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Post by BookerShark on Aug 23, 2011 1:14:41 GMT -5
Cold open backstage in the luxury locker room.
Psykle: So let me get this straight, I won the number one contenders match, right?
IQ: Yup.
Psykle: I pinned Folz to win it, too.
IQ: Yup.
Psykle: Yet somehow, someway, I don't have a title shot this week, and Folz does.
IQ: That about sums it up.
Psykle: IN WHAT WAY DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?!?!?
IQ: I don't know. Maybe they booked this match thinking that Folz was going to win, and then just forgot to change the card. Who knows what goes through the heads of the bookers?
Psykle: So instead, I've got Moose in a standard match?
IQ: Seems like.
Psykle: When do I get my title shot then?
IQ: I don't know, I'd guess at the Pay Per View, maybe. Hopefully the GM will let us know.
Psykle: Fine. Instead I've got Moose...the one Quinn that won't run.
IQ: That you do.
Psykle: That's fine, we've done this dance before, and no matter what happens, the one thing I can guarantee is we will tear the house down and put on one hell of a match.
IQ: That you will.
Psykle: So, Moose and me go at it again. He's feeling a little uppity about how people have been treating him, whatever, I've treated him the same way from the get go. I respect his abilities and don't question his strengths, but his focus, that's the one spot he and I both could use work on. I look forward to the match on Wednesday...though I am curious...
IQ: Curious about what?
Psykle: Well, we both seem to want to focus on the Onslaught Division...I wonder if he'd want to have our match changed to be contested under Onslaught rules. Might be a nice change of pace from our normal back and forth blood brawls.
IQ: Hmmm...wonder if it's not too late to change it...I'll send word over to Moose's camp to see if he's interested. We'll go from there.
Psykle: Either way, fun times will ensue.
Psykle gets an evil look on his face as we fade to black.
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Post by BookerShark on Aug 23, 2011 1:15:22 GMT -5
Firewoman is SITTING~! at a bar, looking at her whiskey, still fuming. Her cut lip has stopped bleeding. Kai and Aina come in, see her, and sit on either side.
Kai: The Kai is glad to see you.[/i]
FW: Don't start.
Aina: Don't mind him, Fire. Whatcha drinkin'?
FW: Whiskey, what else.
Aina: This is a nicer place than you usually--
FW: I'm supposed to stay away from places, things, and people that might...um....wait...I have it written down here.
Firewoman pulls out a piece of paper and hands it to Kai and hands it to Aina.
Aina: "trigger your post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms or encourage aggressive or angry behavior." Wow, this is a long list...what all they got you doing?
FW: Well...I've got cognitive therapy to "change my thinking" for the present, drug therapy to help maintain it while I'm learning "new thinking patterns," and then psychotherapy to uncover the "unresolved subconscious issues that...." I dunno...do stuff.
Kai: Wow...You did that with the finger quotes and everything.
Firewoman shrugs and takes a drink, clearly still tense though.
FW: Why are you here?
Aina: We were looking for your pilikua.
FW: Huh?
Kai: Alex.
FW: Oh...he's not here. And, no I don't know where he is.
Aina: We need to talk about our Campeones de Trios match.
Voice: Hey! Back off! She's my partner!
They turn around and see Chad Madison with a bottle of Aquafina from the bar.
CM: Fire's joining US for the Trios.
FW: Relax, cowboy, they were looking for Alex.
Kai and Aina stand up in the presence of their tag team rival, who does not back down. Fire rolls her eyes.
FW: Can we tone down the testosterone? If you guys start fighting, I'll have to get involved which will...um....*checking her paper* "significantly interfere with the recovery process.""
They all look at her, then look at each other, with the Mutual Expression of We'll Settle This Later.
Aina: Right...we'll see you later, Fire.
FW: Yeah...and remember...anything happens to Alex....
Kai: We know.
They leave with another glare exchange with Chad who sits down.
FW: Not in the mood, Chad.
CM: I just wanted to tell you about--
FW: Chad, I know. Zane's not interested. He doesn't like me. I don't know why.....
CM: Well, he doesn't like the influence you have....er, had on me....
FW: It's ancient history, Chad...
CM: I know! But it's not even that so much anymore it's...whatever influence Moose will--
FW: Not an issue.
CM: But there's Alex too...
FW: What? That doesn't even make sense.
CM: Well, he said we could do Freebird rules maybe.....so at first, me, you and Davin....
FW: Freebird rules? So you mean.....
CM: .....
FW: I dunno....I'd have to think. I clearly don't do well in groups.
CM: Yeah, but you're getting better, right?
FW: .....
CM: You didn't retaliate on that sparring partner...
FW: No, but I wanted to.
CM: I know, but...
FW: No, I really REALLY wanted to....
CM: Oh....
FW: So, I came here to find... um.... *she gets her paper out again*.... "appropriate outlets for dealing with excessive energy and patient's need for elevated levels of endorphins, adrenaline...." ... and more stuff like that.....
CM: OOooooooooooooh....so you're checking out the local talent.....I'll leave...I don't want to get in the way of your game.....
FW: You know...I thought I was....but....I think I just want to go back to the Suites...work off my 'excessive energy' there....
CM: Whoa, really? Staying on the reservation?
FW: Yeah....I think I am.....huh.
Chad starts to say something, but then they are both distracted by Psykle's promo.
CM: So....
FW: Okay...maybe a slight detour....
She lights up a cigarette and starts to head out of the bar.
CM: Wait, Fire....so are you in? For the Trios?
FW: Yeah, sure...
FADE as Fire leaves.
FADE back in.
FW: Chad?
CM: Yeah, Lisa?
