OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 12-21-05

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Captain Cook, Hawaii!

OOWF World Heavyweight Championship Match[/u]
Niles Anderson vs. Hardbody Harris

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
LD Williams vs. Uncle Entity

OOWF WOrld Tag Team Title Match[/u]
wCw vs. The Devil's Brigade

Onslaught Championship 3-Way Dance[/u]
Eric O'Mac vs. Canadian Dragon vs. Austraroo

Falls Count Anywhere[/u]
Phil vs. Donovan Viper

Intercontinental Title #1 Contender's Match - Winner Gets a Shot Next Week[/u]
Chris Alt vs. Mr. Jealous

Moosehead Jack vs. Concrete TG
Chris Cole vs. Microplay
Capellan vs. Seraph
Shashwat Mishra vs. Mercury
Thim Reynolds vs. Corax
SoulDragon vs. Firechild
Drink & Destroy vs. The Chickenshit Heels
The Team From Down Under vs. The Black Dawgs

card subject to snowman invasion

[mooseheadjack]

## Thim, face now caked in blood, is backstage getting his head stitched-up after his match with Corax when SFJ #69 enters looking to ask some hard hitting and probing questions

#69: Hiya Thim!!

TR: oh hi Jen, how it going

#69: better than you by the looks of things

TR: ah it's only a scratch, I've hard worse

#69: no doubt. You seem to be back on a winning trail but you were the one that walked out of the match covered in blood . . . you must have mixed feelings about the result

TR: oh hell no . . . the result was fine. It was an Onslaught Rules match, I kicked Corax's ass and made him tap. That's what it says in the book and nothing is going to change that. The fact that Corax couldn't stand the fact that he was beaten clean by a just flat out better wrestler obviously made him have mixed feelings though

#69: feelings he decided to take out on you with a chair . . . word has it you've got him again next week but this time it's not under Onslaught Rules. That kind of takes the match outside of your speciality doesn't it??

TR: my speciality is breaking peoples bones and I can do that wether it's in an Onslaught Rules match, a tag match, a dark match or backstage . . . it really doesn't matter. If Corax wants another chance to get beaten by the best then more play to him. I always feel that the only way to learn is to fight against people better than you and I'm prepared to teach Corax a thing or two

#69: so while all this is going on what is happening to, what you continuously claim is, your Onslaught Championship belt?

TR: well at the moment my friend and colleague Eric O'Mac is doing a fine job of looking after it for me - did you see his match, made me laugh my ass off

#69: don't you think that it was somewhat outside of the Onslaught rules that you're always extoling?

TR: absolutly, and that's what got Firechild disqualified. You shouldn't take anything away from Eric for that though. I'm certain that Eric is going to have a good run as Onslaught Champion and then when I've finished playing with Corax I'm sure he'll give me a shot at getting my title back and we'll tear some arena's apart with some 5 star matches.

#69: and finally, what about this situation with Mooseheadjack?

TR: well Moose has asked us all to stay out of his way for the time being and seeing the way these guys are tearing the shite out of each other I have no problem with that

#69: well thanks for your time Thim

TR: no problem Jen

## SFJ shakes Thim's hand and leaves. After she is gone Thim opens his hand and looks down at a hotel room key and smiles . . .

[mooseheadjack]

*A strange riff starts playing over the loudspeaker as a cross emenates on the mammothotron. Who's entrance music could this be? What song is that? Wait, is that "Jesus Freak" by DC Talk? Good god it is! And its...*

Announcer - Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the OOWF Champion... NILES ANDERSON!!!

*"What would people do if they knew I was a Jesus Freak..." plays loudly as Niles approaches the ring. The crowd is going nuts. Niles truly has turned over a new leaf. He gets to the ring and grabs a mic.*

Niles - GOOD CHRISTIAN PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD!!! I AM...

*Niles pauses because the crowd doesn't let him finish.*

Crowd - JESUS RULES! JESUS RULES! JESUS RULES!

*Niles cracks a smile, looks to the sky and falls on his knees in prayer as he does the motions for the symbol of the cross. The crowd just bursts out in excitement. Niles gets back up after a brief prayer and puts the mic in ready poosition again.*

Niles - He most certainly does! But the correct chant would be Jesus Saves, my friends. GET THE FUCKING EXPRESSION RIGHT YOU DOLTS!!!

*The crowd stops in shock. A look of humility crosses Niles face.*

Niles - Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I'm sorry, I'm still a bit testy after that beating Moose gave me.

Crowd - WE FORGIVE! WE FORGIVE! WE FORGIVE!

Niles - Thank God for good christian communities such as yours, but onto why I'm out here. I want to congratulate my BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD AND THE NEW #1 CONTENDER TO THE BELT! CONCRETE TG, YOU'VE EARNED YOUR SPOT ON THE CARD!!!

*The crowd goes wild.*

Niles - And for the first time in this feds history, we're going to have a title match based on GOOD WILL, FELLOWSHIP AND IN THE NAME OF FRIENDLY COMPETITION!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!!

But then there's Moosehead Jack.

Crowd - BOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Niles - Hey, don't be like that. He's just lost and confused. Moose, I want to let you know that even though we don't see eye to eye, I forgive you. And everytime you beat me down like you did in the hospital, I'm going to turn the other cheek... BECAUSE THATS WHAT JESUS WANTS!!!

*The crowd goes maniacal at this statement. Niles just sucks in the cheers.*

Niles - See, Moose, I'm not gonna sink as low as you. I'm not gonna attack you backstage. I know all these antics are just a cry for help. And because you've made this personal, I'm gonna approach you on a personal level. Moose... and the crowd out there, chant this with me... I want you to AC-CEPT JE-SUS! AC-CEPT JE-SUS!

*The crowd starts to chant along with him, but its an awkward champ due to it having 4 syllables. The crowd can't keep up with Niles and eventually give up.*

Niles - Ok, maybe that was too difficult for you. I know English isn't your first language and thats ok. It's not your fault you were born in Hawaii. But back to Moose. My grudge with you is strictly professional. I can't have you near this title. But as the new #1 FACE IN THE OOWF, I want to settle our score in THIS VERY RING!!!

*The crowd is hysterical with glee. They cheer so loudly that you can barely catch Niles last comment because he mumbles it.*

Niles <mumbles> - in a non-title capacity of course.

