Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 17, 2008 11:49:47 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/Damage Control
Live! From Blanco Trading Post, New Mexico
Russ: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to this week’s installment of OOWF Damage Control! Joining me tonight is the former ECW champion Razz
Razz: Good ta be here tonight Russ, we have one helluva card to talk about, this show was off tha hook!
Russ: Also joining us is former WCW and WWF world champion, the hopefully fully clothed, Kevin Nash
Nash: Russ, are you gonna tell me you have never gone bareback in your life?
Russ: I am not touching that one
Razz: Why WERE you half naked last week anyway?
Nash: Hey, HBK and Vito are not the only guys around here that can pose for playboy you know
Razz: Uh, I think you meant playgirl
Nash: Does it REALLY matter?
Razz: Well, yeah, kinda
Russ: With that, I think it is time to talk about our opening match of the night
FIRECHILD & SYB vs. SPIN HANSEN & THE KNIFE
Russ: In our opener, Spin Hansen and The Knife got a rather easy victory over Firechild and SYB.
Nash: Why on earth was Firechild slumming with SYB anyway?
Razz: Well, word has it that GM the Rick ordered this match, as a punishment for Firechild. Seems like he has been rubbing more than a few people the wrong way lately.
Russ: This could have been a good match, but at the very beginning, SYB and his lawyer Cleophis Augustine Susquehanna Huguenot came to the ring and once again demanded that UnderDawg come out. Now he was being served, not only by SYB, but also Cleophis.
Nash: Cleophis, now THAT is a lawyer name, Cleophis Augustine Susquehanna Huguenot…CASH, get it? HA! Score one writer monkeys!
Razz: Clever. As you can imagine, once UnderDawg got to the ring, things did not go too well for Cleophis or SYB, Dawg left them both lying, and this essentially became a handicap match
Nash: Well with The Knife in there wasn’t it already sort of a handicap match?
Russ: Naiveté is not a handicap
Nash: It is in pro wrestling, this kid is gonna get killed!
Russ: Anyway, back to the match, Firechild held his own for a minute or two, but then succumbed to the numbers game. In an act of pure cowardice, he pulled a barely conscious SYB to the apron and tagged him in, then took off like a scalded dog to the back!
Razz: Yeah, it wasn’t long from there, Spin hit him with the Firestarter and this one was over mercifully quick.
Razz: But that is not the real story to this match. Just after Mayhem last week, Firechild challenged Spin Hansen to a 60 minute Iron Man Match at the Call to Arms pay per view, the winner gets the title, the loser doesn’t get a rematch until a new champ is crowned. Word is, Spin has accepted, and GM the Rick has added this one to the pay per view!
Russ: That could be an outstanding match! Nash, have you ever been in an Iron Man match? What is the mindset you have to be in going into a match like that?
Nash:<gets a blank stare, and the studio around him suddenly gets dark> It was in Hanoi, round 1979 or so. Me and the Sheik had been tearing Japan up for months, fighting over who could wrap a better turban. I was known as Sheik Adnan Al-Nashie at the time, and it was a blood feud. 30 minutes, 60 minutes, 90 minutes couldn’t settle it between us. So we decided to settle it, Iron Man match, first man to get to 10 pin falls won. It was a technical masterpiece, the first fall wasn’t recorded until 3 hours in. The crowd needed to be hydrated, we were rotating crowds in to keep them fresh…
Russ: Do you have a point to this? To a match I have no recollection of?
Nash: These matches are hard!
Russ: That is why he gets the big bucks folks!
Russ: Perhaps we should move on
THE CHICKENSHIT HEELS vs. THE DEVIL’S BRIGADE
Russ: Our second match of the night featured my favorite tag team, and for my money, perhaps the greatest pure athletes and class acts in all of wrestling, The Chickenshit Heels, facing The Devil’s Brigade
Razz: Didn’t they set you on FIRE or something?
Nash: That was Kane
Razz: Kayne Eyne?
Nash: No, just Kane, you know, big guy, kinda bald, likes to have sex forcibly with either mannequins or corpses
Razz: Oh, Beast!
Nash: No, that was Carl Coolname not a mannequin
Russ: ANYway, we need to address the grievous injustice that took place here tonight! The Chickenshit Heels were ROBBED! The Devil’s Brigade BLATANTLY cheated! This is a crime of the highest order! The Chickenshit Heels are engaged in a thrilling athletic contest and The Devil’s Brigade CHEAT!
<Nash and Razz just stare at Russ in disbelief>
Russ: What?
Razz: Are you listening to yourself? You wanted Adrenaline strung up in a tree a few months ago!
Nash: I gotta say, I am a little worried about my boys. You know, since Apocalyptic Existence went down with his knee injury, they haven’t even called me once to be a bodyguard for them. They don’t need a bodyguard, that is a very face thing to do. Then they save Concrete TG from a beat down, AND are seen hanging out in the Heroes Guild locker room
Russ: Like the two fine, upstanding citizens they are!
Razz: I can’t believe I am hearing this!
Nash: Well I have some inside information for you guys
Razz: ECW is coming back?!?!
Nash: Will you let it go already? No. Gm the Rick told me at the Pay Per View, Call to Arms for those of you interested, call you local pay per view supplier for details, he has added The Chickenshit Heels versus The Devil’s Brigade, in a TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS MATCH!
Russ: YEEEEEHAW!
Razz: Why are you so excited Russ?
Russ: Well I get to see The Chickenshit Heels wrestle THREE TIMES that night, AND, you NEVER book faces to lose a two out of three falls match. See this is how you do it, the faces lose the first match in short order, but then the Heels cheat to nab the second fall to set up the dramatic third fall victory for the faces! Brillan<CLUNK!>
<Jim Cornette shows up with tennis racket in hand and smacks Russ in the back of the head>
JC: Damn son! What the hell is wrong with you? You are breaking kayfabe like a fat girl breaks girdles on a hot Louisville summer afternoon! Its bad enough we have had to remind AA so much, but we expect it from him, not from you Russ. My momma always said you gotta protect the family business, and she should know, she raised 12kidsinthirteenyearswithoutadayoffinherlifetwinbrothersofdifferentmothersallofus! <Cornette wanders away still going on about protecting the business as Russ recovers>
Nash: Wow. Now THERE is a man who should switch to decaf
Russ: Perhaps we should switch gears and head to the next match
VOLTAGE & ECOSYSTEM vs. CONCRETE TG & BLACKDRAGON
Russ: Here we have another somewhat odd pairing…
Nash: Those Heroes Guild guys creep me out too, kinda like Oompa Loompas or something
Razz: Doopity Doo
Nash: What?
Razz: Never mind
Russ: Well, I was speaking of Voltage and Ecosystem. This seems like an odd pairing to me.
Razz: No, Russ, see it works like this, this is not quite the Random Tag Team Generator that WCW used…
Nash: I hated that thing
Razz: See, Voltage and Crete can’t see eye to eye on things, and Blackdragon and Ecosystem have recently faced one another, therefore, by extension, it makes perfect sense for them to team against a common foe
Russ: Yeah, I got that Razz, do you really want Cornette to come back here?
