OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 11-07-07

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Lame Deer, Montana

OOWF world Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
Stank vs. LD Williams

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
Outback Jack vs. Knife

OOWF world Tag Team Title Match[/u]
Los Defenestrators vs. Phantos & Lucios

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Davin Moreland vs. Ryan Hardcore

Spin Hansen vs. DH Magnusson
Concrete TG vs. Moosehead Jack
Best Friends Forever vs. Defenestrators
Capellan & Firechild vs. Canadian Dragon & F. Fonzworth MacCappingtonIII
Donovan Viper vs. Joey Montana

Card Supject to sugar rush

[mooseheadjack]

*Canadian Dragon looks at the card.*

CD: "Fuck...I guess they really are putting me in a feud with Capellan. I'm the Marty Fucking Jannety of Weapon X!"

*Dragon leaves the room as the camera cuts to a pissed off Capellan watching Dragon's promo on a monitor.*

[mooseheadjack]

(CTG is flipping through the latest issue of OOWF magazine (IN STORES NOW!) when Davin Moreland approaches him)

DM: Would it be weird of me to say "that wasn't exactly heroic"?

CTG: (glances up from his magazine) oh hey, congratulations. That title looks quite good on you.

DM: Seriously, Crete, I know you were mad at Moose but he really didn't do anything to you during your match last week, yet you came down to help me in my match? Not sure if I should thank you or 'cutter you.

CTG: (puts the magazine down and stands) Davin, my friend, I'll explain myself if I must.

DM: we all know how much you and Moose hate each other.

CTG: that said, I demonstrated to Moose the error of his ways when he chose a different set of rules to defend the Onslaught title. He chose no rules at all; that is a rule in itself, so what I did really wasn't interference. I made a statement... (glances back at CHAIR) and with his help I made sure there were plenty of exclamation points at the end.

DM: (looking CHAIR over) among other points. Wasn't the barbed wire a little excessive?

CTG: With Moose, you have to make a LOT of points before he pays attention. This will be a long battle for me, I'm afraid. But when the dust finally settles, Moosehead Jack will have to return to whichever corner of hell he came from- be it Stygian or Michigan.

DM: (looks at his title) ... then thank you.

CTG: (nods) Enjoy it, and good luck against Ryan Hardcore. He's new but a very tenacious competitor.

(Davin nods and leaves. CTG Seats himself and picks up the magazine again)

CHAIR: (sitting next to CTG, reading over his shoulder)

CTG: you know I hate it when you do that.

EDIT: cleanup

[mooseheadjack]

(A Randomly numbered Sexy Female Journalist knocks on the Run DLP Aquafina Locker room door. A voice from inside tells her to enter. She walks in, finds Lucios facing the opposite wall, lacing up his mask. Phantos somersaults off the trampoline and greets her.)

P: Helloooooooooo Nurse!

RMSFJ: Nurse? I’m not a nurse, I’m a Journalist. Anyway, guys, we’re ahead of schedule this week, Are you ready to do your promo?

Lucios: In a moment, I need to re-lace this mask. Make yourself comfortable.

(Lucios walks off screen. The RNSFJ sits on the couch, pulls out a compact and begins to check her hair. Phantos grins broadly and sits down beside her.)

RNSFJ: So What are you two going to do this week Phantos?

Phantos: Same thing we do every week, Pinky. Try to take over the WORLD…Tag Team Championships

(The voice-over guy goes to a quick commercial break and we cut to the RUN DLP Aquafina Locker Room, apparently earlier that day. Davin is sitting on the same couch with his Onslaught Title in his lap and eating a tasty sandwich.)

DM: Hi folks, Davin Moreland here to remind you nothing tastes better after a hard fought victory than the Number 9 Steak and Cheese from D’Angelos. When its time to celebrate YOUR accomplishments, run to your nearest D’Angelos or Papa Gino’s to celebrate!

(A hard cut returns us to real time in Run DLP locker room, and finds Phantos sitting extremely close to the RNSFJ, deep in whispered conversation.)

RNSFJ: $300?

Phantos: $300, right now.

(The RNSFJ nods her approval, and Phantos produces a wad of bills, counts several of them out, and puts them in her hand. She immediately folds them up and puts them in her bra. Phantos watches this intensely.)

Phantos: Right after you leave here

RNSFJ: All right.

(Lucios walks back on screen; his mask laced and announces he is now ready. He and his partner stand and pose together; the RNSFJ holds up a microphone and begins her ‘interview’)

RNSFJ: Guys, what are your thoughts after winning the match last week, but not walking out with the titles?

Lucios: Ecosistema, La Voltage, You escaped last week. But we are patient hunters. We will keep stalking our prey until it is caught. Those Tag Team Championships will be ours. It’s just a matter of time boys, just a matter of time.

Phantos: And you know, Los Defensetrators, We have danced this danced before. Last time we were trying to prove ourselves. We gave you everything you can handle, and then some. But this time, we will come out on top!

Lucios: It’s nothing personal boys. We respect you. But we’ve been chasing those Championships for a couple of months now, even before Capps & Adrenaline lost them. You just happen to be in our way this time.

(The masked men make the ‘title around the waist’ hand gesture, and someone yells ‘CUT.’ The RNSFJ leaves, Phantos collapses on the couch laughing. Lucios turns on a TV monitor and presses play on a VCR. Minutes elapse. Davin Moreland walks in with a Cheshire Cat grin on his face.)

DM: It’s a good day.

Lucios: (with Phantos laughing harder in the background) Oh really? Any particular reason?

DM: I’m the Onslaught Champion again, and the just now one of the SFJ’s walked up to me, kissed me on the cheek, and showed me her tits!

Lucios: Nice?

DM: VERY nice.

(Phantos breaks into a fit of laughter. The other two stare at him momentarily and then resume conversation.)

Lucios: So Rick going to give you your stipulations back?

Davin: Don’t know, but I’m about to go find out.

Lucios: We’ll go with you, we need to Rick him about something as well. Phantos! Shut up and grab us a couple of bottles of Aquafina. We’re going to go see the boss.

(Phantos reaches in the cooler and tosses Lucios & Davin each a bottle. All three men take a long drink, turn to the camera, smile and hold the bottles up. In the distance, a cash register chimes again.)

DM: So what was so funny man?

Phantos: (Barely suppressing his glee) I paid that chick to show you her boobs!!! (Breaks into another fit of laughter)

DM: (A little surprised) You? (Looks at Lucios who shrugs) The guys who don’t cuss, don’t drink caffeine, make CM Punk look like Courtney Love; you paid a woman to flash someone?

Phantos: Hey man, just because I don’t say things like Tits and Pussy doesn’t mean I don’t like them

(Davin laughs, shaking his head and the three men walk out the door. Just as the door closes, Davin is heard saying, “You two might develop personalities after all.”)

[mooseheadjack]

<Sexy Female Journalist 13 tracks down Moose in the back of the OOWF Arena - because any arena we are at is the OOWF Arena>

SFJ13: Moose, do you have any comments on losing the Onslaught Championship thanks to Concrete's interference?

MHJ: How do you think I am feeling about it all?

SFJ13: I would imagine you are irate.

MHJ: Not at all. The title was simply a means to an end. The title was my way of breaking down that last little bit of hero Crete had in him. You look confused, I'll explain. See, Crete has run around here for three years going on and on and on about how he is the embodiment of all that is good in wrestling, how he is somehow better than the rest of us because he wanted to be a hero.

Well here in the OOWF, the most violent place in all of wrestling, there was ONE THING that could make you stand out as that bastion of purity - the Onslaught Championship. Crete, don't think we forgot, you had your chance to win the Onslaught title once before, you remember don't you? MADNESS II? You lost to the immortal Uncle Entity. You couldn't get the job done then, and you couldn't get it done now.

So what do you do? Its funny Crete, you constantly berate me for all the world to hear for being selfish, for my only desire being to keep you away from a title. Then, what happens the first chance you get? You come into the match and cost me the title you could never win. The title you held as the highest level of pure wrestling in the OOWF, the title you FAILED to win repeatedly. Sure, you hide behind the rules, you say you were just following my chosen match rules. But you know damn well that is just a false excuse Crete. Some hero. In one moment, you displayed your barbaric side, and you were green with envy because I had what you wanted. See, Crete, like I have said all along, you are not that much different from me, and now we will find out for sure.

Trust me

[mooseheadjack]

A Scottish drum and bagpipe band enter blarring tradtional Scottish music. F. Fonzworth MacCappington III enters in his kilt and Scottish garb. Lance is slightly behind him wearing similar attire. Fonzworth take a long drink of Miller Genuine Draft.

FFMIII- I love the smooth refreshing taste of the number one selling ale in Scotland. G'day! Erin Go Bragh! As you have all figured out by now, I legally changed my name to F. Fonzworth MacCappington III to reflect my non-existant Scottish heritage. But I own so much of Scotland that I thought it'd be fitting.

Lance- Doesn't "Erin Go Braugh" mean Ireland forever?

FFMIII- Scotland, Ireland, what's the difference? They both talk funny, drink too much and have kilts and leprichauns.

Lance- Actually I don't think that's accur-

FFMIII- Shut up, Jeeves. Oh wait. MacJeeves. How's that for a name for you? You weren't too attatched to your real name Jeeves, were you, MacJeeves?

Lance- I don't care. My name isn't really Jeeves anyways.

FFMIII- I have no idea what you're talking about. Anyways! I am now, the single greatest Scottish superstar in the OOWF having soundly defeated Firechild last week. Now this week, I'll be taking on a tag team with my new friend, Canadian Dragon. Come on out here CD!

The Bagpipe band starts playing O Canada and Canadian Dragon comes out with a confused look on his face.

FFMIII- Give it to him MacJeeves.

