OOWF Hell On Earth III PPV/3 Year Anniversary Show

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mooseheadjack
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OOWF Hell On Earth III PPV/3 Year Anniversary Show Jul 26, 2008 19:08:22 GMT -5

Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 19:08:22 GMT -5

OOWF Hell On Earth III/3 Year Anniversary Show
Live! From Dayton, Ohio

Gauntlet Match for the OOWF World Heavyweight Title[/u]
Concrete TG vs. Stank, Moosehead Jack & Spin Hansen

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
Firechild vs. Outback Jack

OOWF World Tag Team Title Fatal Four Way[/u]
The Chickenshit Heels vs. Capellan & Viper vs. Phantos & Lucios vs. Los Defenestrators

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Knife vs. Davin Moreland

Hell In The Cell Match[/u]
UnderDawg vs. LD Williams

Ladder Match[/u]
Canadian Dragon vs. JW Westgaard

Six Man Crystal Cage Defenestrator Lava Pit Match[/u]
F. Fonzworth Cappington III & Defenestrators vs. Hardbody Harris, Chris Alt & Mystery Partner

Legends Tag Team Tournament and Battle Royal

Card not really subject to a whole lot of change, at least I hope not since it is pretty much written already

[My5:]

mooseheadjack
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Posts: 12,098

OOWF Hell On Earth III PPV/3 Year Anniversary Show Jul 26, 2008 19:08:47 GMT -5

Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 19:08:47 GMT -5

<We cut to GM the Rick's office where you can clearly see he is on the phone, obviously we only get half the conversation>

You want WHAT?........Is that even legal?........Yeah........uh huh..........only in Ohio, why doesn't that surprise me. There is no way they are all going to go for it..........they have......He is? I thought he was...........Oh. That's not how we do business around here! I should suspend him...........What? You're shitting me! Hell no I didn't know! That'll pop the hell out of the crowd!............yeah..........just in Japan I guess............right............so we are not legally responsible for any of this............ok fine. Where the hell would you get that from.........really? A Wrestling surplus store? Where the hell is THAT at..........uh huh..........up in Canada?......But how..............started by some Indian guy huh..........yeah I think I am familiar with him, he got a nice settlement from us, remind me to fine those two again............ok fine, I will add it to the line up..............yeah, sure, big ratings, whatever...........Bye.

Ok, from here on out, promos and such can be posted in here

[My5:]

mooseheadjack
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Posts: 12,098

OOWF Hell On Earth III PPV/3 Year Anniversary Show Jul 26, 2008 19:09:12 GMT -5

Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 19:09:12 GMT -5

(Spin Hansen is in the hallway, talking to one of the many Sexy Female Journalists. Spin is wearing a silver and blue lucha mask, sort of like this... www.highspots.com/product.asp?id=2660&category=49)

SFJ: Spin, I have to ask you... what's with the mask?

SH: This is the second time that I've had my nose broken this year. I'm not getting anything that can be painted on, and I'm definitely not borrowing another one second-hand. From here on out, if I've got a broken nose... I'm wearing the mask.

(LD Williams walks by. Spin and LD nod to each other again, saying nothing.)

SFJ: Where's the bile? Where are your threats to beat Williams until he's a quivering pulp?

SH: Williams and I don't have any kind of major quarrel. We beat ten kinds of hell out of each other last week, He's hurting too, I'm sure of it. But a draw's a draw, and we had a good match. My sights are focused on one thing right now, though... either winning the championship tonight, or at least doing enough damage that it makes the road a bit easier for one of my partners.

SFJ: So, anyway, where'd you get the mask?

SH: Phantos and Lucios gave me the address of a great wrestling surplus store in Canada that overnighted me something.

(Spin's phone rings.)

SH: Hey, man. You ready for tonight? Yes, I've made all of the arrangements. We're ready for you. See you in a few hours.

SFJ: And that was?

SH: The big surprise.

SFJ: You do know that if there's outside interference in your championship match, then there's a chance that you might get disqualified, right?

SH: Oh, that won't be a problem. Not in the least. I've got to go.

[My5:]

mooseheadjack
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Posts: 12,098

OOWF Hell On Earth III PPV/3 Year Anniversary Show Jul 26, 2008 19:09:35 GMT -5

Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 19:09:35 GMT -5

*Harris and Alt are backstage, fuming at their loss to TEAM LOAD. Er, LOADED.*

HH: I can't believe it! Who lost the match.

Alt: We did.

HH: No, you're not listening. Who lost the damn match.

Alt. I saw it with my own eyes while we were on the floor. We lost the match.

HH: No, you or I weren't getting pinned in the middle of the ring. Who's shoulders were on the mat for the 1-2-3.

Alt. Oh, yes. They were. Sorry, I was a bit confused.

HH: Yeah, everybody around here is retarded lately. But I'm a bit nervous about this Crystal Lava match. We've got this masked man and all, and he lost the second he got in the ring. That's awful.

*There's a knock on the door*

HH: Who's there?

*The masked wrestler opens the door and stands in the doorframe.*

Alt (answering Harris): Who.

HH: Who who?

Alt: Who, our tag team partner.

*Who kind of just stands there, head tilted while Harris and Alt stand up and get nose to nose with him*

HH: Let's get something straight. We don't trust you. We don't know who you are, or what you're doing.

Alt: Yeah, plus you lost! Who debuts and LOSES?

HH: Plus, you're the third wheel with the BFF's. You hang out with us, you're going to be the guy we both make fun of.

Alt: Yeah...MASKFACE!

HH: GOOD ONE!

*Alt and Harris give a white man's jumping high five. Who doesn't move.*

HH: So, Who, give us one reason for us to trust you.

Alt: And it better be good. I mean, we're dealing with glass and lava at Hell On Earth. We have to make sure you don't cut us and then throw us in the lava.

HH: Or throw us in the lava and then cut us.

Alt: YEAH! So, whatcha got?

*Who reaches into his bag, which was lying on the ground next to him, and pulls out...POP ROCKS!*

HH: HOLY SHIT! Pop Rocks?

Alt: These are awesome! I heard if you put these in your mouth and drink Coke, your face explodes!

HH: Let's try it! Who, you're okay in our book. Why don't you hang around for a little while?

*Who just tilts his head to the other side and leaves.*

HH: Hmm. That was weird. You think he's got our backs.

Alt: You think these things pop when you pee on them?

HH: Yeah, I guess Who is okay. Let's go piss on some candy.

[My5:]

mooseheadjack
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OOWF Hell On Earth III PPV/3 Year Anniversary Show Jul 26, 2008 19:10:20 GMT -5

Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 19:10:20 GMT -5

Nash: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
Flair: That’s what you call an ass whuppin. I haven’t seen a beating that bad since Dusty Rhodes challenged the Road Warriors to a match!
Nash: Not that! Cole!
Russ: It appears to be what Cole was talking about
Razz: That would make Seraph…..Him?
Nash: This can’t be right! That could not have been Chris Cole
Russ: I am afraid it was Nash
Nash: I am gonna need a minute here
Russ: Well while Nash regains his composure, I would like to comment on the other match as well. Despite his odd appearance and his evidently new found attitude, Cole and Seraph seemed to function pretty well as a team.
Flair: It’s like I said earlier, in this business you just never know what will happen. I found myself teaming with Ricky Steamboat, I found myself recruiting Sting into the Four Horsemen….
Nash: Yeah but that was just to double cross him which was great by the way
Flair: Sting is basically a functional retard, has there ever been a wrestler who made more stupid decisions than Sting?
Razz: Brock Lesnar?
Flair: He is a close second
Razz: Looking ahead to our next match, Davin Moreland gets a shot at the Onslaught title, he is looking to hold his very first OOWF title. Ric, you have held a million titles across the world, but what was it like to win your very first title?
Flair: I have won a lot of titles across this land, but none are more memorable than your very first one. I remember it like it was yesterday, I beat Paul Jones for the Mid-Atlantic TV Title at the Memorial Coliseum in Greensboro North Carolina. That was where the legend started
Nash: TV title huh? I remember my first title, I defeated Razor Ramon for the WW…..E Intercontinental title in Rochester New York in 1995. The second most important title in the fed, and it was mine! So if Moreland wins the intercontinental title from Firechild……
Russ: Davin Moreland is facing Knife for the Onslaught Championship Kevin
Nash: The Onslaught Championship? That is still around? That is the one with the pure rules and all that right?
Razz: yeah, it is to prove who the best wrestler is, not the best guy that can use a chair.
Nash: That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my life
Flair: To BE the man you have to BEAT the man, and whoever holds a title is the man
Nash: Ric, do you do anything but speak in clichés? I mean really? What is going on here today? We get vanilla Bret Hart, and now we get Ric spouting clichés. I need to step up my game here to save this
Razz: yeah well, when you do step up, be careful so you don’t tear a quad
Flair: A torn quad? HA! I came back from a broken back! I survived a PLANE CRASH!
Nash: yeah. But this was a really bad tear!
Russ: Folks, why don’t we head to the ring for our first title match of the evening

