OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 05-17-06

[mooseheadjack]

GM the Rick Press Conference

<Rick walks to a podium in front of which there is a group of reporters gathered. Rick pauses and takes a swig of whiskey and steps up>

GMtR: Ok, right now, I am going to read a prepared statement, there will be time for questions later today.

OOWF management would like to announce that OOWF superstar Phil has announced his retirement. We all wish Phil the best in his future endeavors, whatever they may be.

Also, OOWF superstar Shashwat Mishra has asked for, and recieved his release from the OOWF. Shashwat wishes to pursue buisness ventures and such, we wish him the best in the future.

OOWF superstar Predator is seeking a second opinion from Dr. James Andrews on his injured neck. Predator was injured in a match against Canadian Dragon, his return is highly doubtful. On a related note, Canadian Dragon remains suspended indefinately

Finally, there is a memorial service continuing for former OOWF superstar Corax. I am sure you all saw what happened, and at this point I cannot get into any details as an investigation is still pending.

There will be more updates as the day wears on.

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF Superstar, and former OOWF World Champion Microplay has been released from the OOWF. We wish Microplay the best in his future endeavors

OOWF Superstar Blackdragon has asked for, and recieved, an indefinite leave of absence from the OOWF to attend to personal matters.

[mooseheadjack]

We see Underdawg go into a bar. He's looking a little less undead, and more ruffian biker. At the bar is Stank, without his regular drinking partner, FF Capslock (editor - Head over to OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (05-17) Lineup! for the whereabouts of FF Capslock!) .

UD: Mind if I sit here?

ST: Not a problem. What are you having?

UD: Whatever gets me drunk fast.

ST: Doesn't seem like it's your week.

UD: I've had worse...

ST: Have you really?

UD: Maybe not. Listen, I just want to get drunk. I've had enough of those damn Sexy Female Journalists ask me questions about Blackdragon leaving, about Corax's death. Did you know that some are saying I might have been involved in Corax's death? ME? We had our spats with the whole Viper thing, sure, but it was a long time ago, and he was ready to be his own man by then anyway. He'd accomplished a lot. And I'd never...

ST: No, I know you wouldn't, man. You're a brutal and maniacal were-dog who would cut someone with razorblades, piledrive them off a three-story cage into concrete, and beat someone to a bloody pulp leaving them invalid... Hell, you almost killed my lawyer... But I know you wouldn't murder a former friend who once backstabbed you with a Mac truck.

UD: Thank you for understanding.

ST: So what's this about your brother, and this Friday, May 19th?

UD: *angrily* Did you see what happened to the last person who asked me that question?

ST: All right, all right... I'll change the subject. You know, you ran off my lawyer. You pretty much retired Phil from the OOWF

UD: I pretty much killed him, didn't I? The lights went out, I know that. I didn't even know that he survived.

ST: Well, he did. And he was so shaken by it that he decided to drop wrestling and space pirating and dedicate himself to his law firm full time now. Well, not now. In a little while, when he finally gets repaired.

UD: Well, good for him. Wrestling is no place for an alien zombie pirate lawyer

ST: It's a place for giant undead dogs, though, right?

UD: Goddammn right.

Someone comes into the bar. It's Blackdragon dressed in street clothes and with luggage in tow.

BD: Hey.

UD: Hey.

BD: I thought I'd find you in here.

UD: Well, you found me.

BD: Look, I wanted I'm sorry, man.

UD: For what?

BD: I feel like... I feel like I held you down. We never became tag team champions, we were losing our edge, and just losing matches that we shouldn't have.

ST: Losing to me and FF Capslock better not be on that list of "matches you shouldn't have lost."

BD: Anyways, I know that... well, all the complacency in our tag team is why you had that recent bloodlust. I know that you were frustrated. So I took a little hiatus. A vacation.

UD: And your vacation became permanent?

BD: Yeah. I had to think about how much passion I still have for the business. And how much passion I have for life. I love the business, don't get me wrong, but it was getting in the way of some things I needed to take care of in my personal life. And well, I need to put those first.

UD: You know, you could've come to me. We are partners.

BD: I know, but we were having a lot of difficulty in the last few months, and I didn't want to risk you turning on your partner.

ST: This is wrestling, turning on your partner never happens!

BD: So yeah. I gotta do my thing. And you gotta do yours. And you can do your thing a lot better if I'm not around to drag you down.

Underdawg looks over his drink. He gets up and give Blackdragon a handshake, and then a manly hug.

UD: All right. You do what you need to do. Just know, I always got your back.