FW: You can call me by my real name.
CM: Um, I know?
FW: Zane can NOT.
CM: Oh...gotcha....
FADE out again as Fire leaves again....
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Post by BookerShark on Aug 23, 2011 1:16:33 GMT -5
*Stank is accosted by SFJ#11*
SFJ#11 - You'll have to excuse me. I had a long night last night with Chad Madison.
Stank - You must be new.
SFJ#11 - I started three months ago.
Stank - What's your name?
SFJ#11 - Candy.
Stank - Seriously?
SFJ#11 - With an "I" and two "E's"
Stank - Candiee?
Candiee - Correct.
Stank -
Candiee -
Stank - Nice chatting with you. Buh-bye.
Candiee - Wait!
Stank - Right. You want an interview.
SFJ#11 - Yes sir.
Stank - Ask your questions.
SFJ#11 - How do you respond to Eric O'Mac calling you the son of a motherless elephant?
Stank - He said that?
SFJ#11 - Yep.
Stank - That doesn't sound like something he would say?
SFJ#11 - You can check with him if you don't believe me.
Stank - My response is that you're lying and that I don't need to check with Eric to know you're lying.
SFJ#11 - Okay fine. What about the rumors that Chris Evans wants to eat your children?
Stank - That's nuts.
SFJ#11 - And that Davin Moreland is the bastard child of Hugh Morris?
Stank - You don't really work here, do you?
SFJ#11 - I'm sorry, I meant Hugh Grant.
Stank - That actually makes even less sense.
SFJ#11 - Several sources have identified you as Rampage Jackson's mystery partner in his upcoming bout against UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Jon Jones at UFC 135.
Stank - What the fuck are you talking about?
SFJ#11 - So you deny those rumors?
Stank - YES!
SFJ#11 - Did YOU send the text?
Stank - What text?
SFJ#11 - We subpoenaed your phone records, which I hold in my hand, and they clearly show you sent a text to Kevin Nash's phone number on August 14th!
Stank - That's not how a subpoena works. I sincerely doubt those are MY phone records. I sure as fuck didn't send Kevin Nash a text on any date, at any time, and who the fuck is "we"?
SFJ#11 - You ARE-
Stank - I'm not!
SFJ#11 - The anonymous RAW GM, aren't you?
Stank - Security!
SFJ#11 - You can't HIDE the Truth! WHO IS LITTLE JIMMY?
Stank - Little Jimmy is a metaphor for John Cena fans under the age of 15... that is to say... John Cena fans.
SFJ#11 - And you know this HOW?
Stank - *sigh* Because I'm the anonymous RAW GM, obviously.
SFJ#11 - A-HA! So you ARE mad Eric O'Mac called you the son of a motherless elephant!
Stank - Yes.
SFJ#11 - Will you hide your children?
Stank - From Chris? Absolutely. I've grown quite fond of my kids and do not want to see them get eaten. As for Davin being the son of Hugh Morris, I guess this proves he's tough enough.
SFJ#11 - And there you have it folks. I'd like to thank my guest, Stank, for being here. Truly an honor to meet the Anonymous RAW GM. I'm Candiee reporting LIVE from Japan. Sayanara.
Stank -
SFJ#11 -
Stank - I don't know why security hasn't arrived yet.
SFJ#11 - You're not Goldberg.
Stank - I'm aware.
SFJ#11 -
Stank -
SFJ#11 -
Stank - I wish Justin told me he had a sister.
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Post by BookerShark on Aug 23, 2011 1:17:03 GMT -5
Firewoman marches into GM Selena's office. Selena is behind her desk, seemingly annoyed. There is a OOWF representative also in the office.
OOWFR: Good, Commissioner, you're here.
FW: This better be good. It was my night off.
GMSa-T: We get nights off? Dude! No one told me that.
OOWFR: You're on call at all times if needed.
GMSa-T: Even during...?
FW: Yup. I've been called...during.
GMSa-T: Don't make me picture that.
FW: Likewise.
OOWFR: Ladies, can we focus?
GMSa-T: What's up, dude?
OOWFR: We're having satellite feed issues throughout North America. We believe the problem is with the M1-56 satellite that our broadcast partners use.
FW: This involves us how?
OOWFR: Well, upon learning of this it was the GM's responsibility, or saving her, the Commissioner's responsibility to notify the necessary parties to have the problem corrected as soon as possible.
FW: This is the first I've heard of it.
OOWFR: Mrs. al-Takriti?
Selena looks very uncomfortable.
FW: You knew?
GMSa-T: Yeah, I heard about it like three hours ago.
OOWFR: So why didn't you notify our broadcast partners?
GMSa-T: Well, I was at dinner with Omar, then I was gonna make the call, but I was playing Angry Birds.
FW: Oh, jeez.
OOWFR: Well, the situation has been handled, but we wanted to learn where the fault lied.
GMSa-T: Dude, don't blame me, I didn't make the satellites go wonky. This is the NASA's fault.
OOWFR: Regardless, the board isn't too happy with this Mrs. Al-Takriti. However, with your track record so far, and the fact that we've taken care of the issue rather quickly, they're letting it slide. Now, ladies, if you'll excuse me, I have a dinner meeting.
The OOWF Representative leaves. Firewoman grins at Selena.
GMSa-T: Dude...
FW: Don't worry about it. Rick was an incompetent fool and they let a lot slide.
GMSa-T: Yeah. Go back to Alex or your bar or whatever. I got the rest of this junk.
FW: You sure?
GMSa-T: Yeah, yeah. Totally got it.
FW: Don't stay too long. Go home to Omar. Wow, can not believe I just said that.
Firewoman turns to leave.
GMSa-T: Fire?
