OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 04-05-06

[mooseheadjack]

<we cut to GM the Rick's office, where we see a sweaty Chris Alt in Rick's office>

CA: Ok Rick, you saw how close I was, all I need is one more match! I can pin Harris!

GMtR: <after a long pause> Chris, that isn't going to happen.

CA: What? Come on Rick, I am so close! I can beat him, I know we are friends, Harris won't mine losing the title to me, I am so close I can TASTE it!

GMtR: Look Chris, I think you are becomning obsessed with the title, I am not giving you another shot right now.

CA: But Harris will...

GMtR: Harris doesn't want to give you another shot either.

CA:<sounding hurt> what? I don't.....

GMtR: Look, he agrees, we both think you are getting a bit obsessed with the title, step back for a bit, I am sure shots will come again. I won't even accept your guaranteed shot, not right now.

CA:<looking mixed between hurt and fury> Well, then at least let me have a shot at the Intercontinental title, LD Williams is tough but I beat him once.....

GMtR: Chris, LD Williams isn't the champion anymore, hell he isn't even in the Intercontinental title ranks anymore. Capellan is the champ.

CA: He is? Well, fine, he is a good guy, give me a match against him then

GMtR: I can't do that, he is booked in a match against Niles Anderson this week and....

CA:<slamming his hands on GM the Rick's desk and raising his voice> DAMMIT Rick! I don't care! I NEED a title shot! Look, me and Niles have a history, change it to a three way dance for all I care, I NEED a title match.........please Rick.

GMtR:<ponders for a few minutes, then writes on the booking sheet> Fine, but this is the last, the LAST title match you are handed. Now put this on the door on your way out.

CA: You won't regret this

GMtR: OUT!!!!

*****************************
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Ylojarvi, Finland

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Cage Match[/u]
Hardbody Harris vs. Chris Cole

OOWF Intercontinental Title Triple Threat Match[/u]
Capellan vs. Niles Anderson vs. Chris Alt

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u]
wCw vs. The Chickenshit Heels

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Uncle Entity vs. Nayr

Grounded In Reality vs. The BlackDawgs
Drink & Destroy vs. KZ
Concrete TG vs. Fly
The Team From Down Under vs. The Devil's Brigade
Thim Reynolds vs. Seraph
Mr. Jealous vs. Matt Daddy
Predator vs. Canadian Dragon
Ax-Man vs. Microplay
Eric O'Mac vs. Corax
SoulDragon vs. Siriram
Shashwat Mishra vs. Mercury
Josh O'Neal vs. Firechild

card subject to viewer participation

[mooseheadjack]

*Chris Alt is on his way out of the arena when he encounters Hardbody Harris, who is also on his way out*

HH: Hey, buddy!

CA (coldly): Hey, man.

HH: What's wrong? You have nothing to be upset about, you wrestled a great match! Almost had me there a few times.

CA: Yeah.

HH: Chris, seriously... what's the matter?

CA: You wanna know what's wrong, Hardbody?

HH: Well, I asked, didn't I?

CA: I'll tell you, then. I can't help but feel just a little hurt that instead of telling me to my face that you didn't want to give me another title shot, you just went to the Rick about it. That's pretty cold, dude.

HH: Oh... that. Look, Chris-

CA: I really don't want to hear it, dude. I just think it's kind of shady that you won't grant me another title shot, but apparently Chris Cole gets as many as he wants. But you know what, Hardbody? Next week on Mayhem, when I beat Capellan and Niles Anderson for my intercontinental title, I'll become the de facto number one contender for your world championship, and then you won't have the option of ducking me again.

HH: I'm not ducking you! It's just-

CA: Whatever. I told you, I really don't want to hear about it. I got a little too close to beating you for your comfort and you don't want to have to dodge that bullet again. I understand. Hell, I don't even blame you. But I'm going to get my shot again. And just know, if the roles were reversed, I'd give you another shot.

HH *sighs*: OK, listen-

CA: I have to go. Good luck against Cole next week. See you soon.

*CA leaves, and HH stands behind him looking upset*

[mooseheadjack]

<"The Main Event" Chris Cole is standing by with Sexy Female Journalist #41>

SFJ: Chris, you have another shot at becoming the OOWF World Heavyweight Champion when you face Hardbody Harris next week at Mayhem. How is this match going to different from the others?

CC: Well it will be different and the same. You see it will be the same because once again I'm going to prove to the world that I am better then Harris. I've beaten him numerous times in the last few weeks and afetr Mayhem my arm will be raised once again. It will be different this time because I will not be getting the win by countout or DQ. Harris, I'm challenged you to a no holds barred match. No DQ, No countout. I want there to be a winner at Mayhem. I'm going to brutally beat you to within an inch of your life and then I'm going to take your precious title from you. There is nothing you can do to stop it because I am "The Main Event". I am the best wrestler on this planet. I have been Champ everywhere I went and the OOWF will be no different. If you thought I messed up your Trixed Owt Tytle just wait and see what I have in store for you next week. Next week I take my rightful place as the OOWF World Heavyweight Champion and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it!

[mooseheadjack]

<Chuck Norris is walking alone in the hallway. Fly runs out with a baseball bat and crushes his kneecap.>

CN: (grabbing his knee and falling to the ground) Oh hell, that hurt.

Fly: Wassup Biznatch. You think you can get away with trippin' on the Flymeister and kickin' him in his grizzle. Yo my Flava can't be stopped like that Biznatch. Yo ass just been served.

