Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:30:19 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live From Haiku, Hawaii
THE DEAD vs. DAWG THE BOOTY HUNTER
Dawg comes to the ring first, he is the Hawaiian Wrestling Federation resident pimp. He is trailed by a bevy of island beauties as he dances to the ring. OOWF newcomer The Dead is out next, he walks to the ring and climbs between the ropes and just glares at Dawg as Dawg offers him the services of a couple of his ladies. The Dead just stares at him and doesn’t saw a word, so Dawg shrugs and sends the ladies out of the ring. When Dawg turns around, The Dead has a mic because even nOObs get mic time in the OOWF:
The Dead: Before getting into that ring tonight, The Dead wants to make one thing perfectly clear. The Dead isn't here to sign autographs for fans or make friends backstage. The Dead is here to win, plain and simple. From this moment on, everyone will see why the OOWF so desperately wanted to sign The Dead. You will see what true innovation is. Tonight, you are all witnesses.
The referee calls for the bell and the two lock up. Dead snaps off an arm drag, and both men spring right back to their feet. Dawg charges, but Dead sidesteps and drop toe holds Dawg onto the middle rope, then springs over the top rope and kicks Dawg in the face. Dawg bounces back into the center of the ring. Dawg gets to his feet and Dead springs into the ring and hits a flipping stunner that drops Dawg like a sack of bricks. Dead gets to his feet and waits for Dawg to get to his feet and grabs him, but Dawg rakes the eyes. As Dead staggers around the ring, Dawg hauls him up on his shoulders and hits a forward roll. Dawg pulls Dead to his feet and hauls him up in a vertical suplex and leaves him up there to think about it for a few minutes, then falls back to the mat. Dawg floats over and covers, but Dead kicks out at one. Dawg is up and plays to the crowd while waiting in the corner for Dead to get to his feet. As he does, Dawg charges, but Dead recovers and blasts him with the CTC! Dawg slumps to the mat, nearly out cold. Dead grabs his legs and locks on the Deathlock and Dawg quickly taps out.
WINNER in 3:19 – The Dead
THE E vs. CARL FROM FRESNO
Carl made the trip to the islands with the OOWF, unbeknownst to us. Carl wanders to the ring holding a sign that says WILL WRESTLE FOR FOOD. Good luck there Carl. He gets to the ring and waits in the corner, apparently asking the ref if he has anything to eat, so the ref gives him some crackers. How nice. The returning Eric O’Mac’s music plays and he comes out to the top of the ramp and strikes a pose for a moment while boos rain down on him. Eric corrects people, he is not to be called The E. Ok then. The E struts to the ring and climbs between the ropes and just stares at Carl for a moment. Finally he walks over to Carl and hands him a business card and makes the universal signal for “make the call.” We hear E say “Vince will love it, trust me.” Finally the referee calls for the bell and Carl appears to be a bit distracted with the card, so E charges in and hits a spinning heel kick that catches Carl on the side of the head sending him staggering into the corner. E kips back to his feet and charges in and tries a monkey flip, but Carl is too big to take out of the corner. Instead Carl just grabs E and sets him on the top rope and pats him on the top of the head. Carl turns to play to the crowd, and when he turns back to E, E leaps off the top rope and snaps Carl over with a hurracarana. Carl lands face down on the mat, and E charges to the ropes and springs off the middle rope and lands on Carl’s back, and immediately applies a chin lock, wrenching back on Carl’s head. E sells it like he is trying to twist Carl’s head off, Carl, not so much. Carl fights to his feet and buries a couple of knees into E’s midsection that sends E into the air. Carl whips E into the corner, and E hits the corner, flips over the ropes, runs down the apron, climbs the opposite corner (the whole time Carl is watching him fairly amused). E leaps off the ropes and Carl simply sticks a massive arm out and clotheslines him to the mat. E sells it like he has been shot and rolls out of the ring and falls to the floor to recover. E valiantly pulls himself to the apron and climbs between the ropes, Carl grabs him and slams him to the mat, then bounds off the ropes and tries an elbow drop, but E moves out of the way. Carl gets up and tries another, and misses again. This time E springs to his feet and ducks a clothesline attempt by Carl and hits a flying forearm, then pulls himself between the ropes and does the Shawn Michaels “I might be near death, but I can still climb the ropes” climb to the top rope, and hits the frog splash! The referee hits the mat, and E rolls Carl up and hooks both legs, one, two, THREE!
WINNER in 6:14 – The E
NERVE AGENT & BLOOD BATH vs. FIREWOMAN & HARDBODY HARRIS
Nerve Agent and Blood Bath make their way to the ring as reluctant partners. They climb between the ropes and Blood insists on starting the match, so Nerve lets him. Hardbody’s music hits and he heads to the top of the ramp, then turns so Firewoman can come out with him. The crowd cheers loudly for this pair of wrestlers. They make their way to the ring and it looks like Harris will start. The referee calls for the bell and Blood charges across the ring for Harris, but Harris side steps and shoves him to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with the TO BE EDITED IN LATER! Harris tags in Firewoman and she hits the FireDriver (Tiger Driver) and covers, one, two, three! This one is over!
WINNERS in 0:45 – Hardbody Harris & Firewoman
But this match was not over yet. One by one the OOWF superstars headed to the ring. The E is out first and hits the Smackdown on Blood, The Dead climbs between the ropes and hits Blood with a Van Deadinator, then Crete hits the Backwall, then Magnusson nails the Dream Street, Spin plants him with a spine buster, Los Def hit a spike piledriver, the Defenestrators throw him through a window, Phantos & Lucios hit the drop kick device, Blitz lands the Blitz Flip, SYB climbs into the ring and hits a swift kick to the nuts, followed by a big boot from AE. Donovan Viper takes his turn and nails the Death Elbow, Chris Alt hits the Spinal Contusion, LD Williams plants him with a DDT, Stank drops him with the Stank-U, Canadian Dragon nearly breaks his neck with a Canadian Destroyer, Capellan hits a 530 splash, Outback Jack climbs into the ring and hits the CHOMP, stealing a move from his former tag team partner, Firechild lands the DevilDriver, Knife waits for Blood to pull himself to his feet and nails him in the face with the STAB, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III pulls him up and lands the Greetings From Pacific Heights, Seamus McNasty climbs in the ring and just drops Blood with a straight right, JW Westgaard grabs Blood and hits the Ice Auger, Rabbxt pulls the bloodied and battered Blood to his feet and hits a SSP, Davin Moreland climbs in, waits, then drops him with a REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER, and as soon as he hits that, Ryan Hardcore soars in and lands a money shot. Finally Moosehead Jack rolls into the ring and pulls Blood to his feet and throws him out of the ring, then slams him in the head with a barbed wire wrapped fist and drags him by the head out of the arena, pausing to slam him in the head every so often. The OOWF contingent of wrestlers follows him out of the arena, and Moose rolls Blood onto the back of a flatbed semi. Jack hits a heart punch, then plants him on the bed of the semi, and looks up and nods then moves out of the way. From the top of a near by semi, The Nerves Agent leaps and lands an 810 splash on the prone Blood Bath. Nerve Agent rolls off the bed of the truck and Moose gives the signal and the truck pulls out of the lot and heads down the highway.
SEAMUS MCNASTY vs. JW WESTGAARD
This one is not going to be a scientific marvel that’s for sure. Westgaard is announced first and he comes to the ring and waits. Seamus McNasty comes out next and makes his way down the ramp to the ring completely focused on Westgaard. Seamus and JWW meet in the center of the ring and eye each other for a moment, then without a word being spoken between the two of them, the fists start flying. Back and forth they hammer each other, the referee is standing staring with his jaw hanging open instead of trying to break it up. JWW winds up for a haymaker but Seamus ducks it and clotheslines them both over the top rope to the floor. They both land on their feet and the fight continues. JWW catches Seamus with a knee to the midsection and whips him into the guardrail. Westgaard charges, but Seamus back drops him over the guardrail. Once again Westgaard lands on his feet and grabs Seamus and delivers a reverse suplex onto the concrete floor. Westgaard is up first and throws a chair onto Seamus back. Seamus is slow to get to his feet and when he does blood is pouring from his nose. Westgaard climbs over the barricade and is rummaging under the ring. He comes out with his hockey stick, but Seamus gets a running start and springs on top of the barricade, then leaps and catches Westgaard in the head with a forearm that sends JWW slamming into the steel ring post. Westgaard is holding the back of his head, and when he takes it away we see that it is bloody. Seamus rolls Westgaard into the ring, but Westgaard gets to his feet right away and jabs Seamus in the eyes. Westgaard hits the ropes and takes Seamus to the mat with a clothesline, and we see blood soaking the back of Westgaard’s hockey jersey. Undaunted, Westgaard waits for Seamus to get to his feet, and then nails him with the Cross check! The force sends Seamus out of the ring to the floor. Westgaard steps out of the ring and waits on the apron for Seamus to get to his feet, when he does he leaps, but Seamus side steps him and Westgaard slams to the floor. Seamus sits on his back and pulls Westgaard’s head back and slams him across the face with several cross faces then lets Westgaard’s head go to slam into the floor. Seamus rolls Westgaard under the bottom rope and climbs back into the ring and covers, but only gets a two count. Seamus sets Westgaard on the top rope, but Westgaard gets in a couple of elbow smashes between the eyes, then drops Seamus with a tornado DDT out of the corner. Westgaard covers, but Seamus kicks out at two. Both men get to their feet, bloody messes, Westgaard swings wildly and Seamus ducks and drops him with a neck breaker, another cover, another two count. Seamus pulls Westgaard up and tries a slam, but Westgaard slips over his shoulder. JWW tries a whip to the ropes, but Seamus reverses it and catches him in the Black and Tan on the rebound! Westgaard tries to make it to the ropes, but he can’t and is forced to tap.
