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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:03:43 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live From Beaver Dam, Kentucky
Grudge Match[/u]
Concrete TG & Firechild vs. Stank & Outback Jack
OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Knife vs. Davin Moreland
Phantos & Lucios and Capellan & Viper vs. The Chickenshit Heels & Los Defenestrators
JW Westgaard vs. Canadian Dragon
F. Fonzworth Cappington & Defenestrators vs. Hardbody Harris, Chris Alt & A Mystery Partner
UnderDawg vs. SYB vs. Moosehead Jack
LD Williams vs. Spin Hansen
Card subject to Beaver shoot
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:13:11 GMT -5
*Alt and Harris are sitting around backstage. Alt has a paddleball in his hands while Harris is trying to figure out his Nerf Bow and Arrow.*
Alt: Sweet! Where in the world did you find a Nerf Bow and Arrow?
Harris: I've always had it. I keep it in my closet to ward off intruders.
Alt: Oh, that's right. You live in a completely glass house, so it's probably pretty easy to break in.
Harris: Yeah, and I go through a lot of Windex. But the off-brand stuff just streaks, y'know?
Alt. Yeah...
*Harris shoots an arrow straight up in the air as Alt paddles.
HH: So...did you ever get your love not back from The Defenestrators?
Alt: Nope. That's okay, though. I have copies.
HH: Nice. So who was that masked man that attacked us last week?
Alt: He spoke Spanish. Francisco Pizzaro?
HH: The explorer?
Alt: Why not? We were just in South America. He might have hitched a ride on the OOWF private jet.
HH: Dude, we don't have a private jet. I think Cappington does, though.
Alt: Cappington? Wait...you don't think...
HH: Maybe...
Alt: The masked man...
HH: is really...
Alt: FF Cappington...
HH: 's PERSONAL PILOT!
Alt: Dude, we totally solved a mystery.
HH: Awesome. Speaking of mysteries, who do you think our mystery partner is going to be.
Alt: Francisco Pizzaro?
HH: Seriously, what's with you and Pizarro?
Alt: I looked up "Titicaca" on the internet last night, and then I started reading about Peru, and now I feel sorry for the Incas.
HH: That's cool. You know who would be a great mystery partner?
Alt: Who?
HH: Pink Lemonade. Let's go get some. I'm thirsty.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:13:41 GMT -5
Firechild is accosted coming out of a local music store by ace roving reporter Gregory S. Helms.
GH- Firechild, in light of your upcoming match, WITH you long term tag team partner, with whom you have recentkly had some heated arguments AGAINST one man gunning for your Intercontinental title, and a voice in the campaign to say you are, and I paraphrase 'a chickenshit' and a man who has been chasing your partners World title, who is none too fond of you either. Do you have any comments?
Helms is visibly short of breath following this exasperating fusiade and looks like fainting..
FC- Are you OK man? Breath, forgodssake!
GH- (wheezing) I'm cool.....
FC- Fine. To answer you, oh-so-eloquent question...
Firechild takes a deep breath and pulls himself up into that familiar wrestler-cutting-an-impassioned-promo stance.
FC- Yes, this week I am tagging with OOWF World Champion, Concrete Takaken Gryffon, who - I must admit I have not had the best relationshipn with in recent weeks, and yes - his getting punked out just when I'd called him out isd more than a little convenient, but I'll let that slide for the moment. Why will I let that slide? Because Stank has been up in my face here in the OOWF from Day One, and with good reason, 'cause it's ME who took the tag titles from him back in the day, and it's still me thats between him and gold now. Outback Jack? I used to have respect for him, but choosing to run with stinky Lucas and Moose to have a shot at ME, rather than finishing his business with Moose smacks of a lack of moral fiber. And he's coming for my gold, and Im not so righteous that I'll give up a title I've fought and bled for without a fight.
GH- But what about Concrete? Your issue with him is clearly not settled and surely such contention can only hamper both your causes?
FC- Concrete can wait, weve got titles to protect for now, and we can deal with our own issues after that, I can trust him far enough to use me to stop Stank injuring him in the meantime, but I tell you this, after Hell on Earth, there will be a reckoning. Don't say I didn't warn you...
Firechild slings the IC title over his shoulder and strides off, with his best 'Chris Jericho' swagger on. Helms makes a face and mugs to camera.
GH- As usual, strong words from Intercontinental Champion, Firechild, who continues to slander the beneficient OOWF World Champion, and my personal friend Concrete Takaken Gruffon despite all he has done for him. This is Gregory Helms, unsuprised, yet offended, sigining off.
(whooooooooosh)
-------------------------------------------------
(some time later)
Helms and his cameraman are loading stuff into their truck when the cameraman gets his head rammed into the door of the truck and is knocked silly. He hears sounds of a scuffle, Helms pleading for mercy and just as he is clearing the cobwebs he hears '....it is to burn.'
He gets up and sees a badly beaten Helms propped against the wall, blood staining his 1920s style suit, his glasses shattered on the ground, the whole area doused in what smells like....gasoline.
An evil laugh comes from the dark end of the alley, and the cameraman sees a match pinwheel through the air and lands in the gasoline. He dives for cover as the world explodes, before he passes out again, all he hears is Helms, screaming....
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:14:10 GMT -5
Volt: Hey Bookerma…..errrr Moose, I need to find out who is the mystery partner for the six man match this week.
MHJ: Well, let's see, it could be anyone in wrestling really, Who's in the lineup, What's further down the card I Don't Know is there too, but he is hurt...
Voltage: That's what I want to find out.
MHJ: I say Who's in the lineup, What's further down the card, I Don't Know's there too, but he is hurt.
Voltage: Are you the bookerman?
MHJ: <glares at Voltage>
Volt: You gonna write the matches too?
MHJ: <cocks his fist>
Volt: And you don't know who is going to be in the match?
MHJ: Well I should.
Volt: Well then who's in the match?
MHJ: Yes.
Volt: I mean the fellow's name.
MHJ: Who.
Volt: The guy in the match.
MHJ: Who.
Volt: The guy teaming with Harris and Alt.
MHJ: Who.
Volt: The guy teaming with...
MHJ: Who is in the match!
Volt: I'm asking YOU who's in the match.
MHJ: That's the man's name.
Volt: That's who's name?
MHJ: Yes.
Volt: Well go ahead and tell me.
MHJ: That's it.
Volt: That's who?
MHJ: Yes.
<Volt pauses a moment clearly frustrated>
Volt: Look, you got someone in the match right?
MHJ: Certainly.
Volt: Who's in the match?
MHJ: That's right.
Volt: When Rick pays the guy at the end of the night, who gets the money?
MHJ: Every dollar of it.
Volt: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name in the six man match.
MHJ: Who.
Volt: The guy that gets...
MHJ: That's it.
