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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:03:17 GMT -5
OOWF midWeek Mayhem Live! From Razorback Mountain, British Columbia
OOWF Intercontinental Title Match - Falls Count Anywhere[/u] Capellan vs. UnderDawg
OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u] 3Piece Set vs. The Team From Down Under
OOWF Onslaught Championship 3 Way Dance[/u] Firechild vs. Concrete TG vs. Voltage
Chris Cole & Thim Reynolds vs. Ax-Man & Canadian Dragon wCw vs. The Chickenshit Heels kz vs. The Halfrican Americans vs. The Devil's Brigade SYB vs. Spin Hansen Ecosystem & The Knife vs. Drink & Destroy Eric O'Mac vs. Blackdragon vs. Apocalyptic Existence
card subject to colonial New England values
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:13:51 GMT -5
Firechild walks past GM the Rick's door, sees the lineup for MM and sighs...
FC: Oh, well time for my evil plan to unfold......
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:14:20 GMT -5
***Ecosystem & The Knife are looking at this week's line-up***
TK- So these guys are evil, right?
Eco- Oh yeah. Look, its right there in the name: Drink and Destroy. Alcohol and violence! Those are two awful qualities. Sin, sin, sin. That's all I see.
TK- Alright. Because some of the guys are saying that you're trying to mislead me and that you, yourself are evil.
Eco- Some of the guys? Who have you been talking to?
TK- Concrete TG and...LADDER.
Eco- You were talking to a ladder?
TK- Well, no. I was talking to Concrete and LADDER was presant.
Eco- Concrete is insane. He runs around thinking he's a superhero half the time. Plus he's asian, you can't trust asains.
TK- Aren't you asian?
Eco- Let's not split hairs. Just believe me, you can't trust him. He's trying to mislead you. Look at the line-up. I'm teaming with you, a stand-up guy, to fight Drink & Destroy, a team of nasty villains. But look at Concrete here, selfishly trying to take the title from Firechild, a real peach if ever there was one. Concrete is a dick!
TK- Okay. I guess you have a point. So what are we gonna do now?
Eco- We could get some buddies and sneak attack those sons of bitches, Drink & Destroy.
TK- That's kind of heelish, isn't it?
Eco- No no no, that's just a pre-emptive strike.
TK- Why don't we go to them, and discuss some strategy. Let them know that we don't hold any hard feelings based on the outcome of the fight, but we will be making our best effort to win?
Eco- That is the dumbest shit I've ever heard!
TK- What?
Eco I mean...*ahem* We don't want to consort with those types. We should just vanquish them. That's what we do, man. We diliver justice. Ecosystem and The Knife! Weapons of justice! The hammers of truth being swung by God Almighty!
TK- Alright! I like your enthusiasm! You wanna go to church with me sunday?
Eco- Naw, man. Fuck that shit, we gotta prepare for BATTLE! We're gonna destroy us some EVIL!
TK- Heck yes! We're on a mission from the Lord!
Eco- PRAISE JESSE!
TK- Jesus.
Eco- HIM TOO!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:14:41 GMT -5
Stank - Did ANY of you get a look at the chump who attacked me? Spin - Nope. FFC - Nuh-uh. MFMIAM - Sorry dude. Stank - Just WHAT the hell is going on around here? What's with all the people jumping into matches, wearing disguises and shit? No offense Mysterious Fourth Man in a Mask~! MFMIAM - None taken. Spin - Yeah, you're right Stank. I mean some dude in a red cloak has been harrassing Harris for weeks, then there's that guy who hit you with a chair, and of course there's... well there's YOU. MFMIAM - All will be revealed in due time my... Stank - What did we say about you talking like that? MFMIAM - But I was simply... Stank - What. Did. We. Say? MFMIAM - That just because I'm wearing a mask doesn't give me license to talk like I'm some kind of Grand Sage. Stank - Close enough. FFC - Forget all that. There's another issue. Spin - Yeah we've got Ecosystem and The Knife next. FFC - That's not what I was going to say... What I want to know is... Stank - Why have most of our matches lately ended in a no contest. FFC - Exactly! I mean C' mon! Spin - Well maybe it's because we keep letting our emotions get the best of us. Stank, FF Capslock and the Mysterious Fourth Man in a Mask all turn and stare a Spin. Spin - What? It's the truth. Isn't it? Stank - Our emotions? Spin - Yeah... We're a bunch of hotheads. FFC - Dude... That's part of what makes us what we are. Spin - How the hell were you guys ever able to gain much less hold onto the tag team titles for a spell? Stank - Ok now you're starting to piss me off. Spin - YOU SEE! THAT'S what I'm talking about! I just asked a simple question and Stank is ready to beat my ass over it. Stank - I didn't say I was gonna beat your ass. I just said you're pissing me off. FFC - I take it you have a POINT Spin? Spin - Yeah... maybe we should stop drinking. FFC,St - WHAT! ! Spin - At least stop drinking just before our matches start. Stank - You. Are. Fucking. Insane. FFC - Um... We're Drink & Destroy. In case you haven't notice... DRINK is in our NAME! Spin - It was just a suggestion. Stank - You know, I'm just going to forget we had this conversation. Here. Have a beer. Spin - *sigh* fine.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:15:39 GMT -5
Jesus C. Kidneypuncher: Someone call for me?
