Post by firewoman on Jun 16, 2017 19:46:59 GMT -5
Sept 27, 2014 19:00:05 GMT -5 @mooseheadjack said:
OOWF Awards 2014Live! From the Thomas Wolfe Auditorium, Asheville North Carolina
September 27, 2014
<we are back in the Thomas Wolfe Auditorium in Asheville, North Carolina. The camera pans around and we see the place is decked out even better than it was last night for the Hall of Fame. The tables on the floor have all been set with linens and we see dinner has been served. Fans have been allowed in, and they fill the upper balcony. Voice Over Guy, take it from here!>
VOG: Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to the 2013/2014 OOWF Awards! We are coming to you live from the Thomas Wolfe Auditorium in downtown Asheville, North Carolina! Tonight is the night we have all been waiting for, the crowning of this year’s award winners. And now, to kick things off this evening, please welcome the conscious of the OOWF, the toughest Priest since Father Mulcahey, the Champion of the Confessional, the Badass of Baptisms, Savior of Souls…….Father Lou!
<Father Lou walks out onto the stage under a spotlight, looking pious as ever gets a nice ovation from the crowd>
VOG: Please rise while Father Lou leads us in the OOWF prayer:
Our Hardcore who art in heaven
Hallowed be thy blades
Thy bed of nails, thy wounds be done with chairs or with barbed and razored wire.....
Give us this day our daily bled
and forgive us our shattered glasses
as we forgive those who use broken glass against us
And lead us not into garbage, but deliver us from mediocrity.....
VOG: Now, ladies and gentlemen please welcome out emcee for the night, the man you love to hate, and hate to love, the founder, creator, leader of lost souls, JUNICHIRO MUYO!
<Eco walks out to the podium to a decidedly mixed reaction from the crowd. He basks in it as though they were cheering him like a conquering hero.>
Eco: Welcome to the 2014/2014 OOWF Awards! Unfortunately Mr. Corbitt is once again indisposed and couldn’t make the ceremony, so I will be taking things from here. My, my, my, what a long strange trip it’s been, eh? Ten years, I honestly never imagined it would last this long. I had a dream that I could create a wrestling federation that would rival the best the WWE had ever offered, surpass the height of WCW or NWA, and even outdo ECW in terms of innovation and wrestling brilliance. I’ve got to say, all my dreams have been realized, thanks to all of you. Mostly me, but you guys certainly helped.
Now, this year the awards are going to be a little different. Because of the……..unpleasantness currently going on with the WWE, Vince has decided to bar all his workers, his “sports entertainers” from participating. Something about John Cena getting beat up year after year has soured him I guess. So this year, we had to reach out to the independents, and smaller feds, and even back into the history of the OOWF.
So, let’s get things started off the right way. Here to present the award for Breakthrough Star of the Year is, in my estimation, the greatest winner that award has ever seen. Ladies and Gentlemen, former OOWF World Tag Team Champion, VOLTAGE!
<Voltage walks out onto the stage and shakes hands with Eco, and they share a hug. Voltage walks to the podium and composes himself.>
V: When you look back at past winners of this award, you see some gigantic names in OOWF history. Firewoman and Chris Evans have both won this award and gone onto greatness. Jose Reyna, last year’s winner, is on the verge of breaking out and being the next big thing. When I won the award in 2007, I was honored. It is truly a great accomplishment to be singled out by your peers. Now, in my case, I didn’t exactly set the world on fire after winning it, but that doesn’t mean this can’t be a huge stepping stone for this year’s winner. Voice Over Guy, the nominees please.
VOG: The nominees for Breakthrough Star of the Year are……..Shane Tuska, Rory Albright and Spider McNulty
V: And the winner is…………..SPIDER MCNULTY!
<Spider, sitting with Shane and Power, looks surprised. He slowly gets to his feet and looks around, almost a little lost. Shane and Power point him in the right direction and he heads up to the stage. Spider shakes hands with Voltage and accepts the award.>
SM: This…….wow. You know, when I came here, it was just to watch my buddy Shane’s back. I didn’t think much of getting in the ring again. But the more I watched Shane wrestle, then team with Power, the bug got to me. I thought, hell, this dog has a few tricks up his sleeve yet, if I’m gonna go out in a blaze of glory, this is the place to do it! Tomorrow night, I got LD Williams in a strap match. I got my work cut out for me, but for tonight……..I think I am just gonna sit back and savor this one. Thank you.
<everyone gives Spider a nice ovation as he heads back to his seat, sits down, sets the trophy on the table and just stares at it, slowly shaking his head>
Eco: Man! Wasn’t it great to see Voltage again? I mean, what a guy! Did you know I saved him too? Oh yeah, bad drug problem. Leave it to me to……..what? Oh, Spider. Yeah, that is a good win for him. That kid has quite a future in this……..
Voice From Audience: HE’S LIKE FIFTY YEARS OLD!
Eco: What? He is? When did that happen? I need someone to update my files! Have we EVER had someone that old in the OOWF?
VOG: Ummmm, Mr. Muyo……..the awards ceremony?
Eco: Ah yes. Wait, wasn’t Voice Over Guy El Lobo Sangriento’s gimmick?
VOG: Yes
Eco: How are you still employed?
VOG: You gave me a life time contract
Eco: I DID? That doesn’t sound like something I would do
VOG: Well……you did……..now, the show?
Eco: Yes, yes, yes! Ok, moving right along. Next up is the award for NPC, non-player character, or as some would like to call them, non-wrestlers. Here to present the award for NPC of the year…….wait, this can’t be right. How is this even………here to present the award for NCP of the year…….LADDER!
<two stage hands carry LADDER out to the podium. The lights dim and the spotlight falls on LADDER, suddenly words start happening>
L: Being a Non-Player Character can be tricky. You are not specific to one person, so anyone can write your story. That leads you down many roads that you never even considered. In my case, it led to me becoming the very first DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal champion…..
<the camera cuts to the crowd where Justin is sitting staring wide-eyed>
I am proud of my accomplishments in the OOWF, and it is a great honour (who knew LADDER was Canadian?) to add another name to the list of NPC’s of the year. Voice Over Guy, if you would please…….
VOG: The nominees for Non-Player Character of the year are……Jaime McAllister-Folz and “Dashing” Victor Dinero
L: And the winner is……..Jaime McAllister-Folz!
<Jaime looks stunned for a second before Matt fist pumps and then pulls his wife into a deep kiss. Jaime gets up and then hugs Mai before making her way up to the stage. She walks by Ladder and gives him a strange look before continuing on to the podium>
JF: Wow, I really wasn't expecting this. I'll try to be brief, because my husband hopefully has a few more speeches to make. Can't wait to hear your Face of the Year speech hon. (Cut to Matt rolling his eyes) I'd like to thank everyone who voted for me, there's always a ton of competition for this award and I was shocked to even get a nomination, much less be standing here as the winner. Thank you to Mai Muyo and the rest of the amazing women here in this company for your friendship and support. Bridgette, shug, dinner's on me. And finally I'd like to thank my wonderful, incredible husband for bringing me into this company.
<Jaime heads back to her seat and pauses at the Texpress table to give Bridgette a big hug. She makes it back to her table sits back down and hugs both Mai and Matt as we move on to the next award. Workers come out and carry LADDER to the back again, Eco watches them go with an odd look on his face.>
Eco: This place…….do we really have a talking LADDER? Seriously? Every time I think I’ve seen it all…….anyway…….onto our next award. Next up is one of my favorite awards, Gimmick of the Year. A gimmick allows you to change who you are. I can be a flesh-eating cannibal one day, and the nicest guy you would ever meet the next!
