|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 18:59:50 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland clicks off his OOWF-TV on board the Yum! Foods corporate Gulfstream IV, takes a bite of his sandwich, a sip from his Double Brewed Iced Coffee From Dunkin Donuts, and puts the cup back down, looking into the general vicinity of the ninja cameraman*
DM: You just keep punchin up Lesnar there Bookerman. Way to pick up the scraps there, buddy.
*Phantos and Lucios giggle on either side of Davin, sipping on their own Iced Coffees from Dunkin Donuts*
DM: And as far as the rest of your little diatribe, they have a saying about that where I'm from. "I'm WICKEED SCAY-AHD". I'm the No-Sell Superman. You think a little blood bothers me, Bookerman? *talks to Lucios, whispering* See, I can SAY that, cause he's not...
*Just as Davin's finishing that sentence, Phantos put his straw back in his cup and ZOMG THE BEAST POPS OUT!*
P: What the...
DM: Beast, what the fuck are you doing here?
B: To be honest, I have no idea.
DM: I saw Donnie Viper. He's on the other side of that straw, where you came from.
*The BEAST POPS back in. A disembodied voice shrieks "I AM NOT A HOMO!"*
DM: Oh, where was I? Oh. Yeah. Moose. Bookerman. You don't a-scare me. You can't scare Superman. You might BEAT Superman, although it's very unlikely, but you can't scare him. I'm Superman, and I'm not a bitch, and I certainly AINT...
P: Um...can you wait?
DM: You're kidding. Bitch? I can't say bitch?
P: It offends me.
DM: Well, alright, if you wanna be a pussy about it. Umm...This promo is trainwrecking...Lucios take me home...
L: The plane is taking us home. Well. To work, anyway.
DM: Wow. If we're ever going to hang out again, we need to get you guys personality transplants or something. Ok, short version, losing sat time....Moose, me smash you bad hurt lots me win you lose.
There, that should wrap it in a nice pretty, frilly little bow for ya, you know, the kind you and your "buddy" Viper make for each other. America Runs on Dunkin' *thumbs up, wink. Phantos and Lucios also thumb up and wink as we fade to the logo*
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 19:00:14 GMT -5
(Phantos, carrying the Clangy Pole, & Lucios are looking for Adrenaline and Capps when they come across LD Williams)
Phantos: LD! Man, what’s happening?
LDW: (shakes Lucios’ hand) How are you gentlemen? Didn’t you just get off a plane somewhere?
Lucios: Hey, this is wrestling, its that suspension of disbelief thing. Have you seen Capps and Adrenaline? We’d like to have a little chat with them.
LDW: They were at Ric’s I believe.
Phantos: Good! Let’s go man.
(They continue down the hallway and bump into Donovan Viper and Capellan)
Lucios: Excuse us gentlemen
Viper: Who are yo..oh yeah, those guys who we beat at the last PPV, but who still got title shots before we did.
Phantos: Hey man, we aren’t the ones who do the match-making. We wrestle who we are told.
Capellan: Just know when we are finished with Ecosystem and Voltage, we are coming after those belts, no matter who has them.
Lucios: It will be a pleasure to compete against you again. We both consider you the best team we have faced so far.
Phantos: See you tonight man! We’re partners in the 8-man tag!
(Phantos and Lucios walk away while Capellan & Viper stand there looking annoyed. They turn a corner and walk in to see Capps and Adrenaline watching Eco and Volt walk away)
Lucios (charges up to the Champions): You crybaby no-good punks! I want an answer to our challenge!
Adrenaline: What challenge? I don’t remember being challenged? Do you remember them challenging us?
Adjuster: I don’t know. I wasn’t listening the last time they interrupted us. They bore me.
(Phantos slams the Pole against the ground right at Capps’s feet)
Lucios: You didn’t beat us at YOUR OWN GAME. Now it’s time for OUR match. A WRESTLING match. Best 2 out of 3 falls. Hell on Earth III.
Adrenaline: I don’t know, since we didn’t get this week off, we were kind of planning on taking it easy that night.
(Phantos grabs Capps by the arm. All four men swell up and ready themselves for a brawl. General Manager the Rick, making a rare out-of-his-office appearance, walks in and separates the teams.)
GMtR (yelling at Phantos & Lucios): YOU two don’t get to MAKE matches, especially for MY Pay Per View events! Get out of here now!!
(Lucios (interrupts): Not without an answer Boss.
GMtR: Answer! You aren’t getting an answer! I make the matches! (He turns to Capps and Adrenaline) and YOU two, NO ONE gets the anniversary show off! You WILL be defending those Championships!!
(and we fade to balck)
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 19:00:32 GMT -5
<GM the Rick turns to a conveniently placed Invisible Ninja Cameraman>
In fact, since I am the GM around here, I am going to make a match right now for the pay per view. I was going to wait, but you four are really sandifying my vagina.