FW: Yeah?
GMSa-T: Smile for the Camera.
Selena smiles wide. Firewoman scoffs and leaves.
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Post by BookerShark on Aug 23, 2011 1:18:13 GMT -5
*Destroyatorium*
The camera focuses in and we see the members of Drink & Destroy in one corner of the bar going over strategy for their match against the Texans. At another table we see Opus, Humphrey, Shotglass, and Justin playing cards. And in a back booth we see Kai and Aina sitting with Alexis, Alexander, Firewoman, and Ashley. They all seem to be in good spirits as the drinks are nearing empty. Alexander excuses himself and heads over to the bar where Spencer is currently tending.
Spencer: Another round for my brother and his brahs? Heh
Alexander: Yea, those boys can drink and well...Fire's never had a problem knocking down her share.
Spencer: And you don't have to tell me about Alexis and Ash. I know what they can handle...but I also know what you can handle and as far as I can tell, they're all on their 5th or 6th rounds and this will be your 2nd. What's up Lex?
Alexander: It's nothing.
Spencer: It's not nothing. I know you've been re-watching that incident with Stank from last week at all hours.
Alexander: How did you...
Spencer: I assumed as much and you just confirmed it. Why are you letting it get to you?
Alexander: You know why...
Spencer: Maybe I do, but you've gotta stop. Focus on what's in front of you and deal with what's to come when it happens.
Alexander: I'm trying, but...
Spencer: No buts. Those two guys back there, they deserve your complete attention this week. I know how much history you guys have together, but they turned on family recently. You know how fucking hard that is. Worry about Stank when you have to. This week, your focus is Tytan, LD, and Crusher. Nothing more, nothing less.
Alexander: I've never been a very good partner...
Spencer: That's fucking bullshit Alexander Brian. You've been part of some of the best tag teams in wrestling and if the booking committee doesn't see that, fuck em.
Kayfabe slams opens the doors of the Destroyatorium and stares daggers at Spencer. She's about to make her way to the bar when the picture gets all snowy and we hear some loud crashes and finally Ashley yells...
Ashley: NOT THE DOUGHAWK!!!!
The picture fades back to a clear image and we see Kayfabe sitting at poker table and looking like Bernie.
Alexander: This place is weird.
Spencer: It is. But wanna know what won't be weird...Alexander Darling, Gnarliest Double Champion Ever.
Alexander looks over his shoulder at the Hawaiians...
Alexander: That does sound pretty good and those guys deserve to win some gold around here. For I am Alexander Darling, they are the Island Wolves, and well The Not Five is just that...Not good enough.
*Fade*
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Post by BookerShark on Aug 23, 2011 1:19:31 GMT -5
*Fade in to Eric O'Mac who is talking with some unidentified people.*
Eric: Alright guys. So, here's the thing. I haven't promoed this week. I've been really busy. I've had so much stuff come up, it's not even funny. So, I'm going to have to ask you guys to carry the promo-load for the next couple of days.
*The camera turns to reveal Davin Moreland, Stank, and Chris Evans sitting down.*
Chris: I don't have time for this. I'm recruiting people for the New Guard.
Eric: Are you serious?
*Eric turns to Davin.*
Eric: Is he serious?
Davin: Apparently so.
Eric: Chris, I'm going to say this nicely, but nobody cares about you and your New Guard. First of all, it sounds too much like Right Guard, so they are going to think of deodorant. Secondly, in order for someone to care about a stable, they have to care about the leader of that stable, and no one really cares about you right now. And thirdly, in order for you to have a stable, you have to have people in it!
Chris: I have people in it. I just haven't revealed them yet.
Eric: Like who?
Chris: Well, there's Folz...
Eric: Pfft. Matt would do anything for a nickel. He's a mercenary. In fact, I still have him on speed dial. I could give him a few hundred dollars and he'd be beating the shit out of you right now.
Chris: No, he wouldn't.
Eric: Alright, we'll see. Stank, can I borrow your phone?
Stank: No.
Eric: Come on...
Stank: Don't you have a phone?
Eric: Yeah, but I'm with Verizon. I can't surf the web and be on the phone at the same time.
Stank: I've told you time and time again to switch to AT&T.
Eric: Yeah, but they aren't so good with the reception.
Stank: Fine. Use my phone then.
*Stank tosses Eric the phone and Eric scrowls through the phone.*
Eric: The hell? You don't have Folz's number?
Stank: I prefer to handle my business like a man. I don't hire other people to do my work for me.
Eric: Are you saying I'm not a man?
Stank: What do you think?
Eric: You son of a motherless elephant!
Stank: So you did call me that?
Eric: Uh...yeah, I did. Right then.
Stank: No, I mean earlier.
Eric: What the hell are you talking about?
Stank: *sigh* Nothing. Can I go now?
Eric: We're not done here. Now, where was I?
Davin: You were going to call Folz to beat Cubbie's ass.
Eric: When you say it like that, it sounds kind of gay.
Davin: Look at who we are talking about.
Eric: Good point. Alright, Chris, get out. We don't need you anymore.
Chris: Thank God.
*Chris leaves. Eric sends a text and a few minutes letter, LD Williams and Moosehead Jack walk in.*
Moose: Alright, why the hell are we in here.
Eric: Because my birthday was last weekend and no one got me anything.
Moose: We're not exactly best friends, Eric.
Eric: But there was a concert that I really wanted to go to next weekend and I was hoping you guys would pitch in.
LD: What concert?
Eric: Barry Manilow.
LD: Barry Manilow?
Moose: What a joke.
Davin: He's got terrible music.
Stank: And he's boring as hell.
LD: I mean, he does have that one good song.
