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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 27, 2008 22:35:44 GMT -5
OOWF Unfriendly Confines PPV Live From the National Lampoon Sports Arena and Weekend Update Museum Parking lot in Chevy Chase, Maryland <we open with The Chickenshit Heels, dressed in suits, heading to GM the Rick’s office, which in this case is a trailer pulled into the parking lot. Accompanying them is their lawyer Ignatius P. Cheatum. Without knocking, the three men walk into GM the Rick’s trailer>
GMtR: Well come the fuck right in!
Ignatius P. Cheatum: Mr. the Rick, I believe we have met, I am Ignatius P. Cheatum, of the Law Firm, Dewey, Cheatum & Howe. I am legal counsel for Mr. Adrenaline and Mr. Capps
GMtR: Yeah, yeah, we’ve met, what do you want?
IPC: We believe you have vastly overstepped your bounds in booking my clients in what you term a “barbed wire fence” match. We have filed a motion for this match to be cancelled immediately.
GMtR: Fine, I will cancel it.
AA: YOU CAN’T DO THIS RICK! KZ ARE FREAKIN INSANE! IF I WANT TO HAVE A CAREER AFTER WRESTLING I HAVE TO PROTECT THIS<points to his face> THIS IS AN…..what?
GMtR: I said I would cancel the match, no problem…
JA: See, I told you Ricky was a fair man…
GMtR: You didn’t let me finish. I will gladly cancel the match, but then you are in breach of contract and you will be terminated, AND sued by OOWF officials for the remainder of the money expected to be generated from further appearances, as well as a recouping a portion of your salary as explained in the breach of contract clause in your contracts.
<Johnny and AA are speechless>
IPC: Mr. the Rick, I can assure you my clients would never agree to such a barbaric match…
<without a word, GM the Rick turns toward the TV and flips on the OOWF TV Channel>
From the July 20th Promo episode:
“[AA and JA drop their mics and bolt to the ring. L.D. holds TCH at bay for a few moments, and Williams gets his hands on Adrenaline! But AA hits Williams with a low blow and TCH goes to work on LDW. But not to fear, freshly turned "babyface" Moosehead Jack hits the ring to save L.D. Moose pulls Johnny off and pounds him down. But AA clotheslines MHJ over the top to the floor. Williams charges and AA backdrops HIM over the top, too. Capps tears his shirt off in the heat of the moment and grabs a mic.]
AA: You guys ain't so bad! Whatever match you boys want us to beat you at, just name it!”
<GM the Rick rewinds the clip and plays one part of it again>
“AA: You guys ain't so bad! Whatever match you boys want us to beat you at, just name it!”
GMtR: I believe you were saying something funny?
<AA slaps himself in the forehead, Johnny glares at AA>
IPC: Well, this still clearly ummm constitutes unsafe working conditions…
GMtR: not when your clients create that hostile work environment
IPC: discrimination?
GMtR: no
IPC: harassment?
GMtR: no
IPC: profiling?
GMtR: get out. NOW!
<The Chickenshit Heels and Ignatius P. Cheatum leave the office and meet the rest of the Chickenshit Heel posse>
Ron Simmons: So did you get the match cancelled?
AA: no
Ric Flair: WHOOOOOOOOO! Bill Watts! The UWF! It used to be Mid-South! Me and Dr. Death TORE THE HOUSE DOWN!! The Fantastics! The Sheepherders! Whooooooo!! Now THAT was a feud! April 19, 1986, Mid-South Coliseum! The Fantasitcs! Tommy Rodgers and Bobby Fulton met the Sheepeherders! Butch Miller and Luke Williams! Barbed Wire Fence Match! The Bloodiest Match I have EVER seen! Neither team was ever….the….same….again. The Fantastics were a shell, A SHELL of their former selves, and the Sheepherders? WHOOOOO the Sheepherders headed to the greener pastures of the WWF and became a cartoon, a gimmick, a joke.
JA:Uh, thanks Ric, you picked a great confidence builder in that promo.
<Johnny and AA hang their heads and walk away, Ron and the others watch them go>
RS: DAMN! SPIN HANSEN vs. JOSH O’NEAL – Light’s Out Hell In the CellThese two finally get their hands on each other to do as they please. For those of you not familiar with this kind of match, it is real simple, there are sixteen glass tubes placed in each corner. The goal of each wrestler is to shatter those tubes, preferably on his opponent, and toss the end into one of the two bins. Each bin has a wrestler’s name on it, the winner is the first to get to nine tube ends. Beyond that, anything goes. Referee Gavin Hale is essentially out there only to count the metal ends and declare a winner. Spin Hansen comes to the ring first, he smiles smugly and waits by the door. Josh O’Neal comes to the ring like a mad man and kicks the door open and the two men immediately start brawling. Josh and Spin fight around the outer part of the cage, taking turns slamming each others heads into the metal bars. Josh finally gets the better of Spin, hammering him with an assortment of rights and lefts and staggering the big man. Spin gets separation with a thumb to the eye. Spin then grabs a light tube and is about to swing it at Josh, when Spin gets a low blow to the jewels. Josh grabs the light tube and shatters it across the side of Hansen’s face. Spin reels from the shot as blood trickles down the side of his head. Josh tosses the metal end in his bin and goes after Spin, slamming him face first into the cage, then scooping Josh up and slamming him on the floor. Josh reaches into the ring and grabs a second tube and waits as Spin pulls himself to his feet using the cage. As he stands up, Josh breaks the tube across Spin’s back, more blood. Then for good measure, Josh hammers the broken end of the light tube into Spins