OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 09-20-06

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Baghdad, Kentucky

No Titles on the Line - Capellan special referee, UnderDawg Special Enforcer[/u]
Chris Cole vs. Altrageous

OOWF World Tag Team Title Rematch[/u]
wCw vs. kz

OOWF Onslaught Championship Three Way Dance[/u]
Thim Reynolds vs. Blackdragon vs. Eric O'Mac

Tag Team Scramble Match - Winner Gets a Tag Title Shot at Hell On Earth II[/u]
The Chickenshit Heels vs. The Halfrican Americans vs. The Team From Down Under vs. THe Devil's Brigade vs. Drink & Destroy vs. The New Original New Classic Blackjacks 2000 vs. Mierda Del Pollo Rudos

Concrete TG vs. Canadian Dragon
Apocalyptic Existence vs. Ecosystem
Ax-Man vs. Uncle ENtity
The Knife vs. Sriram
UnderDawg vs. Seraph
Capellan vs. Firechild

Card subject to tampering laws

[mooseheadjack]

Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster are reviewing last week’s promos and checking out the card for this week’s Midweek Mayhem.

AA: Well, I’d say our promo work regarding the enforcer was top-flight. I’d give that an A+. But I have to admit I forgot we were, you know, wrestling someone last week. We need to remember to put over other teams. After all, it’s obvious they have no hope of getting over if we don’t give them the rub.

JA: True. But check out the in-ring action. Wasn’t it obvious that we’d lose to the Aussies after Steve Irwin died? But we’re looking pretty good in the title scene again now that wCw are champs.

AA: No question. After all, they hate us, and I’m sure that since they’re faces they’ll eventually get so mad at us that they’ll put the titles on the line against us. Faces are such idiots!

JA: We just need to make sure they remain champs. Which means they may need a little extra “help” this week against KZ.

AA: By the way, nice “miss” with the chairshot that “accidentally” hit PN News.

JA: Ummm, actually, that was a mistake.

AA: Suuuuuuurrrrrrreee!

JA: No, really. We have those guys pissed at us enough.

AA (sarcastically): OK, Johnny. Whatever you say.

JA: Really, it was a mistake!

AA: Mistake. Okaaay. Anyway, we need to get this enforcer thing settled. It’s apparent that our past interviews haven’t been real good.

JA: Well, Bobby Brown may be an option. Looks like Whitney officially dumped him the other day. I bet she did it when she whacked out on the Red Bull.

AA: We need to think outside the box. We need someone we can mold into the kind of guy we really need.

JA: We need a guy who can do a really good Big Boot!

AA: I think I know someone who fits that description. Once we get to Baghdad, Kentucky, let’s bring him in for an interview.

JA: Do you think he can help us this week in the Tag Team Scramble Match, where the winner gets a tag title shot at Hell On Earth II?

AA: Don’t know. But that was really nice how you fit our match into that statement so smoothly.

JA: That’s why we’re...

AA & JA together: The No. 1 Promo Team in the OOWF!

[mooseheadjack]

<kz are talking to SFJ13 in the back>

SFJ13: Moose, Williams, you lost the OOWF World Tag Team Titles last night......

<LDW snatches the mic and the two of them glare at SFJ13 until she slowly backs away>

LDW: We could stand here and rant and rave and scream about losing to wCw. But we're not gonna do that.

MHJ: That's right, wCw, we will win those titles back, whether it is next week, or next month, those titles belong to us. Now, a little more pressing issue, Jack, Gator, the next time we meet in the ring, we are gonna beat you two mercilessly. In fact, we have a little challenge for you, at Hell on Earth II we want you two clowns in a Taipei Fence Match, an I Quit, Taipei Fence Match. And here's the kick, you name the stip you want added to it as well. At Hell On Earth II, we settle this.

LDW: Oh, and Adrenaline and Capps, the days of you two having a career are numbered. My advice to you two, when you see us coming, run. The life you save will be your own.

