OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 11-30-05

[mooseheadjack]

Live! From
Humptulips, Washington

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
Microplay vs. Niles Anderson

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u]
wCw vs. The Team From Down Under

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
LD Williams vs. Chris Alt

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Canadian Dragon vs. Corax

Steel Cage Match[/u]
Moosehead Jack vs. Hardbody Harris

Donovan Viper vs. Saint Chaos
Seraph vs. Mr. Jealous
The Devil's Brigade vs. Blackdragon & UnderDawg
Johnny Adrenaline & Attitude Adjuster vs. Drink & Destroy
Phil vs. Chris Cole
Mercury vs. SoulDragon
Capellan vs. Uncle Entity
Eric O'Mac vs. Firechild
Thim Reynolds vs. Austraroo


card subject to change based on phrenology

[mooseheadjack]

Montage opens with funeral tones, similar to those of the Undertaker. We see highlights of the Ultimate Hell match, Firechild beaten to a pulp by Seraph, and pinned, cuffed and bleeding after taking his own finisher.

Firechild's familiar profile is seen in sillhouette... all in shadow, standing on a rooftop.

FC: Thank you Seraph. Thank you for proving me right. Thank you for showing that you are indeed a hypocrite and a liar with your talk of forebearance. I stand here, scarred, burned and somewhat broken, and you think you have been revenged upon me.
You have BECOME me.
Our issue is at an end Seraph, and though it ends with me losing the match, I will take great pleasure in watching you fall farther than you ever hoped to raise me.
The day will come when you will seek me out and realise that I understood all the time.

But we are over, and I realise that I have let things slip while dealing with you, and it's time that the rest of the OOEF felt what it is to burn. Eric O'Mac, don't think I'm all hurt and weak, because you will be my first step back towards my rightful place in the OOWF.
Be warned.

Firechild steps into the light, his handsome face scarred and bloodied, but twisted into a sick grin.....

[mooseheadjack]

<Jack is in the locker room, livid, destroying stuff, Thim, LDW and EOM sit calmly by and let Jack break damn near everything. As he finally calms down LDW, freshly won IC championship slung over his shoulder speaks>

LDW: Jack, what the hell is going on?

MHJ: what?

TR: He said what the hell is going on. Why in the bloody hell are we not running Niles and his gang down and beating them into paste?

EOM: And what the hell is up with Harris using your move?

<This sends Jack back into a rage>

MHJ: I am not worried about Hardbody Harris, I have him in a cage this week. When I am done with him, it is gonna make the Seraph Firechild match look like an Onslaught match

LDW: That's all well and good, now why don't we go hunt down Niles and his bitch boys

<Jack turns and kicks the door, denting it badly and warping it in the frame>

MHJ: We can't.

EOM: Why the hell not?

<Jack slumps into a chair>

MHJ: Cause, somewhere I slipped, and Niles has me backed into a corner.

TR: What are you talking about?

MHJpausing for a moment) remember that night that Concrete hit me with a chair? He said he was going for Niles, but I saw it coming. I got in the way on purpose.

EOM: What?

MHJ: I know it would look intentional and Crete would get suspended. The contract forcing us to team was about to come to an end and I knew he would be after the world title. I could not let him have the chance at the title. I had it planned all along, Concrete just made it all that much easy by swinging that chair.

<The four men sit silently for a few minutes letting the information sink in, just then a shadow moves away from the door, Jack leaps to his feet and yanks the door open, but there is no one there.>

[mooseheadjack]

quote:Originally posted by mooseheadjack
MHJ: I know it would look intentional and Crete would get suspended. The contract forcing us to team was about to come to an end and I knew he would be after the world title. I could not let him have the chance at the title. I had it planned all along, Concrete just made it all that much easy by swinging that chair.

<The four men sit silently for a few minutes letting the information sink in, just then a shadow moves away from the door, Jack leaps to his feet and yanks the door open, but there is no one there.>



TR:For God's sake Jack look at yourself

## Jack just stands quietly holding the door open . . . Thim walks over, turns MHJ around by his shoulders and slaps him around the face. MHJ remains motionless but LDW and EOM both jump to their feet. As they are making their way across the room Thim slaps MHJ again. This time he reacts but Thim locks in a half nelson and slams him face first into the locker-room wall

LDW: Thim, what the fuck

MHJ: BACK OFF THIM - you have no idea what you're fucking with here

TR: oh but I do Moose . . . you're all guns blazing in the ring still no doubt, but outside it your head's just not in the game any more. You should lock yourself in a room between shows for your own protection - you've gone soft

## with that Thim lets MHJ go . . . MHJ turns around and goes nose to nose with Thim

MHJ: HOW DARE YOU!!

TR: I dare for the same reason that everyone else, including Niles, is daring . . . you've lost it. Just forget about Crete - you did the right thing now just stop feeling guilty about it. Look, you played a game with the guy, you got him to team with you and you went after the tag titles. You had a good run but the guy was just never interested in doing any more than prating around in stupid costumes . . . the contract gave you a get out where you could lose the guy for six months and you took it. CORRECT DECISION - GET OVER IT . . .

MHJ: You must know how much damage I've done to people for saying a tenth of the shit you're spouting Thim

TR: Do I looks worried Moose?? At the moment you're nothing more than an emotional cripple

MHJ: . . . . . .

TR: exactly, come one guys - I think Moose needs some space

LDW: if for no other reason that I think he may be about to start throwing lockers around the room!!

EOM: You know Moose, I think Thim has a point - people seem to be losing respect for you around here recently. We'll catch you later.

