|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 12:33:13 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Worms, Germany
OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
Hardbody Harris vs. Chris Cole
OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
Capellan vs. Eric O'Mac
Tag Team Mayhem 4 Way Dance[/u]
The Devil's Brigade vs. wCw vs. The Team From Down Under vs. Justin Sane & Phil
Niles Anderson vs. Siriram
Chris Alt vs. Predator
Corax vs. Shashwat Mishra
Uncle Entity vs. Mercury vs. SoulDragon
Concrete TG & Matt Daddy vs. Austraroo & Nayr
The Chickenshit Heels vs. Drink & Destroy
Moosehead Jack & LD Williams vs. The Black Dawgs
Thim Reynolds vs. Canadian Dragon
Josh O'Neal & Mr. Jealous vs. Seraph & Microplay
Card subject to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 12:33:39 GMT -5
Stank - So who do you think was driving that gold Navigator?
FFC - Probably Niles Anderson. After he lost his dark match against Siriram he probably conspired with his buddies to deprive us of our revenge.
Stank - Yeah I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't behind the whole non-swerve to begin with.
FFC - Non-swerve?
Stank - Anyway... we STILL got the promos. However I think they're broken since you spilled them. There are some characters missing for sure.
FFC - I found an exclamation point earlier... here take it.
Stank - !
FFC - Ha Ha very non-funny.
Stank - god this promo sucks.
FFC - Well the important thing is that Alan and Johnny still want this bag. Which means they know how to use these promos...
Stank - What is this... ether?
FFC - Which means the bag is still valuable to them... Hey Stank... you probably shouldn't sniff that.
Stank collapses in a heap.
FFC - *Sigh* Idiot.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 13:08:29 GMT -5
"We sure showed those wCw punks!" Camby whoops as he and O'Neill return to their locker room backstage.
"Thise feckin' pussies'll n'er tak t'belts." O'Neill agrees, then pulls up short as he catches sight of Ayaka. The Ninja Babe is perched on a large trunk, from which come muffled thuds.
"Ayaka!" Harper smiles grimly, "I see you persuaded our guest to get over her fear of flying."
Ayaka, who isn't paid enough to get lines, merely nods.
"Guist?" O'Neill asks, "Sends muir lek a big rat, t'me." (hey, if you're going to steal a promo, steal from CM Punk!)
"Well, a rat's woman, at least." Harper chuckles. "I figured after ending Viper's career that we ought to get rid of the last remains of his presence in the OOWF."
"Aye, 'at's a guid plen." O'Neill flexes his fingers, "Y'wan I shed gi' 'er me left 'ook?"
"Actually, I was thinking of another kind of hook." Harper points out the window at a huge construction crane, then leans in closer to the trunk, "Don't you worry, Missy! It'll all be over soon!"
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 13:08:54 GMT -5
FF Capslock is looking through the Bag O' Promos.
FFC- Hey Stank, did you know how many sandwich related promos these guys had?
S- ...
FFC- Get up, dude. Check this out.
S- ...
Capslock kicks Stank on the ground.
S- Ow!
FFC- Get up here. Check this out.
S- I don't want to.
FFC- What do you want to do then?
S- I just wanna lay here and die. My brain is on fire.
FFC- Come on, man. Get up. I wanna go get drunk.
S- I feel drunker than I ever have. Try ether.
FFC- Fine. I'll find something to do. Ooo, look! A fight!
S- A fight? I love fights!
Stank gets up and the two of them look on as Josh O'Neal and Microplay are scrapping.
FFC- Who's that guy?
S- Uh...Josh O'Neal.
FFC- Who do we root for here?
S- I'm not sure.
FFC- I know Microplay is a heel, right?
S- I think so.
FFC- What are we, faces?
S- I thought we were tweeners.
FFC- So do we help O'Neal then?
S- I guess.
Stank and Capslock run in and help O'Neal fight Microplay off. Micro runs off vowing to get his revenge.
JO- Thanks guys.
FFC- Sure thing, man.
JO- Do you have beef with Micro or something?
S- Nope. We just fight.
FFC- And we drink.
S- Its kinda our gimmick.
JO- Yeah. Those are pretty much my two favorite activities, too.
FFC- Really? Come to the bar with us. I might have an idea for you.
S- Project Dupe-A-Rookie-Into-Covering-Our-Tab?
FFC- Nope. I'm saving that for Nayr. This is the other project.
S- Ooooooh. The other project. I gotcha. We really are multi-taskers these days, aren't we.
FFC- Its surprising we ever find time to get drunk at all. Come on Josh. We gots us some drinking and destroying to do.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 13:09:34 GMT -5
<Harper straps the suitcase to the crane and then stops suddenly>
TO: Whot es it?
HC: I have to know something before we off her.
TO: Whot ken a gemm is dis?
HC: Trust me. It will humilate Viper even more.
TO: Aye
HC: Missy, if you want to save your sorry hide then you need to answer us a few questions.
ML: (from inside suitcase) I'll do anything. Please, please, please don't hurt me.
HC: Alright listen up and answer truthfully. Did you and Viper EVER have sex?
ML: (pauses)
HC: Do you want to live.
ML: Well we did stuff.
HC: The truth woman or you take a very nasty fall.
ML: ALRIGHT. WE TRIED HAVING SEX A FEW TIMES BUT EVERYTIME DONNIE GOT DISTRACTED AND WE NEVER DID. Something always came up.
TO: Aye new he was a ferri wanka.
HC: What a fucking homo.
ML: Will you let me out now.
HC: No, on second thought you telling me something I already know isn't quite as cool and seeing you splat on the pavement.
ML: (SCREAMS)
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 13:09:56 GMT -5
Drink & Destroy and Josh O'Neal are drinking at a bar.
JO- DUDE! I am fuckin' HAMMERED!
FFC- Yes Josh, you are.
JO- I KNOW!
Josh smashes his head though a table.
JO- HELL yeah! That was AWESOME!
S- This guy scares the shit out of me, Cap.
FFC- I know! Isn't he great?
S- Great...in a scary kind of way.
JO- WOOOOO! Hey, what are you looking at, asshole?
Josh runs over and beats the shit out of some guy in the bar.
FFC- I want him around FOREVER!
S- Look what happened last time you got a friend, FF.
FFC- But this guy won't be my friend, he'll be our friend.
S- Oh. You want him for the other project?
FFC- Yes. I really do.
JO- WHO ELSE WANTS A PIECE!? ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME!? WHAT ARE YOU, GAY!? I'LL KICK YOUR ASS YOU SONOFABITCH!
Josh attacks another guy.
FFC- I really really do.
S- Hey Josh!
JO- What's up, man!
S- You wanna hang out with us for a while?
JO- FUCK YEAH! You guys are AWESOME!
FFC- He's great, Stank. You won't regret this.
Josh tackles the bartender
S- I see what you're saying.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 13:11:36 GMT -5
<MHJ is standing with SFJ13 backstage>
SFJ13: Moose, we haven't gotten your feelings on losing the OOWF Invitational Finals to Chris Alt, what do you have to say?
MHJ: Well, all I can say is this, Chris Alt......<Jack trails off and glares across the room, then pulls a chain from his pocket, wraps it around his fist and leaves.>
The camera quickly pans across to Ric Flair's Sandwich Stand where Blackdragon is ordering some food, Jack hits stealth mode and slams his fist right into the back of BD's skull sending him sprawling on the floor. Jack pulls a dazed BD to his feet, then takes him back down wit ha spinning chop to the side of the neck. BD is lying on the floor nearly in convulsions, Jack kneels next to him and pummels him with the chain wrapped fist until blood pools around BD's head.>
MHJ: Nothing personal Dragon, just sending a little message to you and Dawg, your winning streak means nothing to us. You are in for the fight of your lives.
Trust me
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 13:12:00 GMT -5
Inside of Seraph's dressing room: Seraph and Microplay are discussing how they will beat Mr. Jealous and Josh O'Neal at Midweek Mayhem. But outside the dressing room...
FFC- Alright Josh, now I know you got a lil' feud going with Microplay, but are you sure you wanna do this?
JO- HELL YEAH! DUDE! I GOT A FUCKIN' IDEA! LET'S GO OVER AND...
S- Hey, settle down Josh.
JO- WHAT?!
FFC- Settle down, Josh.
JO- Don't worry about it, man. I'M SETTLED!!
S- You could be a little quieter, bro. Aren't you trying to pull a sneak attack? Try to be a little sneakier.
JO- ALRIGHT! I WILL DO THAT!
FFC- That means you gotta be quietter, Josh.
JO- (whispering) Oh Yeah. Its a sneak attack. Right?
S- I hate these drunk ex-military guys.
FFC- Why?
S- Because all they wanna do is drink and fight and...wow, I just talked myself out of hating him.
FFC- Exactly.
JO- I am fucking DESTROYED! Wanna see if these security guys can really fight? I BET THEY CAN'T!
S- Uh...maybe that's not the best...
JO- LET'S GO SHITSACKS!
Josh O'Neal attacks two security gaurds and beats them to the ground. He seazes illegal drugs from both of their pockets.
JO- You see? They both had ILLEGAL DRUGS! I'm fighting CRIME!
