OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 10-10-07

[mooseheadjack]

<We cut to GM the Rick’s office which is crowded with all the OOWF wrestlers, all talking at one time, mostly demanding title shots. Rick is trying to calm people down and having little luck>

GMtR: quite down, come on no one can hear, can we get some quiet in here?

GMtR: ENOUGH!! SHUT THE FUCK UP EVERYONE!!

<silence falls across the room>

GMtR: Ok fine, now if all of you would just listen up for a minute, as you know after Hell on Earth things are reset, and everyone is back at 0-0. Now, I know all of you think you deserve title shots, and SOME of you may be right. So what we are going to do is have a little elimination series. We are going to start with a four way dance, whoever is pinned, is eliminated. Then next week, the remaining three are going to have a three way dance, and so on, until there is one man standing and that man, or team, gets a title shot at Doomy Doomy Doom Doom IV

Volt: Didn’t the WWE just do that?

GMtR: What’s that? Someone doesn’t wand to be in the match?

Volt: I SAID that’s a great idea Rick! Keep up the great work!

GMtR: Yes, the WWE just did something like this, though, s they usually do, they completely fucked it up. I guarantee whoever wins the tournament gets a title match. We are not going to have some fatass black guy just walk into the title match

JWW: Yeah, he is ALREADY our champ. What?

GMtR: Anyway, this is how it is going to go, now, all of you, OUT, NOW!!!


OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Sandwich, Illinois

OOWF World Heavyweight Title 4-Way Elimination[/u]
LD Williams vs. Capellan vs. Canadian Dragon vs. Donovan Viper

OOWF Intercontinental Title 4-Way Elimination[/u]
F. Fonzworth Cappington vs. Spin Hansen vs. Firechild vs. JW Westgaard

OOWF World Tag Team Title 4-Way Elimination[/u]
Defenestrators vs. Phantos & Lucios vs. Apocalyptic Bastards vs. Los Defenestrators

OOWF Onslaught Championship 4-Way Elimination[/u]
Concrete TG vs. Knife vs. Ryan Hardcore vs. Moosehead Jack

Stank & Outback Jack vs. The BFF – Non-Title Match
Davin Moreland vs. “Champagne” Mike Jablowski

Card subject to playoff meltdown

[mooseheadjack]

Phantos & Lucios walk from the office to their locker room.

Phantos: Los Defenstrators and The Defensetrators in the same match? This should be fun.

Lucios: Fun? All I know is we get ANTOHER multi-team clusterbomb. We did this same 4-way match at the last PPV. We hit the Dropkick Device, had the match WON, when someone else comes in and took our Championships away.

Phantos: Man, we can beat these guys

Lucios: Of course we can. That's not nearly the point. I want just one WRESTLING match.

Phantos: I want a sandwich. I'm, gonna go get some food.

(Phantos leaves. lucios pops a tape in the VCR and watches the HOE3 Tag team match over again.)

For 10 seconds on the still black screen, the words "We're coming soon" in small font appear, and then goes onto the commercial

[mooseheadjack]

Viper is quickly walking out of the arena with his bags and the Imperial Onslaught trophy when Capellan approaches.

Cap: Dude, what the HELL was that?

DV: That was me, winning the Imperial Onslaught for the second time.

Cap: You call THAT a victory? Those clowns pretty much laid down for you.

DV: You know, I didn't expect that at all, ok? I really didn't.

Cap: Oh yeah, whatever. What would have happened if I made it into the the final four? Turn against me? Stab me in the back? Beat me down with your new Defenestrator buddies?

DV: Man, I would not have done that. You know what it would have been? It would have been the two of us, taking them down, and then on to you vs. me. And the Defenestrators are NOT my fucking buddies.

Cap: What was that hug with Cappington then. Oh... did he buy you out? You sold out to his money? What the hell? I know you want the gold, but come on. I thought you were talking about championship gold. Not money!

DV: This is NOT about money, ok? You are NOT going to see me rolling up in limos, drinking champagne, or any of that, ok? This IS about winning championship gold. Cappington may be a rich asshole, but he's offered to put all his funds into getting the best trainers out there, the best equipment, the best evrything to make sure that I become the World Heavyweight Champion once again. And quite frankly, that's what I want to be.

Cap: Is that what you want to be? A World Heavyweight Champion that no one respects? Best trainers my ass. You mean the best cohorts, right? That's what you're looking for? Some guys to help you win matches? It's all going to be outside interference victories again?

DV: That really wasn't part of the equation, but hey... everything it takes, right?

Cap: I can't believe you, man... You really think these guys are going to get you gold?

DV: Well, no offense, but I didn't win any with you.

Cap: So now it's MY fault?

DV: No man... It;s just, I tried things your way man. We didn't get the job done.

Cap: MY way? What the hell do you mean MY way? This was a team. We did things OUR way.

DV: Fine. OUR way didn't work. So now I gotta try something new. Look, man. This is business, not personal. So don't take it personally, ok?

Cap: You know what, dude? Fuck you. Have a nice life, asshole.

Capellan grabs the Imperial Onslaught trophy and throws it against the wall, smashing it into a million pieces. He leaves pissed. Viper looks back at Capellan with disdain. He walks off and leaves the pieces of the trophy on the floor.

[mooseheadjack]

*Davin Moreland is in his locker room, head hanging down, towel around his neck. In comes CBS Evening News' Katie Couric*

CENKC: Davin, Davin...Can we have a minute?

DM: *looks up slowly* Sure.

CENKC: How do you feel about your match with Outback Jack?

DM: *sighs* It was a great match, wasn't it? I'd first like to congratulate Outback Jack on one of the best straight wrestling matches of the year. I'm sure he doesn't care, but he should know that.

CENKC: So, what are your predictions for the upcoming Midweek Mayhem?

DM: Predictions? Predictions. Yeah. I don't have any predictions Katie. I don't know what I've got, besides my Onslaught Championship.

CENKC: You don't seem as confident as you were last week..

DM: *even more softly* Heh. Well, I guess I just got myself humbled out there. I did everything I was supposed to do...I trained, I studied tape, I was totally focused and prepared. Jack just flat out beat me. He's an amazing athlete, and I respect the hell out of him. Nice touch with the Brady Yankee Hat picture too. Photoshop is a beautiful thing.

CENKC: Well, what about your upcoming opponent, “Champagne” Mike Jablowski?

DM: Well, to be honest, I've never heard of him, so it's either someone new to the OOWF, or it's someone coming back with a hood on, Cole or Capps or something. Maybe I'll check with P and L to see if they have any tape on the guy...*trails off and head sags back down*

CENKC: This has obviously been hard on you...

DM: I can BEAT these guys, man...I know I can. Maybe I'm just not ready.

CENKC: Maybe you need a better gimmick.

DM: Well, how many damned times do I have to change my gimmick before I start looking like the 3rd member of the Smoley/Smark tag team...

CENKC: Point Taken.

DM: We done here? *starts to get up*

CENKC: Yeah, thanks Davin, anything else you want to add?

DM: Yeah. Dunkin' Donuts, D'Angelo's, Papa Gino's yay.

CENKC: Ok, Cut.

DM: *gets up* 'Scuse me Katie, I need a Sandwich.

*Davin Moreland leaves the room and turns right into MOOSEHEAD JACK~!*

MHJ: Davin.

DM: Yeah, I know...You haven't forgotten, this isn't over, don't call me the Bookerman, trust me. Does that about cover it?

MHJ: Pretty much.

DM: K.

*Moreland continues to walk, and ends up at Ric's*

RF: WHOOOO!!! DAVIN BAH GAWD MORELAND...

DM: Ric..

RF: Usual?

DM: Yeah, thanks...

*Moreland is MOPING~! and leaning against the wall waiting for his sandwich. Phantos and Lucios walk up*

DM: Hey guys.

L: Hey.

P: What's up, Davin?

DM: You guys got any tape on “Champagne” Mike Jablowski ?

P: Champagne Mike....Didn't we wrestle him in Mexico?

L: No...Japan...

P: No...Wasn't it Canada?

L: We'll look.

DM: Thanks. And guys, just so you know...You need anything, let me know.