[mooseheadjack]

The New Original Classic New Blackjacks 2000 are in their lockerroom wearing their cowboy hats and having beers. Stank is practicing his lasso skills on a chair.

S- I might be able to get into this Blackjack thing. Look at this, I can hit the chair almost every time now.

FFC- Yeah, we do get to have fights still, and its not like we've ever slowed down on the drinking. Where's Ruth?

S- Not sure. She ran away naked, I washed my eyes out with balsamic vinegar and I haven't seen here since.

FFC- Okay, I realize that its cool if you guys use that word, but it still makes me a little uncomfortable...

S- What?

FFC- I'd just appreciate if you didn't use that word around me, that's all.

S- ...no, no I said vinegar.

FFC- Oh! Okay, that's fine then. My mistake.

S- Hand me a beer, would you?

FFC- Yeah.

A lawyer comes in and hands TNOCNB2K a piece of paper.

S- What is this?

L- This is a cease and desist order from Drink & Destroy. You're not allowed to drink anymore.

FFC- Oh that is bullshit!

S- Where is Ruth when we need her?

FFC- What are we supposed to do?

L- I also sell pot. I suppose you could smoke that.

FFC- No no no, we're not gonna start smoking po-

S- Give me an eighth.

L- Here you go.

S- Hey FF, grab the glass piece out of my locker would you?

FFC- You've just had a bong in here?

S- Well yeah.

FFC- When did you ever smoke pot?

S- I went to college. Its pretty much a requirement. And my buddy Underdawg gave me that piece. I've just been waiting for an opprotunity to use it.

FFC- Underdawg?

S- Yeah. Its called the Woof Woof Bong. Get it?

FFC- Yeah. I just never would have pegged Underdawg for a pothead.

S- You kidding me? Why do you think he's always so calm and cryptic?

FFC- I just thought he was a creep.

S- Nope. Stoned to the bone.

FFC- Was that a pun?

S- Yeah.

[mooseheadjack]

Harper Camby and Spin Hansen are sitting in a locker room when Tommy O'Neil and Josh O'Neal walks in

HC: I swear my vitmains really help....Spin you gotta try it, you'll love 'em.

Before Spin can answer Tommy Cuts him off.

TO: 'Arpa....we gunna finly git our figgin ti'les back.

Spin: What'd he Say?

Josh Replies mockingly "he thinks they're gonna get THEIR titles back"

Spin: why is that

TO: cas Dis week da Chickenshites, da midget and da wigga, da Aussies Wankas, Drink & Destroy, The Reta'd and Stinky and some jobbas are all ginna get serious fekked up by da Devils Brigade in a Tag Team Scramble Match.

Spin: seriously you need to learn english.

TO >gettin a litle pissed off>: I am Speakin' English YA Fekkin CUNT NANCY BOYO! I i swear on my muva name I wil put ya ina retirement jus' lie we did that ferry Duhnnie Vipa.

Spin gets a wild look in his eye: YOu threatening me?

TO: ya bet ya ferry Ass I am ya cunt.

As spin looks over to Josh, who kinda just shakes his head, Tommy grabs a beer bottle and blasts Spin in the face with it...........all of sudden Harper grabs JOsh and nails him with a Dominator onto a table. Tommy nails Spin with a Wicked Left hook.

Harper: God i've wanted to do that for a while.....I swear these guys ate a lot of paint chips when they were younger. Lets go better our odds in this scramble match.....

With that The Devil's Brigade is off in search of their next victim.

[mooseheadjack]

The Knife walks to Sriram's lockerroom. He knocks on the door.

S- Yeah?

TK- Hello, sir.

S- What do you want?

TK- I'm facing you in a match this Wednesday and I thought we should meet. I certainly wouldn't want to wrestle a compete stranger. So hello, sir, my name The Knife.

S- I really don't care. Just be prepared to get your ass kicked on Wednesday.

