in, talking on his cell* OBJ: No,mate, it's not a fire alarm. The Destroyitarium has a Space-Time Discontinuity Alarm. We stole it from the Heros Guild a couple years ago, just to make sure we never get involved in a never-ending promo. *OBJ stops and looks around, drinks beer and belches* OBJ: Australian for damn! Ron Simmons: That was my line! FFC: Hiya Jack. OBJ: Lock. What are you doing here? FFC: Recruiting. |
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 12, 2010 18:52:38 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. He looks down at the end of the hall and spies FF CAPSLOCK!* DM: Capslock? *FF Capslock walks over and faces Davin.* FFC: In a second Moose is going to jump out of the shadows and smash you over the head with a chair. DM: How do you know this? *FFC grins like the cat who ate the canary.* FFC: That's not important. What is important is the choice you make. DM: Choice? FFC: You can either join me and get out of this promo... or you can stay here and get beaned over the head. DM: Leave? How the hell are we going to do that? FFC: There's no time. Choose now. DM: Wait... *a muffled sound comes from off camera. FFC sighs and walks off into the shadows. A second later from out of those same shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <From further down the Hallway of Random Encounters, Stank and LD Williams are watching> LD: What the hell is going on here? S: Oh shit, not this again. *Poe approaches from the direction of Chamber V* P: Not what again? LD: Oh, you weren't here last time, were you? P: Why is Moose repeatedly hitting Davin with a chair? And why isn't Davin dead? FFC: Wrestling physics. LD: That's what I was going to say, FF. What the hell are YOU doing here? FFC: I've been trapped here. And I'm going to get out. S: Oh yeah? And where is Lock? LD: What do you mean? He's standing right there in front of you. S: I don't know who this man is but he sure as hell isn't FF Capslock. FFC: How do you know I'm not Capslock? S: I know Lock. He reveled in this kind of shit. He wouldn't want to leave. You do. P: What the HELL is going on? S: Wrestling physics. See? Moose hits Davin, Davin no-sells. people pretending to be unused characters suddenly appear. Wrestling physics. P: But why does it keep happening? *Ecosystem rounds the corner, looks at Davin take another chair shot, and Moose walking away* E: Oh no. Not another one. P: Wait, Davin no sells all the time, believe me I know, but this doesn't make sense E: If a tree falls in the woods, and there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? P: What? S: If a wrestler gets hit with a chair, and no-sells it, did it ever really happen? *Voltage wanders into the frame. People look shocked. All except FF Capslock.* E: Um...I thought you were dead. V: Well, I was. Am. Whatever. Anyway, I happened to catch this and, well, I just KNEW I had to be a part of it. S: You always were an attention whore. FFC: No he serves a purpose. He represents a causality affect and he's a candidate. S: Candidate? For what? FFC: Keeper of the Neverending Promo. P: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?! FFC: You're ALL candidates. And you've been manipulated into staying in this promo. LD: I say just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. V: Uh excuse me. I have a question. S: What? V: So...who's the champs? *Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. From the shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <Just then Moose walks into the hall sipping a coffee and HEARTPUNCHES Voltage. Voltage slumps to the floor> P: HOW. THE. FUCK. LD: Wrestling physics. FFC: Just like I said. P: No.......No don't tell me that again..... *Davin and Curt Schilling come into frame carrying Dunkin' Donuts coffees.* C'TGG'S: Hey guys, what's going on? *They look over as Moosehead Jack is walking away after another vicious chair shot* P: But how are... LD: Wrestling Phy- P: STOP SAYING THAT! DM: Hey Moose. How's it going? MHJ: Ah pretty good, yourself? Hey Curt. DM: You know we have a match this week. MHJ: Yeah I saw that. Way to bring it with that lame ass promo. DM: How many times are you going to hit me with that chair? MHJ: How many times are you going to no-sell it? <There is a quiet pause between them and they look around uncomfortably while Poe just stares at them. Suddenly, Davin throws his coffee in Moose's face. Moose bellows in pain and the two of them brawl down the hallway> SDM: What the hell is going on here? P: I wish I knew. LD: Wrestling - P: So help me, say it again, and you're eating a Hieroglyph. S: So touchy. He's just answering your question. E: Yeah, it's Wrestling Physics. Don't you read the archives? *We hear lots of loud clanging as Davin and Moose have apparently found their way into the kitchen* FFC: You're all in danger. If you come with me, I promise. No harm will come to you. DM: *from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the hot oil spot again this time! MHJ: *also from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the grill spot! SDM: This is just... *Suddenly Samantha Darling-Moreland goes sprinting by* SDM: STOP IT YOU TWO! YOU'VE GOT A MATCH! SDM: Who the hell was that? S: That was you SDM: WHAT? Poe: How the HELL is this even possible? <Voltage gets to his feet> V: Whooo! ROCK AND ROLL! I'M THE GNARLIEST DOUBLE CHAMP EV......OOOOF <Moose runs in and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, then walks away without a word after watching Moose clock Davin with a chair, again. From the kitchen we hear "I AM NOT FUCKING PLAYING, PUT THE GREASE DOWN! THEN TURN OFF THE DAMN GRILL! HOW MANY SPOTS DO YOU THINK WE CAN COME UP WITH? <pause> Something with the freezer? Good idea!> P: I really hate this place. I'm with you Lock. E: And disrupt the circle of life? Not me. SDM: No, it is NOTHING like that. *Hardbody Harris walks in* HH: It's JUST like that. *He and Fievel start singing "Circle of Life" from "The Lion King"* C'TGG'S: That's horrid. LD: THAT is Wrestling Physics, my friend. *Stank, Curt, Eco, Hardbody, FFC, and LD all start nodding* P: That's it. I fucking warned you. *Selena charges in* S: DON'T DO IT! P: Why? DM: *from the kitchen* THAT ICE CREAM IS HEAVY, YOU JERK! SDM: *from the kitchen* Since you two are in there, can you get me a popsicle? SDM: A popsicle? Really? *Firewoman wanders in* FW: You love popsicles. HH: From the day we arrive on the planet Fievel: And blinking, step into the sun HH: There's more to be seen than can ever be seen Fievel: More to do than can ever be done Selena: What are they singing? Poe: A Disney song Goddess Selena: Disney? Never heard of them <Voltage struggles to his feet again> V: Whoo......ooo, Roll and Rock, I'm the......the HURFFFF <Moose appears again and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, watches Moose slam Davin with a chair again, and listens to Moose and Davin fight in the kitchen, then looks satisfied and walks away> FFC: We need to stop Moose from doing that! S: Not until you tell us who you really are! FFC: *Sigh* Fine. I'm a centuries old wrestling entity known as the Smark. S: Bennett? FFC: No, no. THE Smark. I'm the original. E: You said you were centuries old when I know for a fact there were no smarks before the internet. FFC: A real smark would know that not to be true. S: What are you doing here? FFC: I've been trapped here on the neverending promo by the original Mark. He's the one that trapped you all here with me. Selena: Where is Uncle Moose going? P: I have no idea anymore <Samantha Darling-Moreland walks back to the small crowd with a popsicle and unwraps it........AND BEAST POPS OUT!> B: YAAAAAAARRRRGHGHGHH Where's Carl Coolname? LD: No rape B: What? LD: No rape B: Since when? LD: Since you raped Carl Coolname B: THAT'S BULLSHIT! Screw this place, I am out of here, I need some Taco Bell <Beast crashes through the arena walls and disappears from sight> SDM: WHY THE HELL DID SOMEONE JUST POP OUT OF MY POPSICLE?? P: Seriously, I am running out of words here.... FFC: Then come with me. P: I don't know. S: This is a lot for us process. Give us some time to think about it. FFC: There is no time. LD: I'm not going anywhere with you. E: I think I speak for everyone when I say none of us will. S: Is that a fade coming? *about to fade, again--except (CLICK)* FFC: Where's the fade? P: Did something just happen? Eco: While Davin was getting hit in the head with a chair, I set up an alternate camera. (Ninja cameraman waves) S: Which means? Eco: The promo can't end--or begin again--if the camera doesn't go off. So long as the camera is on us, we continue to exist and develop. LD: Good. So leave the camera on and we'll have some time to think-- (Eco grabs Fire and runs off.) Eco: Cameraman, follow us! (The cameraman obliges.) LD: Oh sh-- *fade, again* [Edited on 3-23-2010 by mooseheadjack] P: ... and who the HELL is mooseheadjack? S: What? P: It says Edited on March 23, 2010 by mooseheadjack. V: Dude, I think you're pronouncing the name wrong. S: Wow Poe. You not only broke the fade you've pushed us past the edit bracket. This promo is sick. SDM: Tell me about it. SDM: Tell US about it CTG: Wow there are TWO of you too. S: Last time there ended up being two of me... THAT was a NIGHTMARE to clean up. LD: Yeah and now there are two Davin's and three Moose... S: Meese? (Pause) CTG: Um...I guess this is my line now...Moose'ses siz? LD: Three MOOSEHEAD JACK'S, okay? P: I should have left with FF Capslock. S: You can try to leave, but the promo will always sucks us back in. (pause) S: Why did everyone get silent? SDM: Eco usually says something... V: OOOH! I have an idea! <Moose appears again and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, watches Moose slam Davin with a chair again, and listens to Moose and Davin fight in the kitchen, then looks on as Moose walks into the hall sipping a coffee and HEARTPUNCHES Voltage AGAIN while Voltage is slumped on the floor. Satisfied, Moose starts to walk away. No one registers any anger.> MEESE: HE had an idea. JINX! I said it FIRST! NO I said it FIRST! FUCK YOU! <Moose and Moose brawl with each other off camera.> S: Now I've seen everything. *Fade, again* *Outback Jack walks in, talking on his cell* OBJ: No,mate, it's not a fire alarm. The Destroyitarium has a Space-Time Discontinuity Alarm. We stole it from the Heros Guild a couple years ago, just to make sure we never get involved in a never-ending promo. *OBJ stops and looks around, drinks beer and belches* OBJ: Australian for damn! Ron Simmons: That was my line! FFC: Hiya Jack. OBJ: Lock. What are you doing here? FFC: Recruiting. *fade, again, into a STORYLINE-ADVANCING PROMO!* (Ecosystem and Firewoman are standing outside the Kravis Center for the Performing Arts in West Palm Beach.)  Eco: Isn't it beautful? FW: I suppose. A little gaudy. Eco: I've wanted to come here for such a long time. Back in high school, I was so into theater and performance generally. I always wanted the chance to make the rounds in the United States. FW: When did that change? Eco: (looks at Fire) I mean, it didn't really. It's sort of what wrestling is about, isn't it? FW: Performance? Eco: Yeah. (They walk inside.) FW: I think it's more about competition. We don't call football players performers, we call them competitors. Eco: I can imagine it's felt more like competition for you. Always having something to prove? FW: Excuse me? Eco: Don't parry me off, it's difficult for a woman to achieve in this business at your level. Wrestle a couple of men occasionally as a sideshow, sure, go join Jacqueline Moore. But to compete consistently at the very highest level, that won't be handed to you on the basis of how well you entertain. (Eco and Firewoman look down from a balcony to a dance floor below. There seem to be fifty young ballerinas, all dancing to their own steps to the same rhythm.) FW: True. But at this point, I don't think I have to prove anything to anyone. Eco: Exactly. FW: Eh? Eco: If you're going to just make my points for me, I don't need to keep talking. FW: Cut the cryptic talk. Eco: You have nothing to prove, but you act like you do. You have this skewed conception of honor, where you always have to get someone back or exert the power you have just to assert yourself as the dominant force. I used to call this sadism and I used to decry it from the hilltops. FW: And now? Eco: And now I think it's really about establishing your position. Asserting your strength, proving your greatness. Which is why, no matter what you say now, I think you want that world title. FW: And you don't think I need it. Eco: You don't. That doesn't mean you shouldn't have it. FW: I thought you wanted me to reign myself in. Eco: No no no. I want you to be successful in every way. Remember... Eco: The problem is that your current path to success is like both our approach to healthcare in the United States and the recent Congressional fix. FW: Contentious? Eco: Unsustainable. (Fire and Eco walk down a gallery of art, ending at a shining statue of some emperor.) Eco: Do you know what great men and women have in common? Fire: Strength. Motivation. Leadership. Eco: Longevity. Fire: How do you account for martyrs? Eco: Few martyrs end up truly exalted for their death alone. You need to live long enough to make an impact, to keep on fighting long enough to change the business and everything around you. LD was right when he spoke about how he's been here from the beginning--his longevity will ensure he has a spot in history. I want you to keep fighting, but I also want you to have the will to fight day to day. That will can only come once you are at peace with yourself, and willing to make peace with others. I've discovered since returning that engaging in a little de-escalation from time to time is no impediment to success. The big dog may be feared, but she may not be respected nor honored--and vice versa. FW: Well...I can't speak to your idea of "peace" generally, but...something is bothering me. Eco: Yes? FW: If you want to be so high and mighty, protect people, make sure this business is stable...shouldn't we go back and get everyone out of that promo? Eco: (sighs) You're...you're right. FW: I often am. You forget this. (Eco and Firewoman walk out of the center, back to the arena, where they spy FF Capslock approaching Davin Moreland...) Eco: Just...turn it off. (The Ninja obliges.) *FADE* |
