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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:17:48 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Hogansville, Georgia
OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u] Concrete TG vs. Canadian Dragon
OOWF intercontinental Title Match[/u] Firechild vs. JW Westgaard
OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u] The Chickenshit Heels vs. Phantos & Lucios
OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u] Knife vs. Davin Moreland
Moosehead Jack vs. Outback Jack Los Defenestrators vs. Hardbody Harris & Chris Alt Stank vs. UnderDawg Spin Hansen vs. LD Williams Capellan & Viper vs. Defenestrators F. Fonzworth Cappington III vs. SYB
Card subject to 24 inch pythons, BROTHER!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:18:17 GMT -5
(Voltage, Eco, F. Fonzworth Cappington III and Los Defenestratores are standing around.)
Voltage: Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER.
Ecosystem: Way to go, dude. Totally bitchin'.
Volt: Please don't steal my radical gimmick.
Eco: OK.
Volt: So all I need to do now is capture the Black Sabbath title to become th-
Cappington: The Black Sabbath title?
Volt: Iron Man. You know, 'duh-nuh duh-NUH NUH nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh narhhhhh nuh-NUH NUH!'
Eco: ...
Volt: Will you know it if I air guitar at the same time?
(Stank wanders onto the scene muttering to himself.)
Stank: Where's Moose?!
Eco: Voltage, make the call.
Voltage: WE SHOULD HAVE WON THE DEFENESTRATION MATCH SINCE WE ARE CLEARLY MORE OVER AS HEELS BEING IN A STABLE WITH AN ESTABLISHED SUPERHEEL CHARACTER!
(Moosehead Jack runs in.)
MHJ: Stank.
Stank: Moose. You're going down, sir.
Eco: I thought you were facing his buddies.
Stank: That was last week.
El Voltaje: Escucha el sir, tú es hermoso pero estás perdiendo nuestro tiempo. Volver por favor la correa a mi colega.
(Listen sir, you are handsome but you are wasting our time. Please return the belt to my colleague.)
Volt: Right on, amigo. So, as I was saying, after I win the Black Sabbath titl-
Eco: What does that mean again?
Volt: Black Sabbath. Iron Man. Latter is a song by the former.
Eco: I like that, let's go with it.
Volt: Just go stand in the corner, OK?
Eco: Moose, can you heartpunch him again?
MHJ: Wait...you don't know who Black Sabbath is?
Eco: No. I feel like we established that.
El Ecosistema: Normalmente, antes de Moose llega.
Eco: Ah.
Moose: You really don't, then?
Eco: Nope.
(MHJ heartpunches Ecosystem.)
MHJ: That will teach him to respect classic music.
Volt: ANYWAY, once I've unified these belts into the TRIPLE CROWN...DDT...IRON MAN...HEAVY METAL TITLE, I will be the most acclaimed wrestler in all of OOWF history! Three belts at once!
FFC: Pretty sure a dead sparrow held that title. 4 times.
Volt: SHUT UP, ECO!
Stank: Eco is clearly unconscious.
Volt: So who do I have to beat to achieve this magnanimous feat?
FFC: Uh, Moosehead Jack.
Volt: Easy enough, I'll just criticise his booking until he appears.
MHJ: I'm right here.
Voltage: Oh. Uh, it was him. (points at El Voltaje)
El Voltaje: ¿Era? (It was?!)
(MHJ heartpunches Voltage.)
FFC: So, uh, I assume you're going to take Volt's belts then?
MHJ: Belts? No. Wallet? Hell yes!
MHJ: ?? There's only one.
FFC: Check your pocket.
MHJ: (checking) I don't have either of the other ones.
(Stunned silence from all around.)
FFC: Everybody check your pockets.
(Everybody checks.)
El Voltaje: Yo lo tengo! Quiere la cartera, Moose? (I have it! Do you want the wallet, Moose?)
MHJ: No speak Spanish. Sorry.
FFC: I have five wallets, but they might all be mine.
Stank (feeling in his pockets) I have a condom.
Ecosystem: (coming to consciousness) I have a scarf. (Ecosystem begins pulling out a long strand of colorful scarfs all tied together. At the end is a wallet.)
MHJ: There it is. I knew you had one.
Eco: But there were three.
Voltaje: YO LA TENGO!!
Stank: Moose, we need to--
Stank/MHJ: talk.
MHJ: Jinx. You owe me a beer.
Stank: Why would I get you a beer? I'm wrestling you this week!
(They leave to get Moose a beer.)
Volt: (getting up) Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:18:48 GMT -5
(Voltage, Eco, F. Fonzworth Cappington III and Los Defenestratores are standing around.)
Voltage: Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER.
Ecosystem: Way to go, dude. Totally bitchin'.
Volt: Please don't steal my radical gimmick.
Eco: OK.
Volt: So all I need to do now is capture the Black Sabbath title to become th-
Cappington: The Black Sabbath title?
Volt: Iron Man. You know, 'duh-nuh duh-NUH NUH nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh narhhhhh nuh-NUH NUH!'
Eco: ...
Volt: Will you know it if I air guitar at the same time?
(Stank wanders onto the scene muttering to himself.)
Stank: Where's Moose?!
Eco: Voltage, make the call.
Voltage: WE SHOULD HAVE WON THE DEFENESTRATION MATCH SINCE WE ARE CLEARLY MORE OVER AS HEELS BEING IN A STABLE WITH AN ESTABLISHED SUPERHEEL CHARACTER!
(Moosehead Jack runs in.)
MHJ: Stank.
Stank: Moose. You're going down, sir.
Eco: I thought you were facing his buddies.
Stank: That was last week.
El Voltaje: Escucha el sir, tú es hermoso pero estás perdiendo nuestro tiempo. Volver por favor la correa a mi colega.
(Listen sir, you are handsome but you are wasting our time. Please return the belt to my colleague.)
Volt: Right on, amigo. So, as I was saying, after I win the Black Sabbath titl-
Eco: What does that mean again?
Volt: Black Sabbath. Iron Man. Latter is a song by the former.
Eco: I like that, let's go with it.
Volt: Just go stand in the corner, OK?
Eco: Moose, can you heartpunch him again?
*Davin Moreland wanders in*
DM: Now guys...Wasn't I in this promo before?
Eco: Yes, but you are the epitome of teh suck, so you've been written out.
DM: Written out?!?! You wrote me out of quite possibly the BEST PROMO EVAR??
Volt: Yeah. Go, like, beat some random person up for no reason.
DM: What if I say no?
Eco: Moose, if you would please.
(MHJ Heartpunches Moreland. His lifeless corpse is dragged out of the room somehow)
MHJ: Wait...you don't know who Black Sabbath is?
Eco: No. I feel like we established that.
El Ecosistema: Normalmente, antes de Moose llega.
Eco: Ah.
Moose: You really don't, then?
Eco: Nope.
(MHJ heartpunches Ecosystem.)
MHJ: That will teach him to respect classic music.
Volt: ANYWAY, once I've unified these belts into the TRIPLE CROWN...DDT...IRON MAN...HEAVY METAL TITLE, I will be the most acclaimed wrestler in all of OOWF history! Three belts at once!
FFC: Pretty sure a dead sparrow held that title. 4 times.
Volt: SHUT UP, ECO!
Stank: Eco is clearly unconscious.
Volt: So who do I have to beat to achieve this magnanimous feat?
FFC: Uh, Moosehead Jack.
Volt: Easy enough, I'll just criticise his booking until he appears.
MHJ: I'm right here.
Voltage: Oh. Uh, it was him. (points at El Voltaje)
El Voltaje: ¿Era? (It was?!)
(MHJ heartpunches Voltage.)
FFC: So, uh, I assume you're going to take Volt's belts then?
MHJ: Belts? No. Wallet? Hell yes!
MHJ: ?? There's only one.
FFC: Check your pocket.
MHJ: (checking) I don't have either of the other ones.
(Stunned silence from all around.)
FFC: Everybody check your pockets.
(Everybody checks.)
El Voltaje: Yo lo tengo! Quiere la cartera, Moose? (I have it! Do you want the wallet, Moose?)
MHJ: No speak Spanish. Sorry.
FFC: I have five wallets, but they might all be mine.
Stank (feeling in his pockets) I have a condom.
Ecosystem: (coming to consciousness) I have a scarf. (Ecosystem begins pulling out a long strand of colorful scarfs all tied together. At the end is a wallet.)
MHJ: There it is. I knew you had one.
Eco: But there were three.
Voltaje: YO LA TENGO!!
Stank: Moose, we need to--
Stank/MHJ: talk.
MHJ: Jinx. You owe me a beer.
Stank: Why would I get you a beer? I'm wrestling you this week!
(They leave to get Moose a beer.)
Volt: (getting up) Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:19:09 GMT -5
AA and JA are watching endless loops of Defensestrator and FFC3 promos. Both look like they've eaten way too many pastrami, salami, pepperoni, bolgna and Spam sandwiches.
AA: Do you have any clue what's going on right now?
JA (holding his stomach): No.
AA: Are we being out heeled by LOADED? Are they even heels? If so, why are we facing them--or at least their masked alter-egos? (JA is starting to look green.) And how is it that the Defensestrators and Los Defensestrators are able to hang out together? (JA gets a panicked look on his face and holds his stomach.) I mean, even wew had to put Ron and Ric under the masks...
JA suddenly runs to the door marked "Restroom" and we here requisite barfing sounds. AA watches Johnny leave, looks at the restroom door, looks at Johnny's sandwich, at the door again, then picks up the sanwich and starts to take a bite...then thinks twice anad puts it back down again.
Canned laughter follows as we fade to black.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:19:36 GMT -5
(Voltage, Eco, F. Fonzworth Cappington III and Los Defenestratores are standing around.)
FFCIII: Doesn't it seem like we have been standing here forever?
Eco: Don't we have matches to scheme for or something?
Voltage: Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER.
Ecosystem: Way to go, dude. Totally bitchin'.
Volt: Please don't steal my radical gimmick.
Eco: OK.
FFCIII: Seriously, I swear we have heard this before. Right now Volt is going to say something about winning the wrong title.....
Volt: So all I need to do now is capture the Black Sabbath title to become th-
Cappington: The Black Sabbath title? Wait, why the hell did I just say that again?
Volt: Iron Man. You know, 'duh-nuh duh-NUH NUH nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh narhhhhh nuh-NUH NUH!'
Eco: ...
Volt: Will you know it if I air guitar at the same time?
(Stank wanders onto the scene muttering to himself.)
FFCIII: You're back!
Stank: I've been here before? Where's Moose?!
Eco: Voltage, make the call.
Voltage: WE SHOULD HAVE WON THE DEFENESTRATION MATCH SINCE WE ARE CLEARLY MORE OVER AS HEELS BEING IN A STABLE WITH AN ESTABLISHED SUPERHEEL CHARACTER!
(Moosehead Jack runs in.)
MHJ: Stank.
Stank: Moose. You're going down, sir.
MHJ: I am?
Eco: I thought you were facing his buddies.
Stank: That was last week.
El Voltaje: Escucha el sir, tú es hermoso pero estás perdiendo nuestro tiempo. Volver por favor la correa a mi colega.
(Listen sir, you are handsome but you are wasting our time. Please return the belt to my colleague.)
Volt: Right on, amigo. So, as I was saying, after I win the Black Sabbath titl-
Eco: What does that mean again?
Volt: Black Sabbath. Iron Man. Latter is a song by the former.
Eco: I like that, let's go with it.
Volt: Just go stand in the corner, OK?
Eco: Moose, can you heartpunch him again?
*Davin Moreland wanders in*
DM: Now guys...Wasn't I in this promo before?
Eco: Yes, but you are the epitome of teh suck, so you've been written out.
DM: Written out?!?! You wrote me out of quite possibly the BEST PROMO EVAR??
Volt: Yeah. Go, like, beat some random person up for no reason.
DM: What if I say no?
Eco: Moose, if you would please.
(MHJ Heartpunches Moreland. His lifeless corpse is dragged out of the room somehow)
MHJ: Wait...you don't know who Black Sabbath is?
Eco: No. I feel like we established that.
El Ecosistema: Normalmente, antes de Moose llega.
Eco: Ah.
Moose: You really don't, then?
Eco: Nope.
(MHJ heartpunches Ecosystem.)
MHJ: That will teach him to respect classic music.
Volt: ANYWAY, once I've unified these belts into the TRIPLE CROWN...DDT...IRON MAN...HEAVY METAL TITLE, I will be the most acclaimed wrestler in all of OOWF history! Three belts at once!
FFC: Pretty sure a dead sparrow held that title. 4 times.
Volt: SHUT UP, ECO!
Stank: Eco is clearly unconscious.
Volt: So who do I have to beat to achieve this magnanimous feat?
FFC: Uh, Moosehead Jack.
Volt: Easy enough, I'll just criticise his booking until he appears.
MHJ: I'm right here.
Voltage: Oh. Uh, it was him. (points at El Voltaje)
El Voltaje: ¿Era? (It was?!)
(MHJ heartpunches Voltage.)
FFC: So, uh, I assume you're going to take Volt's belts then?
MHJ: Belts? No. Wallet? Hell yes!
MHJ: ?? There's only one.
FFC: Check your pocket.
MHJ: (checking) I don't have either of the other ones.
(Stunned silence from all around.)
FFC: Everybody check your pockets.
(Everybody checks.)
El Voltaje: Yo lo tengo! Quiere la cartera, Moose? (I have it! Do you want the wallet, Moose?)
MHJ: No speak Spanish. Sorry.
FFC: I have five wallets, but they might all be mine.
Stank (feeling in his pockets) I have a condom.
Ecosystem: (coming to consciousness) I have a scarf. (Ecosystem begins pulling out a long strand of colorful scarfs all tied together. At the end is a wallet.)
MHJ: There it is. I knew you had one.
Eco: But there were three.
Voltaje: YO LA TENGO!!
Stank: Moose, we need to--
Stank/MHJ: talk.
MHJ: Jinx. You owe me a beer.
Stank: Why would I get you a beer? I'm wrestling you this week!
MHJ: What are you talking about? You are wrestling UnderDawg, I am wrestling Outback Jack
<Stank turns to Voltage and gives him the Stank-U> Thats for giving me the wrong opponent
MHJ: That looked like it hurt, do they usually twitch like that?
