OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 12-14-05

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live From Jackpot, Nevada

OOWF World Heavyweight Title 3 Way Dance[/u]
Hardbody Harris vs. Chris Cole vs. Niles Anderson

OOWF Intercontinental Title 3-Way Dance[/u]
LD Williams vs. Chris Alt vs. Mr. Jealous

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u]
wCw vs. Drink & Destroy

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Eric O'Mac vs. Firechild

3-Way Dance #1 Contender's Match - Winner Gets a World Title Shot Next Week[/u]
Moosehead Jack vs. Microplay vs. Concrete TG

Phil vs. Donovan Viper
Capellan vs. Seraph
Mercury vs. Uncle Entity
Thim Reynolds vs. Corax
Canadian Dragon vs. Austraroo
The Team From Down Under vs. The Black Dawgs
Johnny Adrenaline & Attitude ADjuster vs. The Devil's Brigade


Card subjet to ALF approval

[mooseheadjack]

<GM the Rick walks out to the podium. The whole thing is decorated very fancy with balloons and confetti. The OOWF big wigs are there in tails and top hats, all very very fancy. As GM the Rick walks to the podium they had him the card to make the announcement, Rick reads the card...>

GMtR: You have GOT to be fucking kidding me. Is this a joke?

Bigwigs: Go on read it! This is a great day!

GMtR: You are NOT paying me enough for this <sigh> fine. <clears throat>

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is the OOWF's honor to proudly announce the signing of our newest superstar. He has wrestled for the Dramatic Dream Team (DDT) promotion in Japan and is a 2 time DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion (Think WWE Hardcore title during the 24/7 rule period.) Ladies and Gentlemen.......LADDER!!!

<With that "Spirit in the Sky" blares over the speakers and two men in coveralls bring out a steel folding ladder which has a replica of the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship draped over the rungs. The photographers go nuts with the pictures. At the big wigs request, GM the Rick stands next to the ladder with his arm around it for photos.

Finally GM the Rick makes the announcement:

Ladder has a meeting in Dayton and cannot answer questions at the moment. He will be available at a later time to answer all your questions.

<Just as GM the Rick gets away from the mic we hear him say "A fucking ladder, great! How the hell do I get myself into this shit. Then takes a deep swig from the flask and dissapears from the room>

[mooseheadjack]

On the next week of Mayhem i am taking on the Canadian Destroyer, oy he ain't anything i could beat him with one eye closed. On mayhem i will be taking your Canadian ass so south of the border, you will have to check your ass for your passport. So Canadian Destroyer be ready.

[mooseheadjack]

UnderDawg and Black Dragon are backstage with SFJ 10. UD is looking even more menancing than usual and BD is staring intently at the dented, blood covered chair from their earlier decimation of The Aussies.

SFJ: I'm backstage with the Black Dawgs. Gentlemen..(she freaks out as BD inches closer) you...you requested this time. The floor is yours.

UD: (snatches mic) That's your cue to disappear. (she obliges) What you saw tonight was a mere sample of the pain and bloodletting the Black Dawgs are capable of. We're tired of being passed up for title shots. We're tired of taking the high road while teams like those Devil Bitches and the Chicken Shit Heels get title shots by doing whatever they want. So the Dragon and I have decided that we're done playing nice guys. wCw, Drink and Destroy. Whichever team wins your match, realize that your reign will end before it formally begins. We're coming for you boys. So give your souls to the lord, because everything else, belongs to us.

BD: Aussies, wrong place, wrong time. Sorry bout, yo damn luck.

[mooseheadjack]

Chris Cole & Attorney Bob Loblaw walks into the GM’s Office.

GMtR: What could you possibly want now? You are in the Title Match this week.

Cole: I just want to remind you that this match does not count as my guaranteed title shot. My guaranteed shot is one on one and at my own discretion.

GMtR: And him?

Cole: He is here to explain anything to you in legalize if you happen to need the explanation.

BL: I’m here to protect my client. I have a contract here that we will need signed stating that this match will not null the guaranteed contract that Mr. Cole currently possesses. (Hands document to Rick.) If you sign where I have the post it flags we will be all square.

[mooseheadjack]

<Drink & Destroy just finish watching The Black Dawgs promo>

Stank - Can you BELIEVE that!

FFC - I know.

Stank - THEY stole OUR heel turn!

FFC - I know.

Stank - NOW what?

FFC - I guess we can be tweeners.

Stank - I don't like that term "tweener". It sounds kinda...

