OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 10-04-06

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live From Sublimity, Oregon

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
Chris Cole vs. UnderDawg

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
Capellan vs. Eric O'Mac

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u]
3Piece Set vs. wCw

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Firechild vs. Concrete TG

Thim Reynolds vs. Apocalyptic Existence
Ecosystem vs. Voltage
Blackdragon vs. Spin Hansen
Ax-Man vs. The Knife
The Chickenshit Heels vs. The Halfrican Americans
Canadian Dragon vs. SYB
kz vs. Drink & Destroy
The Devil's Brigade vs. The Team From Down Under

card subject to credit check

[mooseheadjack]

[Johnny Adrenaline storms into Ric's Sandwich Shoppe]

JA: What's with you and Ron throwin me out of the Onslaught? What happened to our plan?

RF: EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF, FAT BOY!

JA: That never applies to heel stables, don't you know that?

RF: BUT YOU'RE NOT A HEEL ANYMORE!!

JA: Yeah, I am.

RF: YOU'RE A FACE!

JA: Am not.

RF: ALAN CALLED OUT THE SET!! YOU'RE A FACE!!!

JA: Stop saying that. I'm a heel.

RF: YOU! FACE! YOU!

JA: [Johnny walks away...] HEY TUDE, WHERE YOU AT??

[mooseheadjack]

<kz walks into GM the Rick's office>

GMtR: What can I do for you two?

MHJ: Cut the crap Rick, you messed up the booking sheet

GMtR: Oh I did? And how did I do that?

LDW: You have us facing Drink & Destroy

GMtR: Yep, that sounds about right.

MHJ: Rick, I know you have been hitting the bottle awful hard lately, but you might not have noticed that the Aussies and kz have some unfinished business

LDW: Yeah, they are still breathing, we are gonna put a stop to that.

GMtR: Oh?

MHJ: We want another taipei fence match, we want as many Taipei Fence Matches as it takes until this is settled.

GMtR: Oh, well in that case, no.

LDW: Excuse me?

GmtR: I said no. And save your breath, I said no to the Aussies too. No more of this. I watched as four of my better workers nearly died on Sunday, and now, all four of you crazy sons of bitches are wanting to do it again. Well no. Its not happening. Not this week, not next, not for six months. That is the order from management. No more Taipei matches for six months. So you do what you want with that, you want a standard match? Fine. We can set that up for the 11th. You want cages? fine. No Taipei matches until MADNESS III in March. End of Story.

NOW GET OUT

[mooseheadjack]

(A poster hangs outside of CTG's locker room, where LADDER is standing guard to make sure people don't tear it down)

[mooseheadjack]

Spin and FF Capslock are talking to one another at a bar.

Spin: Lock, I've been having a problem since I joined you... something that's been weighing heavily on my mind. I don't have a decent catch phrase.

FF Capslock: You seem to find some way to work fire into most of your conversations.

Spin: Yeah, but... I dunno. The fire thing isn't unique. Firechild seems to have the market cornered on that.

FFC: You're good at it, though. You do it without letting it take over your whole life. Plus, that flaming fist thing on Josh was brutal.

Spin: Yeah, I know. I wonder how he could fight at Imperial Onslaught with the bandages on his face. Eh, screw him.

FFC: Maybe you could steal "LIGHTS OUT!" from him.

Spin (shuddering): No. Just... hell no.

FFC: Well, in the meantime, you could always co-opt some ad slogan and change it a little bit so it fit.

Spin: "I'm cuckoo for Spin Freakin' Hansen?"

FFC: "Little. Yellow. Spin Freakin' Hansen."

Spin: "I am stuck on Spin Freakin' Hansen brand, 'cause Spin Freakin' Hansen brand's stuck on me."

FFC: "Pardon me, do you have any Gray Spin Freakin' Hansen?"

Bartender: "Spin Freakin' Hansen melts in your mouth, not in your hand."

(Spin and Lock look at the bartender, quickly lay down some cash, and walk out.)

[mooseheadjack]

Johnny Adrenaline finds Attitude Adjuster in The Chickenshit Heels locker room. AA is watching OOWF-TV matches of the Halfrican Americans.

JA: Ric Flair just called me a face! We are not faces! Tell me we did not cut a face promo!

AA: We did not cut a face promo, Johnny. Now, please stop shouting for a second. I’m trying to do some homework on the Halfrican Americans.

JA: Homework?!? You’re studying?!? And you’re not eating?!? What the hell is going on?!?

AA: Look, Johnny. Hardbody Harris and Chris Alt stole our gimmick. No one steals our gimmick. And now I’ve offered $5,000 just to get one title shot. That’s my gambling money! It’s football season! That’s how serious I am about having our gimmick stolen. And since I don’t have any reason to study the college football lines, I figure I might as well study up on our opponents this week. Besides, the Halfrican Americans are faces. Therefore we must still be heels.

JA: That still doesn’t sound very heel-like. Come on, let’s go attack them in their locker room or something!

AA: Ehh, you go ahead. I need to study some more tape. And then I think I might go to the gym. I think I might have gained a little weight recently.

[mooseheadjack]

(Ecosystem is sitting at a bat mitzvah wearing a yarmaluke.)