WINNER in 14:44 – Seamus McNasty
CANADIAN DRAGON vs. CAPELLAN
The bell goes and we get OMG-WORKRATE! chain wrestling to begin. Capellan comes up with a wristlock. CD slips out. Leg sweep! But Cap rolls through and clamps the wristlock on again. Series of standing reversals, smooth and crisp, ends with Cap still hanging onto the wrist. CD finally tires of all this fancy dancy stuff and forearms Cap in the face. Capellan tumbles onto his back. CD goes for a stomp, but Cap rolls away and kips up. He's grinning slightly, like he thinks getting flattened was a good thing. Or maybe he just likes that he got under Dragon's skin. He's never been too bright. Lock-up. Struggle for control. Dragon hooks the head and tries to get Cap up for a suplex, but Cap fights it off with knees to the head, and then hits a standing drop kick to the shoulder. CD winces, then uppercuts Cap with the other arm. Cap responds with a slap to the face. CD looks for another uppercut, but Capellan sees it coming, ducks, and bars the arm. CD to the ropes to break it, and we get a clean break: Cap still grinning, CD looking annoyed. Dragon much more aggressive now, coming in a series of hard kicks to Cap's thighs, trying to take the quicker man's speed away. Back and forth action as each man targets a body part – Cap on Dragon's arm, CD on Cap's leg. Finally Cap's just a little too slow: CD slips behind and locks in the full nelson – DRAGON SUPLEX~! Cap bounces face first off the mat, HARD, but the sheer impact causes him to slide out under the bottom rope. CD hops out onto the apron, prepping for a running crossbody ... Cap slowly to his feet. CD launches himself! CAP DROPKICKS HIM OUT OF THE AIR~! Both men down in a tangle of limbs. Slow count to eight from the ref before the two are on their feet. A glance at each other, and they slide in at nine. It's nothing pretty now: just two men slugging it out with fists, forearms and chops in the middle of the ring. CD would normally have the edge in power, but Cap's earlier work on his arm is telling – especially when CD temporarily forgets himself and strikes with the injured limb. Cap seizes on the slight wince and hesitation that follows, hammering the arm with blows, then forcing CD to the mat to drop the leg on the exposed elbow. CD curses and starts to roll to his feet – and Cap kicks him right in the face! Dragon's stunned and on his back. Cap scampers up the turnbuckle .... DOUBLESTOMP to the arm! Dragon flops about like RVD after a frog splash. Cap comes in to grab him – and CD hooks a schoolboy rollup! 1! 2! Cap kicks out at 2.5! Both men to their feet, and Dragon taps the side of his head while Cap takes a couple of deep breaths at his close escape. Both men in cautiously ... Cap hooks the head for the DDT. Reversal by Dragon, but Cap worms out – and ANOTHER reversal by CD sees Cap caught in the Dragon Sleeper! CD screams at Cap to give as the smaller man's face starts to purple, but he's got the hold locked in with his weakened arm. Cap hammers at the elbow with a fist and finally forces the break. He slides behind CD, grabs both arms ... DOUBLE CHICKENWING! Dragon struggles, looking for the ropes, but he's trapped in the middle of the ring and every move is met by Cap yanking hard on his arms. Cap bears down on the arms, forcing CD face-first to the mat ... and then bridges over! Because an American Dragon beats a Canadian one any day! The ref's asking the question! Dragon's fighting! But there's nowhere to go! The ref asks again. CD's hand quivers! Will he give? Will he? ... and the bell goes for the 20-minute time limit!
WINNER - Time Limit Draw at 20:00.
DEFENESTRATORS vs. PHANTOS & LUCIOS vs. APOCALYPTIC BASTARDS vs. RABBXT & BLITZ
Each team makes it’s entrance and claims a corner of the ring to wait in. referee Angelo Barros points to Blitz and SYB, indicating they are to begin the match, when General Manager the Rick’s Music fires up and he appears on the top of the ramp, accompanied by Erlana, holding her Iron Man Title. (How DID she win that title, anyway)
“Gentlemen, I have decided to change this match. It will still be a four team match, but now it will be a Four Corners Elimination Match. If your partner is eliminated, you are gone too. Elimination can be via Pinfall, Submission, Disqualification or Countout. And finally, the man who makes the decisive elimination will be crowned the NEW IRON MAN CHAMPION.”
Barros calls for the bell, and we are underway. SYB charges in at Blitz and pounds away. Blitz ducks a left hook and sends SYB sprawling into his corner. AE slaps his partners back and enters the ring. Blitz greets him with a dropkick. He follows up with clothesline and a running high knee. AE rolls into a corner and reaches up. Ecosystem and Voltage look at each other and both men turn their backs on AE. Blitz uses the pause to rev up and charges in with a huge spear! He drags AE to the center of the ring and tags in Rabbxt. Rabbxt mounts the top rope and flies off, connecting with a high, arcing moonsault. His cover nets only a two-count, as SYB is in to break up the pin. SYB hurls Rabbxt into another corner, where Lucios tags himself in. Angelo Barros is busy getting SYB out of the ring, so Phantos joins the fray, and Team Aquafina double teams AE in their corner. Lucios overpowers AE for a few minutes, with a side slam, stiff clothesline, gorilla press slam, snap suplex and a Border toss. He grabs AE and slings him into the Defenstrator corner, where AE desperately reaches out and makes contact with Voltage’s arm. Voltage and Eco argue loudly with Barros that there was no tag, but the referee forces Volt in or face immediate disqualification and elimination. Voltage comes in and is met with a HUGE dropkick from the 300 pound masked man! He tags in Phantos and he connects with a dropkick. As Volt staggers to his feet, Phantos hit a him with a second dropkick. Volt stays down, so Phantos hits the ropes and hits him with a baseball slide dropkick, sending Voltage out of the ring. Eco charges at Phantos immediately and is tossed out on top of his partner. Rabbxt and Blitz are quickly up top and they dive down with stereo planchas on the helpless Defenstrators. Barros backs up Phantos and Lucios and begins to count Voltage out of the ring. Both Defenstrators hit their feet at 4, and Voltage starts to climb back in the ring, but Ecosystem drags him down and is heard whispering something about ‘saving it for their title match.’ Voltage nods and the #1 contenders start to walk up the ramp as Barros reaches 10! The Defenstrators are Eliminated! Phantos raises his arms in triumph, turns his attention to the ring and is met with a slap to the face from Rabbxt. Rabb fires away with a series of fists and chops, backing Phantos into the abandoned corner and DDT’s him to the ground. Rabb climbs the buckle and sets up for a Shooting Star Press. He flips, But Phantos rolls out of the way and charges into AE in the next corner. Barros calls it a tag and orders him into the ring. AE wearily climbs in, only to be knocked out by a dropkick. Rabbxt slingshots himself onto AE, and Blitz and SYB enter the fray on the floor. Barros begins to count, and SYB throws his partner in at 6, while Blitz slaps Rabbxt to get his attention, he points to Barros, who has reached 9, and Rabb slides in under the rope just nanosecond before the 10 count. Rabb sliding in gives AE the advantage, and the veteran stomps away at the newcomer. SYB gets tagged in, and he hurls Rabb into his own corner. Blitz tags himself in, and he and SYB lock up. Blitz gets the upper hand with a headlock, which is reversed into a hammerlock. SYB points to his head, trying to indicate his superior brainpower, but that pause allows Blitz to duck under and reverse into a hammerlock of his own. Blitz clubs SYB in the back of the head and send him sprawling into the P & L corner.
Phantos enters and charges at Blitz, backing him into the neutral corner. Phantos hoists Blitz onto the top turnbuckle, and climbs up and begins peppering him with rights and lefts. With the crowd chanting along, Phantos hits 9, pauses, hits 10, drops down to his feet, elbows Blitz in the gut and climbs to the top turnbuckle with him, hitting a Top Rope Franken Steiner! As they land though, Blitz rolls forward and catches Phantos in a Sunset Flip, Barros is in Perfect position to make the 1, 2, & 3! Phantos and Lucios are Eliminated! SYB Charges in and is decked with a clothesline. AE enters and eats a dropkick from Blitz and tumbles to the outside. Rabbxt runs along the apron and dives on AE, sending him into the announce desk. Back in the ring, Blitz is peppering SYB with chops in a corner. SYB fights back, hitting a backdrop and scoop slam. SYB gestures to the crowd that he is ready for the Jersey Turnpike! Blitz blocks the kick and grabs SYB, but SYB gets in a low blow. SYB sets Blitz up for a power bomb, and everyone knows what’s coming next. Blitz reverses it into the You Can’t Power Bomb Kidman Face Buster. He hoists SYB onto his shoulders and hits a standing Lambeau Leap on SYB, landing him right in front of his partner’s corner, Rabbxt tags in, climbs the top and executes a Perfect 450 Splash and earns an academic 1,2,3!
Winners: Rabbxt and Blitz! Your new Iron Man Champion, Rabbxt!
Erlana appears at the top of the ramp and walks down to the ring. She enters the ring and hands Rabbxt the belt. Suddenly, GM the Rick’s voice is heard in the arena. Rabbxt turns to the Big screen and sees the Boss in his office.
“Congratulations Rabbit, you are now the Iron Man Champion. Just remember, That title is defended 24/7. Better watch your back, Buddy.”
Rabbxt turns around and sees Firewoman standing in the ring. She reaches out to shake Rabbxt’s hand, but kicks him in the balls instead. A quick Double-arm DDT and she is covering Rabbxt for 1,2,3! The announcer grabs his microphone and proclaims “The New Iron Ma..(stammers, seeing Firewoman’s angry glare) The New Iron Person Champion, Firewoman!
DONOVAN VIPER vs. CHRIS ALT
Mel Creech is YOUR referee!