head, opening a nasty gash on his head. Josh whips Spin into the steel ring post and tosses his end into the bin (JO 2-0). Spin is pulling himself up and Josh catches him with a clothesline sending him back to the floor, which folks, is not really a floor, since we are outside, he sends him to the asphalt. Josh gathers himself and looks under the ring and finds a table and sets it up outside the ring. Josh grabs Spin and walks him over to the table, stopping momentarily to slam his head into the cage. Josh lays Spin on the table and slides into the ring. Josh climbs the ropes, and the crowd erupts. Josh pauses for a second and looks at the fans. This gives Spin the opportunity to reach into the ring and grab a light tube unbeknownst to Josh. Josh leaps attempting an elbow drop, but Hansen moves! As O’Neal hits the table, Spin swings and shatters the tube across Josh’s forehead, ripping it open as he crashes through the table to the floor! We get our first HOLY SHIT! Chant of the night. Spin casually tosses the end of the tube in his bin (JO 2-1) then walks back to Josh, who is still trying to clear the cobwebs. Spin waits behind Josh as he climbs out of the wreckage, then hits Josh from a bulldog, driving Josh’s face into the ground. Spin grabs Josh’s head and grinds his head into the asphalt and broken glass on the ground. When he finally lets up, Josh is lying face down in a puddle of broken glass and blood. Spin reaches into the ring and grabs a light tube and slams it across Josh’s back opening a nice cut on Josh’s back. Not content, Spin grabs another tube then sits on top of Josh and pulls him back in a camel clutch, then USES THE LIGHT TUBE TO PULL BACK ON JOSH! Josh tries to gets his hands up to protect his throat, and does just as the light tube shatters in half. Shards of glass embed in Josh’s face, Spin releases the hold and Josh slams face first onto the black top. Spin gets up and casually tosses the two metal ends in his bin (SH 3-1) The match continues on its torrid bloody pace. After about twenty minutes of action, both men are in the center of the ring on their knees, horribly bloody, throwing punches with all their remaining strength. There are two tubes left in the ring, several broken tables around ringside, and chairs and chains lying in the ring. Josh leads the match 8-7. Both men get to their feet, Spin tries to whip Josh to the ropes, Josh reverses it and pastes Spin with a chair shot across the face as he rebounds, Spin hits the mat and blood pours out of his mouth, and he appears to spit out a tooth or two. Josh staggers over to the corner and reaches for the last light tube. Spin pulls himself to his feet, and charges after Josh and nails him with a high knee to the back that sends Josh falling toward the corner and crashing through the light tube. Spin grabs the metal end and tosses it in his bin (tied 8-8). The referee pulls out the “overtime” tube and sets it in the corner. Hansen then retreats to that corner and picks up the last tube and waits for Josh to get to his feet. Josh gets to his feet and staggers to the middle of the ring, Spin rears back ready for what is sure to be the finishing shot, Josh, blood pouring from his face, exhausted from the battle looks up and locks eyes with Spin. Hansen appears to hesitate for a moment, then he…..grins? O’Neal grins as well. What the hell? Josh drops the light tube and the two embrace in the center of the ring! What the hell? Josh and Spin raise each other’s arms in victory and Josh calls for a mic. The referee has no choice but to call the match over. WINNER in 32:11 – No Decision Josh gets the mic and takes a moment to collect himself before speaking to a stunned audience. You know, I have been in the OOWF for awhile now, and the whole time I have been here I have been denying something. See, sometimes I can be a stubborn man. Sometimes, I get set in my ways, and I am too pig headed to listen to anyone else. Allow me to explain. A few years ago, I was out partying one night. This was before I had any interest in being a wrestler. Well, I am there trying to mind my business, and a fight breaks out. I am still minding my business when someone crashes through and knocks over my beer. Well folks spilled beer is alcohol abuse in my book, so I had to defend myself. After a few hours, the cops show up and I am the one who gets busted for inciting a riot. Whatever. So they give me a choice, go to jail, or become a wrestler. Well to me wrestling was pointless, so I did time. That is where I met this man, Mr. Spin “Freakin” Hansen. He was in for something similar, but unlike me, he had plans on wrestling after he got out. So I decided to tag along. Somewhere along the way we sort of drifted apart, I came to the OOWF, Spin stayed back home. We kept in touch, but he was telling me something I didn’t want to hear. He was telling me I was getting soft. So, I hooked up with Stank and Lock, and thought I had solved the problem. But Spin was adamant, he said that was a good start, but he could make me more aggressive. I didn’t want to ruin a good thing with Drink & Destroy, so I ignored him. He opened my eyes tonight.
So, if I could, Stank, would you come on down here, I want you to meet one of the toughest SOB’s in wrestling.
Spin: Come on Stank, I have been waiting to meet the Human Drinking Machine for a long time.
<Stank’s music hits and he comes to the ring to a thunderous ovation, he climbs in the cage and gets in the ring. Gets the high five from Josh and the manly hug, then turns to spin and the two bump fists. Stank asks for the mic and speaks.