KNIFE vs. DAVIN MORELAND – OOWF Onslaught Championship Match

Davin Moreland is announced and he comes to the ring first. He looks confident, if not a little bit nervous. He climbs between the ropes and paces back and forth like a caged animal. Knife is announced next and he wanders to the ring and kneels in the corner deep in what we assume must be prayer. The bell rings and the referee ushers both men to the center of the ring. The referee goes through the rules, three rope breaks per match, three warnings for infractions from the referee, then an automatic disqualification, the champion can lose the title on a countout or disqualification, and this will be a fifteen minute time limit. The ref takes the title and calls for the bell and this one is under way. They slowly circle and lock up, this match has a fifteen minute time limit, so they can’t waste too much time. Moreland grabs an arm and uses an arm wringer to drop Knife to one knee. Knife fights back to a vertical base and backs Moreland toward the ropes, but Davin puts on the breaks and pulls Knife back to the center of the ring, then buries a knee in his midsection, then hits a snap power bomb. Knife hits the mat with a thud, but before Moreland can go for a cover, Knife rolls to one knee. Moreland pulls him to his feet and sends him to the ropes, Moreland lowers his head and Knife leap frogs over him and hits the opposite ropes, Moreland grabs Knife and hits a perfect belly to belly suplex, covers and gets a two count. Moreland pulls Knife up and sends him into the corner and charges in and slams Knife with a clothesline, then grabs him by the head and pulls him to the center of the ring, before Moreland can do anything, Knife swats away Moreland’s arm and hits a thrust to the throat that drops Moreland to one knee and draws a warning from the referee. Knife drops an elbow to the back of Moreland’s head that sends him to the mat, then bounces off the ropes and drops a leg across the back of his head. Knife rolls Moreland over and covers, but Davin rolls his shoulder at one. Knife pulls Moreland to a sitting position then traps him in a figure four arm bar and tries for the submission. The stronger Moreland works around to his feet and pulls Knife off of the mat and SLAMS him to the canvas with a power bomb type move. Knife releases the hold and gasps for breath, Moreland drives the point of his elbow across Knife’s sternum and covers for a two count. Moreland pulls Knife to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a big boot to the face, Knife staggers back against the ropes, Moreland charges trying to clothesline him over the top rope, but Knife ducks and elevates Moreland over the ropes to the floor. Moreland collects himself and climbs to the apron, Knife grabs him and tries to suplex him back into the ring, but Moreland slips over his shoulder and lands behind him, spins him around and tries for A REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER, but Knife holds on to the top rope and shoves Moreland off across the ring, when Moreland rebounds, Knife tries THE STAB but Moreland catches his foot just inches from his face. Moreland pulls Knife in and hits a release capture suplex that sends Knife across the ring. Knife gets right back to his feet and charges across the ring kamikaze style and catches Moreland a bit off guard, clipping him in the forehead with the point of his elbow. Moreland staggers a bit, and Knife catches him with the SLASH to the back of the head that sends Moreland into the corner trying to cover up like a boxer. Knife is persistent, he lands a series of kicks to the side of the head and the ribs, one kick catches Moreland right upside the head and he really struggles to hold on, the referee gets between the two men and calls for a clean break. Knife gives the break, then goes right back to the corner and pulls Moreland up and sets him on the top rope. Knife climbs to the second rope and hooks Moreland for a suplex, but Moreland fights out of it with shots to the ribs. Moreland gains control and goozles Knife and choke slams him off the top rope! Moreland collects himself and leaps driving a nice elbow drop right to Knife’s chest. Moreland covers, one, two, NO Knife kicks out. Moreland looks a bit frustrated, and we are getting a little close in time, we are now over the ten minute mark. Moreland pulls Knife to his feet and sends him to the ropes and lowers his head for a back body drop, but Knife kicks him in the jaw standing him up, then hits the ropes and connects with a running STAB to the jaw, Moreland hits the ropes and Knife grabs him on the rebound in a small package, one, two, NO! Moreland powers out of it! Moreland is on shaky legs now, Knife grabs him and pulls him to the corner and tries a tornado DDT, but Moreland holds on and reverses it into a spine buster, one, two, NO! Knife manages to roll his shoulder now! Both men are down on the mat struggling to regain their composure. Knife is up first and he pulls Moreland up kicks him low, then plants him with a DDT, then heads to the corner and hits a beautiful moonsault. Knife hooks the leg, one, two, Moreland gets his foot on the bottom rope to force the break! Now Knife shows a bit of frustration. He pulls Moreland up and shoves him back into the corner and Knife charges from the opposite corner and tries a knee to the head, but Moreland catches him with a choke slam out of the corner, swatting him to the mat hard! Moreland hooks both legs and rolls Knife up, but once again he only gets a two count before Knife powers out. Knife and Moreland both spin to their feet, Moreland tries a clothesline, but Knife ducks, Knife sets and tries the STAB again, but Moreland avoids it, when he spins back around Moreland grabs him and hits A REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER! Moreland covers, hooks the leg, one, two THREE!
WINNER in 14:39 and NEW OOWF Onslaught Champion – Davin Moreland

RF: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DAVIN BY GOD MORELAND!
Russ: Folks we have a brand new Onslaught champion, congratulations to Davin Moreland for capturing his first OOWF singles title
Nash: Wasn’t his gimmick that he talked to a metal pole?
Russ: That was when he first came to the OOWF
Nash: Oh, so he has been repackaged with a new gimmick then?
<Kayfabe slowly rises in front of the desk where the crew is sitting and does that creepy scream like the kid in the Grudge, naturally Flair jumps into action>
RF: Kayfabe! I took your momma to space mountain!
Razz: Kayfabe has a mother?
Russ: Who knew?
RF: Diamonds are forever fat girl! Fire Me? I’m Already Fired! ABUSE OF POWER, YOU! <Flair jumps up on the table, strips down to his underwear, blades and drops an elbow on his pile of clothes on the floor, he gets to his feet and chops Kayfabe once, they stand and stare at each other, then grab each other in a passionate embrace and fall to the floor>
Nash: Oh holy hell NO! No one needs to see that!
Russ: Someone get a hose! This is a family program!
Razz: Does someone have a camcorder?
<Russ and Nash both look at Razz, we hear snoring coming from in front of the desk as Kayfabe gets to her feet and walks away>
Razz: What? I couldn’t afford the good channels
Russ: I am begging you, can we please move on to something else?
Nash: Fine you say you want a revolution? Well we got one, the return of Revolution X!
Razz: That was kind of weak Nash
Nash: You’re kind of weak Razz, HA!
Russ: biting. Anyway, we do indeed get to see the reformation of Revolution X, the team consisting of Eric O’Mac and Carl Coolname!
Razz: They face Josh O’Neil and Jason Shapiro
Nash: Who?
Russ: I am sure there are a lot of people echoing your sentiment Nash, Jason Shapiro didn’t accomplish much during his time, and Josh is mostly known for getting repeatedly punched in the face with the flaming fist of Spin Hansen.
Nash: Sounds hardcore
Razz: JUST LIKE ECW!!! WE’RE EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME
Nash: I meant hardcore retarded, who the hell would let themselves get punched in the face with a flaming fist? Hasn’t he ever heard of a little thing called creative control?
<kayfabe walk back to the desk and slaps Nash across the face with a cod>
Nash: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!
Razz: Looks like you got bitchslapped with a cod
Nash: Thank you Captain Obvious, but WHY?
Razz: Well Commander Dumbass, you keep breaking kayfabe, and she is pissed off. That and she is probably all full of Flair’s love seed which would make anyone a little ornery
Russ: Congratulations, that may be the single most disgusting thing that has ever been said on tv.
Razz: No, I got something better than that should it ever happen
Russ: please don’t….
Razz: WINNER and NEW OOWF World Heavyweight Champion…..John Cena!
Russ: I am going to be sick, please, lets go to the matches

REVOLUTION X vs. JOSH O’NEIL & JASON SHAPIRO

Josh O’Nealand Jason Shapiro make their way to the ring, Shapiro is limping a bit, no doubt still recovering from that ass whipping LD Williams gave him a month or so ago. The fans don’t appear to be real sure how to handle them, so they just boo. Revolution X, Eric O’Mac and Carl Coolname are announced next, and the fans pop nice for them. They come to the ring and climb in. It appears that it will be Eric and Shapiro starting things off. Shapiro wants a Greco-Roman knuckle lock and Eric obliges, but as soon s they hook up, Shapiro tries to monkey flip Eric, but Eric lands on his feet. Shapiro kips up and Eric tries to catch him with a spinning heel kick, but Shapiro ducks that and grabs a side headlock Eric sends Shapiro to the ropes and bounds off the opposite ropes himself, Coolname tags him self in, Shapiro ducks a clothesline attempt and hits the ropes again, this time Eric drops to the mat, and Coolname comes in and catches Shapiro in mid air with a spear that nearly cuts him in half. O’Neil comes into the ring too and he gets caught with a double hip toss, then as he gets to his feet both Shapiro and Eric try a kick to the mid section, but O’Neil catches both their boots and gloating about it, until they hit a double enzuguri to the back of his head. O’Neil powders out to the floor, Shapiro gets back to his feet and Coolname sends him to the ropes and elevates him way in the air, and lets him crash throat first on his knee. Shapiro bounces right up to his feet, Coolname sets and pops him in the jaw with a super kick that sends him back to the corner. Coolname tags in Eric and they wait for Shapiro to get to his feet when he does they hit the FULL REVOLUTION! Eric leaps to the top rope and lands a five star frog splash! Cover, one, two three! Eric O’Mac and Carl Coolname make it to the battle royal.
WINNERS in 5:01 – Revolution X