Chris Alt is introduced first, accompanied to the ring by fellow BFF Hardbody Harris, who is heavily taped and noticeably limping from last week’s match. The crowd is HYPED and on their feet as the 2 BIGGEST FACES IN THE OOWF~! play to the crowd, slapping hands and gesturing. They do a “volume check” on the crowd for a second until… “Angry Chair” fires up, and a seriously pissed off looking Donovan Viper makes his way to the ring area, joined by his fellow LOADED members: Lance, El Voltage, La Ecosistema and of course FFMacCappington III, the four surround the ring, and Harris looks like a lamb being led to the slaughter on the outside as well. Alt and Viper stare each other down, as Creech calls for the bell. Collar and Elbow tie-up to start, stalemate, finally Viper gains the advantage, powering Alt into the corner. Creech lazily calls for the break, and Viper obliges initially, but then quickly delivers a sucker punch to the gut of Alt, allowing Viper to get the upper hand. A couple clubbing blows to the back of Alt’s head forces him to the mat, and Donnie decides to try to end this quickly, and attempts the VIPER LOCK. Alt manages to prevent Viper from locking it in, and gets to the ropes, forcing the break. This time, Viper doesn’t break clean and stomps away over and over on the back of Alt’s head and shoulders, ending up with the old rope choke, bludgeoning Alt along the way. Creech finally calls for the break, and Viper pulls off and decides to taunt the crowd and Harris as well for a bit. Viper, satisfied that he pissed enough people, pulls up a limp and winded Alt, and applies the…oh no…ABDOMINAL STRETCH! Harris starts slapping the apron, and the crowd claps along, Alt begins to fire up. A couple of elbow to the gut, and finally one to the head gets Alt free. Seizing on his opportunity, Alt runs the ropes, and hits a BIG CLOTHESLINE, taking Viper down. Alt runs the ropes again, and as Viper gets to his knees, hits a BASEMENT DROPKICK. Viper is in BIG TROUBLE! Lance hops up on the apron, and distracts Creech by jingling his keys, as he is memorized by the shiny. This allows MacCappington to blast Harris over the head with the Claymore Hilt, and Los Def to run in and hit a Double Side Russian Leg Sweep (which I GUESS is supposed to hurt more than a regular one). Alt has nearly bought the farm. Viper runs over to cover, and Lance puts his keys away. Apparently, the payment to Creech was late, because he’s slow to react, and Alt kicks out at 2, causing Viper to slap the mat in frustration. Viper, already pissy, decides enough is enough, and rabbit punches Alt a few more times, making the already woozy Alt even more so. Viper walks over to Creech, and points to the sky. While Creech is searching for nothing in the rafters, Viper wraps his chain around his elbow and starts to climb the turnbuckle. Uh oh. Donnie gestures to the crowd and CONNECTS with a CHAIN ASSISTED DEATH ELBOW~! Alt’s face is now a bloody mess. Viper pulls Creech out of his trance, and covers, hooking both legs, 1-2-NO! 2 9/10ths, ALT KICKED OUT~! Crowd is going batshit, as Harris manages to get to his feet and starts to slap the apron again. Viper pulls Alt to his feet, and tosses him to the ropes, whiffs on a clothesline, turns around and eats a FLYING BURRITO! Both men down, and Creech eventually starts the count. We get to 6, and Alt is up first. Donnie gets to his feet just in time to eat a sweet Spear into the turnbuckle. Alt is sporting the Crimson Mask as he seats Viper on the top turnbuckle. He climbs up as well, and starts the TEN PUNCH! Before the 10th punch, Alt does the full windmill windup before launching it. Viper’s head is hanging as Alt looks to take control and tries to set Viper up for a SUPERPLEX! He pulls Viper to an upright position, and tries for it…blocked. Tries again…blocked. Tries again…blocked, and Viper shoves the bloody Alt to the mat, as he writhes in pain, holding his head. A loopy Viper sees his opportunity, and flies off the top turnbuckle with ANOTHER CHAIN ASSISTED DEATH ELBOW~! But…HE MISSES! ALT ROLLED OUT OF THE WAY! BAH GAWD! Both men down again, prompting another count, this time Viper is to his feet first, and rushes over to Alt, only to his knees, and takes repeated punches to the gut for his trouble. Alt gets the upper hand and shoves Viper into the ropes, catches him and HITS THE SPINAL CONTUSION~! Does he have enough? Harris limps to the other side of the ring area to distract LOADED. Alt is crawling over to Viper and COVERS! ONE, TWO, THR…NO!!!! Viper kicked out just in time! The still-bloodied Alt looks frustrated, but continues on, and whips Viper into the ropes and LOCKS ON THE DRAGON SLEEPER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING~! Haven’t seen that in a while. This looks very bad for Viper. Donnie drops to his knees, as his head droops. MacCappington hops to the apron, waving a handful of $20s in Creech’s direction. He moves faster than he has the whole match to get them, allowing El Voltage to run in and hit the BLATANT LOW BLOW~! Alt rolls around in pain, and Creech, well, didn’t see it. Both men down again, but before Creech can be bothered to start a count, Viper, with a burst of energy, bounces up, pulls Alt onto his shoulders and GO. 2. SLEEP. Alt is dead, and the count is academic.
WINNER in 17:28 – Donovan Viper
OUTBACK JACK & FIRECHILD vs. KNIFE & F FONZWORTH MACCAPPINGTON III
OBJ & Firechild enter first, with OBJ hitting the corners and belching into the mike, as a sore looking Firechild makes his way more sedately into the ring. OBJ follows up the huge belch with "and thats Australian for COME GET SOME!" He points at Firechild, who shrugs and steps under the ropes. OBJ laughs and continues, "I guess thats Scots for I'm too pissed off to have a lau..." OBJ gets chop blocked by the Knife who has appeared from under the ring and slid in. The referee rings the bell, as MacCappington appears at the top of the ramp, and holding his back in pain is helped to the ring by Lance. Knife kips up as Jack hits himself in the face with the mike on the way down, but Knife comes off the ropes and hits a stiff kick to Jack's head as he rolls over. Knife stalks Jack as he groggily gets to his feet and Knife winds up a Slash, although aimed at the side of Jack's head. Jack grabs his leg as it comes round, and swings him round in a dragon screw, and rolls over and slaps on the Croc Hunter! Knife is in trouble, but the referee is distracted as Lance and MacCappington step into the ring. Firechild won't stand for that of course, and jumps into the ring (wincing as he hits the mat) and charges across the ring and as MacCappington steps out of the ring, he grabs Lance and rams him face first into the turnbuckle with a hellacious bulldog! Firechild grabs the ref and tries to direct his attention to the Knife who is feebly tapping, but the ref shouts at him to get out of the ring. Firechild shouts 'fine' and steps outside the ring, and stands back. However on the other side of the ring FFM3 grabs OBJ and pulls him off of Knife and onto the outside. OBJ is pissed and rallies quickly making MacCappington give ground, and Firechild makes his way around the ring, and as OBJ rocks FFM3 with a left, Firechild grabs him in a half nelson. OBJ winds up a huge right hand but FFM3 drops and it takes Firechild right between the eyes! OBJ shrugs and goes to nail the now-kneeling MacCappington, but instead folds in half himself as Knife smashes him in the back with a chair! The referee is oblivious as he tends to the 'injured' Lance in the corner of the ring, and helps FFm3 lift OBJ up for a Och-Aye-The-Noo-Fae-Edinboro onto the downed steel chair! Knife rolls back in, as FFm3 rolls OBJ in and Knife flops over as Lance miraculously recovers allowing the referee to count the 1-2 NO! Firechild slides into the ring and nails Knife with a dropkick to the face! He follows up, dragghin Knife upright and drops him with a DevilDriver and drags Jack over. However the referee shouts at Firechild to get out of the ring, and as he does so, FFM3 claps his hands as Lance drags Knife out of the ring. FFM3 flops over Jack for the cover, and the referee turns to count but Firechild ignores his orders to leave the ring and drags FFM3 off of Jack. He headbutts MacCappington, and goes for a Wings of the Phoenix, but can't lift FFM3 cause of his injured ribs. MacCappington reverses it into a Vertebreaker, but Firechild rolls through and covers - but there is no count as he isn't the legal man! However, Jack is back up and grabs MacCappington, and hooks him for a double arm DDT. Jack then slaps on the Croc Hunter as the referee looks for the submission. At that point, Firechild is dragged off the apron, by the sneaking Lance - knocking his face off the apron and getting dazed. Knife runs around the ring and lays Firechild low with a Slash. Firechild gets propped against the ring apron, as Lance drags the referee away from Jack and FFM3. The referee rounds angrily, seeing Firechild there and starts screaming at him. Jack releases the hold, looking confused and sees Firechild being screamed at by the referee. At that point, Knife slides into the ring, and as Jack tuns back to FFM3, he gets planted between the eyes with a Stab Superkick! Jack topples, and FFM3 rolls an arm over for the 1-2-3 as the referee realizes that Firechild is out cold!
WINNERS via pin fall in 8:12 are the Knife and F. Fonzworth MacCappington III.
After the match, Jack is disgusted and storms off as Lance rolls a groggy Firechild into the ring. They prop him upright and Knife lays him out with a Stab, then FFM3 gives him some money, and he saunters off. FFM3 gets the mike, and sits on the slightly buckled chair, that Lance has placed over Firechild's throat.
FFM3 - "Firechild, fer a grown loon, yer gae stupit. Ye let me fine approximation of yer backweard, glaikit dialect and folkways get ye all flustered and sideways thinken, when ye shidda been aimin for the hert o' the matter. Money Talks. And Might Makes Right. You see, the GM responded favorably to my generous donation to his favorite charity - Daytonians Against FruiT in Drinks (DAFt) and has allowed me to pick the stipulations for our next match - which is, as of now, going to be a ladder match, with the thing I love most and the thing you most want to take from me at the top. That's right, the rights to all my financial assets are on the line in this match, but also if I win, then I get a contract for you to be my indentured servant. Heres your chance to break me, to send me homeward to think again. But you know you can't do it, because you know im better than you. I'm bigger, richer and more successful. You can't measure up to me 'Child, and as of next week, everyone will know it!"
Crete is in the back warming up, just about to head to the ring for his match against Moose when his cell phone rings. He's wearing his Bluetooth so he answers it so he can keep training)
CTG: Hello?
??: ...Taka.
CTG: (stops) Kinkari?
??: Will you stop calling me that? I've got enough nicknames, man,
CTG: well, it means "Golden Hunter", I thought it was appropriate. This is a rather unexpected call.
HHH: Not from what I've heard. you've had a couple of guys talking to you about coming up here. Just say the word and I can get you here. Front door. Main event.
CTG: I'd like to win the rumble - or the Elimination chamber, if you're having that at No Way Out.
HHH: I've got pull, but that's pretty short notice. I'll be in touch
CONCRETE TG vs. MOOSEHEAD JACK
Mel Creech is YOUR referee!
Moose enters first, smirking to himself as he flops in the corner. CTG is absently slapping hands and looking at Moose, but even then Moose knows his opponent is distracted. Slow circle to start, Moose smirking to himself as they lock up. Crete gets the early advantage and pushes Moose to the corner. Mel calls for the break and gets one, but before CTG backs away Moose slaps him! CTG steps up for a chop but Mel backs him away again. Moose follows the ropes and dares Crete to close in. Mel keeps Crete at bay and Moose slinks along the ropes, silently taunting Crete. The moment Moose steps clear of the ropes Crete clotheslines him near out of his boots. Crete mounts Moose and lays in the punches and Mel has to drag him off Moose. Moose takes a moment to get up and the two start to circle again. Lockup, Moose with the advantage this time with an arm wringer. He then steps around Crete and grabs the other arm, cross-arms Crete and forces him to his knees. Mel checks on Crete who shakes his head no. Moose pulls harder, nearly bending Crete over his knee the wrong way, but Crete still says no. Crowd starts to rally Crete, and he forces his body forward. Moose tries to pull back but Crete somehow gathers the leverage to flip Moose over his head. Crete gets his hands free a covers for a surprise two count. Moose back up quickly, Crete to a knee as Moose charges, missing the clothesline but getting Crete with a double forearm to the back on the rebound. Crete rolls to his feet only to get clothes lined out of the ring. Crete slides back in just as Moose's feet hit the floor, but before Moose can counter he's pounced with a SUPER HERO CROSS BODY TO THE FLOOR! Crowd shouts "Holy Shit!" as the two roll into the barricades. Mel starts the ten count but doesn't seem to be too into it (no weapons, how boring!). Crete to his feet after a moment, laying the boots into Moose. MHJ grabs CTG by the boot and bites him on the ankle! Crete staggers away and hops about, as the boot is actually torn! Moose takes advantage and kicks the back of that same knee, staggering him further. Moose slings Crete toward the STEEL steps and our hero takes a tumble. Moose rounds the corner in time to find Crete sprawled against the Portugese announce table. Moose gathers Crete and plunks him down across the TXTer announce table and warns them to back up. In their frantic attempt to tell their audience of their sudden plight Moose manages a picture-perfect splash on Crete and the TXTer announcers! Their handhelds go flying and two lucky fans are now hired on as the new announcers! Moose beats up the old announcers and is about to reach for Crete when someone leaps out of the crowd and lands a FLYING SEATED SENTON on Moose! OMG! IT'S REY MYSTERIO! He salutes the crowd and helps Crete up so that he can get Moose off the floor. Meanwhile, Mel is at "3". Crete shakes out the cobwebs as Rey skidaddles into the crowd, followed by a throng of 9-year olds. Crete gathers the slightly bloodied Moose and the two start brawling all over again. Mel asks if they're going to get into the ring at all, but they're too busy brawling, trading blows around the ring and halfway up the ramp before Mel blows em both off and calls for the bell.