FFC - Kinda...

DV - I AM NOT A HOMO!

<Stank shuts the door in Viper's face and continues.>

Stank - So... wCw.

FFC - Yeah. Truth be told, I was hoping The Chickenshit Heels would pull out the upset. At least then we could get back that win they owe us.

Stank - There will be plenty of time for that. What do we know about wCw?

FFC - Well Stank... remember that time we were stuck in the snow in Canada... You remember... the burrito incident?

Stank - Good times.

FFC - Well, if you remember, they helped us when we were stranded in the woods.

Stank - Oh yeah they came by on the dirtbike... wasn't there an arrow stuck in one of their legs?

FFC - Courtesy of The Devil's Brigade.

Stank - Ah yeah... speaking of the brigade... sorry to change the subject but, what's up with the teams in the tag division lately?

FFC - What do you mean?

Stank - Well... except for us and wCw... every team on the roster has "The" in their team name.

FFC - The Team from Down Under, The Devil's Brigade, The Establishment, The Chickenshit Heels, The Black Dawgs... Hey, you're right!

Stank - Who do they think they are? Like they're the only team of it's kind? They're not just ANY black dawgs, they're THE Black Dawgs.

FFC - Yeah... like Attitude and Adjuster. They aren't just heels. They aren't just chickenshit heels. They are THE Chickenshit Heels.

Stank - Like none other.

FFC - Yeah.

Stank - So maybe we should be THE Drink & Destroy and maybe wCw should be THE wCw.

FFC - Um... they can't.

Stank - What.

FFC - They can't be THE wCw.

Stank - Why not... Ohhhhh... Yeah... I guess you're right.

[mooseheadjack]

Drink and Destroy go into wCw's locker room.

FFC- Hey fellers.

TW- Uh...yeah...what's going on there?

S- We have a problem.

JWW- Yeah, lay it on me, big man.

FFC- We're still faces, we were gonna turn heel on your asses but we can't really have another heel turn this week, kinda steals our thunder, know'm sayin?

TW- Is that a wCw joke?

FFC- No, why? Thunder? What's that?

JWW- It was on Thursdays on...jeez...TBS I think? Then they moved it to Wednesday.

FFC- Oh sorry, I had no idea...

S- Anyhoo, so I guess we gotta do like a face-face match, those are tough to pull off sometimes. So I'm not sure how we're gonna do this one.

TW- Not in TNA, they do it all the time.

FFC- I don't think any of us are sexy enough to do a T&A thing. Like what, lingerie pillowfight or something?

JWW- No, NWA-TNA, it a promotion on SpikeTV. Jeff Jerret?

FFC- Oh...uh...sorry, I didn't know...sorry...

Jim Cornett runs in.

JC- What the hell are you doing!? You guys are breaking the hell out of kayfabe! Jesus Christ!

FFC- Okay, kayfabe, is that that promotion outa Jersey?

JC- Are you even mildly aware of wrestling at all?

FFC- Isn't this UFC?

S- No.

FFC-Oh jeez...I...uh...had no idea...sorry...

[mooseheadjack]

(CTG is sitting in a locker room at the arena. He's skipped out on the gambling this week to make sure he's prepared to face Microplay and Moose in the triple threat. He scribbles away in a notebook, murmuring things about Microplay)

CTG: (mostly to himself) I know enough about Moose that I won't need any more notes about him... I've got six months or more of matches against him, if I haven't figured him out by now..... (hesitates, lowers head) dammit.....

(he starts writing again)

CTG: Micro and I haven't fought much, but as a former OOWF champion I have to be at my best. If I take these two down, then the first half of my goal is complete. Then when I get my hands on Niles.........

(CTG hesitates again, lstening.)

CTG: someone here?

(The ninja cameraman pans left, where LADDER is leaning against the wall)

CTG: How'd you get in here?

LADDER: (shows off it's shiny belt)

CTG: That's an overseas title, isn't it? (looks the belt over) tetsujin no .... you're a hardcore champion? (elbows the ladder) you're in the right place, this place is as hardcore as they come......

(LADDER falls on Concrete)

CTG: OWW~!!! Hey, who asked you? (shoves the ladder off)

LADDER: (bounces off the wall and hits CTG again)

CTG: (staggering) are you challenging me??

(CTG LUNGES at the ladder and the two brawl all over the locker room. LADDER uses the walls and lockers to its advantage, blocking Concrete's escape and weapons access. In fact, LADDER gets the upper rung when it lands a BELTSHOT on Concrete, knocking him silly)

LADDER: (falls on Concrete to cover, but there's no ref!)

