<Moose and LD are sitting in Poe’s Suite watching OOWFtv>
LDW: Dammit, I would like nothing more than to take out Tytan while Eco is away, we have some unfinished business with him anyway.
MHJ: True, but Eco stacked the deck in his favor pretty well.
LDW: Come on, we could take out all THAT garbage, video game characters?
MHJ: And Ron Jeremy, do you really want to touch him?
LDW: Good point
MHJ: Beside, there is something to Eco’s mantra “work smarter, not harder”
LDW: What? You are giving that tool credit?
MHJ: I’m just saying. We COULD run in there head first and attack everyone, or……..
LDW: Or?
MHJ: Come with me, I have an idea
<Moose and LD walk through the halls and finally come to the IHOP locker room, inside the room they hear loud music, and cursing, clearly they are playing Rock Band>
Skurge: Dammit eh? I thought you were good at this?
SYB: Shut it fucko, how many times are we going to play this song?
Skurge: It’s practically Canada’s national anthem, eh?
SYB: Yes, but I don’t want to hear Tom Sawyer again!
<Moose and LD walk in, Skurge eyes them warily, SYB jumps up and probably shits himself, LD stands at attention along with Skurge as the end of Tom Sawyer plays>
MHJ: What are you doing?
LDW: Soorry, habit
MHJ: Soorry? Never mind
SYB: What the fuck do you want? You wanna fight? Cause I’ll fight you right now! I ain’t your kid and I ain’t easy, I’ll fight you right now!
MHJ: Calm down killer, we are not here to cause trouble
Sku: Then what do you want?
LDW: Got a little message for SYB here from Tytan
Sku: You talked to Tytan?
LDW: Well no, but word gets around
MHJ: He says SYB here is too chickenshit to come after that DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title
SYB: Yeah? So?
LDW: Says you got no balls
SYB: And?
MHJ: He said Bill Conti sucks
SYB: WHAT? LET ME AT HIM! I’LL FUCKING KILL HIM!
Sku: Woah woah woah, calm down kemosabe. Have you seen the promos for today?
SYB: Promos?
Sku: You know, the things we used to write?
SYB: Oh yeah! No. No I have not.
Sku: Well, evidently Eco left and left Tytan with a shitload of backup in the form of video game characters
SYB: How does that make ANY sense?
Sku: We ARE in Japan…..
SYB: True
LDW: Look, we probably shouldn’t have brought this up, I mean, clearly YOU are not the right guy to defend Bill Conti’s honor, c’mon Moose, we should just go
SYB: FUCK THAT! I WILL SKIN THAT BASTARD ALIVE I WILL…..
Sku: You will get your ass handed to you…….again
MHJ: Maybe not
Sku: I don’t see how. I mean look at him….he has no muscles, he can’t win a fight
SYB: Gee thanks
MHJ: True, he is pretty pathetic
SYB: Yeah that’s kind of enough
LDW: I mean, no one would pick HIM in a fight, unless his nose was a weapon, eh?
<Skurge and LD share a high five>
SYB: ENOUGH! FUCK BOTH OF YOU!
MHJ: Look, its real simple, they are video game characters, right?
SYB: Yeah
MHJ: So, all it should take is a video game character to beat them, right?
Sku: Yeah but who……..
LDW: Who is the most dominant video game character you know of?
<just then the light bulb goes on for SYB>
SYB: YEAH! You’re right! Let me make a call……..
<time passes again, and we see SYB in the hallway. The camera pans around and we see all the minions Eco lined up waiting in the hallway, at the end of the hallway Tytan is standing with the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title over his shoulder>
SYB: THAT TITLE IS MINE ROID MONKEY!
Tytan: If you can make it here, I will BREAK you!
SYB: Oh, I will make it there alright, but I am not doing all that work, work smarter, not harder, right?
Tytan: Then who……
SYB: TECMO BOWL BO JACKSON!
SYB: GET HIM BO!
<Bo takes off down the hall, the first person to jump out is Mario…
…Bo hits him and that is the end of Mario…
…Next in line is Luigi…
…but Luigi is not that brave, never has been, he cowers away….
… and Bo rushes right past him. Peach flies into the scene, ready to stop Bo…..
…But Bo stops on a dime, because he is awesome, and flexes for Peach, she is very impressed, and quite taken…..
….while she is blushing, Bo runs right past her and continues down the hall, Toad jumps out in front of Bo….
…..but Bo doesn’t even slow down, he steamrolls over Toad, and sends him flying….
…..Bo picks up steam and heads for his next victim, Brick Mario, Brick Mario stands defiantly in the hall…..
….but Bo Knows Collisions, he puts it into another gear and hits Brick Mario full force, all that remains is……
…Bo keeps down the hall and Bowser steps out, breathing fire and roaring with rage….
…..Bo stops for a moment and times the fire breathing Bowser, then snarls, lowers his head and charges. The collision is mighty, but nothing can stop Tecmo Bo Jackson, all that remains of Bowser is his shell….
….Rest in Peace Bowser, but you should have known better than to fuck with Tecmo Bo Jackson. Next is Ron Jeremy Mario…..
….but he doesn’t even notice Tecmo Bo Jackson running by because he is copping a feel on Yumi Sugimoto…..
…so Bo keeps on going and Dumb Ass Frat Boy Mario steps in front of Bo…..
DAFBM: Whoah broski, why with all the violence? Chillax and have a good time dudeski
….Bo does not approve. He stops, and grabs a conveniently placed bottle of Goldschlager and tosses it to Dumb Ass Frat Boy Mario, he immediately downs it, and staggers away….