FFC- You see that, Stank? He's saving the world. I'm glad we hooked up with this guy. He's an amazing kickass when he's sober amd when he's drunk he's the life of the freakin' party, man!
S- Alright. So, we extend him the offer then?
FFC- I say, we extend him the offer.
S- Hey Josh, read this.
Stank hands Josh a packet
JO- What is this crap? I DON'T WANNA FILL THIS OUT! FUCK YOU AND YOUR PACKET!!
FFC- Settle down, Josh. You should take a look at that.
JO- I WANNA STAB A NUN!
S- Settle down, Josh! That's really over the line!
JO- Where's the LINE!? I DON'T SEE A LINE!!
FFC- Relax Stank. This guy has got it: the indescribable 'it' factor. The ability to drink and destroy.
S- Don't you think he might be a little more destroy than drink?
FFC- I don't care. He's a destroyer. Plus he's a drunk.
JO- I LIKE FREE HATS!!
S- Okay. He certainly fits the profile.
FFC- Fuck yeah, he does. I love the guy.
S- Yeah, I like him, too.
JO- What are you guys, you suck and are banneds? HA HA! YOU'RE you suck and are bannedS!!
FFC- Well, he's half right.
S- Hardy fuckin' har. You wanna keep this guy then?
JO- I WANNA PUNT A PENGUIN!!
FFC- Shit yeah I do.
S- Okay. We'll keep him.
FFC- Sweet.
JO- I'M GONNA HAVE SEX WITH A NAKED CHICK WHO'S NAKED!!
FFC- YES YOU ARE, MAN!! GIT 'R' DONE!!
S- I'M GOING IN THERE TO KICK MICROPLAY AND SERAPH'S ASSES!!
FFC- Let's go, Stank!
S- What did they do to us? Why do we wanna fight them?
FFC- Shut up! They're bad guys!
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 13:12:23 GMT -5
The camera comes up on Phil's dressing room, which is empty. Suddenly the door slams open revealing the Sanest Man Alive! Just as suddenly the door swings shut back in his face. Seconds pass and then the door opens more slowly this time, as Justin glares at it in anger.
JS: You are working for Ladder aren't you?
Door: ......
JS: I'll deal with you later, for now I nee to speak with the 11th Level Prehistoric Zombie Pirate Ninja Robot Wizard from Outer Space.
As Justin turns around, Phil appears in a bang of smoke and sound. This startles are hero who stumbles back into a nearbye coat rack. As Justin struggles with this most worthy of opponents, he finds himself locked in a million dollar dream. Phil just chuckles to himself, and separates the two.
JS: See that's what i'm talking about teamwork.
Phil: And what exactly are you doing here.
JS: We have been teaming lately, and this week we are parners again.
Phil: Yarr and Yur point?
JS: Well I've realized that this is a teamup of monumental proportions, never in the history of the OOWF has such a cosmically awesome team been assembled.
Phil: I've had worse partners I suppose.
JS: Exactly! I've seen a tag division full of people who want to be Chickens, Dogs, Dragons, Australians, Mooses and other Imaginary creatures. It's time the OOWF tag division got a team that was Grounded in Reality.
Phil: Grounded in Reality, Yarrr that has a nice ring to it.
JS: And it would look good on a t-shirt.
Justin and Phil both pause and glance over at the invisible ninja cameraman, who gives them a thumbs up for product placement.
JS: This week The team from up north, the duck brigade and WWA don't stand a chance when Grounded In Reality run roughshod upon them.
Phil: Yarrr, little man you're crazy.
JS: No I'm Justin Sane, and with the 11th Level Prehistoric Zombie Pirate Ninja Robot Wizard from Outer Space on my team we'll rule the tag division.
Phil: Yarrr, I'm also a lawyer.
JS: Really?
Phil: Yarr, and since you'll be covering half my workload, I'll be needing half you're pay.
JS: Sounds reasonable to me, just type up the contract and I'll sign.
Phil: (aside) Yarr, Me thinks this be the begining of a very profitable partnership.
camera fades to black
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 13:12:53 GMT -5
*Hardbody Harris and Fievel are playing Uno*
HH: Draw Four. And I’m changing the color to red.
Fievel: Aw, shucks. I awways have to dwa fowr.
HH: It’s not your fault. I’m the #1 UNO PLAYER IN THE OOWF!
*Just then Chris Alt comes with a pitcher of pink lemonade and has a seat*
CA: Hey guys! What’s going on?
HH: Just beating Fievel here at Uno. I’m betting he can’t ev…OH I JUST CHANGED THE COLOR TO RED! EAT IT!
CA: All right, BFF! Way to go. So, about that match last week…
HH: What about it?
CA: Well, I’m the winner of the OOWF invitational, and your buddy Prime Time just wants to make sure you’ve got the gold when I come to claim it. That TRIK*D OWT TYTLE is pretty sweet.
HH: (still playing, despite looking at Alt): Well, I appreciate the help, even if you did hit the wrong guy and cause me to lose the match. I trust that won’t happen again. I also trust you don’t seriously think that an IC Contender can beat a MAIN EVENTER, do you?
CA: You just watch out for Cole. You never know what Three Piece Set is up to.
HH: Don’t worry about me. I have eyes in the back of my head, FRIEND.
*pause, stare*
Fievel: UNO!
HH: Aw, damn. Chris, you made me lose again.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 13:13:36 GMT -5
wCw are walking back from the local convenience store with a crate of Red Bulls.
"Good match with O'Mac, Cap." Westgaard congratulates, "You sure stopped the so-called 'division killer' cold."
Capellan shrugs,
"Eric didn't take me seriously. He won't make that mistake again: this week will be the real challenge."
Wilder grins and claps him on the shoulder,
"Don't worry bro. You'll beat his ass, then Birdy 'n' I will wn the 4-way and we'll all have gold."
"I'm not worried about facing him again." Capellan laughs as they enter the arena building, "I'm looking forward to it. It's going to be an awesome -"
Someone SCREAMS.
wCw instinctively take off in the direction of the noise, and come speeding around a corner to almost collide with Camby, O'Neill and Ayaka. Camby has a huge trunk that he's dragging behind him.
"Feckin' pessies!" O'Neill gives his usual cheery greeting.
Westgaard drops the nearly fuill Red Bull to the ground, snatches a hockey stick out of nowhere, and slaps the can like a puck straight at O'Neill's head. The can beans off O'Neill's noggin, and the other man staggers back, the air turning blue as he curses.
"Catch!" Capellan tosses the full crate to Camby, who instinctively drops the trunk to snatch the caret out of mid-air. Then Cap and Wilder launch double crescent kicks into the crate that knock the big man off his feet and staggering backwards over the trunk. Camby goes flying, Red Bulls showering down upon him.
Ayaka hefts her baseball bat for a second, but then realises it is more or less 3-on-1 and beats a hasty retreat with the groggy Harper and O'Neill.
"What the hell were they up to?" Capellan wonders as he goes over to the trunk and flicks the lid open.
The camera swings up to reveal a bedraggled and pissed-oiff looking Missy, who scowls as she snaps:
"Oh great, of all the people who could've rescued me it has to be you fucking losers!"
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 13:14:23 GMT -5
**L.D. Williams is walking down the hallway when approached by SFJ#27.**
SFJ: “L.D., I’d like to get your comments on a few things.”
**Williams glares**
SFJ: “You’ve left the IC division behind. Your thoughts on current champion Capellan?”
LD: “He beat me. Twice. That says it all about how good he is."
SFJ: “Why did you decide to team up with Moosehead Jack?”
LD: “The baddest and the best competition in the OOWF and the chance to wring Johnny Adrenaline’s neck.”
SFJ: “But why team with Jack?”
LD: “Hatred.”
SFJ: “-”
LD: “Name four people in this company that don’t hate Jack’s guts. Name two that wouldn’t jump at the chance to beat the hell out of him. I just walk to the ring with Jack and there’ll be someone there waiting to get their ass kicked.”
SFJ: “Aren’t you concerned about being manipulated?”
LD: “The day Moosehead Jack tries to manipulate me is the day he stops breathing. We’re soldiers of fortune with common goals. For now, that’s enough.”
SFJ: “But Jack is known for having his own twisted agenda. How can you have common goals?”
LD: “For five months I held the IC title. I proved all I need to about my individuality and my ability to play by the OOWF’s rules. No more. Jekyll’s gone back into hiding, and Hyde’s come out to play. That’s the only common ground Jack and I need.”
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 13:14:44 GMT -5
<Jack walks up to LDW and SFJ27 as she is finishing the interview>
MHJ: You know, I see you already trying to plant seeds of dissention in Williams mind. I see you trying to cause problems already. <Jack shoves SFJ27 aside and looks directly at the camera>
Let me make this perfectly clear. LD Williams and I are teaming because we WE want to be a team. Not because I have an agenda, not because I am manipulating him. We are teaming for the very reason he said, there are people lined up all over the OOWF that want some of me. At the moment, LD Williams is not one of them. Some day, he might be, we cross that bridge when it comes. The bottom line is this, I have said it a million times, I will say it again, this man has earned my respect. You idiots may not think that amounts to much, but anyone who knows me knows otherwise. Now, LD, how bout we go pay our, respects, to UnderDawg
LDW: You people better get it straight, I am no one's lackey. I am my own man. Let's go.