Concrete: (dazed) welcome to the OOWF....

[mooseheadjack]

*Niles Anderson enters Concrete TG's lockerroom and sees him studying Microplay's matches.*

Niles - You want to watch a great Microplay match? Watch the one where I beat him for the title. Thats all you need to see and you'll realize he's a big pushover. You dig me homie?

CTG - What the hell are you doing here?

Niles - Is that any way to greet the new #1 FACE IN THE OOWF!!!

CTG - Don't let Hardbody Harris hear you say that.

Niles - Harris is washed up. A has-been. He's too wrapped up in that mouse of his to get anything done. The OOWF needs a babyface with guts and gusto. And I got both in spades. But thats not why I'm here. Because I'm a babyface now, I am here to congratulate you on a job well done in our tag match.

CTG - You got the pin.

Niles - But I couldn't have gotten it without you in my corner. You were a great tag partner. Seeing as we're both babyfaces, we'd make an unstoppable force. Did I mention I'm a babyface now?

CTG - Are you done?

*Niles sits down with CTG and starts rubbing his back. CTG just glares at him, so Niles pulls his hand away.*

CTG - First Hardbody Harris, now Donnie Viper, is your new gimmick to steal other peoples now?

*Niles is about to comment but realizes that this would be Donnie Vipers cue to spout his catchphrase. CTG holds his tongue as well. The two of them wait... and wait... and wait...*

Niles - Ok, he's obviously not coming. I think that would be a first in his career for him not to come and defend his sexuality.

CTG - Yeah, thats very un-Viper-like of him.

Niles - He's such a homo. Geez, why won't he just come out of the closet already?

CTG - I think he's been in there so long, the hinges have rusted and he's stuck.

*The two superstars share a laugh at that comment but then stop when they realize they are showing actual chemistry.*

CTG - Don't get any ideas that we're friends here Niles.

Niles - Listen, I know I haven't been a model citizen during my career in the OOWF. But you got to understand, things are different now. My time off has given me time to think. And really, I've been a giant asshole. Hell, I was knee-deep in pure evil since I debuted. So, its no wonder you blame me for Semaj B. But you have to understand...

*Niles takes his hand to the side of Concrete's face and makes sure that they make eye-contact.*

Niles - I was not responsible for his death.

CTG - You've told me already.

Niles - Yeah, but I don't think you heard me the first time. We have a common enemy. Moose has been the bane of the OOWF since it's inception. He's a cancer. I can't stop him alone. You've been feuding with him almost since the beginning. Whereas I was teamed with him almost that whole time. Together, we are chemotherapy. We will irradiate that cancer and make sure its gone for good. But we have to be in this together. And to give you proof of how true my intentions are, I want to make something perfectly clear to you...

*Niles reaches in his gymbag and pulls out a bible.*

Niles - I've found God.

CTG - uh, what?

Niles - Would you like to pray with me?

CTG - Where the hell is this coming from.

Niles - To be a truly good babyface, you need Jesus in your life Concrete. Otherwise, you're just another one of the devils pawns. This is why we will be victorious. For the first time ever, the OOWF championship is on a good christian man. One who believes in the 10 commandments. One who believes in democracy. In George W. Bush and Texas cooking. And of course, in the clean-burning power of propane.

CTG - This is getting to be to much.

Niles - Kneel with me in prayer Concrete.

CTG <getting up to leave> - We'll, uh, talk later, ok Niles?

Niles - Ok Crete. All will be good. But when we do, let us make a pact to throw out the abomination that is Moosehead Jack. For the lord once said <in the booming voice of a southern preacher> "I'll strike DOWN THE FACE OF DEFIANCE!!!"

CTG - That was actually Vince McMahon. I'll see you round.

*Niles kneels in prayer as CTG leaves the lockerroom, completely baffled by what has just happened. Fade to Black.*

[mooseheadjack]

**L.D. Williams is enjoying a quiet drink when he is approached by Mr. Jealous**

MJ: “Seen the lineup for next week?”

LD: “Yep.”

MJ: “So I guess your little plan to duck me didn’t work out.”

LD: “Dude, you need to lower your calcium intake – your skull’s getting kinda thick. What I did last night had nothing to do with ducking you or Alt. I went out there to make you guys look like idiots because….well, it’s fun actually.”

MJ: “You think you’re funny don’t you? You’re not. And you won’t be laughing when I take that belt.”