Volt: Who gets the money...
MHJ: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Volt: Who’s wife?
MHJ: Yes.
<Volt pauses again, getting more frustrated>
MHJ: What's wrong with that?
Volt: Look, all I wanna know is when Rick gives him a check, how does he sign his name?
MHJ: Who.
Volt: The guy.
MHJ: Who.
Volt: How does he sign...
MHJ: That's how he signs it.
Volt: Who?
MHJ: Yes.
<Volt stares at Moose>
Volt: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name in the six man match.
MHJ: No. What is further down on the card.
Volt: I'm not asking you who's further down the card.
MHJ: Who's in the match.
Volt: One match at a time!
MHJ: Well, don't change the wrestlers around.
Volt: I'm not changing nobody!
MHJ: Take it easy, Volt.
Volt: I'm only asking you, who's the guy in the six man match?
MHJ: That's right.
Volt: Ok.
MHJ: All right.
<Volt pauses looking confused>
Volt: What's the guy's name in the six man match?
MHJ: No. What is further down the card.
Volt: I'm not asking you who's further down the card.
MHJ: Who's in the six man match.
Volt: I don't know.
MHJ: He's out with an injury, we're not talking about him.
Volt: Now how did that come up?
MHJ: Why you mentioned his name.
Volt: If I mentioned his name, who did I say is out with an injury?
MHJ: No. Who is in the match.
Volt: What's in the match?
MHJ: What's further down the card.
Volt: I don't know.
MHJ: He's out with an injury
Volt: There I go, back to the injured guy again!
Volt: Now who's out with an injury?
MHJ: Why do you insist on putting Who out with an injury?
Volt: What am I putting out with an injury.
MHJ: No. What is further down the card.
Volt: You don't want who out with an injury?
MHJ: Who is in the match.
Volt: I don't know.
MHJ & Volt Together: Out with an injury
Volt: Look, you got extra guys in the locker room?
MHJ: Sure.
Volt: The most promising guy’s name?
MHJ: Why.
Volt: I just thought I'd ask you.
MHJ: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.
Volt: Then tell me who is the most promising guy in the locker room.
MHJ: Who's in the match.
Volt: I'm not... stay out of the match! I want to know what's the name of the most promising guy in the locker room?
MHJ: No, What is further down the card.
Volt: I'm not asking you who's further down the card.
MHJ: Who's in the match!
Volt: I don't know.
MHJ & Voltage Together: Out with an injury!
Volt: Ok, the best tag team’s name, who won the award?
MHJ: Why.
Volt: Because!
MHJ: Oh, he's a midget wrestler.
<Volt stomps his feet in frustration>
Volt: Look, You got a main eventer in the back?
MHJ: Sure.
Volt: The main eventer’s name?
MHJ: Tomorrow.
Volt: You don't want to tell me today?
MHJ: I'm telling you now.
Volt: Then go ahead.
MHJ: Tomorrow!
Volt: What time?
MHJ: What time what?
Volt: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's the main eventer?
MHJ: Now listen. Who is not the main eventer.
Volt: I'll break your arm, you say who's in the match! I want to know what's the main eventer’s name?
MHJ: What's further down the card.
Volt: I don't know.
MHJ & Volt Together: Out with an injury!
Volt: Got a midget for a little comic relief?
MHJ: Certainly.
Volt: The name of the midget?
MHJ: Today.
Volt: Today, and tomorrow's the main event.
MHJ: Now you've got it.
Volt: All we got is a couple of days in the locker room.
Volt: You know I'm good at comic relief too too.
MHJ: So they tell me.
MHJ: I get in the ring to do some comic relief, Tomorrow's the main eventer and I have a big match. Now I pants the main eventer. When gets his pants back up, me, being good at comic relief, I'm gonna bail out of the ring and look frantically for a guy to save me. So I go to the face locker room and I see Harris, Alt and who?
MHJ: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Volt: I don't even know what I'm talking about!
<Volt stares for a moment then collects himself>
MHJ: That's all you have to do.
Volt: Is to go to the face locker room.
MHJ: Yes!
Volt: And who will be there?
MHJ: Naturally.
Volt: Look, if I go to the face locker room someone has to be there. Now who is there?
MHJ: Naturally.
Volt: Who?
MHJ: Naturally.
Volt: Naturally?
MHJ: Naturally.
Volt: So I run to the face locker room and I am saved by Naturally.
MHJ: No you aren’t, you are saved by Who.
Volt: Naturally.
MHJ: That's different.
Volt: That's what I said.
MHJ: You're not saying it...
Volt: I am saved by Naturally.
MHJ: No you are saved by Who.
Volt: Naturally.
MHJ: That's it.
Volt: That's what I said!
MHJ: You ask me.
Volt: I am saved by who?
MHJ: Naturally.
Volt: Now you ask me.
MHJ: You are saved by Who?
Volt: Naturally.
MHJ: That's it.
Volt: Same as you! Same as YOU! I go to the back to be saved by who. Whoever it is can’t save me so. Who yells to What but he is too far down the card to help. What tells me to find I Don't Know. but I Don't Know is injured and can’t help me Tomorrow catches me and starts to beat on me. Another guy tries to make the save. Why? I don't know! He’s out with an injury and I don't give a darn!
MHJ: What?
Volt: I said I don't give a darn!
MHJ: Oh, that's our women’s champion.
<Voltage screams, but Moose has had enough of this and heart punches Volt and walks away>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:14:31 GMT -5
*Alt and Harris are walking towards the pink lemonade stand when they come across Voltage, who is recovering from a heart punch.*
Alt: Hey, there's our opponent!
HH: Maybe he knows who our mystery partner is! Hey, Voltage, do you know who our mystery partner is?
*Voltage's eyes roll back in his head and he falls unconcious.*
HH: Hmm. That reminds me of my last mystery partner--I had sex with a girl I didn't know and I now don't remember, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:14:50 GMT -5
(Spin Hansen is being interviewed via video live from... a room somewhere. He's sitting in a leather chair.)
SH: You may be wondering two things about me... why I'm not wrestling this week, and why I didn't reveal my big surprise. The first is easy... when the Big Dawg chokeslammed SYB onto me, I was injured. I was injured in a very sensitive place, no less, and nothing more shall be said about that. I'm nursing my injuries.
The second thing you may be wondering... what about that big surprise that you kept on building up to and promised to unveil last week? Well, I'll admit that I was at fault on this one. I came to a realization that it wasn't the time nor the place for this surprise to be unveiled. I have finalized the time and place, though...
Hell on Earth.
Keep your eyes out.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:17:45 GMT -5
***The Knife gets up from prayer, thanking God for another successful title defense. Suddenly he is approached by Alt and Harris***
Alt- Hey there Knife.
TK- Yes, how may I help you gentlemen?