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 12, 2010 18:53:41 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. He looks down at the end of the hall and spies FF CAPSLOCK!* DM: Capslock? *FF Capslock walks over and faces Davin.* FFC: In a second Moose is going to jump out of the shadows and smash you over the head with a chair. DM: How do you know this? *FFC grins like the cat who ate the canary.* FFC: That's not important. What is important is the choice you make. DM: Choice? FFC: You can either join me and get out of this promo... or you can stay here and get beaned over the head. DM: Leave? How the hell are we going to do that? FFC: There's no time. Choose now. DM: Wait... *a muffled sound comes from off camera. FFC sighs and walks off into the shadows. A second later from out of those same shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <From further down the Hallway of Random Encounters, Stank and LD Williams are watching> LD: What the hell is going on here? S: Oh shit, not this again. *Poe approaches from the direction of Chamber V* P: Not what again? LD: Oh, you weren't here last time, were you? P: Why is Moose repeatedly hitting Davin with a chair? And why isn't Davin dead? FFC: Wrestling physics. LD: That's what I was going to say, FF. What the hell are YOU doing here? FFC: I've been trapped here. And I'm going to get out. S: Oh yeah? And where is Lock? LD: What do you mean? He's standing right there in front of you. S: I don't know who this man is but he sure as hell isn't FF Capslock. FFC: How do you know I'm not Capslock? S: I know Lock. He reveled in this kind of shit. He wouldn't want to leave. You do. P: What the HELL is going on? S: Wrestling physics. See? Moose hits Davin, Davin no-sells. people pretending to be unused characters suddenly appear. Wrestling physics. P: But why does it keep happening? *Ecosystem rounds the corner, looks at Davin take another chair shot, and Moose walking away* E: Oh no. Not another one. P: Wait, Davin no sells all the time, believe me I know, but this doesn't make sense E: If a tree falls in the woods, and there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? P: What? S: If a wrestler gets hit with a chair, and no-sells it, did it ever really happen? *Voltage wanders into the frame. People look shocked. All except FF Capslock.* E: Um...I thought you were dead. V: Well, I was. Am. Whatever. Anyway, I happened to catch this and, well, I just KNEW I had to be a part of it. S: You always were an attention whore. FFC: No he serves a purpose. He represents a causality affect and he's a candidate. S: Candidate? For what? FFC: Keeper of the Neverending Promo. P: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?! FFC: You're ALL candidates. And you've been manipulated into staying in this promo. LD: I say just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. V: Uh excuse me. I have a question. S: What? V: So...who's the champs? *Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. From the shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <Just then Moose walks into the hall sipping a coffee and HEARTPUNCHES Voltage. Voltage slumps to the floor> P: HOW. THE. FUCK. LD: Wrestling physics. FFC: Just like I said. P: No.......No don't tell me that again..... *Davin and Curt Schilling come into frame carrying Dunkin' Donuts coffees.* C'TGG'S: Hey guys, what's going on? *They look over as Moosehead Jack is walking away after another vicious chair shot* P: But how are... LD: Wrestling Phy- P: STOP SAYING THAT! DM: Hey Moose. How's it going? MHJ: Ah pretty good, yourself? Hey Curt. DM: You know we have a match this week. MHJ: Yeah I saw that. Way to bring it with that lame ass promo. DM: How many times are you going to hit me with that chair? MHJ: How many times are you going to no-sell it? <There is a quiet pause between them and they look around uncomfortably while Poe just stares at them. Suddenly, Davin throws his coffee in Moose's face. Moose bellows in pain and the two of them brawl down the hallway> SDM: What the hell is going on here? P: I wish I knew. LD: Wrestling - P: So help me, say it again, and you're eating a Hieroglyph. S: So touchy. He's just answering your question. E: Yeah, it's Wrestling Physics. Don't you read the archives? *We hear lots of loud clanging as Davin and Moose have apparently found their way into the kitchen* FFC: You're all in danger. If you come with me, I promise. No harm will come to you. DM: *from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the hot oil spot again this time! MHJ: *also from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the grill spot! SDM: This is just... *Suddenly Samantha Darling-Moreland goes sprinting by* SDM: STOP IT YOU TWO! YOU'VE GOT A MATCH! SDM: Who the hell was that? S: That was you SDM: WHAT? Poe: How the HELL is this even possible? <Voltage gets to his feet> V: Whooo! ROCK AND ROLL! I'M THE GNARLIEST DOUBLE CHAMP EV......OOOOF <Moose runs in and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, then walks away without a word after watching Moose clock Davin with a chair, again. From the kitchen we hear "I AM NOT FUCKING PLAYING, PUT THE GREASE DOWN! THEN TURN OFF THE DAMN GRILL! HOW MANY SPOTS DO YOU THINK WE CAN COME UP WITH? <pause> Something with the freezer? Good idea!> P: I really hate this place. I'm with you Lock. E: And disrupt the circle of life? Not me. SDM: No, it is NOTHING like that. *Hardbody Harris walks in* HH: It's JUST like that. *He and Fievel start singing "Circle of Life" from "The Lion King"* C'TGG'S: That's horrid. LD: THAT is Wrestling Physics, my friend. *Stank, Curt, Eco, Hardbody, FFC, and LD all start nodding* P: That's it. I fucking warned you. *Selena charges in* S: DON'T DO IT! P: Why? DM: *from the kitchen* THAT ICE CREAM IS HEAVY, YOU JERK! SDM: *from the kitchen* Since you two are in there, can you get me a popsicle? SDM: A popsicle? Really? *Firewoman wanders in* FW: You love popsicles. HH: From the day we arrive on the planet Fievel: And blinking, step into the sun HH: There's more to be seen than can ever be seen Fievel: More to do than can ever be done Selena: What are they singing? Poe: A Disney song Goddess Selena: Disney? Never heard of them <Voltage struggles to his feet again> V: Whoo......ooo, Roll and Rock, I'm the......the HURFFFF <Moose appears again and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, watches Moose slam Davin with a chair again, and listens to Moose and Davin fight in the kitchen, then looks satisfied and walks away> FFC: We need to stop Moose from doing that! S: Not until you tell us who you really are! FFC: *Sigh* Fine. I'm a centuries old wrestling entity known as the Smark. S: Bennett? FFC: No, no. THE Smark. I'm the original. E: You said you were centuries old when I know for a fact there were no smarks before the internet. FFC: A real smark would know that not to be true. S: What are you doing here? FFC: I've been trapped here on the neverending promo by the original Mark. He's the one that trapped you all here with me. Selena: Where is Uncle Moose going? P: I have no idea anymore <Samantha Darling-Moreland walks back to the small crowd with a popsicle and unwraps it........AND BEAST POPS OUT!> B: YAAAAAAARRRRGHGHGHH Where's Carl Coolname? LD: No rape B: What? LD: No rape B: Since when? LD: Since you raped Carl Coolname B: THAT'S BULLSHIT! Screw this place, I am out of here, I need some Taco Bell <Beast crashes through the arena walls and disappears from sight> SDM: WHY THE HELL DID SOMEONE JUST POP OUT OF MY POPSICLE?? P: Seriously, I am running out of words here.... FFC: Then come with me. P: I don't know. S: This is a lot for us process. Give us some time to think about it. FFC: There is no time. LD: I'm not going anywhere with you. E: I think I speak for everyone when I say none of us will. S: Is that a fade coming? *about to fade, again--except (CLICK)* FFC: Where's the fade? P: Did something just happen? Eco: While Davin was getting hit in the head with a chair, I set up an alternate camera. (Ninja cameraman waves) S: Which means? Eco: The promo can't end--or begin again--if the camera doesn't go off. So long as the camera is on us, we continue to exist and develop. LD: Good. So leave the camera on and we'll have some time to think-- (Eco grabs Fire and runs off.) Eco: Cameraman, follow us! (The cameraman obliges.) LD: Oh sh-- *fade, again* [Edited on 3-23-2010 by mooseheadjack] P: ... and who the HELL is mooseheadjack? S: What? P: It says Edited on March 23, 2010 by mooseheadjack. V: Dude, I think you're pronouncing the name wrong. S: Wow Poe. You not only broke the fade you've pushed us past the edit bracket. This promo is sick. SDM: Tell me about it. SDM: Tell US about it CTG: Wow there are TWO of you too. S: Last time there ended up being two of me... THAT was a NIGHTMARE to clean up. LD: Yeah and now there are two Davin's and three Moose... S: Meese? (Pause) CTG: Um...I guess this is my line now...Moose'ses siz? LD: Three MOOSEHEAD JACK'S, okay? P: I should have left with FF Capslock. S: You can try to leave, but the promo will always sucks us back in. (pause) S: Why did everyone get silent? SDM: Eco usually says something... V: OOOH! I have an idea! <Moose appears again and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, watches Moose slam Davin with a chair again, and listens to Moose and Davin fight in the kitchen, then looks on as Moose walks into the hall sipping a coffee and HEARTPUNCHES Voltage AGAIN while Voltage is slumped on the floor. Satisfied, Moose starts to walk away. No one registers any anger.> MEESE: HE had an idea. JINX! I said it FIRST! NO I said it FIRST! FUCK YOU! <Moose and Moose brawl with each other off camera.> S: Now I've seen everything. *Fade, again* *Outback Jack walks in, talking on his cell* OBJ: No,mate, it's not a fire alarm. The Destroyitarium has a Space-Time Discontinuity Alarm. We stole it from the Heros Guild a couple years ago, just to make sure we never get involved in a never-ending promo. *OBJ stops and looks around, drinks beer and belches* OBJ: Australian for damn! Ron Simmons: That was my line! FFC: Hiya Jack. OBJ: Lock. What are you doing here? FFC: Recruiting. *fade, again, into a STORYLINE-ADVANCING PROMO!* (Ecosystem and Firewoman are standing outside the Kravis Center for the Performing Arts in West Palm Beach.) Eco: Isn't it beautful? FW: I suppose. A little gaudy. Eco: I've wanted to come here for such a long time. Back in high school, I was so into theater and performance generally. I always wanted the chance to make the rounds in the United States. FW: When did that change? Eco: (looks at Fire) I mean, it didn't really. It's sort of what wrestling is about, isn't it? FW: Performance? Eco: Yeah. (They walk inside.) FW: I think it's more about competition. We don't call football players performers, we call them competitors. Eco: I can imagine it's felt more like competition for you. Always having something to prove? FW: Excuse me? Eco: Don't parry me off, it's difficult for a woman to achieve in this business at your level. Wrestle a couple of men occasionally as a sideshow, sure, go join Jacqueline Moore. But to compete consistently at the very highest level, that won't be handed to you on the basis of how well you entertain. (Eco and Firewoman look down from a balcony to a dance floor below. There seem to be fifty young ballerinas, all dancing to their own steps to the same rhythm.) FW: True. But at this point, I don't think I have to prove anything to anyone. Eco: Exactly. FW: Eh? Eco: If you're going to just make my points for me, I don't need to keep talking. FW: Cut the cryptic talk. Eco: You have nothing to prove, but you act like you do. You have this skewed conception of honor, where you always have to get someone back or exert the power you have just to assert yourself as the dominant force. I used to call this sadism and I used to decry it from the hilltops. FW: And now? Eco: And now I think it's really about establishing your position. Asserting your strength, proving your greatness. Which is why, no matter what you say now, I think you want that world title. FW: And you don't think I need it. Eco: You don't. That doesn't mean you shouldn't have it. FW: I thought you wanted me to reign myself in. Eco: No no no. I want you to be successful in every way. Remember... Eco: The problem is that your current path to success is like both our approach to healthcare in the United States and the recent Congressional fix. FW: Contentious? Eco: Unsustainable. (Fire and Eco walk down a gallery of art, ending at a shining statue of some emperor.) Eco: Do you know what great men and women have in common? Fire: Strength. Motivation. Leadership. Eco: Longevity. Fire: How do you account for martyrs? Eco: Few martyrs end up truly exalted for their death alone. You need to live long enough to make an impact, to keep on fighting long enough to change the business and everything around you. LD was right when he spoke about how he's been here from the beginning--his longevity will ensure he has a spot in history. I want you to keep fighting, but I also want you to have the will to fight day to day. That will can only come once you are at peace with yourself, and willing to make peace with others. I've discovered since returning that engaging in a little de-escalation from time to time is no impediment to success. The big dog may be feared, but she may not be respected nor honored--and vice versa. FW: Well...I can't speak to your idea of "peace" generally, but...something is bothering me. Eco: Yes? FW: If you want to be so high and mighty, protect people, make sure this business is stable...shouldn't we go back and get everyone out of that promo? Eco: (sighs) You're...you're right. FW: I often am. You forget this. (Eco and Firewoman walk out of the center, back to the arena, where they spy FF Capslock approaching Davin Moreland...) Eco: Just...turn it off. (The Ninja obliges.) <It appears that things are going to go back to normal, since the camera is off......or something......but before anyone can do anything......... *a muffled sound comes from off camera. FFC sighs and walks off into the shadows. A second later from out of those same shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* ......everyone looks around, wondering what to do, when Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster run into the scene and SLAM FF Capslock and Stank upside the head with Invisible Ninja Cameramen!> Stank: OWWW! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR? FFC: Three of us don't even WORK here anymore! JA: THAT IS REVENGE! AA: YEAH! REVENGE! FFC: REVENGE FOR FUCKING WHAT? AA: Ummm........guys, what are we doing again? <SYB and Skurge walk over with what appears to be a script> SYB: Ok, this is where AA says "woah take it easy son" Skurge: And Stank says "I ain't easy, and I ain't your son, I'll fight you right now!" SYB: Then AA hits him with a revolver.......ok go! AA: Woah, take it easy son <Stank just stands there staring at AA> AA: WHY IS HE NOT SAYING HIS LINE? FFC: This place is still fucking weird <From the kitchen> DM: WHO THE FUCK WOULD USE A SLAP CHOP TO THE HEAD? OWW! MHJ: YOU THREW TARTAR SAUCE ON ME! I HATE FISH<Voltage gets to his feet, tries to speak, and before Moose can heartpunch him again, he falls to the floor> *FADE* |
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 12, 2010 18:54:23 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. He looks down at the end of the hall and spies FF CAPSLOCK!* DM: Capslock? *FF Capslock walks over and faces Davin.* FFC: In a second Moose is going to jump out of the shadows and smash you over the head with a chair. DM: How do you know this? *FFC grins like the cat who ate the canary.* FFC: That's not important. What is important is the choice you make. DM: Choice? FFC: You can either join me and get out of this promo... or you can stay here and get beaned over the head. DM: Leave? How the hell are we going to do that? FFC: There's no time. Choose now. DM: Wait... *a muffled sound comes from off camera. FFC sighs and walks off into the shadows. A second later from out of those same shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <From further down the Hallway of Random Encounters, Stank and LD Williams are watching> LD: What the hell is going on here? S: Oh shit, not this again. *Poe approaches from the direction of Chamber V* P: Not what again? LD: Oh, you weren't here last time, were you? P: Why is Moose repeatedly hitting Davin with a chair? And why isn't Davin dead? FFC: Wrestling physics. LD: That's what I was going to say, FF. What the hell are YOU doing here? FFC: I've been trapped here. And I'm going to get out. S: Oh yeah? And where is Lock? LD: What do you mean? He's standing right there in front of you. S: I don't know who this man is but he sure as hell isn't FF Capslock. FFC: How do you know I'm not Capslock? S: I know Lock. He reveled in this kind of shit. He wouldn't want to leave. You do. P: What the HELL is going on? S: Wrestling physics. See? Moose hits Davin, Davin no-sells. people pretending to be unused characters suddenly appear. Wrestling physics. P: But why does it keep happening? *Ecosystem rounds the corner, looks at Davin take another chair shot, and Moose walking away* E: Oh no. Not another one. P: Wait, Davin no sells all the time, believe me I know, but this doesn't make sense E: If a tree falls in the woods, and there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? P: What? S: If a wrestler gets hit with a chair, and no-sells it, did it ever really happen? *Voltage wanders into the frame. People look shocked. All except FF Capslock.* E: Um...I thought you were dead. V: Well, I was. Am. Whatever. Anyway, I happened to catch this and, well, I just KNEW I had to be a part of it. S: You always were an attention whore. FFC: No he serves a purpose. He represents a causality affect and he's a candidate. S: Candidate? For what? FFC: Keeper of the Neverending Promo. P: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?! FFC: You're ALL candidates. And you've been manipulated into staying in this promo. LD: I say just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. V: Uh excuse me. I have a question. S: What? V: So...who's the champs? *Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. From the shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <Just then Moose walks into the hall sipping a coffee and HEARTPUNCHES Voltage. Voltage slumps to the floor> P: HOW. THE. FUCK. LD: Wrestling physics. FFC: Just like I said. P: No.......No don't tell me that again..... *Davin and Curt Schilling come into frame carrying Dunkin' Donuts coffees.