OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (04/11) Live! From Orlando, Fl

[BookerShark]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Orlando, Florida

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Double Jeopardy Three Way[/u]
LD Williams vs. Stan Fulton vs. El Lobo Sangriento

OOWF Intercontinental Title Fatal Fourway[/u]
Matt Folz vs. Ghosthead vs. Ricky Soaring Eagle vs. Comrade Sharkoff

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u]
The Flyin' Hawaiians vs. Attitude Adjuster & Honcho Williams

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Crowing vs. Rabbit Mask

Extreme 10 Match[/u]
Moosehead Jack vs. Stank

Street Fight[/u]
Mai Muyo, Chris Evans & JP Sparxx vs. Danny Taylor, Psykle & Justin Sane

Alexander Darling vs. Zane Myers
Firewoman vs. Chad Madison


card subject to Dixie and Sting putting Hogan in charge here too

[BookerShark]

Firewoman is STORMING~! through the halls, knocking trashcans over and making a general mess of things.

FW: Where is he....FOLZ! Pretty brave guy when you've got a partner and some brass knuckles....let's see how brave you are ONE ON FUCKING-ONE!!

Fire turns a corner and Folz is there. He jumps a bit only because he somehow didn't see or hear the commotion. Fire stops, both growls AND smiles at the same time, and FLIES toward him. Suddenly, a large arm comes out in front, grabbing her around the waist.

CM: Not now, toots. Not right now.

FW: What the...Chad? Let me the fuck go right now.

Chad is having a very difficult time keeping Fire from breaking free and Zane comes out, standing between them. He holds his arms out, blocking in case Fire gets free.

MF: Aw, lookie there. Fire's certainly got a good number of caretakers. That must be a full time job.

ZM: You know, we could just let her tear your throat out.

Sparxx comes from around the corner, smiling.

JPS: I don't t'ink dat'd be a smart idea. Even if she's all dat, two on one ain't safe, knowhati'msayin'?

FW: I can more than handle the two of you. Let me go.

CM: Clearly you can't count, Sparxx. It's three on two right now. And one of those three is a heck of a lot stronger than she looks.

*Fire is still struggling a lot and it's all Chad can do to contain her*

ZM: So how 'bout you two just go on your way, before we decide we like those odds.

Folz, Sparxx, Chad, and Zane exchange Mutual Sneers of Disrespect. They leave and Chad waits a good long time before releasing Fire, who immediately turns on him, only to be then restrained by Zane.

FW: What the fuck was that? Did you not see him? He knocked him out!

CM: We did, and we also saw Sparxx waiting just out of sight to jump you. Did you know he was there?

FW: I don't see how that's relevant.

ZM: It's not like you to walk into a trap.

Fire relaxes and Zane lets her go.

FW: Fine. I know it's not, and I suspected it but...I was just so....

CM: It's okay. Just be careful. You need to be at your best next week.

FW: Huh? Why?

CM: 'Cos it's you and me in the ring, ma'am, one on one. And we agreed, double or nothin' right?

Firewoman smiles, while Zane rolls his eyes.

FW: That's right. Get your checkbook out, Cowboy. But just keep in mind...we keep this up, I might get bored betting only money. You'll need to be more creative.

Fire smiles and walks away. Chad watches her go, a bit speechless, until Zane smacks him in the back.

ZM: Alright, that's enough. Let's go.

FADE

[BookerShark]

*GM theSelena walks into her office followed by Chuckles the Clown. She finds Ghosthead and his wife sitting in the two chairs across from her desk. She rounds the desk and sits in her seat.*

GMtS - Ghosty. Mrs. Ghosty.

Shannon - We're here to discuss the unauthorized use of Ghosthead's image in a-

GMtS - YAY! Cartoons! Don't you think it's about time?

Shannon - It's... a misrepresentation.

GMtS - It's one of the BEST ideas EVER! It will help bring in the kid demographic!

Shannon - Aren't children exposed to enough violence on tv?

GMtS - No.

Shannon -

GMtS - Yo! Appealing to kids is kind of my wheelhouse, okay!

Shannon - Nevertheless we never authorized the use of Ghosthead's image for-

GMtS - It's in every OOWF superstars contract.

Shannon - It is?

GMtS - Fine print. Read it.

*Selena opens a drawer and pulls out a copy of Ghosthead's contract. Shannon picks it up and scans it until she finds the clause in question. She turns to her husband.*

Shannon - You didn't read this before signing?

Ghost -

Chuckles - Juh. Juh. Juh.

*Selena takes off her shoe and throws it at Chuckles, smacking him on the side of his head.*

Shannon - Sorry to have wasted your time Mrs. Al-Takrit.

*Shannon rises from her seat and starts to head out, but pauses at the door when she realizes her husband has not made a move to follow. Ghosthead stares at Selena.*

GMtS - Something else I can help you with?

Ghost - ... .... No.

*Ghosthead rises from his seat and follows his wife out of GM theSelena's office.*

[BookerShark]

FADE in on the OOWF New Guard logo. A voiceover, not Voiceover Guy, says, “The following announcement is paid for by the OOWF New Guard.”

FADE to black, then FADE in on the New Guard locker rooms. Sitting getting bandaged up by New Guard Medical is The Crusher Stan Fulton.

“Hope you’re awake somewhere, LD. Hope that the EMTs that carted you out of the arena last night gave you something to keep you conscious. Because this message is just for you.

“I told you that you got a freebie World Championship match. But that you wouldn’t be able to enjoy it. And I followed through on my promise. And I didn’t need the New Guard to do anything but run interference from your buddies that were trying to stop me.

“Yeah, I’m going to need a few stitches, but nothing I haven’t been through a million times in this business.

“But you experienced something that doesn’t happen all that often these days. You were laid out cold. You were left on the side of the ring area like yesterday’s trash.

“Enjoy the feeling. You’ll experience it again next week.

“Enjoy the bruises, lacerations and probable concussion. Again, you’ll have more of them seven days from now.

“Enjoy the pain.”

FADE

[BookerShark]

Attitude Adjuster and Honcho Williams are in one of the really awkward “WWE staredown in the middle of the hallway as the camera’s red light come on” situations. No Longer OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion #Heel Cardboard Cutout Johnny Adrenaline, with Special Bob Orton Jr. Memorial Wrestling Cast, stands behind AA because he was not in a promo last week.

HW: So you think you get to decide when we are done as a tag team? You think I might already be done with YOU as a tag team partner?

AA: Are you kidding me? You’re just some punk kid who I took under my wing. You aren’t even Alex Riley to my The Miz. To even think of me as The Miz is an insult. And to think of you as Alex Riley is an insult to Alex Riley! If I had a plate glass window here right now, I’d show you what a real Superkick looks like!

HW: You think that Superkick hurt? You cross me this week in our OOWF World Tag Team Title match against The Flyin’ Hawaiians in ...

AA: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don’t you even try to use my cheap pop routine! No one uses my cheap pop routine! You can’t cheap pop me! I’m already cheap popped! Cheap pop? I’m already cheap popped! In Orlando, Florida! (cheap pop!)

HW: That made no sense at all.

AA: I’ll tell you what makes sense and what doesn’t! And what makes sense is giving you one more chance to prove yourself, in our OOWF World Tag Team Title match against The Flyin’ Hawaiians in...

HW: Orlando, Florida! (Cheap pop!) There, I did it. See? It’s not that big a deal! In fact, if I had coffee right now, I’d toss it on you! That how you start all your cheap feuds, isn’t it?

Suddenly, The Flyin’ Hawaiians come around the corner.

The Kai: The Kai is facing these two jobronies this week? Why is it The Kai is consistently—and I mean CONSISTENTLY—put in the ring with such clam chowder-slurping, cardboard cutout-friending, same old promo-making losers?

AA: Don’t you dare call my promos old! You’ve used the same 10 catchphrases for the last year. How do you even call that a promo!