TK- I didn't bring my ass with me, sir. He's back home on the farm.

S- ...what?

TK- I didn't bring my ass. I came alone.

S- You're wierd. Go the fuck away. (he slams the door)

TK- There's that word again. What is that?

[mooseheadjack]

The New Original Classic New Blackjacks 2000 are in their lockerroom high off their asses. Stank has lost all of his lasso skills.

S- What happened? I was really good at this.

FFC- Dude...I mean...dude.

S- Yeah. I know what you're talking about.

FFC- I suddenly want a Mountain Dew.

S- Me, too. You know, I'd oftan wondered how they ever sell any of that awful beverage. Now I know.

FFC- Yeah. Let's get some and drink it.

S- Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Yeah...drink it.

The Lawyer walks back into the lockerroom

FFC- Oh shit. What does this guy want now?

L- Sorry guys, this is a cease and desist order from wCw.

S- No Mountain Dew, huh.

L- Or pot.

S- Shit! What are we supposed to do then!?

FFC- Don't worry, I got an idea.

[mooseheadjack]

<Voltage walks into the building labelled OOWF. After asking for Mr Scaia, he's directed to walk around the locker rooms while he waits.>

V: Whoa, running water! And SHOWERS! This place is a definite upgrade. I wonder if you have to be a rostered wrestler t...

<GatorBait walks past>

V: Must...fight...urge...CRIKEY! ITS A REAL BEWDY! *wrestles GatorBait to the ground*

GB: Hey! Getoffame!

V: I'm...sorry. I have to stop doing that, dammit.

<some guy walks past>

SG: Hey, aren't you...

V: NO I AM NOT STEVE IRWIN!

SG: ...Brian Kendrick?

V: Uh, no.

SG: Oh well.

<Voltage shakes his head and keeps walking. He returns to the lobby, where Mr Scaia is apparentely ready to meet him.>

RS: G'day, Voltage is it?

V: You can say 'hello', you know.

RS: Yes, OK. You wanted to see me about a job?

V: Yes indeed, I did! I would be extremely grateful to work he...

RS: Tip No.1. Shower BEFORE the interview.

V: Why you little...

*fades*

[mooseheadjack]

The lawyer heads back into the TNOCNB2K lockerroom. There is white power on both of their faces, there's empty baggies and rolled up dollar bills laying around and they are both wired.

FFC- Yeah. Can we help you?

L- I got another Cease and Desist order.

S- From who?

L- Ed Leslie.

FFC- Bastard!

[mooseheadjack]

(Spin and Josh are getting up after the attack on them by The Devil's Brigade.)

JO: That little Irish bastard... I'M GOING TO MAKE HIM PAY!

SH: We've got to focus. We're up against the greatest tag teams that the OOWF has to offer. It's obvious that we can only rely on ourselves... and it's also plain to see that we've been overthinking. Do you still have that bat of Bader's?

JO: Yeah... why?

SH: Let's exact some payback on those bastards. And any other people who get in our way.

JO: Can I... please... say it?

SH: What the hell.

JO: LIGHTS OUT!!!

[mooseheadjack]

Camera opens to Firechild, in front of what seems to be Capellan.

FC: Capellan, although I may have been brought low in recent months, I dont forget that it was you who first took my Onslaught Title from me.

Capellan does not move.

FC: Now, you insinuate yourself into the issues of my associates and I am brought to think of a quote by ...some smart guy.

"Build not your dreams, of insubstantial things, for only that which is solid, be it blood or stone is permanent. Beware of plans made of wax, for they will be brought to naught by the fire...."

Firechild flicks open his lighter and tosses it at Capellan's clothes and they catch light...he dissoves like a puddle of wax (as it is actually a very expensive wax dummy) and his features meld and smear as the camera pulls back to see a newly focussed Firechild staring into the camera..

FC: Capellan, it seems I still have some vengeance to wreak upon you, and you're meddling in the title reign of the Main Event gives me just cause...you will be reintroduced to the burning, your fate....is assured.