Ben: Oy, Eco! Why are you so down? It's a bat mitzvah!

Eco: I know, Benjamin Schutzgoldenstien, I know. It's just...

Ben: You wanted that title shot, didn't you?

Eco: I hopped in the ring off of one foot! Of course, I wanted a title shot! If not for that schmuck Stank, I had it won!

Ben: Lousy goyim.

Eco: ...Right. Anyway, I have to beat Voltage first this week to keep my undefeated streak alive.

Ben: You mean your never-defeated-by-pinfall-or-submission-at-least-since-you came-back streak?

Eco: ....

(Eco kicks Ben in the balls and piledrives him on the ground.)

Eco: I feel better. CAMERAMAN, CLOSE UP!!

*The camera focuses on Ecosystem*

Eco: Stankolina, how dare you hold me back from my dream! Who are you? You're not a world championship contender, you're a mediocre tag team wrestler! You should have launched yourself over the rope, prostrated yourself as I posed, and then had your wife pay me because I'm so good!

Cameraman: That last part sounds mildly unreasonable.

Eco: MAYBE! Anyway, I want you. Not in like, a homosexual fashion, or like, for an intermural softball league...BUT IN THE RING!!! And if you got to bring Senor Capslock, then I'LL TAKE YOU BOTH ON IN A HANDICAP MATCH!!

Cameraman: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT??

Eco: Oh shoot! SHOOT! NO!! NO HANDICAP MATCH!!! BAD!! Um...I'll take you on with a PARTNER! Of my CHOOSING! Or ASSIGNED! That would be COOL AS WELL! I've got FRIENDS IN HIGH PLACES! Or at least I USED TO! I'm RELATED TO THE SECRETARY OF TRANSPORTATION!

Cameraman: You can't be! Isn't he...

Eco: What?

Cameraman: Like...from a different yellow slanty-eyed gook country than you are?

Eco: I hate you. To reiterate: Stank. Me angry at you. GRR. Want you in match. Maybe with other people. Maybe not. GRR.

Cameraman: BROTHER!!!!!!!!!

Eco: Huh?

Cameraman: Sorry. Last assigment...

[mooseheadjack]

['Concrete' Takaken Gryfon and LADDER are chilling out in the face lockerroom, waiting on someone to answer the call-to-arms for heroes fighting against the corruption in OOWF. Suddenly, the door swings open.]

TG: Ah, finally we might have someth...oh shit, its Voltage.

Voltage: Hey, no need to sound so excited there Mr Concrete. Hey LADDER, how's it going?

LADDER: *acknowledges*

TG: What on earth are you doing here? This is an advertising post for HEROES. In other words, GOOD GUYS to work against the evil in the OOWF.

V: Hey, I can do that stuff. I mean, it can't be that hard to be a good guy, right?

TG: Well, you need a strong heart, discipline, the will to succeed and a strong love for the sport.

V: How about a weapon?

TG: No.

V: Good thing that, I'm such a fair sport I have never EVER used a weapon to cheat before.

TG: What about the match last week with the Knife?

V: Hey! According to the records, that match doesn't exist.

TG: Dude, you're holding a steel chair right now.

V: [drops steel chair] Oh, is that what that was. I figured I'd be in here so long discussing my heroes welcome to the force...

TG: Don't even bother. You're obviously not of the right calibre to help us out. I mean, who can vouch for your great works of charity?

V: I helped LADDER win the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship, ask him!

L: *pleads the fifth*

V: Cmon Ladder, help a brother out.

L: *looks conflicted, but stays silent*

V: So why do I have to be a face to join? Theres a guy in ROH called Chris Hero who's a heel. And his freaking NAME is Hero!

TG: Never heard of him.

V: [frustrated] Well, I swing a good chair?

[Voltage throws the chair at LADDER, who stumbles a bit before falling on top of Voltage.]

V: Arrgh! Gettofame!

TG: HEY! You two, break it up. This is no example to be setting here. Listen, you can't join us, OK? Besides, you'd get the hell beat out of you by the face lockerroom! Anything else you want while you're here?

V: Yeah, I'm facing another heel this week in Ecosystem. Any theories on how to beat him?

TG: Turn face. Everyone knows faces can outwrestle heels every day of the week for some weird reason.

V: Thats all I have to do?

TG: Well, yeah, you have to convert to the principles I set out before...strong heart, discipline, the will to succeed and a strong lo...

V: Hey! Wait a minute! It was YOU who eliminated me from the Onslaught match!

[Voltage picks up the chair and levels Concrete TG with it while LADDER looks on.]

V: Eh, this face stuff is too much effort. Plus, I get to set a bad role model for the kids!

[Voltage closes the door, grabs a beer and wanders off on his travels again. He briefly encounters SFJ #231 who asks him for a word.]

SFJ #231: Well, Voltage, you have a tough match this week against the recently undefeated Ecosystem. Any strategy?

V: No strategy, but I have a few words for him. You know, I often talk about Steve Irwin and how he and I are nothing alike. Well, his main task in life was to uphold the ecosystem but come this Wednesday, I'm going to DESTROY Ecosystem. I mean the Ecosystem. I mean 46%! HA! Man, I hope I'm booked to win after this...

