Post by BookerShark on Jul 24, 2012 17:02:50 GMT -5
<we cut to the Seattle Seahawks training field where dozens of OOWF jobbers stand waiting. Ride of the Valkyries plays and Justin Sane, Awesome Bill From Dawsonville, Stank and Attitude Adjuster walk, in slow motion, onto the field with a serious look on their faces. The action continues, all in slow motion like a good training montage should be>
Several of the OOWF jobbers get down in a three point stance and point to Stank. The big man snarls, then gets down in a three point stance himself. Stank yells like a mad man while sweat drips off his face. Stank charges and easily throws two of the jobbers aside, then grabs another on and hammers him to the ground with a clubbing clothesline, does a nifty spin move to avoid another diving jobber, then catches the last jobber charging in and PLANTS him on the turf with a BLACK HOLE SLAM!
Across the field, Awesome Bill From Dawsonville deadlifts a huge weight above his head, then lets it slam to the ground, yelling the whole time. Two OOWF jobbers step up to him and challenge him to a test of strength, but he easily overpowers them both, and drops them to their knees. Bill grabs each one and pulls them up, press them over his head and throws them to the turf, then flexes and yells some more
On another part of the field, we see Attitude Adjuster fending off several jobbers as they attack him. He chops them down, and somewhere, someone yells WHOOOOOO each time. AA grabs one and wrings his arm, then drops to his knees and nails a low blow. All while the sweat dramatically drips off his face, and he also yells in slow motion. AA grabs one grounded jobber and traps him in a figure four, while grabbing another in a reverse crossface. The jobbers tap quickly
In the center of the field, we see Justin Sane standing there peacefully. He is slowly surrounded by jobbers. Justin reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a bandana and slowly ties it around his head, then breathes deeply and motions for them to attack. They attack, ninja style, and Justin fends each one off with chops, karate thrusts and kicks. He decimates the entire circle and stands in the middle of them and slowly bows
We go back to Stank who has a collection of three jobbers across his shoulders, and is doing squats. Again, remember this is all in slow motion. The sweat flies off of Stank’s face, he bellows like a wild animal and DRIVES all three men into the turf. Another one charges in and Stank catches him with a clubbing clothesline that nearly decapitates the jobber
Attitude Adjuster is back on his feet facing more of the jobbers, he drops one with a mule kick, then catches another one with a double poke to the eyes. AA struts, then drops an elbow across the jobber on the ground. Another jobber comes up and tries to catch him with a kick, but AA catches his foot, gets to his feet and DESTROYS the jobbers leg with a KNEE BREAKER!
Justin is facing a new circle of jobbers, they rush him and it looks like Justin is done. They swarm him and al we see are punches and kicks being thrown. There is a low rumbling which turns into a an inaudible roar, then turns into DOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK! The camera goes to static, but we hear audio. The Mortal Kombat Remix plays, then we hear the sound of a howling wolf a jet engine and finally this. When the camera focuses back on the field, Justin Sane is standing there, flexing much like Neo at the end of the Matrix, while unconscious jobbers lay in a circle around him
Back to Awesome Bill, and we see he has a rope over his shoulder and is pulling something heavy. He digs into the turf, muscles bulging and straining. The camera pans back and we see he is pulling the Seahawks team bus. The bus crashes through the gate and Bill pulls it onto the field, then the grabs the side of the bus, and with a mighty scream, tips it over onto its side. Bill climbs onto the……
ABFD: Hold up, hold up a second…….how am I gonna flipify a bus over on its side?
AA: Don’t worry about it! We can CGI that in, being a famous director now – don’t forget, vote AA for promo of the year! Voting starts in Mid-September – anyway, I can put a call in to Michael Bay and we can probably even add some explosions!
ABFD: OUTDAMNSTANDENER THAN HELL!
JS: Can I fight off a few more jobbers? And maybe do that whole air bendy thing like the Matrix?
AA: OOOOHH! Yeah! Good idea! And I can probably add a six pack, they can digitally enhance my abs, though they really don’t need much work!
