Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 19:04:32 GMT -5
OOWF Awards Ceremony 2007
Announcer: Welcome to the third annual OOWF Awards ceremony! We are coming to you LIVE from the Dayton Holiday Inn business sweet! And now, your host, and you GM, GM the Rick!
<The camera pans across the crowd where all the OOWF wrestlers are seated, dressed to the nines, and not looking very comfortable at all. Finally we see Rick at the podium>
GMtR: Ok ok calm down, let’s get this started. You know, when the powers that be asked me to be the GM of this fed two and a half years ago, I never counted on having the job for long. I mean really, what are the odds of something like this working, and even more, being successful? But here we are three years after our very first show, and we are still alive and kicking. <Applause from the crowd.> so, now, without further adieu let’s get on with the awards. Here to present our first award are former WWE world champions, “The Ringmaster” Steve Austin and Flex Kavana!
<both men come on stage, but neither gets an entrance because honestly, can you remember the Ringmaster’s entrance? Neither can I. And Flex Kavana? Yeah, didn’t think so either>
Austin: Rick you dumb son of a bitch, no one remembers me as the Ringmaster, that is something I would like to forget.
Rock: Especially since you lost to Savio Vega as the Ringmaster
Austin: You think you are funny? <pause> You think you are making me laugh?<pause> You think that there is some kind of humor in your words?<pause><looking out over the audience> Aren’t you guys supposed to say WHAT when I pause?
Spin Hansen: <yelling from the crowd> THAT CATCHPHRASE SUCKS!
Rock: THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN! And as the PEOPLE’S CHAMPION, THE ROCK SAYS……
Spin Hansen: <again yelling> THAT CATCHPHRASE SUCKS TOO!
Rock: FINE! Let’s just introduce the nominees for catchphrase of the year
Austin: Our first nominee is Voltage and Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER.
Rock: The second nominee for catchphrase of the year is SHUT THE FUCK UP JOHNNY by F. Fonzworth Cappington III
Austin: You have got to be kidding me! THAT is what passes as a catch phrase? Fine.
Rock: And the winner is…………SHUT THE FUCK UP JOHNNY by F. Fonzworth Cappington IIII
<Cappington and Lance make their way to the stage where Cappington orders Lance to take the award from Austin to avoid touching him>
Rock: That is what wins? SHUT THE FUCK UP JOHNNY wins?
Austin: If you think that is the shittiest catchphrase ever give me a HELL YEAH!
Audience: SHUT THE FUCK UP AUSTIN!
<Austin pouts and leaves the stage, Cappington just stares at Rocky until he leaves as well>
FFCIII: Normally I would not accept an award like this because it is from a time in my life when I was a poor commoner like you people. But, I believe this will have some value to the internet geeks on ebay, so I will take your award. For those of you watching, the bidding starts at five grand.
<Cappington and Lance leave the stage>
GM the Rick: Yeah, great, five grand, good luck there. Anyway, let’s move on. Our next award is for Gimmick of the year. For those of you who don’t know, a gimmick is that one thing that makes a wrestler stand out, makes him recognizable over everyone else. I mean really, if it was always guys in their underwear wrestling each other with no personalities whatsoever, this would be the AWA. <Rick pauses for the rim shot, but gets nothing.> I hate you all. Here to present Gimmick of the Year is current WWE champion John Cena, and poster child for Gimmick driven characters Randy Orton
Cena: Yo homie aren’t we feudin or somethin?
Orton: I started what I finished when I kicked your dads head off his shoulders!
Cena: Yo that wasn’t my pops! That was a plant
Orton: I am the LEGEND KILLER, not the Plant Killer, you are so stupid John Cena
Cena: Word
Orton: Why would they pick us to present us for gimmick of the year? I am a second generation LEGEND KILLER
Cena: And I can’t be beaten under any circumstances despite having no discernable wrestling talent whatsoever!
Orton: And your finisher, that submission move, what is that supposed to be?
Cena: Hey homie at least I can do my finisher right, how many times have you whiffed on the RKO?
Orton: WHY YOU….
GMtR: Hey douchenozzles, get on with it!
Cena: Oh yeah, I feel ya dog!
<UD snarls in the crowd>
Cena: The nominees for Gimmick of the year are: The DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship, and Drink & Destroy versus The Heroes Guild
Orton: And the winner is…….It’s a tie!
<audience applauds as Concrete TG, Firechild, Moosehead Jack, Stank and Spin Hansen make their way to the podium. Moose is wearing his share of the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title, they are shortly joined by Voltage and the DDT and Heavy Metal parts of the belt.>
Volt: Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER.
Spin: Didn’t you beat a dead bird for that title?
CTG: AHEM! The fine citizens of the OOWF want to hear a HERO speak! Someone who extols the virtues of good, and shuns all things that are…..
Stank: For the love of fuck, this again?
Firechild: Don’t interrupt
Stank: Or what?
CTG: Citizen Firechild! There is no reason to resort to violence!
<Moosehead Jack heart punches Voltage>
CTG: WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
MHJ: Why not?
Stank: Look, Ricky wants us to comment on the gimmick, I think it is clear that Drink & Destroy’s gimmick is beating the Heroes asses all over the ring.
Firechild: Who holds the gold?
Spin: Who has had the referee in their pockets the whole time?
CTG: YOU HAVE NO PROOF OF THAT
<MHJ remains in the background grinning at the potential chaos unfolding in front of him>
Stank: PROOF? How much more proof do you need? How many times has Glaw saved your asses from us?
GMtR: ENOUGH, save it for the show tomorrow, now get off the stage so we can continue with this show.
<The tension remains in the air as the Heroes and Drink & Destroy leave the stage and head back to their tables, no one bothers to move Voltage>
GMtR: Continuing on, next we have the award for finisher of the year. It’s something you have to have, so, uh, I guess we should give an award for that or something. Here to present the award for Finisher of the Year are two of the best in the business, oh you have GOT to be kidding! Hulk Hogan and Carlito
<a smattering of applause>
HH: WELL YOU KNOW SOMETHING BROTHER a finishing move has to be your signature, something you are identified with, and something that has to make people FEAR YOU!!!
Carlito: Wait a minute; let me make sure Carlito understands this. You are saying that people feared your finisher?
Hogan: YEAH BROTHER!
Carlito: Isn’t your finisher a leg drop or something?
Hogan: It’s the BIG LEG BROTHER!
Carlito: Das, das not cool. How is a leg drop going to hurt anyone?
Hogan: I’ll SHOW you!
<Hogan runs across the stage and bounds off some imaginary ropes and drops a leg across Voltage’s chest, Voltage does not move>
Hogan: SEE BROTHER the POWER of the Big Leg put him OUT!
Carlito: Wasn’t he already out cold?
Hogan: Are you calling me a liar?
Carlito: No, man, that guy over there is
Hogan: WHERE?
<When Hogan turns around Carlito gives him the BACKSTABBER! Hogan goes into convulsions and falls off the stage, but no one cares really>
Carlito: Now theses awards can be cool again. Ok the nominees for Best Finisher are: A Really Good Diamond Cutter by Davin Moreland, The Intentional Disqualification by The Chickenshit Heels, the Stab by Knife, the Canadian Destroyer by Canadian Dragon, the Jiendo by Moosehead Jack and finally the To Be Edited In Later by Hardbody Harris
And the winner is………das not cool; we have a tie…..A Really Good Diamond Cutter and the Intentional Disqualification!!!!!
<The camera cuts to the crowd and we see Davin Moreland smile and get to his feet, The Chickenshit Heels get giddy like a couple of school girls and hop up and high five each other then head to the stage, which has mysteriously changed to the set of Carlito’s Cabana>
Carlito: Ladies and Gentlemen my first guests are the current OOWF world Tag team champions, Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster….The Chickenshit Heels!!!!!
<Davin Moreland stands there and looks at Carlito>
Carlito: Oh, and this guy too, Darren Morehead or something. But I want to talk to The Chickenshit Heels, how did you guys come up with such a….cool…finishing move?
JA: Well Carlito, as most people know, Double A and I are students of the game. Each week we spend thousands of hours watching old tapes and studying the art of tag team wrestling
Carlito: This is why you two are the best!
AA: You got that right! We examined literally tens of thousands of finishers and tried them all out, the Doomsday Device, the Double Dropkick, the Hart Attack, the Spike Pile driver, you name it, we tried it
JA: But we found out that the most devastating move in all of wrestling was simply getting yourself disqualified!
AA: Think about it! We keep our titles, we don’t have to get beat up, and we get paid championship money! There is NO downside!
Carlito: You guys are geniuses! And geniuses, geniuses are cool!
Davin: HEY! What about me?
Carlito: What about you? Devon Mainland, your move is, what, a Pretty Decent Diamond Necklace or something, thas, thas not cool. Oh, and don’t ever interrupt Carlito again.
DM: Or?
<Carlito takes a bite of his apple and starts chewing it up, but unlike HHH Moreland knows what’s coming so he grabs Carlito and hits the REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER on the stage>
DM: Just like everyone else, DAVIN MORELAND AIN’T YOUR BITCH ANYMORE!
