OOWF Bloodbath In Paradise PPV
Live! From Rio De Janeiro, Brazil
DEFENESTRATORS vs. Defenestrators come to the ring first, not a common practice for established teams that are facing an unknown team, well unless that team is Dustin Rhodes and Ricky Steamboat! OMG RICKY STEAMBOAT IS IN THE OOWF!!! ….wait, no Ecosystem asks for a mic. Damn, no Steamboat.
Eco: You know, we were going to come back to the OOWF and have a match against a couple of local workers, you know, give them their fifteen minutes of fame. But we decided against that <crowd boos a little> I know you are disappointed, but what’s the use of us beating a couple of nobodies? I mean, we could get injured!
Volt: Yeah, we could get injured, or worse yet, some scrubdubby team could come out here and attack us and get us involved in a feud we don’t need! There is only one reason to compete in the OOWF, and that is to win the tag titles.
Eco: That’s right, we are challenging whoever walks out of that Punjabi…whatever the hell that is, match with the titles. We want OUR shot!Eco and Voltage drop their mics and leave the ring.
KENJI & KNIFE vs. APOCALYPTIC BASTARDS – No DQ MatchThe lights go low as the crowd oohs and aahs. Fireworks go off all up and down the entrance ramp, and out walk the much-more-muscular-than-a-year-previous Apocalyptic Existence and SYB. The crowd, enjoying big flashy things that go boom, cheer wildly.
SYB slides under the ropes, climbs the ring corner and poses for the crowd, who continue to cheer. Someone holds up a sign that says “Roid Boys!” SYB points to the man, and the crowd immediately turns on him and beats him silly. AE grabs the mike:
AE: And now, our opponents for the evening, Knife and Kenji! Instead of their usual music, however, a montage appears on the OOWFtron of Kenji and Knife’s attacking Los Defenstrators from a previous match! The crowd, seeing their South American heroes being used as punching bags, immediately start booing and throwing things at Kenji and Knife as the two make their way down to the ring. AE smirks and points to his head, to underscore the psychological advantage. Kenji doesn’t seem to be phased, however, Knife is obviously in some discomfort after being pelted by guacamole filled tacos. Knife and Kenji enter the ring to thunderous boos. The bell rings, and the match begins! SYB climbs the ring post. AE grabs him and hurls him through the air. SYB curls into a ball and slams into the stunned Knife and Kenji. The crowd cheers at this unorthodox approach. AE rushes across the ring and proceeds to put the boots to the downed double Ks. SYB pops up and joins in, until K+K roll out of the ring. They dive under the ring and come out on the other side with the wrestling staples of a garbage can lid and a stop sign. AE runs the ropes and does a fling dive over the top rope onto Kenji and Knife – only to be brained by both the lid and the stop sign. Oooh, that’s gotta hurt! AE crumples bonelessly to the ground. Kenji and Knife grin and climb into the ring. SYB backs up, trying to keep the two of them in sight. Both Kenji and Knife rush SYB, with Kenji taking SYB high and Knife low. SYB goes down. Knife jumps and plants both feet into the chest of the felled SYB, who flops around the ring like a fish. Knife gains his feet and poses for the crowd, who immediately toss jars of salsa at him. Knife picks up one of the jars and smashes into the head of a limp SYB and then tosses the jar back to the fan who threw it. The jar connects squarely with fan’s forehead. The crowd threatens to riot. Kenji, meantime, is stalking AE, who thinks he is stalking Knife. As AE lunges for Knife Kenji jumps into the air, flips over AE, grabs AE’s head and OMG~~~!!!! AIRBORNE STUNNER!!!! In true Jean-Claude Van Damme fashion time slows down so the crowd can see the action happening in slo-mo replay. AE down, SYB down, Knife and Kenji standing tall – this match is over except for the counting. Knife goes for the pin on SYB. 1-2- What’s this? The crowd erupts in cheers so loud that the ref stops counting to see what is happening. Standing at the top of the ramp are Los Defenstrators, wearing Lucha masks! The crowd is absolutely ballistic! Los Defenstrators runs down to the ring and attack Kenji and Knife. The crowd is screaming in joy like a woman whose boyfriend just discovered her G-spot! Suddenly, music plays, déjà vu happens and Los Defenstrators, sans masks, appear at the entrance ramp! La Ecosistema gabbles into a mike!
(translated from Spanish) * Impostors! How dare you soil our good name with this baseless attack! Our honor will be avenged!*From out of nowhere they pull baseball bats and rush the ring. The crowd has no idea what is going on, but they’re loving every minute of it. It makes no sense, but there’s plenty of flash, wrestlers are crashing the match and the weapons are starting to come out. The masked and mask less Los Defenstrators begin to pummel one another with unholy but GOP sanctioned abandon. The mask less men are getting the worst of it, until SYB and AE use their genetically enhanced muscles to toss a table into the ring, taking out the mask less Los Defenstrators! The SYB and AE each grab a chair and slide under the ring making a beeline for Kenji and Knife as the unmasked Los Defenstrators groggily gain their feet and turn to defend themselves against their masked counterparts, who have picked up the baseball bats. Knife and Kenji brace for the swinging chair attack. As SYB and AE charge across the ring they toss the chairs towards the masked Los Defenstrators. At the same time the masked Los Defenstrators toss the bats to SYB and AE. Without breaking stride SYB and AE swing the bats. Kenji and Knife were expecting chair shots to the skull, and the bats to the gut take them completely by surprise. Like Barry Bonds mistress they go down! At the same time, the masked Los Defenstrators catch the chairs and use the momentum to drive the chairs into the skull of the unmasked Los Defenstrators!
Announcer guy 1: Four men up! Four men down! And the crowd goes wild! Indeed, the crowd is going wild, as a South American barbeque has broken out in the stands, with tacos and beer for all! The salsa loaded tacos and Corona light fuel the crowd’s excitement as they cheer on the beat down that commences. Suddenly, GM The Rick appears on stage! He starts to speak into a microphone when his entrance video flares to life on the screen behind him to the tune of… “I’m Every Woman”? Yes! Whitney Houston’s voice fills the arena as the crowd laughs! Ay carumba! Rick is livid. He’s screaming for the music to be cut while the crowd laughs harder! Finally Whitney’s pre-drug addled pipes fade. Rick grabs a mike and begins to berate the crowd!
GMRick: Listen, you damn no good commie wanna-bes! I bust my ass to make sure you all get a great show, and you laugh at me? How dare you! (takes a deep breath and continues) And you have the AUDACITY to drink fruited light beer at one of MY shows? I don’t think so, Potsie! You’ve got five seconds to get rid of that crap and then you’re gone! One! Two! Thr – Rick keels over and smacks loudly into the ground! The crowd cheers as a furious Chris Cole snarls on, 2x4 hanging limply in his hand! Chris speaks, and through the power of the invisible ninja microphone man Chris can be heard throughout the arena.