Sta: If I hit it right yes. You gonna pin him?
MHJ: Nah, let's get that beer
(They leave to get Moose a beer.)
Volt: (getting up) Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER. <Once they are out of ear shot> That's right! Walk away!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:20:02 GMT -5
(Voltage, Eco, F. Fonzworth Cappington III and Los Defenestratores are standing around.)
FFCIII: Doesn't it seem like we have been standing here forever?
Eco: Don't we have matches to scheme for or something?
Voltage: Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER.
Ecosystem: Way to go, dude. Totally bitchin'.
Volt: Please don't steal my radical gimmick.
Eco: OK.
FFCIII: Seriously, I swear we have heard this before. Right now Volt is going to say something about winning the wrong title.....
Volt: So all I need to do now is capture the Black Sabbath title to become th-
Cappington: The Black Sabbath title? Wait, why the hell did I just say that again?
Volt: Iron Man. You know, 'duh-nuh duh-NUH NUH nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh narhhhhh nuh-NUH NUH!'
Eco: ...
Volt: Will you know it if I air guitar at the same time?
(Stank wanders onto the scene muttering to himself.)
FFCIII: You're back!
Stank: I've been here before? Where's Moose?!
Eco: Voltage, make the call.
Voltage: WE SHOULD HAVE WON THE DEFENESTRATION MATCH SINCE WE ARE CLEARLY MORE OVER AS HEELS BEING IN A STABLE WITH AN ESTABLISHED SUPERHEEL CHARACTER!
(Moosehead Jack runs in.)
MHJ: Stank.
Stank: Moose. You're going down, sir.
MHJ: I am?
Eco: I thought you were facing his buddies.
Stank: That was last week.
El Voltaje: Escucha el sir, tú es hermoso pero estás perdiendo nuestro tiempo. Volver por favor la correa a mi colega.
(Listen sir, you are handsome but you are wasting our time. Please return the belt to my colleague.)
Volt: Right on, amigo. So, as I was saying, after I win the Black Sabbath titl-
Eco: What does that mean again?
Volt: Black Sabbath. Iron Man. Latter is a song by the former.
Eco: I like that, let's go with it.
Volt: Just go stand in the corner, OK?
Eco: Moose, can you heartpunch him again?
*Davin Moreland wanders in*
DM: Now guys...Wasn't I in this promo before?
Eco: Yes, but you are the epitome of teh suck, so you've been written out.
DM: Written out?!?! You wrote me out of quite possibly the BEST PROMO EVAR??
Volt: Yeah. Go, like, beat some random person up for no reason.
DM: What if I say no?
Eco: Moose, if you would please.
(MHJ Heartpunches Moreland. His lifeless corpse is dragged out of the room somehow)
MHJ: Wait...you don't know who Black Sabbath is?
Eco: No. I feel like we established that.
El Ecosistema: Normalmente, antes de Moose llega.
Eco: Ah.
Moose: You really don't, then?
Eco: Nope.
(MHJ heartpunches Ecosystem.)
MHJ: That will teach him to respect classic music.
Volt: ANYWAY, once I've unified these belts into the TRIPLE CROWN...DDT...IRON MAN...HEAVY METAL TITLE, I will be the most acclaimed wrestler in all of OOWF history! Three belts at once!
FFC: Pretty sure a dead sparrow held that title. 4 times.
Volt: SHUT UP, ECO!
Stank: Eco is clearly unconscious.
Volt: So who do I have to beat to achieve this magnanimous feat?
FFC: Uh, Moosehead Jack.
Volt: Easy enough, I'll just criticise his booking until he appears.
MHJ: I'm right here.
Voltage: Oh. Uh, it was him. (points at El Voltaje)
El Voltaje: ¿Era? (It was?!)
(MHJ heartpunches Voltage.)
FFC: So, uh, I assume you're going to take Volt's belts then?
MHJ: Belts? No. Wallet? Hell yes!
MHJ: ?? There's only one.
FFC: Check your pocket.
MHJ: (checking) I don't have either of the other ones.
(Stunned silence from all around.)
FFC: Everybody check your pockets.
(Everybody checks.)
El Voltaje: Yo lo tengo! Quiere la cartera, Moose? (I have it! Do you want the wallet, Moose?)
MHJ: No speak Spanish. Sorry.
FFC: I have five wallets, but they might all be mine.
Stank (feeling in his pockets) I have a condom.
Ecosystem: (coming to consciousness) I have a scarf. (Ecosystem begins pulling out a long strand of colorful scarfs all tied together. At the end is a wallet.)
MHJ: There it is. I knew you had one.
Eco: But there were three.
Voltaje: YO LA TENGO!!
Stank: Moose, we need to--
Stank/MHJ: talk.
MHJ: Jinx. You owe me a beer.
Stank: Why would I get you a beer? I'm wrestling you this week!
MHJ: What are you talking about? You are wrestling UnderDawg, I am wrestling Outback Jack
<Stank turns to Voltage and gives him the Stank-U> Thats for giving me the wrong opponent
MHJ: That looked like it hurt, do they usually twitch like that?
Sta: If I hit it right yes. You gonna pin him?
MHJ: Nah, let's get that beer
(They leave to get Moose a beer.)
Volt: (getting up) Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER. <Once they are out of ear shot> That's right! Walk away!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:20:43 GMT -5
(At GMThe Rick's office, there's a sharp knock at the door)
GMtR: We're not at commercial!
(The door flings open and a furious ConcreteTG stomps up to the desk)
GMtR: (turns his chair around) well, THIS is new. at least you knocked.
CTG: (Slams his re-up contract on the desk) You were asking for this, "boss"?
GMtR: (takes it and reads it over) come to think of it, I was. What took you so long?
CTG: I had left that information with you back in June that I was touring the comic book shows. I had autograph sessions and several appearances scheduled, and I promised that I would make all my bookings. These contracts were not due til Hell on Earth III, but apparently it sounded like you were in a bit of a hurry if you've signed everyone else.
GMtR: Hold it right there, Potsie. I dont' have everyone signed. Since when do you listen, believe, or trust Moosehead Jack on anything? Oh, maybe since you signed that OTHER contract.....
CTG: I want to know how he got permission to even CARRY that around.
GMtR: I didn't expect you to sign that. But apparently, you did.
CTG: .......
GMtR: Anything else, Captain Hero?
CTG: DON'T GO THERE
GMtR: Look, I don't have a lot of baseball left to watch, so if you don't have anything else for me.....
CTG: Just this, Rick..... When I win that gauntlet match at Hell on Earth III, I want to schedule that loser leaves the OOWF match. I want Moose. Just him, me, and a ref. When we're done, we'll both be leaving.... one of us on a bus, and the other on a stretcher.
GMtR: You don't make the matches, Lawful Awful, I do. And I'll think about it. NOW GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:21:05 GMT -5
Capellan & Viper are in the back...
Cap: What's going on around here? Harris and Alt helping us?
DV: Yeah, that makes no sense at all. I'm the guy who pretty much chased Harris out of the fed last time.
Cap: Dude, you came back to OOWF just so you could attack Harris and Alt. In fact, it was them attacking you is how you and I became a tag team in the first place.
DV: It is?
Cap: Yeah. Remember when Harris, Alt, and Cole were constantly ambushing you in the back?
DV: Oh yeah. Sorry. Lots of brain trauma happened at that time, getting hit in the head on a weekly basis and all. I don't know what's up with those two. But I'll tell you what. I don't trust them. They've got devious intentions.
Cap: Isn't that what everyone said about you?
DV: Yeah, so?
Cap: How can you say that about them when you know full well about people accusing you of being evil when you're not?
DV: But I did have good intentions. It's clear these guys don't.
Cap: Sheesh! Never mind!
DV: Hey, check this out! (Viper is in his old "Viper is in the back watching the monitor" pose)
Cap: That's the the Defenestrator/STank/Moosehead promo Why are you watching that anyway? They've been airing it on OOWF-TV for the last two weeks!
DV: I'm trying to figure out when I can jump in there and get the DDT and Heavy Metal belts from Voltage.
Cap: Why do you want those belts?
DV: First off, I was the first DDT champion. It was nice having championship gold again. It's been a while you know.
Cap: Well, we'll get another shot at the tag team titles soon.
DV: Really? I'd like to know when...
Cap: Actually, so would I. So why do you want the Heavy Metal belt?
DV: It's gold, son! Gold! That's what we're here for isn't it?
Cap: Yeah, well, how do you plan on getting both at the same time?
Viper wraps his chain around his arm.
DV: Chain-assisted DDT, baby.
Cap: I thought you were beyond back stage attacks, dude.
DV: That's the only way to get those titles, Cap. Not to mention, they're our opponent once again this week AND they tried to Con-Win-Do us. And hey, if we want to market the match to the fans (looks at the camera, winks, smiles, and gives a thumbs up) we've got to work ourselves in the promo, right?
Cap: I suppose. So where should we.... Oh wait, I think I see the right moment.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:21:35 GMT -5
FFC - ... five tequillas, three geribils and a llama later my path to the OOWF commenced. SFJ#99 - uh... thank you FF Capslock for that... interesting... story. How about you Stank? Tell our oowf magazine readers how you came to the OOWF? Stank - You look like shit Becky. What happened to you? SFJ#99 - Oh it was nothing really. I just did a little interview with... Canadian Dragon. Stank - *sigh* when will you SFJ's... SFJ - Lucas could you just focus and answer the question please. I would like to put the whole incident behind me and get this story to print. Stank - I am going to beat him to within an inch of his life. SFJ# - LUCAS! Stank - FINE! ... Well, as you know, I used to be a Vice President in a fortune 500 comapny back in Atlanta. I was approached, at a bar, by some local indy oowfers and they hooked me up with oowf agents. What most people DON'T know is that my great, great, great grandpa was part of the Online Onslaught Wrestling Federation back when "online" really MEANT something... [Scene fades to the old west circa 1867. A train whistle blares in the distance. Soon the train approaches, then roars by the camera. There are 5 passenger cars, the middle car is an open air one with a wrestling ring set up. We cut to inside the second passenger car.] Conductor - I'm telling you Mistah Scaia this idear of yours is dangerous and irrisponsible. I mean wrestlin... on a Train? Fo pity's SAKE! MS - Quit yer yappin! I bought this here train and I kin do whatevah heck I feel like doin with her. Besides we ain't wrestlin while the train is movin. I save THOSE matches for payin onlookers. Conductor - I don't know... MS - You ain't got to know. I pay you to collect tickets and referee matches on occasion. One day you'll see. Everybody will see. Online Onslaught wrestlin will be huge. Way better then that Torch fed back East. Why If I don't attract the best competition by puttin on the grandest shows possible I'll... I'll Conductor - You'll what? MS - I'll eat a bug. Now see about fetchin me a whiskey whilst I check on my talent. [Mister Scaia walks out the car, around the wrestling ring, to the fourth passenger car. An assembly of men of varying builds and stature look up as Scaia walks in.] MS - Alright listen up! Our first show starts in about an hour after we pull up to train station in Dayton. THAT fleabitten, MANGY, two HORSE excuse for a TOWN? Ain't nobody gonna be there to watch our show! MS - WHO said THAT?
MS - Ah... Festus Capslock's friend.
Mah name... is Mann... Harold Lucas Mann.
MS - Festus I thought you told me that you could keep this boy in line.
HLM - Boy?
FC - I wouldn't call him "boy" sir. That didn't go over too well back home on the plantation. I reckon it would go over even less so now that Lucas here's been a free man...
___
FFC - CUT! TIMEOUT! HOLD the GOD DAMN phone!
Stank - What?
FFC - Are you trying to suggest that not ONLY did MY family know yours back in eighteen sixty whatever ago, but that WE... OWNED THEM... as...
Stank - It's cool man. That was a long ti- wait a minute.
FFC - ...
Stank - ...
SFJ#99 - ...
FFC - ... ...
Stank - What the hell is going on...
SFJ#99 - Wow this is WAY better than your story, Capslock.
Stank - Whoa Deja Vu... I feel like I've told this tale... before...
FFC - What am I doing here anyway?? I'm not part of Drink & Destroy anymore??
Stank - Yeah I remember this... this was a pretty damn good promo. It touched off what should be in the running for angle of the year when the awards come around.
FFC - ... I'm LOADED!
Stank - ... Shouldn't you be standing around with the Defenestrators somwhere?
FFC - What are you muttering about?
Stank - I... I don't KNOW! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
FFC - I got to get outta here!
[FFC runs out of the destroyitarium to catch up with Eco and Voltage. Stank wanders off muttering to himself.
Meanwhile The Defenstrators are running away and Voltage runs into a pole. Voltage is knocked out.]
Eco - Volt! You okay?
Volt - (getting up) Voltage: Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER.
Ecosystem - Way to go, dude. Totally bitchin'.
Volt - Please don't steal my radical gimmick.
Eco - OK.
Volt - So all I need to do now is capture the Black Sabbath title to become th-
Eco - The what?
Volt - I don't know. Someone was supposed to cut me off.
Cappington - (running in) Sorry. "The Black Sabbath Title"?
Volt - Iron Man. You know, 'duh-nuh duh-NUH NUH nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh narhhhhh nuh-NUH NUH!'
Eco - ...
Volt - Will you know it if I air guitar at the same time?
[Stank wanders onto the scene muttering to himself.]
FFCIII - You're back!
Stank - I've been here before? Where's Moose?!
Eco - Voltage, make the call.
Voltage - WE SHOULD HAVE WON THE DEFENESTRATION MATCH SINCE WE ARE CLEARLY MORE OVER AS HEELS BEING IN A STABLE WITH AN ESTABLISHED SUPERHEEL CHARACTER!
(Moosehead Jack runs in.)
MHJ - Stank.
Stank - ...
Eco - ...
Volt - ...
FFCIII - ...
Stank - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Eco - AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Volt - AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
El Voltaje - AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
FFCIII - AHHHHHHH! Why are a we screaming?
Eco - I thought you were facing his buddies.
Stank - That was last week.
El Voltaje - Escucha el sir, tú es hermoso pero estás perdiendo nuestro tiempo. Volver por favor la correa a mi colega.