[Voltage walks off as the scene fades.]

[mooseheadjack]

Stank is walking when he is bumped into by SFJ#36

Stank - Cheryl, what's going on?

SFJ#36 - Hollywood Harris walked in on me in the women's restroom! I think he's stalking me!

Stank - What!? He can't mess with MY HO... I mean MY BIT... I mean MY SEXY... sexy?... Yeah, yeah SEXY FEMALE JOURNALISTS! WHERE IS HE?


SFJ#36 - He was just behind me.

Stank walks purposefully down the hall looking for Harris. After a few moments Stank gives up the search and catches back up with SFJ#36.

Stank - I don't see him.

SFJ#36 - He may have heard us talking. You probably scared him off.

Stank - Ha. Yeah. Maybe.

Inevitably, Stank is BLINDSIDED with a smack to the back of his head! Stank is down to one knee, has time to utter "I knew this would happen" before he's NAILED again, in the back of his head, falling just north of unconscious! Before slipping into the black Stank hears SFJ#36 scream then scamper off.

Enveloped in darkness Stank lies still... then dreams.

The darkness gives way to a crowded arena, they are chanting his name as he raises the World Heavyweight Title above his head in victory. Blood is streaming down his face and he grins. The grin widens to a joyous smile. He soaks in the cheers while Drink & Destroy's theme plays in the background then he sees a dark figure enter the ring. The man is drenched in blood and is holding a weapon. He drops the title as the man SLAMS a chair down on top of his head!

Stank smirks weilding the chair and looking down at his victim. He wipes the blood from his face and LAUGHS! AH HA HA HA...

Stank - AHHHHHHHGH!

FFC - Settle down buddy. You got a nasty bump there. You ok?

Spin - We found you in the hall.

Stank - Oh man that was one crazyass dream... and why would I dream about him?

FFC - You have any idea who did this to you?

Stank -rubbing his head ... I have an inkling.

Spin - Maybe it was Ecosystem.

Stank - Eco? Why him?

FFC - He just cut a promo on you man. He wants you in a match.

Stank - What? Why?

Spin - Uh... you eliminated him from Imperial Onslaught... remember?

Stank - Every man for himself. If that had been YOU I would have done the same thing.

Spin - Gee thanks.

Stank - I mean c'mon it was for a World Title shot. I'd expect no less from either one of you. Besides... it's been a long time since we've held gold in this company. If I didn't know any better I'd say we had been...

FFC - Don't say it man.

Stank - Transitional Champs...

FFC - DAMN IT STANK! Why'd you have ta go and say somthin like THAT?

Stank - I'm just saying it's been awhile!

FFC - Well I'm working on getting Drink & Destroy some gold soon. But we're going to have to go through our old pals KZ first.

Stank - Fuck me. We got them again?

FFC - You know you love it... You Spin, you however have Blackdragon.

Spin - I can take him.

Stank - Hey. Don't take that brotha lightly. He's a former Intercontinental Champion and held that belt for like forever.

Spin - I'm not scared.

FFC - You should be. Listen to your partner rookie. Prepare yourself for possibly your toughest oppenent yet.

Spin - I'm NOT scared... Hey! How about THAT as a catchphrase? Spin Freakin Hansen says waving his hand in front of his face YOU DON'T scare ME!

Stank - Catchphrase?

FFC - Um... no.

Spin - No?

FFC - No.

Spin - I think I can work it... so What about Ecosystem's challenge, Stank.

Stank - What about it?

Spin - You gonna take him up on it?

Stank - Tell that yellow bastard he'll get his chance soon enough.

Spin - Whoa Whoa Whoa there. That sounded kinda racist. I know I could NEVER get away with calling him that.

Stank - What... a bastard?

Spin - Yellow.

Stank - Hey you got me all wrong. I didn't even MEAN it that way.

Spin - Oh... I'm sorry... You meant yellow as in cowardly?

Stank - I meant yellow BASTARD as in Frank Miller. You ever read Sin City?

Spin - Sin City? That doesn't even make any sense? I fail to see what that has to do with Ecosystem?

Stank - Right. Tell that slant eyed muthfucka I'll beat his ass soon enough.

Spin - Hey!

FFC – Speaking of racism, are either of you going to watch Survivor with me tonight?

[mooseheadjack]

**Sexy Female Journalist # 12 corners L.D. Williams in a hallway.**

SFJ#12: “L.D., what do you think about-”

LD: “No Comment.”

SFJ#12: “But I haven’t finished the question.”

LD: “Doesn’t matter. The answer’s still the same.”

SFJ#12: “But-”

LD: “Look, what do you want me to say? In the space of a week, the OOWF has turned itself upside down. Harris is a heel, Concrete is auditioning heros, I‘ve been shut out of another year of awards, kz are no longer the most hated men in the company, and Spin Freakin’ Hansen is part of D&D. Any minute now, The Devil’s brigade is going to tell us yet again that they’re not playing games anymore, and that they’re bringing Hell to the OOWF. For crying out loud, the Chickenshit Heels are faces and the Three Piece Set has four members. The very fabric of reality is crumbling around us!! And all of these things, all of these events, have one common thread.”