HH- Well, as you know, we need a partner and we just helped you with Cappington so we were wondering if you'd want to join us to fight him again.
TK- Hmm. Well, as you know, I live my life according to the good book.
Alt- Tuesdays With Maury?
TK- The Bible.
Alt- I've been meaning to read that.
HH- Its not bad, I'll spoil it for you. The guy comes back in the end.
TK- Anyways! You guys 'helping' me was cheating. I'd never accept that. Cheating is wrong and I can't be your partner. Plus there's that other thing.
HH- What other thing?
TK- The...uh...the gay thing...
Alt- What gay thing?
TK- Aren't you guys gay?
HH- No! I have premarital sex with beautiful women on an almost daily basis!
Alt- And I watch him!
TK- Yeah, I gotta go...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:18:05 GMT -5
(Spin walks into the arena. An icepack is taped to his crotch.)
SH: I swear to God, if it's the last thing I do... I'm going to do something drastic. It's obvious that TheRick hasn't had groin trauma before.
(Suddenly, two masked men jump out in front of him!)
SH: What? Are you some magical new reinforcements for the Heroes Guild?
MM1: ... Hero's guild?
MM2: Vas ist die "Hero's Guild"?
MM1: Ich habe keine earthly Idee.
SH: Lemme guess. You like throwing people out of windows, right?
MM2: Ja! Werfende Leute aus Fenstern heraus sind das beste!
SH: OK... and you... you're Oekosystem, richtig?
MM2: Nein! Ich heiße Elektrischespannung! Ist es nicht offensichtlich?
SH: Riiiight. So you two understand English, but don't speak it.
MM1: Bequem genug.
SH: Yeah. Well, do this for me... walk down the hall, go into the third door from the left, and attack the man at the desk. That's your official test for entry into the OOWF. Oh, and tell them that I sent you.
MM2: Was ist Ihr Name?
SH: Uh... tell them that Concrete sent you.
MM1: Wir aus! Blödsinn folgt!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:18:27 GMT -5
AA and JA are watching OOWF-TV.
AA: Hey, Johnny. How come we don't do any killer promos anymore? And why has our match quality slipped to the ranks of El Gigante and the Iron Sheik?
JA: I think the booker's changed. My guess is this is Ole Anderson's doing.
AA: So we have to find Ole Anderson and beat him up?
JA: That seems like the logical answer to me.
AA: Is Thunderbolt Patterson still with him?
JA: Probably. But don't worry. Patterson was just a jobber.
AA: Uhh, except when Ole had the book.
JA: Oh yeah.
RS: Damn!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:18:49 GMT -5
Capellan & Viper are walking down the hall.
Cap: I can't believe Jim Neidhart is joining the OOWF.
DV: Who?
Cap: Exactly.
DV: I don't get it.
Cap: Nevermind.
DV: Who are these Chickenshit Hells we're fighting? Are these a demonic version of Capps and Adrenaline?
Cap: I'm sure that's just a typo. We can't have TWO tag teams with alter-egos.
DV: Don't speak so soon. This place is fucking weird like that. And besides, I thought "Les Defenstrators" was a typo when I saw it on the door last week.
Cap: Good point. Speak of the devil, look who we have here.
DV: What are they doing talking to Spin Hansen? I hate that guy!
Cap: I wonder what kind of tricks they're up to this time.
E: Hallo, Amerikanisch. Wo kann ich David Hasselhoff finden? Ich möchte sein Autograph. (Hello, American. Where can I find David Hasselhoff? I'd like his autograph.)
V: Dieser letzte Amerikaner, den wir mit sprachen, war ein Rohling. Wir hoffen, daß Sie zwei unterbringend sind. (This last American we spoke to was a brute. We hope you two will be more accomodating.)
DV: Oh no, you're not fooling us this time, you fucks!
Cap: Eco, Volt. Defenstrators, Los Defen... whoever you are today, you guys are dead!
E: Nein! Wir sind nicht The Defenestrators. Wir sind Das Defenestrators! (No! We're not The Defenstrators. We're Das Defenestrators!)
V: Das ist recht! Ich bin Spannung und dieses ist Oekosystem!
(That's right! I'm Spannung, and this is Oekosystem!)
DV: Ich hasse Sie beide. (I hate you both.)
Cap: When did you learn to speak German?
DV: I took it in high school.
Cap: You grew up in Southern California and elected to learn German instead of Spanish?
DV: Actually, it's the only thing I can speak in German.
Cap: Ah. I know I've been playing nice guy the last couple of weeks, but I really want to kick these guys asses right now. Whaddya say?
DV: Ja
Capellan & Viper run at Das Defenstrators with malicious intent and the masked germans attempt to run away. Viper delivers a Death Elbow to Oekosystem as Capellan grabs Spannung in a rear naked choke hold.
V: Scheiße!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:19:23 GMT -5
AA and JA are in search of Ole Anderson and Thunderbolt Patterson...
AA: And why are we tagging with Los Defensestrators this week? Don't we hate those guys? And if we hate them, and they're heels, does that make us...
JA: Don't go there, AA. Even if it did get us short-listed for nomination for angle of the year, we are not turning face!
AA: Thank goodness. I really haated that angle.
JA: No you didn't.
AA: Yeah, you're right. That was pretty cool. But back to the match: We don't like the Los Defensestrators because they stole our masked guys gimmick.
JA: You mean to tell me that by now you haven't figured out that they're different from the Defensestrators?
AA: No! They've fooled you, too! Johnny! I'm shocked! They are the same guys. Just like we're Mierde de Los Pollos Rudos!
JA: Ummm, AA? WE WERE NOT MIERDE DE LOS POLLOS RUDOS!!!!
AA: Oh, thaaat's riiiiiiiiiight. Gotcha. Invisible Ninja Cameramen.
JA: Thank goodness we're almost there. I figure this is as good a place as any to find Ole and Thunderbolt.
AA and JA walk into the Gordon Solie Memorial Coffeehouse, Waffle Shop and Poker Palace.
JA: Do you have any idea where this angle is going?
