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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 10:51:22 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! July 6th From Killington, Vermont
OOWF Intercontinental Title Match [/u] Blackdragon vs. LD Williams
OOWF World Tag Team Title Barbed Wire Steel Cage Match [/u] 3Piece Set vs. FF Capslock & Stank
Onslaught Championship Match [/u] Thim Reynolds vs. Capellan
Outback Jack & GatorBait vs. wCw Moosehead Jack & Concrete TG vs. The Devil’s Brigade Endo & Morte vs. SoulDragon & Mercury Uncle Entity vs. GimmickMan Johnny Adrenaline vs. Eric O’Mac Attitude Adjuster vs. Dr. Murder Corax vs. Mikey Styner Chris Alt & Hardbody Harris vs. Beast & Niles Anderson Donovan Viper vs. UnderDawg Mark Vander vs. Microplay
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 10:52:28 GMT -5
Firechild is walking down the hall, dressed simply in jeans and a grey t-shirt, looking somewhat preoccupied.
Thim comes out of his locker room, and seeing Firechild tenses up, awaiting their usual fight.
Firechild looks up, and gives Thim a pitying look.
FC: Semaj was a brave competitor, and a valued member of the roster. Despite our differences, I feel for your loss.
TR: What.....
FC: This is not the time for emnity, I hope you do not mourn overmuch for our passed friend, and I wish you well in your match with Capellan.
Thim is completely taken aback as the man with whom he had contested the most brutal, non sanctioned streetfight in OOWF history with, less than a month prior pats him on the shoulder and ambles down the corridor.
Firechild enters the 3PS locker room, and ignores the piles of booze & groupies, clears a space next to his kit back and pulls out a book.
AX: Hey man, what happened to your gear, laundry accident?
Cole: Yeah, you could be in Weezer dressed like that man, jeez I hope nobody saw you, that would be embarrassing!
AX & Cole laugh, as Firechild sets his book down and looks calmly at them.
FC: What? Why? Guys I don't understand, and can you turn that down (Motley Crue: Girls Girls Girls btw) I'm trying to read.
Ax: READ? Why in the name of leather and talc are you reading, weve got booze, groupies and wrestling to deal with!
Cole (more calmly): What you reading anyway?
FC: Unification of the Human Soul by Father Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, its about inner peace and brotherhood.
Cole: I see.
Ax: For f#@ks sake man, thats pussy crap, I was worried about what was up with you going after Seraph like that but I thought you'd jump him backstage or something.... you've changed, maybe your not cool enough for the Set.
FC: Its interesting, but you do not understand, maybe you wil......
Ax grabs the book and throws it across the room, grabbing Firechild in an armbar reminiscent of the one he was put in a few weeks ago.
Cole: Easy man, easy, he's had a hard few days, let him grunge out for a bit.
Ax lets him go.
FC: (clearly hurt at Ax's words) Thanks man, now I'm gonna go for a walk, do you guys want anything from the store?
He gets up, and walks out leaving Ax seething and Cole looking worried.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 10:52:52 GMT -5
(CTG arrives at the arena in his reporter garb, wearing a black armband with "Semaj B" around his right bicep. He's nowhere in character when he gets to his locker)
MHJ: ....... and?
CTG: I was right, there was a funeral for Semaj. I'm crushed that that would be how he would leave the OOWF.
MHJ: You paid your respects, then?
CTG: I did, and perhaps he will continue his activites in the next life.
MHJ: .... sorry to hear......
CTG: (turns around, a little surprised)
MHJ: (smirking) sorry to hear that your faction will still be one short
CTG: two short - I haven't spoken to Beast in some time, I don't know his whereabouts... and the Dragons have long been on their own. It appears I am back to my solitary ways - well, I will be when we're done here.
MHJ: did you see the board out there?
CTG: (slowly falling into character) it seems that we are denied our opportunities as we face the Devil's brigade for the third or fourth time. wassupwiddat???
MHJ: we'll get that tag title shot soon enough, 'crete.....
CTG: ... Justice WILL prevail!
MHJ: you don't sound convinced
CTG: Let's just say I'm going to need some time to get used to a "regular" match again. Tho it would be fun to play with Outback Jack and Gator in their gauntlet match.
MHJ: we've beat on them enough and earned their respect. Why don't you want to fight the Devil's brigade?
CTG: I didn't say that. (pulls out his costume, sighs, gets the "black" costume)
MHJ: (Surprised)
CTG: I will mourn Semaj's passing, even if he did make good on his promise to get back at you, Moose. He was AYUFF, even if he had other duties.
MHJ: aw, not this "Dedicating the match" crap, then we ARE gonna lose.
CTG: (turns to Moose, fully in character) the good guys ALWAYS win, Moosey - you're the one ruining the odds.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 10:53:12 GMT -5
*chris alt, feeling a little parched, heads over to the soda machine. he buys himself a cherry-coke, and when he pops the top HARDBODY BEAST POPS OUT!!!
...sort of...
HB gets only about halfway out, getting stuck at his waist. *
CA: what the hell!?!
*alt drops his can of cherry-coke, while HB contiues to be stuck in the can.*
CA:hardbody harris? what the hell are you doing? what? you think you're the beast or something? why are you popping out of things? you scared the shit out of me!
HB: i...uhh.... was just trying something. i guess i'm just not in the proper physical condition to be popping out of this. just another reason, i suppose, why beast is the SUPERIOR WRESTLER.
