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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:15:32 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/OOWF Invitational SemiFinals Live! February 22, from Hella, Iceland OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u] Hardbody Harris vs. Shashwat Mishra OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u] Capellan vs. LD Williams OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u] The Devil's Brigade vs. The Black Dawgs OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u] Eric O'Mac vs. Nayr vs. SoulDragon OOWF Invitational SemiFinals[/u] Updated BracketsChris Cole vs. Chris Alt Moosehead Jack vs. Johnny Adrenaline Thim Reynolds & Justin Sane vs. Concrete TG & Ladder Microplay vs. Predator Niles Anderson vs. Donovan Viper Josh O'Neal vs. Mercury Siriram vs. Uncle Entity Attitude Adjuster & Drink & Destroy vs. JW Westgaard & THe Team From Down Under Canadian Dragon vs. Seraph Matt Daddy vs. Firechild Austraroo vs. Phil Card subject to people with flags
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:16:12 GMT -5
Nayr and Austraroo are walking! Well, Nayr is walking, Austraroo is being aided by a crutch.
Nayr: Geez. I can't believe we lost. To Justin Sane and his friend in the Establishment. That strategy of his sure was clever... we underestimated him and paid the price.
Austraroo: Um, Nayr mate, maybe you shouldn't be calling Thim a member of the Establishment in front of the Invisible Ninja Cameramen.
Nayr: I don't see anyone. Anyways, that loss now makes me one and three, I don't see how I'll ever get a title shot at this rate...
As they walk by the match card, Austraroo points to the card and Nayr's match.
Austraroo: No worries, Nayr. You've got a title shot next week, in a three-way match with Eric and SoulDragon.
Nayr; "No worries"... what a cool expression. Dude, can I steal it? I need a catchphrase of my own...
Austraroo: No.
Nayr: Well, this title shot isn't going to be easy. SoulDragon has a wicked arsenal of moves, and Eric is as tough as anyone in the Establishment.
Austraroo: Don't say I didn't warn you, mate. Now I need to see the company physician about my leg. Fair dinkim, crikey, put a shrimp on the barbie, by the way I'm Australian, etcetera. (He leaves).
Nayr: I guess I should go watch Eric O' Mac's tapes and stuff. And SoulDragon's. I'll think of all these cool moves, and I'll bust out my new mad skills on Eric and SoulDragon. (Looks towards camera) Because next week, Halflingmania is running wild, brother! So watcha gonna do, watcha gonnna do when all 125 or so pounds of Halflingmania run wild on you?!! And that's the bottom line. Trust Me. No, I take that last one back. Geez, these catchphrases are hard to think of...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:16:41 GMT -5
<Jack is walking through the Swords Arena, it is very quiet, most of the wreslters have already left. As Moose walks around the corner he sees Johnny Adrenaline looking at the booking sheet>
MHJ: So, Johnny, looks like it is me and you next week.
<Johnny spins around and glares at Jack, surprised to see him standing there>
JA: I should have figured, there's Moosehead Jack slinking around an empty building. What Jack, no chain? Aren't you gonna attack me? You got the Establishment backing you up? Are they going to jump out and attack me?
MHJ<chuckling to himself> No Johnny, not tonight. I see no reason to attack you and leave you lying in a pool of blood. <JAck pauses> Kind of sad really. There was a time not too long ago when you would have made a pretty formidible opponent. You might have been someone that I felt the need to go out of my way to make sure wasn't at his best. Hell there was a time when you would have already attacked me to protect the Intercontinental title you held so dear. Where's that Johnny now
<Johnny stads staring blankly as Jack slowly circles him>
JA: I am, you....
MHJ: Hell, there was a time when you and that idiot Attitude Adjuster would put on some masks, and come on Johnny, let's not pretend that it wasn't you two, and do Niles bidding. I gotta admit, you knocked some lumps on my head. But that Johnny is gone now too isn't he.
JA:......I.......
MHJ: I remember Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster being a rising team, I remember them taking wCw to the limit a couple of times. I remember you two were right on the verge of achieving greatness. Where is that Johnny now? He is gone too. Your partner would rather play with Capslock.
<Johnny's face darkens at that one>
MHJ: YOu know Johnny, at some point you have to stop and think, what happened? What happened to the Johnny that would kill for the Intercontinental title? What happened to the Johnny that would actually be worthwhile muscle for the champ? What happened to the Johnny that was on the erge of tag team greatness? What happened to the Johnny that I would have attacked because I knew at 100% it would be a brutal match. What happened to him?
