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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 9:54:51 GMT -5
<we cut to GM the Rick's office where we see Phantos and Lucios along with The Midnight Sons waiting in there with Rick.
GMtR: Ok I have been authorized to put one of your two in a cage match at the pay per view against the champions. I have no real way to settle this, so it is going to be done by coin flip. Phantos, since you are the captain, you get to call it in the air
<Rick flips the coin>
P: Heads
<Rick catches the coin and looks>
GMtR: Its Heads, so Phantos, you and Lucios get the title match. Sorry about that DH and Spin,
OOWF Operation Red, White & Bruised PPV/250th Show Live From Camp Anaconda, Iraq
OOWF World Heavyweight Title Steel Cage Match LD Williams vs. Concrete TG
OOWF Intercontinental Title Steel Cage Strap Match Moosehead Jack vs. Alexander Darling
OOWF World Tag Team Title Steel Cage Match IHOP vs. Phantos & Lucios
OOWF Onslaught Championship Match Attitude Adjuster vs. Seamus McNasty
OOWF Campeonas de Trios Title Match Worlds Greatest Fag Team & Attitude Adjuster vs. Carl From Fresno, Bunny & Justin Sane
Boot Camp Match Davin Moreland vs. Poe
Taipei Death Match Outback Jack vs. Tytan
The Midnight Sons vs. Cape Town Cannibals vs. The Dead & Blitz Apocalyptic Existence vs. Zabi Khan Eric O'Mac vs. Knife Stank vs. Chris Cole Tyson Kincaid & THE Amnesiac vs. ZK DeBeers & Mark Vander
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 9:55:26 GMT -5
Just something else of note, this is our 250th show for the OOWF
Congrats to all!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 9:55:50 GMT -5
Camera fades into see Seamus McNasty in a nice suit adjusting his tie in the mirror, he looks into the mirror and into the camera...
Seamus: "AA no fun and games, no forklift or silly shit. I am a busy man with an agenda! I want gold around my waist again. I hope you rest up this week, take your GNC Mega Man vitamins , go to sleep early, eat right, say your prayers at night and get right with your God...cause when I come for that belt you won't be more than the lingering smell of a dog fart!"
Seamus adjusts his tie and smiles, picks his teeth and lights a cigar...takes a puff and laughs, and walks aways...off camera we hear him singing as he goes
I've done my share of workin' out. I wanna go some place, where I can scream and shout. Show me the lights, where I can find The only thing I need to give me peace of mind!
(JP)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 9:56:11 GMT -5
(Tytan sits in an Army jeep waiting for Johnathan Steel to make his way to the jeep so they could head back to the hotel.)
Tytan: Now that I sent Diana back to the Hotel I can actually talk to Steel about this crazy talk that she was saying he did.
(Johnathan Steel then is seen walking out of a nearby airplane hanger. Tytan and him make eye contact and Tytan starts up the jeep. He is about to throw the jeep into drive when all of a sudden he sees a white Hummer come zipping around the corner and is heading straight for Steel. Tytan yells and sounds the horn on the jeep. Steel turns to see the Hummer hit him, Steel hits the car and then hits the ground. Tytan gets out of the car and runs to Steel as he tries to see who the driver was.)
Tytan: (Running to Steel) Steel! Steel! Damn this war! Somebody help!!
(Medics start to run to the scene)
Tytan: (Checking him out) He's still breathing! Help!
(The medics get to Steel and start to check him out as the camera fade out.)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 9:56:38 GMT -5
*OBJ is in the Destroyitarium with Wally B King when SFJ33 approaches him*
SFJ: Outback Jack, Jonathan Steel was run down by a Hummer!
OBJ: Funny coincidence, I just got a hummer a little while ago. *Exchanges fistbumps with Wally*
SFJ: You are incorrigible!
OBJ: Is that a compliment?
SFJ: More importantly, what about what happened to Mr. Steele?
OBJ: Well, bottom line, it couldn't have been me. I never drink and drive!
SFJ: So?
OBJ: I've been drinking steadily since the OOWF got started, so it couldn't have been me. Of course, it might have been the panda.
SFJ: Why would a panda want to run Jonathan Steele over with a Hummer?
OBJ (drains beer, belches): Australian for damned if I know!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 9:57:02 GMT -5
Lucios storms out of his Starwood Hotels Personal Living Quarters and into the main room of the Run-DEA Aquafina Luxury Suites. Davin, Phantos, Darling, and Justin are all lounging about.
Lucios: Phantos, grab the pole and lets go.
Phantos: Now?
Lucios: Now.
Phantos reaches behind a dsk and pulls out the Clangy Pole he follows Lucios out without a word.
Davin: Clangy Pole? This can't be good
Darling: I'll text Stank and his boys
(We cut to see Phantos and Lucios kick the door to LJ Bennett's office down. Inside, Bennett is having a meeting with Moose, O'Mac, AA, TWGFT & IHOP. Phantos slams the Clangy Pole across Bennett's desk, scattering stuff everywhere.
Eric: You two have a lot of nerve barging in here.
Lucios: Shut up O'Mac. Bennett, this is your Final warning. If there are any shenanigans with the Cage match Sunday, I Will Hurt You.
(MacCappington stands and gets nose to nose with Lucios.
FFMac: You listen here (points finger in Lucios' face)
In less than a tenth of a second, Lucios grabs FFMac's arm, twists it behind him and bends him over the desk. Phantos brings the Clangy Pole down across FF's head and then points it at the rest of the group
Phantos: Nobody else moves.....
Bennett: I will allow you to leave this office unscathed. I make no such promises once you are out of that door. This is the Last time you make demands of me, Lucios
Lucios pushes FF to the floor. He and Phantos back out of the doorway. A herd of footsteps is heard as the office empties into the hall. Bennett's men stop, as they see not only Team Aquafina, but the rest of Run DEA and Drink and Destroy behind them. Neither side wants to back away, neither side seems to want to attack.
Eric: This is Not over, masked man.
Phantos bangs the Clangy Pole against the wall. Stank and Moose step forward and back both sides down opposite ends of the hall.
