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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:05:59 GMT -5
OOWF Bloodbath in Paradise Live! From Rio De Janeiro, Brazil OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u] Concrete TG vs. Stank OOWF Intercontinental Title Last Man Standing Match[/u] Moosehead Jack vs. Firechild OOWF World Tag Team Ultimate Punjabi Prison X Triple Scaffold Weapons on a Pole Match[/u] Weapon X vs. The Chickenshit Heels vs. Capellan & Viper OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u] Nayr vs. Spin Hansen Steel Cage Match[/u] Davin Moreland vs. Chris Cole No-Disqualification Match[/u] Kenji & Knife vs. Apocalyptic Bastards Super Special Return Match![/u] Defenestrators vs.  Hardbody Harris vs. Underdawg vs. Outback Jack vs. JW Westgaard Phantos & Lucios vs. Los Defenestrator card subject to Carnival |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:06:26 GMT -5
Phantos is crouched behind a stack of crates waiting for Los Defensestrators to arrive @ the Arena. Lucios creeps up to join him, carrying a shiny silver aluminum trash can.
P: What did you find?
L: I found this out with the ringside stuff. (points to the trash can) there’s a cookie sheet, a Yield sign and a bowling pin. I’ll take the trash can; you take one of those and get ready.
P: Bowling pin, the others won’t have as much effect.
L: I see the cab arriving, get ready, once they walk past us, take one of them out!
(Ecosistema and Voltaje walk past the crates and get ambushed from behind. Phantos smacks Voltaje in the back of the head with the bowling pin, sending him to the floor. Lucios waits until Eco looks to see what happened to his partner and crowns him with the trash can. Lucios follows up with the Yield sign to Eco’s knees, while Phantos takes the cookie sheet, places it across Volt’s back, and smashes it with the bowling pin. The masked men follow up with a few kicks to the head for both their fallen opponents.)
L: That boys, Is what happens when you decide to attack us from behind in the ring. You don’t like that? Let’s settle it in the ring tonight.
P: Be a man and meet us face to face next time. If you had, there’d be no bloodshed tonight. But now, you think this beating was bad? It’s just a matter of time boys.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:09:38 GMT -5
[Ecosistema and Voltaje are STAGGERED~!!! (but still with subtitles!)]
Ecosistema: ¡Hey, rompieron las reglas! ¡No puedes promo antes del PPV!
[Hey, they broke the rules! You can't promo before the PPV!]
Voltaje: ¿No estamos haciendo la misma cosa contestando a esta mierda?
[Aren't we doing the same thing by replying to this crap?]
Ecosistema: ¡Pero nos reservaron para conseguir batidos para arriba! ¿Hace este medio que nosotros puede ahora reservar nuestra propia materia?
[But they booked us to get beaten up! Does this mean we can book our own stuff now?]
Voltaje: ¡Maybe!
[Maybe!]
Ecosistema: ¿Dónde está ConcreteTG? ¡Deja para ir empeño su título!
[Where's ConcreteTG? Let's go pawn his title!]
Voltaje: Bien. Paz hacia fuera.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:10:00 GMT -5
*"The Main Event" Chris Cole is CALMLY WALKING~! into GM the Rick's office, and KNOCKS ON THE DOOR~!(OMG Swerve....)* GMtR: What??!? CC: Hey Rick... GMtR: Now listen, before you start any happy-crappy, it's really not my fault you choose not to respect the rules, and besides, it's fun pissing you off. CC: I understand. *stares freakishly at some point on the wall* GMtR: Chris, listen. You WERE "The Main Event" and you WERE the longest reigning champion in our history. But lately it just seems like you're on auto-pilot, and just expect me to hand you title shots. Well listen, Potsie...That's not going to happen, and if you have to lose to Davin Moreland 20 straight times, then you will lose to Davin Moreland 20 straight times... CC: Rick, it just doesn't matter anymore...it just..no matter how hard I try, and no matter how much I carry this bum, you're going to screw me out of winning...no matter what. GMtR: Probably. But, you have to admit, he's no bum. CC: Ok, maybe I exaggerated a little. But Rick, you've destroyed my ego, destroyed my pride, and destroyed my legacy. I've got nothing left. You win. GMtR: Course I win...I'm the Boss. Now, my suggestion is to read up on what a steel cage match means, in terms of how you win. CC: Pinfall, submission, and escape, with no disqualification. Is that right? GMtR: That's right. CC: No switching it up? GMtR: ... CC: Rick? GMtR: That's my intention anyway. You