CN: (still grasping his knee) Somebody get me some help!

<Fly starts walking down the hall when Scheme Gene stops him>

SG: Fly, we just saw you attack Matt Daddy's friend Chuck Norris. What was your motivation?

Fly: Yo baldy ya ass got a televizzle? Walka Texas Hata dissed me last week. Fly ain't down with dat shizzle.

SG: Are you going to let these extra curricular activities get in the way of your match next week against Concrete TG?

Fly: Yo check it. My ass didn't get pinned at Mayhem so Fly still be undafeatizzled. Concrete going to feel my flava at Mayhizzy. Word.

<Fly struts off leaving Scheme Gene with a confused look>

[mooseheadjack]

*Niles Anderson storms into The Rick's office.*

Niles - So I am responsible for the most intense match the midcard has ever seen in its entire history and you decide a good way to repay me is to put Chris Alt in MY rematch next week?

The Rick - You have something to say?

Niles - C'mon Rick.

TR - Don't call me by my last name.

Niles - Well, lets look at the facts: Chris Alt is a never-will-be. He can't win the big one, he can't win the little one, he is a genuine loser. Why give him a shot at all?

TR - Because he asked for it and he's a fan favourite, so I figured putting him in that match would be good for business.

Niles - Good for business would be me winning that match and you just made it that much tougher for me. Every day that Capellan holds the title is another day the OOWF looks worse off for its wear.

Voice - You got a problem there?

*Niles and TR turn to see Capellan standing in the doorway.*

C - I just came by to compliment his call on putting Alt in the match, and you're hear talking me down?

Niles - Listen boy, just because you can be all "Extreme" and "Radical" doesn't mean you know what it takes to represent a wrestling promotion as one of its champs. I'll be doing you a favour by taking that belt so you can go back to riding grocery carts down hills against traffic.

*Capellan gets distracted as that scenerio sounds somewhat intriguing to him, then he snaps back into it.*

C - Niles, so far in our little deal, I have a pin over you and you have nothing on me. I don't know what gave you the idea that you're better when clearly the stats say something different.

*Niles gets right in Capellans face.*

Niles - A fluke win does not equate to skill.

C - And double Archibalds in your middle name doesn't equate to cool.

*Niles gives Capellan an uppercut and the brawl begins. It doesn't last too long before officials break it up and The Rick looks enraged.*

TR - This kind of douchebaggery does not happen in my office! You two go cool off while I think of disiplinary action for you.

*Niles and Capellan jeer at each other and take off. Fade to Black.*

[mooseheadjack]

## Thim goes all old school in Promoville . . . fixed camera, logo behind hims and lots of shouting

Thim: Seraph . . . SERAPH!! Last week was a fucking fluke. There's no way that you're even in my league, erm, well OK so that's not strictly true as we're both in the same division but there's NO FUCKING WAY that you're going to beat me you crispy cream puff.

You thought you had it bad a few months ago when you picked up a couple of little burns from Firechild?? Well that's nothing baby. Burns are mere flesh wounds, a little cold water and a graft or two and no one would ever know that you nearly burned to death . . . and you've proved that - you're back in the ring and as good as ever . . . but bones, ah, now you break the right one of those in just the right way and there's no chance in heaven or hell that you're every going to be the same again.

Take this chap here . . .

## The camera slowly pans out to reveal a semi-conscious wrestler on the floor

Thim: For those off you with short memories this young chap is Ty Tanium. Remember him?? theRick wanted to give him a tryout match and so he put him against me in a dark match last year . . . I slapped the punk around and broke his ankle but after nearly six months he's back and why?? Well I sent him a letter from theRick saying that if he came back he could get another match and a chance of revenge in a rematch against me . . .

What a joke. I met him at the door, apologised and then laid him out. One Adjustment later and he's sleeping like a baby, just like you will be Seraph. Six months to get back from that shattered ankle is good but I'm gonna make sure that this kid doesn't come back again.

ARE YOU WATCHING SERAPH??

## While he's talking Thim has taken a chair and set it up in front of him. Ty is lay on his back and Thim takes his right foot and rests it on the chair. He then walks aaround the chair so he's much closer to the camera

Thim: Now watch closely Seraph . . . there's nothing fancy about this, it's just a question of knowing what to hit and where

## With that said Thim fold his arms and simply falls backwards . . . 300lbs of falling pressure against a knee bending in the wrong direction on a barely conscious man is no contest. Ty Taniums knee is now bending 90 degrees in the wrong direction and he's been very suddenly brought back to consciousness. Thim turns to the camera and leans on Ty's leg to prop himself up.

Thim: NOW SERAPH . . . When I face you in the ring I will be concentrating and if you are very VERY lucky you might be able to walk out again but if I'm still in this mood I really REALLY doubt it . . . BEAT ME IF YOU CAN . . . WALK AGAIN IF I LET YOU!!!

## The camera focus's on Ty Tanium while Thim walks out of frame talking under his breath

Thim: damn it . . . I was sure that I'd really got a good catchphrase there but I'm sure I've heard it before somewhere . . . Maybe I'll have to steal that bag of promos . . .

[mooseheadjack]

SFJ#57 Is standing back stage with the Ax-man Fozzy bear the Midget!

SFJ: Ax-man a great comeback match, you’re back and seem as you have a point to prove.

AX: Yeah I bet you want know all about my point baby. But ya see I’ve got many things to prove. First up I’ve got put a stop to all these rumours going about, thanks to the IWC.