SFJ#12: “And that is?”

LD: “I don’t give a rat’s ass about any of it. For two years I’ve watched guys come and go. I’ve seen stars rise, and I’ve seen them fall. None of it matters. The Set is on top of the mountain right now. Good for them. Whether we side with them or not, Firechild’s still gonna die.”

SFJ#12: “You don’t feel any loyalty to them?”

LD: “I’m loyal to three people in the OOWF. I’m loyal to Moose, I’m loyal to Thim, and I’m loyal to…someone else I’m not going to mention. Whatever else changes around here, whoever else tries to dominate, Thim Reynolds, Moosehead Jack, and L.D. Williams – kz – will stand together, and will own the OOWF.”

SFJ#12: “Do you have anything to say about your opponents this week, Drink and Destroy?”

LD: “Sucks to be them. Other than that, no comment.”

[mooseheadjack]

Firechild had SFJ#98 Christy Chavelle in tow.

FC: Hey beautiful, I got something to show you.....

In anticipation, the SFJ and her ninja camerman follows.

Firechild walks up to Concrete TG's door, and points at the sign..

FC: Now THIS, is a joke...

LADDER looms over him and creaks ominously.

FC: Oh dear, a lump of wood, guarding Concrete's door...how appropriate, and foolish given that I am.....

He produces lighter fluid and sprays it over ladder and tosses it on him and follws up with a swiftly lit match....


FC:....Firechild.

LADDER teeters and falls creaking and groaning under the assault.

Firechild steps forward and rips CTG's poster off the door, and sets it afire on LAADER's flaming death pyre.

FC: (Holding the slowly burning poster up to the camera) This is a joke, the 3 Piece Set is, has been and always will be the ruling cartel in the OOWF, we have the talent, the looks, the viciousness to prosper and the will to act on it.

Concrete TG, I've never faced you before, and you have my respect for battling some of the most hellacious matches in OOWF history with Moose, but you are no Firechild, you are not 3 Piece Set quality, you are not fit to wear this title, you have no right to aspre to this title and this wednesday at Midweek Mayhem I will illustrate exactly what the difference between our kind of athletes and you really is.

Firechild spits these last words out as the final edge of the poster burn up, tosses the embers at Christy Chavelle.

She shrieks as he aims a boot at her cameraman's midsection and smashes him with a Wings of the Phoenix onto the flaming LADDER.... shown on camera at a jaunty angle, with the cameraman's obvious pain and distress front and centre.

Firechild grabs Christy's microphone and gets down on the ground in view of the camera and rams the OOWF Onslaught title into view with the flaming ladder and broken cameraman in the background.

FC: That difference is success, and you can't take it from us. Your fate is assured.....

[mooseheadjack]

(Ecosystem walks by to find a charred LADDER on the floor.)

Eco: LADDER! Get up, LADDER! Get up!

(Eco helps LADDER up and sets him against the wall. LADDER creaks in appreciation.)

Eco: I'll call an EMT in a little bit, don't you worry.

(Eco steps on the burned cameraman's lifeless body as SFJ#12 walks over to him)

Cameraman: Owww...

SFJ#12: Ecosystem! Have you heard back from Stank about your challenge?

Eco: Why yes I have. I appreciate that Stank answered my challenge in the vague, non-commital spirit it was extended in. I did NOT, however, appreciate his racist comments. Racism needs to be eliminated at the highest levels of our government.

SFJ#12: Didn't you donate to George Allen's campaign?

Eco: DIFFERENT STORY!!

SFJ#12: Fine. Are you worried that you're losing your focus on this Wednesday and Voltage?

Eco: Absolutely not! In fact, I'm doing some scouting on him. I already contacted past opponents of his for advice.

SFJ #12: Like who?

Eco: Um...The Knife!

SFJ #12: You already called him?

Eco: Um...yes?

SFJ#12: And what did he say when you contacted him?

Eco: ...

SFJ #12: ....

Eco: ...

SFJ #12: Do you need to borrow my cell phone?

Eco: Thanks.

(Eco grabs the phone and runs off.)

SFJ #12: I only have 50 anywhere minutes left!!!

[mooseheadjack]

*The Knife walks over to Ecosystem's lockerroom and politely knocks*

Eco- Yeah?

TK- Hello, sir. I recieved a call from you. You wanted to see me?

Eco- Yeah, come on in.

TK- What did you need?

Eco- I'm facing your opponant from the pay-per-view Voltage this week. What can you tell me about him?

TK- He...is a CHEATER! He doesn't obey the rules and does cheap shots while the ref isn't looking! I'd be careful around that guy. He's a nogoodnick. Unless he reforms his ways immediately, I think he might be in danger of the fires of hell. But its not my place to judge.

Eco- Hmmm, well thank you for telling me this. I'll certainly be on the lookout for chicanery. So tell me, what do you know about the OOWF, and me specifically?

TK- I just heard that the OOWF was the top place for competitors and I am certainly that. I've heard about your wrestling prowess, but I know nothing about you personally, I'm afraid.

