MidWeek Mayhem (07/29) From Padukka, Sri Lanka

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Padukka, Sri Lanka

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match
Poe v s. Concrete TG

OOWF Intercontinental Title Non-Title Triple Threat Match
Stank vs. Nayr vs. Alexander Darling

OOWF World Tag Team Title Triple Threat Match
kz vs. DH Magnusson & Outback Jack vs. The Chickenshit Heels

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match
Ecosystem vs. Matte

OOWF Campeonas de Trios Title Match - Stips TBA
Team Fuel vs. Run DLP

DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title Match[/u]
Tytan vs. SYB

Thim Reynolds vs. Matt Folz
Anders Denial vs. The Dead
Skurge vs. Shiva Singh
card subject to - insert comment about Sri Lanka here - Hope you didn't run out of stamps on that last part, Moose.

[mooseheadjack]

*FADE IN TO THE PALATIAL IHOP LOCKER ROOM*

Amn: This fucking sucks, eh?

Skurge: It suuuuure does.

Fezzik: That's OK - you will beat them this week at OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Padukka, Sri Lanka

Skurge: But Fezzik, we don't have a match this week at OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Padukka, Sri Lanka

Fezzik: Oh.

Amn: Dorothy, why don't we have a match this week?

DM: Who knows? It's like the booker is on vacation or something.

Skurge: Yeah I guess Fleet Week hit Pennsylvania, eh?

Amn: Well, you know Moose loves seamen.

SYB: Cheer up, lads. It's not a total loss. I mean we're in Sri Lanka and that's where they filmed Temple of Doom.

Skurge: <in an Indian accent> You will go to Pankot Palace.

Amn: KALIMAAAAAAAA~!

JFLV: Oh man, I wanted to fuck Short Round so bad.

SYB: ...

Skurge: ...

Amn: ...

Fezzik: ...

DM: ...

JFLV: He might have been a chink but I wanted that short, round ass. Say... where's Monkh?

SYB: OK seriously, this has gone on way too long. Can we get rid of this guy already?

*FADE*

[mooseheadjack]

(Tytan looks over the card for next week with the other members of Team TEaM.)

Tytan: Wow this doesn't make any sense at all? First I am not even on the card and second Eco you are fighting Matte...

Eco: What happened to Team TEaM?

Matte: Whatever man....I get a shot at that title.

(Tytan glances over at Matte and spears him. Then covers him for the 1...2...3.)

Winner and still DDT Ironman Heavy Metal Champion-Tytan

Eco: Did you really have to do that to him?

Tytan: Work smart not hard right?

Eco: Yes.

Tytan: Well, let's say I just gave you the advantage and you didn't work at all...besides I needed to let off some steam.

Eco: Okay..glad to see you are understanding it. Now, let's go get some food.

Tytan: What kind of food do we get around here.

Eco: Heck if I know but let's go find out.

(Tytan and Eco walk off.)

[mooseheadjack]

*Footage from after the PPV, when Scheme Gene caught up to DH Magnusson and Outback Jack*

SG: Gentlemen, it seems like there's a new team in the OOWF. The fans might be justified in questioning how you two join forces after the history of Drink & Destroy.

DHM: Are you questioning our actions, Gene?

SG: Er, well, I mean maybe the fans might, you know, be wondering...

OBJ: We may have had our differences, but we still agree on the fundamentals. There are some things that you've got to do, and going after kz is something we both agree we have to do.

SG: It so happens you're not just facing kz at Mayhem. The Chickenshit Heels will also be part of a OOWF World Tag Team Title Triple Threat Match!

OBJ: Really?

SG: It's official!

DHM: Bad news for them.

[mooseheadjack]

(Tytan and Eco are eating some take-out from the Thambapani Restaurant and Art Gallery in Sri Lanka.)

Tytan: This is pretty good. I knew you'd know where to go.

Eco: Why would I know where to go to eat in Sri Lanka?

Tytan: I mean, you are Asian. I assumed you had been.

Eco: *sigh* Well, in this particular instance, you're right. By the way, I asked the booking team to give you a match, so hopefully we'll hear back soon.

Tytan: Good. Do I get to rip SYB's head off?

Eco: Highly likely!

Tytan: Awesome. (He finishes his sandwich containing indeterminate meats.)

Eco: So, about my match with Matte...we sent each other a couple texts back and forth on the cell phone, and I'm pretty sure we'll be cool.

Tytan: Really? Because I don't trust Flippy Cobain as far as I can throw him.

Eco: You could throw him--or me--pretty damn far.

Tytan: Good point.

Eco: Anyway, trust me. This is going to be a good night for Team TEaM. It pisses me off that we didn't get a win over FuEL, but we could always have done worse than "Beat-The-Shit-Out-Of-Each-Other-Melee".

Tytan: Agreed. Hey, I'm going to go check the mail room for us. Are you cool holding down the fort?

Eco: Yeah. I'm expecting a visitor later anyway.

Tytan: Are you sure you're not just setting yourself up for a wacky sneak attack via someone else's promo?

(Kayfabe drops from the ceiling, flailing around as though she is having a seizure.)

Eco: CLEARLY NOT.

Tytan: OKAY.

(Tytan leaves.)

[mooseheadjack]

Alexander Darling is studying the card for this weeks Midweek Mayhem. When he finishes reading it, he turns around only to be greeted by a steel chair to the face and then...

Fade to Black

***************************************************************

Alexander Darling comes to with the following video playing before him:



He tries to close his eyes but realizes he can't. He tries to look away from the screen only to discover his head is clamped into place and his eyes are clamped open. He then feels somebody apply eyedrops to his eyes.

Mysterious Voice: Welcome back to the land of the living Darling.

Darling: Who is that? What's going on here? What is this horrible video?

Mysterious Voice: This is BrokeNCYDE. And you are strapped to a chair being forced to watch it.

2 more eyedrops are applied to Alexander Darlings eyes.

Darling: Is this Masters bidding?

Anders Denial places himself in full view of Alexander Darling before applying 2 more eyedrops.

Anders: Hardly. I answer to no one.

The video changes.



It proves to be worse than the first one. Darling begins to struggle.

Anders: You should stop struggling. You're only going to make it worse. Make yourself comfortable because you're going to be here a while.

Darling: Master will save me.

Anders: He won't get a chance even if he wanted to. I'll be returning you to him eventually.

2 more drops are applied to Alexanders eyes.

Darling: You said I'd be here for a long time.

Anders: A long time is not forever. I'm not certain how long I plan on keeping you.

Darling: Master will make you pay for this.

Anders: No, he'll make YOU pay for this. And that's exactly the point.

Anders applies 2 more drops and the video changes again.



Darling struggles more but he's strapped in tight. He can't even move an inch.

Anders: Say what you will about us mindfucking types, we think alike and we recognize others who excel at mindfuckery. I haven't been around long, but I have been around long enough to see how Poe treats you. It's quite amusing really.

2 more drops are applied to the terrified Darling's eyes.

Anders: See, you're going to have to endure this for however long I plan on putting you through whatever it is I plan on putting you through. And then when I'm done, I hand you back to Poe. And rather than being angry that I took you, he'll be more displeased that you allowed me to take you.

2 more drops.

Anders: So after I'm done with you, you have more of the same to look forward to from another tormentor. And as for me... well Poe will respect me for what I've done. Not that I need his respect. But he'll give it to me just the same.

Darling: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!?!?

A joyful look crosses the masked Anders Denial's eyes and a crooked smile creeps across his face.

Anders: Because you hit me with a chair. You didn't expect me to let that pass, did you?

Darling: But you won the cage match!

Anders: Yes, I did. But I fear you showed me the caliber of the competition available in the OOWF. I've been so used to being a dominant force that you caught me off my guard on 2 separate occasions. I'm grateful actually. If a submissive pussy such as yourself can give me as much of a hard time as you have, imagine what an actual competitor like Poe or Moosehead Jack could do? So I've been stepping up my training regime.

2 more drops.

Anders: But I can't let something like our last 2 matches pass without setting an example of you. So you belong to me for the next little while. Maybe you'll make your match at Midweek Mayhem, maybe you won't. I haven't made up my mind yet. But trust me on this one... you won't be making it out of here until I say so.

The video changes yet again.



Anders: Ooh! I can't stand this one. I'm afraid I'll have to leave you for a while as I have a match to get ready for.

Darling: Leave me?!? But my eyes will dry out!!!

Anders produces a blade and slashes it across his own forehead.

Anders: Don't think I haven't already thought of that. Let's just say you'll be seeing red for a while.

Alexander Darling starts screaming in terror as Anders approaches him with the blade, smiling an evil smile before we...

Fade to Black

[mooseheadjack]

Poe, Selena, and Moosehead Jack sit on the couch in Poe's locker room watching OOWF-TV. LD Williams is watching tape on DH Magnusson, Outback Jack, and the Chickenshit Heels (he's very focused & studious you know).