<Moreland whips out the Iced coffee and the cheesy grin, then everyone heads back to their seats.>
GMtR: Fine, glad that is over. While someone cleans up that mess and sends those two back to Connecticut, I guess I should mention something about the next award. In the OOWF, probably more than any other fed, your career is driven by promos. There have been dozens of guys who have joined the OOWF, but lacked the skills to cut a good promo. For the most part, those men washed out and headed to other feds where mic skills were not very important. It is with a great deal of pride, yeah I said it, shut up, all of you! Anyway, I can honestly say we have some of the best promo people in all of wrestling, so here to introduce Promo of the Year is Lance Storm and the Great Khali? Ok who the hell is writing this shit?
Lance Storm: If I can be serious for a minute, cutting a good promo is something I learned from the great Stu Hart while training in the dungeon in Calgary……Alberta……Canada. It is something that takes a great deal of skill and determination to master, wouldn’t you agree Khali?
Khali: BLARGHEANDAHAHAFEGHRAAAAAPR
Storm: Exactly. Now, if you will allow me a moment, I am going to run through the 23 basic steps of cutting a good, solid promo. Ok step one……
<Glass shatters and Steve Austin comes back to the stage, nearly tripping over Voltage, so he picks him up and gives him a stunner>
Austin: For the love of GOD you damn near put me to sleep in the back! You have to be the most boring sumbitch who has ever put on a pair of boots! You bore me son <pauses> you’re boring <pause> You put me to sleep <pause>……ok what the hell is wrong with you people? POP
<Storm pops Austin right in the mouth with a super kick>
Storm: I should have done that years ago, Khali, do you mind?
Khali: BGRRRRRAHAHAHAMAAANGHND
<Khali grabs Austin’s head in a PUNJABI HEAD VICE blood pours out of Austin’s eyes and nose as Khali drags him off the stage>
Storm: Ok, they are telling me to continue, so we can keep this production moving along on time. The nominees for Promo of the Year are….Drink & Destroy’s Old West Promo, The Chickenshit Heels meet Bill Apter, F. Fonzworth Cappington III creates LOADED, the Never-ending Promo, the Defenestrators and Brick and finally, Firechild inducted into The Heroes Guild.
And the winner is……….Drink & Destroy’s Old West Promo!
<Cappington and Stank both get up and eye each other warily, then head to the stage>
Stank: Well, uh, this is a bit awkward now isn’t it?
F. Fonzworth Cappington III: No, why should it be?
Stank: Well, when we did that promo, we were partners
FFCIII: Yeah……..and?
Stank: Now you are some rich guy. Ok seriously, how did you get all this money
FFCIII: The slave trade
<Stank stares wide eyed with disbelief at Cappington for a moment>
FFCIII: Just kidding, calm down boy, you twitch too much
Stank: No, I just couldn’t believe, wait, did you just call me boy?
FFCIII: No. Wait, did I?
Stank: I am pretty fucking sure you did
FFCIII: Well, we won’t know until after Moose posts this on Saturday night, right?
<Kayfabe comes running across the stage with a knife, but trips over Voltage’s body>
Stank: I SWEAR you called me boy!
FFCIII: Well, if I did, I was just being in character, remember I OWNED you.
Stank: No, your family owned MY family
FFCIII: semantics my good man! Just enjoy the award.
Stank: Oh you actually going to keep this one?
FFCIIIL Stank, I am SHOCKED! Of course I am keeping this one!
<Stank starts to leave the stage when FFCIII turns to the camera>
FFCIII: The bidding on this one starts at eight grand
GMtR: Yeah, that wasn’t uncomfortable or anything. Ok, our next award is break through star of the year. This is often the spring board that sends OOWF superstars to the next level, or something like that. Past winners have included Firechild and Capellan, both of whom have gone on to win titles and The Halfrican Americans. Ok, so it doesn’t ALWAYS work out so well. Anyway here to hand out the Breakthrough Star of the Year award is Buff Bagwell and Billy Gunn. Smell the irony THERE
<Billy Gunn walks out on stage with Buff Bagwell and for some reason Hardbody Harris passes out>
BG: This award goes to the man that is most likely to make it big in wrestling and have the most successful career.
Buff: It is all about having the look, that look that will get you over with the crowd.
BG: It also helps to have a kick ass catch phrase! Like I did when I was in DX
Buff: Or when I was in the nWo!
BG: It really doesn’t matter how good you are, as long as you are in a high profile group!
Buff: Or banging the booker!
BG: That explains the American Males
Buff: And Chuck and Billy!
Both: YEAH! HIGH FIVE!
<Kayfabe comes through the curtain with a barbed wire bat and runs toward Buff and Billy but Voltage struggles to his feet in front of her and she slams into Voltage, Voltage lurches forward and bumps into both Gunn and Buff, Kayfabe falls to the floor>
Buff: HEY MAN! Keep your hands off the merchandise!
Billy: Yeah, you got a problem or something? You don’t want none of this!
Volt: Well, really I was just….
Buff: Oh that’s IT! <Buff hits the Buff blockbuster on Voltage, but Volt really no sells it. As Buff gets to his feet, Kayfabe is back up and nails him with the barbed wire bat>
Billy: IF YOU AIN’T DOWN WITH THAT….<Billy kicks Volt and hits the Rocker Dropper, but Volt also no sells that and gets to his feet, once again Kayfabe attacks with the barbed wire bat, beating Billy senseless. Kayfabe hammers away until they are both bloody messes, then walks back behind the curtain. Voltage gets to his feet and looks behind him and sees both Buff and Billy horrible bloody messes>
Volt: Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER! What? Read the what? Oh, the nominees for Breakout Star of the Year. Ok the nominees are…..Knife, Davin Moreland, and………ME! The winner is……….ME!! I WIN!! WOO! ROCK AND ROLL!!! I AM THE GNARLIEST DOUBLE CHAMP EVER!!!! <wham!> an award flies through the air and nails Voltage in the head, he falls to the floor, evidently out cold, the camera pans to the audience and we see Moosehead Jack laughing and pointing to the stage, his award suspiciously missing.
GmtR: A Wise man once said without evil, there can be no good. Without dark, there can be no light. Without hate, there can be no love. Without Satan, there may be no Christ. If one is missing, what does the other mean? What? Hey screw all of you, I went to college! Anyway, the same holds in wrestling, with no faces there can be no heels. People need a hero to cheer for, so to present the award for Face of the Year, Ricky “the Dragon” Steamboat and The American Dream Dusty Rhodes!
<the crowd gives the Dream and the Dragon a nice round of applause>
Dusty: It’s good to be here with the Dragon if you weeeeeeeeel. In all my years in this business I have never seen this man break the rules, he was a bastion of doing things the right way
Steamboat: Thank you Dream. I was brought up to respect people and do things the right way.
Dusty: And that wasn’t easy, not when you were dealing with people like Ric Flair <WOOOOOOOOOO from the audience> and the Four Horsemen, and the big bad Road Warriors, and those evil Koloffs
Steamboat: It is hard, but a good face can turn all that cheating around and use it to his advantage, that’s how I beat Randy Savage for the intercontinental title at Wrestlemania III.
Dusty: Without further delay, it is my privilege to announce the nominees for Face of the Year. Our first nominee, once a member of wCw and currently teaming with Donovan Viper…..Capellan. Our second nominee is the founding member of The Heroes Guild…..Concrete TG. Our final nominee, and the other member of The Heroes Guild…..Firechild.
Steamboat: And the winner is………Firechild!
<Firechild looks stunned and makes his way to the podium>
FC:<taking a minute to compose himself> Wow. Really I am not sure what to say here. Considering where I came from as a member of 3Piece Set, I certainly never thought I would see this day. I gotta thank Crete for believing in me and offering me a spot in the Guild. And I also want to say that this <holding the intercontinental title up> validates all the effort, all the sweat, all the tears and all the blood I have shed over this last year to change people’s opinion of me.
<Firechild walks from the podium and gets a nice round of applause from the faces>
GMtR: Ok, I said it before, without Heels there can be no Faces. So next we are going to honor the other side of the equation and present the award for Heel of the Year. Here to present the award is a surprisingly sober Jake the Snake Roberts and “Hot Rod” Rowdy Roddy Piper!
<Piper and Snake come out and get a huge ovation from the heels. Is Moose weeping?>
Piper: HAHAHAHAHAA Jake THE SNAKE Roberts!
Jake: Hot Rod, good to be here with you tonight
Piper: Jake we have traveled down the road together, spent many nights tearing the house down, love us or hate us, you NEVER forgot us!
Jake: what people don’t realize is that it is easy to be a pandering twit face. But it takes something special to make thousands and thousands of people hate you. And not just hate you, despise you. Want you to bleed, and suffer. When you can do that, you are something special.
Piper: You know I have seen it all, I have done it all, I have been cheered by the people, and I have been booed with the best of them. Just when they thought they had all the answers, I CHANGED ALL THE QUESTIONS! Tonight we honor the best heel in the OOWF
<Just then a hand appears using Piper and Jake to pull himself to his feet, it’s Voltage!>
Volt: WOOOO….I am the Rock and Rollingest Gnarly Champion……is the room supposed to be spinning?
<Piper pulls Voltage up and gives him the three stooges fingers to the eyes, he spins around and gets a DDT from Jake Roberts. Jake and Piper turn right back to the camera>
Jake: The nominees for Heel of the Year are: former member of Weapon X…LD Williams, Current member of Drink & Destroy…….Stank and all-around Madman…..Moosehead Jack
Piper: And the winner is………HAHAHAH I LOVE THIS GUY…. STANK!