*Jesus Freak comes on again and Niles drops the mic as he leaves the ring. He sucks in the crowds cheers on his way out.*

*****************************************

*Meanwhile, inside the arena, Moosehead Jack is watching Niles leave the ring on a monitor.*

MHJ - You think you're clever Niles. I can see right through you. And all you've done is reawoken the REAL Moosehead Jack!

Trust me.

*MHJ turns away from the monitor only to recieve a lead pipe to the face. 2 mysterious men in masks that have the initials JA and AA on them respectively start stomping MHJ and hitting him with pipes.*

Masked Man with JA initials - Hey Attitude! He's not bleeding yet!

Masked Man with AA initials - SHUT UP Johnny! Don't say our names, Niles didn't want us to. Plus, he just forgot to blade is all! Give me a second!

*MMAAi takes a blade out of his pocket and cuts MHJ's forehead.*

MMJAi - Doesn't showing the audience the blade break kayfabe?

MMAAi - It doesn't matter, keep hitting him with pipes.

*The beatdown continues for a few moments and then the 2 masked men run off. MHJ is left a bloody mess. Fade to Black.*

[mooseheadjack]

The video shop is closed. Mercury is inside watching a movie. “It is only a game”, says Merovingian to Monica Bellucci. Sure, Mercury says. Bastard. What kind of a Jerk cheats on Monica Bellucci? That woman is so hot, he sighs. Hell man, why did I allow the OOWF to keep 24/7 cameras in my store? Fuck the fans!

That’s funny, he says. Something is burning. And he looks out of the window. “What the hell?” In a jiffy, Mercury pulls out his baseball bat and steps out of the store. His car is on fire! Mercury moves backwards only a second before the car blows, the impact throws him several feet backwards. And as he lies on his back, in the distance against the smoke, he sees a man standing with a can of gasoline in his hand. And he walks towards Mercury, a slow sure pace. Mercury strains to see, his back still hurting, and his baseball bat several feet away.

My name is Shashwat says the man. And I am here to hurt you. Nothing personal you see. Just business. I am the one you face next week Mercury. Are you scared, punk? You should be. Next week inside the squared circle, I blow up your reputation just like your car here. If you have the brains they say you have, don’t show up.

Shashwat walks away.

Mercury staggers to his feet, his face throbbing with anger. Payback is going to be a bitch Shashwat. And you will wish you had never crossed Mercury.

“Where the fuck is he?” Mercury roars as he grabs a kid by the collar. The OOWF cameraman barely struggles to hold the camera uprights as he follows Mercury through Chinatown. “Where the fuck is Shashwat?” “Lemme go” ,yells the kid. Mercury shoves him aside and turns towards a super hot Latin babe. “Not half bad, those honey. Do you know Shashwat? Do you know where he lives?” He moves in closer and grabs her wrist.
He takes out a photograph and shows it to her. “You are kinda cute”, she says. “ I have seen this guy, he works in that restaurant over there.” “Thanks doll!” says Mercury and kisses her on the lips. She blushes. She is pleased.

And he walks with purpose towards the restaurant.

Mercury enters and looks around. People eating. Waiters. Food being served. But, no Shashwat. He takes his baseball bat and hits it hard on a table. The customers jump up scared. “Shashwat! Where are you hiding? Come on out, come on out you coward!” A door opens and the chef comes out. It is Shashwat. And he flings the frying pan at Mercury in a split second. Mercury ducks and throws the baseball bat at Shashwat. He does not miss. As Shashwat reels, Mercury jumps on him and it is raining right hands.

A bunch of waiters pull Mercury back as Shashwat stands up with a grin. He picks up Mercury’s bat and hits him in the abdomen. Mercury reels. And Shashwat starts laughing. The bat rises and falls again and again. The cameraman drops the camera and runs.

The fallen camera captures Mercury’s limp body.

[mooseheadjack]

3 Piece Set is in their locker room

FC: Has anybody seen Microplay?

Ax: Didn’t we go through this before?

Cole: Well it was just like I said, after Mama’s Boy Micro lost the OOWF World Heavyweight Title he becomes invisible. I didn’t hear one peep from him before our match 2 weeks ago and nothing after I kicked his ass either. Well it looks like he is on my schedule yet again and Mr. Brat is nowhere to be seen. What a tool. I think I’ll do him and the rest of the OOWF a favor and just beat him into retirement.

Ax: He’s lucky my knee is busted or I’d kick his ass too.

FC: Wouldn’t be much of an accomplishment.

Ax: Yea, but it would be fun

[mooseheadjack]

[The two mysterious masked men scurry past The Rick's office on their way to Parts Unknown or wherever they're from, but stop briefly to look at the lineup card for next week's show.]

MM1: [putting finger up to the OOWF Title match] Harris. No prob. We've handled him before.

MM2: [putting finger up to the part that reads "Captain Cook, Hawaii] Hawaii! Captain Cook? More like Captain Morgan. Come on, dude, this is gonna be great.

MM1: [elbows MM2] What did I tell you?

MM2: I said "dude," not "Tude."

[MM1 shakes his head and walks off as MM2 holds his finger up to the Chickenshit Heels match on the card.]

MM2: [reads to himself] Oh shit.

[fade to black]

[mooseheadjack]

Attitude Adjuster walks into the locker room, where Johnny Adrenaline is watching OOWF-TV.

JA: Hey, AA! Have you checked out the latest bludgeoning those masked guys put on Moose? That’s some pretty mean stuff.

AA: Yeah, that’s impressive. Yeah.

JA: What’s up, AA? Something wrong?

AA: Actually, yeah. It’s this Hawaii and Japan tour we’re going on. I have some issues, um, “back home.”

JA: What’s up?

AA: Well, it’s my cats, Johnny.

JA: Hey, no big deal, I mean… Wait, did you say “Your cats”?

AA: Yeah, I’m worried about them getting the correct care while I’m gone.

JA: You have cats?!? That’s kinda gay. What? One, two?

AA: Three actually.

JA: HOMO!!!

DV: I AM NOT A HOMO!!!!!!

JA: Donnie, no one said you are. But just out of curiosity, how many cats do you have?

DV: Five…seven if you count the two neighborhood cats I feed outside.

JA: You’re such a homo.

DV: I AM NOT A HOMO!!!!!!

JA: Yeah, you are.

DV: Yeah, you’re probably right. But that means ‘Tude is a homo, too!