LD(laughing): “Have a seat J-Man. Let me buy you a drink.”

**Williams orders a round and the two men sit silently until they arrive.**

LD: “I think you must have missed a memo somewhere. See, there’s a reason Moosehead Jack looks to me when he’s in a bind. There’s a reason Johnny Adrenaline became a champion even though he was afraid of his own shadow. There’s a reason Revolution XX went from Joke to Badass. And there’s a reason Black Dragon, the toughest champion in OOWF history, no longer holds the belt. Most of all, my little friend, there’s a reason I asked the Rick to put you in the title match next week.”

MJ: “What the hell are you talking about?”

LD: “I told you to back off, and the next thing I know, I’m hit from behind and take the Jealous Rage in a hallway.”

MJ: “But-”

LD: “Before you finish that, there are three things you need to know: One – That attack got you a title match – denying it would be stupid. Two – If you deny it, I’m not going to believe you. Three – if it actually wasn’t you, I don’t care. I’m still gonna beat the crap out of you next week.”

**Mr. Jealous starts to stand up, but Williams reaches out and slams his face into the table. Williams gets up, grabs Jealous, and DDT’s him through the table.**

LD: “If I were you, J-Man, I wouldn’t worry about taking the title. I’d worry about preserving my career.”

[mooseheadjack]

[The Chickenshit Heels see Niles' promo on OOWF TV as they sit in their locker room.]

AA: Number one face? I know he means well, but he can't be running around saying that. It would ruin our gimmick!

JA: Maybe we should just stop leeching off his heat instead.

AA: Well, that too. Guess it doesn't matter. Faces and heels can be in the same faction. Hell, I carried a "face" faction on my shoulders for the better part of six months when I arrived here.

JA: Well, what IS our gimmick, though? Are we chickenshit heels or are we master promo artists?

AA: [stops to think] Promo artists.

JA: Well, then Niles can run around saying whatever he wants then.

AA: Man, we got screwed out of the titles last week.

JA: Whoa, Tude, where was the segue into that?

AA: I don't care right now. I'm hungry, and this promo isn't of enough importance to worry about the exact layout. We'll get the high-qality promo later.

JA: Okay.

AA: But really, since when is a steel chair legal hockey equipment?

JA: Um... didn't we introduce the chair into the match?

AA: Yeah, but that's not the point. You know that!

JA: Hey, I was just practicing in case we get the face turn Niles is talking about. You know about the heel/face balance thing... and THE Black Dawgs turned heel last week.

AA: Hey, don't we own the "THE" gimmick, too?

JA: I don't think so. But if you wanna run with that, we do have THE Devil's Brigade this week.

AA: Naitch, you want in on this promo?

[silence]

AA: Naitch?

JA: I think he's in court.

AA: Well, what do we do about sandwiches this week?

JA: I don't know.

RS: Damn.

[fade to black]

[mooseheadjack]

*TTFDU are getting sewn up from the injuries from their match with UD and BD*

OBJ: Wally, use all of your connections. The Black Dawgs need to meet Empty Team.

GB: Jack, you know we aren't allowed to be Empty Team in North America.

WBK: Empty Team was even banned in Thailand!

OBJ: A little bird told me you have some influence with the OOWF board.

WBK: Just because Iron Eyes' niece is providing hospitality services to board members doesn't mean I can pull that off!

OBJ: It's going to happen when OOWF goes to Japan. Just speed up the clock, mate!

WBK: I'll do what I can.

GB: Empty Team coming to OOWF could cause a lot of problems, not that I'm telling you anything you don't already know.

[mooseheadjack]

Eric O Mac recieves a page.

'Whats mine is mine, and whats yours is mine too.'

EOM: What the fu...

Firechild blindsides him, grabs the Onslaught title from his hands and smashes him across the face with it busting him open.

Firechild tastes the blood on his fingers and holds the Onslaught title close.

FC: Ive missed you.

He lays the title over Macs bleeding form, as he struggles to his feet and turns away.

And walks right into LD Williams.

LDW: Nice move. Now run along rookie, Ive put you down once and I'll do it again. And your buddy Jealous is in need of some attention.

FC: Jealous? Hell, I just know him from way back.... a little payback for last week eh LD?

Firechild grins unconvincingky and in mock-friendship punches LD in the shoulder. LD just looks at him.

LDW: Yeah..... Fuck off.

FC: Cool man, cool, I'll be about my business......

Firechild scurries round the corner in mock fear and nearly doubles up in laughter once out of earshot.