JC: I HEARD THAT! BACK WHEN I WAS IN UWF ME AND BILL WATTS SAT THE YOUNG GUYS DOWN…
Russ: Get him out of here! ANYway, Concrete TG and Blackdragon scored a win over Voltage and Ecosystem, and afterward, a few words were exchanged between Eco and Voltage. Could this be the beginning of something bigger?
Razz: Nah Russ, you are looking too much into this. At the pay per view, Voltage faces Concrete TG in a ladder match. He is not going to make an enemy this close to the big show. And Ecosystem, I have just been told, has been challenged by former protégé The Knife, to an Onslaught Rules match!
Nash: Lots of blood and gore in THAT one!
Russ: Nash, how many times have we been over this? The Onslaught Division is all about PURE wrestling
Nash: THAT MAKES NO SENSE!
Razz: it may not make much sense, but it is gonna be a helluva match, OFF THA HOOK! Ecosystem, like him or not, understand him or not, is one of the best pure wresters in the OOWF. He taught The Knife everything he knows, let’s see if he taught him everything HE knows.
Nash: WHAT?
Razz: You know, Eco knows everything Knife knows, but does Knife know everything Eco knows?
Nash: no, CLEAN wrestling? How many times have we been through this? HEELS SELL TICKETS
Russ: But what would we do if everyone was a heel? What then, can you answer that? No you can not!
Nash: Calm down fuzzy britches! If everyone was a heel, it would rule! The biggest heel would be the winner!
Russ: But then honorable upstanding men like Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster would have to fight vile enemies on all fronts, and that would not be right!
Razz: I don’t even know you anymore, NEXT MATCH!
Russ: Only I get to do that! NEXT MATCH!
THE HALFRICAN AMERICANS vs. THE TEAM FROM DOWN UNDER
Russ: Folks, we all know that The Team From Down Under are some of the toughest men in wrestling. Their feuds with The Devil’s Brigade and kz are legendary for their brutality. Going into this match, I will admit, I didn’t think The Halfrican Americans had much of a chance, but they showed a side of themselves tonight that I have never seen before
Razz: Sort of like Kevin Nash Thursday!
Nash: Just bringing sexy back!
Russ: Despite not getting the win, The Halfrican Americans fought The Team From Down Under every step of the way, and this one got out of hand and resulted in a double disqualification
Nash: Look Russ, I’ll handle this one, it’s real simple. The Halfrican Americans are expressing their inner rage at being held down by the man! They have seen their Mexican heritage held down for too long!
Razz: Wait, Fly is from Australia
Russ: And Nayr is from Canada
Nash: Huh? But Konan told me that they were Hispanic! We need to get him in here!
Konan: Orale! Arriba La Raza! Where my Dawgs at, where they at…
Russ: Enough already, that shtick got old in 1998
Nash: Time for some investigative journalism <the light suddenly softens giving Nash that Barbara Walters look> So, Konan. Why all the anger?
Konan: What?
Nash: You are so angry all the time. You have had success. You have held titles. You have made money. What is it that makes you so angry? Is it your father? Did he not have the pants enough to hug you when you were small?
Konan: <welling up> Man, all I did was try and make him happy! PAPI WHY?? WHY DON’T YOU LOVE KONAN??
Razz: Ok, this got weird.
Nash: There there. Now for the meat of the interview. Did you know that Nayr was from Canada?
Konan: Who?
Nash: Nayr, one of the guys on your team. I think the little one. He is from Canada
Konan: No, that is Homicide, he is from the barrio, or San Juan, something like that.
Nash: And the big one, Fly, he is from Australia
Konan: What, wait, I think you are confused, you are talking about LAX, Homicide and Hernandez, they are straight up ghetto, who are you talking about?
Nash: The Halfrican Americans!
Konan: Oh, THOSE two? You got THEM confused with LAX? Man I’m outta here
Razz: Wow, thanks for stopping by. I never liked that guy.
Russ: Can we get back to business? The Halfrican Americans have challenged The Team From Down Under to a No Disqualification match at Call to Arms, do they stand a chance
Nash: I’m lost here, I have no idea
Razz: Of course they have a chance. They remind me a lot of wCw, they are insane. They will do whatever it takes to get a win, so they have a chance to win, but, if they make one mistake and crash and burn, it is all over
Russ: Well said.
Nash: So that’s NOT Hernandez and Homicide then?
Russ: NEXT MATCH!
CANADIAN DRAGON vs. DONOVAN VIPER – Submission Match
Russ: This was one of the matches I was anticipating tonight. Canadian Dragon is one of the best pure wrestles in the OOWF, and since his return, Donovan Viper has professed his intentions to get by on his ability and keep his temper in check.
Razz: Yeah for this match, both men had seconds that were carrying a towel that would be tossed in should either man be in enough trouble that they could not tap.
Russ: One helluva match, we saw Canadian Dragon duck a death elbow and slap on the Dragon Sleeper. Donovan Viper was seemingly in no trouble when his corner man threw in the towel!
Razz: Well, that is what it looked like. In reality, Hollywood Harris rushed to ringside and cold cocked the corner man and tossed the towel in giving Canadian Dragon the match.
Nash: OMH THIS IS SO KEWEL! CANADIAN DRAGON IS PART OF 3PIECE SET!
Razz: What?
Nash: I just had to get a word in somewhere. It’s good to see the OOWF using classic finishes, this reminds me of the end of the Hart – Backlund I Quit match. Ahhh those were the days, I came up with the end to that one.
Razz: Really?
Nash: Yes sir! Vinny Mac came up to me and said “Nash, we need your help. Since you are hands down the greatest shoot fighting submission wrestler in the business today, we need you to end this match and spark some controversy. My original idea was for Bobby to beat Bret by bludgeoning him with a Webster’s dictionary, but Vince nixed that idea, didn’t want a lawsuit from the Webster people. So then we were going to have Bret put the sharpshooter on Backlund around the ring post, but Bret couldn’t quite grasp how that worked, even though I showed him numerous times. So finally, we had Helen Hart toss in the towel. It was a compromise, and my reward, well I think we know what happened three days later!
Russ: Fascinating, but really, what does that have to do with Donovan Viper and Canadian Dragon?
Nash: Well, Bret was Canadian
Razz: Still is I think
Nash: Didn’t he convert?
Russ: I don’t think you can convert from Canadian
Nash: The Rougeau’s did it
Russ: Can we please get back on track?
Razz: Well, this was an awesome match, and GM the Rick has signed them to meet again at Call to Arms. Surprisingly there is no stip on this one, so what is to prevent Hollywood Harris from getting involved again?
Russ: Fear of his life perhaps?
Nash: Nah, Hollywood Harris is a heel, so he naturally doesn’t fear a former heel who has turned face.
Cornette: I HEARD THAT!
Russ: Well, regardless of this match, I think Donovan Viper and Hollywood Harris have to meet one on one in the near future, and as for Canadian Dragon, where does this leave him?