<Johnny stands perfectly still, and just looks at the floor>
MHJ: Face it Adrenaline, you have become a walking punchline. You are a shell of your former self. At one time I considered you a worthy adversary, hell at one time I thought you and I could work together and do great things. Not anymore Johnny. This tournament has been a nice little run for you, but you are like that race horse, that old race horse that uses up all his energy on that one last race. Down the stretch, you can see the finish, you can see the goal. But you used up all your energy, you stagger a little, then you fall. It's all over, you come up short. That's how it's gonna be Johnny. This is the end for you.
<Johnny glares at Moose>
At MidWeek Mayhem, it all ends for you Adrenaline. I want you to think about tonight, I want you understand you were not worth the effort it would take to attack you. I want you to bring everything you have to that ring. That way, when all is said and done, you can know that you gave it all you had, and, once again, you failed. And then the whole world can watch Johnny Adrenaline slink off, put his tail between his legs, and run away. Again. Nothing personal Johnny
Trust me.
<Jack walks away and his laughter echoes in the dark corridor. The camera zooms in on Johnny, standing under a bare light bulb in front of GM the Rick's office, a blank expression on his face, but his eyes filled with rage>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:17:06 GMT -5
Pred: I'M SICK OF ALL THIS SHIT!!!I bust my ass all week and the only person I can beat is that bitch Justin Sane!
Justin Sane's half eaten head: hhhheyyyyy....im not a bit-
Pred: Shut the FUCK up. I don't have time for this. I gotta think of a new strategy. I need that factor to put me over the edge. And you know what, I got It.
-Pred pulls from the corner a short, fat, bald man with a high voice and a hump back. The man is wearing a suit with a tie that is way too short-
Pred: And here he is, Laupschtein. He's my new manager, and with him, I'm untouchable. Anybody wanna try me, go ahead, just know that it may be the last thing you do.
Laup: (in a very odd accent, but with a freakishly high pitch like that asian guy on the simpsons who says "yesssss," come on you guys know the one) OOOO yessss, mista Predator. Unstoppable.
Predator: So, do I have any takers for me and Laupy here??
-Microplay runs in with a steel chair-
Microplay: Nobody's scared of your bitch ass, Predator. And the hell is this cornholer, Laupschtein?!?! sounds like a german porn flick.
Laup: Sorry, sir. Please forgive. I help you Micropp-pplay!
Pred: Laupschtein, you gay son of a bitch. I was gonna let you finish eating Justin Sane's head, too. This is why I am a solo act. Bitches like you.
Laup: Please, Microplay, I help you...PLEAAASE!!!!
Microplay: Nope, Sorry, I don't want your ass either.
-Pred and MP both beat the fuck out of Laupschtein, send him running like a bitch. Microplay is celebrating, and Pred turns his attention to MP. Pred grabs MP's steel chair and begins completely killing him. For about ten minutes this goes on, until MP's skull is about 2 inches shorter-
Pred(standing over MP's damaged body): For all you gay ass fans out ther, REMEMBER THIS PICTURE. NEXT WEEK, THERE WILL BE NO GODDAMN REF ENDING THE MATCH, OR ILL HAVE TO END HIM!!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:17:28 GMT -5
(CTG arrives at Hella arena and tosses his gear in a locker. He stops when he sees LADDER leaning against the wall nearby)
CTG: wow, you beat me here? I thought you slept in this morning.
(LADDER isn't giving away his secret to travel)
CTG: I heard we're actually tagging against Thim and Justin Sane. This should be pretty brutal, but that's your style. I'm flattered that I'll get to work with you.
(LADDER leans proudly against the wall)
CTG: Do you have a few minutes? I know you like working with the scaffolding crew, but I need to work out some strategies.
(LADDER isn't going anywhere)
CTG: (smiles faintly) I've got some ideas......
(Fade to black)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:17:50 GMT -5
*Johnny Adrenaline still has an enraged look in his eyes when he walks into his lockerroom.*
Niles - Finally, I got both of you at the same place at the same time.
*JA looks up to see Niles and Attitude Adjuster are in the lockerroom too.*
Niles - I know things have been tough lately. We haven't really been seeing everything eye to eye. But I think its important to establish that no matter how tough things get, we're not just a team... we're a family.
*JA and AA almost instantly cheer up.*
AA - Thanks boss.
JA - Niles, you might not be champ anymore, but you will always be a champion in my heart.
*An awkward silence follows that statement.*
Niles - ...uh... well anyways, I told you before I have a surprise for you 2.
*Niles presents a giftbag to each of the chickenshit heels. JA opens his and finds himself a Rolex. AA opens his up to find some solid gold cufflinks with diamond studs.*
AA - These will go great with my suit!
JA - I've always wanted one of these!
Niles - You boys deserve them. I gotta get going though. Match to prepare for with Donnie Viper, and you know how... uh... interesting that could get.