(Fade)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 9:57:26 GMT -5
(CTG has reported to GM the Rick's office. He stands at attention at Rick's desk)
GMtR: Concrete, I don't think I have to advise you on how important this match is.
CTG: no sir.
GMtR: I cannot guarantee that your match will be left alone despite the cage.
CTG: I understand, sir. Remember, though, I won my World title in a cage match. I think I can repeat that against the likes of Williams.
GMtR: I can't speak further on the meeting at the PPV, but should we meet after your match, you holding the OOWF title will have a lot of sway in what happens.
CTG: I would hope that you are not seeking surrender.
GMtR: I told you, Potsie, I CAN'T talk about it.
CTG: Yessir.
GMtR: and enough of the military crap, Concrete. Though I'll admit it's a Nice Change of Pace from your usual superhero stuff.
CTG: (faint smile) yessir.
GMtR: Just... win, ok? Now GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!
CTG: (Salutes, about-faces and marches out)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 10:00:37 GMT -5
<FADE IN TO AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION NEAR CAMP ANACONDA… IHOP IS OUTSIDE~! The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth is slowly driving a tank along the side of a jogging Skurge. SYB is bringing up the rear (what’s so funny?)>
Skurge: What are we doing oot here?
DM: Training for the tag team title match at Operation Onslaught: Red, White & Bruised.
Skurge: The one that’s Live From Camp Anaconda, Iraq?
<We hear some faint cheering in the background>
DM: Yes. I needed to get you and Solly out of the palatial gym and into some rough conditions. If he was here, he’d say this is like Balboa training for Drago.
<On cue the camera pans a mile back to SYB who is struggling to stay on his feet>
SYB <gulping for air but catches a mouthful of sand>: DRAGOOOOOOOOOO~!
DM: We should probably stop. I don’t want him getting attacked by the sand people. <She looks down to the side of the tank> Do you think they left those tracks?
Skurge: They didn't. But we are meant to think they did. These tracks are side-by-side. Sand people always ride single-file to hide their numbers.
DM: We should really stop.
Skurge <makes an unusual motion with his fingers>: We don’t need to stop.
DM <repeating>: We don’t need to stop.
Skurge: Solly will catch up.
DM: <repeating>: Solly will catch up.
<Skurge smiles to himself as a sprinting SYB finally reaches the tank>
Skurge: What took you so long, eh?
SYB: Joos aren’t made for this kind of heat. Whoever heard of a Joo in a desert anyway?
Skurge: Ever hear of Moses, Noses?
SYB: Noses?
Skurge: You have enough for two.
DM: Boys, stop. This is a huge PPV and I want you both focused on the matter at hand.
SYB: Ah yes. Phantoms and Ludacris.
Skurge: Idiot. We’re fighting Pantaloons & Lunchables.
DM: Point is, we have a steel cage match on Sunday.
Skurge: Is Bennett giving us blue bars?
SYB: HOMO!
DM: Schmuck, he said “BARS”… and I don’t know. Does it make a difference?
Skurge: Of course it does. I need to know if I should watch ‘Mania 2 A-GAIN.
SYB: Fuck yeah. Hogan-Bundy called by Lord Alfred Hayes, Jesse, and Elvira.
Skurge: Stop namedropping, eh?
SYB: We're done with that.
Skurge: Oh.
<DM is about to respond but her attention is focused on something in the distance>
DM <looks out>: Is that a plane?
Skurge: It suuure is.
DM: It looks like it’s carrying a banner.
<The plane gets closer to the trio where the banner can be clearly seen>
SYB <reading>: Surrender Dorothy…. hey just like “The Wizard of Oz”!
Skurge: If you only had some hair…
DM: Damn that Rick! Wait until LJ hears about this!
Skurge: Aboot.
<DM shoots him a look that would cut through lead>
SYB: Relax guys. We’re OK. I think it’s a mail plane.
Skurge: How can you tell?
SYB: Didn’t you notice its little balls?
<Skurge snickers while DM fumes>
DM: I can’t believe I’m stuck here…
<FADE OUT>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 10:00:57 GMT -5
<Just as Crete walks out, Rick's phone rings.>
GMtR - Hello?... Alexis!... TELL me you have good news.... .... ...... ...... ..... ..... ..... ...... ..... ..... ..... ..... ... ...... ...... ..... ...... ...... .... .... .... ..... ..... ...... ..... .......................... ........... .... ................. ....... ............ ..................................... .................... ................ .... ............. ................................... ........................... .................
<Without another word Rick hangs up the phone expressionless... Slowly a grin crawls up his face.>
GMtR - Un. Fucking. Believable.
<Camera fades.>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 10:01:18 GMT -5
**Concrete TG leaves The Rick’s office and walks down the hallway of random attacks, where he is blindsided by L.D. Williams! The champion runs Concrete face first into the wall, then drops him with a DDT.**
LD: “The likes of me? THE LIKES OF ME?? You self-righteous, arrogant son-of-a”
**Williams kicks Concrete in the ribs as he starts to get up.**
LD: “I won this belt fairly, and I’ve carried it with dignity, despite this war, despite Bennett, despite Eric, and especially despite so-called heroes like you. Integrity ‘Crete, remember that? It’s what you used to have before you stated using Glaw to hang on to the belt.”
**Williams pulls Concrete off the floor and slams him into the wall, choking him and glaring right into his eyes.**
LD: “Tell me something, hero, how many times were you the first one to interfere in a match last night? How many times did you compromise your morals? I’m no better ‘Crete, but at least I admit it.”
**Williams releases Concrete and, as he stumbles away from the wall, kills him with a Canadian Destroyer.**
LD: “Play all the games you want, hero, compromise all you like. In a few short days, the likes of me will end your career.”
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 10:01:41 GMT -5
<Stank is at the bar in the Destroyitarium when his cell phone rings. This time we can hear the person on the other end.>
Stank - Hello.
"Mom says you've been trying to reach me."
Stank - Jared.
Jared - What do you want, Luc?
Stank - Damn boy. We haven't spoken in years and you give me attitude?
Jared - I've got things to do.
Stank - You're still mad at me about #5?