Eco: Ahh, shit. What are you doing here? Don't you have something to do for The Chickenshit Heels?
JCK: Not really. Ever since that bodyguard guy of their's gave me the Big Boot, they haven't needed me.
TK: Eco, Jesus is a good guy! He can be part of our group!
Eco: Oh, God...
GOD (thunder, lightning bolts and a deep voice): Yes?
TK: It's GOD! He's come to answer our prayers!
Underdawg: Nah, it was just me. But that was pretty funny, huh? Eco, you thought it was funny. RIGHT?
Eco: Ahh, hell...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:16:02 GMT -5
(CTG is just finished with a workout when he is once again approached by SFJ#52)
SFJ#52: Concrete, you've had your poster up for a week now and no one has really answered your call......
CTG: Voltage did, but he's not what I'm looking for.
SFJ#52: What ARE you looking for, then?
CTG: I'm looking for heroes - people willing to sacrifice to better this company.
SFJ#52: How do you respond to Ecosystem's comment about you being "insane"?
CTG: "Insane"? Not me; Moose is insane, I'll give anyone that. Thim can be insane, especially in the ring. Seraph was insane, he thought he was an agent of God above. I'm not insane.
SFJ#52: he made fun of your superhero work.
CTG: that was just an extention and an exaggeration of what I'm looking for. You see, our world has had darkness creep into it, ever so slowly.... when Hardbody Harris decided he no longer needed the adulation of the fans, morale amd hope have faltered. I know there are people out there who ask, "Are there heroes left out there?" We have corrupt politicians, we have arrogant athletes, we have greedy CEOs - people that, 50 years ago, we would have looked up to as heroes for their success, but now we know that those "heroes" sold their souls for a price to get there. I, on the other hand, will bring about my success on those values - dedication, hard work, discipline, and an iron will. Those are what heroes are made of- because the world needs to believe in heroes again. To believe in heroes you have to first believe that they exist - even if it's just one, somewhere on the road, wrestling in one town one day and another town the next. As long as one hero exists, people will have something to believe in. I want that something - that someONE - to be me.
SFJ#52: that's noble, but can something like that exist in the real world?
CTG: I think it can - and maybe I won't be the only one who thinks that. I know there are people out there with the means to be heroes. I just want to help them along the way.
SFJ#52: so when will you be putting on the cape and mask again?
CTG: There's more to it than a mask and a cape.
SFJ#52: I don't understand
CTG: and neither will the rest of the world.... until they believe in heroes again.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:16:26 GMT -5
<Crete barely finishes his promo and there stands Moose giving him an odd look>
CTG: Moose, I should have known
MHJ: Crete, just when I think you have a clue, just when I think I beat some sense into you, you do ....this. I mean, you of all people, could beat Firechild. You of all people have it in you to stick it to the Set, and yet, you are running around talking about heroes.
CTG: Jack, you don't understand. There was a time when there was someone setting an example around here. There was a time when there was someone people could look up to, someone I looked up to. And he turned his back on everyone. The world needs....
MHJ: Crete, look around here. Take a good look around the OOWF, this ain't the OOWF you knew. Everything is shades of gray man. You want to talk about fighing the good fight? Grab that hayseed Knife and go ahead. But you know damn well it will fail. Look around, who is your ally? Who, in this company do you think you can rely on? wCw? They just attacked Adrenaline and Capps with hockey sticks. The Aussies? Please. Who Crete? Face it, to make it, you HAVE to have some of that violence and rage in you, you have to have some of that hatred that you want so badly to keep inside.
And face it Crete, you want to be a hero, eventually, all it is gonna do is lead you to....<smirk> me. You are not ready for that again.
Trust me.
<Jack walks away Crete stares for a minute then turns to a quiet SFJ52>
CTG: No. That is not how it is. Jack is a warped, sad man. It is my job to keep that from happening to the OOWF. Someone has to do it, either some will see the good fight and join, or I will do it myself.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:16:48 GMT -5
JW Westgaard, Tommy Wilder, Capellan and Missy are sitting in their locker room watching Crete's promo.
TW: Um Maybe I took a major header and knocked myself screwy but what the hell is goin on?
Cap: I have no idea.....
JW: Jeez, I've been hitting people with hockey sticks my whole life, and i hit Capps, who is the ultimate chickenshit heel, one time after a promo and all of a sudden we're acting like heels?
TW: Wow....you think we could be a little pissed off at those jokers with out being questioned about it...
Missy: yeah they did put you two in the hospital after all.....
JW: bah whatever.....lets go find something to jump off of....we haven't been sky-diving in a while.
Cap and TW look a JW, both quite puzzled
TW: usually we have to convince you to do crazy stuff like that.
JW: so I've turned over a new leaf.......things change
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:17:09 GMT -5
The Halfrican Americans are WALKING~!
Nayr: Terrific, just terrific. We somehow managed to avoid being beaten up last match. So now what happens? We get put in a match with KZ! And the Devil's Brigade! We are not coming out of this unscathed, my homey.
Fly: Don't be so panty-wearing unfreshly hip to da menacin' aura of F to the E to the A to the R, my halfnizzle partnizzle.