SFJ: IWC?

AX: Now look in honey if your going to work here as a serious broad cast journalist and not just a broad, your going to need to know the lexicon of our, no my industry. I’m sure it’s all good being kicked off the Midweek Mayhem $2 slut search in 1st week, only to be given a contract because your let GMTR go town on you Spanish style but try and learn the ropes, Damn it!

Fozzy blows his whistle, loudly and in an angry manner.

AX: Look you’ve upset Fozzy. IWC stands for Internet Wrestling Community. A bunch little jack offs who’ve talking shit about me for some time.

SFJ: Would you be referring to the rumours that your knee wasn’t really injured and your hard partying lifestyle caught up with you and spent some time in rehab, dealing with addiction issues.

AX: That’s right; they Say I faked my knee injury. So I wouldn’t feel the shame and stigma of being a junkie. The Wade Kellers, Dave Meltzers and the other one, you know the weird one Dayton, with their dirt sheets. I got people chanting Marty Janetty at me for god’s sake. Yeah I was one half of a great tag team, people keep asking me “oohhh Cole is going for the world, title how’s that feel, knowing he’s the breakout star of the team” Bullshit. My knee gave way because I had to carry his worthless hide for so many matches. Well guess what let tell you about a superstar who did fake a knee injury, this guy lost his smile, his name, and I don’t except you to know sweet heart, was Shawn Michaels. Now there is a guy I’ve got something in common with, because I am a breakout star. A future franchise player, you claim to be the Main Event, well I’m the Superstar immortal, no wait, hmmmm eternal, immortal, eternal, immortal, eternal. Wow I should’ve thought about this earlier. Which do you prefer?

SFJ: Immortal.

AX: Too Hoganish, I’ll go with Eternal, yeah, Because I am the Superstar Eternal. I ran through some local jobber tonight, like a hot knife through…. Something a hot knife could easily cut through. Next week I’ve got Microplay. Cole took 13:47 to beat him and it was lousy DQ, now he is the #1 contender, Now, A that shows the state despair of the upper card when you can get a World title shot for a cheap win! And B Micro your one hell of athlete, a former World Champ, but I’ve got a point to prove, that point is I’m better than that Jackass, so if it took him 13:47 with a DQ, I’m get go through you in under 13:47 and it sure is hell won’t be a cheap victory either. Now I know that’s unfair to my Billions of fans that I’ll be cutting my ring time short next but so be it.

SFJ: That’ll sure prove a point.

AX: And let’s not forgot I’ve already got two wins over the current OOWF Champion Harris, Pinfall and Submission. Let’s how the Main Ev… Curtin Jerker, no Dark Match Specialist Handles himself…… Oh boy handles himself, that’s pretty funny, hey Fozzy?

Fozzy blows his whistle.

SFJ: That was a along time go Ax-man. And in a business like wrestling a week is long time. Many people have been asking, “Why come back like this and not do a run in and spoil the matches of your former 3 Piece Set stable mates, why not go for revenge straight out the gate.

AX: It’s what we call in the business a slow burn, I’ll get there don’t worry. I had plenty of time to sit back, should I come as some an avenging crow like figure, claim the scar on my knee has become a symbol, but then I realised that idea was retarded. I wrestle in Cargo pants; you won’t be able to see the scar. So I dropped it pretty quick smart.

SFJ: Sounds reasonable.

AX: I’ve got no problem earning a world title shot, wrestling quality opponents like Microplay. I don’t need cheap wins. Micro, you are one of the few guys in the business I actually respect. But next week I leave that Respect back stage. And Head out there to earn my spot. Bring you’re A-Game your going to need it. I plan on exterminating you.

[mooseheadjack]

Drink & Destroy's Theme and pyro fires up as they walk down to the ring to a loud pop from the crowd. FF Capslock grabs the mic.

FFC - Ok fun time is over. Now it's down to business. Next week we face the brand new team of Moosehead Jack and LD Williams, collectively known as KZ. Welcome to the tag division boys! If last night's elemination match didn't clue you in perhaps the violence that awaits you next week will. With all due respect to the tag champs, the team that is standing in the ring before you is THE premier tag team in this division. The Chickenshit Heels can enjoy their hollow victory for now but it is only a matter of time before the tag belts come back home where they belong... and that is across the very broad shoulders of Drink & Destroy.

Stank - No more distractions! No more fun & games! Our primary goal now is to get those belts back. And unfortunately for KZ you have been placed in our path. Now I want to make something... very... clear. Drink & Destroy is NOT afraid of violence. We love violence. We love brutality. We like to bleed and we love making our opponents bleed more. KZ, how do you intimidate those who can't be intimidated? How do you threaten those who ARE the threat?

Trust you?

Fear you?

You've got to be kidding.

FFC - It's like this fellas... Right now you're in the eye of the storm. At Midweek Mayhem... Winds will come. The sea will roll. The thunder will sound... and the only hope you have of beating us... will be lost in the wrath.

You better watch your asses, buds.

FFC drops the mic as D&D's music fires up. They exit the ring without incident.

Cut to commercial

[mooseheadjack]

The BlackDawgs are in the locker room. Underdawg is fuming.

UD: Dragon! What the hell lis wrong with you? You talk about ME not being focused on the match and instead on bloodlust? While YOU keep getting pinned in our matches. We were the FIRST team eliminated in this match.

BD: So what are you saying?