Razz: Well, he has always said his goal is to win the world title for a second time. He can pretty much take his pick. He can either battle 3Piece Set, or he can challenge Capellan
Russ: Time will tell, as for now, folks I hope you are ready for out next match, it was a blood bath
WCW vs. KZ – Steel Cage Match
Russ: You know the more I see kz wrestle, the less I am convinced that they should be allowed in the ring. LD Williams is a gifted athlete who makes some questionable decisions, but Moosehead Jack is just a psychopath. I really think he was trying to kill Wilder and Westgaard in that ring.
Razz: I don’t doubt for a second that he was. What impressed me the most is that through all the blood and gore, and there was a lot of it, wCw got the win!
Russ: In gruesome fashion too. While Westgaard and Williams slugged it out in the ring, beating each other nearly to death, Moose and Wilder took their act to the top of the cage. Wilder tried to snap off a hurricarana from the top of the cage, and Moose tried to block it, but both men ended up falling from the top of the cage! Moose got hung up just enough that Wilder fell first, crashing through the Lorrainian Announce Table to win the match.
Nash: Yeah, but unfortunately for Jack, that cleared the table and he hit the concrete. Not pretty.
Russ: Word is Jack is ok, bruised and hurting, but somehow ok.
Nash: That is a scary cat, that is a scary team!
Razz: Well I gained a ton of respect for wCw, they went into kz’s element and came out with a win. And word from the back is that these two teams will meet again at Call to Arms in a Falls Count Anywhere match!
Nash: Wow! Someone better call my momma!
Russ: Are you just throwing stuff out at random?
Nash: No, my momma thinks that Wilder kid is cute. She is gonna love this match
Russ: Well, I too have been impressed with wCw, and this will certainly be a stiff test for them. I have no doubt kz will have plenty of well placed weapons to use
Razz: That’s just it though, the whole building is a weapon for wCw. You ever watch Westgaard play hockey? Or Wilder go big on a half pipe? These two have no fear!
Russ: I am not sure if that will help them or hurt them against kz
Nash: Well, you have to have a certain amount of respect for your opponent. You know their strengths and weaknesses and where you can gain an advantage, but you never, EVER fear a guy going into the match. If you fear someone, it is all over. Now, kz are some sick bastards, but knowing wCw, they are gonna go the only way they know how to go, completely balls out. It is really a question of which team can outlast the other one.
Russ: Wow, that was well done!
Razz: Yeah, Nash, where did that come from?
Nash: Just call me the Big Loquacious
Russ: We will hold our breath waiting for THAT one to catch on, let’s move on, shall we?
AX-MAN vs. THIM REYNOLDS - #1 Contenders Match
Russ: Next up we have Ax-Man and Thim Reynolds, two fighting machines, battling it out for the right to get a shot at Chris Cole’s world title. This was a fantastic match, until…
Razz: Yeah, until Chris Cole decided to run in and ruin the end. He ended up laying out both guys with chair shots, but he couldn’t keep them down. Cole took a little too long jawing with the fans, and almost got caught between two very pissed off HOSSES!
Nash: You know, normally I would condone such actions, lets face it, it makes for better tv. But in this case, this was just stupid on Cole’s part. Let me tell you a little story about champions’ hubris. There was a man, lets just call him Doak Logan for argument’s sake, and he was the world champion. This man also ran with a rather large clique, lets call that the Original Global Organization. Well this man, Doak, began to believe that everyone in the organization’s sole purpose was to protect him. And so Mr. Logan started making threats he couldn’t back up, but expected his clique to take care of. Needless to say, Mr. Logan soon found himself on his own.
Russ: Thank you for that barely veiled story Nash
Razz: I think what he is trying to say is that, why would Cole antagonize BOTH men? He has a past with Ax-Man, and there is a score that has yet to be settled. And 3Piece Set can barely count on an alliance with kz and Thim, and this is certainly not going to help matters.
Russ: Well, there was no winner declared, so joining me via satellite from an unknown destination…
Nash: Wait, if it is unknown, how do we have a satellite feed there?
Russ: I guess he has his own Nash. Anyway, joining me from an unknown destination is GM the Rick. Rick, thanks for joining us.
GMtR: Yeah, let’s make this quick, I have some hostile emails to read. Some people don’t like me taking time off from a message board. Go figure
Razz: Well I am sure it is just cause they care about you, and you have made Onli….errr, this message board feel like a second home of sorts for some folks
Russ: Enough with the niceties, GM the Rick, what are you going to do about the world title situation? The match was for a shot at Chris Cole’s OOWF World Title at Call to Arms and it ended in a no contest.
GMtR: Are you serious?
Russ: Well, yeah.
GMtR: JESUS H. KIDNEYPUNCHER!
JHK: Yes?
GMtR: For the love of….Nash can you handle this?
Nash: Yeah, I would, but you know, trick quad and all. But Apocalyptic Existence can do it
GMtR: Fine, where is he?
Razz: Thim broke his knee
GMtR: Thim broke his knee? Then why are you asking me about the match? He is obviously out?
Russ: No, Thim Reynolds broke Apocalyptic Existence’s knee. And wasn’t punished either
GMtR: He did? And he wasn’t?
Razz: Do you even watch anymore?
JHK: Does anyone need me? If not, I’m gonna go get a sandwich or something
GMtR: Why is he still here?
Nash: I want a tuna and turkey on wheat
Russ: So about the match….
GMtR: Christ Russ, there was no decision in the match, and the champion interfered, c’mon that is booking 101, obviously at Call to Arms, Cole will face both men. Didn’t Watts teach you anything?
Cornette: I HEARD THAT! DON’T MAKE ME…..
GMtR: SHUT THE FUCK UP JIM! Are we done here?
Russ: Well, yeah I suppose.
GMtR: Good, I will see everyone on Wednesday, maybe.
Russ: Well, there you have it folks, at Call to Arms, Chris Cole will defend his OOWF World Heavyweight title against Thim Reynolds AND Ax-Man, let’s move on shall we?
3PIECE SET vs. DRINK & DESTROY – OOWF World Tag Team Bunkhouse Brawl
Russ: Up next, well up next is another example of just how vile 3Piece Set can be
Nash: Wait, it was a bunkhouse match, anything goes!
Russ: There are limits Nash, there are limits!
Razz: For those of you who would like to know, Drink & Destroy won the bunkhouse match against 3Piece Set, but they did so by disqualification due to some slightly excessive violence.
Russ: SLIGHTLY? They tried to run Capslock over with a semi, they tried to throw Stank off the top of the arena, and the final straw, three members of 3Piece Set attacked both Capslock and Stank with tasers!
Nash: Was it because Lock and Stank wouldn’t show proper ID’s?
Russ: Can you be serious for a minute?
Razz: Look Russ, I am a little confused by this one too, I gotta say. Look, it was violent, but its not like it was a four on two beat down, Ax-Man was right out there to stop the tasering. And is it really any worse than some of the brawls we have seen kz involved in? I think the referee got a little spooked by this one and called for a DQ, and I am not even sure how that works in a bunkhouse match
Nash: Well, my sources tell me that the reason the match was stopped is because Rick, that’s GM the Rick to you folks, wanted those two teams alive for Call to Arms, where they will meet in a HELL IN THE CELL match!
Russ: Wow! That is big news!
Razz: OFF THA HOOK!