Suddenly, Honcho throws coffee at The Kai.

AA and The Kai: What?

HW: Getting the feud started.

AA: We’re already feuding! We have a title shot, you idiot! And look, that’s probably at least a $5 shirt The Kai has on. It’s probably the most expensive thing in his closet. Except for the blow up doll he calls a girlfriend.

Kai: The Kai does not find that funny. But The Kai does not have a catch phrase in which to respond. So The Kai will just LAY-ETH THE SMACK DOWN ON YOUR CANDY ASS!

And with that we have the requisite brawl in the hallway until random security guards who look suspiciously like Orlando Championship Wrestling talent pull the two tag teams apart.

[BookerShark]

<Moose is sitting in the back looking at the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal title with a tv playing a loop of OOWF clips nearby.>

Stank - I'm going to take that DDT belt from you Moose. If for no other reason... than to save you from it.

<Moose speaks absentmindedly>

In permanent madness we live
No time for life and for love
To take is the rule, not to give
Insanity comes from below to take us all

Stank - It was a poor choice of words.
LDW - So... you.
Stank - I'm not trying to "Save" him... Not like Crete for fuck's sake. I mean in THIS case "Saving" him is not synonymous with "Changing" him.
LDW -
Stank - You know what I mean.
LDW - Rarily.
Stank - Billy
LDW - I know what you mean.
Stank - What do I mean?
LDW -
Stank -
LDW - You want him to stop listening to... HIM.
Stank - I never did like the way Moose...
LDW - I know. Me too.
Stank - He's a slave... it shouldn't be that way. It's only going to get him killed.
LDW - Maybe we should let it.
Stank - WHAT? ARE you SERIOUS?
LDW - Maybe it's the only way he'll be... free.
Stank - I'm going to pretend... I didn't hear you just say that.
LDW - All I'm saying is he's too far gone. There's really nothing we can do. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before...
Stank - No.
LDW - I'm not writing him off.
Stank - Sounds like it.

MHJ: Slave

Stank - Last night LD Williams and I celebrated his Championship win over Crusher Fulton. Nothing wild, just a few beers, a near politically motivated brawl with the locals, and a lot of laughs. The only time things got serious was whenever the conversation turned to Moosehead Jack.

You see Moose wasn't there with us. Our friend Moose doesn't give a fuck. You know why?

Because of his single-minded crusade against THEM.

That's right Moose. For all your bullshit talk about my alleged campaign against the New Guard, and how they are in my head, and how they are no real threat, and how I should just ignore those fucks... YOU... you are just as guilty if not more so with your obsessive unholy war against THEM. You are either with THEM or against Moosehead Jack. And anyone with half a brain knows that's bullshit. It's not that black and white.

Now let's just get a few things straight. I don't exist in the OOWF to please the fans. I'm here to win. I'm here to dominate. I'm here wreck motherfuckers. Whether THEY love me, or THEY hate me... is of no consequence. I am WHO I am regardless, but I'm not naive enough to think that THEIR existence is unwanted or not needed. My concern over the New Guard is a real one compared to your futile crusade over THEM.

Yes THEY are fucked up. I agree. But not any more fucked up than you or I.

It is because of THEM that we get to do what we do. That's not pandering... it's just a fact. Without THEM you and I Moose don't get to do this... you and I would either be dead, or in jail... or worse. Yes there are worse things.

As an aside, Moose, everthing you said about Davin, and Outback Jack is true there was a time I hated them both, but you see I have something I like to call my mind. I use it to think for myself. And sometimes it recognizes when circumstances have changed. It's called the aforementioned thinking for yourself. You see Davin Moreland and I had come to an understanding. One that you would find impossible because HE won't allow you to think for yourself, Moose. And though Outback Jack and I never came to that same understanding, because of The New Guard, we perhaps never will. You see Moose my mind allows me to understand that hate has a very short finite upside before it starts to negatively affect you. There was no more hate left in me to give to Davin Moreland or Outback jack.

And as for the New Guard. I'm not looking to avenge what they did to Outback and Davin. That's not to say I didn't like what they did. I didn't like it, because I saw in what they did a statement... a statement demonstrating what we did to them, will happen to you. Everything I've done since, when it came to The New Guard, has been my statement that HELL NO you are NOT doing that shit to me.

I just saw Crusher take a box of pigeons and drop them into a pit of alligators. You are a damn fool, Moose, if you think one of those pigeons didn't represent you. I don't care how much you may kiss their collective asses. The New Guard want you gone. And THAT is the primary reason why I fight The New Guard. Jealousy has nothing to do with it. Of course you would know that if HE wasn't talking to you.

You see My thoughts on this are MY OWN, but you can't claim any such thing, can you Moose? No... you're a slave... a slave to HIM.

HE has you on this stupid crusade against THEM. HE has allowed THEM to get into YOUR head. HE is the one that convinced you to turn your back on US! That's right. YOU turned your back on us... not the other way around. HE is the one that has you in HIS deathgrip... and HE won't be satisfied until he has squeezed every last semblance of a man out of you, or until you are dead, whichever comes first. Your listening to him gains you nothing but agony. HE is all about short term pleasure for long time suffering.

Yeah... in the beginning when I first recognized it... I did encourage it. Sometimes you got to let the beast out in order to get shit done. You also have to know when to cage it... lest the beast turn on you. And that is where we are Moose. The beast has turned on you. It's taken you over. It's feeding on your soul, on your sins, on your fears, and your desires... everything that should be yours HE takes. Everything that should be YOU HE owns.

You have literally lost your mind. So yes, you can interpret what I'm trying to do as me trying to "save" you, but that is of secondary importance. No, what I am more interested in doing is not so much "saving " you as silencing HIM, or die trying.

Fuck HIM.

You think I'm afraid of HIM? You think I'm scared of pissing HIM off? or you for that matter, Moose? You know me better than that Moose. You know better.

I am the one man in this company who will not be intimidated by HIM. Tapei Fence Death matches, Barbed-wire Steel cages, Happy Dethbats, broken shards of glass, nails, razorwire, come what may. NONE of that shit bothers me in the slightest. Soon I'll simply be satisfied with taking that DDT championship away from you just because HE wants you to have it. Tonight I'll be satisfied by beating HIM out of your head by any means necessary. Your sorry excuse for a father may have tried to beat HIM out of you, but I ain't your daddy.

I hit harder.

Don't believe me? Don't think I have it in me?

Ask my dad.

FADE

MHJ: Slave. Hate.

*Stank is sitting in his locker room. The lineup sheet lies where Stank dropped it between his feet. Stank stares at the floor a few seconds before looking up directly into the camera.*

Stank - So Moose. This is how it's going to go down, huh? Broken glass taped fists. Fine. If rending your flesh from your bones will get HIM to shutup and you back in your right mind, so be it. Let's see how much agony you can take before you realize that HE does not have your best interest at heart. Let's see how loud you have to scream before you realize HE has been lying to you.

How far Moose? How far will we have to go? Because for all your talk about my resolve, you have no idea how far I will go to seperate you from HIM. Broken Glass? Shit. Why not douse it with gasoline while we're at it? Set that shit on fire. Don't think I didn't notice you with that scalpel. HIS weapon of choice I gather. Tell HIM to take that scalpel and shove it up his ass, because I will go as far as I need to. There is NOTHING and I mean NOTHING that HE can do to make me stop. HE needs to realize... I ain't going ANYWHERE until HE is GONE!

Don't Believe Me? ...Then you haven't been paying attention.

FADE

MHJ: Slave. Hate. Lies.

Stank - This is supposed to be fun. The bruising, the blood, the carnage... I used to get a... admittedly sick, perverse sort of pleasure out of inflicting punishment on an opponent. What I'm going to do to you on Wednesday however, I take no pleasure in it.

And it's all because of HIM!