CC: I told you to stop fucking with me! But would you listen? No! Everyone pays the piper, Mr. High-And-Mighty General Manager! Looks like your turn is now! Chris raises the 2x4 above his head when the amazingly annoying catchphrase “Davin Moreland AIN'T YOUR BITCH NO MORE!!!!” blasts through the speakers! CC lets loose with a primal scream and turns around only to be LEVELLED by Davin Moreland! The two fight down the ramp into the ring, whereupon the masked Los Defenstrators, SYB, and AE continue the beat down of their fallen opponents! Blood, mostly from Kenji and Knife, starts staining the ring. The crowd, unsure of who exactly is playing heel and face at his moment, cheers wildly at the carnage. Knife manages a desperation roll across the ring and collides with SYB’s legs. SYB falls into AE and both go down. Kenji slowly stands, fire hi in his eyes! He belts out a loud “HAAAII!!!!” and throws a sidekick that connects with AE and send AE flying across the ring. Kenji turns to SYB, grabs his arm, whirls, and flips SYB through the air. With a momentary breather he helps Knife to his feet. The lights flash to the top of the entrance ramp as Phantos & Lucios appear and run down to the ring! They’re not sure which of the Los Defenstrators they’re supposed to be beating on, so they beat on all four! The masked Los Defenstrators fight back as their masks slip off, and it turns out Phantos & Lucios are laying into Los Defenstrators and Predator and Hellion!
Ring Announcer 2: There are no twelve men in the ring fighting each other! Can it get any more crazy than this? As if answer, Moosehead Jack comes flying down out of the crowd with a barbed wire baseball bat! He lays into Hellion and Predator, sending blood flying everywhere! Predator answers strike for strike for a while, but eventually is overwhelmed as MHJ beats them into unconsciousness! MHJ stands over the beaten men and says
“Welcome back to the OOWF, boys. Don’t think I’ve forgotten your history here. You’ll regret your decision to step back into the ring. Trust me.” As if on cue, blood explodes from MHJ’s mouth as a lead pipe connects with the back of his head! “Trust you?” Firechild snarls. “Trust THIS!” Firechild lays into MHJ’s fallen body with the lead pipe as CC and Davin fight on in the background…..
Russ: Wait a minute, we have a disturbance in the back! [Shot immediately cuts to the parking lot where Attitude Adjuster and Johnny Adrenaline appear to have jumped Capellan & Viper as they pulled into the backstage parking lot in their convertible. AA grabs a suitcase out of the back and levels Capellan with it, and Johnny nails Viper with a golf club! Johnny grabs Viper’s arm and holds it in the door of the car and AA slams the door on it!! Viper’s arm has to be broken! Capellan tries to fight his way up, but Johnny and AA give him a double DDT onto the pavement! AA opens the suitcase and pillages thru it, as Johnny picks up his 7 iron. AA finds nothing of any use and just dumps the suitcase out in the parking lot. Johnny nails Viper with the golf club one more time, AA stomps Capellan’s face into the asphalt, and TCH leaves the scene with smiles on their faces.]
We cut back to the action…….
Meanwhile, back to the actual match. Knife is squaring off against AE. Knife smiles and pulls of his hematite necklace. He cracks open the hollow hematite beads and flings them at AE. AE screams and grabs his eyes as white powder flies into them! Kenji leaps into the air and hits AE with a Jean Claude Van Damme leaping spin kick! And, of course, the scene slows down repeats itself three times from multiple angles, just like in a Van Damme movie! A blinded AE falls back and strikes the mat! Out of nowhere the Chickenshit Heels appear and start laying the boots to Kenji and Knife, SYB and AE and Los Defenstrators!
AA: Why we doing this again?
JA: Shit, Alan! Look at these three teams! They’ve taken more abuse than Rocky in all his films! Combined! And they’re still fighting!
AA: So?
JA: So?!?! What if one of these teams decides they want to fight US next? You want to fight ‘em when they’re fresh as a daisy?
AA: I get it. We bust these guys up inside and when we face them (as we invariably will) it’ll be easier.
JA: Damn straight! Now beat that boy’s head in! The crowd looks around, waiting for the next run in. Sure enough, a cry of “Heroes Assemble!” sound throughout the arena as the Heroes Guild runs down the ramp to (heroically) break up the fighting! They take exactly six steps before Stank and OBJ tackle them from behind, while Underdawg appears in their midst and starting laying fang to the Guild.
PIER TWENTY SEVEN BRAWL!!!!
Ring Announcer One: Holy hell! This is chaos! Who hasn’t appeared yet? As if on cure, Nayr and Spin Hansen go battling through the crowd. Back in the ring, SYB and AE fight off TCH. They begin stalking a battered and bloody Kenji and Knife. Knife is leaning up against the ropes, bleeding from all over his body. Kenji is staring warily, clutching his left shoulder. SYB attempts to clothesline Kenji, who goes down on one knee and STRIKES~~!! SYB in the chest with his palm! Kenji stays frozen, as SYB opens his mouth and blood gushes out. Kenji spins on his knee and sweeps SYB’s legs out from under him. Kenji stands up and turns to face AE. AE looks towards Kenji as Kenji goes up and kicks AE in the jaw! AE falls back as Knife grabs him and performs the HEMATITE BACKCRACKER! AE falls limply to the crowd. SYB is out. Kenji and Knife look around, but are viciously attacked by Phantos & Lucios. They fall to the ground.
Phantos: Wait!
Lucios: (Holding Knife by the hair)What?
Phantos: We just beat on the wrong guys!
Lucios: (Looks at Kenji and Knife). Whoops. Heh-heh. Our bad. Phantos & Lucios disappear into the crowd to find more people to fight. Without warning, OBJ comes running out to the arena, grabs a beer from a fans, chugs it and sits down in a chair!
Ring Announcer 2: Amazingly, no one has attacked OBJ! That’s a first for tonight! Spoke to soon! JW Westgaard appears, picks up a BBQ grill and hurls it at OBJ! It hits, OBJ goes down, and JW Westgaard pounces! Back in the ring, Knife slowly crawls over to SYB for the cover. He throws his arm over! One! Two! SYB weakly kicks out! AE slowly stands! Knife slowly stands! Kenji pulls himself up in the corner! AE throws his head back, screams and points at K + K!
AE: I! WILL! NOT! BE! DENIED! AE grabs Knife by the hair and tosses him across the ring into the brawling forms of Nayr and Spin. AE points at Kenji.
AE: Is that the best you have? Is it! We’ve waited too long, fought to hard for this moment! You won’t beat us! Kenji pulls a throwing knife out of his belt and throws it at AE. AE throws up his forearm and the Knife hits it with a thud. Blood gushes out. AE pulls the knife out of his arm and tosses it to the ground. Kenji MOVES with an open palm strike to the face, but AE catches it.