BD: Thanks.

ST: You guys are such homos.

*silence*

ST: Damn... Viper must still in the hospital...

[mooseheadjack]

SoulDragon's contract has been terminated by the OOWF home office so he can pursue opportunity abroad. We wish SoulDragon the best in his future endeavors.

Mercury has been released by the OOWF. We wish him well in his future endeavors as well, although not TOO well.

[mooseheadjack]

Mr. Jealous has asked to be released from his contract to seek anger management counseling. The OOWF has complied and wishes Mr. Jealous success in his quest to find inner peace

Austraroo has been detained indefinately in his homeland of Australia. His contract wit hthe OOWF has been suspended pending investigation by Australian authorities

Justin Sane's whereabouts are currently unknown, he was last seen muttering to himself something about destroying ladders while heading to a hardware store with an ascetalyne torch. Until further notice, his contract has been terminated and he has been released from the OOWF

[mooseheadjack]

(CTG is sitting backstage when he hears the news.....

:Originally announced by GM The Rick
Justin Sane's whereabouts are currently unknown, he was last seen muttering to himself something about destroying ladders while heading to a hardware store with an ascetalyne torch. Until further notice, his contract has been terminated and he has been released from the OOWF

CTG: (shakes head) I'm sorry to hear that...

(A clattering noise catches CTG's attention. He looks to his left, where LADDER is leaning against a wall, a Home Depot advert draped over one rung)

CTG: I don't think he's REALLY going to do it, but I can make some calls for you.....

(The flyer slips off LADDER's rung and lands in CTG's lap)

CTG: (reading it over) I didn't know you had a cousin working there.... (snags his cellphone and starts making calls)

[mooseheadjack]

quote: originally announced by GM the Rick
Justin Sane's whereabouts are currently unknown, he was last seen muttering to himself something about destroying ladders while heading to a hardware store with an ascetalyne torch. Until further notice, his contract has been terminated and he has been released from the OOWF

Nayr: Sane, we struck up an immediate friendship at Dance of Death. I'm only sorry we weren't able to build on it, now it's just an irrelevant detail. I promise that Matt and I will do our best to win the titles and dedicate our reign to you. And when it happens, I know that you will be watching... or being beaten to death by some inanimate object. Goodbye, Sanest Man Alive.

[mooseheadjack]

Part 1: The Setup

<We cut to GM the Rick’s office, numerous phones are ringing, Rick tries to answer them>

GMtR: Hello? Corax, well we are still trying to recover the body…..Phil, uh what is your offer?.....$12.50 per pound? Let me get back to you….uh huh…..

<in the middle of the conversation Niles and Capellan both burst into the office arguing>

Cap: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

NA: FIGURES YOU ARE ON THE LOSING TEAM AGAIN, LOSER

Cap: STUPID ASS! WE LOST BECAUSE OF YOU!

GMtR: DO YOU TWO MIND?? I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO!!

Cap: Look Rick, this idiot cost us the match, isn’t there some other way to do the seedings?

NA: I may have hit you with the chair, but I was supposed to be you, so YOU cost us the match.

Cap: Fine! You as me hit me as you with the chair, so really since I was YOU, YOU got pinned in this match, YOU cost us the match!

NA: But….I…….you…..WHAT?

GMtR: ENOUGH! Look this is how it is gonna turn out….

NA: I have a quarter

GMtR: WHAT?

NA: I have a quarter you can use for the coin toss, fair is fair.

GMtR: Since when the hell are you worried about fair? Look chuckles this is how it is gonna be, since YOU swung the chair, YOU are the eight seed

NA: THAT’S NOT FAIR!!!!!!

GMtR: I can leave you out of the tournament.

NA: I hate you.

Cap: Well, Rick can we at least know who we have in the tournament?

GmtR: Fine. Niles you get Eric O’Mac in the first round….

NA: THAT IS NOT FAIR!! HE HASN’T WRESTLED IN WEEKS HE IS FRESH!!!

GMtR will you shut the fuck up?....Cap you got Chris Alt in the first round.

Cap: Alt? After what he did tonight?

GMtR: Is that a problem?

Cap: No, no. What about the other matches?

GMtR: Well the winner of the Cap/Alt match faces the winner of the Sriram/Firechild match, and the winner of the Niles/Eric match…

NA: Me

GMtR: the winner of the Niles/Eric match faces the winner of the Josh O’Neal/Thim Reynolds match

NA: THIM REYNOLDS??? HE ISN’T EVEN IN OUR DIVISION!!! THIS IS NOT FAIR!!!