Nayr: Oh, I'm being a coward now, am I? Fly, putting caps in mothafuckas and all that was fun at first, but the OOWF is now ruled by evil. Chris Cole and his 3Piece Set own every title except for the Intercontinental. There are less and less face teams everytime you look. We're going to be assassinated if we don't stop soon. Seriously, what;s the other option? Play superhero with the cracked Concrete TG? Listen, I may be Nayr the Halfling Luchadore Halfrican American, but I have dignity.
Fly: Don't be so hatin on the hero thang. Why, those heels are only heelin' cause they ain't got the flava to be gangsta. They be hatin' the flava cuz they can't do that shiznit.
Nayr: Jesus fudge, we are so dead.
*As if to emphasize the point, KZ attacks out of nowhere!*
Fly: hah! You all be sissies, got less arms than a brass monkey with some some bling robbas enterprisin' yo!
Nayr: That does it! I'm not taking this anymore!
*Nayr leaps into the fray, brawling wildly. Fly cheers him on as he charges for LD Williams. Nayr slides under LD's legs.*
Nayr: No weapons? No weapons? You're hardcore gruesome mind screw freaks and you don't think we're worth weapons? Well, I think that YOUR MOM is worth weapons, biyotch!
Fly: Is there a rubber band in the hizzouse, cuz oh snapizzle!
*The brawl continues down the hallway. LDW gets the upper hand on Nayr but Moose is reeling after a shot to the face with bling jewelry from Fly. Fly charges, leapfrogging Moose and tackling LD, but Moose is there to shove them off. Nayr charges Moose, but he opens a door and Nayr runs right into it. However, a clatter makes him look up. Fly is trying, unsucessfully, to break open a beer bottle. A wide camera shot shows LD Williams and MHJ closing in on him. Suddenly, they stop and start laughing.*
Moose: That is just priceless.
LDW: You guys are a pathetic joke. If I were you, I would just quit this match and save yourself a whole lot of pain and misery. Just let the real wrestlers get on with the match. If you two show up... I promise I will inflict pain.
MHJ: You two chumps are the two most comtemptible losers in the whole business. I won't even mention your place in the standings last year. And judging from last week's match, this year will be no different. There's a reason no one takes you two seriously. Stop kidding yourselves, just quit right now. You will be humiliated. Trust Me. *They leave*.
Nayr: Fly, it's time for us to earn some respect around here. Starting this Wednesday at Mayhem. Got it?
Fly: Got it, Nayrizzle.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:17:33 GMT -5
Ecosystem is flipping through a Bible while Mr. T looks on.)
Mr. T: So why am I here?
Eco: You're going to help me work through this mumbo-jumbo?
Mr. T.: Mumbo-jumbo? The Word of God ain't mumbo-jumbo! I pity the fool who don't believe!
Eco: Yes. I indeed have much empathy for the fool as well. Where's the stuff about gay people?
Mr. T.: That's about three sentences in the whole book.
Eco: Right, but they're bad, right?
Mr. T.: Ever look at John 3:16?
Eco: That's based off of Stone Cold, right?
Mr. T.: No. Not. Even. Close.
(The Knife comes in.)
TK: Eco! Are we having a Bible Study?
Eco: Kind of. Do you know why you can't boil a lamb in its mother's milk?
TK: Because that's sick?
Eco: Yeah, that would make sense.
TK: You know, I was just listening to Concrete give a speech on the television. He has some really good ideas. Don't you agree that America needs some good role models?
Mr. T.: Um, hello? Role model?
Eco: You have a mohawk and you're on vH1.
(Mr. T clotheslines Eco and walks out.)
Eco: Ouch.
TK: Are you okay?
Eco: I'm fine. Listen, Concrete is just...kind of lost. LADDER and he are both good people. But when they start associating with people like Voltage, even if only for a while, they can get mixed up with all sorts of bad things. That's why I took you under my wing. To protect you, lest you dash your foot against a stone.
TK: That's terrible! We can't leave them be! We have to show them the error of their ways!
Eco: Exactly. And you know how we do that?
TK: How?
Eco: By calling him out in a match next week! Concrete TG needs to understand that what he is doing right now is insane! It's only through association with real moral people like you and me, that his dream can come to fruition!
TK: So you're saying...that if you fight Concrete and defeat him...he'll see the light?
Eco: Yes. Just like Moses when he piledrove the Pharoah off the top of the pyramid.
TK: Eco?
Eco: Yes?
TK: Did you actually read Exodus?
Eco: Of course!
TK: Eco, lying is a sin.
Eco: Well, I skimmed, I skimmed. Perfectly legitimate. Besides, it's Jesus's covenant that mattered, yes?
TK: Amen!
Eco: Right...I feel like I'm forgetting something.
TK: Were we going to sneak attack Drink and Destroy?
Eco: That sounds right...do we have any buddies?
TK: I have CHAIR.
Eco: No. You have a chair. Not CHAIR. There's a difference.
TK: What's the difference?
Eco: ...I honestly have no idea.
TK: We could ask.
(The Knife sets up the chair.)
Eco: You're kidding me.
TK: CHAIR! Do you prefer being called CHAIR over "a chair"?
(The chair sits there.)