(Listen sir, you are handsome but you are wasting our time. Please return the belt to my colleague.)
Volt - Right on, amigo. So, as I was saying, after I win the Black Sabbath titl-
Eco - What does that mean again?
Volt - Black Sabbath. Iron Man. Latter is a song by the former.
Eco - I like that, let's go with it.
Volt - Just go stand in the corner, OK?
Eco - Moose, can you heartpunch him again?
*Davin Moreland wanders in*
DM - Now guys...Wasn't I in this promo before?
Eco - Yes, but you are the epitome of teh suck, so you've been written out.
DM - Written out?!?! You wrote me out of quite possibly the BEST PROMO EVAR??
Volt - Yeah. Go, like, beat some random person up for no reason.
DM - What if I say no?
Eco - Moose, if you would please.
(MHJ Heartpunches Moreland. His lifeless corpse is dragged out of the room somehow)
MHJ - Wait... If Morland was written out... why has he come back twice now?
Eco - No. I feel like we established that.
El Ecosistema - Normalmente, antes de Moose llega.
Eco - Ah.
Moose - You really don't know, then?
Eco - Nope.
(MHJ heartpunches Ecosystem.)
MHJ - That will teach him to respect continuity.
Volt - ANYWAY, once I've unified these belts into the TRIPLE CROWN...DDT...IRON MAN...HEAVY METAL TITLE, I will be the most acclaimed wrestler in all of OOWF history! Three belts at once!
FFC - Pretty sure a dead sparrow held that title. 4 times.
Volt - SHUT UP, ECO!
Stank - Eco is clearl- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Volt - So who do I have to beat to achieve this magnanimous feat?
FFC - Uh, Moosehead Jack.
Volt - Easy enough, I'll just criticise his booking until he appears.
MHJ - I'm right here.
Voltage - Oh. Uh, it was him. (points at El Voltaje)
El Voltaje - ¿Era? (It was?!)
(MHJ heartpunches Voltage.)
FFC - So, uh, I assume you're going to take Volt's belts then?
MHJ - Belts? No. Wallet? Hell yes!
MHJ - ?? Geez the guy's got like six wallets.
FFC - Five of those are mine. I think the other belongs to Eco.
Eco - (groggly) Check your pocket.
MHJ - (checking) I don't have any wallets. (Stunned silence from all around.)
FFC - Everybody check your pockets.
(Everybody checks.)
El Voltaje - Yo lo tengo! Quiere la cartera, Moose? (I have it! Do you want the wallet, Moose?)
MHJ - No speak Spanish. Sorry.
Stank (feeling in his pockets) I have a con- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Ecosystem - (coming to consciousness) I have a scarf. (Ecosystem begins pulling out a long strand of colorful scarfs all tied together. At the end is a wallet.)
MHJ - There it is. I knew you had one.
Eco - But there were... wait.
Voltaje - YO LA TENGO!!
Stank - Moose, we need to--
Stank/MHJ - talk.
MHJ - Jinx. You owe me a beer.
Stank - ... ... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
[Stank wanders off muttering to himself.]
MHJ - I guess I'll get my own beer.
[Moose leaves]
Volt - (getting up) Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER. That's right! Walk away!
Eco - Who?
Volt - ... Wait... what?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:21:56 GMT -5
Cap: On second thought, I don't think I have a way for us to come into their promo.
DV: Thought not.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:22:22 GMT -5
FFC - ... five tequillas, three geribils and a llama later my path to the OOWF commenced. SFJ#99 - uh... thank you FF Capslock for that... interesting... story. How about you Stank? Tell our oowf magazine readers how you came to the OOWF? Stank - You look like shit Becky. What happened to you? SFJ#99 - Oh it was nothing really. I just did a little interview with... Canadian Dragon. Stank - *sigh* when will you SFJ's... SFJ - Lucas could you just focus and answer the question please. I would like to put the whole incident behind me and get this story to print. Stank - I am going to beat him to within an inch of his life. SFJ# - LUCAS! Stank - FINE! ... Well, as you know, I used to be a Vice President in a fortune 500 comapny back in Atlanta. I was approached, at a bar, by some local indy oowfers and they hooked me up with oowf agents. What most people DON'T know is that my great, great, great grandpa was part of the Online Onslaught Wrestling Federation back when "online" really MEANT something... [Scene fades to the old west circa 1867. A train whistle blares in the distance. Soon the train approaches, then roars by the camera. There are 5 passenger cars, the middle car is an open air one with a wrestling ring set up. We cut to inside the second passenger car.] Conductor - I'm telling you Mistah Scaia this idear of yours is dangerous and irrisponsible. I mean wrestlin... on a Train? Fo pity's SAKE! MS - Quit yer yappin! I bought this here train and I kin do whatevah heck I feel like doin with her. Besides we ain't wrestlin while the train is movin. I save THOSE matches for payin onlookers. Conductor - I don't know... MS - You ain't got to know. I pay you to collect tickets and referee matches on occasion. One day you'll see. Everybody will see. Online Onslaught wrestlin will be huge. Way better then that Torch fed back East. Why If I don't attract the best competition by puttin on the grandest shows possible I'll... I'll Conductor - You'll what? MS - I'll eat a bug. Now see about fetchin me a whiskey whilst I check on my talent. [Mister Scaia walks out the car, around the wrestling ring, to the fourth passenger car. An assembly of men of varying builds and stature look up as Scaia walks in.] MS - Alright listen up! Our first show starts in about an hour after we pull up to train station in Dayton. THAT fleabitten, MANGY, two HORSE excuse for a TOWN? Ain't nobody gonna be there to watch our show! MS - WHO said THAT?
MS - Ah... Festus Capslock's friend.
Mah name... is Mann... Harold Lucas Mann.
MS - Festus I thought you told me that you could keep this boy in line.
HLM - Boy?
FC - I wouldn't call him "boy" sir. That didn't go over too well back home on the plantation. I reckon it would go over even less so now that Lucas here's been a free man...
___
FFC - CUT! TIMEOUT! HOLD the GOD DAMN phone!
Stank - What?
FFC - Are you trying to suggest that not ONLY did MY family know yours back in eighteen sixty whatever ago, but that WE... OWNED THEM... as...
Stank - It's cool man. That was a long ti- wait a minute.
FFC - ...
Stank - ...
SFJ#99 - ...
FFC - ... ...
Stank - What the hell is going on...
SFJ#99 - Wow this is WAY better than your story, Capslock.
Stank - Whoa Deja Vu... I feel like I've told this tale... before...
FFC - What am I doing here anyway?? I'm not part of Drink & Destroy anymore??
Stank - Yeah I remember this... this was a pretty damn good promo. It touched off what should be in the running for angle of the year when the awards come around.
FFC - ... I'm LOADED!
Stank - ... Shouldn't you be standing around with the Defenestrators somwhere?
FFC - What are you muttering about?
Stank - I... I don't KNOW! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
FFC - I got to get outta here!
[FFC runs out of the destroyitarium to catch up with Eco and Voltage. Stank wanders off muttering to himself.
Meanwhile The Defenstrators are running away and Voltage runs into a pole. Voltage is knocked out.]
Eco - Volt! You okay?
Volt - (getting up) Voltage: Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER.
Ecosystem - Way to go, dude. Totally bitchin'.
Volt - Please don't steal my radical gimmick.
Eco - OK.
Volt - So all I need to do now is capture the Black Sabbath title to become th-
Eco - The what?
Volt - I don't know. Someone was supposed to cut me off.
Cappington - (running in) Sorry. "The Black Sabbath Title"?
Volt - Iron Man. You know, 'duh-nuh duh-NUH NUH nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh narhhhhh nuh-NUH NUH!'
Eco - ...
Volt - Will you know it if I air guitar at the same time?
[Stank wanders onto the scene muttering to himself.]
FFCIII - You're back!
Stank - I've been here before? Where's Moose?!
Eco - Voltage, make the call.
Voltage - WE SHOULD HAVE WON THE DEFENESTRATION MATCH SINCE WE ARE CLEARLY MORE OVER AS HEELS BEING IN A STABLE WITH AN ESTABLISHED SUPERHEEL CHARACTER!
(Moosehead Jack runs in.)
MHJ - Stank.
Stank - ...
Eco - ...
Volt - ...
FFCIII - ...
Stank - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Eco - AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Volt - AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
El Voltaje - AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
FFCIII - AHHHHHHH! Why are a we screaming?
Eco - I thought you were facing his buddies.
Stank - That was last week.
El Voltaje - Escucha el sir, tú es hermoso pero estás perdiendo nuestro tiempo. Volver por favor la correa a mi colega.
(Listen sir, you are handsome but you are wasting our time. Please return the belt to my colleague.)
Volt - Right on, amigo. So, as I was saying, after I win the Black Sabbath titl-
Eco - What does that mean again?
Volt - Black Sabbath. Iron Man. Latter is a song by the former.
Eco - I like that, let's go with it.
Volt - Just go stand in the corner, OK?
Eco - Moose, can you heartpunch him again?
*Davin Moreland wanders in*
DM - Now guys...Wasn't I in this promo before?
Eco - Yes, but you are the epitome of teh suck, so you've been written out.
DM - Written out?!?! You wrote me out of quite possibly the BEST PROMO EVAR??
Volt - Yeah. Go, like, beat some random person up for no reason.
DM - What if I say no?
Eco - Moose, if you would please.
(MHJ Heartpunches Moreland. His lifeless corpse is dragged out of the room somehow)
MHJ - Wait... If Morland was written out... why has he come back twice now?
Eco - No. I feel like we established that.
El Ecosistema - Normalmente, antes de Moose llega.
Eco - Ah.
Moose - You really don't know, then?
Eco - Nope.
(MHJ heartpunches Ecosystem.)
MHJ - That will teach him to respect continuity.
Volt - ANYWAY, once I've unified these belts into the TRIPLE CROWN...DDT...IRON MAN...HEAVY METAL TITLE, I will be the most acclaimed wrestler in all of OOWF history! Three belts at once!
FFC - Pretty sure a dead sparrow held that title. 4 times.
Volt - SHUT UP, ECO!
Stank - Eco is clearl- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Volt - So who do I have to beat to achieve this magnanimous feat?
FFC - Uh, Moosehead Jack.
Volt - Easy enough, I'll just criticise his booking until he appears.
MHJ - I'm right here.
Voltage - Oh. Uh, it was him. (points at El Voltaje)
El Voltaje - ¿Era? (It was?!)
(MHJ heartpunches Voltage.)
FFC - So, uh, I assume you're going to take Volt's belts then?
MHJ - Belts? No. Wallet? Hell yes!
MHJ - ?? Geez the guy's got like six wallets.
FFC - Five of those are mine. I think the other belongs to Eco.
Eco - (groggly) Check your pocket.
MHJ - (checking) I don't have any wallets. (Stunned silence from all around.)
FFC - Everybody check your pockets.
(Everybody checks.)
El Voltaje - Yo lo tengo! Quiere la cartera, Moose? (I have it! Do you want the wallet, Moose?)
MHJ - No speak Spanish. Sorry.
Stank (feeling in his pockets) I have a con- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Ecosystem - (coming to consciousness) I have a scarf. (Ecosystem begins pulling out a long strand of colorful scarfs all tied together. At the end is a wallet.)
MHJ - There it is. I knew you had one.
Eco - But there were... wait.
Voltaje - YO LA TENGO!!
Stank - Moose, we need to--
Stank/MHJ - talk.
MHJ - Jinx. You owe me a beer.
Stank - ... ... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
[Stank wanders off muttering to himself.]
MHJ - I guess I'll get my own beer.
[Moose turns to leave and Morte is standing there]
MHJ: Morte?
Morte: Yeah
MHJ: Since when do you talk?
Morte: Does it matter in this promo?
MHJ: No, I guess not, not really. Eh, so did you need something?
Morte: Oh yeah, me and the rest of the No Longer Used Characters, and the Zombie guys were getting kinda tired of running around destroying stuff, so we are getting back on the Bus of the Unused Gimmicks. Just checking to see if there is anyone else that needs to get on
<Moose looks over at Los Defenestrators>
Ecosis: Que?
El Voltaje: <looking at Morte> Quien es?
Voltage: Oh he is no one, you should really follow.....
Eco: DUDE! Don't send them there, we can use them
Voltage: Oh yeah
MHJ: No, it looks like you are good for the moment.
Morte:<looking at Cappington>: We'll see YOU soon
<Morte walks off>
FFCIII: What the hell is THAT supposed to mean?
Volt - (getting up) Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER. That's right! Walk away!
Eco: Uh Volt, he is still standing right there
Volt: Huh? Who?
<Moose heartpunches Volt again>
MHJ: Still think he is the best?
Eco - Who?
MHJ: Exactly <Moose walks off>
Volt - <recovering....again>... Wait... what?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:22:44 GMT -5
*LD Williams is sitting in his locker room when Canadian Dragon walks in.*
LD: "Dragon."
CD: "LD"
LD: "Have fun in Canada?"
CD: "Always."
LD: "Too bad about your title match...you know you're not going to win."
CD: "Oh I know what you're thinking...big gimmick match booked for the PPV. Dragon's been out of the picture too long...he's got no chance."
LD: "Pretty much."
CD: "Too bad you're wrong."
LD: "What makes you so sure?"
CD: "Moose."
LD: "Moose? What makes you think Moose will help you win the title?"
CD: "He won't...but Crete's not thinking about me. Did you see his promo? He's forgotten all about out past matches. Hell, he has seemingly forgotten that I was the one who knocked him out cld last week.
LD: "True...but come one, you think that mean's you're getting the title? Who the hell would you feud with? Moose? Crete? UnderDawg?"
*LD and Dragon both stay silent for minute, then Dragon smiles.*
CD: "You must be forgetting your history. Not many teams get broken u and stay friends. Good thing I like you."
*Dragon walks away as LD looks on confused.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:23:06 GMT -5
L.D. Williams is in the hallway, about to round the corner to where the endless promo is recurring when J.W. Westgaard puts out a hand to stop him.
JW - Don’t go down there man!
LD - Why not?