*Niles leaves the lockerroom. Fade to Black.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:18:15 GMT -5
JA: He just got you those because he didn't want you to feel bad.
AA: Man, look at these things! If he didn't want me to feel bad, he would've got me a sandwich!
JA: Well mine cost more than yours!
AA: Did not!
JA: Did too!
AA: DID NOT!
JA: DID TOO!
[F.F. Capslock enters the locker room.]
FFC: Alan, drinks?
AA: Sure man!
JA: Oh, of course...
FFC: SHUT THE FUCK UP JOHNNY!
[fade out]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:18:39 GMT -5
FF Capslock, Attitude Adjuster and Carl Weathers are hanging out at a bar. JW Westgaard enters
AA- Hey Westgaard. We're gonna kick your ass on Wednesday!
JWW- Oh? Alright, I haven't even seen the card yet. Are we fighting?
FFC- Hey JW, how's it going?
JWW- Pretty good man, I guess I'm fighting you guys?
FFC- And Stank.
JWW- Jeez dude, that doesn't really seem fair.
FFC- Not just you. You get The Team From Down Under with you, too.
JWW- Oh sick. I thought I pissed someone in booking off. Alright cool, man.
FFC- Yeah, buddy. It should be a good match. Want a Jagerbomb? They're EXTREME!
JWW- Yeah dude! I'll take one.
AA- Why are you bantering with him? He's the enemy! You're a vicious heel now.
JWW- Are you? I thought you were kind of a tweener.
FFC- Uh...I don't know anymore.
CW- Eye Of the Tiger!
JWW- Is that Carl Weathers?
FFC- Yeah.
JWW- Right on, dude. Hey, I gotta see what Cap and Tommy are up to. I'll catch up with you later FF.
FFC- Yeah dude, see you around.
JW Westgaard turns to leave, catches his foot in Carl's barstool and trips. Carl falls over and cracks his head on the ground.
JWW- Oh jeez! Are you okay? Is he okay?
___________________________________
FF Capslock is speaking at Carl Weathers' funeral.
FFC- There's a lot I could say about this man, but I don't know if it matters now. I guess what matters is what he stood for, what he lived for, and what he died for. You always did everything the way you wanted it. And I didn't understand that, but now I understand. I'll never forget you, Carl. You're the best.
Capslock walks off muttering to himself.
FFC- You'll pay for this Westgaard. You do NOT kill Carl Weathers!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:19:29 GMT -5
Stank and Adam Sandler are sitting in a bar when in walks JW Westgaard.
JWW - Hey Stank. Tough break on what happen to Carl Weathers.
Stank - Wha? What happened to Carl Weathers.
JWW - I think I accidentally killed him.
Stank - What? How?
JWW - I think Figure was tired of writing for him. Plus You, FFC and Attitude Adjuster are set to meet me and The Team from Down Under at Mayhem. FFC needed a reason to want to fight me so... two birds with one stone I guess.
Stank - Wow... that's extreme.
JWW - Seriously dude. Hey! Is THAT?
Stank - Yeah this is Adam Sandler... Hmmm... you think you could... "accidentally" kill...
AS - Hey! What are you tired of me already.
Stank - Well... I got nothin but "Waka waka waka waka... Hoooooooo" for you.
AS - AHH this is just GREAT!
JWW - Dude I'm not killing Adam Sandler. I LOVE this guy.
Stank - Aw C'mon.
AS - DUDE!
Stank - Well what do you want me to do?
AS - How about I just leave. You'll never have to see me again.
Stank - Fine. It's been nice hangin with you.
AS - Yeah likewise.
Adam Sandler walks out the front door and is run over by a limo! The Team from Down under exit out the back.
WBK - I TOLD you someone might walk out the front door at the same TIME!
GB - *BEEEELCHH* That's Australian for oh sh*t!
OBJ - Well next time one of YOU drive!
WBK - What happened to our regular driver anyway?
Stank - Oh my God! YOU GUYS KILLED ADAM SANDLER!
GB - I don't think he's dead... he's still twitching.
AS - Balah... balah... balah... ... ... hooooooo..
A Native American jumps out the back of the limo and drops a KNEE on Sandler's head effectively ending any chance of their being a pro wrestling movie starring him.
OBJ - IRON EYES! What are you doin???
IE - He asked for it!
GB - What, did he just say "kill me now" in your native tongue?
IE - No... Did any of you see Punch Drunk Love?
Stank - YOU GUYS WILL PAY FOR THIS!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:19:56 GMT -5
Westgaard looks at TTFDU and says:
JW: jesus guys..the way things are goin and us killing celebrities its gonna be a long week.
OBJ: well at least we don't have endure billions of commercials for his next movie.....