UD: I'm SAYING.... I'm saying... get your head on straight. I haven't seen any intensity out of you in weeks.

BD: ....

[mooseheadjack]

[Sexy Female Journalist #303 is standing by with Johnny Adrenaline.]

SFJ#303: Johnny, you and Attitude Adjuster just became the new #1 contenders to the tag team titles. But where's Alan?

JA: He's on a secret mission.

SFJ#303: Secret mission?

JA: Insider stuff. Kayfabe and all that, ya know.

SFJ#303: Well, I'd planned on getting both of your thoughts on becoming the #1 contenders despite not getting a pinfall or submission in the match last week.

JA: Honey, I know this might be difficult for you, but go back and read the official OOWF record book...

[Which Johnny conveniently just happens to have with him, and he flips to the page way in the back of the book.]

JA: Right there... quote, winners and YOUR #1 Contenders to the OOWF Tag Team Titles, The Chickenshit Heels. End. Of. Story.

SFJ#303: But...

JA: But nothing... I gotta go punch some numbers. I gotta see how much we cleared in our first month as part owners of Flair's shop.

[Johnny leaves SFJ#303 in a confused state - or does she always look like that? - as we fade to black.]

[mooseheadjack]

-Chuck is in the back room getting his knee taped up. Matt Daddy flies through the door.

MD: “Chuck, I just heard what happened. Are you ok?”

Chuck: “Yeah. He thinks he did more damage to me then he actually did. I played possum to throw him off.”

MD: “Your knee looks pretty swollen. Are you sure you’re ok?”

Chuck: “YES! I’m fine!”

MD: “But your ribs are taped up!”

Chuck: “You know how wrestling injuries are… Your ribs are always taped up.”

MD: “Oh yeah, I forgot!”

-The two men start to laugh.

Chuck: “Hey partner, I have something to ask you. How come you haven’t gone hunting for Nayr? The kid slept with your wife! If I were in your position, I wouldn’t sleep until he was 6 feet under. You thought you could give him the chance to explain himself. He didn’t even show. You also thought that you could settle your differences in the ring. But he hit you with a cheap shot. I mean, what is going through your mind.”

MD: “You of all people should understand honor and respect. Always give a man the benefit of the doubt. I though he was better than that. I honestly thought that he was a man. You’re a Texas Ranger! You know, innocent until proven guilty.”

Chuck: “You’re right. So what are we going to do about Fly?”

MD: “The same thing. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.”

Chuck: “I don’t like that plan. He was talking smack about us. Saying we’re unhip and expected no retribution. Then he attacked me in return? We’re not even partner. Not at all…”

MD: “Look Chuck. I don’t know about you, but I’m in no mood to be taken out by the entire Onslaught division. Right now the only person you’re not upset with is Concrete TG.”

Chuck: “You’re not the person I thought you were. You really are a square Matt Daddy.”

MD: “That’s enough Chuck… I’m going to go look for Nayr. Stay here or come with me… That’s up to you.”

[mooseheadjack]

<MHJ and LDW are backstage watching the OOWF Ring monitor and D&D's promo when they are approached by SFJ1>

SFJ1: I see you saw Drink & Destroy's promo, what do you have to say about it?

MHJ: Well, it appears quite obvious that there is no need to spell out the violence that we bring with us to the ring. Capslock, Stank, you say you enjoy violence, you enjoy bloodshed, that is just great. But do you think for one second you can hang with us? Lets look at facts, you may enjoy bring the violence, you may enjoy making people bleed, but how much can you stand? If you think for one second you will not spill blood this week, you are insane, how much can you two take? You know damn well there is nothing, nothing you can do to stop KZ.

LDW: That's right, see you two seem to be forgetting something. While you were running around from bar to bar, plotting ways to get some stupid box from Adrenaline and AA, we were planning ways to hurt people. I will give you credit, as former champions you have the edge in experience over us. But gentlemen, you have never faced anything like us. Not The Devil's Brigade, not 3Piece Set, nothing.

MHJ: We are not going to pretend it won't be a fight, it will be a bloodbath. But in the end, you two will come up short. Trust me.

LDW: You boys say you have no fear. That's fine. Fear me is not just a catch phrase, it is a warning. Chose to ignore it at your own expense.

[mooseheadjack]

Attitude Adjuster and Abdullah the Butcher are walking down the streets of Hollywood. Abdullah is wearing his usual wrestling pants, pointed boots and nothing more. AA has a "Homes of the Stars" map....

AA: Trust me, Abby, I’m from this area. These “Homes of the Stars” maps are never wrong. This is how the Los Angeles police caught O.J. By the way, did you get any sunscreen at the airport? Your noggin is getting a little red. You know, I don’t know why those security guys at the airport gave you such a hard time when we went through customs. I mean, come on, do you LOOK like a terrorist?

Narrator: Attitude Adjuster and Abdullah the Butcher have flown to Hollywood, California on a mission. A mission to find Kill Bill hottie Uma Thurman. A mission to learn the well-guarded secret Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique. And bring it back as the most dangerous finishing hold in the OOWF.

AA: I tell you Abby, this is the greatest finishing hold since The Claw! (Abby stops and stares at AA.) Well, OK, your Sudanese Elbowdrop is pretty impressive, too. But when you do the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique the person takes five steps and DIES!

AA and Abby walk for a few blocks more, getting to a gated community. They stop in front of a guard shack.

AA: We’re here to see Uma Thurman.

Guard: And you are?