CA: hey man. that's now way to talk. i know you're a little upset you've been having trouble getting that win over him in the ring, but you have to be more confident than that.
HB: whatever. listen. i got something i need you do to for our match this wednesday.
CA: sure thing.
HB: there's a man from the EPA here in the arena. his name is walter peck.
CA: walter peck. i've heard of him. i hear he has no dick.
HB: yeah. that's what donnie viper tells me.
CA: he would know.
HB: right. so anyway. dickless is here, and he want's to turn off a containment unit we have in the boiler room. we CANT let this happen.
CA: what's in the containment unit?
HB: i've got the beast trapped in there. and i talked to GM the rick, and he said if for any reason the beast, or anyone of us, is unable to make it to our match, the rest of us will continue the match as planned in a handicap match! so if we can keep the beast in there it'll be the 2 of us vs niles anderson. we'll kill him!
CA: good plan.
HB: i'm off to do whatever stupid shit hardbody harris likes to do. or whatever.
*HB, in his little can, hops his way out the door. alt goes looking for mr. peck.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 10:53:45 GMT -5
Viper bursts into GM The Rick's door.
DV: WHAT THE HELL IS THE MEANING OF THIS?
TR: Uh... uh... uh... Oh for fuck's sake, Viper! Can't you knock? Can't you see I'm busy?
A woman's head is seen bobbing behind the desk.
DV: Uh... um... yeah... Misty?
The brunette turns around.
HKR: Donnie? Hey, funny seeing you here.
TR: MISTY? I thought your name was Erlana!
HKR: Sweetie, my name can be anything you want.
DV: Listen, bitch, I got business to deal with The Rick here.
HKR: What do you think this is? I don't do this for free, you know.
DV: Might as well, you're lousy. Be a good little hooker and go back to Wally King for the next job, ok?
The hooker gets up, and walks out, as she flips Viper off.
TR: I know what you came in here for, Viper. You came in to complain about my booking you against the Underdawg for next Mayhem, because "he doesn't deserve to fight you" or some other bullshit reason that really means "you're a douchebag chickenshit." I was considering recinding this match and saving it for a Pay Per View, since it is an epic revenge match, but, thanks to you, I'm going to have a case of the blue balls, so you can go fuckoffery for all I care.
DV: Fuckoffery?
TR: GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE VIPER!
DV: But....
TR: OKAY, THAT DOES IT! This match is going to be a CAGE MATCH! I hope Underdawg destroys you!
DV: Hey, wait a minute, asshole!
TR: FUCK YOU VIPER! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE! Oh, and could you tell Erlana to come back here to finish up? I paid for the hour.
DV: I think your hour's up. (points to clock on the wall)
TR: ELECTRIC CAGE MATCH, DOUCHEBAG!!!!
DV: FUCK!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 10:54:09 GMT -5
*Chris Alt bursts angrily into the Rick's office*
TR: What the... does anybody KNOCK around here?
CA *stomps over to TR's desk and slams his fists onto the desk*: I'm sick and tired of getting screwed out of the championship. I want Niles Anderson. At the pay-per-view. Hell in a Cell. Make it happen.
TR: Well, isn't this interesting? I didn't get the memo.
CA: WHAT memo?
TR: The memo that says YOU are in charge around here. Last I checked, potsie, *I* make the matches, not any of the wrestlers, and certainly not you. Now, you've stayed out of my hair since I've been running the show, and I appreciate that, but that doesn't give you the right to waltz into my office and demand anything, so I recommend you desand your vagina promptly, or you won't be getting anything.
CA *takes a deep breath*: I deserve a rematch and you know I do. In a venue where that chickenshit can't disqualify himself to save his title, and where his buddies can't run in to save his sorry ass. I've never asked you for anything, Rick. Just this.
TR: That's "the" Rick to you, sir. I understand your position, but right now I've got a lot of work to do. Go cool off or something and we'll see what goes on.
CA: Fine.
*CA exits TR's office, goes a few feet down the hallway, and hits a button on his cell phone*
CA: Well, THAT didn't go like you planned. Now we're going to do things MY way. <pause> No, I'm being perfectly rational. I know for a solid fact I'm not the only one getting sick of Niles and Viper and their assorted flunkies running the show. <pause> Don't worry about it. I've got a few guys in mind. I have a feeling they'll buy what I'm selling. <pause> Yeah, I'll see you later then.
*CA hangs up the phone and strolls down the hallway*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 10:54:38 GMT -5
*Spirit Hardbody and Rick Moranis float through the sea of entrapped souls. Faces, figures, and screams of the departed are fleeting, at once horrific and mesmerizing. Hardbody can’t keep cast his gaze away from the eyeless sockets and tattered garments, and looks at Rick Moranis for an answer.*
RM: I see your concern, Hardbody. These poor, poor individuals are in limbo, unable to reach heaven nor descend into Hell. This is an empty Purgatory: emotionless, yet torturous; seemingly forever, but really only an instant. We’re all trapped here, or so we think. Our fate is unknown to us.
HH: That’s deep.
RM: I know.
HH: Uh, so what’s the deal? We just float around until something happens? What do we do to occupy the time? Snort bacon with Elvis? Gather around a fire and sing “The End” by The Doors? Boccerball?
