OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Moose Lake, Minnesota
KNIFE & CONCRETE TG vs. MOOSEHEAD JACK & RYAN HARDCOREMoose and Ryan Hardcore make their way to the ring first, ostensibly together, but obviously not comfortable teammates. Crete and Knife come out next, they look like they are on the same page, at least a little more than Hardcore and Moose are. It looks like it will be Knife and Hardcore starting things off. They slowly circle and move to lock up, but Hardcore goes right to the eyes. Knife retaliates with a blistering chop that drops Hardcore’s jaw. Knife grabs Hardcore and sends him to the ropes but lowers his head a moment too soon and Hardcore catches him for a pile driver, but takes a moment to swivel his hips. The moment is too long and Knife back drops out of it and tags in Crete, Crete comes into the ring and Hardcore lunges at him and Crete snaps him over with an arm drag. Hardcore pops right back to his feet and Crete catches him with a second one. Hardcore pops up a third time and Crete catches him right on the jaw with a drop kick. Hardcore falls back into his corner and reaches up and tags in Moose. The crowd buzzes with anticipation as Moose glares at Crete and slowly steps between the ropes. Moose and Crete slowly circle and lock up Moose grabs a side head lock, but Crete shoves him to the ropes, on the rebound Crete hits the mat and Moose steps over, then bounds off the ropes again, Crete side steps Jack and sends him to the ropes again and tries a drop kick but Moose holds on to the ropes and slides out of the ring to the floor where he taunts Crete. Crete is initially not taking the bait, but then when Moose turns around to argue with the fans, Crete gets a running start and dives between the ropes and nails Moose sending him into the guard rail. Crete grabs Moose and whips him into the steel ring steps shoulder first. Hardcore leaps off the apron and runs behind Crete and catches him with a backstabber on the floor, Hardcore pulls Crete to his feet and hits a snap suplex! Crete grabs his lower back in pain, but as Hard core gets to his feet he gets caught in the mouth with THE STAB! Knife barely has the chance to recover when Jack catches him with a clothesline that sends him to the floor. Moose puts the boots to Knife, but Crete pulls himself back to his feet and nails Moose with a forearm to the back of the head. Hardcore is back up too and he joins the melee. The referee is desperately trying to get the four men back into the ring, but it does not appear that this is going to happen. The referee leaves the ring and tries to get the four men back into the ring and Barros takes an accidental elbow to the face from Crete. When Crete turns around to check on the referee, WHAM, he gets pasted in the back of the head with a chair shot from Moose. Crete falls to the floor and Moose raises the chair again to finish him off, but Knife kicks the chair back into his face. Hardcore runs in and catches Knife with a running knee to the face, the two of them brawl and several referees come to ring side and waive this off and drag Barros to safety.
WINNER – No Contest in 10:54
OUTBACK JACK vs. SPIN HANSEN – No –Holds Barred Bar FightThe crew starts setting up a barroom set in the entranceway, and OOWF Champion Stank enters the arena.
Stank: “No, No, No, No, NO! If we have to do this, we do it right. When Drink and Destroy have a Barroom Bawl, it’s not cheap props scattered around the ring, it’s a BARROOM BRAWL!”
The crowd cheers as the OOtron switches to a view of a bar, complete with a few hardy patrons and one very nervous looking timekeeper with a ring bell. Text scrolls across the screen: ‘Live, from Gamper’s Food Liquor & Bowling, in Moose Lake, Minnesota.’
S: “The Rick also assigned a special guest referee.”
The shot switches to a beat up El Dorado in the parking lot. The driver’s door opens and reveals former ECW original, The Sandman. Metallica blasts from the car’s speakers as he reaches for a beer and a cigarette.
S: I still say this is stupid, but if you two have to get this out of your systems, then get it over with.”
The view switches back to the Bar and the timekeeper rings the bell. Outback Jack offers a handshake to start, but Spin Hansen snarls and throws him headfirst over the bar. Spin vaults over the bar after him and jams his head under one of the taps, turning it on to drown Jack in beer.