AE snarls: I’m faster now. Better living through chemistry! Before you were faster, stronger! but now, I’m the best there is! He picks Kenji up and slams Kenji’s back across his knee. Kenji falls limply to the ground. AE falls on top of Kenji for the pin! One! Two! Three! The bell rings and the crowd goes silent. The brawls across the arena stop as everyone looks to the ring. AE slowly gets to his feet. He helps SYB up. They hold their hands up in victory! The refs, unsure what to do, stand dumbfounded.
SYB:< grabs the mike out of the ref’s hand> “That’s right. A historic moment has occurred. And you all got be a part of it.” He throws the mike down as the ref announces:
WINNERS in 45:06 – For the first time ever – Apocalyptic Bastards
<We cut from the in ring celebration and head backstage>
Eco: Say, did you bring Brick here this week?
Volt: no, did you?
Eco: n
Volt: Wonder how Los Def got out from under Brick?
Voice: Hey guys, give us a hand here?
Eco: What? They are still trapped under there?
Volt: That makes NO sense! We trapped them in Uruguay and now we are in Brazil, who would move Brick, and keep them under it, all the way to Brazil?
Eco: Continuity?
Volt: Since when has THAT been a problem around here?
Eco: Wait, they wrestled at Mayhem!
Volt: Yeah, so?
Eco: So that means that someone let them out to wrestle, then put them back under Brick here in Brazil!
Volt: Wait, you do realize that that makes NO sense!
Eco: Why not? We trapped them under Brick
Volt: BECAUSE THEY WERE OUT AND WRESTLING AND NOW THEY ARE TRAPPED AGAIN! WHO TRAPPED THEM A SECOND TIME?
Eco: Did we?
Volt: I don’t remember doing that
Voice: Uh, seriously guys, this is not really all that comfortable
Eco: How can they do that?
Volt: Do what?
Eco: They are speaking English, I thought they only knew English through subtitles?
Volt: I don’t know, I guess whoever is writing this promo doesn’t know Spanish
<Kay Fabe runs down the hall screaming>
Volt: What the?
Eco: Seriously, you just broke like ten kinds of kayfabe there.
Volt:<sigh> This is hard, should we just let these guys up already? I mean really.
Eco: Yeah why not
<Eco and Volt move Brick and help Ecosistema and El Voltaje to their feet>
Eco: So about the whole Brick thing……
Volt: Yeah, it uh, well no one else picked up on it, so you guys were kinda stuck under there, sorry about that
Ecosistema: No Problema!
Volt: I thought whoever was writing this didn’t know Spanish?
<Kay Fabe comes screaming back down the hall>
Eco: Seriously man
Volt: So guys, we got your back and all! Mind if we come to the ring with you?
El Voltaje: No problema!
Volt: Wow, whoever is writing this REALLY doesn’t know much Spanish does he?
<Kay Fabe walks up to Voltage and slaps him across the face and storms away>
Volt: What?PHANTOS & LUCIOS vs. LOS DEFENESTRATORSPhantos is starting this one off, and he'll face Voltaje. They circle each other to start, finally, Phantos leaps in with a flying clothesline but Voltaje rolls under it. Voltagje comes back witha forearm to the head, then Irish whips Phantos, who comes back with a flying dropkick. Both men hop to their feet and take each other out with double clotheslines. Again, both men to their feet. This time, Phantos gets the advantage with a quick kick to the knee, followed by a headlock takedown. Still holding the headlock, Phantos heads to his corner with Voltaje in tow and tags in Lucios, who comes in the ring and kicks Voltaje in the gut. And Lucios with some generic power moves, like punches to the back and stomping kicks, in an attempt to get the early advantage. Lucios pulls up Voltaje for a brain buster, but Voltaje slips out the other side, and catches Voltage with a spinning kick to the back of the neck. Voltaje is up and tags in Ecosistema. Well, actually, Ecosistema pulls back his hand at the last second, but Voltage just slaps Eco and this counts as a tag, so I don't know why Eco bothered. Anyway, Eco is now in the ring, looking slightly intimidated by the 6"7 Lucios. He has the advantage in speed, though, so he avoids the first couple of Lucios' attacks and then takes down Lucios with a hurricarana. Eco pulls up Lucios, Irish whip reversed, but Eco hits a head scissors into an arm bar. Lucios powers out, and hits an honest to goodness body slam on Eco. Yes, a body slam. Those are actually pretty rare nowadays. I mean, I haven't seen any for a while. Anyway, Lucios tags in Phantos, who slings over the ropes with a leg drop, following with a pin. One and a half before Eco kicks out. Phantos picks Eco up and whips him into the corner. Running elbow into the corner. Irish whip to the opposite corner, but Eco dodges an attempted stinger splash. Eco runs in with a knee to the gut to the recovering Lucios, and then pulls him over the corner where Voltaje is. Some double team beat down stuff, using Lucios and Phantos' own strategy against them! It's called in-ring psychology, and Eco taps his nose as he exits the ring. Voltaje drops Lucios with a standing enzuigiri. He then starts cinching in an inverted STF. Lucios powers out and kicks Voltaje to the ground, before tagging in Phantos. Voltaje looks like he'll be the sacrificial lamb, as he gets hit with a double clothesline and double elbow drop. Phantos signals for the Dropkick Device! Lucios obliges by setting up Voltaje on his shoulders as Phantos heads to the ropes. But Voltage hits a reverse frankensteiner as Eco runs across and knocks Phantos off of the turnbuckle. Phantos hits the ground and stays there, and it's time for Eco and Voltaje to do some more double teaming, culminating in an Endgame from Eco. Voltaje hits the Circuit Breaker, and folks, this one is over.