<In the corner, Stank is standing with his fingers pressing against his nose, eyes closed tight, wondering how he got involved in this>
Sta: How the HELL did I get involved in this? Guys, instead of doing all this…….whatever this is……wouldn’t it be easier to, you know, actually TRAIN?
ABFD: You mean, liftifying them weights and doing the squat thrusts and what not?
Sta: Yes, that’s what I mean
JS: Boss, can I……
<Stank hands Justin five bucks before he can even finish>
AA: Justin, Bill, why don’t you boys go round up the OOWF Camera crew……
<Justin and Bill shrug and walk out of the room, AA walks over to Stank and puts his arm around his shoulder>
Sta: Why are you touching me?
AA: Stank, babe, you gotta see the big picture!
Sta: And that is?
AA: IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THAT IS!
Sta: That………that doesn’t even make sense
AA: I know, I have just always wanted to use that line. Anyway, its not about training, we put this video out and make Power and Glory and their mystery team THINK we can do all this, and BOOM! We have the match half in the bag!
Sta: So……a CGI video, somewhat homoerotic I might add, of us training, instead of REALLY training, is going to halfway win us the match?
AA: EXACTLY!
Sta: But……can’t they just watch this promo and know we made the whole thing up and not be the LEAST bit intimidated by us?
AA: Why would they do that?
Sta: Why WOULDN’T they?
AA: I…….I don’t understand. They are heels, right?
Sta: Yes
AA: And heels are supposed to be intimidated by faces. Like when Hogan hulks up, any sane person would kick him in the face and that would end that, but they all act like they are afraid. It’s what heels are supposed to do! When Power and Glory see this video, they are going to do what heels do and ask for the match to be some crazy stipulation so they can run and not look bad! It’s foolproof!
<Stank just stops and looks around>
AA: What are you looking for?
Sta: Kayfabe should have burst through that door by now and skinned you alive
AA: HA! I thought of that! I replaced Kay’s water with Pine Cone Party Likker, we may never see HER again!
Sta: Dude……that stuff is damn near poison!
AA: I KNOW! See, eventually I am going to turn heel, and the whole thing is going to be after a Who Poisoned Kayfabe angle. I will feign innocence, but then it will be revealed that I actually did it by switching her water with Pine Cone Party Likker! BRILLIANT!
Sta: But…..won’t people see this promo and know that you already did it?
AA: No, we will edit this part out
Sta: You will……edit out a part of a live promo…….what now?
AA: Never mind, just trust in me!
Sta: Did you just rip off Moose’s catch phrase?
AA: Hell no! I’m not stupid! Trust IN me.
<Bill and Justin walk back into the room>
JS: Bad news boss, we couldn’t get any of the OOWF camera crew
<Stank hands Justin five bucks before he can even ask>
Sta: Why not?
ABFD: Somethin’ ‘bout Ricky Spinning Eagle destroying the whole mess of ‘em or some such mess. Seems that ol boy is angry bout somethin’
JS: He should really have his blood pressure checked
ABFD: Son, you ain’t kiddin’. My Granny Mayella Ewell Bodine didn’t have her blood pressure checked non t’all, then one day, she’s celebratin her hundred and tenth birthday, and she just keels right over and dies. That blood pressure will git ya everydamn time
AA: So, you are saying we CAN’T do this promo? DO THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING? THEY ARE STIFILING MY CREATIVITY! THEY ARE RUINING MY MASTERPIECE! NO ONE DOES THIS TO ATTITUDE ADJUSTER! NO ONE!
<AA grabs the INC and looks directly into the camera, raving like a lunatic>
AA: STIFLE ME? I’M ALREADY STIFLED! ABUSE. OF. ARTISTIC LICENSE! YOU SEE THIS? <holding up his cell phone> NOW i HAVE TO CALL MICHAEL BAY AND TELL HIM THE SHOOT IS OFF! YOU WANT THAT? POWER AND GLORY, AND YOUR MYSTERY TEAM…….I AM……..I AM……….I AM GOING TO HIT YOU SO HARD I AM GOING TO HIT YOU REALLY HARD!
<Stank, Justin and Bill’s jaws drop open at what they just heard. AA’s demeanor immediately changes and he covers his mouth unable to believe what he just said>
Sta: Did you just……..