JW - They’re stuck in some sort of time loop or something. Anybody who goes in gets stuck doing the same promo over and over and over and…
LD - Yeah, but it’s a comedy promo.
JW - So?
<Williams points to himself> - No discernable sense of humor. I’m immune. Watch.
Williams approaches the scene
Eco - What does that mean again?
Volt - Black Sabbath. Iron Man. Lat-
Williams levels Volt with JWW’s hockey stick and walks back down the hallway.
LD - See? I tol-
Eco Brick’s Williams, knocking him out.
<Voltage gets to his feet> - All right everybody, once more from the top.
Voltage: Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:23:29 GMT -5
FFC - ... five tequillas, three geribils and a llama later my path to the OOWF commenced. SFJ#99 - uh... thank you FF Capslock for that... interesting... story. How about you Stank? Tell our oowf magazine readers how you came to the OOWF? Stank - You look like shit Becky. What happened to you? SFJ#99 - Oh it was nothing really. I just did a little interview with... Canadian Dragon. Stank - *sigh* when will you SFJ's... SFJ - Lucas could you just focus and answer the question please. I would like to put the whole incident behind me and get this story to print. Stank - I am going to beat him to within an inch of his life. SFJ# - LUCAS! Stank - FINE! ... Well, as you know, I used to be a Vice President in a fortune 500 comapny back in Atlanta. I was approached, at a bar, by some local indy oowfers and they hooked me up with oowf agents. What most people DON'T know is that my great, great, great grandpa was part of the Online Onslaught Wrestling Federation back when "online" really MEANT something... [Scene fades to the old west circa 1867. A train whistle blares in the distance. Soon the train approaches, then roars by the camera. There are 5 passenger cars, the middle car is an open air one with a wrestling ring set up. We cut to inside the second passenger car.] Conductor - I'm telling you Mistah Scaia this idear of yours is dangerous and irrisponsible. I mean wrestlin... on a Train? Fo pity's SAKE! MS - Quit yer yappin! I bought this here train and I kin do whatevah heck I feel like doin with her. Besides we ain't wrestlin while the train is movin. I save THOSE matches for payin onlookers. Conductor - I don't know... MS - You ain't got to know. I pay you to collect tickets and referee matches on occasion. One day you'll see. Everybody will see. Online Onslaught wrestlin will be huge. Way better then that Torch fed back East. Why If I don't attract the best competition by puttin on the grandest shows possible I'll... I'll Conductor - You'll what? MS - I'll eat a bug. Now see about fetchin me a whiskey whilst I check on my talent. [Mister Scaia walks out the car, around the wrestling ring, to the fourth passenger car. An assembly of men of varying builds and stature look up as Scaia walks in.] MS - Alright listen up! Our first show starts in about an hour after we pull up to train station in Dayton. THAT fleabitten, MANGY, two HORSE excuse for a TOWN? Ain't nobody gonna be there to watch our show! MS - WHO said THAT?
MS - Ah... Festus Capslock's friend.
Mah name... is Mann... Harold Lucas Mann.
MS - Festus I thought you told me that you could keep this boy in line.
HLM - Boy?
FC - I wouldn't call him "boy" sir. That didn't go over too well back home on the plantation. I reckon it would go over even less so now that Lucas here's been a free man...
___
FFC - CUT! TIMEOUT! HOLD the GOD DAMN phone!
Stank - What?
FFC - Are you trying to suggest that not ONLY did MY family know yours back in eighteen sixty whatever ago, but that WE... OWNED THEM... as...
Stank - It's cool man. That was a long ti- wait a minute.
FFC - ...
Stank - ...
SFJ#99 - ...
FFC - ... ...
Stank - What the hell is going on...
SFJ#99 - Wow this is WAY better than your story, Capslock.
Stank - Whoa Deja Vu... I feel like I've told this tale... before...
FFC - What am I doing here anyway?? I'm not part of Drink & Destroy anymore??
Stank - Yeah I remember this... this was a pretty damn good promo. It touched off what should be in the running for angle of the year when the awards come around.
FFC - ... I'm LOADED!
Stank - ... Shouldn't you be standing around with the Defenestrators somwhere?
FFC - What are you muttering about?
Stank - I... I don't KNOW! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
FFC - I got to get outta here!
[FFC runs out of the destroyitarium to catch up with Eco and Voltage. Stank wanders off muttering to himself.
Meanwhile The Defenstrators are running away and Voltage runs into a pole. Voltage is knocked out.]
Eco - Volt! You okay?
Volt - (getting up) Voltage: Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER.
Ecosystem - Way to go, dude. Totally bitchin'.
Volt - Please don't steal my radical gimmick.
Eco - OK.
Volt - So all I need to do now is capture the Black Sabbath title to become th-
Eco - The what?
Volt - I don't know. Someone was supposed to cut me off.
Cappington - (running in) Sorry. "The Black Sabbath Title"?
Volt - Iron Man. You know, 'duh-nuh duh-NUH NUH nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh narhhhhh nuh-NUH NUH!'
Eco - ...
Volt - Will you know it if I air guitar at the same time?
[Stank wanders onto the scene muttering to himself.]
FFCIII - You're back!
Stank - I've been here before? Where's Moose?!
Eco - Voltage, make the call.
Voltage - WE SHOULD HAVE WON THE DEFENESTRATION MATCH SINCE WE ARE CLEARLY MORE OVER AS HEELS BEING IN A STABLE WITH AN ESTABLISHED SUPERHEEL CHARACTER!
(Moosehead Jack runs in.)
MHJ - Stank.
Stank - ...
Eco - ...
Volt - ...
FFCIII - ...
Stank - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Eco - AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Volt - AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
El Voltaje - AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
FFCIII - AHHHHHHH! Why are a we screaming?
Eco - I thought you were facing his buddies.
Stank - That was last week.
El Voltaje - Escucha el sir, tú es hermoso pero estás perdiendo nuestro tiempo. Volver por favor la correa a mi colega.
(Listen sir, you are handsome but you are wasting our time. Please return the belt to my colleague.)
Volt - Right on, amigo. So, as I was saying, after I win the Black Sabbath titl-
Eco - What does that mean again?
Volt - Black Sabbath. Iron Man. Latter is a song by the former.
Eco - I like that, let's go with it.
Volt - Just go stand in the corner, OK?
Eco - Moose, can you heartpunch him again?
*Davin Moreland wanders in*
DM - Now guys...Wasn't I in this promo before?
Eco - Yes, but you are the epitome of teh suck, so you've been written out.
DM - Written out?!?! You wrote me out of quite possibly the BEST PROMO EVAR??
Volt - Yeah. Go, like, beat some random person up for no reason.
DM - What if I say no?
Eco - Moose, if you would please.
(MHJ Heartpunches Moreland. His lifeless corpse is dragged out of the room somehow)
MHJ - Wait... If Morland was written out... why has he come back twice now?
Eco - No. I feel like we established that.
El Ecosistema - Normalmente, antes de Moose llega.
Eco - Ah.
Moose - You really don't know, then?
Eco - Nope.
(MHJ heartpunches Ecosystem.)
MHJ - That will teach him to respect continuity.
Volt - ANYWAY, once I've unified these belts into the TRIPLE CROWN...DDT...IRON MAN...HEAVY METAL TITLE, I will be the most acclaimed wrestler in all of OOWF history! Three belts at once!
FFC - Pretty sure a dead sparrow held that title. 4 times.
Volt - SHUT UP, ECO!
Stank - Eco is clearl- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Volt - So who do I have to beat to achieve this magnanimous feat?
FFC - Uh, Moosehead Jack.
Volt - Easy enough, I'll just criticise his booking until he appears.
MHJ - I'm right here.
Voltage - Oh. Uh, it was him. (points at El Voltaje)
El Voltaje - ¿Era? (It was?!)
(MHJ heartpunches Voltage.)
FFC - So, uh, I assume you're going to take Volt's belts then?
MHJ - Belts? No. Wallet? Hell yes!
MHJ - ?? Geez the guy's got like six wallets.
FFC - Five of those are mine. I think the other belongs to Eco.
Eco - (groggly) Check your pocket.
MHJ - (checking) I don't have any wallets. (Stunned silence from all around.)
FFC - Everybody check your pockets.
(Everybody checks.)
El Voltaje - Yo lo tengo! Quiere la cartera, Moose? (I have it! Do you want the wallet, Moose?)
MHJ - No speak Spanish. Sorry.
Stank (feeling in his pockets) I have a con- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Ecosystem - (coming to consciousness) I have a scarf. (Ecosystem begins pulling out a long strand of colorful scarfs all tied together. At the end is a wallet.)
MHJ - There it is. I knew you had one.
Eco - But there were... wait.
Voltaje - YO LA TENGO!!
Stank - Moose, we need to--
Stank/MHJ - talk.
MHJ - Jinx. You owe me a beer.
Stank - ... ... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
[Stank wanders off muttering to himself.]
MHJ - I guess I'll get my own beer.
[Moose turns to leave and Morte is standing there]
MHJ: Morte?
Morte: Yeah
MHJ: Since when do you talk?
Morte: Does it matter in this promo?
MHJ: No, I guess not, not really. Eh, so did you need something?
Morte: Oh yeah, me and the rest of the No Longer Used Characters, and the Zombie guys were getting kinda tired of running around destroying stuff, so we are getting back on the Bus of the Unused Gimmicks. Just checking to see if there is anyone else that needs to get on
<Moose looks over at Los Defenestrators>
Ecosis: Que?
El Voltaje: <looking at Morte> Quien es?
Voltage: Oh he is no one, you should really follow.....
Eco: DUDE! Don't send them there, we can use them
Voltage: Oh yeah
MHJ: No, it looks like you are good for the moment.
Morte:<looking at Cappington>: We'll see YOU soon
<Morte walks off>
FFCIII: What the hell is THAT supposed to mean?
Volt - (getting up) Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER. That's right! Walk away!
Eco: Uh Volt, he is still standing right there
Volt: Huh? Who?
<Moose heartpunches Volt again>
MHJ: Still think he is the best?
Eco - Who?
MHJ: Exactly <Moose walks off>
Volt - <recovering....again>... Wait... what?
MHJ- This is exactly the same as my post earlier, FF.
FFCIII- No, its different.
MHJ- How so?
FFCIII- These four lines at the end.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:23:49 GMT -5
Phantos is in the locker room watching OOWF TV. Lucios is lacing up his boots.
Phantos: Man, what do you make of this recurring promo thing?
Lucios: I don't care about promos. All I care about is wrestling for the World Tag Team Championships tonight. No gimmicks, no multiple teams. Just us & our chance to become champions.
Phantos: I can't WAIT for the match. I'm pumped!
Lucios: Turn that off, I noticed some things during the match last week we need to be ready for...(fade to black)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:24:15 GMT -5
(Spin Hansen is sitting alone in a bar, far from the arena.)
SH (after downing a shot of Jagermeister): Fuck, I keep on getting this weird feeling that I really, really need to post a promo on how I'm the best new thing to come to the OOWF... and how Josh O'Neal is going to pay.
