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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:16:33 GMT -5
<GM the Rick is standing with SFJ7 with the lineup sheet>
GMtR: Ok, you guys there is just too damn much going on at the moment, you will get a lineup as soon as I sort through some stuff, until then STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:16:57 GMT -5
[Almost on cue, a knock comes at the door, and Attitude Adjuster, Johnny Adrenaline, Ric Flair, Ron Simmons, and Fred the Monkey walk into The Rick's office.]
The Rick: DAMN IT! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?
RF: ONLY I'M ALLOWED TO SPEAK IN ALL CAPS, FAT BOY!! WHOOOOOOOOO!
AA: Pipe down, Naitch. Look, boss, we came to offer up a marketing suggestion, cause if anybody nows marketing, it's us!
The Rick: Well, this damn office ain't big enough for all of you. Two of you can stay for about a minute, the rest of you, get the hell out... NOW!
RS: You need a drink, Rick?
The Rick: In fact, I do. [Simmons hands The Rick a bottle of whiskey.] Okay, Simmons stays, three of you GET OUT! Preferably the monkey, Flair, and one of you clowns, and hurry up, your time is running.
RF: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
AA: You got this, Johnny?
JA: Yeah.
[Flair, AA, and Fred the Monkey leave.]
JA: Okay, boss, you know that me and Tude DEFEATED the former tag team champions of the world, Drink & Destroy, this past week at Midweek Mayhem. And last I checked, we didn't get pinned at the pay per view. So I think we're in line for the first title shot against the new champs.
The Rick: So you blindside them after Midweek Mayhem goes off the air to prove your point?
JA: Well, we just wanted to get their attention.
The Rick: With hockey sticks?
JA: Well, yeah, and that's what I'm getting at. Westgaard thinks he's some kind of hockey player, and I'm holding his stick...
DV: I AM NOT...
The Rick: GET THE HELL OUT!
JA: Anyway, what I'm suggesting is a no DQ, Texas Tornado match, with the tag team titles on the line. You want a marquee match this week at Midweek Mayhem, there it is right there, baby!!
The Rick: Ya know, under normal circumstances, I'd tell you to go to hell Adrenaline, but this time, I'm gonna make an exception. You two wanna mix it up with wCw with hockey sticks and whatnot? That's your problem, but I'll give ya the match.
JA: You will?
The Rick: Only I've got a better idea. Yeah, see, I got family up here in the Northwest that I visit every now and then, and it just so happens that a friend of the family is the owner of the Portland Winter Hawks hockey team of the Canadian Junior Major League. You wanna fight with hockey sticks? Let's just allow ALL hockey equipment to be legal in this thing. I can talk to him and get the whole thing outfitted. Oh boy, I just can't wait to see Westgaard and Wilder standing across the ring from you two clowns with hockey sticks. Sure, Johnny, you got your match. This week, at Midweek Mayhem, the OOWF World Tag Team Titles will be on the line as wCw defends against the Chickenshit Heels in a "Stanley Cup Street Fight!"
JA: [with a look of concern on his face] Um... okay. Uh... thanks, Rick.
The Rick: Now get the hell out of here. Thanks for the drink, Ron.
[Simmons and Adrenaline step outside to eet the rest of their entourage.]
AA: Well...?
JA: Well... we got the match.
AA: Great!
JA: Um... yeah. Hockey equipment is legal.
AA: Huh? That wasn't part of the plan.
JA: I know. He got the dumb idea while I was trying to talk. It's gonna be a Stanley Cup Street Fight.
AA: A Stanley Cup Street Fight?
RF: A STANLEY CUP STREET FIGHT!
RS: A Stanley Cup Street Fight? Damn.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:17:57 GMT -5
<Finally GM the Rick storms out of his office, sheet in hand, grumbling something about how this will have to do for now.>
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem! Live From Boring, Oregon
Stanley Cup Street Fight for the OOWF World Tag Team Titles[/u] wCw vs. Johnny Adrenaline & Attitude Adjuster
Fatal Four-Way Onslaught Championship Match[/u] Corax vs. Canadian Dragon vs. Thim Reynolds vs. Eric O'Mac
#1 Contender's Match - Winner Gets a Shot at the Onslaught Championship[/u] SoulDragon vs. Austraroo vs. Firechild
Concrete TG & Niles Anderson vs. LD Williams & Moosehead Jack The Team From Down Under vs. Blackdragon & UnderDawg Drink & Destroy vs. The Devil's Brigade Phil vs. Donovan Viper Chris Cole vs. Microplay Capellan vs. Seraph Chris Alt vs. Mr. Jealous Mercury vs. Uncle Entity
Card subject to hippy dippy mind trips
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:18:43 GMT -5
“The Main Event” Chris Cole is in the 3 Piece Set Locker room talking with Firechild and Ax-Man (who is in a knee brace). In walks The General Manager The Rick.