Russ: You know, I don’t think Drink & Destroy get the credit they deserve for being one of the greatest tag teams in OOWF history, I know I am supposed to remain unbiased, but I hate 3Piece Set and all they stand for. I hope Drink & Destroy ends their miserable title reign and takes the titles for good!
Razz: Way to stay unbiased there Russ! Look, I may not agree with their attitudes, and I wish we would hear a little bit more from them, but you can’t take away from Altrageous or Harris, they are two accomplished wrestlers
Nash: But again, they run the risk of falling into the same trap as Hu…Doak Logan. They are not talking trash, they are not really doing anything. But when they get into some trouble, they are looking to the back for help from the rest of the Set. A dangerous slope indeed!
Razz: Well there will be nowhere for them to run this week, trapped inside a Hell in the Cell against an angry Drink & Destroy, this could be a long night for Altrageous and Harris
Russ: I certainly hope it is, I hope they are beaten like the scalded dogs they are! I still have not forgiven them for the treachery they inflicted on The Chickenshit Heels, by the way folks, be sure to get your Chickenshit Heels bobble head dolls, only $15.95 plus tax. Look, aren’t they cute? AA’s comes with a sandwich and Johnny’s comes with a golf club. I tell you folks, with merchandise like this, you can tell they are good patriotic faces! <in a cutesy voice> You guys are faces now aren’t you <shakes the bobble heads so they agree> Yes you are! Yes you are good faces!
Razz: Wow. Uh, maybe we should move on?
Nash: please?
CAPELLAN vs. ERIC O’MAC – OOWF Intercontinental Title Match
Russ: Ok, moving on to other things, Capellan has certainly faced a variety of challengers since he defeated Altrageous at Hell on Earth 2, UnderDawg, Ax-Man, Ecosystem, essentially everyone that has been put in front of him, and tonight was no different. The man that was once considered the ultimate underdog took care of Eric O’Mac to retain the Intercontinental title
Razz: Capellan winning was big Russ, but the bigger story here is Eric O’Mac. I thought this guy had finally pulled it all together, finally had his head on straight. He was the most dominant Onslaught Champion we had ever seen, then he got moved to the intercontinental division and looked poised to continue his success, but then things just fell apart.
Nash: Boys, boys, its real simple. Think back to when Eric was having the success he was having. He was running with kz and Thim at the time. Let me tell you a story about a man…
Russ: NO NO! No more stories about a man named Doak Logan.
Nash: FINE! Look, all I’m saying is that Eric benefited from strength in numbers, with Logan it went to his head and he got out of control. But it does work the other way too, some guys function better when they know they have back up. If I were Eric, I would either work on mending fences, or find a new crew to watch my back.
Razz: Russ, you gotta admit, he DOES have a point! And at Call to Arms, it would probably be a good spot for him to start trying to get things back together, he is facing the never dangerous SYB.
Russ: I will admit, Nash, you have a good point there. If Eric is going to get back on the winning side of things, maybe the best thing he could do is find some support. Now, I cannot condone the gang mentality of 3Piece Set, but perhaps some wholesome folks like Concrete TG and The Heroes Guild?
Nash: You got their action figures too Russ?
Russ: As a matter of fact….
Razz: HEY! KUNG FU GRIP NAYR! SWEET!
Nash:<looking directly at the camera> It wasn't me, Doak, it was you. Remember that night in the Georgia Dome you came down to my dressing room and you said, "Kev, this ain't your night. We're going for the big crowd pop." You remember that? "This ain't your night"! My night! I coulda taken Goldie apart! So what happens? You get the title shot on Monday night and what do I get? A one-way ticket to the OOWF! You was my brother, Doak, you shoulda looked out for me a little bit. You shoulda taken care of me just a little bit so I wouldn't have to work in this dive for the short-end money. You don't understand. I coulda had the title. I coulda been a legend. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it. It was you, Doak….
<Nash stops when he realizes Russ and Razz are staring at him>
Nash: What?
Russ: What was that?
Nash: What was what?
Razz: What you just said?
Nash: I was uh, talking to Hall?
Russ: Hall’s not here
Nash: No he’s not is he.
Razz: Have you seen him lately? Look like he is on the Buddy Rose blow away diet
Nash: it’s a pituitary issue
Razz: it’s really not is it? More like a white Russian problem isn’t it
Nash: yeah
Razz: and ducolax
Nash: Yeah. Can we move on now? Nash is sad.
CHRIS COLE vs. UNDERDAWG – Non-Title Parking Lot Brawl
Russ: Main event time! And what an amazing main event this was!
Razz: I don’t think I have seen one man get beaten so mercilessly and still win a match.
Russ: Well, Chris Cole, DID get the win, thanks in large part to the rest of 3Piece Set and a semi. He couldn’t do it on his own, no sir, that is our OOWF champion for you.
Razz: Nash, what are your thoughts?
Nash: Ever listen to Good Charlotte? No one understands Nash. I think I want some tea and just lie down somewhere alone. I need paper
Russ: Um, ok. Back to the match. Chris Cole has taken a hellacious beating for several weeks now, and it appears that the only way he can beat UnderDawg is through interference. And now, he is going to have to face Ax-Man AND Thim Reynolds at the pay per view. Razz, is there any way you can see Cole retaining the title here? Especially if UnderDawg decides to exact a little revenge and get involved?
Razz: You know, I rarely pick the champ to lose the strap. There is just too much in their favor to lose. But this time around? Ax and Thim are motivated, I have heard word from the back that they are both seething with anger and just chomping at the bit to get their hands on Cole. And Cole, how he is not busted up is beyond me. I mean the guy took a Last Ride off the top of a semi onto a flatbed. Ax is just a crusher, and Thim is gonna target that back of Cole’s, no, there is no way I see Cole retaining. What do you think Nash?
Nash: I wrote a poem expressing my inner turmoil:
Broken roses lying shattered
Beneath a deep black soul
Forsaken by those who called me brother
My heart lies still and cold
No one understands the pain I feel
A silent scream into a night of indifference
<silence>
Razz: WHAT. THE. FUCK <razz jumps out of his chair and runs over to Nash and bitchslaps him several times> NONE OF THAT EMO BULLSHIT AROUND HERE! SNAP OUT OF IT MAN!
Nash: WHOAH WHOAH WHOAH! Ok man ok! Damn! Can’t a brother get in touch with his bitch boy side?
Russ: No.
Nash: Fine! Damn. Ok, the match, uhhhh, Cole finds a way to win. Until one of these guys wise up and really push Cole into the corner, no DQ, or the rest of 3Piece Set is barred from the building, he is going to find a way to escape with the title. So far, he is one step ahead of everyone, the champ retains
Russ: Ok folks, that is all the time we have tonight. Be sure to join us at OOWF Call to Arms, this Sunday evening, and be sure to check out OOWF MidWeek Mayhem, Wednesday November 29th, Live from Hooker, Oklahoma, BOOMER SOONER! For Razz and Nash, I am Russ, goodnight!
Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF Call To Arms PPV, Live November 26th from Tokio, Texas! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF MidWeek Mayhem November 29th, Live from Hooker, Oklahoma!
