OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 10-25-06

[mooseheadjack]

<Just before GM the Rick posts the lineup Crete and Voltage come into the office>

GMtR: What do you two want?

CTG: I want another match against Firechild, I don't know what he wants

Volt: Well, not to get hit in the head with a chair would be a nice start

CTG: I told you that was an accident!

Volt: It didn't look like one to me! Why did you have a chair in the first place Mr. Hero?

CTG: Are you questioning my integrity?

Volt: Look, the whole time I have been trying to HELP you, and what do I get for it? Cracked in the skull with a chair! We could have taken out Firechild, one of us leaving with the title, one more bad guy out the door, but you had to HIT ME WITH A CHAIR!

CTG: Look, I SAID I was sorry! So Rick, how bout it?

GMtR: Look Crete, normally I would give you what you wanted. But I gotta say, I am not so sure on your judgement of Voltage here. The guy has been trying to get over, and trying to show his good side. So I'll tell ya what, you are gonna give him a chance

CTG: Huh?

GmtR: That's right, next week it is gonna be Concrete TG and Voltage TEAMING for the very first time, against SYB and Apocalyptic Existence!

<GM the Rick scribbles the match on the sheet and posts it to the door. Voltage has a hugh smile on his face as he slaps Crete on the back and walks away. Crete stands and stares incredulously>

*******************************

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/Damage Control
Live From Hungry Horse, Montana

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
Chris Cole vs. Attitude Adjuster

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
Capellan vs. Ax-Man

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u]
3Piece Set vs. The Halfrican Americans

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Firechild vs. Spin Hansen

UnderDawg vs. Thim Reynolds
Johnny Adrenaline vs. Canadian Dragon
Concrete TG & Voltage vs. SYB & Apocalyptic Existence
Blackdragon vs. Eric O'Mac
The Devil's Brigade vs. kz
Drink & Destroy vs. Ecosystem & The Knife
wCw vs. The Team From Down Under

card subject to senate approval

[mooseheadjack]

[Voltage and Concrete are walking out of GM The Rick's office and down the hallway.]

Voltage: I'm telling you, man, I was just kidding before about being mad at you. In fact, I like your style! That chairshot was sick, man. Truly of the calibre to be teaming with someone as grand at chair-swinging as myself.

Concrete TG: What have I gotten myself into...

V: You see, I have experience with tag team matches. Oh yes sirree. Back in the day in Perth, I had a massive 5 star feud teaming with South-Australian Joe against the A-List Photographers. True story.

CTG: When was this?

V: Back in 1984. Those were the glory days of my career.

CTG: But I'm sure you said you were born in 1986. Hell, you're underage!

V: Maybe it was Kevin Nash. I can't remember, that guy's told me so many interesting stories about his career. hey're all true, too.

Kevin Nash: He's right. I once beat him in a 5 and a half-star 1:32 squash to win his No.1 Contendership to the Madagascar Pro Wrestling Australian Offshoot Division No Limits Title.

CTG: Well, you have a point at least.

V: So Apocalyptic Existence and S-Y-B, do they ever like turn up or do anything interesting?

CTG: Not to my knowledge.

V: So they're NPCs.

KN: HEY! Stop breaking kayfabe. The term is 'jobber'.

CTG: Oy vey....

[Scene fades.]

[mooseheadjack]

<Cole walks by the posted lineup>

CC: Attitude Adjuster? I'm defending the World Heavyweight Championship against AA? A Motherf*cking A? This has to be a joke! That you Rick for the night off.

<Cole walks off down the hall happier then he has been in weeks.>

[mooseheadjack]

Firechild comes up to the match listing as he sees Cole walking off, chuckling..

FC: ANOTHER DEFENSE! Awww man, I gotta be the fightingest champion ever..

Christian: Thats my catchphrase man..

FC: ...well I'm the highest rated champion ever then....

Edge: Nah, that'd be me...

FC: Look, what the hell are you guys doing here getting MY promo time, hey Jay why don't you trot off back to Floridfa and pretend you're getting better than .9 ratings and Adam, it looks like your push stalled, so you're gonna have to try and steal HHH's wife instead of Hardy's girlfriend.

Edge & Christian look at each other and lay about Firechild, only to be run off by Harris & Alt...

HH: What was that all about?

FC: Damn wannabes, trying to steal my airtime...

CA: OK, were gonna go get some juice, then find Cole to see if he wants anything done about...<looks at match listing>...Attitude Adjuster...oh man, week off or what?

Firechild rubs his head and looks at the match listing...

FC: So IM defening against....who? Spic Hudson? Who the hell is that?

Kevin Nash (wandering by from the previous promo): Tell me about it, TNA wanted me to job to nobodys and didnt even give me a belt first...

Firechild looks at Nash, with less than respect.

FC: So you're saying I'm gonna job?

Nash:....

Firechild swiftly dropkicks Nash in the knee making him drop to the floor and then slaps a grapevine D-Tuner on the lanky idiots leg....

CTG and Sabu charge in...

CTG: Unhand that man! It is most unvalourous to attack a pensioner, be he the longest reigning WWF/E champ in the last fifteen years, AND a job avoidining pus....Oh hell, do what you like.