Ax: What do you want Rick?
GMtR: Cole, who do you think you are?
Cole: The number one contender for OOWF World Heavyweight Title.
GMtR: You won’t be if you no show another match. You were scheduled to face Phil tonight. When you didn’t show I had to make it a triple threat and mess up two matches. You won’t be the number one contender pulling stunts like that.
Cole: You are powerless Rick. I have a guaranteed contract, signed by you. It says that I get my title shot whenever I want. I’ve already given it to our lawyer he has assured me that it is indisputable.
Ax: So you can take it up with our new legal council, Mr. GM.
GMtR: New legal council? What happened to Dewey, Cheatum & Howe.
FC: Some kind of malpractice suit, We don’t need to get into it right now.
Cole: You’ll be hearing from our new legal council if you try to strip me of the title shot. (Cole hands The Rick a business card)
GMtR: Bob Loblaw? This is some kind of joke isn’t it?
Cole: You won’t find it funny when you and the OOWF management are in court.
GMtR: You know I may not be able to strip you of the Title Shot but you’d have a hard time using it if you were suspended. You are going to have a match next week.
Cole: Fine, if you want me to beat that sorry son of a bitch Phil one more time I will. It will be a tune up for my title shot.
GMtR: You won’t be facing Phil. You will be facing the former 2 Time OOWF Champion Microplay. I think you too had a few words that never got settled. Have fun with that. (Rick walks out with a smile on his face)
Cole: (smiles, turns towards Ax & FC) Is that supposed to be punishment? What a tool! I’m going to beat the snot out of that 2 time chump and send him crying back to Mommy like the spoiled bitch that he is.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:19:12 GMT -5
<Jack sits alone in a room lit only with a single light bulb, we see him for several seconds before he finally speaks>
So, now it is all out in the open. The big secret is revealed. I played Concrete like a fool. It may have been a secret, but it should not be a surprise. Concrete, sure, we could have been the most dominant tag team of all time, but I knew, I knew from day one you would never let that happen. I knew all along that you coveted that world title. And I knew, this was my chance to keep you away from the one thing you covet, and you fell for it, hook, line and sinker. Crete, you just don't get it do you? You will never hold that title as long as I have a breath in my lungs, if that means I have to spend my entire career keeping you from the title, that is what I will do. But it will never be yours.
Niles Anderson. Congratulations. You caught me. You got the best of me. You came out of the first skirmish on top. You revealed my plan with Crete, and you managed to steal the world title. Of course, you didn't win the world title on your own, you had my help. Kind of ironic isn't it? After all this time, you still need me to get things done.
Enjoy your victory Niles, you may have won the first battle, but I promise you the war is far from over. Now, you need to start looking over your shoulder. Now you are on the defensive, you have no idea where I will attack. But I guarantee you one thing Niles, I WILL attack.
Trust me.
<click>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:19:50 GMT -5
FFC - We are in danger of becoming the Val Venis and Shelton Benjamin of the Tag Division in this here Fed.
Stank - Uh... have you looked in the mirror lately?
FFC - You KNOW what I mean!
Stank - Yeah, yeah... look at the monitor.
<D&D finish watching the 4th earlier today replay of the Chickenshit Heel's promo.>
Stank - Sonuva...
FFC - Dammit!
Stank - Is that all it takes to get a title shot around here? Give The Rick a bottle of whiskey?
FFC - I wish we knew this earlier.
<FFC walks over and opens up D&D's well stocked liquor cabinet... searching for whiskey no doubt.>
FFC - Did you drink all the whiskey?
Stank - Ah...
FFC - YOU DID didn't you.
Stank - Actually... I have a confession to make.
FFC - Spill it.
Stank - Well... last Monday, as I told you, it was my birthday... aaaand I didn't actually celebrate alone.
FFC - YOU mean to tell me that Number 5 KNEW about your birthday, but you DIDN'T tell ME?
Stank - No... I mean yes... I mean... It wasn't Number 5. She and I are through since she quit.
FFC - The NEW Number 5 then?
Stank - Hell no. She and I aren't exactly friends... It doesn't matter.
FFC - No, No tell me who this person is.
Stank - I'd rather not say... you know... in front of the ninja cameramen.
<FFC looks around suspiciously>
FFC - So NOW you want to acknowledge them? Fine! Don't tell me.
Stank - Hey look I wanted to tell you, but it's like I said... I didn't want us to job later that week.
FFC - I know.