Lance opens his bag and pulls out a kilt with a red and white tartan and a large maple leaf on the front.

FFMIII- Try it on!

CD- Um...I don't really want to.

FFMIII- Oh come on. Oh wait...I know what you're all a-boot. Ha ha! Just kidding you, buddy from the north! Bring it out boys!

Several men bring out a platinum diamond-encrusted ladder.

FFMIII- Climb on up there and deliver a promo! You'll look like the King of Canada up there!

CD- I appreciate your enthusiasm, but please. I don't want your gifts. I don't want to be your friend. We're a one-off random heel tag team. Let's just go in there and win the match. Just let me hurt Capellan and you do your damage to Firechild and then you and I can call it a day. Sound good? I'm out of here.

Dragon leaves, leaving F. Fonzworth MacCappington III in shock.

FFMIII- I can't believe it...why...but...aw!

Lance- Shall I return the embroidered "Welcome To LOADED" sweater, sir?

FFMIII- I guess so. You'd think he'd want it, what with living on an icey tundra like Canada. Damn. Cancel the penguins, I guess.

Lance- As you wish, sir.

[mooseheadjack]

*Run DLP is heading toward GM the Rick's office, but as they get to the door, thumbtacked to it along with the lineup, a handwritten sign:

Rick Busy Come Later.

-Erlana

*

DM: Well, let's go out for a bit.

L: This didn't work out so well for you last time.

P: Are we going to Chuck E. Cheese?

DM: Probably not, they'll think you're robbing the place with those masks on.

P: Aww man...

DM: Let's just hop the jet to Papa Gino's in Foxboro.

P: COOL! Private Jet, bitches!

L: Phantos?

DM: Phantos?

P: Um...oops?

*cut to commercial*

*Moments ago: Run DLP was getting on a plane, and Phantos said "Bitches". We cut to the 3 on the plane. Phantos is jamming out to something that sounds something like techno through the planes sound system with oddly large headphones. Yes. Little dude. Wearing a mask. With Huge Headphones! Hilarity ensues! Lucios and Davin remove themselves from that nightmare to the conference table, and Davin produces some fresh bottles of Aquafina for them.*

DM: I feel like shit.

L: I imagine you do. Man, I don't want to even know how much blood you lost out there.

DM: Can you believe Crete?

L: I know, man. That was crazy. Lucky he showed up.

DM: Yeah...but still, I know Crete hates Moose, Moose hates Crete, blah blah blah the belts are all pawns for the manifestation of our hatred blah blah blah...I'm happy I won, and technically the run-in wasn't "cheating" per se...

L: No, you won it fair and square.

DM: Well no, to be honest, Moose had me dead to rights. If it weren't for Crete, I might never have gotten another shot.

L: Proves even the uberest of the uber-faces can do heel-y stuff from time to time...

DM: I guess. The blood loss isn't why I feel like shit though.

L: They why?

DM: Well, I couldn't get you guys the belts...

L: DUDE! Are you CRAZY?? If it weren't for you, Cappington MacDuck would have screwed us again!

DM: Cappington MacDuck?

L: Tell me you look at Cap and don't see Scrooge MacDuck.

DM: HA! Good point. The Rick must have some sense of fairplay though, you have a rematch this week.

L: ANOTHER rematch...ANOTHER title shot. Every week they find a new and interesting way to screw us.

DM: I've got a good feeling about this week...

*Lucios checks the windows*

DM: She can't get us up here...I think..

L: Ok. One. Title change when it's not a PPV?

DM: Uh. I won last week. Happens all the time.

L: Ok. Good. 2. The freakin numbers game. We've got enough to deal with in Los Def. You have to handle MacDuck, Viper, Voltage, Eco, Whichever language version of "Defenstrators" shows up, Curt Schilling...

DM: Don't worry about it. That's the agreement.

L: Dude, last week coming down like that, that was so uber-face...

DM: Dude, shut up. I'm not an uber-face.

L: Suuuuuurre you're not.

DM: Dude, if I were an uber-face, I'd be wearing a cape and be in the Heroes Guild.

L: Well, you did heroicly save the day...and Crete had your back....

DM: Dude. Shut up. I'm not wearing a cape. End of story.

L: Ok...ok...we're just talking here.

*Both take a sip of their respective Aquafinas*

DM: Anyway. This week. I've got a good feeling. If I can get you a straight match, you two will own them 2 on 2.

L: I know. It's the straight match I'm worried about.

DM: Well, if there were a match where you could keep them in, and keep others out...

*The PA system crackles*

Pilot: Now landing in Fruit Street Airport, Mansfield, Massachusetts. You still going to Foxboro?

*Davin picks up the mic in the cabin*

DM: Yeah, can you call the car service?

Pilot: No problem, Mr. Moreland.

*fade to commercial*

*OOWF-TV.com Exclusive Moments Ago...Run DLP at pizza at Papa Gino's and got coffee at Dunkin' Donuts and sent text messages on their Sprint PCS phones. We rejoin them at GM the Rick's door. The note is now gone. Davin Knocks*

GMtR: Come in, Davin.

DM: Hey Boss.

GMtR: Hi guys. I'm gonna guess...You're going to tell me what your stips will be against Ryan Hardcore in your Title Defense?

DM: Have to do it sometime. Assuming *clears throat* "creative" *clears throat* still allows stips for the Onslaught Champion....The stips are, an "I Quit" Match, with no opponents interference.

GMtR: You're still throwing that in, eh?

DM: Yup. The future tag champs can be at ringside with me, but anyone comes down with Hardcore, it's a DQ.

GMtR: I'll run it by *cough* creative *cough* and we'll see. I'll give you credit, you are getting rid of your other DQ options...

DM: Intentional DQ is not my finisher. That one's already taken.

GMtR: No it's not.

DM: Yes it is, it's TCH's finisher.

GMtR: They are no longer with the company.

DM: Then why did they have a promo last week?

GMtR: THERE WAS NO PROMO!!! UP IS DOWN!!! LEFT IS RIGHT!!!WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AT WAR WITH EASTASIA!!!GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE!!!

*Run DLP leaves*

P: Aww man, we forgot about our match.

L: Don't worry, there's still time...

DM: Anyway guys, I'll catch you later. I gotta cut this promo...Text me on my Sprint PCS phone later, ok?

L: Ok see ya, Davin.

P: BYE BYE BITCHES!!!!!!!!!

*Phantos takes off down the hall*

DM: No more coffee for him.

L: No kidding.

*Lucios leaves, Davin pulls out his Sprint PCS phone and makes a call*

DM: Where? Ok, be right there.

*fade to commercial*

*Moments ago, Phantos said "bitches" again. Davin has moved to the Designated Interview Area, and is joined by his personal interviewer, CBS Evening News' Katie Couric*

CENKC: Davin, good to see you.

DM: You too, Katie.

CENKC: You've been through some tough matches lately, and now you have to go up against a relative newcomer in Ryan Hardcore. Talk a little about that.

DM: Ugh, Katie your interview skills are slipping.

CENKC: Huh? I anchor a network National News show...

DM: Katie..."Talk a little about that". That is weak and lazy journalism, and, quite frankly, I'm disappointed.

CENKC: Davin, you're right. Let's start over.

DM: Ok.

CENKC: Take two...

CENKC: Davin, you've been through an emotional roller coaster the last couple weeks, and have managed to retain your Onslaught Champsionship. This week you face relative newcomer Ryan Hardore in your title defense. Davin, how are you going to beat a guy you've never wrestled?

DM: That's journalism folks. Anyway. Ryan Hardcore. ALL I KNOW, Ryan Hardcore, is you DAMNED WELL better live up to your name this week. My Friend, we have ourselves a little something I like to call, an "I QUIT" match. That means one of us beats the other senseless into submission until one of us says "I Quit". Ryan, not sure if you caught the match with Moosehead Jack and me, but that's a little taste of what you're in for at MAYHEM this week. Hardcore, you've never been in the ring with this GENETIC FREAK before. You're going to be in for the match of your life, so by all means, bring your A+ game. You're going to need it Ryan, because Davin Moreland AINT YOUR BITCH NO MORE, and, unfortunately for you, I've never been your bitch.

Oh, and Ryan? Should anyone from LOADED even come out to the ramp? It's a DQ, and buh-bye goes your Onslaught Title chances. So by all means, Ryan Hardcore, take advantage of your shot, and we can make this the match of the week. Nothing like a little hardcore spotfest on a Wednesday night.

*Slaps belt onto his shoulder*

DM: You want this, Ryan? Get. Ready.

CENKC: And....Cut. Thanks Davin.

DM: Thanks Katie. See ya.

*Davin Moreland heads down the hallway toward the Run DLP locker room, when he SLAMS into Moosehead Jack. They brace themselves and stare each other down*

DM: Moose...I'm-a make this quick. To paraphrase, well, you....


We ain't done. Trust me.

*Moose flares his nostrils at this, but the two walk away cleanly and Davin goes into the Run DLP Locker Room, presented by Aquafina*

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

Viper is looking at the match luneup in the hallway.

DV: The FUCK?!? I'm curtain jerking this week for some no-name? FUCK!

Viper is kicking clangy poles and throwing loud metal things making lots of noise.

LDW: Well, you could've avoided all this if you, you know, BEAT Stank.

DV: One second. One second away. A freaking COUNTOUT victory. I had him.

LDW: You did, but you didn't. And this week, I'll do what you couldn't. Beat Stank and become the World Heavyweight Champion.

DV: I hope you can do it without the help of your ex-partner. I mean, if you needed him to beat Cap...

LDW: Hey I didn't ask nor did I need his his help with Capellan. And looik whose talking. You're in a faction of cheats, remember?

DV: I don't have them interfere in my matches.

LDW: Would you be against it? If it came down to it?