RM: Well, most people just howl in anguish. But if there’s anything worse than mortal emos, it’s dead emos. You got what you want, so why are you bitching? Jesus. Anyway, since you rucked that fule Gozer, you actually have an escape clause. You’ll actually be able to manifest yourself back into the world of the living and resume your old life. Unlike me, who is stuck here forever waiting to ink the deal on a sequel to Little Giants.
HH: So, what kind of golden ticket gets me out of this joint? I’ve got a score to settle with some guy who walks through walls and then I have a big shiny championship belt to win. Plus, there’s apparently a never-ending supply of sandwiches where I work, and I have my heart set on salami and honey mustard on multigrain.
RM: Oh, honey mustard. There are no condiments in Purgatory. One of the worst things about it; everything is so dry. Anyway, basically what you have to do to get back to the real world is have to two people “unlock” the gate from this dimension to that one.
HH: Why two people? Is the key really that heavy? Is it like the Key to the City that heroes get? I’ve always wanted those. And one of those really big checks. That would rule so hard it’s not even funny.
RM: No, no. It’s metaphorical. Basically, there are two parts to this interdimensional “lock.” One part is the keymaster. The other is the gatekeeper. The keymaster must enter the gatekeeper’s lock.
HH: I don’t get it.
RM: Okay. There are TWO people. One has a KEY that he must insert into the Gatekeeper’s LOCK. KEY in LOCK. INSERT IT. PEN-E-TRATE. HH: Wait…I get it. It’s like fucking, right? The keymaster has gotta plow the gatekeeper before I can leave?
RM: Yeah, finally you got it.
HH: So he’s got to put his PENIS in her VAGINA to get me out of here?
RM: Yeah…
HH: So when he comes, I come?
RM: I guess you could put it that way.
HH: This is awesome. I feel like such a pimp.
RM: Well, don’t polish your bling before you have it. You still have to hope that your randomly assigned pair meet and copulate.
HH: Random???
RM: Yep. Of course, they’re conveniently OOWF characters, so we’ll get to follow their exploits. But your fate is determined by them getting their freak on.
HH: Dammit. Well then, for my sake I hope the keymaster isn’t Donovan Viper.
TO BE CONTINUED
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 10:55:12 GMT -5
(Uncle Entity is WALKING when he comes face to face with Gimmickman)
UE: Look who it is, the OOWF's lost child. A once great superstar now flirting with Outlaw Ron Bass status. You remember Outlaw Ron Bass? He made a name for himself back in the '80s. He even had a cup of coffee with mid card status before being jobbed out to oblivion.
See Gimmick, I know you USED to be somebody around here and some people might say you still are. But what I see when I look at you is a man who just seems to be mailing it in out there. Who can't seem to finish the deal. Who the fans cheer for out of habit more than anything else. "Here comes Gimmickman, I remember liking him."
I see a man who hasn't even made the effort to cut a promo in the last two months. I also see a stepping stone.
Gimmickman: I'm not your stepping stone.
(Gimmick turns to leave and comes face to face with Jesse Garon's downward swung guitar, which splinters into a thousand pieces and leaves the grappler in a puddle of wood chips and blood.)
Jesse Garon: (In Elvish) Glory, glory hallelujah!
Uncle Entity: Now lets soften him up a little eh JG?
(Uncle Entity and JG begin heel kicking GM as the camera fades.)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 10:55:59 GMT -5
Thim pulls Gimmick into the middle of the ring, adjusts his elbow pad and locks on the Adjustment. Gimmick struggles for a minute, then his eyes roll back into his head and he passes out. That was fast.
Capellan rewinds the tape of the show.
Thim pulls Gimmick into the middle of the ring, adjusts his elbow pad and locks on the Adjustment. Gimmick struggles for a minute, then his eyes roll back into his head and he passes out. That was fast.
"What's up, Cap?" Wilder walks into the room.
"Just checking Thim's last match." Capellan replays the scene again for Wilder, "Gimmick went out like a light. I was wondering if I could see what Thim's changed about the Adjustment."
Wilder shrugs,
"Don't let him put you in the hold, and there's no problem."
Capellan laughs,
"Thanks for the tip."
"No problem." Wilder grins, then jerks his thumb at the door, "The Birdman and I are gonna hit the local bar. You in, or are you really gonna sit here and watch that again?"
Capellan thinks about it for almost 8 picoseconds.
"Hey, all I gotta do is not let him put me in the hold, right?"
wCw head out of the door.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 10:56:18 GMT -5
After Firechild left the locker room.
Ax: I'm getting real worried about Firechild. He is starting to really puss out on us.
Cole: I'm beginning to have my doubts to. We didn't recruit him for this.
Ax: I know, We have a shot to be the first three time champion in our company's history and he is off sulking about that fairy Seraph.
Cole: That whole Onslaught Division is worrying me a little. I'm not to sure if Firechild continually wrestling guys that like to hug and shake hands afetr matches are good for him. He really needs be more hardcore.
Ax: I agree.
Cole: Nevermind that now. Do you know what I'm looking forward to?
Ax: What
Cole: Getting the hell out of this crappy country and backm into the USA.
Ax: That barb wire rule is really pissing me off.
Cole: And nobody does The Barbed Wire Steel Cage Match quite like we do.
Ax: Just ask our good pal Corax.
Cole: We beat him so badly he probably doesn't even remember.
Ax: No, he remembers, we played the tribute video package a couple of months ago. He got to relive it all over again.
Cole: (taking out a set of handcuffs) I'm think Stinky and ZZ are in for a rude awakening.