Stank nearby is seething with anger.
GB: hey mates I think it might be a good time to be leaving.
JW: yeah time to make like drink and destroy and SPLIT!
OBJ: first you kill Carl Weathers and on of the world's most annoying people and now you're joking about D&D splitting up........you're asking for trouble now....
JW: hey Wilder's not here somebody has to cause some excitment!
With that JW, OBJ, BG Iron Eyes, and WBK pile into the limo.....
JW: He wally lets bring wilder one of your girls...maybe that'd help "ease his pain?'
WBK: Lets go pick up the new IC champ go see how that crazy little bastards doin.
with that the limo backs over sandler and runs him over for a second time.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:20:37 GMT -5
*inside TTFDU's limo*
OBJ: It's tough remembering how people drive on the left side in Ireland.
JWW: But this is Iceland, not Ireland.
OBJ: No worries, I'll just change lanes and...
*THUMP! A body bounces off the hood and lands on the roof of the limo. WBK looks up through the sun-roof.
WBK: Looks like Jesus Kidneypuncher.
GB: Shoulda let the panda drive, not that I'm telling you anything you don't already know.
IE: Should we get him down off the roof?
WBK: No, just leave him there for now. If Jack runs over anyone else we've got some room in the trunk.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:22:57 GMT -5
(To keep continuity with Outback Jack) Jesus C. Kidneypuncher knocks on the sunroof. WBK opens the window.
WBK: Are you OK?
JCK: Just some cuts and bruises. Hey, I was going to that bar you just left. Mind if we go back?
WBK: No problem, mate.
(Original promo) Jesus C. Kidneypuncher walks into the bar and sits down with FF Capslock (back from Carl Weather’s funeral), Stank (back from Adam Sandler’s funeral). JW Westgaard, who for some reason doesn’t know any better than to hang around his opponents in a bar, walked back in and sat down.
JCK: Hey, AA, you called and wanted me to help with a promo? Sorry I’m late. Can you believe I ran into two funeral processions and got hit by a limo?
AA: Yeah, JCK, I finally found a way to get you into a main event promo. You’re gonna be the star!
JCK: Finally! Who’s kidneys do I punch?
AA: Nope, no kidney punching this time. You just stand right here, next to me, and look over toward that pool table while I cut this promo. You’ll know when to come in.
JCK: OK.
AA: This week at Midweek Mayhem, The No. 1 PROMO MAN IN THE OOWF and his good friend FF Capslock and that other dude Stank (Stank glares at AA off camera) take The Team From Down Under and JW Westgaard. Now the Aussies, I respect them because they like to lie, cheat and steal. But Westgaard, if you’re listening, I have a problem with you. (Westgaard perks up from three seats down the bar.) Westgaard, you think you’re so big and bad with that hockey stick of yours. Well, you bring that hockey stick to Midweek Mayhem and see how tough you are. And speaking of tough, I heard your momma was pretty tough with the second-string Latavian goalkeeper last night. What’s up, she couldn’t even get a real hockey player. Your Momma did the second-string Latavian goaltender!
Westgaard flies into a rage and charges AA with his hockey stick. At the last second, AA ducks and JWW crushes Jesus C. Kidneypuncher across the side of the head with a vicious slapshot. JCK goes down in a heap.
Stank and FFC: HE’S DEAD!!!!!!!!
AA: Dude, you just killed Jesus. Are you happy now! At Midweek Mayhem, we’re gonna avenge the deaths of Carl Weathers, Adam Sandler and Jesus C. Kidneypuncher!
FFC: Your ass better watch your ass, buddy!
The promo ends and the bartender, cameraman and assorted lighting technicians pick up Jesus and drag him from the scene.
FFC: That sucked.
AA: What do you mean? I never could do much with his character. He was just weighing me down. I should thank you for the idea.
JWW: You mean my mother wasn’t with a second-string Latavian goaltender?
AA: Nope.
JWW: Wow, that sucks.
AA: She was with the third-stringer!!!
JWW attacks AA, and soon Drink and Destroy and The Team From Down Under are in a Pier 6 brawl until assorted road agents come from the back to break things up.
AA: Now that’s how you promote a match!!!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:23:29 GMT -5
Thim Reynolds is seen walking through the locker room area searching for his wayward tag team partner. He finds him in the wardrobe area rummaging through old gimmicks and costumes.
TR: What the hell are you doing? We've got another tag match this week we need to plan for, and i've been looking everywhere for you.
JS: We have bigger problems, someone's succeded in cloning me!
TR: What?
JS: Someone's cloned me, I've allready seen two of the clones. One was with an evil midget, and the other was apparently killed and eaten by Arnolds bastard stepson.