GMtR: Well we needed one more guy, and Thim has proven himself. I know he doesn’t like you Cap, and I KNOW he doesn’t like you Niles, so good luck.

NA:THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS YOU ARE GONNA HEAR FROM MY LAWYERS….

<just then Adrenaline and AA come through the door, wCw close behind them>

AA: Rick, tell these psychos that that is it! They are not getting another title shot! They are done! It says in out contract…

GMtR: Shut the fuck up Capps

JA: HA!

Wilder: Shut the fuck up Johnny

NA: You don’t speak until you are spoke to BOY!

JWW: How bout I speak with my fist upside your head?

GMtR: ENOUGH! <Rick turns to wCw> Look, it is in their contract that they only have to face the same team so many consecutive times. So next week I can’t give you two a title match

JA: HA!

Cap: Shut the fuck up Johnny

JA: The next person that says that….

GMtR: What? Shut the fuck up Johnny. Anyway, I had two guys come in and ask to collect the bounty so….

AA: Who? Kz? Those bastards! The Aussies? Probably need money. Drink and Destroy? Must need the cash to pay off bar tabs

GMtR: No, it was Nayr and Matt Daddy

<Johnny and AA look at each other in silence for a moment>

JA&AA: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Are you serious?

GMtR: Look, I know they are not an experienced team. And I know how you two like to get yourselves disqualified. So we are gonna have a special referee

AA: OOOOhhhhh who is it gonna be? Teddy Long? The woman who used to work for WWF? What was her name? She was kinda hot….

GMtR: No smartass, actually there are going to be TWO referees for your match, one inside the ring, and one on the outside. Inside the ring, Tommy Wilder

JA&AA: WHAT?

GMtR: Outside the ring, JW Westgaard

JA, AA & NA: THIS IS NOT FAIR!!! YOU HAVE IT OUT FOR US!!!!!

GMtR: Gentlemen, OUT!!!

<fade>

[mooseheadjack]

Part 2: The Lineup

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem!
Live! From Thief River Falls, Minnesota!

OOWF Intercontinental Title Tournament[/u]
Eric O'Mac vs. Niles Anderson
Thim Reynolds vs. Josh O'Neal
Sriram vs. Firechild
Capellan vs. Chris Alt

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match - Tommy Wilder & JW Westgaard special referees[/u]
The Chickenshit Heels vs. Nayr & Matt Daddy

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Uncle Entity vs. Concrete TG vs. Fly

Barbed Wire Match[/u]
kz vs. Drink & Destroy

Steel Cage Match[/u]
The Devil's Brigade vs. The Team From Down Under

Ax-Man vs. Seraph
UnderDawg vs. Kane Eyne

card subject to rogue waves and proper spelling

[mooseheadjack]

(CTG has just arrived at the arena and is signing autographs)

Kid: We saw you scaring Justin Sane last week, that was awesome!

Kid#2: yeah, Why's he so scared of LADDER? I've met him, he's really cool, just kinda quiet.

CTG: (signing) well, this week it won't be me scaring him. I'm getting another Onslaught title match

Kid#2: another one? But you gotta beat Entity this time!

CTG: don't worry, I will.

(a weird-looking kid walks up)

WLK: Hey Concrete!

CTG: ?

WLK: How about a nice Hawaiian punch?

CTG: Sure

[mooseheadjack]

Fly walks up to the Match List.

Fly: Yo who be tryin’ to steal ma flava? Da Dopest Homie from SoCalli needs him a match yo. Time to talk to da G to the Mizzle.

[mooseheadjack]

Drink & Destroy walk out of the arena and spy several emergency vehicles, road work crews, various officials and OOWF superstars milling about. A smoldering, wrecked car is under inspection by a crew of men and a semi truck, still burning, is being attended to by fire officials.

Stank - I vaguely remember passing this scene on the way in.

FFC - Yeah, me too. What the hell happened?

Josh O'Neil walks up to D&D.

JO - One of ours just got WASTED man!

FFC - Who?

JO - Some dude named Corax.

D&D - CORAX!

JO - Yeah. Did you know him?

Stank - We had some battles with him and his partner early in our careers.

FFC - I can't believe it. What happened?

JO - I don't know everything but, I heard that Corax retired. Then as he was driving out that semi smashed into him going a hundred miles per hour.

Stank - Whoa.

JO - There's no way anyone could have survived that. I'm going to the bar. You guys coming?

FFC - We'll catch up.

As Josh leaves KZ make their way over to D&D.