Ax: (taking out his set of cuffs) I hope they are both insured.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 10:56:41 GMT -5
*A doctor is standing by with SFJ#2*
SFJ#2: "So how is Canadian Dragon doing? Is he hurt?"
D: "Well it's hard to say...I mean he did attempt a shooting star press and land on his head, I can't imagine it feels good. So yeah, I guess he's hurt."
SFJ#2: "You guess? You mean you don't know?"
D: "Well, you see...Dragon's sorta missing. We're not sure of where he is. But my people tell me we have a 55% chance of finding him!"
SFJ#2: "So why am I here exactly?"
*The doctor gets a wide grin at this comment.*
D: "For a physical!"
*With that SFJ#2 sigsh. She walks over and grabs a latex glove. The doctor looks confused as she lubes it up...the a look of terror comes on his faces as she reaches behind him and shoves her hand down his pants.*
D: "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?!?!?"
SFJ#2: "What? Isn't this the way you give a physical? I knew Viper wasn't teaching me the right way to do it!"
*Camera fades to black.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 10:57:06 GMT -5
<the camera cuts to the back and we see Camby, O'Neil and Viper talking>
DV: We have got to get that camera phone from that idiot Wilder, if those pictures get out, it is going to besmirch my good name
TO: Heh fekkin poofter sain besmirch, aye tink he is a bit light in te loafers
DV: What did he say?
HC: Never mind. Look don't worry about Wilder, they have the aussies this week, Wilder is sure to get his head splattered. When he is out on the mat, we'll simply head to the ring and take him out, easy as can be.
DV: Yeah, I guess so, it makes more sense than chasing that little tard all over the arena. Look, I gotta go meet Corax, he has something in mind for this week, you guys coming.
HC: We'll be there in a minute we gotta go check the lineup see if Concrete and Moose have backed out of the match this week, we've already beaten them twice, they have no shot at beating us.
TO: Yeah, and wif that wanker Concrete all broken up over Semaj, he 'as no chance. Sissy boyo.
DV: Ok meet me at the Blue Oyester later tonight
<Camby and TO look at Donnie strangely>
DV: What?
HC: you'll find out soon enough.
************
Camby and O'Neil turn and leave and walk down one ofthe many dark corridors of the Killington Arena as they round a corner, Moosehead Jack steps out from behind some Arena Stuff.
HC: Well, well, well look who it is.
TO: Superhero wannabe.
HC: Heh, so what the hell do you want?
MHJ: Just wanted to warn you guys.
TO: Heh, warn us about what?
MHJ: Behind you.
Camby and O'Neil turn around and COncrete TG, dressed all in black, attacks with a wicked chair shot to Camby's head. O'Neil turns to run but eats a clothesline from Moose. Concrete grabs TO, hits him with a chair shot to the skull then destroys TO with a cement mixer on the floor. Jack pulls Camby up, staggers him with a heart punch, then Concrete destroys him with a cement mixer on the floor. Camby and O'Neil are both out on the floor, blood running from their foreheads.
CTG: <getting down on the floor real close to their heads> You should NOT have messed with Semaj, and you should NOT mess with me. Revenge will be sweet. <Concrete gets up and leaves>
MHJ: Next time you guys will listen to me, trust me.
<Jack adds a few kicks before he leaves as well, leaving The Devil's Brigade laying on the floor barely moving>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 10:57:29 GMT -5
FF Capslock approaches the local bar when he nearly trips over a busted foosball table, a trail of broken glass leads to the bar & grill
FFC - The hell?
FFC notices there are a few barely conscious men stirring just outside the entrance to the bar. The trail of glass ends at a broken plate glass window out front. FFC walks inside to see bodies lying and others stumbling about. Tables are overturned, bottles are broken, chairs are busted and everyone is moaning in pain. A few women are cowering in a corner. Some are at the bar where a thouroughly buzzed Stank is apparently showing off his bartending skills. The jukebox is blaring! FFC walks up to the bar.
Jukebox - One - Nothing wrong with me! Two - Nothing wrong with me! Three - Nothing wrong with me! Four - Nothing wrong with me! One - Something's got to give! Two - Something's got to give! Three - Something's got to give! Now!
FFC - You started without me?
Stank - You would think that there was no way you could CHEAT at foosball... you would be wrong.
Capslock surveys the damage
FFC - Where's the barkeep?
Stank nodding in the direction of the entrance - you probably step over him on the way in.
FFC - Damn it Stank! You KNOW I loves me a good bar room brawl.
Stank - Well I figured you and I weren't talking after you goaded me into whupping your ass.
FFC - Well for the record you didn't whup my ass. That little love tap didn't hurt me. You hit like a girl.
Stank and FFC glare at each other then share a laugh.
Stank - look I'm sorry. You were right. I've let things... distract me.
FFC - Well you seem to have gotten your fire back.
Stank - HA! this is some of my best work.
FFC - The foosball table through the window was a nice touch.
Stank - Actually the cheater went through first. I tossed the table after him while he tried to get up and run away. That's when his buddies got involved... then things got ugly.
FFC - Just like old times. It's been a while since we've been in a bar fight.
Stank - Well I'm sorry I didn't save a bouncer for you. You wanna beer? Flair's in the kitchen making sandwiches.
FFC - Flair's here?
Stank - Yeah, I caught a ride with him from the funeral. We decided to stop and get a drink.
FFC - Flair was at the funeral? Wait a minute... did he cater the wake?
