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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:11:17 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem! Live From Val-des-Bois, Quebec
OOWF Wrold Heavyweight Title Match [/u] Niles Anderson vs. Chris Alt
OOWF Intercontinental Title Match [/u] Blackdragon vs. Semaj B.
OOWF Onslaught Championship Match [/u] Capellan vs. Uncle Entity
Steel Cage Match [/u] Microplay vs. Canadian Dragon
Mooseheadjack & Concrete TG vs. 3Piece Set Johnny Adrenaline vs. LD Williams Beast vs. Hardbody Harris Firechild vs. Seraph Donovan Viper vs. Mark Vander Tommy O’Neil vs. Tommy Wilder Outback Jack & GatorBait vs. FF Capslock & Stank UnderDawg vs. Mikey Styner Endo & Mercury vs. Morte & SoulDragon Harper Camby vs. JW Westgaard Thim Reynolds vs. GimmickMan Eric O’Mac vs. Attitude Adjuster vs. Mr. Jealous Corax vs. Dr. Murder
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:11:54 GMT -5
Camera opens, to see Firechild sitting, alone, desolate in the locker room, his prized acoustic guitar dangling from his fingertips.
"Come down to my level, and share this cold with me, the space once full heavy, with loss now lies empty"
Images spin across the screen of Firechild's rise in the OOWF, from his early losing strek as a face, to his run through the Onslaught tournament, pictures of his cameraderie with Ax & Cole, gleefully holding the Onslaught title.
"*Come down to my heaven, and share this warmth with me, we'll wait here together and lick our wounds better"
Images of the glory and success and transient popularity, Cindy etc.
Capellan holding the Onslaught title, Firechild screaming in pain.
then Seraph.
"I tried to run but I got stung, a thousand times rolled in to one, the ache still burns with every word, I broke to find the trust again. Ill take the sting and close the door, on everything that I became. I close my eyes to see your face, it holds me up you knock me down."
Seraph.
"You knock me down."
Seraph
"You knock me down."
Firechild looks up, weeping, and addresses the camera directly.
"Are you happy Seraph? You have tried to take everything from me, my friends, my success, the very essense of who I now am. And why? In the name of some twisted morality, some overwhelming pride in your own righteousness, even jealously?"
He stands, placing the guitar to one side.
"You suceeded in taking my title from me. You suceeded in turning Ax & Cole from me, for my brothers no longer trust or rely on me."
"You shall not suceed in returning me to the callow and haunted man I was. You play games, with chess pieces and badges, you think you are doing right. But you do not know what it is to burn....."
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:12:22 GMT -5
(Uncle Entity and Jesse Garon are watching Capellen's PPV Victory on the monitor)
UE: That KID won the Onslaught title. Can you believe that shit? I did not spend seven years in the Georgia indies just to come here and get showed up by a damn rookie who got the long end of the stick by sticking his nose in someone else's feud and walking away with a strap!
Jesse Garon: (In Elvish) Check it out my man. That kid hasn't even been properly HAZED yet. And now he's got gold.
UE: Well, we can fix that real quick.
(Uncle Entity walks over to the bathroom and poops in a ziploc bag, then he finds Capellen's gym bag and tosses the dookie in)
UE: Baaaahahahahahahahaha!
JG: Ah damn, I thought you were going to stick your finger up his ass in the shower!
UE: No way brother, that's gay.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:12:43 GMT -5
FF Capslock walks into his and Stank's locker room when he bumps into Wally.
FFC - Excuse m.. Wally? What the hell are you doing here.
WBK - I was just leaving.
Wally walks out. FF Capslock eyes Stank looking at a brochure.
FFC - What was Wally doing here?
Stank - Have you seen the stuff they do at these Stress Reduction Seminars?
FFC - I've heard. What are you doing talking to that guy? Don't you know we have a match against his running buddies coming up?
Stank - Well... This is supposed to be a cooling off period before we regain our titles. I figure what better way to cool off than...
FFC - I get it, but we need to focus. We've had some balls out battles with Outback Jack & Gatorbait and after that hellacious triple cage flaming tables match with Moosey and Geek, I think the Aussies will be in a bad mood.
Stank - So?
FFC - So? SO? So they've BEATEN us before.
Stank - AND we've beaten them.
FFC - I'm just saying. I don't think now is the time to be focusing on women.
Stank - Look at this brochure.
FFC - I KNOW! I've sampled the goods.
Stank - You've been to one of these before?
FFC - It was a long time ago... in Thailand. I think... Number 5 was involved.
Stank - HuuuH! YOU bumped UGLIES WITH SFJ#5!?
FFC -Well... I'm not sure exactly... the girl I was with was wearing a mask at the time an...
Stank storms off.
FFC - Stank! Stank C'mon buddy. It was a long time ago. It was before I knew you! C'mon man! Stank!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:13:07 GMT -5
Capellan discovers the 'present' that's been left in his bag.
"Dude." he wrinkles his nose, "It's one thing to let Ric Flair wander around the place ... the man's a legend, and he makes some damn good sandwiches ... but who the hecks decided to let Randy Orton in here?"