Stank - And you know if I told you, you would have made this big hoopla about it... which would have gotten back to the Rick... which would... you know.
FFC - I get it. C'mon let's go get some whiskey.
Stank - Before we go drink this... If we're going to try and get a title shot from the Rick... this might help.
FFC - What is it?
Stank - Just drink it. I was saving this for... Well... I don't know exactly what but, it should help us get what we want.
<FFC sips from the unmarked bottle Stank hands to him. Within seconds, FFC is seriously buzzed>
FFC - Whoooooa. What IS this stuff.
Stank - Feeling trippy?
FFC - Hell yeah!
Stank - How about hippy?
FFC - I'm down with that.
Stank - You're down huh? Ha. I guess the bottle did the trick. We'll go get the whiskey now. I'll drive. Then we'll go see the Rick.
<As D&D walk out the door of their locker room Stank spies a tripwire seconds after FFC steps into it>
Stank - LOOK OUT!
<Stank yanks FFC back inside saving him from the small EXPLOSION which tears a large hole in the entrance where FFC just stood>
Stank - Oh CRAP! NOT this AGAIN!
FFC - WHOAAA what was THAT MAAAAN?
Stank - The Devil's Brigade. Well... back to war.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:20:15 GMT -5
[The Chickenshit Heels are discussing the Stanley Cup Street Fight in the hallway outside of The Rick's office.]
JA: We gotta get him to take that stip off the match. I ain't about to let Westgaard come at me with a hockey stick and it be legal.
AA: Well, we talked him into the match, we can talk him out of the stip, right?
JA: You're right... let's do this.
[JA and AA walk up to the Rick's door, only to find it cracked. They quietly peek in, and The Rick is on the phone.]
The Rick: ...well, I knew you'd be able to help me out. I'm thinking this could be a GREAT crossover marketing campaign, for BOTH of us. I'm thinkin' sticks, pucks, skates, helmets... What? .... Surround ringside with plexiglass just like a hockey game? .... That's brilliant, man! ....
[Johnny and AA just look at each other, KNOWING they ain't gonna talk the boss outta this one, and decide to slither away like the pathetic coward heels they are.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:20:50 GMT -5
JW Westgaard, Tag title belt on his shoulder, is walking down the hall when he spies the chicken shit heels sulking away from GM theRick's ofice.
he's about to go after them and get his Hockey stick back when he sees the Lineup for Midweek Mayhem.
He see this at the top of the list:
Stanley Cup Street Fight for the OOWF World Tag Team Titles wCw vs. Johnny Adrenaline & Attitude Adjuster
A huge devilish grin spreads across his face.
JW knocks on TheRick's door and pokes his head in.
"Hey boss, nice match you have us in this week."
The Rick just nods, but you can see he wants to smile a bit.
He turns and heads down the hell and we hear him yell.
"Hey Tommy! this week we're goin my kind of extreme!"
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:21:13 GMT -5
*we see Corax walking backstage with his NEW ONSLAUGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE!*
Corax - Nice work there, Hell
Hellion's voice in Corax's Head - What the hell are you talking about.
C - Getting Eric O'Mac to come blast that big fat dragon with the chair so we could pick up the title!
*stagehands and ring rats give puzzled looks as Corax walks by*
HVICH - You think I spoke to Eric about helping you?
C - You mean you didn't?
HVICH - No! How the hell would I do that, ya friggen idiot!
C - Alright! You don't need to get all menstrual about it!
*SFJ#17 passes Corax and gives him a dirty look. He checks her out after she walks past*
HVICH - Hello! Disembodied voice over here!
C - What do you want now!
HVICH - I want your eyes on the prize, dumbass.
C - What are you talking about. *Corax takes off his belt and holds it out in front of him* The "Prize" is right here!
HVICH - Well you are going to have quite the time keeping it considering you didn't even deserve it.
C - What do you mean I didn't deserve it! Who's side are you on!
HVICH - I am out for me as always. Look, this is your first title win in a long time and youve worked hard for it. Just not in this match.
C - For crying out loud, I was all over him!
*From down the hall we hear the echo of Viper* "HE"S NOT TALKING ABOUT ME!!"
HVICH - You were indeed. However, someone else finished the job for you.
*Corax walks up to the booking sheet*
C - A Fatal Fourway?! And a Triple Threat #1 Contenders match?!? Cripes! How many people are IN this division.
HVICH - I told you you had your work cut out for you.
C - You're right. We need a plan. Let's go track down Donny and the boys...
*scene*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:21:34 GMT -5
<Drink & Destroy head into the Rick's office just as he hangs up the phone. Rick has a smile on his face until he sees who just walked in.>
GMtR - Aw hell, what do YOU two want?