Bartender! Give me a whiskey sour! My fuckin' head is killing me!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:24:45 GMT -5
<A taxi rolls up to the back enterance of the arena, and Davin Moreland slowly steps out, wearing a Patriots Jersey, Jeans and Sunglasses, and carrying a 3' long Clangy Pole. CBS Evening News' Katie Couric watches him approach, and, obviously, goes over to him with her mic and cameraman> CENKC: Ladies and Gentlemen, at this time let me intorduce to you, the newest addition to the OOWF, Davin Moreland! DM: That was surprisingly lucid. You been here long? CENKC: No, I was actually just fired from my last job... DM: What was that? CENKC: CBS Evening News, you may have heard of me before? DM: (laughs) Yeah, like anyone ever watched that... CENKC: (annoyed) Well...uh...Mr. Moreland DM: Davin. CENKC: Davin. Could you tell me a little bit about why you wanted to join OOWF? DM: Over the last 2+ years I've had my eye on this promotion. I've watched the blood, the backstabbing, the bullshit, and I realized that this place needs me. CENKC: Umm, they're actually doing just fine without... DM: (grabs mic and holds Clangy toward Katie in a threatening manner) NO! They're not "fine without me". They need me and my equalizer here, Mr. Clangy Pole. I'm not looking for an angle, I'm here to kick lots of ass and win lots of gold. Look at me! I'm a genetic freak of nature, and NO ONE here can compete with this. That said, there's plenty of people here who's ability I respect, and will be looking forward to summarilly kicking all of your asses. The fans here deserve someone like me, someone they can they can enjoy and aspire to being. They can love me for being great, or hate me for being great, I don't care. One thing's for sure. I am great. The rest of the OOWF had better recognize Davin Moreland has arrived, and hide your belts, cause I'm gonna be taking them soon enough. (Taps Clangy on the ground) CP: *clang* DM: Yes Clangy, you too. You know I can't do it without you. You got my back, I got yours. CP: *clang* DM: Damn right. Now Katie, if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment with the GM. Just remember this. I'm the best. You'll all find out soon enough. (throws mic on the floor) (scene fades as Katie Couric is giving the universal "cut" sign to the cameraman, as Davin Moreland strolls confidently toward the GM's office, carrying Clangy Pole on his shoulder) *Moreland wanders by Ric's Sandwich Shoppe and sees poor Ric cower in fear* DM: Ric? What's the matter? RF: *points* ABUSE OF METAL...ABUSE OF METAL... DM: *looks down at his hand, and notices "Clangy Pole"* Dear GOD NO! *Moreland hums it down the hallway* CP: CLANG Clang clang clag cla... DM: Ok, seriously Ric...Ric??? HHH: Ric isn't here-uh....Did you want a burger-uh...Extra bacon and pickles-uh? DM: Ok. YOU are either dead or banished...I forget... HHH: I am the king of kings-uh. How about medium-rare-uh? *Moreland slowly backs away toward GM the Rick's office. He checks his pocket for his happy-normal pills, finds one, stops at the bubbler, takes the pill with some water* DM: Wow. That sucked a lot... *just outside the door he hears...* GMtR: Dammit! I don't have the budget for new doors! What do you want? 'TME'CC: Rick, don't even TELL me I'm doing a program with this CURTAIN JERKER! I'm "The Main Event"! Or, have you forgotten? I'm a HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP CONTENDER! This Z-Lister talks to poles! GMtR: He also pinned you in the ring 1-2-3 last week. 'TME'CC: That is SO not the point! Listen, Rick...Buddy...No DQs? I mean, come on...I have to 5-star this guy for like 20 minutes until he loses enough blood to pass out? I mean, I can almost see my blade marks on my face as it is... GMtR: Ok asshat. This lack of kayfabe is really starting to sandify my vagina. DM: Really. Kayfabe? Are you witnessing any of this? *"TME"CC looks at GMtR incredulously* GMtR: Ok, listen. You beat Moreland clean this week, and maybe we'll talk about you getting back into the title chase. I will say, this Moreland guy has been impressive since coming back. "TME"CC: He talks to poles. GMtR: Well, he hasn't since he came back, and all he's done since he's been back is kick the bejeezus out of you, so I suggest you rest up. 'TME'CC: *seethes* GMtR: NOW is NOT the time for CONTINUITY ISSUES! Now, Stop your whining and.... "TME"CC: Ooh, goody, another catch phrase... GMtR: GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE! *'The Main Event' Chris Cole slinks out of GM the Rick's office and is "minding his own business" walking purposefully down the hall, when Davin Moreland comes out of nowhere and Chris Cole eats a wicked spear. Stompy-kicky for a minute, until Moreland drags Cole up to his feet and locks on a MARK HENRY MEMORIAL ARMBAR~!* CC: No f-ing way am I selling this... DM: You'll sell it and love it you pansy. You thought this was over? I'm a Curtain Jerker? You don't think I get OOWF-TV??? CC: Dude, enough armbar already. *Moreland cinches the armbar in tighter* CC: Oh, for Christ's sake, you've got me, "The Main Event" Chris Cole, in an ARMBAR? I'm a multiple champion! I've held tag gold and singles gold and the DDT Iron Man Championship! DM: I had that last one too. CC: You LOST IT to a POLE! DM: Fine. No more armbar. *With that Cole strips off all his clothes and says "I've got to find him" and leaves* DM: Ok, you REALLY shouldn't mess with crazy people like this, rift in space-time continuum thing... *Moreland stops outside the locker room, as everyone seems transfixed on the OOWF-TV, he's able to see it from the doorway* FFC - ... five tequillas, three geribils and a llama later my path to the OOWF commenced. SFJ#99 - uh... thank you FF Capslock for that... interesting... story. How about you Stank? Tell our oowf magazine readers how you came to the OOWF? Stank - You look like shit Becky. What happened to you? SFJ#99 - Oh it was nothing really. I just did a little interview with... Canadian Dragon. Stank - *sigh* when will you SFJ's... SFJ - Lucas could you just focus and answer the question please. I would like to put the whole incident behind me and get this story to print. Stank - I am going to beat him to within an inch of his life. SFJ# - LUCAS! Stank - FINE! ... Well, as you know, I used to be a Vice President in a fortune 500 comapny back in Atlanta. I was approached, at a bar, by some local indy oowfers and they hooked me up with oowf agents. What most people DON'T know is that my great, great, great grandpa was part of the Online Onslaught Wrestling Federation back when "online" really MEANT something... [Scene fades to the old west circa 1867. A train whistle blares in the distance. Soon the train approaches, then roars by the camera. There are 5 passenger cars, the middle car is an open air one with a wrestling ring set up. We cut to inside the second passenger car.] Conductor - I'm telling you Mistah Scaia this idear of yours is dangerous and irrisponsible. I mean wrestlin... on a Train? Fo pity's SAKE! MS - Quit yer yappin! I bought this here train and I kin do whatevah heck I feel like doin with her. Besides we ain't wrestlin while the train is movin. I save THOSE matches for payin onlookers. Conductor - I don't know... MS - You ain't got to know. I pay you to collect tickets and referee matches on occasion. One day you'll see. Everybody will see. Online Onslaught wrestlin will be huge. Way better then that Torch fed back East. Why If I don't attract the best competition by puttin on the grandest shows possible I'll... I'll Conductor - You'll what? MS - I'll eat a bug. Now see about fetchin me a whiskey whilst I check on my talent. [Mister Scaia walks out the car, around the wrestling ring, to the fourth passenger car. An assembly of men of varying builds and stature look up as Scaia walks in.] MS - Alright listen up! Our first show starts in about an hour after we pull up to train station in Dayton. THAT fleabitten, MANGY, two HORSE excuse for a TOWN? Ain't nobody gonna be there to watch our show! MS - WHO said THAT?
MS - Ah... Festus Capslock's friend.
Mah name... is Mann... Harold Lucas Mann.
MS - Festus I thought you told me that you could keep this boy in line.
HLM - Boy?
FC - I wouldn't call him "boy" sir. That didn't go over too well back home on the plantation. I reckon it would go over even less so now that Lucas here's been a free man...
___
FFC - CUT! TIMEOUT! HOLD the GOD DAMN phone!
Stank - What?
FFC - Are you trying to suggest that not ONLY did MY family know yours back in eighteen sixty whatever ago, but that WE... OWNED THEM... as...
Stank - It's cool man. That was a long ti- wait a minute.
FFC - ...
Stank - ...
SFJ#99 - ...
FFC - ... ...
Stank - What the hell is going on...
SFJ#99 - Wow this is WAY better than your story, Capslock.
Stank - Whoa Deja Vu... I feel like I've told this tale... before...
FFC - What am I doing here anyway?? I'm not part of Drink & Destroy anymore??
Stank - Yeah I remember this... this was a pretty damn good promo. It touched off what should be in the running for angle of the year when the awards come around.
FFC - ... I'm LOADED!
Stank - ... Shouldn't you be standing around with the Defenestrators somwhere?
FFC - What are you muttering about?
Stank - I... I don't KNOW! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
FFC - I got to get outta here!
[FFC runs out of the destroyitarium to catch up with Eco and Voltage. Stank wanders off muttering to himself.
Meanwhile The Defenstrators are running away and Voltage runs into a pole. Voltage is knocked out.]
Eco - Volt! You okay?
Volt - (getting up) Voltage: Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER.
Ecosystem - Way to go, dude. Totally bitchin'.
Volt - Please don't steal my radical gimmick.
Eco - OK.
Volt - So all I need to do now is capture the Black Sabbath title to become th-
Eco - The what?
Volt - I don't know. Someone was supposed to cut me off.
Cappington - (running in) Sorry. "The Black Sabbath Title"?
Volt - Iron Man. You know, 'duh-nuh duh-NUH NUH nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh narhhhhh nuh-NUH NUH!'
Eco - ...
Volt - Will you know it if I air guitar at the same time?
[Stank wanders onto the scene muttering to himself.]
FFCIII - You're back!
Stank - I've been here before? Where's Moose?!
Eco - Voltage, make the call.
Voltage - WE SHOULD HAVE WON THE DEFENESTRATION MATCH SINCE WE ARE CLEARLY MORE OVER AS HEELS BEING IN A STABLE WITH AN ESTABLISHED SUPERHEEL CHARACTER!
(Moosehead Jack runs in.)
MHJ - Stank.
Stank - ...
Eco - ...
Volt - ...
FFCIII - ...
Stank - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Eco - AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Volt - AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
El Voltaje - AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
FFCIII - AHHHHHHH! Why are a we screaming?
Eco - I thought you were facing his buddies.
Stank - That was last week.
El Voltaje - Escucha el sir, tú es hermoso pero estás perdiendo nuestro tiempo. Volver por favor la correa a mi colega.
(Listen sir, you are handsome but you are wasting our time. Please return the belt to my colleague.)
Volt - Right on, amigo. So, as I was saying, after I win the Black Sabbath titl-
Eco - What does that mean again?
Volt - Black Sabbath. Iron Man. Latter is a song by the former.
Eco - I like that, let's go with it.
Volt - Just go stand in the corner, OK?
Eco - Moose, can you heartpunch him again?
*Davin Moreland wanders in*
DM - Now guys...Wasn't I in this promo before?
Eco - Yes, but you are the epitome of teh suck, so you've been written out.
DM - Written out?!?! You wrote me out of quite possibly the BEST PROMO EVAR??
Volt - Yeah. Go, like, beat some random person up for no reason.
DM - What if I say no?
Eco - Moose, if you would please.
(MHJ Heartpunches Moreland. His lifeless corpse is dragged out of the room somehow)
MHJ - Wait... If Moreland was written out... why has he come back twice now?
Eco - No. I feel like we established that.
El Ecosistema - Normalmente, antes de Moose llega.
Eco - Ah.
Moose - You really don't know, then?
Eco - Nope.
(MHJ heartpunches Ecosystem.)
MHJ - That will teach him to respect continuity.
Volt - ANYWAY, once I've unified these belts into the TRIPLE CROWN...DDT...IRON MAN...HEAVY METAL TITLE, I will be the most acclaimed wrestler in all of OOWF history! Three belts at once!
FFC - Pretty sure a dead sparrow held that title. 4 times.
Volt - SHUT UP, ECO!
Stank - Eco is clearl- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Volt - So who do I have to beat to achieve this magnanimous feat?
FFC - Uh, Moosehead Jack.
Volt - Easy enough, I'll just criticise his booking until he appears.
MHJ - I'm right here.
Voltage - Oh. Uh, it was him. (points at El Voltaje)
El Voltaje - ¿Era? (It was?!)
(MHJ heartpunches Voltage.)
FFC - So, uh, I assume you're going to take Volt's belts then?
MHJ - Belts? No. Wallet? Hell yes!
MHJ - ?? Geez the guy's got like six wallets.
FFC - Five of those are mine. I think the other belongs to Eco.
Eco - (groggly) Check your pocket.
MHJ - (checking) I don't have any wallets. (Stunned silence from all around.)
FFC - Everybody check your pockets.
(Everybody checks.)
El Voltaje - Yo lo tengo! Quiere la cartera, Moose? (I have it! Do you want the wallet, Moose?)
MHJ - No speak Spanish. Sorry.
Stank (feeling in his pockets) I have a con- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Ecosystem - (coming to consciousness) I have a scarf. (Ecosystem begins pulling out a long strand of colorful scarfs all tied together. At the end is a wallet.)
MHJ - There it is. I knew you had one.
Eco - But there were... wait.
Voltaje - YO LA TENGO!!
Stank - Moose, we need to--
Stank/MHJ - talk.
MHJ - Jinx. You owe me a beer.
Stank - ... ... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
[Stank wanders off muttering to himself.]
MHJ - I guess I'll get my own beer.
[Moose turns to leave and Morte is standing there]
MHJ: Morte?
Morte: Yeah
MHJ: Since when do you talk?
Morte: Does it matter in this promo?
MHJ: No, I guess not, not really. Eh, so did you need something?
Morte: Oh yeah, me and the rest of the No Longer Used Characters, and the Zombie guys were getting kinda tired of running around destroying stuff, so we are getting back on the Bus of the Unused Gimmicks. Just checking to see if there is anyone else that needs to get on
<Moose looks over at Los Defenestrators>
Ecosis: Que?
El Voltaje: <looking at Morte> Quien es?
Voltage: Oh he is no one, you should really follow.....
Eco: DUDE! Don't send them there, we can use them
Voltage: Oh yeah
MHJ: No, it looks like you are good for the moment.
Morte:<looking at Cappington>: We'll see YOU soon
<Morte walks off>
FFCIII: What the hell is THAT supposed to mean?
Volt - (getting up) Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER. That's right! Walk away!
Eco: Uh Volt, he is still standing right there
Volt: Huh? Who?
<Moose heartpunches Volt again>
MHJ: Still think he is the best?
Eco - Who?
MHJ: Exactly <Moose walks off>
Volt - <recovering....again>... Wait... what?
MHJ- This is exactly the same as my post earlier, FF.
FFCIII- No, its different.
MHJ- How so?
FFCIII- These four lines at the end.
*Moreland watches himself being carried out after a heartpunch, has a "Back to the Future" moment, and promptly passes out*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:25:06 GMT -5
(LD Williams comes to from his bricking in the middle of the scene.)
Volt - (getting up) Voltage: Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER.
Ecosystem - Way to go, dude. Totally bitchin'.
Volt - Please don't steal my radical gimmick.
Eco - OK.
Williams: No...no....I can't be trapped here.
Volt - So all I need to do now is capture the Black Sabbath title to become th-
Eco - The what?
Volt - I don't know. Someone was supposed to cut me off.
Williams: ME! I'M CUTTING YOU OFF! THIS PROMO IS OVER!!!
Cappington - (running in) Sorry. "The Black Sabbath Title"?
Volt - Iron Man. You know, 'duh-nuh duh-NUH NUH nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh narhhhhh nuh-NUH NUH!'
Eco - ...
Volt - Will you know it if I air guitar at the same time?
(Stank wanders onto the scene muttering to himself.)
FFCIII - You're back!
Stank - AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
FFCIII: ...sorry.
Stank: Wait. What's Williams doing here?
LDW: (grabbing Stank) You have to save me. You get to escape with Moose at the end of the scene.
FFCIII: Somebody save Moose?
Eco - Voltage, make the call.
Voltage - WE SHOULD HAVE WON THE DEFENESTRATION MATCH SINCE WE ARE CLEARLY MORE OVER AS HEELS BEING IN A STABLE WITH AN ESTABLISHED SUPERHEEL CHARACTER!
(Moosehead Jack runs in.)
MHJ - Stank.
Stank - ...
Eco - ...
Volt - ...
FFCIII - ...
Stank - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Eco - AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Volt - AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
El Voltaje - AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
FFCIII - AHHHHHHH!
Moose: Williams?
Williams: Moose! Help me! Say something about my current match this week!
Eco - I thought you were facing his buddies.
Stank - That was last week.
Williams: NO! I'M FACING SPIN!
El Voltaje - Escucha el sir, tú es hermoso pero estás perdiendo nuestro tiempo. Volver por favor la correa a mi colega.
(Listen sir, you are handsome but you are wasting our time. Please return the belt to my colleague.)
Volt - Right on, amigo. So, as I was saying, after I win the Black Sabbath titl-
Eco - What does that mean again?
Volt - Black Sabbath. Iron Man. Latter is a song by the former.