Eco: Knife, I don't think--
(A lightning bolt hits the chair and it creaks forward.)
Knife: He nodded! CHAIR nodded! That's one buddy down!
(Knife leaves while Eco stares up at the celing.)
Eco: UNDERDAWG!!!!!!!!!!
UD: Funny, right? Eh? Eh?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:17:54 GMT -5
[Scene opens to Voltage sitting by himself in a chair. He appears to be in Concrete TG's empty lockerroom.]
V: Well, let's have a look at what we have here. Firechild vs Concrete TG vs Voltage for the Onslaught Title this week on Midweek Mayhem. I'd like to tell you that I'm in this to win. That the Onslaught Title is the first step in Voltage becoming a major force within the OOWF. The fact of the matter is, though, that I will not win the match this week.
You see, last week I had set up an exhibition match with Concrete to test if I had the pure heart and courage needed to be a part of the Heroes Guild. I was ready to lay it all down and give all I had to be part of the wholesome alliance, and spent ALL week in training for it. Come match day? GM The Rick sent one of his writer minions to tell me that FACE/FACE BATTLES DO NOT DRAW RATINGS. THAT I HAD TO GO OUT THERE AND CHEAT TO WIN, AND MAKE THE CROWD BOO ME WITH ALL THEY HAD. HELL, I had to provoke my ally LADDER to hit me. LADDER, of all people, attacking me from behind.
We were fast becoming one happy family at the Heroes Guild; LADDER, Concrete and I were to be a major force in the upcoming havoc to be wreaked upon the OOWF. But now, because of what the fans want, I'm back alone and I've been forced to hate the only ally I've made in this wretched association. For all the hours I put into training and producing backstage footage for this show, the fans give me jackshit in return, and the GM has done about the same for me.
So why does this affect my chances in the upcoming match, you ask? Why on earth would this preclude me from earning some precious silverware? The answer, my friends, is that I have more important things to take care of.
[Scene fades.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:18:14 GMT -5
Voltage turns away from the now fading ninja cameraman only to turn into a massive blow from a metal object...he is busted open and blood flows into his eyes, so he is unable to see his attacker as he takes a mighty beating....
He comes too ten minutes later in a pool of his own blood and staggers into the hallway.
He grabs a surprised stagehand who gestures in one direction...
Voltage finds a bloodstained LADDER cowering in a corner....LADDER shrinks away from him and creaks in fear.
In a darkened corner, unseen (as there is no greenlight equipped ninja cameramen in the room) Firechild is watching...
FC: You see, you see how it works, ah my precious thing, you see my genius...
There is no-one there, Firechild merely watches, croucing in the rafters, stroking the Onslaught title....
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:18:40 GMT -5
Stank & Capslock are WALKING~!
S- What are we gonna do about this Spin guy?
FFC- What do you mean?
S- He just doesn't seem to "get it."
FFC- What do you mean?
S- I don't know. Maybe in time. I just need somebody who's on our level right now.
FFC- What do you mean?
S- Somebody who knows what it means to both drink AND destroy.
FFC- What do you mean?
S- Somebody like Mysterious Forth Man in a mask~!
FFC- What do you mean?
S- I guess...we need Spin up to the same level as Mysterious Forth Man in a mask~!
FFC- What do you mean?
S- Why do you keep asking that.
FFC- Uncreativity by the author?
S- More than likely. Is "uncreativity" a word?
FFC- I don't know. I used it anyways.
S- Yeah. I got'cha.
FFC- So you don't like Spin?
S- No, he's good, but he's just...I don't know. I just don't think he's there yet.
FFC- You're still pissed that he said we should stop drinking, aren't you.
S- YES! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ABOUT!?
FFC- Chill out, bro. Its fine. He just made an error.
S- Okay.
The Knife and Ecosystem come from out of nowhere. Ecosystem attacks FF Capslock and The Knife taps Stank on the shoulder.
S- May I help you?
TK- You're a sinner! I'm going to do a beat down on you to teach you a lesson!
S- Right now?
TK- I suppose.
S- Well have at it. Let's see what you got.
FFC- A little help here?
S- No no, wait. This kid's gonna beat me up.
FFC- I'M GETTING BEATEN UP RIGHT NOW!!
S- You can handle it. I wanna see what this guy has.
The Knife punches Stank in the chest
TK- Take that!
Stank- I thought this was a beatdown.
TK- I punched you.
FFC- Jesus Christ, Ecosystem is kicking the everloving shit out of me! Help!
S- Listen, cousin. You gotta put a little more effort into this.
TK- Well, I don't wanna hurt you. I'm better in the ring. I don't really do this backstage beatdown thing.
S- Yeah. It doesn't really seem like its your style.
FFC- HE'S KICKING ME IN THE TEETH!!
TK- Yeah. Maybe I'll wait until our match.
S- Yeah, more than likely, that's the way to go.
TK- Probably. That's smart I think. I'm sorry about this.
S- No problem. I completely understand.
FFC- MY FACE IS BLEEDING!!
TK- Hey Uncle Eco, I think we should go.
Eco- Alright. RUN!!!
FFC- Dude...
S- What?
FFC- What the hell!
S- What do you mean?