<crickets>
Eco: Well, it COULD happen! Anyway, here to present Gimmick of the Year………oh come on! Look, we are going to HAVE to make nice with Vince. Here to present Gimmick of the Year……..Gimmickman
<Gimmickman walks out across the stage to the Michigan State Spartan fight song (cause I really didn’t want to look up his theme music) He stands behind the podium and looks out at the crowd and smiles>
GM: This has to be the ultimate irony. My gimmick was having no gimmick. Or, my gimmick was being the blandest wrestler the OOWF has seen, but since my NAME was Gimmickman, people thought it was all an act! That’s some crazy Inception level shit right there!
The OOWF has seen a lot of great gimmicks over the year. From PHIL to the Chickenshit Heels and Drink & Destroy fighting back in the old west, the list is really endless. Each year it gets harder and harder to top the previous year, but we are going to try. So Voice Over Guy, the nominees please……
VOG: The nominees for Gimmick of the Year are…….Stank and LD Williams try to find a team name………and……..Stank Takes Things
GM: And the winner is…………STANK TAKES THINGS!
<the crowd applauds and Stank gets to his feet and straightens his bow tie, then makes his way to the stage. As Stank walks by Eco, Eco sticks his hand out for a handshake, but Stank eyes him and keeps walking. Stank gets to the podium and stands there for a moment, then looks the podium over, considers it for a moment……..>
S: This is nice. This is a nice podium. I’m taking this
<Stank lifts up the podium and starts walking off the stage>
Eco: YOU CAN’T DO THAT!
S: Who’s gonna stop me?
<Eco looks out at the crowd, but no one moves. Stank shrugs and walks off with the podium leaving Eco standing on the stage with just a mic>
Eco: THAT IS THEFT LUCAS! NOW WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO DO? HEY! Monkeys in the back! Give me something to use as a podium!
<the backstage monkeys scatter to find something. Eco looks out at the crowd and tries to kill time when Stank walks back onto the stage and looks around>
Sta: It looks like something is missing
Eco: Yes, because YOU JUST TOOK THE PODIUM!
Sta: Nah. That wasn’t me
Eco: <staring incredulously> WE. JUST. SAW. YOU!
Sta: Nah. Must’ve been someone else. Look Juni, it looks like you are lacking a podium. It just so happens I have a spare podium
Eco: YOU JUST STOLE THE ONE WE WERE USING!
Sta: Now, I don’t like you, but I am gonna let the podium I have go for……..let’s say $1000
Eco: THAT’S TWICE what they cost new!
Sta: Hey, that’s cool, you don’t have to buy it. I just notice you are right in the middle of a show, and precious minutes of air time are ticking by……..
Eco: <slapping his hand against his face> FINE! I’ll take it
Sta: Ok, good, that’ll be $1500
Eco: BUT YOU JUST SAID $1000!
Sta: Yes, but I notice there is a far greater demand for a podium now, I mean I can walk away……..
Eco: NO! FINE! HERE! <Eco counts out $1500, then turns and hands Justin $5> Wait, what are YOU doing here?
<Justin just shrugs, pockets the money and heads back to his seat. Stank whistles and the two backstage monkeys bring the podium back, Stank slaps Eco on the back>
Sta: Good doin’ business with ya Juni
Eco: <seething> Go. Away. Ok we come to our next award, Catchphrase of the Year. After ten years, I really don’t think I have to explain this. I do? Have you people never been on the internet? Fine. A catchphrase is something a wrestler says, over and over again, to help people remember them. Something like “I’m Junichiro Muyo and WHY HAVEN’T I WON MORE AWARDS?” Or……..you know, something like that. Anyway, here to present Catchphrase of the Year is Alberto Del Rio. Oh goody
<ADR comes out to a loud chorus of boos, he predictably ignores them and walks to the mic>
ADR: My name…………is Alberto Del Rio………..but you already knew that
Crowd: BOOOOOO
ADR: You boo me, but we are on the same side. Vince McMahon can go to HELL!
<smattering of cheers>
ADR: And tonight……..it is my honor…….to present catchphrase of the year. Mr. Voice Over Guy, if you will
VOG: The nominees for Catchphrase of the Year are………”Enjoy the Pain” by Stan Fulton, and “Don’t believe me? Then you haven’t been paying attention” by Stank
ADR: And the winner is……….Senior Fulton “Enjoy the Pain”
<Fulton gets to his feet and shakes hands with the rest of the Saints and heads to the podium. ADR has a huge cheesy smile on his face as he hands the award to Fulton, he then sticks out his hand for a handshake, but Fulton glares him down. Stan looks out at the crowd, then focuses on the Saints and Moose in particular>
SF: For most people, a catchphrase is something you just say. Something you hope catches on and sells t-shirts. A year ago I would have been happy with that. I would have been happy to have this award and a best selling t-shirt. Moose set me straight. To some, this is a catchphrase. To me, this is a way of life. I enjoy the pain, but even more, I enjoy inflicting the pain. A year ago I would have been happy to have this award. Now, I am the world heavyweight champion. And for everyone that wants to take that from me…….enjoy the pain
<the crowd applauds respectfully as Stan walks back to the Saints table and takes his seat>
Eco: A year ago you would have been happy with an award, huh Stan? I see…..thanks <sarcastically> champ. Let’s move on to the next award. Next up…….finisher of the year. And, since I have to do this, a finisher is the way you end a match. Your signature move. The move you become recognized for, and say, even give a really cool name, that can be abbreviated……something like, oh I don’t know ECO’S NEW FINISHER!!!! Ever hear of that one? Won me a BUNCH of matches? Never been countered?
<crickets>
Eco: I truly hate all of you. Here to present Finisher of the Year, wait, this HAS to be a mistake here. Brad “The Biscuit” Smoley? Seriously?
<”The Biscuit” makes his way to the podium, and stops several times along the way to catch his breath and drink deeply from a whiskey bottle. He finally collects himself and looks at the camera>
BTBS: I was kind of surprised when the OOWF called me to present this award. I think my finisher was a whiskey bottle to the head, but I don’t recall ever hitting the move. Ever. I have had it happen to me several times, but…….wait, there was that one time I beat Moosehead Jack!
<camera catches Moose seething>
BTBS: Yeah! Bet Moose doesn’t talk about THAT! I WON! Anyway, Voice Over Guy, while I relive my glory days, the nominees are……..
VOG: Your funeral Biscuit. The nominees for Finisher of the Year are……….Fall From Grace, Christian Carter. Eco’s New Finisher, Ecosystem and Dropline, Stan Fulton
BTBS: And the winner is……NOT Moosehead Jack! HA! BA-ZINGA! The winner is…….DROPLINE, Stan Fulton
<the champ gets back to his feet, looks at Moose and smirks and then heads to the podium. He takes the award from Smoley and sets it on the podium>
SF: So…..Biscuit……..you had quite the finisher, eh?
BTBS: Most devastating finisher ever!
SF: Really now……..
BTBS: <getting brave> Maybe one day I will hit it on you and take THAT title, whaddya think of that?
<Stan reaches out and grabs Smoley by the shirt, he takes the bottle and SMASHES it upside Stan’s head, a small trickle of blood runs down Stan’s cheek, but otherwise he doesn’t even flinch. Smoley turns white. Stan KILLS him with a CROSS CUT, then takes a few steps back and OBLITERATES the Biscuit with a DROPLINE! The crowd boos Stan beating up a drunk, but Fulton doesn’t care. He gets to his feet, dusts himself off, adjusts his tie and takes his award and heads to the Saints table. Eco walks out and watches two stage monkeys drag Smoley off>
Eco: So THAT’S why they called him. He’s darn lucky my ENF didn’t win, like it SHOULD have! Moving along, we come to Promo of the Year. There have been a lot of great talkers in OOWF history so picking THE best is practically impossible, but here to present Promo of the Year is the winner of the very first Promo of the Year, Donovan Viper!
<Viper comes out to the stage and the crowd gives him a standing ovation. DV and LD share a nod and DV waits for the applause to die down, which takes awhile>
DV: I think that was more of an ovation than I ever got while I was wrestling. Damn! If I had known that, I would have retired years before I did!