TR: Look ones a noob who's allready apologised, and the others just inconsiderate. Besides we need to get ready for this match against Concrete and Ladder.
The Sanest Man Alive immediately ceases all activity and stares directly at Thim, his eyes widening.
JS: Did you say Ladder?
TR: Yeah, Eric told you he would get you a match didn't he.
JS: No Erin said he would get me an Unsactioned Tai Pei Rabbit Throwing Contest, but I suppose a tag match will work for now. Here's the plan you keep Concrete off my back, and I'll take care of Ladder.
TR: You know, and I can't believe I'm saying this, I think we are finally on the same page. So we take Concrete down...
JS: No you take Concrete down, just leave Ladder to me!
With that the Sanest Man Alive storms off to prepare for war.
TR: Wait a minute, get back here I wasn't finished talking!
The camera fades to black as Thim once more chases down his distracted teamate.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:23:57 GMT -5
This promo was taped approximately 4 hours ago
Donovan Viper and Niles Anderson meet in the hallway. Both are wearing black.
DV: Headed to Carl Weathers' funeral?
NA: No. I didn't know him that well. You?
DV: Yeah. I didn't know him either, but Action Jackson was my favorite movie, so I'm at least going to pay my respects.
NA: I understand. He cracked me up in Arrested Development, too.
DV: Yeah.... So... we're facing each other this week.
NA: Yup.
DV: We're both former world champions.
NA: Yup. Two times, for me.
DV: This isn't for a #1 contender match though, is it? Not with the tournament going on?
NA: I... I guess not.
DV: Then this match is for nothing, then, is it?
NA: I suppose not.
DV: All right then.
NA: Yup.
DV: Well, see you next Wednesday.
NA: You too.
TheRick comes into the scene. TR: THIS IS NOT HOW YOU PROMO A MATCH! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO? We want our viewers to WANT to watch you guys beat your brains out and THIS is the best you can do to sell this to the idiot fans?
NA: Well, yeah.
DV: It's true. Niles and I haven't had bad blood since he's been champion.
NA: And I don't have a problem with Donnie right now.
TheRick: Couldn't you make some gay jokes about him? Try to steal Missy away? Talk shit about Ayaka? Have Johnny and Alan mess about with Harper and Tommy?
NA: Listen, I don't want Missy (no offense, Don. She's a hot piece of ass, but not my type), and even if I did want her, she's not here, because she doesn't do international shows. In addition, Donnie never actually says "I AM NOT A HOMO" in his own promos anymore, and Johnny and Alan have their own issues to sort out here to mess about with Harper and Tommy. As far as Ayaka goes, I guess I could tell Donnie not to bring her to ringside so we could keep this a one-on-one affair, but come on, do you really think THAT's going to happen?
DV: Actually, I haven't seen much of Ayaka lately. She hasn't been nearly as effective of a bodyguard/ninja in recent weeks. Tends to disappear a lot. But I guess that's what ninjas do.
NA: Yup. So there you go, TheRick.
DV: So, um, yeah. See you at Mayhem.
NA: You too.
Niles walks away.
TheRick: YOU COULDN'T EVEN JUMP HIM FROM BEHIND AS HE WALKED AWAY? What's WRONG with you two? You're both HEELS!
DV: I dunno. I guess it's just been a long day. Anyways, I got a funeral to go to. I think I hear Capslock giving a euology.
TheRick: I hate my job...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:28:54 GMT -5
Attitude Adjuster is preparing to cut a promo in the hallway.
AA: And we will avenge the deaths of Carl Weathers, Adam Sandler and Jesus C. Kidneypuncher at Midweek Mayhawk! Damn!!! Mayhem! Mayhem! Why can’t I get the right today?
Suddenly Mooseheadjack walks by whistling and singing, with a grip holding an array of standing lights in his face. In his hands are many plates of food in a box labeled “Old Folks Home.” Following Moose is Donnie Viper, with four hot women in his arms. Somehow, he has his tongue down the throat of two of them at the same time. “I’M A HOMO!!!” Donnie exclaims. Justin Sane sees Viper and stops his brawl with a toaster oven, then continues with a power slam and a pin on the toaster oven. Hardbody Harris trips an old lady and sneers at her.
Meanwhile, FF Capslock and Stank are at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting with The Team From Down Under (who are drinking Coronas) when Johnny Adrenaline walks in.
JA: Hi guys!
Stank: Glad to see you, Johnny! Tell us about your day! Nothing happened to us...no deaths or anything!
Outback Jack: Braaaaaappppp!!!!! Oops, excuse me.
Come back next week for more of “NOW THAT’S CONTINUITY!!!!”