MHJ: Should someone tell Alexis than Alexander has been kidnapped by Anders?

SG: She's totally gonna flip.

Poe: Leave her be for now.

Selena tugs on Poe's arm.

SG: You okay? You look kinda pissed off.

Poe: I give him persmission to actually walk the halls here a bit; to check out the card; and he gets himself kidnapped. I had plans for him this week.

MHJ: Was it anything like what Anders has him doing?

Poe: No...mine can wait. If Anders wants to play with my toy, I'm not a selfish man. He just better remember one very important thing.

MHJ: That is?

Poe: He better leave enough of the Boy for me to finish once and for all.

Selena lays her head in Poe's lap as Anders' promo continues.

SG: I could watch the Boy getting tortured all day.

Poe strokes Selena's hair.

Poe: Yes...Namaste.

[mooseheadjack]

*All of Run DLP is SITTING~! in the Run DLP Locker Room, presented by Aquafina*

DM: Dude, this sucks.

L: What sucks?

DM: Sri Fucking Lanka, that sucks.

P: It's not so bad.

SDM: Considering we've been in real cities for an actual month? Yeah, it sucks.

SFJ420: Dude, like...why are we here?

DM: Same reason we're anywhere. Bookerman thought it was a good idea. As usual, bookerman was wrong.

P: You shouldn't speak ill of the bookerman.

DM: Why not?

P: Ummm, uhh...because you shouldn't.

L: Well thought out argument there, Phantos.

P: SHUT UP!

SDM: Stop it, you two. Moonbeam, we gonna do an interview or what?

SFJ420: Oh yeah...um...k...I'm here with Davin Moreland and Run DLP, winners of the Campeonas de Trios tournament. You're up against Team FuEL this week. How do you feel you match up?

DM: Man, you're getting good at this.

SFJ420: I got some pointers from CBS Evening News' Katie Couric before she got killed.

*Everyone pauses, misty-eyed, for a moment of silence*

DM: I think we match up very well. We're more experienced; both as wrestlers in general and in Trios competition. We're far more decorated. And quite simply? We're better. That's it. Toss in the fact that we've got scores to settle with Firewoman...

P: Darn right we do...

*Everyone kinda looks at Phantos*

P: What? She's not the kind of person I thought she was at all. She's hurt my family; and you don't mess with my family.

L: Bout time you came around, Phantos.

DM: ANYway, we've got a score to settle with Firewoman. And, we also have to get some revenge for Katie Couric.

L: That we do.

DM: So, we're better. We're more experienced, and we're motivated as all fuck. Firewoman? You'd better bring your flamethrower, cause there's no way in fuck that you're gonna get away with that bullshit again. And when Run DLP reclaims their rightful place as Campeonas de Trios Champions, we will restore the dignity and honor those championships once held.

P: And the Monkeys on Bicycles will be a distant memory of a joke team who had an in with the booker.

*Everyone looks at Phantos again*

P: What? It's true.

L: So you yellow-bellied cowards, be prepared to get your comeuppance this week.

DM: Run DLP proves once again why we we are the best there is.

SDM: Because they're the measuring sticks. And Team FuEL? You just don't measure up.

DM: Good job, honey.

SDM: Thanks.

P: Did those t-shirts come in yet?

L: Yeah, we'd better start packing the t-shirt guns.

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

The camera fades in on the Hallway of Random Encounters. The entire scene is directed by Robert Rodriguez. If you aren't familiar with this, the scene outside the Tarasco Bar in Desperados is a good approximation of what this should look like We see this from the perspective of someone, we can't see who. It's very Doom like. The music starts.



It's not like I made myself a list
Of new and different ways to murder your heart
I'm just a painting that's still wet, if you touch me I'll be smeared
You'll be stained, stained for the rest of your life

The camera first stops at a locker room that says "Team Team" on it. The door is suddenly kicked open. we really need to get sturdier doors around here. Ecosystem is in there alone, and doesn't notice the camera sneaking up behind him.

So turn around, walk away
Before you confuse the way we abuse each other
If you're not afraid of getting hurt
Then I'm not afraid of how much I hurt you

Two hands, very feminine hands appear in the screen with a thick wire held between them. She comes up behind Ecosystem, and before he can react she pulls back hard.

I'm well aware I'm a danger to myself
Are you aware I'm a danger to others
There's a crack in my soul, you thought was a smile

Ecosystem struggles against the garrote, but it's a losing battle. He eventually stops struggling and passes out.

Whatever doesn't kill you is gonna leave a scar
Whatever doesn't kill you is gonna leave a scar

The woman removes the garrote, leaving behind a red streak on Ecosystem's neck where it cut into him. She rolls him over onto his back, where you can see his is unconscious, but still breathing, kind of.

I'm more like a silver bullet
And I'm like a gun, not easy to hold
I'm moving fast and if I stay inside your heart
I'm certain this will be the end of your life

She leaves the room and heads back into the Hallway of Random Encounters, where there is no one to randomly encounter. She makes a turn, but then backs up, as she hears someone. Moose and LD Williams leave a door and walk down the hall, laughing about something, probably having to do with killing this week's opponents, and trust and respect. Moose hesitates a moment, and looks around, then catches up with LD.

So turn around, walk away
Before you confuse the way we abuse each other
If you're not afraid of getting hurt
Then I'm not afraid of how much I hurt you

Once they pass by, she continues down the hallway, and pauses outside the door. She opens it slowly, peaks in and sees Poe, seated on the floor in a lotus position. There are candles and incense lit. Selena is nowhere to be seen.

I'm well aware I'm a danger to myself
Are you aware I'm a danger to others
There's a crack in my soul, you thought was a smile

She tiptoes in, shutting the door silently behind her. She quietly walks up behind Poe. Again, we see the pair of hands raise with the garrote and quickly slip it over Poe's head and pull.

Whatever doesn't kill you is gonna leave a scar
Whatever doesn't kill you is gonna leave a scar
Leave a scar, leave a scar
Whatever doesn't kill you gonna leave a scar

Poe struggles as well, and puts up more of a fight, but with no oxygen, that makes it difficult, even for the world champion. Eventually, he too falls over, unconscious. Selena Gomez comes out of the other room and screams, but she can't be heard because of the music playing over.

She warned you that she may fuck me
But chances are I'm gonna fuck you over

The woman removes the garrote, and then wipes the blood from Poe's neck. She goes to the mirror and smears it on her face, mingling with Ecosystem's blood she placed there as well, and for the first time we see for sure that it is Firewoman. She goes to a door that she thinks contains the Darlings and puts her hand on it to open it, but Selena's screaming makes her stop.

Whatever doesn't kill you is gonna leave a scar
Whatever doesn't kill you is gonna leave a scar
Leave a scar, leave a scar

She turns to Selena and the girl stops shrieking. She looks down at an unconscious Poe, and the music quiets:[/i]

FW: Bad things happen to people who don't hold up their end of a bargain.

Whatever doesn't kill you gonna leave a scar

She turns and leaves the room and the ninja cam stays fixated at an angle on Poe's body.
[/i]

[mooseheadjack]

(Tytan is returning from the mail room when he is stopped by a Random SFJ.)

SFJ: Tytan it seems you got your match against SYB for Mayhem care to comment.

Tytan: You see it comes down to this. SYB this is my DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title. I am the first Champion to actually defend this title. I am also the First Champion to defend this title on a Mayhem Card. I am bringing new meaning to this title. I am bringing some Honor to a title that has been thrown aside.

(Tytan sees someone walking that happens to look at him funny. He runs over Spears him and then Finishes him off with the Eclipse through a table. He then covers him and the ref pops out of nowhere.)

1...2...3-Winner and still Champion-TYTAN!

(A random crowd cheers.)


SFJ: So that makes you now 14-0 in defending the title.

Tytan: Actually 14.5-0 in defending the title. You can't forget when that kid looked at me and I thought he was going to come after me.

SFJ: The kid was 12!

Tytan: Hey...a win is a win in my book. But SYB I have something that you will never get.

SFJ: A life

Ninjacameraman: Nice hair.

(Random Crowd starts shouting out other things that Tytan has that SYB will never have.)

Crowd#1: A decent gimmick.

Crowd#2: A brain.

Crowd#3: Some actual muscles.

Crowd#4: A good taste in food.

Tytan: Thank you for noticing all of that but-

Crowd#5: A decent partner.

Tytan: Now let's not make this personal. What I was going to say was you will never get this title from me....and I WILL BREAK YOU!!!

(Tytan walks off looking at the mail that he picked up from the mailroom.)

Tytan: Cool! Team TEaM fan mail!!!!

(FADE OUT)

[mooseheadjack]

Selena is hovering over the prone body of Poe, shaking him, trying to revive him.

SG: Master! Master!