Stank - Yeah.
FFC - Those were some tasty little sandwiches.
Stank - Yeah. Outback Jack couldn't stuff them down fast enough... and I thought YOU could throwdown.
RF - WOOOOOO! CHICKEN TERIYAKI ON HONEYWHEAT!
FFC - Tell me that's not for you.
Stank - No.
FFC - Good because the last time you had teriyaki your smell became unfuckingbearable. I thought you could control that.
Stank - Some smells only Beano can control.
Stank and FFC glance at the tv monitor. They catch the tail end of 3PS backstage vignette.
Stank & FFC consider the implications
FFC - I didn't know Ax & Cole were into S&M. Do they wanna have sex with us?
Stank - Well you ARE a sexy beast... and you know Ax & Cole will screw anything with two legs, an orifice and a heartbeat.
FFC - I only let WOMEN cuff me. I'm no Donnie Viper. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
tv monitor - I AM NOT A HOMO!
Stank and FFC turn and look at the monitor. Donnie Viper is on the screen arguing with the cab driver who just dropped him off in front of the Blue Oyster.
FFC - Man, these OOWF cameramen catch everything.
RF- WOOOOOOO! BACON CHICKEN & RANCH ON SOURDOUGH!
Stank - That's me.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 10:57:53 GMT -5
*Wally B. King is smoking a cigar outside the other (heterosexual) bar in town. The members of WCW exit the bar, exchange friendly high-fives with Wally, and hop into a cab. A minute later a waitress steps out, makes a thumb-up gesture to Wally, and he peels some bills off a large roll of cash for her, and they go back inside. SFJ 35 then rushes up to Wally*
SFJ: Wally, can I ask you a question?
WBK: Don't you people ever give it a rest?
SFJ: Well, there's so many of us we can cover the whole town and still have plenty of personal time when our shifts end.
WBK: Oh really? Well, ask away, my dear.
SFJ: Your team has been in a series of hard-fought matches with opponents with whom they have issues. Can they stay in the zone against the popular team of WCW?
WBK: It's my job to help them stay motivated.
*OBJ and GB rush up, red-faced with fire in their eyes, holding Corona Lights with lemon*
OBJ: Those bastards "sent us a round" as they were on their way out!
GB: A Donny Viper special. Looks like we've got to teach the rookies a lesson.
WBK: Oh, these things happen. But I guess my plan for extra workouts to work off those sandwiches is a go. Let's head to the limo. You too, my dear. I want to talk about your career options.
SJF: I won't get in trouble with the Rick?
WBK: I think I can make sure of that.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 10:58:15 GMT -5
*The camer shows the OOWF's exclusive medical trainer smiling. SFJ#47 walks out from the bathroom and blushes.*
SFJ# 44: "I thought you said no cameras!"
EMT: "Ummm, what camera?"
SFJ# 44: "Oh...is that this fourth wall thing that The Rick was mentioning? It was hard to make out what he was saying inbetween his...ummm...yeah...so am I "cleared" doc?"
EMT: "Well you know, after passing your oral examination I think it's safe to say...what, what's with that look on your face?"
*SFJ#44 starts screaming as the camera fades to black.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 10:58:35 GMT -5
A letter appears on the television screen, with a voiceover reading all the words while the camera points down. The reading is done by Dame Judy Dence.
"An open letter to the fans of OOWF, we the former tag team champions, Reginald "Stank" Ashcroft and Florence Frederick Capslock III would like to humbly appologize for our short title reign last month, we knew you wanted better from us, and we wanted better from ourselves as well. We issue this statement to you, the loyal Stankaholics and Capslockanites: When we win the titles on July 6th, we garun-gosh darn-tee, that we will hold them for AT LEAST TWO WEEKS!
Thank you and good evening.
Hugs and Kisses, Stank and Capslock"
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 10:58:56 GMT -5
Mercury storms around backstage until he finds SoulDragon.
MRC - Did you know about that fight last week? What the hell was that all about? SD - Like I had a clue. I got attacked to, moron. MRC - Dont call me names. I was kicking your ass last week until my partner attacked me. If you keep that up, ill beat you down right here. SD - You idiot. One, I was dominating you at every turn last week. Two, Ill hurt you if you attack me now. Three, we have to tag this week MRC - Fine, but one way or another, im getting revenge on Endo.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 10:59:41 GMT -5
Attitude Adjuster: I thought his name was Lucas?
RF: SALMON ON SOURDOUGH!!!! WHOOO!!!!
AA: Yeah, you're right. Continuity isn't always important.
Donnie Viper walks by with the OOWF title on his shoulder and kissing a woman. In the background is Semaj B., Carl Coolname, The Smark and Brad Smoley.
AA: Damn, the writers really must be taking the day off. Why are we here on a Sunday, anyway?
RF: PHILLY CHEESE STEAK ON.... you know, you have a point. Let's get out of here. I'm supposed to be making sandwiches at the Stank/Capslock bar fight scene anyway.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 11:00:02 GMT -5
Lucas Reginald Ashcroft Mann aka Stank, is sitting in the locker room when his partner walks in.
Stank - You know you talk about ME being distracted you've seemed kinda distracted yourself.
FF Capslock - How so?
Stank - Well it's almost as if you've been on the road for the past month driving trucks or something.
FF Capslock - I HAVE felt the call of the highway... but no. We already established that YOU have been the one distracted here with your excitement over being faces in Canada and all the sex with SFJ#5.