## Thim, LDW and Eric leave the room and leave MHJ motionless, seeming frozen with boiling held in rage . . .

[mooseheadjack]

<GM the Rick comes to the podium and makes the following announcement>

As of 11 am today, Dr. Murder has been released from the OOWF, we here at the OOWF wish him the best in his future endeavors.

We would also like to announce that Mikey Styner has been reassigned to the Ohio Valley Online Onslaught Wrestling Federation (OVOOWF) to nurse minor injuries, and shed what we feel may be excessively dangerous weight.

In addition, as mentioned earlier, Endo and Morte have been cleared to go to Japan Online Onslaught Wrestling Federation (JOOWF) until further notice. We wish them the best there.

Mark Vander has been sent to a treatment facility to battle depression and an issue with an undisclosed drug problem. He will be reevaluated once he completes treatment

Finally, Beast has suffered a tear of his MCL and ACL and a dislocated patella, and will likely be out until at least February, possibly longer. Meanwhile Ax-Man has suffered some tendon damage to his knee and has gone to see Dr. Ames Jandrews in Alamaba for thorough examination. He will still accompany the OOWF on the road, but will very likely see viery light duty.

Thank you
<GM the Rick leaves, pauses at the end of the stage and drinks deeply from a flask, then heads through the door of his office>

[mooseheadjack]

<Stank finishes watching the tape of D&D's recent match then sends the remote crashing into the wall>

Stank - I think we need to turn heel.

FFC - We can't do that yet.

Stank - Why?

FFC - Because our next match is against Attitude Adjuster and Tarheel Mike. If we turn heel it will cut their gimmick off at the knees. The last thing this Fed wants is for the fans to start cheering The Chickenshit Heels for the stuff we're doing to them.

Stank - What makes you think the fans won't cheer us anyway if we do heelish stuff to them? They HATE Adjuster and Mike.

FFC - Well that would defeat the purpose of us turning heel, now would it? YOU know what it's like. The fans will cheer, we'll start pandering, which makes us more prone to committing mistakes, which enevitably costs us the match.

Stank - Well we'll just have to out heel the chickenturd heels.

FFC - And how do you propose we do that?

Stank - Hey we weren't always faces! The fans just decided to cheer us.

FFC - And look where that has got us.

Stank - Two tag-team championships?

FFC - I MEAN LATELY!

Stank - Well you got me there. We're losing our edge. I mean we're jobbing to fools like The Devil's Brigade and we even gave Murder and Styner the rub.

FFC - They and that wizard dude are no longer around. So what was that for?

Stank - Yeah I think a heel turn is in order.

FFC - Well it would be better to turn he'll against faces like the new tag champs.

Stank - New? You mean the Aussies lost? To who?

FFC - Do you even watch the other matches on the card?

Stank - My bad. I was just so upset after our loss I went drank myself into a stupor.

FFC - wCw are the new champs.

Stank - Well Since the fans are gonna cheer us regardless, we can at least get some practice being bad guys against KFC.

FFC - KFC?

Stank - You know... Chicken... as in Chicken...

FFC - YOU SEE? You can't DO stuff like THAT!

Stank - What?

FFC - Faces come up with nick names for opponents not heels!

Stank - Well it's been awhile!

FFC - We're gonna need help.

Stank - Who's gonna help us?

FFC - Well, call me crazy but, why don't we ask Attitude and Tarheel?

Stank - You're crazy!

[mooseheadjack]

*TTFDU is being interviewed by Metrosexual male Journalist #2*

MMJ: Gentlemen, you face WCW for a chance to win the titles back...

OBJ: Congratulations to WCW. That was a beauty of a move to get the win! But this week you come back down to earth, in a match that favors us a little more.

GB: Right.

MMJ: Well, Tommy Wilder is a high-flyer, but JW is a big strong man...

OBJ: You're starting to sound like...

Donny Viper: I'm not a, er...

OBJ: Never mind. Westgard is a tough bastard, but *points at self* 6'5", 275 pounds, and ready for anything. Except that poofter stuff, not that there's anything wrong with that.

DV: Hey!

OBJ: I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about this dipstick here.

MMJ: Hey! Sound like somebody's got a case of the Mondays.

*CHOMP! MMJ is dead*

GB: I like it better when the sheilas interview us.

OBJ: Too right. I'm dry as a dead dingo's donger. Let's hit the boozer.

DV: Did you just say anything about me?

OBJ: No, Donny. Why are you here anyways?

DV: I have to pop up whenever my heterosexuality is questioned. It's a lot of work. *cups hand to ear* I think Hardbody just said something. *runs off*

GB: Good thing we have low-maintenance gimmicks.

OBJ: Right. Time for the amber nectar.

[mooseheadjack]

(Uncle Entity is watching a replay of the PPV where he had Canadian Dragon pinned in the ring and the ref was distracted by Corax)

Uncle Entity: Man! I had that elusive title won but that jackass Coras distracted the ref! I think I am going to go on a rampage at Midweek Mayhem and interupt ever match by chokeslamming the superstars?

Jesse Garon: (In Elvish) Why?

UE: I don't know. Just to show the fans how pissed off I am.

JG: Why don't you show Corax how pissed off you are? there he goes now.

(Corax is hitting on SFJ# 33 1/3)

UE: (Excited) Good idea!