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:29:43 GMT -5
In an ambulance
-Chuck Norris and Matt Daddy are riding in an ambulance on the way to the Beaumont Hospital,
Chuck: "You got smacked pretty good there partner... How are you feeling?"
Matt Daddy: "I'm Pretty woozy actually... I think I lost a lot of blood. I'm pretty upset that I didn't buy international health coverage before leaving Canada though."
CN: "I bet you learned something today."
MD: "Yeah... don't get smacked in the face with a chair!"
-They share a good laugh.
CN: "Well... It looks like Firechild is a bit worried to step in the ring with you. I don't think you're going to be able to take him if you keep taking beatings like this.
MD: "He's just taking the easy way out... I'm not scared of him and if he thinks I'm going to back down... He's sadly mistaking!"
CN: "This is the intensity I was looking for MD. I might have been wrong about you."
-The EMT interrupts.
EMT: "Now Mr. Daddy... were going to give you some morphine to numb the pain before we start on the stitches."
-The EMT looks for an open vein on MD's arm, hand, leg and even head.
EMT: "Not good... you lost so much blood that we're not finding a vein... We're going to have to go in without it."
MD: "Not a problem... I would have refused the pain medication anyway."
EMT: "That's admirable Sir."
MD: "Please... Praises... No..."
-Matt Daddy starts to black out. Chuck Norris watches the EMT put in the stitches.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:30:13 GMT -5
[Johnny is pacing around the locker room talking to himself.]
JA: Number one promo man, my ass!
DV: I AM NOT A HOMO!
JA: I said PROMO, Donnie!
DV: Oh...
JA: I've been carrying his ass for MONTHS! I'll show him that I can cut awesome promos without him. And I got Moose to deal with this week. (a symbolic light bulb goes off over Johnny's head) Hey, I can cut a promo on Moose to prove to Alan that I don't need him. Great idea!
[Johnny goes to his locker to reach into the bag of promos, only to realize that AA took it with him.]
JA: DAMN IT! Now what do I do?
[Johnny storms out and slams the door as we fade out.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:30:33 GMT -5
Capellan is sitting in the hospital waiting room, his Intercontinental Title across his lap.
"Wrestling's a funny line of work." he sips a cup of hospital coffee, grimaces, and puts it down, "You train for years to get a shot in a promotion like OOWF, then bust your ass for months to get a title match ... and then all that time and effort comes down to three seconds."
Capellan slaps the belt three times to emphasise his point.
"Three seconds can take you from curtain jerker to champ ... or from champ to nobdy just as fast."
Cap smiles,
"That might sound like it's a dig at LD, but it's not. It's a reminder to myself how easy it would be to lose this belt next week. Williams is a tough competitor, and I'm yet to pin him one-on-one. Every day of those years of training; every minute of the matches I've fought here ... they all led to those three seconds on Wednesday night. But what I have to think about now is the three seconds next week."
Capellan looks up as a nurse comes into shot.
"And now you'll have to excuse me." he stands and slings the belt over his shoulder, "Visiting hours have started and I've got a feeling Tommy is going to want to see this."
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:31:01 GMT -5
A bunch of teenyboppers squeal “Hardbody! Here is Hardbody Harris!”The camera shows Hardbody Harris interacting with the fans backstage. He is signing autographs and posing for pictures. There is confetti and music. It is a celebration of another successful title defense.
Suddenly Hardbody looks disturbed and the camera swings away to show Shashwat standing in the room.
“Dude! Please go away. I am not in the mood for a fight right now. And frankly, haven’t you had enough? I beat you twice already.”
Shashwat says, “ Come on Harris. You got lucky twice. Have you forgotten the beating I gave you in the parking lot? Made a fool out of you. Yeah…you got away in the ring, twice. This time around, you won’t. I will hit you harder than you have ever been hit before.”
“Dude, whatever. Just go away.”
Shashwat picks up a chair and tosses it at a group of young fans. They scatter and run away, yelling.
“Hey, what the hell are you trying to prove?” say Hardbody and moves towards Shashwat.
The fans fall back in a circle.
“You and me”, says Shashwat, striking a boxing pose. “Right now, bitch.”
“Hey, can I be the referee?” asks a voice. It is Sriram. He is holding a baseball bat in his hand.
Hardbody looks at him and the distraction is enough for Shashwat to jump Harris. He gets on top and starts hitting Harris with right hands.
Sriram drops the baseball bat. “I am bored with this.” he says and walks off. As Hardbody tries to get up, Shashwat hits him on the face with the baseball bat. Incredibly, Harris gets back to his feet and tackles Shashwat.