Jared - ...
Stank - I told you I didn't know.
Jared - ...
Stank - You still there?
Jared - ... ... Yes.
Stank - Look I...
Jared - Luc if you have something you want to ask me just ASK it!
Stank - Fine. Business then. I've been trying to reach you for weeks.
Jared - I've been busy.
Stank - You still wrestling?
Jared - Every now and then, why?
Stank - Ever work for a guy named Bennett?
Jared - LJ Bennett?
Stank - Yeah.
Jared - Sure, I worked for him.
Stank - Got damn. He never told me he KNEW you.
Jared - What, you knew him?
Stank - Knew him...? I KNOW him.
Jared - ...
Stank - He's trying to take over the OOWF.
Jared - THAT'S where you wrestle, now?
Stank - Jesus, Red. You didn't know?
Jared - I've been... ... ... A lot has happened since we last spoke... ... a lot.
Stank - Fuck man. Tell me about it.
Jared - ... I... I can't. I haven't spoken to anyone, really. Not even Mom and Simone.
Stank - Jared what the hell? What's going on?
Jared - Look, stop calling me. And if you're involved with... ... Bennett... you need to be careful.
Stank - Jared...
Jared - And TELL that bitch to stop calling me as well.
Stank - What? Who?
Jared - You must KNOW her since she works for the OOWF too.
Stank - You talking about Alexis...? Alexis Darling?
Jared - Yeah that's her name. She's needs to leave me the fuck alone... You BOTH do.
Stank - Jared I... FUCK! He hung up!
<Stank angrily press a button on his cell to try and reach his brother again.>
"The number you have reached has been blocked at the users request. Thank you."
Stank - FUCK!
<Camera fades.>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 10:02:16 GMT -5
Poe stands under an archway in the courtyard of the Mohammed Ali Mosque in Cairo. He is kneeling in prayer. After a few moments, he sees the ninja camera man and eyes him for a few moments before standing to address him. Poe is conspicuously not wearing his signature bloody towel over his head. Also conspicuous by her absence is Selena. Poe: I see you have followed me all the way home to my beloved Cairo. You may be wondering why I am here and not at Camp Anaconda with the rest of the OOWF. Per my temporary contract with OOWF, I make my own travel arrangements and I go where I please. Poe looks around at the interior of the mosque with almost appears to be a smile on his face. Poe: My father used to bring me here before my mother took me and ran off to Baltimore. I have never seen my father since. I do not miss him…in fact I don’t miss much from my early childhood, but this place… Poe is quiet for a few moments. Poe: There will be a number of America’s finest at this next show where I will once again tangle with Davin Moreland. He has become…quite an adversary, I must say. Davin Moreland, I do not say this to many people, so listen clearly. While I truly can not stand you, I do respect you. That being said, our match will not be a clean one. I will end this rivalry once and for all. I will not call this a battle, or a war, for that is insulting to the men and women that will be in attendance for this show. Poe closes his eyes for a moment, and then stares into the camera again. Poe: I know what I will be facing when I walk to that ring. I will be boo’ed, I will be cursed at, and I will most likely be referred to as a “hodgie” among other things. I will not disrespect those brave men and women, but Davin Moreland, you will face the rage and anger that it will inspire. Poe once again kneels, but then lifts his head back to the ninja cameraman. Poe: Please go so I may continue my prayer.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 10:03:15 GMT -5
*Fade in to Skurge entering the Mohammed Ali Mosque in Cairo. He's looking for Poe. Seeing him across the room, Skurge approaches, interrupting Poe's prayer... Skurge: I thought our differences had been settled, eh? Poe: I don't know what you're referring to. Skurge: Suuure you don't. Look, jackass, it's like this: if you're going to align yourself with Mr. Bennett, however loosely, you don't take shots at other members of the team. Poe: Again, I don't know why it is that you're here. What have I done to offend you? Skurge: This: *Skurge pulls out a laptop, and Poe's recent promo appears on the screen... I will most likely be referred to as a “hodgie” among other things. Skurge: Care to explain that? Poe: Explain what? Skurge: A "Hodgey"? Brother, you ain't worth being called a Hodgey. I don't know where you get off– Poe: If I may interrupt, I didn't say "Hodgey," I said "hodgie." It's completely different. Skurge: ... Poe: Just review the tape again. Maybe turn up the volume a bit. There's definitely an audible difference. *Skurge turns his back on Poe and rewatches the promo. When he turns back, he's somewhat red-faced... Skurge: Huh. Looks like I misheard, eh? Sorry aboot that. Poe: Don't mention it. These things happen. Skurge: So, did you hear that either Rick or Mr. Bennett is ready to give up? Poe: I did. What do you think about the situation? Skurge: Well, I'm reminded of some powerful lyrics by the songsmith Corey Hart, who once opined: Just a little more time is all we're asking for Cause just a little more time could open closing doors Just a little uncertainty can bring you down And nobody wants to know you now And nobody wants to show you how So if you're lost and on your own You can never surrender And if your path won't lead you home You can never surrender And when the night is cold and dark You can see, you can see light Cause no one can take away your right To fight and never surrender With a little perseverence you can get things done Without the blind adherence that has conquered some And nobody wants to know you now And nobody wants to show you how So if you're lost and on your own You can never surrender And if your path won't lead you home You can never surrender And when the night is cold and dark You can see, you can see light Cause no one can take away your right To fight and never surrender, to never surrender Skurge: So, uh, you see...Wow. That's actually a really bad song, now that I think aboot it. I guess I could've just gone with the title to explain my thoughts on Bennett possibly giving up. Hell, I don't really want Rick to give up, either. Me and SYB are having fun keeping our belts away from his boys. Anyway, what are your thoughts on the possible end of the war? *Poe has long since walked away by this point, leaving Skurge alone in the mosque. He turns to leave and begins whistling "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears, mistakenly thinking it's the tune for "Never Surrender." *FADE*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 10:08:28 GMT -5
Eric O' Mac and Tyson Kincaid are SITTING~! in the offices. A random military person comes in carrying a crate.
RMP: Delivery, sirs!
EoM: What is it?