P: I just wish we could get over the hump here and win the stupid Tag Titles.

L: I mean, we had it won and everything...

DM: Maybe you just need an equalizer?

P: What do you mean?

RF: WHOOOOOO ORDER UP, FAT BOY!

DM: *walking away head held a little higher* Think about it. Lucios will let you know what I mean.

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

<Viper walks away from the mess Capellan left and spies a large man strolling in his direction. Stank looms into view as it starts to rain.>

Viper - Well look at who it is.

Stank - Donnie.

Viper - Stank.

Stank - So you and my old partner are in bed together *POP!* OW! FIGURE of SPEECH MAN!

<An old, blind, Chinese man playing a Guqin nearby, stops, gathers his instrument and begins to walk away sensing trouble brewing. Stank raises his hand in the direction of the old man.>

Stank - Sir, would you be kind enough to play us another tune?

<Stank pays the man and the old guy lumbers back to where he was sitting and begins to strum an ancient Chinese melody. Stank lowers his title belt to the asphalt as he and Viper back away a few paces from one another, assuming defensive stances.

They stand there facing one another for a long time. The rain seems to slow in anticipation of an epic struggle. Neither of them makes a move while their combat unfolds in the depths of their minds.

The scene cuts to black and white as Stank and Viper engage in a battle of wills, their combat seemingly in tune with the complex chords and rare melodies of the music, skillfully played by the old man.

Stank produces a spear while Viper draws a sword. The weapons clash against one another, denied their search for flesh and blood. The two combatants fly around one another, defying gravity in wire-fu like grace.
Neither warrior gains an advantage on the other. The battle escalates, metal clanging against metal in fury of swipes and parries. The old man strums wildly in synch with the battle. Too wildly, as the strings of his instrument snap!

The scene shoots back into color. Stank and Viper open their eyes. Neither man has moved.>

Viper - Did you... Did you SEE that?

Stank - What... what did YOU see?

Viper - I saw us fighting in a kick ass, martial arts sword fight.

Stank - Oh... I saw something different.

Viper - I'm telling you it was AWESOM- wait! What did you see?

Stank - Nothin!

<Stank gathers his title belt and trots off emabarrased.>

Viper - ...What the hell was that about?

Old man - ... Someone going to pay me for these broken strings?

[mooseheadjack]

We get a static interrupting the OOWF-24 broadcast, then 'Desire to Fire' by Machine Head kicks in and we see still video shots of blood and violence interspersed with pix of the Onslaught, Tag and Intercontinental title, and finally pictuitres of Firechild, standing next to Cghris Cole & Ax-Man, and then standing next to Concrete TG, Glaw and Nayr.

The music stops, and we see Firechild standing, surrounded by shadows, his exact whereabouts unknown.

FC: Too long I've walked in the shadows of other men, adhereing to their agendas, keeping them in the positions they wanted. But one bvy one they turned away from me and now I see the true path is one that I must tread alone.

The music comes back and we see shots of Firechild's beating at the hands of Moosehead Jack and the 3 Piece Set, his crucifixion of Seraph, his cameraderie and heroic deeds in the Guild, flashing past quicker and quicker until the music stops again and we get a still shot of Firechild's face, a look of steely determination on show.

FC: No more playing at being a cocky rock star, no more playing at being a hero, now it's just me, and what I want, with no excuses. For those who cross me, this won't be justice, this will be punishment. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Firechild smiles his wry, evil smile and the screen goes black, only for a logo of a skull on fire(*) to be stamped on it, and sizzle.

---------------------------------------
* Imagine the Punisher logo, with flames coming out the top, or the Offspring logo - it's cheesy, I know, but it's in keeping with the character and would sell a LOT of t-shirts.

[mooseheadjack]

(Edit: Whoops, left off half the post.)

(Voltage and Ecosystem are hanging out at Columbia University with Lee Bollinger.)

Bollinger: As good as it is to have you here--

Eco: It's good to be here.

Bollinger: ...Right. Anyway, I'm not sure you were invited to speak here.

Voltage: Of course we were.Columbia University is an educational institution that firmly believes in exposing students to all perspectives. That's why Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was allowed to speak.

Bollinger: Yes, but he is important.

Eco: However, we've imprisoned less journalists.

Bollinger: Fewer. You've imprisoned fewer journalists.

Voltage: What are you, some kind of grammar Nazi?

Bollinger: I'm the President of an Ivy League University.

Eco: Well, I'm the President of YOUR MOM!!!

(Eco and Voltage exchange high-fives)

Bollinger: Cute. I'm leaving.

(Bollinger walks off.)

Voltage: So mate, we have a match this week. Against Apocalyptic Bastards...

Eco: Fine.

Voltage: Los Defenstratores...

Eco: Are they secretly us?

Voltage: No.

Eco: Darn.

Voltage: ...and Phantos and Lucios.

Eco: Do they have a team name yet?

Voltage: No.

Eco: Then we're fine.

Voltage: Oh, and apparently someone is coming soon.

Eco: Al Gore?

Voltage: I'm fairly certain not.

Eco: Then I am unconcerned. Let's get a sandwich.

(Eco and Voltage look around Columbia University for a sandwich shop.)

[mooseheadjack]

[El Ecosistema and El Voltaje are sitting around.]

El Ecosistema: Tan, El Voltaje.

[So, El Voltage.]

El Voltaje: Sou desu ne.

[That is so.]

El Ecosistema: ¿Hablas japonés?

[You speak Japanese?]

El Voltaje: ¿También no hablamos portugués, ruso, francés, italiano, alemán e inglés?

[Don't we also speak Portuguese, Russian, French, Italian, German and English?]

El Ecosistema: Favorablemente bastante. ¿Tan porqué hemos estado en la TV desde el PPV? Somos claramente más hermosos que Harris y el Alt.

[Fair enough. So why have we not been on TV since the PPV? We are clearly more handsome than Harris and Alt.]

El Voltaje: Esperar, ellos eran nosotros en el PPV. ¿Ahora somos Harris y Alt así como Volt y Eco?

[Wait, they were us at the PPV. Are we now Harris and Alt as well as Voltage and Eco?]

El Ecosistema: Quizá debemos preguntar a Mario Estupendo.

[Maybe we should ask Mario Estupendo.]

Mario Estupendo: SOY...MARIO ESTUPENDO!

El Voltaje: Sou desu ne.

El Ecosistema: Tengo gusto de la soy sauce.

[mooseheadjack]

<Stank walks into the Destroyitarium, clearly in distress. He plops his World Title belt onto the bar, walks around, and pours himself a double shot of whiskey. Outback Jack, already seated at the bar, looks over at Stank. Spin Hansen walks up.>

SH - You okay?

Stank - ... no.

OBJ - What's the problem?

Stank - ... I just left Donovan Viper.

SH - ... and?

Stank - I made an innocent comment that could have been misconstrued as a gay reference, if you were looking hard enough for it. You know how SENSITIVE Donnie is, so he POPPED me in the jaw. We were about to fight when... ... I saw something... ... weird.

OBJ - What did you see?

Stank - ... I think Donnie's... dreams are rubbing off on me.

SH - How so?

Stank - I saw a white light... and in the middle of it... Chris Cole and Nayr were standing there... naked.

OBJ - Ewww!

SH - Was Nayr still wearing his mask?

<Stank and OBJ look over at Spin>

SH - ... I'm just saying if he WAS, then he wasn't really naked.

Stank - ...

SH - Am I right?

Stank - That's hardly the point.

SH - Then what is the point... you might be a closet homo?*POP* OW!

Stank (rubbing his fist) - Not that there's anything wrong with that.

OBJ - Guys please. Stank relax. We know you're not gay. Remember Cole and Nayr stripped down in front of you before their exits from the OOWF. That's probably an image that will have to fade naturally. We've got a match up against the Tag Champs at Mayhem. Try to focus on that.

Stank - No good. The last time I wrestled those guys they were 3-Piece Set. And you know who led The Set?

SH - Oh would you just RELAX! You're the World Champion. Even before that, you've had some kind of strange hold over the MAJORITY of Sexy Female Journalists around here. You're clearly not gay... unless you're bi.

Stank - I'm going to kick you... ... right in the mouth.