THE HALFRICAN AMERICANS vs. DR. MURDER & MIKEY STYNER

Dr. Murder and the behemoth Mikey Styner come to the ring first, the fans boo them, one of them throws a soda at Styner and Murder has to restrain him and coax him to the ring. Nayr and Fly , the Halfrican Americans are announced next, and they sprint to the ring and slide into the ring, right between Styner’s legs. They pop up and catch Dr. Murder charging at them, and hot shot him on the top rope. They turn to the massive Styner and both hit the ropes and try to shoulder block Styner to the mat, but Styner does not budge and THA both hit the canvas. They get back to their feet and try it a second time, Styner tries a clothesline, but THA duck and hit Styner with a double dropkick to the chops. Styner staggers a little bit, Nayr goes to the top rope in one corner and Nayr goes to the top rope in the other. Dr. Murder jumps on the apron and pushes Fly off the top, fly crashes head first onto the guard rail and then the floor. Nayr leaps anyway, probably not the best idea. Styner catches him in mid air and spins him down with a black hole slam, Nayr might be crushed. Instead of going for the pin, Dr. Murder demands to be tagged in. He comes in and pulls Nayr to his feet and whips him hard into the corner, Murder follows, but Nayr gets a boot up. Murder recovers and tries to whip Nayr to the opposite corner but Nayr reverses it he charges across the corner and Fly slips into the ring and gives Nayr something to spring board off of and Nayr hits a butt buck on Murder! Styner comes back into the ring and once again tries a double clothesline, again THA ducks it, Styner stops and turns, and this time they pop Styner in the mouth with duel super kicks that send Styner falling to the ropes and getting tangles there. The Halfrican Americans kick Murder low and double DDT him. Fly climbs to the top in one corner, Nayr in the other. Fly hits the flying leg drop, Nayr hits the NayrPress one, two, three! This one is over! The Halfrican Americans are in the battle royal
WINNERS in 8:33 – The Halfrican Americans

Russ: Good to see the old team work of these two teams return to them if for only one night
Razz: That’s one of the hardest things to recapture, and in the case of Revolution X and The Halfrican Americans, its not like they have been teaming outside of the OOWF all this time, after the teams split, both Eric and Nayr went on to have pretty successful solo careers.
Nash: its more than that too, you have to have a partner you can rely on, and who knows how things ended between those two. You know, one of them may have decided to go on a bender for three weeks using the credit card a friend gave him so he could pay some back child support. How do you think they felt when they got a charge for $7000 from Hooters in Decatur? How the hell do you spend seven grand at Hooters anyway? And the phone calls in the middle of the night, how many times can you expect me to bail you out man? Come on!
Russ: You ok Nash
Razz: Must be hard being Scott Hall’s friend
Nash: What? No, I was speaking for a…….friend, yeah, hey look a tag title match! I got this covered Russ, we now move on to the world tag team title match, where my boys The Chickenshit Heels, will no doubt win once again, keeping the titles.
Razz: Not so fast Nash, Johnny and AA face a pretty tough challenge with Phantos & Lucios, Capellan & Viper and Los Defenestrators in this one, this won’t be a walk in the part you know
Russ: Folks joining us on commentary tonight is one of the greatest tag team wrestlers I have ever seen in all my years of professional wrestling, and his manager. Folks please welcome Beautiful Bobby Eaton and the Louisville Lip, Jim Cornette, welcome gentlemen. <Eaton & Cornette have a seat at the announce table>
Jim Cornette: It’s a pleasure to be here Russ, Razz and Nash, its about time people started recognizing the talent here in the OOWF, I swear to god and Allah that this is what wrestling is all about, this is the pure wrestling from back in the day when we used to travel from town to town in my old beat up Buick with a buck ninety five in our pockets doing lines of blow off of hookers asses to keep awake. We did it because we loved the business, because it was in our blood, we bled sweated and cried tears for wrestling, there was none of this “off time” you were either dead, or you wrestled. That reminds me of a time when me, Bill Watts, Steve Williams and Ricky Morton were traveling together – well you aren’t supposed to know that because we are supposed to preserve kayfabe, but after the way Ric just violated her like a two dollar whore during fleet week, I don’t think it matters anymore – anyway we were rolling down the back roads of Louisiana and Doc and Bill are sitting in the back, I’m driving and Morton is passed out in the drivers side after one too many Mad Dogs and sominex. Anyway, we had eaten a littler earlier at this greasy spoon diner, you know the kind where they used crushed cockroaches to hold up their health department rating. Anyway Doc and Bill had a contest to see who could eat the most spicy chili in one eating, well needless to say they put down a ton, we are rolling down the highway at about three in the morning and both of them get gas something fierce, the car is stinking to high hell and suddenly both of them have to shit. Well I wasn’t about to pull over, so I told them to hang their asses out the window and let lose. And they did, must have been one hell of a sight, two of the whitest asses you have ever seen hanging out leaving a trail of shit for miles. Hilarious. Except to the cop. We got pulled and the man had every right to haul us in, but after seeing us in a car together he decided no one would believe it and told us to go on about our business.
Razz: Amazing
JC: Great story wasn’t it?
Razz: No, its amazing you said all that without taking a breath. How the hell does he do that Bobby?
Bobby Eaton: I don’t know
Russ: Anyway, about the tag match, Bobby you are considered one of the greatest tag team wrestlers of all time, what do you think about this match coming up
BE: Should be a good one
<GimmickMan comes out of the crowd and slams Eaton in the back with a chair, Bobby no sells it and turns and chases Gimmick, Gimmick trips over a cord on the floor, Eaton grabs the chair and slams it across Gimmick’s back, then climbs on the stage and hits the Alabama Jam on Gimmick, then takes his spot back at the announce table>
JC: Well you have four teams here which is a lot, anything can happen, but this certainly benefits the champion
Nash: Of course it does, the champions have to be pinned to lose the belts, that reminds me of the time I was teaming with Bam Bam Bigelow in New Japan, must have been around 1990 or so…..
Russ: Sorry Nash, we only have time for one reminiscing moment per segment. Ok for the picks, I am taking Viper and Capellan to win this one
JC: Well if you take all the factors into consideration there are just so many variables, and my momma used to say…..
Russ: Jim just pick a team
JC: Phantos & Lucios
Razz: I am going with Capellan and Viper too
BE: I agree
Russ: He doesn’t say much does he?
JC: Silent but Violent
Nash: Yeah I just dropped one of those too, you’ll know in a minute. Anyway, I am going with my boys The Chickenshit Heels to retain
Russ: Let’s head to the ring

<Before we go to the ring we stop in the back where we see The Chickenshit Heels getting ready for their match>

JA: Hey, where are the belts?
AA: Come on Johnny, you don't need belts to be champions!
JA: That's true but....wait, what?
AA: Look, we are the champs, let's just go defend the titles that I am sure will be here when we get back. Now come on, our music is playing

THE CHICKENSHIT HEELS vs. PHANTOS & LUCIOS vs. CAPELLAN & VIPER vs. LOS DEFENESTRATORS – OOWF World Tag Team Title Match

Phantos & Lucios are introduced first and they head to the ring discussing strategy the whole way. They get into the ring and immediately go to their corner and get ready. Capellan & Viper are announced next and they sprint to the ring and fire up the crowd. Los Defenestrators are announced next, and ……..nothing. They are announced again and once again we wait, but nothing. Finally an official rushes to the ring, it appears we have a disturbance in the back! We cut to the video feed on the mamOOth-tron!

We see Los Defenestrators lying on the floor, El Voltaje and Ecosistema are not moving a whole lot, the camera pans up and we see Mierda Del Pollo Rudos standing there with chairs! It looks like it was a sneak attack! Just to confirm out suspicions, they hammer Voltaje and Ecosistema with the chairs a few more times before they are ushered away by security!