<Stank looks a little surprised, but urged on by Moose and Spin he makes his way to the podium and shakes hands with Piper and Jake>
Stank: Hot Rod, Jake, I’d like to thank you guys for paving the way, and I have to say that this is certainly an honor, and to be honest, a bit of a surprise. I mean a year ago, who would have thought that I would be winning Heel of the Year and Firechild would be winning Face of the Year. I really have one person to thank for this……Concrete TG <camera pans to Crete who looks stunned> Yeah, that’s right, you Crete. Had you and your hero flunkies found a way to be so self righteously obnoxious, I might never have found the mean streak I needed to come after you so hard. And rest assured, I am going to win the title tomorrow to prove that point.
<Stank walks away from the podium and the camera catches Crete glaring at Stank as he leaves>
GMtR: The OOWF has a long tradition of great tag teams, Drink & Destroy, The Team From Down Under, 3Piece Set, wCw, Dr. Murder and Mikey Styner, The ……wait, Dr. Murder and Mikey Styner? Who the fuck is messing with my notes? Dammit! Anyway, we have had a lot of great teams because we realize that that is an important part of the strength of the fed. We don’t have one guy destroy our tag division, right Vince? You DO understand how retarded that is right? I mean for fuck’s sake one man SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO BEAT YOUR TAG TEAMCHAMPIONSDAMMITTHISSHITPISSESMEOFFTO……
<Erlana whispers something in GM the Rick’s ear>
GMtR: Yeah, like I was saying, here to present the award for tag team of the year, representatives from two of the greatest tag teams in wrestling history, Road Warrior Animal and “Double A” Arn Anderson!
<the entire roster of the OOWF stands and gives both men an ovation for several minutes>
AA: Our business is one of backstabbing and scheming to get ahead. Rarely is one honored by his peers before his time on this earth is up, so I would like to thank you for that round of applause, you have no idea what that meant to me.
Animal: Well said Arn. <pausing for a moment> WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL <HUGE APPLAUSE> I think it is time for us to announce the nominees.
AA: Tag team wrestling is becoming a lost art. It is something that Animal and I both take great pride in being considered among the best in. And it brings me great pride to announce the nominees for Tag Team of the Year………our first nominees just got done with the longest individual reign in OOWF history. They are often compared to the great teams of old like the Midnight Express and the Hart Foundation, our first nominees are LD Williams and Canadian Dragon, Weapon X. Our second nominees have the art of being the cowardly heels down to a tee. They are compared to legendary teams like myself and Tully Blanchard and the Freebirds, our second nominees are Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster……The Chickesnshit Heels. And the winners of the OOWF Tag Team of the Year……<Arn turns to Animal and slaps him on the chest> TELL ‘EM ANIMAL <another HUGE pop>
Animal: The winner of the OOWF Tag Team of the Year is…….The Chickenshit Heels!
<Adrenaline and AA jump to their feet and cast a glance toward Weapon X and smirk, then head to the stage and shake hands with Animal and Anderson>
AA: So, Johnny, I believe this makes us TWO TIME, TWO TIME OOWF Tag Team of the Year Award winners.
JA: I believe it does Alan. I believe that also means that we are, without a doubt, the greatest tag team in the history of professional wrestling. <this draws some boos from the crowd>
AA: I mean lets face the facts, we are multi-time OOWF world tag team champions
JA: As well as the team that retired Weapon X
AA: and Drink & Destroy
JA: And we were the ones that pushed Hawk off the top of the Titantron <Animal looks shocked and more boos come in from the crowd>
AA: And we handed Sid the scissors <now Arn looks shocked>
JA: Hey Alan, weren’t we the ones who blinded Chris Adams
AA: Yeah Johnny that was us too. We were also the last AWA World tag team champions
JA: And the last UWF Champions
AA: And aren’t we the current IWGP tag champs?
JA: Why, yes we are Alan! You know, the only thing left for us to do right?
AA: What’s that Johnny?
JA: The big “tag team implodes and breaks up” angle!
AA: YEAH! You’re right!
JA: So, should we do it right here right now?
AA: Nah, too soon. This could be promo of the year material for next year! We need to plan this!
JA: You’re right! Should one of us go through a plate glass window?
AA: We could do that! Or, Hey! We could have one of us get knocked off the apron from an accidental hit!
JA: Nah, Strike Force did that.
AA: True. What if we….nah we would have to be faces for that….
<Kayfabe comes running onto the stage out of breath and staggers toward Johnny and AA, but Johnny and AA just walk away not even noticing her, lost in their conversation>
GMtR: I should have fired both of them years ago. Anyway, our next award is for Angle of the Year. Now perhaps this is breaking….er….kayfabe a bit, but….can you make stop staring at me? That is really off-putting…….FINE dammit. This award is for story line, is that ok? Good. This award is for story line of the year. Since you are up here you might as well do the honors.
<Kaybfabe walks to the mic and opens her mouth to speak, but instead of her voice, we get an evil sounding Japanese man. Kayfabe plays along (of course) and moves her mouth to the words>
Voice: HAHA! THIS AWARD IS FOR ANGLE OF THE YEAR! THAT IS A STORY LINE THAT HAS BEEN CAREFULLY PLANNED BY THE MAN BOOKING THE CARD! THIS IS USED IN WRESTLING TO GET MEN OVER! <Kayfabe swoons> THE NOMINEES FOR ANGLE OF THE YEAR ARE…..<now we get the taped promo>…… the first nominee is The DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship……the second nominee for Angle of the Year is Drink & Destroy versus The Heroes Guild.
Voice: HA HA! YOU FOOLS! THE WINNER IS……IT IS A TIE! THERE ARE TWO WINNERS!
<Once again Voltage is on his feet, he walks up to the podium first and cringes when Kayfabe moves. Volt gets to the mic>
Volt: Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER!<Volt cringes and waits to be hit, nothing> THAT’S what I’m talkin’ about! WOO! Rock and Roll! I’m the Gnarliest Double Champ EVER!!!
<Voltage is joined on stage by Moosehead Jack, Stank, Spin Hansen, Concrete TG and Firechild, Crete starts toward the mic but Stank steps in front of him>
Stank: Call it an angle, call it a story line, it doesn’t matter, because I know one thing, after Sunday, all you are gonna be able to call it is an asswhippin.
<Stank, Spin and Moose leave>
Crete: This is more than a storyline. This is about good and evil, Stank, you have to be brought back from the dark side
<from the audience we hear Stank yell “KISS MY DARKSIDE” Crete shakes his head and leaves the stage, Firechild stares at Voltage for a moment eyeing his titles, then leaves leaving Voltage on the stage by himself. Voltage suddenly becomes very self aware and runs back to the table to sit with the rest of LOADED>
GMtR: We are getting toward the end of the show now, so the categories are getting arguably more important. As the GM of this fed, I know what drives business the most, and that is a good old fashioned feud built on hatred and violence. Here in the OOWF we are certainly no strangers to violence <loud cheer from the crowd> and hatred seems to be a pretty natural thing around here. A good feud consumes both men, and they think of nothing other than ways to hurt each other. So, here to announce Feud of the Year, Tommy Dreamer and Raven
<Dreamer and Raven come to the podium, each one looks like they just might take a swing at the other>
Tommy: You know, Raven and I feuded for nearly four years. That was four years of blood and gore that probably cost both of us years of our careers.
Raven: Dreamer you must be suffering from dementia. The so-called feud with you did nothing but energize me toward greatness. If I recall correctly, I became one of the most dominant and longest reigning ECW champions in the history of that promotion.
Tommy: Look Raven, lets not get into this here, I kicked your ass, you kicked mine. Though, I was the one left standing in the end
Raven: Only because I LET you. It was a simple choice really, move on to greater things, of continue to beat your ass on a nightly basis
Tommy: Yeah your run in WCW was legendary, I really liked how you…….wait, you really didn’t do anything did you?
Raven: Hey, at least I wasn’t the one reduced to drinking Undertaker’s tobacco juice and eating my own hair. Way to prostrate yourself for Vince’s amusement.
<At this point Tommy and Raven go nose to nose in the intense stare down of mutual dislike. The tension is broken by GM the Rick clearing his throat>
Tommy: Fine, the nominees for Feud of the Year are…..Drink & Destroy versus The Chickensshit Heels and ……….Stank versus Concrete TG
Raven: And the winner of the OOWF Feud of the Year Award is……..Drink & Destroy versus The Chickenshit Heels!
<Stank and Cappington get to their feet and head to the stage, The Chickenshit Heels are nowhere to be seen>
Raven: On behalf of the Chickenshit Heels, I will accept their awards and see that they get them……
<Raven grabs the award and SLAMS it right upside Tommy’s head! Tommy drops to one knee, blood pouring from his head as Raven pounds on his head. But Tommy stops him with a shot to the jewels. Dreamer gets to his feet and grabs the second award and NAILS Raven right between the eyes! The two men brawl across the stage and fall through the curtain in the back>
Stank: Nice
Cappington: You know, I am not sure why we feuded so much with Johnny and AA, they seem like decent enough guys
Stank: Are you serious? Do you remember half the stuff they pulled on us?
Cappington: Ah, it was just good natured fun!
Stank: Look Lock…..
Cappington: It’s Cappington
Stank: LOOK, Cappington, I know you are a heel now and all that, but you cannot honestly think those punkasses are ok!
Cappington: Wait, aren’t you a heel now too?
Stank: Am I?
Cappington: Well, you are fighting The Heroes Guild and they are faces….
Stank: are they?
Cappington: Well, Crete AND Firechild were both nominated for Face of the Year, and you WON Heel of the Year, so, you tell me!