Camera focusses on Capellan's smouldering clothing and the slowly expanding pool of wax.

[mooseheadjack]

(Ecosystem is talking to Martin Scorsese in a mall.)

Eco: So, I don't get it. What's my motivation?

Scorsese: Just get down and do some push-ups.

Eco: Fine.

Martin: (walking off) ACTION!

Eco: Four hundred and ninety-nine...five hundred. Woo-hah! Hi, I'm OOWF star Ecosystem, and that's a tough workout. But let me tell you something, brother, it'd be even tougher if I didn't have Hideki's Super Power Gigante Drink!

Scorsese: CUT! Where's the can?

Eco: I'm not touching the can! I'll get lead poisoning!

Scorsese: Are you implying China makes shoddy and perhaps dangerous products?

Eco: Yes.

(Dennis Kuchinich runs in and high-fives Ecosystem)

Scorsese: Who was that?

Eco: Nobody. Can I break for lunch?

Scorsese: Yeah.

Eco: Cameraman, walk with me. (Eco walks off) So, Apocalyptic Existence, we are to meet again. After you brought me my first defeat...well...double count-out...After you brought me my first non-win by virtue of you not keeping yo'self in the ring and allowing me and the...other guy...to get the....other three guys counted out...because, if you were the legal man...um....wait, did we get a double-DQ before?...when we faced each other, I mean...um...er....that is to say....um....BLOOD FEUD!!! YOU'RE GOING DOWN!!!

(Some little goth kid walks up to Ecosystem)

Kid: You're facing Apocalypse again?

Eco: His name is Apocalyptic Existence.

Kid: No it's not. That would be stupid. And gay.

Eco: I'm one hundred percent sure that's his name.

Kid: Suck my balls.

(Eco throws the kid off the second floor of the mall.)

Eco: TAKE THAT, YOU ADORABLE PRETEEN!

[mooseheadjack]

*The Aussies are in the Rick's office*

OBJ: What do you mean out of the question? It's a great stipulation!

GMTR: I appreciate you wanting to pay a tribute to the Crocodile Hunter, but I've had it with hassles from the SPCA. No live animals!

GB: Have you looked around the locker room lately?

OBJ: And what's the deal with that guy? *points at picture of the Knife*

GMTR: He's called Knife.

OBJ: *drawing a large knife from his belt* That's not a knife, this is a knife.

GMTR: Look, why don't you guys go find Wally and think up a stip for the Taipei Fence match that doesn't involve live animals.

OBJ: What about knives?

GMTR: No.

[mooseheadjack]

(The Devil's Brigade are sitting at a bar, drinking.)

Tommy O'Neil: An' I hit 'im inna bollocks!

Harper Camby: What a poseur. So what's the plan for toni-

(Camby is interrupted by means of a bat to the back of the head, courtesy of Josh O'Neal. Tommy jumps to the ready to attack Josh, but Spin rushes in with a kick to the stomach, followed by a punch to the back of the head as he's doubled over. Camby gets up and punches Josh a few times, but Josh immediately counters into an OSAKA STREET CUTTER! To finish things off, Spin picks Tommy up and hits him with SPINAL JUSTICE!)

Josh: THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR SCREWING WITH US!

Spin: I wouldn't want you to to leave your drinks unfinished.

(Spin pours The Devil's Brigade's unfinished drinks on top of them.)

Josh: All of this work makes me thirsty. Bartender, give me a Sam Adams.

Spin: Make it two.

Sam Adams: Always a good decision!

[mooseheadjack]

After coming down off of everything they'd done, The New Original Classic New Blackjacks 2000 are sitting around burned out.

FFC- I feeling unmotivated.

S- Me, too. I'm thinking that we should probably be focused on the big match this week rather than experimenting with drugs.

FFC- Why? We're not gonna win.

S- Why do you say that?