AA: Attitude Adjuster and Abdullah the Butcher. I assume you want our autographs?

The guard laughs them off, though he seems a bit wary as Abby begins to reach down his pants. AA stops Abby from pulling out his trusty taped stick. The guard makes a call, gestures a bit, then puts the phone down.

Guard: She says she doesn’t know you two.

AA: So we can go in?

Guard: Oh suuuuurrrrreeee. Go right ahead. NO, YOU CAN’T GO IN! GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I HAVE TO CALL THE COPS!

AA: Umm, you are a cop.

Narrator: But before Attitude Adjuster and the guard can get into a deep philosophical discussion over job titles, Abdullah pulls his taped stick from his trunks and attacks the guard. In a matter of moments Abby locks on the Sudanese Deathgrip and the guard passes out. Abby then walks to the metal gate and begins chopping it with his hand. AA, realizing the futility, walks into the guard shack and pushes the button that opens the gate. Abby, satisfied that his chops opened the gate, walks in.

TO BE CONTINUED

[mooseheadjack]

<Cole & Firechild are watching Ax-man's promo on a monitor>

FC: I can't believe that guy. He is definitly the Marty Jannety of the tag team.

CC: Let him think what he wants. He means nothing to us anymore. We showed him that you don't mess with the Set and it the message must have gotton through since he is staying away. He knows we can put him back on the DL anytime.

FC: What is with that Fozzy Bear that has been hagning around with him? That isn't very Rock N' Roll?

CC: I think we need to admit that the man that we once called a friend has gone completely insane. He has turned into one giant, hairy vagina.

FC: What a tool

CC: Well he doesn't matter. What matters now is winning the OOWF Title. I still haven't heard from The Rick or Harris to see if I got the NO Holds Barred Match sanctioned yet?

FC: What happens if it isn't sanctioned?

CC: That is not an option.

[mooseheadjack]

<Cole walks into The Rick's Office>

CC: What the hell is the hold up on my match request?

TR: Calm down Hot Shot. I had to run this by the Finnish Government first. You will get No Holds Barred and then some. There will be a winner at Mayhem because you and Harris are going to be closed inside of a Steel Cage.

<Cole looks a little worried. It is a momentary weakness as he soon smiles>

CC: No sweat. Like I said I'm going to win once again and this time I'm taking the title home with me.

[mooseheadjack]

**Drink and Destroy are headed out of the arena (to a local bar, naturally) when they come across Moosehead Jack in a hallway. D&D automatically stand back to back, looking for an ambush. Without a word, Jack throws a fireball. D&D ducks, but the distraction is enough to allow L.D. Williams to come out of a doorway and brain Capslock with a baseball bat. Stank lunges at Moose but gets met with a kick to the stomach. L.D. joins Moose and they spike Stank with a double DDT.**

LD: “I give up Moose. How do you intimidate those who can't be intimidated? How do you threaten those who ARE the threat?”

MHJ: “Perhaps you gentlemen should consider your own questions. Looks to me like you’re the ones who need to answer them.”

**KZ walks away as D&D are already stirring.**

[mooseheadjack]

<Concrete TG walks up to OOWF Newcomer Fly backstage>

CTG: Hello Fly. We never got a chance to formally be introduced. I’m Concrete T.G. former Intercontinental & Tag Team Champion and the evil Moosehead Jack’s most famous Feuding partner. I’m really looking forward to our match this week. I’m hoping we put on a great show for the wonderful fans of the OOWF. Good luck <holds out his hand for Fly to shake>

Fly: Yo I don care bout no IC Bling and dis no tizag team. An Moosey Mo Mizzle can suck on my dizzle. The Flymeister is the Numba one Nigga up here in the OOW Fizzle and the bling dat be around my waist soon be Onslizzly beyotch.

CTG: I hear that homey. Word to your mother.

Fly: Whatever playa, you don’t gots the flava. I’ll see yo ass at Mayhizzy.

<Fly turns to walk away>

CTG: Alright Homedog. See you then. <Concrete turns towards the camera> What a nice fellow.

[mooseheadjack]

Stank turns over and lies on his back. FFC gets up on his hands and knees and looks over at his partner. Stank wipes blood off of his forehead. FFC's blood drips to the hallway floor. They make eye contact... then laugh.

FFC - Ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA!

Stank - Ok they wanna play? Let's play.

Drink & Destroy rise up and hunt for their attackers. They decide to scope out KZ's locker room. FFC kicks down the door and enters into the darkened area. Stank follows, but Moosehead and LD are seemingly nowhere to be found.

FFC - I knew it wouldn't be THAT easy.

Stank - Wait... this isn't over yet... come on out Moosehead... take your beating like a man.

Stank is answered only by the darkness, barely penetrated by the dim lighting, from the hallway, through the ruined door. Several seconds pass...

FFC - I can hear your heart beating JACK!

In the deepest part of the darkness a lone lightbulb clicks on illuminating the face of... evil.

MHJ - That's not my heart you hear beating it's...

Before Moosehead can finish his sentence D&D advance. The bulb clicks off as tables and other furniture are overturned and sent flying in a scuffle. A bat impacting on flesh sounds in a dull thud!

Stank - AHHHHHGGH! OH YOU GONNA PAY!

Stank swipes at the darkness narrowly missing LD Williams's head. FFC hears LD scampering out of Stank's way and heads in their direction. He trips over Moosehead Jack who is recovering from and errant table leg, punted by FFC in frustration, that just happened to catch Moose between the eyes. They form a tangled lump, struggling in the darkness.