<LD Williams storms off>
Like I said, trust me <glancing at LDW as he leaves> Fear him.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 13:26:40 GMT -5
A feud that's been months in the making. A feud that was waiting to explode ever since I wrote Niles' character as giving a shit about Moose.
I guess you want your revenge, Niles, but you can't write what I do in the ring, because the ring is my playground, my theater, and I am the scriptwriter.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 13:33:28 GMT -5
*Niles is watching OOWF TV when he sees Sriram's promo. His jaw drops to the ground.*
Niles - A feud thats been what? Gimme a second here...
*Niles starts rewinding to promos from the past and sees this one:
Niles - Oh, its that guy! This should be a joke.
*All of a sudden, Attitude Adjuster and Johnny Adrenaline walk in the room.*
AA - ...and thats how we're going to get the big bag of promos back.
JA - Thats a great idea!
Niles - Guys, glad you're here, you want to laugh? Check this out!
*Niles shows the 2 promos to the Chickenshit Heels. Upon the viewing, the 3 of them burst out in hysterical laughter.*
AA - Oh man, that Sriram is rich!
JA - He obviously isn't a member of the #1 PROMO TEAM IN THE OOWF!!!
Niles - I thought you guys would like that. Man, I get put in the midcard and all they're doing is pitting me against this Sriram guy! I mean, could you throw me anymore of a no-brainer in terms of competition. Just check out our match from last week!
Niles - Seriously, he's such a lame wrestler, the writers couldn't even be bothered to write a match for him! Hahahaha!
JA - But you lost that match boss.
*The room falls deadly silent as Niles reviews over the info again.*
Niles - I, uh, lost?
*Silence fills the room again. The Chickenshit Heels and Niles can't think of anything to say.*
RF - TO BE THE MAN, YOU GOTTA BEAT THE MAN!!! WHOOOOOOOO!!!! SRIRAM'S THE MAN!!!!
Niles - Fuck that! FEUD OF THE CENTURY!!! THIS IS THE MATCH THE OOWF HAS BEEN WAITING FOR!!! REARRANGE THE CARD!!! HARDBODY HARRIS VS CHRIS COLE IS NOT YOUR MAIN EVENT: IT'S SRIRAM VS NILES FUCKING ANDERSON!!! MEET ME IN THE RING BITCH!!!
*Niles gets up from his chair and starts to leave the room.*
AA - Where are you going?
Niles - I know money when I see it and this match is it. I'm going to get The Rick to change this to the Main Event slot.
*Niles leaves the room as we... Fade to Black*
*********************
*The Chickenshit Heels are in the same room as before when Niles comes back in.*
JA - Did The Rick give you the Main Event slot?
Niles - Nope, I haven't seen him yet. I just realized I forgot something.
*Niles takes his wallet and pulls out 2 wads of hundred dollar bills. He hands one to each of The Chickenshit Heels.*
Niles - I forgot about buy you guys gifts for being such a great team. Sorry if this is a bit uncreative, but you guys could buy yourself some pretty things with that.
JA - Thanks boss!
*A small baggie filled with what appears to be a few small white rocks falls out from JA's wad of cash.*
JA - What was that?
*Niles scoops it up quickly before AA or JA can notice what it is and puts it in his pocket.*
Niles - It's nothing of concern. Go back to your previous task.
*Niles leaves the room again in obvious distress. Fade to Black*
*******************
*We are now in The Rick's office. Niles is already there outlining the reasons why Sriram vs Niles Anderson should be the Main Event.*
Niles - ...and lastly, it's SRIRAM vs NILES FUCKING ANDERSON!!! I am the only wrestler in all of the OOWF who has FUCKING as a middle name! Just think of the ratings that will draw!
TR - Are you done?
Niles - I could go on, but I think I've made my case.
TR - You most certainly have. In fact, you've been making your case for <looks at watch> an hour and a half. If I didn't have all this whiskey here, I think I would've called you an insufferable douchebag at the 10 minute mark and thrown you out of my office.
Niles - So are we getting the main event slot?
TR - Nope, I'm just drunk.
Niles - Well thats the best time to start changing the card around and rearranging contracts and such! Come on, just sign here and I'll buy you some of the best whiskey out there!
TR - I think we're done here Niles.
Niles - Dammit!
*Niles turns to leave. He reaches the office door when...*
TR - Oh, Niles.
Niles - yes?
TR - Is FUCKING really you're middle name?
*Niles gets his wallet and pulls out his ID card, which he presents to The Rick.*
TR - Hmmm, "Niles Reginald FUCKING Archibald Archibald Anderson III". I never would've thought. Why is FUCKING all in caps though? And why do you have the double Archibald's?
Niles - You know, I always wondered that myself.
TR - Alright, you can go now.
*Niles takes his ID back and leaves the office grumbling that he didn't get the Main Event slot. Fade to Black.*
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 13:34:01 GMT -5
Scheme Gene: And now let me introduce one of the teams vying for the tag team title, the Team From...South of the Border?
*Wally struts on camera, followed by "Los Jobberos", in luchadore masks and full bodysuits, as mariachi music plays in the background. Jobbero 1 drains a can of Tecate and belches.*
J1: Espanol por cerveza, amigo!
SG: Now see here, Wally. You promised me an interview with the team from down under, not these two ham and eggers!
*A still pissed-off looking Devil's Brigade barges in.*
TO: Ye fekkin idjut! Ye kenna tell dey are de fekkin Aussies!
HC: You should be interviewing us anyways, so we can tell you what we're going to do to WCW, instead of wasting your time with these has-beens in Halloween costumes!
SG: I ask the questions around here pal! People who've been calling into my hotline - kidsgetyourparentspermissionbefore calling - know that I've been getting all kinds of scoops *a cellphone chirps inside his jacket* about the severe injuries to Donovan Viper, a man who is still in intensive care as we stand here!
*HC and TO high-five, laughing, while Ayaka looks on impassively, bat on her shoulder*
SG: Given that Donny Viper is in the hospital, perhaps never to return to OOWF, my question to you, gentlemen, is - wait a minute, WHO THE HELL IS THAT?
*A masked man, in black from head to toe, rips the bat from Ayaka and shoves her into O'Neill, who instinctively swings back with a left hook that drops Ayaka like a ton of bricks. By then the masked man had cracked the bat across the back of Camby's right knee, causing him to fall onto Scheme Gene. By the time the Devil's Brigade launches their pursuit, the man in black has gotten a sizable head start, and as a groggy Gene gets to his feet, a split screen shows TO and HC berating a confused security guard in the parking lot.*
WBK: Odd, I didn't think Viper had any friends left. Anyways, the champs have apparently got another enemy to worry about.
*Jobbero 1 hands cans of Tecate around.*
J1: It aint Fosters, but this stuff aint bad, Wally. Nice move getting us another endorsement deal. Here, try some, Gator. Er, I mean Jobbero Dos.
*J2 shakes his head, then points at the fallen Ayaka*
WBK: They'll come back for her eventually. Let's go. I want to see if the Dos Equis people have upped their offer.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 13:34:24 GMT -5
[The Chickenshit Heels are in their locker room with the money Niles gave them earlier.]
JA: So, uh... whatcha wanna do with this?
AA: I think...
JA: NO SANDWICHES!
AA: Ye of little faith, my friend.
JA: Oh, you have an actual idea?
AA: You want those promos back, right?
JA: Well, yeah...
AA: Come on...
[The Chickenshit Heels walk out the door and the camera stays in the locker room, but we hear Johnny and AA as they leave.]
AA: Hey Naitch!! You got change for a hundred?
JA: Hey! You said...
AA: Just one!
[fade out]
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 13:34:46 GMT -5
AA - So guys how about it? $197.45 is nothing to sneeze at.
JA - THIS was your brilliant plan?
Stank - You've got to be kidding me. That bag is worth more to us than mere cash.
FFC - I can't believe your offer is so low.
AA - Well I was gonna offer 200 even but, I got hungry.
Johnny Adrenaline audibly slaps his forehead in disbelief.
Stank - The answer is still no.
AA - Aw C'MON Stank! The offer is VERY generous consi...
Stank - Buh bye now!
Stank turns off the speakerphone on The Chickenshit Heels, mid rant.
FFC - That guy cracks me up.
Stank - Ok I've been thinking about this Josh O'Neil situation.
FFC - Yeah?
Stank - And um... Besides drinking...
FFC - AND destroying. Don't forget that.
Stank - Right... ... ...Besides those two qualifications why do we want a third? I mean... How does that help us?
FFC - Well... Then we could have a cool stable... like a certain other one... which I will not mention.
Stank - Don't even THINK about saying their name!
FFC - Well think about this... Why do you think we eventually lost the titles to them. It was the numbers game man! We always had to look out for that outside interference.
Stank - So Josh will have our backs.
FFC - Exactly... and we'll have his.
Stank - I don't know.
FFC - Don't change your mind now bud. We already extended him the offer.