The usual bunch of idiots run in to separate the two.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:31:24 GMT -5
**L.D. Williams is alone backstage as SFJ#37 approaches.**
SFJ: “L.D., about your match with Capellan…”
LD: “This week’s or last week’s? Guess it doesn’t really matter does it? Capellan, when I won the Intercontinental Title, I said it would take a man at the top of his game to take it from me. I was right. No excuses. I didn’t take you lightly. I wasn’t unprepared. You beat me, plain and simple.
Keep one thing in mind though Cap. Chris Alt managed to beat me once. A week later, the belt was mine and he was back in purgatory. You are going to have to take your game to a whole new level to avoid his fate. Can you do that Capellan? Can you?
When you won the belt, I shook your hand. That was an acknowledgement of your accomplishment, nothing more. The day I raise your hand is the day you earn my respect.
At Midweek Mayhem, Capellan, the roles will be reversed. I have everything to gain and nothing to lose. You, on the other hand, need to defend the title. More than that, you have to prove your worth. Best of luck, Cap. You’re going to need it.”
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:31:50 GMT -5
[Johnny Adrenaline is seen pacing around in the back talking to someone off camera.]
JA: Damn it, should I say "Go to hell!" or "Kiss my ass!"??
[As Johnny gets upset with himself, Ric Flair emerges from off the right side of the screen.]
RF: Easy Johnny... you're overthinking this, man.
JA: Really?
RF: Really. You do it like this. [stepping toward the middle of the room] You mind?
JA: No go ahead.
RF: [turns to camera] MOOSEHEAD JACK! IT'S WEDNESDAY NIGHT! IT'S HELLA, ICELAND! IT'S LIVE! IT'S WORLDWIDE!
JA: No, it's Midweek Mayhem, Ric.
RF: YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH FAT BOY!
JA: My bad... continue.
RF: AND AT STAKE IS A SPOT IN THE FINALS OF THE OOWF INVITATIONAL! AND TWO MEN ARE GONNA BLEED! TWO MEN ARE GONNA SWEAT! AND TWO MEN ARE GONNA PAY THE PRICE! BUT ONLY ONE CAN WALK AWAY VICTORIOUS! AND TONY SCHIAVONE, YOU CAN BET YOUR ASS... IT'S GONNA BE RIC FLAIR! CAUSE WHEN IT COMES RIGHT DOWN TO IT, THE NATURE BOY IS THE FINEST COMPETITOR IN THE NATIONAL WRESTLING ALLIANCE! MID-ATLANTIC! GEORGIA! DALLAS! CALIFORNIA! JAPAN! THE ENTIRE WORLD! I'VE BUILT A CAREER OF DEFENDING THE NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP ALL OVER THE GLOBE! AND I'VE BUILT JIM CROCKETT'S OFFICE! AND THAT WRESTLING RING! [begins flipping out] AND THIS SET! AND THIS PODIUM! AND BOUGHT YOU THAT CHEAP SUIT! AND...
JA: Okay, okay, Naitch. I got it.
RF: WELL THEN GO FOR IT BIG DADDY!
JA: [stepping back to the camera] What was that first line again?
RF: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
JA: No, that wasn't it.
[Flair drops an elbow on his jacket and leaves without acknowledging Johnny, rather continuing his wild promo on innocent road agents in the hall. Johnny remains flustered.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:32:12 GMT -5
<Moose, LD WIlliams, Thim and Eric are watching Johnny's promo in the back>
EOM: HA! Look at him, he's losing it! Moose you are gonna kill Johnny this week! He can't even do a promo right! Your ass kickin on him is gonna make Thim and Justin's slaughter of Crete and Ladder look like a cake walk!
Thim: Someone needs to explain to me again how I got roped into a match teaming with that halfwit Sane against Crete anda freakin Ladder.
MHJ: Don't sweat it Thim, just focus on Crete let Sane worry about Ladder
TR: Hey LD, sorry about that loss to Capellan, the little bastard is tough, I'll give him that, you'll get it back.
LDW<watching Johnny's promo intently> I'm not worried about it.
EOM: Hey, at least I still have some gold here! <Moose and Thim shoot Eric a strange look, Williams never looks away from the monitor>
TR: So, Eric, what's the deal with you coming out during that Josh O'Neal guys matches?
EOM: Scouting future opponents. ANd you know, it never hurts to have some extra back up, that kid is pretty impressive.
<The camera focuses on LD Williams who is still intently watching Johnny's promo and Moose>
MHJ: You know him best LD, what do you think?
LDW: Be careful Moose. I don't think Johnny is quite as off his game as he is letting on. Don't take him lightly.
<fade>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:32:42 GMT -5
On the OR table
Matt Daddy and Chuck Norris are still at the Hospital. Matt Daddy is laying on an Operating Room table. Chuck Norris is on the phone.