<crowd laughs>
DV: I was not one of those guys really known for my promo work. But I remember that match well, I was facing Underdawg <crowd pops> Yeah, you know. Big, bad, scary dude. I didn’t really know what to say, so I just said what I felt. I knew I was going into the biggest match of my career and I just said everything that I was feeling. It won promo of the year. Sometimes the best way to express yourself is just to say what you are thinking. So with that, Voice Over Guy……the nominees sir!
VOG: The nominees for Promo of the Year are……..LD and Stank II: The Canada-ing and BFE goes to Oz
DV: And the winner is……BFE goes to Oz! ……sorry bro!
<Justin and Bill get to their feet and hug Ellie May From Elijay and fist bump Drunkey, Drunkette, Arctic McBearington and Opus (sorry Fire, he’s ours now) then head to the podium and get their awards from Donovan. They all shake hands with Viper and Bill steps to the mic first>.
ABFD: Son, you don’t look like no snake
JS: Nah Bill, he isn’t REALLY a snake
ABFD: He’s a fake snake?
JS: Sort of a pretend snake
ABFD: A GHOST SNAKE?
JS: He is?
ABFD: HE IS!
JS & Bill: OH NOES!!!!
Voice: Ok……ok…….ok. Enough of the clown show
<Attitude Adjuster walks onto the stage and you can almost hear everyone roll their eyes in unison>
AA: You know……it is good to see Donovan Viper and Brad Smoley and all the other washed up OOWF guys out here collecting a paycheck, but tonight I want…….no, I DEMAND, my recognition as greatest promoificator in OOWF history. This award needs to be renamed the Attitude Adjuster Promo of the Year Award. I mean, look what I have done? I carried that Bobby Eaton partner of mine to greatness on the back of MY promos. I took Justin and Bill here, two guys who can barely speak English and I rose them to PROMO OF THE YEAR! Seriously! I deserve ALL the awards for…….OOF
<AA slumps to the mat after Viper hits him with a CHAIN ASSISTED DEATH ELBOW!>
JS: Ouch
ABFD: Well hell son, what we gonna do with him?
JS: I dunno………see if he has five bucks?
ABFD: Hey Ghost Snake……..what’chou think we should do with him?
DV: I dunno……..take him to the hospital?
JS: Nah, we can’t go there
ABFD: We banned from there?
DV: WE ARE BANNED FROM EVERYWHERE!
ABFD: DAMN SON! THAT WAS OUTDAMNSTANDENER THAN HELL! Justin! He does that almost as good as you! HOT DAMN!
<The audience roars as BFE and Ghost Snake leave the stage and head back to the tables leaving AA lying face down on the stage, out cold. Eco walks back out and just looks at AA>
Eco: Can someone come get him? Please?
<no one comes>
Eco: For the love of………
<Eco grabs a chair and pulls AA up and sits an unconscious Alan Capps in the chair>
Eco: Oh no, that’s not creepy AT ALL. Lets just keep on going. Next up, Feud of the Year. I feel silly explaining these to you at this point. Ok, two people don’t like one another much, they wrestle a lot and threaten to kill one another, that is a feud. The best feud wins Feud of the Year. Everyone understand that? Ok! Then let’s continue on. Here to present Feud of the Year……..Tommy Dreamer!
<Dreamer comes out and the crowd explodes. He walks up to the mic and grins broadly as he looks out at the audience>
TD: You know, I have been here a few times to present awards, and I always make it a point to watch OOWF whenever I can. This place……..this place is special
<crowd roars their approval>
TD: I know it’s cliché, and something you expect from me, but this place is like a family. And nothing has proven that more than Vince and the rest of the suits in Stamford sticking their nose into things. They might disrespect one another, they might want to take one another’s heads off, but deep down, this is a family……….for the most part. There are always going to be people in your family, my family in ECW, that just don’t get along. I had my Raven, the OOWF has Moosehead Jack and……..well, just about everyone. This is the time of the year to celebrate that hatred. This is where we celebrate what happens when hate gets in the way of common sense and things go from bad to worse. Now. Voice Over Guy, let’s hear the nominees for Feud of the Year
VOG: The nominees for Feud of the Year are……..Matt Folz vs. Christian Carter and Chloe vs. Firewoman
TD: And the winner is……..wow, it’s not a Quinn! MATT FOLZ vs. CHRISTIAN CARTER!
<Carter and Folz both get up and head to the podium, keeping an eye on one another. Carter gets there first and takes the mic. Security comes out between them to keep things from getting physical>
CC: Once again, Mr. Folz comes up short. You people voting this feud of the year just shows your ignorance. The Suicide Kings do not…..”feud”, that would be implying that Mr. Folz is somehow on our level, and we all know that is not the case. The Suicide Kings destroy, which is what I have done to Matt here, and what I will continue to do tomorrow night when I pin Mr. Folz, win the world title and take the Missus as my personal……..VERY personal, servant
<Folz glares daggers at Carter, then takes the mic>
MF: Since thanking anyone for this award is pretty much pointless, I'll just say this: FUCK YOU Alexander Darling for not letting us finish this on our own terms. I look forward to doing the world a favor and personally ending your career tomorrow night you selfish son of a bitch. And you……Carter…….if you think for ONE SECOND that you are going to have Jaime as your servant, it will be over my dead body
<Carter laughs, Folz glares and security escorts both of them back to their seats>
Eco: I sense tension between the two of them. I am still stunned that a Quinn didn’t win this award. Many thanks to Tommy Dreamer……..
<Camera pans to Tommy just off stage where he is openly weeping to one of the stage monkeys, going on about ECW and his family. Don’t feel too bad for him though, he still gets to go home to Beulah>
Eco:……..ok then. Our next award is for angle of the year……..
<as Eco is talking a guy walks out onto the stage and stands next to Eco>
Eco: Can I help you?
Guy: You said angle of the year
Eco: Yes
Guy: I’m anglefan
Eco: What? Like…..geometry?
Guy: no. just angles
Eco: What is your name?
Guy: Chris Evans
<Chris Evans sits up in his seat and just looks around>
Eco: You’re Chris Evans?
CE: Yes
Eco: That’s funny, we all know a Chris Evans
CE: Yeah, I know, I write him
Eco: You…….write to him? That’s kinda creepy
CE: No, I write him. I AM Chris Evans, Chris Evans am I.
Eco: <looking around to make sure others are seeing this> Ummm, Chris Evans is sitting there at the table…….
CE: Right, because I wrote him there
Eco: So…….you are one of the OOWF writers?
CE: In a manner of speaking, yes
Eco: Shouldn’t kayfabe have come out here and cut you in half or something by now?
CE: Probably, but no one has written that
<Attitude Adjuster wakes up (remember, he was sitting in the chair) and starts listening to this>
AA: WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!
Eco: Oh great
CE: Hey AA, tell Capps I said he did a great job on the podcast, really entertaining
AA: Tell who? I am Alan Capps
Eco: Oh no
CE: No, you are Attitude Adjuster. Alan Capps writes you
AA: Eco, are you going to let him break the fourth wall like this?
Eco: What can I do? Kayfabe usually takes care of shit like this!
AA: Well……we can’t keep doing this, we have an award to give out
Eco: Wait, I have an idea, <looking at the crowd> hold on a second folks
<Eco pulls out his cell phone and dials a number, we only hear one side of the conversation>
Eco: Yeah……John…….Chris………doin’ ok. Yeah, just in the middle of the awards. Look, you are writing this, where is Kayfabe? We have Chris Evans here breaking the fourth wall and it is freaking us all out a little bit……..yeah……….yeah……..I don’t know, write something though, the awards are going to turn into a Never Ending Promo if you don’t………fine…….finish your drink and do something. Ok……..bye.