Stank - Here. We brought you a bottle of whiskey.
GMtR - I already have a bottle but, thanks. Set it over there.
Stank - We were hoping...
GMtR - Um... what's his problem?
Stank - Who? Lock? Oh he's just feeling a little Hippy Trippy.
FFC - Someone betta tell dat stupid bird to shut up!
<Stank and the Rick give FFC a quizzical stare>
GMtR - That's too bad cause if he had been feeling Hippy DIPPY I might be more inclined to change the card, which I assume is the reason for your presence and the bribe.
Stank - Dippy? He's feeling that too, aren't you Lock?
FFC - I know you are but what am I? DUMB SQUIRREL!
GMtR - I see... So what do you want? And don't ask me for a tag-title match because I already have Adrenaline and Adjuster going against the Tag Champs. I have that match set up perfectly and I don't need you two screwing it up. Besides The Chickenshit heels beat you. They get the match.
Stank - You know damn well how that match went down.
FFC - ooooooooh. Colors!
GMtR - Look... regardless how it went down as you say. It's still a W for them in the record books.
Stank - DAMMIT RICK WE DEMAND...
GMtR - EXCUSE ME? You DEMAND?
Stank - Sorry... look you have us going up against The Devil's Brigade again. And while we OWE them a beating we want our titles back.
GMtR - Look... I already told you...
Stank - I know. So how about adding a stip to our match.
FFC - The WINNER get's a shot at the winner of the Chickenshit Heels vs wCw... For the tag gold of course.
Stank - Lock? That was remarkably lucid. Are you with us buddy?
FFC - Yeah. That stuff wears off about as fast as it takes you in.
GMtR - Well um... what if there is a DQ?
Stank - You have them in a Stanley Cup Street fight. What DQ?
GMtR - Good point. I'll think about it.
Stank - You'll think...?
FFC - THAT's all that we ask the Rick. Thanks.
<FFC grabs Stank's arm and leads him out of the Rick's office.>
Stank - You know he's not gonna go for this! "I'll think about it" means "No".
FFC - Relax... The moment I came off that high I walked over to Rick's whiskey bottle and mixed in some of that Hippy Dippy sauce you gave me. That should help.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:21:54 GMT -5
BlackDragon and UnderDawg are in their locker room.
BD: Man, I can't believe we lost that match against the Brigade. I thought we had them scouted.
UD: As did I. I've beaten them before, and I thought that I could beat them with you. I'm wondering if this tag team situation is working out as well as we thought it would.
BD: I was thinking the same thing. I like tagging with you and all, but we haven't moved up the ranks yet. We lose to guys like the Establishment, who aren't even here anymore. We haven't even got close to that tag team gold yet.
UD: *groan* I know. Well, we're scheduled for a match this week against the Aussies.
BD: They're good people. This will be a clean and competitive fight. I'm going to enjoy this much more than that clusterfuck with the Brigade.
UD: Perhaps we should have a drink with them prior to the match?
BD: You want to drink that piss Fosters?
UD: No. They can drink the Fosters. I want some bourbon. Lots of it.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:22:23 GMT -5
***Harper Camby & Tommy O’Neill walk into The Rick’s Office.
TR: Now what?
TO: Whot de ye hav to du arund ‘ere tag it a titel shet?
TR: Ummm….I want to say….No
HC: He said Why do AA & Adrenline get title shots. The way we see it Tommy & I have been tagging much longer then those idiots and we’ve never been given a real run at the belts. Plus we beat D&D at the PPV and Dawg & Dragon last week. What have D&D or AA & Adrenline done lately to deserve title shots? Plus with those wCw guys holding the belts you know the ratings will be good by putting us in the ring with them. It was their feud with us that got them rolling as a tag team.
TR: You have D&D again this week end of story. I’m tired of you guys, D&D, those Chickenshit Heels all coming in here and trying to get your way. I’m the GM when I say it is your turn for a title shot your name will appear on the list. For now go prepare for your match against D&D.
TO: Yer a fekkin fery wanka.
TR: What did he say?
HC: He said to check the insurance policy because you may need it after we’re done with D&D
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:22:44 GMT -5
**L.D. Williams walks up to Mr. Jealous in a hallway**
MJ: "What do you want?"
LD: "Seen the lineup for Mayhem yet?"
MJ: "Yeah, I'm facing Chris Alt. What's it to you?"
LD: "Actually, that's just a coincidence. I was referring to the fact that I don't have a match this week."
MJ: "So? How is that my problem?"