RMP: Don't know, sir!
TK: Who is it for?
RMP: One Eric O' Mac, sir!
EoM: Hey, that's me. I'll take it.
RMP hands it off to Eric who looks at it closely.
TK: Well?
RMP: Good day sir!
RMP leaves
EoM: It's from...Puerto Rico.
TK: Huh? That doesn't make any sense. Who do you know in--
Eric interrupts him with opening the crate to reveal it's full of...
TK: Apples? What the fuck?
Eric stares at the open crate, and then goes into the hall to find the random military person who delivered the box.
EoM: You!! Where did you get that box?! How did it get here!?
RMP: Just through the APO, sir. If you excuse me, I have other duties to attend, sir!
At that moment, Davin Moreland is walking by, not in a good mood at all, carrying his trusty rebar.
EoM: Hey. What is that bitch up to?
DM: Excuse me? You’ll have to be way more specific than that.
EoM: Your partner. Firecu—
DM: [raising his rebar] I’d think about rephrasing that, if I were you.
EoM: Whatever. I need to know where she is.
DM: Eric, Firewoman has been incommunicado, thanks to you. Not that I blame her. She's probably on some beach somewhere, NOT thinking of you in the least. At least I hope not, because she’s probably doing all sorts of things with the locals, some of which even I have never heard of…
EoM: Spare me the details.
DM: What makes you think she’s even thinking about you anyway?
EoM: Nothing. Never mind.
DM: Whatever.
Davin continues on down the hallway, rebar over his shoulder. Eric looks down at the ground with his hand on his hips and sighs, then goes back into the office.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 10:09:03 GMT -5
Attitude Adjuster is standing infront of the OOWF banner with SFJ #92.
AA: You're not Firewoman, are you?
SFJ #92: No! How many times do I have to say that?
AA: And you're not Seamus McNasty?
SFJ #92: No.
AA: And you're not Carl from Fresno, Justin Sane or Bunny, right?
SFJ #92: No, no and no.
AA: Are those real?
SFJ #92: No.
AA: Damn.
SFJ #92: You don't seem too upset about having to wrestle twice at OOWF Operation Red, White & Bruised PPV/250th Show, live From Camp Anaconda, Iraq! (cheap pop!) Why is that?
AA: Did you just steal one of my signature lines? Anyway, no, I am not upset about wrestling twice. It just goes to show the current status of the OOWF.
SFJ #92: What does that mean?
AA: It means that the talent here is so weak, so diluted, that they have come to me, Attitude Adjuster--FINALLY!--to save the company. I am the Onslaught champion, and will defend that in 5-star fashion against Seman McDouchey...
SFJ #92: That's Seamus McNasty.
AA: Whatever. Until they've been here for six months, I don't need to learn their names. Then I will team with the Greatest Fag Team Ever--damn, I guess we can fix that in post--to defeat the homeless guy, the rabbit and the insane dude.
SFJ #92: Speaking of the Trios title, where is your Trios belt?
AA: I'm sure it's around here somewhere. Don't you worry about it. It's probably in my other travel bag.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 10:09:24 GMT -5
(A badly beaten Spin Hansen comes into the Hallway of Random Encounters.)
SFJ #81: Mr. Hansen, what're your thoughts on the coin toss that the Sons lost?
SH: Don't like it, but better Phantos and Lucios than those coward-asses of IHOP.
SFJ: That's it? No rambling diatribe about how you were screwed, how you never get respect around here?
SH: Nope. I have no reason to tonight. The only thing that I'm focusing on? Causing as much pain to the Cannibals, Blitz, and The Dead as I possibly can... amongst other people. I'm in a bad mood, and people are going to feel it.
SFJ: And these injuries?
SH: Nothing major. Let's just say that I've been studying hard. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm getting a drink.
(He leaves for the Destroyitarium.)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 10:10:32 GMT -5
(The camera comes up on Tytan who is sitting in the Army Hospital Room of Johnathan Steel. DBi#14 enters)
DBI:Tytan do you have any comment on the attack on Johnathan Steel?
Tytan: Yes, the head of Ultimo Inc is down but not out. If you tried to kill the man you failed. He is still alive, and when he wakes up justice will be served to that person.
DBI: Even if it is one of your own?
Tytan: What do you mean?
DBI: Ther security camera got some pictures. There not clear but it looks like it could be a woman.
Tytan: If you are trying to accuse Diana Podvod of doing this you have to be crazy.
DBI: It's not like she had motive.
Tytan: Yes, but there are others also.
DBI:Like Who?
Tytan: There's Chris Cole for doing the face-off thing. There's also Stank and OBJ.
DBI: SO what are you going to do about it?
Tytan: I'm going to have to find out who did it.
DBI: But your match at the PPV?
Tytan: OBJ let's end this feud once and for all. But let's do this one good let's beat the crap out of each other and give these soldiers a show that they will be talking about for years to come.
DBI: It sounds like you don't hate the man as much anymore?
Tytan: I still hate the SOB but I respect him now. He's one hell of a fighter. Now get out of here so I can do some research.
(DBI leaves but the camera see Tytan turning on the TV and watching an episode of Matlock.)
Fade
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 10:10:59 GMT -5
[The Dead knocks on Blitz's door. After a moment, Blitz opens it.]
Blitz: Dead! Hey man, how's it going?
Dead: You see the pay-per-view lineup yet?
Blitz: You know, I was just on my way to...
Dead: Don't bother. You're tagging with me.
Blitz: Sweet! Who's asses are we kicking?
Dead: We're up against The Capetown Cannibals...
Blitz: Cool, I could use a win.
Dead: ...and The Midnight Sons.
Blitz: *gulp* Well, uhh, that shouldn't be a problem, right?
Dead: All you need to do is get yourself ready for this. I've been toiling in the undercard for a while now and I don't like it. Let's just win this match and move on.
Blitz: Yeah, yeah, no problem, I'm just gonna...
Dead: Oh, and Blitz?
Blitz: Yeah?
Dead: Don't fuck this up.
[The Dead walks away, down the hall. Blitz yells after him.]
Blitz: We got this man! Don't worry about a thing! I'm bringing my A-game!