…
Eventually the tap runs out and Spin lets go. Jack belches, launching Spin over the bar and shattering the mirrored wall behind the bottles. Jack gets to his feet and grabs two mugs, drawing a pair of drafts. When Spin gets up, Jack offers him one of the mugs. Spin reaches out and slaps it out of his hand. The light drains from Jack’s eyes, and Jack of the Hinterlands glares at Spin. He swings the other mug and shatters it on Spins face. Jack vaults the bar and drives Spin to the floor. He rolls Spin over and locks on the Croc Hunter. Spin struggles, but Jack cinches it in tighter. The camera switches to the Sandman, who is on his third beer, his second cigarette, and is about halfway across the parking lot. Back in the bar, Spin manages to twist in the hold and pry Jack off. Spin rolls to his feet and starts slinging right hands. Jack responds in kind. Spin gets the advantage and knocks Jack backwards over a table. Jack grabs a chair as he gets up and takes a wild swing. Spin ducks and the chair levels an innocent bystander, but neither man seems to notice. Spin grabs the chair and a brief tug of war ensues. Jack suddenly lets go and the chair slams into Spin’s already bleeding face. Jack grabs him and spikes him with a DDT. He covers, but Sandman is still mid-entrance, so Spin has time to throw him off. Both men get to their feet and circle. Spin snarls and lunges, but Jack backdrops him through a table. Jack moves in, but Spin catches him with a kick to the face and spears him into the bar. Jack stumbles forward and Spin hits the Spinal Justice. He starts to make a cover, but sees Sandman busily smashing a beer can on his forehead and changes his mind. He rolls Jack over and locks on the Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot. Jack struggles, but can’t break free. He manages to reach a piece of one of the broken tables and slams it into Spin’s head. It takes a number of shots, but Spin finally breaks the hold. Jack gets to his knees and Spin jumps on him, driving his face into the floor and rubbing it into the sawdust. Spin drags him over to the bowling area and nails a power bomb. Sandman is in position to count. One…Two…Thr-kickout! Jack crawls down the alley, with Spin right behind him. Spin pounces, and Jack smashes him in the head with a bowling pin! Spin’s eyes roll back and he collapses. Jack covers, One…Two…Thr-Kickout! Both men are down, and Sandman starts a count out. Unfortunately, he gets lost around four and goes looking for a beer. Jack is up first, but barely. He grabs a bowling ball and swings, but Spin ducks. The momentum carries Jack around and Spin catches him from behind, delivering a belly-to-back suplex. He looks around, and spies Sandman, who’s found his beer, but stopped to scrawl an autograph on a young lady’s chest. Spin screams in rage and spears Sandman (and the young lady) through the bar. Jack gets slowly to his feet and wanders over to survey the carnage. He finds a bowling pin in his hand as Spin starts to stir, and slams it into his head. He pulls Spin out of the wreckage and delivers a body slam for good measure before pointing at the timekeeper, who was hiding behind the bar while it was still intact. Jack makes the cover and drops Sandman’s hand on the floor three times. The timekeeper rings the bell and bolts for the door.
WINNER in 30:07, Outback Jack.
After the match: Jack steps behind the bar and comes out with a bottle and a draft. He sets the bottle of Jägermeister next to the unconscious Spin and chugs the beer. He belches – “That’s Australian for ‘Nice Scuffle Mate.’”