Selena manages to roll him onto his back. She holds her hair and provides mouth to mouth. Poe wakes up, grabs Selena's head and stops. They look at each other before Selena sits back, wiping her mouth.

SG: Dude, are you okay?

Poe wipes the blood off his neck and looks at it with a snarl.

Poe: Who did this?

SG: Um...it was Firewoman.

Poe's eyes narrow, but then he coughs with some blood coming up with it.

SG: She said "bad things happen to people who don't hold up their end of a bargain."

Poe processes this and smiles weakly.

Poe: So that's where she's been.

SG: Where?

Poe: In Hell goddess...in Hell.

SG: Um...okay...what bargain didn't you live up to?

Poe coughs up a small bit of blood again.

Poe: I think I know...and it may have actually done her some good.

Poe smiles evily...before coughing up some more blood.

[mooseheadjack]

(Tytan then walks back to the locker room.)

Tytan: Hey Eco, I got fan--WHAT THE HELL!

(Tytan finds Eco in the bloody heap and picks him up.)

Tytan: What the hell happened?

Eco: I think...probably Fire.

Tytan: We should get you to the hospital...I'll kick her ass.

Eco: No...do me a favor. Call Dr. Mario for me...and go get Anders.

Tytan: What?

Eco: You heard me...go get Matte...and go after Anders.

(Tytan is confused for a second.)

Tytan: Um...DR. MARIO!

(Dr. Mario appears.)

Dr. Mario: IT'SA ME! DR. MARIO! And MAMA MIA, ATTSA CUT!

Tytan: Right. I'll get going.

(Tytan storms out the door and down the hallway, encountering Matte.)

Matte: Hey Tytan, I think you got the wrong idea earl--

Tytan: (grabbing Matte) COME WITH ME.

(Tytan drags Matte down the hallway.)

FADE OUT...AND BACK IN

(Anders Denial is slowly cutting Alexander Darling when, out of nowhere, BRICK~! comes in and pulls his arms back.)


For new readers, this is what BRICK~! looks like

Anders: What the--

(Anders pulls his arms out from BRICK~!'s but is clotheslined down by Matte with a flying lariat. He quickly drop-toeholds Matte to the ground. Anders attempts to headbutt BRICK~! It looks like this: . It also doesn't work.)

Anders: Shit. Ouch.

(Tytan then comes in and SPINEBUSTERS Anders on the concrete. BRICK~! splashes him, which causes Anders to yell out and then slowly crawl/stumble away in pain. Tytan begins undoing the clamps on Darling.)

Alexander: What...what the hell are you doing here?

Tytan: (smirking) When Eco came back to the OOWF...it was to help me out of a tough situation I didn't deserve. And for some reason, I'm paying him back helping your ass.

Alexander: (getting up) Tell him I don't need your help.

Matte: I think the situation suggests otherwise.

Tytan: But we'll be sure to let him know that you don't want the help you need.

BRICK~!: (nudges Tytan) Well, we're always here if you want help. Especially if you'd like to get that asshole Poe off your back.

Alexander: Master is not being an asshole. He is helping.

Tytan: What he's doing is helping? (Tytan scoffs.) Try working a little Smarter, Alexander...not Harder.

(Team TEaM leaves as Alexander seethes.)

[mooseheadjack]

Team TEaM doesn't make it far from the room where Alexander Darling was being held when all of a sudden a noose goes around Tytan's neck and he gets hoisted quickly into the air. Ecosystem whips around only to get greeted by a big boot to the face. Anders ties the loose end of the noose to a hook that's conveniently in the wall and leaves Tytan dangling there. He pulls out his blade and pounces on Ecosystem.

Anders: You shouldn't interfere in my business, Eco.

Anders drags the blade across Eco's forehead. Eco struggles but is mildly concussed from the boot to the head he just recieved, making him easier for Anders to restrain.

Anders: I suppose I'm finished with Mr. Darling for now. I'll return him to Poe. Interfere with me again and the consequences will be more dire.

Anders gives Eco a quick kick to the head knocking him unconcious. As he walks away, he cuts the rope that Tytan is hanging by. Tytan drops from the rafters and hits the ground, also falling unconcious. Anders then picks up a large sack that starts struggling immediately.

Anders: Don't struggle Mr. Darling, I'm taking you home.

Anders walks in the direction of Poe's locker room.

Fade to Black

[mooseheadjack]

[The Dead is walking down the hallway, heading down to see this week's card. He also happens to be talking to himself.]

Dead: Seems like the last few weeks have been a blur. I was on top of my game for a while there. I was undefeated for a nice long stretch. And then I lost focus. I forgot what got me here. I stopped doing the things that took me toward the top. Well, not anymore. I'm coming back strong. I'm going to...

[The Dead turns the corner and sees the posted card.]

Dead: Who the fuck is Anders Denial?

[mooseheadjack]

We switch scenes into the Team Fuel locker room, sponsored by Starbucks.

Dr.Sid: All I'm saying is that wherever she was, it triggered her Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and that's what probably caused her...

SFJ63: Oh... there she is. shh! Firewoman if you have a moment....

Firewoman appears to be in some sort of daze, still with the blood of Ecosystem and Poe on her face, and then snaps out of it

FW: Just a minute, chickie. Lucky, have you seen my lighter?

L: No. I mean, yes, I have, but not recently. You left it in the Destroyitarium.

FW: Oh....well I should...

C"L"E: Oh, that reminds me. Stank stopped by to return it. He said he wanted to see you.

FW: Oh? That's new....

SFJ63: So Fire....the last time we saw you it looked like...well, it looked like you were being kidnapped in some sort of gangster movie.

FW: Yeah. I suppose it would look like that.

SFJ63: Can you tell us?

FW: Here's what I can tell you. Yeah, I've made some mistakes, ticked off the wrong people on occasion. But that was in the past. Or so I thought, until a certain returning OOWF Original showed up. Apparently Matt Folz isn't the only one who can be bought. Unfortunately, young Ecosystem made a fatal error. Or at least a near fatal one.

SFJ63: And that was?

FW: While I have enemies, it appears, in low places, I also have friends in lower ones. The folks Eco called for assistance? I've worked with them before. And, between them and some friends in the Westies, they were able to get to me and get me back to OOWF so I could thank Eco and Poe for my little vacation.

SFJ63: Poe? What does he have to do with this? What agreement did he break?

FW: More than anyone around here thinks. Let's just say he has friends in low places that he failed to use his influence with, as he agreed. I should have known that one can never EVER trust him. I hope his current partners are listening.

SFJ63: So, you are facing Run DLP for the titles--

FW: Championships.

SFJ63: Championships this week. Davin had some harsh--

FW: Davin should shut the fuck up, before someone shuts him up. I'm not in the mood for his rationalizations and double standards. And I'm not wasting anymore breath on him. Anything else?

SFJ63: No, I guess--

FW: Then I'm outta here.

Blackdragon comes in from the other room

BD: Thank god! Where are you going, I should definitely come with you after what hap--

Faster than he can blink, Firewoman has him by the jaw...not the throat, the jaw, and smashes him against the wall. The back of his head sees stars.

FW: I should flail you alive. I should rip your skin off you in tiny strips, then dunk you in gasoline and set you on fire.

BD: Mpphh....grrrrgle.....

FW: Some body guard. I should put you in a room like I was held in until we got things worked out, and toss live scorpions in it. I should do a lot of things.

She releases him, and he slides to the floor, semiconscious. She removes the garrote she had draped around her neck, thinks for a moment, and then tosses it aside. Lucky picks it up to put it somewhere for safe keeping. Firewoman stands over him.

FW: I should fire your ass right here. But then I wouldn't be able to remind you daily just what your fucking job is. And that wouldn't sparkle with me.

She steps back, and kicks his legs just because. She turns to go.

L: Where are you going?

FW: To see a man about a lighter.

[mooseheadjack]

The Dead is reading the card.

The Dead: Who the fuck is Anders Denial?!?

He turns around only to be greeted by a sack full of Alexander Darling to the face. The Dead goes unconcious and all that can be heard are the muffled screams of Darling. Anders drops the screaming sack for a moment and gets face to face with The Dead.

Anders(whispers): I'm Anders Fucking Denial... bitch.

Anders gets back up and looks down the hall.

Anders: I can see Poe's locker room from here.

Anders picks up the screaming sack of Alexander Darling and starts spinning around with it before hurling it down the hall. It thuds against Poe's locker room door and the screaming stops. Poe opens the door to see the sack.

Anders(bellowing down the hall): I thought you might want him back! I'm done with him for now!

Poe(bellowing back): Thank you my good friend!

Anders(still bellowing): Not a problem! Torturing him was a lot of fun!

With that, Anders turns away and walks in the other direction.

Fade to Black

[mooseheadjack]

Poe is laid back on the couch in his locker room smoking hookah, recovering from the sneak attack by Firewoman. Selena is sitting on the floor doing...whatever. Moosehead Jack enters the locker room.