We cut back to the ring where the world tag team champions The Chickenshit Heels are announced, they come to the ring, shrugging and acting concerned for the fate of Los Defenestrators, while also laughing and pointing to their heads. As TCH get to ringside, Viper and Capellan sprint across the ring and dive between the ropes and slams into Johnny and AA and send them sprawling. Viper pulls AA to his feet and hammers him with forearms to the side of the head, then rolls him into the ring. Capellan leaps up on the apron and waits for Johnny to get to his feet, when he does, Cap charges and hits a hurracarana off the apron that sends Johnny back first into the steel ring steps. Cap goes back to his corner and calls for the tag, Viper pulls AA to his feet and sends him to the ropes, makes the blind tag to Cap, and drop toe holds AA to the mat. Capellan springs over the top rope and drops a leg across the back of AA’s head, rolls him over and gets a two count before Phantos comes into the ring and makes the save. Cap pulls AA to his feet, but AA drops Cap with the scientific thumb to the eye. AA crawls across the ring and tags in Phantos, then rolls under the bottom rope and checks on his partner, Johnny is slow to get to his feet, grabbing his back in pain. AA helps Johnny up and they head to the back? Ok. That leaves Phantos & Lucios and Capellan and Viper in the ring. Cap and Phantos start a criss cross, sprinting across the ring, Cap drops to the mat and Phantos leaps over him, then Cap leaps over Phantos as he charges, then drops to the mat and monkey flips him on the rebound, but Phantos flips through it and lands on his feet, bounds off the ropes and tries a clothesline, but Capellan catches his arm and arm drags him, Phantos is back up in a second and catches a charging Capellan with a head scissors that takes him to the mat, once again both men spring to their feet and face off in the center of the ring and the fans cheer. Both men tag the power houses of the team in Lucios and Viper and they come into the ring and circle, then lock up. Viper backs Lucios into the corner and hammers him with shots to the chest and head. Viper pulls a dazed Lucios out of the corner and kicks him low and sets him up for a pedigree, but Lucios powers out of it and back drops Viper to the mat. As Viper gets to his feet, Lucios catches him with a drop kick to the jaw that sends him back into the corner, Lucios tags in Phantos and he charges in and leaps on Viper and monkey flips him out of the corner, right into Lucios waiting arms, Lucios kills Viper with a spine buster and Phantos covers, but only gets a two count. Lucios pulls Viper to his feet and hauls him up for a vertical suplex, but Viper slips out of his grasp and lands and nails him with a sidewinder. Viper covers, but can only get a two count before Phantos comes back into the ring. Viper pulls Lucios to his feet and reaches out and tags Capellan back into the match, they double whip Lucios to the ropes and connect with a double kick, then double suplex the big man. Cap covers, but only gets a two count. Capellan pulls Lucios to his feet and nails him with an enzuguri that sends him hanging on the second rope, Capellan charges across the ring and hits the 619 on Lucios, covers again and once again only gets a two count. Capellan pulls Lucios to his feet and tries a standing hurracarana but Lucios catches him and power bombs him to the mat. Lucios reaches out and tags Phantos in, then hefts Capellan on his shoulders, Phantos climbs to the top rope, Donovan Viper is about to come into the ring when he is pulled down from outside by Attitude Adjuster! The Chickenshit Heels are back! They run Viper face first into the ring post. Meanwhile inside the ring, Phantos leaps off the top rope and connects with the DROPKICK DEVICE! Capellan hits the mat HARD! Phantos covers, but AA is back into the ring, he drops a knee across Phantos back, Johnny pulls Lucios down from the outside and when the referee is paying attention to what is going on inside the ring, he nails Lucios with a chair. Attitude Adjuster covers a dazed Capellan and is about to get the three count when the crowd erupts and Los Defenestrators sprint to the ring and attack TCH! EL Voltaje runs on the outside and blind sides AA and drops him to the concrete floor. Inside the ring, Johnny tries to attack Ecosistema, but he ducks the move and hits a spinning heel kick. Capellan gets to his feet and sees Johnny, he climbs to the top rope and nails Adrenaline with a missile drop kick, but then gets pulled out of the ring by AA and El Voltaje and they brawl. Meanwhile, Ecosistema and Johnny are in the ring, Adrenaline rakes the eyes and sets Ecosistema up for an ADRENALINE RUSH but F. Fonzworth Cappington runs to the ring and hops up on the apron and calls the referee over. Adrenaline releases the hold and goes over to ask Cappington what he is doing. Cappington drops off the apron and slides his cane between Johnny and the referee’s legs and heads up the ramp. Ecosistema grabs the cane, and when Johnny turns around he SLAMS it between his eyes! Adrenaline is OUT! Ecosistema covers, one, two THREE! The ref finishes the count just before Donovan Viper gets into the ring to make the save!
WINNERS in 37:09 and NEW OOWF World Tag Team Champions – Los Defenestrators!

Capellan comes back into the ring to talk to Viper but Viper just pushes past him and walks to the back, Phantos and Lucios look incredibly disappointed and head to the back. The Chickenshit Heels are beside themselves with rage and they stay outside the ring and argue with El Voltaje and Ecosistema as they hold the titles high. F. Fonzworth Cappington III comes back to the ring and hugs the masked team, they look quite surprised. He grabs a mic and speaks:

I told everyone, I have the money to buy and sell this one horse fed over and over again. Tonight was just the first step. I made sure my guys, the Defenestrators got into this match, and now, they are the world tag team champions. To commemorate this occasion I went out and got the most expensive cake known to man, it is diamond encrusted, and worth $20 million dollars. Lance, if you would.

Lance and a security team roll the cake to the ring and carefully bring it between the ropes.

Now, since this is such a special moment, I would like to share it with the two men who had the foresight to sign up with LOADED, gentlemen we will ru…..

<From the back, the Defenestrators come out>

Eco: Cappington, what the hell are you doing? You just won the titles for Los Defenestrators?

Volt: Way to go dumbass

FFCIII: Wait, come on guys, the joke is getting old, I know it is you under those masks, stop joking around!

Ecosystem: How the hell can we be under the masks if we are standing here talking to you?

FFCIII: Wait, if you are standing there talking to me, then who is it under the masks?

<Cappington does the deliberately slow turn around to see Los Defenestrators, Los Def stand there, then slowly pull off their masks to reveal…..HARDBODY HARRIS AND CHRIS ALT – THE BFF!! They grab Cappington and hit the 3D through the cake and the table! Cappington struggles to get to his feet only to repeatedly fall in the cake. Harris and Alt climb to the corner turnbuckles and hold their titles high in the air, on the outside The Chickenshit Heels look STUNNED! At the top of the ramp, the Defenestrators just shake their heads and head to the back>

Russ: THROUGH THE CAKE BAH GAWD!! AS GAWD IS MY WITNESS HE IS COVERED IN CAKE!
JC: Huh, how bout that, a rich guy that carries around a cane and hits people with it, you boys ever heard of a thng called copyright infringement? I was doing that gimmick when the booker man was still buying issues of PWI and reading them like they were the bible. You know, I shouldget my lawyer…..
<Cornette keeps rambling on and on and on>
Nash: Bobby, should we?
Bobby Eaton: Sure
Nash: Tazz you in?
Razz: If it will shut him up, sure
<Razz springs out of his seat and traps Cornette in the katahajime and falls to the floor! Bobby Eaton climbs to the top of the desk and Nash tosses Eaton off ROCKET LAUNCHER! He lands on Cornette, Corny is OUT! What’s this? Russ gets to his feet, reaches into his jacket, NO NOT THAT!!! IT’S A BOTTLE OF JR’S SECRET BARBECUE SAUCE!! Russ takes the bottle and dumps it all over Cornette then high fives Nash, Razz and Eaton. Bobby drags Cornette away and the three men take their seats once again>
Nash: Ladies and Gentlemen I do believe you just witnessed the very first sneak attack of one announcer over another
Razz: Damn that Cornette gets annoying, like nails on a chalkboard
Russ: I normally don’t condone that sort of behavior, but he was asking for it. Now, back to the match, Los Defenestrators shocked the world by winning the tag titles, then revealing themselves to be Hardbody Harris and Chris Alt!
Nash: Didn’t they do the very same thing last year as Mierda Del Pollo Rudos?
Razz: You would think Johnny and AA would have caught on by now eh?
Nash: Do we know that it wasn’t them the whole time? Have they been Los Defenestrators the whole time?
Russ: I highly doubt that
Razz: Look into it big guy!
Nash: I can’t right now, I am still trying to find out what happened to Cole and Nayr
Russ: Any luck?
Nash: Just a couple of calls from farmers in Saskatoon talking about two naked men wandering through their corn fields.
Russ: That is….disturbing. I don’t know what happened to them, but they both looked good tonight, even if Cole’s behavior was a little bizarre
Razz: Speaking of disturbing, out next match could be quite disturbing as well
Nash: Nice segue Razz!
Razz: See I can do that too
Russ: Before we get to our next title match, we have two more Legends matches for you. In the first we see the return of The Devils Brigade as they face Gimmickman and Hellion.
Razz: In our final match, The Dragons reunite for one night only to face Mercury and Uncle Entity
Nash: How long is this pay per view? Seems like we are going on seven or eight hours now
Razz: You a, got a hot date there Nash?
Nash: As a matter of fact, I have plans with Sexy Female Journalist Five after the show tonight
Russ: wasn’t she romantically linked to Stank for quite a long time?
Razz: whoah! You are hooking up with Stank’s sloppy seconds?
<Ron Simmons wanders into the picture>
RS: Man that is cold blooded! How are you gonna hook up with someone else’s lady? Beside, after being with Stank, from what I heard, that would be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway
<all three just stare at Simmons>
RS: What?
Razz: come on, do it
RS: You know, there is more to me than a stupid catchphrase, I am a former world champion
Razz: Come on……
RS: I am a legend at Florida State
Razz: Ron……….
RS: <sighing> Fine………………….DAMN!
Razz: YES!
Nash: Go away! Don’t we have some matches to get to?
Russ: I think that is a good idea, lets get to the matches

<we cut to the back where we see The Chickenshit Heels cutting a post-match backstage promo.>

JA: Damn, we lost the belts again! I can’t believe we lost to those guys!