You know Josh, I have been meaning to talk to you for a long time now. I want to say I am glad you came aboard Drink & Destroy, at first, I was a little leery, but I gotta say, you have impressed the hell out of me the last few weeks. There is no tougher SOB in the OOWF than you right now, and if you say Spin is as tough as you, hell welcome aboard Spin, the first round is on me. <huge cheers from the crowd>
Josh: Better not be that piss water that guys like Adrenaline drink. But Stank, you bring up a good point. The last few weeks I have been fighting for my life against this man, the toughest SOB I have ever faced in my life. But it also seems like during that time, you really didn’t have my back. You didn’t exactly offer any help when I was being beaten bloody now did you? You were either taking time off “to clear your head” or worrying about where the hell Lock was. The fact is Stank, I don’t think you are tough enough to be in Drink & DestroyWith that Stank turns around and gets blasted in the face with a light tube wielded by Spin Hansen, Stank falls to one knee, and Josh hits the topes and lays him out with a clothesline! The two put the boots to Stank, then pull him to his feet, Spin holds Stank while Josh slaps him across the face, then Josh hits the ropes and nearly cuts Stank in half with a spear! They put the boots to him some more when the crowd suddenly ERUPTS IT’S FF CAPSLOCK! Capslock charges into the cage with a chair and pastes Spin across the back, and catches Josh with a chair to the head that drops him on the mat. Josh and Spin bail and escape the cage before Lock can kill them. Lock helps Stank to his feet and the D&D members embrace in the center of the ring (again, in a manly way) and raise their arms in victory as the crowd explodes. THE HALFRICAN AMERICANS vs. THE DEVIL’S BRIGADE – Steel Cage MatchThese two teams have been feuding for a few months now. It certainly seemed like The Devil’s did not take the Halfrican Americans very seriously, they are now. This match has been changed to a steel cage weapons match. Tommy brings a chain draped across his shoulders and a Harper Camby carries a table into the cage. The Halfrican Americans come out next, they seem a bit more serious than we are used to seeing them. Fly carries a couple of spinner hubcaps to the ring and Nayr carries two kendo sticks with him. Fly and Nayr climb into the ring, the only way to win this one is by pin fall, the cage is completely enclosed. The two teams stare at each other from across the ring and wait for the bell. From the outside referee Angel Barros calls for the bell, the sound has not faded from the air before The Devil’s Brigade spring into action and charge at THA, both members of THA side step and run the Devil’s into the cage face first. Camby and Tommy rebound and get dropped with matching chops from Fly and Nayr. THA pull Tommy to his feet and send him high into the cage, then turn their attention to Camby. As Harper gets to his feet, THA each grabs a kendo stick and slam them into the sides of Camby’s knees dropping Camby to his knees. Nayr and Fly hit the opposite ropes and connect with a double drop kick to the sides of Camby’s head, sending the big man to the mat. Fly and Nayr turn their attention to Tommy, they run him into the cage again, Nayr holds him against the cage and Fly builds a head of steam and hits Tommy with a splash that grinds his face into the cage. Fly bounces off Tommy, Tommy is a bloody mess. As Fly turns around he walks right into a kendo stick shot to the face from Camby. Fly is down in a heap and Nary charges Camby and eats a spine buster. The carnage continues for over thirty minutes, all four men have been busted open and are bleeding heavily. Fly has large welts across his back where Tommy held him on the ropes and Camby caned him mercilessly. Tommy has Fly trapped in one corner, he has the chain he brought to the ring wrapped around his fist and he is pummeling Fly in the forehead, opening huge gashes on his forehead. Nayr tries to make the save, but he is cut off by a big forearm from Camby that sends him to the mat. Camby military presses Nayr and throws him toward the cage door, Nayr falls between the cage and the ropes. Meanwhile, Tommy pulls Nayr out of the corner and hits a choke slam back breaker. Tommy grabs a spinner hubcap and waits for Nayr to get to his feet. Meanwhile Nayr is just getting to his feet, trapped between the ropes and the cage door, as he gets to his feet Camby charges across the ring and hits a diving spear, the cage door gives and both men tumble to the floor! Meanwhile on the inside, Tommy swings the hubcap at Fly, but Fly ducks and catches Tommy with a Samoan drop. Fly then sets up the table that Camby brought into the ring. He rolls Tommy onto the table and climbs the corner for the Flava Drop. Weak from loss of blood, Fly takes a little too long and Tommy recovers in time to grab the spinner hubcap and PASTES Fly in the side of the head with it. Tommy staggers for a moment, then falls to his knees, also weak from blood loss. Meanwhile on the outside, Camby and Nayr get to their feet, Nayr grabs a chair and pastes Camby across the back with it. Camby staggers and tries to escape, but Nayr follows him and keeps hitting him with the chair. In an act of desperation, Camby begins to climb the cage. Nayr goes to the opposite side and also climbs. Inside the ring, Tommy pulls Nayr to his feet and scoops him up and plants him on the mat, then goes for the Gaelic cloverleaf, but as he leans in, Fly grabs a kendo stick and slams it across the side of Tommy’s head. Both men are down. Fly is up first and he picks up the spinner and heads to the top rope. On the outside, Camby and Nayr are both on top of the cage, both men are bloody and exhausted. They circle each other warily, Nayr darts in and hits a spinning heel kick that sends Camby staggering toward the edge of the cage where he teeters for a moment on the edge. Nayr takes a few steps back and gets a running start at Camby, but Camby was playing possum, and he nails Nayr with a clothesline that nearly decapitates him. Both men are down on top of the cage and bleeding heavily. In a sickening sight, their blood drips down from the ceiling onto the mat. Inside the ring, Fly leaps wit the spinner as Tommy gets up, but Tommy cocks back and hits a Wicked Left just as Fly nails him with the spinner hubcap. Both men are down! On top of the cage, Camby is up first and he pulls Nayr to his feet and grabs him and sets him up for the Dominator! Camby gets him up and Nayr tries to punch out of it, but Camby slams him down AND NAYR GOES THROUGH THE ROOF OF THE CAGE AND SLAMS THROUGH THE TABLE BELOW!!!! HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT! Tommy sees Nayr, who might be dead, and drags himself over to the broken wreckage of Nayr and the table and drapes his arm across him and gets a three count as