**L.D. levels Jealous with a clothesline. As he starts to get up, Jealous takes a knee to the face. Williams pummels Jealous with a series of lefts, then places a knee across Jealous' throat.**
LD: "All those times you've annoyed me? The times you've tried to show me up? The reason I never responded was because I had other things to deal with. This week, I don't. Look, I can understand the fact that you want to make a name for yourself, but it's time to reconsider. The pain that you're feeling now? That's what happens when I bother to acknowledge your existence. You don't want my full attention."
**Williams gets up and drops a knee into Jealous' face. As he walks away, he turns to look over his shoulder**
LD: "Build your reputation somewhere else."
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:23:05 GMT -5
Firechild walks out to the ring, still a bit beaten up after his war with Seraph, but his stunning rockstar good looks and impeccable style showing through, he is carrying a briefcase.
FC: First of all, I'd like to offer my congratulations for my old buddy Mr Jealous for reminding Seraph that the path to sucess lies in brutality and visciousness, do you not yet understand Seraph? <laughs> I'd also like to give my consoloations to AX who is in his leg brace at the moment, we miss you bro and congratulate my friend Chris Cole on his position as no.1 contender to the OOWF world heavyweight championship, I'm sure you'll make us proud as champion. <Firechild claps, and the crowd reign derision down on him> But I have to ask you, what is wrong with this picture?
Various catcalls from the crowd, Firechild waits for them to subside.
FC: No, it's not that I'm all bruised up, it's not that I'm without my running buddies, and any more aspertions about my mother will result in a swift beating. It's that there is something missing, something that is missing me. Roll the tape....
A video montage rolls of Firechild's success with the Onslaught title, both title wins and the numerous defenses interspersed with mainstream media cust of journalists praising the title and the way in which it was held....by Firechild.
FC: You see, the Onslaught title was, and could again be the premier title in professional wrestling, outshining even the prestigious OOWF World Heavyweight title, or that shiny toy that the wigger in New York wears. And it was all because of me. I made that title it is mine, and it belongs to me. So what that I have not held or contested the belt in months.... Those of you who have soiled my legacy with your purile antics and lacklustre matches have been allowed to do so because my attention was diverted, but make no mistake I want my title back, and I shall have my title back.
He opens the briefcase and pulls out the Onslaught title and drapes it over his shoulder.
FC: This is how the picture should look. And no amount of promos on ladders, or hanging with Moosehead or Soudragon's blatatnt gimmick infringement, in a poor attempt to be as intense as the premier wrestler in this division will change that.
He lays the belt down in the ring.
FC: Whoever claims to hold this title now, had better come and claim it, and you should hold it close because I shall be taking it back, and for all your words, I shall respond with some Violent Silences. Soon, you will all know what it is to burn.
He leaves the belt in the ring, with his business card on top of it.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:23:30 GMT -5
(CTG walks into The Rick's office with a duffel bag in one hand and a copy of the lineup in the other)
TR: ... now what?
CTG: (drops the duffel on the desk) Niles is back, that's what I wanted. Turns out that I still appear to have Moose problem.
TR: (nods) and?
CTG: You're the boss, Rick. But I thought you might want these as a present for helping me out this far. Apparently my little war isn't over yet.
TR: You know what I miss? I miss the fun-loving Concrete, the prankster and goofball that lit up the locker room with humor and just enough sarcasm to scratch where I itch. Does that Concrete still exist, I wonder?
CTG: (thinks for a moment) .... right now I can't answer that. but once I settle with Niles and Moose, ask me again.
TR: (opens the duffel bag, shakes head) you want me to have these?
CTG: I don't need them any more. and if Johnny and AA have a problem, then they can stuff it in their sandwiches. (turns and walks out)
TR: (opens the duffel further, revealing a San Chaos Mask and an all-too-familiar hoodie) ......
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:23:51 GMT -5
* The camera pans down a hallway to a door. On the door "The Law Offices of Heyman, Goldberg and Phil" is printed. Inside, Phil is sitting behind a desk. Donovan Viper sits across from him.*
DV: So, is there anything you can do?
PH: Yar, tis a legal impossibility I be afraid.
DV: But it isn't fair!
PH: Sorry thar, Donovan, but ye can't be suin' everyone in the OOWF fer insinuating that ye be a homo.
DV: I AM NOT A HOMO!
PH: See, this be part o' the problem.
DV: Shit, well can I sue The Rick at least?
PH: Yar? Fer what?
DV: I dunno, a hostile work environment?
PH: Yar, ye do be realizin' that ye be a wrestler, right? By definition, yer work environment be hostile.
DV: Oh shut up.
PH: Don't be tellin' me what to be doin' in me secondary... er, tertiary place of employment. Yar, how many jobs I be havin' anyway?