DV: Well, no, of course not, but...

LDW: Exactly. Don't think you're on a higher moral ground than me. You and I, we're the same. We're like...

DV: Don't say it....

LDW: Ok, I won't. But I'll say this. I will be the next World Heavyweight Champion. Because I'm better than Stank, and I'm better than you.

DV: Yeah, whatever. Good luck there next week. If you get that belt, we'll see whose better.

Viper leaves the scene and the cameras follow him. He goes to the LOADEDorium

DV: What the hell? I was THIS CLOSE, Fonzworth! THIS FUCKING CLOSE. Can't believe that fat fuck won by COUNTOUT of all things!

FFM3: Aye, tis a shame.

DV: And this week, I gotta fight some guy named Joey Montana?

FFM3: 'E was a fine quarterback back en tha day, ye know. Quite the phenomenal athlete. But 'e's got no business en a wrestling ring. Ye'll take 'em down, no problem, an then ye'll be right back, fighting fer the championship.

DV: Why the fuck are you talking like that?

FFM3: Like wot, laddie?

DV: Like some aborted version of Tommy O'Neill.

FFM3: Well, ye see, ah'm scottish. Ah decided I need te embrace meh ancestry more. Get ento Firechild's 'ead, ye know.

DV: There better not be a masked spanish-speaking version of you here next week, Cappington.

FFM3: MACCappington, boyo!

DV: Whatever.

Viper leaves. CAmera stays.

FFM3: A masked spanish-speaking version e' me? Hmmm... That's the kind of original thinking we need around here! McJeeves!

Lance: Yes sir....

FFM3: How about next week I call you McPedro?

Lance: I'll get back to you on that sir...

FFM3: And you wouldn't happen to know where I can get those spanish masks, would you?

Lance: I think I know a someone or two , sir...

FFM3: Great! Get to it! Time to strategize!

[mooseheadjack]

*We cut to Alt and Harris. There is a night vision camera that's recording them during their sleepover.*

Alt: I like your Ghostbusters sleeping bag.

HH: Yeah, it's Vintage. I got it when Beast sent me to into the containment tank a few years ago. Authentic, buddy.

Alt: Cool.

HH: It's dark. What was your sleeping bag again?

Alt: Mine's Ghostbusters, too.

HH: Copycat.

Alt: HEY! I'm no...okay. I admit. I stole it.

HH: You know what sucks?

Alt: Responsibilities?

HH: Yeah. I can't believe we lost the titles.

Alt: That's because you smell like boogers.

HH: You smell like a brand new house and a pregnant wife.

Alt: What?

HH: Nothing.

Alt: I saw your mom naked when I went to the bathroom.

HH: Dude, this sleepover isn't at my house. We're at a hotel.

Alt: Oh. Good. Cuz this chick was gross.

[mooseheadjack]

<SFJ#1 is standing by with OOWF World Champion, Stank.>

Stank - They say it's harder to stay the champion than to become the champion.

There are some in the locker room who think that I may grow complacent, that now that I am the World Champion, I'll get too comfortable... I'll lose focus, make a mistake, that all my determination and drive was burnt up in my feud with Crete and the destruction of the Heroes Guild.

Well, I stand here, having survived my first few title defenses, to let each and every OOWF competitor know, that I am well aware of the challenges yet to come, and I am more than willing to face each and every one of them... I welcome them.

Which brings me to my next challenge. LD Williams...

LD, I've never beaten you in a one on one match. The first time we fought, one on one, you damn near broke my arm, the second, you out wrestled me.

You give a champ something to think about, so allow me to return the favor.

You think about this...

I was determined to become a Tag Team Champion, as one half of Drink & Destroy, and I did it THREE times. I was DETERMINED to destroy the Heroes Guild, and BEAT Concrete TG, for the World Title... done and DONE.

Now I am DETERMINED to wear a new T-Shirt... size quadruple X. On it is stenciled the phrase,

I just beat LD WILLIAMS ASS to RETAIN the OOWF CHAMPIONSHIP!

You think three's a charm? I say there's a first time for everything.

You walk around here talking about, fear me? No, you fear THIS!

I am now the mountain, which I climbed, to gain THIS belt!

I AM NOW the mountain which YOU will have to climb! You won't see the peak. It's covered in a storm the size of my WILL! This storm is DETERMINED to beat YOU, and for you... it will be a long... fall... down.

Believe THAT WILLIAMS, with every fiber of your being.

< Cut to Commercial>

[mooseheadjack]

Lucios walks into GM the Rick's office and sits down in front of his desk. Rick looks up from his paperwork and sighs.

GMtR: What do you want?

Lucios: Los Defenstrators. A Best 2 out of 3 falls match. With Cappington or any members of LOADED barred from ringside.

GMtR: But I suppose it'll be OK for Moreland to be there.

Lucios: Davin and I have an arrangement. We watch each other's backs. He knows I want to win clean. We didn't interfere to help him regain the Onslaught Championship, that was Concrete TG. Davin won't interfere. I don't trust anyone else to follow suit.

GMtR: You think a few weeks time will make me forget that YOU TWO stole Crete's contract?? What makes you think you will get ANY favors from me.

Lucios: Enjoying that unlimited supply of Johnnie Walker Blue Label? I'm not asking for special treatment, just a match. No gimmicks and no chance of us getting screwed, AGAIN, out of the Tag Team Championships. Think about it.

[mooseheadjack]

** L.D. Williams is in his locker room.**

LD: “Three years. Three long years. That’s how long I’ve been here, and that’s how long I’ve bided my time. The only reason I haven’t held the World title yet is because I haven’t gone after it. You want to compare resumes Stank? Fine. I set my sights on the Intercontinental Title and I won it – twice. I went after the Underdawg and he left the OOWF. I set my sights on the Tag Team Titles, won them with two different partners, and held them longer than anyone in history – including you.
What was it you said? You’re a mountain now? Is that the analogy? Fine-that works. But I’m no mountain climber – not my style. What I am is 235 pounds of prime Canadian C-4 that will blow that mountain to dust. You said it yourself, Stank. As tough as you are, you have never beaten me. Truth is, you can’t beat me.
I don’t have a cute T-shirt to wear when I beat you Stank – if I did I’d already be wearing it. But I’ll settle for the belt, because it will be mine.


Believe THAT.”

[mooseheadjack]

Canadian Dragon rounds a corner backstage and finds himself facing Capellan.

"You know, if you didn't want to fight me, you should have stayed out of my match."

Dragon looks innocent.

"But I thought you were all about fighting fair? I mean, you did crack LD's skull right? I was just levelling the playing field."

"What happened to LD was an accident."

"So you say. And for all your vaunted sense of fair play didn't seem to upset about it."

"I offered him the chance to stop the match."

"Yeah. This is LD Williams. Asking him if he wants to stop fighting is like asking tide if it wants to stop coming in."

"So it was LD who wanted to keep fighting, because he has more guts than sense, and yet you're tying to lay this at my door?" Capellan folds his arms, "Well, I suppose you've got used to lying to yourself, so lying to everyone else should be no surprise."

"Lying to -? What are you talking about?"

"When was the last time you won a match on your own, Dragon? When was the last time you held gold without LD Williams to carry you? Or how 'bout I put it his way? Maybe you were Marty Fucking Jannetty all along."

[mooseheadjack]

*SFJ83 finds Outback Jack in a bar. Jake "The Milkman" Milliman is in the background, talking on a payphone*

SFJ: Outback Jack, what can you tell us about your match with Knife this week?

OBJ: Well, we didn't really settle anything in our last match with all the other stuff going on. At Mayhem he'll have my undivided attention. I've been planning out some strategies.

SFJ: It looks to me like you're drinking beer.

OBJ: I can multitask.

SFJ: Oh.

JTMM: Hey, Jack, got any more quarters? Colonel DeBeers wouldn't take a collect call.

OBJ: Hey mate, can't you see I'm being interviewed!

JTTM: But if he can put in a good word for me with Greg Gagne I can get into the new AWA.

OBJ: It isn't happening, mate. You'd be better off talking to Eric Gagne.

SFJ: That name's familiar. Isn't he a jobber somewhere?

OBJ: You could say so.

[mooseheadjack]

<Moosehead Jack is sitting wrapping his hands when LD Williams walks in>

MHJ: Whats on your mind LD?

LDW: I have Stank this week, and just thought I would pick your brain for a minute

MHJ:<after a long pause> You don't need my advise on beating Stank, you know damn well you can beat him. What's really on your mind?

LDW: Look Moose, this thing with Crete, whats going on. You two both seem......different. I've said it before, you're better than this, you're better than letting some stupid grudge sidetrack your career. Why are you doing this?

MHJ: I have to....

LDW: DAMMIT Moose! Enough with the apocalyptic shit! This is not a battle between good and evil. This is not some highbrow battle of clashing morals. You two are two wrestlers who don't see eye to eye. And you are willing to end your careers for.....what exactly? Do you even know WHY you are fighting?

MHJ:<after another long pause> LD, I respect the hell out of you, so I am going to give this to you straight. I have to beat Crete. I have to come out on top. If I don't, every accomplishment I ever achieve in the OOWF will be tainted. Every match I win, every title I win, it will all be tainted because of Crete

LDW: Wha....

MHJ: Let me finish. When I came to the OOWF Crete and I crossed paths and I swore I would run him out of the OOWF for good. Well three years later Crete is still here. Every day that goes by is one day more I have failed to drive him out of here. And by the same token, Crete believes this place would be better without me. Every one of his accomplishments is likewise tainted. LD you say this feud is going to ruin careers if we keep going, it has already gone on for three years, it is time to end it.

LDW: And nothing is going to change your mind is it?

MHJ: Fraid not

LDW: When I win the title, you get a shot, you know that right?