Sabu smashes Nash with the 'special' chair as Firechild gets up, and eyeballs CTG.

FC: um...thanks Taka. Guess you're in a pointless, no storline development tag match this week, not aiming at gold like some, shall we say...BETTER stars.

CTG glares at Firechild, pulls Sabu off of Nash and storms off...

LADDER had been looming behind the pair and Firechild, leans over to him.

FC: Hey LADDER, you know that offer for a shot at my Onslaught title stil stands, but the thing is, only if I'm the champion. Now I don't know anything about this Spiv Houston or whoever I'm facing this week, but I'm sure an enterprising, up and coming star like yourself caould find out, or dare I say it, deal with a few things, no?

Good lad.

Firechild pats LADDER on the rung and wanders off...

..to meet Ric Flair carrying two HUGE sandwiches.

RF: WHOOOOOOOOO, sndwich provider to the no.1 contender! WHOOOO.

Firechild shrugs, boots Flair in the stomach and drops him with the Wings of the Phoenix. Firechild takes one sandwich, a steak, mushroom and cheese sub and drops the other on top of Flair.

FC: Hope AA likes his sandwiches a little over done....

He drops a match, which ignites with the chilli powder in the other sandwich as well as the oil in Flair's hair to create an impressive conflagration.

Firechild strolls off, munching on his newly won sandwich.

FC: Ah...beaten up two overrated veterans, dissed two other OOWF superstars, caused friction with one, stolen a sandwich and I've got a match with a nobody next week. Life is good, and whoever this MBOP guy is, then his fate is assured......

[mooseheadjack]

(CTG returns to the locker room, where he takes the tack-encrusted, barbed wire chair and puts it back in the emergency box)

CTG: I know Nash probably deserved it, but that wasn't an emergency.

Sabu: (grumbles)

CTG: (shakes head as he resets the box) I can't believe I'm teaming with Voltage next week. Then again, I still can't believe he thinks he can sign up. I wonder if anyone else came by?

Sabu: (shakes head no)

LADDER: (doesn't offer any more information)

CTG: well, it sounded like Blackdragon was aboard....

Invisible Ninja Cameraman: You didn't get an answer from him.

CTG: I didn't?

INC: I taped that promo, he didn't answer you yet.

CTG: (groans) well, SOMEONE's gotta answer that poster before it gets ripped off the wall or burned again!

INC: want me to go find Blackdragon?

CTG: yeah, and pick up SFJ #52 on your way, she's my usual interview. She'll know what questions to ask.

(camera turns back to the door, spotting Firechild burning the poster and grinning)

CTG: ##&%^&#~!!

Sabu: (goes for the emergency chair)

CTG: No. He's not worth it.

FC: your loss, man... (laughs and walks away)

CTG: (pitches a fit and starts digging for a new poster)

Voltage: (walks through with a sign reading "Don't Fire Voltage"... then turns it over and the sign reads "Fire Child"

CTG: .......

Sabu: (Grabs a regular chair)

CTG: after Midweek mayhem, SAbu. Right now, we play nice.

Sabu: (grumble)

[mooseheadjack]

<Moose, LD and Thim are walking down the hall when they come across 3Piece Set>

CC: What the hell was that Thim?

TR: What?

CC: You took off and left me when UnderDawg got to the ring.

TR: Yeah, I did huh. How'd that chokeslam feel?

CC:<glaring at Thim> Moose maybe you better explain to your boy how things work around here

MHJ: He's standing right there, why don't YOU explain it to him

CC: <now glaring at Moose> It's real simple, for this alliance to work, you three protect the champ. It's that simple.

TR: That simple huh? Well CHAMP, I have already played nice by not breaking Firechild's neck - and don't think I forgot about what you did boy- and why on earth would I want to protect your sorry ass? That title should be around MY waist, not yours

CC: You want to go right now?

<Moment of tense silence as both groups eye each other. The tension is broken when Voltage walks by with a sign MOOSE FEARS 75 WATT!>

MHJ: Thim, kill.

<Thim turns and attacks Voltage pounding him mercilessly and locking him in the adjustment>

MHJ: Look Cole, I have told you once already, we are not your lackeys. You know as well as I do that we both benefit from being, if not allies, at least not enemies.

LDW: But, you and your crew keep pushing and you will make some more enemies real soon

Alt: Oh look, Moose let him talk!

LDW: Hey Alt, Harris, when do we get a shot at the belts?

<silence>

LDW: That's what I thought.

<kz turn and Thim releases a barely conscious Voltage and they walk off. Cole is once again left wondering>

[mooseheadjack]

[An hour later, Voltage is in his locker room resting up after the beating he took.]

Voltage: *scribbling on posterboard* Dammit, none of these ideas work! I thought Concrete and Sabu would appreciate Don't Fire Child, but oh well. And Moose! All I was implying was that he liked to do his promos in the dark without a lightbulb in.

OK, so that's the stack done. Let's see.