AA: You’re writing this before the match took place, huh?

JA: Yeah, you know how it goes. Been busy with other projects. Especially that golf course design class I’m taking from Tiger Woods.

AA: I know what you mean. With football season in full swing, it’s been hard to put my best efforts into being THE NO. 1 PROMO TEAM IN THE OOWF! I gotta support the family, you know?

JA: You and Latrell Spreewell.

AA: Exactly.

JA: So are you saying what I think you’re saying?

AA: Are you?

JA: Is it time for what we were talking about at the awards show?

AA: I think so.

JA: Well, let’s go talk to the booker. We might as well go out in a blaze of glory.

AA: Only like The Chickenshit Heels should!

THE DEVIL’S BRIGADE vs. GIMMICKMAN & HELLION

The Devil’s Brigade, Tommy O’Neil and Harper Camby make their way down the aisle to the jeers of the crowd. Tommy yells something at them, but no one has a clue what he said. They get into the ring and wait for their opponents to come out. Gimmickman and Hellion come to the ring, but this is a bit of an odd pairing for OOWF fans, they have never teamed before and the only reason they are teaming now is because we need fresh bodies. Gimmick and Hellion get to the ring, and are immediately jumped by The Devil’s Brigade. Camby runs Gimmick’s head into the turnbuckle, then clotheslining him over the top rope. Hellion is holding his own with Tommy, until Harper clotheslines him from behind. Camby whips Hellion to the ropes and connects with a clothesline. Tommy rolls to the outside and pulls Gimmick to his feet and sends him hard into the stairs. Tommy peeks inside the ring to make sure the referee isn’t paying attention, and he grabs a chair and WARPS it over Gimmick’s head. Inside the ring, Harper sent Hellion to the ropes but lowered his head a moment too soon. And Hellion grabs him for a DDT, but Tommy slips into the ring and POPS Hellion with a Wicked Left that buckles Hellions knees. Harper back drops him and they immediately set Hellion up and hit the TRIPLE SIX!!! Harper covers but somehow Gimmick is back on his feet and grabs Harper’s foot and pulls him out of the ring. This really only serves to enrage Harper and he grabs Gimmick and PILEDRIVES HIM ON THE FLOOR! Meanwhils inside the ring, Tommy grabs a dazed Hellion and locks on the Gaelic cloverleaf! Hellion tries to get to the ropes, but cannot make it and is forced to tap out. The Devil’s Brigade are in the Battle Royal.
WINNERS in 4:51 – The Devils Brigade

THE DRAGONS vs. MERCURY & UNCLE ENTITY

Mercury and Uncle Entity are out first, the crowd gives them a cursory boo. Then, we hear some familiar music play and the Dragons, SoulDragon
and Blackdragon make their way out from the back. They receive a thunderous ovation from the crowd. They walk to the ring and soak in the cheers of the crowd. As they climbe between the ropes, Mercury and Entity charge, but the Dragons charge as well. SoulDragon stops Mercury in his tracks with a clothesline, and Blackdragon ducks an Entity clothesline and hits a release German suplex on Entity that sends him out of the ring. The Dragons whip Mercury to the ropes and drop him with a double back elbow, then they each grab an arm and a leg and hit a wheelbarrow power bomb. SoulDragon pulls Mercury to his feet and holds him there, Blackdragon hits the ropes but Entity jumps up on the apron and catches him with a knee to the back, then spins him around and guillotines him on the top rope. SoulDragon releases Mercury and charges over and grabs Entity, but this just allows Mercury to attack him from behind. Mercury and Entity whip SoulDragon to the corner and both flollow him in for forearms to the face. As they work SoulDragon over in the corner, Blackdragon gets back to his feet and nails Entity from behind, pulls him into the center of the ring and DESTROYS him with a double underhook pile driver. SoulDragon fights his way out of the corner with chops and punches until BD grabs him around the waist and hits a trio of German suplexes. After the third one, SoulDragon leaps off the top rope with a headbut and Blackdragon rolls him over and locks on the STF! Mercury fights it for a moment, and Entity tries to come back into the ring, but SD knocks him off the apron. Mercury taps, and the Dragons become the last two men to qualify for the Battle Royal.
WINNERS in 9:12 – The Dragons

Russ: what an effort and display from both The Devils Brigade and the Dragons!
Nash: Those Devil’s Brigade cats mean business. I had a long conversation with Tommy O’Neil the other day and…..
Razz: Wait, you understood what Tommy O’Neil was saying?
Nash: Yeah, why wouldn’t I?
Razz: because no one can understand a damn thing he says!
Nash: Well it helps that I am part Irish
Russ: You. You are part Irish?
Nash: Hell yes I am. During the potato famine back in the late 1840’s my great grat great grandpappy Shamus O’Nash was the Ireland Bare Knuckles Wrestling champion. He held the title for damn near fifty years. I tell ya, the O’Nash’s are like royalty over there.
Razz: Uh huh
Nash: What?
Russ: Let’s move on to the rest of our matches, shall we? Firechild puts his Intercontinental title on the line against Outback Jack. To talk about the Intercontinental title, we bring out one of the greatest intercontinental champions of all time, the Ultimate Warrior
<Ultimate Warrior music hits and he sprints to the announce table and tries to shake the desk, but he is clearly winded so he just sits down>
Russ: Thank you for coming out Warrior, would you like to give us some thoughts on the intercontinental title match tonight?
UW: Thank you Russ <SNORT> NO ONE CAN STOP THE AWESOME DESTRUCICITY OF THE WARRIOR!!! Many have followed my space ship, but the gods reached down and injected me WITH THE POWER OF THE GODS TO GIVE TO ALL THE LITTLE WARRIORS!!!
Razz: Jeez man, you ever try decaf?
UW: COFFEE IS JUST ANOTHER FORM OF MIND CONTROL!! I WILL NOT SUBJECT MYSELF TO THEIR MIND CONTROL! I am free in thought and action
Nash: You gotta have a brain before you can have your mind controlled, I think you and yours parted company a long time ago
UW: I <snort> WILL NOT BE MOCKED!! THE WARRIOR BEATS IN EVERYONE’S CHEST! EXCEPT THOSE WHO TRY TO UNDERMINE ME! THEY <snort> will be led to their ultimate destructionnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Russ: Uh, yeah, how bout we go to the match then?
<Warrior yells some more then sprints off through the crowd yelling something about those queer left wingers trying to steal his brain waves>
Nash: Let’s never have him on the show again
Razz: Agreed
Russ: Let’s go to the ring