WINNER in 17:19 - DOUBLE COUNTOUT
Moose and Crete brawl to the back, where the Invisible Ninja cameraman follows them. The other referees stand back and watch the brawl - even Glaw, who is ordered to back up by security - and the two end up destroying a good stretch of backstage before being cornered in an empty locker room and separated by security.
DAVIN MORELAND vs. RYAN HARDCORE - OOWF Onslaught Championship I Quit Match
Ryan Hardcore comes to the ring flanked by Lauren Phoenix and the rest of LOADED. He stands leaning on the corner while she drops to her knees in front of him. Before we can cross the line, Davin Moreland is announced and he comes out flanked by the rest of Run DLP. By the time Moreland gets to the ring there are entirely too many people at ringside, so he clears the ringside area of everyone except Lauren Phoenix. Donovan Viper walks off non-plussed, Los Def and MacCappington complain about being sent to the back. On the other side of the ring, Phantos and Lucios bump knuckles with Moreland and head to the back themselves. Finally the referee takes the Onslaught title and this one is under way. Hardcore charges to the center of the ring and catches Moreland with a kick right to the family jewels that drops him in his tracks. Hardcore pounces on Moreland and hammers him with kicks to the face and chest. He pulls Davin to his feet and runs him into the corner shoulder first. Davin falls to the mat clutching at his shoulder while Hardcore climbs to the top rope. As Moreland gets back to his feet, Hardcore leaps and catches Moreland with a knee right across the collar bone that sends Davin back to the mat. Hardcore immediately pounces on Moreland and locks him in a chicken wing and tries to get the submission, but Moreland makes it to the ropes to force the break, but since this is an I Quit match, there are no rope breaks, so Davin lunges and falls between the ropes to the floor. As they crash to the floor, Davin lands on his shoulder, a gasp of pain escapes from him. Hardcore isn’t quite as lucky, landing on the floor head first. As both men struggle to get back up, we see Hardcore has a nasty lump on his head where he hit the floor, which might as well be a target for Moreland. Davin ducks a wild swing by Hardcore and hammers at the lump repeatedly, until it opens up and Hardcore is gushing blood. Hardcore tries to put up a fight but he appears to be a bit wobbly on his feet and is throwing wild haymakers that Moreland is easily ducking. Finally Moreland ducks another wild swing and catches Hardcore with a clothesline. Moreland rolls Hardcore into the ring, and to his credit Hardcore is right to his feet, but he slumps into the corner with his fists up. Moreland moves in slowly and picks his spots, beating Hardcore mercilessly with bear like clubbing shots to the side of the head. Finally Moreland goes in for the kill, but Hardcore gets a rake to the eyes, and finally gets some offense in, nailing Moreland with several stiff shots to the jaw, one shot splits Moreland’s lip sending blood running down his chin. Hardcore hesitates a moment too long and Moreland blasts him in the back of the head with an enzuguri. Hardcore hits the mat and immediately begins to convulse. Moreland and the referee look at each other unsure of what to do next, so Moreland pounces and locks Hardcore in a rear naked choke hold. The referee wastes no time in calling for the bell and makes the dreaded X sign. Officials rush to the ring as Moreland rolls under the bottom rope and grabs his title and heads to the back.
WINNER in 9:17 – Davin Moreland
LOS DEFENESTRATORS vs. DH MAGNUSSON & SPIN HANSEN – OOWF World Tag Team Title Match
DH Magnusson and Spin Hansen enter first. They pace the ring as Los Defenestrators make their way down the aisle. Los Def pause at ringside, shed the belts, and dive under the ropes. Spin and DH pounce, but Los Def dodge, hitting the opposite ropes and nailing Spin and DH with stereo dropkicks. Both Spin and DH fall against the ropes, and Los Def clothesline DH to the outside, then dropkick Spin to the floor as well. As Spin and DC start to get up, Los Def hit the opposite ropes, springboard off the top rope – and get destroyed by stereo spine busters on the floor! Referee Angelo Barros starts the count, and Spin and DH scrape Los Def off the floor and stuff them back in the ring. DH goes to his corner, and Ecosistema crawls to his, leaving Spin and El Voltaje in the ring. Spin goes on the attack, hammering Volt from pillar to post. An Irish whip followed by a spear leaves Volt for dead, and Spin drags him to the corner and tags DH. They whip Volt to the ropes, not noticing Eco making a blind tag. Spin and DH level Volt with a flapjack, and look up in time to be caught by a double springboard clothesline from Eco. Eco rolls to his feet and peppers DH with punches, keeping him off balance. Spin moves to intervene, but Volt crawls in his way, tripping him up. Spin disentangles himself and pitches Volt over the ropes, following him to the outside. DH reverses an Irish whip from Eco and follows him in with a clothesline, but Eco sidesteps and DH hits the corner hard. He stumbles back and Eco catches him with a belly-to-back suplex, then comes off the ropes with a leg drop. DH powers out of a pin fall attempt. Both men get to their feet and Eco moves in. He gets some shots in, until DH catches a punch and pulls Eco forward, lifting him onto his shoulders and planting him with a Samoan Drop. DH hooks the leg and gets two. He picks Eco up and goes to town with punches and kicks, backing him into the ropes. He picks Eco up for a suplex, then turns it into a Jackhammer. Volt, having broken free of Spin, dives into the ring to make the save. Spin slides into the ring as well, and the bigger men gain the advantage, depositing Volt to the outside and attacking Eco. They attempt a tandem suplex, but Volt is in from behind, catching both Spin and DH with chop blocks. They go down, and Eco ends up on the floor. Volt stomps on both of his opponents, trying to keep them off balance as his partner recovers.
Eco gets to his knees and, seeing his partner in the ring, reaches under the apron – and pulls out a window! He slides it into the ring, then slides in himself. He tries to set the window up, but ends up arguing with Barros. This distracts Volt, and allows Spin to catch him with a right hand. They exchange blows and DH lunges at Eco. DH, Eco, Barros, and the window go down in a pile. Spin throws Volt to the ropes and goes for a clothesline, but Volt ducks, coming back with a high knee that staggers Spin. Volt springs to the middle rope, and catches Spin with a bulldog. He covers, but there’s no ref, and Spin throws him off. They face off, but DH manages to hook Volt’s leg, pulling him off balance. Volt stumbles forward into an overhead release suplex. Spin helps DH up, and they pick up Eco, who manages a sickening low blow to Spin on the way up. Eco catches DH with a kick to the midsection and is in mid DDT as the bell rings.
WINNER - No Contest in 21:32.
STANK vs. LD WILLIAMS – OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match
Williams talks some shit at the bell and shoves Stank... but Stank shoves him right back, and LDW tumbles across the ring and bails to the floor. Williams cautiously walks up the steps and steps back in. They lock up, and Stank easily backs Williams into a corner. Referee Glaw asks for the break and he gets one, both guys yapping back at each other. Another lockup, and LDW drops to the leg and tries a takedown. Williams finally is able to get Stank off balance and get him down. But before LDW can apply any sort of offense, Stank rolls thru and shoves him away. Williams jumps back on him before Stank can get up. LDW tries a cobra clutch, but Stank gets to his feet and drives Williams back to the turnbuckle to break the hold. Stank clotheslines Williams in the corner, and LDW sells it like a missile hit him, bouncing down to the mat and then out thru the ropes. Stank follows out and stalks him. Williams turns around and gets floored by a right hand. Stank drags him up, only to deck him again. One more time, but LDW goes to the eyes this time, rolls in to break the count, and comes right back out. Williams kicks the knee, but Stank uses his reach to grab LDW and slam his face into the apron. Stank tries to send Williams to the post, but LDW elbows away from him. Williams tries to return the favor, but Stank grabs his wrist, wrings the arm and brings him back in for a fireman's carry. STANK-U~! But Williams falls off the back and drives Stank sternum first into the apron, and then into the ring steps! Stank's hurt and Williams rolls him in and covers for two. LDW stomps the stomach, then drops some knees. Weird variation of an abdominal stretch on the mat, and Stank makes the ropes. LDW stays on the ribs with some standing knees and manages a gut buster on the big man. That gets two. Irish whip, but Stank reverses. Spinebuster, but Stank's ribs hurt too bad to slam him, and Williams floats right down to a DDT! One, two, but Stank kicks out. Back up, and Williams goes to the classic abdominal stretch, grabbing the ropes of course for leverage. Glaw finally catches him and he and LDW jaw back and forth , allowing Stank to twist around and take down Willaism with a CROSSFACE~! Williams is in trouble, but manages to elbow Stank in the ribs to break the hold. Williams looks for the STF, but Stank kicks him away. Stank struggles to his feet, and as Glaw checks him, Williams unties the turnbuckle pad. Williams goes after Stank, but Stank kicks him in the gut. And again. Butterfly suplex by Stank, and that hurts the ribs. Stank tries to fight it off and stays on the attack. Hotshot and Williams with a nice oversell. Stank looks for the STANK-U again, but Williams grabs the top rope to block. Stank simply flips him over and out, but LDW lands on the apron. Williams goes to the top, but Stank POWERSLAMS the shit out of him on the way down. LDW is DEAD! But Stank tweaked the ribs good on the move and can't make the cover. Finally, Stank os over, but of course, Williams is out at two. Both guys up and they slug it out, and Williams kicks Stank in the ribs. To the exposed turnbuckle, but Stank reverses it, so LDW hops onto the second rope, but Stank catches him on the rebound and hits him with an Oklahoma Slam off the exposed turnbuckle~! But again, Stank's ribs take the brunt of the move, and the champ can't make the cover. Stank pulls himself up and drags Williams to a corner... STANKONIA~! But Stank takes forever climbing the ropes, and LDW stumbles up and shoves Stank off the top and sternum-first to the guardrail in a NICE bump!! Williams is out of it, and Stank is coughing up blood on the floor. Glaw starts a count and neither guy is getting up. Glaw to 5, 6... Williams begins to stir, but Stank is hurt. 7...8. LDW to his feet in the ring, but before he realizes that Stank is being counted out, Glaw reaches 10 and he calls for the bell.
WINNER by COUNTOUT in 18:44: L.D. WILLIAMS
Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF New Years Evil III Pay Per View! Live December 30th From Makakilo City, Hawaii! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem, Live! December 12th from Whangarei, New Zealand!