OOWF NEEDS MORE KANE

VOLTAGE FEARS SPIDERS

I DEMAND A TITLE SHOT OR A HAMBURGER

BEER FEARS OUTBACK JACK

VOLTAGE: OOWF's NO.1 GUY NAMED VOLTAGE

GM THE RICK FOR GENERAL MANAGER

CONCRETE FEARS MALKMUS

CHICKENSHIT HEELS ARE FACES

Well, it's time to get on the road. Let's gets me some more TV time!

[Voltage gingerly gets up and walks off.]

[mooseheadjack]

**Voltage walks by kz’s locker room as L.D. Williams comes out**

LD: “Hey, fruit loop, hold up a second”

**Williams ducks back into the locker room and comes out holding a sign**

LD: “Here. Add this to your collection.”

**Voltage reads the sign and smiles**

V: “Perfect!”

**Voltage puts the new sign at the front of the pile, holds them up, and sprints down the hallway. He rounds the corner to Flair’s sandwich stand…







…and slips, tumbling sign-first into Attitude Adjuster. The signs brain AA with an audible clang and he goes down, performing an impressive and improbable series of acrobatic manoeuvres in order to avoid dropping his sandwich. The other patrons give AA an impromptu score of 9.5 as Voltage gathers up his signs. Johnny Adrenaline yanks the top one away and sicks the Posse on him.**

AA: “…the hell?”

JA: “Well, I think the idiot’s name is Voltage, but this was definitely not his idea.”

**Johnny tears open the sign, revealing a stop sign between two layers of cardboard. He holds up the top sheet:

AA FEARS LD’S MOM

[mooseheadjack]

(The scene opens with the much-abused Voltage, walking past the D&D locker room holding a "Stank Fears Commitment" sign.)

Spin: ... yeah. I think that he's grasping at this point.

FF Capslock: Maybe. Hey, Voltage, come here.

Voltage: Yeah?

FFC: I've got one for you that'll guarantee you extra airtime.

(Voltage looks at the sign... it reads "Drink and Destroy: Kicking Ass And Not Getting Titles Since 2004." )

V: Why not?

(Voltage leaves.)

FFC: Anyway, congrats on your title shot. Firechild's a tough customer.

Spin: Yeah, but this is the first time that he's faced off against someone as pyrotechnically advanced as he is.

FFC: He's fought again-

Spin: FIRST TIME. Anyway, I'm coming off of a big win, and you guys have my back, right?

Stank: We'll be there, but you do realize that you're due to have some asshole with a mask come out and hit you with a chair, right? Probably someone in a blue mask this time, since our attackers were in red and black masks.

Spin: So... that means that I should be on the lookout for Greg "The Hammer" Valentine. Where can I get a shin guard?

FFC: Right. Hey, what ever happened to your Quest For A New Catchphrase?

Spin: All in good time. I've got a few good candidates. How does "You can't handle the Spin" sound?

Stank: Lame?

FFC: Contrived?

MYSTERIOUS FOURTH MAN IN A MASK~!: Awful?

Spin: Gee. Thanks for being so supportive. What do you think of my chances?

Stank: Since you're pretty new around here, let me give you two words. False hope.

FFC: Get used to the taste.

Spin: It tastes like tears!

[mooseheadjack]

## LDW, Moose and Thim are talking in their locker room

TR: I'm fucking sick of it Moose
MHJ: Cole?
TR: fuck COle it's the entire set . . . I've had it up to here with them
LDW: you're not wrong there Thim
TR: I know the whole deal, it's better for all of us that we're not fighting but they're just taking the piss
LDW: he's right Moose, they're treating us like chumps
TR: are you telling em moose that anyone else, ANYONE ELSE, in this entire company would get away with the way they're treating us?
MHJ: well . . .
TR: well NOTHING MOOSE, this is BULLSHIT
LDW: calm down Thim
TR: don't try me Williams

## LDW and Thim square off nose to nose before Mooseheadjack steps between them and physically pulls them apart

MHJ: look you to BACK OFF!! The deal has been made and the deal stays until I SAY OTHERWISE! RIGHT!!

## LD Williams and Thim stare silently at each other

MHJ: RIGHT???
LDW: for now maybe, but one more lackey comment from Alt and he's going to be eating all his meals through a straw for a month

## Thim wanders over to the locker room door

MHJ: RIGHT THIM!!
TR: I'll think about it . . .

## Thim leave the locker room without letting MHJ reply . . . as the door closes we catch Voltage just ducking into shot with a sign saying 'Thim Fears Salad' . . . the last noise we hear seems to be the sound of a fist knocking someone out through a sign

[mooseheadjack]

<Moose and Williams are left standing in the locker room after a few seconds Moose breaks the silence>

MHJ: I am gonna go look for him, we can't let this hang.

LDW: YOu want me to come along?

MHJ: Nah, wait for that twit Voltage to get up then beat his ass, I need to talk to Thim alone

<Jack walks out of the locker room, pausing briefly to kick a recovering Voltage in the mouth. Jack walks down the hallway and spots Thim closing in on two terrified stagehands>

MHJ: THIM!

<Thim spins to look which allows the stagehands to run for their lives, Thim spins back around and looks in their direction>

TR: YOU LIVE TODAY! OFFER ME SALAD AGAIN AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS!