FFC- Oh, shut up.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:19:01 GMT -5
*Concrete TG and Sabu (with latte) are WALKING up to their locker room when they see the Aussies drinking beer. Ladder is propped up against the wall, still with dried blood stains, and a beer resting on one of his steps. Firechild and Vooltageare both laid out on the ground, unconscious.*
CTG: Guys, this isn't exactly what I had in mind. Were you looking to join up as heros?
OBJ (drinks, belches): Australian for not exactly. We were going to invite Ladder along to go soften up 3 Piece Set a little, but when we came along we saw this little happy scene. We gave your mate a beer but he isn't talking.
GB: I'm guessing it was UnderDawg. He knows how to take care of business, and doesn't worry about heros, not that I'm telling you anything you don't already know. He left a note. *points out a note written on the hero poster*
CTG (reading): "Here's a little present for old times' sake." *slams fist into wall* Moose, dammit!
*The impact shakes the wall, causing Ladder to pitch forward. With cat-like quickness, OBJ snags the beer can while Ladder lands on both Firechild and Voltage. Gator casually squats down to inspect the bodies on the floor while Sabu picks up ladder.*
CTG: Is it bad?
OBJ: No worries, mate. *pats can* Didn't spill a drop.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:19:24 GMT -5
(CTG shakes off his moment of anger and turns back to TTFDU, Sabu and LADDER)
OBJ: So, mate- think you can talk LADDER inta givin us a hand?
CTG: I think he's still a little upset over what Moose did here. Sabu, is he ok?
Sabu: (looks LADDER over, shakes his head no)
GB: of course he's not okay, he didn't even touch his beer!
CTG: LADDER was still recovering from Firechild's attack, I'm not sure if he's up to it or not.
Sabu: (grins and holds up a chair)
CTG: Actually, Sabu, I need you to stay here to guard the locker room. Someone told me Voltage cut a promo in there, and I see either Moose or LADDER got him.
OBJ: I think LADDER needs to beat someone up. Nothin gets the blood flowin like a good beatdown.
CTG: (Glancing at LADDER) up to you....
LADDER: (wavers a little bit next to Sabu)
CTG: I don't think he's going to be much help. He does have a cousin in the building - he works down in the basement, and could probably use a beer.
GB: LADDER's got family everywhere, doesn't he?
CTG: well, his folks traveled a lot - His father was in the military and his mother worked in interior decorating. Before his father settled down, sounded like he had a gal in every port looking for a leg up.....
(LADDER creaks in mild embarassment)
CTG: Sorry. LADDER also had a lot of uncles in Fire/Rescue, and they live all over the country. Most of his cousins ended up in home construction, though some are in landscaping, archeology, and a couple of em work in museums. LADDER seems to be the only one who was athletically inclined.
GB: That's a pretty big family
CTG: "extended" family, at least. Good luck against 3PS.
OBJ: (Drinks, Belches) That's Australian for "rest up", LADDER.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:19:45 GMT -5
[Voltage comes to amongst the chaos and sits up, noticing the last comment by Outback Jack and LADDER on top of him.]
V: Whaa? What happened? Last I saw I was leaving the room and I was attacked, then I came out here and LADDER had my blood on him. Whoever did this was obviously trying to cause some dissention.
CTG: Voltage? Uh, it's probably not wise to get up...
V: Oh no, I'm fine. I was just finishing explaining about the writers and stuff, I need to talk to you when I can about our match this week. Oh yeah, hey Outback Jack, you Crock of Shit Hunter, I believe in Australia the term for 'rest up' is 'rest up'. We speak English.
OBJ: Crikey mate, I was just joking arou..
V: No, listen here you idiot. I'm here right now to make you pay attention. The writers are fucking with me, I'm being sneak-attacked and I can't win a match despite my ridiculous efforts in training backstage. You really want to try me?
OBJ: Look mate, I'd take you on but you're obviously concussed. I'll let you go.
V: Firechild was around?
CTG: Yeah, we took him out.
V: Well, noone else is around. Looks like we found ourselves a culprit. May I?
[LADDER nods, and Voltage begins the beatdown. Half-crazed and suffering blood loss, he continues for 5 minutes before falling down in a lack of energy.]
GB: Take it easy, you can do it later.
V: Concrete, I'll talk to you later, time for me to get some sleep at a hotel.
[Voltage exits.]
CTG: Well, that was different. Beer anyone?
OBJ: Thought you'd never ask, mate.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:20:11 GMT -5
wCw - even Missy - are about to go sky diving. Missy, while adjusting a strap on her chute, turns to Capellan.
"So you're really going through with this No DQ Falls Count Anywhere match against Underdawg?"
"Well, the Rick said that would just make it a Hardcore match, and he has enough of those with Drink & Destroy and kZ on the roster." Cap shrugs, "So I think it is only Falls Count Anywhere."
Missy nods.
"OK, I have only one other question. ARE YOU INSANE?"
Capellan blinks,
"Well, I am about to jump out of a perfectly good airplane."
"Something you're far more likely to survive than a match with Underdawg!"
"Oh, I don't think 'dawg would actually kill me." Cap objects, "Moose might, but UD's got a little more self control than that."
"I meant survive with this." Missy taps the IC belt around Cap's waist. Because wrestlers wear their titles even when skydiving. "Do you know how much that belt is worth in sponsorship money to wCw?"