At the Pay Per View we are going to have a four way dance, Capellan & Viper vs. Phantos & Lucios vs. Los Defenestrators vs. The Chickenshit Heels for the OOWF World Tag Team Titles
Phantos: But Rick, we were promised a match of our choosing.....
GMtR: And that will come, in October, I am thinking sometime before Doomy Doomy Doom Doom
we all good with that? good! now go away!
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 19:00:59 GMT -5
(Ecosystem and Voltage catch Moose's announcement on OOWF-TV.)
Eco: Wait wait wait...Los Defenstratores are getting the fourth slot in the Tag Title match? Can you believe that.
Voltage: I know, mate. Das Defenstrators are going to be MAD.
Eco: Us, man! Us! Why do they get the match and we don't?
Voltage: They have a better tag record, can converse in two languages, and were nominated for Best Gimmick of the Year by more people than we were?
Eco: Yes, but we've been around longer!
Voltage: So has John Howard.
Eco: Didn't we kill him off in a promo?
Voltage: No, that was Larry Craig. Who, somehow, is still in your Senate.
Eco: Yes, well, Robert Byrd from West Virginia is also clinically dead and just won his 8th term.
Voltage: Fair enough. So perhaps we should prepare for our match.
Eco: Who are we facing?
Voltage: ...
Eco: ...
Voltage: ...I could go check the schedule...
Eco: See, this might be why we get passed over for these types of matches. Lack of attention span.
Voltage: Hey! Shaun of the Dead is on TV.
Eco: Really? You know, I've never seen that movie. I saw Hot Fuzz.
Voltage: Did you like it?
Eco: Yeah.
Voltage: You'll probably like this one then.
(Eco and Voltage watch the movie for like, 15 minutes while the camera is rolling.)
Voltage: Heh. Zombies working in the service industries.
Eco: See, I feel like that's a slur on America workers, many of whom would be working in industry if not for outsourcing.
Voltage: The movie is British. Lighten the heck up, will you?
Eco: Weren't we talking about something else?
Voltage: John Howard?
Eco: Right.
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 19:01:19 GMT -5
**L.D. Williams is sitting in the locker room. He glares at the camera**
“Congratulations Concrete. Double countout or not, you stepped in the ring with L.D. Williams and walked away with your title. That’s an accomplishment to be proud of.
It’s also something that will never happen again.
I got what I wanted. At Hell on Earth 3, I get the Underdawg inside the cell. After I put him down, I’m coming for that title, and it doesn’t matter if it’s you, Spin, Stank, or even Mooshead Jack. Whoever walks out of Hell on Earth with the belt will be my next victim.
And, speaking of Spin, sorry about your luck. I know how tough you are, I know how bad you are, and I know that you’re fearless. Bottom line, it doesn’t matter, because you’re Spin Freakin Hansen, and You. Will. Fear me.” View User's Profile E-Mail User View All Posts By User U2U Member
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 19:01:41 GMT -5
Stank - $92.53
Cap - FOR a SALAMI SANDWICH?!?
Stank - ... it's from Fiji.
<Moosehead Jack walks out from the back>
MHJ - That's it. I'm done.
Stank - What about Ox Baker?
MHJ - He's a Mets fan.
<Moose walks off down the hallway, making sure to kick Lesnar on his way out.>
Stank - But... WHO'S GOING TO MAKE THE SANDWICHES? ... MOOSE!
Cap - Where's Flair?
Stank - Ole Anderson is filling in for him.
Cap - ... Where's Ole?
Stank - Recouping from his injuries.
Cap - ... ... so...
Stank - I'm filling in for Anderson... at least I WAS until MOOSE decided to abandon his post!
Cap - ... about that...
Stank - Ox Baker was here with Anderson. Moose is an admirer of Ox.
Cap - ...
Stank - Ox made the sandwiches... he's seventy three years old.
Cap - ... How old is Flair?
Stank - You know, I don't know... pretty old.
Cap - So who's gonna make my sandwich?
Stank - I guess... I will. Watch the counter.
Cap - But...
Stank - WATCH the FUCKING COUNTER!
Cap - ALRIGHT, Sheesh!
<Stank goes to the back to make Capellan's sandwich. Viper walks up to the stand.>
DV - ... ... What the fuck is this?
Cap - Is that you Davin? My, you look different?
DV - Ha. Ha. Cute. Why are you standing here?
Cap - Stank's in the back making me a sandwich. I'm watching the counter.
DV - Why are you watching the counter for that douche nozzle? What happened to Moose?
Cap - He left.
DV - But Stank's a heel. We're a mothafuckin uber face tag team.
Cap - I may be an uber face, the jury's still out on you?