MHJ: Sorry about that Thim, but I want to clear the air here before this blows up into something bigger.

TR: Look Jack, you said it yourself, you are not the leader of this group, we work together. If I start listening to you barking orders now, then those twats in 3Piece Set are right! There is no way in hell THEY are gonna boss me around!

MHJ: Look Spartacus <a strange look passes over Thim's face> you are right. I am not the boss, and I am not about to tell you what to do. All I am suggesting is that we wait this out a bit before we act. 3Piece Set is doomed to failure, I know you can see that. If we make our move too soon, all it will do is make them stronger. Just relax big man. Don't worry about what they say, all you need to worry about is getting that belt from Cole. We cool?

TR: <hesitates for a moment> Yeah Jack, we're cool. Now where did those stagehands go?

[mooseheadjack]

<Sexy Female Journalist Number 44 is standing by with The Devil’s Brigade>

HC: Sup there, cutie

SFJ: (trying to ignore Harper) Harper, Tommy, can you comment on the controversy from the match last night?

TO: Ul til ya abut contrivisy. Ya saw me knuk dos wankas teet rut ot. We wur screwed!

HC: It’s like this sweet cheeks. Those fruits had to sneak one in. We pummeled them to a pulp. Which team had both members walk out of the ring?

<Voltage walks by with a sign that reads: BALCO Camby>

HC: Excuse me one moment.

<Harper delivers a straight boot to the face. He follows with a Dominator and Tommy starts kicking Voltage’s prone body off the screen.>

HC: That’s better.

SFJ: Well this week you go up against kz. They are one of the most violent teams in the OOWF.

HC: Did you forget who we are? We are The Devil’s Brigade. We brought violence to the OOWF. Semaj, Viper, the list goes on and on with the destruction that we leave. Kz is really nothing more then The Wannabe Brigade.

TO: Wet til me lef’ ‘ook cresh dem nancy boyos skull.

HC: You boys better stop thinking about 3 Piece Set because it’s the Devil’s Brigade that is going to be brining the violence on Wednesday Night!

[mooseheadjack]

Nayr is looking into a mirror and trying his best to look “hip”. The door behind him opens and Fly walks in.

Fly: Yo, check it. We gots a World Tag Tizzle Match nex’ week. I thought who betta to show us how to play a Champ then da mos’ real mofo to Eva dis’ a Champ!

Nayr: You brought a motivational guest speaker??

Fly: Yo, homie. We ready. Narizzle, I present K- FED!!!!!!!



K-Fed: What’s up Nay Dog. Fly Boy was telling me all about you. Me and Brittney love to watch yoy two fly all over da ring. I’m even thinking about naming our nex’ kind Halfrican in honor of you two.

Nayr: Oh my god, oh my god. IT’S K-FED!!!! You are my heor Mr. Federline. You don’t know how many hours I’ve spent thinking about how cool it would be to nail Brit- I mean. Wow, Kevin Federline. What an honor.

Fly: Yo, homie tell us all about yo strategery in dissin’ a champ.

K-Fed: All right, he’s what you two do all three hunch closer together as K-Fed starts whispering his plans

[mooseheadjack]

Stank - That scar is healing pretty nicely.

FFC - It's all makeup. I spoke with...

Stank - Hold on a sec... You're wearing makeup?

FFC - I had to do SOMETHING! I can't go around wearing a SCAR across my FACE!

Stank - Whatever you say, sweetheart.

FFC - Sweetheart?

Stank - Tell me. How do you keep it from running?

FFC - Oh. It's really neat actually. First you touch up with a little prim... HEY! Are you MOCKING me?

Stank - Moi?

FFC - Fuck you Stank.

Stank - I was at a club the other day with Maxine...

FFC - Which SFJ is that?

Stank - #52

FFC - Go on.

Stank - We saw Vito there. He could use a dance partner.

FFC - You know... LOTS of men WEAR makeup. Like NEWSCASTERS and... and... ACTORS and... STING!

Stank - What about Shannon Moore?

FFC - ... uh.

Stank - Ok, I'll give you that, but why are YOU wearing MASCARA?

FFC - WHAT?

Stank - C'mon Lock. There's no WAY you can pull off that color tone given your eye color.

FFC - My eye color? My eyes are bloodshot! The girl who did my makeup told me the mascara would offset that... you know... it scares me that YOU know so much about this.

Stank - Don't try to turn the GAY-DAR back on ME! I'm not the one wearing makeup!

FFC - What's that about color tones and the color of my eyes?

Stank - YO! I'M NOT A HOMO!

Myst 4 Mask - What's wrong with being homo?

Stank - Excuse me?

MFMIAM - What's wrong with being gay?

Stank - Nothing.

MFMIAM - Then why make a big deal out of it?

Stank - I'm NOT making a big deal out of it. I'm just saying. I don't play for THAT team.

MFMIAM - That team? You can't even say it. C'mon Stank say it with me... gay.

Stank - No.

MFMIAM - It's just a word man. C'mon say it. Gay.

Stank - NO!

MFMIAM - What's wrong?

Stank - What the hell is happening? You're ruining a perfectly good riff I had going against Lock here.