* C'TGG'S: Hey guys, what's going on? *They look over as Moosehead Jack is walking away after another vicious chair shot* P: But how are... LD: Wrestling Phy- P: STOP SAYING THAT! DM: Hey Moose. How's it going? MHJ: Ah pretty good, yourself? Hey Curt. DM: You know we have a match this week. MHJ: Yeah I saw that. Way to bring it with that lame ass promo. DM: How many times are you going to hit me with that chair? MHJ: How many times are you going to no-sell it? <There is a quiet pause between them and they look around uncomfortably while Poe just stares at them. Suddenly, Davin throws his coffee in Moose's face. Moose bellows in pain and the two of them brawl down the hallway> SDM: What the hell is going on here? P: I wish I knew. LD: Wrestling - P: So help me, say it again, and you're eating a Hieroglyph. S: So touchy. He's just answering your question. E: Yeah, it's Wrestling Physics. Don't you read the archives? *We hear lots of loud clanging as Davin and Moose have apparently found their way into the kitchen* FFC: You're all in danger. If you come with me, I promise. No harm will come to you. DM: *from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the hot oil spot again this time! MHJ: *also from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the grill spot! SDM: This is just... *Suddenly Samantha Darling-Moreland goes sprinting by* SDM: STOP IT YOU TWO! YOU'VE GOT A MATCH! SDM: Who the hell was that? S: That was you SDM: WHAT? Poe: How the HELL is this even possible? <Voltage gets to his feet> V: Whooo! ROCK AND ROLL! I'M THE GNARLIEST DOUBLE CHAMP EV......OOOOF <Moose runs in and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, then walks away without a word after watching Moose clock Davin with a chair, again. From the kitchen we hear "I AM NOT FUCKING PLAYING, PUT THE GREASE DOWN! THEN TURN OFF THE DAMN GRILL! HOW MANY SPOTS DO YOU THINK WE CAN COME UP WITH? <pause> Something with the freezer? Good idea!> P: I really hate this place. I'm with you Lock. E: And disrupt the circle of life? Not me. SDM: No, it is NOTHING like that. *Hardbody Harris walks in* HH: It's JUST like that. *He and Fievel start singing "Circle of Life" from "The Lion King"* C'TGG'S: That's horrid. LD: THAT is Wrestling Physics, my friend. *Stank, Curt, Eco, Hardbody, FFC, and LD all start nodding* P: That's it. I fucking warned you. *Selena charges in* S: DON'T DO IT! P: Why? DM: *from the kitchen* THAT ICE CREAM IS HEAVY, YOU JERK! SDM: *from the kitchen* Since you two are in there, can you get me a popsicle? SDM: A popsicle? Really? *Firewoman wanders in* FW: You love popsicles. HH: From the day we arrive on the planet Fievel: And blinking, step into the sun HH: There's more to be seen than can ever be seen Fievel: More to do than can ever be done Selena: What are they singing? Poe: A Disney song Goddess Selena: Disney? Never heard of them <Voltage struggles to his feet again> V: Whoo......ooo, Roll and Rock, I'm the......the HURFFFF <Moose appears again and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, watches Moose slam Davin with a chair again, and listens to Moose and Davin fight in the kitchen, then looks satisfied and walks away> FFC: We need to stop Moose from doing that! S: Not until you tell us who you really are! FFC: *Sigh* Fine. I'm a centuries old wrestling entity known as the Smark. S: Bennett? FFC: No, no. THE Smark. I'm the original. E: You said you were centuries old when I know for a fact there were no smarks before the internet. FFC: A real smark would know that not to be true. S: What are you doing here? FFC: I've been trapped here on the neverending promo by the original Mark. He's the one that trapped you all here with me. Selena: Where is Uncle Moose going? P: I have no idea anymore <Samantha Darling-Moreland walks back to the small crowd with a popsicle and unwraps it........AND BEAST POPS OUT!> B: YAAAAAAARRRRGHGHGHH Where's Carl Coolname? LD: No rape B: What? LD: No rape B: Since when? LD: Since you raped Carl Coolname B: THAT'S BULLSHIT! Screw this place, I am out of here, I need some Taco Bell <Beast crashes through the arena walls and disappears from sight> SDM: WHY THE HELL DID SOMEONE JUST POP OUT OF MY POPSICLE?? P: Seriously, I am running out of words here.... FFC: Then come with me. P: I don't know. S: This is a lot for us process. Give us some time to think about it. FFC: There is no time. LD: I'm not going anywhere with you. E: I think I speak for everyone when I say none of us will. S: Is that a fade coming? *about to fade, again--except (CLICK)* FFC: Where's the fade? P: Did something just happen? Eco: While Davin was getting hit in the head with a chair, I set up an alternate camera. (Ninja cameraman waves) S: Which means? Eco: The promo can't end--or begin again--if the camera doesn't go off. So long as the camera is on us, we continue to exist and develop. LD: Good. So leave the camera on and we'll have some time to think-- (Eco grabs Fire and runs off.) Eco: Cameraman, follow us! (The cameraman obliges.) LD: Oh sh-- *fade, again* [Edited on 3-23-2010 by mooseheadjack] P: ... and who the HELL is mooseheadjack? S: What? P: It says Edited on March 23, 2010 by mooseheadjack. V: Dude, I think you're pronouncing the name wrong. S: Wow Poe. You not only broke the fade you've pushed us past the edit bracket. This promo is sick. SDM: Tell me about it. SDM: Tell US about it CTG: Wow there are TWO of you too. S: Last time there ended up being two of me... THAT was a NIGHTMARE to clean up. LD: Yeah and now there are two Davin's and three Moose... S: Meese? (Pause) CTG: Um...I guess this is my line now...Moose'ses siz? LD: Three MOOSEHEAD JACK'S, okay? P: I should have left with FF Capslock. S: You can try to leave, but the promo will always sucks us back in. (pause) S: Why did everyone get silent? SDM: Eco usually says something... V: OOOH! I have an idea! <Moose appears again and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, watches Moose slam Davin with a chair again, and listens to Moose and Davin fight in the kitchen, then looks on as Moose walks into the hall sipping a coffee and HEARTPUNCHES Voltage AGAIN while Voltage is slumped on the floor. Satisfied, Moose starts to walk away. No one registers any anger.> MEESE: HE had an idea. JINX! I said it FIRST! NO I said it FIRST! FUCK YOU! <Moose and Moose brawl with each other off camera.> S: Now I've seen everything. *Fade, again* *Outback Jack walks in, talking on his cell* OBJ: No,mate, it's not a fire alarm. The Destroyitarium has a Space-Time Discontinuity Alarm. We stole it from the Heros Guild a couple years ago, just to make sure we never get involved in a never-ending promo. *OBJ stops and looks around, drinks beer and belches* OBJ: Australian for damn! Ron Simmons: That was my line! FFC: Hiya Jack. OBJ: Lock. What are you doing here? FFC: Recruiting. *fade, again, into a STORYLINE-ADVANCING PROMO!* (Ecosystem and Firewoman are standing outside the Kravis Center for the Performing Arts in West Palm Beach.) Eco: Isn't it beautful? FW: I suppose. A little gaudy. Eco: I've wanted to come here for such a long time. Back in high school, I was so into theater and performance generally. I always wanted the chance to make the rounds in the United States. FW: When did that change? Eco: (looks at Fire) I mean, it didn't really. It's sort of what wrestling is about, isn't it? FW: Performance? Eco: Yeah. (They walk inside.) FW: I think it's more about competition. We don't call football players performers, we call them competitors. Eco: I can imagine it's felt more like competition for you. Always having something to prove? FW: Excuse me? Eco: Don't parry me off, it's difficult for a woman to achieve in this business at your level. Wrestle a couple of men occasionally as a sideshow, sure, go join Jacqueline Moore. But to compete consistently at the very highest level, that won't be handed to you on the basis of how well you entertain. (Eco and Firewoman look down from a balcony to a dance floor below. There seem to be fifty young ballerinas, all dancing to their own steps to the same rhythm.) FW: True. But at this point, I don't think I have to prove anything to anyone. Eco: Exactly. FW: Eh? Eco: If you're going to just make my points for me, I don't need to keep talking. FW: Cut the cryptic talk. Eco: You have nothing to prove, but you act like you do. You have this skewed conception of honor, where you always have to get someone back or exert the power you have just to assert yourself as the dominant force. I used to call this sadism and I used to decry it from the hilltops. FW: And now? Eco: And now I think it's really about establishing your position. Asserting your strength, proving your greatness. Which is why, no matter what you say now, I think you want that world title. FW: And you don't think I need it. Eco: You don't. That doesn't mean you shouldn't have it. FW: I thought you wanted me to reign myself in. Eco: No no no. I want you to be successful in every way. Remember... Eco: The problem is that your current path to success is like both our approach to healthcare in the United States and the recent Congressional fix. FW: Contentious? Eco: Unsustainable. (Fire and Eco walk down a gallery of art, ending at a shining statue of some emperor.) Eco: Do you know what great men and women have in common? Fire: Strength. Motivation. Leadership. Eco: Longevity. Fire: How do you account for martyrs? Eco: Few martyrs end up truly exalted for their death alone. You need to live long enough to make an impact, to keep on fighting long enough to change the business and everything around you. LD was right when he spoke about how he's been here from the beginning--his longevity will ensure he has a spot in history. I want you to keep fighting, but I also want you to have the will to fight day to day. That will can only come once you are at peace with yourself, and willing to make peace with others. I've discovered since returning that engaging in a little de-escalation from time to time is no impediment to success. The big dog may be feared, but she may not be respected nor honored--and vice versa. FW: Well...I can't speak to your idea of "peace" generally, but...something is bothering me. Eco: Yes? FW: If you want to be so high and mighty, protect people, make sure this business is stable...shouldn't we go back and get everyone out of that promo? Eco: (sighs) You're...you're right. FW: I often am. You forget this. (Eco and Firewoman walk out of the center, back to the arena, where they spy FF Capslock approaching Davin Moreland...) Eco: Just...turn it off. (The Ninja obliges.) <It appears that things are going to go back to normal, since the camera is off......or something......but before anyone can do anything......... *a muffled sound comes from off camera. FFC sighs and walks off into the shadows. A second later from out of those same shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* ......everyone looks around, wondering what to do, when Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster run into the scene and SLAM FF Capslock and Stank upside the head with Invisible Ninja Cameramen!> Stank: OWWW! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR? FFC: Three of us don't even WORK here anymore! JA: THAT IS REVENGE! AA: YEAH! REVENGE! FFC: REVENGE FOR FUCKING WHAT? AA: Ummm........guys, what are we doing again? <SYB and Skurge walk over with what appears to be a script> SYB: Ok, this is where AA says "woah take it easy son" Skurge: And Stank says "I ain't easy, and I ain't your son, I'll fight you right now!" SYB: Then AA hits him with a revolver.......ok go! AA: Woah, take it easy son <Stank just stands there staring at AA> AA: WHY IS HE NOT SAYING HIS LINE? FFC: This place is still fucking weird <From the kitchen> DM: WHO THE FUCK WOULD USE A SLAP CHOP TO THE HEAD? OWW! MHJ: YOU THREW TARTAR SAUCE ON ME! I HATE FISH<Voltage gets to his feet, tries to speak, and before Moose can heartpunch him again, he falls to the floor> *FADE* ....*click*....*FADE IN* FW: It didn't work. Eco: I see that..... FW: This is all like a bad episode of Star Trek. Eco: Yeah.... FW: So....you've noticed my lack of violence lately, what makes you think-- Eco: I told you. It's temporary. FW: I don't think it is. I think I've... Eco: Lost your smile? FW: Eww.....no....I just want out. So, I don't really need saving. Eco: Yes, you do...even more so than you realize. FW: Maybe, but here we are at Rick's office....I have a meeting with him...contract stuff. Eco: Well....good luck. But I think you're making a mistake. Lucky walks up as Ecosystem leaves.FW: Well? L: Well what? FW: Did you find-- L: There appear to be no black piglets in the greater West Palm Beach area. FW: What? That's ridiculous.... L: It's not ridiculous, it's West Palm Beach. Pigs aren't generally known for hanging out on beaches. FW: What about the surrounding-- L: There might be, but every farm I called to ask wanted to know what I wanted it for...I didn't know what to tell them. FW: The truth? L: Seriously? FW: Okay...fine, I'll do it myself...let's get this over with..... They enter the office as we hear<From the kitchen> DM: WHO THE FUCK WOULD USE A SLAP CHOP TO THE HEAD? OWW! MHJ: YOU THREW TARTAR SAUCE ON ME! I HATE FISH<Voltage gets to his feet, tries to speak, and before Moose can heartpunch him again, he falls to the floor> Firewoman and Lucky leave Rick's officeL: Well, that's that then. What are you going to do. FW: Just what I said I would I guess. L: But Rick said -- FW: Fuck him...he can't even keep this feedback loop from stopping. Samantha Darling-Moreland walks bySDM: Want a popsicle? FW: Depends are there tranquilizers in it? SDM: So bitter.... |
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 12, 2010 18:55:18 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. He looks down at the end of the hall and spies FF CAPSLOCK!* DM: Capslock? *FF Capslock walks over and faces Davin.* FFC: In a second Moose is going to jump out of the shadows and smash you over the head with a chair. DM: How do you know this? *FFC grins like the cat who ate the canary.* FFC: That's not important. What is important is the choice you make. DM: Choice? FFC: You can either join me and get out of this promo... or you can stay here and get beaned over the head. DM: Leave? How the hell are we going to do that? FFC: There's no time. Choose now. DM: Wait... *a muffled sound comes from off camera. FFC sighs and walks off into the shadows. A second later from out of those same shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <From further down the Hallway of Random Encounters, Stank and LD Williams are watching> LD: What the hell is going on here? S: Oh shit, not this again. *Poe approaches from the direction of Chamber V* P: Not what again? LD: Oh, you weren't here last time, were you? P: Why is Moose repeatedly hitting Davin with a chair? And why isn't Davin dead? FFC: Wrestling physics. LD: That's what I was going to say, FF. What the hell are YOU doing here? FFC: I've been trapped here. And I'm going to get out. S: Oh yeah? And where is Lock? LD: What do you mean? He's standing right there in front of you. S: I don't know who this man is but he sure as hell isn't FF Capslock. FFC: How do you know I'm not Capslock? S: I know Lock. He reveled in this kind of shit. He wouldn't want to leave. You do. P: What the HELL is going on? S: Wrestling physics. See? Moose hits Davin, Davin no-sells. people pretending to be unused characters suddenly appear. Wrestling physics. P: But why does it keep happening? *Ecosystem rounds the corner, looks at Davin take another chair shot, and Moose walking away* E: Oh no. Not another one. P: Wait, Davin no sells all the time, believe me I know, but this doesn't make sense E: If a tree falls in the woods, and there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? P: What? S: If a wrestler gets hit with a chair, and no-sells it, did it ever really happen? *Voltage wanders into the frame. People look shocked. All except FF Capslock.