(Uncle Entity sneaks behind Corax and hooks him into a Full Nelson while SFJ 33 1/3 runs for cover. Jesse Garon starts slapping Corax in the face whilst talking shit. Corax boots him to the face and drops out of the full nelson but UT counters by kicking him in the stomac and brain busting him through a table. A pile of Corax limbs and splinters lies on the floor. Uncle Entity spits on the pile and saunbters off. Jesse Garon gets up and follows.

[mooseheadjack]

The aftermath of a full-scale celebration are evident in wCw's locker room. Hundreds of empty cans of Mountain Dew and Red Bull litter the floor. Tommy Wilder is hurtling back and forth like a hyperactive ferret on speed, bouncing off walls while talking too fast to be understood. Every now and then, he rushes over to an immensely tall ladder and strokes it lovingly while crooning soft words in its non-existent ear.

"Awesome match, JW." Capellan slaps his stable mate on the shoulder, "Think you'll be able to get Tommy calmed down enough to get in the ring by Wednesday?"

"Calmed down? Man, I'm just gonna let him go out there like that." JW nods at Wilder as the latter does eight backflip somersaults off the wall. "The Aussies won't know what's hit 'em. How about you? Feeling OK after your match with Viper? Is that the last you'll see of him?"

"Man, I'd answer that if I had any clue why I spent the last two months fighting him in the first place." Capellan shrugs.

"Something about a title shot wasn't it?"

"Well yeah, for one match. And then I guess maybe he wanted a chance to equalize things. But seven weeks?" Capellan shrugs again, "If I had to fight someone from outside my division, why couldn't it be someone I respect?"

"Viper's a good wrestler." JW points out, "He showed that in the ring tonight. Even the crowd gave him credit for it."

"Good wrestler? Sure. When he has to be. But he's a coward. Too afraid of losing to go out there and put in on the line every match, so he has his little entourage sort things out."

"Man, that can't be all there is to it." JW raises his eyebrows.

"Well, he's also a self-admitted rapist."

"I AM NOT A HOMO!"

Capellan sighs,

"Donnie, I said rapist. A homosexual would be a much better thing to be."

"Well ... as long as we're clear."

"We are."

"Good."

"Door's that way."

"OK then."

Westgaard and Capellan watch Viper leave. Wilder nearly knocks him over as he performs a shooting star press onto a pile of Red Bull cans.

"How does he do that?"

"I don't want to think about it."

"Well, you have Entity this week." JW observes, "He's not exactly a poster child for mental health, either."

"True." Capellan admits, "But if I have to fight strange-looking, sexually confused men in tights, at least I can fight the ones in my own division, now."

"I AM NOT -"

"Shut up, Donnie."

"Can I have a Red Bull?"

"No."

"Aw, go on. Missy likes the way it makes my -"

"You can have one if you promise never to finish that sentence."

"Ha! Suckers!"

Viper leaves once more, passing Wilder as the latter cajoles seven SFJs into doing a conga with him.

"He's going to ask them to limbo next right?"

"Yep. Panty shots galore for the folks at home."

"SFJ panty shots?" Hardbody Harris appears in shot. "Got any spare Dew, guys?"

"Here." Capellan passes him one. "Something you want, Hardbody?"

"Actually, I came for my ladder." Hardbody nods towards the immense stainless steel item. "It's the one me and my Best Friend Forever Chris Alt used to climb to get to my trophy tree house."

"Wow." JW takes a swig of some guarana-enhanced energy drink you've never even heard of, "So you're telling us ..."

"That that's not just any tall ladder ... it's the #1 TALL LADDER IN THE OOWF."

Wilder runs over.

"Hardbodydudegladyoucouldmakeitthanksfortheloanoftheladderits
greatsohighsofartodropsowickedsocoolno'chutenofearpartytime
excellentsaywannastayandwatchtheSFJsgetsugaredupandseewhat
they'lldo?"

Harris sighs happily and cracks open a soda.

"Don't mind if I do."

"Didn't you want your ladder?" Capellan asks.

"That can wait. Panties beat ladders, son." Harris nods sagely, "It's as natural as rock beating scissors, or scissors beating paper."

[mooseheadjack]

**L.D. Williams is interviewed by SFJ#22.**

SFJ: “L.D., your victory over Chris Alt for the Intercontinental Title wasn’t exactly a clean win…”

LD: “And?”

SFJ: “Well, due you feel any guilt over winning that way?”

LD: “Guilt? Guilt? Chris Alt got exactly what he deserved. He won the title on a fluke, but I didn’t call him on that. I tried to take the high road. I congratulated him on his victory, and even tossed him a subtle clue about not underestimating me. So what’s he do? He brings up ancient history with all that Johnny Adrenaline crap.”

SFJ: “I’m not sure how that relates to your actions…”

LD: “You wouldn’t be. It’s simple. No matter what I do, no matter who I beat or how, people are still going to assume I’m a lackey, a follower, a threat to no one. Since that’s the case, why waste my time? I might as well take short cuts.

So Chris, pay close attention, because this is a monster you created. When I first won this belt, I said it’d take a man at the top of his game to take it from me. This time, it’s going to take a freakin’ miracle.”

[mooseheadjack]

[The Chickenshit Heels are watching Drink & Destroy's promo on OOWF TV in their locker room, AA with a sandwich and Johnny with a girly drink.]

JA: My name is Jonathan Trevino, III. Who is Tarheel Mike?

AA: [with mouth full] I don't know, man.

JA: I thought we were the only ones around here that were allowed to break kayfabe.

AA: [with mouth full] Me too.

JA: I mean, we don't go around calling them Spot and Foreskin.

AA: [with mouth full] I know.

JA: So where the hell do they get off calling me by my real name?