should go get ready, you guys have a sweet spot on the PPV. CC: Thanks Rick...and by the way?? GMtR: What? *'The Main Event' Chris Cole's eye starts to twitch and he absolutely snaps, trashing GM the Rick's desk, and finally attacking GM the Rick himself, despite his warnings. GM the Rick gets a couple of nice shots in, but Cole quickly overpowers him. He's just about to cause permanent injury when SECURITY comes charging in and hauls Chris Cole away. Rick stands up slowly, with a small trickle of blood on his lip, and has a Mick Foley-esque Creepy Grin on his face* *Hard Cut to Davin Moreland in this "Locker Room" (The Janitor's Closet...Still) taping his knuckles and apparently unaware of what just happened* DM: Well, Cole, it's you and me in a Steel Cage *grins*. I guess it's a good thing we keep squaring off, not just because I've beaten you 1-2-3 in the ring 4 straight times but, well, maybe you haven't gotten a fair shot at me? Maybe you think you're better than me? Let me tell you something Cole, I'm not afraid of facing you week after week, because one, we put on great matches, and two, every time I beat you, the star of Davin Moreland rises just a little bit more. Trust me, I repesct you Cole, no doubt. You're a great competitor, and no one can deny your Championship pedigree, and that's something, someday, I want to achieve for myself. I know I have a long road ahead of me, but Cole, the more I beat you, the closer I get. So this week Cole, at my Very First Pay Per View, "Bloodbath in Paradise". It's gonna be you and me and 4 sides of unforgiving steel. No one else can get in, and no one can get out, well, except for me, since once I start climbing the cage, you'll never catch me. You and me Cole, one more rodeo. This one's gonna be a ***** classic I can feel it. You bring the best outta me Cole, and we have a chance to steal the show. But in the end Cole, it comes down to me. My skill is impeccable and my desire is unmatched. Cole? I just want it more. Don't think I forgot what you did. It keeps me going every day, every minute, every hour. But guess what Cole? You need to know CC: *disembodied voice from somewhere* Why do you say this??? DM: Davin Moreland Ain't Your Bitch No More. CCDVFS: Seriously? *Davin Moreland borders on Gimmick Infrigement by making the "Diamond" sign with his hands, although thankfully, he leaves out the stupid, drug induced 'You will feel the BANG~!' because, well, it makes less sense than his current catchphrase. Plus, he doesn't want to be sued.* *Fade out to the OOWF Bloodbath in Paradise promotional logo and music* |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:10:36 GMT -5
[Johnny Adrenaline is on the phone.]
JA: ...so, you're gonna be at the show? ... I mean, you can accompany us to the ring. Hell, you can introduce us if you wish. ... Sweet. ... This is gonna be great.... Hey! ... Be sure to bring the tennis racket.
[Johnny closes his phone and smiles, then walks off.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:13:45 GMT -5
*Stank walks in on a heavily bandaged Moosehead Jack. Underdawg is nearby leaning in a corner of the room with his arms folded across his chest. Stank gives Dawg a glance, then focuses on Moose.*
Stank - Moose.
MHJ - Stank.
Stank - Congrats.
MHJ - ...
Stank - That was quite a performance.
MHJ - Are you insinuating something?
Stank - You expect me to believe the Heroes Guild did THIS to you?
MHJ - What NOW you're defending them?
Stank - No. I know they're hypocrites but C'MON... attacking you backstage? You coming in at the eleventh hour to steal the win? Your Dog over there practically handing your team the victory?
UD - Grrrrrrrr.
MHJ - Look Stank, I don't particularly care if you believe me or not. I know what happened to me and I know what I saw.
Stank - So what are you going to do? Has Rick made his promise any less vague?
MHJ - ...No.
Stank - ... You know Moose, I plan on taking the World Title away from Crete come Sunday.
MHJ - Good.
Stank - Not because I want it, so much as it will bring about the downfall of the Heroes Guild.
MHJ - Don't kid yourself. You know what carrying the World Title means.
Stank - Of course I do. You know what else?
MHJ - What?
Stank - I know you're a low down dirty snake. If your winning Rick's lazy booking invitational somehow ends up screwing ME... There will be HELL to pay. Believe that.
MHJ - Have I done ANYTHING to make you think that I am not on your side in this? Anything at all?
*Stank glares at Moose. He glances over at Underdawg then turns to leave.*
MHJ - Trust me.