DV: No kidding, you're like that Jamaican family on In Living Color. Man, that one girl on the show was hot... who was she?
PH: Ye be meanin' Jennifer Lopez? She was a Flygirl, if I be rememberin' correctly.
DV: No, not her, the one who played that strong-woman... Vera de Milo! She was H-O-T HOT!
PH: Yar, I'm not sure how ta be puttin' this, Mr. Viper, but that be Jim Carrey.
DV: Huh?
PH: It was a man. Ye be havin' a crush on a man.
DV: I AM NOT A HOMO!
*With that, Donovan jumps across the desk and starts strangling Phil. Phil struggles for a moment and then smacks Viper over the head with his briefcase. Heyman and Goldberg run out of their offices and separate the two of them.*
DV: This isn't over Phil! I'll see you at Midweek Mayhem!
PH: Yar! You bet yer ASS!
BG: Hey, that's my line.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:24:32 GMT -5
Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster are watching OOWF-TV.
AA: Ah man, would you look at that? It was Concrete TG attacking us all the time!
JA: I don't get it. What did we ever do to him?
AA: Exactly. And look at everything I did for him. I mean, he had that AYUFF spinning wheels until I came in and made it a success, then I kept it together as long as I could while he had to tag with Mooseheadjack. And not to mention that I made his career in that Sharpie on a Pole match. It makes me so mad that I'm thinking of going to The Rick and asking for a match against Concrete!
JA: Really?
AA: Nah! Gatcha! He's nuts right now. No way in the world do I want to face him in the ring. Besides, I've been working on my "slapshot" this week.
JA: Hey, that was a good one. By the way, did we just do a promo without any of our entourage? No Ric, no Ron Simmons, no Fred the Monkey, No Boogeyman?
AA: Yep.
Ron Simmons; Damn...
AA: Nope.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:24:54 GMT -5
we see JW Westgard and Tommy WIlder in their locker room.
JW hands something to Tommy,
JW: so i think you should watch this DVD before our match this week.
Tommy Wilder: SlapShot? I haven't seen this in forever.
JW: yeah dude its a classic, watch these scenes with the Brawls
JW hands TW a note.
TW:gotcha...this match is gonna be interesting.
JW: oh don't pay attention to the last sequence......that's more Donnie Viper territory.
TW: man this is gonna be crazy....
just then the devil's brigade kicks in the door.
Camby nails JW with a stiff clotheline and TO nails Wilder with a wicked left hook.
TO: yah ferry wankas betta hav eys in da back o yer fekkin noggins
HC: cause when we're through with D&D we're coming after those belts and nothing will stop us.
HC picks up the DVD.....
HC: Slapshot?
TO: hey Dunnie wus watch that las' night wit da light uf
TW: i bet he has that last scene worn out
TO: shut up ya wanka
TO boots Wilder in the mouth and the devil's brigade leaves
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:25:18 GMT -5
Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster are in front of the OOWF promo banner, ready to cut a promo.
AA: Check this out. I was researching some other hot wrestling associations, and I read this killer promo this guy did. I'm gonna steal it, and before you know it everyone will think it's mine.
JA: You're using other people's material? That's a first.
AA: This is worth it. OK, here we go.
Cameraman: Three, two, one and live!
AA: WCW, just shut your fat head you fat head guy. im so sick of you jerk hats saying whatever you want meanwhile I can't say what I want when I want to without someone saying something about what I don't want to say something about. go fart in your hand and smell it loserinkski.
Cameraman (looking bewildered): And cut?
JA: What the hell was that!?!?!?!?!
AA: Pretty cool, huh?
JA: Who are you and what did you do with the real Attitude Adjuster?
AA: That good?
JA: What have you been drinking?
AA: I found some of that Hippy Dippy stuff D&D was drinking. Why?
JA: Well, that explains it. Cameraman, give me that tape.
JA rips the video from the cameraman's hands, drops it to the ground, pulls out JW Westgaard's hockey stick and slapshots the video hard against the wall.
JA: Friends don't let friends drink and promo.
* This message was brought to you by the Association to Ban Pre-Teens from the OOWF Forums. *
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:25:40 GMT -5
<wCw is sitting in the locker room - Wilder has a bag ofice on the back of his head, Westgaard is opening a cold beer...>
Wilder: Dude, what the heck? Did we piss of some hindi god in a past life, and this is our karma?
Westgaard (checks for a lose tooth, einces, then smiles): Kid, you wanted to be tag champs - well, here you go!
Wilder (Laughs): You know Bird, I though our first week with the belts would be more....
Westgaard: Exciting? You want it to be more exciting than the last few hours?