<Everyone stands there for a moment, the audience begins to murmur. Finally, we hear a Tarzan yell and Kayfabe swings across the stage, grabs Chris Evans, and disappears into the rafters>
AA: Wow
Eco: This place…….ok AA, since you are here, wanna present Angle of the Year?
AA: Gladly. The history of the wrestling angle dates back to the dawn of wrestling when Ed “Strangler” Lewis and Stanislaus Zbyzsko worked an angle where they were both potential heirs to the Henry Ford Fortune. It was on all the newsreels and there were even extra evening newspaper copies sold. The world was talking………
Eco: Voice Over Guy……the nominees please
AA: I wasn’t done!
VOG: The nominees for Angle of the Year are <still talking here> Stan Fulton embraces his dark side <I have ten more pages here!> Matt Folz takes on the Suicide Kings <seriously? Why is he not listening to me! Eco FIRE HIM!> and Firewoman vs. Chloe
Eco: And the winner is…….
AA: I GOT THIS! But first……
Audience: READ THE DAMN CARD ALREADY!
AA: <glaring> I dislike all of you. The winner is……a TIE! Stan embraces his dark side and Chloe versus Firewoman!
<Fire gets out of her seat and casts a quick glance toward the Saints table where Stan and Chloe are getting to their feet. They share a fist bump, giving Fire time to get to the podium first. Stan and Chloe get up there next and Chloe starts to go after Fire, but Stan puts out his arm and stops her>
FW: I appreciate this award, though…….I wish things had turned out differently. I mean, not the stuff with <looking at Chloe> HER, but all the things after that. I hurt a lot of people, and to all but one of them <again looking at Chloe> I am sorry.
<Fire takes her award and heads back toward her table, Chloe steps to the mic>
Chloe: Oh dear Fire. You hurt me, no doubt about it, but ultimately, you failed. You didn’t get rid of me when you had the chance. And now? Now, I am never going to go away, I promise you, I will be a thorn in your side forever.
<Chloe takes her award and steps back letting Stan step to the podium>
SF: I owe this award to one man, and one man only. Although, truth be told, I am a little put off by the award. Angle implies that this was all planned. That things are as that worthless little shit Alexander Darling thinks they are. That Moose is pulling the strings, the puppetmaster. I will say this once more, and Alex, if you can get that fresh piece of cooze off your mind for a moment, and truly HEAR what I am saying……I am no man’s puppet. Moose showed me the way. Moose opened my eyes. For that, I owe him everything. But make no mistake about it, Moose does not tell me what to do. I don’t ask his permission for ANYTHING. And Alex, if you of Folz, or Carter or Ghost think that, well you go right ahead and think that, and while you are wondering at the state of my affairs, I will be enjoying beating the ever loving shit out of each and every one of you and bringing back MY world heavyweight title to the Saints
<Chloe laughs maniacally and skips ahead of Fulton as the Saints head back to their seats>
Eco: Moving along. Next up is Match of the Year. In all seriousness, the OOWF, for me and most wrestling fans across the world, is head and shoulders above every single other promotion in terms of wrestling. You know, the stuff Vince’s guys did before the WWE signed them and taught them how to be Sports Entertainers. So…..here to present Match of the Year is……..ME! HA! Didn’t see that one coming didja? Voice Over Guy!
VOG: The nominees for Match of the Year are…….what the? Seriously? Six matches? Who did the nominations for this? Ok, ok……here we go; Alexander Darling vs. Ghosthead, End of Days 8, Matt Folz vs. Christian Carter – Submission match, Chloe vs. Firewoman – DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title Match, DK Murphy vs. Moosehead Jack – Crucible Match, Ghosthead vs. Stan Fulton – Maple Leaf Massacre II and finally, Saints of Sinners vs. White Hats – Elimination Match. Whew!
Eco: And the winner is…….SECURITY! SECURITY! GET OUT HERE! PLAN ALPHA NOW! Saints of Sinners vs. White Hats!
<the Saints get up and start toward the podium, across the room, Texpress, The Murphy’s and Ghosthead get to their feet and head toward their stage. Each set of participants enters on opposite sides of the stage. As they do, two chain link cage walls lower from the ceiling keeping the two sides away from one another with Eco safely in the middle. In addition to that, security comes out from the back and surrounds both sides
DK: Just here for our awards Juni
MHJ: Yeah Juni…….raise the cages
Eco: Not a chance in hell.
Chad: Yeah Juni, you can trust us
Eco: Oh……yeah! Let’s do that! Five maniacs and five lunatics are chomping at the bit to get at one another! Let’s just raise this cage and see what happens!
<the cage starts to go up>
Eco: NO YOU IDIOTS! DO NOT RAISE THIS CAGE! ARE YOU INSANE? WHO IS RAISING THE CAGE? WHO RAISED THE CAGE? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE??
<before Eco can have a complete meltdown the cage stops rising, it is only a few inches off the ground, but Eco is beside himself. He orders everyone back to their seats and gives the awards to the backstage monkeys to hand out at the tables. Now that that is all done, Eco turns back to the camera and tries to compose himself>
Eco: Well………that went well. Next up, a new award this year, pay per view of the year. This year we asked you to vote on the best pay per view, top to bottom. So here to present Pay Per View of the Year is………someone who has probably never appeared on an OOWF Pay Per View. <looking to the back> Ok, who is in charge of this? What do you mean I had final approval? I have never SEEN any of this! Oh. It went to the Commissioner did it?
<Fire shrinks in her seat a little bit>
Eco: Ok. Moving along. Here to present Pay Per View of the Year………Carl From Fresno!
<Carl timidly walks out onto the stage carrying the award and the announcement card. He goes to hand them to Eco, then pulls them back>
Eco: What are you doing? Give me the award!
CFF: There is the small matter of payment Mr. System
Eco: Carl…….we are on live television. The whole world is watching this.
CFF: They told me to get my payment first
Eco: FINE! FOR THE LOVE OF………DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING HERE?
<Eco reaches beneath the podium and pulls out a sack of fast food. Its been sitting there awhile, and the grease has soaked through the paper. Carl’s eyes light up and he shoves the award and announcement card into Eco’s arms, grabs the bag and hurries off the stage, happy as can be. Eco just stands there staring>
VOG: ahem
Eco: <not turning around, still staring at where Carl went> WHAT?!?!?!
VOG: The uh………the nominees?
Eco: What? Oh. Yes……..go on!
VOG: The nominees for Pay Per View of the Year are: End of Days 8 and Maple Leaf Massacre
Eco: And the winner is………END OF DAYS 8!
<the crowd applauds and the spotlight pans around the audience looking for whoever is going to accept the award. Of course, no one stands up>
Eco: Huh. I don’t think we thought that one through all the way. Ooooooooookay then………I will just keep this one here for myself……..
<Eco quickly glances around to make sure no one is going to stop him, then puts the award under the podium. He quickly stands back up and straightens his tux>
Eco: Ok then……how many more of these? Man this feels like it has gone on FOREVER. What’s next……..oh yes……thank you Joker…..I MEAN……..p-p-p-p-p-p-poker face. Gotta love Lady Gaga AMIRITE?
<crickets>
Eco: Puritans. Our next award moves us into the meat of the awards. The awards for individual, or in this case, tag team greatness. Tag team wrestling is something of a lost art form. The OOWF has consistently embraced tag team wrestling, and we feature some of the greatest teams in wrestling history, including THE greatest team in tag team history THE DEFEN……
V: CHICKENSHIT HEELS
Eco: Oh goody, Attitude Adjuster is back
<AA walks onto the stage carrying two-time OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion #Heel Cardboard Cutout Johnny Adrenaline, the crowd boos loudly>
AA: clearly you were going to say The Chickenshit Heels, THE greatest tag team in OOWF history! Tell ‘em Johnny!
#HCCJA: ………….
AA: THAT’S RIGHT! WE SWALLOW THUNDER AND SHIT OUT LIGHTNING! And what are we going to do to all the other teams after we inevitably win Tag Team of the Decade?