Camby stands on top of the cage and initially looks worried, but once they get the three, that ever present cocky grin returns. WINNERS in 47:21 The Devil’s Brigade As soon as the bell rings, medical officials come in to tend to Nayr and check on Fly. Fly is quickly back to his feet, but Nayr is stretchered out to a waiting ambulance, but before they can load him, he jumps off the gurney and goes back for his partner, the two of them wave to the crowd then disappear into the arena. UNDERDAWG vs. AX-MAN – Ultimate Hell MatchUltimate Hell is real simple. Hell in a Cell cage with two trap doors in the ceiling. Reach those by either climbing the cage or by ladder. On top of the Cell is a smaller cage with a tazer hanging from the top of it. You must take the ladder enclosed within the cage and climb it to reach the tazer. Once the tazer is captured, either man can use it on his opponent. Win by pin fall or submission, it's that simple. This one came about after Ax-Man, dressed as a dog catcher, zapped UnderDawg after his Dawg Pound match with Kane Eyne two months ago, and Ax has fared far better than most of UD's past rivals. Therefore, Ax is cocky going into this one and gets right in Dawg's face as the bell sounds. Ax points up at the tazer high above and tells UD what he's gonna do with it. Dawg simply steps back and tells Ax that if he's so bad, he'll climb up there right now and get the tazer. To hell with this feeling out process. To emphasize his point, UD has one of the officials unlock the cage door, and Dawg goes out, sits on the ATV, and puts a dip in his mouth. UD waves Ax up the cage, but Ax is upset at the lack of respect and follows Dawg out. Ax gets in UD's face and slaps the tobacco spit out of his mouth. UD no-sells it, then takes his gloves out of his back pocket and prepares to put the hurt on Ax. Ax begins to go back toward the cage, but Dawg grabs him from behind and pulls him down. Dawg pounds on him around the cage, and gives him a big boot that knocks Ax back into the cage. UD charges, but Ax sidesteps him and slams him into the cage. Ax hops on the ATV and tries to run down UD, but UD dives out of the way, and the ATV crashes into the Cell, knocking a piece out of the bottom. Ax falls off the ATV upon crashing, and UD beats him down again. Into the cage, and UD slaughters him. Jumping clothesline from Dawg sends Ax bailing to the floor, but UD drags him back in. OBEDIENCE SCHOOL~! And UD signals for the end. FIREPLUG DRIVER~! UD can cover right now, but what's the point in the gimmick match if he does that? Dawg decides to climb the cage to reach one of the trap doors, but in his old age, is slow in ascending. Ax actually gets to his feet and grabs one of the ladders and chases Dawg up. UD kicks him away, then manages to kick the entire ladder over, sending Ax falling backward to the floor. Dawg pulls himself up on top of the Cell and spits down on Ax. Ax pulls himself up again, and Dawg tells him come on up. UD enters the cage up top and allows Ax to come up unscathed. UD goes to open the cage door for Ax to let him in, but Ax kicks the door back into Dawg's face. Ax dives into the cage with a clothesline on UD and punches away. Ax grabs one of the ladders and swings it at Dawg, knocking him back into the cage. Ax then drives the ladder into Dawg's knee. The he opens the ladder and smashes Dawg's knee between it, taking time to rub his boot in Dawg's face, too. FIGURE FOUR~! But Dawg counters by kicking Ax straight into the cage. Dawg to his feet and tries to set up the ladder, but Ax dropkicks it back into him. Super kick is blocked however, and Dawg takes Ax's head off with a clothesline. Dawg climbs the ladder now, and gets his hand on the tazer, but Ax pushes the ladder over before he can secure it. Ax goes back to the knee, and again, Dawg powers out. CHOKESLAM FROM THE KENNEL~! And NOW, Dawg gets the tazer. UD stalks Ax with it as Ax begs off. But Ax kicks UD low, and the tazer flips up into the air. Ax catches it and wallops Dawg upside the head with it. Ax gets set to zap UD, but Dawg sits up and Ax drops the tazer, and it falls thru the cage down to the ring. Ax bails out of the cage and climbs back down into the Cell, and UD gives chase. Ax climbs back down the ladder, then takes the ladder with him so Dawg can not. UD gingerly climbs down the door panel then leaps 12 feet down to Ax with a flying clothesline. Another FIREPLUG DRIVER~! But Ax grabs the tazer and zaps Dawg in the knee, and UD nearly drops Ax on his head. FIGURE FOUR~! Dawg is in trouble and can't make the ropes. Nor can he turn Ax over. UD can however grab the tazer. That is enough for Ax to break the hold and Ax begs off again. UD to his feet and Ax tires the low blow again, but UD no-sells, tosses the tazer out of the ring, kicks Ax in the gut, and nails him with the LAST RIDE POWERBOMB for the three count. Dawg actually helps Ax to his feet afterwards and says something to him before leaving the ring. WINNER in 22:13: UNDERDAWG <GM the Rick is in his trailer watching OOWFTV when the door swings open and Firechild and Thim walk in>
GMtR: what, what WHAT? Do you want?
FC: I am feeling a little discomfort from my injury, and I won’t be able to go this week.
GMtR: Oh really?
<GM the Rick turns to OOWF TV and fast forwards to Altrageous’ match with Eric O’Mac:>
Firechild slides back in and quickly hits Wings of the Phoenix on the tired O’Mac. Sugar is helping Alt shake the cobwebs. He smiles and holds up his IC Belt. Firechild holds up Eric and Alt drives the belt right into Eric’s skull. As if that wasn’t enough Alt locks in the Prag while FC, Sugar, & Spice verbally abuse the challenger. Finally OOWF officials are able to break the hold and the 3 Piece Set members finally head back to the locker-room amidst a chorus of boo birds.
GMtR: and don’t forget this little gem
<Rick fast forwards to the end of the Cole – Canadian Dragon Match>
Firechild sprints to the ring and slides in to attack Dragon, but Dragon ducks, FC hits the ropes and eats a Dragon kick to head sending him right out of the ring to the floor.
FC: See that idiot Canadian Dragon kicked me in the head, it aggravated my concussion.
GMtR: You interfere in two title matches then have the nerve to tell me you can’t participate in the Onslaught Championship match? Nice try pal.
FC: If you weren’t such a half assed GM, you would be suspending Canadian Dragon for an unprovoked attack. Beside, I have a letter from my doctor telling you I can’t wrestle. You make me go out there and I sue, I will own the OOWF
<FC tosses a letter on GM the Rick’s desk, Rick picks it up and hastily reads it>
GMtR: Fine douchenozzle, but you find a replacement for that match.
FC: No problem, he will step in <pointing to Thim who has remained silent>
GMtR: Thim? You already have a match tonight! For the world title. You take this match and I have to pull you from the world title match.