Wilder: Nope, I guess not.... Now who we got on our plates now?
Westgaard: Well, first are the Chickenshit Heels.
Wilder: Right. And now The Linguistic Wonder O'Neil and his pet gorrila Camby wants in on the action.
Westgaard: Then Drink and Destroy.
Wilder: And I bet the Aussies are still game for a rematch.
<Pause>
Westgaard: You know what this means...
Wilder: Yep - I need a couple more cases of Full Throttle...
<Fade>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:26:05 GMT -5
*Concrete TG leaves the Ricks office when he runs right into the NEW WORLD CHAMPION Niles Anderson.*
CTG - What the hell do you want?
Niles - Cool it dawg, I'm a face now, just like you!
*CTG grabs Niles by the collar and looks him straight in the eye.*
CTG - We have nothing in common, you hear me?
Niles - Yo yo homie, word up to that, but I think you got that shiznat wrong.
CTG - Stop with the homeboy talk.
Niles - Ok ok. I just thought faces talked like that. I'm new to this afterall.
CTG - Get to the point.
Niles - We have an enemy in common.
*CTG continues to glare and Niles and tightens his grip around his collar. Niles pulls back and pushes CTG away.*
Niles - You can grab me all you want, but it isn't gonna change the fact that we both want Moose gone.
CTG - And?
Niles - And if you walk with me in the Rick's office right now, we can arrange that. I had this idea for a tag match.
CTG - No... fucking... way
Niles - hear me out. You and me against Moose and LD Williams. It would be a fantastic way to get you back into things. And you must realize, you should bear no ill will towards me.
CTG - Semaj B.
Niles - There is no direct correlation between his death and me. You had a hairbrained theory.
*Niles takes this precise moment to look CTG straight in the eye.*
Niles - I had nothing to do with that.
*Niles and CTG stare long and hard at each other after that statement. Neither one of their eyes divert away from the others.*
CTG - Ok, I believe you. So why do you want to partner up with me.
Niles - Because Moose is obviously afraid of you. And until recently, he underestimated me. We're the perfect team against that opponent.
CTG - This will not be a regular thing.
Niles - I don't want it to be. I just want to take out Moose at the knees. Together, we can do that. Just walk with me into the Ricks office.
CTG - Ok
*Niles puts his arm around CTG and they go through the door.*
Niles - You're doing the right thing. Trust me.
*The door closes. Fade to Black.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:26:28 GMT -5
<We enter GM the Rick's office where Niles is pitching his match idea, CTG is slumped in a chair and doesn't seem to be paying a whole lot of attention>
NA: So see Rick, it is just that simple, me and Concrete against Moose and Williams
GMtR:<stares at Niles for a minute> So, you want me to tie up the World champion, AND the intercontinental champion in a tag match for what reason again?
NA: Simple. It gives us a chance to do you a favor.
GMtR: do ME a favor? This should be good.
NA: Yes, Rick, see the perception is that Moose has the power around here. Think about it, Moose, though dumb as a rock, and completely out done by me this time around, gets away with murder. When was the last time he was punished? He tried to kill your #1 FACE IN THE OOWF while he was in the hospital. Did you punish him? No. People think you are soft and Jack pushes you around. Now here we are, offering to eliminate Jack once and for all, get him out of your hair for good.
GMtR: Let's not forget that both of you would benefit from not having Jack around as well.
NA: That's merely incidental. Concrete knows he can beat Jack, and I sure as hell know I can beat Jack, so it comes down to being a favor to you.
GMtR: I don't buy that for a second. Now, why would JAck agree to this?
NA: Simple. Jack is dumb. He will see the chance to get us both in the ring at the same time, the two men that embarrassed him, and he will think he can get revenge. Rick, he won't pass that up.
GMtR: And Williams?
NA: Simple, Williams is Jack's lackey, just like he was Johnny's lackey before that. He will do whatever Jack tells him to do. No worries there.
GMtR: Well, I am not so sure about that. But I'll tell you what. I will sanction the match, Concrete, does this work for you?
CTG:<Crete just slowly looks up and glares ar Rick, but doesn't say anything>
GMtR:I'll take that as a yes. Fine I will make the match
<GMtR leaves the office to change the lineup card, Crete stays in the chair burning with rage, Niles looks lovingly at the title on his shoulder and smirks confidently>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:26:53 GMT -5
(Uncle Entity looks at the line-up and sees his match)
Uncle Entity: Curtain jerking against Mercury? What the hell is going on here? Whose ass do I have to kick to get noticed around here?
(Just then Underdawg walks by. Uncle Entity unfurroughs his brow and nods)
UE: Hey dawg.