I'm sorry Moose. I'm sorry that HE has got you wrapped up SO tight that you cannot even tell the difference between HIM and YOU. And that is my problem with this whole twisted affair. You say all those things you did in our shared past was HIM. Was it HIM that made you not use that scalpel on me? Was it HIM that helped talk me into coming back to the OOWF after I thought I was done? Was it HIM that tagged with Billy Dee in KZ and later with me to form two of the most feared Tag teams this company will ever know? Is HE a two time Grand Slam champion? Is HE the most viscious, brutal, sadistic, motherfucker to ever step foot in the squared circle? or is it YOU?

Cause I'm telling you... there is a difference.

In one scenario you are your own man, the other, you are a slave. You think your drive comes from HIM? No. HIS ultimate goal is to see that nightmare of yours come true. HE feeds off your agony as you look to satisfy HIM. He's got you twisted. Maybe for all your life it's been this way... but it doesn't have to be. And if I have to beat the shit out of you to get you to pay attention...

so be it.

MHJ: Slave. Hate. Lies. Him.

<Moose finally looks up at the camera and speaks>

MHJ: Stank…..He is gone right now. You see, there are times He goes quiet. There are times He does not drive me, He does not push me further. Make me see things the way they are. This is one of those times Stank. And I have been asking you this same question for weeks, and you still haven’t answered it.

Why?

Why are you so hell bent on taking this <holding the DDT title up> from me? Why do you want me to stop listening to Him? Really? Is it because you want me to listen to you? Is it because you want that nightmare to come true?

You say I am a slave to Him. Am I? He pushes me to be the most blood thirsty, sick, sadistic bastard I can be. He pushes me to do the things no one else would do. He pushes me to that dark place that allowed me to nearly kill Alexander Darling. Does that bother you?

You want to talk about hate…….hate has a limited shelf life. No Stank……no. Will you ever hate what your father did any less? Will you ever hate what you did to him any less? You can forgive those who have wronged you. That makes you a better man Stank, and I commend you for that. Hate is what drives me. My hatred for what Alexander Darling is, and what Lisa has become is what fuels me. My hate for that bastard father of mine drives me. Yeah, He feeds on that hate, he thrives on that……but so do I…….and so do you Stank. You wouldn’t be doing this if you weren’t fueled by hate, none of us would. It’s not about glory. You want glory, go to Ring of Honor and revive the Pure title. It’s not about money. You want money, go to the WWE and become Vince’s vision of a sports entertainer. This, we, the OOWF……it’s all about hate Stank. Your hatred of what you did. Little Alex’s parents hatred. Jack’s hate of his mental problems. Danny’s hatred of being mute. It’s all hate Stank. It drives us all to be the beasts we are. I embrace it. I admit it. He encourages the hate. Does that bother you?

What has He lied to me about Stank? Has He lied to me about being the most dangerous man in wrestling? Has He lied to me about LD turning his back? Has He lied to me about what Lisa has become? I was lost Stank. I was lost when Lisa did what she did to Eco. The Saints of Sinners could have been great, and Lisa took that from me. But He wouldn’t allow me to wallow in suffering. He told me to take the DDT title and make it mean something. He told me to prove myself. He told me to shut everyone up. When everyone else wrote me off…..including you….He was right there listening to me. When you were off warring against the New Guard, He listened. When no one had my back, He did. Does that bother you?

<Moose pauses for a moment then smirks and his entire demeanor changes>

You are no stranger to Him are you Lucas? Was it Him who encouraged you to try and kill Drink and Destroy? Was it Him that encouraged you to do anything necessary to destroy Davin? Was it Him in your ear when you killed your father? Stank, we can go down this road, we can beat each other senseless. You know Moose, you know I will not stop. He will not allow it. You say He will not be happy until I am dead……but you know to stop me, you will have to kill me. Will you go that far? Will you destroy your friend, only to ultimately do His bidding? Think about what you are saying Lucas. Think about the road you are going down. You were at your best when you were at your worst. There is no reason it has to be like this. Once there were Five…….now there could be Three.

<Moose stops speaking and slowly lowers his head and grabs the sides of his head, seemingly in pain. When he looks up again, he appears tired, and once again he speaks, almost in a whisper>

Why are you doing this to me?