MFMIAM - Gay.

Stank - STOP it! Lock help me out!

FFC - You're on your own sweety.

Stank - YOU... SON OF A... FUCK! I'm OUT!

Stank storms out as FFC and The Mysterious Fourth man in a Mask~! share a laugh.

FFC - Thanks man. He would have been digging at me ALL DAY with that shit.

MFMIAM - No problem... Honey!

FFC - grumble

Stank catches up to Spin Hansen in the hallway. It looks like he is conversing with The Knife. As Stank approaches, Knife waves, then walks away.

Stank - What were you and that TOOL talking about?

Spin - He wanted me to give you and FFC a message.

Stank - Which is...?

Spin - Say your prayers.

Stank - What?

Spin - That's it... Say your praye... HA HA HA HA!

Stank - What's so funny?

Spin - I just got you calling KNIFE a TOOL! HA HA HA! Get it? KNIFE... TOOL! HA!

Stank - ... ... You're gay.

Spin - Ha... what?

Stank - Never mind. I'm just trying something.

[mooseheadjack]

**Moosehead Jack is headed back to the kz locker room when L.D, Williams runs up.**

LD: “Moose, we’re in trouble!”

MHJ: “What’s wrong?”

LD: “It’s the Devil’s Brigade. I just saw an interview they did about our match next week. They’re pissed, man. They said…they said…”

MHJ: “What? What’d they say?”

LD: “They said they’re gonna bring the violence at Mayhem!”

**Jack and L.D. stare at each other in horror. They manage to hold it together for several seconds before they both burst out laughing.**

LD: “Sorry. I figured with all the crap that’s going on, we could both use a good laugh.”

MHJ: “We’d better go work on some strategy for our ‘big match’”

LD: “I’ll buy the first round.”

[mooseheadjack]

Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster are in the locker room...well, because that’s where they always are.

JA: Did you see the card for this week?

AA: Not yet. Who are we wrestling?

JA: It’s not we this week. We’re both in singles matches. I have Canadian Dragon.

AA: Canadian Dragon? Why Canadian Dragon? What kind of angle does that help? So who am I facing, Ax-Man? The Knife?

JA: Actually, you have Chris Cole. You have a World Title shot.

AA (with a huge spit take): Wha?

JA: Yeah, that was my reaction, too. But it seems we’re on a bit of a roll, so The Rick rewarded you with a title shot. Oh, and Cole’s already said he has the week off.

AA: Week off! WEEK...OFF! ABUSE...OF...A...WEEK...OFF!!!!

JA: You really need to stop doing that.

AA: Doing what? Whatever. That’s it. First Harris and Alt steal our Mierde del Pollo Rudos gimmick to win the tag titles, and now Cole says wrestling me is like a week off?!? Look, I don’t mind be disparaged by a lot of people, but for Cole to say I’M a week off goes too far. That guy makes me look like a hero. OK, time to get to work. Where are we?

JA: Hungry Horse, Montana.

AA: Right, Hungry… Hungry Horse?

JA: Kinda ironic, huh? You getting a title shot in Hungry Horse. Man, the fans are going to make you the face. It will be bizarre world.

AA: I don’t get it.

JA: Hungry Horse! Hungry. You eat a lot. It makes a perfect reason for you to be cheered.

AA: I still don’t get it. But whatever. OK, I need to get out and do some publicity for this match. Because GAWD knows Cole can’t carry the ratings. Hell, if we left this company up to him, there’d be 12 homeless people and two mangy dogs in the audience.

JA: Actually, that’s not bad considering the town’s population is 900.

AA: So I take it there’s not a newspaper in town.

JA: Actually, there is. It’s the Hungry Horse News. The top local story today is that hunting season opens October 22. According to Jim Williams, Montana Fish Wildlife and Parks wildlife manager, it should bring a bumper crop of nice bucks and bulls. You can read it at www.hungryhorsenews.com.

AA: Damn, they really do need some help. Well, I’m off to the newspaper. After all, AA Equals Ratings!

[mooseheadjack]

*The Aussies are walking away from Flair's sandwich shop, eating and drinking beer*

OBJ: You'd think he'd give us free sandwiches. After all, who saved him from getting burned?

WBK: I think he didn't like the way you put out the fire.

GB: Well, Wally, there weren't any extinguishers nearby. Still, I can understand why he'd feel that way.

OBJ (drinks, belches): Australian for you can't buy it, you only rent it.

*Voltage, standing in the background with a BEER FEARS OBJ sign, shakes his head in disgust, then pulls out a CAFFEINE FEARS WILDER sign when he sees WCW approach. When they notice the Aussies approaching, Wilder steps protectively in front of Missy*

OBJ: No worries, mate. We'll keep it in the ring with you guys.

WBK: Right. But Capellan, please remind your uncle he owes me money. I like him, and he is a good customer, but in my line of work I don't like to carry a lot of acounts receivable.

Cap: Uncle T'zhou? I don't believe it!

WBK: Even holy men have needs, kid. Some more "interesting" than others, but I won't go into details in mixed company. *Flashes a big grin at Missy, who rolls her eyes and leads WCW away*

GB: You know how Concrete's looking for heros?