PHANTOS & LUCIOS vs. LOS DEFENESTRATORS – OOWF World Tag Team Title Elimination Series FinalsPhantos and Lucios, Team Aquafina, are accompanied to the ring by stable mate Davin Moreland. They come to the ring and Phantos and Lucios slam two bottles of water together and slam them, much to the fans delight. Los Defenestrators come out next and they are accompanied to the ring by F. Fonzworth Cappington. El Voltaje and Ecosistema appear to be attempting to explain something to him but Cappington keeps winking and nodding his head. Finally they give up and head to the ring. With all four men in the ring, the referee sorts them out and it looks like it will be Phantos starting things off with Ecosistema. They slowly circle and lock up, Ecosistema backs Phantos into the corner and the referee calls for a clean break and surprisingly gets it. They lock up again and Phantos takes Ecosistema to the mat and locks on a STF. Ecosistema yells in pain, but is able to easily reach the ropes to force the break. Both men are quickly to their feet and Phantos hits the ropes and lowers his head, Ecosistema leaps over him, Phantos charges over and tags in Lucios who quickly comes in and catches the rebounding Ecosistema with a spine buster, covers, and gets a two count before El Voltaje breaks up the pin. Lucios pulls Ecosistema to his feet and backs him into the corner, then whips him across the ring into the opposite corner chest first, Ecosistema staggers backward and Lucios hits the ropes and nearly takes him out of his boots with a clothesline. Lucios covers again and once again El Voltaje kicks him in the back of the head to break it up. This time it only serves to annoy Lucios and he gets to his feet and throws El Voltaje into the corner and is about to pummel him when Ecosistema grabs him with a waist lock and tries to take him over, but Lucios fights it. El Voltaje climbs to the second rope and hits a clothesline, and at the same time Ecosistema takes him over with a release belly to back suplex that folds him up. Ecosistema tags in El Voltaje and he puts the boots to Lucios, but Lucios slowly fights to his feet, until El Voltaje bounds off the ropes again and catches him with a knee to the side of the head, that drops him to the mat again. El Voltaje runs to the ropes and drops a high knee across the back of Lucios head then rolls him over and gets a two count. El Voltaje pulls Lucios to his feet, then sweeps the big mans feet from beneath him and walks over and tags Ecosistema back into the match. Ecosistema charges Lucios as he gets to his feet, but Lucios catches him and hits a release belly to belly suplex that sends Ecosistema into the corner hard, and upside down. As Lucios tries to get his bearings again in the ring, F. Fonzworth Cappington III works his way around the ring on the outside. Davin Moreland stops him and warns him about interfering, Cappington feigns innocence and turns to Lance and comes back with an
Ice Cold Dunkin’ Donuts Mocha Cappuccino Moreland looks at him suspiciously as Cappington raises his for a toast “to Athletic Competition!” Moreland looks at the crowd, then back to Cappington, and Cappington TOSSES THE DRINK IN HIS EYES!! Moreland is blinded by the cappuccino and Cappington kicks him in the mid section and drops him on the floor with a DDT. Meanwhile inside the ring, Lucios has Ecosistema on his shoulders, and Phantos is climbing to the top rope for the Dropkick Device! El Voltaje starts to come into the ring, but the referee turns to send him out. When he does Cappington jumps up on the apron and slams Phantos in the back with his cane and shoves him off the top rope to the floor. Ecosistema rolls forward with a victory roll just as the referee turns around and gets the one, two, three!
WINNERS in 12:41 – and WINNERS of the OOWF World Tag Team Title Elimination Series, receiving a title shot at the Doomy Doomy Doom Doom IV ppv – Los Defenestrators
BEST FRIENDS FOREVER vs. DEFENSTRATORS – Non Title MatchDefenestrators come to the ring, accompanied by F. Fonzworth Cappington III, he is rambling on about this being their second match of the night, and how they should pace themselves. Ecosystem and Voltage try to explain to him that they are not Los Def, but Cappington winks and gives them the “of course you’re not” look, so finally they give up and climb into the ring. The BFF are announced next and they come to the top of the ramp and pause and hold their titles high for everyone to see. Then Alt hops on Harris back and gets the piggy back ride to the ring. The BFF roll under the ropes then climb to the corners and celebrate with the titles again. The Defenestrators wait impatiently in the center of the ring for the two to finish their celebration, Harris turns to them and sees they are not happy and calls for a mic.
HH: Chris, Eco and Volt look a little sad tonight
CA: Yes. Yes they do, maybe they need a good game of candyland!
HH: You TOTALLY won because I got stuck in the molasses swamp!
CA: No way! Its cause I got a double red to win!
HH: It was awesome!
<Both men give each other a jumping high five in the middle of the ring>
CA: So whaddya say guys, we got Candyland, Chutes & Ladders and…..
HH: Hi Ho Cherry Oh!
CA: YEAH! We got lots of games in the back, you wanna go back there and play a game?