FFC- We already have a match signed for Hell On Earth. There's no way we're gonna be booked to win the Title match, too.

S- Shhhh! Kayfabe!

FFC- You say that a lot. I don't know what that word means.

S- How have you been in wrestling this long without knowing that word?

FFC- I don't know. I'll ask Moosehead Jack what it means. He'd know, being the booker and all.

S- SHHHH!

[mooseheadjack]

Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster are in their locker room, seated behind executive desks. There’s a knock on the door, and Ron Simmons answers.

RS: Damn!

AA: Ahh, you must be our new enforcer! You know, we looked far and wide for an enforcer who can watch our backs. We haven’t had a good enforcer since Beast…

Jesus C. Kidneypuncher: Hey!

JA: Come on, Jesus. You have to be kidding me? What have you ever done for us? Besides, we killed you off once already. Other than tag teaming with Big Bossman, what good are you?

JCK: (sniff)

AA: Now, look what you did, Johnny. You hurt Jesus’ feelings.

JA: I ought to hurt more than his feelings. Hey, Enforcer, can you do a Big Boot? Do a Big Boot on Jesus.

JCK: Wha?

The Enforcer takes a huge step and plants a Size 22 boot in the side of Jesus’ face.

RS: Damn!

JA: This guy might be pretty good. What else can he do? Let me see his resume.

AA: It’s right here.

RESUME
Height: 6'8". Weight: 280. All-Hating Heel

Tall, muscular, but no overtly. Bald, fire tattoo on left shoulder. Black shorts with flaming crosses on the sides.

Favorite Moves/Style: A little bit of everything. Lots of submissions and high impact moves. Favorite moves are variations of the suplex and ankle submissions. Finisher and Description of Finisher: Vertebreaker. Submission Finisher: Damnation. A figure four variation that has me pull on the leg being stressed rather than push with the top leg.

Style: Submission/Power Use power moves to weaken the body and allow him to cinch in the killer submission moves.

Background: Scorned by many past promotion. Seeking revenge for misfortunes. Taking it out on each promotion. Vowing to destroy each one, one wrestler at a time.

JA: That’s pretty good. Hey, Enforcer, you ought to add “Big Boot” to that resume. But AA, is he as good as Beast?

AA: As good as Beast? Watch this. Enforcer, walk through that wall.

En: Huh? I can’t walk through walls.

AA: A little tired this morning? Yeah, it was a long commute this week. OK, can you pop out of this soda can?

En: Huh?

AA: Yeah, that was a little unique. But we can work on it. Can you do the Club O Doom?

En: Huh?

JA: He’s not real bright, is he?

En: Not bright?!?!?! That’s what the last promotion said! I’ll show you not bright!

The Enforcer stomps over to a still stunned Jesus C. Kidneypuncher. The Enforcer picks up Jesus, tosses him like a rag doll into a row of lockers, then picks up a random clangy pole and chokes out Jesus, BENDING THE POLE AROUND HIS NECK!!! Finally, The Enforcer sets up Jesus and delivers a vicious VERTEBREAKER!

RS: Damn!

AA: That was pretty good.

JA: Yeah, sorry about the “bright” comment.

AA: Well, I think it’s safe to say we have our new Enforcer. Apocalyptic Existence, welcome to The Chickenshit Heels Posse!

JA (aside to AA): We’re gonna have to work on his promo skills though.

AA (aside to Johnny): Yeah, but I can’t wait until he starts popping out of stuff.

[mooseheadjack]

SFJ#36C must be stalking Capellan as it is she, once again, who is interviewing him backstage.

"Capellan, do you have anything to say about Firechild's promises of dire revenge on you prior to your match this week?"

Cap looks confused.

"Fairchild? What did I ever to do her?"

"Firechild."

"Oh." Cap considers this. "Remind me who he is again?"

"Firechild. Crazy Scottish guy."

"Isn't that Tommy O'Neill?"