WINNERS in 14:31 – Los Defenestrators
HARDBODY HARRIS vs. UNDERDAWG vs. OUTBACK JACK vs. JW WESTGAARDJW Westgaard is announced first, he comes to the ring and paces impatiently in the ring. Outback Jack comes out next to a nice pop by the crowd. Jack climbs between the ropes and offers his hand to Westgaard, but Westgaard just shrugs him off. Underdawg is out next and as he rolls his eyes and does the menacing dead man thing, Westgaard hits the ropes and LEVELS him with a crosscheck! Dawg falls between the ropes to the floor, Westgaard turns to Jack and catches him with a shot to the jaw that sends Jack into the corner. Jack and Westgaard take turns in the corner hammering each other. UnderDawg gets back to his feet and climbs into the ring and is about to go after Jack and Westgaard when Hardbody Harris’ music hits and he sprints to the ring to the roar of the crowd. HH slides under the bottom rope and goes after Dawg, hammering him with lefts and rights, backing him to the ropes and trying a whip, but Dawg reverses it, Harris hits the ropes, ducks a clothesline, then comes off the ropes with a clothesline of his own that sends Dawg out of the ring once again. Harris stands in the center of the ring and acknowledges the crowd. He probably should have paid attention to Westgaard and Jack though. Behind his back, Westgaard hits the ropes, and Jack and JWW take Harris out with a clothesline, chop block combo. They pull Harris to his feet and whip him to the ropes, but UnderDawg reaches up and low bridges Harris and takes him to the outside. Westgaard and Jack shrug and turn back to fighting one another. Jack ducks a swing by JWW and catches him with a half nelson slam, then hits the ropes and drops a knee across his sternum for a two count. Jack pulls Westgaard up and backs him into the corner and rocks him with several kicks to the side of the head, then lifts him to the top rope for a superplex. On the outside, Dawg pulls Harris up and hammers him with soup bones to the side of the head. Dawg whips Harris toward the steel ring steps, but Harris does the Bobby Lashley Impressive Leap Over the Stairs, but when he turns around, Dawg charges and dives over the stairs and clotheslines Harris, sending him crashing back first into the steel railing. Inside the ring, Jack has Westgaard on the top rope, but decides not to go for a superplex, instead he lifts Westgaard on his shoulders and drives him to the mat with a Outback Driver! Jack covers, but only gets a two count, Westgaard gets his foot on the bottom rope. On the outside Underdawg pulls Harris to his feet and sends him back first into the apron, then grabs him by the throat and choke slams him on the floor! Dawg rummages under the ring and pulls a table out and sets it up. Inside the ring, Jack pulls Westgaard to his feet and whips him hard into the corner, Westgaard hits chest first and staggers backward a few steps, Jack tries a ghetto blaster, but Westgaard ducks and catches Jack with a half nelson suplex that folds Jack up like an accordion. Westgaard pulls Jack to his feet and whips him to the ropes and catches him with a knee to the mid section that doubles Jack over, JWW hits the ropes and nails Jack with a knee to the temple. JWW pulls a dazed OBJ to his feet, kicks him low and plants him with a DDT. Westgaard covers and gets a two count. Both men get to their feet and Westgaard shoves Jack into the corner and sets him on the top rope and appears to want a top rope Ice Auger! But Jack slips out of it and now both men fight on the top rope! Westgaard catches Jack with a series of kicks to the side of the head that sends both men off the top rope, Westgaard manages to grab the ropes and land on the apron first, then to the floor, Jack goes from the top rope to the floor. The referee leaves the ring to check on those two. Meanwhile, on the other side of the ring, UnderDawg has a table set up and he rolls HH on the table and climbs up himself. Dawg hefts Harris up and is going to hit a FIREPLUG DRIVER through the table! But Harris slips over his shoulder, TO BE EDITED IN LATER THROUGH THE TABLE!!! Dawg is OUT! Harris slowly gets to his feet and slides into the ring and gets to his feet and soaks in the cheers of the crowd. Suddenly those cheers turn to a mixed reaction with a sense of urgency, Harris turns around to see a very large man dressed in a very expensive suit. The man kicks Harris and sends him to the ropes and hits a sick, Spinning Blackhole Slam, then climbs to the top rope and hits a flying head but that catches Harris right in the face. Why, that's the Greetings from Fresno! That couldn't be? No!" The man gets to his feet, adjusts his suit, stares down at Harris for a minute and leaves the ring. JW Westgaard slides under the ropes and sees a prone Hardbody Harris out cold, he crawls across the ring and covers Harris and calls for the referee and gets the three count.
WINNER in 21:07 – JW Westgaard
After the match, the man in the expensive suit climbs back into the ring:
Let me introduce myself. Some of you may know me already. My name is F. Fonzworth Cappington III. I used to call myself FF Capslock, but I am now embracing my real name and my true self. I got back from South America recently to find that my beloved uncle with bees living in his beard had passed away. I also found out that he was a crazy old millionaire and he left everything to me so fuck 'im. So I burned down my awful little house in Fresno and moved to Pacific Heights were people of my ilk should be. And to correct you Russ, you stupid hillbilly, that is no longer the Greetings from Fresno. From this point forward that maneuver is known as Salutations From Pacific Heights. And Hardbody Harris is laid out from it because he's a moron. I used to pander to you idiots like he does. I degraded myself and got drunk on cheap whiskey for your amusement. Now I've traded my Coors Light for Dom Perignon and my VW Microbus for a stretch Hummer limo. Harris is nothing. He made a career out of doing whatever the poor dumb fans wanted him to. And I see too much of my old self in his pathetic attempts to recapture that now. So I'm gonna rip him apart until my old self is completely dead and forgotten. I'm tired of being the fans' dumb puppet because now I have money and I'm better than all of you. So I'll be over here with my money, being better than you, and you'll struggle through life to try to make enough money to pay to see me kicking your new puppet's ass all over the OOWF. Fuck you all and eat a bag of dicks! Goodnight!DAVIN MORELAND vs. CHRIS COLE – Steel Cage MatchJunior Hale is YOUR Referee!
Moreland is out first, and he seems to be in a very good mood. He climbs in the cage and paces quietly as Cole storms to the ring. Davin grins as Cole climbs through the ropes into the cage, waiting for the bell to ring. The door is closed and the other three refs secure two separate locks and chains to it. As soon as the bell rings, Cole storms up to Moreland... and looks up.... and up.... and up into an elbow to the face! Cole staggers away, Moreland right behind him. He grabs Cole's free arm to sling him across the ring - reversed - Moreland hops up on the middle rope and starts climbing! Cole's vision clears in time to see Moreland pulling himself up the side of the cage. CC runs to that side and yanks Moreland down, managing to crotch Moreland on the top rope! CC poses, crowd boos. CC then strides to a corner to climb up as Moreland gingerly removes himself from the top rope. Moreland hobbles over and pulls CC to the mat, followed by some angry stomping on CC for his earlier damage. Early cover barely gets a one count. Moreland gathers CC off the mat and throws him at the cage wall. CC clatters into it and hangs there for a moment - just enough time for Moreland to cheese-grater Cole's face all over that side of the cage wall. Moreland celebrates as Cole staggers around gushing blood. DM only makes it worse with a delayed vertical suplex, the blood dribbling down his shoulder for a moment or two before falling back. Hoping that that dazed Cole long enough, DM heads for the door, spotting the two locks. He glowers at ref Mel Creech, who is standing there with a beer in his hand. Moreland turns away, only to be clothes lined out of his boots by a dazed Chris Cole. Several stomps follow, including a heel to the face that breaks skin over Moreland's left eye and bloodies his nose. Cole finishes with a kick to the ribs before heading to a corner to climb out. DM takes a moment to shake his head clear, and notice that not all the blood on his body is from Moreland. "You made me bleed my own blood!!" DM hurries to the corner and gathers Cole off the top rope. Cole punches away, landing a couple of shots to stagger Moreland, but that only mistimes his ELECTRIC CHAIR and Cole ends up between the ropes and the cage! Cole's back gets scraped up a bit as Moreland's neck bounces off the top rope. Both men are down! Hale doesn't start a ten count (Despite Mel's insistence, he's bored) but he does check them both. Despite the blood the two of them are otherwise all right, so Hale backs off. Moreland finally gets to all fours and crawls to the door, asking that it be opened. Mel doesn't budge. Moreland glares at Mel before climbing on that same corner, using him as a focus. Cole crawls under the ropes and gives chase, but only gets to the ropes as Moreland seats himself at the top of the cage. Cole pulls himself up and tries to pursue Moreland, who takes a couple of potshots at him. The two end up sitting at the top of the cage trading punches, trying to force each other back over the cage into the ring. Cole throwing lefts, Moreland throwing rights. Cole's shots aren't quite as strong, and he becomes incensed as Moreland doesn't seem hurt by them. Cole throws a haymaker right at Moreland, who takes it full and falls to the floor!