MHJ - So it looks like you guys are up to your old tricks.

Stank - What the hell are you talking about?

LDW - Don't play dumb. We know you guys did this.

FFC - Wait... You think WE had something to do with killing Corax?

MHJ - It's not like you guys haven't used vehicular violence BEFORE!

Stank - You shut your GOT DAMN mouth MOOSE! YOU and everyone else knows it was The Devil's Brigade that smashed you guys with a truck, NOT us!

LDW - LIKE YOU two didn't have ANYTHING to do with THAT!

FFC - WHY WOULD WE WANT TO HURT CORAX?

MHJ - WHO KNOWS? Maybe he picked on your woman Stank? How is Five anyway? I haven't seen her in a while.

Stank - And you never will you piece of...

LDW - HEY! Don't TRY to CHANGE the SUBJECT!

Stank - HE'S THE ONE WHO CHANGED THE SUBJECT!

LDW - F*CK YOU!

Stank - NO... F*CK YOU!

With that the two teams start BRAWLING in the parking lot! Soon the brawl finds it way past The Chickenshit Heels who just stepped outside. AA is wearing Corax's mask and lifting it above his mouth in between bites of his sandwich. The brawl stops suddenly while KZ and D&D stare at Adjuster in disbelief.

AA - What?

FFC - Dude... that's just not right.

MHJ - Yeah, even I wouldn't stoop that low.

Stank - Show some respect, man.

LDW - Right. Don't be a prick.

AA - What? It's just a stupid mask! Stank YOU wore Morte's mask!

Stank - Yeah but Morte wasn't DEAD! You never cease to amaze me, Alan.

FFC - Yeah I can't wait to take those titles from around... well from you two.

MHJ - Hold on a sec... what do you mean YOU guys are taking the titles?

FFC - Well... I mean AFTER we BEAT the snot out of you two idiots of course!

MHJ - We are going to rend the flesh from your carcasses then feed it to the dogs.

JA - Hmmph! And you say you wouldn't stoop so low... right.

D&D and KZ - SHUT THE F*CK UP JOHNNY!

With that KZ and D&D resume their brawl around the parking lot. After exactly FIVE minutes OOWF personnel and superstars manage to seperate the two teams.

[mooseheadjack]

Sexy Female Journalist #616 walks down the hallway with microphone in tow and intercepts a distraught looking Underdawg.

SFJ#616 - This doesn't look like it's been your day, Underdawg.

Underdawg simply glares at SFJ. He growls.

SFJ#616 - First, your long lost brother that no one here knew about (except possibly TheRick since in order to be booked in a match you need to have a contract with the company along with tryouts, a background check, and a drug test), and then your old Ministry of Dawgness disciple gets killed in a horrific and explosive accident! That's some crazy shit right there!

Underdawg looks as he's about to speak, but then stops himself.

SFJ#616 - So next week, you have to face your brother, who in that muzzle, is even scarier than you are, while still reeling from the action-packed death of Corax, a man you came up with in this company?

UD - ALL RIGHT BITCH! YOU'RE DEAD!!!

GOOZLE! CHOKESLAM to SFJ#616!!!!

Underdawg then grabs the cameraman (this one is neither a ninja nor invisible), AND CHOKESLAMS HIM TOO!!!!!

The camera is on the ground facing up to the ceiling. Underdawg looks into the camera with angry eyes....

UD - Whoever killed Corax... I'm gonna kill you.

SFJ#198 - But what about the sudden appearance of your brother, Kane Eyne?

GOOZLE! CHOKESLAM!!!! ONTO THE CAMERA as the camera lens breaks and the feed cuts out.

[mooseheadjack]

SFJ#5150 with microphone in tow finds the Underdawg

SFJ#5150 - Underdawg! Can you tell us more about this baby brother of yours? Is what Espy Seeay saying the truth? Is he really your former own....*ulp*

GOOZLE!

UD - Grrrrrlllll.....

SFJ#5150 - P...p...please, don't hurt me. TheRick... demanded... I get the scoop... I'm just.... doing my job... Please...

Underdawg stops growling relaxes his grip. Just then, SFJ#OU812 comes out with microphone in tow.

SFJ#5150 - No! Stop! Don't!

SFJ#OU812 (ignoring 5150) - Underdawg, what is this talk about May 19th? Is that when you were born? When Kane Eyne was lit on fire? When All Dogs Go To Heaven Director's Cut is released on DVD? May 19th, Underdawg, what is *ulp!*

DOUBLE GOOZLE! DOUBLE CHOKESLAM!!!!!