Meanwhile LD Williams decides to take another swing, darkness be damned. His swing misses a target, but the whiff gives away his position as Stank pounces on LD, presses him over his head, and SLINGS him in the directon of the only source of light emanating from where the door used to be.

Stank - Heh... Now I can see you.

Meanwhile FF Capslock grabs ahold of Moosehead Jack...

FFC - Stank! I've GOT the bastitch! Can we get some more light in he...AHHHHH!

Moosehead Jack drives the screwdriver down even HARDER into FFC's hand! FFC screams in pain but doesn't let go of his prey. He lifts Jack up with his good hand and DRIVES him onto concrete floor with the mightiest of CHOKESLAMS!

Meanwhile Stank finishes off LD Williams with a punch to the face, a kick to the gut, and a POWERBOMB to the unforgivng floor below! Stank surveys the damage done to Williams. FFC drags MHJ over and drops him on top of LD. FFC gets on his hands and knees grabs Mooshead Jack by his hair, then goes nose to nose.

FFC - You stabbed me. I suspect you will do worse before all is said and done. The only reason why you and your partner are not spending the night in a hospital room is... *slap!* don't lose consciousness on me yet... I want you to hear this... we WANT you to do worse. We THRIVE on this! We are DRINK AND DESTROY! Goddamn it Jack! I don't know why we haven't feuded before. Come at us with everything you got!

Stank - Bring it to us HARD... or don't bring it at all!

With that said D&D take their leave out the doorway and down the hall to the parking lot.

Stank - Well this ought to be interesting. You know it's only gonna escalate from here on out?

FFC - I know... it'll be fun.

Stank - Yeah, a barrel of laughs.

FFC - Good times.

Stank - ... ... ... I'll make sure our names aren't listed on the hotel registry.

FFC - I'll keep Josh informed. He has his hands full with Firechild. He doesn't need the added pressure of KZ on his shoulders. He should be fine though... What about SFJ#5?

Stank - She's in the States by now. She flew out yesterday after she saw the lineup on Rick's door.

FFC - Alright then. Let's go hit the bar.

Stank - Did you call Moosehead a... bastitch earlier?

FFC - Yeah, you don't read comics so I don't expect you to understand.

[mooseheadjack]

<Jack and Williams slowly rise from the wreckage, both men have evil grins on their face. Jack steadies himself and wipes the blood from his forehead. Williams checks his teeth and spits a bloody mass to the floor>

MHJ: Bastitch huh. Ok boys, you want us to bring it. Let's play.

LDW: They couldn't have gone too far <LDW picks up a piece of broken table>

MHJ: Ld, that is nice, but I think those two would appreciate something a little more...sinister. <with that Jack opens a locker and pulls out a board that have two rows of nails driven through them, sticing out one side about an inch, and a roll of barbed wire, perfect in size to wrap around your fist>

LDW<Lighting up> That'll work.

*************

Drink & Destroy are in the parking lot headed for their car, they keep looking around, sensing an attack is imminent. They are right. As Stank opens the door to get int othe car, LD Williams charges in and kicks the door closed catching Stank's arm. With Stank trapped against the car, LD Williams pummels him with the barbed wire wrapped fist until blood flows freely from his head.

Capslock turns around to help his partner and we hear a <WHUMP> and Capslock falls to his knees and tries to grab at his back. The camera pans up and we see the board STICKING INTO CAPSLOCK's BACK! Jack grabs Capslock's arm and pins it behing his head and hammers him with a heart punch, then kicks Capslock in the mouth, dropping him on his back, digging the board of nails deeper into his back.

MEanwhils, LDW pulls Stank free and calls Jack over, JAck holds the car door open, and LDW throws Stank head first into the window, shattering it, and leaving Stank in a heap of broken glass and blood.

Jack and Williams start to leave, Jack pauses and walks over to Caplsock, now on his side, and kicks him once again, then pulls the board out of his back. Blood streams off of Capslock's back as he grunts in pain.

MHJ: I'll be taking this, bastich.

LDW: You know they will come after us again

MHJ: Yep.

LDW: good.

<fade>

[mooseheadjack]

FFC spits blood, rolls and crawls over to his partner who is holding his right arm.

FFC - Can you move?

Stank sits up with his back to the car. He spits what he thought was a tooth out to the ground, but sees it's really a shard of glass. He spits out several more pieces, each more bloody than the last.

Stank - Maybe we should've put them in the hospital. Look at em walk away with their backs turned. They've got some balls coming at us like this.

FFC - Ack! My lip is busted my back hurts and my hand is throbbing. Why do they keep poking holes in me?

Stank - Hello? At least they didn't rip your flesh with BARBED wire! Help me with this.

Together D&D lift the broken vehicle and HURL it in the direction of KZ. The Fiat sails through the air and just narrowly misses Moosehead and LD as they jump out the way! The car crashes to the asphalt, flips over once then EXPLODES!

All four men are blown through the air by the concussive force. When D&D come to FFC spies Moosehead Jack crawl just around a corner. Stank spots LD Williams stumbling down an alleyway and out of sight.

Stank - HEY! WHERE Y-YOU GOING!

FFC - T-THIS ISN'T O-OVER! NOT BY A LONG SHOT!

Stank spits up more more blood as he listens to FFC's labored breathing.

Stank - S-So... You wanna b-beer?