For all your OOWF shopping needs, check out www.cafepress.com/oowfshirts
This has been an OOWF production, produced by the LD-Black-Mad-Tar-Jack-Attitude-Jodrell-Crete-Ryan-Spin-FF-Volt Production Company in accordance with Ecosystem Ltd.
Live! From Blanco Trading Post, New Mexico
Russ: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to this week’s installment of OOWF Damage Control! Joining me tonight is the former ECW champion Razz
Razz: Good ta be here tonight Russ, we have one helluva card to talk about, this show was off tha hook!
Russ: Also joining us is former WCW and WWF world champion, the hopefully fully clothed, Kevin Nash
Nash: Russ, are you gonna tell me you have never gone bareback in your life?
Russ: I am not touching that one
Razz: Why WERE you half naked last week anyway?
Nash: Hey, HBK and Vito are not the only guys around here that can pose for playboy you know
Razz: Uh, I think you meant playgirl
Nash: Does it REALLY matter?
Razz: Well, yeah, kinda
Russ: With that, I think it is time to talk about our opening match of the night
FIRECHILD & SYB vs. SPIN HANSEN & THE KNIFE
Russ: In our opener, Spin Hansen and The Knife got a rather easy victory over Firechild and SYB.
Nash: Why on earth was Firechild slumming with SYB anyway?
Razz: Well, word has it that GM the Rick ordered this match, as a punishment for Firechild. Seems like he has been rubbing more than a few people the wrong way lately.
Russ: This could have been a good match, but at the very beginning, SYB and his lawyer Cleophis Augustine Susquehanna Huguenot came to the ring and once again demanded that UnderDawg come out. Now he was being served, not only by SYB, but also Cleophis.
Nash: Cleophis, now THAT is a lawyer name, Cleophis Augustine Susquehanna Huguenot…CASH, get it? HA! Score one writer monkeys!
Razz: Clever. As you can imagine, once UnderDawg got to the ring, things did not go too well for Cleophis or SYB, Dawg left them both lying, and this essentially became a handicap match
Nash: Well with The Knife in there wasn’t it already sort of a handicap match?
Russ: Naiveté is not a handicap
Nash: It is in pro wrestling, this kid is gonna get killed!
Russ: Anyway, back to the match, Firechild held his own for a minute or two, but then succumbed to the numbers game. In an act of pure cowardice, he pulled a barely conscious SYB to the apron and tagged him in, then took off like a scalded dog to the back!
Razz: Yeah, it wasn’t long from there, Spin hit him with the Firestarter and this one was over mercifully quick.
Razz: But that is not the real story to this match. Just after Mayhem last week, Firechild challenged Spin Hansen to a 60 minute Iron Man Match at the Call to Arms pay per view, the winner gets the title, the loser doesn’t get a rematch until a new champ is crowned. Word is, Spin has accepted, and GM the Rick has added this one to the pay per view!
Russ: That could be an outstanding match! Nash, have you ever been in an Iron Man match? What is the mindset you have to be in going into a match like that?
Nash:<gets a blank stare, and the studio around him suddenly gets dark> It was in Hanoi, round 1979 or so. Me and the Sheik had been tearing Japan up for months, fighting over who could wrap a better turban. I was known as Sheik Adnan Al-Nashie at the time, and it was a blood feud. 30 minutes, 60 minutes, 90 minutes couldn’t settle it between us. So we decided to settle it, Iron Man match, first man to get to 10 pin falls won. It was a technical masterpiece, the first fall wasn’t recorded until 3 hours in. The crowd needed to be hydrated, we were rotating crowds in to keep them fresh…
Russ: Do you have a point to this? To a match I have no recollection of?
Nash: These matches are hard!
Russ: That is why he gets the big bucks folks!
Russ: Perhaps we should move on
THE CHICKENSHIT HEELS vs. THE DEVIL’S BRIGADE
Russ: Our second match of the night featured my favorite tag team, and for my money, perhaps the greatest pure athletes and class acts in all of wrestling, The Chickenshit Heels, facing The Devil’s Brigade
Razz: Didn’t they set you on FIRE or something?
Nash: That was Kane
Razz: Kayne Eyne?
Nash: No, just Kane, you know, big guy, kinda bald, likes to have sex forcibly with either mannequins or corpses
Razz: Oh, Beast!
Nash: No, that was Carl Coolname not a mannequin
Russ: ANYway, we need to address the grievous injustice that took place here tonight! The Chickenshit Heels were ROBBED! The Devil’s Brigade BLATANTLY cheated! This is a crime of the highest order! The Chickenshit Heels are engaged in a thrilling athletic contest and The Devil’s Brigade CHEAT!
<Nash and Razz just stare at Russ in disbelief>
Russ: What?
Razz: Are you listening to yourself? You wanted Adrenaline strung up in a tree a few months ago!
Nash: I gotta say, I am a little worried about my boys. You know, since Apocalyptic Existence went down with his knee injury, they haven’t even called me once to be a bodyguard for them. They don’t need a bodyguard, that is a very face thing to do. Then they save Concrete TG from a beat down, AND are seen hanging out in the Heroes Guild locker room
Russ: Like the two fine, upstanding citizens they are!
Razz: I can’t believe I am hearing this!
Nash: Well I have some inside information for you guys
Razz: ECW is coming back?!?!
Nash: Will you let it go already? No. Gm the Rick told me at the Pay Per View, Call to Arms for those of you interested, call you local pay per view supplier for details, he has added The Chickenshit Heels versus The Devil’s Brigade, in a TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS MATCH!
Russ: YEEEEEHAW!
Razz: Why are you so excited Russ?
Russ: Well I get to see The Chickenshit Heels wrestle THREE TIMES that night, AND, you NEVER book faces to lose a two out of three falls match. See this is how you do it, the faces lose the first match in short order, but then the Heels cheat to nab the second fall to set up the dramatic third fall victory for the faces! Brillan<CLUNK!>
<Jim Cornette shows up with tennis racket in hand and smacks Russ in the back of the head>
JC: Damn son! What the hell is wrong with you? You are breaking kayfabe like a fat girl breaks girdles on a hot Louisville summer afternoon! Its bad enough we have had to remind AA so much, but we expect it from him, not from you Russ. My momma always said you gotta protect the family business, and she should know, she raised 12kidsinthirteenyearswithoutadayoffinherlifetwinbrothersofdifferentmothersallofus! <Cornette wanders away still going on about protecting the business as Russ recovers>
Nash: Wow. Now THERE is a man who should switch to decaf
Russ: Perhaps we should switch gears and head to the next match
VOLTAGE & ECOSYSTEM vs. CONCRETE TG & BLACKDRAGON
Russ: Here we have another somewhat odd pairing…
Nash: Those Heroes Guild guys creep me out too, kinda like Oompa Loompas or something
Razz: Doopity Doo
Nash: What?
Razz: Never mind
Russ: Well, I was speaking of Voltage and Ecosystem. This seems like an odd pairing to me.
Razz: No, Russ, see it works like this, this is not quite the Random Tag Team Generator that WCW used…
Nash: I hated that thing
Razz: See, Voltage and Crete can’t see eye to eye on things, and Blackdragon and Ecosystem have recently faced one another, therefore, by extension, it makes perfect sense for them to team against a common foe
Russ: Yeah, I got that Razz, do you really want Cornette to come back here?