…Bo continues his rampage and Wario and Waluigi are next….
,
….they survey the situation and quickly decide that they are simply not getting paid enough for this and run away….
…Immobile Fat American Mario tries to waddle into the hall, gasping and wheezing the whole way…..
…..but about halfway there, he grabs his chest and evidently suffers a massive heart attack and dies. He falls over and his character floats up into the sky, replaced in the hall with….
….WWE superstar Yoshitatsu is up next…..
….but he sees the deranged look and power of Tecmo Bo Jackson and he screams…..
….and runs away. Will no one try to stop Tecmo Bo Jackson? Yoshi is sitting in the hall….
….you would think he would try to stop Tecmo Bo Jackson, but he is too preoccupied drawing emo pictures…
…he must be the Nintendo equivalent of Alexander Darling. Tecmo Bo Jackson has no time for feelings, only pain, so he runs right by Yoshi, then also passes up the love child of Yoshi and Yoshitatsu….
…because that’s just too damn weird for words. Next up, the menacing figure of Donkey Kong appears….
…Bo Jackson actually stops for a moment to gather himself, when Early and Rusty Cuyler and the Sheriff appear….
,
,
Sheriff: Howdy, y'all. Look who I just found here in this hall
Earlie Cuyler: Whup his ass.
Rusty: Uh, Look at that, boy.
Sheriff: Look at what?
Rusty: Uh, I don't know.
Earlie Cuyler: Look at this, right chere! [points to Donkey Kong]
Sheriff: Damn...I think we are pissing him off
Rusty: Oh, Lord, I'm sorry, Sheriff. That was an accident.
Earlie Cuyler: Accident? Boy!
Rusty: I mean accident time on you. You fall on my fist, your face hurt! Accident to you, boy!
Earlie Cuyler: That's what I'm talkin' about. Hell, yeah! Come on now, turn it on son. Turn it on.
Rusty: Turn it on son. Turn it on!
Earlie Cuyler: No, no, no, It's already on. Okay, you got to tell him it's on!
Rusty: It is on... boy.
Earlie Cuyler: Follow with a simile. Come on.
Rusty: It's on like... uh
Earlie Cuyler: What's it on like? Preferably a rhyme.
Rusty: It's on like, like Michelle Kwan!
Earlie Cuyler: ...Oh, son.
Rusty: I'll do a tripe-axle lutz on your zambonied ice.
Sheriff: Rusty, It's on like Red Dawn or Charles Bron-son. Or hell, I'd even have accepted the movie "Tron". But Michelle Kwan? Please.
Rusty: She made sacrifices to get where she is!
Earlie Cuyler: Damn it! How many times have we watched Road House this weekend? How many times, Rusty? How damn many?
Rusty: Four?
Earlie Cuyler: Damn, that's a lot.
….Donkey Kong gets tired of this exchange and sets about ripping Early, Rusty and Sheriff to pieces, Tecmo Bo Jackson keeps on running and comes to STREET FIGHTER MARIO!.....
….Tecmo Bo Jackson stops again. SYB is screaming encouragement to him. Street Fighter Mario drops the mushroom he is holding, and pulls an ENERGY STAR out of his pocket…..
…this looks bad for Tecmo Bo Jackson and SYB, if Street Fighter Mario drinks the contents of that star, he will be even more unstoppable than Tecmo Bo Jackson! Street Fighter Mario slowly opens the top of the star and BEAST POPS OUT! OH MY GOD!!! BEAST AND STREET FIGHTER MARIO CRASH THROUGH THE WALLS AND BRAWL THROUGH THE ARENA!!!!! Tecmo Bo Jackson shrugs his shoulders and looks at the next victim, Batman….
…..but Tecmo Bo Jackson was so annoyed by Christian Bale’s voice, and how the fact that Joker was SO MUCH more awesome than Batman in the movie, that he goes into his own Beast Mode and eviscerates Baleman and leaves him lying in a pool of his own blood….
….Birdo sees this….
….and inexplicably splits into three…..things…..
…and runs off to be with Ron Jeremy Mario and Yumi Sugimoto, creating a full on orgy, but since this is a family show, we can’t show that, instead we show Zombie Mario…..
….feasting on the brains of the Hot Mario Girls…..
….with Phil. Bo Jackson shrugs and looks ahead down the hall, the last line of defense is Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo, Super Mario Brothers.
...Somewhere deep in the recesses of his mind, Tecmo Bo Jackson remembers wasting his hard earned money on that movie. Tecmo Bo Jackson picks up a Golden Raspberry Award……
….and beats Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo to death…..and there was much rejoicing. Finally! Tecmo Bo Jackson is at the end of the hallway, he slams into Tytan, sending him into the wall…..
….SYB comes running down the hall and covers Tytan, a referee appears out of nowhere and counts…..
ONE….TWO…..NO! Tytan kicks out at two!…..Tytan gets to his feet and lifts SYB by the throat and SLAMS him against the wall, then throws him through the hole in the wall left by Beast and Street Fighter Mario. As Tytan turns around, Moosehead Jack is right there, he SLAMS Tytan in the face with a barbed wire bat, sending him to the floor, LD Williams grabs the big man and hits a CANADIAN DESTROYER! Tytan’s neck could be broken! They take turns beating Tytan with the barbed wire bat until he is a bloody, unconscious mess. They finally stop and head back down the hall>
LDW: That was a whole lot of set up for a pretty basic beat down
MHJ: Hey, it’s OOWF awards time soon
LDW: Gotcha
<end>