Stank: Look, it doesn’t matter, Johnny and AA are douches! If the fans want to consider me a heel, that’s fine, they have changed, not me
Cappington: Just something to think about, you are teaming with Moosehead Jack
<Stank just shoots Cappington a look and walks off the stage>
Cappington:<turning to the camera> This one starts at $10,000
GMtR: Our next award is for Match of the Year. Here in the OOWF we are very fortunate to have some of the best wrestlers on the planet. In my estimation, this is probably the most difficult award to hand out each year. On every pay per view and every Mayhem, you could probably point to a handful of matches and say that they are match of the year candidates. Tonight, to present Match of the Year are two guys that, for me, epitomize in-ring greatness, The Nature Boy Ric Flair and Bret “The Hitman” Hart.
<as usual a nice ovation from the crowd, the Canadian contingent in OOWF nearly falls over having one of their countrymen here to accept an award>
Flair: <waiting for the cheers to die down> BRET BY GOD HART!!!! WOOOOO! You know Bret, in all my years in this business, the greatest compliment I have ever received, and I know you have received it as well, was that we were so good we could carry a broomstick to a five star match!
Hart: That is one of the greatest compliments a wrestler can get, that means that the fans, and the boys in the back know that even if they are having an off night, you can help them work the match of their lives. I know in my battles with Owen and Austin and Perfect, there was a magic in those matches. They will stand the test of time.
Flair: When I worked with Rickey Steamboat, we both felt like it was poetry in that ring, we could do no wrong, and my matches with him will go down in the annals of wrestling history, and there is little in my career that makes me more proud than that.
Hart: Tonight we are here to honor the OOWF matches that stand out head and shoulders above the rest of them. As a fan of the OOWF myself, I know this is one heck of a daunting task.
Flair: The nominees for OOWF Match of the Year are…..February 25, 2007, End Of Days II pay per view, Drink & Destroy verses the Chickenshit Heels in a non-sanctioned match. Our second nominee for OOWF Match of the Year is….July 27, 2007, Bloodbath in Paradise pay per view, The Chickenshit Heels verses Drink & Destroy versus Capellan and Viper in an Ultimate Punjabi Prison X Triple Scaffold Weapons on a Pole Match…WHOOOOOO!
Hart: And the winner is…….Drink & Destroy versus The Chickenshit Heels in a non-sanctioned match!
<Cappington and Stank get to their feet again (AGAIN!) and head to the stage, The Chickenshit Heels are still nowhere to be seen. Cappington and Stank give thanks to Flair and Hart then turn to the crowd>
Stank: So, are you STILL so sure Johnny and AA are good guys?
<Cappington is about to answer when Tommy Dreamer and Raven stumble back through the curtain, both staggering and bloody messes. Dreamer blocks a punch from raven and slams him in the face with a head but that knocks him into the podium. Dreamer comes up to the podium and grabs the two awards for The Chickenshit Heels and slams them on either side of Raven’s head. Tommy then pulls Raven to the middle of the stage and hauls him up on his shoulders for the DVD, but Raven elbows out of it and slips behind Tommy and spins him around for a DDT, but Tommy pushes Raven and drives him through a plate glass window being held there by the Defenestrators!>
Cappington: huh. How bout that
Stank: Why were the Defenestrators standing there with a big plate glass window
Cappington: Ummmm, no reason?
Stank: Really
Cappington: So, those Chickenshit Heels, yeah they were uh kind of scumbags! They double crossed us and such
Stank: I am not buying this Lock
Cappington: Cappington
Stank: WHATEVER! You were going to Janetty me!
Cappington: Don’t be silly, I can’t throw a super kick. Now really, those Chickenshit Heels, I HATE THEM SO MUCH
<Stank just looks at Cappington>
Cappington: What?
Stank: I’m going to sit down now
<Stank leaves and Cappington shrugs his shoulders and looks at the camera again and points to his award – twenty grand – then heads to his seat with the Defenestrators following him>
GMtR: We are down to our final award, and one that I would argue is the most important among all the awards because this one is voted on by your peers. The Wrestler of the Year is the one man who was the best among an elite group of wrestlers for an entire year. That means this person excelled in all areas, promos, matches, connecting with the fans, everything. Since I am the GM and I can, Erlana and I are going to handle this one. The nominees for Wrestler of the Year are…….OOWF DDT and Iron Man Champion, Voltage……OOWF Intercontinental Champion, Firechild……and former multiple time OOWF World Tag Team champion, Stank
Erlana: And the winner of the OOWF Wrestler of the Year Award is……….STANK!
<Stank looks stunned sitting in his seat for a moment, then after the encouragement of all those sitting around him he gets up and heads to the podium>
Stank:<after taking several minutes and waiting for the applause to die down> Wow. This one, this was a surprise. <Stank takes another minute to collect himself> You know, when I got here in February of 2005, they really weren’t sure what to do with me. I had all the skills and moves to be a solo champion, but no one had ever heard of me, and I had no hook to make the fans care. So instead of saddling me with some stupid gimmick, they paired me with another big man who had signed on a week before me, and Drink & Destroy was born. For the next two years Lock and I were one of the best teams in OOWF history winning the tag titles on three occasions and engaging in memorable feuds with 3Piece Set and The Chickenshit Heels. Earlier this year Lock and I decided to part ways, and the powers that be decided they wanted to try me as a solo guy. I have to thank the Heroes Guild for being so obnoxious that the fans want to see me kick Crete’s sorry ass. Anyway, I want to thank everyone, this really means a lot.
<Stank steps down and is congratulated by most of the OOWF wrestlers as he heads back to the table>
GM the Rick: Ok that pretty well wraps it up, thanks for coming out tonight and we’ll see everyone tomorrow night for OOWF Hell on Earth III!
<As the crowd is mulling through the doors, we hear Voltage yell NOW! The crowd stops and everyone turns toward the stage. Randy Orton walks out on the stage and, reading from a slip of paper, poorly, says “Moosehead Jack listens to Michael Bolton while watching Randy Orton – Hulk Hogan matches.” The crowd gives an audible gasp as Moose snarls and heads for the stage. As he passes one of the tables, Voltage crawls from underneath and grabs a chair and PASTES Moose in the back of the head, Moose staggers, then falls to the floor. Voltage covers and referee Gavin Hale appears and makes the three count! WINNER and NEW IRON MAN CHAMPION – Voltage!
Voltage grabs the title and pushes through the crowd to get the hell out of there before Moose gets back to his feet.>
<fade>
I know I have said this before, but it is worth repeating. When Ecosystem handed me the OOWF in December of 2004 I was thrilled to get a chance to do this. I had a lot of ideas that I thought would be fun, and there were a lot of things that I wanted to try and get across. Everyone has a little bit of fantasy booker in them, and this was my chance to somehow “show” the WWE that things could be done so much better, or something like that. Then I realized how much work it took to do all of this. This is where everyone who has ever helped write a match, or helped with an idea come in. Sincerely guys, I thank you for all your hard work and effort on this. Without all your help, the OOWF would not have lasted through the year. Because of all your contributions and giving me a helping hand we have been able to make through three full years and Moose getting his Masters degree! With Rick recently reopening registration on the boards, I hope we can get some new blood in the OOWF and keep this going so that next year at this time we are eagerly awaiting the 4 year anniversary show. Thanks again to everyone, you guys are the best. – MHJ
Past Winners[/u]
Catchphrase of the Year
2007 - Shut the Fuck Up Johnny – FF Capslock
2006 - Shut the Fuck Up Johnny – FF Capslock
2005 - Trust Me – Moosehead Jack
Gimmick of the Year
2007 – “Cowboy” Johnny Adrenaline
2006 – The New Original Classic New Blackjacks 2000
2005 – Donovan Viper
Finisher of the Year
2007 – (tie)A Really Good Diamond Cutter – Davin Moreland & Intentional Disqualification – The Chickenshit Heels
2006 – Call of the Wild – The Team From Down Under
2005 – The Chomp – GatorBait
Promo of the Year
2007 – Drink & Destroy Genealogy Promo
2006 – OOWF Airplane Ride From Hell
2005 – Donovan Viper’s Promo Before Dance of Death
Breakthrough Star of the Year
2007 – Voltage
2006 – The Halfrican Americans
2005 – (tie) Firechild & Capellan
Face of the Year
2007 – Firechild
2006 – Capellan
2005 – Hardbody Harris
Heel of the Year
2007 – Stank
2006 – The Chickenshit Heels
2005 – Donovan Viper
Tag Team of the Year
2007 – The Chickenshit Heels
2006 – The Chickenshit Heels
2005 – 3Piece Set
Angle of the Year
2007 – (tie) DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship & Drink & Destroy vs. The Heroes Guild
2006 – The Chickenshit Heels vs. Drink & Destroy
2005 – Moosehead Jack vs. Concrete TG
Feud of the Year
2007 – The Chickenshit Heels vs. Drink & Destroy
2006 – The Chickenshit Heels vs. Drink & Destroy
2005 – Moosehead Jack vs. Concrete TG
Match of the Year
2007 - The Chickenshit Heels vs. Drink & Destroy – Unsanctioned Match
2006 – The Chickenshit Heels vs. The Devil’s Brigade vs. wCw – Bamboo Scaffold Match
2005 – Canadian Dragon vs. UnderDawg – Ultimate Hell
Wrestler of the Year
2007 – Stank
2006 – Thim Reynolds
2005 – Donovan Viper
Announcer: Welcome to the third annual OOWF Awards ceremony! We are coming to you LIVE from the Dayton Holiday Inn business sweet! And now, your host, and you GM, GM the Rick!