SH - I'm just teasin.

Stank - I got jujitsu.

SH - ... I know, listen, how about I let you guys in on my big secret? It will distract you from teh gay.

Stank - We ALREADY KNOW you're a fan of "Death Cab for Cutie! Outback found those concert ticket stubs in your locker last week.

Spin - ...

Stank - ...

OBJ - Ha Ha Ha

Spin - Just for that, you guys will be the LAST to know.

Stank - Aw C'MON Spin! It was just a JOKE! Where you going? C'MON MAN! SPIN! DON'T GO!

<Hansen exits>

OBJ - HA HA HA

Stank - Hey man you gonna give Spin a shot at your title?

OBJ - HA HA H- Wha.. wait! What?!?

Stank - I'm serious.

OBJ - Why not YOUR title?

Stank innocently - He already had a shot.

OBJ - SO?

Stank - You're changing the subject.

OBJ - No I'm not!

Stank - Yes you are. Give Spin a shot.

OBJ - It's not up to me, you KNOW that! Even still... If Spin wants a shot he can have it. What about you?

Stank - Same here.

OBJ - ...

Stank - I just think it would be nice if we all wore gold around here in the Destroyitarium. Plus, I think we need a fourth since Ax seems determined not to hook back up with us.

OBJ - I like factions of three. It keeps things from getting too complicated, but who did you have in mind, and DON'T say Moosehead Jack.

Stank - No, my business with Moose is through. I don't know who I had in mind. What's Gatorbait up to?

OBJ - He's in Lousianna, last I heard, and he wouldn't join us anyway because he really doesn't like you.

Stank - Really?

OBJ - I don't much like you either, but you're a great drinkin buddy... Bait didn't care much for alcohol.

Stank - I feel sorry for him.

[mooseheadjack]

OBJ: I do have to ask a question.

Stank: OK

OBJ: Since we're facing Harris and Alt, I'd normally cut a promo suggesting that they're gay. Are you OK with that?

Stank: Maybe we could just make fun of them for drinking lemonade?

OBJ: Right, that's close enough anyways.

Stank: I need a drink.

[mooseheadjack]

<the door to the Destroyitarium creaks open and everything stops, the piano player stops playing, everyone stops in mid motion and looks up to see Moosehead Jack standing in the doorway. Jack looks around, then walks to the bar and pours himself a stiff drink>

Stank: Uhhh Moose?

MHJ: What?

Sta: Uhh I think this angle is over

MHJ: So a guy can't come in and have a beer?

OBJ: Aren't you a heel now?

MHJ: When wasn't I?

OBJ: So, you were a heel then Stank?

Stank: I won heel of the year

OBJ: Kinda soft for a heel weren't ya mate?

Stank: what?

OBJ: Well, I mean Jack carves people up with barbed wire, what did you do to be a heel again?

Stank: I went after Crete and the Heroes

OBJ: That's it?

Stank: Uh, yeah, what are you getting at?

OBJ: Nothin

Stank<turning back to Moose> So, whats up Moose?

MHJ: Nothing, just needed a drink.

Stank: That's it, you didn't come in here to do some dirty work for LD Williams

MHJ:<not looking up from his drink> Williams doesn't need me to do any dirty work for him

Stank:<getting to his feet> So what is THAT supposed to mean? You think I can't beat Williams?

MHJ: For the love of fuck, will you calm down? I am here to drink, that is it, I told you, no mind games

<Stank climbs back on the stool>

Stank: Yeah, ok, been a little edgy since I got the belt

MHJ: Ya think?

<a long pause passes between the two men>

Sta: So you are going to finish this with Crete?

MHJ: Yup

Stank: You got a plan?

MHJ: Violence

Stank: I mean beyond that

MHJ: there is no beyond that. One of us will walk out of the ring, one of us will be carried out of the ring

Stank: Why?

MHJ: Why what?

Stank: Look, Moose, I know we are paid to threaten each other with sever injury, and I know we are supposed to go out there an inflict as much pain as we can, but you and Crete, I mean, how do I say this.......this seems personal, like homicidal personal.

MHJ: There is no way to explain it, one of us has to go, its that simple

Stank: But why

MHJ: It just is what it is Stank. It has gone on too long, and now, one of us has to be eliminated

<Jack slams his drink and gets up and leaves>

Stank: I don't get it.

OBJ:<slamming his drink and belching> Who cares, I hope they kill each other. Leaves more for us

Stank:<kind of distant> I guess

[mooseheadjack]

(The scene opens in a church, where soft organ music plays and a lone figure sits in the center pew, praying quietly. A tall figure enters the church and walks quietly to that same pew to sit next to the praying man)

Knife: <qw> It has been a long time, takaken... what brings you before God?

CTG: <qw> you and I have a match coming

Knife: that isn't the battle that troubles you, is it?

CTG: ......

Knife: "The wicked draw the sword and bend the bow to bring down the poor and needy, to slay those whose ways are upright." [Psalm 37:14]

CTG: ....Moose....

Knife: he is what troubles you most, for all the battles you have fought, this seems to be the one that is nearest your heart.

CTG: Moose is an unquenchable evil, and I'm afraid that one day I'll be dragged down to his hell

Knife: (sighs) Takaken, no battle is easy, and even our Saviour asked us to take up arms in times of darkness. Our battle to save mankind is not one of peaceful words.

CTG: I don't understand...

Knife: You have fought many battles, refusing to raise a weapon against the wicked within our company, but Moosehead Jack is a monster of another time.

CTG: then it is a war I fight against him?

Knife: "Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell." [Matthew 10:28] .. deep down, you're aware that Moosehead jack seeks to do both to you. Stand strong, and he cannot defeat you.

(CTG reflects on this as we fade slowly to black, the organ music fading out)

[mooseheadjack]

Lucios is lacing up his boots. Phantos is in full rambling mode, and Lucios has been tuning him out.

Phantos: ... and then he turned over the Jack! $300 gone in one fell swoop.

Lucios: Mmm Hmmm

P: Hey, what do you think about Davin said about needing an equalizer?

L: I am intrigued and have my doubts. I don't like the thought of stooping to that level, But it seems that's what it takes around here to get things done. Viper has like 4 guys lay down for him, Harris and Alt parade in masks to win our Tag Team Championships. Noone seems to want to play it straight anymore.

P: Davin got his belt, heck he had TWO of them for a little while.

L: I'm not questioning his results. I do want to continue trying to win them the real way. If Davin can be an asset there, then I'm all for it. If he can watch our backs, that WILL help. If we need to run interference for him, I'm Ok with that. But I don't want a cheap victory. I want to out-wrestle the opposition and win them that way first.

[mooseheadjack]

In the Fortress Of Snobbery

FFCIII- This is a great day for LOADED. We are in possition to capture every title in the OOWF. Voltage and Ecosystem, you are one of the premier team in the OOWF. All you have to do is take out these three joke teams. One without a name, one who have only won one match and the other one who is...you, right?

Eco & Volt- NO!

FFCIII- Oh right! *wink*

Volt- I'm going to hit you.

Eco- I'll stop him from hitting you if you hand me some money.

F. Fonzworth Cappington III hands Ecosystem $1300.

Eco- Hey Voltage, you should reconsider hitting him, he's been good to us.

Ecosystem hands Voltage $13

Volt- Is this a lot?

Eco- Yeah, I think the exchange rate is one american dollar to 1758 Australian dollars.

Volt- Holy shit! Thanks Eco!

FFCIII- And now with our new friend Ryan Hardcore, who in his first outting went the distance in the Imperial Onslaught, in for the Onslaught Title, that division will be bent over and fucked in the ass!

RH- I charge more for that.

FFCIII- Not literally.

RH- OH! You mean, I'm just going to beat them! Right right right. Okay, I thought you wanted me to do some guy on guy stuff. That'd really cost you.

Eco- You do guys for money?

RH- Well, I haven't yet, but everyone has their price.

Eco hands Ryan $13.

RH- No.

Eco- Shit!

Volt- Wait...what?

Eco- No! Its for...uh...a friend of mine!

Volt- Oh okay. I was worried for a second.

FFCIII- Anyways! The IC division will cower at my hand, while Viper will once again dominate in the World division. This time next month we'll all be champions.