"Less than it will be after I beat Underdawg?" Cap quips. "Look Missy, I know you're worried about making sure we get the best financial deals, but I have to show everyone ... including myself ... that I deserve this belt. I never beat Niles Anderson to get it back, and I only beat Chris Alt in a match that was tailored to suit me."
"You beat Ax-man." Wilder points out.
Cap nods,
"No offense to the Ax-man, because he pushed me hard, but he's no Underdawg."
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:20:31 GMT -5
FFC - I think she's in there.
Stank - Why are you snickering?
FFC - Uh... I was just remembering a joke Spin told me earlier.
Stank - Oh yeah? What's the joke?
FFC - JUST go into the room. You don't want to keep that SFJ waiting.
Stank - I suppose you're right. So she told you, to tell me, to meet her in that room?
FFC - Just go IN! Tee hee hee!
Stank - My. Aren't you giddy.
Stank walks into the dark room as FF Capslock tries to stifle laughter. Stank shuts the door behind him and searches for a lightswitch. A single lightbulb ignites barely peircing the darkness. The dull glow however is enough to illuminate... MOOSEHEAD JACK!
Stank - Jack.
MHJ - Stank.
Stank - ... ... ... What are you doing in here?
MHJ - What are YOU doing in here?
Stank - Um... Lock told me an SFJ wanted to see me.
MHJ - Do you see any females in here?
Stank - Besides you?
MHJ - Cute.
Stank - So I guess Lock was mistaken.
MHJ - Unless you came here to get an ass whoopin, I would say so.
Stank - Yeah right.
MHJ - I'm not kidding.
Stank turns to leave - Go fuck yourself.
MHJ - Toodles.
Stank opens the door and walks back out into the hallway where FFC is guffawing
Stank - There wasn't an SFJ in there, just Moosey. I'm hungry. I'm going to go grab a sandwhich.
Stank walks off.
FFC - ... ... ... What the hell just happened here? There wasn't a scratch on him. Why didn't Jack...
FFC opens the door to the room and storms in. He doesn't get far before he is BASHED in the skull by a STEEL CHAIR weilded by Moosehead Jack!
MHJ - Doesn't ANYBODY KNOCK anymore?
Jack puts the boots to FFC until Capslock loses consciousness. Moments later Capslock wakes, his head pounding, his face bleeding. FFC stumbles out of the room, down the hall and arrives at Flair's sandwhich stand just as Stank finishes the last bite of his Tuna with sprouts on Rye.
Stank - What the fuck happened to you?
FFC - ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Stank - Uh... no...
FFC - KISS MY ASS!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:21:12 GMT -5
[Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster are eating lunch at Flair's Shoppe and discussing their promo strategy for the week.]
AA: So, I was thinking... [takes bite of sandwich] ...we cut another promo calling out Harris and Alt. Maybe we can up the monetary offer. Whatcha think?
JA: [swallowing bite of sandwich] ...It can't hurt.
AA: How much ya got?
JA: ME??
AA: Yeah... why not?
JA: You're the gambler!
AA: No, I am not THAT jobber. I never laid down for guys in Worldwide or WCW Saturday Night.
JA: No, dipshit, I mean most of my money is safely invested away. You are the one making your side money on guessing football scores - and God knows what else - for "entertainment purposes."
AA: I've been telling you to get in on it.
JA: I did, remember!
AA: Huh?
JA: Yeah, cause you left THIS... [pulls out a sheet of paper from his pocket] ...in my locker.
[Johnny starts reading the letter.]
AA: Uh...
JA: Was this as solid a pick as your OMG~LOCK OF THE CENTURY last week?
AA: Um... why did you just refer to yourself by your real name?
JA: I was just reading what you wrote to me.
AA: What were we talking about kayfabe the other day?
JA: I don't remember! What's that got to do with anything anyway??
AA: Just trying to stay in character, man.
JA: Well YOU stay in character and cough up your own dough i fyou wanna keep on the "buying a title shot" gimmick.
AA: Hey, I'm just trying to solidfy our heel status.
JA: Try solidifying your parlay next week!
AA: Hey, I lost, too!
JA: Yeah, but how many other games you got on the docket today?
AA: A few.
JA: My point exactly!
AA: Nothing's stopping you from puting down a few hundred on Florida tonight.
JA: Man, you've got issues...
[Johnny throws down his sandwich and storms out. AA turns to Flair.]
AA: He'll cool off in a few minutes.
RF: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
AA: He's not really that mad.
RF: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
AA: In fact, I think he'll be back down here in a minute to keep going over the promo.
RF: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
AA: Besides, I'll get him a real lock for the NFL games tomorrow.
RF: SUCKER BETS!!! WHOOOOOOOOOO!!
AA: Yeah, but he don't know that.
[AA turns around to see Johnny back at the table.]
JA: I do now. I ain't gamblin with you anymore.
AA: Told ya he'd be back, Naitch.
[fade out]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:22:46 GMT -5
(Ecosystem and The Knife are sitting around at the local cafe.)
Eco: You gave him ONE SLIGHT PUNCH?
The Knife: Yep! We decided to settle our differences in the ring. I found it to be a fair and righteous decision.