JC: I HEARD THAT! BACK WHEN I WAS IN UWF ME AND BILL WATTS SAT THE YOUNG GUYS DOWN…
Russ: Get him out of here! ANYway, Concrete TG and Blackdragon scored a win over Voltage and Ecosystem, and afterward, a few words were exchanged between Eco and Voltage. Could this be the beginning of something bigger?
Razz: Nah Russ, you are looking too much into this. At the pay per view, Voltage faces Concrete TG in a ladder match. He is not going to make an enemy this close to the big show. And Ecosystem, I have just been told, has been challenged by former protégé The Knife, to an Onslaught Rules match!
Nash: Lots of blood and gore in THAT one!
Russ: Nash, how many times have we been over this? The Onslaught Division is all about PURE wrestling
Nash: THAT MAKES NO SENSE!
Razz: it may not make much sense, but it is gonna be a helluva match, OFF THA HOOK! Ecosystem, like him or not, understand him or not, is one of the best pure wresters in the OOWF. He taught The Knife everything he knows, let’s see if he taught him everything HE knows.
Nash: WHAT?
Razz: You know, Eco knows everything Knife knows, but does Knife know everything Eco knows?
Nash: no, CLEAN wrestling? How many times have we been through this? HEELS SELL TICKETS
Russ: But what would we do if everyone was a heel? What then, can you answer that? No you can not!
Nash: Calm down fuzzy britches! If everyone was a heel, it would rule! The biggest heel would be the winner!
Russ: But then honorable upstanding men like Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster would have to fight vile enemies on all fronts, and that would not be right!
Razz: I don’t even know you anymore, NEXT MATCH!
Russ: Only I get to do that! NEXT MATCH!
THE HALFRICAN AMERICANS vs. THE TEAM FROM DOWN UNDER
Russ: Folks, we all know that The Team From Down Under are some of the toughest men in wrestling. Their feuds with The Devil’s Brigade and kz are legendary for their brutality. Going into this match, I will admit, I didn’t think The Halfrican Americans had much of a chance, but they showed a side of themselves tonight that I have never seen before
Razz: Sort of like Kevin Nash Thursday!
Nash: Just bringing sexy back!
Russ: Despite not getting the win, The Halfrican Americans fought The Team From Down Under every step of the way, and this one got out of hand and resulted in a double disqualification
Nash: Look Russ, I’ll handle this one, it’s real simple. The Halfrican Americans are expressing their inner rage at being held down by the man! They have seen their Mexican heritage held down for too long!
Razz: Wait, Fly is from Australia
Russ: And Nayr is from Canada
Nash: Huh? But Konan told me that they were Hispanic! We need to get him in here!
Konan: Orale! Arriba La Raza! Where my Dawgs at, where they at…
Russ: Enough already, that shtick got old in 1998
Nash: Time for some investigative journalism <the light suddenly softens giving Nash that Barbara Walters look> So, Konan. Why all the anger?
Konan: What?
Nash: You are so angry all the time. You have had success. You have held titles. You have made money. What is it that makes you so angry? Is it your father? Did he not have the pants enough to hug you when you were small?
Konan: <welling up> Man, all I did was try and make him happy! PAPI WHY?? WHY DON’T YOU LOVE KONAN??
Razz: Ok, this got weird.
Nash: There there. Now for the meat of the interview. Did you know that Nayr was from Canada?
Konan: Who?
Nash: Nayr, one of the guys on your team. I think the little one. He is from Canada
Konan: No, that is Homicide, he is from the barrio, or San Juan, something like that.
Nash: And the big one, Fly, he is from Australia
Konan: What, wait, I think you are confused, you are talking about LAX, Homicide and Hernandez, they are straight up ghetto, who are you talking about?
Nash: The Halfrican Americans!
Konan: Oh, THOSE two? You got THEM confused with LAX? Man I’m outta here
Razz: Wow, thanks for stopping by. I never liked that guy.
Russ: Can we get back to business? The Halfrican Americans have challenged The Team From Down Under to a No Disqualification match at Call to Arms, do they stand a chance
Nash: I’m lost here, I have no idea
Razz: Of course they have a chance. They remind me a lot of wCw, they are insane. They will do whatever it takes to get a win, so they have a chance to win, but, if they make one mistake and crash and burn, it is all over
Russ: Well said.
Nash: So that’s NOT Hernandez and Homicide then?
Russ: NEXT MATCH!
CANADIAN DRAGON vs. DONOVAN VIPER – Submission Match
Russ: This was one of the matches I was anticipating tonight. Canadian Dragon is one of the best pure wrestles in the OOWF, and since his return, Donovan Viper has professed his intentions to get by on his ability and keep his temper in check.
Razz: Yeah for this match, both men had seconds that were carrying a towel that would be tossed in should either man be in enough trouble that they could not tap.
Russ: One helluva match, we saw Canadian Dragon duck a death elbow and slap on the Dragon Sleeper. Donovan Viper was seemingly in no trouble when his corner man threw in the towel!
Razz: Well, that is what it looked like. In reality, Hollywood Harris rushed to ringside and cold cocked the corner man and tossed the towel in giving Canadian Dragon the match.
Nash: OMH THIS IS SO KEWEL! CANADIAN DRAGON IS PART OF 3PIECE SET!
Razz: What?
Nash: I just had to get a word in somewhere. It’s good to see the OOWF using classic finishes, this reminds me of the end of the Hart – Backlund I Quit match. Ahhh those were the days, I came up with the end to that one.
Razz: Really?
Nash: Yes sir! Vinny Mac came up to me and said “Nash, we need your help. Since you are hands down the greatest shoot fighting submission wrestler in the business today, we need you to end this match and spark some controversy. My original idea was for Bobby to beat Bret by bludgeoning him with a Webster’s dictionary, but Vince nixed that idea, didn’t want a lawsuit from the Webster people. So then we were going to have Bret put the sharpshooter on Backlund around the ring post, but Bret couldn’t quite grasp how that worked, even though I showed him numerous times. So finally, we had Helen Hart toss in the towel. It was a compromise, and my reward, well I think we know what happened three days later!
Russ: Fascinating, but really, what does that have to do with Donovan Viper and Canadian Dragon?
Nash: Well, Bret was Canadian
Razz: Still is I think
Nash: Didn’t he convert?
Russ: I don’t think you can convert from Canadian
Nash: The Rougeau’s did it
Russ: Can we please get back on track?
Razz: Well, this was an awesome match, and GM the Rick has signed them to meet again at Call to Arms. Surprisingly there is no stip on this one, so what is to prevent Hollywood Harris from getting involved again?
Russ: Fear of his life perhaps?
Nash: Nah, Hollywood Harris is a heel, so he naturally doesn’t fear a former heel who has turned face.
Cornette: I HEARD THAT!
Russ: Well, regardless of this match, I think Donovan Viper and Hollywood Harris have to meet one on one in the near future, and as for Canadian Dragon, where does this leave him?