Volt- I'm already a champion.

FFCIII- No, I mean a real champion.

Volt- I am a real champion.

FFCIII- Didn't you win and lose all three of those belts already?

Volt- I think I still hold a few of them....wait...do I?

FFCIII- Do you have any?

Volt- I'm sure they're around here somewhere...crap...do I have any belts?

FFCIII- I don't know. But I'm talking about putting one of the Tag Team Championships around your waist.

Volt- Which one?

FFCIII- The shinier one.

Volt- OOOOOOOH! Okay, I'm game. Let's do this. Is there lava involved?

[mooseheadjack]

Viper walks into the Fortress of Snobbery.

FFC3: Hey! You're late! I just finished up my promo!

DV: Sorry. I had some loose ends to tie up.

FFC3: No worries. Glad to have you as part of the team, Viper.

DV: Sure, whatever, Cap. You just better keep your end of the bargain.

FFC3: Viper, when you have money like I do, everythings a bargain. Including making sure you get championship gold.

DV: Sounds good.

Viper leaves.

Eco: I still can't believe Fonzworth brought Viper into LOADED. I really didn't think he'd sell out.

Volt: You mean like us?

Eco: Exactly. I'm a total sell out.

Volt: So am I. I guess Viper's a sell out too--- *POP!*

Voltage goes down like a ton of bricks.

Eco: Oh come on, man! He didn't say anything REMOTELY homosexual.

DV: I am NOT A SELLOUT!

Eco: That's why you knocked him out?

DV: No. I just remembered that I still don't like him.

Eco: Oh.

DV: I still don't like you either.

Eco: What did I do?

DV: I DID just have a feud with you?

Eco: That was Los Def! Not us! I SWEAR!

DV: Cappington?

FFC3: Um.... I don't.... Hey, we don't need to hit each other, man.

DV: You keep those damn masks off when you're around me, ok, Eco?

Eco: WE'RE NOT LOS DEF!

DV: You keep saying that.

Viper leaves again.

FFC3 (points in Viper's direction): See that, Eco? That's the kind of badassery we need in this faction!

Just then, Ryan Hardcore pins Voltage. Mel Creech runs in. ONE! TWO! THREE! Ladies and Gentlemen your NEW Heavy Metal Champion! RYAN HARDCORE!!!!

Eco: Wait, how did you do that? He just punched Voltage.

RH: With a chain-wrapped fist. Chains are metal, you know. Heh, I'm beginning to like this place already.

FFC3 (points at Ryan Hardcore): See that, Eco? That's the kind of intuitiveness we need in this faction!

Eco: Man. Viper REALLY must not like us. Shit!

[mooseheadjack]

<GM the Rick is sitting in his office behind his desk working on some paper work when Harris and Alt burst through the door with squirt guns chasing each other all over the office. Harris ducks a shot by Alt, then turns and fires a shot that hits Alt right in the chest. Alt gasps, drops his gun, clasps his hands over his chest and dramatically spins and falls to the floor. Harris rushes to his side and kneels on the floor>

HH: CHRIS!! CHRIS SPEAK TO ME!!

CA: So.......so very cold.......papa is that you?

HH: No Chris, its ME!! Its Hardbody!! Speak to me!!

CA: Hard.....body....it's getting dark.......I just have........one........thing.......to.........say

HH: What? What buddy? ANYTHING!!

CA: avenge.........my.........death

<Alt exhales dramatically and his head falls limply to one side>

HH: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

<The whole time GM the Rick is sitting watching this, clearly not amused>

GMtR: Are you two done?

<Alt jumps to his feet and takes a bow while Harris claps enthusiastically>

HH: BRAVO BRAVO!!!! THAT WAS AWESOME!!!!

CA: I would like to thank the academy....

HH: Next time I get to die!

CA: DEAL!!!

GMtR: WILL YOU TWO SIT DOWN

<Harris and Alt both flop down on the oversized couch>

HH: What's up Rick?

CA: Yeah, we heard you wanted to see us

GMtR: Yes, look, as you know Johnny and AA still have not found the OOWF World Tag Team titles......

HH: Does that mean we are not the champions?

CA: NO FAIR!!

GMtR: No, you two are still the champions, but getting new titles takes time, so for now, you are going to have to use these....

<Rick hands Harris and Alt what are clearly plastif replicas of the old WWF Tag Team Titles - the ones held by Demolition - with an OOWF sticker slapped over the WWF logo. Harris and Alt take the titles and stare at them with their jaws dropped>

GMtR: Look, I know they are not the greatest but it is just......

<Alt and Harris both jump to their feet>

both: Duh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh Duh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh

Alt: HERE COMES THE AX

HARRIS: HERE COMES THE SMASHER

Both: THE DEMOLITION, WALKING DISASTER!! PAIN AND DESTRUCTION IS OUR MIDDLE NAME!!

Both: YES!! THIS RULES!!!

<The BFF jump to their feet and give each other a leaping high five, then run out of Rick's office, as they go we can hear them>

HH: I get to be Ax!!!

CA: No way! I am Ax, you get to be Smash!

HH: You can be Crush!

CA: No one wants to be Crush.......

GMtR: They really don't pay me enough to do this job

[mooseheadjack]

(Ecosystem sets up a steel chair against the wall.)

Eco: Hey Ryan! I bet you can't run into this chair really hard and fall over!

Ryan: Is that chair made of metal?

Eco: ..No.

Ryan: I think I'll hold off.

Eco: Not even for...(whipping out money)..SEVENTEEN DOLLARS?

Ryan: As worthless as this title probably is, no.

(Viper comes back in.)

DV: I remember why I don't like you!

Eco: Really?

DV: Do you remember two or three years ago when you were the chairman of the OOWF and I was losing all those matches?

Eco: Nope.

DV: Okay. I don't either. But when I do, boy are YOU in for it.

Voltage: (regains consciousness) Woo! Rock and roll! I'm the gnarliest double champ ever.

FFCIII: I have bad news...

[mooseheadjack]

*Canadian Dragon and LD Williams are sitting in the locker room getting ready for their match.*

CD: "So...you think one of us should cut a promo?"

LDW: "Not sure...I mean one of two things is going to happen...either The Rick wants us to feud, or he wants Cap and Viper to feud."

CD: "Well that's kinda obvious."

LDW: "The thing is, I'm not sure when Viper or Cap will turn on the other costing them to be eliminated from the series."

CD: "And what makes you so sure that will happen?"

LDW: "Well Viper is Viper...and Cap is going to assume Viper is Viper. Either way, I expect them to be fighting ach other at the next PPV."

CD: "So I guess that means one of us is getting the title shot."

LDW: "Looks that way. And I'll be honest with you...I want that shot."

CD: "Ofcourse you do. And you deserve it. Problem is...so do I. But look o the plus side....Weapon X has two weeks to warm up before we have to fight each other."

*Camera fades to black.*

[mooseheadjack]

(Spin Hansen shown sitting down in the Destroyitarium.)

SH: Tonight, I face off against three other men.

One of them is a former stablemate and somewhat of a mentor to me. He's held the tag belts on multiple occasions, and is the only guy left on the roster that's bigger than I am.

One of them is former member of one of the most celebrated tag teams in OOWF history, and has proven by his actions in the past that he's about batshit insane.

The last one is the former Intercontinental champion, former member of the Hero's Guild, former ember of the Three Piece Set... and, oh yeah, the man that I fought with for months and months for the Onslaught title.

And all of it? To face another member of Drink and Destroy, another multi-time Tag Team Champion, a man adored in America, detested in Japan, and one of two other people that I've ever met that can drink as much as I can.

Yeah, I like my odds.

(Spin takes a few chugs of Jagermeister, finishes the bottle, and throws it against the wall as the camera fades.)

[mooseheadjack]

SFJ#123 catches up with Capellan backstage.

"Capellan: your tag team with Donovan Viper spontaneously combusted last week and now you face him in a 4-way dance. Any thoughts?"

"A couple. One, there was nothing spontaneous about the combustion of our tag team. Viper doesn't do anything 'spontaneously', and I'm sure this was no exception. Two, that doesn't matter tonight. Even if I felt I needed revenge on Viper for his decision, a four-way with three of the toughest men in the OOWF is not the place to be indulging personal rivalries."