"Do you think it was Firechild?" Wilder asks, as Capellan carefully disposes of the item in question.
"Nah." Capellan shakes his head, "Firechild's got his head so far up his ass there ain't anything coming out of there."
"Seraph?"
"Nah. He'd have spelt out some cryptic warning with it, if it was him."
"Devil's Brigade?"
"More likely to try and beat the shit out of us than to stick theirs in my bag."
JW nods,
"Guess that leaves Entity."
"Guess it does." Capellan agrees, "But only until Wednesday."
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:13:29 GMT -5
wCw are in their locker room, talking about the defiling of their personal property when The Devil's Brigade and Donovan Viper come attacking! Because of the blindside and the use of Viper's chain, it appears that they are getting the upper hand when Underdawg runs in, delivering haymakers to Viper! wCw is able to fend off the other two Brigadeers as they retreat.
Capellan looks up at Underdawg.
C: Thanks. Man, I hate those guys.
UD: As do I. Congratulations, by the way, on winning the Onslaught championship.
C: Thanks again. This is the first time I've ever been a champion.
UD: Just make sure you watch your back. The men here will do wicked things to get a piece of that gold.
Underdawg walks off as Capellan looks on.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:14:13 GMT -5
[Johnny Adrenaline storms into the Rick's office, where our General Manager is busy typing at his computer.]
JA: You've got some explaining to do, mister!
The Rick: [talking to self as he types] Love... Rick. [turns to Johnny] Adrenaline, this better be good.
JA: Hello, the stipulation written into the PPV match was that the winner of the fall got a title match this week. And...? Well..?
The Rick: Well, the unwritten stipulation was that you had to EARN the fall. Let's see, Soul Dragon cracked Black Dragon with a chair, L.D. Williams locked on the STF and made Black Dragon pass out, you sell out your partner and steal the pin. Now please explain to me Johnny... how did you EARN anything?
JA: Oh, so being smarter than everyone is a crime? Is that how it is?
The Rick: You're in here bitching about not getting what you want. If you were so damn smart, you'd have what you want.
JA: I want my Intercotinental Title.
The Rick: Fair enough, Johnny. You won the match, you've got a title match.
JA: Good, I'll beat him tonight.
The Rick: Well, not tonight. Sometime in the near future.
JA: What do you have against me, man? You screwed me out of the title to begin with. Now you're screwing me out of a title match, a match that I EARNED on Sunday.
The Rick: Johnny, go find a driving range and take your anger out on a bucket of balls or something. I've got work to do. Now be gone...
JA: Whatever...
[Johnny storms out of the GM's office and runs right into Donnie Viper.]
DV: Whoa, Johnny. Chill out, man.
JA: I hate that son of a bitch.
DV: Screwing you over, too, huh?
JA: It's what that little prick does best.
DV: Sounds like we have something in common. I'll see ya around, man.
[Viper keeps walking and Johnny walks down the hall in the other direction, passing catering, where he sees Attitude Adjuster and Ric Flair in a heated discussion with the young man ptting together the sandwiches.]
RF: I WANT PICKLES ON THAT, FAT BOY!
AA: Yeah, and black olives and peppers on mine. But not too many, they give me heartburn.
JA: Give me ham and turkey on white bread.
AA: Whoa, Johnny. Go find your own buffet. Me and Naitch rented this table out.
RF: ALL YOU CAN EAT! WHOOOOO!!
[Johnny slithers away as Flair and AA enjoy their sandwiches.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:14:35 GMT -5
SFJ#5 - Mr. Jealous, why are you so jealous?
MrJ - Why am I jealous? Why you ask? I'll tell you why. For starters...
Suddenly Stank storms onto the scene.
Stank - Get lost Mr. J! Number 5 and I need to talk!
Mr.J - Hey! This is my first interview. Can't this wait? What do you need to talk about that's so damn important!
Stank gets in Mr Jealous's face
Stank - About ME putting MY BOOT up your ASS if you don't get ta steppin, chumpstain!
Mr. Jealous considers this for a moment then leaves, glaring.
SFJ#5 - You want to talk to me NOW? I keep getting mixed signals from you, Lucas. What's this about?
Stank - C'mere.
Stank walks SFJ#5 slightly off camera. SFJ#5 lowers her mic and they turn their backs to the camera. Stank starts gesticulating broadly, clearly pissed. SFJ#5 looks pleadingly into Stank's eyes. She starts gesturing broadly and apparently says something really funny as Stank starts to laugh... and laugh... and laugh.
Stank - Ha ha really? It's like that?
SFJ#5 - Yes, but it's nice to know you care.
Stank (suddenly somber) - Uh No. I don't care per se. It's just you know. It's not cool for tag team partners to... you know... share... that kind of history.
SFJ#5 - Whatever Stank... You like me.
Stank - Do NOT!
FF Capslock walks over
FFC - Uh... Hey guys.
Stank takes one look at FFC and BUSTS out laughing.
FFC - What's so fuckin funny.