WINNER in 14:35 Davin Moreland.
Cole sits at the top of the cage in shock as Morelands' arm is raised. He then climbs down and asks Mel for his money back. Mel just looks at him and shakes his head and walks away. Cole climbs down and stands in the center of the ring, that vacant stare on his face again. Suddenly Gm the Rick appears on the MammOOthTron, holding an ice pack to the back of his head, Cole immediately begins to tremble.
[/i]“Well well well Cole. Looks like you lost……again. You know, I was thinking about it, and it sure seems like your nickname is not appropriate anymore. When you were the champion, and, you know, WINNING matches, “The Main Event” seemed pretty appropriate. But now? Well Cole, it just doesn’t work for me anymore. So from now on, you will be officially known as “The Curtain Jerker” Chris Cole. Have fun with that.”[/i]
Cole just stares at the blank screen for a moment, slack jawed, then slowly leaves the ring and walks to the back, staring blankly once again.
NAYR vs. SPIN HANSEN – OOWF Onslaught Championship MatchNayr offers a handshake to Spin after handing the Onslaught belt to the referee. Spin hesitates then shakes. Nayr smiles broadly then turns to his corner to stretch. The referee shows Spin the title and a dark look crosses his eyes as the bell rings. Spin charges forward, but Nayr drops to his knees and rolls backwards and plants his feet in Spin’s midriff and pushes his legs up, tossing the former champion over the ropes. Spin staggers to his feet just as Nayr hits a BEAUTIFUL plancha over the top rope, bearing both men to the ground. Nayr rolls away as Spin gets to his feet and Nayr nails him RIGHT IN THE FACE with a Halfling Wizard. Spin goes over onto his back, and Nayr jumps, showing supreme agility onto the barricade and moonsault’s onto the downed Hansen. Spin rolls away holding his ribs as Nayr gets up and makes a magnaimous wave to the crowd adulation. Nayr stoops to pick Spin up, but Spin grabs him by the leg and picks him up and drops him down with a Ric Flair patented leg-breaker. Nayr howls in pain as Spin winces and holds his ribs. Nayr starts to drag himself to his feet, but Hansen picks him up, grabbing his leg and walks forward and smashes Nayr leg first onto the ring steps. The referee admonishes Spin for unsporting behavior and warns him he’ll be DQ’d if this continues. Spin makes a face like a reprimanded school boy as he picks up the downed Nayr and rolls him into the ring. Spin covers for 1-2 NO! Nayr kicks out. Spin shrugs and picks Nayr up and headbutt’s him and then lifts him for a Muscle Buster. Nayr wriggles free, and although one legged manages to nail Spin in the back of the head with a Nayrziguri and both men are down. Spin seems shaken by the blow to the back of the head, and Nayr’s leg is giving him some serious trouble. Nayr gets to his feet, and knowing he can’t go toe to toe with Spin in this state, he slowly starts to climb the ropes. Spin gets up and clears the cobwebs, and turns just as Nayr manages to get to the top, and Nayr aims a missile dropkick at Spin, who bats him away and falls on top of Nayr, who goes down face first. Spin recovers and slaps Nayr in a single leg crab, putting severe torque on his injured leg. Nayr screams and is in some serious trouble, but knuckles up and holds on. Spin racks back the submission hold, sweat pouring from his brow but Nayr manages to get a little leverage and rolls sideways, toppling Spin and grabbing a handful of ropes. Spin is enraged and pulls Nayr back into the middle of the ring, but as he leans down to pick Nayr up, he gets kicked in the face, and Nayr grabs his flaling arm and cradles him for 1-2 NO! Spin gets up, fast and angry and charges at Nayr, who drops again and pulls the ropes down, and Spin sends himself to the outside. Nayr uses the time to climb to the top rope, but Spin is back in pretty fast and climbs after him. They exchange blows on the top and Nayr gets the better of Spin and hooks him for a Nayr Driver II, but Spin hits a low blow out of the view of the referee and goozles him for a Todesfall. As he executes it, Nayr twists and almost manages to turn it into a Hurrica-Nayr toppling both men, head first to the outside. Both men take some time to get to their feet, but Nayr has totally lost the use of his left leg, and Spin kicks him in the face, picks him up and rolls him into the ring. Spin covers, again just for a 2 count, looks aggrieved at the referee and picks Nayr up and lifts him for a Todesfall. Nayr shifts his weight and kicks off Spin’s back with his good foot and turns it into an elevated Halfling Ninja for 1-2 NO! Spin throws Nayr off in a rage, and before Nayr can respond he has landed a series of brutal elbow drops across the back of his head. Spin picks up the Halfling Luchador headbutts him, spreading his nose across his face on a welter of blood and lifts him for a Muscle Buster. The move hits and Spin covers for 1- DING DING the Bell Rings, Spin counts 2-3 and gets up, and starts celebrating, but the referee and timekeeper are conferring in the corner and the referee hands the title not to the celebrating Hansen, but to the prone and hurting Nayr. Spin is confused as the ring announcer informs us…
Your result is a 15:00 Time Limit Draw, meaning that Your OOWF Onslaught Champion is STILL, Nayr the Halfling Luchador!!!
Spin is less than impressed and storms off, while Nayr is not really in shape to celebrate his retention…
<We cut to the back where we see Chris Cole walking with something in his hands, he approaches Firechild in the hall. Firechild is getting ready for his match with Moose>
CC: Firechild
FC: What the hell do you want?
CC: <with a strange twisted look on his face> I want you to have these
FC: What are these?
CC: My wrestling boots. I won’t need them anymore
FC: Uh, are you ok Cole?
CC: I am great, it’s Tuesday, Tuesday is meatloaf day in Vermont
FC: It’s Sunday, and we are in Rio
CC: It’s all going to work out, I have to go find him
FC: Find who?
CC: He will know what to do, he was right all along.