TR: Just make it happen Rick
GmtR: Fine, your loss Thim, it’s done, now both of you OUT!
<Firechild leaves, but Thim remains for a moment to look at Rick then watch Firechild go. Firechild leaves GM the Rick’s trailer and as he hits the bottom of the steps, Eric O’Mac charges from nowhere with a chair and KILLS Firechild with a sick chair shot to the skull. Eric grabs A groggy Firechild in a front face lock as Thim walks out the door, the two lock eyes for a moment, then Eric DDT’s Firechild on the concrete.
EOM: That’s the LAST TIME you interfere in one of my matches, you understand me bitch? That Onslaught belt is gonna be mine, I am the greatest pure athlete in the OOWF, and don’t you forget it
<With that EOM kicks Firechild in the head and walks away. The camera focuses on Thim watching Eric walk away, then slowly walking down the stairs and pulling Firechild to his feet.>JIM JONES vs. CONCRETE TG vs. BLACKDRAGON vs. FIRECHILD – ECW Style Elimination in a WWF Blue Steel CageDragon and Concrete enter first, and Jones refuses to step into the cage, immediately protesting to referee Junior Hale about the stipulations of this match. However, the protests multiply by a hundred when Thim Reynolds enters as the replacement for Firechild. Thim knocks Jones to the floor and enters the cage himself, but Dragon and Crete, old AYUFF stable mates, double team Reynolds. Double suplex, then total elimination! But as Dragon gets to his feet, Jones sneaks in and rolls him up for two. BD takes Jones back to the corner and works him over, and Crete pounds on Thim in the opposite corner. Stereo arm drags and Reynolds and Jones collide hard in the middle of the ring. Dragon looks for an Oklahoma Roll, but Jones counters into a cross arm breaker. Meanwhile, Crete looks for the SCAFFOLD on Reynolds, but Thim powers CTG into the cage. TR grabs an ankle lock on Dragon and BD is in trouble. But Concrete flies back in off the top with a bulldog to Thim AND a leg drop to JJ at the same time. Cover on Jones gets two, then Crete suplexes Thim. This time Crete does lock the SCAFFOLD on Thim. Jones charges to break the hold, but Dragon spears him out of nowhere and drives him into the cage. Reynolds makes the ropes to break. BD looks for the Dragon lock on JJ, but Jones counters and cradles for two. Gut wrench suplex gets another two, and Crete comes over to take Jones. Jones grabs a face lock, then drives a knee to Crete's head, and CTG falls limp to the mat. Reynolds covers though, and Crete kicks out. Jones then covers and hooks the leg, but Crete kicks out again. Thim pulls Crete up and hits a fisherman's buster, and Jones looks for a figure four. But CTG kicks him off... directly into Dragon, who is waiting with the DKO DROP~! One, two, three, and the champion is eliminated! JONES ELIMINATED AT 9:06. Reynolds immediately takes Dragon's head off with a clothesline, but gets caught by a German suplex from Crete. CTG bridges for the pin, but Thim kicks out. Meanwhile, Jones slips back in the cage and hits Dragon with a running knee lift. Crete tackles Jones out the cage door, but Thim simply rolls over and covers Dragon for the three count. BLACKDRAGON ELIMINATED AT 11:13. Crete has words for Jones, but Reynolds sneaks up from behind and hits the FULL SPINAL REALIGNMENT~! Thim wastes NO time in locking on the ADJUSTMENT~! Crete counters and gets Thim on his back for a pin attempt, but Thim rolls thru and maintains the hold. Crete's in the ropes though and Hale calls for the break. Reynolds pulls CTG back to the middle of the ring and reapplies the hold. Crete tries the same counter, but Reynolds breaks the hold before he can do it. This time, Reynolds adjusts the elbow pad and slaps on the hold one more time. He cinches it in good and CTG can't roll it over. Crete has to squirm to the ropes, but isn't making much progress. Crete gets a second wind and slides a bit closer, and then a bit closer. But Thim pulls back on the hold as Crete reaches for the ropes again. Crete is literally an inch away from the ropes, but has nothing left and rather than being choked unconscious, Concrete taps out! WINNER in 16:33 and NEW ONSLAUGHT CHAMPION: THIM REYNOLDS <we cut back to GM the Rick’s office where he is looking through some old Pro Wrestling Illustrated mags. There is a knock and two well dressed people enter>
well dressed woman: Are you GM the Rick?
GMtR: That’s the rumor, who wants to know?
WDW: Sir my name is Prudence Goodfellow, this is Terrence Hornblower, we represent the Maryland State Athletic Committee.
GMtR: ok. And what do you want?
PG: There has been an absolutely abhorrent amount of blood shed at this show.
GMtR: This? This is nothing. Why does that concern you guys?
TG: We have laws here Mr. the Rick. We do not allow this kind of barbaric behavior. I see you have something called a barbed wire fence match scheduled next?
GMtR: Yep
TG: and you will be using REAL barbed wire?
GMtR: Uh, yeah, it IS a barbed wire match. This ain’t WCW lady.
PG: This is unacceptable, the Maryland State Athletic Committee will not sanction such a match.
GMtR: No? Ok, then it is an unsanctioned match. I doubt Moose or Williams will care
PG: Mr. the Rick, we will be keeping a close eye on the show, I expect you will keep it clean.