Once he has regained his composure (checked hair, straightened shirt etc.) he opens his cellphone.

FC: Yeah man, its so sweet, yeah I know you said not to mix, but theyre at each other's throats...this is so much fun.....yeah Triple H must feel like this all the time. Kick ass. What? Yeah, I'm training tonight, title match and all. You too? What you got a title match too, no! I'm kidding Cole, I'm kidding. You at the hospital? Say hi to Ax for me.

[mooseheadjack]

*Concrete TG is doing pushups in the gym. When he rolls over to start some situps, he sees Niles Anderson right beside him, championship belt around his waste, doing chinups.*

CTG - Do you follow me around or something.

Niles - Like the good babyface I am, I'm just looking out for you buddy. You never know when Moosehead Jack might jump out and physically harm you. And I am also concerned for your soul. You really need Jesus in your life, Crete. And thats why I'm here.

CTG - Quit with the religious bullshit. We're not friends Niles.

*Niles lets go of the chinup bar, walks over to CTG and puts his hand on his shoulder.*

Niles - I want to change that, Crete.

*CTG just stares an empty stare at Niles.*

Niles - I want to help you with your match this week. Train you, be in your corner. We can't have Moose winning it because there is a chance he will. We can't risk having him in the championship picture because that would be bad news for the OOWF. And honestly, I think you deserve a titleshot.

*CTG's jaw drops.*

CTG - You do?

*Niles slaps CTG on the back and gives him a great big smile.*

Niles - Of course I do buddy! We babyfaces have to stick together. If it weren't for heels mucking up the place all the time, we could actually have wrestling promotions run the way they were always intended to: in the name of friendly competition between friends of all different races and backgrounds. Where the community is a mosaic, not a melting pot. Because everyone is beautiful. And Jesus' light shines on all of us equally.

CTG - So what are you trying to say?

Niles - Even if you lose this #1 Contender Match, I will give you a titleshot.

*CTG can hardly believe what he's hearing.*

Niles - Oh, and I brought something for you. I heard through the grapevine you like comics soooo...

*Niles reaches in his gymbag and pulls out a copy of the illustrated version of "The Cross and the Switchblade". He hands it to CTG.*

CTG - uh, thanks Niles. I, uh, will treasure this.

Niles - It's got a great message in it. I think it will speak to you and allow you to accept Jesus into your heart. After you're finished, you should come over to my place and we'll listen to some DC Talk. They totally rock.

CTG - Uh, yeah, sure. We'll talk. I'll see you round Niles.

Niles - Oh, before you go, have you heard the good news?

CTG - No, what?

Niles - He is risen!

*CTG just stares blankly at Niles.*

CTG - Ok, great, I'll see ya.

Niles - You're supposed to say "He is risen indeed, halleleujah".

CTG - We'll talk later, and I'll let you know about the match.

*CTG walks off completely puzzled but contemplating whether he should put Niles in his corner. Fade to Black.*

[mooseheadjack]

<the camera pans around and standing in a doorway in the far corner of the gym is Moosehead Jack. Having heard all that went on between Niles and Concrete, Jack ponders his next move while Niles continues to do pull ups. Once Niles is engrossed in pullups, Jack stealthly stalks across the room, grabs a barbell along the way and waits behind Niles. Niles drops from the bar, and turns around to face Jack>

NA: Jack!

MHJ: Hi Niles <WHACK!><Jack slams the bar right between Niles eyes, opening a horrible gash on Niles head and nearly knocking him cold. Jack pulls Niles head up to look him in the eyes> So Niles, you wanna play games do ya? <WHAM! Jack hammers Niles with shots to the face> Well then, let's play. It's a little game I like to call "crucifixion"

Jack pulls Niles to his feet, then hits him with a heart punch that sends Niles flailing backwards knocking over weights and such. Jack pulls a lenght of barbed wire from a bag he carried intot he ring and wraps it around his fist and pummels Niles until blood flows down his face and chest. For good measure Jack pulls Niles up and hits another heart punch, this time with the aid of barbed wire.

MHJ: Niles, you had to be a big shot didn't you? You just had to come back and try to get one over on me. Well, hotshot, who is laughing now?