<Volt looks like he is ready to leave, but Eco shoots him a look and he stays. Eco grabs a mic and SPEAKS>
Eco: Look, I appreciate that you two are friends again and all that crap, but we did not come here to play games, we came here to wrestle
CA: Look boys, this isn’t even a title match
Volt: WHAT?
<both Defenestrators shoot Cappington a look and he just shrugs>
HH: Yeah, I mean look where we are on the card, we are the third match in, just after Los Def clinched the shot at the tag titles at Doomy Doomy Doom Doom IV, do you
really think you are winning here?
<Kayfabe starts to the ring with a maniacal look in her eyes but is quickly restrained by security>
CA: Beside, this isn’t even a title match, so really, what’s the point? Let’s go play a game, we can even have a spelling contest!
<Voltage and Eco seem to ponder this for a moment, then discuss something>
Volt: We’ve talked about it and you guys are right. We need to refocus and there is nothing better to do that than a good game of Pain and Hurt
HH: Pain and Hurt, Chris do we have that game?
Just then Voltage and Ecosystem attack the BFF and lay them out with brutal shots to the head. The Defenestrators show their frustration in violence. Voltage pulls Alt to his feet and drops him with a wicked brain buster. Eco grabs Harris and lifts him on his shoulders and lands the GTS. The whole time Cappington looks on in shock at the brutality the fellow members of LOADED are showing. Eco and Volt both leave the ring and rummage under the ring and come up with two WOOD FRAME WINDOWS!!! They stand them up outside the ring then roll back under the ropes and pull the BFF up and throw them hard over the top rope to the floor. Why is no one coming to save them? Ecosystem pulls Harris to his feet while Voltage grabs a chair. Eco whips Harris toward the window, and his head SLAMS RIGHT THROUGH THE GLASS!! As Harris sits there stunned, blood running down his face, Voltage swings the chair and SMASHES it into Harris face, sending him to the floor in a heap. Eco and Volt switch positions and Alt gets the same treatment with Eco slamming him in the face with a chair. The BFF are left unconscious and bleeding on the floor. The Defenestrators look at the carnage, then without saying a word to him, walk right past Cappington to the back. Cappington stares after them then slowly follows, pausing a few times to look back at the wreckage.
WINNERS – No Match
F. FONZWORTH CAPPINGTON III vs. FIRECHILD – OOWF Intercontinental Title Elimination Series FinalsFirechild enters first, clearly all pumped up, sliding into the ring and screaming out the words to his entrance song “my aggression, I fear I’ve lost control.” He regains his composure and stands staring coldy at the entranceway. F. Fonzworth Cappington enters, and disrobes at the top of the entranceway, handing his robe to Lance. He then takes a piece of paper from Lance, and asks for a microphone.
“I, F. Fonzworth Cappington III, do hereby humbly apologize, for any and every hurt that my family may have, or have been accused to have made, against the person and family of my opponent tonight, namely Christopher Flame, commonly known as Firechild. I would hope that this act can salve any bad feeling between us, and we can conduct this match according to the rules and spirit of competition most beloved of the OOWF, untainted by any old grudge, warranted or unwarranted therefore. Does my opponent agree to this, and will he accept my handshake of martial respect before our encounter?”