"You say 'even if'... does that mean you don't want revenge by what Viper did?"

"Why should I?"

"Well, he did betray you -"

"Betrayed me? No. Betraying me would be ... I don't know, sucker-kicking me through a barbershop window maybe. What Viper did was betray himself. He gave up trying to win on his own merits and took the easy route. I was certainly disappointed by that decision, but I'm not going to obsess about it. It was his choice to make. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to prepare for my match."

[mooseheadjack]

*Davin Moreland walks into Phantos & Lucios' locker room*

L: I'm not questioning his results. I do want to continue trying to win them the real way. If Davin can be an asset there, then I'm all for it. If he can watch our backs, that WILL help. If we need to run interference for him, I'm Ok with that. But I don't want a cheap victory. I want to out-wrestle the opposition and win them that way first.

DM: I'm not saying get a whole slew of cheap victories. All though it's not as bad as you make it out to be.

P: Oh! HI! Davin! Didn't see you there!

L: *mumbles* Course not, with you being all ADD'd out right now...

P: What?

L: Nothing...nothing..

DM: Lucios, it's really not what you think. It's about self-preservation. Haven't you noticed how everyone here has kind of factioned up now?

L: *points to Phantos, who is doing cartwheels on the mat* I have "self-preservation"

DM: No. You have Foamy the Squirrel...Minus the profanity.

L: So what exactly *is* it are you proposing?

DM: A mutual agreement.

P: A FACTION?!?!? I *LOVE* Factions...Don't you like factions, Lucios? Huh?

DM: No...Not a faction, per se...well, at least not for now...

L: Stop doing your Moosehead Jack impression and get to the point please?

DM: Fine. You'll be at ringside for my matches, I'll be at ringside for yours.

L: Ok, that's totally a faction.

DM: Well, no, not really...It's not like we're cutting promos together.

P: Isn't that what we're doing right now.

DM: But this is a set-up...DON'T COME IN HERE...

*Kayfabe slinks away*

DM: A set-up promo. Consider this a trial agreement. If it works, then we'll explore the possibility of a faction down the road.

L: Sounds like a win-win.

DM: Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

L: I still want to win clean though...

DM: Listen, have a seat...I feel like I need to explain this to you.

*Davin and Lucios sit on the bench. Phantos is essentially running the locker room around in circles*

L: So. Continue.

DM: It's like this. This is no ordinary Fed, Luc. The amount of clean wins in the history here can be counted on one hand.

L: Fine. But we're uber-faces. We can't be going around cheating to win.

DM: Then go join the damn Heroes Guild. You guys and Crete should be fun, especially now that he's all alone, and Moose smells blood.

P: *from across the room* I LOVE Concrete TG! He's my hero! *drops and starts doing pushups*

L: *rolls his eyes* well...What about you? What's your deal? You're a face too right?

DM: No. I'm a tweener. Everyone just assumes I'm a face. That's how I can go around beating people up and not get heel heat.

L: So you could get away with doing your stereotypical ringside heel-y stuff.

DM: Occasionally. I can totally get away with stopping ANOTHER teams heel-y stuff.

L: Well, that's almost...FACE-y...

DM: See what I'm saying now? And you guys could TOTALLY do that, and still be Uber-faces Crete would be proud of.

P: CRETE! CRETE! CRETE! CRETE!

L: Well...Sounds workable. We'll get back to you after the show.

DM: Yeah, do that. You guys are too good to not have belts.

P: *running in* Hey! Aren't you forgetting something?

DM: What?

P: Dunkin' Donuts Pumpkin Muffins! Only for a limited time! America Runs on Dunkin!

*all smile and give thumbs up to the camera...as we're fading out...*

DM: Damnit...Let me get my wallet...

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Sandwich, Illinois

<we cut to a church, the inside is lit but it is still somewhat dark. Moosehead Jack slowly walks down the aisle toward the confessional when a priest comes out and stops him>

Father O’Brien: I know you, I know who you are. I know you have no place in the House of God.

MHJ: father, you judge me?

Father O’Brien: Why are you here?

MHJ: to be heard

Father O’Brien:-slightly shaken- confession?

MHJ: something like that

<Father O’Brien leads Moose to a small booth and sits inside, through the miracle of television, we see that Crete is also in a confessional, through split screen we hear the priests>

Father Hanrahan: My son, what is it you wish to confess?

CTG: Father, I need to know that the battle I am about to embark on is done with a pure heart

MHJ: Father, I have had dreams of horrific atrocities, and I come before you to confirm my fears

Father Hanrahan: - He said, “For the Day of Vengeance was in my heart, and my year of redemption has come.” If you are pure of heart, your battle cannot end in vain

Father O’Brien: What is it you saw in your dreams?

MHJ: I saw a hooded figure, he beckoned me to follow. When I came near, he pointed and said “behold a pale horse, its riders name is Death, and Hell follows with him.” And another horse came out, flaming red. And its rider was empowered to take the peace from the earth, so that men slaughtered one another; and he was given a huge sword.

CTG: I fear that my redemption may lead only to vengeance and violence.

Father O’Brien: You have dreamed of Death and War, two of the horsemen of the Apocalypse. What did you do?

MHJ: I followed them into battle. The battle between good and evil

Father Hanrahan: you go with good intentions and purity of heart. Your vengeance is proper in the eyes of God

Father O’Brien: With Moose- And then

CTG: Thank you father, I know now that what I must do is just.

MHJ: The blood of the innocent stained my hands. Then I woke

Father Hanrahan: Go my son; let your conscience be clear, you have my blessing

Father O’Brien: - My son, your visions are disturbing. Perhaps you can seek comfort in knowing that the righteous shall rise above their oppressors, the meek shall inherit the earth

MHJ: Not this time. Trust me.

<via a split screen we see both Moose and Crete get up and walk out of the confessionals, as they walk into the church, we see that they were in the same church and come face to face. The priests come out of the confessional, both have a panicked look on their face>

Father Hanrahan: DO NOT SHED BLOOD IN THE HOUSE OF THE LORD!!!

<Crete and Moose both glance at him then look back to one another, Crete smirks, Moose snarls, then, amazingly, both walk away without a punch being thrown>


DAVIN MORELAND vs. “CHAMPAGNE” MIKE JABLOSKI

Jabloski comes to the ring in Arizona Diamondbacks gear, trying for the cheap heat. He gets it too as a beer bottle from a Cubs fan narrowly misses his head. Jabloski climbs into the ring and mocks the Cubs fan by chanting 99 YEARS, 99 YEARS, the fans are about to rush the ring and murder him when Davin Moreland is announces. He walks to the ring with a curious look on his face and the OOWF Onslaught Championship slung over his shoulder. Davin climbs between the ropes and takes a look at Jabloski and kind of shakes his head and chuckles. The referee checks both men, then calls for the bell. Jabloski walks to the center of the ring and extends his hand, Moreland looks around and the fans boo loudly, but he grabs Jabloski’s hand anyway, and sure enough Jabloski tries to pull Moreland toward him and nails him with a forearm to the chest. Problem is, Moreland doesn’t move and Jabloski ends up on the mat. Jabloski smiles good naturedly as he sits on the mat and tries to explain. Moreland looks at him and nods his head as if to accept his apology, and even offers his hand to help Jabloski off the mat. Jabloski grabs his hand and Moreland pulls him to his feet….right into a short clothesline that sends MJ in a 180 and face down on the mat. The fans erupt in loud applause as Jabloski lies face down on the mat. Moreland pulls him back by the hair and gives him several brutal crossface across his face that opens a nasty gash. Moreland holds his head for a moment and lets the blood drip on the mat, then pulls JM to his feet and sends him into the corner, and charges in and catches him with a knee to the midsection, then goozles him and lifts him and sets him on the top rope. JM tries to fight Moreland off, but Moreland stops him with a couple of hard shots to the side of the head, then Moreland climbs up and hits a top rope REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER! The fans erupt because Jabloski could very well be dead. Moreland waits patiently for Jabloski to get to his feet then hits a Dolphin drop kick that sends Jabloski across the ring and under the ropes to the floor. Moreland is gracious and lets him back into the ring, then attacks again and grabs JM and pulls him into a vertical suplex, then drops him across his shoulder, but instead of it being a jackhammer, he slams him down across his knee. Jabloski writhes on the mat in pain. Moreland gets to his feet and has a conversation with the referee by the ropes, Jabloski gets to his feet and Moreland hits the ropes and spears JM nearly breaking him in half. Moreland covers and gets the academic three count.
WINNER in 3:55 – Davin Moreland