FIRECHILD vs. OUTBACK JACK – OOWF Intercontinental Title Match

Outback Jack comes to the ring in his Empty Team, Jack of the Hinterlands gear. You can only assume he has that same mindset as well. Firechild is announced and he comes to the ring with a look of grim determination on his face. This should be one hell of a battle. Firechild climbs between the ropes and marches right up to Jack and they go forehead to forehead, jawing at each other, Firechild takes off the intercontinental title and holds it up, Jack says something and Firechild unleashes a head but. Jack staggers a bit, then looks back at Firechild, blood trickling from a cut just above his nose. He grins, and then the punches begin flying. Both men tumble to the mat and pummel each other with punches. Firechild gets the better of that and gets to his feet and catches Jack with a kick to the mouth that sends Jack under the bottom rope. Firechild springboards over the top rope and crashes onto Jack on the floor, then pulls him up against the guard rail and blisters his chest with knife edge chops. Jack stops the chops with a straight left to the jaw, then grabs FC and throws him shoulder first into the steel ring steps. Jack puts the boots to Firechild’s shoulder and then gets a running start and drives his knee right into Firechild’s shoulder. FC slumps to the ground grabbing his shoulder and grimacing in pain. Jack pulls FC back to his feet and rolls him under the bottom rope. Jack climbs in and doesn’t try a cover, instead he drops a knee across FC’s shoulder, then jerks him up to his feet and scoops him up and drops him on his knee with a shoulder breaker, then covers and gets a two count. Jack rolls Firechild over on the mat and pulls up on FC’s shoulder and drives his knee into the shoulder trying to pull his shoulder out of socket. Firechild howls in pain, but makes it to the ropes to force the break. Both men get back to their feet and Jack whips Firechild to the ropes and FC tries a clothesline, but Jack catches his arm and reverses it into an arm breaker. Firechild rolls under the bottom rope again and tries to regain his composure on the floor. Jack follows him outside and pulls him to his feet and tries to send FC to the ring post again, but FC reverses it and Jack hits the steel face first opening a nasty gash on his forehead. Firechild pulls Jack up and rolls him under the bottom rope and pounds away at the gash on his head. Firechild pulls Jack to a sitting position and locks on a sitting cobra clutch, then springs over off of the bottom rope and flips over Jack’s shoulders holding the cobra clutch. Jack is fading fast, but manages to get his free hand to the middle rope to break the hold. From having his head down like that, there is a pool of blood on the mat and Jack is noticeably weaker. Firechild pulls Jack to his feet and hauls him up on his shoulders, then snake eyes him on the corner turnbuckle. Jack’s head snaps back and he falls to the mat dazed, Firechild covers and gets a two count. Firechild pills Jack to his feet and backs him into the corner with a series of chops to the chest. Once in the corner, Firechild climbs the ropes and grabs Jack’s head, then pushes off and drives Jack’s head into the canvas, with his knee planted on the back of his head. Firechild rolls him over and covers, but once again, he rolls his shoulder at two. Firechild shows a bit of frustration and pulls Jack to his feet again, this time Jack grabs Firechild and head buts him on that injured shoulder. Firechild is stunned for a moment, then Jack takes him down to the mat with an enzuguri. Jack covers and gets a two count. OBJ pulls Firechild up and whips him to the ropes and catches him with a power slam, hooks the leg, but can still only get a two count. Jack grabs Firechild and drops a couple of knees across his shoulder, then pulls him off the mat and locks on a double chicken wing! Jack pulls him into the air and Firechild howls in pain. Jack wanders a little too close to the ropes though and he pushes off the top rope and both men fall backward. The referee counts one, two, thre….NO! Jack releases the hold and turns his shoulder. Both men get to their feet and Jack takes a wild swing at Firechild, he ducks and grabs Jack an lands a dragon suplex and a bridge, but can still only get a two count. Jack gets to his feet and staggers into the corner, Firechild charges, but Jack moves out of the way and Firechild slams shoulder first into the corner. Firechild falls to the mat, and Jack slips out of the ring, grabs Firechild’s arm and pulls him into the ring post. Firechild rolls back into the ring and gets to his knees holding his shoulder, which just hangs there limply. Jack gets back into the ring and hits the ropes and drives his knee into Firechild’s shoulder. Jack pulls Firechild to his feet, and sends him to the ropes but lowers his head a moment too soon, Firechild catches him and tried for the Devil Driver! But Jack backdrops out of it, s soon as Firechild hits the mat, Jack pounces on him and locks him in a cross face!! Jack modifies it slightly so he is tearing at the shoulder, Firechild will not quit, instead he squirms to the ropes and forces the break. Jack presses the attack and pulls Firechild up for a suplex, but Firechild slips behind him and hits a back cracker! Firechild covers, but Jack is out at two. Both men are up quickly, Jack grabs Firechild in a side head lock and Firechild pushes him off to the corner, Firechild charges after him, but Jack elevates and Firechild runs under him slamming shoulder first into the corner. Jack grabs Firechild and rolls him up, then bridges! One Two THREE!
WINNER in 32:30 and NEW OOWF Intercontinental Champion – Outback Jack

Russ: Congratulations to Outback Jack! This is the first singles title he has held in his illustrious OOWF career!
Razz: Firechild gave him a helluva match, but I think the whole conflict between Drink & Destroy and The Heroes Guild was finally too much for him to take.
Nash: Firechild looked good out there though, he may have lost, but I have a feeling he is one of those guys we will see wearing the world title one day.
Russ: So you believe Firechild has that special something that LD Williams is lacking?
Nash: Yeah, sure. Firechild is just one of those guys that you look at and he has the look for main event written all over him
Razz: Well see, Nash, that is where you are wrong. Firechild has that look, sure, but sometimes I question how much he really wants it. Lately he has been worrying too much about what people think of him, and because of that he lets the fans get in his head. LD Williams could give a damn what people think about him, he just goes out there and wins.
Russ: Not to take the focus off of Outback Jack here, what do you think of Outback Jack finally breaking through and winning a solo title?
Nash: It is a great accomplishment. Like Flair was saying earlier, you never forget your first singles title. I don’t think anyone was giving Jack much of a chance here, he did kind of seem to slip in through the back door and get the title.
Razz: That’s the best time to do it though, Firechild was concerned with what Moose, Spin and Stank were doing with the Heroes Guild and maybe he took Jack a little too lightly.
Russ: That is a good point Razz, and joining us in commentary now to talk about the Main Event is none other than legendary wrestling madman, Mick Foley!
Mick Foley: Guys it’s good to be here in DAYTON, OHIO <cheap pop> Man you guys have made this OOWF thing work for three years huh, whoda thunk it?
Nash: Russ, before we get to the Main Event, Mick, I wanted to ask you what you thought about the Hell in the Cell match between Williams and Taker?
MF: I’ll tell you this, I am glad I am retired. I am glad I became the AUTHOR OF NUMEROUS BEST SELLERS! THE NEWEST ONE IS DUR OUT ON OCTOBER 13th
Razz: Ok enough with the cheap plugs, really what did you think?
MF: I think it was insane. I also think those are two of the toughest SOB’s in wrestling, LD Williams made UnderDawg tap out, that is one cat I would not want to mess with
Russ: Next up, a moment I have been waiting for all night. We have our Legends Battle Royal. The winner will receive a brand new Mustang!
Razz: Can I get into this thing?
Nash: No, you have to be “this tall” to play in the ring.
Razz: You know, that joke would be a lot funnier if the people could actually SEE what you are doing. Dumbass
Russ: ok gentlemen it is time for your picks in the Battle Royal, we will start with Mrs. Foley’s Baby Boy
MF: Well, I think I am going with Thim Reynolds. The guy is like a tank in that ring, he is going to be a hard one to throw over the top to the floor
Razz: I am gonna go with Beast here, he will easily be the strongest guy in the ring, they are going to have to make one hell of an effort to get him over the top to the floor.
Russ: I am going with Blackdragon here. The guy does nothing but win and he is in phenomenal shape to boot, I say he outlasts all of them
Nash: Once again you guys are missing the point. It doesn’t matter who is the biggest or strongest, all that matters is who is the smartest, and in that ring tonight, there is no one smarter than Niles Anderson. While others rely on their brawn, Niles will rely on his brains to win this one.
Russ: Only one way to find out, let’s head to the ring.