Stank - I know but... He's a rookie... a loose cannon. And that's fine for drinkin and destroying but, I want gold. I'm sure you do too. If we're going to form a stable we need... I don't know... someone with more on their resume. You get what I'm saying.
FFC - Yeah... I guess.
Stank - I mean Josh is a good start... but uh... he needs to grow. I mean when is the last time he cut a promo? and you know beating a former world champion is all well and good but uh... you know.. you and I have done that. I don't think additional muscle is needed. I mean amongst the three of us, we got that covered.
FFC - So you want to add a fourth?
Stank - Yeah... like the Horseman or Evolution except... you know... we're faces or some dirivative thereof.
FFC - Hmmm.
Stank - Also I think we need to test Josh beyond what we've don already.
FFC - How so?
Stank - Let's put him in charge of guarding the bag o promos.
FFC - Sounds like a plan.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 13:35:11 GMT -5
Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster are back in the locker room after being hung up on by Stank and Capslock.
JA: Hey, AA, do we really need the Bag O’ Promos back? I mean, you have a backup, right?
AA is silent for a long time before he speaks.
AA: A backup? A backup? Do I look like a person who has a backup? I lost the Bag O’ Promos! Then those idiots Stank and Capslock spilled the promos all over the place! And now everyone’s stepping on them and slipping on them and trying to use them! In the wrong hands, those promos are like anthrax! People can die trying to use them. Remember what happen to Niles when he went out t the ring and tried a 3-star that one time? Niles is fortunate we were around to save him!
JA: But you have them in a computer or something, right?
AA: A computer. That’s funny. Do I look like a guy who carries around a computer? It’s a BROWN PAPER BAG of promos, for crying out loud! Of course I don’t have a backup!
JA: So that means…
AA: Look, let me be straight with you. Let me show what this means. Invisible Ninja Cameraman, set up for a promo.
The INC quickly puts together an Old School OOWF backdrop and wisks in a SFJ to hold the microphone. AA hesitantly stands next to the SFJ.
INC: And roll it!
AA: Society being but a collective of its individuals, individuals know society's strength is only as strong as its weakest ones. They know that to counterbalance those who will take the path of least resistance they must actualize the full potential of their Creator endowed selves!
JA: Uhh, what was that?
AA: Ultimate Warrior. Pretty bad, huh?
JA: So that’s all you can do now?
AA: Well, no. I also have this. “We’re gonna get funky like a monkey, if you weeeeeeellll. Goin’ straight to the pay winda, right here on the muthaship WCW Saturday Night! Bull of the woods, if you weeeeeeeeellll! Takin’ care of bidness! They be clubbering, Tony!”
JA (clearly depressed): Dusty Rhodes.
AA: It gets worse. I found out about this last night.
AA shakes his head, embarrassed as to what’s about to happen.
AA: Eeeeiiiiiiieeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (AA stomps around and slaps his belly.)
JA: No way. Kamala?
AA: Kamala.
JA: We really need to get that Bag O’ Promos back.
AA: No kidding.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 13:35:35 GMT -5
Stank is waiting in the D&D dressing room looking nervous. FF Capslock enters.
FFC- Hey S-Tank, how ya doing?
S- Dude, where have you bee...S-Tank?
FFC- Yeah, I was trying something. Didn't work?
S- Not at all. So yeah, where have you been? I haven't seen you, Josh or the Bag o' Promos.
FFC- Yeah, I know. I had a brilliant idea. Get in here, Josh!
Josh O'Neal walks in wearing a sleeveless black suit with a safe hanging from a chain around his neck.
S- Weren't you guys watching The Best Of Smackdown 2002 when you were drinking last night?
FFC- Uh...maybe. Why?
S- Josh?
JO-...
S- How come he never talks anymore?
FFC- You gotta loosen up his tongue with a little Jack Daniels.
S- He prefers Jack?
FFC- No. This animal prefers Natural Ice and Jim Beam, but I'm trying to class up his drinks so he can hang with us.
S- And Jack is classy, is it?
FFC- Its as classy as we are.
S- Good point. So where's the Bag o' Promos?
FFC- Its been upgraded to the Safe o' Promo Fragments! We still haven't recovered everything.
S- And you have it chained to Josh. That's terrific.
FFC- I know! Who's gonna take it off of him? He's delightfully unstable.
S- The Delightfully Unstable Josh O'Neal.
FFC- No. That's really awful.
S- Its better than the "Charismatic Enigma."
FFC- That's true. So what's next for Drink & Destroy f/ Josh O'Neal? Should we attack somebody or something? How about the Chickenshits. We do have that big blowoff match tomorrow.
S- Do you ever pay attention to me?
FFC- Not really.
S- This thing is gonna drag on for the rest of the month until the pay-per-view. Do you ever watch wrestling?
FFC- Sometimes. I was watching some last night with Josh.
S- Yeah, I know. I can see what he's wearing.
FFC- What do you mean?
S- Your stupidity baffles mean sometimes.
FFC- Okay...uh...you wanna go drinkin?
S- Of course I do.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 13:35:55 GMT -5
The car comes to a screeching halt in front of the arena.
Shashwat and Kim Basinger get out of the car, dressed in black. Shashwat is carrying a baseball bat. He walks through the arena gates with purpose. He pushes away an interviewer who tries to approach him.
Basinger is wearing a “Corax dies” T- shirt.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 13:40:47 GMT -5
D&D with Josh O'Neil enter the bar.
Stank - Hey where's the bartender?
FFC - I don't know. YO BARKEEP!
JO - Uh...
FFC - SHHH! You're not supposed to talk.
Stank - I wish SOMEBODY would serve us some drinks!
With their backs turned D&D fail to notice a dark presence stand up slowly from behind the bar.
DP - 99 bottles of beer on the wall... 99 bottles of beeeeeer... you take one down... pass it around... 98 bottles of... beer on the wall... HA HA HA HA HA HA... I AM THEBOOGEYMAN! HA HA... AND I'M GOIN TO GETCHA! HA HA HA HA HA!
Stank - Puh-lease. The Chickenshit Heels are going to have to do better than this... Josh, take care of this clown... Josh? Josh?... Where'd he go?
FFC - He took off running.
Stank - He WHAT?
FFC - I guess he's scared of the boogeyman.
Stank - Huh. I didn't see THAT coming.
FFC - Who could've guessed?
BM - HA HA HA HA HA! I'M going to GETCHA!
Stank grabs Boogeyman and pulls him over the bar. FFC takes hold as Drink & Destroy deliver THE DUI to the Boogeyman. Boogeyman no sells the move and starts doing his freaky dance.
FFC - You... YOU CAN'T NO SELL THE DUI!
BM - I'M GOING TO GETCHA!
Stank grabs theBoogeyman and sets him up on his shoulders FFC cilmbs on top of the bar as D&D take their POUND OF FLESH! This time Boogeyman stays down.
Stank - That guy is weird. Even moreso than Phil.
FFC - I was gonna say Justin Sane but, you're right.
Patron - He's weird? You guys just used wrestling moves to beat up another.
Stank - What you trying to say?
From behind a corner we hear...
JO - Is he... is he gone?
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 13:41:10 GMT -5
Nayr is walking!
Nayr: Great, now I have no money. I’ll get FF Capslock and Stank back, mark my words. Special OOWF pyramid scheme, my ass. Ow, my back! Someone should have said that aerial moves are high-risk, or something.
Austraroo: Nayr! Crikey! Just the bloke I was looking for!
Nayr: Hey, Austraroo. Is it about our tag match?
Austaroo: You bet your [insert Australian phrase here] it is. Concrete TG and Matt are gonna be very tough. Matt’s on a hot streak, and Concrete TG is, well, Concrete TG.
Nayr: Don’t worry Austraroo, I have a pinfall victory over Concrete, albeit in a multi-man match. Plus, we have tag team experience on our side.
Austraroo: Yeah, but I want to talk about something else, mate. This is the second time we’ve tagged together. That makes us a real team. As a team, we need to come up with some hellacious tag team moves.
Nayr: Just what I was thinking. Any ideas?
Austaroo: I’ve always been partial to the assisted suicide dive myself.
Nayr: Yeah, I like that one. I bet I could add some rotations with the extra height.
Austaroo: You? It’ll be me jumping off your back, mate!
Nayr: No way! I’m the flippier member of the team. I should get to jump off your back.
A voice, seeming to come from a hospital outside, is heard to yell “I am not a homo!”
Nayr: You know, the person who does the suicide dive really isn’t important. Who is important is the person who’s left in the ring. His skill determines the outcome of the match.
Austraroo: Hey, maybe you’re right. I guess we’ll see what happens.
Nayr: I guess we will. By the way, have you heard of this OOWF pyramid scheme?
Austraroo: Yes.