MHJ:<grinning> That will take care of itself. Trust me.

<Jack goes back to taping his wrists and LD Williams leaves>

[mooseheadjack]

<Concrete TG is warming up backstage when Firechild walks in>

CTG: (glances up) Flame?

FC: (smirks) No "Citizen"? I'm surprised.... got a minute? I wanted to ask you some stuff about Canadian Dragon

CTG: (thinks a moment You don't need my help against someone like Canadian Dragon- I thought you were planning to fly on your own?

FC: Fine. The real reason I'm here is because of your beef with Moosehead Jack. Whats going on with that? You two both seem......different. I've said it before, you're better than this, you're better than letting Moose get under your skin. You're actually circumventing rules over this. Why?

CTG: I have to....

FC: This is not a battle between good and evil. It's great theater and it makes a great show, but damn you're taking all this personally! You two are two wrestlers who don't see eye to eye. And you are willing to end your careers for.....what exactly? Do you even know WHY you are fighting?

CTG: (thinks) Flame, I respect you, especially after our time working together. I have to defeat Moose. I have to come out on top. If I don't, every accomplishment I ever achieve in the OOWF will be for nothing. Every match I win, every title I win, it will all be tainted because my mission to rid the OOWF of Moosehead Jack is not complete.

FC: Wha....

CTG: (holds up a hand) Let me finish. When I came to the OOWF, Moose and I crossed paths and I swore I would Rid the OOWF of such absolute evil. Three years later, he is still here. Every day that goes by is one day more I have failed to drive him out of here. And by the same token, Moose believes this place would be better without me. Every one of his accomplishments is likewise tainted. Some say this feud is going to ruin careers if we keep going, it has already gone on for three years, it is time to end it.

FC: And nothing is going to change your mind is it?

CTG: Sadly, No.

FC: You'll be fighting that war alone, you know that right?

CTG: (nods) There are others who want this to happen. I am the only one capable of making it so.

(Concrete gets back to warming up as Firechild leaves, a little surprised at the exchange)

Edited to remove smileys

[mooseheadjack]

Outback Jack walks into a bar with his Intercontinental Title over his shoulder. He orders a Foster's and sits next to a robed figure with a hood over his head. He pulls the hood down and is revealed to be The Knife.

TK- Outback Jack.

OJ- Oh. Hey there, mate. How are things?

TK- Just great. I have a shot at your title this week. And I plan on winning, if He so chooses.

OJ- If who chooses?

TK- The Lord. And if the Lord does choose, I'll defeat you and carry that title with grace and humility, unlike you, who proudly displays it in a bar of all places.

OJ- (BELCH!) That's Australian for, what the fuck are you talking about?

TK- What am I talking about? I'm talking about placing the belt on a mantle and being a champion! A true champion! Someone the children will look up to and their parents will tell them to strive to be like! I'm talking about not parading it around in a bar!

OJ- But...if I don't carry it around, how will people know I'm the champion? "I'm a wrestler" works sort of well with the women in these places, but "look at my belt" works so much better. Look at that one over there. She's looking at me and my championship. I notice you haven't gotten any looks, mate. I wouldn't be surprised if you were still a virgin.

TK- Of course I am. Its called "saving yourself for marriage" you heathen.

OJ- Ha ha ha! (BELCH!) That's Austrailian for pathetic!

Knife jumps up and Stab's Outback Jack off his barstool.

TK- That's Biblical for Respect The Right Hand Of God.

Knife storms out of the bar with a smirk on his face.

[mooseheadjack]

<Stank walks into the Destroyitarium. He walks up to the bar and orders a beer. Spin walks out from the restroom in the back. He sits next to Stank.>

Spin - You seen Outback Jack?

Stank - Nope.

Spin - ...

Stank - What, I haven't seen him.

Spin - Maybe he's still sore at me for jumping him a while back.

Stank - Naw, I doubt it. If anything he probably respects you more.

<Spin and Stank watch OBJs promo on OOWF TV, on the bigscreen, situated behind the bar.>

Stank - What did he go to that bar for?

Spin - I told him we were here this week... oh wait a minute.

Stank - What?

Spin - I told him we were at The Irish Pub.

Stank - Yeah, that's the name of this plac- OH I got you.

Spin - How many Irish pubs are there in this town?

<Moosehead Jack's promo shows up on the screen.>

Spin - LD Williams sure thinks he has your number.

Stank - His mistake. Let him go on thinking I can't beat him. He's never faced Stank the World Champ before.

<Crete's promo concludes>

Spin - ...

Stank - ...

Spin - That was weird.

Stank - I think they're more alike than either wants to admit.

<The Knife's promo starts>

Spin - Look, There's Jack.

Stank - At another Irish pub, can you see the name of it?

Spin - No, Jack's head is in the way.

<OBJ is superkicked out of his seat!>

Stank - Oh there it is... Flaharty's.

Spin - Holy Shit.

Stank - ... Why don't you go see if Jack is ok.

[mooseheadjack]

*Lucios and Davin Moreland are watching OOWF-TV in their significantly upgraded Run DLP Locker Room, Brought to you by Aquafina. Phantos is in the background doing flippy shit on his trampoline*

DM: You really think threatening GM the Rick is a good idea?

L: Dude, you've done it a couple times.

DM: Yeah...But I was MAD.

L: *looks incredulously at Davin* Um. Dude. Hi. Screwed out of the Tag Titles every week for like 3 months now.

DM: Well, we'll see if he takes your stips; he's usually not too receptive to that unless it's for a PPV...

*In the hallway, there's a distinct female voice screaming "I will end you!!!"*

L: Regardless. This time, we just better win, that's all I'm saying.

DM: Hey check that out...

*Moose's Promo comes on*

L: Day-ummmmmm...

DM: *stares at Lucios*

L: What?

DM: God, he's one crazy son of a bitch.

L: Hey, there's your new buddy...

*Crete's promo comes on*

DM: ...

L: ...

*Phantos stops jumping and comes over to the other 2*

P: ...

DM: Ok. I'm officially freaked out.

L: No kidding, they said the same exact...

DM: No, don't you get it? Jack and me got a thing; Crete "helped" last week, but I want no part of Crete. See where I'm headed?

P: They're both gonna come after you...BITCHES!

L: That's growing less funny, now.

DM: *laughing* I disagree. Anywho, all I know is, we have to watch each other's backs more than ever, because if history is any indicator, they'll both send messages through other people until they face off against each other for the big showdown.

P: Maybe they'll be tag partners again first?

DM: Good luck if that happens.

L: Well, let's not worry about that right now. We have better things to focus on.

DM: Good point. You guys have your 15th straight title match, and we have to make sure you don't get screwed this time.

P: We want to win clean, though.

DM: Of course you want to win CLEAN. Sometimes though, it doesn't work that way.

L: I don't like the sound of that, Davin, we have a deal.

DM: Lucios, the deal is, we'll watch each others' backs. I am tired of watching you guys get screwed out of your titles every damned week. If something happens, it happens. There's no law that says you have to know anything about it.

P: And if we don't know about it, then it's not our fault...BITCHES!

L: Dude. Stop.

P: BITCHES!

L: I'm-a kill you Phantos! *He chases Phantos off camera*

DM: Yeah. You guys are gonna get those titles this week. I'm gonna make sure of it. And Ryan Hardcore is in for one hell of a fight with me this week. I can't wait for Wednesday!

*fade to freeze frame*

Announcer Guy: This Promo has been brought to you by....

*Logo shows on screen*

AG: Dunkin' Donuts

*Logo*

AG: Yum! Foods

*logo*

AG: Sprint PCS

*logo*

AG: And Aquafina

*fade to commercial*

[mooseheadjack]

(El Voltaje is talking with Rey Mysterio.)

Mysterio: Por que no continuo hablar en Espanol? (Why can't I continue to speak in Spanish?)

El Voltaje: Porque es un paso de un talon. Dices al publico "Son estupidos! Pueden hablar una lenguaje!" (Because it's a heel move. You're saying to the people. "You're stupid! You can only speak one language!"

Mysterio: Eres una cara, no? (You're a face, aren't you?)

Voltaje: Si, por que tengo subtitulos. (Yes, because I have subtitles.)

Mysterio: Ugggh, fine. I guess I'll speak in English when I'm on TV, even though it TOTALLY undercuts the CW's Hispanic outreach.

Voltaje: That's the spirit!

(Ecosistema enters.)

Eco: Hola chicos!

Voltaje: Eco! Podemos perder sus titulos la semana pasada! (Eco! We could have lost our titles last week!)

Eco: Yo homie. Sorry, G.

Voltaje: ...Creo que no puedes hablar ingles? (I thought you couldn't speak English?)

Eco: Nah, dawg. I bought me one of dem Rosetta Stone CD's, and now I speak English real good.

(Eco hands Voltaje the packaging.)

Voltaje: ...This is "Rosetta Stone: Ebonics".

Eco: No es como ingles?

Voltaje: Er...es similar. Pero continuas hablar espanol con blancos. (It's similar. But continue to speak Spanish with whites.)

*********************

(Meanwhile, to avoid double-posting, Ecosystem and Voltage are also talking at a similarly indeterminate location.)

Volt: Mate, how did we lose so pathetically? To the BFF, no less!

Eco: I think it might have something to do with the fact that we barely ever promo anymore.

Volt: ...Well, if that was true, why do Los Defenstratores have the title belts?

Eco: Because we're NOT THE SAME PEOPLE.

Volt: Right.

(Pause.)

Volt: So, anyway, strategy.

Eco: Yes.

Volt: Mmm?

Eco: Oh, I thought you had one.

(Pause.)

Eco: Maybe we could go get a--

Volt: If you say Sandwich, I will kill you. I really will. That gimmick died months ago. All you're doing is proving our increasing irrelevance.