The cameran wisely runs off, leaving behind his camera, which gets stomped out of commission by the Big Dawg.

[mooseheadjack]

Capellan and Niles are still bickering as they leave the Rick's office.

"I told you not to get in the ring!" Niles bitches, "But you did, and you got pinned, just like I said you would."

"I got pinned because you hit me with a chair. A chait you never should have had, if you're wrestling as me."

"That's another thing!" Niles scowls, "How much longer am I going to have to keep this goody two-shoes crap up in the ring?"

Capellan shrugs,

"Don't ask me, dude. I thought it would only be for the PPV, but who knows when the Rick will get tired of it?"

"It's an outrage! The people pay to see the Specimen! Niles Anderson! Two time World Champ! And what do they get? Me handcuffed with your lame ass moveset and you as a pale imitation of me."

"I'm not happier with this than you are." Capellan reminds him, "Cheap shotting you was fun, but cheating against guys I respect? That just makes me feel dirty."

"Like that's going to be a big problem for you this week."

"Against Alt? True. He could do with a few chair shots right about now for pissing on my belt like he has. Using it as nothing more than a cheap ploy to set up Harris -"

"Woah there. Your belt?" Niles gets in Cap's face. "I think you mean my belt."

"I said what I meant,a nd I meant what I said." Cap and Niles do the manly and not-at-all-homoerotic chest bumping, nose touching stare off to close the promo.

[mooseheadjack]

*As Niles and Capellan look like they are going to make out, a young boy starts tugging on Niles shirt. This young boy looks glassy eyed and pale. Not healthy at all.*

YB - Mr. Niles, Mr. Niles.

Niles - Uh, what the hell do you... I mean... who are you?

YB - I need more candy Mr. Niles.

Cap - We switched gimmicks kid, you should be talking to me now.

YB - But you're not Mr. Niles.

Niles - Uh, kid, hurry on. I think your parents are looking for you or something.

*Niles ushers the kid away.*

Cap - What the hell was that about? Candy?

Niles - Uh, yeah. I invested in a candy business. Yeah, thats it.

Cap - Oh do tell...

Niles - Nothing to tell. I have money. I spend it. Oh, and here, if you're gonna try to be me, at least do it right. Give Johnny and Alan these.

*Niles pulls out diamond studded bling chains with Johnny and Alan's initials as the centerpiece. They look very expensive.*

Niles - You've been giving them crappy gifts. They've been complaining. So I gotta make up for it. Make sure you tell them its from the real Niles.

Cap - Who the hell do you think you are?

Niles - I'm Capellan apparently. And you're Niles now. You're doing a shitty job playing the part, and if you don't give these to Johnny and Alan, you'll be doing a shittier job. Now hop to it.

*Niles leaves Capellan with the bling chains and saunters off. Capellan is left speechless. Fade to Black*

[mooseheadjack]

We are shown to a scene where none other than Eric O'Mac himself is getting off his own private jet. Styled in a nice sports coat and wearing his trademarked Oakley sunglasses, Eric is on his cell phone when the camera catches up to him.

Eric [on phone]: All I'm saying is if it would have been a better script, if there would have been a better director, if the kid from that damned movie Napoleon Dynamite hadn't had been the other lead actor, then maybe - just MAYBE - I would'nt have had to clothesline one of the extras and burn the script before throwing it at the producers. I'm just saying, that's all.

[Eric notices the camera]

Eric: Alright Drew, well work on it, but I've got to go, my camera is here.

[Eric hangs up the phone.]

Eric [to camera]: Well, well, well, it's me, it's me, and I'm not DDP, I'm the fastest man on the track, the sexiest man in the sack, you can call me Eric O'Mac!

And, I'm sure everyone is wondering where the OOWF's number one superstar, the man with the most charisma of any professional athlete, has been over the course pf the past month. Well, I can explain it all. After I got switched over to a new division and all, the movie directors have been calling like crazy! They all want a piece of the Mac! So, I decided to take on one independent film that was schedule to open on May 19th....excuse me. I mean November 19th. But it didn't work out because I'm too good for independent! That, and they couldn't continue to pay me for the price I demanded. So, you know, I'm back! Back where I belong! Back where all the OOWF fans - well...you don't deserve to see me, but since I'm such a giving competitor, then I'm going to allow everyone the pleasure of me returning to the ring THIS WEEK! And, with a paid admission ticket and and 50 dollar down payment, an autographed photo of Eric O'Mac can be yours with four easy payments of $29.99! Just look for the address or the phone number at the end of this live video!