In the ring Firechild looks conflicted, then nods uncertainly. Cappington proceeds down to the ring and Lance sits on the ropes to allow him into the ring. Cappington walks up to Firechild and extends his arm, Firechild looks at it like it’s a snake then looks to the fans, almost all of whom are shouting for him to lose it and attack Cappington. Cappington leans in and whispers something to Firechild, who leans back then extends his hand and accepts the shake. The crowd boos as both men walk back to their corners and the bell rings. They meet in the middle of the ring and lock up, Cappington immediately getting Firechild in a headlock and works it down. Firechild seems short on fight and Cappington bears down the hold, then twists it round and turns it into a slam, that rocks the ring. Firechild is slow getting to his feet, and Cappington capitalizes, nailing him with a running knee to the kidneys as he is on his knees. Firechild spasms upright, only for Cappington to grab him in a full nelson and stick his knee between his ribs. Firechild is in pain, but manages to kick some leverage off the ropes and goes over Cappington’s head, forcing him to break the hold, but hurting his shoulder in the process. He lands awkwardly allowing Cappington to turn and level him with a clothesline. Cappington is quickly on top of Firechild and hoists him into an elevated Texas cloverleaf in the middle of the ring. Firechild is in trouble, but seems to have no fight. We see Cappington rear back and talk to Firechild, we can’t quite make it out but he seems to say “…bitch…..scum……daddy.” A look of incandescent rage crosses Firechild’s face and he presses up while in the cloverleaf. Cappington staggers forward, desperately trying to hold on to the submission, but Firechild pushes up, then drops to his chest and rolls forward, sending Cappington crashing into the ropes. Cappington bounces back, and Firechild hits a drop toehold, then slaps on the D-Tuner, right in the middle of the ring. Cappington is in trouble, but knows Firechild’s mind, and shouts something else, and Firechild breaks the hold in order to drop a few BRUTAL elbows across Cappington’s face. Firechild is about to drop for a cover when Cappington laughs at him. Firechild kicks him square in the jaw, then rolls to the outside to grab a chair. On the outside, lance grabs the chair, trying to stop Firechild hurting his master. Firechild allows Lance to pull at the chair, and the steel smacks the butler in the face, and he drops the chair. Firechild is never one to pass up an opportunity, and hooks Lance for a DevilDriver onto the steel chair! He recovers the steel from under Lance’s motionless body and slides into the ring, and raises the chair over the still-down Cappington, only for the referee to grab the chair off him and threaten him with a disqualification. Firechild argues with the referee, but turns to continue the match, within the rules, only for Cappington to be on his feet and poke him in the eye. Cappington wastes no time in dropping the temporarily blinded Firechild with Salutations from Pacific Heights, and covers for 1-2 NO! Firechild kicks out. Cappington covers again, but Firechild throws him off and rolls to his feet. Cappington is on his knees entreating the referee as Firechild sets himself and unleashes a furious Power Slide at Cappingtin’s head. However Cappington has FC scouted and falls backwards, grabbing the knee as it goes past, sending Firechild crashing into the turnbuckle. Cappington gets to his feet and takes the turnbuckle pad off, ignoring the referee, then rams Firechild’s head into the exposed steel three times. Firechild tumbles back onto the mat, blood pouring down his face. Cappington endured a lecture from the referee, then with extreme distaste flops over Firechild for 1-2 NO! Firechild kicks out. Cappington gets to his feet and picks up the chair, holding it high over Firechild, but the referee grabs it off him, and they have a heated debate. Firechild rolls to his feet and spears Cappington through a blurry blood red vision, but Cappington stands aside, and Firechild takes out the referee! He gets to his feet, and wipes his eyes to see the official down in front of him, and turns only to see Cappington swinging the chair, Firechild steps under the blow, kicks Cappington in the gut (making him drop the chair) and nails the Wing’s of the Phoenix onto the chair for ...no count! Firechild gets to his feet, and grins evilly, then rolls Cappington into the D-Tuner once again! Cappington seems to be almost dead, but Firechild never sees Lance slide into the ring with the ring bell, and goes down like a felled tree when the iron bell impacts on the back of his head. Lance rolls Cappington over Firechild as the referee regains consciousness, and drags himself over the ring to count the 1-2-3.
WINNER via pin-fall in 17:18 and new NO. 1 CONTENDER TO THE OOWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION is F. Fonzworth Cappington, the THIRD!
Cappington comes to after the bell, and Lance helps him to the back. Firechild comes to as he is being attached to a gurney by EMTs and procceeds to go batshit, and has to be restrained by OOWF security.