<The camera pans across the crowd where all the OOWF wrestlers are seated, dressed to the nines, and not looking very comfortable at all. Finally we see Rick at the podium>
GMtR: Ok ok calm down, let’s get this started. You know, when the powers that be asked me to be the GM of this fed two and a half years ago, I never counted on having the job for long. I mean really, what are the odds of something like this working, and even more, being successful? But here we are three years after our very first show, and we are still alive and kicking. <Applause from the crowd.> so, now, without further adieu let’s get on with the awards. Here to present our first award are former WWE world champions, “The Ringmaster” Steve Austin and Flex Kavana!
<both men come on stage, but neither gets an entrance because honestly, can you remember the Ringmaster’s entrance? Neither can I. And Flex Kavana? Yeah, didn’t think so either>
Austin: Rick you dumb son of a bitch, no one remembers me as the Ringmaster, that is something I would like to forget.
Rock: Especially since you lost to Savio Vega as the Ringmaster
Austin: You think you are funny? <pause> You think you are making me laugh?<pause> You think that there is some kind of humor in your words?<pause><looking out over the audience> Aren’t you guys supposed to say WHAT when I pause?
Spin Hansen: <yelling from the crowd> THAT CATCHPHRASE SUCKS!
Rock: THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN! And as the PEOPLE’S CHAMPION, THE ROCK SAYS……
Spin Hansen: <again yelling> THAT CATCHPHRASE SUCKS TOO!
Rock: FINE! Let’s just introduce the nominees for catchphrase of the year
Austin: Our first nominee is Voltage and Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER.
Rock: The second nominee for catchphrase of the year is SHUT THE FUCK UP JOHNNY by F. Fonzworth Cappington III
Austin: You have got to be kidding me! THAT is what passes as a catch phrase? Fine.
Rock: And the winner is…………SHUT THE FUCK UP JOHNNY by F. Fonzworth Cappington IIII
<Cappington and Lance make their way to the stage where Cappington orders Lance to take the award from Austin to avoid touching him>
Rock: That is what wins? SHUT THE FUCK UP JOHNNY wins?
Austin: If you think that is the shittiest catchphrase ever give me a HELL YEAH!
Audience: SHUT THE FUCK UP AUSTIN!
<Austin pouts and leaves the stage, Cappington just stares at Rocky until he leaves as well>
FFCIII: Normally I would not accept an award like this because it is from a time in my life when I was a poor commoner like you people. But, I believe this will have some value to the internet geeks on ebay, so I will take your award. For those of you watching, the bidding starts at five grand.
<Cappington and Lance leave the stage>
GM the Rick: Yeah, great, five grand, good luck there. Anyway, let’s move on. Our next award is for Gimmick of the year. For those of you who don’t know, a gimmick is that one thing that makes a wrestler stand out, makes him recognizable over everyone else. I mean really, if it was always guys in their underwear wrestling each other with no personalities whatsoever, this would be the AWA. <Rick pauses for the rim shot, but gets nothing.> I hate you all. Here to present Gimmick of the Year is current WWE champion John Cena, and poster child for Gimmick driven characters Randy Orton
Cena: Yo homie aren’t we feudin or somethin?
Orton: I started what I finished when I kicked your dads head off his shoulders!
Cena: Yo that wasn’t my pops! That was a plant
Orton: I am the LEGEND KILLER, not the Plant Killer, you are so stupid John Cena
Cena: Word
Orton: Why would they pick us to present us for gimmick of the year? I am a second generation LEGEND KILLER
Cena: And I can’t be beaten under any circumstances despite having no discernable wrestling talent whatsoever!
Orton: And your finisher, that submission move, what is that supposed to be?
Cena: Hey homie at least I can do my finisher right, how many times have you whiffed on the RKO?
Orton: WHY YOU….
GMtR: Hey douchenozzles, get on with it!
Cena: Oh yeah, I feel ya dog!
<UD snarls in the crowd>
Cena: The nominees for Gimmick of the year are: The DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship, and Drink & Destroy versus The Heroes Guild
Orton: And the winner is…….It’s a tie!
<audience applauds as Concrete TG, Firechild, Moosehead Jack, Stank and Spin Hansen make their way to the podium. Moose is wearing his share of the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title, they are shortly joined by Voltage and the DDT and Heavy Metal parts of the belt.>
Volt: Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER.
Spin: Didn’t you beat a dead bird for that title?
CTG: AHEM! The fine citizens of the OOWF want to hear a HERO speak! Someone who extols the virtues of good, and shuns all things that are…..
Stank: For the love of fuck, this again?
Firechild: Don’t interrupt
Stank: Or what?
CTG: Citizen Firechild! There is no reason to resort to violence!
<Moosehead Jack heart punches Voltage>
CTG: WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
MHJ: Why not?
Stank: Look, Ricky wants us to comment on the gimmick, I think it is clear that Drink & Destroy’s gimmick is beating the Heroes asses all over the ring.
Firechild: Who holds the gold?
Spin: Who has had the referee in their pockets the whole time?
CTG: YOU HAVE NO PROOF OF THAT
<MHJ remains in the background grinning at the potential chaos unfolding in front of him>
Stank: PROOF? How much more proof do you need? How many times has Glaw saved your asses from us?
GMtR: ENOUGH, save it for the show tomorrow, now get off the stage so we can continue with this show.
<The tension remains in the air as the Heroes and Drink & Destroy leave the stage and head back to their tables, no one bothers to move Voltage>
GMtR: Continuing on, next we have the award for finisher of the year. It’s something you have to have, so, uh, I guess we should give an award for that or something. Here to present the award for Finisher of the Year are two of the best in the business, oh you have GOT to be kidding! Hulk Hogan and Carlito
<a smattering of applause>
HH: WELL YOU KNOW SOMETHING BROTHER a finishing move has to be your signature, something you are identified with, and something that has to make people FEAR YOU!!!
Carlito: Wait a minute; let me make sure Carlito understands this. You are saying that people feared your finisher?
Hogan: YEAH BROTHER!
Carlito: Isn’t your finisher a leg drop or something?
Hogan: It’s the BIG LEG BROTHER!
Carlito: Das, das not cool. How is a leg drop going to hurt anyone?
Hogan: I’ll SHOW you!
<Hogan runs across the stage and bounds off some imaginary ropes and drops a leg across Voltage’s chest, Voltage does not move>
Hogan: SEE BROTHER the POWER of the Big Leg put him OUT!
Carlito: Wasn’t he already out cold?
Hogan: Are you calling me a liar?
Carlito: No, man, that guy over there is
Hogan: WHERE?
<When Hogan turns around Carlito gives him the BACKSTABBER! Hogan goes into convulsions and falls off the stage, but no one cares really>
Carlito: Now theses awards can be cool again. Ok the nominees for Best Finisher are: A Really Good Diamond Cutter by Davin Moreland, The Intentional Disqualification by The Chickenshit Heels, the Stab by Knife, the Canadian Destroyer by Canadian Dragon, the Jiendo by Moosehead Jack and finally the To Be Edited In Later by Hardbody Harris
And the winner is………das not cool; we have a tie…..A Really Good Diamond Cutter and the Intentional Disqualification!!!!!
<The camera cuts to the crowd and we see Davin Moreland smile and get to his feet, The Chickenshit Heels get giddy like a couple of school girls and hop up and high five each other then head to the stage, which has mysteriously changed to the set of Carlito’s Cabana>
Carlito: Ladies and Gentlemen my first guests are the current OOWF world Tag team champions, Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster….The Chickenshit Heels!!!!!
<Davin Moreland stands there and looks at Carlito>
Carlito: Oh, and this guy too, Darren Morehead or something. But I want to talk to The Chickenshit Heels, how did you guys come up with such a….cool…finishing move?
JA: Well Carlito, as most people know, Double A and I are students of the game. Each week we spend thousands of hours watching old tapes and studying the art of tag team wrestling
Carlito: This is why you two are the best!
AA: You got that right! We examined literally tens of thousands of finishers and tried them all out, the Doomsday Device, the Double Dropkick, the Hart Attack, the Spike Pile driver, you name it, we tried it
JA: But we found out that the most devastating move in all of wrestling was simply getting yourself disqualified!
AA: Think about it! We keep our titles, we don’t have to get beat up, and we get paid championship money! There is NO downside!
Carlito: You guys are geniuses! And geniuses, geniuses are cool!
Davin: HEY! What about me?
Carlito: What about you? Devon Mainland, your move is, what, a Pretty Decent Diamond Necklace or something, thas, thas not cool. Oh, and don’t ever interrupt Carlito again.
DM: Or?
<Carlito takes a bite of his apple and starts chewing it up, but unlike HHH Moreland knows what’s coming so he grabs Carlito and hits the REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER on the stage>
DM: Just like everyone else, DAVIN MORELAND AIN’T YOUR BITCH ANYMORE!
<Moreland whips out the Iced coffee and the cheesy grin, then everyone heads back to their seats.>
GMtR: Fine, glad that is over. While someone cleans up that mess and sends those two back to Connecticut, I guess I should mention something about the next award. In the OOWF, probably more than any other fed, your career is driven by promos. There have been dozens of guys who have joined the OOWF, but lacked the skills to cut a good promo. For the most part, those men washed out and headed to other feds where mic skills were not very important. It is with a great deal of pride, yeah I said it, shut up, all of you! Anyway, I can honestly say we have some of the best promo people in all of wrestling, so here to introduce Promo of the Year is Lance Storm and the Great Khali? Ok who the hell is writing this shit?