"Crazy Scottish guy who's in Three Piece Set, instead of the Devil's Brigade."

"Ohhhh. I see." Says Cap, who clearly doesn't. "So what did I do to this Firchild?"

"Firechild." 36C's sounding a little testy.

"Him too. What's his beef?"

"You beat him for the Onslaught title!"

"Now you're just confusing me. I'm in the Intercontinental Division. And the champion of that is Chris Alt. And I haven't beaten him yet. Though I will. This Sunday. At the pay per view. Only $34.95 from all good cable suppliers. Call 1800-OOWF-PPV to order."

For a second, 36C looks like she's just going to give up, but finally she takes a shuddering breath.

"You can't have been dropped on the head that many times. I'm talking about Firechild. Good grief, the man set fire to you! You won your first title off him! You can't have forgotten that!"

"Oh, Firechild." Cap snaps his fingers, "Why didn't you say so earlier?"

"Gah!" 36C stomps off.

After a few seconds, Westgaard appears from off-camera.

"OK, you were right." JW chuckles, "She is cute when she's angry. But man, maybe you shouldn't have riled her like that? She could have had some good info on what Firechild's got planned for the match."

"Who?"

Westgaard laughs,

"Don't start that with me, man."

"Dude, I'm ready for Firechild. He can play his whack-job pyro stunts all he likes: I'm gonna go 100% in the ring just like always, and pin his ass 1-2-3." Cap slaps his hand like a ref counting on the mat. "Just like I'm going to do to Chris Alt this Sunday at the Pay Per View. Only $34.95 from all –"

"You did the PPV plug already, man."

"Oh. Sorry, I forgot."

[mooseheadjack]

(CTG is taking time in the abandoned gym to work out instead of playing on the Hardcore playground. LADDER is leaning aganist the wall watching)

CTG: Look, I know I dropped the ball against Canadian Dragon last week, but I'll take him this week

(LADDER doesn't look impressed)

CTG: 14.....15..... Are you going to watch from backstage or from the ramp?

(LADDER isn't sure so he doesn't respond)

CTG: 16....(oof)...17....(oof) how 'bout you and Sabu grab a seat near the ramp this time?

(LADDER needs to think about that)

CTG: 18......spot!

(LADDER watches CTG try to finish the set)

CTG: No, seriously, SPOT!

(LADDER is enjoying this)

CTG: ow...ow.... ow......

[mooseheadjack]

*** Phil pops his head in out of nowhere. ***

PH: YAR! It be talk like a pirate day! So ye best be talking yer best pirate-talk if ye be wantin' t'be in compliance with said 'oliday.

*** Phil fires up his jetpack and crashes through the ceiling, never to be seen again. ***

[mooseheadjack]

(Ecosystem is wearing an eyepatch and waving a fake hook.)

Ecosystem: Arrr! Apocalyptic Existence, you think you can stop me, matey? I'll swab the deck with you! I'll shiver your timbers! I'll push you foward three knots and have all my shipmates lean starboard so as to adjust our destination by three degrees longitude so as to avoid the figuartive iceberg of boring matches!!

ARRRR!!!!!

Petey the Parrot: AWWWK! That's Right!

[mooseheadjack]

*The Halfrican Americans are cutting a promo. No, really. Fly and Nayr are wearing throwback "University of Baghdad Alumni" jerseys.*

Nayr: OK, this is a message, in promo form, to the teams that we're facing in Baghdad for a tag team title shot at Hell on Earth. Got it? OK, yo and all that. Now I just have to say that-

Fly: Maybe I should do thizzay Nayrizzle. You seem a bit off yo gangsta gizzy lately.

Nayr: No, I'll do this. Listen up, youse guys, especially you jerks from the New and Original Classic Blackjacks 2000 and Drink and Destroy. Last week, we had a match- me and Fly & the New and Original Classic Blackjacks 2000 vs. Drink and Destroy and The Devil's Brigade. Well, in case y'all have forgotten, here's what happened.