AA: No more than when Abdullah anad I went out to visit Uma. But i know that if Ole Anderson is booking the OOWF, we REALLY need to save the company.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:19:46 GMT -5
<Stank walks over to Flair's sandwich stand where behind the counter he spies OLE ANDERSON!?!> Stank - uh... aren't you... OA - Yes. I'm Ole Anderson. Stank - ... Where's Flair? OA - I'm filling in for him while he renegotiates his contract with the "E". Stank - ...okay I'll have turkey on toasted white, extra swiss cheese. OA - TURKEY REGULAR ON WHITE! EXTRA SWISS! Stank - ... OA - ... Stank - Aren't you gonna make my sandwich? OA - Hell no. I don't make sandwiches. I just collect the money. Didn't you hear me screaming to my partner back there? Stank - I just thought... you know, it was part of the presentation... Flair does it all the time. OA - That's because he's Ric Flair. Stank - ... OA - ... Stank - Okay. Who you got back there? HEY! Is it Tully? OA - Hell no. Tully sucks at making sandwiches. That's Ox Baker back there. <At this Moosehead Jack runs onto the scene.> MHJ - Did you... Did you just say Ox Baker is back there... making sandwiches? Stank - Geez, he's still alive? <Ox Baker runs out from the back and HEART PUNCHES! Stank... but, the guy is 73 years old, so it has no affect on the big man.> Stank - ow. <Ok, it stung a little.> Stank - Why'd you do that? OB - For making an age joke, you big JERK! Stank - Seriously... I thought you were dead. <Ox rears back for another attempted punch.> Stank - SAVE it old man! Just get back there and make my sandwh- <Moose HEART PUNCHES Stank! This time the big man collapses to the floor.> OB - Is he dead? MHJ - No. OB - Then you didn't do it right. MHJ - You sir... are a god amongst men. OA - Are you going to purchase something? MHJ - No. OB - Shut up Anderson. The boy is talking. OA - OX WOULD you just GO and MAKE the damn SANDWICH already? The fat one is moving. I assume he still wants his food. Stank <from the floor> - lettuce... tomato... ... ... mayo. OB - Oh hell, can't Claw fill in for me? OA - The Claw only knows how to make steak and cheese. OB - Fine. Duty calls son. MHJ - Lemme help you. <Moosehead Jack walks to the back with Ox Baker.> OA - That will be $12.95 <Stank pops up from the floor!> Stank - TWELVE NINETY FIVE!?! I ordered a SANDWICH, not a fuckin FIVE COURSE MEAL!! OA - Where the hell do you eat a five course meal for $12.95? Stank - At the Gordon Solie Memorial Coffeehouse, Waffle Shop and Poker Palace. OA - ... Stank - HAH! Didn't think I had an answer to THAT one, huh? OA - I have to go see this for myself. Watch the counter. Stank - But... OA - WATCH the FRIGGIN COUNTER! Stank - OKAY, sheesh. |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:20:22 GMT -5
Ole Anderson leave the sandwich stand leaving Stank in charge when the Chickenshit Heels come by. But instead of ordering sandwiches, they jump Ole Anderson instead!
AA: That'll teach you to book us in bad matches!
JA: Yeehaw!
AA: You're not a cowboy any more, Johnny.
JA: Just reminding people to vote for me, that's all.
AA: Good advertisement!
Just then Capellan & Viper walk by.
JA: Hey, Donnie!
DV: We're not friends, asshat.
JA: Well, apparently... Sheesh!
Cap: Dude. Why are you beating up on the old dude?
JA: No one's beating up on Attutude.
AA: I am NOT old! He's talking about Ole.
JA: Oh, yeah. We're beating him up because he's one of the bookers of the OOWF!
(just then Moosehead Jack looks out, but decides to go back to making sandwiches with Ox Baker)
AA: So what are you guys doing here?
DV: Well, we just got done beating up one of the teams we're facing next week...
Cap: Well, we think they were them.
DV: Dude, they were! Anyways, we just got done kicking their ass, and we're kind of a tear.
Cap: Yeah, I have to admit. This whole releasing our anger thing feels kinda good.
DV: It's pretty rare when Capellan has a violent streak going on, so I figure I'd take advantage of it.
JA and AA snicker *POP* *POP* : HEY!
DV: Shut up fags. Anyway, we're looking to, you know, beat up on the other team that is our opponents next week.
Cap: And lo and behold, look at what we've found!
JA: Oh no, dudes with attitudes. We're not your opponents this week.
AA: Yeah, we're not even on the card. It's the Chickenshit Hells you're facing.
DV: Oh jesus...
JA: SERIOUSLY! Ask the Rick! We got the night off and will spend our time (hey, Ole, stop scratching while I continue to kick your ass!) looking for the bookers. Just like you, we've found one, and now that (KICK STOMP!) we've done that, we're looking for our target #2s, too.
AA: Yeah, man. Chickenshit Hells is NOT a typo.
JA: Th-that's right. It's... it's... uh... Johnny Azazel and uh... Deviltude Adjuster! Yup! That's who you're facing this week.
DV: You guys are both so full of shit.
AA: CHICKENshit, thank you very much!
Just then, two masked men who look like Ecosystem and Voltage walk by. The Ecosystem-looking guy is clutching his chest in pain.
DV: Oh this is rich. Here, let me do this. I know German... Sie Kerle ziehen für mehr zurück? (You guys back for some more?)
E: Non siamo Das Defenestrators. Siamo Il Defenestrators! (We are not Das Defenestrators! We are Il Defenestrators)
Cap: I don't know this language.
DV: Neither do I. You guys?
AA: It's Italian, but I can't speak it.
JA: me neither.
Super Mario Attorney-at-Law walks by
SM: It'sa me Mario!
AA: That guy's italian. (stomps on Ole Anderson some more)
DV: Ok, guy. Translate. How do you understand German if you're Italian?
SM: It'sa me Mario!
V: Mario! Come siete, il mio italiano del collega? (Mario! How are you, my fellow countryman?)
SM: Sono bene, paisan! (I'm well, homie!)
E: Sono felice di sapere che ci è qualcuno di anima italiana qui in questa stupido azienda. (I'm glad to know there's someone of italian blood here in this stupid company.)
Santino Marella: Whata abouta me?
Super Mario throws a Koopa shell at Santino knocking him out.
SM: Questo omosessuale ugly desidera sapere potete parlare tedesco quando siete italiani. (This ugly homosexual wants to know how you're able to speak German when you're italian.)
V: Stupido americano. Se studiaste soltanto la vostra storia, vi ricordereste di che la Germania e l'Italia erano alimentazioni di asse nella seconda guerra mondiale! (Stupid American. If you only studied your history, you would remember that Germany and Italy were axis powers in World War II!)
Mario translates.
AA: That makes sense
JA: Makes sens to me, too.
DV: Then why are you clutching your chest like I just Death Elbowed you a few hours ago?
Mario translates
E: Un certo francese in una mascherina headbutted me ed esso ancora hurts! Perdenti irritati! Ancora non può lasciare per andare della nostra vittoria della tazza del mondo. (Some frenchman in a mask headbutted me and it still hurts! Sore losers! Still can't let go of our World Cup victory.)
V: L'Italia è mai il champ della tazza del mondo più gnarliest! (Italy is the gnarliest world cup champ ever!)
Mario translates.
DV: So you're not Oekosystem... er... La Ecosistema.
Cap: And you're not Spannung... er... El Voltaje?