<With that, Jack sets a chair agains the wall and slams Niles down on the seat. Diggin around in the bag Jack produces two pair of hand cuffs, he cuffs on on each wrist, then pulls Niles to a standing position on the chair and cuffs hisarms to the chin up bars. Niles stands in front of Jack, arms spread wide, blood flowing from his chest and dripping onto the floor, forming a sick puddle around Jack's feet. Jack stares for a moment and then violently kicks the chair out from under Niles feet. Niles falls a few inches, his arms and shoulders bearing his full weight, Niles lets out a groan and his eyes roll into the back of his head>

MHJ: Isn't this fun Niles? Oh no, you are not getting off that easy, Jack slaps Niles a few times to revive him, then digs around in his bag and produces a bottle, which he promptly shatters over Niles head.

<Jack removes the barbed wire from his fist and wraps it around Niles head>

MHJ: You wanna be a martyr? Here is your crown of thorns!

<Jack then picks up the steel chair and slams it acriss Niles face. Niles goes completely limp. The only sound is Jack's heavy breathing and the sickening dripping of Niles blood on the floor. Jack walks over and looks at the unconscious Niles and runs his fingers across his forehead, then looks at the white wall next to him. The camera stays focused on Niles for a moment, then we see written in Niles blood on the wall:

[mooseheadjack]

(CTG comes back from a jog through the neighborhood to a gory sight: Niles Anderson crucified on the chinup bar, covered with blood and a blood-soaked note from the Moose)

CTG: NILES~! (CTG hurries over and disconnects the chinup bar)

Niles: (groan)

CTG: craprapraprap..... (gently slaps Niles' face) you ok, man? wake up.....

Niles: (more or less unconscious)

CTG: (grabs his cellphone and calls 911)

Niles: (limp and still bleeding)

CTG: Stay with me, Niles...... (thinkthink)
right...

Our Hardcore who art in heaven
Hallowed be thy blades
Thy bed of nails, thy wounds be done with chairs or with barbed and razored wire.....

Gve us this day our daily bled
and forgive us our shattered glasses
as we forgive those who use broken glass against us

And lead us not into garbage, but deliver us from mediocrity.....


Niles: (Groans again) <w> that's not right....

[mooseheadjack]

Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster are watching OOWF-TV.

AA: Ewwww...is that what happens when you turn face?

JA: Guess so.

AA: Remind me to never turn face again.

JA: Again? Are you claiming that when you were with the AYUFF you were a face?

AA: We fought each other. Someone had to be the face. Are you saying it was you?

JA: Hell no! But it wasn't you either!

AA: Come on, no great feud works with two heels involved.

JA: Maybe that's because we'd never worked together.

AA: Damn, we're great.

JA: And we're not faces!

AA: Yeah, I don't like getting beaten up like that. Messes with my good looks.

In the next second, Drink and Destroy barges into The Chickenshit Heels locker room and beat them to a bloody pulp for no apparent reason.

AA: Hey, we're heels! You can't do that to us!

Stank: Look, we're just trying out a new gimmick. You mind?

JA: Well, it kinda hurts.

FFC: And we're kinda screwed right now. The Black Dawgs beat us to the heel turn, faces hold the tag team titles and we're tired of fighting The Devil's Brigade. So we decided we'll randomly attack you guys so we can cut promos with you and still be relevant.

AA: That might work. Tell you what: We're gonna be tag team champions soon--Johnny, you got one of our cards? No... one that doesn't have blood on it. Here, Stank, take this--and when we're champs you guys are back in business as face contenders.

JA: Although as a face you do have to be careful of getting attacked at a moment's notice.

Stank: No one does that to Drink & Destroy!

Suddenly The Devil's Brigade enters the locker room and puts a serious beatdown on Drink & Destroy!

TO: Ahh, blody wanka World Cup draw gets no respact. I coldnt fin a bar feght anywar.

AA: Ahh, it's good to be heels.

Harper Camby kicks AA in the gut for good measure.

HC: That's for such a lame promo. Man, sometimes it seems like you guys just phone this stuff in.

Blackdragon: He's right. It's no more than a .5 AA/THM promo at best.

UnderDawg: Woof!

Cameraman: And cut!

Tommy Wilder: Wait a minute! Are you telling me that this promo is over and the champs didn't get any face time? That sucks!

Every team attacks Tommy Wilder, leaving him bloodied and battered.

TW: That's better.

JW Westgaard: Nice Ricky Morton there. Too bad the camera wasn't on.

TW: Dude, Ninja cameraman.

AA: He's learning the trade well.

JA: Is this ever going to end?

AA: Almost. But first we have to hear from The...

The Rick bursts in the door!

TR: Do you guys realize how much film you're wasting? We're about to go bankrupt because of all these overbooked promos! OUT! EVERYBODY OUT!