*Stank walks out the locker room while Moose looks on with a smirk.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:14:05 GMT -5
[Voltage and Ecosystem are backstage!]
Voltage: So why did Moosehead Jack have to go to all that trouble with the pointless tournament?
Ecosystem: What do you mean?
V: Well, he books the show anyway! What use does he have in getting to pick his own match?
E: True point, tru...hey, wait a minute! You want to get us killed?
V: You mean we're not dead?
E: Uh, last time I checked, no. We are not.
V: So why haven't we been booked since we joined the tour a few weeks back?
E: Beats me. Do you want to go petition for a match at the PPV? I mean, otherwise I suppose we'll have to second Los Defenestratores.
V: I spose. Maybe I'll ask MHJ while I'm there about the benefits of an 'any match' briefcase as opposed to my Money In The Bank one.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:14:29 GMT -5
(Those wacky Defenstrators! Now let's check in with...LOS DEFENSTRATORES!!!)
(El Ecosistema and El Voltaje are waiting in the darkened Heroes' Guild locker room when ConcreteTG comes in.)
El Ecosistema: AYYIYIYIYIYIYIYI!!!!!
ConcreteTG: AH!! Intruders!
(ConcreteTG lays El Ecosistema out with a spin kick.)
Crete: YOU WANT A FIGHT? (turning the light switch on)
El Voltaje: Hola, Concrete!
El Ecosistema: (weakly) Hola, Concrete.
Concrete: Oh...it's you guys. Why are you always in other people's locker rooms.
El Voltaje: Cuando estamos a solos, enemios nos atacan siempre.
[When we're alone, we're always getting attacked.]
Concrete: Have you guys ever considered being either faces or heels? Like, maybe you wouldn't get attacked by everyone all the time.
El Ecosistema: Rechazo etiquetas!
Concrete: Fine. What are you here for?
El Voltaje: Nosotros queremos robar su titulo y vendemos por mucho dinero.
[We wanted to steal your title and sell it for lots of money.]
Concrete: Um...no?
El Ecosistema: Entonces, nos deja no eleccion!
[Then you leave us no choice!]
Concrete: What are you going to do?
(Michael Vick tackles ConcreteTG.)
Concrete: Oww...
(El Voltaje grabs the title belt.)
El Voltaje: Vaya conmigo, Ecosistema! Hay mucho dinero en nuestra futura!
[Come with me, Ecosistema! There is much money in our future!]
El Ecosistema: Gracias, Michael Vick.
Vick: Hey, no problem. You need a full-time bodyguard? I'm about to have a LOT more spare time...
El Ecosistema: Es posible.
(El Ecosistema runs off.)
Vick: (turning to Concrete) You like dogs?
Concrete: Yeah...
Vick: Grilled or rare?
Concrete: ......
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:14:48 GMT -5
[Los Defenestratores RUN PAST~!!!! the Defenestrators!]
Voltage: Hey, what the fuck? What's that on your shoulder?
Ecosystem: Is that a World Title belt? It doesn't even look fake!
El Voltaje: Sí. Robamos esto a partir ConcreteTG hace de algunos segundos.
[Yes. We stole this from Concrete TG a few seconds ago.]
Voltage: WHAT?! You can't do that! That's our schtick!
El Ecosistema: ¡Pero necesitamos el dinero! ¡Todas las cuentas del hospital Moosehead Jack de heartpunches han salido de nosotros se rompieron!
E: STOP STEALING OUR MATERIAL!
V: This is seriously awkward.
[Michael Vick walks past with a shotgun.]
Michael Vick: Hey, have any of you seen UnderDawg's changeroom?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:15:09 GMT -5
V: Look, just give us the freaking title.
El Voltaje: Pero por que?
[But why?]
El Ecosistema: Robamos el titulo honestamente!
[We stole that title fair and square!]
Voltage: Eco?
Eco: MIRAD! UNA DISTRACCION!
[Look! A distraction!]
Los Defenstratores: DONDE?
{Ecosystem steals the belt and the Defenstrators run away.)
Eco: If we get a headstart, we can outrun them!
Voltage: Hang on, didn't we get the crap beaten out of us earlier? Why are we still walking around?
Eco: It was an invalid post, so the beatdown doesn't count.
Voltage: Oh. Can I disqualify some of Moose's heart punches because he can't be bothered to use capital letters half the time?
(MHJ jumps out and heart punches Ecosystem.)