Tony Schiavone: MY GOD FOLKS THIS IS WHAT WE IN THE BUSINESS CALL A SHOOT!

JA: ...

AA: [with mouth full] ...

JA: Did he come in with you, Naitch?

RF: I'LL KILL HIM! WHOOOOOOO!!

AA: [with mouth full] Don't do that. I think he's funny.

JA: Go back to Braves radio, Tony.

RS: Braves radio...? DAMN.

[fade to black]

[mooseheadjack]

<Jack sits in a dark room, he doesn't seem quite as relaxed, looking around more often than usual, a bit jittery perhaps>

Hardbody Harris. I find it amusing that you see me as being weak. That is good, I like that. I would like nothing more than to spend the rest of the year beating on you, watching you fail time and time again. Harris you call me weak, refresh me once again, who was it that walked away from the title? Who was it that was so weak that they could not figure out when they were being duped? Come on Harris, you really think I would have killed your stupid mouse? What fun would that have been?

<behind him Jack hears a noise and jumps from his seat. It turns out to be nothing and Jack settles back into his seat>

There may be more going on right now, you may not have my undivided attention, and for that, you should consider yourself supremely lucky. Last time I drove a nail into your heart. This past week you had your chance for revenge, you had your chance for redemption, and all you could manage was to steal my own move, and not do it very well either.

Harris you and I will settle things this week, but I am not done with you by a long shot. Niles Anderson, you want to play games, that is fine. You have nothing on me, and I will be damned if you will win the title this week. You will have to kill me first, and I damn sure know you don't have that in you.

Trust Me

<as Jack reaches up and turns off the light, we see Niles rush out of the shadows with the mallet, the light turns off just as Niles swings the mallet. We hear a sickening thund, then the sound of a body hitting the floor followed by someone beating the snot out of a body. Aftera few seconds of this, we hear foot steps then a door opens letting just enough light into the room to see that Jack is lying in a pool of blood on the floor>

[mooseheadjack]

<FFC taps Stank on the shoulder>

Stank - Huh?

FFC - I meant Johnny Adrenaline.

Stank - What?

FFC - You know... earlier? I said Tarheel Mike but I meant Johnny Adrenaline.

Stank - Ok? I meant that too... I guess.

FFC - What do you mean... you guess.

Stank - What do you mean, what do I mean I guess? I guess!

FFC - The MAN'S NAME is JOHNNY ADRENALINE! NOT TARHEEL MIKE!

Stank - WHY ARE YOU making a FEDERAL CASE out of THIS?

FFC - I JUST WANTED TO CLARIFY...!

Stank - STOP YELLING AT ME!

FFC - Was I yelling? Sorry man. It's just... before we go in there I wanted to make sure we got the man's name right.

Stank - I knew who you were taking about.

FFC - THEN WHY did you keep referring to him as Tarheel Mike?

Stank - I thought it was a nickname you had for him?

FFC - Wha? First of all... what kind of a nickname is Tarheel Mike?

Stank - I don't know... You're the one who pulled it out your butt.

FFC - I DIDN'T PULL it out MY BUTT!

Stank - Then where did it come from?

FFC - I... I DON'T KNOW! Second... Didn't I tell you FACES come up with nicknames?

Stank - Well technically we're still faces... aren't we?

FFC - I know THAT... STOP CONFUSING ME!

Stank - I'M NOT THE ONE CONFUSING YOU!

FFC - You know what Spot? I oughta...

Stank - What did you call me?

FFC - Spot.

Stank- What am I... a dog? You're calling me Spot now?

<FFC looks confused for a second>

FFC - Dude... I don't know what's wrong with me? Maybe I've had a little too much to drink.

Stank - It's ok Figure 4skin.

FFC - What?

Stank - What.

[mooseheadjack]

“The Main Event” Chris Cole is standing by with Sexy Female Journalist #4 outside of The Humptulips Hospital.

SFJ4: Chris, do you have an update on the health of Firechild & Ax-man?

Cole: Firechild has been badly burned but I was told he may be able to compete this week at Mayhem. Ax-man looks like he has a fairly serious knee injury and will be sidelined at least for a few weeks.

SFJ4: What does this mean to 3 Piece Set and the OOWF?

Cole: It means L.D. Williams is one lucky SOB because Ax was on a tear and was on the brink of becoming the Intercontinental Champion. Williams, Alt, and the rest of the IC division can breathe a little easier but keep one eye towards the sidelines because Ax can come back at any time to take what should be his. As far as Firechild goes, I just spoke with him and he seems more focused then I’ve ever seen him. After what he went through on Sunday he is going to let nothing stand in his path towards regaining the Onslaught Title.

SFJ4: What about you Chris? What are your plans?

Cole: My plans are simple, sweetheart. I am the Number One Contender for the OOWF World Heavyweight Title and I can take my shot whenever I please. It doesn’t matter to me if it is that spoiled brat Microplay, the returning jackass Niles, that good for nothing Hardbody Harris, or even the deranged freak Moose. Whoever is wearing the OOWF Title when I decide that it is time for “The Main Event” to take over will be defeated 1-2-3 in the middle of the ring.

SFJ4: What about your upcoming match with Phil tomorrow night?

Cole: Phil? What the hell is he this week? A zombie? A Lawyer? A Cowboy? He is simply the biggest joke in wrestling today. He belongs in the Wrestlecrap Hall of Fame next to Mantaur, The Boogeyman, & The Shockmaster.

SFJ4: And the Gobbly Gooker?