AA: Now we're done.

TR: OUT!!!!!!!!!

[mooseheadjack]

<Moosehead Jack is storming down the hall, the fresh blood of Niles Anderson still on his fingers, he is muttering something to himself and wrapping barbed wire across his knuckles, as he rounds a corner, he is confronted by Scheme Geme>

SG: Moosehead Jack! You just crucified Niles Anderson I demand an <THUMP!>

<Jack levels SG with a shot to the jaw, them picks him up and tears SG's shirt open and delivers multiple heart punches to SG, leaving nasty gashes in Gene's chest. Jack then drops Gene to the floor with a DDT, mounts him and pummels him with a barbed wire fist until his face is a hideous mask of blood. Jack pulls Gene to his feet,and slams him against a stack of pallets and gnaws on Gene's forehead drawing more blood. Jack is covered in both Niles and Gene's blood. He then holds Gene's nearly unconscious body up in front of the camera. With his free hand he grabs Gene's arm and holds the mic up, making Gene a macabre, bloody interviewer, with a crazed look in his eyes, Jack speaks>

MHJ: Well Gene you wanted to know why I attacked Niles, it's really very simple. All this time, I have been, making threats, and not following through on them. So I thought to myself, it is about time Moosehead Jack struck some fear in people again, got them talking. Niles, how soft is Moosehead Jack now? How did it feel to be at my mercy? Get used to it, there is a whole lot more where that came from.

<Jack acts like he is listening to a bloody, nearly unconscious Scheme Gene speak, really all that comes out is a few weak garbled noises and a desperate "help me">

Well Gene, I am glad you asked about Concrete. See Concrete, you can train all you want, you can lift all the weights you want, it really isn't going to matter. You know me, I know you. The only differnce is this, I am inside your head. There nothing NOTHING you can do to stop me. You are next, and I will leave you bloody and battered just like Niles Trus......

<Jack listenes again, Gene is whimpering unintelligibly>

MHJ: DON'T EVER INTERRUPT ME AGAIN! I attacked you because you are a spineless piece of crap! In fact.....

<Jack takes the limp body of Scheme Gene and slams it into the wall, Gene slowly slides down the wall and leaves a trail of blood as he falls. Jack comes into the picture with a chair and repeatedly slams it across Gene's prone body, then lifts him and piledrives him on the floor. Jack once again mounts Gene's unconscious body, and dips his fingers in Gene's blood and writes -DIE- across Gene's chest. Finally an army of officials comes to Gene's rescue. Jack grabs the mic and looks into the camera, Jack is beside himself with rage, and looks at the cameraman, the look of a psychotic man clearly etched on his face>

MHJ: YOU WANTED THIS NILES! YOU WANTED THIS CONCRETE! YOU REAP WHAT YOU SEW! YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS! JACK'S BACK! AND HELL IS COMING WITH ME!!!!!!

<Jack moves closer to the camera, eyes wild with rage, he fills the screen, then in almost a whisper.>

trust me.

<Jack laughs maniacally and leaves, medics are busy trying to attend to Gene. Fade>

[mooseheadjack]

UnderDawg and Black Dragon are in their locker room.

UD: What's wrong with you? I thought you wanted this.

BD: Oh I do. Remember, I started off in this fed as a not so nice guy. CRUSHED A WHISKEY BOTTLE ON HARD BODY'S THROAT. Remember?

UD: How could I? You bring it up once a month. So if the heel turn isn't bothering you, what is? Is it the music?

BD: Nah, Big Dawg. It's...quite fitting actually. It's just that I'm not sure if I feel comfortable being in Chicken Shit Heel promos. I mean, a few weeks ago, if that happened, we'd drop them on their heads and get asked to do it one more time. Now, we're on the same side and that...das not cool.

UD: That's the second time you've done that..

BD: Done what?

UD: Stolen another wrestler's tag line.

BD: Yeah...so? We're heels now. I thought we did that sort of thing. Or does that fall under the "only faces can have nicknames for their opponent" rule?

UD: Not sure. But that's not the point. The point is, we need to bring the creativity.

BD: This coming from the guy that ends most promos with things that rhyme with peace. Do you want to study great heel promos or something?

UD: Nothing that dramatic. Just try not to steal catch phrases.

BD: And that's the bottom line because the Big Dawg said so...

UD covers his face and shakes his head in dismay.

[mooseheadjack]

Firechild walks out to the ring, his usual swagger and rock star composure back in full effect now that he is recovered from his war with Seraph.