<Cole walks off without saying another word, Firechild looks at the boots he is holding, then back to Cole>WEAPON X vs. THE CHICKENSHIT HEELS vs. CAPELLAN & VIPER – Ultimate Punjabi Prison X Triple Scaffold Weapons On A Pole Match for the OOWF World Tag Team TitlesConstruction of the Punjabi Prison and its interior scaffolding structure takes roughly 45 minutes to complete, so we get a 40 minute video package hyping this tag team title affair, and then Russ takes the other five minutes explaining the rules. The circular bamboo prison is a massive structure, roughly 30 feet in height. An eight foot bamboo floor surrounds the ring, level with the apron, with a staircase leading up to the first level of scaffolding, ten feet above the ring. There are two ropes crossing the cage at this level, with a small steel pole suspended by the ropes at the X, a small trash can of weapons dangling from the pole there. A second staircase leads to the second scaffold level 10 feet above that, with another rope X over the ring there, with a large garbage can of weapons hanging from that pole. And finally, the third and final staircase leads to the top of the prison, 30 feet above the ring, where the tag team titles are hanging from the top of the bamboo cage. The only way the belts can be captured is to navigate the top of the cage like monkey bars to reach them. From there, the team that can escape the cage door with the tag team titles will be declared the OOWF Tag Team Champions.
The Chickenshit Heels enter first, but stop just past the curtain and introduce Brazilian tennis star Gustavo Kuerten to the hometown crowd, drawing a nice pop. However, upon entering the cage, Kuerten grabs a mic, introduces TCH in his native tongue and turns the crowd against him, and TCH laughs in approval. Kuerten high fives JA and AA and leaves the cage, staying at ringside for moral support. Capellan & Viper’s music hits, but there’s no sign of the other challengers, who are probably at a local medical facility after TCH’s brutal parking lot attack earlier in the evening. The reigning champions finally make the entrance, on a mission tonight to retain their titles in a match that is not their forte. Neither team looks comfortable inside the cage, warily gazing up at the funhouse that awaits them, and the bell sounds and we’re off nevertheless. Johnny makes a quick run toward the stairs, but Dragon cuts him off with an Air Pillman out on the bamboo, and AA and LD have it out in the middle of the ring. Williams gets the upper hand and pounds AA to the ropes, but AA reverses an Irish whip, but eats a stiff kick when he puts his head down too early. Dragon tries to climb the stairs, but Johnny grabs his foot, so CD hits a hurricanrana off the stairs, sending Johnny flailing into the cage. Dragon tries to wedge Johnny’s head between sheaths of bamboo, but Johnny elbows him away, then sends him to the cage for good measure. Williams sends AA to the corner, then hits a Ghetto Blaster that sends AA thru the ropes and out of the ring. Williams grabs Adrenaline and they slug it out on the bamboo floor. Johnny goes to the eyes to break that up, then sweeps Williams’ legs out from under him. JA tries a catapult, but LD blocks, countering Johnny down into the STF~! AA is over to stomp LD to break the hold, then hits a pile driver on the bamboo! AA goes up the stairs and has the first look at navigating the ropes to get the first cache of weapons. Capps tugs on the rope to check its sturdiness, then turns to taunt the crowd. On the other side of the cage, Dragon climbs the bamboo and makes his way onto the scaffold opposite of AA. When AA turns around, he sees Dragon swinging over toward the trash can, so AA tries to cut him off. Dragon gets there first, but can free the can before Capps meets him there. AA kicks at Dragon, but CD wraps his legs around AA to try and take him down. Capps spits in his eyes to stop that, and AA punches him right in the face, and Dragon falls to the mat. But before AA can free the can, Williams sneaks behind him and kicks him off as well!
That knocks the can loose, and it follows AA to the mat and lands on him, an assortment of weapons going every which way. Williams swings back to the scaffold, but the delay allows Johnny to grab the first weapon he can find, the pole itself, and opens up on Dragon with it. Williams makes it down to save Dragon and Johnny takes a big swing, but LD dives over the pole and sweeps JA’s legs out from under him. Williams grabs the trash can and dents it over Johnny’s head, then puts it on Johnny’s head, and Dragon, just getting to his feet, dropkicks him in the back of the head. Meanwhile, Kuerten slips something to AA thru the cage from his tennis racket cover… its powder! AA tosses it into both LD and Dragon’s face, then AA grabs a chain and chokes Dragon out with it. Then, as Williams is getting up, AA swings the chain at him and nails him in the face, making a NASTY gash across Williams’ cheek. LD rolls out, obviously hurting, and AA locks THE CLAW on Dragon! Johnny begins to make his way up the stairs and reaches the first bamboo scaffold, still another 10 feet up to the next stash of weapons. Meanwhile, Williams realizes there is a loafer from the small can lying next to him, so he grabs it and gives chase, blood just pouring from his face. Johnny makes it to the second level, 20 feet above the ring, but is very hesitant to take the trip out over the ring. The indecision allows Williams to catch him and nail him with the loafer. Johnny falls down on the scaffold and Williams mounts him and drills him with some right hands. In the ring, Dragon fights out of the claw and shoots AA thru the ropes and to the floor. CD tries to shove AA’s hand into the bamboo, and Capps gets stuck in the cage, allowing Dragon to kick the hell out of him. Up top, Williams looks to go get the large can of weapons, but Johnny kicks him low, then nudges him off the scaffold with his foot, and Williams falls 10 feet and gets tangled up in the lower X ropes before tumbling to the mat. Johnny clears the cobwebs and looks to swing out to get some more goodies… but the crowd begins to buzz and goes into an all out frenzy as CAPELLAN & VIPER are on their way to the ring!!
Viper decks Kuerten before going into the cage and takes the tennis racket. Capellan storms the cage and rushes up the stairs. Johnny is almost to the garbage can, and Cap isn’t gonna get him, so Viper slings the racket 20 feet up in the air, nailing Johnny in the chest, and Capellan dives off the scaffold and kicks Johnny and catches the ropes to protect himself. Adrenaline falls 20 feet straight down and SLAMS into the mat!! Viper goes after Dragon, lining him up for the good old CHAIN-ASSISTED DEATH ELBOW~! Capellan grabs the pole on the high X, tilts it using the ropes, allowing the garbage can to fall off the pole, 20 feet to the ring, ricocheting off the low X ropes. Items of note: a barbed wire 2x4, a lead pipe, a baseball bat, a Halliburton briefcase, and a plastic bottle of… well, something. Viper makes like Spiderman and leaps from the high X to the low X then to the ring. On cue, AA stumbles up and finds himself between Viper and Capellan, one with a chain and the other with a baseball bat. AA begs off and makes a run for the door. He gets halfway out before Capellan catches him. AA grabs the outside of the cage and tries to pull away… and the TCH posse storms the ringside area! But Viper goes out the door, picking up the racket on the way by, and C&V beat down Flair, Fred the Monkey, Abdullah the Butcher, the Repo Man, and the ghost of the Big Bossman. Flair blades for good measure. Abby appears to have bladed before making the run in. Kevin Nash and Uma Thurman stroll out from behind the curtain, but rather than face C&V, they just walk back to the dressing room. Meanwhile, Williams is making his way up toward the top of the cage. Capellan runs back in and makes a run up the stairs and catches Williams on the final staircase. Cap drags LD down the stairs and they have it out on the scaffold 20 feet above the ring. Williams tries to toss Cap off, but Cap grabs the cage to block. AA and Viper scrap at the cage door, the brawl finally going back into the cage. Johnny finally comes to and TCH double teams Viper. Up top, Cap kicks Williams in the gut and suplexes him DOWN the stairs, and LD bounces down to the low scaffold, then almost falls off, hanging on my his hands. Capellan walks down the stairs and tries to stomp LD’s hands, but Williams does his best to get away. Capellan simply walks halfway down the stairs… DRAGON KICK~! Williams falls back to the mat, and Cap’s knocked himself silly, as well.