Lance Storm: If I can be serious for a minute, cutting a good promo is something I learned from the great Stu Hart while training in the dungeon in Calgary……Alberta……Canada. It is something that takes a great deal of skill and determination to master, wouldn’t you agree Khali?
Khali: BLARGHEANDAHAHAFEGHRAAAAAPR
Storm: Exactly. Now, if you will allow me a moment, I am going to run through the 23 basic steps of cutting a good, solid promo. Ok step one……
<Glass shatters and Steve Austin comes back to the stage, nearly tripping over Voltage, so he picks him up and gives him a stunner>
Austin: For the love of GOD you damn near put me to sleep in the back! You have to be the most boring sumbitch who has ever put on a pair of boots! You bore me son <pauses> you’re boring <pause> You put me to sleep <pause>……ok what the hell is wrong with you people? POP
<Storm pops Austin right in the mouth with a super kick>
Storm: I should have done that years ago, Khali, do you mind?
Khali: BGRRRRRAHAHAHAMAAANGHND
<Khali grabs Austin’s head in a PUNJABI HEAD VICE blood pours out of Austin’s eyes and nose as Khali drags him off the stage>
Storm: Ok, they are telling me to continue, so we can keep this production moving along on time. The nominees for Promo of the Year are….Drink & Destroy’s Old West Promo, The Chickenshit Heels meet Bill Apter, F. Fonzworth Cappington III creates LOADED, the Never-ending Promo, the Defenestrators and Brick and finally, Firechild inducted into The Heroes Guild.
And the winner is……….Drink & Destroy’s Old West Promo!
<Cappington and Stank both get up and eye each other warily, then head to the stage>
Stank: Well, uh, this is a bit awkward now isn’t it?
F. Fonzworth Cappington III: No, why should it be?
Stank: Well, when we did that promo, we were partners
FFCIII: Yeah……..and?
Stank: Now you are some rich guy. Ok seriously, how did you get all this money
FFCIII: The slave trade
<Stank stares wide eyed with disbelief at Cappington for a moment>
FFCIII: Just kidding, calm down boy, you twitch too much
Stank: No, I just couldn’t believe, wait, did you just call me boy?
FFCIII: No. Wait, did I?
Stank: I am pretty fucking sure you did
FFCIII: Well, we won’t know until after Moose posts this on Saturday night, right?
<Kayfabe comes running across the stage with a knife, but trips over Voltage’s body>
Stank: I SWEAR you called me boy!
FFCIII: Well, if I did, I was just being in character, remember I OWNED you.
Stank: No, your family owned MY family
FFCIII: semantics my good man! Just enjoy the award.
Stank: Oh you actually going to keep this one?
FFCIIIL Stank, I am SHOCKED! Of course I am keeping this one!
<Stank starts to leave the stage when FFCIII turns to the camera>
FFCIII: The bidding on this one starts at eight grand
GMtR: Yeah, that wasn’t uncomfortable or anything. Ok, our next award is break through star of the year. This is often the spring board that sends OOWF superstars to the next level, or something like that. Past winners have included Firechild and Capellan, both of whom have gone on to win titles and The Halfrican Americans. Ok, so it doesn’t ALWAYS work out so well. Anyway here to hand out the Breakthrough Star of the Year award is Buff Bagwell and Billy Gunn. Smell the irony THERE
<Billy Gunn walks out on stage with Buff Bagwell and for some reason Hardbody Harris passes out>
BG: This award goes to the man that is most likely to make it big in wrestling and have the most successful career.
Buff: It is all about having the look, that look that will get you over with the crowd.
BG: It also helps to have a kick ass catch phrase! Like I did when I was in DX
Buff: Or when I was in the nWo!
BG: It really doesn’t matter how good you are, as long as you are in a high profile group!
Buff: Or banging the booker!
BG: That explains the American Males
Buff: And Chuck and Billy!
Both: YEAH! HIGH FIVE!
<Kayfabe comes through the curtain with a barbed wire bat and runs toward Buff and Billy but Voltage struggles to his feet in front of her and she slams into Voltage, Voltage lurches forward and bumps into both Gunn and Buff, Kayfabe falls to the floor>
Buff: HEY MAN! Keep your hands off the merchandise!
Billy: Yeah, you got a problem or something? You don’t want none of this!
Volt: Well, really I was just….
Buff: Oh that’s IT! <Buff hits the Buff blockbuster on Voltage, but Volt really no sells it. As Buff gets to his feet, Kayfabe is back up and nails him with the barbed wire bat>
Billy: IF YOU AIN’T DOWN WITH THAT….<Billy kicks Volt and hits the Rocker Dropper, but Volt also no sells that and gets to his feet, once again Kayfabe attacks with the barbed wire bat, beating Billy senseless. Kayfabe hammers away until they are both bloody messes, then walks back behind the curtain. Voltage gets to his feet and looks behind him and sees both Buff and Billy horrible bloody messes>
Volt: Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER! What? Read the what? Oh, the nominees for Breakout Star of the Year. Ok the nominees are…..Knife, Davin Moreland, and………ME! The winner is……….ME!! I WIN!! WOO! ROCK AND ROLL!!! I AM THE GNARLIEST DOUBLE CHAMP EVER!!!! <wham!> an award flies through the air and nails Voltage in the head, he falls to the floor, evidently out cold, the camera pans to the audience and we see Moosehead Jack laughing and pointing to the stage, his award suspiciously missing.
GmtR: A Wise man once said without evil, there can be no good. Without dark, there can be no light. Without hate, there can be no love. Without Satan, there may be no Christ. If one is missing, what does the other mean? What? Hey screw all of you, I went to college! Anyway, the same holds in wrestling, with no faces there can be no heels. People need a hero to cheer for, so to present the award for Face of the Year, Ricky “the Dragon” Steamboat and The American Dream Dusty Rhodes!
<the crowd gives the Dream and the Dragon a nice round of applause>
Dusty: It’s good to be here with the Dragon if you weeeeeeeeel. In all my years in this business I have never seen this man break the rules, he was a bastion of doing things the right way
Steamboat: Thank you Dream. I was brought up to respect people and do things the right way.
Dusty: And that wasn’t easy, not when you were dealing with people like Ric Flair <WOOOOOOOOOO from the audience> and the Four Horsemen, and the big bad Road Warriors, and those evil Koloffs
Steamboat: It is hard, but a good face can turn all that cheating around and use it to his advantage, that’s how I beat Randy Savage for the intercontinental title at Wrestlemania III.
Dusty: Without further delay, it is my privilege to announce the nominees for Face of the Year. Our first nominee, once a member of wCw and currently teaming with Donovan Viper…..Capellan. Our second nominee is the founding member of The Heroes Guild…..Concrete TG. Our final nominee, and the other member of The Heroes Guild…..Firechild.
Steamboat: And the winner is………Firechild!
<Firechild looks stunned and makes his way to the podium>
FC:<taking a minute to compose himself> Wow. Really I am not sure what to say here. Considering where I came from as a member of 3Piece Set, I certainly never thought I would see this day. I gotta thank Crete for believing in me and offering me a spot in the Guild. And I also want to say that this <holding the intercontinental title up> validates all the effort, all the sweat, all the tears and all the blood I have shed over this last year to change people’s opinion of me.
<Firechild walks from the podium and gets a nice round of applause from the faces>
GMtR: Ok, I said it before, without Heels there can be no Faces. So next we are going to honor the other side of the equation and present the award for Heel of the Year. Here to present the award is a surprisingly sober Jake the Snake Roberts and “Hot Rod” Rowdy Roddy Piper!
<Piper and Snake come out and get a huge ovation from the heels. Is Moose weeping?>
Piper: HAHAHAHAHAA Jake THE SNAKE Roberts!
Jake: Hot Rod, good to be here with you tonight
Piper: Jake we have traveled down the road together, spent many nights tearing the house down, love us or hate us, you NEVER forgot us!
Jake: what people don’t realize is that it is easy to be a pandering twit face. But it takes something special to make thousands and thousands of people hate you. And not just hate you, despise you. Want you to bleed, and suffer. When you can do that, you are something special.
Piper: You know I have seen it all, I have done it all, I have been cheered by the people, and I have been booed with the best of them. Just when they thought they had all the answers, I CHANGED ALL THE QUESTIONS! Tonight we honor the best heel in the OOWF
<Just then a hand appears using Piper and Jake to pull himself to his feet, it’s Voltage!>
Volt: WOOOO….I am the Rock and Rollingest Gnarly Champion……is the room supposed to be spinning?
<Piper pulls Voltage up and gives him the three stooges fingers to the eyes, he spins around and gets a DDT from Jake Roberts. Jake and Piper turn right back to the camera>
Jake: The nominees for Heel of the Year are: former member of Weapon X…LD Williams, Current member of Drink & Destroy…….Stank and all-around Madman…..Moosehead Jack
Piper: And the winner is………HAHAHAH I LOVE THIS GUY…. STANK!