Moose: Yeah, I guess Daybreak wasn't that bad.
Davin: And I kind of liked Copacabana.
Stank: Weekend In New England? Wait, haven't we done this promo before?
LD: Yeah, I thought it sounded familiar.
Moose: Yeah, and it doesn't really make sense. I'm friends with Stank and LD, but not with Davin and Eric. Why would the five of us go to a concert.
LD: Sounds like a bad idea. I'm out.
Moose: Me too.
*Moose and LD walk out.*
Eric: Damnit! Look what you two did! I'm going to have to get payback by winning the match this week and becoming #1 Contender!
*Eric storms out of the room. Stank shrugs his shoulders and walks out. Davin sits by himself, saying...*
Davin: I love Barry Manilow.
*Fade out.*
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Post by BookerShark on Aug 26, 2011 0:58:50 GMT -5
Moose is walking out to his rental car in the parking lot, still shaking his head, when he finds trouble putting his key in the lock.
MHJ: …get in there…
Suddenly, there is a burst of fire inside the car. Jack jumps back, hustling away as the car explodes. He then goes down with a CLANG. As he falls to the pavement, burning car in the background, Ecosystem stands over him with a shovel.
Eco: See, I was originally going to let you get in the car, but then I closed off the keyhole and let you see the spectacle instead. Therapy works wonders, Jack.
Moose growls and lunges at Eco’s shovel, but Eco pops him in the side of the head and Moose flops back down. Eco takes his brass knuckles off his hand.
Eco: Before you ask, I’ve already seen to it that Mai is being cared for. But as stupid as you think she is…you attack her like that while she’s in Japan? Pretty poor decision, Jack. Pretty poor FUCKING decision.
Eco swings around his shovel and begins working to choke Moose out with the handle. Moose fights his way up, but is surprised when Eco begins biting him on the throat. Moose cries out, and Eco breaks the choke, swinging the shovel blade right back into Moose’s head, knocking him down.
Eco: You STUPID FUCK! STAY DOWN!
Eco grabs Moose’s shirt, tearing it off his back. He takes his belt off and begins whipping Moose across the back. Moose fights his way up and grabs the belt from Eco. He spins around, ducking a shovel shot, and begins choking Eco out with the belt. However, Eco mule kicks Jack between the legs, causing Jack to release the choke. Shovel across the face again, and Jack crumples.
Eco: You don’t touch my sister, Jack. You don’t do that. She has done NOTHING to you, and she wouldn’t even retaliate against you. But if you’re looking to pull a soul down with you…
Shovel across the back of the head. Hard.
Eco: …you’ve found one. You know, back at Yale, we have a fraternity for sadists like you—George W Bush was in it, in fact. And in their initiation ritual, they put all the new pledges in a hole, and they piss and shit on them. The important thing isn’t just covering them in piss and shit—dumping would be easier—but the actual act of your personal piss, your personal shit, going on to them. To make the disrespect as direct as possible, make it more than a prank.
So I thought about something similar, but I realized how jarring it would be to my style. So…so typically masculine. The sort of thing you might even revel in. So I thought instead…
Eco begins pulling at Jack’s pants and pulls a switchblade from his pocket.
Eco: …maybe since you like calling my sister “little girl?...maybe we can make the description fit you?
Suddenly, Mai Muyo, bandaged, jumps on Eco’s back and tries to grab him a headlock. Eco shakes her off, but she drops to the ground and drop toeholds him onto the asphalt. She picks up the shovel and stands in front of Moose.
Eco: (raising his head, lip bleeding) What the FUCK are you doing?
Mai: You are NOT to hurt him!
Eco: Did you notice your FUCKING HEAD?
Mai: I can take care of myself.
Eco: Mai…I don’t think you can. You don’t know what he’ll do.
Mai: What he’ll do? Right now, I’m worried about you.
Mai kneels by Moosehead Jack, still dazed.
Mai: He’s just a man. He bleeds like all of us. He can hurt me and I can hurt him. Violence not only proves nothing, it doesn’t even send a message.
Eco: I can make it so he can’t hurt you. Give me two minutes and that shovel.
Eco takes a step toward Mai and Moose.
Mai: Don’t you dare take another step.
Eco: Or what?
Mai: ASSAULT! NOW! (yelling in Japanese)
Voices begin yelling in Japanese. Eco grimaces and puts his hands in the air as two armed police officers come from behind and handcuff Eco. He is led off to a police car. A third officer goes to Mai.
Officer 3: (broken English) Are you okay?
Mai: Thank you, yes. Please bring the ambulance I was with to this man.
The police officer goes and waves over the ambulance, with the confused EMT’s still holding Mai’s personal items. Mai tries to carry Moose on her back, but she begins to stumble due to her own blood loss, and the two are helped to the ambulance as we…
FADE
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Post by BookerShark on Aug 26, 2011 0:59:28 GMT -5
Alexander Darling is still at the baar, still looking over his shoulder at The Hawaiians.
Spencer: Look out!
Alex: Huh? Oww!!
At least that's the last thing we believe Alex said before he dropped to the ground, thanks to a Halliburton briefcase to the head from...come on, really? Who else just started carrying around a Halliburton briefcase supposedly full of Eric O' Mac's bounty money?
AA: In case you haven't noticed, I don't like people getting involved in my business, Alex. I strongly advise you to not get between Fire and me again, even if the damn booker puts you in a match. No-show. Blow a quad on the way to the ring. Just stay out of my business!
AA tries to open the briefcase, but it's still locked shut. Frustrated, he looks at the briefcase, then at Darling.
AA: "Ehh, it can't hurt to try."