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This has been an OOWF production, produced by the LD-Tar-Jack-Fire-Crete-Cap Production Company in accordance with Ecosystem Ltd.
Live From Haiku, Hawaii
THE DEAD vs. DAWG THE BOOTY HUNTER
Dawg comes to the ring first, he is the Hawaiian Wrestling Federation resident pimp. He is trailed by a bevy of island beauties as he dances to the ring. OOWF newcomer The Dead is out next, he walks to the ring and climbs between the ropes and just glares at Dawg as Dawg offers him the services of a couple of his ladies. The Dead just stares at him and doesn’t saw a word, so Dawg shrugs and sends the ladies out of the ring. When Dawg turns around, The Dead has a mic because even nOObs get mic time in the OOWF:
The Dead: Before getting into that ring tonight, The Dead wants to make one thing perfectly clear. The Dead isn't here to sign autographs for fans or make friends backstage. The Dead is here to win, plain and simple. From this moment on, everyone will see why the OOWF so desperately wanted to sign The Dead. You will see what true innovation is. Tonight, you are all witnesses.
The referee calls for the bell and the two lock up. Dead snaps off an arm drag, and both men spring right back to their feet. Dawg charges, but Dead sidesteps and drop toe holds Dawg onto the middle rope, then springs over the top rope and kicks Dawg in the face. Dawg bounces back into the center of the ring. Dawg gets to his feet and Dead springs into the ring and hits a flipping stunner that drops Dawg like a sack of bricks. Dead gets to his feet and waits for Dawg to get to his feet and grabs him, but Dawg rakes the eyes. As Dead staggers around the ring, Dawg hauls him up on his shoulders and hits a forward roll. Dawg pulls Dead to his feet and hauls him up in a vertical suplex and leaves him up there to think about it for a few minutes, then falls back to the mat. Dawg floats over and covers, but Dead kicks out at one. Dawg is up and plays to the crowd while waiting in the corner for Dead to get to his feet. As he does, Dawg charges, but Dead recovers and blasts him with the CTC! Dawg slumps to the mat, nearly out cold. Dead grabs his legs and locks on the Deathlock and Dawg quickly taps out.
WINNER in 3:19 – The Dead
THE E vs. CARL FROM FRESNO
Carl made the trip to the islands with the OOWF, unbeknownst to us. Carl wanders to the ring holding a sign that says WILL WRESTLE FOR FOOD. Good luck there Carl. He gets to the ring and waits in the corner, apparently asking the ref if he has anything to eat, so the ref gives him some crackers. How nice. The returning Eric O’Mac’s music plays and he comes out to the top of the ramp and strikes a pose for a moment while boos rain down on him. Eric corrects people, he is not to be called The E. Ok then. The E struts to the ring and climbs between the ropes and just stares at Carl for a moment. Finally he walks over to Carl and hands him a business card and makes the universal signal for “make the call.” We hear E say “Vince will love it, trust me.” Finally the referee calls for the bell and Carl appears to be a bit distracted with the card, so E charges in and hits a spinning heel kick that catches Carl on the side of the head sending him staggering into the corner. E kips back to his feet and charges in and tries a monkey flip, but Carl is too big to take out of the corner. Instead Carl just grabs E and sets him on the top rope and pats him on the top of the head. Carl turns to play to the crowd, and when he turns back to E, E leaps off the top rope and snaps Carl over with a hurracarana. Carl lands face down on the mat, and E charges to the ropes and springs off the middle rope and lands on Carl’s back, and immediately applies a chin lock, wrenching back on Carl’s head. E sells it like he is trying to twist Carl’s head off, Carl, not so much. Carl fights to his feet and buries a couple of knees into E’s midsection that sends E into the air. Carl whips E into the corner, and E hits the corner, flips over the ropes, runs down the apron, climbs the opposite corner (the whole time Carl is watching him fairly amused). E leaps off the ropes and Carl simply sticks a massive arm out and clotheslines him to the mat. E sells it like he has been shot and rolls out of the ring and falls to the floor to recover. E valiantly pulls himself to the apron and climbs between the ropes, Carl grabs him and slams him to the mat, then bounds off the ropes and tries an elbow drop, but E moves out of the way. Carl gets up and tries another, and misses again. This time E springs to his feet and ducks a clothesline attempt by Carl and hits a flying forearm, then pulls himself between the ropes and does the Shawn Michaels “I might be near death, but I can still climb the ropes” climb to the top rope, and hits the frog splash! The referee hits the mat, and E rolls Carl up and hooks both legs, one, two, THREE!
WINNER in 6:14 – The E
NERVE AGENT & BLOOD BATH vs. FIREWOMAN & HARDBODY HARRIS
Nerve Agent and Blood Bath make their way to the ring as reluctant partners. They climb between the ropes and Blood insists on starting the match, so Nerve lets him. Hardbody’s music hits and he heads to the top of the ramp, then turns so Firewoman can come out with him. The crowd cheers loudly for this pair of wrestlers. They make their way to the ring and it looks like Harris will start. The referee calls for the bell and Blood charges across the ring for Harris, but Harris side steps and shoves him to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with the TO BE EDITED IN LATER! Harris tags in Firewoman and she hits the FireDriver (Tiger Driver) and covers, one, two, three! This one is over!
WINNERS in 0:45 – Hardbody Harris & Firewoman
But this match was not over yet. One by one the OOWF superstars headed to the ring. The E is out first and hits the Smackdown on Blood, The Dead climbs between the ropes and hits Blood with a Van Deadinator, then Crete hits the Backwall, then Magnusson nails the Dream Street, Spin plants him with a spine buster, Los Def hit a spike piledriver, the Defenestrators throw him through a window, Phantos & Lucios hit the drop kick device, Blitz lands the Blitz Flip, SYB climbs into the ring and hits a swift kick to the nuts, followed by a big boot from AE. Donovan Viper takes his turn and nails the Death Elbow, Chris Alt hits the Spinal Contusion, LD Williams plants him with a DDT, Stank drops him with the Stank-U, Canadian Dragon nearly breaks his neck with a Canadian Destroyer, Capellan hits a 530 splash, Outback Jack climbs into the ring and hits the CHOMP, stealing a move from his former tag team partner, Firechild lands the DevilDriver, Knife waits for Blood to pull himself to his feet and nails him in the face with the STAB, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III pulls him up and lands the Greetings From Pacific Heights, Seamus McNasty climbs in the ring and just drops Blood with a straight right, JW Westgaard grabs Blood and hits the Ice Auger, Rabbxt pulls the bloodied and battered Blood to his feet and hits a SSP, Davin Moreland climbs in, waits, then drops him with a REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER, and as soon as he hits that, Ryan Hardcore soars in and lands a money shot. Finally Moosehead Jack rolls into the ring and pulls Blood to his feet and throws him out of the ring, then slams him in the head with a barbed wire wrapped fist and drags him by the head out of the arena, pausing to slam him in the head every so often. The OOWF contingent of wrestlers follows him out of the arena, and Moose rolls Blood onto the back of a flatbed semi. Jack hits a heart punch, then plants him on the bed of the semi, and looks up and nods then moves out of the way. From the top of a near by semi, The Nerves Agent leaps and lands an 810 splash on the prone Blood Bath. Nerve Agent rolls off the bed of the truck and Moose gives the signal and the truck pulls out of the lot and heads down the highway.
SEAMUS MCNASTY vs. JW WESTGAARD
This one is not going to be a scientific marvel that’s for sure. Westgaard is announced first and he comes to the ring and waits. Seamus McNasty comes out next and makes his way down the ramp to the ring completely focused on Westgaard. Seamus and JWW meet in the center of the ring and eye each other for a moment, then without a word being spoken between the two of them, the fists start flying. Back and forth they hammer each other, the referee is standing staring with his jaw hanging open instead of trying to break it up. JWW winds up for a haymaker but Seamus ducks it and clotheslines them both over the top rope to the floor. They both land on their feet and the fight continues. JWW catches Seamus with a knee to the midsection and whips him into the guardrail. Westgaard charges, but Seamus back drops him over the guardrail. Once again Westgaard lands on his feet and grabs Seamus and delivers a reverse suplex onto the concrete floor. Westgaard is up first and throws a chair onto Seamus back. Seamus is slow to get to his feet and when he does blood is pouring from his nose. Westgaard climbs over the barricade and is rummaging under the ring. He comes out with his hockey stick, but Seamus gets a running start and springs on top of the barricade, then leaps and catches Westgaard in the head with a forearm that sends JWW slamming into the steel ring post. Westgaard is holding the back of his head, and when he takes it away we see that it is bloody. Seamus rolls Westgaard into the ring, but Westgaard gets to his feet right away and jabs Seamus in the eyes. Westgaard hits the ropes and takes Seamus to the mat with a clothesline, and we see blood soaking the back of Westgaard’s hockey jersey. Undaunted, Westgaard waits for Seamus to get to his feet, and then nails him with the Cross check! The force sends Seamus out of the ring to the floor. Westgaard steps out of the ring and waits on the apron for Seamus to get to his feet, when he does he leaps, but Seamus side steps him and Westgaard slams to the floor. Seamus sits on his back and pulls Westgaard’s head back and slams him across the face with several cross faces then lets Westgaard’s head go to slam into the floor. Seamus rolls Westgaard under the bottom rope and climbs back into the ring and covers, but only gets a two count. Seamus sets Westgaard on the top rope, but Westgaard gets in a couple of elbow smashes between the eyes, then drops Seamus with a tornado DDT out of the corner. Westgaard covers, but Seamus kicks out at two. Both men get to their feet, bloody messes, Westgaard swings wildly and Seamus ducks and drops him with a neck breaker, another cover, another two count. Seamus pulls Westgaard up and tries a slam, but Westgaard slips over his shoulder. JWW tries a whip to the ropes, but Seamus reverses it and catches him in the Black and Tan on the rebound! Westgaard tries to make it to the ropes, but he can’t and is forced to tap.