[The Dead doesn't respond and instead turns the corner, out of view.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 10:11:37 GMT -5
<The FarCry 2 replay finishes and the camera cut's to Stank, in the ring for a Stank's pub segment. His theme music fades>
Stank - Ladies and Gentlemen... my guest today will be my opponent at The Red White and Bruised Pay Per View... Chris Cole.
<“Master of Puppets” blasts through the arena as Chris Cole makes his way to the ring. He walks down the ramp, taunting the fans the whole way. He walks around and grabs a mic from an attendant before he climbs in the ring. He walks over to the bar setup and grabs a beer, sips it, then SPITS the contents onto the mat with a scowl on his face, the crowd booing the whole time. He yells at the bartender who shrugs and reaches under the bar presumably to make Cole a new drink. Finally Cole's music dies down and all we hear is the crowd chanting YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! Stank waits patiently as Cole continues to ignore him, waiting for his drink. The Bartender finally gives Cole his drink, which Cole approves of after a tentative sip. Cole sets the drink down, then turns to address Stank.>
CC - First let me start off by saying-
<The crowd cuts Cole off with a MASSIVE AAAAAASSSSSHOOOOLLLLE! AAAAAASSSSSHOOOOLLLLE! AAAAAASSSSSHOOOOLLLLE! chant! Stank looks around amused.>
CC - Now Now people. There's no need to call Stank here an asshole.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
CC - I mean yeah... I know he abducted me, perform surgery on me without my consent. Put his ugly mug on my face, in turn taking my beautiful face for himself in some sorted twisted plan to infiltrate Team Bennett. But that's no reason to call him names!
COLE'S AN ASSHOLE *CLAP! CLAP! CLAPCLAPCLAP!* COLE'S AN ASSHOLE *CLAP! CLAP! CLAPCLAPCLAP!*
<Cole and Stank stand there. Stank amused, Cole annoyed and flipping off the crowd. The crowd finally settles into a slightly less volumed boooooo!>
CC - No! The reason you SHOULD be calling this man an ass. Which he is... is because he had the AUDACITY to try an one up ME! The GREATEST OOWF WORLD CHAMPION in HISTORY!
Stank - Alright Cole let me cut you off ri-
CC - NO! You will address me as THE MAIN EVENT!
Stank - Listen Cole I've had jus-
CC - NO! I.... CHRIS COLE... will NOT tolerate any CRAP from YOU!
BOOOOOOOOOOO!
CC - Boo all you want. The fact is I’m the best damn wrestler in the world and you guys cheer the likes of this clown (points to Stank). You all have got to be the most deluded fans in the world. But sooner or later you're going to wise up and recognize greatness when it stands before you. Better yet you will RESPECT it!
Stank - Is THAT what this is about? You challenged me because you want recognition? You want respect? What? Like the respect you gave the man who gave you the opportunity to be great?
CC - Opportunity? OPPORTUNITY??? The ONLY thing Rick did was make my life a living HELL. He deliberately screwed me out of MY OOWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! And I'm not the ONLY person he screwed!
Stank - SAVE it! I heard the same spiel from Eric and your other compatriots! Let me ask you this, Cole! What happens when you do something Bennett doesn't like and he decides to punish you like Rick did?
CC - THIS! You and me... isn't about them! It's not about this war! This is about me always getting what I want! This is about ME kicking YOUR sorry ass!
Stank - Well you're welcome to try, but it won't change the fact that you need to update your DVD set.
CC - What the hell are you talking about?
<Stank pulls out Cole's DVD and reads off the back cover.>
Stank - The section here titled "Longest reigning OOWF World Champion" Uh... yeah. In case you don't know... that's me now.
YAAAAAAAAAAAY!
<Cole stares daggers into Stank. He looks like he is about to attack. Stank drops his mic and stands there ready. Cole takes one step towards the big man then raises his hands and backs away.>
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
<Cole climbs between the ropes onto the floor and backs up the ramp. He lifts the mic up to his mouth with these parting words.>
CC - Un Ahh Big man. Not now. I will be beating your ass only when I want to. I still have the talent to dominate this fed. AND in case YOU don't know.... I ALWAYS get what I want.
<"Master of Puppets" blares out the arena speakers as Cole, drops the mic and continues to back up the ramp, Stank glaring after him, as the camera fades.>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 10:13:44 GMT -5
*OOWF Backstage*
It’s old-school time as LonelyGirl15 is standing in front of an OOWF backdrop as she awaits the arrival of her interview subject. The ninja cameraman counts down from three before throwing the interview live to LonelyGirl.
LonelyGirl15: Hello OOWF viewers; we are just days away from our special PPV for the troops in Afghanistan. It is sure to be a great night for the OOWF and it could even go down in history as a show that changes the future of the company. Rumors are swirling about everything but I’m not here to talk about those things tonight. I’m actually here to talk about one of the title matches taking place in the cage. The Intercontinental Title match is going to be a violent, brutal match and there are even many who think this match shouldn’t take place due to the hatred between these two men. But it’s too late for that as the match has been signed and this Sunday Moosehead Jack will defend his IC Championship against my guest at this time, 2-time former champion, Alexander Darling.
Alexander Darling walks into the picture and he is bruised and battered from the battles he has been having with members of Team Bennett over the last week or two. Alexander has in his left hand a bloody whip and he snaps it across the screen and it startles LG15 as she jumps back from the loud crack. Alexander has a sinister smile as he steps up to the microphone in LG’s hand.
Alexander: Sounds like it fucking hurts, doesn’t it.
LG15: Alex, I just don’t know if I can…
Alexander: Sweetie, it’ll all be over Sunday. So let’s just get through these last few days and everything will get back to some sense of normalcy. Alexander starts laughing maniacally for a moment before he continues… Trust me.
LG15: If it doesn’t…
Alexander: Understood. But I know that’s not what we have this time for, so if you will.
LG15 changes her demeanor from ally, friend, and more of Alexander Darling to well-respected interviewer of Run DEA.