Cole: (chuckles) My god there has been a lot of crap, hasn’t there? Phil, that is the only Hall of Fame you’ll ever get to because tomorrow night you will be outclassed by the best wrestler in the world today. “The Main Event” Chris Cole.

[mooseheadjack]

[The Chickenshit Heels are still watching OOWF TV in their locker room.]

JA: Was that Stank and Capslock's way of apologizing for their blatant breach of kayfabe?

AA: [with mouth full] I think so.

JA: [rips sandwich from AA's hands] And put that damn sandwich down!

AA: But that ruins the "with mouth full" continuity.

JA: I know, but I can barely understand you, and I don't wanna miss any cues.

AA: Oh.

JA: So let me get this straight... we get screwed out of the titles at the pay per view, and we get a match against THEM as our reward?

AA: Ya know, they lost, too. They're gonna be pissed.

JA: And what about our business cards, man?

AA: [stands up and heads for door] I think it's time to do something about this.

JA: What, you gonna talk to Rick? Like he'll help us.

AA: Hell no. It's just that if we wanna get another shot at those titles, we're gonna need to do a bit of handiwork.

JA: I still got Westgaard's hockey stick. [grabs stick] Wanna make like Dale Hunter on Pierre Turgeon?

AA: ..... Man, that was like 20 years ago or something. But yeah, you're on the right track.

JA: Do we need these? [holds up embroidered ski masks]

AA: NO! PUT THOSE THINGS... I mean, what you have there, oven mitts?

JA: No dipshit, they're...

AA: I KNOW WHAT THEY ARE! Put 'em away before anybody sees them.

[Johnny puts the masks away, and The Chickenshit Heels scurry away, not before grabbing a girly drink and sandwich respectively.]

[mooseheadjack]

When AA and JA are done scurrying, AA taps JA on the shoulder.

AA: By the way, I just want you to know that you ruined a perfectly good promo.

JA: Huh?

AA: Well, I know I needed to cut something before our big match with Drink & Destroy, so I had this big thing set up where we’re mad at them for stealing the Monkey promo and not apologizing and now attempting to steal our entire personas, and Donnie Viper walks in and claims he’s not a homo, then sits behind the camera and makes funny asides while we cut the promo. I’m telling you, it was great. But then when I went to the thread…er…production room for some clips from the D&D promo, I found you’d already cut those promos and now mine is useless. Useless! You think you're special because you live on the East Coast and I'm on the West Coast? You think you're special because the sun rises where you live three hours earlier than where I live? And it’s my birthday, and I’m just kinda depressed and…

JA: There, there. Look, I’m sure you’re promo was the typical Gold Standard that the OOWF is accustom to. You know I didn’t mean to step on your toes. And look here, I didn’t forget your birthday.

(JA pulls a present from behind his back.)

AA: Ahh, you didn’t.

JA: It’s just a little something. No big deal.

(AA unwraps the present.)

AA: It’s a bottle of ether! Cool! I was needing to get some more of this!

JA: And it’s not just any ether. It’s fine imported ether from Mexico.

AA: Man, they make it good down there! Ahh, Johnny, you’re the greatest!

(AA gives JA a long, huge man-hug in the middle of the hallway. As they embrace, numerous OOWF stars walk by with surprised looks on their faces.)

DV: YOU GUYS ARE HOMOS!!

AA: No we’re not. We’re just showing our emotions. It’s a metrosexual thing. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, you know.

DV: I think you’re homos.

AA: Are not.

DV: Are too.

AA: Are not.

DV: Are too.

JA: Enough! Come on, AA, we have tag teams we have to deal with. Donnie, go find your own tag team.

DV: I AM NOT A HOMO!

AA: And really, try not to be so sensitive.

DV: But it keeps me in the spotlight. Gives me face time.

AA: Hey, Donnie?

DV: Yeah?

AA: What you’re doing now? That was in the other promo that Johnny ruined. We don’t need you any more.

DV: Oh, OK. I AM NOT A HOMO!

AA: Go.

DV: Ok.

JA: From now on, Donnie doesn’t get to be in our promos. Man, his timing sucks.

DV: I AM NOT A…

[mooseheadjack]

<A haggard looking Moosehead Jack walks up to Attitude Adjuster. Instinctivelt both of them cower and look for cover. Jack, glaring at AA with bloodshot eyes, his face covered with dried blood, produces a birthday card from behind his back. AA carefully takes the card and opens it, written, in what appears to be blood, is the following:>

[note: evidently this has been deleted out of my photobucket]

AA: Oh! Wow, uhh Jack, is this your blood?

MHJ: Today you are safe, but if you see that son of a bitch Niles, you tell him I am going to kill him.

<Jack wanders away leaving AA and JA confused>

[mooseheadjack]

<Drink & Destroy knock on Adjuster and Adrenaline's locker room door. When no one answers they walk in.>

Stank - Johnny? Attitude?

FFC - Yo Chickensh!t's!

Stank - They're not here. And I doubt they would answer to chickensh!t's if they were.

FFC - Hey everybody knows who they are.

Stank - Let's not go there again. Hey look at this... ski masks.

FFC - Hmmmm... Yo look at that calendar... Today's date is circled. Maybe it shows where they went.

<Stank walks up to the calendar>

Stank - Well whatdoyouknow. Today is Adjuster's birthday.

FFC - We should celebrate.

Stank - Yeah... I'll get the balloons.

FFC - No, I'm serious. Let's get tubby all liqoured up. Then beat the snot out of him.

Stank - I thought we came here to ask them to help us find our "inner heel".