Nayr: Darn.
|
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 24, 2008 13:42:44 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Worms, Germany JOSH O’NEAL & MR. JEALOUS vs. SERAPH & MICROPLAYAn odd pairing of wrestlers in this tag match tonight. Josh O’Neal has been seen recently hanging around with Drink & Destroy while Mr. Jealous is more of a loner. On the other side, Seraph, the Silent Assassin, is not known to normally team with anyone. And finally, Microplay has a nasty habit of turning on his partners at the worst moments in tag matches. Seraph makes sure MP sticks around for a little bit at least this time as he leaves the ring and makes MP start things off with Mr. Jealous. Collar and elbow lock up, Jealous shoves MP to the ropes and tries a clothesline on the rebound but MP ducks and hits the ropes and connects with a running elbow between the eyes that knocks Jealous to the mat. Josh O’Neal comes into the ring and he gets a hip toss for his trouble, MP waits for JO to get to his feet, and doesn’t see Jealous get to his feet behind him. When MP turns around Jealous nearly decapitates him with a clothesline. Jealous tags JO into the match, he whips MP to the ropes and hits a picture perfect spine buster. Josh covers and MP rolls his shoulder at two. MP stands up, and Seraph reaches out and tags himself in. MP looks a little annoyed and leaves the ring. As the match progresses, Seraph manages to reverse a press slam from JO and roll him up for a two count. Seraph has JO on the ropes, after hitting a snap suplex for a two count. O’Neal makes a desperation tag to Jealous who comes in and tries a clothesline, but Seraph ducks and rolls behind Jealous and tries a roll up from the ropes, as they hit the ropes, MP reaches out and nails Seraph in the head with something! The camera pans over and we see MP leap from the apron and stuff brass knuckles back into his tights. Inside the ring, Jealous pulls a bloody, nearly unconscious Seraph to his feet, lifts him in the air and hits the JEALOUS RAGE! Jealous covers and gets the easy three count. WINNERS in 7:41 Mr. Jealous & Josh O’Neal UNCLE ENTITY vs. MERCURY vs. SOULDRAGONMercury is out first, followed by Souldragon and Uncle Entity. The three men immediately go nose-to-nose-to-nose, arguing over who will start the match. With a ten-minute time limit, no one wants to be left on the outside. Referee Junior Hale attempts to separate them, but is largely ignored. Finally, UE gives in and heads for the apron. Before Junior can ring the bell, UE comes off the ropes with a vicious double clothesline that levels both SD and Mercury. UE leaves the ring and the match is on. Mercury gets to his knees and falls forward, driving an elbow into SD’s face. He climbs on top of SD, stops himself mid-punch, and switches to a forearm blow instead. He lands a couple, but SD drives a knee well below the belt, causing Mercury to topple to the mat and drawing his first warning from the ref. SD gets to his feet, picks Mercury up, and backs him into the corner. SD nails a chop that echoes through the arena. A second chop and Mercury starts to go down, but is caught and shoved back to the corner. SD backs up and runs in with a Shining Wizard that levels Mercury. Cover, One…Two…Mercury kicks out as UE comes in the ring. Junior cuts UE off and sends him back to the corner. SD picks Mercury up and tosses him to the ropes. Mercury ducks a clothesline and hits the opposite ropes, allowing UE to tag in. Mercury, not realizing he’s been tagged, hits SD with a flying forearm and makes a cover, only to be leg dropped by UE. UE picks Mercury up and attempts to throw him to the outside, but Mercury reverses and nails a power slam. Mercury gets up and is blindsided by a clothesline from SD. While SD is distracted, UE manages to roll him up SD kicks out at two. As UE argues with Junior, Mercury and SD exchange a look, shrug, and hit a sweet double dropkick. Both men kip up and face off, but Junior, having done some mental arithmetic, concludes that Mercury is not legal and directs him to the apron. Mercury argues and draws a warning before making his exit. SD watches this, and again UE manages to get behind him and attempt a rollup. This time, however, SD manages to roll through and reverse it, getting a long two count. SD picks UE up and attempts the Omendriver, but UE blocks. UE tosses SD into the corner where Mercury is, but SD puts on the brakes before Mercury can hit him and tag in. UE steamrolls into the corner, slamming SD into the turnbuckles and causing him to smack skulls with Mercury, who falls to the outside. Junior decides not to count that as a tag. US spins SD around and hooks him. Brainbuster! UE rolls through and hooks the leg. One…Two…Three. WINNER in 8:57, Uncle Entity. CONCRETE TG & MATT DADDY vs. AUSTRAROO & NAYRThe four high flyers come to the ring and all four men shake hands to start the match. It looks like Concrete TG will start things off with Austraroo. Feeling out process to start, lots of moves and counter moves. Concrete, for once in his career is not the fastest man in the match, but he manages to keep up with the faster Austraroo. Nice spot sees CTG whip Roo to the corner and follow him in, Roo climbs the ropes and back flips over Crete and lands on his feet, Crete hits the corner and makes the tag to MD, Roo rolls him up from behind, but the ref saw the tag, MD comes in with a low clothesline that slams Roo’s head off the mat, MD covers, but Nayr leaps into the ring and hits a Rolling Thunder to break up the pin. The action continues furiously for over twenty minutes. Matt Daddy side steps an attempted NayrPress (moonsault bodypress) and rolls Nayr up in a mahistrol cradle for a two count. As MD gets to his feet, Austraroo spring boards into the ring and takes MD out of the ring with a hurracarana. Meanwhile Concrete TG climbs the ropes and waits for Nayr to get to his feet, as soon as he does, CTG nearly beheads him with a flying clothesline. CTG covers, but Nayr rolls his shoulder. CTG picks Nayr up and plants him with a standing belly-to-belly suplex then climbs the ropes for a reverse Crete Sault (inverted 360 splash) Crete leaps but as he is in the air, MD is back in the ring and Crete catches him in the head with a boot. Nayr catches the staggering Matt Daddy and rolls him into a small package, Crete attempts to make the save, but as he gets to his feet he eats an Austraroo spin kick to the face. MD cannot quite kick out and Nayr gets the three count. WINNERS in 27:31 Nayr & Austraroo After the match, all four men shake hands again, Matt Daddy looks a little irritated with Concrete, but they shake hands and leave the ring together. MOOSEHEAD JACK & LD WILLIAMS vs. THE BLACKDAWGSWords are exchanged mid-ring as the bell sounds. Williams shoves Dragon, so BD shoves Williams even harder. Moose shoves Dragon to the corner, so Dawg decks MHJ with a right hand and the brawl is on! UD pounds Moose back into the corner and down to the mat, and MHJ slithers under the rope and to the floor. UD follows out, but Moose goes to the eyes to stop the offense. Meanwhile, LDW and BD go at it in the ring. A Williams headlock is countered by Dragon, but LDW flips out of a suplex attempt and gets a German suplex of his own. Williams misses a clothesline though, and Dragon looks for the DKO DROP~! But LDW hooks the ropes with his foot, pulls himself to the apron, then snaps Dragon's throat off the top rope. Down on the floor, Moose whips Dawg to the rail, but UD reverses and Moose eats the steel. Jack stumbles back and takes a big boot for his troubles. Williams sweeps BD's leg and goes to lock on the STF~! But Dawg rolls in and yanks him off. CHOKESLAM FROM THE KENNEL~! But referee Mel Creech says Dragon is legal and wants UD out. That allows MHJ to sneak back around and hit Dragon with a chain behind the official's back, leaving both BD and LDW laid out in the ring, all of this in the early going. UD sees MHJ toss the chain aside and walks around ringside and grabs MHJ. Dawg beats on Moose all over the floor, and throws him across the Polish announce table, where Ivan Putski is doing guest color commentary. Dawg drops Putski with one punch and continues to beat on Moose. Back in the ring, Williams and Dragon get to their feet at about the same time and trade punches, Williams getting the upper hand with a T-Bone suplex that gets two. On the floor, Moose hits UD with something from beneath the announce table, and then DDT's Dawg on the floor. Williams sends Dragon to the ropes, but BD hits a spinning heel kick on the way back. Moose in and takes Dragon down from behind, but BD kicks him away, then hot shots him onto the turnbuckle. DKO DROP is broken up by a kick to the gut by LDW. They setup for a spike pile driver, but Dawg re-emerges and shoves Moose off the second rope, tangling him up in the ropes. Williams drops Dragon and goes at UD, but UD stiffs him with a right hand, busting up LDW's nose. Dragon kicks away at Moose, still caught in the ropes, and Dawg looks for the FIREPLUG DRIVER~! But somehow, Williams drops off UD's shoulder and locks on a Dragon Sleeper, but drops down and cinches in a legitimate chokehold on UD. With an illegal choke and Moose still tied in the ropes, Creech calls for the bell and throws the match out before it really got started. WINNER in 7:02: NO MATCH. NILES ANDERSON vs. SIRIRAMSiriram hits the ring first and hops over to the ring announcer, handing her (SFJs double as ring announcers here) a sheet of paper. SFJRA: And his opponent, from Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, weighing in at 223 pounds, Niles Reginald Archibald Archibald Anderson III!
The crowd erupts in laughter and NA storms to the ring. Niles gets up in Siriram’s face and badmouths him, then grabs the microphone from the SFJRA.
NA: That’s funny. Real funny. You think you’re cute, huh? (Siriram nods his head enthusiastically.) Let me remind you of who you’re dealing with. I’m Niles... (The crowd cuts him off, chanting Reginald Archibald Archibald Anderson III!) SHUT UP!!! I’m Niles FUCKING Anderson! And I have backstage clout! Monkeys in the truck, roll the footage!