Eco- No, no. That's fine. I wouldn't expect you to be up on everybody in this federation. You just got here. Well, let me offer you a piece of advice, Knife. Watch out for Ax-Man. He's the same kind of...nogoodnick as Voltage. Some people are cheaters and you have to be on the lookout.

TK- Its a lesson I've learned the hard way.

Eco- Listen. I know nearly everything about these guys here in OOWF. If you need any help, you can just ask me.

TK- Thanks Ecosystem. You're a good egg, I can already tell.

Eco- Yeah...I sure am.

[mooseheadjack]

[Voltage is seen in the gym training...with Jackie Chan?]

V: Hey, thanks for coming down and helping me out today, Jackie. Gotta brush up on my martial arts skills before my match against Ecosystem.

JC: That is no problem, Voltage! Glad to help. I must ask you though, why do you think martial arts training will help you in your battle?

V: Ecosystem is of Asian descent! By default that means he knows either karate or kung-fu or something like that. Kicking and stuff, like you do!

JC: Just because he is Asian, does not mean that he knows karate.

V: Doesn't it?

JC: I thought the point of you being here was to remove Australian stereotypes, not reinforce other ones?

V: You see, thats where you're wrong. It's clearly obvious I'm here to leech off the OOWF's alcohol supply like any other good Australia...DAMMIT!

JC: What's wrong?

V: Never mind. Now can we get back to that maneouvre you were teaching me? What did you call it, a 'kick'? Crazy technical names.

[Scene fades.]

[mooseheadjack]

<Jack is walking through the back minding his business when he meets up with Eco>

MHJ: Eco

Ecosystem: Jack

MHJ: Calling out Stank huh

Eco: Yup. You and Williams have a match with Drink & Destroy huh

MHJ: Yup

Eco: Interesting.

MHJ: Yeah.

<Jack and Eco look warily at each other for a few more seconds, then without another word they both leave. Jack walks a short distance when he runs into SFJ13>

SFJ13: Moose, what did you think when you heard LD Williams promo?

MHJ: What are you talking about?

SFJ13: Listen <she cues up LD Williams promo>

:I’m loyal to three people in the OOWF. I’m loyal to Moose, I’m loyal to Thim, and I’m loyal to…someone else I’m not going to mention.

MHJ: Trying to cause trouble are we?

SFJ13: Well doesn't it bother you that LD Williams won't reveal who he is loyal to? What if it is Chirs Cole?

MHJ: Number one, don't you ever question Williams loyalty. Number two, he said he was loyal to me, and that is all I need. Number three, what if he was loyal to Cole? That is his business, and if that is a decision he has made, so be it. And finally, <stepping close to SFJ13> Let's not go spreading rumors, not about me, not about Williams, not about Thim, not about kz. You want a scoop, here's your scoop.

Cole, I don't take well to threats, veiled or otherwise. Now, at the moment, you have Williams and I watching your back. The issue between us and 3Piece Set is an issue between Thim and Firechild. You stay out if it and let those two settle things, and things will be just fine. You decide to get involved, you decide to test kz, and I don't care how many people you have behind you, you will not like the outcome.

SFJ13: Are you threatening 3Piece Set?

MHJ: Its not a threat, its a bit of advice. Sometimes it is better to leave well enough alone. Go ask Niles Anderson how pushing me too far went for him. Cole, we could have a good thing going here, doin't let your arrogance ruin it.

[mooseheadjack]

(CTG is seen walking out of the infirmary when he's stopped by SFJ #52)

SFJ#52: Concrete, can you give us an update on LADDER?

CTG: Well, he's been through this before so he's guessing he'll be all right in a week or two. (looks to the cameraman) LADDER told me to thank those who have already sent their sympathies, including LADDER's family and some of his friends in the industry. We've heard from Stop Sign, SHINAI, most of the Clangy Poles, Former DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal champion Mustard Bottle, and even a celibrity card from Sweet Lady Sledge. Tahnks again for your support, LADDER will be back in action soon.

SFJ: Any word on who did it?

CTG: we found scorch marks next to the burned Ninja CAmeraman who claim it was Firechild. Someone sent the video tape as proof.

SFJ: Would you like to reply to his challenge?

CTG: Firechild, what you did to LADDER doesn't show me anything about your "success", your ability, or your worthiness of wearing the Onslaught title. All I see in your words is another Jim Jones just waiting to be demolished in the ring. You couldn't bring the fire of competition to me so you took it out on one of my allies. So when we get in that ring at Midweek Mayhem, I'm going to have Sterling Glaw remind BOTH of us that it's an Onslaught rules match, because if he doesn't, you'll forget and cheat..... (leans into the camera) or I will forget myself.

[mooseheadjack]

Firechild walks up behind Moose and taps him on the shoulder, Moose turns ready to fight but Firechild takes his hand with a hearty

'hey buddy'

Moose looks surly, but Firechild smiles broadley...

FC: ..now I know you're probably a bit annoyed at me taking my title back from Thim, but you have to understand, the Rick put me in the match and there was an opportunity to win... you'd have done the same thing!