GMtR: Don’t bet on it lady<with that the two leave Rick in the office, Rick shuffles through a stack of PWI’s and finds the diva special and leans back in his chair and puts his feet on the desk.> KZ vs. THE CHICKENSHIT HEELS – Tag Team Title Barbed Wire Fence MatchThe Chickenshit Heels come to the ring first, wait, what are they wearing? Both men have long, thick winter coats on over their wrestling gear! Johnny and AA, who is sweating profusely right now, stop in front of The Team From Down Under and point to their heads. Gator just laughs at them, Jack takes a deep swig of beer and belches loudly right in TCH’s face “that’s Australian for you’re about to get your asses beat to death.” The Chickenshit Heels climb into the ring and run the ropes, each man even launches themselves into the wire shoulder first, then laugh hysterically. The arena goes dark and a single light comes on and kz storm the ring and rush into the cage and attack TCH. Williams makes a beeline for Johnny and drops him to the mat with a right to the mouth. Moose takes AA to the mat wit ha spear. There are essentially no rules in the match, the only way to win is by pin fall. Moose and Williams put the boots to Johnny and Williams, and then yank off the thick winter coats. Williams mounts Johnny and pummels him with short rights to the face, Moose gets the coat off of Attitude Adjuster and pulls him over to the strands of barbed wire and begins raking his face across the barbs. AA yells in pain and is soon a bloody mess. AA frees himself with a mule kick to Moose’s jewels. AA runs over to Williams, who is still hammering Johnny, and grabs Williams by the head, pulls him back and drops several elbows to his nose. AA pulls Williams to his feet and tosses him into the barbs, Williams hits shoulder first, leaving a gash on his shoulder, but he is able to rebound and take AA to the mat with a clothesline. Meanwhile Johnny is on his feet in the corner, he sees Moose on his hands and knees still recovering from the nut shot by AA. Johnny runs to Moose and grabs one of the sleeves of the winter coats and wraps it around Moose throat and chokes him out with it. Williams pulls AA to his feet and whips him into the corner and follows him in with a clothesline, then runs AA’s face along the ring ropes. Moose works his way to his feet and turns so he is facing Johnny and head buts him in the face. Johnny drops to one knee, Moose grabs Johnny by the head and is about to hammer him, when Johnny grabs Moose’s tights and catapults him into the cage. Moose hits the barbs hard, and gets tangled in the strands of barbed wire, slicing his arm and neck open, and getting his hair caught in the barbs as well the more Jack struggles the deeper he gets cut, soon blood is pouring off his face.. On the other side of the ring, LD Williams drags AA to the wire wall and is raking his face across the razor sharp barbs. Johnny makes the save with a clubbing shot to the back of Williams head, Johnny throws LD Williams to the mat, then grabs his legs and catapults him into the barbs, this time Williams hits face first, opening several large gashes. Williams falls back into the ring as The Chickenshit Heels laugh at his pain. Johnny calls for a spike pile driver and he pulls Williams into a pile driver while AA carefully climbs the ropes. On the other side of the ring, Moose is able to free himself just in time to make the save with a knee to Johnny’s back, Moose then turns and shoves AA off the top, AA tries to catch the rope with his foot to break his fall, but he misses the mark and his leg goes THROUGH the barbed wire fence and he crotches himself ON THE BARBED WIRE leaving a long gash on his leg. AA tries to move, but the wire is stuck to his groin! Johnny gets to his feet, sees AA struggling on the wire, and slowly turns and sees Moose and Williams closing in. Adrenaline goes on the attack catching Moose with a forearm to the mouth, but as he turns to Williams he gets cut off wit ha punch to the side of the head. Moose and Williams pounce on Adrenaline and stomp him mercilessly. Moose pulls Adrenaline to his feet and drops him wit ha DDT. Jack then runs over to AA who is nearly free from the barbs and pulls him into the ring and catches him with a running knee lift as he comes between the ropes. Meanwhile Williams tears a piece of the barbed wire off of the fencing and wraps it around his fist and just beats Adrenaline mercilessly. Soon Adrenaline is barely recognizable. Jack pulls AA to his feet and lifts him for an atomic drop, but then charges the fence and slams AA into the tire back first! Jack keeps AA on the wire and tangles his arms and legs in the wire, Moose has crucified AA in the barbed wire! AA screams in pain as the barbs dig into his flesh, Jack stands on the second rope and pulls a piece of barbed wire around AA’s scalp, AA tries to fight it, but soon AA is bleeding profusely, from damn near everywhere. Meanwhile Williams has a piece of barbed wire wrapped around Adrenaline’s throat and he is screaming at him “WHAT’S MY NAME?” Adrenaline spits in Williams face, so LDW pulls him out of the corner, kicks him low and drives him to the mat with a DDT. Jack laughs at a helpless Attitude Adjuster as he wipes blood from his face. Jack walks over to the other side of the cage and tears off a long piece of barbed wire, then WHIPS AA ACROSS the chest several times! AA’s screams of pain echo through out the parking lot, Jack whips AA mercilessly leaving long bloody cuts across his chest. With Johnny Adrenaline on the canvas, LD Williams pounces on him and locks in the SFT, but for good measure he wraps a piece of barbed wire around his neck which he uses to pull Johnny’s head back. The crowd has stopped cheering by now and are sitting in a bit of a disturbed silence, which slowly begin to turn to boos ad kz decimate the Chickenshit Heels. AA looks nearly unconscious hanging limply on the wire as Moose alternates whipping him with the strand of barbed wire and hammering him in the heart with a fist wrapped in barbed wire, and Johnny is clawing at his neck trying to keep the barbed wire from digging in and breaking the skin, Johnny is losing the battle as blood begins to flow from his neck. Johnny feels the warm sticky blood flowing from cuts in his neck and quickly taps to the STF. Williams keeps the hold on for a few seconds then lets a barely conscious Adrenaline fall to the mat. WINNERS in 21:12 kz ALTRAGEOUS vs. STANK vs. SRIRAM vs. CAPELLAN – OOWF Intercontinental Title Steel Cage MatchReferee Mel Creech comes in to the ring first. This will be a steel cage match for the OOWF Intercontinental title, the only way to win is by pin