MHJ: I saw the promo of the attack. How ya' feeling?

Poe: I will be fine. *cough* My throat will be a little sore for a few days...no big.

Poe and Moose look at Selena as she burns one of her dolls. She holds it up towards them.

SG: Firewoman. Heehee.

MHJ: I know she angered you, but she should be the last of your concerns right now. You defend your title against Crete tomorrow night.

Poe: I suppose of anyone, you'd know how dangerous he is.

MHJ: I'm not one to heap praise on people, and I still hate the very air he breathes, but he is a great competitor and a great champion nontheless. You can not afford to go into this match less than 100% and you can not take him lightly.

SG: Oh, puh-leez, dude is a grown man who dresses as a super hero. I haven't even done that since I was like five.

MHJ: You dressed as a superhero Mouse?

SG: Yeah, I was Super Selena!

Poe: Do you still have the costume?

Poe winks at Selena, drawing a smile.

SG: *slight singing* I could make one...

Suddenly we hear a muffled moan coming from the Sack O' Darling.

Poe: He's awake.

MHJ: He? Is that?

SG: My bean bag chair!!

Selena rushes over to the Sack O' Darling and plops down on it, drawing a grunt from inside.

MHJ: Are you ever going to let him out?

Poe: Eventually.

SG: Ow! He pinched my butt!

Poe stands up slowly, walks over to the bag and kicks it hard, drawing a whimper.

SG: Bad beanbag chair!

[mooseheadjack]

Matt Folz hits the ring, accompanied by Fire.

"When my new friend here finally calmed down a bit , she realized that BlackDragon isn't quite getting the job done and decided give me a call. Seeing as she's the only one in the lockerroom I even grudgingly have a bit of respect for, I've waived my usual fee and agreed to become a temporary associate of Team Fuel as Fire's bodyguard/general problem solver. Starting with the Championship match tomorrow night, where Firewoman goes, I go. Anyone who wants to mess with her, then you've got a big problem, because you've got a problem with me.

[mooseheadjack]

[The Dead awakes to find himself lying on the floor in the hallway.]

Dead (rubbing his head): Huh...I wonder who did that...?

[The Dead slowly gets to his feet. He looks around but sees no one.]

Dead: Eh, must not have been anyone important...

[mooseheadjack]

(As The Dead gets up, he enters a room where Tytan and Eco are both slowly getting up from the floor.)

The Dead: What happened here?

Eco: That Anders Denial fuckhead. The one you're facing this week.

Tytan: (grumbling) See if I ever help you help some no-account asshole like Darling again...

Dead: Huh. I think that's the fellow who attacked me.

Tytan: Yeah. He attacked us after we stopped him attacking Alexander Darling.

Dead: He attacked four guys in like, a couple hours? Winning friends and influencing people, this man does not do.

Eco: Right. And what's really weird is, he was able to attack me despite the fact that I wasn't even in the room and Matte and BRICK~! were.

Dead: Ah.

Eco: Yeah. KAYFABE! FIX THIS!

(Kayfabe flies in and waves her wand around. Matte and BRICK~! come in.)

Matte: Hey guys. You don't look so good?

BRICK~!: We RAN out for slushies the second you knocked Anders down.

Matte: As we passed you, we saw Dr. Mario bring you over to witness our good work!

Eco: ...So why didn't Dr. Mario stay to fight off Anders?

BRICK~!: ...Um...

Matte: He was...

BRICK~!: He was on call.

Matte: Yup. Ran off. Someone had...heart trouble.

Eco: Oh. Well, that's a perfectly coherent explanation.

Tytan: Sure is. Problem is, I was hoping to get to beat up SYB by now.

(SYB pokes his head in.)

SYB: Hey guys, I was walking by and I heard my nam--

(Super Mario jumps in and stomps on SYB. SYB, squished, hurries off faster.)

Mario: I GOTTA OFF-A WORK EARLY! The lady thought-a she had the Obamacare, but it not-a real yet. MAMA MIA, you two look bad!

Kayfabe: Yeah. People take some real liberty with their characters.

Dead: ...Did you just kill yourself?

Kayfabe: I...I suppose I did.

(Kayfabe sets herself ablaze, and dies.)

[mooseheadjack]

*Run DLP are PILING~! out of the Dunkin Donuts Limousine after a short trip to an actual city, Columbo.*

SDM: Oh, thank God.

DM: I know, right? Moonbeam, you smell a McDonalds?

SFJ420: *sniffing the air* Nutter Butters...Pizza...Chinese Food...MCDONALDS! *points* THAT WAY! *she starts running*

L: I guess we'd better follow her.

*They all take off running and manage to slow Moonbeam down, but just as they spot the golden arches, a FLOOD of photographers come crowding around them*

FoP: Phantos! Phantos! Over Here Phantos!

P: For real?

DM: Aww fuck...I know what this is...

L: Oh no...really? I thought we were done with that.

*We go to commercial*



*We're back, and Phantos has begun an impromtpu press conference*

P: Ok, one at a time...You over there...

YoT: Phantos, the world is clamoring for the next episode of "Moose and Mouse"...when can we see it?

*mumbling from the press*

P: Uh...they are? Uh...Lucios?

L: *near the microphone bank* What?

P: Are people really "clamoring"?

L: Not sane people.

P: Davin?

DM: *pops up on the other side* What?

P: They want ANOTHER one?

DM: Another what? Dammit, I'm hungry.

P: "Moose and Mouse"

DM: Are you fucking serious?

*Phantos shrugs. Davin steps in front of Phantos*

DM: You people are fucking nuts, you know that? It's not REAL! Hell, it's not even a TV Show! It was something Phantos read to me which got on OOWF-TV because nothing else was going on. Now please, leave us alone. We want to go to McDonalds.

SFJ420: *from behind the rest of run DLP* MCDONALDS!

FoP: OHMIGOD! IT'S MOONBEAM!

*they all crowd around her*

SFJ420: Dude.

One of the FoP: Moonbeam! How do you feel about all the attention you've gotten?

SFJ420: Uh...what?

Another OotFoP: What's it like to be the breakout star of "Moose and Mouse"?

SFJ420: Dude...wait...what?

AOotFoP: When do we get to see you on the show again?

SFJ420: Uhhh.....Davin? Help?

DM: *runs over* Seriously. Back the fuck off now, you crazy-ass motherfuckers. There is no show. There was no "performance", and you people are out of your fucking minds. Let us go get McDonalds or somebody gon' get they wig split.

SDM: Nice.

*Run DLP heads to McDonalds with the Flood of Photographers at a safe distance behind them. As they get near McDonalds, they see life-sized cutouts of most of the OOWF Roster inside. Apparently Sri Lankan McDonalds Restaurants sponsor the "Moose and Mouse" show somehow.*

DM: Phantos?

P: Yeah, D?

DM: You're lucky I like you.

P: Yeah, D.

DM: I have an idea. C'mere.

*He whispers something to Phantos, who looks dubious at first but then gets a big smile*

P: *yealling at the top of his voice* I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm working on a spin-off of "Moose and Mouse". It's called "Kill Firewoman 50 times in 30 minutes". It's a game show, where you have to try to kill Firewoman 50 different ways before the show's over.

*Flood of Photographers look confused*

L: Focus Groups LOVE it!

*Flood of Photographers are suddenly excited*

P: Obviously it's a top secret project, so I can't give out any details right now. I promise as soon as i have something I'll let you know.

SDM: So you can all leave now.

*The flood of photographers disperse*

SDM: Good work, Phantos.

P: Davin's idea.

DM: Well executed. I figure if they don't know whether a TV Show is real or not, they won't realize that you only have to kill Firewoman once.

P: And we'll take care of that this Wednesday.

*They head into McDonalds, much to Moonbeam's delight*

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

*Stank is sitting at the bar in the Destroyitarium. He looks up at the flatscreen where the Bartender is playing OOWF vs Capcom*

"Trusted respect barb wires my blood!"

Stank - Why are you playing as Moosehead Jack?

Bartender - Actually I'm using KZ in tag team mode.

*LD Williams sprite jumps onscreen joining the Moosehead Jack sprite*

"Fear me! HWUA! HA! GRRR!"

*KZ go on the attack as they battle Mega Man and Guile.*

"JIENDO!"

Stank - Why am I not in this game?

Bartender - I haven't unlocked your character yet - AHHH! STOP DISTRACTING me! They broke the hold!

*Stank resumes drinking his beer, while Bartender continues furiously tapping the controls to his game, when Firewoman walks in followed closely by Matt Folz. Stank reaches into his pocket and pulls out Firewoman's Zippo, absentmindedly flicking it on and off.*

FW - Stop that. You'll waste the fuel.

*The lighter is tossed to Firewoman.*

Stank - I want to talk to you... (looking at Matt) alone.