Stank - Ha! C'mon partner let's go talk about our match.
camera fades
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:14:59 GMT -5
*Camera shows a monitor playing a clip of Microplay bcausing the DQ in the world title match. The clip continues to loop as we hear Canadian Dragon's voice.*
CD: "It's funny how things work out. See Microplay...you have no desire or passion other then the OOWF title...yet instead of challenging either me or Niles, you break up the match. I know why...I know how you want to be the first ever 2-time OOWF champion. But that's just not going to happen."
*Camera cuts quickly to a closeup of Dragon's face.*
CD: "One more time Micro...one more time I will kick you ass. Then it's over...it's done. And once I'm done with you, I will get a rematch for the OOWF title...I will win the OOWF title for a 2nd time...this Dragon WILL NOT be stopped...this Dragon will not be slayed!!!"
*Camera fades to black.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:19:07 GMT -5
*Wally enters the TFDU locker room*
WBK: I was thinking, maybe I should come out with a "ho train" this week. Or would that be too derivative?
OBJ: Up to you, cousin.
GG: Yeah, your call. Want a sandwich?
WBK: You didn't take sandwiches from Flair?
OBJ: But Wally, they're paninis. With chutney relish!
WBK: Oh, well, I could try one. I have been so busy working I haven't had time to eat. My job can be challenging.
GB: Hey, Wally! Change that last thing you said around a little and it might make a good catch phrase.
WBK: I guess so. Anyways, I'm glad you're not obsessing about American Elk or Male Deer.
OBJ: Heh, that would be dumb.
WBK: Glad you realized that.
OBJ: Obviously, the only ones who should be worried about them are 3 Piece Set. Unless maybe Duck is a friend of Capslock.
GB: Never thought of that. Hey Wally, can you check that out?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:19:31 GMT -5
<We see Johnny carrying his golf clubs to his car, GM the Rick catches up with him>
GMtR: Johnny, wait a minute, I need to have a word with you
JA: What? What do you want now.
GMtR: Look toolbox, it's not like I like talking to you either, but I thought about it and you deserve more of an explanation about the title match next week.
JA: Of course I do, I'm listening.
GMtR: <looking a little annoyed> Look, there were some special circumstances that have come up and your match had to be moved.
JA: Special circumstances? No one is more special than I am! This is bull, you have it out for me, you screwed me out of my title match, you screwed me out of my title, you screwed me out of becoming the GREATEST Intercontinental champion of all time. I DEMAND <poking GMtR in the chest> I DEMAND you give me the shot next week, I earned it!
GMtR: Yes Johnny you ARE Special, but you didn't earn anything. You are not getting the shot next week, and if you put your hands on me again, douchebag, you REALLY won't like what happens, don't push me, just walk away.
JA: Or what? <Johnny Shoves GMtR again> You gonna fine me again? I got plenty of money. You gonna suspend me? I could use the vacation, I would STILL be the number one contender when I come back. What is it you think you could POSSIBLY do?
GMtR: you wanna know, fine, next week, in your match against LD Williams, your title shot is on the line, Williams beats you and he gets the title shot, you got NOTHING.
JA: <staring incrediously> YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! OH I DON'T FU**ING THINK SO! I'M GONNA... <Johnny turns around and goes back to the car and grabs a golf club. When he turns back around GM the Rick is gone and LD Williams is standing there instead>
LDW: You're gonna what?
JA: Oh, hey LD, um how long have you been there? <backing away> Hey, no problem, you're not still mad about that little match, me and you, next week, I got your back, you know that, um, oohh look at the time, tee time in a half an hour, I gotta run
<Johnny gets into his car and speeds off leaving LD Williams standing there glaring>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:20:00 GMT -5
<We cut to the back where Tough Questions Todd Grisham is sitting down with Moosehead Jack>
TQTG: Moose, thanks for taking time to sit down with us today, after your hellacious match with Jack and Gator how are you feeling today? MHJ: Sore TQTG: That’s all? MHJ: What else do you want? I fell off the top of a damn cage, how do you think I would feel? Ask Jack and Gator, and Concrete how they feel, we hurt, but I would do it again in a second. TQTG: What is your opinion of Jack and Gator? MHJ: They are tough. There are not many guys I respect in the OOWF, Jack and Gator are two that I do respect though. TQTG: Anyone else you respect? MHJ: Well, LD Williams, that guy is tough as hell, and I respect him as much as any guy in the back, Concrete has earned my respect, even though he is a flake, UnderDawg is pretty tough. There are some, but not many. TQTG: I noticed Johnny Adrenaline and Niles Anderson were not on your list. MHJ: Well Johnny wasn’t there for a reason, me and Johnny are cool, for now, but the guy has no courage whatsoever, he just made the biggest mistake of his life turning his back on Williams. TQTG: Do you think Johnny can beat LD Williams? MHJ: No. TQTG: You also left Niles Anderson, the OOWF World Champion off the list, why? MHJ: Look, you are not going to stir trouble between me and Niles, Niles and I are cool, let’s just leave it at that. TQTG: If Niles offered you a title match, would you take it? MHJ: Right now I am teaming with Concrete, winning the tag team titles is my main focus, I can’t worry about what won’t happen. TQTG: SO you