FC: Eric O Mac. I sent a little lesson to you earlier. I put you down and I've tasted your blood, and at Mayhem, I'm taking back MY Onslaught title.

The fans boo Firechild reletlessley and he plays them as if they are cheers (Attitude Adjuster and Johnny Adrenaline complain to the Rick for gimmick infringement.)

FC: You see, you Mac, are just a lackey to Moose and LD, hell you were the second best thing in your lame ass tag team. Damn I loved costing you the tag titles, do you remember? Oh, that was a beautiful day.
And once again, I shall take some gold from under your nose, because at the end of the day, you're a second rater, a sidekick, a caretaker, someone who is here in the OOWF to make up the numbers. You neither understand now know what it is to burn, but I do, and you will. You think you hear the acclaim of the crowd now Mac? Prepare to hear a violent silence.......

Firechild throws the mike down and strides out of the ring...

[mooseheadjack]

[The Chickenshit Heels are backstage in their dressing room. Attitude Adjuster is eating a sandwich and Johnny Adrenaline is seen on his cell phone talking to somebody.]

JA: ...Well, I was kinda wondering if you could get out this way. ........... Look, me and Tude will fly ya in. ....... No, this isn't some prank. I'm serious here. ........................ I don't know who you've dealt with in the past, but I'm not a low down scoundrel like him. ....... I'm not even from Canada......

AA: Thank God.

JA: Does that mean we have a deal then? .......... Great. We'll meet you at the airport. [click]

AA: It's on.

JA: Oh yeah. Niles is gonna be so proud.

AA: Okay, we need plane fare for him. Let's go gambling.

[AA and JA leave as we fade to black

[mooseheadjack]

*Niles wakes up in the hospital with Concrete TG at his bedside.*

CTG - You still with us buddy?

Niles <groans> - get me a bible.

CTG - Hospitals are nonsecular these day due to protesters.

Niles - Fucking heathens. What happened?

CTG - Moosehead Jack attacked you.

Niles - Dear lord, I think he's too far gone to be saved. This is why we must excorcise him from the OOWF and his cursed kin with him.

CTG - Relax Niles.

Niles - I WILL NOT RELAX!!! I have yet to hear if you're going to help me do something about it? Can I stand in your corner at your match?

CTG - Niles, I don't know if I'm ready for another tag partner.

Niles - You don't need to tag with me, tag with Jesus, Concrete! It's the only way we can beat that vile being! And I can help lead you there, but only if you let me!

CTG - I'll think about it.

*With that, CTG leaves Niles' bedside. Fade to Black.*

[mooseheadjack]

*In TTFDU locker room*

OBJ: What did The Rick say.

WBK: He found some footage from Japan.

GB: Uh-oh.

WBK: The boomerangs, kendo sticks, barbed wire, burning tables, steel chairs, exploding trash cans, and even the blowtorch he might have dealt with, but 2 poisonous snakes? One wasn't enough?

OBJ: Steve got us a deal. Besides, we were known for our hardcore matches in Japan.

WBK: I know, but this bit of footage was from when you guys attacked that boy band making a guest appearance between matches.

GB: Well, they just sucked.

WBK: Fortunately our GM had the same opinion, if "douchenozzles" means what I think it does, but you'd better not count on being Empty Team right away. I'll try again later.

OBJ: Do that, Wally. We've got to meet an old friend now.

[mooseheadjack]

*as TTFDU are leaving, they turn back to Wally*

GB: Hey, Wally... were you sure to show Rick the footage of our crashing of the set of The Muppet Show, back in the day?

WBK: Not yet, but that guy with the gold teeth was one smooth s.o.b.

OBJ: Yeah, I was kinda shocked to see that even puppet frogs can have seizures like that...

[mooseheadjack]

*at the Outback Steakhouse bar*

OBJ: It's just that when I'm Jack of the Hinterlands I get into the zone, you know. But there are all these people who won't let us use the old ring attire and entrance music, and Wally hasn't been able to change it for us so far. You know what I mean?

Ladder leans against the bar, next to a pint of Fosters.

OBJ: Wait a minute, I get it. You think we should look inside ourselves for the answers, not keep looking to someone or something else. That's really profound.

Ladder continues to lean.

OBJ: I always felt better after talking to you, mate. Hey, how come you never called? Never mind, I really appreciate your time. Hey, if you're not going to drink that *chugs beer, belches* that's Australian for thanks, mate.