*Firewoman glances back at Matt and nods her head. Matt seats himself at the bar staring up at the game on the flatscreen, while Stank and Firewoman retreat to a private booth.*

FW - This hasn't exactly been a stellar week for me, so don't give me an excuse to maim you in front of your boys.

"HWAH! ONE! TWO! STRIKE!"

KO!

Bartender - DAMN IT!

Stank (ignoring the commotion) - You want to talk about it?

FW - HA! Hell no.

Stank - You want to talk about why you left your lighter here a while back?

FW - I don't know. My mind was preoccupied with other stuff and NO I don't want to talk about that either. Are we done?

Stank - Not quite. You want to talk about Moose?

"BUSAIKU KNEE!"

Bartender - YES! Take that BITCH!

FW (Ignoring the commotion) - What about Moose?

Stank - Oh I don't know. Have you talked to him lately?

FW - The last time I saw him he was ushering me out of Poe's locker room. That was BEFORE I got kidnapped by the way.

"Torda-nado-holda!"

Bartender - Oh NO you DON'T Mega Man! AHH!! Screw this! I got my own Heartpunch you little, blue shit!

Matt Folz - You should switch to LD!

Bartender - I WILL! I WILL! Just WAIT a sec!

Stank (ignoring them) - Look. You seem to have a lot on your plate right now and far be it from me to interfere in your business, but I want you know, as far as what went down at Hell on Earth IV and your involvement, I'm willing to overlook that if you can be honest with me for a second.

HAAA! "CANADIAN DESTROYER!"

KO!

Bartender - YES!!

Matt Folz - You should have used him sooner.

FW (ignoring the fuss) - About what?

Stank - Moose.

FW - Oh for Fuck's sake! I assume there's a point to you bringing him up to me twice?

*Stank glances at the screen where the caption by Moose's sprite reads "Respect my blood!"*

Stank - ... ... Okay if you don't want to tell me maybe Moose will.

FW - Yeah. Good luck with that.

*Firewoman rises, but Stank gently grabs her arm causing her to pause.*

Stank - It's not always thicker, you know.

*Firewoman pulls her arm loose and stares down at the OOWF Intercontinental Champion.*

FW - What are you talking about?

Stank - Just remember that, should you find yourself in deep with Poe, Moose, and LD.

FW - I can handle them.

*Stank stares at Firewoman apparently weighing her words.*

Stank - ... ... When you're ready to talk to me about Moose you come back and we'll have a drink on me.

*Firewoman looks at Stank in confusion, with a bit of irritation thrown in there.*

FW - MATT we're leaving!

Matt Folz - Hey lemme just get past the first round here!

FW - NOW MATT!

"HADOOOKEN!"

Matt Folz - You hit em with the classic.

"Chain SMASH"

KO!

Matt Folz - Then you bring Tytan in with the finish. Better than a Mega Buster my friend

Bartender - Chain Smash? Are you serious? I could beat Tytan and Ryu with Cammy and friggen SYB!

Matt Folz - Bring it on then - ACK!

*Firewoman grabs Matt Folz by the ear and drags him out of the Destroyitarium as the camera fades.*

[mooseheadjack]

(Spin Hansen is in the boiler room. The Shadowed Figure and Kurt Thomas are in the room.)

SH: I hate to tell you this, but KURT THOMAS IS FUCKING INSANE.

KT: You don't know the power of Gymkata, Hansen.

Shadowed Figure: Trust me on this. You'll learn a lot... in Parmistan.

SH: Parmistan doesn't exist.

SF (leaning in): But Midland, Texas does. He's convinced that his gymnastics training facility is actually in a remote corner of Parmistan. And you will go.

SH: Because of our deal?

SF: Because of our deal.

SH: And the other thing?

SF: Yeah. I can't wait to see that.

[mooseheadjack]

The members of Team Fuel are in their locker room, preparing for this evening's Mayhem. Bryce Larson and Chris Evans are chattering about what they are going to do to various members of Run DLP. Firewoman is FOCUSING~! on the tape that Lucky is wrapping her wrists with. She's not washed Poe or Eco's blood of her face. Iew.

C"L"E: Dude, when we hit the Total Elimination, we'll knock their masks off.

"B"BL: Yeah, but big deal, everyone's seen them without their masks already.

FW: Would you two kindly shut the FUCK up? I'm trying to concentrate here.

C"L"E: Sorry. Just thought we'd get fired up to beat the shit out of DLP.

Firewoman stands, kicking the chair away.

FW: You need to be thinking about keeping the championships, not on settling petty grudges. The second you forget about that, that is when Team Aquafina has you.

"B"BL: And what about Davin?

Firewoman gets something that I guess you could call a cross between a smile and sneer, and she grabs her garrote, draping it around her neck like a torc.

FW: You leave Davin to me.

C"L"E: Sounds like a good plan to me.

FW: So glad you agree. Okay, let's get to it.

The group gets up to leave.

"B"BL: Say, on OOWF-TV...what the heck was Stank talking about?

FW: Who knows. I think when Davin hit him with the belt at HOE he knocked some sense out of him.

"B"BL: Ah....

Evans and Larson leave, followed by Lucky. Firewoman looks around to see if she forgot anything, grins at a still semiconscious Blackdragon and goes to turn out the light, when she gets the look of someone who has finally put two and two together.

FW: Oh shit.....

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Liv e! From Padukka, Sri Lanka

SKURGE vs. SHIVA SINGH

Singh is announced first and makes his way to the ring, the crowd boos him loudly and he plays it up like a good heel would. Skurge is announced and makes his way to the ring sans his normal IHOP entourage. Skurge gets a nice ovation from the crowd, which is quickly turned into boos when Singh attacks Skurge from behind, nailing him with a clubbing blow to the back of the head. Skurge falls to one knee and Singh continues to hammer away. He pulls Skurge to his feet and sends him to the ropes and BLASTS him with a straight punch to the throat, sending Skurge to the mat, and drawing a warning from the referee. While Singh is arguing with the referee, he is standing on Skurge's throat. The referee sees this and threatens immediate disqualification, but Singh breaks the hold. He pulls Skurge to his feet and shoves him into the corner, then charges in after him, but Skurge gets a boot up catching Singh right on the jaw. Skurge grabs Singh and spins him into the corner and EXPLODES on him with chops and kicks, beating Singh down to the mat. The referee finally steps in and forces the break, and Singh rolls under the bottom rope and staggers around ringside, being careful to keep his distance from the crowd, they are out for blood tonight. Skurge leaves the ring as well and grabs Singh from behind and bounces his head off the table, then whips him hard into the steel steps, drawing a roar from the crowd. As Skurge approaches Singh, Singh reaches into his tights and pulls out what appears to be a pencil wrapped in tape, as Skurge leans in, Singh NAILS him in the throat with it. Skurge grabs his throat and falls to his knees, Singh grabs him and rolls him into the ring and follows him, putting the boots to him, then falling on him for the cover, but Skurge kicks out at one. Singh heads to the corner and slowly climbs the ropes, but Skurge gets to his feet and races to the corner and catches him, and throws him across the ring. Skurge motions for the crowd to get into it, and they rise and start screaming for the Canadian. Skurge waits for Singh to get to his feet, then starts to whip him to the ropes, but pulls him back to him and hits a release belly to belly suplex that sends Singh high in the air, then crashing down on the back of his neck! Skurge waits till Singh is on one knee, then runs the ropes and hits a swinging neckbreaker that DRIVES Singh to the mat, Skurge flips Singh over and traps him in the crippler crossface! Singh struggles, but Skurge pulls back with all his might on his neck, and after just a few seconds, Singh taps out.
WINNER in 4:12 - Skurge

ANDERS DENIAL vs. THE DEAD

Havenless plays over the PA system as Anders Denial slowly makes his way to the ring. Once Anders steps through the ropes, Doomsday Clock plays The Dead to the ring. Dead steps into the ring, and Anders stares him down as the announcements are made. The referee calls for the bell, and both men lock-up as we are underway!

Dead immediately takes control with a side headlock, but Anders simply pushes him off. A second lock-up results in Dead working the right arm for a minute or so, locking in an armbar pushing his foot behind Anders’s knee to get him to the mat. Anders slowly makes his way to his feet, so Dead goes behind to control Anders with a hammerlock. Anders turns under the arm to reverse the hammerlock on Dead, who immediately reaches to the back of Anders head and flips over his shoulders, landing on his feet behind Anders. Dead hits a standing dropkick that sends Anders to the outside! Dead hits the opposite ropes, coming across and flying over the top with a Tope’ on Anders. Anders maintains his balance, and guides Dead over his shoulders, over the railing and into the front row!