#HCCJA: …………..
AA: Damn Johnny! Not THAT!
#HHCCJA: ………………………
AA: YOU HEARD THE MAN! ALL YOU TAG TEAMS ARE ON NOTICE! NOW……..VOICE OVER GUY………….READ THE LIST!
<Eco just stands staring at AA and slowly shakes his head>
VOG: The nominees for Tag Team of the Year are……..The Saints of Sinners, LD Williams and Stank, Crash and Burn, Miranda Williams and Tommy Wilder, and finally, Banned From Everywhere, Awesome Bill From Dawsonville and Justin Sane
AA: And the winners are………Johnny, you read this
#HHCCJA: ………………………
AA: WHAT? THAT CAN’T BE RIGHT? CRASH AND BURN?? I DEMAND…….
<AA is cut off, then escorted off the stage, along with #HeelCardboardCutoutJohnnyAdrenaline as Crash and Burn’s music plays and they race to the podium, Miranda gets there just before Tommy>
MW: <teasingly> Getting’ a little slow there, eh?
TW: No way dudette. I am more about the marathon than the sprint.
MW: In all seriousness, this award means a lot to me. One night management came to Tommy and I “hey, you guys are going to team.” Great, Tommy and I could do well together. We complement one another well. Give us a few weeks to work on timing and some double team moves…….”no, you are teaming tonight. In a four way dance for the titles.” Oh. Well, ok then!
TW: Buuuuuuuuuut…….that worked out pretty darn well for us, right ‘Randa? I thought I had the most fun I could legally have teaming with Cap and JWW, but this is a whole different kind of fun………
LDW: IT BETTER NOT BE
MW: DAD!
TW: Chillax daddy-o. Me an ‘Randa are doin nothing but pushing the envelope, flying higher and going bigger each time!
MW: Hey Tommy, race you back to the table! Loser has to sit in the back seat with Spider!
<Miranda takes off>
TW: OH NO WAY!
<Wilder looks at the podium for a moment, then takes a few steps back and darts at the podium, leaps on top of it, turns and does a double back flip, landing right on BFE’s table, he then back flips off of that, hits the floor and sprints to his chair and sits down JUST as Miranda does, TIE! Everyone gets a good laugh at that and the crowd roars. Eco is not amused however>
Eco: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DANGEROUS THAT IS? Commissioner Firewoman, find out what the rates are on Wilder’s insurance policy, then charge him double. Moving things along, next up is heel of the year. You know, bad guys
Crowd: Hey………Yo
Eco: NO! Not THAT Bad Guy! Are you all trying to irritate me tonight?
<Crowd roars>
Eco: What have I ever done to any of you?
Vic: Your goons shot me
Eco: Yeah, but that wasn’t ME!
Sta: You made me surrender my title at GUNPOINT!
Eco: Yeah….but……I mean, that is taken out of context………
Davin Moreland: You ate my flesh!
Eco: Yeah…..well……ok I might have done that
DM: MIGHT?
MW: YOU BROKE MAI’S LEGS!
Eco: Ok, yes……but that was out of love! And if I am such a bad guy, why didn’t I
FW: SPOILERS!
Eco: <slapping his hand against his head and speaking through clenched teeth> Here. To. Present. Heel. Of. The. Year……….”The Main Event”. Chris. Cole.
<Cole comes out on the stage and gives Eco an odd look. Eco shakes his head and storms off the stage.>
CC: What’s with him? Ok let’s be honest here. The OOWF has had some of the most insane heels in wrestling history. Moosehead Jack. Stank. Ghosthead. Underdawg. Alexander Darling. Firewoman. Chloe. Eco……ahhhhh that’s what was wrong with him! Anyway, standing out in this area takes a shit ton of talent. Out-crazying the crazies is not an easy task, but each year someone manages to do it. This year is no different. VOG, if you weeeeeeeeeeeeel
VOG: TO THA PAYWINDA! ***ahem*** I mean, the nominees for Heel of the Year are…….Stan Fulton and Christian Carter
<crowd boos>
CC: And the winner is…….TIE!
<crowd boos louder as Carter and Fulton get up and head to the podium. They get there and exchange hard stares>
CC: You know Fulton, that title is coming home with the Kings tomorrow night.
SF: That’s big talk Carter, Lexie give you your balls back?
<Carter lunges at Fulton and they grab one another up, some pushing and shoving along with increasingly heated words. They are about to come to blows when Eco leads security back out onto the stage. Eco rolls his eyes and tells them to stop, but neither listen. Eco barks an order and the security people all grab their tasers. Fulton and Carter both notice this and stop pushing and shoving. They slowly back away from one another and head back toward their seats. Fulton stops in front of Alex’s table and they have a nice long stare down, while Carter stops and takes a long look at Jaime, which gets Folz out of his seat. Ghost sits back and watches them all with an expressionless look on his face
Eco stands at the podium with security behind him. He has his hands firmly planted on the podium and stares down at the crowd beneath him, looking VERY authoritarian. A little TOO authoritarian.>
Eco: It had to be done. I cannot allow things to get out of control. There must be discipline. There must be law and order. So now…..let us move on to Face of the Year. You can’t have a good bad guy without a good good guy. So, here to present the award for OOWF Face of the Year…………ECOSISTEMA!
<the crowd murmurs and looks at one another.>
Eco: He’s a little shy. One second
<Eco hurries off stage and comes back a moment later, still wearing his tux, but now also wearing a luchadore mask>
Ecosistema: Being one of the greatest faces in OOWF history, it is an honor for me to come back to Asheville, North Carolina <cheap pop> and present OOWF Face of the Year! There have been many faces in OOWF history, but none as great as Ecosistema! Tonight, I proudly present the Ecosistema Face of the Year award to…….
VOG: The uh……the nominees for OOWF Face of the Year….
Ecosistema: ECOSISTEMA FACE OF THE YEAR!
VOG: ……..the Ecosistema Face of the Year are…….Mai Muyo, Matt Folz and Tommy Wilder
Ecosistema: And the winner of the Ecosistema Face of the Year award is……….MATT FOLZ!
<Jaime and Mai start giggling loudly as Matt just shakes his head, buttons his tuxedo jacket and heads up to the stage.>
MF: Giving me this award is a slap in the face to Mai, to Danny Taylor, to Miranda Williams and Tommy Wilder. Voting me up here is belittling all the good work they've done this year. And yet amazingly, considering Alex has won this twice and Ecosystem is a fellow former winner, I'm only the 3rd biggest asshole to ever win this award. I'd like to give a message to all the OOWF fans watching this around the world. You are the lifeblood of this company, you have the right to cheer and boo whoever you prefer. If you want to cheer me, I don't know why the hell you would, but you have that right. But please don't think that me winning this award changes anything. When I do something that you don't like, and make no mistake, I will, probably sooner rather than later. When I do though, please don't say "Oh, my god, how could he do something like that? he was Face of the Year, I thought he changed" Bullshit, I haven't changed at all. I will continue to do whatever helps my career, whether you all like it or not.
<Folz storms back to his table and sits down and Eco comes back to the podium, sans mask>
Eco: And finally, the big one. Wrestler of the Year. The highest award given. Being voted the best wrestler by your peers is quite an accomplishment. When I won this award six years consecutively from 2003 through 2008, each year was a greater honor than the previous
<general confusion from the crowd>
Eco: And now, here to present Wrestler of the Year………
YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME
<His music plays and Edge comes out from the back to a standing ovation from the crowd. He soaks in the cheers for a moment then motions for everyone to sit down>
Edge: You didn’t think I was going to let this go by and not show up did you?