Razz: Well, he has always said his goal is to win the world title for a second time. He can pretty much take his pick. He can either battle 3Piece Set, or he can challenge Capellan
Russ: Time will tell, as for now, folks I hope you are ready for out next match, it was a blood bath
WCW vs. KZ – Steel Cage Match
Russ: You know the more I see kz wrestle, the less I am convinced that they should be allowed in the ring. LD Williams is a gifted athlete who makes some questionable decisions, but Moosehead Jack is just a psychopath. I really think he was trying to kill Wilder and Westgaard in that ring.
Razz: I don’t doubt for a second that he was. What impressed me the most is that through all the blood and gore, and there was a lot of it, wCw got the win!
Russ: In gruesome fashion too. While Westgaard and Williams slugged it out in the ring, beating each other nearly to death, Moose and Wilder took their act to the top of the cage. Wilder tried to snap off a hurricarana from the top of the cage, and Moose tried to block it, but both men ended up falling from the top of the cage! Moose got hung up just enough that Wilder fell first, crashing through the Lorrainian Announce Table to win the match.
Nash: Yeah, but unfortunately for Jack, that cleared the table and he hit the concrete. Not pretty.
Russ: Word is Jack is ok, bruised and hurting, but somehow ok.
Nash: That is a scary cat, that is a scary team!
Razz: Well I gained a ton of respect for wCw, they went into kz’s element and came out with a win. And word from the back is that these two teams will meet again at Call to Arms in a Falls Count Anywhere match!
Nash: Wow! Someone better call my momma!
Russ: Are you just throwing stuff out at random?
Nash: No, my momma thinks that Wilder kid is cute. She is gonna love this match
Russ: Well, I too have been impressed with wCw, and this will certainly be a stiff test for them. I have no doubt kz will have plenty of well placed weapons to use
Razz: That’s just it though, the whole building is a weapon for wCw. You ever watch Westgaard play hockey? Or Wilder go big on a half pipe? These two have no fear!
Russ: I am not sure if that will help them or hurt them against kz
Nash: Well, you have to have a certain amount of respect for your opponent. You know their strengths and weaknesses and where you can gain an advantage, but you never, EVER fear a guy going into the match. If you fear someone, it is all over. Now, kz are some sick bastards, but knowing wCw, they are gonna go the only way they know how to go, completely balls out. It is really a question of which team can outlast the other one.
Russ: Wow, that was well done!
Razz: Yeah, Nash, where did that come from?
Nash: Just call me the Big Loquacious
Russ: We will hold our breath waiting for THAT one to catch on, let’s move on, shall we?
AX-MAN vs. THIM REYNOLDS - #1 Contenders Match
Russ: Next up we have Ax-Man and Thim Reynolds, two fighting machines, battling it out for the right to get a shot at Chris Cole’s world title. This was a fantastic match, until…
Razz: Yeah, until Chris Cole decided to run in and ruin the end. He ended up laying out both guys with chair shots, but he couldn’t keep them down. Cole took a little too long jawing with the fans, and almost got caught between two very pissed off HOSSES!
Nash: You know, normally I would condone such actions, lets face it, it makes for better tv. But in this case, this was just stupid on Cole’s part. Let me tell you a little story about champions’ hubris. There was a man, lets just call him Doak Logan for argument’s sake, and he was the world champion. This man also ran with a rather large clique, lets call that the Original Global Organization. Well this man, Doak, began to believe that everyone in the organization’s sole purpose was to protect him. And so Mr. Logan started making threats he couldn’t back up, but expected his clique to take care of. Needless to say, Mr. Logan soon found himself on his own.
Russ: Thank you for that barely veiled story Nash
Razz: I think what he is trying to say is that, why would Cole antagonize BOTH men? He has a past with Ax-Man, and there is a score that has yet to be settled. And 3Piece Set can barely count on an alliance with kz and Thim, and this is certainly not going to help matters.
Russ: Well, there was no winner declared, so joining me via satellite from an unknown destination…
Nash: Wait, if it is unknown, how do we have a satellite feed there?
Russ: I guess he has his own Nash. Anyway, joining me from an unknown destination is GM the Rick. Rick, thanks for joining us.
GMtR: Yeah, let’s make this quick, I have some hostile emails to read. Some people don’t like me taking time off from a message board. Go figure
Razz: Well I am sure it is just cause they care about you, and you have made Onli….errr, this message board feel like a second home of sorts for some folks
Russ: Enough with the niceties, GM the Rick, what are you going to do about the world title situation? The match was for a shot at Chris Cole’s OOWF World Title at Call to Arms and it ended in a no contest.
GMtR: Are you serious?
Russ: Well, yeah.
GMtR: JESUS H. KIDNEYPUNCHER!
JHK: Yes?
GMtR: For the love of….Nash can you handle this?
Nash: Yeah, I would, but you know, trick quad and all. But Apocalyptic Existence can do it
GMtR: Fine, where is he?
Razz: Thim broke his knee
GMtR: Thim broke his knee? Then why are you asking me about the match? He is obviously out?
Russ: No, Thim Reynolds broke Apocalyptic Existence’s knee. And wasn’t punished either
GMtR: He did? And he wasn’t?
Razz: Do you even watch anymore?
JHK: Does anyone need me? If not, I’m gonna go get a sandwich or something
GMtR: Why is he still here?
Nash: I want a tuna and turkey on wheat
Russ: So about the match….
GMtR: Christ Russ, there was no decision in the match, and the champion interfered, c’mon that is booking 101, obviously at Call to Arms, Cole will face both men. Didn’t Watts teach you anything?
Cornette: I HEARD THAT! DON’T MAKE ME…..
GMtR: SHUT THE FUCK UP JIM! Are we done here?
Russ: Well, yeah I suppose.
GMtR: Good, I will see everyone on Wednesday, maybe.
Russ: Well, there you have it folks, at Call to Arms, Chris Cole will defend his OOWF World Heavyweight title against Thim Reynolds AND Ax-Man, let’s move on shall we?
3PIECE SET vs. DRINK & DESTROY – OOWF World Tag Team Bunkhouse Brawl
Russ: Up next, well up next is another example of just how vile 3Piece Set can be
Nash: Wait, it was a bunkhouse match, anything goes!
Russ: There are limits Nash, there are limits!
Razz: For those of you who would like to know, Drink & Destroy won the bunkhouse match against 3Piece Set, but they did so by disqualification due to some slightly excessive violence.
Russ: SLIGHTLY? They tried to run Capslock over with a semi, they tried to throw Stank off the top of the arena, and the final straw, three members of 3Piece Set attacked both Capslock and Stank with tasers!
Nash: Was it because Lock and Stank wouldn’t show proper ID’s?
Russ: Can you be serious for a minute?
Razz: Look Russ, I am a little confused by this one too, I gotta say. Look, it was violent, but its not like it was a four on two beat down, Ax-Man was right out there to stop the tasering. And is it really any worse than some of the brawls we have seen kz involved in? I think the referee got a little spooked by this one and called for a DQ, and I am not even sure how that works in a bunkhouse match
Nash: Well, my sources tell me that the reason the match was stopped is because Rick, that’s GM the Rick to you folks, wanted those two teams alive for Call to Arms, where they will meet in a HELL IN THE CELL match!
Russ: Wow! That is big news!