Eco - I like that, let's go with it.
Volt - Just go stand in the corner, OK?
Eco - Moose, can you heartpunch him again?
*Davin Moreland wanders in*
DM - Now guys...Wasn't I in this promo before?
Eco - Yes, but you are the epitome of teh suck, so you've been written out.
DM - Written out?!?! You wrote me out of quite possibly the BEST PROMO EVAR??
Williams: (grabbing Davin Moreland) DAVIN! YOU CUT A PROMO OUTSIDE OF THIS ONE! YOU CAN BREAK IT!
Volt - Don't listen Davin! Go, like, beat some random person up for no reason.
DM - What if I say no?
Eco - Moose, if you would please.
Williams: NOOO!!!
(MHJ Heartpunches Moreland. His lifeless corpse is dragged out of the room somehow)
Williams: That's it! Moose, heartpunch me too!
MHJ - Wait... If Moreland was written out... why has he come back twice now?
Eco - No. I feel like we established that.
Williams: HEARTPUNCH ME!!!
El Ecosistema - Normalmente, antes de Moose llega.
Eco - Ah.
Moose - You really don't know, then?
Eco - Nope.
(MHJ heartpunches Ecosystem.)
MHJ - That will teach him to respect continuity.
Williams: I hate continuity too! Ecosystem has had multiple real names! Kenji broke the fourth wall! YOU'RE A BAD BOOKER!!!
(MHJ heartpunches Williams.)
Williams: Ah, thank goodness. (Williams passes out and is dragged off to freedom.)
Volt - ANYWAY, once I've unified these belts into the TRIPLE CROWN...DDT...IRON MAN...HEAVY METAL TITLE, I will be the most acclaimed wrestler in all of OOWF history! Three belts at once!
FFC - Pretty sure a dead sparrow held that title. 4 times.
Volt - SHUT UP, ECO!
Stank - Eco is clearl- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:25:37 GMT -5
<Moosehead Jack is in the back skulking around the halls when he runs into SFJ13>
SFJ13: Moose, can I have a word with you for a moment?
MHJ: I guess
SFJ: Concrete TG had little to say about you costing Nayr the Onslaught Championship, and seemingly driving him out of the OOWF, does that surprise you?
MHJ: Does it surprise me? No it doesn't. And do you know why? Because Crete no longer needed Nayr. Nayr wasn't one to run and save Crete's sorry ass every time he got in trouble. No, now he has Firechild for that. I will say this, and Nayr, I know somewhere you are watching this, and I know somewhere you are angry at me. You are cursing my name and blaming me for losing your title. Well Nayr, I want you to think about this, I set you free. Because of me, you were able to walk away from Crete and be your own man. Without what I did, you would still be one of Crete's little puppets.
SFJ13: It appears that you have targeted Knife and the Onslaught championship, that seems like an odd goal for you. Why are you after that title?
MHJ: Two reasons 13. One, Knife and I started something we never got to finish. See, a lot of people see me as the Destroyer, and they are right. But there is another part of me. I am a Liberator as well. I freed Nayr from Crete, and I have done the same thing for Knife. Think back, back to December. Crete was filling Knife's head with all kinds of nonsense about purity and being a hero, and the poor kid was eating it up. He used Knife as a pawn in his war against me. He sent the lamb to the slaughter. But I freed Knife, because of me he went on a.....we'll call it a journey, and now he is the man we see before us, a man that holds championship gold. Now, it is my job to test that man.
SFJ13: And your second reason?
MHJ: Simple. Both Concrete and I are triple crown champions. Both of us lack a single title from being the first Grand Slam champion. I want this title, just because Crete hasn't had it. And really, what better way to irritate Crete than to hold the PURE wrestling title?
SFJ13: Finally, you decided on a gauntlet match against Concrete TG at Hell on Earth III instead of a regular one on one match, why?
MHJ: The Heroes Guild has screwed over Stank, Spin and myself so many times, this is our chance to get even. Its that simple.
<From the distance>
Voltage - WE SHOULD HAVE WON THE DEFENESTRATION MATCH SINCE WE ARE CLEARLY MORE OVER AS HEELS BEING IN A STABLE WITH AN ESTABLISHED SUPERHEEL CHARACTER!
<The camera pans around and Stank, Eco, Volt, Ecosistema, Cappington and Williams are all standing around looking at each other>
Eco: What the? Try it again
Voltage - WE SHOULD HAVE WON THE DEFENESTRATION MATCH SINCE WE ARE CLEARLY MORE OVER AS HEELS BEING IN A STABLE WITH AN ESTABLISHED SUPERHEEL CHARACTER!
<Still nothing>
Eco: Well what the hell? How are we supposed to finish this promo?
LDW: Does this mean it is over and I can escape?
Volt: No, it is not that simple <turning to the key grip> Hey kid, go get Moose
Key Grip: Me? No way. Moose likes to heart punch people
Volt: You ever been Defenestrated?
Key Grip: No, but I am still not.....
FFCIII: Let me handle this. Look son, I have a hundred dollar bill for you if you go get Moose. We need him to finish the promo.
<the grip reluctantly takes the money and leaves>
MHJ: So that is why Concrete must pay, he thinks he is better than all of......
Key Grip: Ummm Mr. Moosehead?
MHJ: What?
Key Grip: They need you to finish the promo
MHJ: What?
<from the distance>
Voltage - WE SHOULD HAVE WON THE DEFENESTRATION MATCH SINCE WE ARE CLEARLY MORE OVER AS HEELS BEING IN A STABLE WITH AN ESTABLISHED SUPERHEEL CHARACTER! IF ONLY SOMEONE COULD TEAR HIMSELF AWAY FROM PROMOTING HIS FEUD WITH CRETE THAT HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR THREE YEARS AND GET HIS ASS OVER HERE TO HELP US FINISH OUR PROMO, THAT WOULD BE GREAT
(Moosehead Jack runs in.)
MHJ - Stank.
Stank - ...
Eco - ...
Volt - ...
FFCIII - ...
Stank - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Eco - AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Volt - AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
El Voltaje - AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
FFCIII - AHHHHHHH!
Moose: Williams?
Williams: Moose! Help me! Say something about my current match this week!
Eco - I thought you were facing his buddies.
Stank - That was last week.
Williams: NO! I'M FACING SPIN!
El Voltaje - Escucha el sir, tú es hermoso pero estás perdiendo nuestro tiempo. Volver por favor la correa a mi colega.
(Listen sir, you are handsome but you are wasting our time. Please return the belt to my colleague.)
Volt - Right on, amigo. So, as I was saying, after I win the Black Sabbath titl-
Eco - What does that mean again?
Volt - Black Sabbath. Iron Man. Latter is a song by the former.
Eco - I like that, let's go with it.
Volt - Just go stand in the corner, OK?
Eco - Moose, can you heartpunch him again?
*Davin Moreland wanders in*
DM - Now guys...Wasn't I in this promo before?
Eco - Yes, but you are the epitome of teh suck, so you've been written out.
DM - Written out?!?! You wrote me out of quite possibly the BEST PROMO EVAR??
Williams: (grabbing Davin Moreland) DAVIN! YOU CUT A PROMO OUTSIDE OF THIS ONE! YOU CAN BREAK IT!
Volt - Don't listen Davin! Go, like, beat some random person up for no reason.
DM - What if I say no?
Eco - Moose, if you would please.
Williams: NOOO!!!
(MHJ Heartpunches Moreland. His lifeless corpse is dragged out of the room somehow)
Williams: That's it! Moose, heartpunch me too!
MHJ - Wait... If Moreland was written out... why has he come back twice now?
Eco - No. I feel like we established that.
Williams: HEARTPUNCH ME!!!
El Ecosistema - Normalmente, antes de Moose llega.
Eco - Ah.
Moose - You really don't know, then?
Eco - Nope.
(MHJ heartpunches Ecosystem.)
MHJ - That will teach him to respect continuity.
Williams: I hate continuity too! Ecosystem has had multiple real names! Kenji broke the fourth wall! YOU'RE A BAD BOOKER!!!
(MHJ heartpunches Williams.)
Williams: Ah, thank goodness. (Williams passes out and is dragged off to freedom.)
Volt - ANYWAY, once I've unified these belts into the TRIPLE CROWN...DDT...IRON MAN...HEAVY METAL TITLE, I will be the most acclaimed wrestler in all of OOWF history! Three belts at once!
FFC - Pretty sure a dead sparrow held that title. 4 times.
Volt - SHUT UP, ECO!
Stank - Eco is clearl- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:26:03 GMT -5
(while many of the wrestlers are stuck in a promo, Crete steps outside the guild hall and hangs up a poster): (he then walks back, where Glaw is on the monitor) Glaw: I hope that you will soon have new heroes aiding in your cause. CTG: I appreciate the confidence, Law, but I worry that some of your current work could potentially undermine our mission. Glaw: How so? CTG: I am well aware that you have called a DQ in a match, which those who oppose us have called "Convenient" at best and "Collusion" at worst. Glaw: I was doing my job of enforcing the rules. CTG: I know that and you know that, but in the end I was "rewarded' by retaining the title. Glaw: and in the End, Gryfon, the mission is accomplished. CTG: I don't find that terribly heroic. Glaw: but the belt is still in the proper hands. The mission has not been jeopardized, and we will not deter from it. CTG: .... yessir.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:27:13 GMT -5
Volt - So all I need to do now is capture the Black Sabbath title to become th-
Eco - The what?
Volt - I don't know. Someone was supposed to cut me off.
Williams: ME! I'M CUTTING YOU OFF! THIS PROMO IS OVER!!!
Cappington - (running in) Sorry. "The Black Sabbath Title"?
Volt - Iron Man. You know, 'duh-nuh duh-NUH NUH nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh narhhhhh nuh-NUH NUH!'
Eco - ...
Volt - Will you know it if I air guitar at the same time?
(Stank returns from a bathroom break)
FFCIII - You're back!
Stank - AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
FFCIII: ...sorry.
Stank: Wait. What's Williams doing here?
LDW: (grabbing Stank) You have to save me.
(CTG walks into the scene)
Eco: Finally! Maybe the resident Superhero will save us?
CTG: Save? You realize you're all villains here.
Volt: which means we should all kick your ass.
CTG: (Glances around)
Voltage - WE SHOULD HAVE WON THE DEFENESTRATION MATCH SINCE WE ARE CLEARLY MORE OVER AS HEELS BEING IN A STABLE WITH AN ESTABLISHED SUPERHEEL CHARACTER!
CTG: YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST!
Stank - ...
Eco - ...
Volt - ...
FFCIII - ...
Stank - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Eco - AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Volt - AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
El Voltaje - AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
FFCIII - AHHHHHHH!
CTG: What?
Williams: Concrete! Help me! Say something about my current match this week!
Eco - I thought you were facing Moose's buddies.
Stank - That was last week.
Williams: NO! I'M FACING SPIN!
El Voltaje - Escucha el sir, tú es hermoso pero estás perdiendo nuestro tiempo. Volver por favor la correa a mi colega.
(Listen sir, you are handsome but you are wasting our time. Please return the belt to my colleague.)
Volt - Right on, amigo. So, as I was saying, after I win the Black Sabbath titl-
Eco - What does that mean again?
Volt - Black Sabbath. Iron Man. Latter is a song by the former.
Eco - I like that, let's go with it.
Volt - Just go stand in the corner, OK?
Eco - Concrete, he's a bad guy, can you do something?
*Davin Moreland wanders in*
DM - Now guys...Wasn't I in this promo before?
Eco - Yes, but you are the epitome of teh suck, so you've been written out.
DM - Written out?!?! You wrote me out of quite possibly the BEST PROMO EVAR??
Williams: (grabbing Davin Moreland) DAVIN! YOU CUT A PROMO OUTSIDE OF THIS ONE! YOU CAN BREAK IT!
Volt - Don't listen Davin! Go, like, beat some random person up for no reason.
DM - What if I say no?
Eco - Concrete?
Williams: NOOO!!!
(CTG grabs Clangy from offscreen and wallops him)
Williams: Thank you sir, can I get one too?
CTG: Nope, Clangy was only for Davin
Eco - No. I feel like we established that.
Williams: Hit me too, I deserve it!
El Ecosistema - Normalmente, antes de Concrete llega.
Eco - Ah.
CTG: ?
Eco - Nope.
(CTG hands Clangy to Ecosystem.)
CTG - Teach him to respect continuity.
Williams: I hate continuity too! Ecosystem has had multiple real names! Kenji broke the fourth wall! SOME HERO YOU ARE!
(CTG gives Williams the CEMENT MIXER!)
Williams: (on the ground) will THAT fix things?
Volt - ANYWAY, once I've unified these belts into the TRIPLE CROWN...DDT...IRON MAN...HEAVY METAL TITLE, I will be the most acclaimed wrestler in all of OOWF history! Three belts at once!
FFC - Pretty sure a dead sparrow held that title. 4 times.
Volt - SHUT UP, ECO!
Stank - Eco is clearl- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:27:46 GMT -5
Volt - So all I need to do now is capture the Black Sabbath title to become th-
Eco - The what?
Volt - I don't know. Someone was supposed to cut me off.
Williams: ME! I'M CUTTING YOU OFF! THIS PROMO IS OVER!!!
Cappington - (running in) Sorry. "The Black Sabbath Title"?
Volt - Iron Man. You know, 'duh-nuh duh-NUH NUH nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh narhhhhh nuh-NUH NUH!'
Eco - ...
Volt - Will you know it if I air guitar at the same time?
(Stank returns from a bathroom break)
FFCIII - You're back!
Stank - AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
FFCIII: ...sorry.
Stank: Wait. What's Williams doing here?
LDW: (grabbing Stank) You have to save me.
(CTG walks into the scene)
Eco: Finally! Maybe the resident Superhero will save us?
CTG: Save? You realize you're all villains here.
Volt: which means we should all kick your ass.
CTG: (Glances around)
Voltage - WE SHOULD HAVE WON THE DEFENESTRATION MATCH SINCE WE ARE CLEARLY MORE OVER AS HEELS BEING IN A STABLE WITH AN ESTABLISHED SUPERHEEL CHARACTER!
CTG: YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST!