LD WILLIAMS vs. DONOVAN VIPER – OOWF World Heavyweight Title Elimination Series FinalsWilliams comes to the ring first, all business as usual. He gets in the ring and waits in the corner. Donovan Viper is announced next, and he is flanked by Defenestrators, Ryan Hardcore and F. Fonzworth Cappington III, but Viper waves them off and they stay on the ramp as he heads to the ring. Donovan Viper climbs between the ropes and he and LD Williams meet in the center of the ring. The two give us the intense stare of mutual intensity until the bell rings, then they bump knuckles and step back and circle. Collar and elbow tie up, Viper grabs an arm wringer, but Williams counters it with a punch to the mouth. Ok, that seems to set the tone for this match as Viper counters that with a blistering chop to the chest. Williams staggers a bit, turns, and blindsides Viper with a clothesline across the chest. Viper hits the mat and Williams immediately pounces and tries to lock on the STF, but Viper spins out of it and reaches the ropes, but the two men keep fighting and fall through the middle rope to the floor. Williams pulls Viper to his feet and rocks him with a European upper cut, then whips him shoulder first into the steel stairs. LDW pulls Viper up and sends him back into the ring and drops a couple of knees across his shoulder and locks on a standing arm bar, but Viper fights to his feet and backs Williams into the corner and rakes the eyes. The referee gets between them to admonish Viper, but Viper ignores him and turns his attention back to Williams who explodes out of the corner for another clothesline, but Viper ducks and Williams takes out the referee. Viper grabs Williams from behind and drops him with a Rude Awakening neck breaker. As the referee does his best to recover, Viper waits for Williams to get to his knee and hits the ropes and catches him with a spinning neck breaker, then continues the relentless assault by planting Williams with a DDT. Viper starts to cover, but notices that the referee is still groggy, so he pulls Williams up and whips him hard into the corner. Viper charges in, but LD moves out of the way and Viper crashes into the turnbuckle shoulder first. Williams grabs Viper and locks on a flying chicken wing, but there is still no referee, so he drops Viper and drops him to the mat with a series of stiff forearms to the side of the head. The referee eventually recovers and the match continues for over twenty minutes. Neither man can keep an advantage for long, and both men have taken a horrible beating, as both seem to be throwing some VERY stiff shots, like two brothers fighting for the same girl or something. We are over thirty minutes into the match when LD Williams has Viper up for a vertical suplex, he keeps him up there for a long time to think about it, then drops him back to the mat and slips around and takes him to the mat and locks on the STF. Viper screams in pain as Williams wrenches on that injured shoulder. Viper refuses to tap out though, and he eventually makes it to the ropes and forces the break, then slides under the ropes and tries to get the feeling back in his arm and shoulder. Williams comes out to get Viper and scoops him up for a slam, but Viper slips over his shoulder and drops him on the floor with the SIDEWINDER! Both men are down on the floor. Viper gets to his feet first and climbs up on the apron, but Williams recovers and catches him with a shot to the ribs, then gets under him and power bombs him to the floor! Williams spins him over and once again tries to lock on the STF, but Viper fights out of it and catches Williams with a couple of stiff shots, then takes him down with a leg sweep and locks on the anaconda vice, but Williams rakes the eyes and fights out of it. Both men get to their feet, almost too weary to throw any more punches, and the bell rings! What? The referee has counted both men out!
WINNERS – No contest – Double Count out in 45:52 – Neither man is eliminated!
DAVIN MORELAND vs. CAPELLAN vs. DH MAGNUSSEN – OOWF Onslaught Championship Three Way DanceCapellan sprints to the ring and bounces off the ropes and the corner while firing up the crowd. DH Magnussen is out next, all business. He waits in the corner for the champ to make his way to the ring. Davin Moreland comes out on the top of the ramp, flanked by the other members of Run DLP, none of them look to be in a particularly good mood right now. Moreland is sporting a bandage on his head from the DDT on the floor from Cappington. The three make their way to the ring and Moreland climbs between the ropes while Phantos and Lucios remain at ringside stoically sipping Aquafina. Moreland marches to the middle of the ring and holds his title high in the air. Moreland hands the title to the referee and looks at Capellan who is sitting on top of the corner turnbuckle. Moreland then looks over Magnussen and the two of them go nose to nose in the center of the ring. Words quickly turn into blows as the two of them trade forearms to the side of the head. The two big men hammer