LEGENDS BATTLE ROYAL

Beast, Antoine Cutter, Blade (with Ayaka), Kenji, Tommy Wilder, Austraroo, Chris Cole, Seraph, Microplay, Niles Anderson, Endo, Morte, Ax-Man, Thim Reynolds, Eric O’Mac, Carl Coolname, Fly, Nayr, Tommy O’Neil, Harper Camby, Blackdragon and SoulDragon make their way into the ring, once the mass of humanity is assembled the bell rings and this one is underway! The echo of the bell has hardly faded when Carl Coolname runs across the ring wearing brass knuckles and KNOCKS BEAST THE F*CK OUT! The momentum takes Beast over the top rope to the floor. I would say that is a slight measure of revenge. But Coolname takes a moment too long to admire his work and he gets tossed to the floor by Thim Reynolds. Blackdragon grabs Austraroo and head buts him to the mat. Ax-Man comes across Chris Cole and they stare at each other for a moment, and Cole offers his hand. Ax takes a moment too long to think about it and he gets blindsides from behind and sent over the top rope to the floor. Seraph and Cole both bow their heads and appear to be in meditation when the Halfrican Americans connect with dropkicks to the back of their heads. Seraph and Cole go over the top rope, Seraph hits the floor, but Cole lands on the apron. Inside the ring, Harper Camby grabs both members of THA and send them to the ropes, Cole low bridges them and both men flip over the ropes, both try to skin the cat, bit Cole gets to his feet on the apron and knees Fly in the mid section and he lets go and falls to the floor. Nayr makes it over the ropes and back into the ring, and immediately eats a super kick from Blade that sends him back over the ropes to the floor. Meanwhile, Tommy Wilder and Morte are exchanging chops in the center of the ring. Niles Anderson remains in one corner, not really engaging in anything. Microplay catches Eric O’Mac with an elbow to the back of his head, then climbs to the top rope? That is dangerous territory there. It backfires of course, and Niles Anderson pushes him off the top rope to the floor. Microplay is furious! Wilder, Blackdragon, Endo and Thim back Harper into the corner and work to get him over the top rope to the floor, but Harper hangs on and fights out of it sending all the men across the ring. Austraroo climbs to the second rope and waits for Harper to come out of the corner, when he does Roo climbs to the top and leaps and catches Harper with a head scissors, but Harper catches him and doesn’t move. Blade charges across the ring and gives Harper a knee to the back and he tumbles over the top rope to the floor, Roo hangs onto the ropes and remains on the apron, but the second he gets to his feet, Tommy hits him with a Wicked Left that knocks Roo to the floor. Kenji, Blade and Morte back Endo into the corner and take turns blistering his chest with chops. Endo fights out of it, then climbs to the second rope but before he can leap, Blade recovers and connects with a drop kick to Endo’s mouth that knocks him to the apron. Morte charges down the ropes trying for a clothesline, but Endo ducks his partner and Morte crashes into the corner and staggers backward, Endo grabs Morte and locks on the CLAW and pulls Morte over the top rope, then hits a bolo punch that knocks Morte to the floor. Endo turns around and immediately gets a face full of green mist, and a drop kick from Blade that sends HIM to the floor as well. Across the ring, Chris Cole side steps a charging SoulDragon and sends him over the top rope as well. Tommy O’Neil grabs Tommy Wilder and they begin exchanging shots right at the ropes, Thim Reynolds gets a running start and clotheslines both of them over the top rope to the floor. Blade tries to sneak attack Thim but Thim backdrops him over the top rope to the floor. Kenji remains in the ring and loads up some more green mist and aims for Antoine Cutter, who had been hiding in the corner, but Cutter kicks him low, and it appears that Kenji swallows his mist! Stunned, Cutter grabs Kenji and throws him over the top rope to the floor. Across the ring, Eric O’Mac and Chris Cole are fighting in the corner on the ropes trying to toss each other over. They tip a little too far and Niles Anderson rushes over and flips both men over the top rope to the floor. We are down to our final four, Blackdragon, Thim Reynolds, Niles Anderson and Antoine Cutter. Niles immediately charges across the ring and tries to get to Cutter, but Blackdragon steps in and stops him with a chop that takes Niles breath away. Thim joins in and the two of them put the boots to Niles. Blackdragon pulls Niles to his feet and Cutter steps out of the corner and NAILS Niles with the Fusion Fist Cutter! Niles falls to the mat and rolls to the floor. Inside the ring, Blackdragon and Thim slug it out perched on the ropes. Thim clotheslines Blackdragon sending him to the floor, but as he goes over the top rope, his boot catches Thim in the mouth and Thim falls between the ropes to the floor leaving only Antoine Cutter in the ring! The announcer begins to announce it, and the crowd pops when Niles Anderson slides back into the ring and throws Cutter over the top rope! That BASTARD! Niles celebrates on the middle rope taunting the fans, and the announcer begins to announce it when Thim Reynolds comes back into the ring and grabs Niles from behind and throws him over the top rope to the floor using the Razor’s Edge! The announcer waits for a moment to make sure no one else is coming back into the ring, then finally announces it.
WINNER in 26:12 – Thim Reynolds

Reynolds walks up to the car, looks it over for a moment, grabs the key from the officials, then tosses them into the crowd! Some lucky fan just won themselves a brand new car!

[My5:]

mooseheadjack
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OOWF Hell On Earth III PPV/3 Year Anniversary Show Jul 26, 2008 19:20:41 GMT -5

Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 19:20:41 GMT -5

Nash: Well, that just confirms it, Thim Reynolds is the biggest idiot alive.
Russ: That was quite the act of charity! I have to admit, I am pleasantly surprised by Thim’s actions!
Mick: I hate to be a wet blanket here, but I don’t think Thim really did anyone much of a favor
Russ: No?
MF: See, when there is something like this as a prize for a battle royal, the prize is often just a prop, it is there to look good. I highly doubt the OOWF went out and bought a brand new Mustang, my guess is that this was a loaner. And Thim throwing the keys to a fan in the crowd will only make it more difficult to explain that.
<Kayfabe runs out with a barbed wire baseball bad and hammers Mick, then tries to gnaw off his good ear. To his credit, Mick fights Kayfabe off, but not before taking the Nestea plunge off the announce table. After a wild brawl Mick rejoins the announce team.>
Razz: You ok Mick?
MF: Yeah, and uh, how bout that! Some lucky fan just won a brand new Mustang!
<Kayfabe looks pleased and leaves with the barbed wire bat>
MF: She’s crazier than I am by a long shot!
Nash: Smells better too
Russ: Mick you have been in lots of main event matches, right now, what is going through Concrete’s mind?
MF: Right now, Crete has to be more focused than he ever has been before. I talked to Crete earlier today, and I honestly believe there is no man on the face of the earth he hates more than Moosehead Jack. And he isn’t too fond of Stank right now either.
Nash: So you are saying that that will be a distraction for Crete tonight?
MF: It very well could be. Crete doesn’t know what order he will be facing the three men, assuming of course, that he survives the first match. If Crete lets his hatred for those men take over, he could find himself a former champion really quick.
Russ: Ok, well then I would like to get everyone’s picks for this match, let’s start with you Razz
Razz: Well, Crete knows Stank and Moose very well. He has faced them both numerous times, so I am going with Spin Hansen to win the title
Russ: Nash?
Nash: I am going with Stank to win this one, he has come so close so many times, I think this time he uses HIS rage to finally put Crete away for good and win his first singles title
Russ: That would certainly make this a bad night for the Heroes Guild, which is why I am going with Concrete TG. Crete used to have a saying he liked, this Concrete will bend, but it will not break. Crete has faced the stiffest competition there is since he came to the OOWF, tonight is a momentous challenge, but I think the champ retains. What do you think Mick?
Foley: Well you guys are missing the obvious here. Somehow Moosehead Jack has managed to orchestrate this whole thing to perfection. He turned two potential enemies in Stank and Spin into allies, he got them to join his crusade against the Heroes, and he somehow conned Crete into signing the contract for this match. He has managed to work all of this to his favor. My guess is this, we see Spin and Stank out first, Crete manages to beat both of them, then Moose comes out and picks the carcass clean and takes the title.
Russ: Lets head to the ring for our main event!
Foley: BANG BANG!

CONCRETE TG vs. SPIN HANSEN, STANK & MOOSEHEAD JACK – OOWF World Heavyweight Title Gauntlet Match

Here we are folks, main even time. We have a brand new referee in the OOWF, Davis Hightower, this is a pretty big assignment for a brand new ref. The champion, Concrete TG is introduced first, and he comes to the ring with a serious look on his face. This may be his biggest title defense ever. Crete waits in the corner for his first opponent. Spin Hansen’s music plays and he heads to the ring, a look of grim determination on his face. He climbs between the ropes and acknowledges the cheers, then comes to the center of the ring where he is met by Crete. The two men go nose to nose and the jawing starts. The jawing escalates and Crete locks up with Spin and pushes him back to the corner. The referee calls for a clean break, Crete cocks his fist like he is going to throw a punch, but then pulls back and backs to the center of the ring. Spin comes out and meets him again, another lock up, this time Spin backs Crete into the corner. Once again, the referee calls for the clean break. Spin backs away like he is going to break, then he nails Crete with a forearm upside the head! Crete snaps and charges out of the corner and takes Spin to the mat with a double leg take down. Spin braces for an onslaught of punches to the head, but Crete doesn’t go that route, instead, he grabs Spin’s legs and tries to roll him over in a Boston crab. Crete struggles to get him all the way over, but he finally does. Spin is about to reach the bottom rope, when Crete turns and releases the crab and locks on the STF! Spin grunts in pain, but finally makes it to the ropes forcing the break. Crete pulls Spin to his feet and sends him to the ropes, but lowers his head a moment too soon and Spin drops an elbow to the back of Crete’s head. Spin grabs Crete in a cobra clutch and turns that into a choke slam, covers, but Crete is out at two. Spin pulls Crete to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him in a bear hug. Crete struggles to get his breath, but Spin keeps the pressure on. Crete starts to fade and the referee checks his arm, once, twice, thre…NO! Crete hulks up and fights out of it with elbows to Spin’s head. Spin releases the hold and bounds off the ropes, but Spin catches Crete with a clothesline from hell, turning Crete inside out. Spin covers again and appears to get a three count, but Crete gets his foot on the bottom rope. Spin pulls Crete to his feet and shoves him to the corner, then sets him on the top rope and climbs up, Spin nails a perfect superplex, then rolls through and locks Crete in a dragon sleeper! They are right in the middle of the ring too! Crete fights it, and starts to fade, then manages to spin out of it and take Spin to the mat with a hammer lock. Spin gets to his feet and gets to the ropes and forces the break. He turns to face Crete and Crete catches him with a spinning heel kick that sends Spin over the top rope to the floor. Crete follows Spin to the outside and slams Spin’s head into the table, then whips him into the guard rail. Crete rolls Spin under the bottom rope and follows him into the ring. Crete pulls Spin up and plants him with a DDT, then covers and gets a two count. Crete looks a little frustrated, and climbs the ropes. When Spin gets to his feet, Crete leaps, but Spin catches him and reverses it into a spine buster! Crete is in trouble! Spin hooks the leg and covers, but Crete reaches out and grabs the bottom rope. Spin pulls a limp Crete up and scoops him up for a slam, as he drops Crete, Crete hooks Spin’s head and rolls him up in a small package, one, two, three! Crete gets the pin. Spin jumps to his feet and looks at referee Davis Hightower in astonishment! Crete powders out and backs to the corner and sits there trying to regain his composure. Spin leaves the ring and we wait for Crete’s next opponent……