AA: Am not! I only have three cats!

DV: Are too!

AA: Am not!

DV: Are too!

AA: Wait, this isn’t getting anywhere. So what are you gonna do with your cats?

DV: Well, my next door neighbor Brian (DV makes googly eyes when he says his neighbor’s name) is going to feed them when he gets back from his daily pedicure.

AA & JA: You’re a homo.

DV: That’s it. I’m leaving! And I’M NOT A HOMO!!

AA: Anyway, I was hoping my wife would feed them…

JA: Wife!?! You don’t tell me shit!

AA: Well, gotta stay in character, you know… Anyway, my wife might feed them, but she has Adult Attention Deficit Syndrome and, like, goes to feed the cats and then forgets and orders a pizza instead. Plus, I didn’t tell her about the trip until last night.

JA: ‘Tude, that’s not good. So what happened?

AA: Well, first she got mad. Then she forgot why she was mad and ordered a pizza…

JA: And you wonder why you have a weight problem?

AA: 242! Solid! Stay on the subject, man. Anyway, then she got mad again. Something about me not telling her until the last minute, and then she freaked out because she’s heard about those wrestling plane flights with the booze and the women, and then I guess I told her Ric was going and then she really freaked out…

JA: Wow, that sounds awful. So what happened?

AA: Well, she forgot about it again and ordered another pizza. But then she remembered this morning and she’s mad again. I even told her Jesus C. Kidneypuncher was going with us and that everything would be OK, but she doesn’t believe he’s really Jesus. Why are there so many non-believers?

Just then, Ric Flair and Jesus C. Kidneypuncher slam through the door.

RF: WHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did someone say a PLANE…BY GAWD, MEAN GENE…FLIGHT!!!!!! With booze and babes?!? WHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

JCK: Are we getting paid for this?

[mooseheadjack]

Yes on the next onslaught, i get a shot at the Onslaught championship against Eric o Big Mac and the Canadian Bitch, Dragon i have beat you so you don't matter in this match so just scurry out of the ring and let me and Eric finish what we have started little boy.

The gold is going down under. Fair dinkim.

[mooseheadjack]

Donovan Viper is in the Devil's Brigade locker room with Corax, O'Neill, and Camby.

DV: Dammit. What am I going to do against this guy?

HC: Your neighbor who is taking care of your cats?

DV: NO! I don't give a shit about those cute bundles of joy.

TO: Kin ah seh et?

HC: No, Tommy.

DV: I'm talking about Phil. I don't know what to do about that guy. I don't know how to scout him. He's so unorthodox.

HC: I don't see why not, you beat him before.

DV: That was by a hair. And this coming week, this is a falls count anywhere match. I'm at a serious disadvantage here.

HC: Because he can fly?

TO: Becuz ah e's extendable limbs?

DV: No, because he's a lawyer.

TO: Eh?

HC: You Americans and your crazy laws.

DV: And Rick said the pinfall could take place anywhere on the island. I can't fly anywhere on the island. Chances are Phil would take me to some place on the island where I stand no chance.

HC: How so?

DV: Well, like, say we end up fighting at a hula dance party, and there will be all these hot island girls shaking their bootay, distracting me. And of course, me, distracting them from their hula goodness.

TO: Ye don' say? (rolling eyes)

DV: Yes, yes, I do say. Phil's a robot, so he doesn't really have a penis (not that I checked), but anywhere on the island? That Phil is crafty, and anywhere he could take me where my loins will get erected, it's...

TO: Ah shet ye damn mout, ye cunt. Ye so fulasheite, ye makin me seeck te me stumack.

DV: What did he say?

HC: Um, he said, "Totally, I hear ya."

DV: Right.

HC: Wait, what about Missy? Or Ayaka? You could just have one of them before your match, right?

DV: Missy won't go to Hawaii. She's afraid of flying over the ocean. And Ayaka, well, to tell you the truth I'm not fucking Ayaka.

TO: I 'ighly doubt ye fekkin Messy, too.

DV: No, I'm not messy at all. I keep my shit straight.

TO: Neh ye don't.

DV: But yeah, Ayaka's my ninja and my bodyguard. Not my fucktoy. Missy, SHE's my fucktoy.

HC: I can't believe you said the word "fucktoy". How old are you, man?

DV: Almost 30. So?

HC: So Ayaka's... available? Hmm.....

DV: She won't be at the match, though. She said she had to go visit some family while she's out in Hawaii, so I have to go at this alone. I'd ask you two, but you guys have that championship match against wCw so I'd feel guilty asking you to do so.

TO: Oh, dat's soooo totfel of ye, ye bludy poof.

DV: Corax? How about you? You've been awfully quiet. How'd you like to help?

Cor: No.

DV: What?

Cor: No.

HVICH: No.

DV: Why not?

Cor: Do you remember when I won the Onslaught Championship?

DV: Well, um... yeah...

Cor: NO YOU DON'T! I won my first singles belt in this company, and do I get congratulations from my friends? NO! No parties, no hookers, no pat on the back. You didn't even get me any pudding!

DV: Oh, man, I'm sor...

Cor: AND you didn't even do diddly squat to help me hold on to the title? Did you even know I lost the belt to Eric O'Mac?

DV: Well, I was kind of wondering why you didn't carry the belt around anym...

Cor: After all I did to help you stay World Champion, you couldn't even lift a finger to help me stay Onslaught Champion. So, no! I ain't helping you.

DV: Damn. A no DQ falls count anywhere match and I have no Brigade, no Corax, no Missy, and no Ayaka. What's a boy to do?

[mooseheadjack]

**L.D. Williams walks into the locker room where Eric O’Mac is sitting looking at the Onslaught belt.**

LD: “Hey, Champ.”

EOM: “Champ…Y’know, I don’t think I’m ever gonna get tired of that.”

LD: “Probably not. I’m proud of you, Eric. Some people had their doubts about whether you’d be able to find the right balance between pleasing the fans and your own best interests, but I knew you would. We’re a lot alike, you and I.”

EOM: “And not so much like Jack. What’s with him these days?”

LD: “Jack is…Jack. When it comes right down to it, he’s a guy you want on your side, not somebody else’s. Best to let him do his thing and not make a big deal about it.”

EOM: “Good Point. I just don’t want to see him blow a chance at the World title. Speaking of which, you could make a case for being the number one contender. How come you’re not going after it?”