<fade>

[BookerShark]

~~~ Bridgette is walking backstage, when she is met up by a Randomly Numbered Sexy Female Journalist ~~~

RSNFJ: So where are Chad & Zane? They lose the Trios titles

Bridgette: Championships

RNSFJ: ..... Champio.. whatever. They lose those, and now must face off with Phoenix Rising in singles matches. We NEED comments!

Bridgette: Look hon, the boys are obviously not in the best of moods. Losing a match really bothers them. Losing a Championship, especially one under the dubious circumstances like happened in Miami? Outrageous.

RNSDJ: So where are they?

Bridgette: They're off training. Singles matches this week mean a different kind of preparation.

RNSFJ: You can't really expect them to win against two former World Champions?

Bridgette: You see shug, that's the kind of thinking that gets people in trouble. Normally, I'd just tell you to keep thinking that and see what happens. I know Lisa and Alexander are smarter than that. They'll realize that although Chad and Zane don't wrestle in singles matches often, they both have had Singles Championships in their limited time wrestling solo. So yes, Alex and Lisa are clearly the favorites, but to count Chad and Zane out would be..... a mistake.

RNSFJ: I guess that's good enough for now...

[BookerShark]

We come up in the Destroyatorium, and we see Dynamite Danny Taylor and Psykle sitting at a table near the back. Justin Sane walks into the room and heads directly for the back wall. He has a file in his hand. He stops and stares at both men. He nods his head, and then turns towards the back wall. He pulls out three photographs.

Justin: Mai Muyo.

He sticks a picture of Sailor Moon on the wall.

Justin: Chris Evans.

He sticks a picture of Captain America on the wall.

Justin: JP Sparxx

He sticks a picture of Eminem on the wall.

Justin: These are our opponents for this week. Both Danny and Psykle go to correct Justin on his pictures, then stop think about it, and motion for him to continue.

Justin: We have them in a street fight, and I've been in a few of those, so you should follow my lead. Don't get confused by the name. A wrestling street fight is not a real street fight, if you show up to this like you would an actual fight on the street, we will lose.

Psykle: I'm gonna regret asking this, but what do you mean Justin?

Justin: If you go out on the street now and pick a fight, it will be short. Four or five minutes tops, then you get winded from all the punches being thrown. You probably don't think to bring any weapons, or conveniently hide them ahead of time. You are gonna get arrested, trust me on that. And very few people will actually chant for you to beat someone else up.

Danny and Psykle exchange looks surprised at this bit of insight Justin is showing.

Justin: A wrestling street fight requires entrance music, crowds of chanting fans, hidden weapons. Don't worry I all ready took care of that. And most importantly Jeans. We must all wear Jeans. It's in the rules, I checked.

Danny and Psykle just chuckle and nod.

Justin: So let's be ready okay? You...

He points to Danny.

Justin: Try to keep the chatter down during the match, we don't need you distracting us with all your talking, and You...

He points to Psykle.

Justin: Make sure you keep your manager from manipulating you into an ~OMG SWERVE~ attack on your teammates. Now if you will excuse me, I need to go polish my stop sign.

With that Justin leaves, and Danny and Psykle exchange confused looks.

Psykle: He....He doesn't watch the show does he?

Danny just shrugs as we....

FADE

[BookerShark]

**L.D. Williams is sitting in his locker room, watching OOWF TV when SFJ#47 enters.**

SFJ#47: “L.D., can I get your thoughts on your match with Stan Fulton last week?”

LDW: “Ow.”

SFJ#47: “-”

LDW: “-”

SFJ#47: “That’s it?”

LDW: “What do you want me to say? Crusher beat the crap out of me. Between the axe handle to the head and the Droplines, I was carried out. It hurt. Just like Stan intended.”

SFJ#47: “I’m a little surprised you’d admit that.”

LDW: “Why? It’s not the first time I’ve been carried out. It probably won’t be the last. Despite what Crusher might like to think, hurting me isn’t exactly a unique accomplishment. And hurting me isn’t the same thing as beating me is it? I still have this.”

**Williams picks up the OOWF World Heavyweight Championship belt.**

This week, you get to take another shot at it Stan. Not one-on-one though. This week, we play by Lobo’s rules. I know what you’re thinking - Lobo and I are going to gang up on you. You’re right, we probably will, if we get the chance. Thing is, Lobo and I are both Canadian. If it comes down to caving your skull in or taking the title, either one of us is going to take the title. We‘ll cave your skull in after the bell rings.

As far as enjoying the pain Stan, in a few short weeks we‘re both going to be in War Games. ‘Enjoy the pain’ is going to take on a whole new meaning. I hope you’re ready.”

<fade>

[BookerShark]

*fade in to JP Sparxx and Chris Evans, who have just finished watching Justin’s promo*

JP: Da fuck was dat?

Evans: Heh, that would be our so-called competition. A broken man, a lost soul, and…whatever the fuck Justin is supposed to me.

Mai: I still think we should watch for these guys. Luckily, I came prepared for such an occasion.

E: Really? That’s great, lets see what you’ve got.

*Mai goes off camera*

M: Alright, here it is.

E: Um, Mai, what…what the fuck is that?

*Mai comes back into view carrying a cartoonish-sized hammer with an image of her face on it*

M: You like it?

E: Um…

M: No worries, I got some for the rest of us.

E: No, Mai, we’re good, we just ne…oh, for fuck’s sake.

*Mai goes off-camera, and returns with a wheelbarrow full of cartoonish weapons, like oversized boxing gloves and Super Soakers, as well as hardcore weapons, such as stop signs and garbage-can lids, all of which have her face emblazoned on them*

JP: The fuck is with dis bitch?

E: She’s a Muyo. You really gotta ask? Heh, least we got someone to match Justin in the batshit crazy department.

M: Hmm? You say something just now?

E: Nope, not a thing.

*fade to black*

[BookerShark]

Fade back in. And pretend it's still Easter Sunday when all this happens.

MM: Darn it all! I forgot the oversized mallet.

CE: There's one in here.

MM: That one is pink, not blue.

Mai leaves the New Guard dressing room and goes SKIPPING~! down the hall. She turns a corner into the Hallway of Random Encounters, and she randomly encounters Firewoman, who is not exactly SKIPPING~! down the hall. In fact...she MAY have been HOPPING~! but we'll never know because the cameras didn't see her. However....

She is wearing bunny ears and carrying a bunch of small Easter baskets stuffed with Easter grass and with colored eggs and a chocolate bunny in each one. They kind of run into each other.

MM: Oh! Hi Fire. Whatcha doin?

FW: Celebrating Easter.

MM: Hmmm...well, I would guess that a godless heathen like yourself would be attracted to the secular trappings of the holiday, and all those things adopted to try and convert the savages...

FW: Like myself.

MM: Like yourself.

FW: I'm just helping the Easter Bunny distribute presents to all the good little boys and girls of the OOWF.

MM: Oh, Fire...poor misguided, going-to-hell Fire. Jesus died and was resurrected three days later--

FW: Two.

MM: Three.

FW: Two...died Friday....Saturday, Sunday...Two days.

MM: ...

FW: ...

MM: Was resurrected to purge us of all our sin and then we wouldn't have to get rewards from some fake goddess and her rabbit.

FW: Huh?

MM: You know...Easter comes from the Anglo-Saxon goddess Eostre who was all about the rabbits and the eggs and--

FW: No, not really. The only thing we know about Eostre was that Venerable Bede mentions her as being the source of the name Eostremonath, since her feast day was during that month. Even Jacob Grimm only knew of her through surviving oral traditions as Ostara, and neither of them had anything to do with rabbits, and really there was not much known at all. Although since Eostremonath is the month we now know as April, it makes sense she might have been a spring time goddess. The rabbits and eggs come from--

MM: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE THEY COME FROM! *giggle* I always wanted to do that. Whatever, I will take my basket of heathen chocolate and then--

FW: No, you don't get one.

MM: What?

FW: Nope. Nor any of the New Guard. I'm under strict orders.

MM: From who?

FW: Easter bunny.

MM: There's no such THING!

FW: Then where did I get these baskets?

Mai is momentarily speechless as she tries to puzzle this out, but only momentarily.

MM: I've been good!

FW: You can't possibly have been good. You and your entire New Guard have been cheating and beating people up for no reason. Not to mention...you're a Muyo. In time, that evil that courses through your veins and animates every nerve of your body will come out. I can't wait for that to happen.

MM: Why?

FW: Because the New Guard will come begging for my help, since I've defeated your brother twice before. And I'll sit back and laugh. Happy Easter, Mai.

MM: That's not what Jesus would do.

FW: No. But it is what I would do.

Firewoman leaves. Mai scowls in anger and heads back to the New Guard locker room.

[BookerShark]

"Folz You have what I want. I could care less about ghosthead and the russian. I want that title. And I am willing to break you in half if I need to to win it.

So prepare yourself. You have not dealt with anyone like me. You have not been broken like I will break you. You have not had your ass handed to you like I will do it. You have not endured suffering like I will impose on you. You have not

FELT!

MY!

PAIN!

... But you will. And it will be glorious. "

[BookerShark]

Mai Muyo is tuning up her leg gun when Matt Folz walks in.

Folz: …What is that for?



Mai: The Street Fight on Wednesday. I really don’t want to cut off my leg, but if I bend it and attach it to my knee….

Folz: Mai, there are no guns allowed in the OOWF.

Mai: What? Why did they make that stupid rule?

Folz: Because of your brother.

Mai: Oh. (Pause) I promise, I’m not turning into him! Lisa is wrong!

Folz: Okay…stick with the giant hammer.

Mai: I guess…it’s really only good at fishing though.

photos2.fotosearch.com/bthumb/TBZ/TBZ118/hr01s004.jpg[/img]

Folz: Where did you…

Mai: BRICK~!’s cousin.

Folz: Right.

Mai: I have to get going for a minute.

Cut scene. Mai catches up to Firewoman.

Mai: I actually don’t know if you’re right as it relates to the current schedule around the Triduum. Based on my understanding, what we translate as “on the third day” would go Friday to Sunday, but the Triduum celebration might have become truncated over time. Either way, I don't see it as a compelling argument for error.

Fire: …Did you follow me to tell me that?

Mai: Not just that. I wanted to apologize. I don’t know where I got off calling you “heathen,” or, more directly, saying you were going to hell.

Fire: But you think I’m a heathen.

Mai: But it’s impolite!

Fire: And you think I’m going to Hell.

Mai: No. No, I don’t. I don’t know what’s in your heart, or whether you really had the chance to know Christ. You may be “invincibly ignorant,” by the standards of the Catechism, where you only need to serve Christ in spirit…

Fire: Are you calling me ignorant?

Mai: No! No, it’s a theological term….look, I’ve had a really bad Holy Week. Junichiro (Fire bristles) is in a kind of dark place, and mom…she’s not happy with all the choices I’ve made—

Fire: She really must be the only sane Muyo.

Mai: (bristles back) I wanted to talk about that. Moose said something that I want your thoughts on.

MHJ: This, we, the OOWF……it’s all about hate Stank. Your hatred of what you did. Little Alex’s parents hatred. Jack’s hate of his mental problems. Danny’s hatred of being mute. It’s all hate Stank. It drives us all to be the beasts we are. I embrace it. I admit it. He encourages the hate. Does that bother you?

Mai: Is that true? Is it all hate?

Fire: …You’re just asking me?

Mai: Yes.

Fire: …

Mai: ...

Fire: ...No. No, there are other things.

Mai: Okay. (Mai pauses) I just…I wanted to come clarify that no matter how much I might try to hurt you…I don’t hate you. And I know you might not associate the choices I make with love, and I don’t want to be held myself up as an example of a Christian—goodness knows there are far better examples—but it’s important to me that you know that I don’t hate you.

Fire: Even if that distinction is semantic and meaningless to me, so long as you commit violent acts against those I care about.

Mai: (Pauses) Yes. Even so.

Fire: …Okay.

Mai: GREAT!

Mai hugs Fire, who can’t decide how to react fast enough to stop her. Mai skips off.

Mai: (singing) Gonna go beat some heads in with hammers...

FADE

[BookerShark]

A roving RNSFJ runs into OOWF Onslaught champion Crowing as he tries to slink into the arena...

RNSFJ: Crowing, do you have any comments ahead of your match this week?

Crowing: (A bit shifty) Um, yeah. Looking forward to locking up with Rabbit Mask, one of the top competitors in the company, tryting to restore the Onslaught belt to it's former glory by being the fightingest champion in the company. That OK?

RNSFJ: I guess. Any thoughts on the growing tension between the New Guard and the so-called Old Guard...

Crowing: (Moving his weight from foot to foot as he talks...) Um, just makes sense to team up with guys who are similarly interested in keeping things fair. Also, War Games sounds fun.

RNSFJ: Surely you've got something to say about the religious debate between Firewoman and Mai Muyo...

Crowing: Um, Fire is right? I don't want to get into it, now can I go...

RNSFJ: OK...

Crowing turns to leave and something falls out his bag... the RNSFJ picks it up and it turns out to be a tube of Preperation H...

Crowing takes the tube from the RNSFJ...

Crowing: Too much heathen chocolate... it'll pass....

[BookerShark]

Fire is standing with her ears on as Crowing walks by.

FW: Have a chocolate egg!

C: Mmmm...I dunno....

FW: And really, as I was thinking about it....it's only like a day and a half really.

C: Huh?

FW: Well...like MOST lunar calendars, the Hebrews began day at sunset, right?

C: Right.

FW: So if he was crucified Friday....Yom Shishi...he died that night, but technically once the sun set that was Saturday, or Yom Shabbat, right?

C: Okay...

FW: And then arose Sunday morning, Yom Rishon, which would have started at sunset the night before...so that's like a day and a half.

C: Huh...I guess you're right.

FW: Doesn't make it any less interesting or miraculous, really. Rising from the dead is rising from the dead. Hell, it took me weeks, so if he did it in one and a half days, that's pretty cool, really.

C: Am I just here as a plot device?

FW: Kinda. But have a basket anyway.

Firewoman hands Crowing a basket and totally does not HOP off down the hall.

C: It's a new crazy. I'll give her that.

[BookerShark]