LG15: Alex, this past Wednesday you had a chance to regain the Intercontinental Title but the match never even started as Moose attacked you before the match even started and then the entire company erupted into chaos as every single person in this company seemingly came out and got involved in some way.
Alexander: I could say Jack is scared of me but everyone knows that isn’t true and they’d just be words said to annoy him. I don’t think I need to worry about annoying Moose anymore. Our feelings for one another are obvious to anyone within 100 miles of the two of us. But I still have to wonder if he realizes just what extent I’m willing to go to take back what I think is mine.
LG15: Why do you feel that the IC belt is yours? It’s kind of interesting that you’ve become so focused on that belt when there are so many others in this company.
Alexander: It’s a good question, and in time, maybe I will set my sights elsewhere. But for now, my priority is the Intercontinental Title and the reasons for that will be seen in time. I’ve taken the belt off MacCappington because he was too stupid and he trusted the wrong person. I took the belt off Viper because he was too stupid and he overlooked the wrong person. And this Sunday I will take the belt off Moosehead Jack because he too will be stupid and he will look for vengeance.
LG15: You, of course, are talking about the fact that you recently kidnapped and spent over 24 hours torturing the man many consider to be the most violent man in the company.
Alexander: First of all, violence is in the eye of the beholder. Moose likes to mention that I like to bring up my past so I shall try and refrain from that. But, and I will admit that Moose is a violent man, but he’s not the most violent man I know…in fact, he’s far from it. But that’s because I’ve spent time with some of the most sadistic minds in this business. And on that same note, Moose likes to talk about how he’s in my head because I’m expecting his payback.
LG15: Are you implying that he’s not in your head?
Alexander: I’m not implying that at all. I’m fucking stating it as fact. I know Moosehead Jack is going to look for his revenge against me and when he does, that’s when I’ll have him. He will make the mistake of taking this Sunday as a personal vendetta against me while I’ll be too busy knowing what the true goal of the night is.
LG15: And if the goal isn’t taking one another out, then what is it?
Alexander: It’s what I’ve said from the very start babe. Gold. All that matters at the end of the day is gold.
LG15: If that’s the case, what makes you think Moosehead Jack won’t have the same plan in mind.
Alexander: Because I know the buttons to push. Moose has firsthand knowledge of that actually. Because as much as Moose claims he’s in my head, I’m as much in his. He likes to call me a petulant spoiled brat, and maybe I am, but if that is the case why has he spent so much time trying to turn my allies against me? Why has he spent so much time acknowledging my actions here? Why did HE go out and find Poe?
LG15: So, what can we expect this Sunday from the two of you then, Alex?
Alexander: Hatred. Violence. Disrespect. Blood. Pain. And after each one of those things pass. A New Intercontinental Champion.
LG15: Well those are the words from the challenger this Sunday for the Intercontinental Championship. They promise what is sure to be a truly epic & violent encounter. Any final words, Mr. Darling.
Alexander: Nope, not even worth my catch phrase Moose. Now, LG; take me to bed or lose me forever.
Alexander throws his trademark smile at LonelyGirl15 before the two walk off.
*Fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 10:14:11 GMT -5
(LD Williams is walking along the Hall of Expected Encounters)
??: If you're one to accuse, you should at least be checking your facts.
LDW: (Stops) You heal fast.
(the Ninja Cameraman pans the camera right to show Concrete TG leaning against the wall)
CTG: Injustices only fuel my healing process. My turn to fill you in on a few things.
LDW: Enlighten me, Purple Nurple
CTG: (Pushes off the wall and shoves LDW to the opposite wall) I think you forget yourself, Williams - this is a WAR we are involved in, and many of us are willing to do whatever is necessary to finish it. Morals in a war get cast aside at times, and yes, I have inteferd in matches. CHAIR and I agreed that there are times when our lives and rules are secondary to a much larger picture. If you were called to duty here and given a gun would you kill? You'd have to because they will kill you first. I do not like the idea of having to step into other people's matches for the sake of this war. Interference between those on Rick's team and Bennett's team has to stop, but in a War there is no such thing as a fair fight.
LDW: you're babbling - and what do you care? You've been chasing your former comrade in tights THE Amnesiac.
CTG: THE Amnesiac will get his measure of justice for- (stops dead)
LDW: (watches)
CTG: (Lets LDW go and backs up) He's been keeping me from the front lines of this war.... it's understood how quickly I would focus on such sudden and simple betrayal..... I smell a rat.....
LDW: Crete?
CTG: I small a large rat.... with antlers. (Looks back at LDW) It appears someone has had a good laugh skewing my priorities. You, I'll take care of on Sunday. THE Amnesiac will get a measure of justice, but then I do him the favor of cutting the puppet strings so that I can get to the true source of his corruption. And Williams? Warn that puppet master all you want, because when we cross paths again, this war will pale in comparison to the amount of combat that will result.
(CTG turns and walks away with purpose)
LDW: (letting it sink in.... then pats the title belt) It won't matter, I'm not his biggest focus anymore.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 10:14:39 GMT -5
(AE and Referee Chad Patton are discussing plans for their match in their locker room)
CP: Dude, you need to focus, this match is key to your return.
AE: What do you mean, I already defeated Khan handily last week. I don't need to sweat him.
CP: Don't you know how traditional wrestling booking works? You win the first match, a rematch is signed, the previous loser wins through nefarious means. Trust me, man, I've seen it a million times.
AE: Thats what you're for, you and the other referees share a brotherly bond right, with you both getting beat up by us and what not. He'll believe you if you point out and wrongdoing.
CP: I don't know, man. You better watch out for the dreaded tight pulling or rope footing.
AE: Are those even verbs?
CP: Yes, the Grand Wizards Grand Book of Managing says so.
AE: Lemme see
CP: NO!....Erhm, just do some more squat thrusts.
(AE continues preparing for his match as Chad Patton scours the index of his book for rope footing)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 10:15:09 GMT -5
*"Pull Me Under" starts up and Davin Moreland slaps hands with the fans, chatting it up on the way to the ring. Eschewing a Plot Device this evening, he double jumps into the ring, walks to the far side, and calls for a mic. He SPEAKS!@!@@*
DM: So...everyone's asking me lately...What's your deal, Davin? Why are you yelling at your teammates, Davin? Why are you *finger quotes* "crossing the line" in your matches Davin? You don't seem like the same guy, Davin? What's wrong?