FFC - We need *huff* a new *huff* car.

Drink & Destroy stand to their feet, hail a cab (Who doesn't ask) and head off to the bar licking their wounds.

[mooseheadjack]

<Jack catches up with LD Williams, both men are bleeding and limping>

MHJ: Come on LD

LDW: Where are we going?

MHJ: To the bar Drink & Destroy are headed to

LDW:<stopping and looking at Jack> Jack, look, I am all for wailing on those two idiots, but damn I need to catch my breath fora minute

MHJ: Trust me LD, sometimes there is more to the battle than blood

<Jack and LDW hail a cab and tell the cabbie to head to the only bar in town. Much like the other, this cabbie does not ask. We get to the bar, and through the miracle of Invisible Ninja Cameramen, we see Drink and Destroy limp to the bar and order two Lapin Kulta's. After a few minutes, both Cap and Stank get up and limp to the bathroom>

<Jack walks up to the bar, the bartender shoots him a strange look>

MHJ: Give me two screaming Fuzzy Navel's, and if you have them, put those little umbrellas in the drink. <the bartender shoots Jack a strange look, but gives him the order, Jack walks over to where Cap and Stank were sitting, takes the beer and replaces them with the fruity girly man drinks, and just so they know, a strand of barbed wire.>

MHJ:<handing LDW the stolen beer> There, that will let them know we were here and we could have taken them out again if we wanted. Now let's go back and get ready.

<Jack and LDW leave>

[mooseheadjack]

Meanwhile, back in Hollywood...

Attitude Adjuster and Abdullah the Butcher are seen standing on the porch of a swanky Hollywood home. They knock on the door but get no answer. They knock again and no one answers. Abdullah headbutts the door and busts open a hole. AA reaches inside and opens the door. They walk in.

Narrator: Our heroes, having subdued a security guard, are at the home of Uma Thurman, star of the Kill Bill series. They are here to learn the secret of the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique.

AA: Looks like no one’s here. Let’s search around and see if we can find something.

Abdullah heads straight for the refrigerator.

AA: Good idea, Abby. Make me a sandwich, too!

AA walks through the stylish home and comes to a floor to ceiling glass door that leads to a pool in the back. Uma Thurman is lounging poolside. Yes, she’s in a bikini.

AA: Excuse me, Uma, I’m…

UT: What the hell? Who are you? How’d you get in here? The guard told me two freaks had come by asking for me.

At that moment Abdullah the Butcher walks into view, carrying two sandwiches on plates.

UT: What the hell is THAT?

AA: Uma, Abby. Abby, Uma. Uma, Abby. Abby, Uma.

UT: Oh, Gawd. It didn’t work for Letterman at the Oscars, and it’s not working here. So what the hell are you two doing here? And why is this man walking around in polyester pajamas? And those boots? What’s up with those boots?

AA: This is Abduallah the Butcher, also known as the Madman of Sudan. He wrestled throughout the world, and you might have seen him in that minor league of wrestling, WCW. But now he’s in the OOWF, the major leagues of professional wrestling. And of course I’m sure you know me, Attitude Adjuster. I assume you want our autographs?

UT: That’s it! I’m calling the cops. I don’t know how you two got past the guard shack…

With that, Abdullah reaches for the phone and chops it in half. For good measure, he hits the Sudanese Elbowdrop on the phone and stabs it with a nearby fork. Satisfied, Abby then rakes the fork across his own forehead and starts to bleed.

AA: Look, Uma, we don’t want to hurt you. I’ve come to you to learn the secret of the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique. I was a big fan of yours in Kill Bill, and I want to bring that technique back to the OOWF as my new desperation finishing hold.

UT: Desperation finishing hold? Are you nuts? Actually, I can’t believe I even asked that. Of course you’re nuts. Look, the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique was in a MOVIE. IT’S NOT REAL! I’m an actress. I played a role in that movie. The Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique doesn’t exist. You idiot.

AA: I’m offended. Of course I know the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique is from a movie. But I’m a professional wrestler. We don’t actually wrestle. It’s all choreographed. So I figured I’d learn the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique from the movie, which is fake, and bring it to the OOWF, which is fake, and the double-negativeness would make it real.

UT: My head hurts. So you want me, Uma Thurman, to teach you, Attitude Adjuster…

AA: Well, my real name is Alan Capps. Attitude Adjuster is my ring name.

UT: You want me to teach you something that I don’t know but used in a movie while playing a character so you can use this non-existent technique in a made-up sport while you play a character?

AA: Exactly.

UT: (Pointing to Abby.) So what’s his story?

AA: In real life he’s Larry Shreve. He’s from Atlanta and owns “Abdullah’s House of Ribs.”

Abby: Hi, Uma. I’m a real big fan.

UT: I don’t believe this. OK, I’ll teach you the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique. How long do you have?

AA: We have to be in Finland by Wednesday for Midweek Mayhem. See, my partner—Johnny Adrenaline—and I have an OOWF tag team title shot against JW Westgaard, a hockey player, and Tommy Wilder, an Extreme Games athlete, because we won a six-way No. 1 contenders match without actually beating anyone.

Uma and Abby look to each other and shrug.

UT: OK, look, it takes three days of intense mental training to learn the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique. Whatever I tell you to do, just do it without asking a question. You must learn by doing. You can not question the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique mastery. Got it?

AA: Got it. So what do I do first?

UT: The first training session involves you going to the refrigerator and getting me a beer. Then I need you to clean the pool and mow the lawn.