~~~ Chad Madison walks into the Destroyitarium, finding it oddly deserted. He sits at the bar silently when a familiar voice rings out from behind. ~~~

FVFB: It's about time you showed up. I can't well do all the promo work this week

~~~ Naturally, Chad doesn't look back, knowing full well that it's Firewoman behind him ~~~

Chad: Actually, I was off preparing for our match this week. A little change of scenery, you know?

Firewoman: Still doesn't mean you can't promo, ever hear of Live via Satellite? Youtube? Heck, ninjacams are everywhere!

Chad: Heck? really? Such language from the Easter Bunny

Firewoman: Oh shut up.

Chad: Don't worry, we've been watching. You know that Alex and Zane have never met one on one?

Firewoman: Doesn't surprise me .

Chad: You and I, on the other hand....

Firewoman: You're going to take credit for a countout win? Seriously? When my Brother runs in and beats me to a pulp?

Chad: April 22, 2009

Firewoman: Listen, I can barely remember things that happened last month, much less things that happened before Ju...... Ecosystem and Trinity

Chad: And before the Five...

Firewoman: Wow, that long ago? So tell me Cowboy, how did it happen?

Chad: What?

Firewoman: Listen hot shot, You don't drag up 3 year old matches unless you won them. So how did it finish?

Chad: (grinning from ear to ear) Inside Cradle

Firewoman: That's it? a countout and an Inside Cradle? That's your foundation for beating me this week?

Chad: Live! from Orlando Florida (HUGE Cheap Pop)

Firewoman: Cute. well listen here. I'm not the same person I was back then. and unless my brother gets involved again, it'll take a little more than that for you to win this time.

Chad: Neither am I, Lisa

Firewoman: So I see. (She looks around at the still empty Destroyitarium) This place looks closed, buy you something at Ric's?

Chad: Sure, just as long as there's no Easter candy in my sandwich

~~~ Fade ~~~

[BookerShark]

Feeling a bit better, Crowing seeks out a like minded soul to hash out a theory. He find Firewoman trying to hand a basket of Easter eggs to a pair of Wiccans off to help organise their upcoming Beltaine celebrations and vehemently refusing. He shakes his head, as this is a sure sign that Fire has gone over the edge...

Crowing: Hey Fire.

Firewoman: Hi Chris, feeling better? There's nothing that an excess of chocolate can't cure.

Crowing: Much, thanks. You know how you were querying the Easter thing, while at the same time embracing it so wholeheartedly.

Firewoman: Yep.

Crowing: Think on this. Jesus came back from the dead. Drinking his blood as part of communion is supposed to give eternal life. He's ridiculously judgemental on moral grounds regarding sex before marriage, killing and such and he's always all kind of shiny in any pictures you see of him.

Firewoman: Supposedly.

Crowing: Of course, but I think this tells us the truth of what he is.

Firewoman: Go on.

Crowing: Jesus is a Twilight-style vampire.

Firewoman: That SO does not sparkle with me.
Firewoman:

[BookerShark]

FADE in on the OOWF New Guard logo. A voiceover says, “The following program is paid for by the OOWF New Guard.”

FADE to black, then FADE in on the set of OOWF New Guard Newsbreak where former AWA announcer Marty O'Neil sits behind a desk.

MO: “Good afternoon everyone. This New Guard Newsbreak is sponsored by Lexus®. The relentless pursuit of perfection.™

“Joining me today via satellite from Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida, is former OOWF World Heavyweight Champion The Crusher Stan Fulton.”

Fulton appears on a monitor to the side of O’Neil.

SF: “Glad to be with you today, Marty.”

MO: “First off, Stan, why Walt Disney World?”

SF: “I’m in discussions with Disney and ESPN on a project for myself and the New Guard.”

MO: “Can you give us any details?”

SF: “Not at this time, no.”

MO: “Let’s talk about your recent matches with LD Williams. You’ve lost to him twice in a row and now you’re in a three-way match with LD and El Lobo Sangriento. Your thoughts.”

SF: “LD is one of the best wrestlers this business has ever seen. I’ve never thought nor said differently. Of course I’d rather have held onto the World Heavyweight Championship for myself and the New Guard, but to lose it to LD Williams is nothing to hang my head over.”

MO: “Then why the animosity towards Williams and his ilk?”

SF: “Because, as we’ve stated ad nausium, the New Guard is about elevating the new talent. Elevating the next generation of wrestlers. Did you see Wrestlemania, Marty? Big Show over Cody Rhodes. The Rock and John Cena in the main event. Booker T in the 12-man match to begin with. That’s what the OOWF was headed for under the guidance of people like Davin Moreland. Like Outback Jack. Like Stank. Like LD Williams. The top tier more interested in their own resume and power than making sure the company stays viable.”

MO: “So, Lobo...?”

SF: “Is one of those young, great talents that should be in the main event. The only problem was he blindly followed Danny Taylor, who even more blindly followed Outback Jack, who was one of those that wasn’t going to put Danny or Lobo over. Now that’s not an issue.”

MO: “The OOWF Universe™ hasn’t been too enamored of the New Guard’s game plan, shall I say.”

SF: “Change is never handled well by the masses. The status quo is adored and embraced. But hindsight will give the OOWF Universe the perspective to see that what the New Guard is doing is best for this company, for their fans and the industry as a whole.”