Now, since this is such a GREAT week for all of the OOWF and its fans, being the loving and caring person that I happen to be, I'm giving OOWF television, a live, 30 minute promo, everyday up until Mayhem to give all of the OOWF fans an update on how the most charismatic superstar makes his return to the ring after a month long abscense!

Now, to start, I have been informed by the highers up that I will be facing Niles Anderson in the OOWF Intercontinental Title Tournament. And seriously, in my first match back, you are giving a terrific match like that away on free TV? For shame Rick. For shame. Because it's no question that we will put on a masterpiece! It will be a match talked about for ages to come!

With that being said, I hate to inform Mr. Anderson that he will be losing in the first round. I may be a little rusty, but I've got a few tricks up my sleeve, and, if you watch carefully Mr Anderson, I will reveil a few of my secrets all week long! Because of the next few days, you will be sitting in the Eric O'Mac Lounge of Victory learning from the master himself on how to win.

So, no big surprises tonight Niles. You shouldn't be worried yet. But keep an eye out - cause I'll be around!

Now camera guys, that does it for me tonight. Now, you ain't gotta go home, but you've got get the hell on out of here. This is Eric O'Mac - and I'm out!

[End scene.]

[mooseheadjack]

**Having been stitched up after brawling with D&D, L.D. Williams walks into wCw’s locker room. All three men adopt defensive postures.**

LD: “Relax. I’m not looking for a fight.”

JWW: “What do you want?”

LD: “To congratulate you and Wilder for being chosen as referees. I actually went to The Rick with that idea for KZ but, for some reason, he didn’t think Moose and I could stay impartial.”

TW: “So, if Johnny and AA lose the belts this week, do we get a share of the bounty?”

LD: “You’d have to ask Matt and Nayr about that.”

JWW: “I still cant believe you put up twenty-five large…”

LD: “Twenty-five? Read it again.”

**Tommy wilder pulls a piece of paper from his wallet and unfolds it.**

TW: “I made a photocopy.”

Notice:

May 4, 2006 is the opening of Chickenshit Heel Season. A reward of $25,000 will be given to each member of the team that defeats Johnny Adrenaline and Alan “Attitude Adjuster” Capps for the OOWF Tag Team Championship.*


TW: “Each member. So, if we take the titles back, we each get twenty-five grand?”

LD: “Yep”

JWW: “And, if The Rick were to give us a three-on-two handicap match for the belts?”

**Williams breaks out in a grin as he nods.”

LD: “Now you’re getting the idea.”

CAP: “Where the hell are you getting the cash for this? You investing with Niles or something?”

LD: “Nope. The money itself is actually a better story than the bounty. But, I think I’ll keep it to myself for now. Have fun ignoring-I mean enforcing-the rules.”

[mooseheadjack]

[Unfazed by the bad guys plottting to take them out, The Chickenshit Heels, Ric Flair, Ron Simmons, Abdullah the Butcher, Espy Seeay, and on a leash held by Seeay, Kane Eyne are at a local grocery store. Johnny's pushing the buggy, Alan is wandering in front of him.]

AA: Three or four?

JA: Three or four what?

AA: Loaves of bread?

JA: Well, you gonna get hoagie rolls, too?

AA: Johnny, you're from the South, you're not supposed to say "hoagie."

JA: So? I did. And?

AA: And, that's a great idea! We'll get hoagie rolls too!

JA: Sweet. Next aisle.

[As AA loads up, Johnny pushes the buggy down the next aisle.]

AA: They got that seasoning stuff down here somewhere?

JA: Now by the salt, yeah.

AA: Ooh, salt. I forgot, we ran out of salt in our bag of goodies. I'll grab some more.

[AA tries to squeeze between the buggy and the brown sugar standing ad in the aisle, but bumps it and knocks it down. AA completely no-sells it and keeps walking as if nothing happened.]

JA: Ain't you gonna...?

AA: Gonna what?

[While AA is looking for his sandwich seasoning, a stockboy comes to clean up the brown sugar, But Abby grabs a serving fork off a rack and attacks him!! Abby slams a box of brown sugar off the side of his head, then drives the fork into the poor kid's forehead. Simmons and Johnny pull him off, and depsite being the aggressor in the incident, Abdullah comes up bleeding. AA, impervious to anything going on, is still looking for his seasoning.]

AA: I don't see it, Johnny.

[Suddenly, Kane Eyne throws his paws down and flames shoot out of the ends of every aisle rack in the store. The seasoning somehow appears right in front of AA.]