<Stank looks a little surprised, but urged on by Moose and Spin he makes his way to the podium and shakes hands with Piper and Jake>
Stank: Hot Rod, Jake, I’d like to thank you guys for paving the way, and I have to say that this is certainly an honor, and to be honest, a bit of a surprise. I mean a year ago, who would have thought that I would be winning Heel of the Year and Firechild would be winning Face of the Year. I really have one person to thank for this……Concrete TG <camera pans to Crete who looks stunned> Yeah, that’s right, you Crete. Had you and your hero flunkies found a way to be so self righteously obnoxious, I might never have found the mean streak I needed to come after you so hard. And rest assured, I am going to win the title tomorrow to prove that point.
<Stank walks away from the podium and the camera catches Crete glaring at Stank as he leaves>
GMtR: The OOWF has a long tradition of great tag teams, Drink & Destroy, The Team From Down Under, 3Piece Set, wCw, Dr. Murder and Mikey Styner, The ……wait, Dr. Murder and Mikey Styner? Who the fuck is messing with my notes? Dammit! Anyway, we have had a lot of great teams because we realize that that is an important part of the strength of the fed. We don’t have one guy destroy our tag division, right Vince? You DO understand how retarded that is right? I mean for fuck’s sake one man SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO BEAT YOUR TAG TEAMCHAMPIONSDAMMITTHISSHITPISSESMEOFFTO……
<Erlana whispers something in GM the Rick’s ear>
GMtR: Yeah, like I was saying, here to present the award for tag team of the year, representatives from two of the greatest tag teams in wrestling history, Road Warrior Animal and “Double A” Arn Anderson!
<the entire roster of the OOWF stands and gives both men an ovation for several minutes>
AA: Our business is one of backstabbing and scheming to get ahead. Rarely is one honored by his peers before his time on this earth is up, so I would like to thank you for that round of applause, you have no idea what that meant to me.
Animal: Well said Arn. <pausing for a moment> WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL <HUGE APPLAUSE> I think it is time for us to announce the nominees.
AA: Tag team wrestling is becoming a lost art. It is something that Animal and I both take great pride in being considered among the best in. And it brings me great pride to announce the nominees for Tag Team of the Year………our first nominees just got done with the longest individual reign in OOWF history. They are often compared to the great teams of old like the Midnight Express and the Hart Foundation, our first nominees are LD Williams and Canadian Dragon, Weapon X. Our second nominees have the art of being the cowardly heels down to a tee. They are compared to legendary teams like myself and Tully Blanchard and the Freebirds, our second nominees are Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster……The Chickesnshit Heels. And the winners of the OOWF Tag Team of the Year……<Arn turns to Animal and slaps him on the chest> TELL ‘EM ANIMAL <another HUGE pop>
Animal: The winner of the OOWF Tag Team of the Year is…….The Chickenshit Heels!
<Adrenaline and AA jump to their feet and cast a glance toward Weapon X and smirk, then head to the stage and shake hands with Animal and Anderson>
AA: So, Johnny, I believe this makes us TWO TIME, TWO TIME OOWF Tag Team of the Year Award winners.
JA: I believe it does Alan. I believe that also means that we are, without a doubt, the greatest tag team in the history of professional wrestling. <this draws some boos from the crowd>
AA: I mean lets face the facts, we are multi-time OOWF world tag team champions
JA: As well as the team that retired Weapon X
AA: and Drink & Destroy
JA: And we were the ones that pushed Hawk off the top of the Titantron <Animal looks shocked and more boos come in from the crowd>
AA: And we handed Sid the scissors <now Arn looks shocked>
JA: Hey Alan, weren’t we the ones who blinded Chris Adams
AA: Yeah Johnny that was us too. We were also the last AWA World tag team champions
JA: And the last UWF Champions
AA: And aren’t we the current IWGP tag champs?
JA: Why, yes we are Alan! You know, the only thing left for us to do right?
AA: What’s that Johnny?
JA: The big “tag team implodes and breaks up” angle!
AA: YEAH! You’re right!
JA: So, should we do it right here right now?
AA: Nah, too soon. This could be promo of the year material for next year! We need to plan this!
JA: You’re right! Should one of us go through a plate glass window?
AA: We could do that! Or, Hey! We could have one of us get knocked off the apron from an accidental hit!
JA: Nah, Strike Force did that.
AA: True. What if we….nah we would have to be faces for that….
<Kayfabe comes running onto the stage out of breath and staggers toward Johnny and AA, but Johnny and AA just walk away not even noticing her, lost in their conversation>
GMtR: I should have fired both of them years ago. Anyway, our next award is for Angle of the Year. Now perhaps this is breaking….er….kayfabe a bit, but….can you make stop staring at me? That is really off-putting…….FINE dammit. This award is for story line, is that ok? Good. This award is for story line of the year. Since you are up here you might as well do the honors.
<Kaybfabe walks to the mic and opens her mouth to speak, but instead of her voice, we get an evil sounding Japanese man. Kayfabe plays along (of course) and moves her mouth to the words>
Voice: HAHA! THIS AWARD IS FOR ANGLE OF THE YEAR! THAT IS A STORY LINE THAT HAS BEEN CAREFULLY PLANNED BY THE MAN BOOKING THE CARD! THIS IS USED IN WRESTLING TO GET MEN OVER! <Kayfabe swoons> THE NOMINEES FOR ANGLE OF THE YEAR ARE…..<now we get the taped promo>…… the first nominee is The DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship……the second nominee for Angle of the Year is Drink & Destroy versus The Heroes Guild.
Voice: HA HA! YOU FOOLS! THE WINNER IS……IT IS A TIE! THERE ARE TWO WINNERS!
<Once again Voltage is on his feet, he walks up to the podium first and cringes when Kayfabe moves. Volt gets to the mic>
Volt: Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ EVER!<Volt cringes and waits to be hit, nothing> THAT’S what I’m talkin’ about! WOO! Rock and Roll! I’m the Gnarliest Double Champ EVER!!!
<Voltage is joined on stage by Moosehead Jack, Stank, Spin Hansen, Concrete TG and Firechild, Crete starts toward the mic but Stank steps in front of him>
Stank: Call it an angle, call it a story line, it doesn’t matter, because I know one thing, after Sunday, all you are gonna be able to call it is an asswhippin.
<Stank, Spin and Moose leave>
Crete: This is more than a storyline. This is about good and evil, Stank, you have to be brought back from the dark side
<from the audience we hear Stank yell “KISS MY DARKSIDE” Crete shakes his head and leaves the stage, Firechild stares at Voltage for a moment eyeing his titles, then leaves leaving Voltage on the stage by himself. Voltage suddenly becomes very self aware and runs back to the table to sit with the rest of LOADED>
GMtR: We are getting toward the end of the show now, so the categories are getting arguably more important. As the GM of this fed, I know what drives business the most, and that is a good old fashioned feud built on hatred and violence. Here in the OOWF we are certainly no strangers to violence <loud cheer from the crowd> and hatred seems to be a pretty natural thing around here. A good feud consumes both men, and they think of nothing other than ways to hurt each other. So, here to announce Feud of the Year, Tommy Dreamer and Raven
<Dreamer and Raven come to the podium, each one looks like they just might take a swing at the other>
Tommy: You know, Raven and I feuded for nearly four years. That was four years of blood and gore that probably cost both of us years of our careers.
Raven: Dreamer you must be suffering from dementia. The so-called feud with you did nothing but energize me toward greatness. If I recall correctly, I became one of the most dominant and longest reigning ECW champions in the history of that promotion.
Tommy: Look Raven, lets not get into this here, I kicked your ass, you kicked mine. Though, I was the one left standing in the end
Raven: Only because I LET you. It was a simple choice really, move on to greater things, of continue to beat your ass on a nightly basis
Tommy: Yeah your run in WCW was legendary, I really liked how you…….wait, you really didn’t do anything did you?
Raven: Hey, at least I wasn’t the one reduced to drinking Undertaker’s tobacco juice and eating my own hair. Way to prostrate yourself for Vince’s amusement.
<At this point Tommy and Raven go nose to nose in the intense stare down of mutual dislike. The tension is broken by GM the Rick clearing his throat>
Tommy: Fine, the nominees for Feud of the Year are…..Drink & Destroy versus The Chickensshit Heels and ……….Stank versus Concrete TG
Raven: And the winner of the OOWF Feud of the Year Award is……..Drink & Destroy versus The Chickenshit Heels!
<Stank and Cappington get to their feet and head to the stage, The Chickenshit Heels are nowhere to be seen>
Raven: On behalf of the Chickenshit Heels, I will accept their awards and see that they get them……
<Raven grabs the award and SLAMS it right upside Tommy’s head! Tommy drops to one knee, blood pouring from his head as Raven pounds on his head. But Tommy stops him with a shot to the jewels. Dreamer gets to his feet and grabs the second award and NAILS Raven right between the eyes! The two men brawl across the stage and fall through the curtain in the back>
Stank: Nice
Cappington: You know, I am not sure why we feuded so much with Johnny and AA, they seem like decent enough guys
Stank: Are you serious? Do you remember half the stuff they pulled on us?
Cappington: Ah, it was just good natured fun!
Stank: Look Lock…..
Cappington: It’s Cappington
Stank: LOOK, Cappington, I know you are a heel now and all that, but you cannot honestly think those punkasses are ok!
Cappington: Wait, aren’t you a heel now too?
Stank: Am I?
Cappington: Well, you are fighting The Heroes Guild and they are faces….
Stank: are they?
Cappington: Well, Crete AND Firechild were both nominated for Face of the Year, and you WON Heel of the Year, so, you tell me!