MO: “After this match on Wednesday night, what’s next for Stan Fulton?”

SF: “Knowing that the World Championship will most likely not change hands on a Midweek Mayhem, I’m looking forward to moving onto my next challenge.”

MO: “Which is?”

SF: “The last piece of the Grand Slam puzzle, Marty. The OOWF World Tag Team Championships.”

MO: “Which are currently being held by the Flyin’ Hawaiians. Your teammates.”

SF: “Oh, make no mistake, Marty. I aim to make sure that Aina and The Kai are tag champs for a long, long time. But there will come a day where they decide to give up those belts and I aim to be ready to take their place.”

MO: “Do you have a tag partner?”

SF: “I do indeed, Marty. I do indeed. But that is also not going to be revealed here and now.”

MO: “Any last words?”

SF: “LD. Lobo. I have nothing to lose in tomorrow night’s match. The Board of Directors is never going to let me take that title tomorrow so all I have left to me is to make you both suffer. Lobo. I have no beef with you. You’re welcome to stay out of my way. But the last time that LD Williams faced me he was carted out of the arena unconscious. You interfere with me repeating that again and you’ll join him. But that is entirely up to you.

“Once more, we play our dangerous game, a game of chess against our old adversary - The Canadian LD Williams. But today the game is different. I have the advantage.

“Enjoy the pain.”

FADE

[BookerShark]

*Stank has just finished watching the latest round of promos.*

"The top tier more interested in their own resume and power than making sure the company stays viable.”

Stank - Right back at cha, Crusher.

Now... Moose.

You ask me if I hate any of those things you described any less. The answer is no. I don't hate them any less. My father abused both me, and my mother mentally, and physically. I hated him for that. If I had been older I might have realized that my father listened to HIM. My father was a slave to HIM.

You see how that turned out for my father...? And at the risk of sounding even more like a bad WWE scripted CM Punk, Chris Jerico storyline, you might think hate drove me to see my father dead... no... it wasn't hate. Not in THAT moment... it was clarity. Glad the judge saw it that way otherwise I might still be in prison.

You see I learned early on that though I held hate in my heart, if I didn't want to turn out like my dad, I had to learn to control it.

This is the difference between you and I... my hate doesn't drive me.

I mean it when I say it has a short shelf life. By a short shelf life I mean it burns real quick... like racing fuel. I recognize also like racing fuel it has a use.

You see I USE hate. You let hate use you.

Does it make me a better man? Perhaps... but you see Moose... I want that for you, because the way things have been going. The inevitable conclusion sees you dead, or worse. You think I want that nightmare of yours to come true? No. I'm trying to prevent that.

I'm trying to make you better.

But you can't hear me. The only one you listen to is HIM. He's probably convincing you as I speak that what I'm trying to do is make you weak, or trying to rob you of your misguided revenge against your sister, or others he's convinced you of betrayal, or prevent you from exacting medieval justice on Alexander Darling. All of that shit can happen or not. It has fuck all to do with what I'm trying to do. What I'm trying to do is much more important and should mean more to you than any of that crap.

You say he's quiet now? I hope that's true. I hope you really can hear me, if not my words, then my actions. I'm going to take that DDT Title from you, Moose. HE want's you to have it... I'm taking it.

Because I would rather put you in the ground myself... I would rather end you my damn self, Moose... than watch HIM slowly drag you towards that high school gym.

Don't believe me?

[BookerShark]

Backstage, Firewoman getting her hands taped up by Lucky.

L: So, you ready?

FW: Yep.

L: You sure?

FW: Why wouldn't I be?

L: No reason.

FW: Uh huh.

L: I dunno..it's...just a match...no life or death struggle. No long history.

FW: Kind of...

L : Well, not like usual.

FW: *she shrugs*...true.

L: No battle for souls, or long awaited-vengeance. Nope, just two .... friends?

FW: Yes, friends, sheesh.

L: Two friends putting on a show and betting money for charities.

FW: You're point?

L: Very facy.

FW: Whatever....

L: ...

FW: ...

L: ...

FW: ...

L: Should be a good one.

FW: Cut that out.

[BookerShark]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Orlando, Florida

MOOSEHEAD JACK vs. STANK – Extreme Ten Match

The rules for this match are very simple. In the ring, there are two garbage cans with ten light tubes in each one. To win the match, you have to break all ten tubes over your opponent. It’s that simple. Stank is announced first, and makes his way to the ring, but doesn’t look particularly happy about doing it. Moose is out next, he walks to the ring, dragging the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal title behind him and appears to be trying to tune Him out. Moose rolls into the ring and slumps in the corner. The bell rings and Stank grabs a tube and moves to the middle of the ring and tells Moose to face him. Moose slowly gets to his feet and walks to the middle of the ring and has a mic

why are you doing this?

Stank says nothing

two weeks ago, He wanted me to use the scalpel to slice your throat, but I wouldn’t do it. Last week, He wanted me to bleed you dry for disrespecting Him, but I wouldn’t do it. You say you won’t stop until I stop listening to him, but yet…..here we are. So, this week, what are you going to do Stank?

Stank looks around for a moment, then takes the light tube and SHATTERS it upside Moose’s head! (Stank 1-0). Moose staggers around the ring pulling glass out of his hair. Blood runs down the side of his face. Stank casually grabs another light tube out of the garbage can.

Is that how it’s going to be?

Stank says nothing and just smashes a second tube upside Moose’s head. (Stank 2-0) Moose snarls in anger and grabs a light tube out of his garbage can, the crowd roars in anticipation. Moose turns to Stank and looks at him, then cocks his head to listen and slowly shakes his head, then tosses the light tube to the mat and drops to his knees

this is my penance. Do it Stank. This is what He wants. Do it

Stank just stands there staring at Moose, blood dripping off his face. Moose spreads his arms out and tilts his head back

DO IT! DO IT GODDAMN IT!

Stank snarls and SLAMS another light tube down on Moose’s head (Stank 3-0). Moose drops to his hands and knees, blood pouring off his head.

You can do better than that Stank. You want to beat Him out of me? You want Him gone? You can do better than that.

Stank grabs Moose and pulls him to his feet and sends him to the ropes, grabs a tube and shatters it into Moose’s gut on the rebound. (Stank 4-0) Moose doubles over in pain, the glass slicing into his abdomen. Moose falls to the mat writhing in pain. He reaches out and grabs the mic again, this time his voice is different, he sounds like………Sean, very Irish

That all you got Jackie? That the best you can do? I thought you were a man Jackie. You are nothin but a disappointment! You and that sista of yours, nothing but failures! I raised you to be a MAN! Now hit me Jackie! Hit me! I know you want to! Moose stares right at Stank, still speaking like SeanHIT ME YOU PUSSY! BE A MAN! DO IT! DO IT OR I AM GONNA BEAT THE SHIT OUTA YA!

Stank snarls and slams another tube upside Moose’s head, (Stank 5-0) this time opening a huge gash over Moose’s eye. Moose falls to the corner and grabs his face, then gets to his feet, furious, and kicks over his can and grabs a tube. He comes at Stank and starts to swing it, but then closes his eyes tightly and drops to his knees and grabs his bloody head. When he speaks again, his voice is very different this time.

THAT ALL YOU GOT? YOU HIT LIKE A FUCKING GIRL LUCAS! I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SOME BIG BADASS MOTHERFUCKER! DO IT LUCAS! YOU WANT ME GONE? YOU WANT TO CONTROL MOOSE, DO IT! DO IT YOU PUSSY!

Stank snarls, knocks his can over and dumps out the light tubes, then kicks Moose in the gut, lifts him up and POWERBOMBS him into the pile of light tubes from both cans! The referee immediately calls for the bell.
WINNER in 10:54 – Stank

Moose writhes in agony on the mat, his back is sliced to ribbons. Stank stands there and looks at him then shakes his head and leaves the ring. Moose grabs the mic one last time and speaks through clenched teeth.