don’t think Niles will offer you a title shot? MHJ: Why would he? He has enough on his plate right now, he has Alt and Harris chasing his title, he has enough to worry about, he doesn’t need me in the mix. TQTG: Do you plan on going after the world title one day? MHJ: Yeah, at some point, I would like to hold the title, and I know I could win it, but right now, like I said, the tag titles are my goal. TQTG: Fair enough, so let’s talk about Concrete. MHJ: What about him? TQTG: Well it seems he has gotten you to soften your violent tendencies, are we seeing a softer gentler Moosehead Jack? MHJ: What kind of stupid question is that? I’ll explain this so even you can understand, when you are in a team, sometimes you have to change your style a little so it works with your partner. To start instead of trying to work together, me and Concrete didn’t trust each other and we butted heads on how we should approach matches. TQTG: What has changed? MHJ: We decided to play on our strengths, and it is working so far. TQTG: Does Concrete trust you? MHJ: You’d have to ask him. TQTG: Do you trust Concrete? MHJ: I don’t trust anyone, but I also know Concrete can’t touch me, so I can let my guard down around him, at least a little bit. TQTG: Everyone knows that you and Concrete are obligated to team through October 25th, then you are free to go your separate ways, what happens then? MHJ: I don’t know. If we are close to the titles, we might keep teaming, if we had a run, or it is obvious we aren’t going to get them, then we will probably go our separate ways. TQTG: Do you consider your feud with Concrete over? MHJ: Over? No. Never. Concrete and I have similar goals, just different ideas of how to get to those goals. He wants the world title, so do I, it’s inevitable that our paths cross again, and when they do, I know neither of us will pull any punches. TQTG: Ok, I am going to name off some wrestlers and I want you to give me your impression of them. MHJ: Fine TQTG: Niles Anderson MHJ: Damn it, I told you leave that alone TQTG: Ok fine, Attitude Adjuster MHJ: Worthless. He is a lackey if there ever was one. TQTG: Chris Alt MHJ: Pretty boy, tough kid though. TQTG: Donovan Viper MHJ: Donnie is another guy who I respect in the ring, he is tough, so is that Vander kid, it is a shame they are trying to kill each other, if they could manage to get on the same page, they could cause some trouble. TQTG: FF Capslock and Stank MHJ: I am looking forward to eventually facing them, they were associates of the establishment, but they understand business is business. TQTG: Semaj B MHJ: Worthless as well. I never did really get the chance to snap his spindly little neck, one day. TQTG: Thim Reynolds MHJ: <long pause> Thim is another one of those guys who is more like me than he would like to admit. I have been in the ring with him and he is tough. We still have an old score to settle, I haven’t forgotten about you Thim TQTG: Corax MHJ: Ha. Another pretty boy, I thought he and Hellion were both pretty boys when they were in the Ministry, at least Hellion has a set. When the OOWF first started, Me and Corax wrestled each other on the first two shows, each winning a match. Then he went to do his own thing and I did mine. I have heard some rumblings that he thinks he is something because he got a win over me. Keep running your mouth Corax, you won’t like the results. Trust me. TQTG: What about LI, Grunt and Ecosystem? Have you heard from them lately? MHJ: Well, last I heard LI and Grunt were tearing it up in Japan. LI’s knee is almost healed and Grunt has improved a ton in the ring. As far as Eco goes, I haven’t heard from him in months, I have no idea where he is. TQTG: What do you think about Carl Coolname walking out on Eric O’Mac? MHJ: Coolname is a coward. You don’t just walk out on partner. I hope if Coolname ever shows his face around here again Eric kicks his head off his shoulders. That is also my problem with Johnny, I still haven’t forgotten that you walked out on me in a tag match, same with Microplay, one day all that will be settled. TQTG: One final question who has been your toughest opponent in the OOWF? MHJ: <long pause> well, in a single match, probably UnderDawg in the OOWF Invitational Finals, I threw everything at him and he still got the better of me. Overall though, it would have to be Concrete, we have tried to kill each other and he keeps coming back. TQTG: Moose thanks for your time.
<fade out>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:22:01 GMT -5
*Corax walks up to the MM lineup sheet and gives it a look over*
C - What the hell? I main event Maple Leaf Massacre taking Underdawg to the limit and the very next event I'm stuck fighting some OOVW jobber?
*seething and wringing his hands*
Well, Dr Murder (if that is your real name). You will have the misfortune of being thrown in my path. Once I dispatch you in short order, you will change your name to Dr IwishIwasalreadydead!
*Donnie V walks up*
DV - C-note, talking to the book again?
*Corax sighs and drops his head*
C - Yeah...
DV - That was like the worst name change promo ever.
C - I know. In the ring, I am one of the most violent, frightening, and dangerous muthafuckas out there. But I just don't have the head for menacing words.
DV - Thats what happens when you spend your life letting your fists and feet do the talking. Besides, you cut a good promo on Hellion a while back.
C - Yeah, but that was easy. It's been a long time comming.
DV - True enough. So what are you going to do about him anyway. O'Neil says he's right sodden gone in ees noggin bout the whole thing.
C - What's that about. I thought O'Neil was from New Hampshire.