<crowd roars>
Edge: But tonight isn’t about me. It is about being named the greatest wrestler in the OOWF for the last year, an accomplish that……well, to be honest I can’t even imagine. Since I retired, I have had a lot of time to sit back and watch wrestling, I have learned to appreciate it more. What you guys go through……the insane travel, the ridiculous matches……well……Vince is not going to like hearing this, and I may not be welcome back for awhile, but you guys BLOW the WWE away.
<HUGE roar and a long standing ovation>
Edge: I don’t mean to disrespect a lot of the guys in the WWE, there are some guys up there who could come here and fit right in, guys like Ambrose, Cesaro, Bryan, Bray, Zayn….the list goes on. These are the guys who know how to WRESTLE, but no one does it like you guys.
<another long ovation>
Edge: Now, Voice Over Guy…….you’re not related to the Anonymous Raw General Manager, are you?
VOG: No sir
Edge: Good. I hated that guy. Now, if you would read the nominees please
VOG: The nominees for Wrestler of the Year are…….Stan Fulton and Matt Folz
Edge: And the winner is……..Stan Fulton!
<Fulton gets to his feet again and starts toward the podium, then stops and looks at the rest of the Saints and motions for them to follow him. They all arrive at the podium and share handshakes with Edge. They stand there looking out at the crowd, soaking in the boos. Fulton is behind the podium and speaks>
SF: Your boos don’t matter. What matters is, I wanted to share this moment with my brothers, and sister, in arms. These four pushed me. THEY helped me achieve THIS <holding the title in the air> and by winning this, it helped me achieve THIS <holding the wrestler of the year trophy in the air. Fulton softly sets it down and continues on>
I have heard it all. From Davin Moreland cracking jokes about my weight, to that smarmy little traitor Alexander Darling calling me Moose’s puppet. The fact remains, when I step into that ring and you have the misfortune of being across the ring from me, you are in for a world of pain. There is nothing these men do for me when I am in that ring. I do it on my own. And this Sunday, I am going to take that miserable prick Alexander Darling, that cocky douchebag Christian Carter, the faciest of faces Matt Folz, and Mr. Spooky himself, Ghosthead and I am going to show each and every one of you just WHY Stan Fulton is the best fucking wrestler in the OOWF. Enjoy the pain boys.
<the Saints head back to their seats and Eco comes back out and stands next to Edge>
Eco: Well, it’s been fun, but that is all we have for tonig……..
CULT
OF
PERSONALITY
<CM Punk walks onto the stage and the place comes unglued. Eco looks around for an explanation. He quickly gets shuffled to the back as Punk and Edge stand at the podium>
CMP: Hiya Adam
Edge: Hey! Phil!……you know, I always wanted to ask you, what does CM stand for?
CMP: Cookie Monster
<everyone laughs>
CMP: <looking at Eco> You know, I think you almost forgot something. A little thing called, the Decade Awards
<the crowd roars at this>
Edge: The OOWF celebrated its tenth year this year, a remarkable accomplishment. So this year, we are going to honor it’s history by presenting the Decade Awards, give to the best of the best over the last ten years/
CMP: First up……Face of the Decade
Edge: You and I have been on both sides of the fence. At times the fans have loved us,
and at times the fans have hated us.
CMP: Yeah, you know, I always thought it was harder to be the face. You have to go against a whole lot of natural instincts
Edge: For me it was the opposite. I like to have fun, and that comes across a whole lot easier when the fans like you.
CMP: True, and it helps that I am a bit of a jerk. Makes it easier to play a jerk on television.
Edge: One thing for sure, the OOWF chews faces up and spits them out. Think about it, how many wrestlers who have been here for any length have remained a face the entire time? This place does something to you
CMP: The inmates run the asylum, which makes giving into your demons a WHOLE lot easier
Edge: So, tonight, we celebrate that one shining beacon of faciness. The faciest face to ever face. Uber-face! Voice Over Guy!
VOG: The nominees for Face of the Decade are……..Mai Muyo, Concrete TG and Danny Taylor
CMP: And the winner is……..DANNY TAYLOR!
<Danny has a shocked look on his face, but the crowd around him rises for a standing ovation. Dee, Spencer and Ashley all help Danny to his feet and he starts toward the podium. Victor gets up to follow him, but Danny turns and puts his hand out, points to the stage at Eco, does the “crazy” symbol, then motions for Vic to take his seat, which he does reluctantly.
On the stage, Eco moves behind the security guys and says something to one of them, and they reach for their tasers. Danny finally gets to the podium and looks out at the crowd, who is still giving him a standing ovation
The cheers finally die down and Danny looks at the award, slowly picks it up and shakes his head. He looks out at the crowd and points all around, then fist bumps his heart and points to the crowd again. He then slowly turns his head and sees Eco hiding behind security. Danny’s face darkens slightly and he points to Eco and signs “I am going to snap you in half” the crowd ROARS at this. Danny looks out again and slowly bows to the crowd, then heads back to his seat>
CMP: A man of few words ladies and gentlemen! Let’s hear it again for Danny Taylor!
<another thunderous round of applause>
CMP: Now, without faces, we wouldn’t need heels. Edge, I gotta ask you, everyone has a soft spot for heels. There will always be a heel that, for whatever reason, you can identify with, you can relate to. For me, it was a guy like Mick Foley. He had the look of some guy down on the docks, but what he put his body through to hurt someone else, something about that just resonated with me, even as a kid, I could never hate Mick, or Mankind, or Cactus Jack or whatever he was being called. Who did that for you?
Edge: Gotta be Ric Flair. I know that is cliché, but Ric walked out there every single week and told the world he was the best, and then he would get in the ring and back it up, by any means necessary. Part of me wanted to see him get his head handed to him, but another part of me respected him. Ric was an artist in the ring.
CMP: I agree, I agree. The OOWF is no different, right? There is always going to be that one bad guy that everyone hates. That somehow always tops himself and finds new ways for the fans to hate them. That is the hardest part of being a heel, finding new ways to get people to genuinely hate you and not become someone like Steve Austin, someone who was supposed to be a heel, but ended up being cool.
Edge: The OOWf has seen a lot of bad guys. Tonight, we single out the worst of the worst. The baddest bad man in the OOWF. The guy you love to hate.
CMP: Voice Over Guy, how bout the nominees?
VOG: Certainly. The nominees for Heel of the Year are……Ecosystem and Moosehead Jack
Edge: And the winner is……..
<Eco straightens his tux and starts toward the podium>
Edge: MOOSEHEAD JACK!
Eco: WHAT?!?!?!
<Moose gets to his feet and the Saints all shake his hand and slap him on the back. Moose makes his way to the stage and surprisingly shakes hands with Punk and Edge. Moose stands and looks out at the crowd, he gets a mixed reaction of half-hearted boos, and cheers of respect. Moose appears to be at a loss for words, he reaches into his tux and pulls out a flask and takes a long drink>
MHJ: a few days ago I learned that my father was killed. Walked in front of a train while trying to stagger home drunk
<the crowd is silent now, the camera catches Fire staring intently at Moose>
The only thing I ever learned from him is not to trust anyone. Hurt them before they get a chance to hurt you. In most professions, that would not exactly make you an ideal employee. In the OOWF, it is not just a good trait to have, it is mandatory for your survival. I learned a long time ago, anyone can grab a two by four. Anyone can swing a chair. Anyone can grab a chain. The most dangerous person is the one that is willing to use his body as a weapon. When I am in that ring, you are my enemy. I will do whatever I have to do to hurt you worse than you can hurt me. When you are across that ring from me, there is no sympathy. There is no regret. There is only the struggle to hurt before you get hurt. There have been a lot of people that have crossed my path in the OOWF that I have nothing but contempt for <Moose glares right at Alex>. If all of you hate me, then that means I am still doing my job. I am still doing whatever I need to do to win the match and hurt you before you can hurt me. <Moose glances down at his award, then looks back at the crowd> in ten more years, I am going to be right back here accepting this award again. Trust me
<the crowd gives Moose a standing ovation as he leaves the podium and heads back to the table. Chloe is almost staring in awe at Moose. LD and Stank just shake their heads while Fulton has a sadistic grin on his face>
CMP: Intense much?