Is this what you want Stank? Is this what you want? To stop Him, you have to kill me……is this what you want? Doesn’t have to be like this Stank, what was five can be three…….is this what you want? Why are you doing this?

Moose slides out of the ring and staggers up the ramp, obviously in great pain. He collapses once and officials come out to help him, but he shoves them away and stumbles to the back.

ALEXANDER DARLING vs. ZANE MYERS

Alex comes to the ring seconded by Fire, while Zane comes out with Chad. Not so much to protect themselves from their opponents, but from a New Guard attack. They shake hands and the bell rings. Darling grabs the immediate advantage and maintains control. He has the wealth of solo experience, but Zane has the power advantage. After a few near falls, Darling lifts Zane for a DARLING DRIVER, but Zane slides off his shoulders and spins Alex around and KILLS him with a CHOKESLAM! Zane takes over with power and tosses Alex around the ring. Zane hits a running kneelift/hangman neck breaker combo for a two count, but Alex rolls his shoulder at the last second. Zane wears Alex down, working the back and ribs, then trapping Alex in a bear hug nearly getting the submission from the arm drop, then nearly getting a three count when he bends over and drops Alex’s shoulders to the mat. Alex fights out of it and catches Zane with a DDT and both men are down. Both get to their feet and Alex tries a spinning heel kick, but Zane ducks and tries a clothesline, but Alex ducks that and sweeps Zane’s legs sending him to the mat. Alex grabs Zane’s legs for the MONEY CLIP, but Zane grabs Alex and rolls him into a small package and gets the three count! Alex kicks out just a fraction of a second too late!
WINNER in 17:11 – Zane Myers

After the match, Zane and Alex shake hands, and Alex raises Zane’s hand in victory.

MAI MUYO, CHRIS EVANS & JP SPARXX vs. DANNY TAYLOR, PSYKLE & JUSTIN SANE – Orlando Street Fight

This match doesn’t even make it to the ring. As Danny, Psykle and Justin are heading to the ring, Mao, Evans and Sparxx attack them from behind. A mighty brawl ensues that sees them fight all over ringside. Evans hammers Danny with punches to the back of the head, then grabs a chair and tries to kill him, but Danny ducks and the chair warps around the ring post. Evans tries to run, but Danny grabs him from behind and shoots him into the ring. Evans tries to beg off, but Danny puts a hurting on him, never letting him slip out of the ring to safety. Justin Sane and Mai exchange chops at the top of the ramp, with Justin mimicking everything Mai does, much to her irritation. At ringside, Sparxx tries to choke Psykle out on the barricade, but Psykle hulks up, with Sparxx on his back and drives him into the ring post. At the top of the ramp, Mai catches Justin with a low blow, then hits a TWIST OF FATE driving Justin’s head into the steel. Mai gets to her feet and looks to the ring where Danny is setting Evans up for a DYNAMITE DROP. Mai grabs a chair and races to the ring and NAILS Danny on the back. Danny drops Evans, then turns around and gives the YOU! fingerpoint to Mai. Mai tosses the chair aside and tries to attack but Danny blocks it and DECIMATES her with a clothesline. The brawl continues out of control for several minutes with everyone hitting finishers on someone. The end finally comes when Justin and Mai are in the ring, Evans and Danny are brawling outside the ring and Sparxx and Psykle have fought up the ramp. Justin calls for the DOUGHAWK and races to the corner and leaps on the ropes, but Jewel reaches in and gabs his foot, crotching him in the corner. Mai grabs him from behind and hits a RUNNING NECKBREAKER! She floats over and covers Justin, hooking his leg and getting the three count.
WINNERS in 22:42 – Chris Evans, Mai Muyo & JP Sparxx

FIREWOMAN vs. CHAD MADISON

Alex accompanies Fire while Zane is out with Chad. Chad and Fire shake hands in the middle of the ring, then head to neutral corners. The bell rings, and we are underway! Fire and Chad put on a classic wrestling clinic, chain wrestling, using reversals and counter reversals. They keep up an insane pace for almost ten minutes before Fire telegraphs a corner cross body block and Chad is able to duck it. Chad takes over and keeps Fire grounded, working on her always injured ribs and nearly getting a three count after a slingshot suplex. Fire kicks out just before the three and fights back, rocking Chad with a European uppercut, then a spin kick to the gut that sets up a FIREDRIVER (vertebreaker) for a two count. Fire can’t believe that Chad kicked out of that. The match continues on. Fire tries an enzuguri, but Chad catches her leg and dragon screws her to the mat and traps her in a figure four. Fire howls in pain but refuses to give up. With the crowd egging her on, she finally reaches the ropes and forces the break. The end comes after over twenty-five minutes of action with Chad heading to the top rope after PLANTING Fire with a powerbomb. But Fire was playing possum, she kips to her feet, scales the corner and snaps Chad off with a PERFECT FRANKENSTEINER! Fire hooks Chad’s legs and gets the one, two, THREE!
WINNER in 26:14 – Firewoman

Fire helps Chad to his feet and they share the hug of mutual respect. Alex and Zane shake hands again, and the four celebrate in the middle of the ring. Their celebration is cut short when the Flyin Hawaiians come out to the top of the ramp and mock all four. Texpress and Phoenix Rising invite them into the ring, but Kai and Aina just laugh and head to the back.

CROWING vs. RABBIT MASK – OOWF Onslaught Championship Match

Both men are introduced and make their way to the ring. The referee calls the two to the middle of the ring and calls for the handshake, Crowing extends his hand, Rabbit hesitates, then slaps Crowing’s hand drawing a murmur from the crowd. The bell rings and the match begins. Crowing matches Rabbit move for move, frustrating the younger, faster Rabbit Mask. Rabbit drops Crowing with a straight right to the jaw, drawing a warning from the referee. Rabbit takes over, but he can’t maintain the advantage for long. Crowing takes over and catches Rabbit with a BRAINBUSTER for a two count. Crowing pulls Rabbit up and sends him to the ropes and tries a leap frog, but Rabbit doesn’t quite get his head down low enough and NAILS Crowing in the jewels. The referee seems to think it was intentional and gives Rabbit a second warning. Rabbit backs off and lets Crowing get to his feet, then LEVELS him with a clothesline. Rabbit Mask takes over and gets several near falls on Crowing, forcing Crowing to use several rope breaks. Rabbit heads to the top rope and tries a missile drop kick, but Crowing moves and Rabbit crashes and burns. Crowing grabs his legs and tries to turn him over into the D-TUNER! Rabbit is desperate to escape the move, so he reaches up and rakes Crowing’s eyes, drawing his third and final warning. Crowing staggers around the ring and Rabbit Mask gets to his feet and argues with the referee, trying to argue that it was an accident, but the referee isn’t buying it. Rabbit seems to lose his temper, turns around and kicks Crowing right in the nads. Crowing falls to the mat, and the referee turns and calls for the bell.
WINNER in 13:38 by disqualification – Crowing

The referee calls the two together for the post match handshake, but Rabbit bails out of the ring and just heads to the back

THE FLYIN’ HAWAIIANS vs. ATTITUDE ADJUSTER & HONCHO WILLIAMS – OOWF World Tag Team Title Match