Chuck: "Yeah... He took them right to the face... Mmm Hmm... He's in the OR now."
-Chuck looks through the glass and peers at MD for a minute.
Chuck: "It looks like he's being stitched up right now... Yeah... They said something about there being a blood clot they're trying to get out before he has a stroke or a heart attack... Yeah, I think they got it out."
-Chuck looks at his watch.
CN: "They say he'll be back in the ring for his next match against fire child... Apparently even the doctors think he's really tough enough."
-Chuck Norris looks back down through the window and sees the OR table knocked over.
CN: "I gotta go!"
-Chuck Norris looks through the glass and notices someone kicking the snot out of the doctors. Firechild looks up and grins at Chuck Norris. Chuck clinches his fist and breaks through the glass.
CRASH!!!
-Chuck Norris lands on his feet and wipes the glass off his body. Not a scratch on him.
CN: "Your time has come!"
-Chuck rips off his shirt and lets out a battle cry. Firechild whacks him in the face with a paddle. CN is stunned but doesn't fall. Firechild looks around and realizes hes outmatched. He runs through the lobby throwing crack addicted children to the floor. He narrowly escapes the wrath of Chuck Norris.
CN goes back to see how MD is doing. He kneels down next to MD's battered body.
MD: "What happened?" he says in a daze.
CN: "Firechild was in here... He tried to take you out permanently on the OR table."
MD: "That... Son... of... a..." He blacks out again.
-CN throws MD over his shoulder and puts him in a hospital bed. He then goes to help the doctors. MD loses consciousness.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:33:11 GMT -5
AA and FFC are in a bar, happily drinking. Stank is off to the side, brooding.
FFC: Come on, Stank, join in on the fun. AA’s telling more of his stories!
AA: And that’s how I beat Concrete TG in the first-ever Sharpie on a Pole match.
FFC: That’s awesome!
Stank: Big deal. Are you proud of being the king of bizarre “On a Pole” matches? Those matches always suck.
AA: That’s because you’ve never seen me do a “On a Pole” match. In fact, all serious wrestling writers claim that if I’d been in the WCW Pinata on a Pole match, WCW would have never gone under and been bought by Vince McMahon.
FFC: Westgaard, Capellan and Wilder went under? I thought Gatorbait and Outback Jack had that gimmick.
Stank: Vince who?
AA (under his breath): Man, why do I hang around you guys?
FFC: Hey, by the way, what’s in the paper bag?
AA: The paper bag? This, my friend, is the famous Bag O’ Promos! This is why I’m the No. 1 PROMO GUY IN THE OOWF!
Stank: Didn’t that use to be the No. 1 PROMO TEAM IN THE OOWF?
AA: Yeah, whatever. Johnny’s proven he can’t carry his weight in the promo department. Besides, I have a new promo protégé right here in Capslock.
FFC: Awww, I LOVE YOU, MAN!!!
Stank: That’s it, I’m leaving. You two play your little promo games. I’m gonna find Johnny and straighten this out once and for all.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 23, 2008 17:33:35 GMT -5
<Chris Alt is in the hallway drinking a cup of coffee and watching clips of the OOWF Title Triple Threat Match between Harris, Alt, and Niles on Harris’s TRIXED OWT TYTEL!!!>
CA: Wow, that was some match wasn’t it?
HH: Of course. Whenever you get Super Best Friends in friendly competition for the OOWF Title it is going to rock the house.
CA: Well once I win the OOWF Invitational we can bring down the house one more time….One on One.
<3 Piece Set walks onscreen. Cole steps up to Alt with FC & Ax standing behind him>
CC: I see one flaw in your theory.
CA: You do, huh?
CC: Yea, I do. This week you’re facing me. I know I’ve said this before but it is worth repeating. I am better then you. When we were both in the Tag Division I got to the title first. You couldn’t get the job done so you quit. Now that we are both singles stars I’m going to reach the OOWF Title before you too.
CA: We’ll see about that.
CC: I know we will. The two of us have been sparing verbally for the last five months. This week we are going to step into that ring and settle this.
CA: You know I’m game.
CC: (turning towards Harris): And once I win this tournament and then kick your ass to become OOWF Champion the first thing I’m going to do is destroy that monstrosity you call a Title Belt.
HH: What are you waiting for? You have a title shot already. Are you scared to use it? I’m waiting to kick your ass and send you to the back of the line because I’m tired of hearing you yak week after week about being the next OOWF Champion. Do something or shut up.
CC: Careful what you wish for Harris. Both you guys need to be real careful. We’ll be seeing you Wednesday Night.
<3 Piece Set walk past Harris & Alt. Harris & Alt shrug it off and go back to watching clips on the Title Belt.>
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