E: Non sono La Ecosistema! Sono Ecosistema!
V: E non sono El Voltaje! Sono Tensione!
Il Def: Il Defenstrators!
JA: I'm not Johnny Azazel, I'm Johnny Adrenaline!
AA: I'm not Deviltude Adjuster! I'm Attitude Adjuster!
CSH: The Chickenshit Heels! not Hells.
DV: Fuck this. I have a headache.
Cap: We gotta beat up someone, man. I'm like AMPED!
JA: You could keep beating up on Ole Anderson while we head over to the Gordon Solie Memorial Coffeehouse, Waffle Shop and Poker Palace to find Thunderbolt Patterson.
Cap: LET'S DO IT!
DV: But he's already sufficiently beat up.
Cap: THIS IS FOR THE BLACK SCORPION!
Capellan starts kicking Ole Anderson in the gut while Il Defenestrators and Super Mario leave one way and The Chickenshit Heels leave another.
JA: suckers!
AA: So we really are fighting them next week?
JA: Yeah! It was just a typo.
AA: You really had me going there, Johnny.
JA: Acting lessons, man. They come in handy.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:20:44 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland walks over to Ric's Sandwich Shoppe and happens up, Stank?!?! behind the counter*
DM: Um...Hi Stank.
S: Did you want something?
DM: ...
S: ...
DM: Uh, yeah, how about a Number 9 Steak and Cheese Combo from D'Angelo's
S: Um, this isn't D'Angelo's, dumbass.
DM: No shit, fuckface, but Ric licenses the sandwich from them, and Yum! Foods, parent company of both D'Angelo's and Papa Gino's is my new sponsor.
S: I thought Dunkin' Donuts was your sponsor?
DM: Oh, Dunkin' Donuts is still my sponsor. *turns to camera* Dunkin' Donuts. America Runs on Dunkin' *grin, thumbs up, wink, freeze*
S: We'll have to talk about sponsors sometime, although you sound like a NASCAR driver.
DM: Oh, it's not so bad, and I certainly can't complain about the coin. Besides, I loved Double Brewed Iced Coffee from Dunkin' Donuts before I even got the deal.
S: So...um...did you want something or want?
DM: Yeah, a Number 9 Steak and Cheese Combo licensed by D'Angelo's
S: *yells to back* NUMBER 9 STEAK AND CHEESE COMBO!
S: That'll be $24.95.
DM: *hands Stank a card*
S: What the fuck is this?
DM: Oh, that's from D'Angelo's/Papa Gino's whenever I order D'Angelo's or Papa Gino's products anywhere in the world, I get it for free. It's in my contract.
S: Yeah, but...This isn't D'Angelo's
DM: No, but the Number 9 Steak and Cheese Combo by D'Angelo's is licensed by Ric by D'Angelo's.
S: Well, how do I ring it up?
DM: PLU 69, shift, alt, enter, Override it, enter.
S: Yup, that works. Ok, your number is 21. Should be about 5 minutes.
*5 minutes pass*
MHJ: Order UP!
S: *speaking into little microphone* Number 21...Number 21 your order is ready.
DM: *picks up order* Thanks.
S: Thank you for visiting 'Ric's'. We appreciate your business.
DM: Where else am I gonna go?
S: Point well taken. Thanks again.
DM: K.
*A couple minutes pass, when Moreland starts screaming in pain, and bleeding out of his mouth. He walks back to the counter.*
S: Everything ok, sir?
DM: Do I lookth okth?
S: What happened?
DM: *holds up a little pirce of barbed wire* Who the fuckth ith cooking backth there?
S: Um...
DM: *pushes past Stank, and finds MHJ, doubled-over in laughter* That'th funny, huh?
*Moreland quickly wraps Moose in a REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER ONTO THE HOT GRILL. Just ow. Moreland rubs his face on the grill a little bit, before spitting his blood onto the back of Moose's head.*
*turns to camera*
And Remember. Don'th forgeth to visith your thocalth D'Angelo'sth for a Number 9 Thteak and Cheeseth Combo, Papa Gino'sth for the Paparoni Pitha and Breadsticksth Thpethal and altho your local Dunkin' Donutsth for our new Bacon Lover'sth Ommleth Thandwichth and a Refrething Double Brewed Ithed Coffee
*smile, grin, wink, fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:50:39 GMT -5
Ox - WHY DIDN'T YOU HELP YOUR FRIEND!?! Stank - Who... Moose? Ox - Yes. Stank - He's not my friend... You saw him heart punch me. Ox - It's an act of endearment. Stank - ... right. I suppose you killed those guys back in the day because you liked them so much... killed them with kindness, you did. Ox - Eyaaah what do you know anyway? Stank - I know I wouldn't worry about Moose. He probably got off on that really good diamond cutter to the grill thing. Ox - It wasn't THAT good. <Davin Moreland shows back up and F-5's Ox Baker onto the unforgiving floor.> Stank - ... ... Aren't you supposed to be a face? DV - Isn't HE a heel? Stank - ... ... he's seventy three years old. DV - You're a heel too. Stank - ah ah don't do anything rash. Remember I'm no selling you this week. DV - Wha... you no sold me LAST week. Stank - I can't afford to get beat down by you before my match against the Guild. Perhaps we'll tussle if I win the World title at the Pay Per View. DV - ... I'm holding you to tha- <A burnt and recovered Moosehead Jack SLAMS an iron cast skillet down on top of Moreland's dome. He locks on the Jiendo until well after Moreland slips into the world of the unconscious. Moose releases the hold looking down at Davin> Stank - Why did you start shit up with THIS guy? MHJ (smirking)- What happened to Baker? Stank - He didn't vote for Moreland's finisher in the year end polls. <Spin Hansen wanders onto the scene. Moose helps Ox Baker to the back.> Spin - ... ... ... What is going on? Stank - Did you want something? Spin - Are you... working here now? Stank - I'm just watching the counter until Ole Anderson get's back. Spin - Ole... Anderson? Stank - Yeah. Spin - ... Stank - What's your order? Spin - Um... a Reuben and some ice for my nads. Stank - MOOSE, REUBEN! Spin - Moose? MHJ - We're out of corned beef. Spin - What the Hell? Stank - Ox Baker is back there too. Spin - Wha... where's Ric Flair? Stank - Apparently he's got more pressing matters at his day job. Spin - I thought making sandwiches for us was his day job? Stank - I don't think the OOWF pays him. Spin - ... Nevermind. Can I just get the ice then? Stank - Sure. That'll be $68.23 Spin - WHAT!!?! Stank - It's Fiji Ice. Spin - SO?!? Stank - IT'S from FIJI! Spin - ... Stank - There's cheaper ice at the Destroyitarium. Spin - I'm pretty sure it's free. Stank - Did you want a different sandwich? Moose makes a mean steak and cheese. Watch out for the barbed-wire though. Spin - WHY would I want THAT? Stank - You're right. Spin - ... Stank - ... not saying it's one of our best sellers. |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:51:06 GMT -5
(Il Defenstrators are WALKING~! down the hallway when they run into Das Defenestrators.)