Stank - ...
Eco - ...
Volt - ...
FFCIII - ...
Stank - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Eco - AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Volt - AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
El Voltaje - AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
FFCIII - AHHHHHHH!
CTG: What?
<Moose runs in>
MHJ: What?
Eco: I think this is where you heartpunch Volt
MHJ: Right <Moose heartpunches Voltage and he collapses to the floor> What the hell is HE <pointing to Crete> doing here?
Eco: Well, ummmm
FFCIII: This promo needed more faces?
Eco: YES! We needed more faces, and uh, Crete was recruiting for the Latin American Chapter of The Heroes Guild
Ecosistema: Donde esta superhero?
CTG: Citizen Moose!
Williams: Concrete! Help me! Say something about my current match this week!
Eco - I thought you were facing Moose's buddies.
Stank - That was last week.
Williams: NO! I'M FACING SPIN!
El Voltaje - Escucha el sir, tú es hermoso pero estás perdiendo nuestro tiempo. Volver por favor la correa a mi colega.
(Listen sir, you are handsome but you are wasting our time. Please return the belt to my colleague.)
Volt - <recovered now>Right on, amigo. So, as I was saying, after I win the Black Sabbath titl-
Eco - What does that mean again?
Volt - Black Sabbath. Iron Man. Latter is a song by the former.
Eco - I like that, let's go with it.
Volt - Just go stand in the corner, OK?
Eco - Concrete, he's a bad guy, can you do something?
*Davin Moreland wanders in*
DM - Now guys...Wasn't I in this promo before?
Eco - Yes, but you are the epitome of teh suck, so you've been written out.
DM - Written out?!?! You wrote me out of quite possibly the BEST PROMO EVAR??
Williams: (grabbing Davin Moreland) DAVIN! YOU CUT A PROMO OUTSIDE OF THIS ONE! YOU CAN BREAK IT!
Volt - Don't listen Davin! Go, like, beat some random person up for no reason.
DM - What if I say no?
Eco - Concrete?
Williams: NOOO!!!
(CTG grabs Clangy from offscreen and wallops him)
Williams: Thank you sir, can I get one too?
CTG: Nope, Clangy was only for Davin
Eco - No. I feel like we established that.
Williams: Hit me too, I deserve it!
El Ecosistema - Normalmente, antes de Concrete llega.
Eco - Ah.
CTG: ?
Eco - Nope.
(CTG hands Clangy to Ecosystem.)
CTG - Teach him to respect continuity.
Williams: I hate continuity too! Ecosystem has had multiple real names! Kenji broke the fourth wall! SOME HERO YOU ARE!
(CTG gives Williams the CEMENT MIXER!)
Williams: (on the ground) will THAT fix things?
Volt - ANYWAY, once I've unified these belts into the TRIPLE CROWN...DDT...IRON MAN...HEAVY METAL TITLE, I will be the most acclaimed wrestler in all of OOWF history! Three belts at once!
FFC - Pretty sure a dead sparrow held that title. 4 times.
Volt - SHUT UP, ECO!
Stank - Eco is clearl- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MHJ: Look, I have things to do, wait, this promo keeps repeating over and over, right?
Eco: Sure seems that way
<Moose turns and knocks the Key Grip to the ground, grabs his chair and PASTES Crete over the head with it, knocking him to the ground out cold>
Cappington: WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
MHJ: Wait till the next promo, you'll see
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:28:10 GMT -5
Volt - So all I need to do now is capture the Black Sabbath title to become th-
Eco - The what?
Volt - I don't know. Someone was supposed to cut me off.
Williams: ME! I'M CUTTING YOU OFF! THIS PROMO IS OVER!!!
Cappington - (running in) Sorry. "The Black Sabbath Title"?
Volt - Iron Man. You know, 'duh-nuh duh-NUH NUH nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh narhhhhh nuh-NUH NUH!'
Eco - ...
Volt - Will you know it if I air guitar at the same time?
(Stank returns from a bathroom break)
FFCIII - You're back!
Stank - AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
FFCIII: ...sorry.
Stank: Wait. What's Williams doing here?
LDW: (grabbing Stank) You have to save me.
(CTG walks into the scene)
Eco: Finally! Maybe the resident Superhero will save us?
CTG: Save? You realize you're all villains here.
Volt: which means we should all kick your ass.
CTG: (Glances around)
Voltage - WE SHOULD HAVE WON THE DEFENESTRATION MATCH SINCE WE ARE CLEARLY MORE OVER AS HEELS BEING IN A STABLE WITH AN ESTABLISHED SUPERHEEL CHARACTER!
CTG: YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST!
Stank - ...
Eco - ...
Volt - ...
FFCIII - ...
Stank - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Eco - AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Volt - AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
El Voltaje - AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
FFCIII - AHHHHHHH!
CTG: What?
<Moose runs in>
MHJ: What?
Eco: I think this is where you heartpunch Volt
MHJ: Right <Moose heartpunches Voltage and he collapses to the floor> What the hell is HE <pointing to Crete> doing here?
Eco: Well, ummmm
FFCIII: This promo needed more faces?
Eco: YES! We needed more faces, and uh, Crete was recruiting for the Latin American Chapter of The Heroes Guild
Ecosistema: Donde esta superhero?
CTG: Citizen Moose!
Williams: Concrete! Help me! Say something about my current match this week!
Eco - I thought you were facing Moose's buddies.
Stank - That was last week.
Williams: NO! I'M FACING SPIN!
El Voltaje - Escucha el sir, tú es hermoso pero estás perdiendo nuestro tiempo. Volver por favor la correa a mi colega.
(Listen sir, you are handsome but you are wasting our time. Please return the belt to my colleague.)
Volt - <recovered now>Right on, amigo. So, as I was saying, after I win the Black Sabbath titl-
Eco - What does that mean again?
Volt - Black Sabbath. Iron Man. Latter is a song by the former.
Eco - I like that, let's go with it.
Volt - Just go stand in the corner, OK?
Eco - Concrete, he's a bad guy, can you do something?
*Davin Moreland wanders in*
DM - Now guys...Wasn't I in this promo before?
Eco - Yes, but you are the epitome of teh suck, so you've been written out.
DM - Written out?!?! You wrote me out of quite possibly the BEST PROMO EVAR??
Williams: (grabbing Davin Moreland) DAVIN! YOU CUT A PROMO OUTSIDE OF THIS ONE! YOU CAN BREAK IT!
Volt - Don't listen Davin! Go, like, beat some random person up for no reason.
DM - What if I say no?
Eco - Concrete?
Williams: NOOO!!!
(CTG grabs Clangy from offscreen and wallops him)
Williams: Thank you sir, can I get one too?
CTG: Nope, Clangy was only for Davin
Eco - No. I feel like we established that.
Williams: Hit me too, I deserve it!
El Ecosistema - Normalmente, antes de Concrete llega.
Eco - Ah.
CTG: ?
Eco - Nope.
(CTG hands Clangy to Ecosystem.)
CTG - Teach him to respect continuity.
Williams: I hate continuity too! Ecosystem has had multiple real names! Kenji broke the fourth wall! SOME HERO YOU ARE!
(CTG gives Williams the CEMENT MIXER!)
Williams: (on the ground) will THAT fix things?
Volt - ANYWAY, once I've unified these belts into the TRIPLE CROWN...DDT...IRON MAN...HEAVY METAL TITLE, I will be the most acclaimed wrestler in all of OOWF history! Three belts at once!
FFC - Pretty sure a dead sparrow held that title. 4 times.
Volt - SHUT UP, ECO!
Stank - Eco is clearl- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MHJ: Look, I have things to do, wait, this promo keeps repeating over and over, right?
Eco: Sure seems that way
<Moose turns and knocks the Key Grip to the ground, grabs his chair and PASTES Crete over the head with it, knocking him to the ground out cold>
Cappington: WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
MHJ: Wait till the next promo, you'll see
*Camera pans to Davin Moreland's lifeless corpse. He slowly gets up, brushes himself off and smiles into the camera.*
DM: Hi. My name is Davin Moreland. You may know me from such matches as "Weapons on a Pole" and "Hell in the Cell". You ever have one of those days that seems to drag on? Like you're stuck in a rut and can't get out of it?
*From the Locker Room, This is heard* Volt - So all I need to do now is capture the Black Sabbath title to become th-
Eco - The what?
Volt - I don't know. Someone was supposed to cut me off.
Williams: ME! I'M CUTTING YOU OFF! THIS PROMO IS OVER!!!
Cappington - (running in) Sorry. "The Black Sabbath Title"? *Hidden Boom Mic moves away*
DM: I know I sure do. And when I do, there's nothing better than a quick, refreshing pick-me-up. And what's better, than a Double-Brewed Iced Coffee from Dunkin' Donuts.
*handed an awesome looking iced coffee from off camera, and takes a sip*
DM: Ahhh...Nothing better. Oh, Hey Moose.
MHJ: Umm..Hello Davin.
DM: Ladies and Gentlemen, please meet one of the true legends of the OOWF, THE Moosehead Jack. Would you like a cool, refreshing Double-Brewed Iced Coffee from Dunkin' Donuts?
MHJ: Actually, yes, that sounds good.
*is handed one from off-camera, and takes a sip*
MHJ: Ah...
DM: Hardbody! How ya been? Haven't seen you in any promos lately. Come on over. Ladies and Gentlemen, the #1 FACE IN THE OOWF!!! Hardbody Harris!
HH: And my little buddy Feivel...
F: Hewwo...
All: Awwwwwww...
DM: So, Hardbody, I know you're a big Pink Lemonade fan, but what if I told you there was something just as refreshing?
HH: Well, I love my Pink Lemonade, but I'd love to try something new.
F: I'd wike to twy one too.
DM: *tousles Feivel's hat* Aw, little buddy, Iced Coffee's not for a little mouse, but let's see if we can get him a little Coffee Coolata
*HH and Feivel are handed their drinks from off camera*
HH: This is DELICIOUS. Thanks!
F: This is dewishus. Fank you sooooo much!
DM: No problem guys...Hey Knife! Knife get on over here and have yourself a Double-Brewed Iced Coffee from Dunkin' Donuts!
K: Don't mind if I do.
*handed Iced Coffee from off camera*
K: *sips* Wow that's good.
DM: It sure is. And look, none of us are involved in that promo over there *Heartpunches are heard*
MHJ: This is the perfect thing to break out of that rut.
DM: You said it Moose. And you can get one too! Just go down to your local Dunkin' Donuts and tell them Davin sent you!
*camera freeze frames, with the Dunkin' Donuts logo, and under that "Dunkin' Donuts, The Official Iced Coffee of the OOWF*
Director: Aaaaaaand, we're clear!
*Davin shakes hands with everyone around*
DM: Great job guys, Thanks.
HH: No problem buddy, we'll catch you later...*HH and Feivel leave*'
DM: Moose, couldn't have done it without you.
MHJ: Yes, well..I should get back to the promo...I think you're good for a bit in there.
DM: See ya in a minute. Nice work, Knife.
K: Um...thanks....
DM: Oh, one thing....
K: What's that?
*Moreland blasts Knife over the head with his Double-Brewed Iced Coffee from Dunkin' Donuts, and proceeds to lay a wicked beatdown on him, trying to practice all his finishers and big moves, Dominator here, Standing Shooting Star Press there...finally culminating in possibly the SICKEST REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER ON THE ICE AND COFFEE ON THE CEMENT FLOOR!!! Moreland locks in a Mark Henry Memorial Armbar*
DM: You've got my belt, and I'm coming for it, no distractions this time...
K: *barely conscious moan*
DM: This week at MIDWEEK MAYHEM in Hogansville, Georgia, there WILL be a new Onslaught Champion, and that will be Davin Moreland, Because Davin Moreland AINT YOUR BITCH NO MORE!
*the lifeless corpse of Davin Moreland is mysteriously dragged from the Promo in the Locker Room*
LCoDM: Dude, we gotta work on that catchphrase.
DM: No doubt, bro...No doubt...
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:28:32 GMT -5
DV: So do you see a spot where we could enter the Defenestrators' promo?
Cap: No. Still haven't found one.
DV: How the hell are we gonna sell the fans to watch out match with them this Mayhem?
Cap: Hell if I know!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 17:29:00 GMT -5
FFC - Are you trying to suggest that not ONLY did MY family know yours back in eighteen sixty whatever ago, but that WE... OWNED THEM... as...
Stank - It's cool man. That was a long ti- wait a minute.
FFC - ...
Stank - ...
SFJ#99 - ...
FFC - ... ...
Stank - What the hell is going on...
SFJ#99 - Wow this is WAY better than your story, Capslock.
Stank - Whoa Deja Vu... I feel like I've told this tale... before...
FFC - What am I doing here anyway?? I'm not part of Drink & Destroy anymore??
Stank - Yeah I remember this... this was a pretty damn good promo. It touched off what should be in the running for angle of the year when the awards come around.
Disembodied Voice: Unless, of course, someone wants to nominate this angle.
Stank: Who said that?
Disembodied Voice: ...no one.
FFC - ... I'm LOADED!
Stank - ... Shouldn't you be standing around with the Defenestrators somwhere?
FFC - What are you muttering about?
Stank - I... I don't KNOW! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
FFC - I got to get outta here!
[FFC runs out of the destroyitarium to catch up with Eco and Voltage. Stank wanders off muttering to himself.
Meanwhile The Defenstrators are running away and Voltage runs into a pole. Voltage is knocked out.]
Eco - Volt! You okay?
Volt - (getting up) Voltage: Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER.
Ecosystem - Way to go, dude. Totally bitchin'.
Volt - Please don't steal my radical gimmick.
Eco - OK.
Volt - So all I need to do now is capture the Black Sabbath title to become th-
Eco - The what?
Volt - I don't know. Someone was supposed to cut me off.
Williams: ME! I'M CUTTING YOU OFF! THIS PROMO IS OVER!!!
Cappington - (running in) Sorry. "The Black Sabbath Title"?
Volt - Iron Man. You know, 'duh-nuh duh-NUH NUH nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh narhhhhh nuh-NUH NUH!'
Eco - ...
Volt - Will you know it if I air guitar at the same time?