CONCRETE TG vs. KNIFE vs. RYAN HARDCORE vs. MOOSEHEAD JACK – OOWF Onslaught Championship Elimination Series Match

Ryan Hardcore, as the newcomer, enters the ring first. He watches indifferently as Knife makes his entrance. Concrete TG enters next, and is closely followed by Moosehead Jack. Referee Mel Creech calls for the bell as soon as Jack sets foot in the ring, figuring that’s as close to a clean start as he’s going to get. Mel is right – as soon as Jack gets into the ring he lunges at CTG, catching him with a forearm to the face. Concrete responds in kind and they go toe to toe. Meanwhile, Knife and RH lock up behind them. After an exchange of arm locks, RH takes Knife over with an arm drag, and catches him with a dropkick as he gets up. Knife stumbles back and collides with CTG, knocking him off balance. Jack takes advantage and drills CTG with a DDT. Knife drops to the mat to avoid a clothesline from RH, and RH levels Jack instead. RH rolls to his feet, but Jack grabs his ankle, allowing Knife to connect with a Stab kick. Jack nods at Knife, who responds by kicking him in the face. Knife attacks with punches and kicks until CTG comes up behind him and moves him out of the way so he can attack Jack himself. Knife takes offence, but before he can react, RH rolls him up from behind for a one count.
CTG backs Jack into the corner and hits a series of chops. Jack reverses their positions and hits some chops of his own. Jack starts an Irish whip, but pulls him back, driving CTG face-first into the turnbuckles. As CTG stumbles back, Jack attempts a reverse DDT, but CTG blocks and reverses into a spine buster. Knife and RH, on the other hand, have gone back to chain wrestling. RH gets the better of the exchange and stuns Knife with a leg lariat, then scales the ropes. Before he can leap, however, Knife runs up the turnbuckles and takes RH down with the Gaia Drop. Knife rolls to his feet and launches into a Stab kick to CTG as he tries to lock Jack in the Dragnet. Both CTG and Jack go down, and Jack lands on top, hooking the leg. Mel counts, but before he reaches two Knife pulls Jack of and covers CTG himself for a two count. Both Knife and CTG get to their feet and face off. RH moves to attack but Jack puts out an arm to hold him back. RH gives him a questioning look, but nods and backs away as Knife and CTG start to exchange blows. CTG and Knife exchange a few chops and punches, but quickly transition to a fast paced display of blocks and reversals. CTG gains the advantage and throws Knife to the ropes, going to the opposite strands. As they rebound, RH and Jack attack with stereo spears that send both Knife and CTG to the outside. RH turns to Jack and eats a right cross. Jack grabs RH by the hair and runs him into the corner, driving RH’s shoulder into the ring post. Jack leaves RH tangled in the ropes and goes outside after CTG. Jack wails on CTG and throws him into the ring steps. He goes for a running knee, but Knife dives over the steps and CTG and levels Jack with a flying clothesline. CTG gets slowly to his feet as Knife continues to beat on Jack, and RH flies over the top rope and levels all three men with a suicide dive. As the crowd chants about excrement, Jack uses the ring apron to pull himself to his feet. CTG rolls to his knees and hits Jack with a forearm to the back, then pulls him spine first across his knees. CTG climbs on top of him and punches away until blood flows from Jack’s nose. CTG stuffs Jack under the bottom rope and rolls back into the ring. CTG goes for the Final Justice, but Jack blocks and breaks free. Jack swings, but CTG ducks and kicks him in the stomach. Jack blocks a suplex attempt, but Knife is in and helps CTG deliver a tandem brain buster. CTG rolls to his feet and hits the walk-up moonsault. He covers but RH, one arm hanging limp, reaches in and grabs his ankle, pulling CTG out of the ring. Knife nods heavenwards, giving thanks for the opportunity, and drops an elbow across Jack’s throat. Knife hooks the leg and Mel Creech counts One…Two….Thr…the bell rings! What? The referee confers with the time keeper, it’s a TIME LIMIT DRAW!
WINNER – 30:00 time limit draw


DEFENESTRATORS vs. APOCALYPTIC BASTARDS vs. PHANTOS & LUCIOS vs. LOS DEFENESTRATORS – OOWF World Tag Team Title Elimination Series Match

Defenestrators and P&L are the first to enter and make their way to their corners. Eco & Volt are distracted by Los Defenestrators entrance, and P&L jump them from behind. Ecosystem and Phantos tumble to the outside, while Voltage takes a quick beating from Lucios and gets whipped across the ring. Meanwhile Los Defenestrators make their way to their corner and hang there in a lazy lucha style, clearly watching the Defenestrators like cats. AB charges in, looking like the offensive douche bags they are and slide into the ring, only to be told to get on the apron by the referee. In the ring Lucios hoists Voltage for a Gorilla Press, but Voltage wriggles free and hits spinning DDT to level the larger man. Ecosystem has whipped Phantos into the guardrail at ringside and slides in, as Voltage hits Lucios with a Circuit Breaker. Ecosystem comes off the ropes and nails Lucios with a shining wizard as he gets to his feet. Voltage backs into the corner, only to be blind tagged by El Voltaje! Voltage is stunned but steps through the ropes and heads to the corner as Ecosystem gets to his feet only to see El Voltaje covering Lucios. Ecosystem is confused, only for Phantos to come off the top rope with a diving clothesline, landing hard on top of El Voltaje and breaking up the pin. Eco is rolled out of the ring by the referee as Phantos and Lucios grab El Voltaje and double team, beating him down, then whipping him to the ropes and nailing a 3D that leaves him lying. Phantos jumps and shouts in victory, but is tripped by Ecosystem and he staggers into the Defenestrators corner allowing Voltage to tag himself in! On the other side of the ring, El Voltaje has rolled away, but close enough to the ropes for S-Y-B to tag himself in. S-Y-B jumps into the ring, making bantam weight pugilistic poses, only for Voltage to grab his outstretched hand and stick him in a wristlock, that he turns into a hip toss, sending the jobber flying. S-Y-B regains his feet only for Voltage to smack him in the face with a right hand and whip him hard across the ring, where Ecosystem lays him low with a drop toehold and slaps on the Anaconda Vice! S-Y-B is in trouble, but Apocalyptic Existence jumps onto the turnbuckle and jumps onto Voltage’s back making him stagger across the ring, where he is tagged by Ecosistema. Right at that point, S-Y-B starts to tap, but it won’t count ‘cause Defenestrators are not legal at this point! Voltage and AE tumble out of the ring as Ecosystem argues with the referee. Ecosistema wanders over the ring and picks up the breathless S-Y-B and nails him with a Go2Sleep, but an annoyed Voltage reaches out and tags himself back in. Volt and Ecosistema stare at each other for a moment, then Ecosistema shrugs and leaves the ring. Voltage reaches down and pulls a nearly unconscious SYB up and SYB GRABS HIM IN AN INSIDE CRADLE, ONE, TWO THREE!!! WHAT AN UPSET!!
WINNERS via pin-fall in 8:18 are Apocalyptic Bastards, by virtue of Voltage being pinned, Defenestrators are eliminated.