*Mixed reaction, mostly just random cheering from the crowd*
DM: Well, I gotta tell ya; if you think I've changed, then you haven't been paying attention.
*cheers*
DM: I embarrassed Chris Cole, and beat him for his #1 Contender's Spot. That was a month ago, and guess what? I'm still waiting for my damned match! I don't want to say LD is ducking me or anything; he doesn't seem the type - but when he's wrestling Knife for a title, and I'm stuck in a tag match, what does that tell you?
*boos*
DM: That's right. I'm sick of Bennett giving the nod to Crete, to Stank, to freakin' Knife, to basically everyone BUT me for my title shot. You scared Bennett? You scared I might actually WIN? That would certainly put a damper on your precious little war, wouldn't it?
*cheers*
DM: And I'll talk to you about our little war here. You see; I've been Team Rick from Day 1. That's something very few people can say. Stank can't say that. Hell, even the "superhero trying to hog the spotlight" can't say that. All along, Davin Moreland has been the face of this war, and we've overcome all odds - and we're STILL HERE!
*cheers*
DM: And there is NO DOUBT in my mind; Bennett will fall, and the OOWF will be back to relative normal; and I, Davin Moreland, will be your champion.
*cheers*
DM: Now, I've got a few people I want to talk about tonight, first and foremost is my opponent at the PPV, Poe. Poe? You talk a nice game, and you've gotten lucky a couple times; but let me ask you...how's your ankle?
*laughing*
DM: You see; you mistook me for Darling. I am not Darling, I am Davin Moreland. I am 2-time Onslaught Champion and the longes-ever reigning Onslaught Champion. I am the number one contender to the World Heavyweight Champion. I don't care what you did in Japan. I don't care what you think of me. You've disrespected me, and I will make you pay. We've got ourselves a Boot camp Match Sunday; and I won't sit here and guarantee a win. God knows you could always do something cheap and get a lucky win; but I promise you one thing. Your ankle will hurt, and you will NOT leave that match the same man. You're in with Davin Moreland, and I'm backed in a corner and fighting a LITTLE BIT pissed off.
*cheers*
DM: To my teammate, Alexander...
*some booing*
DM: Hey, hey...Now Alexander, when he joined the right team, he's done a lot for us. And I'll say he's one of the most talented wrestlers in the OOWF. I still don't agree with what you did, but after last week, I think I need to tell you that I'm behind you,and I've got your back. Just stop doing stupid shit, and we'll be fine
*cheers*
DM: Concrete Takaken Gryfon...
*cheers*
DM: Now, why do you cheer him? That traitor came back here and tried to jump into the spotlight. You've interfered in countless matches and COST ME WINS. Some hero! Do yourself a favor, and just stay the hell out of my way. We're on the same team; but I'm not going to take orders from a traitor, nor will I accept losing for the sake of an attention grabber.
*lots of booing*
DM: Boo me if you want, but you know damn well that I'm right. And that brings me my final person, LD Williams.
*mixed*
DM: Yeah, I'll tell ya...not to many people I truly respect in the OOWF, but LD Williams is certainly one of them. At least, he was...
*cheers*
DM: He was until he started ducking me that is. At least, I think he's ducking me. Because he's certainly not fighting the Number One Contender in any of his title defenses. I don't know if this is Bennett's doing, of if it's LD's; but make no mistake. You CAN NOT DUCK ME FOREVER. The day will come, and I will MAKE YOU TAP!
*cheers*
DM: You've got my belt LD. I want it. I want a match. Stop ducking me.
*"Jekyll and Hyde" fires up, and LD appears at the top of the ramp*
LD: You wanna go, Moreland? Get a ref out here...and we'll do it...RIGHT. NOW!
*crowd goes ballistic as LD drops the mic. Bennett's music hits, and he comes RUNNING out, preventing LD from going to the ring, to a ridiculously loud chorus of boos. Bennett grabs the mic.*
LJB: MORELAND! You pain in the ass! You'll get your title shot when I'm damned good and ready to give it to you.
*boos*
LJB: You're on thin ice Moreland. I've let you get away with a lot of things here; most of which include you abusing your title of Assistant GM...
*boos*
LJB: So watch your step. You'll get your title shot...if you're still with the company.
DM: Your empty threats mean nothing to me Bennett. I have an idea, how about I beat YOU to get my match with Williams?
*cheers*
LJB: That's your problem Moreland, you have no respect for authority. Cut his mic off!
*Bennett virtually drags Williams away. Moreland tries to respond, but his mic has been indeed cut off, to much booing. Finally, he tosses the mic on the mat and gives the ol' Double Bird to the ramp where Bennett was, to much rejoicing in the crowd.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 10:15:31 GMT -5
Phantos sits alone in the Run-DEA Aquafina Luxury Suites. A Randomly Numbered Sexy Female Journalist approaches him.
RNSFJ: Phantos, your partner has been a little intesne as of late.
Phantos: And its kind of scary. (Spirios jumps into Phantos' lap.) I mean, Luc has always been pretty serious and focused, but for him to go off threatening Bennett like that, I don't know WHAT he'll do next.
We've been alot of places, and we've been handed our fair share of bad beats in this business,, but never has anyone messed with Luc's head like this. I really don't know what he's capable of anymore.
RNSFJ: So Bennett should definitly watch his back?
Phantos: Bennett shouldn't even go to the john by himself. Hire bodygurads, a bunch of them. Keep himself surrounded at all times. If Sunday goes bad, Lucios is likely to snap at any time, and Bennett's life will be at risk.
RNSFJ: Any words for you opponents?
Phantos: IHOP, you two might be the champions, but We are the measuring stick. Noone else in this business measures up........(sighs) that just doesn't work without Luc around.