Stank: Look, it doesn’t matter, Johnny and AA are douches! If the fans want to consider me a heel, that’s fine, they have changed, not me
Cappington: Just something to think about, you are teaming with Moosehead Jack
<Stank just shoots Cappington a look and walks off the stage>
Cappington:<turning to the camera> This one starts at $10,000
GMtR: Our next award is for Match of the Year. Here in the OOWF we are very fortunate to have some of the best wrestlers on the planet. In my estimation, this is probably the most difficult award to hand out each year. On every pay per view and every Mayhem, you could probably point to a handful of matches and say that they are match of the year candidates. Tonight, to present Match of the Year are two guys that, for me, epitomize in-ring greatness, The Nature Boy Ric Flair and Bret “The Hitman” Hart.
<as usual a nice ovation from the crowd, the Canadian contingent in OOWF nearly falls over having one of their countrymen here to accept an award>
Flair: <waiting for the cheers to die down> BRET BY GOD HART!!!! WOOOOO! You know Bret, in all my years in this business, the greatest compliment I have ever received, and I know you have received it as well, was that we were so good we could carry a broomstick to a five star match!
Hart: That is one of the greatest compliments a wrestler can get, that means that the fans, and the boys in the back know that even if they are having an off night, you can help them work the match of their lives. I know in my battles with Owen and Austin and Perfect, there was a magic in those matches. They will stand the test of time.
Flair: When I worked with Rickey Steamboat, we both felt like it was poetry in that ring, we could do no wrong, and my matches with him will go down in the annals of wrestling history, and there is little in my career that makes me more proud than that.
Hart: Tonight we are here to honor the OOWF matches that stand out head and shoulders above the rest of them. As a fan of the OOWF myself, I know this is one heck of a daunting task.
Flair: The nominees for OOWF Match of the Year are…..February 25, 2007, End Of Days II pay per view, Drink & Destroy verses the Chickenshit Heels in a non-sanctioned match. Our second nominee for OOWF Match of the Year is….July 27, 2007, Bloodbath in Paradise pay per view, The Chickenshit Heels verses Drink & Destroy versus Capellan and Viper in an Ultimate Punjabi Prison X Triple Scaffold Weapons on a Pole Match…WHOOOOOO!
Hart: And the winner is…….Drink & Destroy versus The Chickenshit Heels in a non-sanctioned match!
<Cappington and Stank get to their feet again (AGAIN!) and head to the stage, The Chickenshit Heels are still nowhere to be seen. Cappington and Stank give thanks to Flair and Hart then turn to the crowd>
Stank: So, are you STILL so sure Johnny and AA are good guys?
<Cappington is about to answer when Tommy Dreamer and Raven stumble back through the curtain, both staggering and bloody messes. Dreamer blocks a punch from raven and slams him in the face with a head but that knocks him into the podium. Dreamer comes up to the podium and grabs the two awards for The Chickenshit Heels and slams them on either side of Raven’s head. Tommy then pulls Raven to the middle of the stage and hauls him up on his shoulders for the DVD, but Raven elbows out of it and slips behind Tommy and spins him around for a DDT, but Tommy pushes Raven and drives him through a plate glass window being held there by the Defenestrators!>
Cappington: huh. How bout that
Stank: Why were the Defenestrators standing there with a big plate glass window
Cappington: Ummmm, no reason?
Stank: Really
Cappington: So, those Chickenshit Heels, yeah they were uh kind of scumbags! They double crossed us and such
Stank: I am not buying this Lock
Cappington: Cappington
Stank: WHATEVER! You were going to Janetty me!
Cappington: Don’t be silly, I can’t throw a super kick. Now really, those Chickenshit Heels, I HATE THEM SO MUCH
<Stank just looks at Cappington>
Cappington: What?
Stank: I’m going to sit down now
<Stank leaves and Cappington shrugs his shoulders and looks at the camera again and points to his award – twenty grand – then heads to his seat with the Defenestrators following him>
GMtR: We are down to our final award, and one that I would argue is the most important among all the awards because this one is voted on by your peers. The Wrestler of the Year is the one man who was the best among an elite group of wrestlers for an entire year. That means this person excelled in all areas, promos, matches, connecting with the fans, everything. Since I am the GM and I can, Erlana and I are going to handle this one. The nominees for Wrestler of the Year are…….OOWF DDT and Iron Man Champion, Voltage……OOWF Intercontinental Champion, Firechild……and former multiple time OOWF World Tag Team champion, Stank
Erlana: And the winner of the OOWF Wrestler of the Year Award is……….STANK!
<Stank looks stunned sitting in his seat for a moment, then after the encouragement of all those sitting around him he gets up and heads to the podium>
Stank:<after taking several minutes and waiting for the applause to die down> Wow. This one, this was a surprise. <Stank takes another minute to collect himself> You know, when I got here in February of 2005, they really weren’t sure what to do with me. I had all the skills and moves to be a solo champion, but no one had ever heard of me, and I had no hook to make the fans care. So instead of saddling me with some stupid gimmick, they paired me with another big man who had signed on a week before me, and Drink & Destroy was born. For the next two years Lock and I were one of the best teams in OOWF history winning the tag titles on three occasions and engaging in memorable feuds with 3Piece Set and The Chickenshit Heels. Earlier this year Lock and I decided to part ways, and the powers that be decided they wanted to try me as a solo guy. I have to thank the Heroes Guild for being so obnoxious that the fans want to see me kick Crete’s sorry ass. Anyway, I want to thank everyone, this really means a lot.
<Stank steps down and is congratulated by most of the OOWF wrestlers as he heads back to the table>
GM the Rick: Ok that pretty well wraps it up, thanks for coming out tonight and we’ll see everyone tomorrow night for OOWF Hell on Earth III!
<As the crowd is mulling through the doors, we hear Voltage yell NOW! The crowd stops and everyone turns toward the stage. Randy Orton walks out on the stage and, reading from a slip of paper, poorly, says “Moosehead Jack listens to Michael Bolton while watching Randy Orton – Hulk Hogan matches.” The crowd gives an audible gasp as Moose snarls and heads for the stage. As he passes one of the tables, Voltage crawls from underneath and grabs a chair and PASTES Moose in the back of the head, Moose staggers, then falls to the floor. Voltage covers and referee Gavin Hale appears and makes the three count! WINNER and NEW IRON MAN CHAMPION – Voltage!
Voltage grabs the title and pushes through the crowd to get the hell out of there before Moose gets back to his feet.>
<fade>
I know I have said this before, but it is worth repeating. When Ecosystem handed me the OOWF in December of 2004 I was thrilled to get a chance to do this. I had a lot of ideas that I thought would be fun, and there were a lot of things that I wanted to try and get across. Everyone has a little bit of fantasy booker in them, and this was my chance to somehow “show” the WWE that things could be done so much better, or something like that. Then I realized how much work it took to do all of this. This is where everyone who has ever helped write a match, or helped with an idea come in. Sincerely guys, I thank you for all your hard work and effort on this. Without all your help, the OOWF would not have lasted through the year. Because of all your contributions and giving me a helping hand we have been able to make through three full years and Moose getting his Masters degree! With Rick recently reopening registration on the boards, I hope we can get some new blood in the OOWF and keep this going so that next year at this time we are eagerly awaiting the 4 year anniversary show. Thanks again to everyone, you guys are the best. – MHJ
Past Winners[/u]
Catchphrase of the Year
2007 - Shut the Fuck Up Johnny – FF Capslock
2006 - Shut the Fuck Up Johnny – FF Capslock
2005 - Trust Me – Moosehead Jack
Gimmick of the Year
2007 – “Cowboy” Johnny Adrenaline
2006 – The New Original Classic New Blackjacks 2000
2005 – Donovan Viper
Finisher of the Year
2007 – (tie)A Really Good Diamond Cutter – Davin Moreland & Intentional Disqualification – The Chickenshit Heels
2006 – Call of the Wild – The Team From Down Under
2005 – The Chomp – GatorBait
Promo of the Year
2007 – Drink & Destroy Genealogy Promo
2006 – OOWF Airplane Ride From Hell
2005 – Donovan Viper’s Promo Before Dance of Death
Breakthrough Star of the Year
2007 – Voltage
2006 – The Halfrican Americans
2005 – (tie) Firechild & Capellan
Face of the Year
2007 – Firechild
2006 – Capellan
2005 – Hardbody Harris
Heel of the Year
2007 – Stank
2006 – The Chickenshit Heels
2005 – Donovan Viper
Tag Team of the Year
2007 – The Chickenshit Heels
2006 – The Chickenshit Heels
2005 – 3Piece Set
Angle of the Year
2007 – (tie) DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship & Drink & Destroy vs. The Heroes Guild
2006 – The Chickenshit Heels vs. Drink & Destroy
2005 – Moosehead Jack vs. Concrete TG
Feud of the Year
2007 – The Chickenshit Heels vs. Drink & Destroy
2006 – The Chickenshit Heels vs. Drink & Destroy
2005 – Moosehead Jack vs. Concrete TG
Match of the Year
2007 - The Chickenshit Heels vs. Drink & Destroy – Unsanctioned Match
2006 – The Chickenshit Heels vs. The Devil’s Brigade vs. wCw – Bamboo Scaffold Match
2005 – Canadian Dragon vs. UnderDawg – Ultimate Hell
Wrestler of the Year
2007 – Stank
2006 – Thim Reynolds
2005 – Donovan Viper