MHJ:...well

FC: And hey, it doesn't matter so long as it's one of OUR guys with the gold does it?
Now, Ive got Concrete TG next week, and seeing as you've beaten him up more than anyone else ever, id like to ask you, in a respectful and friendly way for some pointers, seeing as a mere slip of a lad like myself can learn SOOOO much from a grizzled veteran like you.....

Firechild leads Moose off, asking about tactics and the SFJ looks puzzled and turns to see Cole, Altrageous and Hardbody grinning like cheshire cats...

CC: Smooth.....

[mooseheadjack]

Thim is WALKING!!!

## The ninja cameraman is following Thim down the corridor at a safe distance when Thim stops at the OOWF merchandising stall that is being set up ready for later. Thim grabs one of the Firechild masks and simply says to the guy setting things up,

TR: I'm taking this, OK!!!!
guy: errr, yea, fine

## Thim stopms off further down the corridor when SFJ #27 catches up with him

SFJ: erm, hiya Thim . . . watcha doin??
TR: Walking, what the hell does it look like+
SFJ: I was really talking about the mask Thim. You off to throw darts at it?
TR: hmm, actually look, you take it
SFJ: ok . . .
TR: and I want you to deliver it to Apocalyptic Existence for me along with a message
SFJ: OK, and what's the message?
TR: I want you to take an apology to him, an apology from me for what I'm going to do to him in the ring this week. He's entering Planet Reynolds this week and unfortunatly for him Planet Reynolds is currently experiencing earthquakes, tidal waves and volcanic erruptions, basically, Planet Reynolds is currently not a safe place to be . . . for anyone. It's not his fault that he's the next man in line but he's going to have to deal with. I figure that anyone in the ring opposite is gonna be a training dummy for what I'm gonna do to Firechild so he might as well look the part . . . to be honest, to best thing that Apocalyptic Existence could do this week would be to get in the ring, lie down and let me pin him without a fight, because if he decides to try me . . . he's gonna get fucked up and fucked up badly . . .

[mooseheadjack]

*Altrageous and Hollywood Harris sit on a very comfortable sectional backstage.. They’re leaning back, each of them enjoying a glass of…some black beverage?*

Altrageous: It’s good having you back, man. It sure was getting lonely only talking to you through text message.

Harris: I hear ya. You know, hanging out is just like riding bikes: it’s damn fun and you never forget how. Hey, you like the new drink?

Altrageous: It is damn tasty, but I don’t think anyone wants to buy “Black Lemonade.” It looks like motor oil and stains your teeth.

Harris (grinning, showing off a set of pearly…blacks): Yeah, but we can’t drink PINK lemonade anymore. That’s what we did when we were faces. Now that we’re heels, it has to be BLACK lemonade. It tastes the same, anyway, but with 100% more SINISTER.

Altrageous: And that cancer-causing sugar substitute.

Harris: Pfft. Bad guys never get cancer.

Altrageous: True. So, what’s with the new look? I like it, but I’ve never seen wrestling gear with so many lightning bolts on it before. It makes you look like a science book cover. Oh, and what’s with the facial hair?

Harris: Oh, it’s just a new look. I decided that, if I’m going to be taken seriously as THE #1 HEEL IN THE OOWF!, I need to look the part.

Altrageous: No offense, dude, but it’s kind of scummy.

Harris: Let me tell you something, brother. I’m a natural brunette. So although you normally see BLONDE handlebar mustaches, I’m not going to tamper with my color. So, I have a dark BROWN handlebar mustache.

Altrageous: Yeah, I get that, but how did you grow a blonde beard to go under it? You look like a bizarre…uh…I forget his name.

Harris: I think it makes me look like a real bad buy. Brown handlebar mustache, blonde underlying beard, a glass of black lemonade and lightning bolt trunks; it’s the best thing going today!

Altrageous: You’re right about one thing: this black lemonade is JUST…TOO…SWEEEEEEEET!

Harris: Oh, sorry. I’ll put in less sugar next time.

[mooseheadjack]

(Ecosystem is talking to someone off camera)

Eco: So I heard Voltage was training with Jackie Chan for our match. I couldn't let him get a leg up on me in martial arts skills...so I called you.

(The camera pans back to reveal Steven Seagal.)

SS: Are you at peace within yourself?

Eco: Yes. Kinda. Why?

SS: Can you speak to animals?

Eco: What?

SS: One time I met a mystical dog who told me my dojo was on fire. I never saw that dog again.

Eco: Was he right?

SS: Do you doubt the wisdom of animals?

Eco: ...no. Okay, do you want to teach me--

SS: Have you seen "On Deadly Ground"?

Eco: No.

SS: It was a deep environmental statement. You do understand I'm a Lama, right?

Eco: Not really. I always thought llamas were furry.

SS: I don't understand.

Eco: Great. So, about throwing a fist--

SS: Would you like a Lightning Bolt?

Eco: Like Hardbody's pants?

SS: No. It's my energy drink. Would you like some?

Eco: Not really--

SS: You would like some.

(Steven Seagal pours Lightning Bolt down Eco's throat.)

Eco: That was horrible.

SS: I once beat up the entire Yakuza.

Eco: WHAT?

SS: It's true. All who doubt me are liars.