OBJ: Right.

GB: I'm thinking that after this promo we're not gonna be at the top of his recruiting list, not that I'm telling you anything you don't already know.

[mooseheadjack]

<wCw is back in their locker room....>

Cap: So, what do you guys think about 'Crete's hero recruiting?

JWW: I think he's taken one too many chairshots from Moose....

Wilder: Really? I mean, outside of us, he's one of the few guys who been a face pretty much the whole time he's been in the OOWF.

JWW: Yeah, but he's seriously setting himself up for a bad stretch of ice with KZ and The Set. And his "no weapons / pure hero" bit is gonna put him at a real disadvantage.

Missy: He's got a point Tommy. You guys just got out of the hospital not too long ago...

TW: So we let the 'Crete-man hang alone? I mean, we're faces too, right? We COULD help him out...

JWW: OK - 1) We only break out the heavy lumber with The Brigade or some other bunch of cementheads push too far. How man times do we stick to the rules and keep it in the ring, even when we get jumped? And 2) Do you REALLY think we need to put on some superhero spandex and ..... <Looks at Cap and Wilder> OH.... HELL.... NO.....

Cap< Looking innocent>: What?

JWW: You two didn't... You really aren't thinking...

TW: Uh....

Missy: Am I missing something?

JWW: Just these two yutzes have got it in their head that we need to put on masks and do some "OOWF Brotherhood of Mutants" bit.

TW: The Brotherhood were bad guys 'Bird. Evil mutants. We'd be more like the Avengers or the Defenders....

JWW: YOU ARE SERIOUS! C'mon! Can you really see us dressed up like that? I'm mean, the three of us, wrestling in masks and capes, or Missy dressed up like Wonder Woman?

<Tommy looks at Missy, who blushes....>

Cap <Looks at Tommy, then Missy>: Dude? DUDE!

TW: What?

Missy: OK, OK, back on subject guys... That isn't what you have planned, is it?

Cap: Well.... We did come up with some pretty radical stuff...

JWW: Such as? And I'm NOT saying we're doing this...

TW: Well, I rigged up a motorized skateboard. Kind of like Rocket Racer.

JWW: Who?

Cap: Hey Bro - wasn't he a villian?

TW: The FIRST one was, the second was a good guy!

JWW: And I suppose you guys already came up with some brilliant idea for me...

Cap: Yup! The Silver Skate.

TW: Jazzed up blades, dude - skate ultra fast on any surface!

JWW: Yeah? Anywhere?

Cap: Yup! Up walls too!

JWW: OK, that might be cool...

Missy: Silver Skate? I remember that comic! She was one of my favorite heroines!

JWW: SHE? You guys tap into your inner comic book geek, Wilder gets rocket powered skateboard, and I get to be a FIGURE SKATER? AND A CHICK? No way! You guys are insane! Lets just do what we do best - take lfe to the edge, get extreme and win matches! Sheesh! I need a drink....

<JWW leaves>

TW: THAT went well....

Cap: And I didn't even get to use my new board...

<Wilder, Cap and Missy leave... Camera swings around to show a shimmering silver surfboard leaning against the wall....>

[mooseheadjack]

(Ecosystem and The Knife walk over to a shiny silver surfboard.)

Eco: Ooh! Shiny!

The Knife: Do you think there's any water around?

Eco: Doubt it. I feel like we could sell it.

The Knife: Wouldn't that be stealing?

Eco: Look at that! It's such sickening decadence! Just like Kirsten Dunst back in the 19th century!

The Knife: You mean Marie Antoinette. She's playing Marie Antoinette.

Eco: Oh. I didn't actually think she was that old, just like, reincarnated or something.

The Knife: God doesn't reincarnate.

Eco: Resurrection?

The Knife: Different thing.

Eco: Ah.

(FFC and Stank walk by Eco and The Knife.)

The Knife: Hey guys! Good match the other day!

FFC: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU CHEATERS!!!

The Knife: That's harsh.

Stank: He's been feeling kind of harsh.

Eco: YOU WANT SOME, CAPSLOCK? YOU WANT SOME?

FFC: I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR BALLS OFF AND SHOVE THEM DOWN YOUR THROAT!

Eco: I'M GOING TO SHOVE YOUR HEAD SO FAR UP YOUR CRACK IT COMES OUT YOUR MOUTH!!!

Stank: What?

The Knife: Huh?

FFC: That made no sense.

Eco: Neither did YOUR MOM last night.

(FFC jumps on Eco and starts pounding away.)

The Knife: I don't get it. How does he know his mother?

Stank: (shrugs) Well, they didn't go to school together. Listen, I hear we're facing each other again.

The Knife: Really? Well, that's swell!

Eco: HE'S GOT ME IN A CHOKEHOLD!!!

Stank: So listen, I was thinking we could play it clean this time.

The Knife: You got it. Right down the middle.

Eco: NO! NOT THE BRICK!!

Stank: I mean, on both sides. Us too.

The Knife: That's very magnaimous.

Stank: No need to be partisan.

Eco: AHHH!!! MY EYES!!!!