DV - What the fuck is THAT supposed to mean? You don't trust me? After everything we've been through.
Cap - I trust you, sure. I don't know about everyone else.
DV - Can we just LEAVE?
Cap - Stank's making me a sandwich.
DV - ... and?
Cap - We could at least wait until he's done. I'm hungry.
DV - Fine. As long as he's back there, ask him if he could make me a sandwich that doesn't dissolve like the one Moose made for me earlier.
Cap - Stank! Viper wants a sandwich!
Stank - FUCK DONNIE!
Cap - You heard the man.
DV - WHAT?!?
Cap - Hey I don't run the place. I just watch the counter.
DV - Well give me one of those vitamin waters.
Cap - Sure thing. That'll be $16.66
DV - You're kidding me.
Stank - IT'S FIJI WATER!
DV - IT'S NOT FIJI WATER you FAT FUCK! IT'S VITAMIN WATER!
<Stank walks out from the back.>
Stank - Who makes vitamin water?
DV - I don't know... the Coca-Cola company?
Stank - And Coca-Cola has a huge factory on the Island of Fiji.
DV - I doubt that's true, but even if it is... WHY the FUCK would that make Vitamin Water from there?
Stank - Because it is! And EVERYTHING from there is EXPENSIVE! Prove me wrong!
DV - You know what.. fuck your water.
Stank - Fuck you.
Cap - Guys. I think we're all forgetting what's important here... I'm still hungry.
Stank - Oh right... your sandwich. Watch the-
Cap - WATCH the counter. Got it.
DV - WHAT?!? You're STILL going to sit here and wait for your food?
Cap - I want to know what a $92.53 sandwich looks like.
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 19:02:05 GMT -5
Stank comes out of the kitchen with a sandwich.
S: Here you go. That'll be $96.44
Cap: I thought you said this was $92.53.
S: It's a tip.
Cap: Tip? I don't tip at a sandwich stand. A sit down restaurant maybe. A taxi driver for sure, but.
S: I WOULDN'T BE HERE if you hadn't beat up Ole Anderson.
Cap: What does this have to do with anything?
S: Fine, it's not a tip. It's... Sales tax.
Cap: Oh come on. This is a makeshift booth, not a licensed business. You don't pay taxes.
S: SHHH! Don't say that outloud! I don't want the IRS to come looking for me.
IRS: Did someone say my name?
Cap: OMG, it's Mike Rotundo!
DV: Rotunda
Cap: I swear it's Rotundo
IRS: Actually, it's Irwin. Irwin R. Shyster. I don't know this Captain Mike you speak of.
DV: I don't think I ever mentioned anything about captains.
S: You like seacaptains *POP* OW!
IRS: Is Ric Flair here?
S: Nope.
IRS: What are you doing at this sandwich shop?
S: I'm running it until he's gone. Well, actually, I'm running it until Ole Anderson wakes up. Ole is running it til Ric Flair is back from his contract negotiations.
IRS: So you're running the place?
S: Yes. For now, at least.
IRS: We're auditing you.
S: Me? Don't you mean Ric?
IRS: You said you're in charge here?
S: Well, just for now, but it's only been like 5 minutes.
IRS: When is Mr. Anderson coming back?
S: I don't know. Capellan beat him up pretty hard.
DV: BTW, Cap. Good job. Finally found your mean streak.
Cap: Thanks, dude.
S: So how much do I owe?
IRS: Well, we'll have to talk about it. Come with me.
S: Come with you? We can do this right here!
IRS: No. This is a private matter. We must go to my office.
S: And what if I don't go?
IRS: I'll notify the authorities that you're evading taxes.
S: Can't I just make a sandwich for you?
IRS: Are you trying to bribe me?
S: No. Yes. Maybe.
IRS: Come with me, hooligan.
S: Goddamn this VK Wallstreet motherfucker... Ok, fine.
Stank walks off with IRS.
Cap: ...
DV: ...
Cap: Well, at least I got my sandwich.
Capellan takes a bite of the sandwich.
Cap: OH MY GOD this is good!
DV: Can I try?
Cap: No.
DV: Oh come on. We're tag team partners
Cap: No way. Only gay guys share sandwiches. Go get your own, man.
DV: Who's going to make me one of those?
Cap: He wouldn't have made you one anyway. He doesn't like you, remember?
DV: He doesn't like anybody!
Spin: Not true. We're buddies.
DV: Can you make me one of those?
Spin: What? The Stankwich? Oh no. He won't give me the recipe for it. It's damn good, though, isn't it Cap?
Cap: You're damn right, Spin. Stank makes a great sandwich! HOT DAMN! I feel like I'm surfing a 20 foot wave in Maui!
DV: Tell this guy to let me have a bite. I really want to try it.