AA crushes Darling with the briefcase again, then walks out of the bar, still trying to open the briefcase.
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Post by BookerShark on Aug 26, 2011 1:00:15 GMT -5
Firewoman is sitting in her office, watching the scene with Mai, Moose, and Eco unfold on OOWF-TV, and she gradually fills with visible rage. She stands slowly though and begins to walk calmly to the door. She opens it and runs face first into Davin Moreland's chest, his arms folded.
DM: I thought so. So, where ya goin'?
FW: Um....nowhere.
DM: Really? You're NOT going to the parking lot?
FW: Why would I go there?
DM: ....
FW: ....
DM: ....
FW: Out of my way, Davin.
DM: Nope.
FW: The little fucker is back and the first thing he does is go after my brother. I'm going to use his liver as a pinata.
DM: Really.
FW: You can't possible doubt that --
DM: Oh, no, I know you'd do it. Without even thinking of consequences beyond "how do I get blood out of my shirt."
FW: So, move.
DM: My question is why.
FW: Seriously....
DM: What does Moose usually say when you get into these situations?
FW: Huh?
DM: C'mon...you've heard it before, you're laying in a hospital, or getting stitched up or with ice on something, or running from Japanese crime lords, and what does he say?
FW: ......
DM: ......
FW: I brought it on myself?
DM: Exactly. You shouldn't have been stubborn, you didn't look before you leaped, you bit off more than you could chew...whatever little witticisms Moosie-poo throws out there to excuse why he wasn't there for you.
FW: .......
DM: Don't give me that look. He attacked Mai for no good reason, and so Eco is attacking him. He brought it all on himself. You know I'm right.
FW: Okay, big deal...so what if you are....Two wrongs don't make a right, Davin. So what if he never does anything, that doesn't mean that I shouldn't--
DM: You are so stubborn, I'm kind of beginning to see his point. Look, that's exactly what it means. Call it 'tough love.' Call it 'just deserts.' Call it 'Fred' for all I care....
FW: Davin...I get it....you're right...but I just can't--
DM: Call it a promise you made to someone.....
FW: ....
DM: ....
FW: That's not fair.
DM: Nope.
FW: He'd understand.
DM: Maybe....
Firewoman glares at Davin, as if she's momentarily considering using him as a stand-in for Eco. Then she relaxes.
FW: Fine...You win....
DM: Yes! Wait...I do?
FW: Yes.
DM: You're sure this isn't a misdirection where you SAY I win and then you go do whatever anyway?
FW: No.
DM: No it's not a misdirection, or no, you're going to go do what you want?
FW: Yes, er...wait.....dammit, Davin!
DM: What do you want to do....RIGHT now.
FW: Kick you in the balls to get out of my way and go use Eco's liver as a pinata.
DM: 'Kay....what ARE you going to do?
FW: I am going to take several deep breaths, count to a million, and maybe call Dr. Sid before getting some more work done and going back to the Darling Luxury Suites to get ready for tonight....
DM: Excellent.
FW: ...where I will use Attitude Adjuster's liver as a pinata.
DM: Hm...well, I'll take the small victories.
Fire turns to get back to her desk, and Davin goes to leave, but before he closes the door....
DM: Fire?
FW: Go away.
DM: I will, I will, but just in CASE you're lying, I'll be watching.
FW: Whatever.
Davin smirks and closes the door.
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Post by BookerShark on Aug 26, 2011 1:27:44 GMT -5
*Davin turns around and finds himself face to face with Stank.*
Stank - You need to be watching me big man. Let the Quinns handle their own business. You and I haven't concluded our own.
DM - I haven't forgotten.
Stank - It's easy to get distracted. You think I don't want to go after Juni for what he's done?
DM - "What HE'S done?" Moose-
Stank - You know gotdamn well that Moose didn't attack Mai for NO reason. Am I the only one who watches promos here anymore? She practically BEGGED for it.
DM - I really could care less, Lucas. And you're right. I really should be focused on OUR business.
Stank - As should I.
DM - So. GOAT, Cocka-doodle-do, you know the rest.
Stank - Yeah, Yeah, Don't believe me, pay attention, yackity smackity.
DM -
Stank -
DM - What's happening to us?
Stank - I blame Chris Evans.
DM - Cool. I'm on board with that.
Stank - The motherfucker doesn't provide much in the way of motivation.
DM - He's too busy sucking Fuck-that-guy's weenis.
Stank - I mean at least Eric's half-assed promo was entertaining.
DM - And relevant. That's the difference between the Now Guard and the Wannabe Guard.
Stank - The what?
DM - That's what I'm calling us... the Now Guard.
Stank - Oh I get it. Yeah.
DM - See I'm including Eric in the Now Guard.
Stank - I understand.
DM -
Stank -
DM - What's happening to us?
Stank - It's Chris Evans I'm telling you. His involvement in our match has somehow-
DM - Sucked the life out of our ability frame this match in an awesome promo?
Stank - EggZackly
DM - Because he's New Guard?
Stank - New Guard involvement breeds apathy toward any match involving them.
DM - You mean him.
Stank - Them. Isn't Folz one of them?
DM - Fuck-that-guy? Please.
Stank - I thought he.. I thought he was?
DM - Chris can't recruit worth a damn. Hell, you and I have pushed the New Guard more in THIS promo than he has since he started.
Stank - Maybe we should do it for him.
DM - What? Fuck that.
Stank - We got to do SOMETHING! Otherwise every time one of them-
DM - One of HIM.
Stank - Every time he is in a match with one of us we'll end up making promos to entertain ourselves rather than hyping the match.
DM - Hey, an inside look at my family draws more money than a match with Chris Evans ever will.