AA: OH! I've been looking right at it.

JA: Where's Ric?

[The camera cuts across the store near the pharmacy, and Flair appears to be having it out with a female clerk.]

RF: WHADDYA MEAN I CAN'T TRY THEM ON??

Female Clerk: I can't allow you to do that, sir.

RF: I'M RIC FLAIR!! I'M THE NATURE BOY!! [rips off jacket] AND IF I'M GONNA TAKE YOU ON SPACE MOUNTAIN, THE LEAST I CAN DO IS BE SURE I GOT THE RIGHT CONDOMS!!

Female Clerk: Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the premises.

RF: YOU THROWIN' ME OUTTA THE BUILDING?? THEY DO THAT ALL THE TIME, AND THE GUY ALWYS GETS BACK IN! SO WHAT'S THAT GONNA SOLVE, SENORITA?? IT AIN'T... WHOOOOOOOOOO... GONNA SOLVE A DAMN THING!!

Female Clerk: I'm gonna have to call the police.

[As Flair begins unbuttoning his shirt, AA and JA run up and restrain Ric.]

JA: Ma'am, that won't be necessary.

AA: Sorry to bug you, he snuck out of the home.

JA: We got it from here...

[Simmons re-enters the picture pushing a hand truck loaded down with beer.]

RS: Is this gonna be enough, man??

AA: [counting cases] ...11, 12, 13... yeah, that'll work. 15 cases will work for the post-match, title retainment party, won't it, Johnny?

JA: Um... yeah. [picks up some Icy Hot from the rack and tosses it to Espy Seeay.] Give this to UnderDawg. He could use it with his old knees.

[The entourage wanders into the dairy section, their shopping almost complete.]

RF: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER!

AA: I can't either, Naitch. Great on those toasted sandwiches like you make for me.

RF: PARKAY??? PARKAY??? PARKAY AIN'T SHIT!! WHOOOOOO!!!!

JA: Since when does butter piss off Ric?

AA: I don't know. Hey, grab some milk. You and your girly Kahluha.

[Johnny grabs a gallon of milk and checks the expiration date.]

JA: Yo Tude, what day is May 19th?

[Before AA can answer, Kane Eyne breaks away from Espy Seeay's grasp, snatches the gallon of milk from Johnny and smashes it on the floor. Kane Eyne rips the door off the cooler and takes every gallon of milk and tosses them everywhere. Store personnel arrive, but get beat down by Kane Eyne. Milk is everywhere, bodies are lying all in it, and Johnny and AA stop and look around in a shocked silence after the smoke clears.]

ES: DAMN YOU UNDERDAWG!!!!! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!!

[The shot pans to a wide shot, and we see Simmons rolling as much beer as possible out the door, Flair in his boxers strutting in the middle of all the mess, and Abby setting up a grill in the middle of the store.]

AA: [yells across store] Abby, whatcha cookin?

[fade out]

[mooseheadjack]

[The Chickenshit Heels are hiding in the locker room after the supermarket incident.]

AA: That was a great idea, Johnny. Destroy a grocery store. You REALLY want the cops to find us, don't ya?

JA: And you had a better idea? Oh yeah, that's right... without your BOX O'PROMOS, you forgot how to cut promos.

AA: Have not, I've cut a few since then.

JA: A few? That answer, coming from a promo god like you. You're disappointing our fans.

AA: I know, we need to get our box back. Got any ideas...?

JA: Who ya gonna call?

AA: Ghostbusters?

JA: No, someone better...

[Johnny grabs his cell phone as we fade out.]

[mooseheadjack]

Nayr is WALKING~! when the aptly named "Green" Gene Okerlund catches up to him.

"G"GO: Nayr! Can we get word on the whereabouts of your new tag team partner Matt Daddy?

Nayr: Matt is out saving the world and such. I think he's also working out some issues with Chuck Norris.

"G"GO: Nayr, what do you plan on doing with the prize money?

Nayr: Shouldn't you wait until we at least win to collect the prize money? From what I hear, the Chickenshit Heels are a tough tag team- what's so funny?

"G"GO: Nothing. Can you at least inform me if you are planning any cool double-team moves utilising Matt's technical skill and your high-flying prowess?

Nayr: What an oddly specific question. Well, sure, Gene, we- wait a minute! There is no such person as "Green" Gene Okerlund! Who are you?

"G"GO: Damn! My cover's blown! I mean-

Nayr: Nice try, Ron Simmons!