Edge: THAT guy must be a ball at the company Christmas party
<the crowd gets a good laugh at this>
CMP: Hey Edge
Edge: Yes Punk?
CMP: You were in a tag team once, weren’t you?
<the crowd erupts at this>
Edge: Why, yes I was!
CMP: So, you know a thing or two about tag team wrestling then, dontcha?
<Edge and Punk stare at one another for a moment, then hit a FIVE SECOND POSE! The crowd goes even more ape shit. Eco can’t stand any more if this and walks to the podium>
Eco: HEY! I was also part of SEVERAL legendary tag teams! I was…..
Voice: No, no, no, no, no…….
<Attitude Adjuster again walks onto the stage carrying 2 time DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion #HeelCardboardCutoutJohnyAdrenaline>
AA: The greatest tag team in OOWF history STARTS and ENDS with me and Johnny, the Chickenshit Heels!
CMP: Dude, that’s a cardboard cutout
AA: Yeah, well…….Johnny couldn’t be here tonight because he was doing…….important stuff
Edge: More important than this?
AA: Shut up. Voice Over Guy, get on with this so we can get our rightful award!
VOG: Sure thing Capps. The nominees for Tag Team of the Decade are…….The Chickenshit Heels and Texpress
Edge: And the winners are……
AA: THE CHICKENSHIT HEELS!!!
Edge: NO! TEXPRESS!
AA: WHAT?
<Texpress get to their feet, Chad and Zane both hug Bridgette, then make their way to the podium. Meanwhile on the stage, AA is not taking this well>
AA: WHAT DO YOU MEAN TEXPRESS?? <turning to Johnny> THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! I HAVE CARRIED YOU LONG ENOUGH!
<AA clotheslines 2 time DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion #HeelCardboardCutout JohnnyAdrenaline dropping him to the floor. Punk and Edge just stand there and watch, and are soon joined by Chad and Zane.
AA gets to his feet and tears off his jacket and drops an elbow across the #HCCJA. AA gets to his feet and pulls a glove from his pants, puts it on, then traps #HCCJA in the IRON CLAW!>
AA: NO MORE! NO MORE! NO MORE! NO MORE!
<Eco looks at security and motions with his head and a few of them walk over and grab AA and drag him off the stage. EMT’s come out with a stretcher and place #HCCJA on the gurney and wheel him to a waiting ambulance to be transported to the Asheville Medical Center…..or the recycling center, not sure which>
Edge: Did I just see that?
Chad: That’s a normal night around here
<Edge and Punk shake hands with Texpress and take a step back, giving them the spotlight>
CM: Wow. This is really an honor
ZM: We have always prided ourselves on being the best. Carrying ourselves the right way, doing the right thing, but yeah….this was unexpected
CM: There have been so many great teams to come through the OOWF, Hellion & Corax, 3Piece Set, Devil’s Brigade, wCw, Drink & Destroy, all the versions, The Team From Down Under…..seriously I could go on all night. The Midnight Sons
ZM: Rest in peace, Spin
CM: To be singled out as the greatest in the last ten years, that is an honor that ranks right there with every championship we have won, every award, it just……..it is really an honor
ZM: We make a promise to you, the OOWF fans, Texpress is not done. Far from it. And when the time is right, we will be back in an OOWF ring, and when we get back……those tag titles are coming right back home where they belong
<the crowd roars at this, Chad and Zane hold their awards high in the air, which only makes the cheers louder. They head back to their tables and get handshakes and slaps on the back from a good chunk of the OOWF roster>
CMP: Almost done here
Edge: One big award left
CMP: You know, it really doesn’t feel right for us to give out this award. I mean, this is HUGE
Edge: I agree. This should be given by someone who is a giant in this company. Someone who guided the OOWF through thick and thin, the good times and bad, who has seen just about all there is to see
<Eco straightens up and dusts his tux off, straightens his tie and starts toward the podium once again, while pulling some note cards from his jacket pocket>
CMP: So here to present Wrestler of the Decade, someone I am sure all of you remember well, perhaps not fondly, but well……
<Eco takes a few more steps toward the podium>
CMP: GM THE……..
<Eco starts waving to the crowd>
CMP: ………RICK!
<Eco’s jaw drops and he throws the cards over his shoulder and storms off the stage. GM the Rick walks out onto the stage and the crowd erupts into applause at the long time General Manager. Rick steps to the podium and smiles>
GMtR: Thought maybe you had forgot about me
<More applause>
GMtR: You know, when I got the job as General Manager, I didn’t expect much. Being a fan of wrestling, I had seen many feds come and go over night. But after a few weeks, I knew we had something special. I didn’t dream we would reach the heights we did, but I knew we would be able to hold our own, there was simply too much talent on the roster for us not to do something great.
But this is not about me. This is about the one person who embodies the OOWF. While the OOWF has more than its fair share of blood and gore, I think I have seen everything a man wants to see, there is also exceptional wrestling out there each and every night. This award goes to that one wrestler who IS the OOWF. The one wrestler who is everything the OOWF is……tough, violent, a great promo, a great wrestler, everything they need to be. So without any further delay, Voice Over Guy, let’s hear the nominations
VOG: The nominees for Wrestler of the Decade are……..Alexander Darling, Stank and LD Williams
GMtR: And the winner is……..LD Williams!
<everyone stands when LD’s name is announced. LD gets to his feet and shakes hands with all the Saints and heads to the podium, he pauses at Miranda’s table and Miranda gives him a big hug, he also fist bumps his step brother Donovan Viper. LD finally gets to the podium, Rick, Punk and Edge are all gone leaving just LD up there. The cheers finally die down and LD stands there silent>
LD: I really don’t know what to say here. I am honoured to receive this award, even though I don’t think I deserve it. My vote went to Stank, who I have the utmost respect for, but even if not Stank……there are just so many great wrestlers who have been in the OOWF
<LD trails off while looking at the award. The humility causes another standing ovation>
LD: There is no way you can set out to win something like this. My first match here in the OOWF was against UnderDawg. I lost that match. I remember thinking after the match that maybe it wasn’t the right thing for me to do. I expected to be let go from the OOWF…..doubt crept in for sure. I was down that night, but when I woke up the next morning I made a promise to myself. Win or lose, I was going to go out there each and every night and give the absolute best match I could, and if I kept doing that, I would be able to keep my job. Ten years later and……….this.
<LD finally looks out at the audience, which is silent, hanging on his every word>
LD: To me…….this is not my award. This award belongs to every single person I have ever faced in that ring. Every. Single. One. Each and every match made me a better wrestler. Each match was a new learning experience. I got here because I have had the honour to work with the absolute best wrestlers on the planet. For that, all I can say is thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
<LD holds his award up and gets another long standing ovation. He leaves the stage and hugs Miranda, who is in tears. He shares a hug with Donovan, then gets back to the Saints table where there are more hugs.>
GMtR: Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for watching the 2014 OOWF Awards. Be sure to catch Hell on Earth 10, LIVE from the Asheville Civic Center! For everyone here tonight, thank you!
<fade>
Ten. Years. My GOD! What started as an off-the-cuff thread by Ecosystem has somehow turned into a ten year project. I defy ANYONE to tell me they saw that coming. I want to thank everyone who has ever contributed to the OOWF, I feel like I have had the great fortune to work with some of the most creative people I have ever <sort of> met in my life. I like to think of the OOWF as a long-term creative writing project, and by my last estimation, counting promos, Mayhem and pay per views, we were well over 100,000 pages of typed text. Ten years of a collaborative story that you could sit down and read start to finish and have a cohesive narrative with plot twists, remarkably well developed characters that you actually care about, and AMAZING action sequences in the matches that are masterfully written by all of you. I couldn’t do this on my own, I wouldn’t do this on my own. The OOWF is ours, and I am proud of what we have done, no matter how goofy it may seem to those who don’t understand it. You guys have helped me through some truly dark times and there is no way I can ever repay that. All I can say is, I hope in another ten years we are still doing this. I hope we are still coming up with stories that the WWE would never DARE to do. I hope we are all still enjoying this as much as I am now. For all of that, all I can say is thank you. Here’s to ten more years!