Viper tries to fight off TCH, and gets a surprise assist from Dragon, who comes over with the barbed wire 2x4, nailing AA across the forehead. Capps crawls over to Kuerten by the cage, and Gustavo passes him a blade thru the bamboo. Now Dragon and Viper take turns beating on Johnny, and Dragon wedges the 2x4 in the bamboo cage. DV and CD lift Johnny up and drive him head first into the barbed wire, opening a nice wound on the top of Johnny’s head. Viper and Dragon look at each other, then look up at the titles, then they slug it out. Viper gets the upper hand and backs Dragon to the ropes. Irish whip, but Dragon baseball slides under and hits a stiff soccer style kick to Viper’s bad arm. CANADIAN DESTROYER~! CD’s the last man standing… can he get to the belts? Dragon makes his way to the first scaffold, but halfway up the steps to the second level, Capellan throws the bat at him. Dragon sidesteps it, then slings it back down wildly. Dragon keeps going up and makes it to the top of the structure. CD grabs the top of the cage and begins swinging across to the belts before Cap can make it to the top. Dragon nears the belts and Cap follows out, both guys hanging 30 feet above the ring. Capellan kicks him from behind, and Dragon has to swing away to maintain his balance. CD turns around and makes another go at the titles, but Cap’s there to meet him. They kick at each other, but Dragon manages to get some momentum, lifts his feet and kicks the belts into Capellan’s face, and Capellan falls!! Cap manages to somewhat break his fall by trying to grab the high X ropes, but still crashes to the mat incredibly hard. Dragon’s still hanging up top by one hand, but before he can free the belts, he begins to lose his grip and opts to just drop down to the high X ropes, and he manages to catch himself and then swing over to the second level scaffold. He tries to rub his hands dry, but suddenly TCH storm up the cage and beat him down up top! DDT on the scaffold, and they roll Dragon off the scaffold! Johnny and AA climb to the top, and they argue over who should go out to get the belts. Johnny finally grabs the cage ceiling, but Williams and Viper begin shaking the cage from below, and Johnny quickly goes back to the scaffolding.
TCH decide they need to take out their opponents below and begin to descend the scaffolding. Williams and Viper meet them halfway down and we get a slugout 10 feet above the ring. Viper tosses Johnny down the stairs to the floor, and AA tries to run away from Williams by going back up the cage. Williams catches him on the next level, repeatedly slams his face into the cage, then tosses him off the scaffolding. AA grabs the X ropes and holds on for dear life… but the ropes break! AA holds onto the ropes and slams HARD into the side of the bamboo cage and falls down to the low scaffold, then off that and to the ring. Capps is dead. Williams goes back down to the ring, finds the bat, and snaps it over his knee. LD takes the sharp end of the bat and nails Viper in the back of the head with it. But Capellan is up and kicks it out of his hands. Cap grabs the pipe and nails Johnny, but Dragon kicks him low from behind. Williams grabs Capellan for a wheelbarrow suplex, slingshots him off the top rope… and Dragon comes over with a Canadian Destroyer onto the 2x4. IT’S THE CANADIAN DEATH SENTENCE ON THE BARBED WIRE~! Viper is up bleeding and WX sets Viper up for the Death Sentence as well, but Johnny dives in with one of the pipes and nails Dragon in mid-air! Viper manages to take LD over the top rope. Johnny follows out to the bamboo floor, grabs Williams… ADRENALINE RUSH~! And the floor COLLAPSES!! AA’s dead, Capellan’s out, and Adrenaline and Williams have gone thru the bamboo and are under the cage now. Viper looks down at Dragon, then gazes up to the ceiling. DV begins his ascent very slowly, completely spent, but takes the pipe with him just in case. Dragon is up though and sees Viper going up, so CD grabs the 2x4 and gives chase. Meanwhile, Johnny crawls out of the hole in the floor and grabs the briefcase. He opens it up… stares into it, then closes it back and slides it toward AA. Johnny then follows Dragon and Viper up the scaffolding. Dragon catches Viper on the second level, and DV blocks Dragon’s 2x4 shots with the pipe. The scuffle allows Johnny to catch them both , but they both turn and nail Johnny. Adrenaline stumbles up, Dragon and Viper lock eyes… and Viper goes low with the pipe and Dragon goes high with the barbed wire. It’s TOTAL ELMINATION TWENTY FEET ABOVE THE RING~! Adrenaline falls straight down to the mat and is done for! Dragon’s closest to the stairs and makes a run for it, getting to the top level ahead of Viper. CD makes his way toward the belts, but Viper is able to reach him with the pipe from behind and Dragon FALLS THIRTY FEET TO THE MAT~! It’s only Viper left! He swings out to the belts, but now has to figure out how to get both of them down and out of the cage. He undoes the first and puts it over his shoulder, but has to change hands to get the other one. He gets the other belt on his other shoulder, but he’s holding on by the bad arm, and he can’t hold on! VIPER FALLS THIRTY FEET TO THE MAT~! Only difference is the belts have come with him! One in the corner of the ring, the other still on his shoulder. Everybody’s out! SOMEBODY STOP THE DAMN MATCH!! The first person to move is Capellan, who crawls over to try to get the belt off his fallen partner’s shoulder. Meanwhile, Williams crawls out of the wreckage of bamboo and grabs the other title. Cap gets the belt off Viper, but when he stands up to look for the other one, LD drills him with the other belt! Williams to a knee and grabs the second title belt. LD turns to escape the cage, but a step away, Capps WALLOPS him with the briefcase!! Williams does a timber-like selljob, and AA takes the belts out of his hands and falls backwards out the cage door to mercifully end this war.
WINNERS in 65:07 and NEW OOWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: THE CHICKENSHIT HEELS
<Once again we cut to the back and see Chris Cole walk up to Stank as he is getting ready for his title match against Crete>
CC: Stank
Sta: What the hell do you……why are you naked?