RS: Damn! (runs away)

Nayr: Man, who ever heard of using a dirty trick to retain a title belt? Who are these guys that their conscience wouldn't reproach them in any way? Adrenaline and um, Adjuster, you guys had better be ready! While I can't say for sure that we will win the belts, I can say that we will try our best! So watch out, because Halflingmania (and Mattmania) are running wild!

EDIT: Typos! Post preview, post preview...

[mooseheadjack]

Concrete TG is in his locker room when Fly abruptly walks in

Fly: Yo, Whuz happenin’ Concrizzle?

CTG: Wassup Fly?

Fly: Yo, Boss Man booked us in a Triple Thrizzy for da bling.

CTG: I saw that. Good luck.

Fly: Yo, I just came by to say dat you bouts wit Moos-E was ill. Da Onslizzly Bling needs a new home. We gots to make shure one of us takes home the bling.

CTG: I plan on winning and I’m sure you have plans to win yourself. Why are you here then?

Fly: Yo, I jus’ wanna say you gots the flava but no hard feelin’s when I pin ya at Mayhizzy.

CTG: No prob. It’s all part of the business.

Fly: True Dat. Keep ya pimp hand hand strong Concrizzy.

CTG: Sure thing Fly.

[mooseheadjack]

*In TTFDU's locker room, OBJ is reading from Gator's computer screen*

OBJ: "O'Neill UNEXPECTEDLY NAILS wicked left hook on outback jack, zatemnyaya its light just enough for Tommy in order to break into a run it arm first into the post of ring - drop OBJ to outside, zavyvayushch in the pain!" I knew it! They had Zatemnyaya and Zavyvayushch interfere in our last match.

WBK: Who?

OBJ: Obviously some Russian tag team the Devil's Brigade paid off to Pearl Harbor us.

The Ghost of Gorilla Monsoon: Hey! That's one of my catchphrases!

OBJ: Sorry, mate.

GB: Well, at least in a steel cage we won't have to worry about outside interference. Camby, O'Neil, you'll have nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

OBJ: Should be a real donnybrook; a pier 6 brawl. I'll hit each of you with a Boomerang right on the medulla oblongata, then Gator will Chomp you right on your external occipital protuberance and knock you into next week. The Devil's Brigade will fold like a cheap suit!

TGoGM: Hey!

[mooseheadjack]

[Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster are WALKING~!]

AA: You sure this is gonna work?

JA: It's no worse than running around Siberia looking for Nikita Koloff.

AA: Well, yeah, but...

JA: But nothing...

[TCH walk into their locker room.]

AA: looking at somebody off screen] WHOA!!

JA: I TOLD YOU this was a good idea.

AA: Oh, we're SO getting our BOX O'PROMOS back now!

JA: I knew he was from the area, so i figured why not?

[The shot pans around to reveal THE REPO MAN!!]

RM: What's mine is mine, and what's yours... IS MINE TOO!

AA: That's fine and dandy, but those promos are mine, damn it!

JA: Deal, Repo?

RM: Deal!

[Repo Man walks out the door, looks frantically in both directions, then takes off.]

AA: Wasn't he Mr. Hole In One?

RS: Damn...

RF: ADRENALINE, YOU STOLE HIS GIMMICK! WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!

JA: I did not! Besides, if I was gonna steal a gimmick from someone from the state of Minnesota, it would SO be Mr. Perfect!

AA: Hey, I got an idea....

[fade out]

[mooseheadjack]

<Stank is walking down the hall muttering to himself. MHJ steps out in front of him with a barbed wire baseball bat>

Stank: Well well, Moosehead Jack. That must mean that your little lapdog is behind me somewhere

<as if on cue, LD Williams steps out wit ha barbed wire bat of his own>

LDW: You talk awful reckless Stank, I'm no one's lapdog

Stank: I don't have time for this, but if you two want to throw down, let's do this now!

MHJ: Nah Stank, we just wanted to remind you and Capslock about our barbed wire match this week. Speaking of Capslock, where has he been, haven't seen him in a while.

LDW: Sure would suck for you if he didn't make it to Mayhem. But I am sure a big guy like you could beat both of us in a barbed wire match right?

Stank: Fuck you both. Capslock will be there, and we are gonna bleed you two dry.

MHJ:<laughing> Right. Keep telling yourself that Stank. You trying to convince us, or yourself?

<Jack and Williams walk away laughing. Stank watches them go, then flips his phone and dials a number. "Capslock, where the hell are you? Dammit, we got a match Wednesday, when you get this CALL ME BACK!" Stanks snaps the phone shut and walks away>