Following the decision, Ecosystem looks at Ecosistema in confusion, but Ecosistema lets a lucha howl go, and he and El Voltaje head for the hills as Voltage sits on the mat jaw dropped in disbelief of what just happened

F. FONZWORTH CAPPINGTON III vs. SPIN HANSEN vs. FIRECHILD vs. JW WESTGAARD – OOWF Intercontinental Title Elimination Series Match

Firechild out first, then Westgaard. Spin Hansen's music hits next, but the big man is only halfway to the ring when Cappington decides to kick start things with a sneak attack on the ramp. A double axe handle to the back sends Spin sprawling, and Cappington lays in with kicks. "That's right bitch, I can do what I want because I've got the money! How does it feel to be oppressed by the man?" Over in the ring, Firechild and Westgaard exchange a look. Firechild jerks his head toward the fight, and Westgaard shrugs as if to say "Do what you want." Firechild up the turnbuckle, looking for a dive onto Cappington. But Westgaard sneaks up and crotches him on the ropes! Firechild topples to the mat with a cross-eyed look of gonadic agony. And who would have believed that MS Word would have 'gonadic' in its dictionary? Certainly not me. Cover by Westgaard! 1! 2! Firechild just manages to grab the ropes. Both men to their feet, Firechild still moving a little gingerly. He gestures broadly. Westgaard replies by tapping the side of his head. So Firechild lands an enzugiri on exactly that point. Westgaard goes down, but rolls out of the ring to avoid a pin. Firechild plays to the crowd, then turns around into a MASSIVE clothesline from Cappington, who's finally finished his beat down on Hansen. Firechild does one of those 360 somersaults from the force of the blow, and rolls out under the ropes. Cappington standing tall in the ring as the ref starts a ten count. Westgaard up at three, but Cappington moves to block entry on that side of the ring. Hansen up at five and now Cappington's trying to patrol two sides of the squared circle. Firechild up at seven and slides into the ring. Cappington throws a tantrum. Firechild throws a hard right hand. Cappington staggers a little, then grabs FC by the throat and lifts him for a choke slam. Running dropkick to Cappington's back from Westgaard! Why is he helping the man he crotched? He's not! The blow sends Cappington reeling, and he splashes the unfortunate FC right into the corner. That's gotta hurt! Westgaard hauls Cappington away from the ropes - no mean feat - and looks for a pin, but Hansen has payback on his mind. Elbow drop knocks Westgaard aside and now Hansen is hauling a woozy Cappington upright and hitting him with a series of crushing forearms. Looks like Hansen let his desire for revenge get the better of him there folks! A thumb to Spin's eye gives Cappington a breather. He looks for a choke slam on Hansen, but Spin's reaction to the throat grip is instinctive: he grabs Cappington's throat in turn! Test of strength between the two giants! Neither man seems able to get the edge. This could go on for ages, except that FC and JW scale opposite corners. STEREO MISSILE DROPKICKS~! Both Hansen and Cappington go sprawling. Kip up from Firechild, but JW hooks his ankle and goes for a pin. FC reverses, and the two men do one of those indy-tastic "duelling pins" routines that always makes me roll my eyes. Looks like Hansen's not impressed either, since he grabs BOTH men in mid-pinfall, lifts them into the air, and delivers a THUNDEROUS POWERBOMB! FC and JW ARE DEAD~! Hansen pulls them apart, and drops to his knees to cover Firechild. Just before he does so however, a half-conscious Cappington rolls an arm over Westgaard, and that's the pin the ref counts. 1! 2! 3!
WINNER in 8:32 - F Fonzworth Cappington III. J W Westgaard is eliminated!

LD WILLIAMS vs. CAPELLAN vs. CANADIAN DRAGON vs. DONOVAN VIPER – OOWF World Heavyweight Title Elimination Series Match

All four men enter the ring and stare each other down. Capellan is looking at Viper in a thoughftul way, and just as the bell rings, Viper turns and offers a handshake. Capellan thinks for a second then accepts the shake. Viper smiles broadly at this display of friendship and Capellan returns it with a more hesitant smile. This heartwarming moment is broken up as Williams grabs Capellan, spins him round and plants a boot in his gut. Viper seems shocked, and gets nailed with a super-kick by CD who laughs as he keels over. Williams tries to drop Capellan with a DDT, but Capellan reverses the headlock into a fireman’s carry and holds onto Williams’ arm and slaps on an arm bar. CD kicks Capellan in the face, forcing him to break the hold, then as he gets to his feet, Dragon bounces off the ropes and tries to nail Cap with a shining wizard, but Capellan drops, and pulls the ropes down, and Dragon trips over the top, crashing to the outside. Williams is awake again however and drags Capellan to his feet and smashes him with a headbutt. Capellan reels backwards and Williams grabs his flailing arm and whips him to the ropes, setting himself for a Spine buster, which eh never delivers as Viper takes him out with a Death Elbow! Capellan and Viper meet in mid ring and go nose to nose. Viper offers his hand, and Capellan takes it, they nod to each other and both attempt to wristlock the other. Capellan tries to segue into an arm-wrench, but Viper steps into the move and takes Capellan down with a hip toss, then grabs his leg and starts to apply an Indian Death-lock, but Capellan wriggles free, kips up and takes Viper down with a head scissors and applies an arm lock. Viper makes the ropes and the two get to their feet, nose to nose again. Capellan smiles, and so does Viper as they prepare to lock up again, but Canadian Dragon comes off the ropes and missile dropkicks Viper in the back, making him head butt Capellan who staggers backwards and into a roll up from Williams for 2. Viper is a bit dazed but rounds viciously on Dragon, who evades his wild swing and nails him with a series of stiff kicks. Viper gives way and Dragon grabs him for a Canadian Destroyer. Viper however low blows Dragon, and rolls him up with a fistful of tights for 1-2 NO! Dragon kicks out. On the other side of the ring Capellan and Williams have locked up and Williams overpowers Capellan, beating him down with clubbing forearms and then setting him up for a DDT. Capellan reverses kicking his feet off the floor, getting himself into muscle buster position, then swinging his legs forward, carrying him and Williams over the ropes to the outside. Dragon gets to his feet but Viper is on him and rakes his back, making Dragon round on him like a man possessed, but Viper is ready and pokes him in the eye and nails a Sidewinder for 2. Viper is getting desperate and rolls out of the ring and grabs a chair, only to see Williams get up and without blinking he nails Williams with the chair. Capellan rolls into the ring as Dragon gets to his feet and they embark on a kick-fest as Viper slides into the ring. Capellan comes out better in the kick duel and nails Dragon with a Vindicator and covers for the 1-2 but Dragon kicks out again. Viper raises the chair as Capellan rolls away and smashes Dragon in the head! Capellan looks at Viper as the referee grabs the chair and starts to admonish him, but Viper just shrugs and motions at Capellan. Capellan drops and covers Dragon for the 1-2-3, looking at Viper in a confused way…
WINNER in 11:18 via pin-fall is CAPELLAN! Canadian Dragon was pinned and is eliminated.

Before we get to our next match Firechild comes out with a mic and walks to the ring to a decidedly mixed reaction from the crowd. He waits a moment, then puts his hand up to quiet the people.

<Firechild takes a moment to collect himself then speaks>

You know, since I said what I said to Concrete TG the last week, I have heard a lot of fans are a bit confused by my actions. I have heard some wonder why I have turned my back on Crete, why I have left the Heroes in the lurch. I have heard people wonder openly if I am going back to my days with 3Piece Set, have I abandoned the fans, what is going on with me?

Before I explain myself, I would like to ask Crete to come down here, please.

<After a brief delay Crete’s music hits and Crete comes to the ring, Crete looks a little confused and starts to speak but Firechild puts his hand up and stops him>

Please, Crete, let me get this off my chest first. Crete when I came back, no one else believed I could be someone other than what I was with Cole and Ax. Everyone assumed that I would be up to my old tricks. You were the first person to give me a chance to show that I was a changed man. For that, I am forever in your debt. The whole concept of The Heroes Guild was a solid one. The idea of people joining together to fight the evils of the wrestling world, to make things pure, and right again, to bring justice and law to the lawless was a noble cause. But somewhere along the way, we came to different conclusions on how to fight those who do not wish to follow the rules.

Crete, my difference, our differences are simply a difference in method. The intention is the same, but the methods to get there are far different. I want the people to understand, that I still support you, I still believe the cause is a good one, I still believe that in the end, we can win out and stand victorious in the center of that ring.

CTG: Citizen Flame it was an honor…..

<Firechild cuts him off>

FC: No. Crete, what I finally see, that I am afraid you may not see is that at this point, we have to fight our fights separately. There are a group of men who appear to have embraced Money as their sole reason to live. Perhaps I will relieve them of their cash and their pride and take their desired spot as a champion. But right now Crete, you have a fight that you have got to face on your own.