We see Siriram from earlier this week: “I guess you want your revenge, Niles, but you can't write what I do in the ring, because the ring is my playground, my theater, and I am the scriptwriter.”
NA: You think I can’t write what you do in the ring? Well, you’re right. You think you’re the scriptwriter? Ha! You’re wrong! I know the scriptwriters, and you’re not a scriptwriter! AA, get out here!
Attitude Adjuster comes to the ring with sheets of paper, a pen and a smirk on his face.
NA: Like I said, I can’t write what you do in the ring. But guess who I got to write our match this week? That’s right: Attitude Adjuster! So if you think you can beat me again in some non-writing wrestling match, you are sadly mistaken! Timekeeper, ring the bell! With that, Siriram starts unloading punches on a rather surprised Niles. Niles bails from the ring and confronts AA, ripping the first sheet of paper from his hand. Niles gestures at the paper, then at AA. AA gives Niles the universal “calm down” sign, and shows him the bottom of the second sheet of paper. Niles reads it, smiles approvingly, then gets back into the ring. AA moves to the commentary table. As Niles rolls back in, Siriram jumps on him with a series of stomps, sending Niles cowering in the corner. Siriram whips Niles across the ring, crushes him with a clothesline, a second clothesline and a third that somersaults Niles over the ropes and out of the ring. Niles confronts AA again, and AA shows him the first page again, pointing about halfway down. Niles slams the paper down and grabs AA by the collar. AA again calms Niles down, but neither of them see Siriram come from behind and crack their heads together! Niles turns into a body slam on the floor and AA falls back into his seat. AA looks at the paper in disbelief, running his finger through the copy, then shrugging. Meanwhile, Siriram tosses Niles back into the ring. Niles pokes Siriram in the eye to slow him down, then delivers a really low uppercut. Niles gives AA the thumbs-up sign. AA reads the paper and returns the thumbs up. But Siriram catches Niles unaware and delivers a low blow of his own! Siriram goes behind and hits a smart belly-to-back suplex, then a pair of European uppercuts. Niles staggers back into the corner, where Siriram does the 10-count punch of Facedom, then monkey flips Niles out of the corner. For the next few minutes Siriram retains control, with Niles occasionally pleading with AA and AA telling Niles not to worry. Siriram hits the Rocker Dropper and Niles barely gets his foot on the ropes, causing Siriram to argue with the ref. Niles rolls out of the ring, and staggers to the announce table. Again AA gives him the calm-down sign and points to the paper, and this time Niles reads carefully. Niles is unsure, but returns to the apron to get met a running shoulder block that catapults him headfirst into the guardrail. The ref checks on Niles, and with that AA gets up, grabs his chair, rolls into the ring behind Siriram and waffles him in the back of the head with the chair! AA slowly steps out of the ring, walks back to the announce table and points to the sheet of paper for the announcers to see. Meanwhile, Niles miraculously recovers, rolls back into the ring, rolls Siriram on his back and does a cocky cover with his hand in the air counting the pin. At two, Siriram kicks out, wraps his legs around NA’s arm and rolls him up! One, two, thre...Niles kicks out at the last second. Niles screams at AA, then launches into a stream of stomps on Siriram, who nearly out from the chair shot. Niles pulls Siriram up by the hair and STEED-D-T!!! Good night and good luck! One, two and three. WINNER in 17:19, Niles Anderson. For good measure, Niles puts the Precision Incision on Siriram until the ref threatens to reverse the decision. Niles breaks the hold and slaps Siriram in the face before leaving the ring. CORAX vs. SHASHWAT MISHRAThis one should be out of control. Shashwat is becoming one of the OOWF’s resident madmen, he apparently is as comfortable with a bloody brawl as he is in a match. Corax, fresh off his stunning win against Thim Reynolds in the best of seven series hits the ring first. Shashwat comes to the ring carrying a chair, as he gets on the apron and glares at the crowd menacingly, Corax dashes across the ring and drop kicks the chair back into Mishra’s face. Mishra falls off the apron and hits the floor, a bloody gash on his head already has the red wonderful flowing. Corax hits the ropes again and dives between the ropes and hits Mishra in the head sending his head slamming back into the guard rail. They brawl around ringside for a few minutes, Corax further bloodies Mishra, Mishra looks like he is rather enjoying the whole thing. Mishra recovers from a back body drop, sits up and digs something from his tights. As Corax tries to pull Mishra to his feet, Mishra slams what appears to be a pencil into Corax head. Corax hits the floor, Mishra attacks, mounting Corax and pummeling him in the head until a large bloody spot appears on Corax mask. Mishra rolls Corax back into the ring and follows, and covers Corax for a two count. Mishra pulls Corax to his feet and spends the next several minutes working over Corax lower back. Mishra nearly gets a submission with a pendulum backbreaker that he keeps locked on Corax for several minutes. Mishra finally breaks the hold and heads to the top rope. Corax gets to his feet and intentionally falls against the ropes, knocking Mishra off balance and crotching him on the top rope. Corax gets to his feet, moves back to the opposite corner, dashes across the ring, leaps in the air and catches Mishra in the side of the head with a Shining Wizard. Mishra nearly tumbles off the top rope, Corax quickly gets to his feet, steadies Mishra on the top, then hits a TOP ROPE PEDIGREE!!!!! Mishra is out, Corax covers and gets a three count. WINNER in 16:14 Corax THE CHICKENSHIT HEELS vs. DRINK & DESTROYD&D enters first, presumably leaving the Bag O'Promos in the back with Josh O'Neal. But before Van Halen even hits on the PA, the Chickenshit Heels appear on the video screen from the parking lot: JA: HEY! We told you two that unless we get those damn promos back, we were NOT going to step into the ring with you guys. We tried bargaining with you, but you had to be pig-headed.
AA: You will not lay a hand on us until you return our promos to us. Then, and ONLY then, will we agree to fight you two lugs.
JA: See ya later boys.
AA: Yeah, tell the ref to count us out or something.
JA: Won't hurt your won/loss record, Alan. AA looks at Johnny, and they hop in AA's car and drive off, leaving D&D perplexed in the ring. Capslock tells the referee Angelo Barros to start counting. Before Barros gets too far however, Adrenaline and Capps emerge from the crowd with golf clubs and jump D&D from behind! AA puts a beating on Stank and Johnny catches FFC across the side of the head with the end of a driver. TCH wears out D&D with the clubs until they are bent and twisted, and Josh O'Neal hits the ring with some kind of metal box and wallops Johnny one time as AA bails to the floor. JA rolls out to the floor. O'Neal pulls the Bag O'Promos out of the box and dangles them over the ropes as Stank and Capslock get their bearings. TCH decide that they'll fight another day and retreat to the locker room. WINNERS by DQ: DRINK & DESTROY THIM REYNOLDS vs. CANADIAN DRAGONHim comes to the ring first this time and leans nonchalantly in the corner of the ring waiting for Canadian Dragon. CD's music hits and Thim and the ref look up the ramp waiting . . . meanwhile CD hops in over the barrier on the opposite side of the ring, grabs Thims feet, pulls him backwards and crotches him on the ring post. CD slides into the ring and shouts at the ref to ring the bell before stomping on Thim who is still writhing in the corner. CD then pulls Thim up to his feet and looks like he's setting up for the Destroyer but Thim collapses back down to the mat and rolls out of the ring. CD moves to follow but the ref holds him back allowing time to walk off his pain. Thim rolls back into the ring, the ref lets CD go and the pair lock up. There now follows 15 intense minutes where Thim is trying to lock one of his submissions while CD is using his speed to avoid Thim whilst trying to wear him down in order to hit the Destroyer. Finally as Thim is starting to blow CD grabs Thim and tries to hit the Destroyer but Thim counters by desperately throwing himself forwards and grabbing the ropes, CD comes out of the move and runs the ropes and then hits Thim with a flying clothesline dropping him down to the mat which he follows up immediately with a vicious looking knee to the head. Seeing Thim staggered CD runs up the ropes to the top turnbuckle and dives off, hitting Thim with the Dragon Sault double moonsault and ending the match with a pin that just hit the three before Thim manages to kick out. CD slides out of the ring celebrating while Thim gets to him feet and argues with the ref about the speed of the count. Getting no satisfaction there Thim simply chokes out the ref with a Tazmission before storming out of the ring and back up the ramp. WINNER in 18.11, Canadian Dragon. CHRIS ALT vs. PREDATORPred charges at the bell, but Alt moves out of the way and opens up on him in the corner with chops. Hip toss, and a dropkick to the back of the head. Quick cover gets one, and Pred's kick out sends Alt out of the ring. CA back in and punches away, Irish whip, but Pred takes him down with a body tackle. Pred stomps away, but Alt forces a rope break from referee Junior Hale. Predator goes back in, but Alt catches him with a back elbow, then