Anders slowly pulls Dead back over the rail, and rolls him into the ring. Anders follows Dead in, and goes to work on the neck. Anders starts off with a front chancery, locked in so tight that Dead can’t seem to escape. Dead maintains movement so the ref doesn’t check for a submission or TKO. After nearly over a minute in the hold, Dead’s movement has gotten him close enough to the ropes to force a break with his foot. Anders stays relentless, dropping several knees to the back of Dead’s neck. He pulls Dead back to the center of the ring, and looks to lock in a standing front chancery, but Dead lifts Anders for an inverted atomic drop. Anders pushes off, landing on his feet. Dead charges, but Anders moves and Dead connects with a shoulder to the ring post! Anders immediately lifts Dead up for a shoulder breaker over his knee!

Anders positions Dead in a for a Dragon Sleeper, but modifies it to lock in his other arm to Dead’s shoulder, separating both, putting Dead in a lot of pain. The ref asks, but Dead doesn’t even consider quitting. Anders locks it in tighter and tighter, but Dead doesn’t budge, leading to Anders repeatedly pounding on Dead’s check with forearms, then locking the move back in. Dead writhes in pain, but slowly builds back up to his feet. Dead turns to relieve the pressure, and gets into position to connect with a belly-to-back suplex! The move also takes a lot of Dead, and Anders pops right back up to his feet first and immediately hits a Harley Race knee that sends Dead down!

With Dead slow to get up, Anders starts to signal for The Business Side. The announcers, crowd, Sexy Female Journalists, Bloggers, and pretty much everyone but Dead knows what’s coming. Dead makes his to his feet, and Anders goes for the backhand. Dead proves he did know it was coming when he ducks, grabs Anders’s head and rolls him into an inside cradle...1...2...Denial reverses the move, and the referee counts again, 1....2...3!
WINNER in 12:23 – Anders Denial

THIM REYNOLDS vs. MATT FOLZ

The new bodyguard picks up a win

STANK vs. NAYR vs. ALEXANDER DARLING - OOWF Intercontinental Title Non-Title Three Way Dance

Music starts and a white strobe light begins to bounce through the arena. The first thing heard is ”There Can Be Only One.” That leads directly into ”Prelude 12/21.” The drum beat of “Prelude” hits and Darling takes a step onto the ramp. However, instead of waiting like normal, he just continues slowly plodding to the ring with a blank look in his eyes while “Princes of the Universe” starts to play. “The Bridge of Khazad Dum” fires up, and the masked midget Nayr makes his way down the ramp – doing some half-hearted hero pandering along the way. He doesn't seem like himself either. “Skin” is up next, and your OOWF Intercontinental Champion Stank appears and his pyro goes off. The crowd gives Stank a really nice hand as he makes his way to the ring, and just kind of looks around at the competition. They both seem...different, and Stank, as a result, doesn't know what to expect. Senior Referee Davis Hightower takes the Intercontinental Championship from Stank; but since this is a Non-Title Match, he simply hands it to the outside and calls for the bell...WE'RE UNDERWAY.

It's a really awkward square-off to start with. Darling doesn't look like himself at all; Nayr is kind of moping the in corner, and Stank doesn't know what to do. Suddenly, Darling AND Nayr both go after Stank and charge him. Nayr is landing some kicks and Darling is blasting Stank in the face before Stank can even get ready. Finally forced back to the ropes, Darling and Nayr hit a big Double Clothesline which sends the Big Man to the outside. Nayr turns to Darling to say...something. Bad idea. Darling crunches him in the face right a straight right hand. Nayr falls to the canvas like a sack of flour. Darling brutally starts to stomp away at the little man. In fact, he's not doing anything wrestling-related at all as he just slings Nayr into the corner and peppers him with left and right hands. “Bowling Shoe Ugly” some might call it, but it's damned effective, and Nayr appears to be out on his feet. He goozles Nayr with his own hand, and this might be over very quickly. DARLING DRIVER on Nayr! Darling robotically goes into the cover...1...2...NO! Stank dives in at the last second to break it up. Stank smartly goes right in to cover Nayr himself, which gets a 2-count, until Darling breaks that up.

Slowly, Stank and Darling roll to their feet and square off. The crowd takes notice as they start buzzing. Stank looks for a lock-up, but Darling instead drills Stank in the face, shooting him a cold, unapologetic look. The shot rocked him, but Stank comes up smiling and blasts Darling with a haymaker. He goes flying, but Darling doesn't look hurt, per se. Darling tries to come back with a Pele Kick, but Stank just shoves Darling's feet away. Darling is hurtled to the mat, and Stank is quick on the attack. He pulls Darling up and hits a STANKBOMB, sitting out on the 3rd powerbomb into a pin. 1...2...and Nayr hits a gorgeous Shining Wizard to break the count. Now it's Nayr trying to gain an advantage. Springboard Moonsault on Stank. Nayr's running around the ring like a maniac trying to put the pressure on, but Stank is to his knees anyway. Doesn't matter, because Nayr hits the ropes again and hits a DDT of Wind +3! That might do it! Cover...1...2...and Darling breaks up the count! Darling snarls and in one move picks up Nayr and hoists him on his shoulder. He gets a running start and then...LAWN DARTS HIM INTO THE CROWD!

Darling uncorks what looks to be a half-smile after that, just in time to get clubbed in the back of the head by Stank. Darling bounces off the ropes and Stank catches him, trying for a Release German Suplex. He gets it off, but Darling is able to somersault out of it, and it able to catch Stank with a Jumping Spin Kick as he turns around. Darling gets to the top rope and hits a Blockbuster on the still bent over Stank! He tries the cover, and that gets a long 2 count. He rolls Stank over, and kills him with a MOTHERFUCKING CURBSTOMP. He quickly climbs to the top rope and hits a PHOENIX SPLASH! Dark. Darling. Rising! The count is academic. 1...2...but somehow Nayr comes into the ring from the outside, hitting a 450 Splash on Darling! Nayr bounces off, but Darling gets up...PISSED! He GOOZELES Nayr and CHOKESLAMS OVER THE TOP ROPE! The midget is dead! Darling turns around, and WALKS INTO A STANK-U! Stank used up pretty much anything he had left for that, so they're both down. Hightower counts, and he gets to 5 before Stank is up. He goes over to Darling to pull him up, to put him away again, and looks to be trying for another Stank-U, but again, Nayr Springboards off the top rope and catches Stank with what looks to be a botched Hurricarana...oh wait...that's the Driver of a Thousand Truths! Nayr's got the cover! 1....2...and Darling goozles Nayr with his own hand again. He gets Nayr WAY up for a Devastating Darling Driver! Mercifully, this one is over.

YOUR WINNER in 11:42 by PINFALL...Alexander Darling!

TYTAN vs. SYB - OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title Match