LD: “Have you seen the division list? Niles, ‘Crete, Jack, Phil, Viper…I’ll take my fruit loops in a bowl, thank you very much.”

DV (running past): “Iamnotahomo!”

EOM: “Running gag?”

LD: “Literally. Truth is, Eric, we already own half the OOWF. Five minutes and a tag title shot would make it three quarters. When and if the World Title is worth our while, one of us’ll take that too. No hurry. With our talent, we’ve got all the time in the world.”

EOM: “Amen, brother, amen.”

[mooseheadjack]

<darkened room, single light, Moosehead Jack>

So Concrete, the saga continues.

Some people just don't get it do they? There appear to be people in this world who refuse to open their eyes to the truth, no matter how many times they are shown the way. Concrete, I tried beating it into you, I tried to show you that if you let your true nature come out, you could be one of the greatest ever. But in the end, you refused to look at things my way, so I did what I had to do.

See Crete, I thought maybe six months on the sidelines would open your eyes. I thought sis months of sitting at home and looking at your career would open your eyes to the truth: You are a violent person. You do best when you control that rage and channel it to something.

Think I am wrong? Think back Crete, think back to when you held the Intercontinental title. Sure you held it for months, but you held on by a thread, and you took a hell of a beating. You yourself even said it was a relief when you finally lost it. Why? Because you were denying who you are. You were trying to be something you were not. You kept the rage inside, you tried to play by the rules....and you were miserable.

Look at the facts Concrete, when we teamed, how much success did we have when you were trying to annoy me and become a goofy superhero? None. Then you got angry and what happened? We won the tag team titles. Is this making sense now Crete?

And now, now you want to buddy up with Niles to destroy me. Crete, I am rather surprised. I give you the key to your success, and you want to turn against me and side with Niles. Sure, I got you suspended, but it was for your own good. I knew you would come back angry, I knew you could not let that go unpunished. But Crete, what title do I hold? Again, you anger is misplaced, and it will lead to your destruction. You can come after me all you want, but you know you can't beat me. We have tried to kill each other for over a year, and yet we both still stand.

Niles fiddles while Rome burns. Think about it Crete, who are the two biggest threats to Niles title? You and I. He knows you hate me, and he is using that to keep you away from the title. Sure, you got your shot, but do you really trust Niles? More than you trust me?

Crete, let your true nature come through and you will beat Niles. Niles is a false prophet, and he will destroy you if you don't open your eyes. Why should I care? I don't really. In the end, I will make certain that neither of you have a career in the OOWF, but until then, wake up Crete. Think about all I have said. Think about my words. You will see I am telling the truth.

Trust me.

[mooseheadjack]

(CTG has somehow found some time away from Niles. He watches Moose's promo as he's doing some light jogging on a treadmill. He shakes his head and continues to jog, slowing a little as he speaks)

Ah, Moose - I've "learned" a lot from you in our time fighting each other and working with each other. Unbridled rage and unholy violence is good for the soul, true; but I'm not someone who needs that every week like you do.

See, I saved that sort of decimating violence for the likes of you. When it comes to other people in the OOWF I don't really NEED to put all that power forward. I give 100% in every match, but I save what YOU hold sacred, Moose, for when you and I clash. I expect this to be a bloody, ugly affair. No problem.

And if you want, I'll even take you on San Chaos style - I've still got the "Wall O weapons" in another room, I'll pick something just for you.

Meantime, you grumble that I'm siding with a Jesus Crispie like Niles? Moose, you should know better. I don't trust you, and I may or may not trust Niles.

But Niles has the OOWF title, and I want that just a little bit more than I want to stomp you into a mound of flesh and pour what's left down the storm sewers. And once that's done, my path to the OOWF title is clear... and it even has two stops, something YOU'LL never get.

You cracked me, Moose - but when concrete has time to repair and reset, it's stronger than ever.

[mooseheadjack]

Seraph is in the OOWF canteen, with a bowl of plain oatmeal before him, when Capellan slides into the chair opposite.

Cap has a tray piled high with Mountain Dews, candy bars, and a steaming plate of stir-fried rice with teriyaki beef.

"Hey 'raph." he nods a greeting as he tears open a Snickers. "Awesome match last week, man. We really gave those folks a show. Rick musta liked it too 'cause he's got us going again this week."

Seraph says nothing.

"Dunno if this is meant to be a rubber match or not." Cap shrugs, "Maybe Rick's got some longer term plans for us. That'd be cool."

Seraph says nothing.

"Still, I figure you never know what's going to happen in this place from week to week, so best to treat every match as our last, eh?" As he speaks, Capellan's pile of food rapidly dwindles, until empty wrappers and bottles are strewn across the table.

Seraph says nothing.

"I gotta say though, the best thing about fighting you is that I know I can trust you not just to bring your best, but to bring it only in the ring. With those weeks I was up against Viper, I had to be looking over my shoulder for sneak attacks the whole time. Not now. Though I guess it's the same for you, right? You had that whole deal with Firechild and the Set." Capellan shakes his head, "Man, those matches were a war."

Cap stands, his mountain of food somehow finished edven though Serapoh's oatmeal is untouched.

"Anyway, good talking with you buddy." he nods again, "Catch you in the ring."

Seraph says nothing ... but his normally impassive expression flickers momentarily into one of thoughtfulness.

[mooseheadjack]

The Introduction

A camera focuses on a busy four way intersection, zooming out to reveal a scrawny young man with raggedy clothes and a goofy haircut. The young man turns to the camera and speaks:

JS: Hello gladiators of the OOWF, most of you don't know me, but I know you. I am Justin Sane and I have been searching the world for the answers to life's greatest mysteries. My searching has led me here to the OOWF.

He pauses as if listening to an unheard voice.

JS: yes, yes I'm getting to that hold on. I have studied you intently OOWF, all of you from the top to the middle and finally I feel ready to make my prescence known. I will find the answers to my questions, like who framed roger rabbit?

Another akward pause as Justin glances behind himself

JS: I will sow a path of destruction and delight from catering to kentucky if I need to. I will accomplish my most missiony mission. The real question is will the OOWF be ready for the sanest man alive.

Justin's eyes start twitching rapidly, and a slight bit of spittle flies from his mouth.