a bulldog. Quick leg drop, and Alt hooks a rear naked choke, but Pred makes the ropes. Alt breaks, but catches a stiff kick on the way back in, and Pred hits a backbreaker. Pred whips Alt hard into the corner, then goes in for some shoulder thrusts. Then an Arn-like spine buster out of the corner. Pred looks for a Boston Crab, but Alt kicks him back to the corner, but Pred takes his head off with a clothesline. Pred works a body scissors, but Alt manages to go to the eyes to break. CA pulls himself up with the ropes, and kicks Pred in the mouth on a charge. Alt looks for another bulldog, but Pred blocks and sets Alt on the top rope for the PREDATION~! But Alt counters into the ALT-OMIC BOMB OFF THE TOP ROPE~! Alt covers briefly, but rolls off before Hale can count. Alt pulls Pred up... SPINAL CONTUSION~! But Alt hesitates in covering, then picks him up to the crowd's approval and gives him a SECOND SPINAL CONTUSION~! Cover, one, two, three. WINNER in 8:44: CHRIS ALT THE DEVIL’S BRIGADE vs. WCW vs. THE TEAM FROM DOWN UNDER vs. PHIL & JUSTIN SANE – OOWF World Tag Team Title MatchIt is 4-way action for the OOWF Tag Team Titles as The Devil’s Brigade takes on 2 former Tag Champs – The Team from Down Under and wCw’s Westgaard and Wilder, as well as the newest team on the scene, Grounded in Reality, with Phil and Justin Sane! This promises to be a great match up, as not only do you have a mix of power, speed and technical expertise represented by every team, but several of these teams have already had brutal battles in the OOWF – AND THERE IS THE BELL! All 4 teams take a moment to decide who is kicking things off until Head Referee Sterling Glaw says “C’mon, two of you get in here!” – both members of the Devil’s Brigade beg off, so Justin Sane hops over the top rope, points at Outback Jack and shouts “I want YOU Impreza-John!” OBJ blinks, confused for a moment, then shrugs and climbs in the ring. Lock up - Jack easily overpowers the smaller man and sends him sprawling across the ring. Sane is up, raises both arms and shouts “Who Da Man?” to the crowd – walks up to OBJ, and offers up a test of strength. Knuckle lock, Jack drives Sane to his knees and then kicks him right in the head! Sane staggers to his feet, gives Jack the old ‘no sweat’ wipe of the brow and tells his “Tag in Clint! I want The Mayor of Carmel!” while pointing at JW Westgaard. OBJ looks at his partner, Gator says “Why not?” so Jack tags in Westgaard. Westgaard walks over, looks at Justin Sane, who get right up in JWW’s grill, making “I want the title” motions. Westgaard looks over at Phil to say “is this guy for real?” when Sane slaps the taste out of the Birdman’s mouth! Westgaard is more shocked than hurt, takes a second to clear his head, and punches The Sanest Man Alive RIGHT in the mouth, whips him across the ring and hits a running clothesline! Before he can follow up, Sane rolls to his feet, points at the Devil’s Brigade corner and yells “No nonono! Give me KONG!” Westgaard grabs Sane by the neck, hauls him to the Champs corner, slaps Camby in the head and says “Here – hope he kills you…” Camby climbs over the top rope to get to Westgaard, but Sane gets in front and pokes Camby in the chest and yells “YOU’RE MINE, MONKEY MAN!” Camby stops, looks at Sane, picks him up in a military press and throws him into the ropes! Justin staggers to his feet again, points at Phil and orders Camby to “Tag in the 11th level prehistoric ninja-pirate astronaut lawyer!” Camby yells “He’s your partner pin-head – YOU tag him!” But Sane yells – “NO! I want HIM! I can take HIM!” and demands that Camby tag out to Phil. Camby looks confused for a second, until O’Neill yells “Jus’ fekking kill the fekkin’ nutjob!” So Camby responds with a thunderous clothesline, turning Sane 360! Camby now starts to seriously tear into Sane, clubbing away at his back, hitting a power slam, and then another press-slam. Camby goes off the far ropes, Gatorbait blind tags as Camby hits a leg drop. Camby picks up Sane, but Glaw is there to tell Camby to get out – Harper is none to happy, even less so when he’s told about the blind tag. But he complies, dumping Sane to the mat and heading toward his corner – but not before giving Gator a cheap shot to the jaw! Before Gator can jump him, Camby gets out of the ring, and when Gator turns around, Justin Sane is there with a surprise drop-kick! Now Sane is on the offense, throwing hard rights and lefts at Gator, who is covering up and waiting for an opening. Sane grabs a headlock, and charges across the ring, slamming Gator (and himself) into the ring post! But he chose the wCw corner, and Tommy Wilder tags himself in! Now it is Gatorbait and Wilder – speed versus power. Gator grabs a head lock, grinding it in. Wilder shoots him off, Gator hits a shoulder tackle and goes right back to the head lock, leaning his body weight into wCw’s high flyer. Wilder gets to a vertical base, shoots Gator off again, Gator looks for another shoulder block but Wilder drops down – Gator off the far ropes, Wilder leapfrogs – Gator charges a 3rd time, but Wilder crosses him up with a drop toe hold! As gator gets to a knee, Wilder hits a tumbling neck breaker, slides out of the ring and comes back over with the McTwist leg-drop! Now Wilder tags in Westgaard, who picks Gator up for a power bomb, but drops him across the top rope – Wilder leaps over the top rope and lariats Gator, Westgaard uses the momentum and finishes the slingshot power bomb – they call that the 2 Line Violation! Westgaard goes for the cover, and both O’Neil and OBJ are in to break it up. As Westgaard gets to his feet, O’Neill kicks him blatantly low and then hits a left upper-cut, stunning him. Sterling Glaw is trying to get Jack out of the ring, O’Neill pushes Westgaard into the Champs’ corner, and tags himself in, going right after Gator! O’Neill pushes Gator into the corner and begins delivering lefts and rights. Referee Glaw tries to force the break, and O’Neill steps away, but distracts the head ref toward the wCw corner, so Camby can choke the Aussie out. O’Neill then turn back to Gator, rams his head into the turnbuckle, turns him around and then Russian leg-sweeps Gator into the middle turnbuckle! Tag to Camby – they're setting up the Triple 6! And there IS THE TAG? Phil has reached across the ring with his extendable cyborg arms (Yep, Sane forgot he was a CYBORG too) and tagged out Gatorbait! O’Neill is on the top rope, arguing with head referee Glaw, who thinks for a moment and then says it is a legal tag! O’Neill is PISSED! Camby dumps Gator over the top rope to the floor just in time to intercept the charging Phil! They meet in the middle of the ring, and start trading haymakers! Phil is fresher and even bigger than Camby, and starts to get an advantage – Camby turns the action away from the ref and hits a mule kick to the pirate’s jewels – CLANG! Camby howls in pain, Phil grabs him by the throat – choke slam! Phil just choke slammed Harper Camby! He pick Camby up for the Pirate Booty Bomb, but O’Neill comes in with a drop-kick to the knee, just enough to throw off Phil’s balance! Camby is able to shift his weight and come crashing down on top of Phil and has him covered! 1 -2 – Outback Jack breaks up the pin! Camby grabs Jack by the throat and rams him back into the corner while O’Neill starts pounding away on Phil’s face with everything he has! Wicked Left Hook after Wicked Left Hook, and Phil is looking staggered! But before O’Neill can capitalize, Gatorbait hits the ring looking for some payback! Gator brutalizes the Irishman with a shot to the back of the head, kick to the gut and CHOMP! O’Neill is down and might be dead! Just then Phil attacks Gator! And now wCw hits the ring – Westgaard jumps Phil and Wilder helps out Outback with Camby! Westgaard and Gator grab Phil – THEY GET HIM UP! Double choke slam to the Cyborg Sensation! Camby in the middle of the ring, Outback Jack rebounds off the far ropes, Wilder springboards off the middle ropes on the other side – BOOMERANG OBJ, simultaneous FACEPLANT KICK by Wilder! Camby staggers, his eyes roll up, and he drops face first not the mat! The crowd is going nuts, and the two remaining teams look at each other, give a thumbs up all around – and start tearing it up! Gator and Westgaard are pounding away, Jack quickly gets the better of Wilder, looking to ground him into an STF – Wilder fights, gets twisted around, and reverses into the Buzz-kill! Gator gets some separation from Westgaard, flies over and nearly takes Wilder’s head off with a running kick – Wilder rolls out of the ring! Westgaard is back over, nails Gator with a release German Suplex – Outback Jack then grabs Westgaard, but not before Westgaard yells “KID! GET CAMBY!” and he and OBJ roll out of the ring! Wilder appears back at ringside, and drags out a 16’ ladder – sets it up in the corner and gets ready for The Airwalk on Camby, who is still lights out in the middle of the ring! Just as Wilder gets to the top JUSTIN SANE flys across the ring screaming “DAMN YOU LADDER! DAMN YOU TO HELL!” and throws a perfect spear into Ladder, knocking Wilder off the top, over the barricade and into the crowd! Ladder rebounds off the turnbuckle, smashes Justin right in the face, busting him open! Sane staggers ,trips over Harper Camby, who drapes an arm over him – Sterling Glaw has lost control and counts anyway – 1 -2 -3 THAT CHAMPS RETAIN! WINNERS in 27:42 The Devil’s Brigade! The Chickenshit Heels are seen loading their gear into AA's car for real this time, Johnny hops in the passenger side, but as AA walks around to the driver's side, he stops:
AA: What the hell is this?
JA: [getting back out] What?