- John Roberts
Past Winners[/u]
Wrestler of the Year
2014 – Stan Fulton
2013 – (tie)Moosehead Jack & Matt Folz
2012 – LD Williams
2011 - Stank
2010 – Alexander Darling
2009 - Poe
2008 - Stank
2007 – Stank
2006 – Thim Reynolds
2005 – Donovan Viper
Tag Team of the Year
2014 – Crash & Burn (Tommy Wilder & Miranda Williams)
2013 – The Saints of Sinners (Stank & LD Williams)
2012 – Texpress (Chad Madison & Zane Myers)
2011 – Drink & Destroy (Danny Taylor & Outback Jack)
2010 – Texpress (Chad Madison & Zane Myers)
2009 – kz (Moosehead Jack & LD Williams)
2008 – Phantos & Lucios (later, Texpress)
2007 – The Chickenshit Heels (Johnny Adrenaline & Attitude Adjuster)
2006 – The Chickenshit Heels (Johnny Adrenaline & Attitude Adjuster)
2005 – 3Piece Set (Chris Cole, Ax-Man & Firechild)
Face of the Year
2014 – Matt Folz
2013 – Mai Muyo
2012 – Danny Taylor
2011 – Alexander Darling
2010 – (tie) Ravenna Blue & Alexander Darling
2009 - Ecosystem
2008 – (tie) Concrete TG and Phantos & Lucios
2007 – Firechild
2006 – Capellan
2005 – Hardbody Harris
Heel of the Year
2014 – (tie) Stan Fulton & Christian Carter
2013 – Moosehead Jack
2012 – Chris Evans
2011 - Ecosystem
2010 – Moosehead Jack
2009 - Firewoman
2008 – Eric O’Mac
2007 – Stank
2006 – The Chickenshit Heels
2005 – Donovan Viper
Breakthrough Star of the Year
2014 – Spider McNulty
2013 – Amazing Jos
2012 – Awesome Bill From Dawsonville
2011 – El Lobo Sangriento
2010 – Ravenna Blue
2009 – Chris Evans
2008 - Firewoman
2007 – Voltage
2006 – The Halfrican Americans
2005 – (tie) Firechild & Capellan
Match of the Year
2014 – Elimination Match (Moosehead Jack, Stank, LD Williams, Chloe & Stan Fulton vs. Ghosthead, Dee Murphy, DK Murphy, Chad Madison & Zane Myers
2013 – Moosehead Jack vs. Firewoman – I Quit Match, Hell On Earth 8
2012 – (tie) Moosehead Jack vs. Firewoman – Blood Pond Street Fight & The OOWF 500th
2011 – Firewoman vs. Tytan – November Pain 3
2010 – (tie) Firewoman vs. Alexander Darling – OOWF World Heavyweight Title Iron Person Match - OOWF Blood Bath in Paradise 3 & Chris Evans vs. Bryce Larson – Steel Cage Match –OOWF Judgment Eve 5
2009 – kz vs. The Team From Down Under – MidWeek Mayhem 5/20
2008 – OOWF Jobber Gauntlet
2007 - The Chickenshit Heels vs. Drink & Destroy – Unsanctioned Match
2006 – The Chickenshit Heels vs. The Devil’s Brigade vs. wCw – Bamboo Scaffold Match
2005 – Canadian Dragon vs. UnderDawg – Ultimate Hell
Feud of the Year
2014 – Matt Folz vs. Christian Carter
2013 – Firewoman vs. Ghosthead
2012 – Moosehead Jack vs. Firewoman
2011 – Texpress vs. The Flyin Hawaiians
2010 - Alexander Darling vs. The Quinn’s
2009 – Firewoman vs. Tytan
2008 – Moosehead Jack vs. Alexander Darling
2007 – The Chickenshit Heels vs. Drink & Destroy
2006 – The Chickenshit Heels vs. Drink & Destroy
2005 – Moosehead Jack vs. Concrete TG
Angle of the Year
2014 – (tie) Fulton embraces his dark side and the Chloe vs. Firewoman feud
2013 – The Redemption of Ecosystem & Stan Fulton
2012 – The Rise and Fall of the New Guard
2011 – CEO Ecosystem
2010 – Firewoman’s Wedding
2009 – The Rise and Fall of Run DEA
2008 – Team Rick Goes to Jail
2007 – (tie) DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship & Drink & Destroy vs. The Heroes Guild
2006 – The Chickenshit Heels vs. Drink & Destroy
2005 – Moosehead Jack vs. Concrete TG
Promo of the Year
2014 – Banned From Everywhere Go to Oz
2013 – (tie) a PCPL Night Before Christmas & Stank Blows Up Texpress’ Bus
2012 – Attitude Adjuster Directs Banned From Everywhere & Stank in a Training Montage - Moose
2011 – Booker Meeting - BC
2010 – Where I’m From - Ecosystem
2009 – The OOWF Goes Hollywood - Stank
2008 – A History of The Chickenshit Heels
2007 – Drink & Destroy Genealogy Promo
2006 – OOWF Airplane Ride From Hell
2005 – Donovan Viper’s Promo Before Dance of Death
Finisher of the Year
2014 – Dropline – Stan Fulton
2013 – Phantasmagoria - Ghosthead
2012 – Double Elimination – Power & Glory
2011 – (tie)Really Good Diamond Cutter – Davin Moreland, Dark Darling Rising – Alexander Darling, Stank-U - Stank
2010 – Really Good Diamond Cutter – Davin Moreland
2009 – Crucifix Bomb - Poe
2008 – Really Good Diamond Cutter – Davin Moreland
2007 – (tie)A Really Good Diamond Cutter – Davin Moreland & Intentional Disqualification – The Chickenshit Heels
2006 – Call of the Wild – The Team From Down Under
2005 – The Chomp – GatorBait
Catchphrase of the Year
2014 – Enjoy the Pain – Stan Fulton
2013 – It’s MAI Time – Mai Muyo
2012 – I Can’t Believe I Work in This Shithole – Stan Fulton
2011 – Boom! – Danny Taylor
2010 – I’m Junichiro Muyo, and I WILL Save You - Ecosystem
2009 – Work Smarter, Not Harder - Ecosystem
2008 - HA! – Eric O’Mac
2007 - Shut the Fuck Up Johnny – FF Capslock
2006 - Shut the Fuck Up Johnny – FF Capslock
2005 - Trust Me – Moosehead Jack
Gimmick of the Year
2014 – Stank takes things
2013 – Eco Sees the Joker
2012 – Banned From Everywhere
2011 – No Gimmick Needed – Stan Fulton
2010 – Eco the Savior
2009 – Tytan: DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion
2008 – Rabbxt Becomes Bunny
2007 – “Cowboy” Johnny Adrenaline
2006 – The New Original Classic New Blackjacks 2000
2005 – Donovan Viper
NPC (Non-Player Character) of the Year
2014 – Jaime McAllister-Folz
2013 – Ellie May From Elijay
2012 – Voice Over Guy
2011 – Justin Sane
2010 - Selena
2009 - Selena
2008 – (tie) Carl From Fresno & Alexis Darling
2007 – No Award Given
2006 – Missy
2005 – Ric Flair
Pay Per View of the Year
2014 – End of Days 8
Legacy Awards
Wrestler of the Decade – LD Williams
Tag Team of the Decade – Texpress
Face of the Decade – Danny Taylor
Heel of the Decade – Moosehead Jack
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