Oekosystem: Wer sind Sie? (Who are you?)
Ecosistema: Sono Ecosistema. (I am Ecosistema)
Spannung: Ecosistema? Come Los Defenstratores? (Ecosistema? Like Los Defenstratores?)
Ecosistema: No no. No sono EL Ecosistema. Sono Ecosistema.
Voltaggio: Sono il Voltaggio. O "Tensione"
Spannung: Ich bin Spannung. Hat erfreut, um Sie zu treffen. (I am Spannung. Pleased to meet you.)
(Los Defenstratores enter.)
Voltaje: Alguien sabe por que estamos en un equipo con TCH? (Does anyone know why we are on a team with TCH?)
Ecosistema: Moosehead Jack?
Voltaje: Ha ha ha. Cierre tu boca, por favor. (Please shut up.)
(Los Defenstratores see Das Defenstrators and Il Defenstrators.)
El Eco: ...
El Volt: ...
Il Eco: ...
Il Volt: ...
Oeko: ...
Span: ...
(Ecosystem and Voltage walk in.)
Eco: Volt, I'm kind of concerned about our mystery partner.
Volt: Beats me. I couldn't get his name from Moose.
Eco: Well, no problem. Maybe we'll...
(Eco and Voltage notice everyone else.)
Eco: ...
Volt: ...
El Eco: ...
El Volt: ...
Il Eco: ...
Il Volt: ...
Oeko: ...
Span: ...
Eco: AHHHHHH!!!!!!
Volt: AHHHHHHHH!!!!
El Eco: AHHHHHHH!!!!
El Volt: AHHHHHHH!!!!
Il Eco: AHHHHHHHH!!!!
Il Volt: AHHHHHHHH!!!!
Oeko: AHHHHHHHH!!!!
Span: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Ecosystem: Sometimes it's not even worth getting up in the morning.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:51:45 GMT -5
(CTG is summoned to the hospital to check in on Ace Reporter Gregory Helms, who was severely burned after his interview with Firechild)
CTG: you didn't get a good look at him, did you?
GH: (shakes head) neither did the cameraman... I was blindsided as was he. Then there was gasoline.... "it is to burn"....
CTG: (thinkthink) while this method is one typical of my partner in justice, this is very unheroic.... or even unvigilate like of him.
GH: I'll be... ok....
CTG: Rest, my friend, I have asked someone to watch your room in my absence.
(Citizen Roosevelt walks in)
CR: wow, you weren't kiddin when someone said he'd been cooked like cheap BBQ....
GH: Citizen.... Roosevelt... I didn't know... you flew in....
CR: Man, I walked it.
CTG: Holy hitch-hike, it's over 200 miles from your home to here! You walked the entire distance???
CR: Already did my 500 before that, this was nothing.
CTG: (salute) Citizen Roosevelt, please safeguard your close friend and ally in his time of need.
CR: (grin) i got it, you get done what you need to get done.
CTG: (nods to Helms before heading out the door)
CR: I thought you were done with the hero/reporter bit
GH: with a broken neck, reporting is about all I CAN do right now.....
****************
(down the hallway, CTG takes out his HeroPhone and dials up firechild)
CTG: Citizen Flame! ... no, I am not at the arena, I'm at the hospital!.... Gregory Helms was attacked and set on fire shortly after your interview, apparently.... He didn't say anything about who.... I am NOT making accusations!.... Well, did you see anything after teh interview? .... I see.... well, I am concerned because yet another ally has been waylaid. Someone is obstructing our justice and it needs to be stopped!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:52:04 GMT -5
[Voltage and Eco are sitting around.]
Volt: So there's four international versions of us running around now.
Eco: Well, there's us and Los Def, and some sort of World War II superpower thing going on with the other three.
Volt: So we should be expecting Ecossistema and Tensão next? Or how about Het Ecosysteem and...err, Voltage?
Eco: So you're Dutch?
Volt: Apparentely.
Eco: Why are all these gimmicks based on us coming around now?
Volt: Isn't it clear? It's because I am the GNARLIEST DOUBLE CHAMP EVER!
Eco: Way to go, dude. Totally bitchin'.
Tensione: Possiamo giocare lungo questo tempo? (Can we play along this time?)
Spannung: Gehen sitzen in der Ecke, Oekosystem. (Go sit in the corner, Eco.)
Volt: HEY, THAT'S MY LINE!
Mario Superbe, Mandataire a la Loi: MARIO SUPERBE!
Eco: AAAAAARGGGHHH!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:52:50 GMT -5
Viper heads back to the Sandwich Shoppe.
DV: I have a bone to pick with you Stank.
St: Tee hee *pop* Fuck you whitey, you said it!
DV: what's the meaning of this?
St: Meaning of what?
DV: Fucking this!
DV: MY intiials are DV. Davin Moreland's is DM!
St: What's the fucking difference, crackerman?
DV: The FUCKING DIFFERENCE? I'M NOT A NO-SELLING DOUCHEBAG!
St: That's right, you're just a douchebag.
DV: FUCK YOU MAN! Let me tell you something. When Capslock came up to me to ask me if I wanted to come into Drink & Destroy, I said no. You know why?
St: Because you're a sober you suck and are banned?
DV: No. Because I FUCKING HATE YOU. And Spin, too.
St: I'm glad, fuckface.
DV: Call me all you want brothaman, just don't ever use my fucking initals for that bastard Moreland again.
St: You're just jealous that Moreland beat Underdawg twice in a row.
DV: I've beaten Underdawg on several occasions.
St: Oh yeah, that's right.
DV: He's my bitch.
St: BWAHAHAHA *OW!*
DV: And when I finally get back to singles world title contension, you're gonna be my bitch, too.
St: My asshole's way too tight for you.
DV: Woah, that just made you sound gay.
St: Did not!
DV: Did too!
*POP!*
*POP!*
St: I just have one question. How is it you understand German when you couldn't understand your own stablemate Tommy O'Neill? That guy speaks English!
DV: You call that shit English?
St: Yeah!
DV: I don't know where thefuck that mushmouth learned to talk like that. Probably from space.
St: You mean like Phil?
DV: I didn't understand that guy either.
St: Me neither, man. Me neither.
DV: All right. Get me a sandwich.
St: One you suck and are banned sandwich, coming up!