Eco: Why me?
Jack: that joke was your idea.
(Los Defenstratores catch up.)
Ecosistema: Os encontrais vuestra cerilla!
[You have met your match!]
Voltaje: Somos mas rapidos, mas fuertes, y mas inteligentes!
[We are faster, stronger, smarter!]
Eco: We have BRICK~!
Ecosistema/Voltaje: Eh?
(BRICK~! falls from the sky and crushes Los Defenstratores.)
Eco: Run, Voltage!
(The Defenstrators run off.)
Voltage: But I thought he was dead!
Eco: He is. It's an invalid post.
Voltage: So they're going to get up any time now.
Eco: Which is why we're running.
Voltage: Ah...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:15:31 GMT -5
[Voltage and Ecosystem are inexplicably still on television!]
Voltage: While we're running, can I ask you a question?
Ecosystem: Yeah, sure.
Voltage: You're Japanese, right? Do they speak Spanish in Japan?
Eco: Uh, no. Do they speak Spanish in Australia?
Volt: No, no they do not. So how on earth do we understand every single thing Los Defenestratores say?
Eco: I follow the subtitles floating in the air in front of them, myself.
Volt: Fair enough! So, uh, do we still need to run? We're in a different country right now.
Eco: Where did we run to? This looks like...is this...Brazil?
Volt: No, no, no. We were in Brazil.
Eco: I'm pretty sure this isn't another country. This is just a bar. In Rio De Janeiro.
Volt: Easy mistake to make. Wait, whats this belt on my shoulder?
Eco: The OOWF Heavyweight Championship.
Volt: Wait...I'm the World Champ? Why do I have this Money In The Bank briefcase then?!
Eco: Uh, thats not a Money In The Bank. That's Super Mario, Attorney At Law's legal briefcase.
Mario: MARIO ESTUPENDO!
Volt: I like that, that's fresh
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:16:03 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is STORMING into the Formerly Team Hardbody Locker Room. It appears empty*
DM: UNDERDAWG! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE! WE GOT BUSINESS!
*The room goes black, a poof is heard and Underdawg, snarling stands behind Moreland*
DM:*double takes behind him and then stands toe to toe with Underdawg* What the HELL was that? First you screw your team in the tag team and THEN you screw us in the Singles. I DEMAND an explanation...
UD: I owe you nothing... *full snarl now...looking like one of the Vick family dawgs....*
DM: Not only did you screw our team...You screwed ME! You screwed me out of a chance at the big time!
UD: *grrrrrr*
DM: I'm gonna finish thing up with Cole...assuming he responds to my texts...and then? Watch your back Underdawg....
UD: Or What? *grrrrrr*
DM: *stares directly into Underdawg's eyes, grins slightly and gives him the SLAP OF DISRESPECT!*
*Underdawg grins crazily, cocks his paw and OH MY WE HAVE A DONNYBROOK! Moreland and Underdawg trade haymakers in Hockey Fight fashion until several other indie-worker security people come in to break it up*
DM: *screaming as being pulled away* WE'RE NOT DONE!!! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU DAWG!!! YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR COSTING ME!!! SOMEONE'S PUTTING A STOP TO YOU DOING WHAT YOU WANT WHEN YOU WANT!!! YOU CROSSED THE *WRONG GUY*!!!!
*commercial for Kibbles n' Bits*
*We come back to Moreland in his own closet/locker room, he's using a towel to mop up the blood from his split lip*
DM: You thought I was a joke, huh? I'm just the crazy guy, huh? Well, I'm NOT joking. Cross me? Look out. Cole (if you show up) I'm gonna end your misery once and for all, and you might as well hang it up when I'm through. You *were* the "Main Event", but I've beaten you time and again, and at "Bloodbath in Paradise"...I'm gonna end your pain...In the STEEL CAGE!!!
*takes a deep breath as the smile leaves his face*
DM: And to you...Underdawg...We're all out for ourselves here, but you were supposed to work as a team, and because of that, you cost me a shot at the Vague Promise. I think I made my point on that today...Just be aware, you can not intimidate me, and your voodoo mumbo-jumbo dead-dawg crap ain't gonna fly here. Know why??
*text message from Chris Cole's cell phone* *My physical address is 127 Red Pine Dr, Orlando, Florida 32805*
*text message from Chris Cole's cell phone* *Please don't say it...Please...*
Because Davin Moreland AIN'T YOUR BITCH NO MORE!!!!