FFC - Well I'm making this up as I go along.

Stank - Obviously. I have a better idea. Why don't we just leave him this monkey and a note apologizing for producing a writer monkey promo before they did?

Monkey - Oooo Oooo AIEEEEE!

FFC - Um... where did you get that monkey? Aaaaand why did I not notice it before?

Stank - It was on my back. I'm shocked and a little hurt you didn't see it.

FFC - I have GOT to stop drinking.

Stank - You know... it was MY birthday last Monday and we didn't do ANYTHING!

FFC - IT WAS? Well for F#CK'S SAKE! Why didn't you SAY anything?

Stank - I didn't want us to job our match.

FFC - Did we win?

Stank - Well we won at MM but I guess it wore off because we lost at the PPV.

FFC - Dammit! Well we're gonna have to fix this soon but, right now... I'll write the note. You put a leash on that monkey and...

Stank - No no. You put a leash on him and he goes... errr... apesh!t.

D&D - HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

FFC - I would have said bananas but, I guess apesh!t works too.

Stank - No seriously. A leash is a bad idea. He should be ok roaming around the room. I bet AA will be soooooo surprised!

FFC - Alrighty then... I'm done. Let's go get wasted.

<Drink & Destroy leave AA & JA 's locker room closing the door behind them. The monkey starts milling about sniffing everything in sight. Finally, with nothing more interesting to do, the monkey reaches behind and starts throwing feces at a wall poster depicting AA with Johnny Adrenaline raising the roof in the background.>

Monkey - AIEEEE! AIIEEE! OOO! HOOO!

[mooseheadjack]

**The Team From Down Under is in the locker room with Wally B. King and some local hookers on Wally's payroll**

OBJ: So, Gator... let's figure out how those bruisers took us out and took our titles?

GB: Good Idea!... I just got the Dutch transcript of the ladder match!


THE TEAM OF versus wCw versus JOHNNY ADRENALIN & the CORRECTOR of the ATTITUDE versus MIKEY STYNER & DR. MURDER - the equal of the ladder of the title of the team of the markering of the world OOWF the first three teams already goes on the fist since TFDU make their entrance. It does not last long to someone is killed. In this certain case, TW press are which is slammed of the ring by Member States/DM on a ladder on the outside. JWW aanvallencDm with what beats fast fire but Member States attack him and leave falls him with behind suplex. YES and aa stamps gone at GB after touching OBJ with a con-stoel-aan. Dm touches the plons of the Coroner on YES of behind and guarantor excursion of aa. He looks at under the ring and starts a ladder, but spears groggy OBJ him by withdrawing a list which leans against barricade. Member States/DM dominate based violation with there power. Member States seize one of the ladders which are spread around the ringsidegebied. He bangs OBJ in the face with the ladder and jabs it in its throat three times before rolling in the ring. Dm moedigt him to to set up since the ladder he stamps gone at JWW. Tw are behind and nail the spring Council dropkick which sends the ladder in the face of Member States. He seizes a chair and throws it in the face of dm before taking him to the outside with head shears. YES stumbles to the ladder and GB nail him of with jumping rotatieschop. He runs battles YES on the ladder and the slaps from the wegknippen senton on him. Dm falls GB to but falls tap him firstly face on the ladder of GB from the power bomb try and leave. GB put the ladder, and dwarscontroles JWW him in the cables on whereas loving a second ladder. JWW start climb, but the ladder throws aa concerning the second ladder at JWW and shoves. JWW hang themselves on the highest cable since aa tries all damaged see organisms. He set-up the second ladder and starts climb. Tw place themselves under aa and kill him with an encountering power bomb the turnbuckle. 6 of eight people its aid since TW start the klim and YES still of t is he bomb operates. GB put a slope on the using first ladder since TW Member States in an electric chair fall are seized. GB launch the slope and nail everyone with a dive flight Bomb~!!! whereas OBJ on the ladder climb. YES recovers only enough to keep on its leg. The shovels OBJ gone twice, but make its remainder for aa only long enough aid to become and YES separately to help. Aa draws to OBJ since YES a third ladder starts climb set-up and. OBJ kill aa with clothesline and also climb on. Tw and GB are omhoog such as Member States/DM are those JWW with spiked battery driver destroy. The nude lake OBJ and YES it on the upper part of uses the ladders and TW from the slope to get to the oar. OBJ hit back the head from YES in the upper part of the ladder dense different keren to the falls YES to the canvas TW for the oar reach and OBJ its leg of from him is correct. The slope starts bend since GB climb omhoog after TW. Member States/DM and aa/brawl JWW around the ladders and aa take a bad ier flog in the ladder OBJ are themselves. He falls on top of large people since JWW of the manner develop. Tw the shovels gone at GB then become crazily and kill GB with a sun perdition bomb and they crush both by the bowed ladder. Everyone is from except JWW and aa. Aa throws aside the excessive ladders and the beginning the slow klim. He kicks twice JWW before with dwarslichaam jumping to put down him. YES is go up and helps its partner to its feet only becomes are destroyed which by Member States large laars. Low the battle Member States of aa, seize a rejected chair and waffles the large man with a chair. Dm stamps then also turns away OBJ exactly in rigid originated chair. Aa stops the chair and shouts that he is the man. He changes in a laars to the bowel and GB Chomps exactly the excessive gewichtsrecht of him. Aa IS DEAD!!! JWW levels GB with clothesline then keeps the ladder regular since he tries make the klim. OBJ attack him of whereas TW the spring Council on the ladder, which has lagged behind omhoog since two large kerels it has prevented fall. Tw throw omhoog the ladder by each other and seize the oar only since OBJ miss lariat and the ladder is correct concerning. JWW are themselves under its partner and reinforce him since he unsnaps the oars. WINNERS IN 31.33 AND THE NEW CHAMPIONS OF THE TEAM OF THE MARKERING OOWF: wCw

OBJ: I knew it! Dadgum nefarious means!!!