* E: Um...I thought you were dead. V: Well, I was. Am. Whatever. Anyway, I happened to catch this and, well, I just KNEW I had to be a part of it. S: You always were an attention whore. FFC: No he serves a purpose. He represents a causality affect and he's a candidate. S: Candidate? For what? FFC: Keeper of the Neverending Promo. P: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?! FFC: You're ALL candidates. And you've been manipulated into staying in this promo. LD: I say just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. V: Uh excuse me. I have a question. S: What? V: So...who's the champs? *Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. From the shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <Just then Moose walks into the hall sipping a coffee and HEARTPUNCHES Voltage. Voltage slumps to the floor> P: HOW. THE. FUCK. LD: Wrestling physics. FFC: Just like I said. P: No.......No don't tell me that again..... *Davin and Curt Schilling come into frame carrying Dunkin' Donuts coffees.* C'TGG'S: Hey guys, what's going on? *They look over as Moosehead Jack is walking away after another vicious chair shot* P: But how are... LD: Wrestling Phy- P: STOP SAYING THAT! DM: Hey Moose. How's it going? MHJ: Ah pretty good, yourself? Hey Curt. DM: You know we have a match this week. MHJ: Yeah I saw that. Way to bring it with that lame ass promo. DM: How many times are you going to hit me with that chair? MHJ: How many times are you going to no-sell it? <There is a quiet pause between them and they look around uncomfortably while Poe just stares at them. Suddenly, Davin throws his coffee in Moose's face. Moose bellows in pain and the two of them brawl down the hallway> SDM: What the hell is going on here? P: I wish I knew. LD: Wrestling - P: So help me, say it again, and you're eating a Hieroglyph. S: So touchy. He's just answering your question. E: Yeah, it's Wrestling Physics. Don't you read the archives? *We hear lots of loud clanging as Davin and Moose have apparently found their way into the kitchen* FFC: You're all in danger. If you come with me, I promise. No harm will come to you. DM: *from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the hot oil spot again this time! MHJ: *also from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the grill spot! SDM: This is just... *Suddenly Samantha Darling-Moreland goes sprinting by* SDM: STOP IT YOU TWO! YOU'VE GOT A MATCH! SDM: Who the hell was that? S: That was you SDM: WHAT? Poe: How the HELL is this even possible? <Voltage gets to his feet> V: Whooo! ROCK AND ROLL! I'M THE GNARLIEST DOUBLE CHAMP EV......OOOOF <Moose runs in and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, then walks away without a word after watching Moose clock Davin with a chair, again. From the kitchen we hear "I AM NOT FUCKING PLAYING, PUT THE GREASE DOWN! THEN TURN OFF THE DAMN GRILL! HOW MANY SPOTS DO YOU THINK WE CAN COME UP WITH? <pause> Something with the freezer? Good idea!> P: I really hate this place. I'm with you Lock. E: And disrupt the circle of life? Not me. SDM: No, it is NOTHING like that. *Hardbody Harris walks in* HH: It's JUST like that. *He and Fievel start singing "Circle of Life" from "The Lion King"* C'TGG'S: That's horrid. LD: THAT is Wrestling Physics, my friend. *Stank, Curt, Eco, Hardbody, FFC, and LD all start nodding* P: That's it. I fucking warned you. *Selena charges in* S: DON'T DO IT! P: Why? DM: *from the kitchen* THAT ICE CREAM IS HEAVY, YOU JERK! SDM: *from the kitchen* Since you two are in there, can you get me a popsicle? SDM: A popsicle? Really? *Firewoman wanders in* FW: You love popsicles. HH: From the day we arrive on the planet Fievel: And blinking, step into the sun HH: There's more to be seen than can ever be seen Fievel: More to do than can ever be done Selena: What are they singing? Poe: A Disney song Goddess Selena: Disney? Never heard of them <Voltage struggles to his feet again> V: Whoo......ooo, Roll and Rock, I'm the......the HURFFFF <Moose appears again and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, watches Moose slam Davin with a chair again, and listens to Moose and Davin fight in the kitchen, then looks satisfied and walks away> FFC: We need to stop Moose from doing that! S: Not until you tell us who you really are! FFC: *Sigh* Fine. I'm a centuries old wrestling entity known as the Smark. S: Bennett? FFC: No, no. THE Smark. I'm the original. E: You said you were centuries old when I know for a fact there were no smarks before the internet. FFC: A real smark would know that not to be true. S: What are you doing here? FFC: I've been trapped here on the neverending promo by the original Mark. He's the one that trapped you all here with me. Selena: Where is Uncle Moose going? P: I have no idea anymore <Samantha Darling-Moreland walks back to the small crowd with a popsicle and unwraps it........AND BEAST POPS OUT!> B: YAAAAAAARRRRGHGHGHH Where's Carl Coolname? LD: No rape B: What? LD: No rape B: Since when? LD: Since you raped Carl Coolname B: THAT'S BULLSHIT! Screw this place, I am out of here, I need some Taco Bell <Beast crashes through the arena walls and disappears from sight> SDM: WHY THE HELL DID SOMEONE JUST POP OUT OF MY POPSICLE?? P: Seriously, I am running out of words here.... FFC: Then come with me. P: I don't know. S: This is a lot for us process. Give us some time to think about it. FFC: There is no time. LD: I'm not going anywhere with you. E: I think I speak for everyone when I say none of us will. S: Is that a fade coming? *about to fade, again--except (CLICK)* FFC: Where's the fade? P: Did something just happen? Eco: While Davin was getting hit in the head with a chair, I set up an alternate camera. (Ninja cameraman waves) S: Which means? Eco: The promo can't end--or begin again--if the camera doesn't go off. So long as the camera is on us, we continue to exist and develop. LD: Good. So leave the camera on and we'll have some time to think-- (Eco grabs Fire and runs off.) Eco: Cameraman, follow us! (The cameraman obliges.) LD: Oh sh-- *fade, again* [Edited on 3-23-2010 by mooseheadjack] P: ... and who the HELL is mooseheadjack? S: What? P: It says Edited on March 23, 2010 by mooseheadjack. V: Dude, I think you're pronouncing the name wrong. S: Wow Poe. You not only broke the fade you've pushed us past the edit bracket. This promo is sick. SDM: Tell me about it. SDM: Tell US about it CTG: Wow there are TWO of you too. S: Last time there ended up being two of me... THAT was a NIGHTMARE to clean up. LD: Yeah and now there are two Davin's and three Moose... S: Meese? (Pause) CTG: Um...I guess this is my line now...Moose'ses siz? LD: Three MOOSEHEAD JACK'S, okay? P: I should have left with FF Capslock. S: You can try to leave, but the promo will always sucks us back in. (pause) S: Why did everyone get silent? SDM: Eco usually says something... V: OOOH! I have an idea! <Moose appears again and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, watches Moose slam Davin with a chair again, and listens to Moose and Davin fight in the kitchen, then looks on as Moose walks into the hall sipping a coffee and HEARTPUNCHES Voltage AGAIN while Voltage is slumped on the floor. Satisfied, Moose starts to walk away. No one registers any anger.> MEESE: HE had an idea. JINX! I said it FIRST! NO I said it FIRST! FUCK YOU! <Moose and Moose brawl with each other off camera.> S: Now I've seen everything. *Fade, again* *Outback Jack walks in, talking on his cell* OBJ: No,mate, it's not a fire alarm. The Destroyitarium has a Space-Time Discontinuity Alarm. We stole it from the Heros Guild a couple years ago, just to make sure we never get involved in a never-ending promo. *OBJ stops and looks around, drinks beer and belches* OBJ: Australian for damn! Ron Simmons: That was my line! FFC: Hiya Jack. OBJ: Lock. What are you doing here? FFC: Recruiting. *fade, again, into a STORYLINE-ADVANCING PROMO!* (Ecosystem and Firewoman are standing outside the Kravis Center for the Performing Arts in West Palm Beach.) Eco: Isn't it beautful? FW: I suppose. A little gaudy. Eco: I've wanted to come here for such a long time. Back in high school, I was so into theater and performance generally. I always wanted the chance to make the rounds in the United States. FW: When did that change? Eco: (looks at Fire) I mean, it didn't really. It's sort of what wrestling is about, isn't it? FW: Performance? Eco: Yeah. (They walk inside.) FW: I think it's more about competition. We don't call football players performers, we call them competitors. Eco: I can imagine it's felt more like competition for you. Always having something to prove? FW: Excuse me? Eco: Don't parry me off, it's difficult for a woman to achieve in this business at your level. Wrestle a couple of men occasionally as a sideshow, sure, go join Jacqueline Moore. But to compete consistently at the very highest level, that won't be handed to you on the basis of how well you entertain. (Eco and Firewoman look down from a balcony to a dance floor below. There seem to be fifty young ballerinas, all dancing to their own steps to the same rhythm.) FW: True. But at this point, I don't think I have to prove anything to anyone. Eco: Exactly. FW: Eh? Eco: If you're going to just make my points for me, I don't need to keep talking. FW: Cut the cryptic talk. Eco: You have nothing to prove, but you act like you do. You have this skewed conception of honor, where you always have to get someone back or exert the power you have just to assert yourself as the dominant force. I used to call this sadism and I used to decry it from the hilltops. FW: And now? Eco: And now I think it's really about establishing your position. Asserting your strength, proving your greatness. Which is why, no matter what you say now, I think you want that world title. FW: And you don't think I need it. Eco: You don't. That doesn't mean you shouldn't have it. FW: I thought you wanted me to reign myself in. Eco: No no no. I want you to be successful in every way. Remember... Eco: The problem is that your current path to success is like both our approach to healthcare in the United States and the recent Congressional fix. FW: Contentious? Eco: Unsustainable. (Fire and Eco walk down a gallery of art, ending at a shining statue of some emperor.) Eco: Do you know what great men and women have in common? Fire: Strength. Motivation. Leadership. Eco: Longevity. Fire: How do you account for martyrs? Eco: Few martyrs end up truly exalted for their death alone. You need to live long enough to make an impact, to keep on fighting long enough to change the business and everything around you. LD was right when he spoke about how he's been here from the beginning--his longevity will ensure he has a spot in history. I want you to keep fighting, but I also want you to have the will to fight day to day. That will can only come once you are at peace with yourself, and willing to make peace with others. I've discovered since returning that engaging in a little de-escalation from time to time is no impediment to success. The big dog may be feared, but she may not be respected nor honored--and vice versa. FW: Well...I can't speak to your idea of "peace" generally, but...something is bothering me. Eco: Yes? FW: If you want to be so high and mighty, protect people, make sure this business is stable...shouldn't we go back and get everyone out of that promo? Eco: (sighs) You're...you're right. FW: I often am. You forget this. (Eco and Firewoman walk out of the center, back to the arena, where they spy FF Capslock approaching Davin Moreland...) Eco: Just...turn it off. (The Ninja obliges.) <It appears that things are going to go back to normal, since the camera is off......or something......but before anyone can do anything......... *a muffled sound comes from off camera. FFC sighs and walks off into the shadows. A second later from out of those same shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* ......everyone looks around, wondering what to do, when Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster run into the scene and SLAM FF Capslock and Stank upside the head with Invisible Ninja Cameramen!> Stank: OWWW! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR? FFC: Three of us don't even WORK here anymore! JA: THAT IS REVENGE! AA: YEAH! REVENGE! FFC: REVENGE FOR FUCKING WHAT? AA: Ummm........guys, what are we doing again? <SYB and Skurge walk over with what appears to be a script> SYB: Ok, this is where AA says "woah take it easy son" Skurge: And Stank says "I ain't easy, and I ain't your son, I'll fight you right now!" SYB: Then AA hits him with a revolver.......ok go! AA: Woah, take it easy son <Stank just stands there staring at AA> AA: WHY IS HE NOT SAYING HIS LINE? FFC: This place is still fucking weird <From the kitchen> DM: WHO THE FUCK WOULD USE A SLAP CHOP TO THE HEAD? OWW! MHJ: YOU THREW TARTAR SAUCE ON ME! I HATE FISH<Voltage gets to his feet, tries to speak, and before Moose can heartpunch him again, he falls to the floor> *FADE* ....*click*....*FADE IN* FW: It didn't work. Eco: I see that..... FW: This is all like a bad episode of Star Trek. Eco: Yeah.... FW: So....you've noticed my lack of violence lately, what makes you think-- Eco: I told you. It's temporary. FW: I don't think it is. I think I've... Eco: Lost your smile? FW: Eww.....no....I just want out. So, I don't really need saving. Eco: Yes, you do...even more so than you realize. FW: Maybe, but here we are at Rick's office....I have a meeting with him...contract stuff. Eco: Well....good luck. But I think you're making a mistake. Lucky walks up as Ecosystem leaves.FW: Well? L: Well what? FW: Did you find-- L: There appear to be no black piglets in the greater West Palm Beach area. FW: What? That's ridiculous.... L: It's not ridiculous, it's West Palm Beach. Pigs aren't generally known for hanging out on beaches. FW: What about the surrounding-- L: There might be, but every farm I called to ask wanted to know what I wanted it for...I didn't know what to tell them. FW: The truth? L: Seriously? FW: Okay...fine, I'll do it myself...let's get this over with..... They enter the office as we hear<From the kitchen> DM: WHO THE FUCK WOULD USE A SLAP CHOP TO THE HEAD? OWW! MHJ: YOU THREW TARTAR SAUCE ON ME! I HATE FISH<Voltage gets to his feet, tries to speak, and before Moose can heartpunch him again, he falls to the floor> Firewoman and Lucky leave Rick's officeL: Well, that's that then. What are you going to do. FW: Just what I said I would I guess. L: But Rick said -- FW: Fuck him...he can't even keep this feedback loop from stopping. Samantha Darling-Moreland walks bySDM: Want a popsicle? FW: Depends are there tranquilizers in it? SDM: So bitter.... *Davin comes STORMING~! out of the kitchen holding a Slap Chop* DM: A SLAP CHOP! A motherfucking SLAP CHOP! Vince (from Slap Chop): We're gonna make America skinny again! One slap at a time! LD: Ok THIS, I didn't expect. V: You're gonna LOVE my nuts! *Moose, covered in tartar sauce, HEARTPUNCHES~! Vince, who dies. Seconds later, Moose comes in sipping coffee as Voltage tries to stand again and HEARTPUNCHES~! him. Suddenly, there are a lot of Meese around* MHJ: That was a shitty heartpunch. MHJ: It was not. Come here...I'll show you. *Suddenly, all the Meese start Heartpunching each other. And Skip, Chad and Zane's Horse trots in, and has a seat* P: *apoplectic* I give up. Really. I can leave, right? FFC: Oh sure, but you'll just end up back here. P: Fine *he sits against the wall*. Alexander Darling: *from down the hall* WHERE IS SHAWN JOHNSON??!?! SHE'S SUPPOSE TO SHOW ME UNEVEN BARS TODAY! DM: (one of them) She like blew out her knee and broke her leg and is pretty much dead or whatever. AD: WHEN? DM: Like weeks ago. Wait a second. SDM: What? DM: Who's the President?AD: The fuck? DM: Alexander, who's the President?AD: Duh. Everybody knows thatDM: Just tell me.AD: It's Jimmy Carter![/url] *fade...probably not the last one* |