AA: But that sounds…

UT: No questions! These are all exercises that will clear your mind. Meanwhile, I’m going to sit down with Larry here and find out what’s really going on.

[mooseheadjack]

*Fievel and Predator are playing electronic chess on Fievel's replica version of Hardbody's sweet-ass TRIK*D OWT TYTLE when Canadian Dragon walks by.*

Predator: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrgh

Dragon: He made a fair move. Screaming about it can't help you.

Hardbody: Let him have it. It's not wise to upset a Predator.

Dragon: But Hardbody, nobody worries about upsetting Fievel.

Hardbody: That's 'cause Fievel don't pull people's arms out of their sockets when they lose. Predators are known to do that.

Predatore: Grrf.

Dragon: I see your point, sir. I suggest a new strategy, Fievel: let the jackass win.

*The camera fades to black as Fievel thinks about his next move.*

[mooseheadjack]

*Chris Alt has just arrived to the arena and is in his locker room getting ready to change into his wrestling attire. From behind him, we hear someone clearing his throat. The camera pans out, and we see Niles Anderson grinning at Alt*

CA: Oh, goodie.

NA: What's wrong, old friend? I thought you'd be happy to see me.

CA: About as happy as you'd be to see your herpes again.

NA: That's what I've always liked about you, Chris. That lightning wit of yours. Too bad you don't think as fast inside the ring as you do outside of it. Maybe you'd have beaten Hardbody Harris by now.

CA *face darkens*: What do you want, Niles? Cause if you're just looking for a fight, it can wait til our match.

NA: I just thought I'd offer you the courtesy of giving you a chance to back out of this triple threat match. You can even have me on your silly little talk show after I take the Intercontiental title off of Capellan. Hell, if you behave yourself, I may even see about getting you a title match one of these days.

CA: Man, you just never stop giving, do you Niles? Nah, you know what? I appreciate your little offer, but I think I'm going to go ahead and earn the IC title the old fashioned way.

*NA and CA come face to face, and we see Chris Cole's head pop into frame*

CC: Well, well... if it isn't the former champ and a guy who couldn't win the belt if he slipped a mickey in Hardbody's water.

OOWF Lawyer: Excuse me.

CC: Who the hell are you?

CA: This is my locker room! Why are all of you in here?

OOWFL: I'm one of the company's attorneys... with WWE suing everyone under the sun these days, the Rick has asked me to be alert to people who might accidently cause us a lawsuit. *looks over a pad of paper* Um, Mr. Cole, your reference to slipping Mr. Harris a "mickey"... that seems to be Stephanie McMahon's gimmick, and that could lead to a gimmick infringment lawsuit.

CC: No shit?

NA: Interesting.

CA *muttering*: Ohmygodareyouserious.

OOWFL: Also, as you may know, Mickey James is the name of a WWE wrestler, therefore Vince McMahon owns the rights to both "Mickie" and "James", so even though we will no longer make any sort of reference to drugging someone's drink on OOWF programming, we most certainly won't be slipping anyone a mickey. Um, with all due apologies to Mr. McMahon.

CC: Wow. Anything else we need to know about?

CA: GET. OUT. OF. MY. DRESSING. ROOM. NOW.

NA: Jesus, what are your panties in such a bunch about?

CA: NOW!

NA: Fine by me. See you in the ring... pin ya later, jerk.

CC: Oh yeah, Alt... if you even think about interfering in my match with your boy Hardbody tonight... it'll be the last thing you ever do.

OOWFL: Actually, Mr. McMahon is claiming that he now owns the rights to the concept of "run-ins", which will pretty much prevent Mr. Alt from interfering in-

*CA gives OOWFL a spinal contusion*

CA: OUT, COLE!

[mooseheadjack]

Ax-man is in the OOWF cafeteria picking up SFJ’s when Fozzy Bear (The Midget) nervously walks up to him and hands him an envelope, Fozzy then runs off in fear of his life.

SFJ#34: What’s up with Fozzy he looks scared?

SFJ#89: I don’t know he looks kinda cute.

SFJ# 43: I heard bears can fear or was it farts?

SFJ#27: Mayeb it was some bad news?

AX: Look girls when you are the Ax-man, there is no such thing as bad news!

Ax proceeds to open the envelope his face then turns dead and cold.

SFJ#45: Whats wrong baby?

Ax just turns to her and then sneers he then super kicks her, where she lands face first into the lap of LD Williams.

LD: Thanks AX!

Unzipping sound.

SFJ# 61: I think that was bad news!

SFJ# 19: Oh your journalistic powers of observation astound me!

Ax then turns in SFJ# 93 and power bombs her through the soup and bisque table the other girls run in fear of there lives except SFJ#45 who appears to be choking.

AX: A god Dam frigging cage match, WTF!, This not good, not very good! Oh well.

Ax leans down and picks up the prone body of SFJ#93 and shoves her bisque covered face towards a conveniently placed camera.

AX: Now I’ll guess I’ll just have to take out all my frustrations on Microplay this coming Midweek! See this unconscious bitch here micro, this is your future, that of an unconscious bitch!

Ax slams her face into the floor and walks off.

Catering staff: Hey buddy you forgot your sandwich, its ham and cheese…..WHOOOOOOOOOOOO! oh, she’s styling and profiling and covered in bisque. WHOOOOOOOOO. Come her baby I’ll kiss you and make you cry. WHOOOOOOOO.