Stank - Be that as it may, it doesn't do much to build our brand.
DM - Oh so NOW you're intertested in nation building.
Stank - Don't be that guy Davin.
DM -
Stank -
DM - Sorry.
Stank - Listen I'm just saying in the long run if we recruit for Chris it will only help us.
DM - You truly believe that Chris being in our match is the reason for our apathy in hyping it?
Stank - I wouldn't use the word "apathy" but yeah.
DM - So what's Alan's excuse?
Stank - I've noticed that too.
DM - He was like the best ever.
Stank - He's a changed man.
DM - Did you see his last promo?
Stank - I couldn't watch.
DM -
Stank -
DM - Good promoing with you Lucas.
Stank - You too.
DM - Cocka-
Stank - We already covered that Davin.
DM - Oh yeah.
Stank -
DM -
Stank/Davin - I'm going to hit you so hard that I will hit you hard. JINX!
*Stank punches Davin at the same time Davin punches Stank on the arm.*
Stank - You owe me a beer.
DM - After I kick your ass and become number one contender I will be happy to buy you a beer.
Stank - Fuck you Davin. The only one taking that title off of Alex is ME!
DM - It's my DESTINY!
Stank - YOU SEE? IT'S STILL HAPPENING!
DM - GODDAMN CHRIS EVANS!
Fade
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Post by BookerShark on Aug 26, 2011 1:28:22 GMT -5
Stank has his back turned not watching another promo when...
CRACK!!! Stank goes down in a heap from a Halliburton.
AA: Not watching my promos?!? You gonna watch them now??!? Damn, this thing still won't open...
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Post by BookerShark on Aug 26, 2011 1:28:45 GMT -5
Attitude Adjuster is fumbling with his briefcase, when he's interrupted by the sensation of a piece of rebar being pulled against his throat from behind. Hard. So hard that he falls to the ground, being pinned against the person's leg behind him by said rebar.
FW: Guess who WAS watching?
His arms flail about as he struggles for air.
FW: You know...I'm really trying here. I've made some important progress over the last several weeks. But....wait....no I FEEL I'm really trying here. I FEEL I've made some important progress over the last several weeks. But I also FEEL that you and I have some problems with communication, that I think would be in the best interests of our relationship that we clear up.
She punctuates each of the "FEELs" with a bit more pressure on AA's windpipe.
AA: *gurgle*
FW: See, I totally understand where you are coming from with the no interference thing. BUT, I FEEL you might have a slightly biased view here. Because I totally agree...no outsiders, just me and you. Then you go and involve Alexander, even though he HAS really stayed out of it, as I asked him to. So I FEEL we need to come to an understanding here, don't you agree?
AA: *gurgle*
FW: I'll take that as a yes. So here's the deal. I'll make sure my allies stay out of our business, you do the same, okay?
AA: ....
FW: Do you want to play this game? Say okay.
AA: *gurgle* okay *gurgle*
FW: Excellent. Further more, and I really FEEL this is the crux of the matter...I won't BRING anyone in that isn't involved by chicken shit attacks like the one you just did, if you do the same, okay? I FEEL it's in your best interests to say okay, because I have all sorts of undirected rage right now, just looking for a target....
AA: *gurgle* okay *gurgle*
FW: Excellent.
Fire releases him and he falls backward to the floor, clutching his throat, but finding no permanent damage.
FW: See? We have grown so much in just the last few minutes.
She walks around him and points end of the rebar right at his forehead.
FW: I hope you feel as positive about our accomplishments here as I do. I look forward to putting on a hell of a show with you in the ring tonight. But you ever, EVER attack someone from my family again? You won't make it to the gorilla position. I think I'm being MORE than generous here, don't you?
Attitude Adjuster nods.
FW: Wonderful. See you in a few hours, baby daddy.
Firewoman turns and walks away, which is kind of a bad idea. Since she was not her usual violent self, it didn't take long for AA to recover. He gets to his feet and the blasts her in the back of the head with the briefcase, and she goes down in a heap. He kicks her a few times in her ribs for good measure.
AA: HA! See YOU in the ring.
AA walks down the hall still fiddling with the lock on the case. Firewoman groggily rolls to a seated position against the wall, holding the back of her head and her ribs, as she glares after him.
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Post by BookerShark on Aug 26, 2011 1:29:19 GMT -5
*Stank is lying face down on the floor of the hallway. Firewoman continues to sit on the floor with her back to the wall. She reaches behind and holds the back of her head. Davin Moreland is standing around with his mouth open looking between Stank and Firewoman.*
DM - Is this for real? What am I chopped liver?
FW - What are you talking about?
DM - You see how Alan just completely IGNORED me?
FW - I guess he felt you wouldn't have a problem with it.
*Davin looks down at one of his opponents for tonight still lying face down on the floor.*
DM - I don't want Lucas to have a built in excuse for losing!
FW - I'm sure he won't use this as an excuse.
DM - That last promo was SUPPOSED to light a fire under CHRIS EVANS ass not ALA-!*!*
*Davin's words are interrupted by a blow to the back of the head by Eric O'Mac holding a briefcase. Davin falls face down next to Stank.*
EOM - Thanks for letting me borrow this.
*Attitude Adjuster walks onscreen.*
AA - How about that combination now?
EOM - How about you finish the job first?
*Attitude Adjuster simply looks over at the damage he's already done to Firewoman, turns, and leaves with his briefcase. Eric looks over at Firewoman and points.*
EOM - HA!
Fade
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Post by BookerShark on Aug 26, 2011 1:29:51 GMT -5
*Davin shakes out the cobwebs and yells back at Eric*
DM: E!
EOM: What?
DM: Dude. NOT COOL!