FFC: SAY "I WANT YOUR BODY UNCLE CAPSLOCK!!!!"

Eco: NEVER!!!

Stank: Listen, want to get a beer?

The Knife: Oh, I don't drink. Drunkeness leads to sin.

Stank: That's mostly the point.

FFC: OW!!! MY HEAD!!!

Eco: (stumbles and grabs Knife) C'mon, let's go.

(Eco and The Knife run away)

Stank: (walking over to FFC) Huh. A brick fell from the celing. What were the odds?

FFC: Shut up and grab the shiny surfboard.

[mooseheadjack]

Firechild strolls into the Set locker room to find Cole sleeping and Harris & Alt are drinking jiuce and watching old Ric Flair videos...

FC: Hey guys, who wants to go for some drinks? I got a few willing ladies on speed dial around these parts and seeing as were getting an easy ride this week, we might as well go and get an easy....

Alt: Nah man, were watching footage of an all time great, who by the way I DO NOT appreciate you attacking.

Cole wakes up and rubs his eyes..

CC: Hmmnn..whassup? Whats wrong Flame, you been beat up again?

FC: Nah man, it just seems that we don't you know act like the Set anymore, we dont drink, we hardly sneak attack faces, our promos are more defined by our alliances than anything else, and we haven't been in touch with our lawyers in months!

CC: Well, ive got a week off, so im catching up on my beauty sleep. Cant have the Main Event looking puffy under the eyes on national TV.

Cole rolls over and goes to sleep, clutching the World title belt.

FC: What the fu... is this how we act now, I mean Jesus H Kidneypuncher! Wever turned into the Chickenshit Heels plus Kissifur the incredible sleeping champion, lets go drink, start a fight, lay some groupies, c'mon guys! Are we the 3 Piece Set or not?

HH: What are you trying to say man?

Firechild glares at Harris,

FC: AAARRRGGGHH

He turns to storm out, only to find Voltage standing behind him, with an IM WITH STUPID sign pointing at him.

FC: Go point that at Concrete you little no mark jobber...

Voltage looks hurt, then contemplative and scuttles off.

Firechild grabs a bottle of jake danielson out of his kit bag, and pulls out his cell and dialls up Cindy

FC (mutters): Might as well make something of tonight.....

[mooseheadjack]

## Thim is reading the running order outside theRicks office and simply sighs and he get's to his name and sees Underdawg next to it. He's about to knock on the door when theRicks voice bellows out

tR: FUCK OFF THIM, I DON"T WANT TO HEAR IT THIS WEEK
TR: bu
tR: NOT BUTS, NOTHING'S CHANGING THIS WEEK NOW DEAL WITH IT!!
TR: humph, fine . . . whatever

## As Thim turns around Underdawg is walking down the corridor to check out the list for himself

UD: so who you got this week then Thim?

## Thim looks squarely up straight into Underdawgs eyes

TR: You . . .
UD: well well, that could get very interesting couldn't it
TR: I think it just might yes

## Just as the two men are about to leave one of the Red Shirt Gophers wanders past and accidentally steps on Underdawgs foot

UD: owww shit you stupid asshole
RSG: whoah, chill out puppydog
UD: chill on this punk

## Underdawg grabs the RSG and chokeslams him straight into the wall, knocking him out cold. Thim looks the RSG over briefly

TR: I'd have thought these guys would have known to be more careful around by now
UD: some people never learn do they? Like that Chris Cole and his pack of idiots
TR: you're not wrong there

## Just then another RSG comes down the corridor . . . he sees the first RSG on the floor, looks over at Underdawg and begins to berate Thim for knocking his friend out

TR: Sorry . . . how did this thing go again

## Thim grabs the RSG by the throat and slams him into the wall. The RSG crashes to the ground but is still, barely, concious

UD: hmmm, you've almost got it Thim but that's not quite right . . .
TR: maybe you're right, maybe that's not the move for me. But let me see you try this

## Thim picks up RSG#2, spins him around and hits a release German Suplex that send the RSG crashing down the corridor and into a wall, this time knocking him out clean

UD: nice move, let me give that one a try

## Underdawg picks up RSG#1 and hit the release german but over does it, flipping the poor guy a full 360 in the air and crashing down on top of RSG#2

TR: hey, that's not bad
UD: yeah, that was cool . . . what other moves do you do

## Thim and Underdawg walk off to pick up their respective RSG's and continue their little game of oneupmanship

[mooseheadjack]

Ax-man is quietly enjoying a Corona with a slice of Lemon in Rob Feinstein’s Basement Bar, when an Angry Canadian Dragon bursts in.

CD: I know what your game is.

Ax: That’s great. No really. Rob another Corona for ummm… Sorry what was your name again?

CD: Yeah funny, Lime instead of lemon thanks Rob. Look, I know that you wanted me to think that it was the 3PS under those masks last week. But I know it was your new henchmen, you damn well faked the whole thing.

Ax: Why would I do such a thing?

CD: You told the GM, the Rick as much last week before the show, you planned to not compete, and leave me as such. That’s why your attackers were wearing masks!

Ax: No **** Sherlock.