<Crete looks a bit puzzled for a moment>

Crete, everyone in the back can see it, and I believe deep down, you can see it too. You have to settle things with Moosehead Jack, and you have to settle it on your own. This is a fight that is about more than different approaches in the ring, this is about two men, that have an unnatural hatred for one another. It is about two men that cannot co-exist, it is about two men that have to wage war until one man can no longer stand. Crete, I support you in this, but I cannot let myself get caught up in this. This has to be something you do on your own.

Now, there IS one last thing I want to ask, since I came to this fed, even when I was running with the Set, I admired your skills in the ring. Well tonight, I would like to test those skills, just you and I, one on one. No Moosehead Jack, no distractions. Whaddya say?

Crete: Lets do it!

FIRECHILD vs. CONCRETE TG

A referee rushes to the ring and Crete and Firechild get ready for battle. The two men meet in the center of the ring and shake hands, then wait for the bell. The bell rings and they slowly circle and lock up, Firechild takes Crete over with an arm drag, but Crete pops right back to his feet. Another lock up, this time Crete slips behind Firechild and takes him to the mat and tries to hook a half nelson to roll him over, but Firechild slips out of it and Crete ends up face down on the mat in an arm bar. Crete fights back to his feet and backs Firechild into the corner, the ref wants a clean break and gets it, but as Crete is backing away, Firechild charges and tries a clothesline, Crete ducks and catches Firechild in the back of the head with an enzuguri. Firechild hits the mat and Crete pounces for the cover, but doesn’t even get a one. Crete pulls Firechild to a sitting position and locks on a head lock, but Firechild is quickly to his feet and fights out of, Crete grabs FC and tries a hip toss, but FC blocks it, uses the ropes to spring over and out of it, then catches Crete in the mouth with a drop kick. Crete gets back to his feet and Firechild hits a spinning heel kick that sends Crete back into the corner. Firechild charges and monkey flips Crete to the center of the ring, but Crete lands on his feet and runs to the corner, as Firechild gets to his feet and turns around, Crete has scaled the corner and hits a cross body block that takes Firechild down for a two count. Firechild is immediately up to his feet and catches Crete with a HARD clothesline as he gets to his feet. Firechild goes to the corner and climbs to the top, but Crete is back on his feet and catches Firechild on the top rope. Crete and Firechild fight it out on the top, FC rocks Crete with several shots to the head, but Crete stuns FC with a series of head butts then steps to the top rope and takes FC off with a HUGE superplex! Both men remain down on the mat for several minutes after landing hard. Firechild pulls himself to his feet using the ropes, while Crete struggles to get up in the middle of the ring. As Firechild stands up, Moosehead Jack runs to the ring with a chair in hand. Moose jumps on the apron and hands the chair to Firechild. Crete gets to his feet just in time to see Firechild take the chair. Crete and Firechild lock eyes for a moment, then Firechild raises the chair, and turns and PASTES Moose with it knocking him from the apron to the floor. Firechild tosses the chair aside, and Crete takes a step toward Firechild to congratulate him, but Firechild kicks him in the midsection and hits the DEVIL DRIVER! Firechild rolls Crete over, hooks the leg, one, two three.
WINNER in 33:12 – Firechild

Firechild grabs a mic and catches his breath for a moment, Crete is leaning on one elbow looking up at Firechild questionably.

FC: It’s nothing personal Crete. Just like you have to fight Moose on your own, I have to do what I have to do, and I have to do it on my own. I don’t need help from Moose, and as much as I respect you, I can’t take help from you. If I am going to be the world champion, I am going to do it on my own. My way.

<Firechild drops the mic and leaves the ring, Crete still looks confused, Firechild has a sympathetic look in his eyes and just looks at Crete and shrugs, then turns and walks off>

STANK & OUTBACK JACK vs. THE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER – Non-Title Match

Stank and OBJ hit the ring first, sharing beers and "talking in Australian" to each other. the two pose for the crowd who cheers and toasts them. As the two turn to the ramp, the Demolition theme starts up and the BFF come out in full Demolition regalia! HH is hamming it up as Ax while Alt sulks as Smash, and a midget crush is following behind, singing the Demolition theme at the top of his lungs. Stank and OBJ look at each other in confusion as the crowd points and laughs. "Demolition" poses in the ring, then starts to discuss who'll go first. Alt's not happy that he had to be Smash (he lost in a game of rock-paper-scissors) and doesn't want to start; HH doesn't want to start because he wants to warm up some more. As the bell rings, the BFF pick up "Crush" and throw him at Stank. Stank just stands there and the midget bounces off and flops to the mat. Crowd chants "Way too soon!" and "That's not funny" so Alt rolls the midget out of the ring and lets HH send him back to cousin Hornswoggle. Stank isn't sure how to handle this to he steps up to lock up but Alt stops him and holds a hand straight up! A test of strength? Stank shrugs and reaches up, but Alt switches hands. Stank looks irritated at first but switches hands, then Alt switches back. This goes on for a minute before Alt grabs Stank and starts dancing with him, Stank breaks that up and stomps over to OBJ to tag him in. OBJ climbs in, still sipping on his beer. Alt waits patiently for Jack to finish, and is greeting with a resounding BELCH that didn't require a microphone. Alt tumbles out of the ring at the force of the statement.

Alt: (looks up from the floor) That was Australian for....

OBJ: (grin) Australian for LOL

Alt brightens and clambers back in the ring. The two lock up and push each other around for a bit, then OBJ whips Alt across the ring and the two criss-cross on the ropes. OBJ stops after a couple of reps and goes back to his corner for another beer. HH can't get Alt's attention to stop him until he collapses in the center of the ring, exhausted. HH climbs into the ring, drags Alt to the corner (to the ref's protest, but OBJ is snickering), climbs out, tags, and climbs back in. Alt rolls to the floor and gasps for air. "Crush" then peeks through and hands him some water. Back in the ring, HH and OBJ are locked up again, this time OBJ pushing HH to the corner. Ref Barros steps up to get them to break, and they break clean. Stank pops open a beer while he watches, accidentally (on purpose) getting some of the spray in HH's eyes! He screams dramatically and flops around the ring like his eye had been stabbed with a hot poker. Stank drinks his beer, oblivious. Alt pushes up to the ring apron and calls for HH to tag out, but HH is still screaming bloody murder till he tumbles near the bell position, where he fumbles around on the table. He skips the bottled water and grabs the mic, stops thrashing long enough to point at Stank and screaming "THAT REALLY HURT, MAN!" before tossing the mic and thrashing all over the place again! Stank is trying to keep a straight face as he tries to catch HH who conveniently rolls to the corner. Stank gets HH near the ropes and tries to drag him away, but Alt pulls out his secret weapon - he leans out and gives Stank a wet willie! Stank drops HH and swings at Alt who hops back to the corner to catch the hot tag! HH gets out of the way as Alt hops over the rope and Makes faces at Stank. Stank gives chase, and Alt slides out near the polish announce table and grabs two water balloons and pelts OBJ and Stank before diving behind the announcers. OBJ hops down from the apron and goes around the other side of the table and finds a bucket of water balloons and starts winging them at Alt. Alt protests - "Those were for Hardbody!" at that HH hurries over and helps himself to Alt's bucket and they start pelting each other. HH suddenly points at the ring, where Barros is at 8 for the count out, so they start pelting him, too! Barros climbs out of the ring and starts admonishing them, but while he's yelling at Stank, Alt gets another mic:

"Hey, we got a birthday in the house! It's Angelo Barros' birthday!"

Barros looks up - to get a birthday cake in the face courtesy of Hardbody Harris! Stank hands Barros a beer and the four of them start walking back to the ring, only to be stopped by the bell ringing.
WINNER - TIME LIMIT DRAW!

The two tag teams shake hands and salute the crowd, leaving to cheers.

Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF Doomy Doomy Doom Doom IV Pay Per View! Live From Devil’s Lake, North Dakota! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem – the Imperial Onslaught, Live! October 10th from Tomahawk, Wisconsin!

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