SYB is in first, Tytan, the champ comes in after him. The rules for this match are simple, they have twenty minutes to fight, at the end of it, whoever holds the title, keeps the title. The bell rings and Tytan immediately charges across the ring after SYB, but SYB bails out of the ring and runs around ringside with Tytan in hot pursuit. SYB screams like a bitch when he thinks Tytan is about to catch him, but he doesn't realize that Tytan is not behind him, work smarter, not harder. Tytan is crouched by the apron waiting for SYB, when SYB rounds the corner, Tytan springs into action and SPEARS SYB, nearly cutting him in half! Tytan covers and the referee appears and makes the three count one, two, three - WINNER and STILL DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion - Tytan! 18:27 remains. Tytan pulls SYB to his feet and throws him over the railing into the crowd and follows him, but as he climbs over the rail, SYB gets to his feet, grabs a chair and SMACKS Tytan upside the head! SYB grabs him by the head and yells for an old woman to get out of her seat so he can smack Tytan's head on the chair. When she gets up, SYB grabs the LADY and hits Tytan with her! Tytan reels, and the lady screams at SYB, then grabs the chair herself and WAFFLES him upside the head with it! SYB falls to the floor and Tytan falls on him and covers, the referee appears one, two, three - WINNER and STILL DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion - Tytan! 15:03 remaining. Tytan is up again first and he pulls SYB to his knees and takes a few steps back and gets a running start and tries to kick SYB in the head, but SYB moves out of the way. As Tytan stops himself, SYB hits a REVERSE JERSEY TURNPIKE! (low blow from behind) and rolls Tytan up from behind, making sure to grab a handfull of tights, the referee appears and makes the count one, two, NO! Tytan kicks out at two! SYB is thunderstruck, he screams at the referee NO ONE EVER KICKS OUT OF A DDT COVER! I FUCKING HATE YOU! FUCK YOU AND FUCK THIS COUNTRY![/b] probably not a good idea to say that in the middle of the crowd of people, SYB gets picked up and body surfed around the ring, then tossed unceremoniously to the floor at ringside where he is pelted with garbage. SYB rolls into the ring and taunts the crowd, and never notices that Tytan is right there. He turns around and Tytan nearly removes his head from his body with a clothesline. Tytan falls on SYB again, once again the referee appears one, two, three - WINNER and STILL DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion - Tytan! 10:14 remains SYB crawls to the corner and uses the ropes to pull himself to his feet, Tytan charges into the corner but SYB side steps and Tytan SLAMS shoulder and head first into the ring post! He might have pulled a Goldberg there and knocked himself goofy! SYB grabs Tytan by the head and hits the MAZELTOV COCKTAIL! SYB covers and hooks the leg hard, the referee appears one, two, three - WINNER and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion - SYB - 8:42 remains SYB jumps up and down in celebration like he just knocked Apollo Creed out. Meanwhile, Tytan is back on his feet, he waits behind the celebrating SYB for a moment, then grabs him and DESTROYS him with a burning hammer! Tytan covers, the referee appears one, two, three - WINNER and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion - Tytan! - 7:26 remains Tytan scrapes SYB off the mat and shoves him into the corner and uses him as a punching bag, the crowd cheering each move. Finally he pulls SYB out and sends him to the ropes, and lowers his head a moment too soon, and SYB hits a DDT, but he doesn't cover for some reason. Instead he pulls Tytan to his feet, and grabs him for another Mazeltov Cocktail. When SY B gets to the corner, Tytan shoves him off and SYB FLIES off the ropes, clears the guardrail and heads for the crowd! Instead of catching him, they part like the red sea and SYB SLAMS into the concrete! Tytan stands in the middle of the ring soaking up the THAT WAS AWESOME clap clap clapclapclap chant. While he is doing that, Team Fuel is out from the back, Evans and Larson slide into the ring, spin Tytan around and POP him with matching superkicks to the jaw! Tytan is OUT! MEanwhile Firewoman goes into the crowd, grabs SYB and roughly pulls him to his feet and throws him over the railing. Evidently SYB either said something or tried to cop a feel because when Fire gets him at ringside, she gives him a FIRESTOMP then rolls his barely conscious ass back into the ring. Evans and Larson grab SYB and drag him onto the prone Tytan, a referee appears and makes the count one, two, three! - WINNER and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion - SYB! - 2:11 remains Team Fuel head to the back, content with their handy work. Inside the ring, both SYB and Tytan lie motionless as the clock runs down. Tytan finally stirs and gets to his feet, but he falls back into the corner. Ecosystem rushes to ringside and explains what happened, and Tytan finally clears his head. Tytan sees SYB getting up and hits another SPEAR, he covers, the referee appears one, two, thr.....DING DING DING! THE Twenty Minute Time Limit Has Expired!
WINNER in 20:00 by holding the title while the time ran out - SYB

SYB struggles to his feet and looks around, kind of confused. He sees Eco as the referee hands him the title, and Eco walks over to him to shake his hand, then POPS him with a superkick! SYB staggers back into Tytan who chokeslams him to the mat, then covers, the referee appears, then shrugs and hits the mat to count one, two, three! WINNER and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion - TYTAN
Tytan and Eco shake hands, and leave the ring together while the crowd pelts a barely conscious SYB with more junk.

TEAM FUEL vs. RUN DLP - OOWF Campeonas de Trios Title Match

Run DLP comes in to a big ovation, as the faciest face to ever be a face Davin Moreland runs around high fiving fans. FuEL is met with boos, though a camera scan of the audience shows many fans carrying signs in support of Firewoman upon her return. The referee announces that the as-yet-TBA stipulation is...that All Wrestlers Must Try Their Best. Aww.

Chris Evans starts the match against Lucios. Collar and elbow tie-up, BIG armdrag by the athletic big man Lucios to Evans, and another, and another. Evans pulls Lucios down from the fourth attempt into an armbar, but Lucios gets a rope break. Evans takes a hard right cheap shot to Lucios after the break. Lucios whipped into the ropes, backdrop by Chris Evans! Pinfall, 1-2-no. Evans pulls Lucios up into a vertical suplex but Lucios falls behind and pushes Evans into the turnbuckles. Schoolboy, kickout at 1. Chris Evans begins wailing on Lucios, whipped into the ropes, big crossbody by Lucios to Evans! Lucios rolls over to his corner and tags in Phantos. Clothesline by Phantos to Evans, a second one, Phantos picks up Evans for a spinebuster,but Evans reverses into a DDT! Evan hops up and quickly blind tags Firewoman, who comes in for a second--and stops short.

Phantos and Fire exchange a look. After a moment of hesitation, Phantos gestures for her to bring the fight, but Fire decides to tag out to Bryce Larson, who comes in and ties up with Phantos. Larson wih the sweep around bear hug, German Suplex into a pin, 1-2-no! Phantos takes Larson down with a headbutt to the chest followed by an STO! Phantos sets up for a dropkick, but Larson ducks, bounces off the ropes, flying shoulderblock to Phantos's head, knocking him off-balance. He stumbles over and tags in Davin, as Fire suddenly bounds up and down. "Me, me, me!" Larson tags in Fire, who is a House O'...well, Fire. She answers Davin's punches with a few of her own, and a tackle taking him to the ground as she wails on him. She begins choking him out on the ropes, inspiring Phantos to come in and pull her off. Before she can react, Larson comes in and clotheslines Phantos over the ropes! Lucios tackles Larson in the ring and throws Fire out through the ropes, but Evans runs in and dropkicks Lucios over the ropes just as Davin is rolling outside the ring himself. Evans bounds off the ropes, suicide dive onto Phantos! Lucios gets up and lands a boot to Evans's head, but Fire takes him down with a straight kick to the head. Davin tackles Fire off the barricade and throws her with a belly-to-back suplex, In the meantime, the referee has successfully pulled off his finisher, "Counting to 10"

WINNER in 6:42--DOUBLE COUNTOUT.

Evans drops Davin with a gut kick and powerslam to the mat. Phantos pulls Evans off and begins choking him out, but Larson yanks Phantos off and plants him with a DDT! Lucios tackles Larson down--but is suddenly met with a chair shot by Fire! Fire sets Davin up, another chair shot! She is choking Davin out with a chair as the audience boos--

--when suddenly, Matte appears through the audience and jumps with a plancha on Firewoman! Evans gets up to go after Matte, but is tackled from behind by Tytan! Ecosystem comes out from under the ring, singapore cane in hand, CRACK over the head of Larson! He swings at Fire--but she catches it and swings it back around to catch Matte in the face! Eco hauls back and nails Fire with a left hand. Surprisingly, she goes down--except this is less surprising when we see that both of Eco's hands are outfitted with brass knuckles. He continues swinging, knocking down Larson and busting open Evans! Run DLP slowly moves to the side, neither wanting to join in the attack nor assist Team FuEL. Team TEaM backs off themselves, walking over to where the referee is holding the Campeonas de Trios titles and taking them. They raise them above their heads as Eco grabs a microphone.

Eco: For the benefit of those with flash photography...please feel free to take a little snapshot of the future.

Tytan: It may be tomorrow, it may be a week, it may be a month...but these belts are ours.

Team FuEL is beginning to get up from their brass knuckles shots. Eco hands the belts back over and begins to leave with Matte--though Tytan clearly want to stay and fight. Eco and Matte grabs Tytan's arms and insistently pull him back out through the audience, even though Eco and Matte *technically* have their match next. Let's say there is a commercial break.

ECOSYSTEM vs. MATTE - OOWF Onslaught Championship Match

We get musical intros as both men make their way to the ring, but no formal introductions. Eco is in his corner, while Matte sits across the ring in his corner. The crowd buzzes in anticipation, and finally Michael Buffer makes his way to the ring and the mic drops dramatically from the ceiling.

Ladies and Gentlemen, our Onslaught Championship of the evening will begin in a moment. First , sitting in the blue corner, wearing ripped jeans and a Nirvana t-shirt, he stands six feet even and weighs in tonight at two hundred and twenty pounds, ladies and gentlemen, the challenger.....MAAAAAAAAAATE

and in the red corner, he is the current Onslaught Champion. He is wearing the black and blue pants with the "Why Not Nader" t-shirt. He stands six foot three, and weighs in tonight at two hundred and thirty four pounds, ladies and gentlemen, the OOWF Onslaught champion........ECO-SYYYYYYYYYYYYYYSTEM



The crowd cheers as Buffer leaves the ring. The crowd buzzes as the referee calls for the bell, WE ARE UNDERWAY!

Matte and Eco make their way to the middle of the ring and slowly circle, they finally lock up, Eco grabs an arm wringer, but Matte quickly reverses it, then locks Eco into a top wrist lock, driving Eco to his knees! Eco screams in pain and........taps out? He quits! The referee looks at him in astonishment! The fans are shocked! This one is over folks! The referee reluctantly hands Matte the Onslaught Championship!
WINNER in 1:10 - and NEW OOWF Onslaught Champion - Matte

Eco makes his way to his feet, and looks disappointed, then offers Matte his hand. Matte shakes it and the two share a quick embrace, and Eco raises Matte's arm in victory. This gets a confused crowd to cheer for both men. Tytan makes it to the ring and joins them, and Team TeAM gets a nice, albeit surprising, response from the crowd. They pulled a fast one, and the people ate it up.