JS: I have heart, and I have fire, and once I find earth wind and water my powers will combine to prove that only you OOWF can prevent forest fires. So prepare yourself for the Sanest man alive debuts sooner than he thinks.

Justin stops once more listening to the voices only he hears.

JS: what's that you say, someone who plays in traffic is crazy, no their Justin Sane.

With that our hero rushes into the busy intersection, and the sound of horns honking, tires squealing and much cursing can be heard as the camera fades to black.

[mooseheadjack]

The OOWF Superstars are onboard Air Hawaii Flight 420 to Captain Cook, Hawaii. We join the flight in progress with your #1 PROMO TEAM IN THE OOWF, Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster.

AA: Look, Johnny, here’s your Malibu Martini with an umbrella. Now just forget about it and enjoy the flight.

JA: Forget about it? Enjoy the flight? We’re an hour behind schedule! I scheduled a tee time as soon as we landed. There’s no way I’ll make that. Can’t this plane go any faster!

Ric Flair: WHOOOO!!! I’LL TELL YOU WHAT”S FAST AROUND HERE!! STEWARDESSES!!!

JA: This is all the fault of Canadian Dragon and Corax. Couldn’t they have just taken off their masks?? Did we ALL have to get strip searched because of that?

AA: I didn’t understand that either. But Donnie seemed to think it was necessary.

Tommy O’Neill: Ah leas de get only two of me ca boms.

Sexy Female Stewardess #3: Did he say something about bombs??

Harper Camby: No, no. He said “My lease, it gets only two Me-cad-es.”

SFS#3: “Me-cad-es”?

HC: You know, the car? Look, he’s got a bit of an accent.

SFS#3: I thought so. He’s Scottish, right?

HC: Yeah, sure…

Ron Simmons: Excuse me, can I get a real beer on this flight? What do you have?

SFS#2: We have Coors, Coors Light, Bud, Bud Light, Miller, Miller Light and Corona with a lime.

RS: Damn… It’s gonna be a long flight.

ONE HOUR LATER

RF: …And then I told him that I took his old lady for a ride on SPACE MOUNTAIN!!! WHOOOO!!!!!

Phil: YAR!! That joke never gets old. Though as a lawyer I might warn you that you could get sued if someone finds that offensive. And don’t proposition the stewardesses either. I’ve learned that could be against the law.

Suddenly Donnie Viper walks down the aisleway holding hands with a SFS#7.

DV: Hey guys, she says I’m eligible for a flight club they have called the Mile High Club. She says I can get “discounts” on future flights. The applications are in the bathroom. Isn’t that odd?

Meanwhile, Niles Anderson and Concrete TG are discussing the merits of God and religion.

NA: Really, it says so in the bible, Concrete. Let me get mine from the overhead compartment.

Niles gets up and tries to open the compartment. It seems stuck, but he finally pops it open.

“I’M THE BOOGEYMAN!”

Niles: It’s the devil!!!!!!!

TB: “AND I’M PLAYING BOARD GAMES WITH CHRIS ALT AND HARDBODY HARRIS!!!!

CA: This guy is cool! Hi Niles, want to play Parcheesi?

Suddenly, Donnie Viper runs screaming from the back of the plane.

DV: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RF: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Donnie regains his senses as he approaches the superstars. “Umm, the cost to benefit ratio of the Mile High Club wasn’t worth it. I had to turn her down. She was a tough salesperson, though, and I think I hurt her feelings.”

SFS#7 (buttoning her blouse): HOMO!

DV: I AM NOT A HOMO!!!

ANOTHER HOUR LATER

JA: Hey Ron, how’s that Coors Light tasting?

RS: Damn… At least I’m not drinking a Cosmopolitan. Besides, I want to stay sober to see what happens to Ric.

Ric is talking to Mr. Jealous. The discussion is getting heated.

RF: SHUT UP, FAT BOY!!! I TOOK YOUR OLD LADY ON A RIDE ON SPACE MOUNTAIN!!!!!!!!!

MJ: You did what? With who?

RF: SPACE MOUNTAIN!!!!! YOUR OLD LADY!!!!!

Mr. Jealous crushes Ric Flair with the JEALOUS RAGE. Three rows of seats are destroyed!

FF Capslock: Isn’t Drinking and Destroying our gimmick?

Stank: …

FFC: Stank? Stank? Ah man, looks like Stank and SFJ #5 are joining the Mile High Club!

DV: Didn’t I say the cost to bene…EEWWWWW!!!!!! They’re having sex!!!! Er, I mean, wow, cool, that’s hot.

ANOTHER HOUR LATER

Tommy Wilder, having consumed 14 cans of complementary Red Bull, is getting ideas.

TW: I’mtellingyouIcandoa360completelyaroundthecabinonmyskateboard, maybeinvertedwithatwist,andthenskydivenakedaswestartlanding!!!!!Infact,IthinkI’llstreakdowntheaislewaynow!!!!!!

Tommy rips off his clothes and races up and down the aisleway naked.

J.W. Westgaard: I told you he'd do it!

Capellan: [hands over fifty dollars] Damn it, that's cabfare for at least a week.

Donovan Viper: Do it again!

JA: I have a feeling of deja vu.

Justin Sane: That looked like fun. I wanna do that too!

Justin strips naked and runs down the aisle. Unfortunately, SFS#1 is walking the food cart down the aisle. Justin runs heads-first into the cart, busting himself open.

RF: WHOO!!!! I CAN DO THAT TOO!!!!!!

Ric starts punching himself in the forehead, and quickly opens up a number of the stitched scars across his brow.

RF: WHOOOO!!!!!

SFS#1: EWWWWW!!!!!!

RF: Sexy Female…BY GAWD, MEAN GENE…Stewardess #1, I’M GONNA TAKE YOU FOR A RIDE ON SPACE MOUNTAIN!!!!!!

SFS#1: AND THEN I’M GONNA TAKE YOU ON A RIDE ON THE MILE…BY GAWD, MEAN GENE…HIGH CLUB!!!!!!!!!!!!

RS: Damn…this was worth staying sober for.

Seraph: ...

[mooseheadjack]

A drunken FF Capslock stumbles up and sits next to The Chickenshit Heels.

FF- Hey, buddies.

JA- Buddies?

FF- Sorry. Hey assholes.

JA- That's better.