Eco: Speaking of long-past irrelevant gimmicks, didn't The Knife lose his virginity to a Wiccan orgy? How'd he get it back?

Volt: I'm fairly certain we intervened and saved him from Loki. I remember it involved Spartans that we killed, then brought back, then killed again.

Eco: It also invovled writer monkeys.

Volt: It also involved not being acknowledged as a plot twist by anyone else ever.

Eco: Except Moose.

Volt: Well, Moose is cool.

(Pause.)

Eco: Why was there a pause there?

Volt: I expected a heartpunch.

Eco: You don't get a heartpunch just for saying his name. You have to insult him.

Volt: Eh?

Eco: For example: MOOSEHEAD JACK IS PULLING A TRIPLE-H WITH HIS GRAND SLAM!!!

(Moosehead Jack runs in and heartpunches Voltage.)

Eco: You see?

Volt: Ow. Yes.

Eco: Anyway. BFF! You're going DOWN!!!!

Volt: Wait...that wasn't fair at all.

[mooseheadjack]

*OBJ and Spin are sitting at Flaherty's, drinking more beer*

OBJ: SO I guess he's a little sensitive about it.

Spin: Probably wouldn't help to remind him about the Wiccans.

OBJ: What?

Spin: I have no idea why I just said that. Nevermind.

OBJ: OK.

Spin: So why don't you want to go over to The Irish Bar?

OBJ: I may have let it slip to somebody that we were meeting there, so Stank should just meet us here instead. I just hope he left in time.

********************************


*Down the street at The Irish Bar, Stank is slipping $20 to the bartender.*

Stank: When the short guy with the beard comes back from the bathroom, tell him I went out to feed the parking meter and he should wait for me here.

Jake the Milkman (voice coming from below the bar): I'm back already.

Stank: Oops, didn't see you there. Hey, look, is that the time? I really gotta go. Been real. See ya.

JtM: But you forget to give me Scott Hall's number!

[mooseheadjack]

::Ryan Hardcore sitting on a crate backstage, smoking a cigarette and talking to Lauren Phoenix::

Lauren Phoenix: So wait... they gave you a title shot this week? Have we even been around here before? This place doesn't look familiar.

Ryan Hardcore: *looks around* Of course we have babe... of... course we have.

LP: Who are you fighting anyway?

RH: I'm not even sure.

::F. Fonzworth MacCappington III walks up::

FFMIII: Wow, nice of you to finally show up. I was beginning to think we were gonna see Chris Jericho around here before we saw you. And..... wait... you have a title match tomorrow, do you think it's a good idea to be smoking?

RH: Why not? Lauren's smoking. *winks*

*Lauren licks Ryan's ear*

LP: Why don't you come back to the dressing room and give me some of those cumshots of yours.

FFMIII: Wait, you're sponsered by cumshots too?

RH: I'm pretty sure she was sponsored by them loooooong before I was. Anyways, wait, who am I fighting tomorrow?

FFMIII: Davin Moreland.

RH: I think you just made that up.

FFMIII: No, see, it's right here on the card.

RH: You're right there on the card.

FFMIII: That doesn't even make sense.

RH: You don't make sense!

*Lauren and Ryan high five*

FFMIII: *shakes his head* Jesus fucking Christ. And I actually bragged about being the one to bring you in here. Look, if you can peel yourself away from the pussy for TWO SECONDS maybe I can help you with some strategy for tomorrow.

RH: Two seconds? I actually don't think I can do that.

LP: It's true, he can't.

RH: Hey babe, I just realized something. If I win tomorrow night, we can fuck while I JUST wear the belt.

FFMIII: I'm not sure that's what it was made for.

RH: You're not what it's made for.

FFMIII: Fuck me..... well, at least you showed up this week. I guess that's something. Let's go.

[mooseheadjack]

Viper joins Hardcore and MacCappington

DV- Hey, where the hell have you been?

RH- What are you talking about? I've been here the entire time.

DV- Has he?

RH- Yeah, I wrestled matches and everything.

FFM3- You sure about that?

RH- Yeah...um...I think so...I do a lot of ecstasy though...

LP- I'm rolling my ass off right now.

FFM3- Yeah, about that...do you have to jerk him off right in front of us?

DV- I don't see any problem with it.

FFM3- Yeah, you wouldn't.

DV- What's that suppopsed to mean?

FFM3- Nothing. I just meant that you are a large proponant of the love between a man and a beutiful woman.

DV- Oh yeah. I totally am.

FFM3- I know. That's why I said it.

DV- Well, I agree.

FFM3- Then we don't need to talk about it anymore. Why are we here?

DV- I wanted to talk about this faction of yours.

FFM3- Of ours.

DV- Right. Of ours. What's going on with this thing anyways? You're off pretending to be scottish. This guy's never around.

RH- I've been here literally the entire time, I've just been busy trying to see if its possible to overwhelm the depo shot and get Lauren pregnant anyways.

DV- You want her to get pregnant?

RH- Not really. We'll swing her by and get the morning after pill if it happens. I just want to see if I can out-do the 99.7% success rate with my powerful semen.

FFM3- There's something wrong with you.

RH- There's something wrong with your mother!

FFM3- Yeah...cervical cancer.

RH- ...

DV- ...

LP- ...

RH- ...dude...I'm...I'm sorry...

FFM3- Not your fault...unless you gave her cervical cancer.

RH- I might have...when I had sex with her!

LP- Nice one!

DV- Anyways...so who is our tag team anyways? Is it The Defensestrators or Los Defenestratores?

FFM3- Yes.

DV- See? There's something wrong with this faction.

RH- There's something wrong with your faction.

DV- That's not even funny.

RH- You're not funny.

Los Defenestrarores enter from off-screen.

DV- ¿Hey, es usted individuos en esta facción o qué? (Hey, are you guys in this faction or what?)

Eco- Sí. (Yes.)

Volt- No. (No.)

DV- Bien, usted no necesita los subtítulos para esas palabras. Pienso que la mayoría de la gente tiene un asimiento básico del español. (Alright, you don't need subtitles for those words. I think most people have a basic grasp of spanish.)

RH- Usted tiene un asimiento básico del español. (You have a basic grasp of spanish.)

DV- Sé. Ése es cómo nos estamos comunicando aquí. (I know. That's how we're communicating over here.)

RH- El sarcasmo no traduce bien al parecer. (Sarcasm doesn't translate well apparently.)

FFM3- Sto ascoltando i miei nastri italiani tre settimane ed ancora non li capisco tipi.

Eco- ¿Qué?

Volt- ¿Qué?

DV- ¿Qué?

RH- ¿Qué?

LP- What?

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Lame Deer, Montana

DONOVAN VIPER vs. MONTANA JOE

Montana Joe is making his pro wrestling debut tonight here with the OOWF, and he faces former World Champion Donovan Viper. Joe comes to the ring first and gets a nice round of applause from the crowd. Donovan Viper comes to the top of the ramp, as always he is flanked by the members of LOADED. Viper tells them to remain at the top of the ramp and he heads to the ring by himself. Donovan Viper climbs between the ropes and walks to the center of the ring where Joe is waiting. Donovan Viper looks the rookie up and down, the kid holds his ground to his credit, and even offers his hand to Viper. Viper snorts, then shakes his hand, which draws a nice cheer from the crowd. Joe walks back to the corner and acknowledges the cheers of the crowd as the bell rings. The second it rings, Viper charges across the ring and hammers Joe from behind with an elbow to the back of the head that sends Joe into the corner. Viper spins him around and lights him up with knife edge chops blistering his chest. Viper tries a whip to the opposite corner, but Joe reverses it and sends Viper hard into the corner, then back drops him as he staggers out of the corner. Joe is pumped and nails Viper with a shot to the head as he gets to his feet sending Viper back to the mat, then he does it a second time, then a third. Joe motions to the crowd and pulls Viper to his feet and hauls him up for a suplex, but Viper slips out of it, lands behind him, grabs Joe and DESTROYS him with a sidewinder! Viper mounts Joe and PUMMELS him with shots to the face. The referee threatens Viper with disqualification, so he breaks the hold. Viper pulls Joe to his feet and hauls him up in a vertical suplex, then drops him down in a stunner that snaps Joe’s head back. Viper doesn’t give him a second of rest, pulling him to his feet and sending him into the corner and following him into the corner with a high knee to the face. Viper lets him stagger forward a few steps then springs off the ropes and drops the kid with a Death Elbow. Viper stands over the fallen Joe for a moment and sneers at him, then pulls him up, hauls him up to his shoulders and nails the GTS. Viper still isn’t done, even though Joe is clearly out of it, he climbs to the second rope and lands a diving elbow to Joe’s sternum. Viper covers him, but pulls him up at two and hammers him with stiff shots to the face. Viper pulls the stunned rookie up and throws him out of the ring, follows him out and throws him shoulder first into the ring steps. Joe howls in pain and clutches at his shoulder. Viper rolls him back into the ring and stomps his shoulder, then drops down and locks on the Anaconda Vice and Joe taps in a matter of seconds.
WINNER in 6:31 – Donovan Viper