*text message from Chris Cole's cell phone* *The Gators are in the pool...hearing that was all i needed...*
*Moreland looks all intense*
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:16:23 GMT -5
(Back where Los Defenetstratores are stuck under BRICK~!...)
El Voltaje: ¡Mario Estupendo! ¡Nos liberen!
[Super Mario! Free us!]
Super Mario, Attorney at Law: You see, I can't do that. If I injure myself in the process of doing so, I'll have to pay my own medical bills. I don't have wrestler coverage as a valet...
El Ecosistema: ¡DIGALO!
[SAY IT!]
Super Mario, Attorney at Law: ...sigh...MARIO!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:16:43 GMT -5
Voltage: Hey Davin.
[Michael Vick walks in and shoots Davin in the face. He, of course, pretty much no-sells.]
Davin: Ow! That kinda hurt. What the fuck was that for?
Ecosystem: Well, it seems to happen enough in your promos, figured we should try it.
Davin: Why you--(Davin F-5's Eco and Voltage with two fingers)
Voltage: See, kind of like that.
Ecosystem: This could prove useful. Let's go on a murdering rampage! Noone will die!
Voltage: Doesn't that defeat the purpose of committing a murderous rampage?
Ecosystem: Purpose? What?
Cousin Vinny: It's all about the poipose.
BRICK~!: Porpoises are endangered.
...
[silence]
Mario Estupendo: MARIO ESTUPENDO!
Voltage: I like this dude. Can we hire him?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:17:28 GMT -5
<Moose walks up to Stank as he is leaving>
MHJ: Stank
<Stank turns around slowly>
Sta: What?
MHJ: Look, come with me
Sta: Where?
MHJ: I need to find Spin, if you are doubting me on this, I know damn well he is too
Sta: Fine, it's your funeral
<Stank and Jack leave, we get the nifty camera "time passes" thing and we see Moose and Stank walk into a bar where Spin is sitting at the bar, Jack and Stank walk up>
MHJ: Spin
SH: Well look who it is. Moosehead Jack. Can't be bothered to show up for the match, but he can damn sure show up after I am eliminated to steal the glory. Thanks a lot "partner"
MHJ: Look Spin, I have a good reason
SH: Yeah Jack, you ALWAYS have a good reason. Trust you right? Well you can fuck off.
<Moose grabs Spin by the shoulder and starts to talk, Spin spins in the bar stool and catches Jack with a left to the mouth that sends him crashing through a table. Spin takes the next five minutes to beat Moose around the bar, sending him crashing through walls and windows, outside and inside, through the bar, over the bar and everything else. The whole time Stank sits on a stool and enjoys a cold one. Finally Spin is done and Jack is slumped on the floor bleeding and gasping for breath>
MHJ: You done?
SH: <breathing hard> Yeah.....for now
MHJ: Then help me up
<Spin jerks Moose to his feet and the two walk over to the bar, both men order drinks and the bar quickly returns to normal>
MHJ: Now, you gonna listen to me? Both of you?
SH: Fine
Sta: Have at it
MHJ: Look, I know neither of you believe me, so I went back and checked the tape, bartender! turn on OOWF TV
<the bartender turns the channel and almost as if it was planned, we see Jack and Spin talking at the bar shortly before Mayhem
MHJ: Did you see that shady ass piece of crap that left just after I did?
SH: yeah
MHJ: Well I got a few blocks away and he nailed me from behind and him and two others dragged me in an alley and beat the hell out of me
SH: You expect me to believe that?
MHJ: Spin, I haven't wrestled since last Wednesday, do these cuts and bruises look a week old to you?
SH: No, I guess not
Sta:<drinking from his beer> So what exactly does that have to do with Crete and the rest of the Heroes? You saying that was them?
MHJ: No, it wasn't them, they are too proud to do that themselves. After these three got done, the one leans in and tells me that this is what happens when you mess with Heroes.
SH: Wait, so you're saying the Heroes hired hitmen to take you out? Come on Jack
MHJ: Sounds ridiculous doesn't it
SH: You could say that
MHJ: So ridiculous that you wouldn't believe it huh.
Sta: He has a point there
SH: How do you know they were behind it? Maybe some fans just like the Heroes?
MHJ: Spin, after all the things that I have done in the OOWF, why would someone wait till now? Don't you find it a bit convenient?