FF- Hey...hey...we got a match on Wednesday, man. I don't wanna fight you guys again, but hey...hey...I guess Rick likes seein' us fuckin' brawl. Know'm sayin? Know'm sayin?

JA- Probably.

AA- Yeah, I bet that's what it is, yeah.

JA- I've really underestimated this guy, he's a lot smarter than I thought.

FF- FUCKIN' A BRO! So hey...hey...hey...what, uh, hey...where the hell is Stank, man?

AA- I don't know. I think he's off being a smelly fatass somewhere.

FF- HA HA HA HA HA! ALAN! You're funny, man. See...see...this is why we should be buddies man, you're fuckin'...funny man.

Jim Cornette runs in.

JC- Heels and faces can't hang out together!

FF- Wait, dude...is this being filmed?

INCM- Yeah, wait I mean <silence>

FF- Invisable Ninja Camerman! I fuckin' love you bro! Let it be known...I LOVE THIS CAMERAMAN!!

AA- notthatthere'sanythingwrongwiththat

FF- HA HA HA HA HA! You're FUNNY!

JC- <heart attack>

[mooseheadjack]

## Thim Reynolds, Eric O'Mac, LD Williams and Mooseheadjack are up the front of the place in the private First Class section . . . MooseheadJack seems strangely quiet

EOM: good call of your sedating Moose before we got on the flight Thim

TR: ha, well if I only ever learned one thing from the A-Team it was how to distract people so that they could be sedated for flying . . . and anyway, do you really think that any of us would have had any peace on this flight otherwise

LD: yea, can you imagine Moose trying to stay calm on a flight this long knowing that Niles and Crete are just back there - I seriously think he might have put a window out

EOM: just one thing though Thim . . .

TR: yea??

EOM: what exactly are you planning on telling Moose when he wakes up at the other end, assuming of course that you gave him enough to keep him out for the entire flight!!

TR: erm, I figured that we could tie him, lightly, to a chair and leave him in a dark room - that way when he wakes up none of us will be there to blame and he'll think it was another attack by Niles and Crete . . . it'll give him a bit of extra energy and emotion before his match this week

LD: you think we need to get this guy MORE wound up!!!

TR: not really - I just don't want to be anywhere near him when he wakes up

EOM: good point

TR: back in a mo

## Thim stands up and goes to the toilet in first class. Finding it locked (I wonder why on this flight) Thim move into the rest of the cabin to find another. As he's walking towards the back, avoiding skateboards, beer and Ninjacameramen the plane hits an air pocket. Thim along with just about everything that isn't strapped in or tied down on the flight goes flying, coming down with a crunch on someone's chair. As he looks up Thim realises that he's crashed down onto Corax's chair and the crunch appears to have been Thims elbow making contact with Corax's nose, now split and pouring blood down his shirt.

Thim stands up while Corax is trying to move his now jammed table and release his belt . . . Thim looks down at Corax

TR: whoops, hey sorry about the man - but look

## Thim holds up both hands

TR: no chair!!!

## Thim move away quickly while Corax continues to struggle with his now very bent seat.

[mooseheadjack]

*LD Williams and Moosehead Jack are sitting on the airplane together.*

LDW - So what do you have planned for the Niles and Concrete situation?

MHJ - I told you I'm going to do this on my own. What I do is none of your concern.

LDW - Ok, already. I'm just trying to look out for you.

MHJ - Don't worry about me, I have this under control.

LDW - Fine. Gimme a sec, I have to use the bathroom.

*LDW gets up from his seat and heads down the aisle. Before MHJ can enjoy his solitude, LDW's seat is instantly taken by OOWF HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD AND THE SAINTS AND MARTYRS OF CHRIST'S FAVOURITE WRESTLER... NILES ANDERSON!!!*

Niles - I want to talk to you Moose.

*MHJ slowly casts a frightening glare in Niles direction.*

MHJ - We are far past talking Niles. If you value your neck, you'll move right now.

Niles - I just want to make one thing perfectly clear to you. You think I'm playing games here. If I was playing games, why would I willingly offer Concrete a title shot, even if he lost the match? Which he didn't, by the way.

*MHJ laughs hysterically at that comment.*

MHJ - Oh, you're slick! You are so slick! I won't even comment on that statement.

Niles - Moose, can't you see I'm concerned for your soul?

*MHJ grabs Niles by the neck and starts choking him in the seat.*

MHJ - Listen closely you son of a bitch. You might be able to fool that gullible fuck, but you can't fool me! You got one over on me and thats all you're gonna get! I warned you once! Now get your biblethumping ass out of here!

*MHJ then calmly gets off of Niles and sits back as if the last event never happened.*

MHJ - Besides, LD is back from the bathroom and wants his seat back.

*Still trying to catch his breath, Niles turns and sees LDW towering over him.*

LDW - You got a problem?

*Niles regains his composure, smiles and gets up. He waits in the aisle for LDW to sit down. Then he turns and smiles at MHJ.*

Niles - Before I go, how's your head Moose? I heard something about you getting clubbed multiple times with pipes, but yet there's no official report on the incident? Maybe you should get that checked out? Too many concussions can't be good for you and you never know when another might come along. I mean, the Lord does work in mysterious ways.

*Niles smile turns sinister at that comment. He then turns and walks back to his seat.*

LDW - What was that about?

MHJ - Don't worry about a thing, LD.

*Fade to Black.*

[mooseheadjack]

<As the plane begins it's descent SFJ#5 walks out of the First Class bathroom buttoning her dress followed a minute later by Stank. He walks back to Coach and approaches a drooling and slumbering FF Capslock.>

FFC - And just where have you been?

Stank - You're awake? How are you speaking without moving your lips?

FFC - No No YOU DOLT! I'm under here! Get this behemoth OFF ME!

Stank - wha?

<Stank looks underneath FFC and sees Attitude Adjuster trapped below.>

Stank - Heh Heh Heh... HA HA HA!

AA - WOULD YOU JUST GET HIM OFFA ME!

<Stank surveys the situation then takes his seat next to FFC.>

AA - WHAT? You're just gonna SIT THERE and do NOTHING?

Stank - Yep.

AA - OH GOD! You're unBELIEVABLE!

<Johnny Adrenaline approaches>

JA - Hey FATSO! You're in my seat! Where's Adjuster?

Stank - I haven't seen him.

AA - HELP! HE... OOOF!