BEST FRIENDS FOREVER vs. DEFENESTRATORS

Harris and Alt enter first, and Volt and Eco cautiously enter the ring upon their entrance, and no FFC3 tonight. Eco steps in to square off with Alt, and Alt works a headlock. Eco shoves him to the ropes, but eats a shoulder block. Another shoulder block, and CA comes in for a third and Eco hits the deck, but Alt throws on the brakes , and when Eco gets up, Alt decks him with a right hand. Tag to Harris who milks the crowd reaction, which Eco sells, and HH poses one time and tags right back out, and the BFF laugh about it. Eco goes to Alt’s eyes, and hammers him down. Tag to Voltage, and Volt comes in to work on CA. Volt drags him up by the tights and gets a schoolboy rollup with said tights, but Alt rolls all the way thru it and gets a cover of his own for two. Volt goes to the gut and looks for a spinning neck breaker, but CA spins all the way thru it and they clothesline each other. Tag Eco, tag Harris and they have it out in the middle of the ring. HH with a few punches, and he poses again, but Eco no-sells it and kicks Harris in the gut. DDT puts Harris down hard, and Eco slaps Alt on the apron, drawing him in, and referee Glaw keeps him in the corner, allowing for a Def double team. The “slap hands illegal tag” goes down and Volt’s back in. Abdominal stretch, and Eco reaches in for the added leverage, which Glaw is oblivious to. Harris hip tosses out, but Volt lands on his feet and drills HH with a beautiful super kick. Eco back in with some flippy shit, but Harris moves out of the way. Race for the tag is broken up by Voltage, in illegally, but the diversion lets Harris get the tag behind the ref’s back, which Glaw of course, disallows. Alt’s pissed, and that naturally leads to some Defenestrator double teaming. Harris gets beat down in the corner, and Eco catapults him into a flying clothesline from Volt. That gets a 2.99999 count and Volt is pissed. Volt shoves Glaw and Glaw shoves him back… and right over Harris and HH schoolboys him. One, two, but Eco makes the save, and now HE argues with Glaw. Glaw shoves Eco this time, and Eco trips over Volt, and that allows Harris to make the HOT TAG!! Alt in and immediately tosses Eco to the floor. CA beats the hell out of Voltage, crotches him extra hard in a neutral corner and hits a picture perfect superplex. Eco makes the save on the cover, but HH comes in with the BG MEMORIAL FACEPLANT~! Alt sets up for SPINAL CONTUSION, but Voltage wiggles free and shoves CA to the ropes. Blind tag Harris, and Volt hotshots Alt hard to the top rope, and Alt falls out to the floor. Volt has no idea HH is behind him, and Voltage turns around to a devastating eye poke. Flip, flop, and fly for Volt, and HH winds up the right hand for a kick to the shin. TO BE EDITED IN LATER~! But Eco slides in mid-move and clips Hardbody’s knees, and Volt age lands on top. One, two, THREE!!
WINNERS in 16:11: DEFENESTRATORS

Harris pops up and can't believe it as Volt slides out of the ring. HH claims his tights were pulled, but as he makes his case, Eco LEVELS him from behind with a steel chair. Eco looks for another shot, but Alt's back in and grabs the chair. CA takes a swing, but Eco hits the deck, and Volt is there to super kick the chair right back in Alt's face. Eco nails Alt with END GAME ON THE CHAIR~! Volt sets Harris backwards on the top rope, and the Defenestrators climb to the second rope and hit an INVERTED SUPERPLEX ON THE CHAIR~! Holy shit! Crowd is in stunned silence. Volt and Eco admire their work and leave the ring to a chorus of boos.

SPIN HANSEN vs. DH MAGNUSSON

Hansen and Magnusson both make their way to the ring. They meet in the center of the ring and bump knuckles and when the bell rings, instead of locking up like normal, they slowly circle one another like it was a UFC fight. Both men circle with their hands up looking for an opening. Spin appears to see one and darts in trying to take Magnusson to the mat. Magnusson gets a knee up to Spin’s head, stunning him for a moment, Magnusson pounces on him and hammers away with shots to the face. Spin quickly reverses positions and gets a few shots in on DH. The two men roll around the ring trading shots before they finally fall under the bottom rope to the floor. On the outside, Magnusson us up to his feet first and he catches Spin with a stiff clothesline across the chest that sends Spin staggering backward against the steps. Magnusson gets a head of steam and catches Spin with a boot to the face that sends him backward over the stairs and to the floor. Magnusson doesn’t give Spin a moment’s rest and rolls him under the bottom rope, follows him in, and sits perched on the second rope. When Hansen gets to his feet, Magnusson leaps and catches Spin with a double axe-handle to the face. Spin falls to the mat and Magnusson drops an elbow across his chest, covers but can only get a one count. Magnusson pulls Spin to a sitting position and tilts his head back and repeatedly drops elbows down across Spin’s nose. Magnusson slams him back to the mat and covers again, and once again gets a two count. Magnusson pulls Spin up and sends him to the ropes, but lowers his head a moment too soon and Spin tries to punt his head into the tenth row. Magnusson stands up after the kick, then Spin clotheslines him to the mat. Now it is Hansen’s turn to hammer Magnusson on the mat, Spin tries a key lock, but Magnusson makes it to the ropes to force the break. Spin releases the hold and gets to his feet, and when Magnusson gets up Spin connects with a DROPKICK to the jaw that sends Magnusson over the top rope to the floor. Spin follows Magnusson out of the ring and slams his head into the table, then back drops him on the floor. Spin rolls back into the ring to stop the count, then goes back to the outside and grabs Magnusson by the head and peppers him with forearms to the side of the head, then rolls him back into the ring. Spin whips Magnusson to the ropes and tries a spine buster but Magnusson drops him with a straight right cross to the jaw, Magnusson steps behind Spin and hits a side-Russian leg sweep, then locks on the dragon sleeper! Spin struggles with the move, and is about to reach the ropes to force the break when Magnusson releases the hold, pulls Spin to the center of the ring, then locks the move back on! Spin fights it with all he has, but with no escape possible, he goes limp and the referee calls for the bell.
WINNER in 13:51 – DH Magnusson

CAPELLAN & FIRECHILD vs. F. FONZWORTH MACCAPPINGTONIII & CANADIAN DRAGON

MacCappington & Dragon enter in their garish, quasi-tartan garb, with MacCappington trying to adopt a Highland swagger, and swigging from a bottle of MGD. Lance follows behind with a silver platter with deep fried scotch pies and mars bars arranged on it. Dragon looks decidedly uncomfortable and removes his maple leaf kilt to reveal his usual ring gear as soon as he gets into the ring. Capellan enters alone, looking a bit nervous and waits at the foot of the ramp waiting for Firechild. Firechild's music blares, but he doesn't come out, until he appears out of the crowd and slides into the ring. He rugby tackles Dragon to the floor, and as MacCappington rounds on him, he grabs the silver platter from Lance and smashes MacCappington in the face with it. Lance tries to intervene on his masters behalf, but Firechild avoids his clumsy blow and drops him with a Evenflow DDT. Firechild rolls to his feet, and the crowd see that he is wearing a Scotland rugby shirt, and has half his face painted blue, ala Braveheart. The crowd go nuts as he spreads the wings, and looks around for MacCappington. Dragon attacks him from behind, nialing him in both kidneys with some stiff kicks, then grabbing him in a bulldog and running up a turnbuckle, to smash him into the ring floor. Capellan slides into the ring and takes the fight to Dragon as Firechild rolls to the floor, and the referee rings the bell to start the match! Capellan has the better of Dragon to start with some crisp strikes and avoiding Dragon's angry blows, and Dragon takes blow to the stomach and Capellan goes for a Vindicator to end it. However, Dragon was playing possum and low blows him, and sets up a Canadian Destroyer. Capellan reverses out of that with a hurricanrana, sending Dragon fltying across the ring, but he lands on his feet, just as Capellan does. Both men charge each other and try to take each other out with a leg lariat, and they both succeed and hit the mat with a crunch, as the crowd applauds the athleticism! On the outside, MacCappington is up and is berating Lance for allowing Firechild to cover his VERY EXPENSIVE and TOTALLY AUTHENTIC Scots attire in deep fried scotch pies and mars bars, when he sees Capellan down in the ring, and gets on the apron, screaming for a tag. Dragon is closer than Cap to the corner, and makes the tag. MacCappington jumps into the ring, drags Capellan back, and makes a points and laighs at Firechild, who of course loses his cool and charges into the ring. The referee drags Firechild off MacCappington and has to forcibly pull him back to the corner, and Firechild continues to try and get back into the fight as MacCappingtion and Dragon tag crisply and lay a supreme beating on Capellan. MacCappington continues to offer Firechild a running commentary in a awful Scots accent, keeping his temper on the boil and keeping the referee's attention on Firechild, and not on the heels dubious tactics. Eventually MacCappington nails Capellan with an Och-Aye-The-Noo from Edinboro (Greetings from Asbury Park) onto the silver platter that is casually slid into the ring by Lance, and Dragon comes off the top with a Dragonsault. Firechild drops off thr apron as the referee turns to the pinning predicament. He rummages under the ring, and pulls out a HUGE Claymore, and brandishes it to the crowd. The referee sees the sword and stops counting the pin to go over and object, but Firechild slides into the ring and the ref thinks better and bails out. MacCappington turns round to take a pommel blow to the face, and Firechild raises the sword to inflict actual bodily harm, but Lance gets in the way, taking the side of the blade to the head, and goes down like a felled tree. Dragon goes to attack Firechild but bales out of the ring when 'Child lunges at him with the sword as the referee rings the bell for the no decision.
YOUR result IS a NO CONTEST in 12:00.

Firechild brandishes the Claymore as Dragon retreats, looking a little smug. Capellan comes too and Firechild helps him up, Capellan looking a bit beaten up and somewhat concerned by the deadly weapon in Firechild's hands. Firechild grins and pulls a letter out of the back pocket of his jeans and tosses it down on the downed form of MacCappington, then laughs, brandishes the sword and walks off, being carefully watched by security and a gaggle of referees.

CONCRETE TG vs. MOOSEHEAD JACK

Sterling Glaw is YOUR referee!