CC: I want you to have this
Sta: What?
CC: The rest of my wrestling gear
Sta: What the hell do I want with that? And why are you naked?
CC: it’s for peace, He will want me to make peace with my enemies
Sta: Who?
CC: It will work out Stank, I have to find him. It will be glorious, do you want to come?
Sta: Dude, I have a title match tonight? Why are you naked!
CC: Yes, and someone has to feed the chickens. I am going to go, How do I get to Vermont from here?
Sta: What?
CC: Nevermind. He will show me the way. He was right all along
Sta: Why the hell are you naked!
CC: As I came into the world so shall I return. He will see to that. He was right all along.<Cole walks away, the last thing we see is Chris Cole leaving the building, butt naked and oblivious to the world>
MOOSEHEAD JACK vs. FIRECHILD – OOWF Intercontinental Title Last Man Standing MatchThis one's not going to be pretty, folks. You've got two very evenly matched competitors, both of whom hate each other, in one of the most brutal matches outside of a steel cage. Viewer discretion is advised. And bring some corn chips - the blood's going to be thick as salsa in this one! There's the bell, and Moose comes out swinging. Big right hands rock Firechild across the ring. 'Child off the ropes, looking dazed. HEART PU---NO! Firechild slips to the side and grabs an armbar. What, is he actually planning to wrestle? Child wrenches the wrist, then drives the arm down across his knee. Moose fights free with an elbow to the back of the head and rolls away nursing his injured arm. Child to his feet and beckons Moose on with a Bruce Lee-esque gesture. Moose scowls and comes in a bit more carefully this time. It's no help though. Firechild ducks a forearm and hits a leg sweep, then spins around to pin Jack's shoulder with his knee and yank back on the arm. Moose tells Firechild exactly what he thinks of him (just how does he know that about 'child's mom?) then worms out and cheaply rakes the eyes. Firechild swipes blindly in an attempt to keep Moose away, but it's no help. Standing clothesline takes him down to the mat. Moose grabs the top rope ... DOUBLE STOMP to the chest! Firechild writhes from the pain, and somehow manages to work his way out under the ropes. Moose follows him to the floor as the ref tries to remind them that this isn't falls count anywhere. A couple more stomps from Moose, but Firechild manages to grab his foot and pull him to the ground. Child gets to his feet first, and he whips Moose into the OMG STEEL STEPS, then grabs the arm and slams it across the guard rail. Damage to the arm isn't going to win this fight, but it will remove the heart punch from Moose's arsenal. Both men back inside as the ref's floor count reaches seven and now it's Moose on the offensive. He whips Firechild into the ropes and takes him off his feet with a clothesline, before hauling him back upright to slam his head into the corner turnbuckle. Moose finishes by suplexing 'Child out of the corner into the center of the ring. The ref starts a 10-count, and while the official's attention is distracted, Moose unlaces the corner padding. The suplex isn't near enough to put Firechild down, of course, but by the time he gets to his feet at 6, the steel corner bolt is exposed. Jack in on the attack, working a headlock, but Firechild breaks out with strikes to Moose's injured arm. Moose reels away, then lets the momentum carry him round to deliver a spinning chop to Firechild's neck. He snaps on the headlock, then transitions into a swinging DDT which plants Firechild face first into the mat! Moose gets up, grabs the hair, and looks to bust Firechild open on the exposed corner. Child blocks! He worms free, grabs Jack's head, and it's Moose who eats corner post! Moose staggers backward. Running enzugiri blasts him out of the ring! The ref goes to the floor to check on Moose, but a bloodied Jack angrily pushes him away. Firechild sees Jack back on his feet and launches himself in a TOPE CON HILO TO THE FLOOR! Both men tumble into the official, who reels back, hits his head on the railing, and is knocked cold. Fragile folks, these referees. Child may have done himself more harm than good with that move, and it takes him quite a while to find his feet once more. When he does, Moose is waiting from him. Closed first to the face! Facebuster to the floor! Firechild rolls onto his front and tries to drag himself up via the barricade while Moose stomps his back and legs. Child pushes Moose off at last, and he's also bleeding after that vicious face buster. Moose sees the weakness and tries to open the cut still further. Firechild howls with pain. Finally he manages to get his weight in under Moose and drives Jack backwards into a ring post. Child turns and hits two uppercuts to knock the winded Moose away, then slides into the ring in order to put some distance between them and get a breather. Moose has a tantrum on the floor, throwing the ring bell and threatening the Lithuanian Announcing Team. He picks up and hurls a chair, which Firechild ducks. Suddenly, Moose stops. Slowly a savage grin forms on his face. Snatching up two more chairs, he hurls the first into the ring. Firechild ducks it, but as he does so, Moose slides inside with the SECOND chair and winds up for a massive swing ... but Firechild recovers faster than expected and SUPERKICKS THE CHAIR BACK INTO HIS FACE! Moose goes down, his face a crimson mask, as the chair falls to the mat (remember that. It's important). There's no-one to make a ten count, but there's also no-one to stop Firechild from continuing the assault. He looks for a Tiger Driver, but a woozy Moose somehow blocks it and fights Firechild off with knife-edge chops. Firechild back in the corner and Moose mounts the ropes to punch down on Child's injured head. The crowd's count gets to seven before Firechild manages to hook his arms under Jack's legs and lift him off and out of the corner. Running Powerbomb! Both men are down and not moving for what would be a count of at least fifteen if there were someone to make it. Finally, they both crawl to their feet and meet in the middle of the ring to trade blows that send each of them staggering back. The canny Moose lets himself rebound off the ropes and hits a lariat that takes Firechild off his feet! Jack hauls Child up and grabs the head and shoulders to look for a suplex, but Firechild blocks. Another attempt; another block. Jack tries to switch to a DDT, but Firechild worms free and hits a standing dropkick to the face. Both men lie gasping on the ground for the second time in only two minutes, before finally working their way to their feet for the endgame. Another sequence of fists and uppercuts sees Moose gain the advantage. He looks for a pile driver, but he's too tired to get the struggling Firechild all the way up. Firechild fights out, ducks a haymaker, and hits a HEART PUNCH! Moose's own move used against him! MHJ wavers on his feet but doesn't go down, so Firechild hooks the head and is about to hit a DEVIL DIVER ONTO THE STEEL CHAIR THAT'S STILL IN THE RING, but Firechild stops and lets Moose drop. FC kicks the chair out of the ring, then grabs Moose and hits the DEVIL DRIVER! Moose is DEAD~! The finally-recovered referee drags himself back inside and starts the ten count, when he gets to seven, Firechild falls on Moose and covers him, essentially getting the three count as well.
WINNER in 22:30 and NEW OOWF Intercontinental Champion - FIRECHILD!