JA - Why'd you punch your partner in his side? And was he screaming for help?

Stank - He does that sometimes when he gets drunk. He has this recurring nightmare you see... and if you punch him... He goes back to... sleep.

JA - Riiiight. Let me try.

Stank - Back off punk!

JA - You're in MY seat!

Stank - Go find another one! There are plenty in first class.

JA - Ooooh First Class!

<Johnny Adrenaline walks off>

AA - OHHHHH I'm DYING under here!

Stank - Hee Heeee.

AA - Oh yeah. THAT didn't sound gay.

Stank - 1... 2... 3...

DV - I AM NOT A...

AA - DONNIE HELP!

DV - Stank... why is your partner screaming for help?

<FFC turns over on his side.>

AA - AAAAAAARRG... help... me!

Stank - Ignore him. He talks in his sleep.

DV - You guys are weird.

[mooseheadjack]

<after Niles leaves, Moose, LD Williams. Thim and Eric are all sitting in silence. Finally Moose speaks up>

MHJ: gentlemen, we are on a plane.

TR: Ehh, yeah Moose, we are on our way to Hawaii

MHJ: Interesting. Seems I have no recollection of getting on the plane

LDW: Don’t worry about it Jack, it uh, musta been those pipe shots from the masked guys. Those sons a bitches.

MHJ: Yeah. <long silence> I just had a conversation with Niles Anderson too didn’t I?

<Thim, Eric and LD look at each other>

EOM: Uh yeah. He came up here saying something about him and Crete or something. I wouldn’t worry about it.

MHJ: Right. So he and Crete are both on the plane.

TR: Yeah Jack, but is it such a good idea to start a brawl on a plane? I mean I know you want to get to them both and all but…..

MHJ: Don’t worry. They are expecting it. Not now. I will get them on my own time. Excuse me for a minute gentlemen. <Jack gets up to use the toilet>

EOM: What the hell was that?

LDW: What?

EOM: Jack was civil! I thought he would rampage through the plane!

TR: Well, it is either the sedatives or Jack is planning somethi……

<just then Johnny Adrenaline busts through the fist class curtain>

JA: Hey SWEET!!! What the hell are a bunch of losers like you guys doing up here? This is for class, this is for me and AA and Ric and our entourage!

LDW: What the hell do you want Adrenaline?

JA: Oh, hey LD! Are you wearing your title on the plane? Seriously, that is such feau paux. You know, LD, me and AA could use some muscle, I am sure if you apologized to me you could come back to work for me.

TR: HA! What a wanker.

JA: And here’s the rest. Eric, I see you have some shinny piece of tin, is that the Onslaught Championship? I never much cared about that one. Course I should take it, just to add it to my stellar resume

EOM: <standing up> You wanna go pretty boy?

TR: Come on Eric, he certainly isn’t worth it, you are a champion, no need messing with a guy with his record.

JA: You should listen to tubby here…

TR: Who the fuck are you calling tubby, bitch?

JA:… this whole collection is a joke. I ought to get AA and some masks and take the whole bunch of you out, then cut a killer promo about it! Yeah! How we beat that idiot Moosehead Jackass senseless with lead pipes, and how our boy Niles is gonna …..

<LDW, Thim and EOM all start grinning>

JA: ….what? He’s behind me isn’t he? <Johnny turns around and stares right at Jack> Oh hey Jack, I was uh, I was just telling these fine gentlemen that on such a long plane ride, it is uh, it is a good idea to um…HOOOOF!

<Jack grabs Johnny by the throat>

MHJ: Johnny, I have a little message for you and your bitch boy friends. You tell Niles that he is gonna need God, Moses, Jesus and all the disciples to stop me. He wants a Holy War? That is fine. As for you and your little bitch boy friend AA, your ass beating is coming, don’t think for a second that I didn’t know it was you two under those masks. You have always been a coward Johnny, and now, you get your ass beat.

<With that Jack hits a heart punch, then DDT’s Johnny on the floor of the plane. Jack mounts him and pummels Johnny until his face is a mask of blood. Jack stops short of beating him unconscious though. Jack stands up and an evil grin spreads across his face. They pull Johnny up, and Jack looks him dead in the eyes>

MHJ: This is only the beginning. <to the rest> Strip him

<Johnny’s eyes get big as the other three tear his clothes off, after a few seconds, Johnny stands there bleeding and naked as the day he was born, trying to cover up>

JA: JACK YOU SICK FUCK! What are you gonna do?

MHJ: Nothing Johnny. Let’s see how you enjoy being around Donnie, butt naked
<Jack shoves Johnny through the curtain, then closes the door separating first class with the rest of the plane. From the other side we hear lots of laughter and cat calls, and we hear Donnie <I AM NOT A HOMO!! Sit here!>

MHJ: Now gentlemen, let’s chat

[mooseheadjack]

:Originally posted by Attitude Adjuster
Meanwhile, Niles Anderson and Concrete TG are discussing the merits of God and religion.

Niles: .... and that's why Hell is Real.

CTG: but if hell is for Liars, cheats and thieves, does that mean Eddie Guererro will never make it to heaven?

Niles: ... I never said that being religious wasn't easy.

CTG: But Eddie was religious too, he -

(Suddenly CTG starts to spasm. His eyes roll back in his head and he twitches a bit, actually alarming Niles)

Niles: Concrete...?

CTG: (snaps to) Orale!

Niles: !!! You're speaking in Tongues!

CTG: (starts talking in a thick Mexican accent) Naw, esse vato, I'm here cause I heard all the music and dancin.... and maybe a little bit something else, hey? (he reaches out a gooses a stewardess as she walks by) I was married, holmes, but I'm dead!

Niles: (boggling)

CTG: I just wanted to tell you while I'm here, man, that if you think it was easy to lie cheat and steal my way into heaven you're nothin but loco.....

Niles: Quit playing around Concrete, that's no way to remember Eddie

CTG: "Remember me"? Aw come on, esse, you guys did all kindsa nice stuff to remember me! And where I am now, esse, I can see what you're up to - you liiiiiiiiiiied to this vato loco, man! you're gonna cheeeeeeeeat and keep that OOWF title, man! you're gonna steeeeeeeeal away all the fans that love this guy!

Niles: HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THAT?!?!?! CONCRETE QUIT MESSING WITH ME!