EOM: What? I thought you wanted to be hit by-
DM: No. You're saying I'm not GOOD enough to get hit with a briefcase by Alan? Really? ALAN??
EOM: I thought you would like-
DM: Case.
EOM: What?
DM: Give Alan the case.
*A stunned Alan turns around*
EOM: Davin, I really think that-
DM: CASE! GIVE IT TO ALAN!
*Eric gives the case to Alan*
DM: Good. Now hit me with it.
AA: Do what now?
DM: Hit. Me. With. The. Case.
AA: But I don't want to hit you with the case.
DM: *sighs out of frustration* Eric. Help me out here.
EOM: Alan, just...just do it. Hit him with the case, ok?
AA: I'll do it...but there's a catch.
DM: Let me guess...combination?
AA: How did you-
DM: Just a lucky guess. How about this. I KNOW the combination, because Eric probably wrote it on a piece of paper and passed it to me 3 years ago.
EOM: Yeah....YEAH!! He pass..er...I passed him the combination...I don't even really know it anymore.
AA: So you'll give it to me?
DM: Sure. A deal's a deal, right?
AA: You're not going to screw me over?
DM: Of course not Stin-er...Alan.
AA: Ok...here we go...
EOM: *singing* Here comes the moneeeeeeeeeeeyyyy.....Here we Go....
DM: Clever, E.
*Attitude Adjuster blasts Davin on top of the head with the briefcase. Davin just stands there, shaking his head. Alan, a bit surprised, does it again. Davin shakes his head more, and finally points right at AA's face*
DM: YOU!
AA: Oh, Goddammit....
*Davin punches him 3 times. AA obliges and hits the floor. LEG DROP! Davin drags AA to his feet...REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER! Alan sells it like a true pro. That's old school, man.*
EOM: So that whole thing?
DM: Yeah.
S: *getting to his feet* That, was elaborate.
DM: Not NEARLY enough Hogan anymore.
S: Except in TNA.
DM: Who?
EOM: He's got you there, Stank.
DM: So...have we sufficiently made an entertaining week out of the big black hole of suck, Chris Evans?
S: Chicken salad out of chicken shit. We're damn good at what we do.
DM: Posedown?
S: Sure, I'm in.
EOM: Yeah, why not?
*Suddenly "Real American" fires up out of nowhere. All 3 men rip their shirts off and do the cheesy Hogan posedown with the ear stuff and everything*
*fade*
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Post by BookerShark on Aug 26, 2011 1:30:12 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Sendai, Japan J-P SPARXX & MAI MUYO vs. HONCHO WILLIAMS & JW WESTGAARDBoth teams are out, and the bell rings. The match is a whole lot of back and forth wrestling to start, Mai and Sparxx have a clear speed advantage, but Honcho and JW have the power advantage and eventually ground Sparxx. He takes a beating, but they can’t keep him down. He finally makes the hot tag to Mai, and she gets several near falls on both of them. The end comes when Moosehead Jack wanders out to the top of the stage. This is just enough of a distraction for Honcho and JW to his the SUPERKICK/ICE AUGER combo and get the three count. WINNERS in 8:17 – JW Westgaard & Honcho Williams MOOSEHEAD JACK vs. PSYKLE – Onslaught RulesMoose remains at the top of the ramp and glares at Mai as she walks by, then laughs and heads to the ring. Moose is still bandaged up from his encounter with Eco, and does not look 100%. Psykle comes out and the match begins. Moose goes on the offensive immediately and gets a few near falls. The match stays surprisingly clean for almost ten minutes. The turning point comes about eight minutes in, when Moose tries to charge into the corner, but Psykle moves out of the way and Moose slams head first into the steel. Moose’s eyes get glassy, and he tries to fend off Psykle’s attacks, he avoids a few moves, but something is clearly wrong. Moose walks right into a PSYCHO DRIVER! Psykle covers and gets the three count. WINNER in 13:31 – Psykle FIREWOMAN vs. ATTITUDE ADJUSTERAA is standing in the ring glaring at Fire. He is holding onto the Halliburton briefcase. The referee calls for the bell, then tries to take the briefcase from AA, but AA shoves him aside and BLASTS Fire upside the head with it! He didn’t even TRY to have a match! Fire is a little dazed, and AA adds to that by bringing the briefcase repeatedly down on her head. AA rests a nearly unconscious Firewoman’s head on the briefcase and leaves the ring and gets a chair! He is going to CON-BURT-TO her! He raises the chair, but the crowd roars as Alexander Darling hits the ring. AA drops the chair, and beats a hasty retreat, grabbing the briefcase just before Alex can get to it. AA smirks and heads to the back. WINNER in :03 – by disqualification – Firewoman CHRIS EVANS vs. STANK vs. DAVIN MORELAND vs. ERIC O’MAC – Winner Gets a Title Shot at Judgment Eve 7 – No Time Limit, There Must Be a WinnerThis is a match of the year candidate. Trust me on that. This write up will do it no justice. Davin and Stank put on a wrestling clinic, while Evans and Eric brawl in and out of the ring. Now and then either Eric or Evans will come into the ring alone and Davin and Stank will team up against them and get a near fall. Evans and Eric grudgingly work together to isolate Davin and put the boots to him. Stank gets back into the match, but only to help them beat down Davin. When it looks like Davin is done, Stank tosses Evans and Eric out of the ring and covers Davin, but Moreland kicks out. Evans and Eric come back into the ring and attack Stank, but Stank fights them off and manages to hit a STANK-U on Eric. Before he can cover, Davin catches him with a boot to the face sending him out of the ring. Behind his back, Evans sneaks in and covers Eric, but Davin breaks it up just in time. The match passes the hour mark and heads into 90 minute territory. All four men are exhausted. Eric and Davin are battling on the Honduran Announce Table when it collapses, sending both men to the floor. Evans has Stank down, and calls for the DELAWARE SPECIAL, but as he gets to