*Nayr presses play on a TV set. A video of the Stay-Puff Marsmallow Man terrorizing the streets of New York (or wherever it is Ghostbusters is set in) comes on.*

Nayr: Damn! Let me cue this up... just a sec... OK, here.

*A video of the New and Original Classic Blackjacks 2000 and Drink and Destroy tossing Nayr around comes on.*

*The camera turns to Nayr, who is seething in anger. His left eye appears to be twitching.*

Nayr: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I have a question for you guys. Did it make you feel like big men, tossing me around like that? Because I have some news for you- Capslock, Stank, you're plenty big already.

Fly: Oh Snap!

Nayr: Yeah, that's right, yo. You guys are so fat that you need extra oversized belts even if you wear the belt under the belly bulge. And furthermore, Drink and Destroy- if that is your real name- the only drinking that will be going on after the match will be you guys drinking- drinking to relieve your sorrow over losing the match! Yes, I went there, you bunch of alcoholics.

Fly: The Team fizzy Down Unda, OK, you guys is sizzay of tough. Tough enough ta be men n cry brotha you lose tha mizzay in all flavas.


Nayr: Notice there's a bit of a pattern here. And the Devil's Brigade? Well, let's just say that even if they were the Devil's Fire Brigade they still couldn't find a fire to put out, if you catch my drift, yo.

*Fly evidently does, as he slaps Nayr on the back. Nayr continues, a bit flustered*

Nayr: And the Mierda Del Pollo Rudos- wait, wasn't that us?
Fly: Yeah R-to-tha-izzight. Not only that, but we drove tha humma, raised tha briefcase n is secretly Parvini n George Banks. Why would we ever C-to-tha-izzall ourselves Mierdo Des Pollos Rudos?

Nayr: Um, I could have sworn that- never mind. Look, at the end of thid week's Midweek Mayhem, or, as is more probable, somewhere in the middle, the match will be over and we will have earned that title shot. And after that, we will become repeat tag team champions at Hell on Earth. Got it? Good. Now, I-

Fly: Wizzy a minute. Im not miss'n this chance ta shizzow off mah own unique brand of pirate rapp'n. Nayr, lay me dizzy a beat.

Nayr: *Sighs* Fine, yo- I mean yar.

Fly: Yo ho ho n mah crazy ass sailas y'all think you be the brotha but y'all just be beginna.
I've sailed tha seven seas n gangsta ever seen
as many landlubbas- y'all is just green!
If you think you'll be winn'n tha match at mayhem,
T-H-to-tha-izzen let me shawty D-I-Double-Tizzy fizzy you wit dread!
I swear an oath on mah J-O-Double-Lizzy roger
That I'll beat y-aw, you old codgas.
Tha fat ones, tha hustlas and tha stupid ones too.
"-S-to-tha-izzuck mah cutlass" is what I be say'n ta you.
At this weeks Mayhem, wizzell have us some fun.
Yo ho ho n a bottle of rum!

[mooseheadjack]

Just as the Halfrican Americans are finishing their promo, THE CHICKENSHIT HEELS ATTACK!!!!

Attitude Adjuster and Johnny Adrenaline come flying in (well, AA kinda lumbers) with chairs, crushing both NAyr and Fly upside the head. Then they do the classic heel beatdown of kicking and stomping.

AA: That will teach you to forget about us in your promo!

As the beatdown cotinues, the Mierde del Pollo Rudos appear. One has a bloody fork and the other keeps shouting "Whooo!!!!" but we don't have a clue who they are. The Rudos help in the beatdown of Nayr and Fly.

JA: And now, let us introduce to you our new enforcer, Apocalyptic Existence! AE, give them the Big Boot!

AA and JA hold up Fly, and AE takes a running start and plants Fly with the Big Boot! He then grabs Nayr, picks him up in the air--VERTEBREAKER!