Eco: Lovely. Knife, WWJD?
Knife: What do you mean?
Eco: Do you remember when Jesus cut off the centurion's ear with a sword?
Knife: No, his apostle did. He healed it.
Eco: Um...well, do you remember when Jesus declared jihad on other people's lands?
Knife: You're thinking of Mohammed.
Eco: Right!
Knife: He wasn't God.
Eco: Oh no. But he was a good guy too. I heard him speak once. Kind of crazy though.
Knife: ...what?
Eco: Mohammad. Elijah Mohammad, right?
Knife: ...no.
Eco: Oh.
(Two girls with bright pink mohawks walk by.)
Girl #1: Hey Eco! How are you?
Eco: I'm good!! How are you two--(notices Knife being uncomfortable)--I mean--BURN IN HELL YOU LESBIANS! (Eco throws hot coffee on them.)
Girl #2: What's up with you?
Girl #1: Let's go.
(The two girls leave.)
Knife: Why'd you do that?
Eco: Lesbians! They're sinners, right?
Knife: Um...that's still really, really rude.
Eco: Whatever, let's just go.
(Eco and The Knife walk outside and look at a big crate.)
Knife: "ACME"?
Eco: There's a wire attached.
Voice: Work!!! Darn you, work!!!
(Eco and The Knife look down the alleyway to see FFC pushing on a big plunger.)
FFC: Oh...hey guys.
Eco: Hey.
FFC: This is awkward.
Eco: Yeah.
Knife: What's ACME?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:23:16 GMT -5
Ecosystem and The Knife are hiding behind a dumpster
TK- Is this necessary?
Eco- Necessary? Was it necessary for Jesus to part the Red Sea? Was it necessary for him to throw all the frogs at the Romans? Was it necessary for him to call that monkey-guy a damn dirty ape?
TK- Moses, Moses and Charlton Heston.
Eco- But who played Moses? Huh?
TK- Charlton Heston?
Eco- EXACTLY!
TK- What?
Eco- You'll get it, eventually. You're still learning. Okay so wait untill I say "now" and you just heave that sucker as hard as you can, got it?
TK- I suppose.
Eco- Wait for it...NOW!
Ecosystem and Knife leap out in front of Stank and FF Capslock
Eco- SUPRISE FUCKERS!
Eco hurls a brick at Capslock and it smashes into his face. The Knife gingerly tosses his at Stank and he sidesteps it.
FFC- JESUS! WHY ALWAYS ME!?
S- Sticks and stones, Capslock.
FFC- I FAIL TO SEE HOW THAT'S RELEVENT HERE!
S- Sticks and stones may break your bones so watch your ass for sticks and stones.
FFC- That's not how that goes!
S- That's how my mom tought it to me. Besides, it certainly applies here, now doesn't it.
FFC- WHAT!?
S- I moved, you just stood there.
FFC- Ecosystem hurled a fuckin' Randy Johnson fastbrick at my skull! Knife barely tossed that at you!
S- But still. Who's bleeding from the face?
FFC- Come on.
S- Who's bleeding from the face?
FFC- ...me.
S- That's right. Sticks and stones.
TK- If its any help, I'm sorry for throwing a brick at you. Eco made me do it.
S- No problem. Thanks for being honest. See you in the ring, pal.
TK- You too, sir. We'll have one heck of a contest!
S- You know it, little brotha.
FFC- YOU'RE SOCIALIZING WITH THE BRICK THROWERS!?
S- No, I was just talking to Knife here. He seems like a solid guy. I haven't said shit to Ecosystem. He just bricked the shit out of you. That's pretty fucked up.
Eco- It was, wasn't it?
S- Yeah, hey though, payback's gonna be a bitch.
Eco- Oh I'm sure you'll do your best.
S- Capslock's gonna tear your nuts off, dude. You better watch your ass.
FFC- ...buddy. Its "you better watch your ass, buddy."
S- What? Oh yeah. I was just using the phrase "you better watch your ass." I wasn't going for the catchprase thing.
FFC- Well how do you expect it to catch on then?
S- Good point.
TK- I need a better catchphrase.
Eco- How about, "Look out for me, I'll politely toss a brick at your feet."
TK- That'll never sell T-Shirts.
S- Didn't you have the "play with The Knife, you'll get cut" thing?
TK- Yeah.
S- That works, man. Run with that.
TK- You think so?
S- Yeah, its like a play on words, I like it.
TK- Well thanks for saying so.
Eco- So...how are we gonna end this scene here?
S- I guess we'll do some sort of Saturday Night Live-ish non-ending.