SH: I find it a bit convenient that you made it back just in time to eliminate Adrenaline
MHJ: Thats just how it happened, I got here and I was looking for you guys to see what went down, they told me you were in the ring, so I headed down there
Sta: Fine, let's say this was a setup by the Heroes, the fact is you still have the Vague Promise, what good does that do you when I plan on winning the title this week, or us in general?
MHJ: Look, Spin, Stank, I have been up front about this, I know you don't trust me, and that is fine. Stank, you win that title, and I will be the first to congratulate you
Sta: And attack me from behind
MHJ: Only if you don't give me a shot. The fact is, the Heroes have made a mistake. I have this Vague Promise, and I know how we can make this work to end the Heroes. Or, I can take my Vague Promise, and walk away and you two can go about your business. This is up to you.
<fade out>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:17:58 GMT -5
[Voltage and Ecosystem walk past, still carrying the World Title.]
Voltage: Dude, I can't believe the pawnbroker wouldn't accept this title!
Eco: Yeah, and he didnt have magical subtitles floating in front of his Portuguese. Bastard!
Volt: So I guess we give this back to ConcreteTG then.
Eco: ...nah.
Volt: What can we steal that's of value then?!
Eco: Look, it's Moosehead Jack! Let's steal his Vague Promise!
Volt: ...can you steal a Vague Promise?
Eco: I'm sure you can. Hey Moose!
Moosehead Jack: hey guys
Volt: Look! Michael Vick is killing UnderDawg!
Moosehead Jack: WHERE?!
Eco: RUN!
[Voltage and Ecosystem run away!]
Volt: So...did you steal it?
Eco: Um, how do we know if we have?
Volt: Who cares. I'm pawning this right now.
Eco: But who would want to buy a Vague Promise?
...
[Meanwhile, somewhere in America, Hilary Clinton is running a press conference.]
HC: I have just purchased, from two fine non-American professional wrestlers, this Vague Promise of being able to choose my opponent in an upcoming contest. I therefore cash it in to face in the Democratic Candidate election...this stalk of corn!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:18:21 GMT -5
(Los Defenstratores are still trapped under BRICK~!)
Voice: Let me help you there, friends!
(Senator Barack Obama lifts BRICK~! off them.)
El Ecosistema: Gracias, senor!
El Voltaje: Barack Obama! Te amamos mucho!!!
Sen. Obama: Sorry, I don't speak Spanish. Bill?
Governor Bill Richardson: He said they love you.
Sen. Obama: Ah. Well, I love America. And change.
El Ecosistema: Porque vostros estais aqui?
[Why are you here?]
Gov. Richardson: Well, it seems your identical English-speaking friends have stolen a vague promise from Moosehead Jack and given it to Hillary Clinton.
Sen. Obama: And I'm not talking about that fake kind of change.
Gov. Richardson: She's used it to replace us all with a stalk of corn. Now, we have nothing to do.
Sen. Obama: I'm talking about real, lasting change. Change that the American people are hungry for.
El Voltaje: Hillary es una perra!
[Hillary is a female dog!]
El Ecosistema: Lo recuperaremos!
[We will retrieve it!]
Gov. Richardson: That's the spirit! Now go!
(Los Defenstratores run off.)
Sen. Obama: The time for partisanship is over. The time for change is now.
BRICK~!: Who is this guy?
Gov. Richardson: Well, he's twenty points ahead of me in polling.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:18:41 GMT -5
[Voltage and Ecosystem are walking around.]
Voltage: So what are we goi...
Ando: HEY!
Ecosystem: Hey! It's Ando!
Ando: Stop trying to break my record already.
Volt: ...ok.
[Voltage and Ecosystem sulk off.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:19:01 GMT -5
A open letter has been nailed to GMtheRick's door, posted to OOWF.com and e-mailed to every OOWF superstar.
Dear OOWF fans and colleagues,
As a great believer in openness, and honesty I am writing this letter to state my aims and explain my methods to those alleviate the fears of those who support me, and give pause to those who doubt me.
I am 100% commited to the cause of the Heroes Guild, which is to stamp out corruption, bribery, cheating and evil in all it's forms from the OOWF.
I take it as my mission, at this time to attain these goals by firstly removing the coveted Intercontinental title from Moosehead Jack's waist, and secondly, beating him so badly in the process that he packs up and leaves the OOWF forever.