fall or submission, and the champion can lose the title without being pinned, the first man to score a pin fall is the new champion. Sriram comes to the ring first, followed by Stank. Stank is still sporting some cuts from the attack by Spin Hansen and Josh O’Neal earlier in the show. Finally Capellan comes to the ring and the challengers are all present.. The champion Altrageous comes out, flanked on either side by Sugar and Spice. Alt takes his time taking off his jacket and handing it to Sugar, then taking off the Trki’d Owt Tytle and giving it to Spice, then the OOWF Intercontinental title and handing it to Sugar. Altrageous slowly makes his way up the stairs staring all three of his competitors in the eyes. Alt steps in the ring and is about to step between the ropes, Capellan lurches toward Alt and he bails back out of the ring to the floor. Altrageous walks around slowly and regains his nerve and climbs the steps a second time, this time Sriram flinches him, same result, Altrageous bails out of the ring to the floor. By now the crowd is booing Alt loudly, he points to his head and yells at the audience to shut their damn mouths. Finally Alt climbs the steps and starts to go between the ropes, Stank takes a step forward, and Alt turns to flee, but this time the referee slams the cage door in Alt’s face, Alt screams in anger, then turns around, and Stank catches him with a full body splash that slams the back of Alt’s head into the steel. Alt falls to the mat in pain, Stank turns around, and Capellan and Sriram dash across the ring and take him down with a double clothesline. Cap turns to look at the fallen Stank and Sriram grabs him around the waist and tries a release German suplex, but Capellan flips and lands on his feet and connects with perfect drop kick to the back of Sriram’s head that sends him into the cage. Capellan is quickly back to his feet, he turns and spies Altrageous getting up holding the ropes, Capellan runs toward Alt and leaps and catches him with an enzuguri to the back of the head that puts Alt right back on the canvas. Cap turns and runs toward the ropes, but he runs right into Stank, Stank elevates Capellan and catches him on the way down and drops him with a Samoan Drop. While Stank is dropping Capellan, Sriram is on his feet, he grabs Alt and pulls him under the bottom rope, scoops him up and hits a snow plow, hooks the leg and gets a two count. Sriram pulls Altrageous to his feet, grabs him and hits a perfect belly to belly suplex, hooks the leg, but the count is broken at two with an elbow drop to the back of the head by Stank. Stank grabs Sriram and whips him across the ring into the cage. Stank pulls Altrageous to his feet and backs him into the corner and kills him with a couple of stiff clubbing blows to the chest. Stank moves to the opposite corner and hits a monstrous avalanche on Altrageous, Stank takes a few steps back and raises his arm in victory as Altrageous falls face first out of the corner. While Stank has his arms raised in victory, Sriram comes up from behind and locks him in the tazz mission! Sriram fights to pull the mountain of a man down, but Stank is struggling to stay on his feet. Once again Altrageous struggles to his feet, pulling himself up using the ropes, only to look straight into Capellan’s face. Cap grabs Alt by the head and introduces his face to each side of the cage, then kicks a bloody Alt in the mid section and catches him in a Perfect plex, one, two…Stank staggers over, still fighting the tazzmission that Sriram is tenaciously holding on to. Stank drops a knee on Capellan breaking the hold, but now his is on the mat and Sriram really ramps up the pressure on the hold. Stank is beginning to fade when Capellan connects with a kick to the back of Sriram’s head breaking that hold. Alt staggers to his feet and falls back into one of the corners. Capellan pulls Sriram to his feet and sends him into the cage, then catches him on the rebound with a spine buster. Meanwhile Alt turns and removes the top turnbuckle pad. He turns back around and waits, Capellan spots him and gets a head of steam and leaps for a stinger splash, but Alt moves and Cap’s head slams on the exposed steel. Alt keeps him trapped in the corner and locks on a STANDING PRAG! (or Shower Prag as it is sometimes known) Capellan struggles in the corner. Sriram gets to his feet and charges into the corner and locks on a standing Kathy Najimi (can’t spell it the other way, so I am not going to try) on Altrageous! Who can hold on longer Capellan or Altrageous? Stank quickly makes this a moot point, the big man gets to his feet and bellows like a wounded bear, then charges across the ring and avalanches all three of them. Stank grabs Sriram and sends him into the cage, pulls Capellan up and military presses him and throws him into the cage like a lawn dart. Stank then spins Alt around in the corner and pummels him. Sriram and Capellan get to their feet and attack, clipping both of Stank’s knees. They then grab Stank and both of them run him into the cage. Stank hits the mat and Sriram locks on the Citizen Erased on Stank! Capellan takes the opportunity to attack Altrageous again, he heads toward Alt, but Alt steps out and drop to holds Capellan into the exposed steel turnbuckle. Stank is fighting his way to the ropes, refusing to tap to the Citizen Erased. Cap falls to the mat bleeding from a gash on his forehead, Altrageous hooks both legs AND puts his feet on the bottom rope and gets a tainted three count. WINNER in 28:37 and STILL OOWF Intercontinental Champion – Altrageous A terribly bloody Altrageous falls out the cage door, grabs his title and collapses on the floor. Sugar and Spice help him to his feet and they make their way to the back while Sriram looks on in frustration and Stank and a groggy Capellan try to figure out what the hell happened. <once again we cut to the back where GM the Rick is on the phone with someone, when Prudence Goodfellow and Terrence Hornblower barge into the office>
GMtR: Christ, now what?
PG: NOW WHAT? Mr. the Rick that barbed wire match was an abomination! Those men could have DIED in there!
GMtR: Yeah, good thing kz got them out of those winter coats, in this heat they could have died.
TH: Mr. the Rick, you can make light of this situation all you want but we are well within our boundaries to shut down this event at this very moment.
GMtR: Look, there is only one match left, then we are out of your hair forever. Trust me.
PG: Trust you indeed. Mr. the Rick, I will have you know, if we see so much as ONE DROP of blood in the last match we are shutting down the show IMMEDIATELY! Do we make ourselves perfectly clear?