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 12, 2010 18:54:46 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. He looks down at the end of the hall and spies FF CAPSLOCK!* DM: Capslock? *FF Capslock walks over and faces Davin.* FFC: In a second Moose is going to jump out of the shadows and smash you over the head with a chair. DM: How do you know this? *FFC grins like the cat who ate the canary.* FFC: That's not important. What is important is the choice you make. DM: Choice? FFC: You can either join me and get out of this promo... or you can stay here and get beaned over the head. DM: Leave? How the hell are we going to do that? FFC: There's no time. Choose now. DM: Wait... *a muffled sound comes from off camera. FFC sighs and walks off into the shadows. A second later from out of those same shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <From further down the Hallway of Random Encounters, Stank and LD Williams are watching> LD: What the hell is going on here? S: Oh shit, not this again. *Poe approaches from the direction of Chamber V* P: Not what again? LD: Oh, you weren't here last time, were you? P: Why is Moose repeatedly hitting Davin with a chair? And why isn't Davin dead? FFC: Wrestling physics. LD: That's what I was going to say, FF. What the hell are YOU doing here? FFC: I've been trapped here. And I'm going to get out. S: Oh yeah? And where is Lock? LD: What do you mean? He's standing right there in front of you. S: I don't know who this man is but he sure as hell isn't FF Capslock. FFC: How do you know I'm not Capslock? S: I know Lock. He reveled in this kind of shit. He wouldn't want to leave. You do. P: What the HELL is going on? S: Wrestling physics. See? Moose hits Davin, Davin no-sells. people pretending to be unused characters suddenly appear. Wrestling physics. P: But why does it keep happening? *Ecosystem rounds the corner, looks at Davin take another chair shot, and Moose walking away* E: Oh no. Not another one. P: Wait, Davin no sells all the time, believe me I know, but this doesn't make sense E: If a tree falls in the woods, and there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? P: What? S: If a wrestler gets hit with a chair, and no-sells it, did it ever really happen? *Voltage wanders into the frame. People look shocked. All except FF Capslock.* E: Um...I thought you were dead. V: Well, I was. Am. Whatever. Anyway, I happened to catch this and, well, I just KNEW I had to be a part of it. S: You always were an attention whore. FFC: No he serves a purpose. He represents a causality affect and he's a candidate. S: Candidate? For what? FFC: Keeper of the Neverending Promo. P: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?! FFC: You're ALL candidates. And you've been manipulated into staying in this promo. LD: I say just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. V: Uh excuse me. I have a question. S: What? V: So...who's the champs? *Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. From the shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <Just then Moose walks into the hall sipping a coffee and HEARTPUNCHES Voltage. Voltage slumps to the floor> P: HOW. THE. FUCK. LD: Wrestling physics. FFC: Just like I said. P: No.......No don't tell me that again..... *Davin and Curt Schilling come into frame carrying Dunkin' Donuts coffees.* C'TGG'S: Hey guys, what's going on? *They look over as Moosehead Jack is walking away after another vicious chair shot* P: But how are... LD: Wrestling Phy- P: STOP SAYING THAT! DM: Hey Moose. How's it going? MHJ: Ah pretty good, yourself? Hey Curt. DM: You know we have a match this week. MHJ: Yeah I saw that. Way to bring it with that lame ass promo. DM: How many times are you going to hit me with that chair? MHJ: How many times are you going to no-sell it? <There is a quiet pause between them and they look around uncomfortably while Poe just stares at them. Suddenly, Davin throws his coffee in Moose's face. Moose bellows in pain and the two of them brawl down the hallway> SDM: What the hell is going on here? P: I wish I knew. LD: Wrestling - P: So help me, say it again, and you're eating a Hieroglyph. S: So touchy. He's just answering your question. E: Yeah, it's Wrestling Physics. Don't you read the archives? *We hear lots of loud clanging as Davin and Moose have apparently found their way into the kitchen* FFC: You're all in danger. If you come with me, I promise. No harm will come to you. DM: *from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the hot oil spot again this time! MHJ: *also from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the grill spot! SDM: This is just... *Suddenly Samantha Darling-Moreland goes sprinting by* SDM: STOP IT YOU TWO! YOU'VE GOT A MATCH! SDM: Who the hell was that? S: That was you SDM: WHAT? Poe: How the HELL is this even possible? <Voltage gets to his feet> V: Whooo! ROCK AND ROLL! I'M THE GNARLIEST DOUBLE CHAMP EV......OOOOF <Moose runs in and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, then walks away without a word after watching Moose clock Davin with a chair, again. From the kitchen we hear "I AM NOT FUCKING PLAYING, PUT THE GREASE DOWN! THEN TURN OFF THE DAMN GRILL! HOW MANY SPOTS DO YOU THINK WE CAN COME UP WITH? <pause> Something with the freezer? Good idea!> P: I really hate this place. I'm with you Lock. E: And disrupt the circle of life? Not me. SDM: No, it is NOTHING like that. *Hardbody Harris walks in* HH: It's JUST like that. *He and Fievel start singing "Circle of Life" from "The Lion King"* C'TGG'S: That's horrid. LD: THAT is Wrestling Physics, my friend. *Stank, Curt, Eco, Hardbody, FFC, and LD all start nodding* P: That's it. I fucking warned you. *Selena charges in* S: DON'T DO IT! P: Why? DM: *from the kitchen* THAT ICE CREAM IS HEAVY, YOU JERK! SDM: *from the kitchen* Since you two are in there, can you get me a popsicle? SDM: A popsicle? Really? *Firewoman wanders in* FW: You love popsicles. HH: From the day we arrive on the planet Fievel: And blinking, step into the sun HH: There's more to be seen than can ever be seen Fievel: More to do than can ever be done Selena: What are they singing? Poe: A Disney song Goddess Selena: Disney? Never heard of them <Voltage struggles to his feet again> V: Whoo......ooo, Roll and Rock, I'm the......the HURFFFF <Moose appears again and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, watches Moose slam Davin with a chair again, and listens to Moose and Davin fight in the kitchen, then looks satisfied and walks away> FFC: We need to stop Moose from doing that! S: Not until you tell us who you really are! FFC: *Sigh* Fine. I'm a centuries old wrestling entity known as the Smark. S: Bennett? FFC: No, no. THE Smark. I'm the original. E: You said you were centuries old when I know for a fact there were no smarks before the internet. FFC: A real smark would know that not to be true. S: What are you doing here? FFC: I've been trapped here on the neverending promo by the original Mark. He's the one that trapped you all here with me. Selena: Where is Uncle Moose going? P: I have no idea anymore <Samantha Darling-Moreland walks back to the small crowd with a popsicle and unwraps it........AND BEAST POPS OUT!> B: YAAAAAAARRRRGHGHGHH Where's Carl Coolname? LD: No rape B: What? LD: No rape B: Since when? LD: Since you raped Carl Coolname B: THAT'S BULLSHIT! Screw this place, I am out of here, I need some Taco Bell <Beast crashes through the arena walls and disappears from sight> SDM: WHY THE HELL DID SOMEONE JUST POP OUT OF MY POPSICLE?? P: Seriously, I am running out of words here.... FFC: Then come with me. P: I don't know. S: This is a lot for us process. Give us some time to think about it. FFC: There is no time. LD: I'm not going anywhere with you. E: I think I speak for everyone when I say none of us will. S: Is that a fade coming? *about to fade, again--except (CLICK)* FFC: Where's the fade? P: Did something just happen? Eco: While Davin was getting hit in the head with a chair, I set up an alternate camera. (Ninja cameraman waves) S: Which means? Eco: The promo can't end--or begin again--if the camera doesn't go off. So long as the camera is on us, we continue to exist and develop. LD: Good. So leave the camera on and we'll have some time to think-- (Eco grabs Fire and runs off.) Eco: Cameraman, follow us! (The cameraman obliges.) LD: Oh sh-- *fade, again* [Edited on 3-23-2010 by mooseheadjack] P: ... and who the HELL is mooseheadjack? S: What? P: It says Edited on March 23, 2010 by mooseheadjack. V: Dude, I think you're pronouncing the name wrong. S: Wow Poe. You not only broke the fade you've pushed us past the edit bracket. This promo is sick. SDM: Tell me about it. SDM: Tell US about it CTG: Wow there are TWO of you too. S: Last time there ended up being two of me... THAT was a NIGHTMARE to clean up. LD: Yeah and now there are two Davin's and three Moose... S: Meese? (Pause) CTG: Um...I guess this is my line now...Moose'ses siz? LD: Three MOOSEHEAD JACK'S, okay? P: I should have left with FF Capslock. S: You can try to leave, but the promo will always sucks us back in. (pause) S: Why did everyone get silent? SDM: Eco usually says something... V: OOOH! I have an idea! <Moose appears again and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, watches Moose slam Davin with a chair again, and listens to Moose and Davin fight in the kitchen, then looks on as Moose walks into the hall sipping a coffee and HEARTPUNCHES Voltage AGAIN while Voltage is slumped on the floor. Satisfied, Moose starts to walk away. No one registers any anger.> MEESE: HE had an idea. JINX! I said it FIRST! NO I said it FIRST! FUCK YOU! <Moose and Moose brawl with each other off camera.> S: Now I've seen everything. *Fade, again* *Outback Jack walks in, talking on his cell* OBJ: No,mate, it's not a fire alarm. The Destroyitarium has a Space-Time Discontinuity Alarm. We stole it from the Heros Guild a couple years ago, just to make sure we never get involved in a never-ending promo. *OBJ stops and looks around, drinks beer and belches* OBJ: Australian for damn! Ron Simmons: That was my line! FFC: Hiya Jack. OBJ: Lock. What are you doing here? FFC: Recruiting. *fade, again, into a STORYLINE-ADVANCING PROMO!* (Ecosystem and Firewoman are standing outside the Kravis Center for the Performing Arts in West Palm Beach.) Eco: Isn't it beautful? FW: I suppose. A little gaudy. Eco: I've wanted to come here for such a long time. Back in high school, I was so into theater and performance generally. I always wanted the chance to make the rounds in the United States. FW: When did that change? Eco: (looks at Fire) I mean, it didn't really. It's sort of what wrestling is about, isn't it? FW: Performance? Eco: Yeah. (They walk inside.) FW: I think it's more about competition. We don't call football players performers, we call them competitors. Eco: I can imagine it's felt more like competition for you. Always having something to prove? FW: Excuse me? Eco: Don't parry me off, it's difficult for a woman to achieve in this business at your level. Wrestle a couple of men occasionally as a sideshow, sure, go join Jacqueline Moore. But to compete consistently at the very highest level, that won't be handed to you on the basis of how well you entertain. (Eco and Firewoman look down from a balcony to a dance floor below. There seem to be fifty young ballerinas, all dancing to their own steps to the same rhythm.) FW: True. But at this point, I don't think I have to prove anything to anyone. Eco: Exactly. FW: Eh? Eco: If you're going to just make my points for me, I don't need to keep talking. FW: Cut the cryptic talk. Eco: You have nothing to prove, but you act like you do. You have this skewed conception of honor, where you always have to get someone back or exert the power you have just to assert yourself as the dominant force. I used to call this sadism and I used to decry it from the hilltops. FW: And now? Eco: And now I think it's really about establishing your position. Asserting your strength, proving your greatness. Which is why, no matter what you say now, I think you want that world title. FW: And you don't think I need it. Eco: You don't. That doesn't mean you shouldn't have it. FW: I thought you wanted me to reign myself in. Eco: No no no. I want you to be successful in every way. Remember... Eco: The problem is that your current path to success is like both our approach to healthcare in the United States and the recent Congressional fix. FW: Contentious? Eco: Unsustainable. (Fire and Eco walk down a gallery of art, ending at a shining statue of some emperor.) Eco: Do you know what great men and women have in common? Fire: Strength. Motivation. Leadership. Eco: Longevity. Fire: How do you account for martyrs? Eco: Few martyrs end up truly exalted for their death alone. You need to live long enough to make an impact, to keep on fighting long enough to change the business and everything around you. LD was right when he spoke about how he's been here from the beginning--his longevity will ensure he has a spot in history. I want you to keep fighting, but I also want you to have the will to fight day to day. That will can only come once you are at peace with yourself, and willing to make peace with others. I've discovered since returning that engaging in a little de-escalation from time to time is no impediment to success. The big dog may be feared, but she may not be respected nor honored--and vice versa. FW: Well...I can't speak to your idea of "peace" generally, but...something is bothering me. Eco: Yes? FW: If you want to be so high and mighty, protect people, make sure this business is stable...shouldn't we go back and get everyone out of that promo? Eco: (sighs) You're...you're right. FW: I often am. You forget this. (Eco and Firewoman walk out of the center, back to the arena, where they spy FF Capslock approaching Davin Moreland...) Eco: Just...turn it off. (The Ninja obliges.) <It appears that things are going to go back to normal, since the camera is off......or something......but before anyone can do anything......... *a muffled sound comes from off camera. FFC sighs and walks off into the shadows. A second later from out of those same shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* ......everyone looks around, wondering what to do, when Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster run into the scene and SLAM FF Capslock and Stank upside the head with Invisible Ninja Cameramen!> Stank: OWWW! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR? FFC: Three of us don't even WORK here anymore! JA: THAT IS REVENGE! AA: YEAH! REVENGE! FFC: REVENGE FOR FUCKING WHAT? AA: Ummm........guys, what are we doing again? <SYB and Skurge walk over with what appears to be a script> SYB: Ok, this is where AA says "woah take it easy son" Skurge: And Stank says "I ain't easy, and I ain't your son, I'll fight you right now!" SYB: Then AA hits him with a revolver.......ok go! AA: Woah, take it easy son <Stank just stands there staring at AA> AA: WHY IS HE NOT SAYING HIS LINE? FFC: This place is still fucking weird <From the kitchen> DM: WHO THE FUCK WOULD USE A SLAP CHOP TO THE HEAD? OWW! MHJ: YOU THREW TARTAR SAUCE ON ME! I HATE FISH<Voltage gets to his feet, tries to speak, and before Moose can heartpunch him again, he falls to the floor> *FADE* ....*click*....*FADE IN* FW: It didn't work. Eco: I see that..... FW: This is all like a bad episode of Star Trek. Eco: Yeah.... FW: So....you've noticed my lack of violence lately, what makes you think-- Eco: I told you. It's temporary. FW: I don't think it is. I think I've... Eco: Lost your smile? FW: Eww.....no....I just want out. So, I don't really need saving. Eco: Yes, you do...even more so than you realize. FW: Maybe, but here we are at Rick's office....I have a meeting with him...contract stuff. Eco: Well....good luck. But I think you're making a mistake. Lucky walks up as Ecosystem leaves.FW: Well? L: Well what? FW: Did you find-- L: There appear to be no black piglets in the greater West Palm Beach area. FW: What? That's ridiculous.... L: It's not ridiculous, it's West Palm Beach. Pigs aren't generally known for hanging out on beaches. FW: What about the surrounding-- L: There might be, but every farm I called to ask wanted to know what I wanted it for...I didn't know what to tell them. FW: The truth? L: Seriously? FW: Okay...fine, I'll do it myself...let's get this over with..... They enter the office as we hear<From the kitchen> DM: WHO THE FUCK WOULD USE A SLAP CHOP TO THE HEAD? OWW! MHJ: YOU THREW TARTAR SAUCE ON ME! I HATE FISH<Voltage gets to his feet, tries to speak, and before Moose can heartpunch him again, he falls to the floor> Firewoman and Lucky leave Rick's officeL: Well, that's that then. What are you going to do. FW: Just what I said I would I guess. L: But Rick said -- FW: Fuck him...he can't even keep this feedback loop from stopping. Samantha Darling-Moreland walks bySDM: Want a popsicle? FW: Depends are there tranquilizers in it? SDM: So bitter.... *Davin comes STORMING~! out of the kitchen holding a Slap Chop* DM: A SLAP CHOP! A motherfucking SLAP CHOP! Vince (from Slap Chop): We're gonna make America skinny again! One slap at a time! LD: Ok THIS, I didn't expect. V: You're gonna LOVE my nuts! *Moose, covered in tartar sauce, HEARTPUNCHES~! Vince, who dies. Seconds later, Moose comes in sipping coffee as Voltage tries to stand again and HEARTPUNCHES~! him. Suddenly, there are a lot of Meese around* MHJ: That was a shitty heartpunch. MHJ: It was not. Come here...I'll show you. *Suddenly, all the Meese start Heartpunching each other. And Skip, Chad and Zane's Horse trots in, and has a seat* P: *apoplectic* I give up. Really. I can leave, right? FFC: Oh sure, but you'll just end up back here. P: Fine *he sits against the wall*. Alexander Darling: *from down the hall* WHERE IS SHAWN JOHNSON??!?! SHE'S SUPPOSE TO SHOW ME UNEVEN BARS TODAY! DM: (one of them) She like blew out her knee and broke her leg and is pretty much dead or whatever. AD: WHEN? DM: Like weeks ago. Wait a second. SDM: What? DM: Who's the President?AD: The fuck? DM: Alexander, who's the President?AD: Duh. Everybody knows thatDM: Just tell me.AD: It's Jimmy Carter![/url] *fade...probably not the last one* CTG: Citizen Outback!! If you have the Discontinuity Alarm, where did you hide it? OBJ: (drinks, belches) Australian for hell if I know. CTG: This is important! (CTG then realizes he is surrounded by MHJs) CTG: Important for my survival FFC: You don't want to hit that button, Crete. CTG: This promo HAS to end MHJs: (in unison) Why? CTG: I'd like to make it to the next Mayhem FFC: I could watch this all day. And SOMEONE has to come with me. CTG: There's a failsafe on that alarm that deactivates the cameras and will END this promo. If I find it, I can -- (CTG is then attacked by all the MHJs) FFC: who wants this promo to end....? (attempted fade) |