I refute, absolutely the charges laid at my door that I am obsessed with championship gold - that time in my life is passed - and though I am possessed of a pure, competitive spirit, I believe that purifying the OOWF to allow such pure cometition is a more pressing concern. I also believe that the best way to rid the OOWF of grasping evil like Moosehead Jack and Chris Cole is for upstanding honourable wreestlers like myyself, Concrete Takaken Gryffon and Nayr to hold all the gold in the company - without gold to bicker over, the villains will depart for less honourable rings, and then we shall seek them out and defeat them there!
Lastly, some have questioned my methods, have said that I am still the cheating, weapon wielding nemesis of my former days. To them I say that my cause is pure and while I will NOT cheat, I will not stand by and allow a nefarious foe and advantage through ultraviolence. I will follow suit in order to defeat them.
I fight for the future of the OOWF, for the fans as yet unborn and the superstars as yet unblooded. I fight that they may have an pure arena, a temple of the competitive spirit in which to take part. Yes there is blood on my hands, and there is no place for me in that future, but I will fight for it, and I WILL WIN for it.
Understand me when I say, that it is not a lust for gold, or a visciosness of spirit that drives me, but a desire to make the OOWF a better place for those who come after me. I have found my peace with myself, my serenity and I task myself with a mission who's fulfilment I will never enjoy.
Hear my words, and understand my meaning. Moose, I aim to misbehave, so that others won't have to. Be afraid, for I come with wrath and your time here is short.
Thankyou for your attention,
-signed-
Christopher Angelus 'Firechild' Napier
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:19:19 GMT -5
Spin - By the way, have you seen Firechild's email?
Stank - What? No.
Spin - Take a look.
*Stank pulls out his cell phone and opens up his email. After a few moments he looks up at Spin with a "Boy PLEASE!" look on his face.*
Spin - I thought you might get kick out of that.
Stank - Is he for real?
Spin - Seems that way.
Stank - You see? THIS is why those fools need to be brought down. BullSHIT like THIS!
AND on TOP of that... I'm forced to side with men like Moosehead Jack! I'll NEVER forgive the Guild for this.
Spin - Yeah Jack's an asshole.
Stank - But AT LEAST he doesn't claim to be anything else, fuckin Heroes Guild... fuckin Firechild! I hope Moose murders the PRICK! We need to respond to this.
Spin - I say fuck that. This is Moose's battle. Yours is with Crete and mine, Nayr. Let our response be taking those titles.
Stank - You're right. Those guys just get me so riled up.
Spin - Relax. Have another beer.
Stank - Have you talked to Outback?
Spin - I haven't seen him. You still looking to get him on board?
Stank - Every little bit helps. We're still two men down. Lock is content to be on vacation and I haven't heard from Ax-Man in weeks.
Spin - OBJ seems pretty chummy with the Guild.
Stank - Well if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. I have other candidates in mind. It just seemed Outback would make a natural fit.
Spin - I hear you... Where are you going?
Stank - Did you see that?
Spin - What?
Stank - I thought I just saw The Defenestrators with... Crete's belt!
Spin - What? You sure it wasn't one those souvenir belts?
*Stank walks toward the exit*
Stank - I KNOW what MY belt looks like!
Spin - Geez Stank, make up your mind. Is it Crete's belt or yours?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:19:39 GMT -5
[Stank catches up to the Defenestrators.]
Stank: Dude...is that the OOWF Heavyweight Title belt?
Volt: ...oh shit, it is. Weren't we meant to return this to Concrete TG sometime in the last 9 promos?
Eco: Yeah, I think that would be the correct thing to do.
Stank: That'd make you guys FACES though.
Volt: Ah, touche salesman. Such a dilemma! What do we do?
Stank: You could always give the belt to me?
Eco: Eh, we already tried pawning it, it's worthless. Made out of some metal that ain't gold or silver.
Volt: 'Platinum' or something. The shop owner said it was priceless or something, so we left.
Stank: You idiots, I don't want it for pawning.
Volt: ...what else do you do with a championship belt?
Eco: I'm not sure either. Have either of us actually ever held any form of championship?
Volt: We would have been tag champs if Moose hadn't screwed us in the booking while I was AWOL.
[Moosehead Jack appears, kinghits Voltage with the deceased form of Kayfabe.]