Spin: What? No way! Only gay guys share sandwiches.
DV: You know what? Fuck you guys! I'm getting pink lemonade.
Cap: This sandwich is making me thirsty. Sounds like a good idea. Can I have some of yours? I'm broke after paying for this sandwich.
DV: No! Only gay guys share pink lemonade.
Cap: That's not true.
Spin: Nope. Not true at all. You just made that up. Some tag team partner you are!
DV: Fuck you both, man. I'm getting pink lemonade.
Viper walks off angrily while Capellan follows...
Cap: Wait, Hardbody and Alt don't like you either.
Spin Hansen is about to walk away until...
OX: WATCH THE FUCKING COUNTER!!!
Spin: Ah SHIT!
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 19:02:28 GMT -5
*OBJ being interviewed by SFJ13*
SFJ: Are you worried about your partner being taken away by IRS?
OBJ: Well, Wally assured me he could get things straightened out before Mayhem starts, so I'm not worried. The only person who should be worrying about their partner is Concrete TG.
SFJ: Why is that?
OBJ: Think about it. Who's the biggest threat to the Heroes Guild?
SFJ: Ooh, I think I know this one! It's Moosehead Jack, right? Or is it Stank? I'm better with multiple choice questions.
OBJ: Well let's try "C: none of the above" and "D: Firechild"
SFJ: But Firechild is in the Heroes Guild!
OBJ: And look at how they're doing since he joined. Like I said, Crete's the one who should be worrying.
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 19:02:49 GMT -5
IRS - Now then, I'm looking over your information here and notice a few discrepancies.
Stank - I won't even ask how you got my tax info... what discrepancies?
IRS - You claim two dependents. One Spin "Freakin" Hansen and one Outback Jack.
Stank - Yeah.
IRS - They live with you?
Stank - Yeah.
IRS - ...
Stank - no.
IRS - What do you think you're trying to pull?
Stank - I... I'm sorry.
IRS - sorry? SORRY?? Oh you'll be SORRY alright.
Stank - Look, Shyster, cut me some slack.
IRS - CUT you some SLACK?!? Please. IRS never cuts ANYONE slack. Especially a tax cheat like you.
Stank - But...
IRS (Leaning in close) - QUIT your crying and pay what's due or IRS will audit YOU.
Stank - ...
IRS - ...
Stank - Are you even a real tax official?
IRS - Yes.
Stank - ...
IRS - No.
<Stank stands up and leaves. He returns to the sandwich stand to find Spin ringing up a chicken carbonara sandwich for Attitude Adjuster.>
S - That'll be $3.18
AA - THREE DOLLARS AND EIGHTEEN CENTS!! What do THINK I'm MADE of MONEY?!?!
<AA pays and walks off with his sandwich.>
Stank - What are you doing here?
S - ... I don't know.
Stank - Who's making the sandwiches?
S - No, who's further down the card.
Stank - I thought he was in the match?
S - Who?
Stank - Exactly.
S - ...
Stank - ...
S - Never mind. Ox went and got some help.
<A short Italian, wearing a red shirt, blue coveralls, and sporting a mighty pornstar mustache, hops out the back.>
M - ITSA ME! Santino Marella!!
Stank - When did you grow that mustache?
M - I justa kidding... ITSA ME!! MARIO!!
Stank - ... great. That means BRICK~! and the Defenestrators aren't far behind...
V - WOO HOO! I'm the gnarliest double champ ever!
Eco - Way to go dude, totally bitchin.
Stank - No. NO! It's not WORTH it! C'mon Spin! Let's go find Outback Jack.
V - That's not your line.
<Stank and Spin leave. The Defs are about to when...>
Ox - WATCH THE COUNTER!
Eco - But, we were-
Ox - WATCH the FRIGGIN counter!
V - Fine.
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 19:03:11 GMT -5
Cap and Viper are still walking. Cap has finished his $96 sandwich, though there is still a bit of mayo on his lip. Because that's not going to come back to haunt him.
"Dude, I am so pumped for tonight's match! I just want to kick some ass!"
Viper nods,
"It's good to see you so fired up for once."
"... for once? What do you mean by that?"
Viper shrugs as if it is no big deal, but Cap presses the point.
"It musta meant something, so spit it out."
"Well, I know that going into matches you're normally all 'ra-ra fighting spirit thrill of competition', and that's all very well, but it lacks a certain ... edge."
"We get the job done in the ring."
"Do we? I know Rick's penis envy has been blocking us from title shots for a lot longer than this, but we haven't won a match all month."
"Really?"
"Really."
Cap clenches his fists.
"The I guess it's time to remind everyone that we're here to win."
"Before we do, could you wipe that mayo off your chin? It makes you look like a cocksu-" *POP* "- OW! That's gimmick infringement!"
|
|