DV: I'm so kicking your ass one day.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:55:18 GMT -5
Stank - You wanna kick my ass, ain't nothin between us but air and opportuni- MHJ - *ding* Order up! <Stank presents the sandwich to Viper> DV - What is this? Stank - Egg Salad with sprouts, honey mustard, butternut squash, on zucchini tea bread. Good and you suck and are bannedy just like you'd want it *POP!* OW! Though, since Moose made it the egg salad probably has lye mixed in. <As if on cue the sandwich starts to dissolve.> Stank - ... DV - ... Stank - ... not saying it's one of our best sellers. <At this Davin Moreland pops up from the floor> Stank - Oh. I forgot you were down there. DV - Where's that PUNK ASS, Moose? DV - HEY! He's STILL got MY INITIALS! DV - What the HELL are you screaming about, princess *POP!* OW! DV - WHO the FUCK you think you ARE calling me PRINCESS you DOUCHE NOZZLE? DV - I know what I'm NOT! Stank - ok here we go. DV - I'M NOT YOUR BITCH ANYMORE! DV - Fuck you, you ROIDED out FREA- STOP IT! DV - Stop WHAT?? DV - STOP USING MY INITIALS! DV - I'm NOT using your- DV - LOOK! you SEE? DV - Hey! What the HELL? Why do I have this fags initials? *POP!* OW! THAT'S IT! <Davin Moreland ROCK BOTTOMS! Viper onto the floor!> Stank - Ha! HA! HA! DV - What are YOU laughing at!?! Stank - You BITCH! DV - GRRRRR! NO SELL THIS ASSFACE!! <Davin Moreland, with herculean strength, hoists Stank up and delivers a DOMINATOR to the floor. Moosehead Jack runs out from the back. His momentum carries him into a BLACK HOLE SLAM courtesy of Davin Moreland. Ox Baker runs out from the back wielding a cleaver. He swipes at Moreland who dodges, snatches the cleaver out of Baker's hand, and BURIES it into Ox's shoulder! A beaten and battered Ole Anderson stumbles onto the scene.> OA - What in God's name is going on here! DV - God's got nothing to do with THIS! OA - You're busting up the place! Flair's gonna KILL me, you MEATHEAD! DV - What did you call me? <Without waiting for answer, Moreland scoops up Ole Anderson and delivers a TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER! Underdawg appears in a cloud of smoke.> UD - That's MY move! DV - No. That was The Undertaker's move you DEVIL MUTT! <Moreland lifts Underdawg and gives him THE LAST RIDE!> *Dong* *Dong* *Dong* <The lights go dim and The Undertaker walks slowly onto the scene complete with animated lighting strike effect to Flair's counter.> UT - Now son, I'm pretty sure you just used two of MY moves. DV - And I'm about to use a THIRD! <Davin goozles Undertaker...CHOKESLAM!> DV - I told ALL of you DAVIN MORELAND AIN'T your BITCH ANY- <BOOOOOM!! THROUGH HELLFIRE and ASSORTED DELI MEATS, it's KANE!!> K - You just chokeslammed my BROTHER! DV - I got one for YOU too! <Davin Moreland CHOKESLAMS Kane! The Chickenshit Heels wander onto the scene. They look at the carnage and see Moreland standing in the middle of it.> AA - Um... we just wanted a sandwich. DV - You want a sandwich? I'll give you a SANDWICH! <Moreland CLOTHESLINES Adrenaline out of his boots then grabs Alan and POWERSLAMS him on top of his partner! The Heroes Guild come from the opposite end of the hallway.> FC - What happened to Helms is part of his job. Field reporting can be a dangerous th- CTG - Holy SMOKES! DV - MORELAND SMASH!!! <Davin Moreland races over to The World and IC champs and SPEARS one into the other THROUGH a nearby wall! Davin climbs out the hole to see the set crew and invisible ninja camera men (who he can tell are there because of the floating cameras) staring at him. The director approaches Moreland.> Director - Don't you think this shtick has gone on long enough? DV - Shtick? SHTICK?!? Director - We're just saying. What happened to the fun loving Davin Moreland who used to talk to the clangy pole? <The Key Grip smacks and shakes his forehead at what the director just said.> DV - MORELAND HATE PUNY CLANGY POLE!! <Carnage ensues as Moreland takes out entire crew save one invisible cameraman smart enough to drop his very visible camera.> DV - RRROOAR! WHY MORELAND STILL HAVE you suck and are banned VIPER'S INITIALS!?!? <Davin Moreland reaches through the computer screen and CHOKES Blown Spo.... ..... .... ... .. . |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:55:58 GMT -5
*OBJ helps a dazed Stank to his feet. OOWF wrestlers and crew are strewn about the wreckage of the Sandwich Shop*
Stank: Where's Moreland?
OBJ: Apparently he was attacked by the Italian, German, and Japanese teams that look like the Defenestrators.
Stank: Those guys took him out?
OBJ: No, but the French guys who look like them ran by carrying white flags and Moreland took off after them.
Stank: OK, in that case, who the hell are these guys?
*Camera pans back to show 2 masked wrestlers in green who look very much like The Denestrators*
OBJ: Oh, I met them at a bar. Fortunately the bartender spoke Irish, because these guys don't speak a word of English. This guy is Voltas and he's Eiceachoras.
V & E: An Fuinneogcaithers!
Stank: Doesn't almost everybody in Ireland speak English? I'm pretty sure most of them speak English better than Irish.
OBJ: Oh, I think that's right. This does seem suspicious.
E:Chugainn, ar aghaidh linn!
V: Rith!
*An Fuinneogcaithers run away. Meanwhile OBJ is picking through the wreckage of the kitchen*
OBJ: Does this Vegemite smell off to you?
Stank: That stuff always smells off to me, but you should know that Moose was helping out in the kitchen.
OBJ: Maybe I'll just get a salad.
Stank: Normally I'd say that sounds gay *glances over his shoulder to make sure Viper is still down* but maybe it's safer.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:57:14 GMT -5
Meanwhile, AA and JA pick themselves up from the Moreland wreckage and find Los Defensestrators, their tag team partners for this week’s Midweek Mayhem.
El Voltage: Mi es the gnarliest…
AA: I don’t really care how Gnarls Barkley you are. You and Ecosystemia or whatever his name is have a lot of nerve with this gimmick. After all, I—ME—I created the Los Defensestrators. Or don’t you remember that?
EV: Que?
AA: Quesada this, masked man! Johnny and I used to be big shots around here. We wrote this crap when it wasn’t crap. I created you! And damn well, I can end you.
JA: Jeez, AA. I know you’re all into breaking kayfabe and all, but that’s a little strong.
AA: But I made these guys! Remember this?
I wrote that! See, I even gave them their first heat. See if that screwup Ole Anderson can book like that.
EV: So what! That was only our first match. Remember this?
JA: He’s got you there, AA.
AA: Shut the fuck up, Johnny!
Eco: I always love that catchphrase.