Stank: Wow, he really has a problem with that, doesn't he?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:20:04 GMT -5
(CTG walks into the promo) CTG: THIEVES! Hand over my title! Eco: you don't want this, the pawn shop won't take it. CTG: "pawn"? "PAWN" How DARE you insinuate that I would use the very symbol of justise in the OOWF for quick cash! Stank: I'm tellin em to give it to me. CTG: They are not officials of the OOWF and have no say to who is to carry that title! it is rightfully mine, and I have defended it over these last few months. Stank: so they give it to me now instead of waiting til I beat your ass at the PPV. CTG: I do not surrender my title on your prideful boasts! Moose: ..... just give him the belt before Crete gets on his soapbox about justice and crap... Stank: ..... Eco: (hands it over) CTG: (drapes it proudly over your shoulder) no thanks to your shenanigans, I am now LATE for my Guild meeting! I will deal with YOU (points at Stank) at the Pay Per View! (Launches out of the scene) Eco: how does he fly like that? MHJ: someone needs to tell him that doesn't work, he'll fall like a rock. Stank: he's fallin, all right..... Sunday.... |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:20:24 GMT -5
Voltage: Why did you hand it over like that?
Eco: Because Moose told me to...
Voltage: So?
Eco: So I value my life.
Voltage: Since WHEN?
Stank: You guys better not pull this crap when I'm champion. I see you guys touch my title, you're dead.
Voltage: ... LOOK STANK! IT'S THE REAL TITLE TO 1-18-08!
Stank: WHERE?
(Voltage quickly grabs something out of Stank's pocket.)
Voltage: Run!
(The Defenstrators run away)
Eco: What did you take?
Voltage: Something you need. (pulling out the item) I stole his Sense of Deserving The World Title!
Eco: It looks like his wallet...
Voltage: A mere deception!
Eco: Dude, this is a felony. The belt doesn't count because...well...this is pro-wrestling, but you can't steal his wallet! I'm giving it back.
Voltage: Fine.
(Eco and Voltage walk back to Stank.)
Eco: Sorry we took your wallet.
Stank: It's okay. Guys...do you think I'm a good role model for children?
Voltage: It depends if I've really been misinterpreting "Drink and Destroy".
Stank: See, that's just it. Takaken is such a good role model for the children. Don't lie, don't steal, eat your vegetables. And I'm just...(Stank begins to cry) NOBODY!!!
(Stank is crying on Eco's shoulder.)
Eco: There there, Stank. I'm sure you're a great role model.
Volt: You're a better role-model than us. Look, we lie, sashimi and steal.
Stank: What was that second one?
Volt: Cheat?
Eco: Do you have any children?
Stank: No.
Voltage: Nieces or nephews?
Stank: One nephew.
Eco: And does he look up to you?
Stank: Yeah...I helped him shoot off fireworks one time...BUT THE BIG ONE DIDN'T WORK!!!! (Stank starts sobbing again)
Voltage: That could be a Cialis commercial.
Eco: NOT HELPING!
Voltage: Sorry. (Voltage puts Stank's wallet back in his pocket.)
Stank: (perking up) What the--Get off my shoulder, you queer! You trying to rub off some of my glory or what?
Eco: I miss the Emo one already.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:20:47 GMT -5
Nayr...
Nayr...
Can you hear me, Nayr?
This is isolation, isn't it?
Are these all your guitars?
Let's fuck these people up!
Take this, fuckers!
You realise the sarcasm, right?
It's dark and cutting, is what it is.
Would you like to call the Rio de Janeiro cops? Do you think it's time I stopped?
Why are you running away?
Nayr: These voices in my head are pretty cool, but Spin I will successfully defend my title at Bloodbath in Paradise.
They won't let you fly, but they might let you sing.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 25, 2008 10:21:06 GMT -5
(Spin Hansen is leaning in a doorway, talking to SFJ #119.)
SFJ # 119: What are your thoughts for the upcoming Onslaught championship match?
SH: I can take it or leave it.
SFJ # 119: WHAT?
SH: You know that I'm joking, right? There is NOTHING that will stop me from getting the Onslaught championship back. Not Harris, not Nayr, no one. I WILL get that belt back. I also have something else to say...
SFJ #119: Yes?
SH: I'm also the holder of the DDT Ironman Heavy Metal Championship. The rules of the championship make it clear that the title is to be defended 24 hours, seven days a week... and I plan on defending it against all comers. On top of that, the rules governing the title say that the belt can be used as a weapon by the holder in all matches-- including Onslaught matches. So keep that in mind, Halfling. I never had a problem with you before but you now hold what is rightfully mine. I'm coming for it Nayr.
Because I'm Spin Freakin' Hansen.
AND THERE'S NOT A DAMN THING THAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!
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