Stank - I had sex with her once. Go back and read the transcript.
FFC - Only once? Really?
Stank - Well there was the makeup sex we had earlier but I promise that's the last time.
FFC - Dude your sex life is your business. Just don't mix it with our business and we'll be okay. We got tag gold to get back and it appears that we both have our priorities straight now.
Stank - AHA! So you admit you WERE gone for a month on the road.
FFC - DUDE I've BEEN RIGHT HERE! What's YOUR PROBLEM??
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 11:00:35 GMT -5
## Wilder and Capellan are WALKING . . . as they pass an open door Wilder stops Capellan.
W: dude, wern't you looking at that video of Thims new move - what's he doing in there?
## Capellan and Thim look through the door and see Thim bent over doing something to his elbow pad. They walk in the Capellan loudly addresses Thim
C: Hiya Thim, watcha doin?
## Thim turns around quickly and hides his elbow pad behind him
TR: huh! Oh, err, hi Cap, hi Wilder
W: what you got there Thim?
TR: nothing nothing.
C: oh come on Thim. I've been watching the videos, there something funny going on with your matches. What are you doing back there with your elbow pad?
TR: what pad, err, no, nothing honestly. I've just found a couple of new really juicy pressure points that I can get to. Works a treat doesn't it.
## Thim has now moved into the center of the room and is trying to edge his way out of the door but Wilder manages to get behind him, snatches the elbow pad off him and throws it to Capellan. Capellan examines the elbow pad and then looks up at Thim.
C: Thim, I'm sorry mate. Why did you do it?
TR: I wanted it to be a surprise
C: but you could've got one off the backstage girls to do it for you
TR: I guess
## Capellan throws the elbow pad back to Wilder who looks at it and see the beginnings of very rough lettering SB
TR: I've got to do something for the guy. We got together as soon as I came to the OOWF and we've stood by each other all the way through. Where was I last week?
C: there's nothing you could have done Thim. It's probably lucky that you wern't around actually.
TR: maybe. It still makes me nervous. I've just got this feeling that Mooseheadjack was involved somehow. I'm going to keep digging around until I find out how and then I'm going to finish Semaj's mission and take him out for good . . .
C: Ookaaayyy . . . look Thim. For the moment why don't you just take the elbow pad to one of the girls to sort that lettering out and then later we'll tear the ring apart and put on a match that Semaj would be proud of.
## Thim and Capellan embrace in a manly back thumping hug
TR: thanks man. I'll see you out there
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 11:00:58 GMT -5
*walter peck enters the arena with with 2 police officers, a guy from the electric company, and a police captain. they storm into the arena.*
WP: this way captain.
*chris alt rushes in to block their way.*
CA: i beg your pardon. just where do you think you're going?
*peck and the police officers just push alt out of the way and make their way to the basement where the containment unit and peter venkman are.*
PV: at ease officers. i'm peter venkman. i think there's been a misunderstanding and i'd like to cooperate in anyway possible.
WP: forget it venkman! you had your chance to cooperate but you tought it would be more fun to insult me! now it's my turn, smart ass.
*chris alt comes running in all excited.*
CA: he wants to shut down the containment grid!
PV: if you turn that thing off, we wont be responsible for the consiquences.
WP: on the contrary, you will be held completely responsible! TURN THAT THING OFF!
*the electric company guy starts walking towards the switch.*
PV: dont do it! i'm warning you!
ECG (all nervous): i've never seen anything like this...
WP: just do it, fella! no one asked your opinion!
PV: dont be a jerk man! dont do it!
*the police chief stops venkman from going over to the electric company guy.*
WP: if he tries that again, you can shoot him!
Police Chief: you do your job, pencil neck. dont tell me how to do mine.
PV (smiling): thank you officer.
WP: now turn it off!!
*venkman looks at chris alt and mimes and explosion with his hands. the start to slowly walk towards the exit. the electric company guy turns the switch off. an alarm starts sounding and the floor starts to shake. everyone, including the cops and walter peck, start running of the basement and to the outside of the arena.
suddenly there's a giant explosion and a whole segment of Killington Civic Center is blown to bits. luckily the ring is fine, and the show can still go one, but unfortunately, the fans with tickets in section 309 will have a hard time finding their seats.
on the outside of the arena, everyones watching all the ghosts escape through the hole in the arena. we pan back to see Hardbody Beast, looking very angry.*
HB (talking to himself): god dammit alt. i give you one simple job. stop peck from turning off the contrainment grid. and you can't even do that. well i have more important things to worry about now, but rest assured, i WILL be throwing you another beating. useless jerk-off.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 11:01:20 GMT -5
Marc Lloyd is standing backstage with FF Capslock and Stank
ML - You have an upcoming Tag-Team title match against the 2 time Tag Team champions 3 piece set in a barbed-wire steel cage match! 3 Piece Set has experience dealing with opponents in this type of match....
Stank - And we DON'T?
ML - Well, I don't believe you've experienced this specific type of match...
FFC - Look Marc, you're new around here so we're gonna cut you some slack. Welcome to the OOWF by the way. You'll find it vastly more entertaining around here than WWE. Even Flair has found a niche here so you'll fit in fine. Sorry they let you go. Now Marc, the two guys you got standing here next to you are former tag-team champs themselves.
ML - Yeah with a one week reig...