RNSFJ: I'm sorry. Is there anyting I can do to make you feel better? (moves to sit beside Phantos)
Phantos I don't know, the hurt..... (places his head on her ample bosom and smiles)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 5, 2008 10:15:58 GMT -5
*It's a black screen. All of a sudden, Russ and Razz come on screen.*
Russ: Well everybody, it's late Saturday night, before the Pay-Per-View, and we've heard rumors of one side possibly conceding defeat tomorrow night at the pay-per-view, maybe as a show of respect for the American troops. What side do you think it'll be Razz?
Razz: It's hard to tell, this is a war that was started by the men on Team Bennett's side, but you've got a bunch of stubborn names on Rick's side as well.
Russ: Regardless, it ought to be interesting, but that's not why we're here. We have been ORDERED by LJ Bennett to replay a match from Mayhem, this time with alternate comentary, as a special for the OOWF fans at Puns House!
Razz: Whose house?
Russ: Puns House! Let's air the match! BY GAWD~!
*the screen fades, and then fades back in on....Eric O'Mac. With a five o clock shadow and a hooded sweatshirt on, you can only see the man's teeth. It's a dark room, and the shadows are creating a very somber mood as we hear Eric's voice.*
Eric: Good evening. Tonight, by MY order, we are going to rewatch my match with Mark Vander and I'll give everyone an update on his condition. Enjoy the alternate commentary - when the day comes and I retire, I'll make sure this makes the Ultimate Eric O'Mac collection. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*And we go into the match...
Mark Vander comes to the ring and waits in the corner while Eric O’Mac is announced. Ice-T’s “The Tower” blares across the arena and Eric comes out from the back with the rest of Revolution XXX and a bit of a crazed look in his eyes. He slowly walks to the ring, never taking his eyes off of Vander. Eric slides under the bottom ropes and immediately charges at Vander, catching him with a forearm to the back of the head. Vander slumps and Eric throws him into the corner and beats him mercilessly with rights and lefts to the face. The referee steps in and demands a break, Eric gives it, but just long enough to avoid being disqualified.
That's a vicious forearm! And look at those rights and lefts....at the beginning of the match, Mark Vander already knew he was going to wake up with limited eye sight. If it wasn't for the referee, he would have been done there.
He grabs Vander by the throat and chokes him in the corner, then pulls Vander to his feet and slams his head into the top turnbuckle. Vander takes a few swipes at Eric, but Eric is in a rage, he catches Vander with a spinning kick to the mouth that snaps his head back dangerously. Vander is dazed, so Eric throws him over the top rope to the floor, then follows him outside and slams him face first into the floor, then pulls him to his feet, scoops him up and drives him to the concrete. Eric quickly hops onto the apron and climbs the corner and hits a MAC ATTACK onto the floor! Eric gets to his feet and just stares down at Vander with a disgusted look on his face. Vander writhes in pain on the floor, coughing up blood, he could have broken ribs after that.
PICTURE PERFECT...and YES, Mark Vander had 3 broken ribs after that Mac Attack. But that's not even the worst of it.
Eric finally snaps out of it and rolls Vander back into the ring where he immediately hits a rolling senton splash that drives the wind out of Vander again. Eric registers no emotion on his face and pulls Vander to his feet again and whips him HARD into the corner, Vander slams into the corner sternum first and staggers backward, Eric connects with a super kick to the back of the head that sends him out of the ring to the floor. Vander is clearly having trouble getting his breath, and the referee may have to consider stopping this one. Eric leaves the ring and slams Vander back first into the ring post. The Amnesiac and Tyson Kincaid distract the referee and Eric rummages under the ring and comes up with his sledgehammer. Eric waits until Vander struggles to his feet, when he turns to Eric, Eric catches him with a shot right to the ribs. Vander sinks to his knees, and Eric finishes him off with a shot to the skull that sends Vander to the floor. The camera pans around and we see Vander has been busted open and is having even more trouble breathing.
Trouble breathing? the motherfucker nearly died. That was, in fact, a pierced lung.
Yes, because of Mark Vander's decision not to choose to be on MY side, he now has a sizable hole in his lung. I see that his name is on the schedule for the pay-per-view...I hope they bring him out in an ironlung because otherwise the man will die for a cause he had no interest in.
*The screen goes back to Eric after the match ends. the room is still dark, just a faint light,. We can only see Eric's mouth move, as the hood is shielding his eyes.*
I listen to some of the original commentary, and Russ made it seem like such a crime. "BAH GAWD MARK VANDER HAS A FAMILY AND ERIC O'MAC DOESN'T EVEN CARE!!
Hahuahaha. You like that one. Here's another Russ-ism for ya. "SOMEBODY STOP THE DAMN MATCH! HOW MUCH MORE BLOOD DOES HE WANT?"
Don't point your accusing finger at me. I made my threat, and I am a man of my word. I took Vander out - and The Knife is next.
You saw the beginning stages of my handiwork. That wasn't even HALf of what I had set up for Mark Vander. I had literally planned on breaking the man's neck. If it wasn't for that fucking "SUPER HERO" Concrete TG, and his loser friends, Mark Vander would be talked about in a past tense. I'd be EULOGIZING the man instead of talking about his multiple injuries.
The Knife is next. And there will be more. Until Rick starts giving a damn about his wrestlings safety and resigns, there will be another casualty at every show until the roster is all on injured reserve.
this is war.
i don't give a shit about my place on the card.
i don't give a shit about any championships other than the one around my waist, regardless of it's status in this place.
right now, there should be one and only one focus and that is the war.
and because others have taken their eyes off the prize, because others have had the audacity to actually complain about their status, to show an emotion other than being happy that they are still here in one piece...
*Eric flips his hood off in a fast motion and we look into his eyes.....And see NOTHING but white. Obviously white contacts, but scary as hell, and Eric rasps out...*
THEIR BLOOD WILL BE ON MY HANDS. RICK, BENNETT, IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE! ALL THAT MATTERS NOW IS SURVIVAL...
*Zoom in. Nothing but white. Raspy voice.*
and I will personally....end the careers....of those he just don't give a shit.
and that
means
you
knife.
*Eric starts a low chuckle....which evolves into full out maniac laughter. Fade out with the image of Eric laughing wildly, burning a hole into the camera with his white eyes.*
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