Eco: One second. (pulls out SFJ #12's cell phone)

SS: Who are you texting?

Eco: Nobody.

SS: Who are you texting?

(Chuck Norris jumps out of the sky and beats up Steven Seagal.)

Eco: Thanks Chuck.

Chuck Norris: No problem, Eco.

[mooseheadjack]

*Aussie promo time, OBJ holding a scorpion in his hand*

SFJ 76: Excuse me, but why do you have a bug? You aren't going to eat it, are you?

OBJ: Eat this little beauty? Never! Although they are tasty if you grill them with a little garlic. And of course you might want to remove the tail first.

SFJ: Ewww! Gross! And to think I could be interviewing WCW, or even Concrete.

GB: Then again you could be interviewing Canadian Dragon on a ladder.

SFJ: Good point. So, why the bug then?

OBJ: Well, the Rick won't approve any more Taipei Fence matches with KZ for a while, so we're thinking about alternative matches, like maybe a Bucket of Scorpions match, or a Snakes in a Ring match.

GB: Meanwhile we can vent our frustrations with the Devil's Brigade.

SFJ: Are you concerned that your fans might be a little put off by the brutality of your recent matches.

OBJ: No worries. Wally, show her the sign.

WBK: Right. The first 200 fans to arrive will receive this convenient 2-sided sign, with "Camby fears Wellness Programs" on one side and "Tommy, learn English!" on the other. Courtesy of the Team From Down Under.

GB: Meanwhile the Devil's Brigade will be getting their careers shortened, courtesy of Empty Team. Not that I'm telling you anything you don't already know.

*OBJ drains beer, belches, and the scorpion passes out*

SFJ: Australian for something?

OBJ: Anesthesia, maybe. Now where should we let this little beauty go sleep it off?

[mooseheadjack]

Sexy Female Journalist #42 is standing by with the OOWF World Heavyweight Champion, “The Main Event” Chris Cole.

SFJ: Chris, what were your thoughts on the 2006 OOWF Awards?

CC: What a joke?

SFJ: A joke?

CC: You heard me, a joke. Thim Reynolds won Wrestler of the Year? Thim Freaking Reynolds? Tell me hun, what has he ever done?

SFJ: Well he did win the Onslaught Title numerous times and just won the Imperial Onslaught.

CC: The Onslaught Title is for the boys who can’t compete with the heavyweights. Other then Firechild the division is filled with fruitcakes who spend all day shaking hands and making kissy faces at each other.

SFJ: So who would you have voted Wrestler of the Year?

CC: Well babe, who was in the Final Four of last Year’s Imperial Onslaught? Who was the man responsible for the Three Piece Set’s return to glory? Who was the man to bring the great Altrageous to the Set? Who was the man to defeat the great Hardbody Harris for the OOWF World Heavyweight Title, THE most prestigious belt in ALL of Wrestling? Who drove Harris into an early retirement? And who brought him back out as a proud member of the Three Piece Set? Who has gone toe to toe with The Canadian Dragon and beaten him in an Ultimate Ladder Match? Who stared down The Great Underdawg at Hell on Earth and walked out OOWF Champion? I think the choice for Wrestler of the Year was an easy choice to make. Your OOWF World Heavyweight Champion “The Main Event” Chris Cole had BY FAR the greatest year any wrestler has EVER had in 2006. This week I’ll prove it again by once again defeating Underdawg. And Thim, you can bring your little trophy, and you can bring your friends kz if you want. But when you step into the ring with the GREATEST World Champion of ALL TIME you will truly know who is best wrestler is.

[mooseheadjack]

*As Cole finishes off his promo Canadian Dragon walks by.*

CD: "You know Cole, you are right...you really are the greatest World Champion."

C: "That may the first time your mouth has opened and something other then crap has come out."

CD: "I mean I've been in the ring with Microplay, Donovan Viper, Hardbody Harris, and you Chris Cole, and you really are the best."

*Cole turns to Sexy Female Journalist #42 and smiles.*

C: "See...even the dumb Canuck knows I'm the best wrestler!"

CD: "Hold on! I said you were the best World Champion...World Champion coward. See, you are just like Viper, and Microplay...you simply hide behind your group of idiots while you spout out about how great a wrestler you are. Well Cole, answer me this...when was the last time you won a match you deserved to win?"

C: "Every single won. Your just pissed off that I have the belt, and you don't!"

CD: "You think I'm pissed off that you are holding the OOWF title? YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT!!! You think I like looking at you holding that title and making it mean less and less every day? You think I'm happy where I care more about UnderDawg winning his match then I do about my own match?"

C: "Man, did somebody melt your hockey rink or something? You're talking like me holding the OOWF is some type of travesty? the real crime is Thim being wrestler of the year!"

CD: "Well Cole...why don't you give Thim a title shot then? Hell, why don't you put the title on the line and agree to have the Set banned from the building?"

C: "What you do think I am, an idiot?"

CD: "Nope...just a World Champion coward."

*Dragon walks away as the camera fades to black.*

[mooseheadjack]

Missy and Wilder walk into the wCw locker room to find Capellan seated on the couch and frowning intently at the cell phone in his hands.