Moosehead Jack comes out of the curtain with an evil grin on his face. Crete flinches a bit in the corner, then gets to his feet. Moose rolls under the bottom rope and immediately charges to the corner and attacks Crete with vicious punches to the head. Crete fights back and soon they re rolling around the ring trading punches. Moose rakes the eyes then shoves Crete out of the ring to the floor. Moose follows and he slams Crete head first into the steel ring post opening a nasty gash on Crete’s head. Jack mounts Crete and ponds away slamming Crete’s head into the cement floor. Jack gets off of Crete and grabs a chair, when Crete gets to his knees, Jack swings and slams Crete’s head, sandwiching it between the chair and the ring post. The referee immediately calls for the bell, but that does nothing to slow Jack down, he pulls a bloody and dazed Concrete TG to his feet and NAILS him with a heart punch, then pulls a strand of barbed wire from under the ring and wraps it around his arm and locks on the jiendo! Crete howls in pain as the barbs tear into the side of his head. Blood pours off of Crete’s head while Jack laughs with sadistic pleasure. Finally officials flood the ringside area and pull Moose off of Crete. Jack manages to get a couple more kicks to Crete’s head before he is led away. The officials help Crete to his feet and he rolls under the ropes and slumps in the corner as Stank’s music plays…..

Stank comes out from the back and he passes Moose coming up the ramp. He pauses for a moment, then Moose nods his head and Stank gets a look of grim determination on his face as he heads to the ring. Stank climbs between the ropes and waits in the center of the ring. Crete pulls himself off the mat using the ropes and wipes the blood from his face and staggers to the middle of the ring. The bell rings and the third part of the gauntlet is underway. Collar and elbow tie up, Stank buries a knee into Crete’s mid section, then clubs him in the back of the head with a double ax-handle that sends him to the mat. Stank stands over Crete and motions for him to get to his feet. To his credit, Crete pulls himself to his feet using Stank, as he stands, Stank grabs Crete’s head and slams him between the eyes with a headbut. Stank jerks Crete back to his feet and whips him into the corner and charges in for a clothesline. But Crete gets a boot up that catches Stank in the jaw, Crete climbs to the second rope and bulldogs Stank to the mat. Crete remains on his knees and tries to get to his feet, he covers Stank, but doesn’t even get a one count. Both men get to their feet, Stank swings at Crete but Crete ducks, Stank pursues and Stank chases him swinging with rights and lefts, seems like a bit of the rope-a-dope strategy, finally Crete ducks a big left from Stank, slips behind him and connects with a drop kick to the back of Stank’s head. Stank falls to one knee then gets up, clearly irritated, he charges Crete, but Crete takes him down with a drop toe hold, then grabs Stank’s leg and applies an Indian Death Lock! Stank snarls in pain but won’t quit. Crete breaks the hold and gets to his feet and springboards off the bottom rope and lands right in the small of Stank’s back. Crete rolls Stank into a bow and arrow and tries again for the submission, but weakened from the beating he has taken, and bloodloss, Crete can only hold the massive Stank for a few seconds. Crete releases Stank and drops a knee across the small of his back, then locks on a chinlock, pulling back on Stank’s head with everything he has. Stank slowly gets to his feet with Crete holding on to him, then falls backward into the corner, slamming Crete’s head into the top turnbuckle. All the breath in Crete’s body appears to leave him. Stank turns and fires off several clubbing grizzly bear like shots to the side of Crete’s head. Crete tries to cover up, but it looks like Crete doesn’t have much left in the tank. Crete falls limply to the canvas, and Stank pulls him out of the corner by the hair and hauls him up for a vertical suplex, leaving him up there for a few minutes to think about it, then turns it into a jackhammer, driving Crete to the mat. Another cover, one, two, thre…NO! Somehow Crete gets his shoulder up! Stank looks a little amused and pulls Crete up, whips him to the ropes and catches him with a black hole slam, but as they spin, Crete catches referee Davis Hightower in the head and sends him to the mat! Stank finishes the move and covers, he looks like he gets a 20 count, but there is no referee! Referee Sterling Glaw comes out from the back, but before he gets far, GM the Rick comes out as well!

GMtR: Hold on a second Glaw, no way are you officiating this match.

SG: What are you talking about? I am the head referee! I AM officiating this match!

GMtR: and I AM the GM and I say hell no you are not

SG: <getting right in GM the Rick’s face> I HAVE to go down there and prevent a great evil from happening, this is bigger than you Rick, I AM going

<Glaw starts walking away, but Rick grabs him by the arm and pulls him back and drops him with the RicKO!>

GMtR: Now, Creech, get out here and officiate that match>

Creech gets to the ring and we see Stank setting Crete up for a power bomb, he gets Crete on his shoulders, but Crete fires rights and lefts at Stank’s head , then spins around and tries a victory roll, but he can only keep Stank’s shoulders down for a two count. Crete is on his feet and he charges at Stank, Stank catches Crete and hot shots him off the top rope! Crete hits the mat hard and his eyes roll back in his head, Stank bounds off the ropes and drops an elbow across Crete’s chest and covers, one, two, NO Crete is out AGAIN! How is he finding the strength for this? Stank pulls Crete up again and whips him into the corner, Stank charges but Crete moves out of the way and Stank slams into the corner! Stank staggers backward a few steps and Crete climbs to the top rope, he tries a crossbody but Stank catches Crete on his shoulders and hits the STANK-U! Stank covers and hooks both legs one…..two……THREE!
WINNER in 39:04 and NEW OOWF World Heavyweight Champion – STANK

Stank grabs the title and falls to his knees in the center of the ring, Spin Hansen comes back to the ring and he and Stank celebrate with bottles of Jaeger and beer. Firechild comes to the ring and helps Crete back to the back. As they get about halfway up the ramp, Moosehead Jack passes them on the ramp, they pause and Crete gives Jack the look of death. Moose just smirks and heads to the ring. Moosehead Jack rolls under the bottom rope, walks right up to Stank and extends his hand. Stank looks at Jack, then shakes his hand. Moose smirks, nods to Spin, then rolls out of the ring. The camera pans to Crete and Firechild standing at the top of the ramp, Crete staring a hole of hatred into Moose. We cut to Moose, who is just staring at Crete with a shit eating grin on his face

Russ: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WE HAVE A NEW OOWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!
Razz: That was OFF THA HOOK!
Nash: I told you boys
Foley: What a finely worked match between four consummate professionals!
Russ: What?
Foley: IT WAS INSANE!!!!
Razz: Ok what does anyone make of Moose, he essentially sacrificed himself to get Stank the title, what the hell is up with that?
Russ: I have to believe Moose has an MO for that
Foley: Of course he does Russ, Jack doesn’t do anything for no reason, he softened Crete up for the kill, he did a favor for Stank, and one day, Moose is gonna call that favor in
Nash: Nah, I think it is more mind games with Moose, but it doesn’t matter right now, there is a large man holding the OOWF world title, and it is not going to be an easy task to get that belt away from him
Russ: Folks we are almost out of time, before we go, all of us here at the OOWF would like to thank you for sticking with us for three years of great OOWF action! We hope to have many more years of action to come. For Razz, Nash and Mick Foley, I’m Russ, Have a great night! Good Night!

The arena goes dark. Images of a rugged Latino man flaying off a turnbuckle and performing various aerial maneuvers flash across the screen. Then it blacks out to the words:

RYAN HARDCORE IS COMING

Then it shows the same man blasting someone with a chair, diving onto someone on a barbed wire table and hitting a 900 splash off of a ladder through sixteen panes of glass that are on fire.

RYAN HARDCORE IS COMING

Then he is shown in several lurid sexual positions with Lauren Phoenix, edited by censored bars, of course. He yells out in ecstasy and Lauren is shown opening her mouth. Then her entire face is censored out of the picture.

RYAN HARDCORE IS COMING

Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF Doomy Doomy Doom Doom IV Pay Per View! Live From Devil’s Lake, North Dakota! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem – the Imperial Onslaught, Live! October 3rd from Gas City, Indiana!

For all your OOWF shopping needs, check out www.cafepress.com/oowfshirts

This has been an OOWF production, produced by the LD-Tar-Jack-Fire-Crete-Ryan-Cap-Loki Production Company in accordance with Ecosystem Ltd.

[My5:]