AA: Damn, I like the new guy. OK, AE, give them the Club O Doom!

AE: Huh?

AA: The Club O Doom! Come on, Club O Doom them!

AE: Huh?

AA gets flustered, then stands Fly up and gives him a half-assed Club O Doom.

AA: Like that!

JA: We really need to work on his promo abilities.

AA: I'm gonna go get me a sandwich. Who's coming?

MDPR #2: WHOOOOO!!!!!!!!

[mooseheadjack]

<Fresh off somehow being accepted as a member of OOWF by GM The Rick and using said facilities to become safely hygienic for working purposes, Voltage starts walking around the hallways with his multiple Indie Fed No.1 Contender contracts over his shoulder to show off his exploits. He passes a countrified fellow in the hallway.>

The Knife: Hello there, sir. I haven't met you before.

Voltage: You havent?

TK: No, sir. Pleased to meet you, I am The Knife.

V: The Knife, huh? You have quite the accent there, Mr Knife. Any relation to Switchblade?

TK: I have not heard of this Switchblade.

V: Can I cook you up some 'french fried potaters'?

TK: If you wouldn't mind, that would be excellent. Thank you for the offer!

[Voltage walks off, muttering 'crazy feds'...]

[mooseheadjack]

*The Aussies walk past the fallen bodies of the Halfricans*

OBJ: Did you understand what they were saying?

GB: Sorry mate. Not a clue.

OBJ: No worries. You can babelfish it later.

WBK: I'm more interested in that guy we saw with TCH. He looks like that Apocalyptic Existence guy, but they're calling him the Enforcer.

OBJ: You think he's Kevin Sullivan's brother Dave? I thought he retired.

WBK: Right. Let's find a bar.

[mooseheadjack]

The Knife is walking down the hall, and comes across the down and stunned Tommy Wilder....

Knife: Hey - are you OK, buddy? <Puts hand on chest and gives wilder a shake> Gee, what happened to you?

<Suddenly Tommy O'Neill and Sterling Glaw appear! The Ref counts 3!>

Referee Glaw: NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion - Hey, who the heck ARE you?

Knife: Me? I'm the Knife.....Pleased to meet you sir!

Glaw: Yeah, whatever.... let me get out of here... "NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION - KNIFE"

TO: Wha? NO! Ya Fekkin' Nancy boyo limp flitted excuse fo' a ref! I'm suppos' tae win the fekkin title!

Glaw: Sorry buddy....them's the breaks! <wanders off>

TO: <Spins to face The Knife> Yea! Ye fekkin indie-rope-ridin, fairy-winged, newbie FEKKER! Ye fekkin nikk'd me title!

Knife: I'm....sorry? But isn't it HIS title? <Points at Wilder>

TO: Nae anymore, ye wet behin' the eers fekkin yobo nancy! It's YOURS!

Knife: Well, THAT isn't right. Shouldn't I win it in the ring?

TO: Tha' aint how it fekkin' werks, ye fekkin' ayseed! Ye fekkin' pinned tha overcaffinated wanka, so ye get the belt!

Knife: Oh, but I wasn't TRYING to pin him! I mean, he was on the floor, out cold, and I was trying to see if he was OK... I think I better talk to the General Manager.....<starts to wander off>

TO: WhA? Are ye DAFT? Take yer' bleeding belt! It ain't like ye gonna be the fekkin' champ for fekkin' long!

Knife: Oh, I'm sure Mr. TheRick will be fair....Oh, can I ask you a question?

TO: <Confused> Huh? What?

Knife: Wasn't National Talk Like a Pirate Day yesterday?

TO: Wha? I always fekkin' talk like this ye sheep shaggin' fekkin, little fairy wanka!

Knife: Oh! So you're the wrestling pirate?

TO: What? NO!

Knife: OK, now I'm confused...Oh! One other thing...

TO: NOW WHAT?

Knife: What's Fekkin?