GB: What do you mean, Jack?

OBJ: Look! it says right there that they had help from the Member States!... I didn't know the UN supported wCw!... man, we're in for a rough one this week!

GB: ...

WBK ...

Hooker1: *giggle*

Hooker2: tee-hee

Intelligent Hooker: ...

OBJ: and on top of that, they had LOTS of help from the 80's rock band YES!... let's go Gator... we've gotta get in the right mindset... it's Happy Hour at Outback!

[mooseheadjack]

*Concrete TG is sitting at home watching and rewatching the return of Niles Anderson on his TV. Everytime he watches it, he gets noticably angrier. All of a sudden, his phone rings. Concrete hesitates, then answers it.*

CTG <voice trembles with rage> - Hello?

<voice> - Hi Crete, it's Niles calling.

*The fury that crosses Concretes face knows no bounds.*

CTG - What... the fuck... do you want?

Niles - I just wanted to make sure you watch me winning the title at Midweek Mayhem this week. Because afterwards, I'm going to get your suspension lifted.

*CTG almost drops the phone.*

CTG - How the hell do you plan on doing that?

Niles - Just wait and see my friend. Just wait and see. And then, after you come back, give a very special hello from the both of us to Moose. I'm sure he'd appreciate it.

CTG - What are you talking about?

Niles - Just watch the match *click*

*The dialtone starts on CTG's phone. It doesn't seem to phase him as his rage has reached its peak. But now it is mixed with confusion. Fade to Black.*

[mooseheadjack]

Viper is in the locker room being restrained by Harper Camby and Corax. Tommy O'Neill is sitting on the bench observing all of this.

DV: I'M NOT A H... I'M NOT A H... I'M NOT...

HC: We know! We know! Corax, what the hell's going on with Viper?

Cor: I dunno, I think he's gone off the deep end.

HVICM: Takes one to know one.

Cor: Shut up!

HC: Donnie, snap out of it! You WON on Sunday!

DV: NOT A H.... NOT.... A....

Tommy O'Neill walks up to the threesome and decks Viper with a wicked left hook!

HC: Now what did you do that for?

TO: Et wurkd fer 'ogan an' Savage back en de dey. A' least 'e's not all crazy gibberishin and such.



A few minutes later, Viper wakes up.

DV: Did you hit me, Tommy?

TO: Aye, 'that ah did. Ah couldna stan 'earin ye fairy shite cumin' atta ye mout.

DV: ?

HC: He said he did, to calm your nerves. You feeling better?

DV: Yes. I am. Actually, I feel much better. In fact, I feel compelled to go do something.

Viper walks up and leaves the locker room. The cameras follow him to the wCw locker room, where they continue to celebrate. He walks in.

Cap: Ah damn, not you again!

JWW: I didn't say anything close to homoerotic, I swear.

DV: Calm down. Capellan. I just wanted to tell you something.

Cap: (defenses are up, looks over at JWW and TW cautiously) What?

DV: Thanks.

Cap: Huh?

DV: Yeah. Thanks. You're not the insignificant little jobber bitch that I made you out to be. You're one tough bastard, and you got the skills to go far here in OOWF.

Cap: Did I just hear you right?

DV: Yes. You did. I may have beaten you on Sunday, but it was by a hair. I know it. I didn't take you lightly at all, and you still brought your all. Good job.

Cap: I swear I must be hallucinating.

DV: And by the way, I only beat you by one fall, didn't I?

Cap: 4-3, yeah. Why?

DV: Well, techincally, we're tied at 6 apiece, aren't we?

Cap: Woah, woah, woah. We've fought enough, man... I love comepetition, but we've gone at this for too long. It's time to move on.

DV: Excatly. It's time to move on. As far as I'm concerned, we're completely even, and we should leave it that way. Listen, I just wanted to prove to myself that I didn't lose to someone who was lesser than me, that you weren't beating me on flukes. And after Sunday I know now. You weren't. You really are that good.

Cap: Um, thanks.

Viper extends his hand.

Cap: No offense, Viper, but I can't shake your hand. I know your history. You may be all respectful right now, but I know deep down, you're still a snake. You're still an asshole.

DV: Fair enough. A snake and an asshole are certainly two things I am. Good luck around here, Cap. I'm sure I'll see you again. And you two: congratulations. You do realize that becoming the tag team champions will mean you will see a lot more of Tommy and Harper in the near future.

JWW: I don't doubt that at all. We'll be ready.

DV: Good.

Viper leaves the wCw locker room.

Cap: Did that just happen?

TW: I'm surprised no one made a snake and asshole joke. You know, you are what you eat.

Viper swings open the door, but instead of shouting what he normally says, just glares at Tommy, and then shuts the door.

[mooseheadjack]

The rest of the Devil's Brigade is watching Viper's promo with Capellan.

HC: You see I told you he really was a homo. Fork it over.

(Corax & Tommy each hand Harper $100)

TO: Fekkin Ferry cos me eh hunnar dollas.

[mooseheadjack]

*Attitude Adjuster and Johnny Adrenaline are practicing promos in the back area of the arena when Niles Anderson approaches them.*

Niles - Guys, guys, how's it going?