AA: Someone put a wheel lock on my damn car! This ain't a red zone!
Suddenly, The Rick steps out of the shadows and approaches AA and Johnny.
The Rick: Problems, boys?
JA: Um... obviously.
AA: Did you do this?
The Rick: In fact, yes, I did. But this isn't the biggest problem you have right now. The biggest problem you have right now are a couple of guys by the names of Stank and F.F. Capslock that want to kill you two.
AA: We just want our promos back.
The Rick: You're clever guys, you can come up with some more.
JA: It's the principle of the matter, Rick!
The Rick: Hey, that's THE Rick to you.
AA: Can you help us here? We'd like to get to the hotel.
The Rick: Sure. You want your promos back?
AA: Yeah, we do. You gonna help us?
The Rick: Yes, I am. [pulls out a clipboard] Here, you two sign this.
AA: [reading contract] What?
JA: [takes clipboard and reads] No frickin way!
Suddenly, Drink & Destroy appear at the other end of the lot.
FFC: There's that son of a bitch!
Stank: And there's that other son of a bitch!
The Rick: Hold on guys.
AA: We're not signing this.
The Rick: Fine, they can kill you now then. And you still won't get that lock off your car. Or you two sign this, I call off the dogs, and I unlock your wheel. the choice is yours... oh, and you have about fifteen seconds.
AA: Give it here, Johnny.
Johnny hands the clipboard to AA, and Capps signs the contract, as does Johnny.
The Rick: Thank you, gentlemen. Stank, Capslock, you can not lay a finger on either Mr. Capps or Mr. Adrenaline until Madness on March 26th, where it will be The Chickenshit Heels vs. Drink & Destroy in a LADDER MATCH for the Bag O'Promos! Johnny, Alan, by this contract, you can not touch either Stank or Capslock until the pay-per-view either.
The Rick unlocks the lock on AA's wheel.
JO: Um...
FFC: Shhhhh...
Stank: Does that rule apply to our business associate here?
The Rick: No, it doesn't.
FFC: Get em, Josh!
O'Neal takes off after TCH, and AA hurries into the driver's side. Josh chases Johnny around the car a few times before Adrenaline hops on top and crawls in thru the sunroof, Capps peeling out as Johnny falls in the car awkwardly.CAPELLAN vs. ERIC O’MAC – OOWF Intercontinental Title MatchCap & EOM trade cruiser moves to start the match. Both land a bevy of arm drags, kicks, dropkicks, and chops. Cap lands the last dropkick square to the jaw and EOM bails out to take a breather. Cap doesn’t like that idea and springboards to the outside landing on EOM. Both men brawl on the outside a bit with the champion getting the better of the exchanges. EOM is finally able to take advantage with a drop toehold into the steel steps. EOM then follows up with an asai moonsault before rolling Cap into the ring. EOM lands a springboard leg drop and covers for a two count. EOM hits a split-legged moonsault and follows that up with a standing SSP. Cap is able to kick out again at 2. EOM throws Cap into the ropes and goes for a kick but Cap ducks and tries a leg sweep but EOM jumps over it. Both men then jump up and land dropkicks. Both men kip up and stare each other down. Both men start to brawl once more with EOM gaining the advantage with a lowbrow when Ref Mel Creech was out of position. EOM goes to the top and lands a moonsault for a 2 count. EOM goes to lift up Cap but is caught in a small package but kicks out at 2. Cap is able to take over with a sidekick to the midsection. Cap lands a spinning heel kick that sends EOM to the outside. Cap waits for EOM to rise and then goes for a baseball slide. EOM pulls up the ring apron and catches Cap in it. EOM lands a dropkick that pancakes Cap between the apron and EOM’s feet. EOM pulls Cap from the apron and lands a suplex onto the Spanish Announce Table. EOM climbs to the top rope and tries a frog splash to the outside onto the table. Cap is able to move and EOM crashes through the table. Cap is able to drag himself into the ring at a nine count and Creech starts the count over. EOM barely crawls in before the count out. Cap goes for the spinning dragon kick but EOM ducks it and rolls up Cap. At a 2 count Cap rolls through and picks up the 3 count to retain the title. WINNER AT 17:41 and still Intercontinental Champion Capellan HARDBODY HARRIS vs. CHRIS COLE – OOWF World Heavyweight Title MatchCole comes out with Firechild in tow. Head Ref Sterling Glaw walks up the aisle and ejects Firechild from ringside before the match even starts. Cole & Firechild are livid. Glaw goes to the ring announcer who announces that if Firechild or Chris Alt interfere in this match then they will be suspended. Firechild slowly makes his way up the ramp. Harris comes out and taunts Firechild a bit before running into the ring. Cole immediately attacks Harris with stomps. Harris fires up and punches Cole into the corner and then lands a monkey flip. Harris follows up with three clotheslines and then a big windmill right hand. Cole bails and Harris jumps to the second rope to the delight of the crowd. Cole gets back into the ring and he and Harris lock up. Cole manages a hammerlock-suplex combo. Cole works Hardbody right arm on the mat with stomps and knees. Cole locks in a painful looking arm bar. Harris struggles for a minute or two and then the crowd fires up and Harris gets back to his feet. Three lefts from Harris breaks the hold and then a dropkick gives him the time he needs to gain control. Harris continues to pepper Cole with lefts and then throws a right which Cole catches and twists. Cole follows with a kick to the gut and a stiff DDT. Cole lands a jumping knee drop to HH’s head. Cole continues to beat of HH’s head. Cole lands a vertical suplex and then a wicked brain buster. Cole covers and gets a two count. Cole locks Harris into a sleeper. Harris fades and the ref checks the arm. The arm drops twice and then Hardbody shoots up his arm. The crowd gives him energy to get to his feet. He tries to elbow out if it but his arm is in too much pain to make Cole break the hold. Harris is finally able to run up the corner and flip over pinning Cole for a two count. Both men make it to their feet and Harris takes control with windmill lefts. Harris calls for the finish but Cole counters a TO BE EDITED IN LATER attempt and tries to hit The Headliner. Harris is able to counter into a triangle choke. Cole is still on his feet with Harris hanging onto the hold. Cole uses all his strength to lift Harris up and slam him down onto the turnbuckle. Both men collapse and Glaw starts the ten-count. Both men reach their feet at nine and then trade blows until Cole body drops Harris over the top rope to the floor. Cole wails on Hardbody on the outside. Col whips him injured arm first into the steel ring steps. Cole throws Harris back into the ring and then rolls in himself. Cole suplexes Hardbody and gets a two count. Cole lands some mounted face punches to Hardbody. Back elbow by Cole takes Hardbody down again. Cole tries to lock in another arm bar but Harris counters with an arm drag. Hardbody hits a suplex of his own. Hardbody takes Cole down with forearms and a clothesline. Hardbody hits the One and Only on Cole for a two count. HH whips Cole into the corner and looks to hit a big splash but Cole moves Glaw in the way and Harris sandwiches the ref knocking him out. Hardbody looks concerned but still ducks Coles clothesline before hitting one of his own. Harris doesn’t hesitate this time and goes to the top and scores with a #1 DOUBLE AXE-HANDLE IN THE OOWF! Harris calls for the finish and then hits TO BE EDITED IN LATER. Hardbody covers but the ref is still out. The crowd counts to ten before Harris finally gets up to try and revive Glaw. Cole rolls over and lands a low blow to Harris while he is trying to revive Glaw. Seeing the ref down Cole goes to the outside and grabs a bat from under the ring. Cole takes a big swing and it hits Harris right in his injured arm. Cole covers and Glaw slowly makes the count but Harris is out just before the 3 count. Cole goes to the outside again and grabs the TRIK*D OWT TYTLE and heads back into the ring. Cole swings the belt but Harris kicks Cole causing him to drop the title. Harris looks at the title on the ground and a groggy Cole and the crowd cheers Harris on. He signals to the crowd and then nails the TO BE EDITED IN LATER onto the TRIK*D OWT TYTLE. Harris makes the cover but the bell rings. Confused Harris walks over o Glaw as the official word is announced. WINNER AT 25:19 BY DQ CHRIS COLE Harris argues his case that the belt was brought into the ring by Cole but Glaw is hearing none of it. He tells Harris that he knew what he was doing when he delivered the move to the belt. Cole is now back on his feet and levels him with the baseball bat to the head. Harris is knocked silly. Cole eyes the TRIK*D OWT TYTLE and smiles. He then repeatedly hits it with the bat breaking the belt into numerous pieces. Cole smiles and jeers with the crowd. Then he grabs a piece of broken gold. The crowd goes wild and Cole sees Alt running down the aisle. Cole bails and makes his way to the back as Chris Alt tends to the fallen Champion. Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF MADNESS PPV, Live March 26th from Ypres, Belgium ! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF MidWeek Mayhem, March 15th, live from The Bottom, Netherlands!
For more details, check out our website! oowf.pantslessfury.com/oowf !
And for all your OOWF shopping needs, check out www.cafepress.com
This has been an OOWF production, produced by the LD-Black-Mad-Tar-Jack-Attitude-Jodrell-X--Kid-CTG-FFC Production Company in accordance with Ecosystem Ltd |
|