(Jesse Garon motions at Underdawg but UE shakes his head in a 'Hell no' sort of way.)
JG: (In Elvish) He's a good way to get noticed.
UE: I'm not screwing with that Clifford-looking motherfucker.
JG: Who then?
UE: What if I busted into The Rick's office and powerbombed him through the desk?
JG: Sounds like a good way to get fired.
UE: Yea. How about misogny? That's a good way to get noticed.
JG: Yea, but it doesn't shock the way it used to. You have to do something really outside the box these days.
UE: I could crucify Seraph but instead of just tying him to the cross, I will REALLY drive nails through his hands and feet.
JG: Isn't that just expanding on something that's already been done?
UE: How about if I hijack a plane and fly it into the arena? You could do it too, in a coordinated attack.
JG: That's a very heelish act but its pretty much a one shot. Can't wrestle in martyrdom.
UE: You are right. I guess I'll just boil some puppies.
JG: Okay, but pour the results over Mercury's head before the match and scald him. When he is unable to show, dmeand to be inserted into the #1 contenders match.
UE: Okay.
(Uncle Entity and Jesse Garon make their way to the local SPCA.)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:27:13 GMT -5
*Chris Alt is sitting in his locker room, brooding. OOWF's reporter for the holidays, Kandy Kane, enters*
KK: Chris, I'd like to get your thoughts on- hey. What's wrong? You look sad. Is everything OK?
CA: Yeah. I'm OK. It's just that ever since I lost my intercontinental title back to LD Williams I feel so- so-
KK: Sad?
CA: Yeah, that's it. I'm a wrestler, so I couldn't think of the word sad. I was going to say "chinlock". Thanks for coming up here and correcting me. Maybe later you can come up here and read me some Dr. Seuss. Get the hell out of here, before I blow my stack.
*KK dashes out of the locker room, where she runs into Blackdragon and Underdawg*
KK: What's with him?
UD: He's been really depressed ever since he lost that belt back to LD Williams. We've tried to get him to go caroling with us, but he won't sing, he won't drink apple cider or hot chocolate- all he does is sits around and mope. I hate seeing people so depressed at this time of year.
BD: I can tell you one thing- I'd sure hate to be Mr. Jealous at Mayhem this week.
UD: I'd hate to be Mr. Jealous, ever.
BD: Touche!
*UD and BD walk off*
KK: Maybe I should talk to the Rick on Chris's behalf...
*fade to black*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 18, 2008 13:27:35 GMT -5
<Jack sits alone in a room lit by a single bulb, Jack looks disheveled, like he hasn't showered in days, dried blood clings to his face, he looks haggard and worn, after a long pause to let the silence sink in, Jack spaks, quite calmly and evenly>
You know, I have heard the whispers. I have heard people talk in the locker room about how I have lost it. How Moosehead Jack is not the same man he once was. People no longer fear me, I am but a shell of what I once was.
A few months ago, that would have sent me on a murderous rampage, blood would have flowed like a river, people would have been hurt. But that was then.
Now, with age comes reflection. I am able to look back and see my mistakes. I am not anove admiting I have made mistakes. You will never hear me apologize, and I feel no remorse for anything I have ever done, and that includes nearly ending Hardbody Harris' life...twice.
The one thing I regret, the one mistake I have made, is trusting Niles Anderson. Niles I should have known better. I should have listened to the warnings, hell I should have cut you off at the knees the first time you challenged me. But I didn't. Quite honestly, I didn't think you had this in you. I always took you for a coward who would run when things got tough, and that is exactly what you did after you lost your title, you ran and hid, you knew without that title to save you, I would end your career.
Now, here is where I underestimated you. You didn't just run away and hide, you set a trap, a trap that I fell for. You got one up on me Niles, savor the moment. It will not happen again.
Concrete, what can I say, you trusted me, and it was the biggest mistake you have ever made. I know you hate me, I know you want my blood on your hands. But I want you to stop and think for one minute, who hates you nearly as much as I do? Yeah, Niles Anderson. How many times did he attack you? How many times did he try and end your career? And now, you are teaming with him against me, and the toughest SOB in the OOWF, LD Williams, who wouldn't think twice about ending your career either. You know Concrete, that sounds like a trap to me. Niles knows you are a threat to his title, do you really think he wouldn't leave you hung out to dry against me and Williams? It would be like the wolf leading the lamb to the slaughter. Think about that.
And Niles, I am not going to rant and rave. I am not going to scream. I will give you this one warning, I will cost you everything. Niles you know me, you know I have nothing to lose. It if takes my dying breath to do it, I will destroy you. Whether it takes a month, or the rest of my life. I will hound you from one end of the earth to the other.
Trust me
<click>
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