AA - We're just practicing our next promo for Drink & Destroy.

JA - Yeah, those guys are gonna be toasted soon.

Niles - good to hear. As you know, I've been gone awhile and I basically know whats going on with me, but I'm behind the times with you guys. I'm not gonna beat around the bush anymore than I already have so I have to ask: whats this I hear about you changing your name to Tarheel Mike, Johnny?

JA - I didn't. We addressed that several promos ago.

Niles - Oh, sorry. I forgot about that. Anyways, we're gonna set things right this time around. I got a title shot as my first match back, you guys have business cards claiming your the tag champs. I think thats good enough to get you guys another title shot. We're gonna work on that with the Rick.

AA - Yeah, that sounds great.

Niles - Oh yeah, before I forget, Happy Birthday Johnny.

AA - Actually, it's my birthday Niles.

Niles - Oh. Sorry.

AA - By the way, I have a message for you from Moose. He said to tell you...

Niles - Don't even bother. I've got such a grip on that guys balls, you'd think my hands were vices.

*Niles walks away with a smile on his face. AA turns to JA with a puzzled look on his face.*

AA - I thought that was Vipers gimmick?

*Fade to Black*

[mooseheadjack]

(Microplay is in the backstage area alongside skeem gene okerlund)

(Microplay grabs the mic from skeem)

Microplay - Skeem, don't even ask the obvious...am i ready for Niles Anderson at Midweek Mayhem...a former OOWF world heavyweight champion?? Surely.

"You, Gene, are looking at the greatest OOWF champion in history. A successful title defense against Phil, Hardbody and Moose?? Nobody else could have survived such a match."

(Skeem Gene proceeds)

Skeem - With all due respect Microplay, your challenger is quite the opponent...he knows what it's like to hold the OOWF world heavyweight title afterall...

Microplay - It's just one person this time, Gene. If i could make it past 4 of the fiercest superstars in the OOWF, i can surely make it past one.

"It won't be any different this time. I've knocked down every superstar that's come my way, and Niles is only next on the list. And this time??...I'm looking to end a career. And when it's all said and done, your going to be looking at still world heavyweight champion, Microplay....trust me.

(Microplay leaves the backstage area as cameras fade)

[mooseheadjack]

Attitude Adjuster and Johnny Adrenaline come back to the locker room after a hard night of eating and drinking to celebrate AA’s birthday. Surprisingly, they were not attacked in a bar fight by Drink & Destroy. But they also have not been back to the locker room since D&D left the monkey and the apology note. Of course this means hilarity ensues as soon as they open the locker room door.

MONKEY: AIEEEE! AIIEEE! OOO! HOOO!

AA: What in the blue hell tarnations happened!

JA: “Blue hell tarnations?”

AA: Well, sometimes I slip back to my Oklahoma roots. More importantly, there’s a monkey in our locker room, and it looks like he’s thrown feces all over the place. Johnny, please tell me I’m still drunk and this is all a dream.

JA: Unfortunately, I’m having the same drunk dream. Let’s close the door, open it again and maybe it will all go away.

AA closes the door, counts to five on his fingers and reopens the door.

AA: What in the blue hell tarnations happened!

JA: Ah, hell, we’re not drunk.

AA and JA slowly walk into the room. The monkey, having been locked in the room overnight, races into Ric Flair’s arms.

MONKEY: AIEEEE! AIIEEE! OOO! HOOO!

RF: WHOOO!!!!!!!!

MONKEY: AIEEEE! AIIEEE! OOO! HOOO!

RF: WHOOOO!!!!!!!

AA: OOOOHHHH!!!!

JA: Ric! Go feed the monkey! AA, we have to find out who did this.

AA: Well, I’m thinking it’s the Team From Down Under.

JA: Nah, I think it’s Drink & Destroy. Look, here’s a note.

AA: Well, that’s good considering we have a match with D&D. It just wouldn’t make sense for TTFDU to do this. That would only happen in the WWE.

JA (Reading from the note): “Please give this note to Johnny since we know AA isn’t good with big words. Just to keep your brown-nose lawyers off our butts...”

AA & JA wait for Viper to show...

DV: I’M AM NOT...

AA: We know. Now go away.

JA: “...we’ve decided to apologize for ‘stealing’ the monkey promo you guys never did. Whatever. And to show our sincerity, we’ve left a present for you. His name is Fred. He likes peanut butter and banana sandwiches. When he’s upset he throws feces...”

AA: Got that part already.

JA: “...We stole him from the local zoo. We don’t think anyone noticed because the PETA people were stealing elephants on the other side of the zoo. The monkey will probably get pinned on them, too. Sincerely, Drink & Destroy.

AA: Well, that’s nice.

JA: Wait, there’s more. “P.S. WE’RE NOT SORRY!!!”

AA: Well, that wasn’t nice.

JA: At least we got a monkey out of it. But we need to get another locker room. Any ideas?

AA: Nah, but there’s got to be a few empty ones somewhere in the building.

JA and AA clean off their gear and walk out of the locker room. As they walk down the hallway, they find Ric Flair and Fred the Monkey.

RF: WHOOO!!!!!!!!

MONKEY: AIEEEE! AIIEEE! OOO! HOOO!

RF: What’s that? You want a peanut butter and banana sandwich? PEANUT BUTTER AND BANANA ON WHEAT BREAD!!!!! WHOOOOOO!!!!!!

MONKEY: AIEEEE! AIIEEE! OOO! HOOO!