KZ vs. OUTBACK JACK & DH MAGNUSSON vs. THE CHICKENSHIT HEELS - OOWF World Tag Team Title Match

The Chickenshit Heels are out first, trading insults with the fans and talking trash about their opponents on their way to the ring. They continue to jaw as Outback Jack and D.H. Magnusson enter the arena, but OBJ is in Back of Beyond Jack mode and D.H. is, well, D.H., so the Heels bail to the floor when they hit the ring. OBJ and DHM ignore the Heels and glare up the aisle as kz walk onto the stage with the OOWF Tag Team Titles over their shoulders and pushing a wheelchair. In it is...a stuffed alligator in a neck brace. That's just wrong.

OBJ dives out of the ring and sprints up the aisle. Williams grabs his belt, but OBJ slams into him before he can swing. OBJ drives Williams to the floor and starts bouncing his head off the steel. Moose kicks him off, but DHM tackles him to the stage and starts throwing punches. Williams rolls to his feet and lunges at OBJ, who sidesteps, slams a knee into Williams' gut, and drops him with a DDT. Williams gets to his hands and knees, and OBJ kicks him in the stomach, sending him rolling down the aisle. OBJ drags Williams to his feet and sends him into the ringpost, but Williams blocks and mule-kicks OBJ low, then stuffs him into the ring. Referee Angelo Barros figures two guys in the ring is close enough and calls for the bell.

Williams stomps on OBJ, then pulls him up and shoves him into the corner. A series of chops is followed by an Irish whip. OBJ reverses and slams Williams into the corner sternum-first.
Belly-to-back suplex connects, and OBJ goes to the ropes as Williams gets up and levels him with the Boomerang. OBJ looks for a cover, but Johnny Adrenaline pitches him to the outside as Attitude Adjuster covers Williams. Barros counts One...Two...Thr-Williams rolls a shoulder just in time. AA argues with Barros, allowing Williams to get to his feet. Johnny chop blocks him, sending Williams back to the mat, and AA dives on him for the cover, this time getting two.

The CSH lift Williams for a tandem suplex, but OBJ is in with a double clothesline that levels them and drops Williams on his head. The CSH bail to the floor and OBJ kicks Williams onto his stomach and grabs his legs. He locks on the STF! Barros asks Williams about quitting, and his response is yet another reason why this show isn't PG-13. OBJ's eyes roll back in his head and he cinches the hold in tighter. Williams looks to be about to pass out when Moose manages to dive into the ring and nail OBJ in the back of the head with a forearm. He tries to follow up, but DHM hooks his leg and drags him back to the floor.

The CSH see another opportunity for an easy win and Johnny slides into the ring. AA starts to follow, but is distracted by a ringside fan in a hoodie commenting on his mother and army boots. AA responds that the fan is probably looking for Williams, but strays to close to the railing and eats a forearm. Johnny leans on the ropes and yells at the fan, and another, smaller, fan in a hoodie hops the railing, leaps onto the apron, and kicks him square in the face. Johnny goes down, and the fan drags him to the floor. His hood falls in the process – it's Phantos! The other fan drops his hood as well, revealing Lucios. He slams AA's face into the railing and climbs to ringside. Barros seems to have forgotten the Heels are in this match, and doesn't see any of this.

Moose and DHM, meanwhile, are brawling around ringside, hitting each other with pretty much anything that isn't nailed down. DHM drives a knee into Moose's gut and grabs a front facelock, then hits a reverse neckbreaker. He gets to his feet as OBJ sends Williams to the ropes and Williams dives through them and drives DHM into the barrier. Williams barely has time to get to his feet before OBJ hits the same move and slams him into the railing.
With four men down on one side of the ring, Barros remembers the Heels and looks around, seeing them brawling up the aisle with Phantos and Lucios. He turns back to the other combatants and sees all four swinging chairs. He shakes his head and calls for the bell.
NO CONTEST, in 13:47. kz retain the OOWF Tag Team Championships.

After the match: P&L and the CSH brawl through the curtain to the back as kz and OBJ & DHM continue to fight at ringside. Williams levels OBJ with a chair shot, and kz focus on DHM, disarming him and taking him down with a tandem suplex. Williams pulls up the ringside mats, then hops onto the apron as Moose grabs OBJ. They're going for a Spike Piledriver on the concrete! DHM slams into Moose before he can get OBJ up. Williams dives onto the pile, and the brawl continues until security and a large portion of the locker room flood ringside to break it up and drag them to the back.

POE vs. CONCRETE TG - OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match

“With Jupiter In Mind” fires up and Concrete Takaken Gryfon makes his entrance. He is not accompanied by Nayr, which is odd, since a second would be a good idea against the World Champion. Speaking of which, “Mauseum and Escape” begins and Poe walks down to the ring, a bandage around his neck to protect his throat. Both combatants meet in the center of the ring, and the referee shows the belt to both of them, and to the crowd, as required by wrestling law.

The bell rings and a stare down begins. The crowd begins to chant Crete’s name, which draws a smile from Crete and strangely one from Poe. Once the crowd reaches a fever pitch, it begins. Both men lock up, and exchange the traditional opening moves of wristlocks, arm-twists, and shoulder slaps. Crete throws Poe into the corner, and follows in for a splash. He follows up the splash with a (Woooooo) few (Woooooo) good (Woooooo) chops (Woooooo). He winds up a final big chop, but it’s caught by Poe. Poe pushes Crete backwards, yanks his arm behind him in a hammer lock. With a single leg take down, he gets CTG onto the mat. In a flash he has CTG in the Desert Scorpion and waists no time cranking it to maximum. He’s obviously hoping to be done with this early, maybe Selena’s curfew is earlier in Sri Lanka than in the States. But CTG makes a valiant stretch for the ropes, and gets them. Poe is forced to break the hold. Crete lays on his face, recovering and Poe puts the boots to him. CTG finally rolls outside the ropes and Poe steps back. CTG pulls himself up by the ropes, and lets the cheers of his geeky fans inspire him. CTG goes up top and leaps, hitting a cross body that knocks Poe over backward. The referee counts one…two…. Poe’s shoulder is up barely before the ‘two’ ends. But CTG doesn’t let up. He drives Poe back with punches, and gets him on the ropes. The referee breaks it up, but CTG moves in immediately when the ref steps back. He grabs Poe by the throat. Yes, the very throat that was so nearly sliced open just a few days ago. Poe struggles to remove the grip, and the look in his eyes shows the pain is excruciating. CTG delays a bit, and then CHOKESLAM! Poe grabs his throat in pain, and a little bit of blood is seeping through the wrappings. Crete puts the boots to Poe, Garvin stomping all the way around. Crete runs the ropes then, and leg drops right onto Poe’s neck. Poe rolls into a ball, and Crete sees that he has his opportunity, so he rolls him back and makes the pin. The referee counts one, two…..but not three, as Poe just does kick out.

Crete appears a bit irritated but goes back to Poe, pulling him up and rocking him with an uppercut. That's followed up by a nice High-Angle Dropkick. Poe ends up on his knees. SHINING WIZARD from Crete and he's right into the cover...1...2...no. Crete's had about enough of this kicking out stuff; so he pulls a loopy Poe up...and locks in the SCAFFOLD! Right in the middle of the ring! The champ is in huge trouble! Selena is banshee screaming from the outside, and the Sri Lankan crowd rises to their feet in anticipation. Their hero, Concrete Takaken Gryfon, is poised once again to be World Champion! Poe is fading....fading...and it looks like he's going to tap! Suddenly the camera spots a commotion outside the ring. Someone's running to the ring. Who the hell is that? Is that...SLEAR VB Man? Whoever it is hops up on the apron, and starts yelling at Crete. Crete, knowing the championship is close, lets go of the hold in order to prevent any sort of DQ. Crete starts talking back, mainly “Who Are You?” This goes on for a little bit, but the crowd starts buzzing once again. Crete, sensing something, turns around in time to EAT A HIEROGLYPH! The force of the kick sends Crete into the ropes, and into SLEAR VB Man, who ends up crashing into the barrier. Poe tries to shake the cobwebs out and drops to a knee. Crete has crumpled to the mat, apparently unconscious. Poe recovers and pulls what's left of Crete to his feet. Poe gets Crete up for The Crucifixion...AND HITS IT! Great effort by Crete, but the Champ retains thanks to SLEAR VB Man.

YOUR WINNER by PINFALL in 12:42...Poe!

to check out the Judgment Eve IV PPV. Live! August 30th from Tokyo, Japan! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem, Live! August 5th from Nagasaki, Japan![/b]

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