each other mercilessly. Capellan jumps off the top rope and tries to get in the middle of the fight, but the two big men just shove the smaller Capellan aside and go back to hammering each other. Capellan tries a second time and once again he gets pushed away to the mat. Finally Capellan climbs to the top rope and waits until the big men go back to hammering away at each other. Cap leaps and catches Magnussen in the back of the head, and thus slamming face first into Moreland. Moreland falls to one knee and Magnussen staggers for a moment, Capellan springs back to his feet, grabs him by the pants and sends him between the ropes to the floor. Cap then bounds off the ropes and nails Moreland with a shining wizard to the back of the head that sends him all the way to the mat. Capellan covers, but Moreland kicks out at two. As Moreland struggles to his feet, Cap grabs him in a side head lock, then catches Magnussen as he comes back into the ring with his feet and takes both men over, Moreland and Magnusson get to their feet at the ropes and Capellan charges and clotheslines them both over the top rope to the floor. As they try to regain their composure on the outside, Capellan gets a running start and leaps over the top rope and crashes into Moreland and Magnussen and sends them flying. Capellan jumps back to his feet and waits on the apron. Magnusson gets to his feet and Cap leaps trying for a Thesz press, but Magnussen catches him and reverses it into a spine buster on the mat,. Magnussen gets up, Capellan could be dead, and as he does, Moreland charges and hits him with a clothesline, then rolls him under the bottom rope. Moreland follows him in and catches him with a kick to the head, then pulls him up and plants him on the mat with a body slam. Moreland climbs to the top rope for a flying elbow, but Magnussen meets him on the top rope and stuns him with a couple of hard shots to the head, then takes him over with a big superplex. Magnussen floats over and gets a two count but Moreland rolls his shoulder just in time. Magnussen pulls Moreland to a sitting position and hammers him with shots to the side of the head, then rebounds off the ropes and catches Moreland with a kick right to the jaw. Moreland slams to the mat and rolls out of the ring to the floor. At the same time Capellan is finally back up on the apron, springs into the ring and connects with a spinning heel kick, then covers, but only gets two count. Moreland climbs back onto the apron and Capellan and Magnussen work together to suplex him back into the ring. They jump up and give each other the eye and then share a high five. Magnussen points to the top rope and Capellan heads to the top, then as he climbs to the top Magnussen charges across the ring and shoves Capellan off the top. Cap crashes into the guardrail and slams to the floor. Magnussen takes a second or two too long admiring his handiwork, and when he turns back around Moreland is back on his feet and grabs Magnussen and hits A REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER! Moreland rolls Magnussen over and gets the one, two three just as Capellan slides under the ropes.
WINNER in 12:57 – Davin Moreland
STANK vs. CANADIAN DRAGON – No DQ MatchAfter last week’s ladder match, these two certainly have a score to settle. This is a non title match, so Stank doesn’t have to worry about losing the belt. The announcer announces both men, but no one comes out. The announcer and the ref look surprised, though really, should they? I mean they HAVE been through this before. Finally, as if on cue, a stage hand rushes to the ring and whispers something to the ref. The referee runs to the back, and thanks to the miracle of invisible ninja cameramen, we are able to immediately see where he is heading. We see Stank and Canadian Dragon, both men already bloody, trading punches in the back of the Moose Lake Arena and Bar & Grill! The Bar & Grill is rather crowded since the other bar in town was destroyed. Stank misses a haymaker and Canadian Dragon catches him with a super kick to the chest that sends Stank crashing back through the window and into the bar and grill. As Stank struggles to get to his feet, Canadian Dragon hops on top of the bar and catches Stank with a kick to the mouth as he stands up sending Stank staggering backward. Canadian Dragon grabs a bottle and hurls it at Stank’s head, Stank catches it and starts to down it, then realizes it is a Corona! Stank bellows with rage and throws it back at Canadian Dragon, catching him in the head and knocking him behind the bar. Stank bellies up to the bar and orders a triple shot of Jager and a Moosehead chaser. As he is drinking he turns and sees Abdullah the Butcher sitting next to him.
Sta: Abby?
Abby: Yeah.
Sta: I thought you were working up in Whycocomaugh Nova Scotia?
Abby: I was. Me and Uma decided to move here.
Sta: Wait, you and Uma? You mean you…..
<Abby shoots Stank THAT look>
Sta: Oh man, that’s disturbing
Abby: That’s what she said
Sta: You have the feeling you have heard this conversation before?