CTG: It's ok, esse, I won't tell him nothin cause you're working so hard on it! Just remember, holmes, when this vato loco finds out, "[he'll] sharpen a flashing sword and [his] hand grasps it in judgment, he will take vengeance on my adversaries and repay those who hate." (Deuteronomy 32:41)

(CTG convulses and twitches again, slumping over in his seat)

Niles: ..... Concrete?

CTG: ugh.... what happened?

Niles: I think you just had a religious experience.

CTG: I think someone spiked my drink.

[mooseheadjack]

**L.D. Williams walks into first class and sits down next to Eric O’Mac, chuckling.**

EOM: “What?”

**Williams signals for Eric to wait.**

LD: “Thim, kick that door open for a second, would you?”

**Thim opens the door to coach. Donovan Viper’s voice can be heard over the sound of things being thrown**

DV: “EWWWWWW! That’s sick– OW! – Well not sick, I mean, she’s a woman, and they’re all good for - OW! C’mon man! I wouldn’t hit that with a ten foot – OW! - I mean I would, ‘cause I’m totally into women – OW! –but…”

**Thim shuts the door as Viper continues to shout.**

EOM: “What’d you do?”

LD: “I was bored, so I told Jealous that Donnie was after his girl.”

**Eric laughs as Thim comes over and sits down.**

TR: “Let me get this straight. You told Mr. Jealous, delusional psychopath, that Dangerous Donovan Viper, lead hitter for the other team, was after his girl…because you were bored?”

LD: “Yep.”

TR: “I knew there was a reason I started hanging out with you.”

[mooseheadjack]

While Thim and Moose are sleeping on what seems like a hell of an eternity, Eric takes a seat next to LD Williams.

Eric: Ya know, with all the crap going on during this flight, next time, why don't we just listen to my agent next time and fly a private plane out here a couple of days early?

LDW: You have an agent now?

Eric: Yeah, someone to make financial and travel decisions for me, if I ever need them. Apparently this guy's quiet the moneymaker - I think he's been crawling up Rick's ass to get me a decent contract extension.

LDW: Who is this fellow?

Eric: His name is Andrew Morganraus - he's pretty cool. He wanted to book the 4 of us on a private flight to Hawaii immiedietely after Midweek Mayhem, but I told him that we should probably ride with the rest of the OOWF crew. In retrospect, it wasn't such a hot decision, but I think he can get us our own plane when we go to Japan.

LDW: I guess we'll see about that. At least that way we won't have to worry about seeing Adrenaline naked again.

[heard from coach]DV: I AM NOT A HOMO!!!

Eric: Well, L.D., I mean while this flight has been anything but pleasent, but I've got a lot of thinking done. And I'm not goig to lie, I love being a champion. I love the attention, I love the glamour, I love the respect that comes with this title, even if I did win my match in a less than respectful way last week - hey, it is all about winning, right? And I think that as long as this group of four is aligned, your title will stay around your waist, my title will stay around my waist, and Moose and Thim will also enjoy great success - because we've proven time and time again, that even when you aren't respected, when you are aligned with us, success follows - look at what we did for Johnny Adrenaline - it was our precense that made him big.

LDW: You said it perfectly.

Eric: So, we've got another couple of hours before the flight - you wanna watch a movie, or I've got a couple of games me and Carl Coolname use to play...you interested in Hungry Hungry Hippos?

LDW: How about we just try to sleep in peace, because before you know it, Ric Flair's gonna come in here dressed in nothing but baby oil, and offer us some Subway.

[heard in coach] RF: WHOOO!

[mooseheadjack]

[Naked Johnny Adrenaline is sitting next to Donnie Viper, cautiously talking to him.]

JA: Donnie... you know we're friends, right? Man, back in the day, you the World Champ, me the IC Champ: all was right with the world. Things haven't gone our way lately, as you can tell by me sitting here without any clothes on, but things will come around, man.

DV: ...

JA: Up here! Look up here, I'm talking to you.

[Viper's head snaps up real quick.]

DV: Yeah, things are definitely going right.

JA: What the hell does that mean?

SFS#3: [from a few rows back] It means he wants you, Johnny.

DV: I AM NOT A HOMO!

JA: Yeah, he's not a... wait, then why were you looking at...?

DV: Cause it's the smallest thing I've ever seen! I mean, not that I'm an expert or anything.

JA: IT IS NOT SMALL! Ain't that right, Sexy Female Stewardess Number Three? [stands up] Yeah, that's right, I joined the Mile High Club, too!

SFS#3: [mumbles something under her breath]

DV: Come again?

SFS#3: Again? I didn't the first time!

[Johnny looks around indignantly, as all the boys laugh at him.]

JA: [walking away] Where the hell's Tude at?

[fade to black]

[mooseheadjack]

Mercury swings into the locker room, a huge grin on despite the bandages on his head. He runs into MHJ and says “Dude, it is your lucky day. I am feeling good. It is my birthday and after the party’s over, I am going to kick some butt”. MHJ gives a quizzical look and before he can answer, Mercury gives another lopsided grin “Strippers baby…strippers in my room. Guess what that Seraph dude is my man. Who could have guessed it? He rings me up today, wishes me many happy returns and all and he says, I am sending over 3 hot strippers for a little treat. They are waiting in my room MHJ. You can feel lucky. You can come. Hahaaa….haah”

“Cameraman, follow me and let’s send everyone home happy”. Mercury swaggers in happy to his dressing room and finds three gorgeous babes smiling. “ Sweet heaven. Come here sugar!” He pulls the blonde bombshell and smooches her full on the mouth. She reciprocates and for a minute, it is kissing heaven. Even the cameraman sighs. “ I will call you Ashley, honey”, he says to her. “Girls! Let’s dance”. Things get hotter and Mercury closes the door.

As he bends over to kiss the red head, the blonde swings a roundhouse kick on his back. Mercury crashes on the sofa and is back up in a second. Mace spray greets him on his face. Three pairs of high-heeled shoes follow. Mercury staggers but won’t back down. Shit! Shit! He screams in anger. I can’t see! The door breaks open and Shashwat walks in. “Three strikes Mercury, and you are out.” He hits mercury on the face again and again. Mercury falls.

“Hit the music dolls!” Some crass birthday music hits. Shashwat and the girls dance around Mercury’s fallen body. Mercury groans in pain. And the girls moan.The cameraman drops the camera and tails.