WINNER in 14:44 – Seamus McNasty
CANADIAN DRAGON vs. CAPELLAN
The bell goes and we get OMG-WORKRATE! chain wrestling to begin. Capellan comes up with a wristlock. CD slips out. Leg sweep! But Cap rolls through and clamps the wristlock on again. Series of standing reversals, smooth and crisp, ends with Cap still hanging onto the wrist. CD finally tires of all this fancy dancy stuff and forearms Cap in the face. Capellan tumbles onto his back. CD goes for a stomp, but Cap rolls away and kips up. He's grinning slightly, like he thinks getting flattened was a good thing. Or maybe he just likes that he got under Dragon's skin. He's never been too bright. Lock-up. Struggle for control. Dragon hooks the head and tries to get Cap up for a suplex, but Cap fights it off with knees to the head, and then hits a standing drop kick to the shoulder. CD winces, then uppercuts Cap with the other arm. Cap responds with a slap to the face. CD looks for another uppercut, but Capellan sees it coming, ducks, and bars the arm. CD to the ropes to break it, and we get a clean break: Cap still grinning, CD looking annoyed. Dragon much more aggressive now, coming in a series of hard kicks to Cap's thighs, trying to take the quicker man's speed away. Back and forth action as each man targets a body part – Cap on Dragon's arm, CD on Cap's leg. Finally Cap's just a little too slow: CD slips behind and locks in the full nelson – DRAGON SUPLEX~! Cap bounces face first off the mat, HARD, but the sheer impact causes him to slide out under the bottom rope. CD hops out onto the apron, prepping for a running crossbody ... Cap slowly to his feet. CD launches himself! CAP DROPKICKS HIM OUT OF THE AIR~! Both men down in a tangle of limbs. Slow count to eight from the ref before the two are on their feet. A glance at each other, and they slide in at nine. It's nothing pretty now: just two men slugging it out with fists, forearms and chops in the middle of the ring. CD would normally have the edge in power, but Cap's earlier work on his arm is telling – especially when CD temporarily forgets himself and strikes with the injured limb. Cap seizes on the slight wince and hesitation that follows, hammering the arm with blows, then forcing CD to the mat to drop the leg on the exposed elbow. CD curses and starts to roll to his feet – and Cap kicks him right in the face! Dragon's stunned and on his back. Cap scampers up the turnbuckle .... DOUBLESTOMP to the arm! Dragon flops about like RVD after a frog splash. Cap comes in to grab him – and CD hooks a schoolboy rollup! 1! 2! Cap kicks out at 2.5! Both men to their feet, and Dragon taps the side of his head while Cap takes a couple of deep breaths at his close escape. Both men in cautiously ... Cap hooks the head for the DDT. Reversal by Dragon, but Cap worms out – and ANOTHER reversal by CD sees Cap caught in the Dragon Sleeper! CD screams at Cap to give as the smaller man's face starts to purple, but he's got the hold locked in with his weakened arm. Cap hammers at the elbow with a fist and finally forces the break. He slides behind CD, grabs both arms ... DOUBLE CHICKENWING! Dragon struggles, looking for the ropes, but he's trapped in the middle of the ring and every move is met by Cap yanking hard on his arms. Cap bears down on the arms, forcing CD face-first to the mat ... and then bridges over! Because an American Dragon beats a Canadian one any day! The ref's asking the question! Dragon's fighting! But there's nowhere to go! The ref asks again. CD's hand quivers! Will he give? Will he? ... and the bell goes for the 20-minute time limit!
WINNER - Time Limit Draw at 20:00.
DEFENESTRATORS vs. PHANTOS & LUCIOS vs. APOCALYPTIC BASTARDS vs. RABBXT & BLITZ
Each team makes it’s entrance and claims a corner of the ring to wait in. referee Angelo Barros points to Blitz and SYB, indicating they are to begin the match, when General Manager the Rick’s Music fires up and he appears on the top of the ramp, accompanied by Erlana, holding her Iron Man Title. (How DID she win that title, anyway)
“Gentlemen, I have decided to change this match. It will still be a four team match, but now it will be a Four Corners Elimination Match. If your partner is eliminated, you are gone too. Elimination can be via Pinfall, Submission, Disqualification or Countout. And finally, the man who makes the decisive elimination will be crowned the NEW IRON MAN CHAMPION.”
Barros calls for the bell, and we are underway. SYB charges in at Blitz and pounds away. Blitz ducks a left hook and sends SYB sprawling into his corner. AE slaps his partners back and enters the ring. Blitz greets him with a dropkick. He follows up with clothesline and a running high knee. AE rolls into a corner and reaches up. Ecosystem and Voltage look at each other and both men turn their backs on AE. Blitz uses the pause to rev up and charges in with a huge spear! He drags AE to the center of the ring and tags in Rabbxt. Rabbxt mounts the top rope and flies off, connecting with a high, arcing moonsault. His cover nets only a two-count, as SYB is in to break up the pin. SYB hurls Rabbxt into another corner, where Lucios tags himself in. Angelo Barros is busy getting SYB out of the ring, so Phantos joins the fray, and Team Aquafina double teams AE in their corner. Lucios overpowers AE for a few minutes, with a side slam, stiff clothesline, gorilla press slam, snap suplex and a Border toss. He grabs AE and slings him into the Defenstrator corner, where AE desperately reaches out and makes contact with Voltage’s arm. Voltage and Eco argue loudly with Barros that there was no tag, but the referee forces Volt in or face immediate disqualification and elimination. Voltage comes in and is met with a HUGE dropkick from the 300 pound masked man! He tags in Phantos and he connects with a dropkick. As Volt staggers to his feet, Phantos hit a him with a second dropkick. Volt stays down, so Phantos hits the ropes and hits him with a baseball slide dropkick, sending Voltage out of the ring. Eco charges at Phantos immediately and is tossed out on top of his partner. Rabbxt and Blitz are quickly up top and they dive down with stereo planchas on the helpless Defenstrators. Barros backs up Phantos and Lucios and begins to count Voltage out of the ring. Both Defenstrators hit their feet at 4, and Voltage starts to climb back in the ring, but Ecosystem drags him down and is heard whispering something about ‘saving it for their title match.’ Voltage nods and the #1 contenders start to walk up the ramp as Barros reaches 10! The Defenstrators are Eliminated! Phantos raises his arms in triumph, turns his attention to the ring and is met with a slap to the face from Rabbxt. Rabb fires away with a series of fists and chops, backing Phantos into the abandoned corner and DDT’s him to the ground. Rabb climbs the buckle and sets up for a Shooting Star Press. He flips, But Phantos rolls out of the way and charges into AE in the next corner. Barros calls it a tag and orders him into the ring. AE wearily climbs in, only to be knocked out by a dropkick. Rabbxt slingshots himself onto AE, and Blitz and SYB enter the fray on the floor. Barros begins to count, and SYB throws his partner in at 6, while Blitz slaps Rabbxt to get his attention, he points to Barros, who has reached 9, and Rabb slides in under the rope just nanosecond before the 10 count. Rabb sliding in gives AE the advantage, and the veteran stomps away at the newcomer. SYB gets tagged in, and he hurls Rabb into his own corner. Blitz tags himself in, and he and SYB lock up. Blitz gets the upper hand with a headlock, which is reversed into a hammerlock. SYB points to his head, trying to indicate his superior brainpower, but that pause allows Blitz to duck under and reverse into a hammerlock of his own. Blitz clubs SYB in the back of the head and send him sprawling into the P & L corner.
Phantos enters and charges at Blitz, backing him into the neutral corner. Phantos hoists Blitz onto the top turnbuckle, and climbs up and begins peppering him with rights and lefts. With the crowd chanting along, Phantos hits 9, pauses, hits 10, drops down to his feet, elbows Blitz in the gut and climbs to the top turnbuckle with him, hitting a Top Rope Franken Steiner! As they land though, Blitz rolls forward and catches Phantos in a Sunset Flip, Barros is in Perfect position to make the 1, 2, & 3! Phantos and Lucios are Eliminated! SYB Charges in and is decked with a clothesline. AE enters and eats a dropkick from Blitz and tumbles to the outside. Rabbxt runs along the apron and dives on AE, sending him into the announce desk. Back in the ring, Blitz is peppering SYB with chops in a corner. SYB fights back, hitting a backdrop and scoop slam. SYB gestures to the crowd that he is ready for the Jersey Turnpike! Blitz blocks the kick and grabs SYB, but SYB gets in a low blow. SYB sets Blitz up for a power bomb, and everyone knows what’s coming next. Blitz reverses it into the You Can’t Power Bomb Kidman Face Buster. He hoists SYB onto his shoulders and hits a standing Lambeau Leap on SYB, landing him right in front of his partner’s corner, Rabbxt tags in, climbs the top and executes a Perfect 450 Splash and earns an academic 1,2,3!
Winners: Rabbxt and Blitz! Your new Iron Man Champion, Rabbxt!
Erlana appears at the top of the ramp and walks down to the ring. She enters the ring and hands Rabbxt the belt. Suddenly, GM the Rick’s voice is heard in the arena. Rabbxt turns to the Big screen and sees the Boss in his office.
“Congratulations Rabbit, you are now the Iron Man Champion. Just remember, That title is defended 24/7. Better watch your back, Buddy.”
Rabbxt turns around and sees Firewoman standing in the ring. She reaches out to shake Rabbxt’s hand, but kicks him in the balls instead. A quick Double-arm DDT and she is covering Rabbxt for 1,2,3! The announcer grabs his microphone and proclaims “The New Iron Ma..(stammers, seeing Firewoman’s angry glare) The New Iron Person Champion, Firewoman!
DONOVAN VIPER vs. CHRIS ALT
Mel Creech is YOUR referee!