DV - Shut up dude! KAFABE!
C - There's no cameras here.
DV - Oh right, so what are you going to do?
C - Not sure yet. Not too worried though. It's not like he can show me something I haven't already seen.
DV - Well let's go to the peeler bar and make a plan. I hear it's ladies night!
*Viper walks off*
*Corax calls out*
C - Donnie! Are you sure you know what that means?!?
FADE
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:22:23 GMT -5
Back from commercial and we're inside the Motel Lac Vert Bar Salon where FF Capslock and Stank are cutting a promo on Gatorbait and Outback Jack
FFC - We are SO ANGRY with you guys!
Stank - Yeah... MAD!
FFC - YOU GUYS MAKE US... VERY UPSET!
Stank - WE'RE SO MAD!
FFC - YEAH and ANGRY!
Stank - FEEL IT, FEAR IT, SMELL IT, RUN!
FFC - YEAH! You BETTER WATCH YOUR ASS... BUDDY!
Director - ...and cut. That was... forceful. Ok crew that's a wrap.
FF Capslock and Stank sit at their booth to go over strategy.
Stank - Ok so the way I (hic) see it we just kick their asses and rest up for next week.
FFC - That's our strategy? We just beat em up? Then chill?
Stank - What else will we do? It's not like this match will feature the Oh My God Tilde BANG workrate! We're getting in the ring with some vicious brawlers. There ain't gonna be no hip tossing. There ain't gonna be no tilt-a-whirl slams and there damn sure won't be no german suplexes, unless we're the ones doing em. The last time I checked that wasn't in either of our movesets... besides I'm kinda having a hard time working myself up to whup on these guys. All my anger against them is spent.
FFC - I kinda know what you mean. They honored our truce and didn't interfere with any more of our matches.
Stank (looking at his empty mug) - Yeah I kinda respect that.
FFC and Stank look at their beers retrospectively.
FFC - They're dead meat.
Stank - Yeah that's just about the gist of it.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:22:44 GMT -5
*Hardbody Harris walks up behind the Beast, schoolboys him, and counts the three.*
HH: Just like that, Beast. I'm the SUPERIOR WRESTLER. Bye.
*The Beast is visibly upset*
Ric Flair: WOOOOOOOOO!
*The Beast kicks Flair in the balls and walks off.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:23:15 GMT -5
AA walks into the locker room, where Niles and Beast are in deep preparation for their matches. AA is carrying a ham on rye sandwich.
Niles: Man, that's a good looking sandwich. Can I have a bite?
AA: Sure, it's another Ric Flair creation. You should have seen him at the table. The sandwich guy is giving him shit about his sandwich and Ric just has a conniption fit and says..I WANT PICKLES ON THAT, FAT BOY! (AA doubles over in laughter at the memory.) Man, that Flair cracks me up.
Niles: Have you seen the card for this week. How did you end up with Eric O'Mac and Mr. Jealous?
AA: Thanks for the segue, Niles. Let me put this sandwich down and...
Beast: He's gonna cut another one of those cheap chickenshit, I'm the best damn wrestler around, revisionist history promos again, isn't he?
Niles (admiringly): Yeah, these are classic.
Beast: Yeah, they’re real funny until he mentions how he defeated you every fifth minute. He whips out that piece of knowledge about me as often as that damn Sharpie on a Pole match. I’m outta here. (Beast crashes through the nearest wall.)
AA: Now then, at Maple Leaf Massacre I defeated Mr. BootieliciousButterballBastardChildofMichaelJackson right in the middle of the ring, with The Claw, the most vicious finishing hold in the entire OOWF. He passed out right in the middle of the ring. Then, because my match was so easy…
Johnny Adrenaline pokes his head through the broken wall: Sweet, an AA promo! Have I missed much?
Niles: Nah, but he did call Semaj “Mr. BootieliciousButterballBastardChildofMichaelJackson.” And he’s already stolen your “pickles, FAT BOY” line.
AA: …that I decided to come down and watch my good buddy Niles beat up Canadian Dragon again. But what did I get for that? Dragon pushes me off the apron for no reason, then the next thing I know Beast and I are having to defend our good names against those goons Alt and Harris. That was such a distraction that Dragon put an illegal sleeper hold on Niles. Good thing Microplay was around, because it was evident the referee would have allowed his fellow Canadian hoodlum win the match with that illegal chokehold!
JA: “Illegal chokehold.” That’s a good one! I have to remember that.
AA: But what does that do for me? Mr. BaloneyonPumpernickel gets a shot at the Intercontinental title, and I get stuck in a three-way with Eric O’Mac and Mr. Jealous! The only person who gets screwed worse than that around here in Johnny Adrenaline. (AA gives the wink and finger-point of 80s nauseum to Johnny.) But that’s OK, because that Intercontinental title will soon be around my waist, as that sissy baby-kisser…
JA (whispers to NA): He’s gotta find something better than that to call Blackdragon…
AA: …can’t duck me forever. Besides, I’m the King of Three-Ways…(Niles and Johnny start snickering)…wait, that didn’t come out right…quit laughing, damn it! You know what I mean! If you guys don’t shut up, I’m gonna three-way both of you! No, not like that! Damn it, now I know what Viper feels like! Cameraman, Zoom in on Abs! (Wait, why did I suddenly channel The Iron Shiek?) Cameraman, stop filming! Ah, man, I was on such a roll. Well, I guess I can just end this the way we’ve grown accustom to. Niles, quit laughing for a second. You’ll enjoy this. (AA walks over to the cameraman.)