AA: Whatever. But they still stole the gimmick from us. Remember this?
EV: You were rather larger back then.
AA: Shut the fuck up, Voltage!
EV: That’s El Voltage.
AA: Whatever. The bottom line is you guys stole our gimmick, and we’ve been mad at you ever since. And just because you two goofs are now heels, don’t think you can align yourself with us—The No. 1 PROMO TEAM IN THE OOWF!
EV: You’re kinda slipping on that, aren’t you?
AA (ignoring EV): As it is, we don’t even like the goof you’re hanging out with. That Cappington guy looks mighty familiar, and when I figure it out he’s going to be due a hurting! So this week, at MIDWEEK MAYHEM in BEAVER DAM, KENTUCKY (cheap pop)…
EV: How do you do that even when you’re heels?
JA: That’s why we’re still the No. 1 PROMO TEAM IN THE OOWF. Get used to it, punk.
Eco: How come I haven’t said anything in a while?
AA: You guys are ruining this promo!!!! So this week, at MIDWEEK MAYHEM in BEAVER DAM, KENTUCKY (cheap pop)…you two Los Defensestrators just sit back and watch the OOWF champs do what we do best…
EV: Get disqualified?
JA: He got you there, AA.
AA: Johnny?
JA: Yes? Wait, I know. No need to waste a catchphrase.
Eco: Can I say it?!? Shut the fuck up, Johnny!
AA: Screw this. At Midweek Mayhem, if you two are smart, you better glue tose masks on tight and be ready to do some heavy lifting. Because if you’re not...
Eco: The Chickenshit Heels will be on the bad side of a 4-on-2 beatdown!
AA: Whoa. I hadn’t thought of that.
JA: Somehow I have feeling this week is really going to suck.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:57:48 GMT -5
Phantos & Lucios are discussing strategy in thier locker room.
Phantos: Man, I STILL can't believe that ring collapsing from last week. You'd think the ring crews here in the states would be better than the ones we had in New Zealand.
Lucios: Even worse, that ring collapse cost us ANOTHER shot at the Tag Team Championships. These constant-no finishes and countouts and run-ins are a menace.
Phantos: Well, they have earned that team name for a reason.
Lucios: Yellow-bellied cowards is more like it. I want an answer to our challenge. and, I think I want it NOW. Lets go find those gutless, arrogant mama's boys.
(and we fade to black as they leave the room)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:58:21 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland pulls himself up from the carnage around him, pushing through the bodies before gaining his vertical base. He sees Ole Anderson*
DM: Damn, what happened here?
OA: Wait a second...If you're here...Who is...
*Not Davin Moreland But Looks Like Him comes around the corner*
DM: Who the fuck are you?
NDMBLLH: You're gonna find out, bitch.
*NDMBLLH SPEARS Davin and they start to slobberknocker. At one point, Davin rips off the ZOMG MASK! off of NDMBLLH and reveals...*
DM: Oh my God...
Russ: Bah GAWD...BAH GAWD!!! That--That's BROCK LESNAR BAH GAWD LESNAR!!!
DM: Lesnar
FABL: That's right. And I'm here to steal your push, bitch.
DM: I'm not your bitch....
FABL: Yes. You are my bitch. And here's why.
*Free Agent Brock Lesnar F-5s Moreland to the CEMENT FLOOR*
FABL: And stop using my move.
*Lesnar gets Davin to his feet, and clubbers him down the hallway right into Phantos and Lucios' locker room. They're both there watching tape for their upcoming match, as per usual*
DM: You can't have MY PUSH!
*Moreland manages to stay together long enough for a kick-wham DDT, but they both sell the double knockout spot. Moreland looks over to Lucios*
DM: A little help here, guys?
*Phantos and Lucios go to work on Free Agent Brock Lesnar, get him on his feet, and hit a DROPKICK DEVICE ON THE CEMENT FLOOR...They get him up once again, then hit a FLYING SPIKE. Lesnar is DEAD! Moreland struggles to his feet.*
DM: Thanks guys. *he extends the HAND of RESPECT*
L: No problem. We can't have jerky-heads like him running around impersonating you. *shakes Davin's hand*
P: Exactly. Imagine a doo-doo pants like him trying to steal your push. *shakes Davin's hand*
DM: Do you guys hang out with Harris and Alt or something?
P: No. We actually drink stuff with bubbles sometimes.
DM: Well, we'll have to work on that "jerky-head" and "doo-doo pants" thing. That kind of...
DV: I AM NOT A HOMO!
DM: You little flamer. Beat the FAKE me up because someone ELSE typed in my initials wrong? You think I'M happy about it either?
DV: Stop calling me gay, you BITCH!
DM: I AM NOT YOUR BITCH!
*Viper gets 3 straight REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTERs for his trouble, and kicked out of the room...*
DM: MORELAND SMASH!!!!!!
L: So...what do we do about him? *points to FABL*
P: Yeah, what about the Roided out freak?
FABL: *weakly* Me? What about Moreland Smash over there?
DM: Heh. No roids. Interacts with my psych meds. I'm 100% All Natural Moreland Smash.
*Moreland, to emphasize his point, F5s Lesnar again, and he is the deadest dead that ever deadded. Phantos and Lucios look at each other with the "All Natural" comment*
DM: Rick, Boss, I know you're watching...
GMtR: Yeah, I'm here. LESNAR! GET OUT OF MY PROMOTION YOU UNTALENTED FREAK! YOU'RE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDD
*Moreland clotheslines the 2 Gimmick Infringement Officers who tried to come in*
GMtR: Thanks Davin. Is that it?
DM: Pretty Much.
GMtR: Ok then, GET THE HELL OUT OF...
DM: This isn't your office.
GMtR: MY OFFICE!!! *leaves*
L: That was weird.
DM: You thought that was weird? I'm going to Dunkin Donuts and then to a D'Angelo's/Papa Ginos. You guys in?
P: There's not any of those within like 500 Miles...
DM: Oh, details. You guys in?
L: I guess we can stop watching tape for a little bit.
DM: Yeah, won't be long. I've got a G-IV now, thanks to the endorsement deals, so we could be there and back in like 6 hours.
P: Works for me.
L: Let's go.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:58:42 GMT -5
<Free Agent Brock Lesnar gets to his feet and steadies himself, then looks around. As Lesnar steps out the door, Moosehead Jack hits him with a barbed wire wrapped HEART PUNCH!, then again and again and again>
Lesnar: Whyyyy?
<Moose hammers him with several more heart punches until Lesnar is a quivering, bleeding lump of flesh>
MHJ: That's for that stupid ass tattoo.
<Moose turns to look at the invisible ninja cameraman>
And Moreland, don't think I forgot about you. You are on my radar, and the second I take care of Crete, you are next.
Trust me
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