"Cap, bro!" Wilder looks surprised, "You said you'd rathe give up taxis than buy a cell!"

"It's not mine." Cap cautiously pokes a button.

"So whose is it?" Missy asks, walking round to peer over his shoulder.

"Eric O'Mac's." Cap pokes another button.

"And you're deleting his entire address book? Why? Do you want him pissed at you for some reason?"

Cap shrugs.

"You see Missy, the thing about O'Mac is that I've fought and beaten him half a dozen times, but every one of those times he's been more interested in talking to his agent on this phone than in the match itself."

Wilder grins,

"Bro! I guess you figure this will get this attention?"

Cap smirks. "Can't hurt."

[mooseheadjack]

*Stank runs into Mooseheadjack at Harris's Lemonade stand. Before words are exchanged they are joined by FF Capslock and LD Williams.*

Stank - So Jack... It's us versus you guys again. Imagine that.

MHJ - No need to imagine. We can show you what's gonna happen to you two... right now.

FFC - Awww ain't that cute. The little man wants to play.

LDW - Little? LITTLE? Who the fuck are YOU? While you two were busy playing cowboys and INDIAN, WE were busy being TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS and kicking everbody's ASS. Little... hell. Fuck you.

Stank - Oooooh well he's got us there, Lock.

FFC - HEY! You don't have to go and hurt people's feelings Williams. I MEANT little in stature, not in...

LDW - I KNOW what YOU MEANT ASSFACE!

Stank - ALRIGHT LOOK! We can go a round here or anwhere and that's just fine with US! But let me say this...

JACK, WILLIAMS. We have had our battles in the past, inside and OUTSIDE the RING!

They've been BLOODY! They've beeen BRUTAL! They've been batshit INSANE! And through it all...THROUGH IT ALL... as much as we don't like one another, there has been a healthy amount of... respect.

I don't like you... Neither of you like us That's FINE! As long as we give our all in each and every fight who cares?

Everytime you bloodied me or I you there was respect. You two and us. When we fought WE SWEAT, BLED and LIVED for the FIGHT! The FIGHT was ALL! And I'd like to thiink that we brought out the best and worst in each other. Hell, I'd go so far as to say that if you two hadn't gone through us, you NEVER would have won the tag team championships.

LDW - I wouldn't say that.

Stank - Well that's beside the point.

MHJ - And just what IS your point, Stank.

Stank - My point is this... and this is ME talking. Lucas Mann.

You've seen the fun loving, beer swilling, skirt chasing Stank and the wise cracking, alcohol consuming, damn near 7ft lovable Pride of Fresno Capslock, but those aren't the two guys you fought in the ring.

Those AREN'T the two you battled time in and out, are they?

FFC - No. You went to WAR with DRINK & DESTROY! The REAL DRINK & DESTROY! And up til now...

Stank - Up til NOW there was ONE thing you never... and I mean NEVER did before, during and after we fought.

FFC - You never... dissappointed us.

Stank - But now all of that is out the window. Now you've aligned yourselves with.. 3 Piece Set?

KZ? Ruthless fucking KZ? Are you shittin ME? I could admire KZ. KZ with 3 Piece Set? NO way.

3 Piece Set are scum.

FFC - Lower than scum.

Hollywood Harris - Uh... You do know Altrageous and I are sitting right here?

Stank - Shut up! No one is talking to YOU... yet!

HH - Wha.. Why you bigass turd! I oughta...

MHJ - Stay out of this Harris.

Alt - Are you kidding me? I don't get why we've let him ramble THIS long.

FFC - I'll tell you why monkeynuts, because Jack knows and I suspect LD knows as well, my partner speaks the truth.

Stank - And the truth is The Set are scum. You align yourselves with scum and you become SCUM! I've made no secret of my hatred of 3 Piece Set. Drink & Destroy made there names on ENDING 3Piece Set's reign. We damn sure can make a bigger name taking out the new and improved Set.

FFC - And if that means going through KZ, so be it.

Stank - LD, Jack. I thought you were better than this. How could you lower yourselves? My respect for you is replaced with CONTEMPT.

Maybe you never respected us in turn. Maybe you don't care how we feel. But I'm here to tell you...how we feel has changed everything when it comes to D&D and KZ.

FFC - At Mayhem, The New Original Classic New Blackjacks are nowhere to be found. No cowboy hats. No Long Leather coats. Just an ass kicking and focused Drink & Destroy whooping your butts.

Stank - And putting you out of yours and my misery. After we're done with you a Taipei Death Fence match with titty ef du will seem like a vacation at the day spa.

FFC - We'd wish condolences to your next of kin...

Stank - But gestures like that are reserved for those we respect. Scum recieves no such gift. All you have...

is my PITY!

*Jack flinches at Stank's last word as Drink & Destroy walk off in disgust.*

LDW - Those two bastards are DEAD!

Alt - I can't BELIEVE we just SAT here and let them speak!

HH - We should have kicked their asses. I mean that's what heels DO, right? Oh my god! Do I... Do I STILL have some... FACE tendencies in me?

*Harris rips out a massive FART.*

Alt - Ewwwww.

HH - Ahhh. There it goes... much better.