Moose is out first, and his expression darkens a little when he sees Glaw in the ring. Glaw steps back with his hands partially raised and lets Moose enter. CTG hits the ring and nods to Glaw before the match begins. Lockup to start, Moose with the early advantage as he pushes Crete into the corner. Glaw calls for the break and Moose breaks on 4. MHJ steps back and slaps Crete, drawing a warning from Glaw. Crete steps out of the corner and shoves Moose backward. Moose smirks and shoves back, and the two lock up again. Moose gets Crete's arm and wrings it. Crete slaps his shoulder a couple of times before tumbling out and reversing the wringer. Moose drags Crete to the ropes and wraps himself in them, demanding Glaw "call off his buddy". Glaw counts, and Crete lets go at 3. Moose untangles himself from the ropes and eye-rakes Crete, getting another warning from Glaw. Moose backs off, smirking when he sees that Glaw is visibly frustrated that he can't just DQ Moose for his shenanigans. He grins evilly at Glaw and turns back to Crete, who has recovered his vision and rips Moose's T-shirt with a blistering chop! Moose reels, and gets chopped again! He nearly loses his footing but Crete grabs Moose's arm and slings him back across the ring. Moose rebounds and is felled by another nasty chop! Crete then stomps Moose a couple of times, but his early cover only gets a one count. The two square off again, this time Crete starting with the upper hand. He slings Moose across the ring - reversed - Crete rebounds and leapfrogs Moose and rolls back, vaulting Moose as he caught up. Crete rolls to his feet and goes after Moose again, but Moose rolls out of the ring to regroup. Glaw starts the 10 count, and Moose stops by the Navajo announce table and snags a chair. Glaw gives a warning, but Moose hits the ring anyway with it in hand. Glaw takes the chair away and goes to put it on another side of the ring, and Moose slips in the ring and tucks a small metal bar into his wrist tape. Crete sees Moose trying to do that and traps that arm, calling to Glaw to see it. Moose flails, sending the bar flying out of the ring, out of Crete's view. Moose pops free and points at Crete. Before Glaw turns around or Crete turns back to Moose, MHJ lands a HEART PUNCH! Crete staggers, Moose casually trips Crete to the mat. He covers, and adds some middle rope leverage for the three count.
WINNER in 9:42 - Moosehead Jack

DAVIN MORELAND vs. RYAN HARDCORE – OOWF Onslaught Championship I Quit Match

Hardcore comes to the ring first with his lady in tow, the rest of LOADED waits like vultures at the top of the stage. Davin Moreland comes out next and looks at the members of LOADED standing there, then brings out the rest of his Run DLP crew to even the odds a little bit. Moreland gets to the ring and hands the referee the title. This match will be contested under I Quit rules, the only way to win is to make your opponent quit. The referee calls for the bell and this one is underway! Hardcore charges across the ring and tries to ambush Moreland, but Davin side steps and shoves Hardcore into the corner and immediately starts choking him. Which, is perfectly legal in this case, I guess if you can’t breathe, you might be a bit more inclined to quit. Hardcore looks like he is starting to fade a bit, when he unleashes a swift kick to Moreland’s jewels. Moreland staggers to the center of the ring doubled over in pain. Hardcore climbs to the second rope and leaps and catches him with a top rope rocker dropper. How on earth is Hardcore going to get Moreland to quit? Hardcore keeps Moreland face down on the mat and drops a knee into the back of his neck, then bounds off the ropes and drops an elbow across the back of his head. Hardcore plants a knee at the base of Moreland’s neck and pulls back with a chin lock. Moreland grimaces in pain, but fights his way to his feet. Moreland frees himself with a couple of elbows to the midsection, but Hardcore rakes the eyes and hits Moreland with a hangman’s neck breaker. Hardcore steps out on the apron and springs into the ring and drops a leg across the back of Moreland’s neck. Hardcore pulls Moreland up and tries to twist his head off his shoulders. Once again Moreland fights his way to his feet, and this time he rakes Hardcore’s eyes, then clotheslines him over the top rope to the floor. Moreland follows him to the outside and lifts Hardcore for an atomic drop, then drops him across the steel guardrail, then clotheslines him off the guard rail to the floor. Moreland rolls Hardcore into the ring and throws him into the corner and hammers away, beating him down to the mat. Moreland pulls Hardcore up and scoops him up and ties him in the tree of woe and gets a running start and slams his knee into Hardcore’s crotch. Defenestrators start to head to the ring, but Phantos & Lucios stop them, but they can’t stop MacCappington, who rushes to the ring and slides under the bottom rope and spins Moreland around……and eats A REALLY GOOD DIAMONDCUTTER!!! While Moreland is taking care of MacCappington, Hardcore picks up his cane and slams it in the back of Moreland’s head, dropping him to one knee. MacCappington rolls out of the ring, where he is immediately ambushed by Firechild, MacCappington takes off with Firechild in pursuit. Hardcore has Moreland on his knees and he is hammering away at his head when Moreland reaches up…TESTICULAR CLAW!!! Moreland holds on like a man possessed while Hardcore howls in pain. Hardcore tries raking the eyes, punching him in the eyes, everything he can think of, but Moreland will not let go. Finally, in an unimaginable amount of pain, Hardcore quits!
WINNER in 16:43 – Davin Moreland

LOS DEFENESTRATORS vs. PHANTOS & LUCIOS – 2 out of 3 Falls OOWF World Tag Team Title Match

GM the Rick decided to change this to a best of three falls contest. Phantos & Lucios come to the ring first, Davin Moreland passes them on the way up the ramp an they exchange high fives and take a moment to pose with ice cold Aquafinas. Los Defenestrators come to the ring next, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III tries to trail them to the ring, but the referee orders him to the back. MacCappington has a fit and has to be escorted to the back. While Phantos and Lucios are watching him being escorted to the back Los Defenestrators attack from behind. Ecosistema dumps Lucios over the top rope and Los Def double team Phantos. They send him to the ropes and elevate him with a high back body drop. Phantos springs to his feet, but nearly gets cut in half when Ecosistema takes out his legs and El Voltaje goes high. El Voltaje pulls Phantos to his feet and hits an inverted atomic drop, Phantos spins around and gets PASTED with a super kick from Ecosistema. Lucios comes back into the ring and nearly breaks Ecosistema in half with a spear, then goes after El Voltaje, who bails out of the ring. The referee orders Lucios out of the ring and we have Phantos and Ecosistema as the legal men. Ecosistema gets to his feet and approaches Phantos, but Phantos spins on the mat and takes him down with a drop toe hold, then bounds off the ropes and catches him in the face with a drop kick. Phantos gets to his feet and pulls Ecosistema up and snap suplexes him into the P&L corner and tags in Lucios. Lucios comes in and pulls Ecosistema up and buries his shoulder into his midsection repeatedly, then whips him to the ropes and power slams him on the rebound. Lucios covers and hooks the leg and gets a two count before El Voltaje comes in and breaks it up. Lucios shakes it off and pulls Ecosistema to his feet, but Eco rakes the eyes. Eco charges across the ring and tags in El Voltaje. Voltaje comes in and waits for Lucios to get to his feet and drop kicks his knee sending him to the mat. El Voltaje pulls Lucios up but Lucios goozles him and lifts him by the throat. Ecosistema comes in and kicks his knee and Lucios drops Voltaje. Voltaje scoops Lucios up and tries a slam but Lucios rolls him into a small package! Ecosistema starts to come into the ring drawing Phantos in, while the referee is getting Phantos out of the ring, Ecosistema comes in and rolls the small package so Lucios shoulders are down. The referee turns around and sees this and makes the three count and Los Def steal a win. Los Defenestrators lead 1-0 Each team is given a minute to regroup, but the same two men remain the legal men in the ring. Lucios goes after El Voltaje and backs him into the corner and goes ballistic on him hammering him to the mat. Lucios grabs his legs and pulls him to the middle of the ring, then reaches out and tags Phantos in, then catapults El Voltaje up, right into a super kick from Phantos that dims his lights. Phantos covers, but Voltaje manages to get his foot on the ropes at two. Phantos pulls Voltaje to his feet and rocks him with a couple of European upper cuts, then whips him to the ropes and catches him with a drop kick right to the mouth. Phantos tags Lucios back into the ring and he waits for Voltaje to get to his feet, then charges at him and drives him back into the corner. Lucios sets him on the top rope and looks like he is going to go for a muscle buster, but Ecosistema runs down the apron and distracts him for just a second. In that second, Voltaje rakes the eyes and grabs Lucios by the head and lands a tornado DDT out of the corner. Voltaje tags in Ecosistema and Voltaje holds Lucios down and Ecosistema comes off the second rope with a knee to the chest, covers, but only gets a two count. Ecosistema pulls Lucios to a sitting position and locks him in a head lock, while the referee is not looking, Ecosistema puts his feet on the second rope, pushing down the bigger Lucios head and cutting off his air. Lucios fights to his feet and fights out of it, but as he is about to run to the ropes, Ecosistema grabs his mask and pulls him to the mat. Eco springs off the ropes and drops an elbow across Lucios throat, then reaches up and tags in El Voltaje. Voltaje comes into the ring and waits for Lucios to get to his feet and chop blocks him to the mat. Voltaje grabs Lucios leg for a figure four, but Lucios rolls him up for a two count. Both men get to their feet and Voltaje tries a spinning heel kick, but Lucios catches him and slams him to the mat. Lucios waits for Voltaje to get up, then nails him with a HARD clothesline, then hits a second, then a third. When a wobbly Voltaje gets back to his feet Lucios catches him by the throat and choke slams him to the mat, then sets him up for a pile driver. On the other side of the ring, Ecosistema climbs to the top rope looking to interfere, but Phantos races across the ring and climbs the ropes and hits an enzuguri that sends Ecosistema to the floor. Lucios nails a cradle pile driver on Voltaje, then tags in Phantos who lands a springboard 360 splash, covers, and gets the one, two, three. Tied 1-1 We get the one minute rest period, but Phantos and Lucios have the clear advantage. Phantos pulls Voltaje to his feet and sends him into the P&L corner and follows him in with a running back elbow. Phantos tags in Lucios, and he comes in off the top rope with a sledge to the back of the head that sends Voltaje to the mat. Lucios pulls Voltaje to his feet and hauls him up on his shoulders and hits an airplane spin, finally releasing him, and staggering back into the corner and tagging in Phantos. Phantos comes in and waits patiently as a wobbly Voltaje struggles to get to his feet. When he does, Phantos hits a side Russian leg sweep and floats over for a two count. Phantos pulls Voltaje to his feet and whips him chest first into the corner, then hits the ropes and takes him to the mat with a clothesline. Phantos pulls Voltaje up and tags in Lucios, Phantos holds him in a bear hug and Lucios comes off the ropes with a clothesline, HART ATTACK! Lucios grabs Voltaje and flips him over and locks on a STF, but Ecosistema comes in and frees his partner with a kick to the head. Lucios springs to his feet and catches Ecosistema before he can make it out of the ring, lifts him on his shoulders and hits a Death Valley Driver! Ecosistema rolls under the ropes and falls to the floor. Lucios tags in Phantos, and he charges in and catches Voltaje with a shining wizard as he gets to his feet. Phantos covers, but Voltaje kicks out just before the referee’s hand hits the mat. Phantos pulls Voltaje to his feet again, and Voltaje rakes the eyes, then turns to tag in his partner, but Ecosistema is still on the floor. With Voltaje distracted, Phantos charges into the corner and nails the Phantos Express! Phantos covers, but Voltaje gets his foot on the ropes and breaks up the pin. With things going poorly in the ring, a masked man appears at the top of the ramp who bears a striking resemblance to F, Fonzworth MacCappington III. He starts toward the ring and makes it about half way down the ramp, when Davin Moreland charges out from the back and hits a RUNNING REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER on the ramp! The masked man is OUT! Moreland gives him a kick, then heads back up the ramp. Meanwhile inside the ring Phantos has Voltaje on the top rope setting him up for a super plex, when Ecosistema walks under him and steps back with Phantos on his shoulders. Before Voltaje can do anything, Lucios charges across the ring and spears Ecosistema, sending Phantos crashing to the mat. When Phantos gets to his feet, Voltaje leaps and catches him with a perfect hurracarana. Phantos springs to his feet and ducks a clothesline from a charging Voltaje and hits a belly to back suplex, one, two, three! Phantos jumps to his feet in jubilation, but the referee waives him off, what? The referee explains that both men’s shoulder was down, and the replay shows that Voltaje rolled his shoulder at the last possible second!
WINNERS in 44:14 and STILL OOWF World Tag Team Champions – Los Defenestrators