JS: I think he……..
ABFD: Unbelivabler than hell!
AA: <shocked> Its not what you think! I……I……..
<AA runs out of the room>
Sta: I guess that’s a wrap
<fade>
Several of the OOWF jobbers get down in a three point stance and point to Stank. The big man snarls, then gets down in a three point stance himself. Stank yells like a mad man while sweat drips off his face. Stank charges and easily throws two of the jobbers aside, then grabs another on and hammers him to the ground with a clubbing clothesline, does a nifty spin move to avoid another diving jobber, then catches the last jobber charging in and PLANTS him on the turf with a BLACK HOLE SLAM!
Across the field, Awesome Bill From Dawsonville deadlifts a huge weight above his head, then lets it slam to the ground, yelling the whole time. Two OOWF jobbers step up to him and challenge him to a test of strength, but he easily overpowers them both, and drops them to their knees. Bill grabs each one and pulls them up, press them over his head and throws them to the turf, then flexes and yells some more
On another part of the field, we see Attitude Adjuster fending off several jobbers as they attack him. He chops them down, and somewhere, someone yells WHOOOOOO each time. AA grabs one and wrings his arm, then drops to his knees and nails a low blow. All while the sweat dramatically drips off his face, and he also yells in slow motion. AA grabs one grounded jobber and traps him in a figure four, while grabbing another in a reverse crossface. The jobbers tap quickly
In the center of the field, we see Justin Sane standing there peacefully. He is slowly surrounded by jobbers. Justin reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a bandana and slowly ties it around his head, then breathes deeply and motions for them to attack. They attack, ninja style, and Justin fends each one off with chops, karate thrusts and kicks. He decimates the entire circle and stands in the middle of them and slowly bows
We go back to Stank who has a collection of three jobbers across his shoulders, and is doing squats. Again, remember this is all in slow motion. The sweat flies off of Stank’s face, he bellows like a wild animal and DRIVES all three men into the turf. Another one charges in and Stank catches him with a clubbing clothesline that nearly decapitates the jobber
Attitude Adjuster is back on his feet facing more of the jobbers, he drops one with a mule kick, then catches another one with a double poke to the eyes. AA struts, then drops an elbow across the jobber on the ground. Another jobber comes up and tries to catch him with a kick, but AA catches his foot, gets to his feet and DESTROYS the jobbers leg with a KNEE BREAKER!
Justin is facing a new circle of jobbers, they rush him and it looks like Justin is done. They swarm him and al we see are punches and kicks being thrown. There is a low rumbling which turns into a an inaudible roar, then turns into DOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK! The camera goes to static, but we hear audio. The Mortal Kombat Remix plays, then we hear the sound of a howling wolf a jet engine and finally this. When the camera focuses back on the field, Justin Sane is standing there, flexing much like Neo at the end of the Matrix, while unconscious jobbers lay in a circle around him
Back to Awesome Bill, and we see he has a rope over his shoulder and is pulling something heavy. He digs into the turf, muscles bulging and straining. The camera pans back and we see he is pulling the Seahawks team bus. The bus crashes through the gate and Bill pulls it onto the field, then the grabs the side of the bus, and with a mighty scream, tips it over onto its side. Bill climbs onto the……
ABFD: Hold up, hold up a second…….how am I gonna flipify a bus over on its side?
AA: Don’t worry about it! We can CGI that in, being a famous director now – don’t forget, vote AA for promo of the year! Voting starts in Mid-September – anyway, I can put a call in to Michael Bay and we can probably even add some explosions!
ABFD: OUTDAMNSTANDENER THAN HELL!
JS: Can I fight off a few more jobbers? And maybe do that whole air bendy thing like the Matrix?
AA: OOOOHH! Yeah! Good idea! And I can probably add a six pack, they can digitally enhance my abs, though they really don’t need much work!
<In the corner, Stank is standing with his fingers pressing against his nose, eyes closed tight, wondering how he got involved in this>
Sta: How the HELL did I get involved in this? Guys, instead of doing all this…….whatever this is……wouldn’t it be easier to, you know, actually TRAIN?
ABFD: You mean, liftifying them weights and doing the squat thrusts and what not?