Chris Alt is introduced first, accompanied to the ring by fellow BFF Hardbody Harris, who is heavily taped and noticeably limping from last week’s match. The crowd is HYPED and on their feet as the 2 BIGGEST FACES IN THE OOWF~! play to the crowd, slapping hands and gesturing. They do a “volume check” on the crowd for a second until… “Angry Chair” fires up, and a seriously pissed off looking Donovan Viper makes his way to the ring area, joined by his fellow LOADED members: Lance, El Voltage, La Ecosistema and of course FFMacCappington III, the four surround the ring, and Harris looks like a lamb being led to the slaughter on the outside as well. Alt and Viper stare each other down, as Creech calls for the bell. Collar and Elbow tie-up to start, stalemate, finally Viper gains the advantage, powering Alt into the corner. Creech lazily calls for the break, and Viper obliges initially, but then quickly delivers a sucker punch to the gut of Alt, allowing Viper to get the upper hand. A couple clubbing blows to the back of Alt’s head forces him to the mat, and Donnie decides to try to end this quickly, and attempts the VIPER LOCK. Alt manages to prevent Viper from locking it in, and gets to the ropes, forcing the break. This time, Viper doesn’t break clean and stomps away over and over on the back of Alt’s head and shoulders, ending up with the old rope choke, bludgeoning Alt along the way. Creech finally calls for the break, and Viper pulls off and decides to taunt the crowd and Harris as well for a bit. Viper, satisfied that he pissed enough people, pulls up a limp and winded Alt, and applies the…oh no…ABDOMINAL STRETCH! Harris starts slapping the apron, and the crowd claps along, Alt begins to fire up. A couple of elbow to the gut, and finally one to the head gets Alt free. Seizing on his opportunity, Alt runs the ropes, and hits a BIG CLOTHESLINE, taking Viper down. Alt runs the ropes again, and as Viper gets to his knees, hits a BASEMENT DROPKICK. Viper is in BIG TROUBLE! Lance hops up on the apron, and distracts Creech by jingling his keys, as he is memorized by the shiny. This allows MacCappington to blast Harris over the head with the Claymore Hilt, and Los Def to run in and hit a Double Side Russian Leg Sweep (which I GUESS is supposed to hurt more than a regular one). Alt has nearly bought the farm. Viper runs over to cover, and Lance puts his keys away. Apparently, the payment to Creech was late, because he’s slow to react, and Alt kicks out at 2, causing Viper to slap the mat in frustration. Viper, already pissy, decides enough is enough, and rabbit punches Alt a few more times, making the already woozy Alt even more so. Viper walks over to Creech, and points to the sky. While Creech is searching for nothing in the rafters, Viper wraps his chain around his elbow and starts to climb the turnbuckle. Uh oh. Donnie gestures to the crowd and CONNECTS with a CHAIN ASSISTED DEATH ELBOW~! Alt’s face is now a bloody mess. Viper pulls Creech out of his trance, and covers, hooking both legs, 1-2-NO! 2 9/10ths, ALT KICKED OUT~! Crowd is going batshit, as Harris manages to get to his feet and starts to slap the apron again. Viper pulls Alt to his feet, and tosses him to the ropes, whiffs on a clothesline, turns around and eats a FLYING BURRITO! Both men down, and Creech eventually starts the count. We get to 6, and Alt is up first. Donnie gets to his feet just in time to eat a sweet Spear into the turnbuckle. Alt is sporting the Crimson Mask as he seats Viper on the top turnbuckle. He climbs up as well, and starts the TEN PUNCH! Before the 10th punch, Alt does the full windmill windup before launching it. Viper’s head is hanging as Alt looks to take control and tries to set Viper up for a SUPERPLEX! He pulls Viper to an upright position, and tries for it…blocked. Tries again…blocked. Tries again…blocked, and Viper shoves the bloody Alt to the mat, as he writhes in pain, holding his head. A loopy Viper sees his opportunity, and flies off the top turnbuckle with ANOTHER CHAIN ASSISTED DEATH ELBOW~! But…HE MISSES! ALT ROLLED OUT OF THE WAY! BAH GAWD! Both men down again, prompting another count, this time Viper is to his feet first, and rushes over to Alt, only to his knees, and takes repeated punches to the gut for his trouble. Alt gets the upper hand and shoves Viper into the ropes, catches him and HITS THE SPINAL CONTUSION~! Does he have enough? Harris limps to the other side of the ring area to distract LOADED. Alt is crawling over to Viper and COVERS! ONE, TWO, THR…NO!!!! Viper kicked out just in time! The still-bloodied Alt looks frustrated, but continues on, and whips Viper into the ropes and LOCKS ON THE DRAGON SLEEPER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING~! Haven’t seen that in a while. This looks very bad for Viper. Donnie drops to his knees, as his head droops. MacCappington hops to the apron, waving a handful of $20s in Creech’s direction. He moves faster than he has the whole match to get them, allowing El Voltage to run in and hit the BLATANT LOW BLOW~! Alt rolls around in pain, and Creech, well, didn’t see it. Both men down again, but before Creech can be bothered to start a count, Viper, with a burst of energy, bounces up, pulls Alt onto his shoulders and GO. 2. SLEEP. Alt is dead, and the count is academic.
WINNER in 17:28 – Donovan Viper
OUTBACK JACK & FIRECHILD vs. KNIFE & F FONZWORTH MACCAPPINGTON III
OBJ & Firechild enter first, with OBJ hitting the corners and belching into the mike, as a sore looking Firechild makes his way more sedately into the ring. OBJ follows up the huge belch with "and thats Australian for COME GET SOME!" He points at Firechild, who shrugs and steps under the ropes. OBJ laughs and continues, "I guess thats Scots for I'm too pissed off to have a lau..." OBJ gets chop blocked by the Knife who has appeared from under the ring and slid in. The referee rings the bell, as MacCappington appears at the top of the ramp, and holding his back in pain is helped to the ring by Lance. Knife kips up as Jack hits himself in the face with the mike on the way down, but Knife comes off the ropes and hits a stiff kick to Jack's head as he rolls over. Knife stalks Jack as he groggily gets to his feet and Knife winds up a Slash, although aimed at the side of Jack's head. Jack grabs his leg as it comes round, and swings him round in a dragon screw, and rolls over and slaps on the Croc Hunter! Knife is in trouble, but the referee is distracted as Lance and MacCappington step into the ring. Firechild won't stand for that of course, and jumps into the ring (wincing as he hits the mat) and charges across the ring and as MacCappington steps out of the ring, he grabs Lance and rams him face first into the turnbuckle with a hellacious bulldog! Firechild grabs the ref and tries to direct his attention to the Knife who is feebly tapping, but the ref shouts at him to get out of the ring. Firechild shouts 'fine' and steps outside the ring, and stands back. However on the other side of the ring FFM3 grabs OBJ and pulls him off of Knife and onto the outside. OBJ is pissed and rallies quickly making MacCappington give ground, and Firechild makes his way around the ring, and as OBJ rocks FFM3 with a left, Firechild grabs him in a half nelson. OBJ winds up a huge right hand but FFM3 drops and it takes Firechild right between the eyes! OBJ shrugs and goes to nail the now-kneeling MacCappington, but instead folds in half himself as Knife smashes him in the back with a chair! The referee is oblivious as he tends to the 'injured' Lance in the corner of the ring, and helps FFm3 lift OBJ up for a Och-Aye-The-Noo-Fae-Edinboro onto the downed steel chair! Knife rolls back in, as FFm3 rolls OBJ in and Knife flops over as Lance miraculously recovers allowing the referee to count the 1-2 NO! Firechild slides into the ring and nails Knife with a dropkick to the face! He follows up, dragghin Knife upright and drops him with a DevilDriver and drags Jack over. However the referee shouts at Firechild to get out of the ring, and as he does so, FFM3 claps his hands as Lance drags Knife out of the ring. FFM3 flops over Jack for the cover, and the referee turns to count but Firechild ignores his orders to leave the ring and drags FFM3 off of Jack. He headbutts MacCappington, and goes for a Wings of the Phoenix, but can't lift FFM3 cause of his injured ribs. MacCappington reverses it into a Vertebreaker, but Firechild rolls through and covers - but there is no count as he isn't the legal man! However, Jack is back up and grabs MacCappington, and hooks him for a double arm DDT. Jack then slaps on the Croc Hunter as the referee looks for the submission. At that point, Firechild is dragged off the apron, by the sneaking Lance - knocking his face off the apron and getting dazed. Knife runs around the ring and lays Firechild low with a Slash. Firechild gets propped against the ring apron, as Lance drags the referee away from Jack and FFM3. The referee rounds angrily, seeing Firechild there and starts screaming at him. Jack releases the hold, looking confused and sees Firechild being screamed at by the referee. At that point, Knife slides into the ring, and as Jack tuns back to FFM3, he gets planted between the eyes with a Stab Superkick! Jack topples, and FFM3 rolls an arm over for the 1-2-3 as the referee realizes that Firechild is out cold!
WINNERS via pin fall in 8:12 are the Knife and F. Fonzworth MacCappington III.
After the match, Jack is disgusted and storms off as Lance rolls a groggy Firechild into the ring. They prop him upright and Knife lays him out with a Stab, then FFM3 gives him some money, and he saunters off. FFM3 gets the mike, and sits on the slightly buckled chair, that Lance has placed over Firechild's throat.
FFM3 - "Firechild, fer a grown loon, yer gae stupit. Ye let me fine approximation of yer backweard, glaikit dialect and folkways get ye all flustered and sideways thinken, when ye shidda been aimin for the hert o' the matter. Money Talks. And Might Makes Right. You see, the GM responded favorably to my generous donation to his favorite charity - Daytonians Against FruiT in Drinks (DAFt) and has allowed me to pick the stipulations for our next match - which is, as of now, going to be a ladder match, with the thing I love most and the thing you most want to take from me at the top. That's right, the rights to all my financial assets are on the line in this match, but also if I win, then I get a contract for you to be my indentured servant. Heres your chance to break me, to send me homeward to think again. But you know you can't do it, because you know im better than you. I'm bigger, richer and more successful. You can't measure up to me 'Child, and as of next week, everyone will know it!"
Crete is in the back warming up, just about to head to the ring for his match against Moose when his cell phone rings. He's wearing his Bluetooth so he answers it so he can keep training)
CTG: Hello?
??: ...Taka.
CTG: (stops) Kinkari?
??: Will you stop calling me that? I've got enough nicknames, man,
CTG: well, it means "Golden Hunter", I thought it was appropriate. This is a rather unexpected call.
HHH: Not from what I've heard. you've had a couple of guys talking to you about coming up here. Just say the word and I can get you here. Front door. Main event.
CTG: I'd like to win the rumble - or the Elimination chamber, if you're having that at No Way Out.
HHH: I've got pull, but that's pretty short notice. I'll be in touch
CONCRETE TG vs. MOOSEHEAD JACK
Mel Creech is YOUR referee!
Moose enters first, smirking to himself as he flops in the corner. CTG is absently slapping hands and looking at Moose, but even then Moose knows his opponent is distracted. Slow circle to start, Moose smirking to himself as they lock up. Crete gets the early advantage and pushes Moose to the corner. Mel calls for the break and gets one, but before CTG backs away Moose slaps him! CTG steps up for a chop but Mel backs him away again. Moose follows the ropes and dares Crete to close in. Mel keeps Crete at bay and Moose slinks along the ropes, silently taunting Crete. The moment Moose steps clear of the ropes Crete clotheslines him near out of his boots. Crete mounts Moose and lays in the punches and Mel has to drag him off Moose. Moose takes a moment to get up and the two start to circle again. Lockup, Moose with the advantage this time with an arm wringer. He then steps around Crete and grabs the other arm, cross-arms Crete and forces him to his knees. Mel checks on Crete who shakes his head no. Moose pulls harder, nearly bending Crete over his knee the wrong way, but Crete still says no. Crowd starts to rally Crete, and he forces his body forward. Moose tries to pull back but Crete somehow gathers the leverage to flip Moose over his head. Crete gets his hands free a covers for a surprise two count. Moose back up quickly, Crete to a knee as Moose charges, missing the clothesline but getting Crete with a double forearm to the back on the rebound. Crete rolls to his feet only to get clothes lined out of the ring. Crete slides back in just as Moose's feet hit the floor, but before Moose can counter he's pounced with a SUPER HERO CROSS BODY TO THE FLOOR! Crowd shouts "Holy Shit!" as the two roll into the barricades. Mel starts the ten count but doesn't seem to be too into it (no weapons, how boring!). Crete to his feet after a moment, laying the boots into Moose. MHJ grabs CTG by the boot and bites him on the ankle! Crete staggers away and hops about, as the boot is actually torn! Moose takes advantage and kicks the back of that same knee, staggering him further. Moose slings Crete toward the STEEL steps and our hero takes a tumble. Moose rounds the corner in time to find Crete sprawled against the Portugese announce table. Moose gathers Crete and plunks him down across the TXTer announce table and warns them to back up. In their frantic attempt to tell their audience of their sudden plight Moose manages a picture-perfect splash on Crete and the TXTer announcers! Their handhelds go flying and two lucky fans are now hired on as the new announcers! Moose beats up the old announcers and is about to reach for Crete when someone leaps out of the crowd and lands a FLYING SEATED SENTON on Moose! OMG! IT'S REY MYSTERIO! He salutes the crowd and helps Crete up so that he can get Moose off the floor. Meanwhile, Mel is at "3". Crete shakes out the cobwebs as Rey skidaddles into the crowd, followed by a throng of 9-year olds. Crete gathers the slightly bloodied Moose and the two start brawling all over again. Mel asks if they're going to get into the ring at all, but they're too busy brawling, trading blows around the ring and halfway up the ramp before Mel blows em both off and calls for the bell.