(Stank returns from a bathroom break)
FFCIII - You're back!
Stank - AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
FFCIII: ...sorry.
Stank: Wait. What's Williams doing here?
LDW: (grabbing Stank) You have to save me.
Stank: But I couldn't save you the last three times.
LDW: I DON'T CARE! SAVE ME!!!
(CTG walks into the scene)
Eco: Finally! Maybe the resident Superhero will save us?
LDW: Or at least trade me out?
CTG: Save? You realize you're all villains here.
Volt: Which means...wait...we are? Really? Not at this point at least.
CTG: (Glances around)
Voltage - WE SHOULD HAVE WON THE DEFENESTRATION MATCH SINCE WE ARE CLEARLY MORE OVER AS HEELS BEING IN A STABLE WITH AN ESTABLISHED SUPERHEEL CHARACTER!
CTG: YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST!
Stank - ...
Eco - ...
Volt - ...
FFCIII - ...
Stank - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Eco - AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Volt - AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
El Voltaje - AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
El Ecosistema: No estoy diciendo nada.
FFCIII - AHHHHHHH!
CTG: What?
(Moose runs in.)
MHJ: What?
Eco: I think this is where you heartpunch Volt.
MHJ: Right (Moose heartpunches Voltage and he collapses to the floor) What the hell is HE (pointing to Crete) doing here?
Eco: Putting us under arrest?
LDW: Giving me false hope?
FFCIII: This promo needed more faces?
Eco: YES! We needed more faces, and uh, Crete was recruiting for the Latin American Chapter of The Heroes Guild.
Ecosistema: Donde esta superhero?
CTG: Citizen Moose!
Williams: Concrete! Help me! Say something about my current match this week!
Eco - I thought you were facing Moose's buddies.
Stank - That was last week.
Williams: NO! I'M FACING SPIN!
El Voltaje - Escucha el sir, tú es hermoso pero estás perdiendo nuestro tiempo. Volver por favor la correa a mi colega.
(Listen sir, you are handsome but you are wasting our time. Please return the belt to my colleague.)
Volt - <recovered now>Right on, amigo. So, as I was saying, after I win the Black Sabbath titl-
Eco - What does that mean again?
Volt - Black Sabbath. Iron Man. Latter is a song by the former.
Eco - I like that, let's go with it.
Volt - Just go stand in the corner, OK?
Eco - Concrete, he's a bad guy, can you do something?
*Davin Moreland wanders in*
DM - Now guys...Wasn't I in this promo before?
Eco - Yes, but you are the epitome of teh suck, so you've been written out.
DM - Written out?!?! You wrote me out of quite possibly the BEST PROMO EVAR??
Williams: (grabbing Davin Moreland) DAVIN! YOU CUT A PROMO OUTSIDE OF THIS ONE! YOU CAN BREAK IT!
Volt - Don't listen Davin! Go, like, beat some random person up for no reason.
DM - What if I say no?
Eco - Concrete?
Williams: NOOO!!!
(CTG goes to grab Clangy...and he's not there.)
CTG: Huh?
Eco: Oh, I think you gave him to me.
(Ecosystem pulls out two Clangy Poles.)
DM: ...Which one is mine?
CTG: You can have them both. I'll grab something else to hit you with.
(CTG reaches out and grabs...CAPELLAN AND VIPER!)
Capellan: Woo-hoo! We're in the promo!
Viper: I hope that's a good thing.
(CTG smashes Davin over the head with Capellan and Viper. Davin has fallen.)
Williams: Thank you sir, can I get one too?
CTG: Nope, Capellan and Viper were only for Davin
Eco - No. I feel like we established that.
Williams: Hit me too, I deserve it!
El Ecosistema - Normalmente, antes de Concrete llega.
Eco - Ah.
CTG: ?
Eco - Nope.
(CTG hands Clangy to Ecosystem.)
CTG - Teach him to respect continuity.
Eco: But you just broke continuity by handing me a pole that I already have. In duplicate.
Williams: I hate continuity too! Ecosystem has had multiple real names! Kenji broke the fourth wall! SOME HERO YOU ARE!
(CTG gives Williams the CEMENT MIXER!)
Williams: (on the ground) That won't fix anything. (passes out.)
Volt - ANYWAY, once I've unified these belts into the TRIPLE CROWN...DDT...IRON MAN...HEAVY METAL TITLE, I will be the most acclaimed wrestler in all of OOWF history! Three belts at once!
FFC - Pretty sure a dead sparrow held that title. 4 times.
Volt - SHUT UP, ECO!
Stank - Eco is clearl- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MHJ: Look, I have things to do, wait, this promo keeps repeating over and over, right?
Eco: Sure seems that way
<Moose turns and knocks the Key Grip to the ground, grabs his chair and PASTES Crete over the head with it, knocking him to the ground out cold>
Cappington: WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
MHJ: Wait till the next promo, you'll see.
(Everyone waits.)
Eco: I still don't see.
MHJ: DARN IT!
Capellan: Hey, Eco, now that there's a quiet moment, you think we could, y'know...nail your partner with a chain-assisted DDT and win back the DDT Heavy Metal Title for Viper?
Eco: I don't see why not.
Capellan: Cool.
(Donovan Viper DDT's El Voltaje with the assist of a chain and pins him.)
El Ecosistema: MI AMIGO! NOOOOOOOO!!!
DV: Wait. Why am I not winning the title?
Voltage: That's not Voltage. I'm Voltage. That's Voltaje.
DV: ....Oh come on.
FFC: (coming between Viper and Voltage.) Listen, you're not taking Voltage's title.
DV: But if we take the title, then this promo can never start again, because the "gnarliest double champ ever" line won't be true.
FFC: ...
Capellan: ...
Eco: ...
Voltage: ...
Stank: ...
Moose: ...
El Eco: El ...
FFC: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Capellan: AHHHHHHHHH!
Eco: AHHHHHH!!!
Voltage: AHHHHHHHHH!!!
Stank: AHHHHHHHH!!!
Moose: AHHHHHHHHH!!!
El Eco: AYYIYIYIYI!!!!
Voltage: Quick! DDT me! Right now!
DV: With pleasure.
(Viper runs over to DDT Voltage, but in his haste, he trips over El Voltaje, slams his head against the concrete and falls unconscious.)
Capellan: Oh COME ON!!!
(The Knife walks in.)
The Knife: Hey guys, are you cutting a promo?
MHJ: ...yes.
TK: The same one, over and over?
Stank: Sure. Rub it in.
TK: Okay. Can someone come warn me when Davin starts talking about iced coffee? Because it means he's going to attack me.
Capellan: Yeah, I'll do it.
TK: Thanks.
(The Knife goes to leave, yet somehow runs into a wall.)
TK: Where's the door I came through?
Volt: It's gone.
TK: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Volt: So who do I have to beat to achieve this magnanimous feat?
FFC: Where are we?
Voltage: Title belt.
FFC: Uh, Moosehead Jack.
Volt - Easy enough, I'll just criticise his booking until he appears.
MHJ - I'm right here.
Voltage - Oh. Uh, it was him. (points at El Voltaje, who is unconscious.)
(MHJ heartpunches Voltage.)
FFC - So, uh, I assume you're going to take Volt's belts then and end this promo?
MHJ - Screw you guys, I can come and go as I like. I'm leaving you here. But I will take his wallet.
MHJ - ?? Geez the guy's got like six wallets.
FFC - Five of those are mine. I think the other belongs to Eco.
Eco - Check your pocket.
MHJ - (checking) I don't have any wallets. (Stunned silence from all around.)
FFC - Everybody check your pockets.
(Everybody checks.)
El Voltaje (getting up from the DDT) - Yo lo tengo! Quiere la cartera, Moose? (I have it! Do you want the wallet, Moose?)
MHJ - No speak Spanish. Sorry.
Capellan: I do! He asked if you want the wallet.
(Everyone stares at Capellan.)
'The Knife: (leaning over) I think you're ruining the joke.
Capellan: Sorry?
Stank (feeling in his pockets) I have a con- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Ecosystem - (coming to consciousness) I have a scarf. (Ecosystem begins pulling out a long strand of colorful scarfs all tied together. At the end is a wallet.)
MHJ - There it is. I knew you had one.
Eco - But there were... wait.
Voltaje - YO LA TENGO!!
Stank - Moose, we need to--
Stank/MHJ - talk.
MHJ - Jinx. You owe me a beer.
Stank - ... ... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
[Stank wanders off muttering to himself.]
MHJ - I guess I'll get my own beer.
[Moose turns to leave and Morte is standing there]
MHJ: Morte?
Morte: Yeah
MHJ: Since when do you talk?
Morte: Does it matter in this promo?
MHJ: No, I guess not, not really. Eh, so did you need something?
Morte: Oh yeah, me and the rest of the No Longer Used Characters, and the Zombie guys were getting kinda tired of running around destroying stuff, so we are getting back on the Bus of the Unused Gimmicks. Just checking to see if there is anyone else that needs to get on.
<Moose looks over at Los Defenestrators>
Ecosis: Que?
El Voltaje: <looking at Morte> Quien es?
Voltage: Oh he is no one, you should really follow.....
Eco: DUDE! Don't send them there, we can use them
Voltage: Oh yeah
MHJ: No, it looks like you are good for the moment.
Morte:<looking at Cappington>: We'll see YOU soon
(Morte walks off.)
FFCIII: What the hell is THAT supposed to mean?
Volt - (getting up) Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER. That's right! Walk away!
Eco: Uh Volt, he is still standing right there.
Volt: Huh? Who?
(Moose heartpunches Volt again.)
MHJ: Still think he is the best?
Eco - Who?
MHJ: Exactly <Moose walks off>
Volt - (recovering....again)... Wait... what?
(Camera pans to Davin Moreland's lifeless corpse. He slowly gets up, brushes himself off and smiles into the camera.)
DM: Hi. My name is Davin Moreland. You may know me from such matches as "Weapons on a Pole" and "Hell in the Cell". You ever have one of those days that seems to drag on? Like you're stuck in a rut and can't get out of it?
*From the Locker Room, This is heard* Volt - So all I need to do now is capture the Black Sabbath title to become th-
Eco - The what?
Volt - I don't know. Someone was supposed to cut me off.
Williams: ME! I'M CUTTING YOU OFF! THIS PROMO IS OVER!!!
Cappington - (running in) Sorry. "The Black Sabbath Title"? *Hidden Boom Mic moves away*
DM: I know I sure do. And when I do, there's nothing better than a quick, refreshing pick-me-up. And what's better, than a Double-Brewed Iced Coffee from Dunkin' Donuts.
*handed an awesome looking iced coffee from off camera, and takes a sip*
(Outside this promotional spot)
Capellan: Crap. I better run.
(Back inside)
DM: Ahhh...Nothing better. Oh, Hey Moose.
MHJ: Umm..Hello Davin.
DM: Ladies and Gentlemen, please meet one of the true legends of the OOWF, THE Moosehead Jack. Would you like a cool, refreshing Double-Brewed Iced Coffee from Dunkin' Donuts?
MHJ: I want a beer.
(Long pause.)
MHJ: (clearing throat) Actually, yes, that sounds good.
*is handed one from off-camera, and takes a sip*
MHJ: Ah...
DM: Hardbody! How ya been? Haven't seen you in any promos lately. Come on over. Ladies and Gentlemen, the #1 FACE IN THE OOWF!!! Hardbody Harris!
HH: And my little buddy Feivel...
F: Hewwo...
All: Awwwwwww...
DM: So, Hardbody, I know you're a big Pink Lemonade fan, but what if I told you there was something just as refreshing?
HH: Well, I love my Pink Lemonade, but I'd love to try something new.
F: I'd wike to twy one too.
DM: *tousles Feivel's hat* Aw, little buddy, Iced Coffee's not for a little mouse, but let's see if we can get him a little Coffee Coolata.
*HH and Feivel are handed their drinks from off camera*
HH: This is DELICIOUS. Thanks!
F: This is dewishus. Fank you sooooo much!
DM: No problem guys...Hey Knife! Knife get on over here and have yourself a Double-Brewed Iced Coffee from Dunkin' Donuts!
K: Don't mind if I do.
*handed Iced Coffee from off camera*
K: *sips* Wow that's good.
DM: It sure is. And look, none of us are involved in that promo over there *Heartpunches are heard*
TK: Wait...but we are.
DM: ....
TK: ....
MHJ: This is the perfect thing to break out of that rut.
DM: You said it Moose. And you can get one too! Just go down to your local Dunkin' Donuts and tell them Davin sent you!
*camera freeze frames, with the Dunkin' Donuts logo, and under that "Dunkin' Donuts, The Official Iced Coffee of the OOWF*
Director: Aaaaaaand, we're clear!
*Davin shakes hands with everyone around*
DM: Great job guys, Thanks.
HH: No problem buddy, we'll catch you later...*HH and Feivel leave*'
DM: Moose, couldn't have done it without you.
MHJ: Yes, well..I should get back to the promo...I think you're good for a bit in there.
DM: See ya in a minute. Nice work, Knife.
K: Um...thanks....
DM: Oh, one thing....
K: What's that?
*Moreland blasts Knife over the head with his Double-Brewed Iced Coffee from Dunkin' Donuts, and proceeds to lay a wicked beatdown on him, trying to practice all his finishers and big moves, Dominator here, Standing Shooting Star Press there...finally culminating in possibly the SICKEST REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER ON THE ICE AND COFFEE ON THE CEMENT FLOOR!!! Moreland locks in a Mark Henry Memorial Armbar*
DM: You've got my belt, and I'm coming for it, no distractions this time...
K: *barely conscious moan*
DM: This week at MIDWEEK MAYHEM in Hogansville, Georgia, there WILL be a new Onslaught Champion, and that will be Davin Moreland, Because Davin Moreland AINT YOUR BITCH NO MORE!
*the lifeless corpse of Davin Moreland is mysteriously dragged from the Promo in the Locker Room*
LCoDM: Dude, we gotta work on that catchphrase.
DM: No doubt, bro...No doubt...
*fade*
Capellan: (running in) Hey Knife! Davin started talking about coffee like you said! I think he's going to attack you.
(Knife is unconscious.)
Capellan: Oops.
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