Razz: OFF THA HOOK!
Russ: You know, I don’t think Drink & Destroy get the credit they deserve for being one of the greatest tag teams in OOWF history, I know I am supposed to remain unbiased, but I hate 3Piece Set and all they stand for. I hope Drink & Destroy ends their miserable title reign and takes the titles for good!
Razz: Way to stay unbiased there Russ! Look, I may not agree with their attitudes, and I wish we would hear a little bit more from them, but you can’t take away from Altrageous or Harris, they are two accomplished wrestlers
Nash: But again, they run the risk of falling into the same trap as Hu…Doak Logan. They are not talking trash, they are not really doing anything. But when they get into some trouble, they are looking to the back for help from the rest of the Set. A dangerous slope indeed!
Razz: Well there will be nowhere for them to run this week, trapped inside a Hell in the Cell against an angry Drink & Destroy, this could be a long night for Altrageous and Harris
Russ: I certainly hope it is, I hope they are beaten like the scalded dogs they are! I still have not forgiven them for the treachery they inflicted on The Chickenshit Heels, by the way folks, be sure to get your Chickenshit Heels bobble head dolls, only $15.95 plus tax. Look, aren’t they cute? AA’s comes with a sandwich and Johnny’s comes with a golf club. I tell you folks, with merchandise like this, you can tell they are good patriotic faces! <in a cutesy voice> You guys are faces now aren’t you <shakes the bobble heads so they agree> Yes you are! Yes you are good faces!
Razz: Wow. Uh, maybe we should move on?
Nash: please?
CAPELLAN vs. ERIC O’MAC – OOWF Intercontinental Title Match
Russ: Ok, moving on to other things, Capellan has certainly faced a variety of challengers since he defeated Altrageous at Hell on Earth 2, UnderDawg, Ax-Man, Ecosystem, essentially everyone that has been put in front of him, and tonight was no different. The man that was once considered the ultimate underdog took care of Eric O’Mac to retain the Intercontinental title
Razz: Capellan winning was big Russ, but the bigger story here is Eric O’Mac. I thought this guy had finally pulled it all together, finally had his head on straight. He was the most dominant Onslaught Champion we had ever seen, then he got moved to the intercontinental division and looked poised to continue his success, but then things just fell apart.
Nash: Boys, boys, its real simple. Think back to when Eric was having the success he was having. He was running with kz and Thim at the time. Let me tell you a story about a man…
Russ: NO NO! No more stories about a man named Doak Logan.
Nash: FINE! Look, all I’m saying is that Eric benefited from strength in numbers, with Logan it went to his head and he got out of control. But it does work the other way too, some guys function better when they know they have back up. If I were Eric, I would either work on mending fences, or find a new crew to watch my back.
Razz: Russ, you gotta admit, he DOES have a point! And at Call to Arms, it would probably be a good spot for him to start trying to get things back together, he is facing the never dangerous SYB.
Russ: I will admit, Nash, you have a good point there. If Eric is going to get back on the winning side of things, maybe the best thing he could do is find some support. Now, I cannot condone the gang mentality of 3Piece Set, but perhaps some wholesome folks like Concrete TG and The Heroes Guild?
Nash: You got their action figures too Russ?
Russ: As a matter of fact….
Razz: HEY! KUNG FU GRIP NAYR! SWEET!
Nash:<looking directly at the camera> It wasn't me, Doak, it was you. Remember that night in the Georgia Dome you came down to my dressing room and you said, "Kev, this ain't your night. We're going for the big crowd pop." You remember that? "This ain't your night"! My night! I coulda taken Goldie apart! So what happens? You get the title shot on Monday night and what do I get? A one-way ticket to the OOWF! You was my brother, Doak, you shoulda looked out for me a little bit. You shoulda taken care of me just a little bit so I wouldn't have to work in this dive for the short-end money. You don't understand. I coulda had the title. I coulda been a legend. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it. It was you, Doak….
<Nash stops when he realizes Russ and Razz are staring at him>
Nash: What?
Russ: What was that?
Nash: What was what?
Razz: What you just said?
Nash: I was uh, talking to Hall?
Russ: Hall’s not here
Nash: No he’s not is he.
Razz: Have you seen him lately? Look like he is on the Buddy Rose blow away diet
Nash: it’s a pituitary issue
Razz: it’s really not is it? More like a white Russian problem isn’t it
Nash: yeah
Razz: and ducolax
Nash: Yeah. Can we move on now? Nash is sad.
CHRIS COLE vs. UNDERDAWG – Non-Title Parking Lot Brawl
Russ: Main event time! And what an amazing main event this was!
Razz: I don’t think I have seen one man get beaten so mercilessly and still win a match.
Russ: Well, Chris Cole, DID get the win, thanks in large part to the rest of 3Piece Set and a semi. He couldn’t do it on his own, no sir, that is our OOWF champion for you.
Razz: Nash, what are your thoughts?
Nash: Ever listen to Good Charlotte? No one understands Nash. I think I want some tea and just lie down somewhere alone. I need paper
Russ: Um, ok. Back to the match. Chris Cole has taken a hellacious beating for several weeks now, and it appears that the only way he can beat UnderDawg is through interference. And now, he is going to have to face Ax-Man AND Thim Reynolds at the pay per view. Razz, is there any way you can see Cole retaining the title here? Especially if UnderDawg decides to exact a little revenge and get involved?
Razz: You know, I rarely pick the champ to lose the strap. There is just too much in their favor to lose. But this time around? Ax and Thim are motivated, I have heard word from the back that they are both seething with anger and just chomping at the bit to get their hands on Cole. And Cole, how he is not busted up is beyond me. I mean the guy took a Last Ride off the top of a semi onto a flatbed. Ax is just a crusher, and Thim is gonna target that back of Cole’s, no, there is no way I see Cole retaining. What do you think Nash?
Nash: I wrote a poem expressing my inner turmoil:
Broken roses lying shattered
Beneath a deep black soul
Forsaken by those who called me brother
My heart lies still and cold
No one understands the pain I feel
A silent scream into a night of indifference
<silence>
Razz: WHAT. THE. FUCK <razz jumps out of his chair and runs over to Nash and bitchslaps him several times> NONE OF THAT EMO BULLSHIT AROUND HERE! SNAP OUT OF IT MAN!
Nash: WHOAH WHOAH WHOAH! Ok man ok! Damn! Can’t a brother get in touch with his bitch boy side?
Russ: No.
Nash: Fine! Damn. Ok, the match, uhhhh, Cole finds a way to win. Until one of these guys wise up and really push Cole into the corner, no DQ, or the rest of 3Piece Set is barred from the building, he is going to find a way to escape with the title. So far, he is one step ahead of everyone, the champ retains
Russ: Ok folks, that is all the time we have tonight. Be sure to join us at OOWF Call to Arms, this Sunday evening, and be sure to check out OOWF MidWeek Mayhem, Wednesday November 29th, Live from Hooker, Oklahoma, BOOMER SOONER! For Razz and Nash, I am Russ, goodnight!
Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF Call To Arms PPV, Live November 26th from Tokio, Texas! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF MidWeek Mayhem November 29th, Live from Hooker, Oklahoma!
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