WINNER in 17:19 - DOUBLE COUNTOUT
Moose and Crete brawl to the back, where the Invisible Ninja cameraman follows them. The other referees stand back and watch the brawl - even Glaw, who is ordered to back up by security - and the two end up destroying a good stretch of backstage before being cornered in an empty locker room and separated by security.
DAVIN MORELAND vs. RYAN HARDCORE - OOWF Onslaught Championship I Quit Match
Ryan Hardcore comes to the ring flanked by Lauren Phoenix and the rest of LOADED. He stands leaning on the corner while she drops to her knees in front of him. Before we can cross the line, Davin Moreland is announced and he comes out flanked by the rest of Run DLP. By the time Moreland gets to the ring there are entirely too many people at ringside, so he clears the ringside area of everyone except Lauren Phoenix. Donovan Viper walks off non-plussed, Los Def and MacCappington complain about being sent to the back. On the other side of the ring, Phantos and Lucios bump knuckles with Moreland and head to the back themselves. Finally the referee takes the Onslaught title and this one is under way. Hardcore charges to the center of the ring and catches Moreland with a kick right to the family jewels that drops him in his tracks. Hardcore pounces on Moreland and hammers him with kicks to the face and chest. He pulls Davin to his feet and runs him into the corner shoulder first. Davin falls to the mat clutching at his shoulder while Hardcore climbs to the top rope. As Moreland gets back to his feet, Hardcore leaps and catches Moreland with a knee right across the collar bone that sends Davin back to the mat. Hardcore immediately pounces on Moreland and locks him in a chicken wing and tries to get the submission, but Moreland makes it to the ropes to force the break, but since this is an I Quit match, there are no rope breaks, so Davin lunges and falls between the ropes to the floor. As they crash to the floor, Davin lands on his shoulder, a gasp of pain escapes from him. Hardcore isn’t quite as lucky, landing on the floor head first. As both men struggle to get back up, we see Hardcore has a nasty lump on his head where he hit the floor, which might as well be a target for Moreland. Davin ducks a wild swing by Hardcore and hammers at the lump repeatedly, until it opens up and Hardcore is gushing blood. Hardcore tries to put up a fight but he appears to be a bit wobbly on his feet and is throwing wild haymakers that Moreland is easily ducking. Finally Moreland ducks another wild swing and catches Hardcore with a clothesline. Moreland rolls Hardcore into the ring, and to his credit Hardcore is right to his feet, but he slumps into the corner with his fists up. Moreland moves in slowly and picks his spots, beating Hardcore mercilessly with bear like clubbing shots to the side of the head. Finally Moreland goes in for the kill, but Hardcore gets a rake to the eyes, and finally gets some offense in, nailing Moreland with several stiff shots to the jaw, one shot splits Moreland’s lip sending blood running down his chin. Hardcore hesitates a moment too long and Moreland blasts him in the back of the head with an enzuguri. Hardcore hits the mat and immediately begins to convulse. Moreland and the referee look at each other unsure of what to do next, so Moreland pounces and locks Hardcore in a rear naked choke hold. The referee wastes no time in calling for the bell and makes the dreaded X sign. Officials rush to the ring as Moreland rolls under the bottom rope and grabs his title and heads to the back.
WINNER in 9:17 – Davin Moreland
LOS DEFENESTRATORS vs. DH MAGNUSSON & SPIN HANSEN – OOWF World Tag Team Title Match
DH Magnusson and Spin Hansen enter first. They pace the ring as Los Defenestrators make their way down the aisle. Los Def pause at ringside, shed the belts, and dive under the ropes. Spin and DH pounce, but Los Def dodge, hitting the opposite ropes and nailing Spin and DH with stereo dropkicks. Both Spin and DH fall against the ropes, and Los Def clothesline DH to the outside, then dropkick Spin to the floor as well. As Spin and DC start to get up, Los Def hit the opposite ropes, springboard off the top rope – and get destroyed by stereo spine busters on the floor! Referee Angelo Barros starts the count, and Spin and DH scrape Los Def off the floor and stuff them back in the ring. DH goes to his corner, and Ecosistema crawls to his, leaving Spin and El Voltaje in the ring. Spin goes on the attack, hammering Volt from pillar to post. An Irish whip followed by a spear leaves Volt for dead, and Spin drags him to the corner and tags DH. They whip Volt to the ropes, not noticing Eco making a blind tag. Spin and DH level Volt with a flapjack, and look up in time to be caught by a double springboard clothesline from Eco. Eco rolls to his feet and peppers DH with punches, keeping him off balance. Spin moves to intervene, but Volt crawls in his way, tripping him up. Spin disentangles himself and pitches Volt over the ropes, following him to the outside. DH reverses an Irish whip from Eco and follows him in with a clothesline, but Eco sidesteps and DH hits the corner hard. He stumbles back and Eco catches him with a belly-to-back suplex, then comes off the ropes with a leg drop. DH powers out of a pin fall attempt. Both men get to their feet and Eco moves in. He gets some shots in, until DH catches a punch and pulls Eco forward, lifting him onto his shoulders and planting him with a Samoan Drop. DH hooks the leg and gets two. He picks Eco up and goes to town with punches and kicks, backing him into the ropes. He picks Eco up for a suplex, then turns it into a Jackhammer. Volt, having broken free of Spin, dives into the ring to make the save. Spin slides into the ring as well, and the bigger men gain the advantage, depositing Volt to the outside and attacking Eco. They attempt a tandem suplex, but Volt is in from behind, catching both Spin and DH with chop blocks. They go down, and Eco ends up on the floor. Volt stomps on both of his opponents, trying to keep them off balance as his partner recovers.
Eco gets to his knees and, seeing his partner in the ring, reaches under the apron – and pulls out a window! He slides it into the ring, then slides in himself. He tries to set the window up, but ends up arguing with Barros. This distracts Volt, and allows Spin to catch him with a right hand. They exchange blows and DH lunges at Eco. DH, Eco, Barros, and the window go down in a pile. Spin throws Volt to the ropes and goes for a clothesline, but Volt ducks, coming back with a high knee that staggers Spin. Volt springs to the middle rope, and catches Spin with a bulldog. He covers, but there’s no ref, and Spin throws him off. They face off, but DH manages to hook Volt’s leg, pulling him off balance. Volt stumbles forward into an overhead release suplex. Spin helps DH up, and they pick up Eco, who manages a sickening low blow to Spin on the way up. Eco catches DH with a kick to the midsection and is in mid DDT as the bell rings.
WINNER - No Contest in 21:32.
STANK vs. LD WILLIAMS – OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match
Williams talks some shit at the bell and shoves Stank... but Stank shoves him right back, and LDW tumbles across the ring and bails to the floor. Williams cautiously walks up the steps and steps back in. They lock up, and Stank easily backs Williams into a corner. Referee Glaw asks for the break and he gets one, both guys yapping back at each other. Another lockup, and LDW drops to the leg and tries a takedown. Williams finally is able to get Stank off balance and get him down. But before LDW can apply any sort of offense, Stank rolls thru and shoves him away. Williams jumps back on him before Stank can get up. LDW tries a cobra clutch, but Stank gets to his feet and drives Williams back to the turnbuckle to break the hold. Stank clotheslines Williams in the corner, and LDW sells it like a missile hit him, bouncing down to the mat and then out thru the ropes. Stank follows out and stalks him. Williams turns around and gets floored by a right hand. Stank drags him up, only to deck him again. One more time, but LDW goes to the eyes this time, rolls in to break the count, and comes right back out. Williams kicks the knee, but Stank uses his reach to grab LDW and slam his face into the apron. Stank tries to send Williams to the post, but LDW elbows away from him. Williams tries to return the favor, but Stank grabs his wrist, wrings the arm and brings him back in for a fireman's carry. STANK-U~! But Williams falls off the back and drives Stank sternum first into the apron, and then into the ring steps! Stank's hurt and Williams rolls him in and covers for two. LDW stomps the stomach, then drops some knees. Weird variation of an abdominal stretch on the mat, and Stank makes the ropes. LDW stays on the ribs with some standing knees and manages a gut buster on the big man. That gets two. Irish whip, but Stank reverses. Spinebuster, but Stank's ribs hurt too bad to slam him, and Williams floats right down to a DDT! One, two, but Stank kicks out. Back up, and Williams goes to the classic abdominal stretch, grabbing the ropes of course for leverage. Glaw finally catches him and he and LDW jaw back and forth , allowing Stank to twist around and take down Willaism with a CROSSFACE~! Williams is in trouble, but manages to elbow Stank in the ribs to break the hold. Williams looks for the STF, but Stank kicks him away. Stank struggles to his feet, and as Glaw checks him, Williams unties the turnbuckle pad. Williams goes after Stank, but Stank kicks him in the gut. And again. Butterfly suplex by Stank, and that hurts the ribs. Stank tries to fight it off and stays on the attack. Hotshot and Williams with a nice oversell. Stank looks for the STANK-U again, but Williams grabs the top rope to block. Stank simply flips him over and out, but LDW lands on the apron. Williams goes to the top, but Stank POWERSLAMS the shit out of him on the way down. LDW is DEAD! But Stank tweaked the ribs good on the move and can't make the cover. Finally, Stank os over, but of course, Williams is out at two. Both guys up and they slug it out, and Williams kicks Stank in the ribs. To the exposed turnbuckle, but Stank reverses it, so LDW hops onto the second rope, but Stank catches him on the rebound and hits him with an Oklahoma Slam off the exposed turnbuckle~! But again, Stank's ribs take the brunt of the move, and the champ can't make the cover. Stank pulls himself up and drags Williams to a corner... STANKONIA~! But Stank takes forever climbing the ropes, and LDW stumbles up and shoves Stank off the top and sternum-first to the guardrail in a NICE bump!! Williams is out of it, and Stank is coughing up blood on the floor. Glaw starts a count and neither guy is getting up. Glaw to 5, 6... Williams begins to stir, but Stank is hurt. 7...8. LDW to his feet in the ring, but before he realizes that Stank is being counted out, Glaw reaches 10 and he calls for the bell.
WINNER by COUNTOUT in 18:44: L.D. WILLIAMS
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