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 12, 2010 18:56:57 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. He looks down at the end of the hall and spies FF CAPSLOCK!* DM: Capslock? *FF Capslock walks over and faces Davin.* FFC: In a second Moose is going to jump out of the shadows and smash you over the head with a chair. DM: How do you know this? *FFC grins like the cat who ate the canary.* FFC: That's not important. What is important is the choice you make. DM: Choice? FFC: You can either join me and get out of this promo... or you can stay here and get beaned over the head. DM: Leave? How the hell are we going to do that? FFC: There's no time. Choose now. DM: Wait... *a muffled sound comes from off camera. FFC sighs and walks off into the shadows. A second later from out of those same shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <From further down the Hallway of Random Encounters, Stank and LD Williams are watching> LD: What the hell is going on here? S: Oh shit, not this again. *Poe approaches from the direction of Chamber V* P: Not what again? LD: Oh, you weren't here last time, were you? P: Why is Moose repeatedly hitting Davin with a chair? And why isn't Davin dead? FFC: Wrestling physics. LD: That's what I was going to say, FF. What the hell are YOU doing here? FFC: I've been trapped here. And I'm going to get out. S: Oh yeah? And where is Lock? LD: What do you mean? He's standing right there in front of you. S: I don't know who this man is but he sure as hell isn't FF Capslock. FFC: How do you know I'm not Capslock? S: I know Lock. He reveled in this kind of shit. He wouldn't want to leave. You do. P: What the HELL is going on? S: Wrestling physics. See? Moose hits Davin, Davin no-sells. people pretending to be unused characters suddenly appear. Wrestling physics. P: But why does it keep happening? *Ecosystem rounds the corner, looks at Davin take another chair shot, and Moose walking away* E: Oh no. Not another one. P: Wait, Davin no sells all the time, believe me I know, but this doesn't make sense E: If a tree falls in the woods, and there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? P: What? S: If a wrestler gets hit with a chair, and no-sells it, did it ever really happen? *Voltage wanders into the frame. People look shocked. All except FF Capslock.* E: Um...I thought you were dead. V: Well, I was. Am. Whatever. Anyway, I happened to catch this and, well, I just KNEW I had to be a part of it. S: You always were an attention whore. FFC: No he serves a purpose. He represents a causality affect and he's a candidate. S: Candidate? For what? FFC: Keeper of the Neverending Promo. P: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?! FFC: You're ALL candidates. And you've been manipulated into staying in this promo. LD: I say just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. V: Uh excuse me. I have a question. S: What? V: So...who's the champs? *Davin Moreland is still STANDING~! in the Hallway of Random Encounters. From the shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* <Just then Moose walks into the hall sipping a coffee and HEARTPUNCHES Voltage. Voltage slumps to the floor> P: HOW. THE. FUCK. LD: Wrestling physics. FFC: Just like I said. P: No.......No don't tell me that again..... *Davin and Curt Schilling come into frame carrying Dunkin' Donuts coffees.* C'TGG'S: Hey guys, what's going on? *They look over as Moosehead Jack is walking away after another vicious chair shot* P: But how are... LD: Wrestling Phy- P: STOP SAYING THAT! DM: Hey Moose. How's it going? MHJ: Ah pretty good, yourself? Hey Curt. DM: You know we have a match this week. MHJ: Yeah I saw that. Way to bring it with that lame ass promo. DM: How many times are you going to hit me with that chair? MHJ: How many times are you going to no-sell it? <There is a quiet pause between them and they look around uncomfortably while Poe just stares at them. Suddenly, Davin throws his coffee in Moose's face. Moose bellows in pain and the two of them brawl down the hallway> SDM: What the hell is going on here? P: I wish I knew. LD: Wrestling - P: So help me, say it again, and you're eating a Hieroglyph. S: So touchy. He's just answering your question. E: Yeah, it's Wrestling Physics. Don't you read the archives? *We hear lots of loud clanging as Davin and Moose have apparently found their way into the kitchen* FFC: You're all in danger. If you come with me, I promise. No harm will come to you. DM: *from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the hot oil spot again this time! MHJ: *also from the kitchen* I am NOT doing the grill spot! SDM: This is just... *Suddenly Samantha Darling-Moreland goes sprinting by* SDM: STOP IT YOU TWO! YOU'VE GOT A MATCH! SDM: Who the hell was that? S: That was you SDM: WHAT? Poe: How the HELL is this even possible? <Voltage gets to his feet> V: Whooo! ROCK AND ROLL! I'M THE GNARLIEST DOUBLE CHAMP EV......OOOOF <Moose runs in and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, then walks away without a word after watching Moose clock Davin with a chair, again. From the kitchen we hear "I AM NOT FUCKING PLAYING, PUT THE GREASE DOWN! THEN TURN OFF THE DAMN GRILL! HOW MANY SPOTS DO YOU THINK WE CAN COME UP WITH? <pause> Something with the freezer? Good idea!> P: I really hate this place. I'm with you Lock. E: And disrupt the circle of life? Not me. SDM: No, it is NOTHING like that. *Hardbody Harris walks in* HH: It's JUST like that. *He and Fievel start singing "Circle of Life" from "The Lion King"* C'TGG'S: That's horrid. LD: THAT is Wrestling Physics, my friend. *Stank, Curt, Eco, Hardbody, FFC, and LD all start nodding* P: That's it. I fucking warned you. *Selena charges in* S: DON'T DO IT! P: Why? DM: *from the kitchen* THAT ICE CREAM IS HEAVY, YOU JERK! SDM: *from the kitchen* Since you two are in there, can you get me a popsicle? SDM: A popsicle? Really? *Firewoman wanders in* FW: You love popsicles. HH: From the day we arrive on the planet Fievel: And blinking, step into the sun HH: There's more to be seen than can ever be seen Fievel: More to do than can ever be done Selena: What are they singing? Poe: A Disney song Goddess Selena: Disney? Never heard of them <Voltage struggles to his feet again> V: Whoo......ooo, Roll and Rock, I'm the......the HURFFFF <Moose appears again and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, watches Moose slam Davin with a chair again, and listens to Moose and Davin fight in the kitchen, then looks satisfied and walks away> FFC: We need to stop Moose from doing that! S: Not until you tell us who you really are! FFC: *Sigh* Fine. I'm a centuries old wrestling entity known as the Smark. S: Bennett? FFC: No, no. THE Smark. I'm the original. E: You said you were centuries old when I know for a fact there were no smarks before the internet. FFC: A real smark would know that not to be true. S: What are you doing here? FFC: I've been trapped here on the neverending promo by the original Mark. He's the one that trapped you all here with me. Selena: Where is Uncle Moose going? P: I have no idea anymore <Samantha Darling-Moreland walks back to the small crowd with a popsicle and unwraps it........AND BEAST POPS OUT!> B: YAAAAAAARRRRGHGHGHH Where's Carl Coolname? LD: No rape B: What? LD: No rape B: Since when? LD: Since you raped Carl Coolname B: THAT'S BULLSHIT! Screw this place, I am out of here, I need some Taco Bell <Beast crashes through the arena walls and disappears from sight> SDM: WHY THE HELL DID SOMEONE JUST POP OUT OF MY POPSICLE?? P: Seriously, I am running out of words here.... FFC: Then come with me. P: I don't know. S: This is a lot for us process. Give us some time to think about it. FFC: There is no time. LD: I'm not going anywhere with you. E: I think I speak for everyone when I say none of us will. S: Is that a fade coming? *about to fade, again--except (CLICK)* FFC: Where's the fade? P: Did something just happen? Eco: While Davin was getting hit in the head with a chair, I set up an alternate camera. (Ninja cameraman waves) S: Which means? Eco: The promo can't end--or begin again--if the camera doesn't go off. So long as the camera is on us, we continue to exist and develop. LD: Good. So leave the camera on and we'll have some time to think-- (Eco grabs Fire and runs off.) Eco: Cameraman, follow us! (The cameraman obliges.) LD: Oh sh-- *fade, again* [Edited on 3-23-2010 by mooseheadjack] P: ... and who the HELL is mooseheadjack? S: What? P: It says Edited on March 23, 2010 by mooseheadjack. V: Dude, I think you're pronouncing the name wrong. S: Wow Poe. You not only broke the fade you've pushed us past the edit bracket. This promo is sick. SDM: Tell me about it. SDM: Tell US about it CTG: Wow there are TWO of you too. S: Last time there ended up being two of me... THAT was a NIGHTMARE to clean up. LD: Yeah and now there are two Davin's and three Moose... S: Meese? (Pause) CTG: Um...I guess this is my line now...Moose'ses siz? LD: Three MOOSEHEAD JACK'S, okay? P: I should have left with FF Capslock. S: You can try to leave, but the promo will always sucks us back in. (pause) S: Why did everyone get silent? SDM: Eco usually says something... V: OOOH! I have an idea! <Moose appears again and heartpunches Voltage, sending him to the floor, watches Moose slam Davin with a chair again, and listens to Moose and Davin fight in the kitchen, then looks on as Moose walks into the hall sipping a coffee and HEARTPUNCHES Voltage AGAIN while Voltage is slumped on the floor. Satisfied, Moose starts to walk away. No one registers any anger.> MEESE: HE had an idea. JINX! I said it FIRST! NO I said it FIRST! FUCK YOU! <Moose and Moose brawl with each other off camera.> S: Now I've seen everything. *Fade, again* *Outback Jack walks in, talking on his cell* OBJ: No,mate, it's not a fire alarm. The Destroyitarium has a Space-Time Discontinuity Alarm. We stole it from the Heros Guild a couple years ago, just to make sure we never get involved in a never-ending promo. *OBJ stops and looks around, drinks beer and belches* OBJ: Australian for damn! Ron Simmons: That was my line! FFC: Hiya Jack. OBJ: Lock. What are you doing here? FFC: Recruiting. *fade, again, into a STORYLINE-ADVANCING PROMO!* (Ecosystem and Firewoman are standing outside the Kravis Center for the Performing Arts in West Palm Beach.) Eco: Isn't it beautful? FW: I suppose. A little gaudy. Eco: I've wanted to come here for such a long time. Back in high school, I was so into theater and performance generally. I always wanted the chance to make the rounds in the United States. FW: When did that change? Eco: (looks at Fire) I mean, it didn't really. It's sort of what wrestling is about, isn't it? FW: Performance? Eco: Yeah. (They walk inside.) FW: I think it's more about competition. We don't call football players performers, we call them competitors. Eco: I can imagine it's felt more like competition for you. Always having something to prove? FW: Excuse me? Eco: Don't parry me off, it's difficult for a woman to achieve in this business at your level. Wrestle a couple of men occasionally as a sideshow, sure, go join Jacqueline Moore. But to compete consistently at the very highest level, that won't be handed to you on the basis of how well you entertain. (Eco and Firewoman look down from a balcony to a dance floor below. There seem to be fifty young ballerinas, all dancing to their own steps to the same rhythm.) FW: True. But at this point, I don't think I have to prove anything to anyone. Eco: Exactly. FW: Eh? Eco: If you're going to just make my points for me, I don't need to keep talking. FW: Cut the cryptic talk. Eco: You have nothing to prove, but you act like you do. You have this skewed conception of honor, where you always have to get someone back or exert the power you have just to assert yourself as the dominant force. I used to call this sadism and I used to decry it from the hilltops. FW: And now? Eco: And now I think it's really about establishing your position. Asserting your strength, proving your greatness. Which is why, no matter what you say now, I think you want that world title. FW: And you don't think I need it. Eco: You don't. That doesn't mean you shouldn't have it. FW: I thought you wanted me to reign myself in. Eco: No no no. I want you to be successful in every way. Remember... Eco: The problem is that your current path to success is like both our approach to healthcare in the United States and the recent Congressional fix. FW: Contentious? Eco: Unsustainable. (Fire and Eco walk down a gallery of art, ending at a shining statue of some emperor.) Eco: Do you know what great men and women have in common? Fire: Strength. Motivation. Leadership. Eco: Longevity. Fire: How do you account for martyrs? Eco: Few martyrs end up truly exalted for their death alone. You need to live long enough to make an impact, to keep on fighting long enough to change the business and everything around you. LD was right when he spoke about how he's been here from the beginning--his longevity will ensure he has a spot in history. I want you to keep fighting, but I also want you to have the will to fight day to day. That will can only come once you are at peace with yourself, and willing to make peace with others. I've discovered since returning that engaging in a little de-escalation from time to time is no impediment to success. The big dog may be feared, but she may not be respected nor honored--and vice versa. FW: Well...I can't speak to your idea of "peace" generally, but...something is bothering me. Eco: Yes? FW: If you want to be so high and mighty, protect people, make sure this business is stable...shouldn't we go back and get everyone out of that promo? Eco: (sighs) You're...you're right. FW: I often am. You forget this. (Eco and Firewoman walk out of the center, back to the arena, where they spy FF Capslock approaching Davin Moreland...) Eco: Just...turn it off. (The Ninja obliges.) <It appears that things are going to go back to normal, since the camera is off......or something......but before anyone can do anything......... *a muffled sound comes from off camera. FFC sighs and walks off into the shadows. A second later from out of those same shadows, Moosehead Jack returns carrying a chair and approaching Davin again. Suddenly, he WAFFLES Davin with a chair shot to the head, again and walks away, again. Davin shakes his head a few times, completing the no-sell of the chair shot, again* DM: Moosehead Jack! I will hit you so hard that I will hit you very hard, Moosehead Jack! *Davin shakes his fist in the general direction of Moosehead Jack, again* ......everyone looks around, wondering what to do, when Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster run into the scene and SLAM FF Capslock and Stank upside the head with Invisible Ninja Cameramen!