The Hawaiians attack to start the match and beat AA and Honcho down. Aina dumps AA over the top rope to the floor, and slams him face first into the ring post opening a NASTY gash above his eye, and taking AA out of the match (I think we have seen THIS before!). Honcho puts up a brave fight, but it is essentially two on one. The Hawaiians put a HURTING on Honcho, but the crowd is ROARING for AA and Honcho. After an extended beating that sees the Hawaiians toying with Honcho, AA finally makes it onto the apron and yells for the tag. A few minutes later Honcho FINALLY tags AA in and the place ERUPTS! AA takes out The Kai, then Aina, landing some classic dirty moves (including the MULE KICK!) AA sets Aina up and hits a PILEDRIVER! But, YOU CAN’T HURT A HAWAIIAN WITH A PILEDRIVER! Aina pops right up and kicks AA in the face, but AA waits for the referee to turn his back, and nails Aina with a LOW BLOW OF DOOM! That is when things break down. The rest of the New Guard head to the ring, but they are caught from behind by Texpress, Phoenix Rising, Danny, Lobo, Psykle and Vic and a massive brawl erupts. In all the confusion, with bodies in and out of the ring, Honcho POPS Aina with a SUPERKICK and AA rolls him up from behind, possibly grabbing a handful of tights, and gets the one…….two……..THREE! NEW CHAMPIONS!
WINNERS in 21:46 – and NEW OOWF World Tag Team Champions – Attitude Adjuster & Honcho Williams

The New Guard clears out, and a very bloody Attitude Adjuster and Honcho Williams celebrate in the middle of the ring. Stank and LD Williams come out and congratulate Attitude Adjuster and they all lift AA onto their shoulders (much like Flair after he beat Harley Race). AA looks STUNNED that people are cheering for him. He just stares at the title for a moment, then holds it up in the air and the crowd ROARS their approval

MATT FOLZ vs. GHOSTHEAD vs. RICKY SOARING EAGLE vs. COMRADE SHARKOFF – OOWF Intercontinental Title Fatal Four Way

Everyone is announced but Folz and makes their way to the ring. Finally Folz is announced and he comes to the ring and looks at the collection of talent in the ring and just shakes his head and laughs. Folz climbs onto the apron, steps between the ropes and tells the referee to ring the bell. Soaring Eagle and Ghosthead attack one another and brawl, Sharkoff gets involved, and they quickly bust him open. Folz bails out of the ring and grabs a chair at ringside and watches the three men beat the hell out of one another. Ghosthead tosses RSE over the top rope to the floor then LEVELS Sharkoff with a brutal clothesline for a two count. Folz remains calmly on the outside, even taking some time to do commentary. RSE comes back into the ring and drops an elbow across the back of Ghosthead’s head and drills him with the RETURN TO EARTH! Sharkoff tries to take advantage of the situation and covers Ghosthead, but Soaring Eagle kicks him in the face, pulls him to his feet and PUMMELS him in the corner, screaming about trying to show him up or something. Ghosthead gets to his feet and grabs Soaring Eagle from behind and the two of them light into one another and fall between the ropes to the floor where they continue to roll around, hitting one another with everything not nailed down. This is where Folz seizes his opportunity. He slides into the ring, spins Sharkoff around and knees him in the gut, then hits a BRAINBUSTER! Folz covers Sharkoff, hooking the leg hard, and getting the three count!
WINNER in 15:55 – Matt Folz

LD WILLIAMS vs. EL LOBO SANGREINTO vs. STAN FULTON – OOWF World Heavyweight Title Double Jeopardy Match

The rules are very simple. The only way to win the match is to make both your opponents submit. How exactly you are going to get any of these three men to submit ONCE let alone TWICE is beyond me. The bell rings and we get intense action for over twenty minutes. No one even comes close to a submission because the third is always close by to break it up. Finally Lobo and Fulton double team LD and suplex him over the top rope to the floor. Williams hits his back hard and remains on the floor. Fulton immediately attacks Lobo and tries a whip to the ropes, but Lobo reverses it and catches Fulton on the rebound with a roll through Boston Crab! Fulton tries to get to the ropes, but Lobo wrenches back on Fulton HARD. Stan has no choice, and taps out at 22:33. Submissions – Lobo 1, Fulton 0, LD 0. Lobo is one submission from victory!

Lobo releases Fulton and slides out of the ring and pulls LD to his feet and slams him back first into the guard rail, then the ring apron, then finally rolls him into the ring and sends him to the ropes and tries to catch him with a rolling Boston Crab, but LD catches Lobo with a knee to the face that drops the big man to one knee. LD unleashes a barrage of kicks to Lobo’s head that rocks the big man. Finally LD hits the ropes and catches Lobo with a flying knee to the face that sends him between the bottom and middle rope to the floor. LD snarls and is about to go after Lobo some more, when Fulton grabs Williams from behind and locks him in a FLYING CHICKEN WING!! The champ struggles and tries to push off the top rope, but Fulton will not release the hold! Fulton jolts LD repeatedly, threatening to completely dislocate his shoulder. Finally LD can’t take anymore and submits at 38:20. Submissions – Lobo 1, Fulton 1, LD 0.

So now, if Lobo or Fulton can get the other to submit, they win the title, while LD needs to make them BOTH submit to retain the title. He has his work cut out for him. Fulton tosses LD to the mat, and LD grabs his shoulder in pain. Fulton leaves the ring and pulls Lobo to his feet and catches him with several uppercuts to the throat that rocks the big man. Fulton rolls Lobo into the ring and whips him to the corner and CRUSHES him with an AVALANCHE! As Lobo staggers out of the corner, Fulton bounces off the ropes and KILLS him with a clothesline, then follows with a GIANT SPLASH! Fulton seems to be trying to weaken Lobo’s ribs. Good plan. Fulton pulls Lobo up and traps him in a BEAR HUG! Lobo howls in pain and the referee is right there to see if he quits. Lobo will not submit, but he begins to fade. The referee lifts his arm and it drops once, then twice, and is about to fall a third time when LD Williams gets to his feet and NAILS Fulton from behind with a chop block. Fulton falls to the mat clutching his knee in pain. LD pulls Fulton up and sends him to the ropes, the big man hits the ropes and LD catches him with a boot to the face. As Fulton staggers backward, he gets hung up in the ropes. LD cinches the ropes, trapping Fulton. The referee tries to free him, but there isn’t much he can do. Across the ring, Lobo is on his hands and knees, LD charges over and catches him with a STIFF boot to the face, then pounces on him and traps him in the CRIPPLER CROSSFACE! Lobo nearly makes it to the ropes, but LD breaks the hold, drags him to the middle of the ring, and reapplies the hold! The referee stops trying to free Fulton and checks on Lobo, LD threatens to pull Lobo’s head off his shoulders, and finally Lobo has to tap out at 55:18. Submissions – Lobo 1, Fulton 1, LD 1. The next submission wins the match!

All three men are down. Fulton finally frees himself from the ropes and grabs his knee. Lobo is grabbing his neck and ribs, while LD is still favoring his shoulder. The three men fight through it and we get a good twenty more minutes of each man trying for a submission win. Fulton traps Lobo in a CAMEL CLUTCH, but LD manages to break that up before Lobo can tap. Lobo catches LD in a FUJIWARA ARM BAR but Fulton is there to break that up. Lobo catches Fulton and LD in THREE WOLF MOON’S (at different times, of course) but they are broken up each time. LD is fading badly in this match, having fought two men almost twice his size for over an hour. The end of the match finally comes when Lobo catches Fulton with a big boot to the face and Fulton falls out of the ring to the floor. Lobo turns and grabs LD and lifts him for a POWERBOMB, but LD shifts around in mid air and comes down with Lobo trapped in a LEBELL LOCK! Lobo tries to make it to the ropes, but this time he can’t and Lobo reluctantly taps out! Submissions – LD 2, Fulton 1, Lobo 1.
WINNER in 1:14:27 – and STILL OOWF World Heavyweight Champion – LD Williams

After the match, Lobo and LD shake hands, and the rest of the Old Guard come out to congratulate them both, and help them to the back. The New Guard come out as well, and there are some threats tossed around, but the two sides mercifully stay apart……for now. The New Guard help Fulton up and to the back. We close with the camera focused on an exhausted LD Williams wincing as he holds the OOWF world heavyweight title in the air.

Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action! Be sure to check out the OOWF Territorial Beatings 7, Live! From Apex Hill, Nunavut Canada. And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem, April 18th Live! From Atlanta, Georgia.

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