GmtR: Rolling his eyes, yes, you make yourself perfectly clear, now if you don’t mind, I have a promotion to run.CHRIS COLE vs. CANADIAN DRAGON vs. – OOWF World Title TLC HITC MatchThe title is hooked to the center point of the Hell in a Cell cage. Tables, ladders, and chairs are at each wrestler's disposal beneath the ring. Cole and Dragon have words. One guess as to who uses the word "aboot." Dragon slaps Cole, and Cole returns the favor, so CD just tackles him and opens up with lefts and rights. Dragon pulls CC up, hits an inverted atomic drop, then clotheslines Cole over the top to the floor, and the champion goes crashing into the cage. Dragon slingshots out with a plancha onto Cole and continues the offense on the floor. To the steel support bar in the cage, then CD tosses Cole to the steps. Dragon pulls a ladder out, but has trouble angling it so that he can fully pull it out between the ring and the cage, and that allows Cole to deck him from behind, sending Dragon face first to the ladder. CC finishes getting the ladder free and slides it in. Cole climbs in, but Dragon pulls the ladder back out. Dragon snaps Cole's neck off the top rope, then grabs him for a suplex onto the propped up ladder. Cole fights it off and tries his own, but has no luck, so Dragon just takes him to the corner and slams his head into the turnbuckle. Dragon to the top rope, but Cole shoves him off toward the ladder. Dragon lands short of it and on his feet. CD slides in and Cole charges, but Dragon backdrops him over the top and ONTO THE LADDER, bending it all up and rendering it worthless. Dragon goes back to the floor to get another ladder, and has an easier time of getting this one out. Dragon sets it up and climbs, but Cole manages to pull himself into the ring and teeter the ladder enough to knock Dragon off, but the ladder falls back onto Cole. Dragon up first and slams the ladder back down onto CC. Dragon sets the ladder in the corner and whips Cole hard into it, and again, the ladder falls on Cole. Dragon sets the ladder between the ropes and waits for CC to get to his feet. Dragon jumps on the ladder, seesawing it up, but Cole moves out of the way. Dragon though shoves the ladder right back up into Cole's gut, leaving the ladder propped up from the floor to the ropes. Dragon runs up the ladder, sunset flips Cole, and transitions directly into the Sharpshooter! Cole crawls to the ropes before CD can cinch it in, but Dragon retains the hold as Cole drags himself under the bottom rope to the floor, pulling another ladder out in the process. Dragon breaks the hold and Cole gets his ladder, but Dragon baseball slides the ladder right back into him, and the champion eats steel again. Dragon grabs the ladder from the other side of the ring and sets it up and climbs. He's not lined up though, so he has to reposition it. The momentary delay allows Cole to get back in and hit him with a stiff chair shot. With Dragon still on the ladder, Cole unlocks the ladder joints, folds it up, and pushes the ladder, and CD, over the top and into the steel cage. Cole goes back to the floor and grabs his ladder, slides it in and sets to climb. CC is close, one more step... but Dragon is behind him and hits an ELECTRIC CHAIR DROP FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER~! Both guys are down and the crowd gives them a deserved ovation. Dragon to his feet first, and he goes to the top. DRAGONSAULT EATS LADDER, however, as Cole rolls out of the way and pulls the ladder in his place. Cole to the floor to grab the other ladder, and he sets it up in the corner. CC slingshots CD to the corner, but Dragon lands like Spiderman on the ladder. Dragon climbs to the top of it, but Cole pulls the ladder out, and Dragon grabs hold of the top of the cage! Dragon uses the cage mesh like monkey bars and is heading for the belt! CD grabs the belt with one hand, but Cole, in desperation, heaves the ladder at Dragon, and CD and the ladder fall back to the mat. Cole pulls Dragon up angrily and gives him a HEADLINER ON THE LADDER~! Cole goes to the floor and pulls out a chair from under the ring. CC tosses it in the ring, and then pulls out a table. Cole throws Dragon into the corner, opens up the table and closes it around Dragon and the ropes, trapping him there. Cole grabs the ladder, sets it up, and climbs up looking to retain his gold. But Dragon has the presence of mind to slip out between the ropes, grab the chair and BLAST Cole in the back. Cole falls to the mat, and CD sets up the table. Dragon sets Cole on the table, tosses a chair beneath it, and everyone's thinking Dragon Sault. But Cole has other ideas and meets Dragon on top. CC tries a superplex, but Dragon blocks and counters with a MICHINOKU DRIVER OFF THE TOP THRU THE TABLE ONTO A CHAIR~! Cole comes up bleeding, and the crowd is going nuts. Dragon tosses Cole to the floor and sets up the ladder. Thru the hole in the Cell from UD" ATV, Cole grabs referee Sterling Glaw, and then Glaw waves over another official. Meanwhile, Dragon climbs the ladder. Two more steps... one more step... Dragon reaches for the belt, he touches the belt... and THE BELL RINGS?  The ring announcer makes the announcement: "The Maryland State Athletic Commission has stopped this match due to blood loss. The winner of the match, Canadian Dragon. However, Chris Cole retains the OOWF Championship." WINNER in 26:15: CANADIAN DRAGON. Dragon is understandably pissed, and when Cole staggers back into the ring, Dragon CREAMS him with the stiffest chair shot ever. Dragon locks on the Sharpshooter, and the blood really begins flowing now. Glaw is in the ring thru the hole in the cage, but can't break the hold. Several other officials rush the ring once the door is unlocked, and as a group, they pry Dragon off Cole. But Dragon goes right back thru the mass of people and reapplies the Sharpshooter. Altrageous and Firechild storm the ring, and Dragon breaks the hold to fight them off, and security hits the ring to get some sort of order. Firechild climbs a ladder to get Cole's belt, but the champion is unconscious as we fade out. Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF Territorial Beatings II PPV, Live August 27th from Yellowknife, Northwest Territory, Canada! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF MidWeek Mayhem, August 2nd from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania!
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The ring announcer makes the announcement: "The Maryland State Athletic Commission has stopped this match due to blood loss. The winner of the match, Canadian Dragon. However, Chris Cole retains the OOWF Championship."