AA to Cameraman: You’re new here, huh? How long you been with the OOWF? A month? Just since we’ve been in Canada, huh? Enjoying yourself? Stayed out of the parking lot brawls? Have you met SFJ #5? Yeah, we’ve all done her. Well, good to have you here. Let me shake your hand…(KICK TO STOMACH, ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT ON THE LOCKER ROOM FLOOR!!!)
(Screen goes black, but audio still rolls.)
NA: Hey, I forgot about that! Good one, AA!
JA: That was funny! You know, even if you are an ass, AA, you probably are fun to be around. I always wanted to commend you on the Grandmother attack on Blackdragon.
AA: Same to you Johnny. Same to you. You know, that stuff with SFJ bowling was good stuff, too…
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:23:35 GMT -5
the beast sneaks up behind hardbody harris and just punches him in the back of the head, knocking him out cold.
Beast: that's what i call SUPERIOR WRESTLING.
bitch.
the beast takes hardbody's wallet and leaves.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:23:57 GMT -5
SFJ#5 is standing by with the former Tag Team Champions Ax & Cole of 3 Piece Set.
SFJ#5: How do you guys feel about taking a break from Stank & FF Capslock until you get back to the United States?
Ax: How would you feel about taking a break from this interview and coming back into the locker room and finding what its like to be with a real man?
SFJ: Excuse me?
Ax: That’s right baby. I know you’ve been with both Capslock & Stank.
Cole: Probably the rest of the lockeroom as well.
SFJ: I think my private life is none of your business.
Cole: You gunna cry to Stanky?
Ax: (putting his arm around SFJ) You know you’d rather be with a stud like this then a fat, disgusting, sweaty beast like Stank.
Cole: Your name wouldn’t happen to be Lillian would it?
SFJ: No
Cole: That would have explained it. I’m not sure why she is with him them.
Ax: I’m going to rock your world baby.
(Shouts can be heard and Stank enters the frame looking extremely pissed, Capslock is doing his best to stay in front of Stank keeping him from Ax & Cole. Cole steps up while Ax moves behind SFJ and wraps his arms around her)
Stank: I’m going to kill you two bastards!!!
Cole: We’re right here. Come on chubby hit us. Forfeit that title shot!! Go ahead!!
Stank: I’m going to hurt you two, let her go.
Capslock: It’s not worth it. Don’t forfeit the title shot.
Ax: Stanky, your woman is going to know what its like to be with a real man. (Ax licks the side of SFJ’s face, then he crinkles his nose) She smells like you, you stanky bitch. (Ax lets her go then smacks her ass and backs away) Shower up sometime and come to the 3 Piece Set locker room , you can have at it with 3 real men.
(SFJ runs over to Stank which seems to calm him down a bit.)
Capslock: You two shouldn’t have done that. He is going to slaughter you in that Cage.
Cole: Tell him to keep his anger in check, we wouldn’t want him blowing up his shot at the titles now would we.
(Cole walks over to Ax and the two move down the hallway, the camera follows)
Ax: You think I went too far?
Cole: Nah, they saw what they needed to see.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:24:26 GMT -5
Harper Camby is being interviewed by Sexy Female Journalist #8
SFJ: Harper, you have a one on one match with Westgaurd this week. Your thoughts?
HC: I think Cap & Wilder need to have a talk with their boy. You see I’m here for competition not for blood, unless somebody really pisses me off. But stepping into the ring with me one on one is going to shorten Westgaurd’s career. I can’t help it. I was blessed with a godlike body and sometimes I just don’t know my won strength. Look at this (flexes his arms & chest) Not an ounce of fat on this body. Go ahead rub.
SFJ: (smiling) OK. WOW.
HC: Damn straight WOW. Who can stand up to this? Do you know what the Beast is compared to me?
SFJ: No
HC: He’s a puppy. How about our World Champ, Niles Anderson? Do you know what 100PM means when compared to me?
SFJ: No
HC: 100 Percent Mush. Do you know why Stank is Stanky??
SFJ: No
HC: I don’t either. I was just curious. Westgaurd, you are a good wrestler but you just can’t compete with me. I do have some god news for you though. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
SFJ: Huh?
HC: Nevermind. The real advice Westgaurd is this. I know you are a bit of a daredevil so take a couple minutes and write a list of all the great stunts you wants to do in this life. Then go do as many of them as you can. You see Westgaurd, there is a good chance that you might get crippled in our match. Don’t say I didn’t give you fair warning. (Turning towards SFJ#8) No, I’ve got a few more reps on my workout, would you like to help me out with it? My last exercise is real good cardio but it works best when you have a partner.