Abby: Behind you
Stank turns around just in time to catch a wooden chair across the face from Dragon. Stank falls off the bar stool and CD grabs him by one leg and pulls him out of the bar back into the hallway and up to the concession stand. Dragon rolls Stank onto a table of OOWF t-shirts and sets him up for the Canadian Destroyer, but Stank back drops out of it and jumps off the table, grabs a discounted Chickenshit Heels t-shirt and looks at it, wipes his ass with it, then wraps it around CD’s throat. They stagger through a closed door and we see Ryan Hardcore sitting on a couch with one of his ladies watching an adult movie. On the other side of the room Kevin Nash is sitting with his pants around his ankles (though thankfully we can’t see anything, though Stank and Dragon can) they both see something that no one should see.
Both: AAAAAGGHHH MY EYES!!! OH MY GOD!!!
Nash: Can’t a guy get a LITTLE privacy?
Stank and Dragon crash back through the door, staggering around blindly. They clumsily attack each other knocking over kiosks, food vending tables, and several elderly people before they round the corner and crash through yet another door and are now in GM the Rick’s office.
GMtR: Good timing
<Stank and Dragon both pause, with their hands wrapped around each other’s throats>
GmtR: The match is over
CD: WHAT? I have him right where I want him!
Stank: You got nothing mask boy
CD: It’s MY HERITAGE!
Stank: There are no DRAGONS in CANADA
GMtR: ENOUGH! The town of Moose Lake is not too happy, they had one bar destroyed, and now you two are working on their arena. They called Chevy Chase, Maryland, and unless we stop now, we are going to be held liable for all damages, plus fined. And we don’t want THAT do we boys
Stank: I don’t give a sh….
GMtR: DO WE BOYS
Both: No
GmtR: Now, you two can finish this in the ring, still no rules, but you can only destroy what is around ring side. You got it? Now GO
Stank and Dragon both leave the office like scolded children and head to the ring
CD: This is all YOUR fault
Stank: ME? How the hell is this my fault?
CD: You wouldn’t give me a title match
Stank: I was going to, Rick said no!
CD: This is stupid
Stank: You’re telling me? I was looking to have a good fight, then go out drinkin
CD: Drinking some of that worthless American pisswater no doubt
Stank: Watch it. You can make fun of me, but you DO NOT make fun of beer
<CD stops>
CD: Look, this is stupid, we have already beat the hell out of each other. What is the point in going back out there again? I’ll make you a deal, we can be in Canada in about an hour or so, I will take you up there and you can get some of the best beer you have ever tasted, IF….
Stank: If?
CD: If you promise me, right now, a shot at the world title
Stank: I can promise all I want, Rick…..
CD: Here sign this
Stank: What is this?
CD: It’s a contract for a match within the next 30 days
Stank: Where did you get this?
CD: DOES IT MATTER? Think of the beer
Stank: FINE <Stank signs it> Now, let’s go get that beer. You know, we DO have something to celebrate tonight
CD: Oh yeah?
Stank: Yeah, this was the OOWF’s 200th show tonight
CD: No shit?
Stank: Yup
CD: How bout that! Might as well call Morte and have him bring the bus, this is a good reason for a celebration, get all the guys up there
Stank: Like we need a reason to drink
<Stank and Canadian Dragon leave down the hall together, the referee trailing behind them just stares incredulously. He looks around, but no one is there, finally he yells to no one in particular RING THE BELL! And the bell sounds>
WINNER – No Contest in 37:39
And for those of you reading this far, this was indeed our 200th OOWF show. Thanks again to everyone who has made this so much fun over the last 3+ years. Here’s hoping we make it to our 300th show on or about May 13th 2009.
Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF Doomy Doomy Doom Doom IV Pay Per View! Live From Devil’s Lake, North Dakota! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem, Live! October 31st from Moose Lake, Minnesota!
For all your OOWF shopping needs, check out www.cafepress.com/oowfshirts
This has been an OOWF production, produced by the LD-Tar-Jack-Fire-Crete-Ryan-Cap-Loki Production Company in accordance with Ecosystem Ltd.