FFC - Marc, Marc buddy. You don't want to go around pissing us off on your first day kid. Now as I was saying we're former champs and we're MORE than capable of holding our own in a steel cage... barbed-wire or no. Ask Hellion & Corax about our steel cage match with them. It was the bloodiest most brutal cage match EVER in OOWF history!
Stank - Yeah and we came out on top. Barbed-wire doesn't scare us. 3 Piece Set don't scare us. We owe them a beating like they've never received before. And before the night is through, they will regret they ever requested the match in the first place. I promise you!
ML - Yeah but you guys are... well... on a bit of a losing streak. Has this affected you mentally going into this match?
FFC - You see there you go pissing us off again. You're no difficult inquires Todd Grisham.
ML - I have another question...
Stank - Here's a question for you. What did the five fingers say to the FACE?
FFC and Stank walk off camera. The camera zooms in on Marc Lloyd with a puzzled look on his face. There's a tap on his shoulder then Marc gets the taste slapped out of him by Stank!
Stank - SLAP! I'm Rick James BITCH!
[ads]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 11:01:45 GMT -5
The arena shook as ghosts spewed from the massive hole in its roof. As everyone looked at the ghastly apparitions escaping into the night sky, a smaller boom signaled the arrival of something else entirely. Unnoticed, a figure crouched in a small, circular indentation in the asphalt behind the arena's dumpster. Electricity crackled down the alleyway and around the human-like shape as it began to stand.
Ric Flair poked his head out of the dumpster and darted it from side to side. He was on another one of his routine sandwich "ingredient hunts." Well, that is to say that he was until he got shot in the butt with a bolt of electricity.
RF: "Wooooooooooooo!"
The tall, bulky figure wandered intently towards Flair, its footsteps echoing down the alley. CLANK! CLOMP! CLANK! CLOMP! CLANK! CLOMP! The electricity had stopped now, and nothing but a single street lamp lit the alley. A pile of cardboard boxes, wooden pallets and clangy poles stood in the figure's way. Closer the bulky, shadowed shape approached. Without missing a step, the mysteriously hulking figure extended a wooden, pole-like leg over the pile of debris. CLOMP! The creature's other leg quickly, telescopically followed. CLANK!
Out of the darkness, the figure lunged towards Flair, into the light!
PHIL: "Yar. A'lo thar. I be an 11th Level Prehistoric Zombie Pirate Ninja Robot Wizard from Outer Space, but ye can jus' be callin' me Phil. T'was me mother's name. Ye be havin' anything that I might be able ta be eatin' thar, matey? Teleportation spells be murder on me head. Somthin' to eat usually be good enough to help the pain."
RF: "Do you know who you're talking to, fatboy? Wooooooo! I'm Ric Flair: Sandwich Man!"
PHIL: "Yar. I t'wasn't thinkin' a sanwich would be doin'. Yer brains do smell quite delicious, tho'."
RF: "WOOOOoo... wait. What?"
PHIL: "I'll just be helpin' myself if ye don't be mindin'!"
Just then, Phil lunged forward and grabbed Flair's head. Flair struggled, chopping PHIL across the chest. "WOOOOOO!" CLANG! "OOOOOOW!" After a series of quick reversals, flair managed to get one of Phil's spindly zombie-arms chicken winged behind him. Phil managed to reach down to his belt with his free hand and produced a pinch of dust. He threw the dust to the ground and in a cloud of smoke, Phil disappeared.
RF: "Woo?"
Flair spun around. From out of the shadows, Phil cartwheeled. He silently leapt into the air and landed behind Flair. Confused, Flair spun in circles, making himself dizzy. He took three short steps forward and then flopped head first to the pavement. Woozy, Flair rose to his knees. He threw his hands out in front of him as Phil approached. "Nooooooo," Flair cried.
In a moment of careful consideration, Phil stopped short, right in front of the kneeling Flair. Flair then thrust his forearm upward into Phil's crotch. CLANG!
PHIL: "I be a robot, ye damned fool. Not ta mention th' fact that pirates from outer space be hidin' their 'jewels' on other worlds entirely... if ye be catchin' me meanin'."
RF: "Well, poop."
Phil grabbed Flair by the head once again. He drew Flair's head close and bit into his skull. Juicy brains leaked from the hole as Phil dined.
PHIL: "Yar. That be hittin' th' spot."
The spirit of Flair rose from his twitching corpse.
PHIL: "Now where do ye be thinkin' you're goin'? If I'm ta prove m'self ta be the greatest champion in the whole universe and OOWF, I'm gonna be needin' a few minions ta be watchin' me back.
Phil again reached into his belt pouches. This time he removed a small bottle of holy water and a pinch of topsoil. He waved his arms and chanted a short phrase. The spirit of Flair, attempted to join his ghostly brothers as they fled from the arena, but was pulled back by Phil's spell. Flair's spirit reentered his body. The corpse rose from the ground. A gaping hole in it's forehead still oozed brains.
RF: "Braaaaains... faaaatbooooy."
Phil scooped a handful of brains off of Flair's lapel and handed them to him.
PHIL: "Here, be tryin' some of these. Now, let's go see about gettin' me m'first match. Yar."
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 11:02:08 GMT -5
*niles anderson and adittude adjuster are in their lockerroom.*
AA: where's the beast been man? we're paying him big bucks and supplying lots of hookers to have him as our bodyguard, and he's totally MIA.
NA: if that jerk hardbody harris did something to him, we'll take care of him good.