TK- Will that work in a wrestling promo?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:24:04 GMT -5
(CTG is back in his locker room installing something. Voltage just happens to walk in) V: What the hell is that? CTG: apparently I need to install some defensive measures here. This is purely for emergencies, especially a Moose attack. (CTG mounts a red metal box on the wall, then carefully opens a box shipped to him) V: so it's a weapon? I KNEW you couldn't stick to your own edict! CTG: Unlike you, I know that there are only a couple of occasions where a weapon is necessary. (slides the item out of the box - it looks to be a black folding chair, but there's something on the seat) Moose likes physical pain, he'll tell you that. But THIS will make him think twice about attacking me. Sabu: (Gawks at it) CTG: voila! the backyarder's most dangerous tool - a thumbtack-crusted, barbed-wire-wrapped chair. Only two 'official' feds in the world still allow this thing - LADDER's old fed, and the OOWF. V: You have THAT? man, even MEL doesn't sell that chair anymore! Why would a "hero" like you even be interested in something like that? CTG: More for collection purposes than actual use, that's why it's going in here. (CTG hangs the chair inside the metal box, then closes the box off with a heavy lid which reads "IN CASE OF MOOSEHEAD JACK, BREAK GLASS" written on it in white. CTG bolts the top in place) V: .... does that one talk to you? CTG: Of course not! the real CHAIR retired a long time ago. (realizes who he's been talking to) Didn't I tell you you're not getting recruited? V: (points at the emergency box) but don't you see that? The writers are screwing with you, too! If you were a REAL hero you wouldn't touch that with a 20-foot ladder. CTG: go ahead and keep thinking that, maybe the Chickenshit heels need a third. Stop stealing their schtick! out~!! V: maaaan..... (walks out, shoulders slumped) CTG: The things I have to do around here... Sabu: (sneaks toward the emergency box) CTG: (doesn't even look) don't even THINK it, Sabu Sabu: (stalks off, grumbling)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:25:40 GMT -5
[Attitude Adjuster is counting up some bills in the back.]
AA: 97... 98... 99... 100. That's 10 grand right there. Johnny, you ready to do this?
JA: Ten grand?
AA: Yeah, we gotta bait em out somehow. We're HEELS, remember?
JA: Where'd you get 10 grand from? I thought you lost this week.
AA: Well, I lost THAT game. You think a hustler like me puts all his eggs in one basket? I had Auburn AND the over Saturday night. That TD return to end the game - and cover the number - was among the greatest things I've ever seen. I actually cried.
JA: Why didn't you tell me about that pick?? I would've taken it, too!!
AA: A good gambler never reveals all his secrets.
JA: Yeah, just his bad ones.
[Johnny storms out again, leaving AA to count his money one more time.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:26:05 GMT -5
*TTFDU are walking down a hallway, carrying weapons and beer, when paramedics pushing a woman on a stretcher cross their path*
OBJ: Excuse me, but do you know where 3 Piece Set's locker room is?
Paramedic: We're a little busy here pal!
Woman: Oh God! The promos! The promos!
*The paramedics wheel her through a nearby door benath a First Aid sign. The Aussies follow them, and see Stank sitting in the waiting area*
GB: Doesn't look like you're doing much drinking or destroying, mate.
Stank: Just waiting for my partner to get stitched up. Do you guys know what happened to Kay?
GB: Kay?
Stank: The SFJ that just got wheeled in. Katherine Fayb, but her freinds call her Kay.
OBJ (drinks beer, belches): That's Australian for I can't believe we're involved with such a bad pun.
Voltage: Will you stop it with the belching and the "Australian for" crap!
*OBJ throws a boomerang at him and Voltage runs off*
GB: Strange how he suddenly showed up like that, completely out of context, when you said that. Remind me of somebody, but I can't remember who.
Stank: Is there any point for me to still be here in this scene?
GB: No, we only needed you because you know the names of the SFJ's.
*Loud screaming from woman on stretcher while Stank walks away.*
*OBJ drinks more beer, belches*
Voltage: ....
OBJ: What?
Voltage: Never mind.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 15, 2008 14:26:26 GMT -5
The Halfrican Americans are WALKING~! down the hall.
Nayr: I still can't believe that you convinced me that this is the best way to get some respect.
Fly: Shuttizap up in da hood. That Supahero gig is boss like the LOD. No mo hatin' of our pumpkins, it be time to carve a grimmizey inta tha Moosehead Jack'o lantern.
Nayr: If you insist, yo. Word. Uh, here's Concrete's locker room- I mean gangsta base funky fresh factor.
*Nayr and Fly knock on the door.*
Fly: Unos, dos, tres, Al Capone. Maybe he ain't showin in the hizzouse?
*Suddenly, the door flies open, knocking Fly aside. Concrete rushes through and CREAMS Nayr upside the head with a chair. Nayr goes down.*
Concrete: Gasp! It seems I have inadvertently wounded one of my comrades of justice. Only one person has the power to make this right- the person who caused it. Yea, I must travel on a dark and dangerous quest to retrieve-
Nayr: No, it's OK. I'm just a little woozy. Uh, but you know who might need help? FF Capslock. Yeah, last I heard he was being beaten up by that evil fiend Knife. Yeah, you might want to-
Concrete: I know Knife. He wouldn't hurt a fly.
Fly; Well, that's a relief. I mean, thizzat is dopin on the chillaxation scale.
Nayr: Well, uh, the thing is- Firechild's got some sort of evil plan! Yeah! He's probably, uh, burning Voltage alive right now!
Concrete: That fiend! Well, where the shield fails to guard, the sword may be there to avenge! To the Concrete Cave! Duh na na nuh na na nuh na! *runs off*
Fly: Why the bad love, homeslice?
Nayr: Look, just wait till the end of our next match, OK? I just don't want to join this guy unless we absolutely have to.
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