the top rope, Stank catches him and PLANTS him with the CRADLE TO THE GRAVE! An exhausted Stank covers, and gets the three count. WINNER in 1:43:42 – Stank The crowd gives all four men a standing ovation as they are helped to the back by staff. EL LOBO SANGRIENTO vs. MATT FOLZ – OOWF Onslaught Championship MatchWe see more anger from Lobo than we have seen so far in his OOWF career and he spends the early part of the match decimating Folz, throwing him around the ring and working the leg and knee. Folz manages to get back into the match, using up all of his referee warnings in the process. He keeps Lobo on the mat and works his legs, then traps him in the ankle lock. Lobo uses up a rope break to free himself, but Folz keeps the move on. He breaks for a second, then reapplies the hold forcing Lobo to use all of his rope breaks. Finally Lobo kicks free and gets to his feet gingerly. The time limit is close, and Folz tries to go after the leg again, but Lobo catches Folz with a knee to the face that stuns him. Lobo grabs him and hits the LA BALA DE PLATA! Folz is OUT! Lobo covers, and gets the three count. WINNER in 14:01 – El Lobo Sangriento REGICIDE & STAN FULTON vs. THE FLYIN HAWAIIANS & ALEXANDER DARLING – OOWF Campeonas de Trios Title MatchThis match starts out as your basic six man tag match, back and forth action. The heels cheat to get the advantage, the faces overcome the odds and clean house. Everything is running smoothly until about twenty minutes in when Attitude Adjuster wanders out with his briefcase and SLAMS it on the back of Alexander Darling’s leg, knocking him from the apron to the floor. That does it. The Hawaiians leave the ring and attack AA, this brings out Eric O’Mac – who is moving about half speed – and he gets into the fray to protect AA, which brings Firewoman out to go after AA and Eric and save Alex. While this is all going on, Chris Evans limps to the ring and attacks Stan from behind and works his leg with a chair. Regicide move to save Fulton, but they are cut off by Drink and Destroy, who presumably are there just to have a good fight. Stank comes out and goes after Alex, Davin comes out and, well he really doesn’t do much except stand in the middle of the ring. Mai comes to the ring and tries to play peace keeper, which brings out a dazed Moose who goes after her. By now, the rest of the OOWF locker room just goes ahead and empties and we have ourselves an old fashioned pier six brawl. Officials struggle to maintain order, but the fight just gets even MORE out of hand. Finally, a Japanese SWAT team is called in and they manage to restore order, somehow without firing tear gas. WINNER – No Contest in 22:11 They manage to get Texpress and Drink & Destroy into the ring while they haul the rest of them to the back. Could there be ANOTHER night in jail for the OOWF roster? TEXPRESS vs. DRINK & DESTROY – OOWF World Tag Team Title Match – 2 out of 3 FallsWith order finally restored this match can start. The two teams feel one another out for the first few minutes then the action really picks up. The match remains clean until Chad goes for a leap frog over Jack, but Jack stands up a little too soon and catches Chad with a head butt to the groin. Chad hits the mat in pain and Zane yells at Jack. Jack backs off, but soon gets tired of Zane’s yelling and the two go nose to nose. Cooler heads prevail and Jack tags in Danny. The match continues and the end comes when Danny tries to put Danny on the top rope and hit a superplex, but Chad leaps onto his shoulders and hits a victory roll for a three count. Texpress leads 1-0Danny gets to his feet, and checks with the referee to make sure it was a three, then tags in Jack. Jack charges in and unleashes some AUSTRALIAN VIOLENCE on Chad. Chad fights back and tags in Zane, and Zane and Jack pummel one another with punches and kicks. Jack gets the better of the exchange with a headbutt to the face that drops Zane to his knees. Jack catches him with a shining wizard and gets a two count. The match continues back and forth, the Japanese crowd is roaring their approval for both teams. The end of fall two comes when Danny catches Zane with the DYNAMITE DROP, then Jack pulls Zane up and hits the CHOMP! Jack covers and gets the three count. [/b]Series ties 1-1[/b] A dazed Zane gets to his feet and Jack hits a bridging German suplex trying to get another quick count, but Chad saves the day at two. The two teams tear into one another trying to keep the other down, but neither can. There are numerous two counts, each time the crowd is ready to roar, then has to pull it back. These four men have them eating from the palm of their hands. The match continues for another twenty minutes then Jack tries a top rope flying knee, but Chad moves out of the way and tags in Zane and they hit a DOUBLE DROP KICK! Zane pulls Jack up and lifts him onto his shoulders and they hit the TEXAS DEATH SENTENCE! Zane covers, one, two, THREE! WINNERS in 39:14 – 2 falls to 1 – Texpress After the match the four men shake hands in the middle of the ring, and Drink & Destroy raise their arms in victory. Vic tosses Jack and Danny a couple beers, and Texpress a couple of cold Aquafinas, they toast one another and climb the turnbuckles and celebrate with the crowd as we fade to black. Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action! Be sure to check out the OOWF Judgment Eve 7, Live! August 28st from Tokyo, Japan. And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem, August 31st, live from Walla Walla, Washington See something you like? Post it here in the 2010 Awards Reminder Thread For all your OOWF shopping needs, check out www.cafepress.com/oowfshirts For all your OOWF History needs, visit the OOWF Archives at www.oowfwrestling.com Join us for OOWF Chat on Wednesday nights!
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