THUD!!
niles and AA hear a thud coming from outside the walls. they go outside the lockerroom and look to see hardbody harris (hardbody beast) standing there facing the wall, with a big lump on his head.
HB: ooww. crap. this body sucks.
AA: harris!! niles! lets get him!
HB: woah woah woah! hold it.
NA: what?
HB: listen... umm... i know i'm having my issues with the beast. but... that's not why i'm here.
NA: then why are you here?
HB: i know ric flair hangs out with you guys and makes those awesome sandwiches. all i'm sayin is 10 minute truce. let me get a sandwich. that's all.
AA: well, i guess it would be just plain cruel to deny someone one of ric's sandwiches.
NA: alright. you're lucky. we just sent ric out so he should be back in just a minute with a fresh batch. but that's it. you eat the sandwich then leave.
HB: deal.
*they go inside and wait. it's very uncomfortable in there. after a few minutes, ric comes in with the sandwiches.*
AA: bout time.
HB: jeez ric! look at that gash on your head. you need to have that looked at.
NA: whatever. just eat your sandwich.
*they all take their sandwiches from flair. hardbody beast is the first to take a bite.*
HB: PTOOEY!!! (he spits it out) jeez man! what the hell type of sandwich is this???
RF: braaaaaiiinns.....WoOoOoOoOoOoOo...
AA: BRAINS? WHAT??
*AA opens his sandwich to take a look and THE BEAST POPS OUT!!!*
AA: beast!
HB: that's not beast!
NA: whats?
HB: that's m---errr-- his evil twin brother, monster!
AA: how do you know?
Monster: i certainly am not monster. i'm the beast.
HB: no you're not!
M: oh yeah? and how would YOU know? hmm?
*HB puts a finger up and opens his mouth like he's about to say something, but then quickly stops himself. he gets his composure back then says...*
HB: no no no no no no. i know what you're trying to do. you're always trying to fuck my shit up. you want me admit that i'm actually the beast in hardbody harris's body. well screw you, cuz i'm not gonna do it. in fact, since there's no decent sandwichs, and you -who i've hated since the day we were born- are here, i'm just gonna leave. GOODBYE!
*hardbody beast heads over tothe wall and walks into it agains.*
HB: OW! dammit! i really gotta remember i cant do that in this body.
*HB leaves through the door.*
M: i'm out of here too guys. later.
*monster successfully exits through the wall.*
NA: so was that really monster or was it the beast? and if it was monster, then where IS the beast?
AA: you know, regardless of everything that just happened, i can honestly say i have no idea what happened to the beast.
NA: me neither.
AA: damn.
*fade out*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 12, 2008 11:02:33 GMT -5
Marc Lloyd is walking down the hall, and runs into wCw coming the other direction -
ML - Guys - - - Hey GUYS!
JW - What do you want Lloyd? And what the hell happened to your face?
ML - Well, I did an interview with Capslock and Stank....
JW - And pissed them off, I bet.
ML - Well, yeah. But what about your match this week with the Aussie Sensations, Outback Jack and Gatorbait?
TW - What about it?
ML - Well, this is a big week for wCW - Cappelan's first title defense against Thim, who looks more focused and dangerous than ever, and you and Westgaard take on a team with a LOT more experience than you in Outback and Gatorbait.
TW - So? Dude, we KNOW who they are, and what they can do in the ring - Cap is ready, and JW and I are looking forward to it!
ML - Really? You think you can beat them?
JW - Look Lloyd, don't be putting words in the kid's mouth. You don't get into OOWF looking to lose. And for the last 3 week, Wilder and I have been working on new tag team moves, getting to know each other's style better in the ring.
ML - So you DON'T think you'l be able to win?
<JW Westgaard stares a hole through Marc Lloyd>
Cap - Uh Oh.... Look Marc - let me answer before JW gets a 5 minute major... Look man - have you been WATCHING OOWF?
ML - Sure!
Cap - Then you know I don't back down from anyone - I'm here for the competition. You know that Tommy Wilder is here for the thrill, and will try anything in the ring - he makes RVD and his "unorthodox" offense look like Viscera. And JW is one of the toughest, most accomplished guys in OOWF.
ML - Riiiiight.......
TW - So man, why, if you are so clued in, would you figure we don't have a chance? Or do you figure that WE didn't think we had a chance? Or should we figure that you figured that we didn't think so?
ML - Huh?
TW - Well, like this... uh.... Dude, never mind.
TW - Look, Outback, Gator - you guys are great in the ring - facing you two will be our toughest test yet - you're both solid, straight up OOWF Superstars and have the tag team thing ice-cold solid like The Hawk doin' a 540 Method. To beat you two, we have to be on TOP of our game. So we've been workin' on some new stuff to throw - and we can't hold back - to beat the best, you gotta take a chance - like a 900 Flat Viking Roll over the gap - just 'cause I never did it in competition, doesn't mean I won't try.
JW - In other words guys - we think this will be a great match - the fans should love it. And we are going to pull out all the stops. We hope you do too, and the best team comes out on top - We think it can be us, just as easy as you.
ML - So you're saying that they CAN'T beat you!
<JWW turns, slaps Marc Lloyd on the other side of the face - ML hits the floor>
Cap - Oh, Brah, I tried to warn you...
TW - Ow. Dude - welcome to the OOWF. You best get a sandwich....
TW - Jack? Gator? See you out there dudes! Let's have some FUN!
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