Sta: Yes, that’s what I mean
JS: Boss, can I……
<Stank hands Justin five bucks before he can even finish>
AA: Justin, Bill, why don’t you boys go round up the OOWF Camera crew……
<Justin and Bill shrug and walk out of the room, AA walks over to Stank and puts his arm around his shoulder>
Sta: Why are you touching me?
AA: Stank, babe, you gotta see the big picture!
Sta: And that is?
AA: IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THAT IS!
Sta: That………that doesn’t even make sense
AA: I know, I have just always wanted to use that line. Anyway, its not about training, we put this video out and make Power and Glory and their mystery team THINK we can do all this, and BOOM! We have the match half in the bag!
Sta: So……a CGI video, somewhat homoerotic I might add, of us training, instead of REALLY training, is going to halfway win us the match?
AA: EXACTLY!
Sta: But……can’t they just watch this promo and know we made the whole thing up and not be the LEAST bit intimidated by us?
AA: Why would they do that?
Sta: Why WOULDN’T they?
AA: I…….I don’t understand. They are heels, right?
Sta: Yes
AA: And heels are supposed to be intimidated by faces. Like when Hogan hulks up, any sane person would kick him in the face and that would end that, but they all act like they are afraid. It’s what heels are supposed to do! When Power and Glory see this video, they are going to do what heels do and ask for the match to be some crazy stipulation so they can run and not look bad! It’s foolproof!
<Stank just stops and looks around>
AA: What are you looking for?
Sta: Kayfabe should have burst through that door by now and skinned you alive
AA: HA! I thought of that! I replaced Kay’s water with Pine Cone Party Likker, we may never see HER again!
Sta: Dude……that stuff is damn near poison!
AA: I KNOW! See, eventually I am going to turn heel, and the whole thing is going to be after a Who Poisoned Kayfabe angle. I will feign innocence, but then it will be revealed that I actually did it by switching her water with Pine Cone Party Likker! BRILLIANT!
Sta: But…..won’t people see this promo and know that you already did it?
AA: No, we will edit this part out
Sta: You will……edit out a part of a live promo…….what now?
AA: Never mind, just trust in me!
Sta: Did you just rip off Moose’s catch phrase?
AA: Hell no! I’m not stupid! Trust IN me.
<Bill and Justin walk back into the room>
JS: Bad news boss, we couldn’t get any of the OOWF camera crew
<Stank hands Justin five bucks before he can even ask>
Sta: Why not?
ABFD: Somethin’ ‘bout Ricky Spinning Eagle destroying the whole mess of ‘em or some such mess. Seems that ol boy is angry bout somethin’
JS: He should really have his blood pressure checked
ABFD: Son, you ain’t kiddin’. My Granny Mayella Ewell Bodine didn’t have her blood pressure checked non t’all, then one day, she’s celebratin her hundred and tenth birthday, and she just keels right over and dies. That blood pressure will git ya everydamn time
AA: So, you are saying we CAN’T do this promo? DO THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING? THEY ARE STIFILING MY CREATIVITY! THEY ARE RUINING MY MASTERPIECE! NO ONE DOES THIS TO ATTITUDE ADJUSTER! NO ONE!
<AA grabs the INC and looks directly into the camera, raving like a lunatic>
AA: STIFLE ME? I’M ALREADY STIFLED! ABUSE. OF. ARTISTIC LICENSE! YOU SEE THIS? <holding up his cell phone> NOW i HAVE TO CALL MICHAEL BAY AND TELL HIM THE SHOOT IS OFF! YOU WANT THAT? POWER AND GLORY, AND YOUR MYSTERY TEAM…….I AM……..I AM……….I AM GOING TO HIT YOU SO HARD I AM GOING TO HIT YOU REALLY HARD!
<Stank, Justin and Bill’s jaws drop open at what they just heard. AA’s demeanor immediately changes and he covers his mouth unable to believe what he just said>
Sta: Did you just……..
JS: I think he……..
ABFD: Unbelivabler than hell!
AA: <shocked> Its not what you think! I……I……..
<AA runs out of the room>
Sta: I guess that’s a wrap
<fade>