OUTBACK JACK vs. KNIFE – OOWF Intercontinental Title Match

Trash talk from OBJ to begin, with the Knife looking pious and serene. Jack shrugs and moves from the verbal to the physical: slap to the face! Smirk from OBJ as Knife nurses his jaw, but then the younger competitor gets a slight smile on his face and TURNS THE OTHER CHEEK~! OBJ looks nonplussed. Knife taps his cheek, inviting the blow. Swing from Jack, but Knife ducks it, sweeps the leg, and slaps on a wristlock while really wrenching back on the arm. OBJ questions Knife's parentage. Knife torques the wrist some more. Jack hooks the ropes. Both men to their feet, OBJ nursing his arm, Knife still smiling slightly. Jack clamps on a side headlock. Knife struggles, and OBJ lets momentum swing them around. As soon as the referee is unsighted, OBJ pops Knife in the face with a closed fist. Knife wrenches free and gives Jack a burning stare. OBJ suggests Knife try turning the other cheek to that, as well. Greco-Roman knuckle lock. Knife twists OBJ's hurt wrist, freeing his hand, whips out to arm's length, and goes for The Stab. With their fingers still laced together, there's no way for OBJ to dodge. He instinctively throws up a hand to protect himself, and the kick lands right on his injured wrist. Howl of anger from Jack. Knife releases the hand, hip tosses OBJ, and clamps on a standing wristlock, forcing his boot into OBJ's armpit and yanking back on the wrist with his full weight. OBJ claws for the ropes. Knife hauls him back, and stomps the shoulder a few times, weakening the rest of that arm. OBJ finally manages to roll over and kick Knife away, then surges to his feet and hits a clothesline as Knife bounces back off the ropes. Knife does a full 360 degree flip and lands on his face. OBJ immediately drops onto his back and locks in the Croc Hunter, but with his weakened arm he can't get it cinched in properly, and the Knife squirms free, pops to his feet, and stomps the wrist. OBJ rolls out of the ring. TOPE SUICIDA FROM KNIFE~! Both men are down on the outside as the referee begins a ten count. Both up at four, and Knife looks for The Stab once more. OBJ's ready for it this time and catches Knife's foot with his good hand, then yanks upward. Knife backflips right over the barrier, crashing down amidst a group of Indie wrestlers ... I mean "crowd members".b The ref's at seven as OBJ hauls Knife to his feet. Jack bounces Knife's face off the ring apron, then rolls him inside at 'nine'. Cover gets two. OBJ hauls Knife up, forearms him in the face, then drops him with a sideslam. Cover gets two. Jack curses, slingshots Knife into the corner, then hits a big beerbelly splash. Cover gets two before Knife grabs the ropes. Frustrated, OBJ tries to claw Knife's fingers off the rope. Knife uses the distraction to roll inside and lock in a hammerlock on OBJ's wounded limb. OBJ manages to find his feet, but Knife blocks his first two attempts to break free. Frustration gets the better of OBJ, and he mule kicks Knife right in the Holy Grail. Knife releases the hold, and OBJ rolls him up for a cover - but the ref saw the low blow plain as day and is already calling for the bell.
WINNER BY DQ IN 10:20 -- KNIFE!

STANK vs. LD WILLIAMS – OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match

L.D. Williams enters the ring first. He glares up the ramp as Stank makes his entrance. Referee Sterling Glaw takes the belt from Stank and displays it to Williams (who refuses to take his eyes off the champion). Stank moves toe to toe with Williams as Glaw holds the belt up for the crowd and Williams delivers a field goal kick to the nether regions. He tries to follow up with a DDT but Stank drops to one knee and delivers a low blow of his own. Williams staggers back and Stank spears him into the corner. Williams slumps in the corner and Stank falls to the mat. Both men work off the pain and Williams looks at Stank and gives a slight nod of respect. They lock up and Williams grabs a headlock. Stank rears back and catches Williams with an elbow to the face, knocking him backwards. Williams rolls to his feet and appears to be chuckling as he wipes blood from his mouth. They lock up again and Stank pushes Williams back to the corner, delivering a series of echoing chops. He whips Williams across the ring and follows him in, but Williams gets his feet up, kicking Stank in the face. He stumbles back and Williams comes off the second turnbuckle with a clothesline, driving Stank to the mat. Williams grabs the leg and goes for the STF, but Stank kicks him off. Williams immediately turns back and drives an elbow into the back of Stank’s head. Williams stomps on Stank and locks his arms around Stank’s neck, using his bodyweight on Stank’s back to try and choke him out. Stank fights to one knee and flips Williams to the mat, then falls forward with a headbutt. He shakes off the cobwebs, then drops a leg across William’s throat. He hooks a leg, but Williams kicks out at two. Stank pulls Williams off the mat and slings him to the corner. He follows him in with an avalanche, then plants him with a bodyslam. Stank hits the ropes and goes for the Stankonia, but Williams rolls out of the way, gets up, and nails him with a dropkick. Williams hits a running kneelift as Stank gets up, then hooks him for a DDT. Stank blocks, then attempts to lift Williams into a backdrop, but Williams hangs on, pulling Stank off-balance. Stank falls forward and clotheslines himself on the top rope, while Williams falls hard to the floor. Sterling Glaw begins to count. Stank is up at six, and Williams at eight. Williams slides under the ropes to break the count, and slips back out to clear the cobwebs. He climbs on the apron and drives a shoulder into Stank’s midsection as he moves in. Instead of going for the obvious sunset flip, Williams grabs Stank’s head and drives his throat across the second rope. He grabs the big man and drags him to the outside. Williams stuns Stank with a series of chops, then slams his head into the ring apron. An enzugiri drives Stank to his knees and Williams dives into the ring, but Stank catches his ankle and drags him back out. Glaw calls it close enough and restarts the count as Stank lays into Williams with punches. He slams William’s face into the ringpost and stuffs him into the ring, but Williams kicks him in the face before he can follow. Williams pulls himself up with the ropes, and vaults over them back to the outside, driving an elbow into Stank’s forehead. Williams pulls Stank up and, this time, manages to hit the DDT. He pulls Stank up and tries to shove him back into the ring, but Stank fights back and level’s Williams with a short-arm clothesline. Stank slips into the ring to break the count, then grabs Williams and drives him into the railing. He lifts Williams onto his shoulders for the Stank-U, but Williams grabs the railing to block it. Stank tries to pull away form the railing, but Williams hangs on for dear life. Stank gets the best of the tug-of-war and Williams lets go, throwing Stank off balance. He stumbles back and tries for a Samoan drop as Williams tries to shift his weight and pull off a reverse DDT. Neither man gets his way as they crash hard into the ring post and the stairs. Neither man is moving, so Sterling Glaw leaves the ring to make sure their both breathing, then climbs back in and starts to count. Both men stir at five, and get wobbily to their feet by eight. Williams dives for the ring, but runs into Stank’s right hand. He collapses, and Stank manages to drag himself far enough into the ring to beat the count.
WINNER by countout, and still OOWF World Heavyweight Champion, in 16:17, Stank.

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