SFJ: (giddy) Sounds good to me.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:24:52 GMT -5
<Westgaard is in the QuebecerDome Arena just before the crowd is let in, running the ropes, warming up when all 4 members of the Devils Brigade approach from all 4 sides of the ring....>
Harper Camby - You getting all nice and loose hockey-man? Seems like a lot of effort to go through just to get you ass kicked.
JWW - <Setting himself for a fight> Gotta hand it to Wilder - he bet me you 4 would try to pull something like this before our match - I should have figured you were too big a group of pansies to take care of business in the ring...
TO - 'ell ya frakin wankar, ye be in de bleedin ring now, uh boyo?
JWW - What?
HC - He said.....
Donnie Viper - IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT HE SAID! Look, what matters is that we're gonna beat you bloody, and you, the Surfer and that X-Games fan-boy are going to be out of the Devil's Brigade hair for GOOD!
<All 4 members of the Devil's Brigade climb into the ring, each on a different side, boxing JWW in...>
DV - Oh, this is gonna be sweet.... Corax, you ready? Don't let him out....
Corax - Yeah I got him...
DV - Harper, TO - you guys hold him, I want his ass.....
JWW - EXCUSE ME? Look Donnie, I don't play for that team....
DV - <Does a double take> I AM NOT A HOMO!!! OK, THAT IS IT! GET HIM!
JWW - Whoa whoa WHOA guys! Look, I'm all for a good fight, but let me say a couple of things, OK?
Corax - No, you don't - you're not talking you way out of this <cracks his knuckles>
HC - Heh. You gonna beg?
TO - Cause it ain' gonna elp you, ya hurlin stick wavin nancy....
DV - Yeah - what he said! I guess.... You think you can say ANYTHING that is gonna help you?
JW - <Shrugs> Never know, it might - I've got somthing I want to say to all of you. Hell, I'll even keep it to 3 words or less, just so I don't confuse you.....
<JW Westgaard points at Corax>
"Beware of Dog"
Suddenly, Underdog appears behind Corax, grabs him by the back of the neck, and choke slams him face first to the mat!
<JW points at Viper and O'Neil>
"Bungie-Wedgie"
TO and Viper's looks of confusion quickly change as Capellan and Wilder bungie-jump from the top of the dome, giving DV and TO wedgies on the rebound! Both drop to the mat, mouths open in a scream - but no noise comes out! But DV does seem to have an expression of - rapture?
<Camby starts looking around, ready for anything>
HC - What the hell? Hey I though Wilder says "You take care of things in the ring" big man - no jumping the opponent, no ambushes!
JW - Yeah, Wilder said that - He's a good kid, real competitor - but a bit of an idealist, you know? Me? I'm a realist - and I've been here longer than you, muscle boy.... But hey, I got 3 words for you, too!
HC - <Looks around for the ambush> What?
JW - 10 Bucks Canadian.
HC - <Looks at Westgaard> Wha?
<JW DROPS Camby to the mat with a hard right hand - quarters flying everywhere>
JW - Best 10 bucks I've spent this whole trip....
UD - <Kicks O'Niell, who is still lying on the mat, eyes bugged out, mouth open in a silent scream> Will you please shut up! God, that is annoying....
TW - Cap, I don't hear anyth....
Capellan - Dude, don't worry about it....
<MEANWHILE.... Out in the parking lot, GM The Rick gets out of his car and heads to the arena, when suddenly, he hears dogs howling.....>
GMTR - What the hell? Oh, crap.... SCHEME GENE! Damn it - I told him we were freaking guests in this country..... GENE! DON'T MAKE ME GET THE HOSE!!!!!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:25:14 GMT -5
Stank is PACING~! in the locker room when FF Capslock & SFJ #5 walk in.
SFJ#5 (pulling out a mic) – Any comments on what just happened moments ago with 3 Piece set?
Stank – Wha.. Are you ki… WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU WOMAN? DON’T talk to me just go!
SFJ#5 leaves
FFC – I knew something like this could happen, man. Love em then leave em, dude.
Stank – I TRIED to leave! She just kept calling. She wouldn’t take a hint. Then she kinda grew on me. You know how I feel about redheads.
FFC – Yeah well now your woman troubles nearly COST us our chance to get back our TITLES!
Stank – I am going to murder AX & Cole.
FFC – And I am going to MURDER YOU if we lose that shot because YOU run off and do SOMETHING STUPID!
Stank glares at FFC
FFC – You need to cool off! Go find your woman and …
Stank – She’s NOT MY WOMAN!
FFC – Well then what the HELL is she? Because she’s not worth our losing our chance to regain the Tag Titles! C’mon man! Use your head! AX & Cole were just trying to get a rise out of you. And you damn near played right into their hands. We’ll get them. And we’ll do it in a barbed wire steel cage. There’s no escaping that… Where are you going?
Stank – I’m going to have a word with Moosehead and Concrete.
Stank leaves slamming various objects along the way. Seconds later, SFJ#5 walks back in the locker room.
FFC – He just left.
SFJ#5 – He really hates me.
FFC – A moment ago I would have said I wish he did, but now, I’m glad 3 Piece Set did what they did.