CD: Didn’t you even want win that match, a little bit of glory.

Ax: How’s the corona?

CD: Fine.

Ax: Great. Look The best I can figure is that, Cole and his friends, saw my little outburst on TV and planned it as such for 3 reasons, 1 To put this doubt in your mind, 2 Cole is **** scared of me and wanted me out of the match, I want to save him for a big PPV Pay Day believe me, while he is just a scared little pussy and 3 god dammit, if Firechild and Alt two of the ugliest bastards I ever did see and Standards and practice are making wear such mask as not to give the kiddies nightmares. Now Canadian Drag Queen this conversation is officially over, it’s done. Either keep on Drinking of Rob will have you ejected by Bouncer Joe.

CD: He looks awfully familiar.

Ax: I would just like to add that Rob does a fantastic Cock Sucking Cowboy!

Ax leaves the Bar as Rob Feinstein Smiles and waves at CD.

[mooseheadjack]

*The camera fades from black to show Canadian Dragon talking to Rob when Canadian Dragon walks into the basement bar and delivers a Cadian Destroyer to Canadian Dragon?*

Rob: "What the fuck?"

CD: "Stupid dumb ass...people have buying my mask, AVAILABLE NOW AT OOWFSHOP btw, and getting free drinks for years. But seriously...Carona? Fuck man, that fact that is was neither a Molson or Labatt's should have gace it away."

Rob: "What about maple syrup?"

*Dragon then gives Rob a Canadian Destroyer through the bar. A random porn starlett walks in and looks at Dragon.*

CD: "Hey, Robbie boy always said he was hardcore."

*The camera fades to black.*

[mooseheadjack]

The Halfrican Americans are WATCHING~! a video

:Originally posted by MadJack
TW: The Brotherhood were bad guys 'Bird. Evil mutants. We'd be more like the Avengers or the Defenders....

Nayr: Man, wCw is joining Crete's faction! That is so cool! C'mon Fly, let's sign up.

Fly: I been ponderin' dope changizzing mine mind rhymes, Nayr.

Nayr: Wait, why?

Fly: Yo, no way I'm pimpin' out dos whack Spandex. I ain't a homo, yo!

Nayr: Well, let's just see what our ace manager, Kevin Federline has to say.

K-Fed: Heck no brothas, I don't need this shiznit anymo fo sho. I got me a sweet deal in Johnny Nitro's corner , and that Melina be tons hotter than Britney, peace that yo.

Nayr: Kevin, get over yourself. You realize that this will last maybe a week, and you'll be out of work again and relying on your record sales. And when that happens, you'll come crawling back to us.

Kevin: Y'all are playin' with fire- don't get burned. Maybe later I'll let you losers sniff my WWE contract.

*as he leaves, he is heard to mutter "I wonder what my custom made WWE Championship will look like. Oh, skulls are always cool. Oh sweet, a fan sign- get back here or I'll use you to eat my lunch, knowhatimsayin'!*

Nayr: Let's at least go find Crete and find out what the qualifications are for entering the faction. C'mon, most super powered babes be sizzlin' hot yo. You'd be pimpin' like nobody's business.

Fly: Now that be rad Nayrizzle.

[mooseheadjack]

(CTG is sitting outside his locker room at a small table, looking a little haggard. Sabu is standing nearby, looking pissed as hell. There's a line in front of Concrete, loaded with people in goofy costumes)

CTG: .....next.

Applicant #1: (walks up to the table) I am THE hardcore icon! I can take as well as I give!

CTG: your british accent is intriguing. What else can you do?

App#1: I can dance! (does a strange wiggling jig)

CTG: (looks at Sabu)

Sabu: (swings a chair at App#1)

App#1: (Screams like a little girl and runs back to TNA)

CTG: Next!

App#2: (tall, semi-muscular guy walks up) I am the MAsterp- um, the Master Plan! I am the best-built and most powerful fighter you'll ever meet! (flexes and poses)

CTG: (looks at App#2's resume) you look bigger in your resume photo.

App#2: The camera always adds 10 pounds right? (poses some more)

CTG: right, but it looks like the difference is more like 40 pounds. When was this taken?

App#2: (sweat) uh.... last week?

CTG: LADDER!

(LADDER tries to tackle App#2)

App#2: (gets clobbered, crawls away)

Sabu: (backs LADDER up before he decides to chase App#2)

CTG: (sighs) next.....

App#3: (walks up, dressed in a blinged out Power rangers uniform) I am your NEW M-V-P!

CTG: I Don't recruit Man - Vaginal Pricks. NEXT!

App#3: Hey, that's not what that means!

Sabu: (Steps up to MVP with a chair, eager to test that theory)

App#3: (retreats)

CTG: (looks at Sabu) I thought some of the OOWF guys would be interested in this! where are they?

Sabu: (frowns and shrugs)

CTG: LADDER, know anyone else who'd be interested that actually WORKS here?

LADDER: (Can't think of anyone)

CTG: (sigh, mutters to himself) hope some real people show up soon.....

App#4: I'm real! I'm real! and I'm undefeated! HOO-RAH!!

CTG: (Gets up and hits App#4 with CHAIR)