> Stank: OWWW! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR? FFC: Three of us don't even WORK here anymore! JA: THAT IS REVENGE! AA: YEAH! REVENGE! FFC: REVENGE FOR FUCKING WHAT? AA: Ummm........guys, what are we doing again? <SYB and Skurge walk over with what appears to be a script> SYB: Ok, this is where AA says "woah take it easy son" Skurge: And Stank says "I ain't easy, and I ain't your son, I'll fight you right now!" SYB: Then AA hits him with a revolver.......ok go! AA: Woah, take it easy son <Stank just stands there staring at AA> AA: WHY IS HE NOT SAYING HIS LINE? FFC: This place is still fucking weird <From the kitchen> DM: WHO THE FUCK WOULD USE A SLAP CHOP TO THE HEAD? OWW! MHJ: YOU THREW TARTAR SAUCE ON ME! I HATE FISH<Voltage gets to his feet, tries to speak, and before Moose can heartpunch him again, he falls to the floor> *FADE* ....*click*....*FADE IN* FW: It didn't work. Eco: I see that..... FW: This is all like a bad episode of Star Trek. Eco: Yeah.... FW: So....you've noticed my lack of violence lately, what makes you think-- Eco: I told you. It's temporary. FW: I don't think it is. I think I've... Eco: Lost your smile? FW: Eww.....no....I just want out. So, I don't really need saving. Eco: Yes, you do...even more so than you realize. FW: Maybe, but here we are at Rick's office....I have a meeting with him...contract stuff. Eco: Well....good luck. But I think you're making a mistake. Lucky walks up as Ecosystem leaves.FW: Well? L: Well what? FW: Did you find-- L: There appear to be no black piglets in the greater West Palm Beach area. FW: What? That's ridiculous.... L: It's not ridiculous, it's West Palm Beach. Pigs aren't generally known for hanging out on beaches. FW: What about the surrounding-- L: There might be, but every farm I called to ask wanted to know what I wanted it for...I didn't know what to tell them. FW: The truth? L: Seriously? FW: Okay...fine, I'll do it myself...let's get this over with..... They enter the office as we hear<From the kitchen> DM: WHO THE FUCK WOULD USE A SLAP CHOP TO THE HEAD? OWW! MHJ: YOU THREW TARTAR SAUCE ON ME! I HATE FISH<Voltage gets to his feet, tries to speak, and before Moose can heartpunch him again, he falls to the floor> Firewoman and Lucky leave Rick's officeL: Well, that's that then. What are you going to do. FW: Just what I said I would I guess. L: But Rick said -- FW: Fuck him...he can't even keep this feedback loop from stopping. Samantha Darling-Moreland walks bySDM: Want a popsicle? FW: Depends are there tranquilizers in it? SDM: So bitter.... *Davin comes STORMING~! out of the kitchen holding a Slap Chop* DM: A SLAP CHOP! A motherfucking SLAP CHOP! Vince (from Slap Chop): We're gonna make America skinny again! One slap at a time! LD: Ok THIS, I didn't expect. V: You're gonna LOVE my nuts! *Moose, covered in tartar sauce, HEARTPUNCHES~! Vince, who dies. Seconds later, Moose comes in sipping coffee as Voltage tries to stand again and HEARTPUNCHES~! him. Suddenly, there are a lot of Meese around* MHJ: That was a shitty heartpunch. MHJ: It was not. Come here...I'll show you. *Suddenly, all the Meese start Heartpunching each other. And Skip, Chad and Zane's Horse trots in, and has a seat* P: *apoplectic* I give up. Really. I can leave, right? FFC: Oh sure, but you'll just end up back here. P: Fine *he sits against the wall*. Alexander Darling: *from down the hall* WHERE IS SHAWN JOHNSON??!?! SHE'S SUPPOSE TO SHOW ME UNEVEN BARS TODAY! DM: (one of them) She like blew out her knee and broke her leg and is pretty much dead or whatever. AD: WHEN? DM: Like weeks ago. Wait a second. SDM: What? DM: Who's the President?AD: The fuck? DM: Alexander, who's the President?AD: Duh. Everybody knows thatDM: Just tell me.AD: It's Jimmy Carter![/url] *Tytan wanders into the hallway. L.D. Williams kicks him in the stomach and hits a Canadian Destroyer. Voltage makes the three count and hands L.D. the DDT Ironman Heavy Metal Title.* LDW: “WHOOO! ROCK AND ROLL! I’M THE GNARLIEST DOUBLE CHAMP EVER!!” Eco: “Doesn’t count.” LDW: “Huh?” Eco: “Promo loop. Nothing that happens in here matters in the real world. Look.” *Tytan walks by, still carrying the title.* LDW: “Crap.” Voltage: “Ha Ha!” *L.D. KILLS Voltage with a Canadian Destroyer and then rolls him to his feet and holds him in place so a passing Moose can hit a Heartpunch.* <fade> |
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 12, 2010 18:57:35 GMT -5
<GM the Rick appears in the Hallway of Random Encounters> GMtR: Ok what the hell is going on? LDW: Wrestling physics GMtR: Not on my watch, you all have matches starting NOW, enough of this promo! <with that the extra Moose's, Davin's and all the characters no longer in the OOWF disappear and things return to "normal"> GMtR: Very well then, on with the show! Poe: That doesn't make this place any less weird OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From West Palm Beach, Florida FIREWOMAN & OUTBACK JACK vs. RAVENNA BLUE & MATT FOLZRavenna Blue and Matt Folz are announced first. Ravenna sprints to the ring slapping hands and playing to the crowd. She slides under the bottom rope and springs to the middle rope and plays to the crowd. Folz slowly walks toward the ring, not looking pleased at all to be in this match. He lingers at ringside while Outback Jack is announced and heads to the ring. Jack steps into the ring, keeping an eye on Folz the whole time. Finally Firewoman is announced……..but she does not appear. She is announced a second time, but still nothing. Outback Jack looks around for her, maybe expecting a sneak attack, but nothing happens. Folz smirks and grabs a chair, then opens it and sits down crossing his arms. The referee seems to take this as a sign that he wants nothing to do with the match either, so he calls for the bell, and evidently we are going to get a singles match. Ravenna and Jack circle and lock up, Jack catches her with a knee to the midsection and sends her to the ropes and tries a side slam, but Ravenna turns it into a head scissors and snaps him to the mat. Ravenna and Jack both get to their feet and Ravenna connects with a drop kick to the jaw that sends Jack to the corner. Ravenna charges in and tries a monkey flip, but Jack holds on and Ravenna hits the mat. As she stands up Jack leaps to the second rope and catches her with a flying clothesline for a one count. Jack pulls Ravenna to her feet, scoops her up and plants her on the mat with a body slam. Jack drops a leg across her chest and covers again, and once again Ravenna kicks out at two. Jack grabs an arm bar and tries to put pressure on Ravenna’s surgically repaired shoulder, but Ravenna shows her flexibility and lands several kicks to Jack’s head forcing the break. Ravenna springs to her feet, and as Jack charges in, she POPS him with a super kick to the jaw! Ravenna pulls Jack to the corner and sets him up for the DIAMOND DUST but Jack holds on to the top rope and Ravenna flies across the ring. As she gets to her feet, Jack clubs her on the back of the head with a BOOMERANG, then picks her up and hits the CHOMP! Jack rolls her over and covers, but Matt Folz slides into the ring, kicks Jack on the back of the head, pulls him to his feet and PLANTS him with a hammerlock DDT, then drags a barely conscious Ravenna on top of him. Folz leaves the ring and heads to the back, the referee has no choice, he makes the three count, this one is over. WINNERS in 9:43 – Ravenna Blue & Matt Folz SPIN HANSEN & CHRIS EVANS vs. TYTAN & DH MAGNUSSONSpin Hansen and Chris Evans are announced first and the two of them come to the ring. Spin and Evans chat in the corner for a moment. Tytan and DH Magnusson are announced next. They come out, but certainly not together. Magnusson rolls into the ring and he and Spin bump knuckles and Magnusson heads to the opposite corner. Tytan slowly climbs into the ring, and evidently he decides that he wants to start things for his team. Evans steps in and the referee calls for the bell. Evans and Tytan lock up, but Tytan shoves him face first to the mat. Evans rolls right to his feet and moves in to lock up again, and once again Tytan shoves him to the mat by his face. Evans gets to his feet and moves to lock up a third time Tytan tries to shove him down again and Evans slips behind him and rolls him up for a one count. Tytan kicks out with authority. Evans charges in as Tytan stands up and catches him with an enzuguri, then springs off the middle ropes and catches him with a moonsault DDT. Evans covers again and once again Tytan kicks out with authority. Evans pulls Tytan to his feet and tags in Spin, but before Spin steps into the ring, Tytan breaks away and slaps Magnusson on the chest bringing him into the match. Magnusson is not thrilled about the rough tag, but he steps between the ropes. The crowd roars as the two Drink and Destroy members square off in the middle of the ring. They bump knuckles once again and lock up. Spin pushes Magnusson into the corner and the referee calls for a clean break and gets it. Spin backs into the middle of the ring, and they lock up again. Spin goes behind Magnusson and tries to take him down with a waist lock, but DH lands an elbow to the side of Spin’s head, then turns around and nails him with a kick to the midsection doubling him over. Magnusson hits the ropes, but Tytan tags himself in. Tytan charges in and DROPS Spin with a clothesline. Tytan drops an elbow across his chest and covers, but he only gets a one count. Tytan pulls Spin up and scoops him up and plants him with a body slam, then bounds off the ropes and tries a knee drop, but Spin moves out of the way. Tytan tries to crawl across the ring and tag in Magnusson, but Magnusson drops off the apron. Tytan gets to his feet and turns around and walks right into a SPINEBUSTER from Spin! Spin covers, but Tytan kicks out at two. Spin tags in Evans, and he climbs to the top rope and hits a PERFECT SSP for another two count. Tytan gets to his feet and staggers to his corner, where DH slaps him on the chest as hard as he can, sending him to his knees. The referee counts that as a tag and Magnusson comes in and ducks a clothesline from Evans and nearly decapitates him with a boot to the face. As DH bounds off the opposite ropes, Tytan grabs a handful of hair. DH spins around and Tytan grabs his head and SNAPS him on the top rope! DH staggers backward and Evans grabs him and rolls him up for the one, two, THREE! WINNERS in 12:46 – Spin Hansen & Chris Evans DH gets to his feet and slips out of the ring and he and Tytan start throwing down. They look like they might just kill one another when officials and Spin Hansen get between them and break them up. LD WILLIAMS vs. ECOSYSTEM vs. CONCRETE TG – OOWF Onslaught Championship MatchConcrete TG is out first, marching down the aisle and pausing occasionally to shake hands with a fan or pose for a picture. He climbs into the ring and poses on the turnbuckles, and then hops down to face the entrance. Ecosystem is out next. He pauses on the stage and soaks in the crowd's reaction, and then makes his way to the ring. He and CTG go toe-to toe, but referee Junior Hale steps between them and sends them back to their corners. OOWF Onslaught Champion L.D. Williams, representing the Five, ignores the mixed reaction he receives from the fans and heads to the ring. He stands on the apron and holds the belt high, then hands it to Junior before stepping into the ring. Junior calls for the bell and we're underway. Williams steps back and gestures for his opponents to start. Eco and CTG circle, and then both turn and nail Williams with stereo dropkicks. They bring him out of the corner with a tandem monkey flip, and Eco sits Williams up and holds him in place as CTG comes of the ropes with a dropkick to the face. CTG rolls to his feet, and Eco takes his head off with a super kick. Eco falls on Williams, but only gets a two count. Eco drags Williams to his feet and backs him into the corner.. He hits a chop, and CTG slams into from behind with a shoulder block. Eco's and Williams' skulls collide, and Eco stumbles back. CTG drops him with a reverse DDT. CTG sends Williams across the ring and follows, but Williams gets his feet up. CTG stumbles back and Williams levers him onto his shoulders and pitches him over the ropes. Eco is up and throws a kick at Williams but Williams catches it, sweeps his other leg, and rolls him over into a sharpshooter. Eco immediately grabs the bottom rope. Ecosystem has used his first rope break.Williams releases the hold and drives his knee into the back of Eco's knee. He drags him to the middle of the ring and smashes his knee into the mat. He starts to tie on the STF, but CTG KILLS him with a springboard clothesline. CTG rolls to his feet and dives on Eco for the cover, but only gets two. He immediately covers Williams, but also only gets two. He lifts Williams into a sitting position, but Eco dives over him, snapping CTG's head into Williams' shoulder. Eco rolls to his feet and drives a knee into William's head. He pulls CTG into a suplex, but Williams clips his knee and throws him off balance. CTG takes advantage and reverses the suplex. As they land Williams hits a dual fist drop on both men. Williams drags Eco up and rocks him with a European uppercut. He sends him to the ropes and hits a backdrop. CTG is up, and Williams belly-to-belly suplexes him onto Eco. Williams sends CTG across the ring and follows him, but CTG dives out of the way. Williams grabs the ropes to stop himself, and CTG rolls him up, nearly getting a three count. CTG gets up, and Eco drops him with a backstabber. He grabs Williams and tries for the Endgame, but Williams elbows free. He drops and turns, sweeping Eco's legs as CTG dropkicks him in the face. CTG scrambles to cover, but Williams drags him off. CTG and Williams exchange chops, with Williams gaining the advantage and backing him into the corner. Williams lifts CTG onto the top turnbuckle and climbs up as they exchange forearms. Eco climbs up beside him and motions for a tandem suplex. Williams nods, then turns and drives Eco to the mat with an STO. He hooks the leg, but CTG breaks it up with a senton splash. With all three men down, Junior starts to count. Concrete is the first to get up. He drags Williams to his feet and ties him in the Dragnet, but is too close to the ropes and Williams grabs them for the break. L.D. Williams has used his first rope break.Concrete immediately releases the hold. He drags Williams to the middle of the ring and tries for the Dragnet again, but Williams turns it into a hip toss. CTG rolls to his feet and Williams buries a knee in his stomach. He sets up the Canadian Destroyer, but CTG grabs the ropes to block. He switches his grip to Williams' legs, levering him back up. Eco comes off the ropes and they hit a 3-D. CTG rolls Williams over and covers, but Eco kicks him off. Eco pulls CTG up and drives a forearm into his back. He grabs him in a waist lock – Chaos Theory! Eco makes the cover and Junior counts One...Two...Thr – Williams dives in to break it up. He pulls Eco to his feet – Canadian Destroyer! Williams covers and Junior counts One...Two...Thr – Concrete hits a sliding kick to the head. Williams staggers to his feet and CTG hooks him from behind – Long Arm of the Law! CTG covers and Junior counts One...Two...Th – Eco breaks it up. The three men get slowly to their feet. CTG ducks a punch from Eco and hits an atomic drop. Williams grabs CTG and plants him with a release German suplex. Williams gets up and Eco doubles him over with a kick to the midsection. He sets up a suplex, but before he can hit it the bell rings. WINNER - 15 Minute Time Limit Draw – L.D. Williams retains the Onslaught Championship. After the match: Junior hands the belt to Williams who holds it high before draping the belt over his shoulder and extending his hand? Concrete looks surprised, but steps forward to accept the handshake. A moment later, Eco does the same. Williams nods and exits the ring. He holds the belt high again before heading to the back. RAVENNA BLUE & MATT FOLZ vs. SPIN HANSEN & CHRIS EVANSSpin and Evans are announced again and they come to the ring. The crowd gives them a loud ovation. Ravenna Blue and Matt Folz are announced next, and they come to the ring separately again. Ravenna looks less than happy about what went down earlier, and Folz looks completely uninterested. Once again, he grabs a chair and sits at ringside. Ravenna looks on in disbelief as the bell rings. Chris Evans is in the ring for his team and we are ready to go. Evans and Ravenna lock up and Evans backs Ravenna to the corner, the referee calls for a clean break and gets it, but as Ravenna moves to the middle of the ring, Evans shocks her with a deep arm drag. Ravenna springs right back to her feet and Evans monkey flips her, but Ravenna lands on her feet and runs to the ropes. Evans drops back to the mat and Ravenna steps over him and hits the ropes, Evans leapfrogs her on the rebound and hits the ropes himself. They both go for a cross body block on the rebound and take one another out in mid-air. They both get to their feet quickly and spend a good part of the next ten minutes putting on a wrestling clinic. Matt Folz never once moves from his chair, and Spin seems pretty content to watch the match from the apron. Evans catches Ravenna with a pump handle back breaker and climbs to the top rope, but Ravenna fights to her feet and runs the corner, snapping Evans off with a hurracarana. Evans bounces off the mat toward his corner and finally makes the tag to Spin. Ravenna sees Spin slowly stepping into the ring and crawls to her corner and looks for a tag from Folz, but he remains sitting on the chair and doesn’t move a muscle. Ravenna pulls herself to her feet and Spin charges and clotheslines her over the top rope to the floor. Finally Folz gets to his feet, but only to pull Ravenna up and shoot her back into the ring. Spin gives him the “what the fuck” look, but Folz ignores it and sits back down. Spin drops an elbow across Ravenna’s chest and covers for a two count. Spin pulls Ravenna to her feet and rocks her with a European uppercut, then grabs her and lifts her for a vertical suplex, leaving her up there for a long time to think about it, then driving her to the mat again. Spin floats over and covers again, but once again Ravenna kicks out at two. Spin takes the next several minutes and basically beats the crap out of Ravenna, but can’t keep her down. Ravenna gets a glimmer of hope when she catches Spin with a boot to the face as he is charging into the corner. Ravenna climbs to the middle rope and leaps, but Spin recovers and catches her with a BRUTAL spine buster. Spin tags in Evans and he leaps to the top rope and hits a SSP, then tags Spin back into the match. Spin falls on Ravenna and locks her in the Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. Folz slides into the ring with the chair and tries to use it on Spin when the referee isn’t looking, but Evans launches himself into the ring and catches him with spin kick that knocks the chair back into his face and sends him between the ropes. Ravenna has no chance of breaking the hold and has to tap out. WINNERS in 16:44 – Spin Hansen & Chris Evans Hansen and Evans raise their arms in victory, then look at one another warily. They were teammates to get to this point, but in just a few minutes, they will be enemies gunning for the biggest prize in wrestling. POE & STANK vs. TEXPRESS – OOWF World Tag Team Title MatchMath to be added. This one was a giant clusterfuck. Multiple referees were knocked out, and the match ended in a double pin. Confusion reigned supreme until GM the Rick came out and declared the titles held up, and a rematch to take place at the pay per view. DAVIN MORELAND vs. MOOSEHEAD JACK – OOWF Intercontinental Title MatchMoosehead Jack comes out to a chorus of boos, and slumps in the corner, as customary. "Toxicity" fires up and the crowd responds likewise, erupting when Davin Moreland, accompanied by Samantha comes to the ring. Davin panders as only he can, and gets into the ring with his Double Jump of Awesomeness. Moose leaves his corner, like he's bored and heads to the center of the ring, but keeps his eyes on Samantha for some reason. He leans over the ropes, and has some choice words for her, something about drugging people in alleys. Davin takes offense at this, and pulls Moose around by the shoulder to face him. He appears to be trying to reason with him? Really? Moose smirks as Davin is explaining something and gesturing toward Samantha. Finally, Moose has had enough and hauls off with a HUGE right to the jaw. The sheer force spins Davin around. He rubs his jaw, shakes his head, smiles and turns with a HUGE right of his own. This spins Moose around, and he rubs his jaw, shakes his head, smiles...and we are ON! At some point the bell rings, not that Davin or Moose care. They are trading haymakers back and forth as the referee can't keep track of who he's supposed to be warning. Finally he just starts counting. At about four, Davin ducks a punch and gets Moose around the waist. He runs him back hard into the ring post, and applies three or four more shoulder blocks. He backs up, as Moose staggers a bit out of the corner, clutching his ribs. Davin hits the ropes and lands a Bulldog. He flips Moose over for a pin, but Moose is up at barely two. Davin merely laughs and stands, and puts the boots to Moose for a bit. He grabs Moose by the hair, pulls him up (drawing a warning), and then lifts him up for a very delayed...something......the blood is rushing to Moose's head, but Davin waits ... and waits.... and then whap......It's a delayed backbreaker. Moose lands hard on the mat, coughs, and Davin goes for another pin. This time Moose kicks out at two, and Davin sits back shaking his head. He stands, and goes to lean over Moose, but Moose reaches up and goozles Davin. He uses Davin's throat to pull himself up. Once on his feet, Moose hits a choke slam, leaving Davin grasping his throat, and a warning from the referee. Davin rolls to the side and pulls himself up the ropes, but Moose is waiting. He comes behind him and gets him into a full nelson. He lifts, and hits a Chimera Plex! Now it's Moose's turn for the pin, but Davin kicks out at two. Moose stands, smirking, and turns towards Samantha, making the [redacted]-esque slash across the throat. But he doesn't see Davin, who rolls toward him and chop blocks him from behind. Moose drops down to one knee, and Davin hits the ropes, and comes out with a Dolphin Kick. Moose falls over, and Davin hits the nearest ropes for a moonsault, impressive as that always is for a big man. But Moose sees it and rolls out of the ring, allowing Davin to eat canvas. Moose walks around on the floor, and appears to be ignoring Samantha, but its close enough for Davin. Davin slingshots himself over the top rope for a flying cross body. Both men are down, and we go to ads. No we don't....this is OOWF! The referee is hitting six when Moose inexplicably pulls himself up first. He rolls into the ring and stands, waiting for Davin, who soon follows. Davin is on the apron outside the rope, and Moose guillotines him off the top rope, sending him flying back to the floor. Moose rolls out after him, and helps Davin up, and into the steel steps. He gets Davin again and throws him toward the ring post, but Davin counters, and Moose ends up getting a ring post to the face. Davin rolls Moose into the ring, and follows going up to the corner. He crouches down on top, waiting, as Moose gets to his feet slowly. Moose walks toward Davin, and Davin hits Sweet Dreams. Moose's eyes roll back into his head, and Davin makes a cover, one..two...NO! Davin can't believe it as he slowly stands. The referee pushes Davin back, and it appears Moose is bleeding a bit..okay, a lot from the ring post. Moose pushes the referee angrily off of him and uses the ropes to climb up. Both men gather their energy and Moose runs at Davin as he turns to face him, hitting a Buisaku Knee. Davin goes down and Moose makes the cover, one..two...no! Davin gets his arm up. The referee backs Moose away from Davin, who slowly gets to his feet, shaking the cobwebs. Moose advances, and Davin reacts instinctively and hits a Pretty Good Given the Circumstances Diamond Cutter. Davin stands, and then turns to roll Moose over. Once he does, Moose strikes upward with a fist...HEARTPUNCH! Davin drops, and the two men lay there. The referee begins the count, as both men start to try to regroup. They each roll out of opposite sides of the ring, forcing the referee to start over. Moose goes to one side of the ring and looks underneath, and Davin does the same on the other side. They both come up simultaneously, Moose with the baseball bat, and Davin with the clangy pole. They turn and meet in front of the Lithuanian Announce Table, and begin wailing on each other. The referee yells over the ropes at them, but it's no use, as the weapons fly and so does the blood. Finally, he decides that enough is enough, and calls for the bell. WINNER – No Contest in 18:03 ALEXANDER DARLING vs. CHRIS EVANS vs. SPIN HANSEN – OOWF World Heavyweight Title MatchChris Evans is announced first and he sprints to the ring and slides under the bottom rope and poses on the middle rope. The fans applaud his efforts earlier in the night and he bows in the middle of the ring. Spin Hansen is announced next and gets a thunderous ovation as he comes to the ring through the crowd. Spin hops the guard rail and slides into the ring. Spin and Evans meet in the middle of the ring and bump knuckles, then head to the corner and wait for the world champion. The OOWF World Heavyweight Champion Alexander Darling is announced and he comes out to the top of the ramp and pauses as the spotlight focuses on him. Darling is still wearing a mask and a t-shirt to cover his damaged ribs and gruesome cuts on his chest. The fans erupt for the hometown hero and he slowly heads to the ring. Alexis pauses at ringside and embraces his family members, who are surrounded by security, real security, not wrestling security. Alexander Darling slowly climbs the stairs and steps between the ropes. He slowly looks around the arena and eyes the fans who are giving him a standing ovation. Alex slowly takes the title from around his waist and slowly raises it into the air. This makes the fans go completely batshit. Darling hands the title to the referee and he holds it into the air, then hands it off and calls for the bell. Evans and Darling move to the middle of the ring and lock up. As they are struggling for position, Spin comes off the ropes and SPEARS Darling! Darling hits the mat and Spin grabs Evans and throws him over the top rope to the floor. Darling is grabbing his ribs in pain, Spin covers him, but the champ manages to kick out at two. Spin pulls Alex to his feet and shoves him into the corner and LIGHTS HIM UP with chops to the chest. After a few of them, you can see blood staining Darling’s shirt where the fresh wounds are reopened. Spin pulls Darling out of the corner and sends him to the ropes and lowers his head, but as Darling hits the ropes, Evans low bridges him sending him tumbling over the top rope. Evans springs to the top rope and hits a sunset flip on Spin, getting a two count. Evans pops back to his feet and sees Darling on his feet outside the ring. He charges and dives over the top rope, but Darling moves out of the way and Evans crashes to the floor. As he gets up, Darling drops him with a running clothesline, then slides under the ropes back into the ring. Spin charges at the champ, but Darling ducks a clothesline, and hits a Pele kick that cracks Spin on top of the skull. Darling covers Spin, but only gets a one count. Darling pulls Spin to his feet and catches him with a Side Russian Leg sweep and covers, but Evans comes in from the outside and breaks it up with a kick to Darling’s ribs. Evans pulls Darling to his feet and sends him to the ropes, but lowers his head a moment too soon and Darling catches him with a swinging neck breaker. Darling covers, but Spin breaks it up. Spin pulls Darling to his feet and buries several knees into his ribs, then sends him to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a power slam. Spin covers, but Darling gets his foot on the bottom rope before the three count. Evans grabs Spin and pulls him up, and Darling rolls out of the ring and falls to the floor, gasping for air and grabbing his ribs. Inside the ring, Evans catches Spin on the jaw with a drop kick, sending him into the corner. Evans charges in and tries a monkey flip, but Spin catches him and turns around and sets him on the top rope. Evans catches Spin with several kicks to the face as he comes in and Spin staggers backward. Spin charges back into the corner and climbs to the middle rope, but Evans connects with several more shots and shoves Spin off. Spin hits the mat and Evans lands the TORONTO TWISTER! Evans covers, but Spin kicks out at two. Evans waits for Spin to get to his feet, as he does, Evans charges and tries a hurracarana, but Spin catches him and PLANTS him with a power bomb! Spin keeps Evans folded in half and covers, but Darling scrambles into the ring and clips Spin’s knee from behind. Spin falls to the mat in pain, Darling pulls Evans to his feet, hammerlocks his arm and sends him shoulder first into the steel ring post. Darling then grabs Spin’s leg and locks him in a figure four leg lock! Spin howls in pain, but he refuses to give up. Spin tries several times to reverse the move, but each time, Darling keeps Spin from turning the move over. Finally Spin collapses to the mat and Darling falls back again, keeping the pressure on Spin’s leg. Just when it looks like Spin might actually tap out, Evans comes out of nowhere with a FIVE STAR FROGSPLASH! Darling breaks the hold and Evans covers him, and gets a two and ninety-nine one hundredths when Spin pulls him off of the champ. Evans and Spin get to their feet and they trade shots in the middle of the ring. Spin gets the better of the exchange and whips Evans to the ropes, but Evans springs off the middle rope and hits him with the ICARUS STRIKE! Spin staggers and Evans grabs him for the ICARUS WINGS, but Spin shoves him aside just as Darling is charging him from behind. Spin catches Darling and PLANTS him with a SPINEBUSTER! Darling bounces off the mat, clearly in severe pain and rolls out of the ring to the floor. Inside the ring, Spin and Evans continue to battle. As Alexander Darling struggles to his feet, a banged up Moosehead Jack limps down the ramp, barbed wire bat in hand. Darling climbs onto the apron and tries to get into the ring when Moose BURIES the bat into his midsection. The referee sees this and immediately calls for the bell. WINNER – No Contest in 10:51 Moose continues to hammer Darling with the barbed wire bat, tearing at his mask with the barbs, drawing blood. Moose gets to his feet and rolls into the ring and gets to his feet, daring Darling to get in there with him. Spin and Evans are still in there, and are not happy at all that their chance at the world title was ruined by Moose. Evans grabs Moose and spins him around, Moose swings at Evans, but Evans goes low, sweeping Moose’s legs as Spin charges in with a clothesline! TOTAL ELIMINATION! MOOSE IS CUT IN HALF! Spin grabs Moose and lifts him for a POWERBOMB a second later, Evans crashes down on Moose with a SSP! Moose grabs his ribs in pain as Evans and Spin leave the ring to the cheers of the crowd. Moose drags himself across the ring and falls off the apron and crawls toward Darling. The two of them meet and start rolling around the floor clawing at one another. The Darling Security Detail hops the guard rail and pulls them apart as OOWF officials flood ringside trying to keep them from killing one another. As Moose is dragged up the ramp snarling and swearing at Darling, Alexis hands Alexander the title, and a bloody, battered Alexander Darling holds the world title up in the air as the crowd roars and we fade to black. Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action! Be sure to check out the MADNESS 6 PPV. Live! March 28th from Youngstown, Ohio! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem March 31st from Lima, Ohio!
For all your OOWF shopping needs, check out www.cafepress.com/oowfshirts For all your OOWF History needs, visit the OOWF Archives at www.oowfwrestling.com
Join us for OOWF Chat on Wednesday nights! |
|