SFJ#5 – What? Why?
FFC – Cause now they’ve lit a fire that’s going to burn them alive. Stank is motivated and the one thing I’ve learned about Stank, besides the fact that he really smells something awful come match time, is that when he’s motivated… he gets what he wants. But I can’t have you ruining our chances.
SFJ#5 – I won’t interview 3 piece set anymore… promise.
FFC – Honey… that’s not good enough.
FFC grabs SFJ#5 and stuffs her in a closet. He locks her in while she pounds away at the door.
SFJ#5 - HEY! It’s DARK IN HERE!
FFC – Turn on the light switch idiot!
SFJ#5 – Oh. That’s better.
FFC - If you flip the switch on an off REALLY fast you can pretend it's our theme intro.
SFJ#5 - ooooooooooh.
FFC – What does he SEE in you? I’ll bring you a sandwich after our match with the Aussies.
SFJ#5 – A Ric Flair special please.
FFC – Fine… whatever.
ads
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:25:38 GMT -5
*Scheme Gene is in a production meeting when his cell phone rings*
SG: Hello. I'm fine thanks, but who is this?.... What? I'm not joking, I feel fine, but who are you? *Looks around the room* The guys look OK to me.... No, I'm not trying to be a "tough guy", pal. A "taste of what is to come" - are you from catering?.... What did you just call me?.... So what if I am, pal, it's 2005, learn to deal with people with different lifestyles! Hello? Hello?
Todd Grisham: Gene, can we stay focused here?
SG: Sorry, Todd. Another one of those prank calls I keep getting.
TG: You SO need to get caller ID.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:26:04 GMT -5
*Niles is walking away from the sandwich buffet where Ric Flair is obviously having a good time. He's got the championship belt over his shoulder and a large ham sandwich on a kaiser bun. Niles takes a big bite, the stops and looks at the sandwich.*
Niles - That's a damn good sandwich. My god, Ric Flair truly is the man.
Mysterious Voice - Took you a while to figure that out, eh?
*Niles starts and ends up dropping his sandwich.*
Niles - Fucking hell, that was good.
*Chris Alt walks from offscreen.*
Alt - Just go back to the table, Flair will make you another one.
Ric Flair (in the distance) - ITALIAN HOGIES!!! WHOOOOO!!!!
Niles - I love hogies!
*Niles turns to go back but Alt grabs him by the shoulder with the belt on it to turn him around. He's about to say something, but gets distracted by the gold.*
Niles - You looking at something?
Alt - Sorry, distracted there.
Niles - You gonna let me get my sandwich, or are you gonna sit there and look like an asshole trying to eye me up and down.
Donnie Viper - I'M NOT A HOMO!!!!
*Niles and Alt both turn and see Donnie Viper standing there with a guilty look on his face.*
Niles - I wasn't even talking to you.
DV - Uh... well... uh...
*Viper quickly turns around and runs like a sissy down the hallway.*
Alt - I was saying, may the best man tomorrow night. Thanks for the shot.
Niles - Don't get sentimental, Altar Boy. You get your shot, but that's it. Don't think you're taking this *shows off the title* from me. Just be happy you're getting a shot at all. Now, I'm going to get my hogie.
*Niles leave Chris Alt and walks to the sandwich table.*
Niles - Yo, Naitch, hit me up with a Hogie man.
RF - Sorry champ, we just ran out of meatballs.
*Niles starts to stew. He looks over his shoulder and sees Chris Alt isn't there anymore.*
Niles - Bastard makes me miss out on a hogie? Oh, he'll pay, he'll pay!
RF - TURKEY AND STUFFING SANDWICH!!! WHOOO!!!
*Fade to Black*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:26:27 GMT -5
*Hardbody Harris wakes up after getting punched in the head. He dizzily gets to his feet*
HH: Ah! God! That really hurt! Wait a minute...my wallet's gone. And how in the world do I carry a wallet when all I wear are wrestling trunks and boots?
*Hardbody sprints down the hallway where he finds Beast taking the stamps off of Hardbody's Subway Club Card and putting them on his own. Angered, Hardbody sprints at beast, cartwheels and then flips over the monster. Beast turns around to grab him, but Hardbody ducks under the arms and does a spinning sunset flip, counts the three on the ground, and takes his wallet back.*
HH: Ha! SUPERIOR WRESTLING STRIKES AGAIN! Oh, and I won't be needing THIS. I'm sure it's what you were looking for anyway. Oh, and here's a dollar. Maybe you can buy some skill because you clearly cannot wrestle more skillfully and in a more superior fashion than I can.
*Hardbody throws the Canadian Dollar Coin at Beast, knocking him unconscious.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 8, 2008 16:26:48 GMT -5
*hardbody harris is walking down the hallway, please with how he made short work of the beast.
he comes up to cross-hallway when a foot comes out from around the corner and trips him.
the beast comes out and places the Canadian Dollar Coin on hardbody's chest. the sheer weight of the coin keeps hardbody pinned to the ground. beast puts a finger on hardbody's forehead and gives himself a 3-count*
Beast: a SUPERIOR WRESTLER would be more aware of his surroundings.
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