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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:31:39 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Whangarei, New Zealand
OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
Outback Jack vs. Donovan Viper
OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u]
Los Defenestrators vs. Spin Hansen & DH Magnusson
Ladder Match (if Firechild wins, he gets MacCappington's entire wealth - if MacCappington wins, then Firechild becomes his indentured servant)[/u]
F. Fonzworth MacCappington III vs. Firechild
nOOb Gauntlet Match[/u]
Featuring: Seamus McNasty, The Nerves Agent, Firewoman, The Dead, Blitz and Rabbxt
LD Williams and Canadian Dragon vs. Stank & Capellan
Concrete TG vs. Moosehead Jack
Davin Moreland, Phantos & Lucios vs. Ryan Hardcore & The Defenestrators
Eric O'Mac vs. Hardbody Harris
Chris Alt vs. JW Westgaard
Knife vs. a Mystery Opponent
card subject to an international court of law
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:32:02 GMT -5
(Inside the Run DLP Aquafina Locker Room, Davin Moreland and Lucios are reading the lineup while Phantos bounces away on his trampoline.)
Lucios: 6 man tag this week. This could be fun
Davin: Yeah, especially if Los Def are wrestling twice, they won't be as focused
Lucios: Possibility that might be a typo and we're supposed to wrestle Ryan and The Defenstrators?
Davin: Probably, The bookerman isn't too bright at times
(Moosehead Jack enters the room. He snatches Davin's Aquafina from his hands and takes a long drink. He then HEARTPUNCHES Davin and Lucios. He turns to Phantos, who hasn't noticed anything unusual, shakes his head and leaves)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:32:22 GMT -5
*GM The Rick is sitting at his desk when there is a knock on his door. A sexy female courier comes in.*
SFC: "Mr. Rick? I have a message from Canadian Dragon."
GMTR: "Fuck that...I'm not getting kicked in the nuts again."
SFC: "No Mr. Rick, you'll like this..."
*The courier drops to her knees and grabs at The Rick's belt.*
GMTR: "Now this is more like i...."
*The Rick never finishes as the Sexy Female Courier head butts him right in the crotch.*
GMTR: "WHAT THE FUK?!?!?"
SFC: "I'm to inform you that they are called Weapon X."
GMTR: "Fucking Canadian Bastards...."
*Camera fades to black.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:32:55 GMT -5
*Run DLP is STILL in the Run DLP Locker Room, Presented by Aquafina*
DM: *recovering from his heart punch* So, what the fuck are we doing in a 6-man tag?
P: I would probably attribute that to lazy booking.
L: Would you really?
P: What?
L: "Attribute that to lazy booking"?
P: Yeah, that's what I said...
L: When have you ever said "attribute"? Ever?
P: Are you calling me stupid?
L: No, if I were calling you stupid I would say "Phantos, You're Stupid". Just like that.
P: Maybe I picked some stuff up from our marketing meetings.
L: And maybe you're trying to learn big words to impress girls...like say, Lauren Phoenix...or Stormy Weathers...Or Katie..
DM: Hey. Watch it. Don't talk about Katie.
P: But...
DM: LAAAAAAAAAAA! Shut up please guys. I want to know why you guys are suddenly not getting title matches.
P: Maybe because we've lost 14 times in a row?
L: SCREWED 14 times in a row.
P: Whatever. We still lost.
L: Hi, I'm Lucios. Have we met? You new to wrestling and sports entertainment?
DM: Uh....Cool it with the "Sports Entertainment" would ya?
L: Why?
DM: "The E"
L: Why are you taking it on as your personal cause, Davin?
DM: Because, no one else seems to care. We let "The E" get over with this crap, and next thing you know, we're gonna have midgets running through spray painted walls.
P: *laughing* I've never heard of anything so dumb.
DM: You laugh. Go to the Sony Multimedia Center and see for yourself.
*Phantos watches some Sports Entertainment programming. Time passes. Little children cry. God kills a billion kittens*
P: That....was....wow
DM: See?
L: That good?
P: Um..NO.
L: Really?
P: Yeah, I think I lost about a million brain cells. Looney Tunes was funny when I was 5.
L: Or Last week, when you were in here on Saturday.
P: I hate you so much sometimes.
DM: Guys. Focus here. Should I even bother with the traditional "WTF Rick" walk down to the office?
L: Well, the way visitors have been treating him lately...
P: That's probably counter-productive.
L: Who are you?
P: You don't know everything. There's lots you don't know about me.
L: Like what?
P: Like sushi.
L: What about sushi?
P: Love the stuff. Can't get enough of it.
L: I have never ONCE seen you eat sushi.
P: I have never ONCE let you SEE ME eat sushi.
L: Why?
P: You hate it.
L: I know, but...
DM: He's telling the truth Lucios.
L: Wha?
DM: Yeah, remember when we went to Cummaquid a couple weeks back? You were hanging out with my Mommy, and P-Dawg and I went out grocery shopping? Yeah. I dared him he wouldn't eat sushi. Well, needless to say, Phantos can't turn down a bet...
P: And now I'm addicted.
DM: It's good for you. Fish is brain food after all.
L: This is all...shocking...and yet...makes perfect sense. A logical story with continuity and a solid explanation. What more can you ask for?
DM: THIS IS MY POINT ABOUT OTHER SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT! WHY DO THEY SEND MIDGETS THROUGH SPRAY PAINTED WALLS?? IT'S NOT FUNNY. IT MAKES NO SENSE. IT ADVANCES NO STORYLINES!!!
*Kayfabe is just standing in the doorway, brushing away silent tears, before she shakes her head, kills a kitten, and heads on her way*
L: Ok. We need to tie this up in a neat little package.
P: You're right. Davin, go.
DM: Me?
L: Yeah.
DM: Ok. Well, while the Booker...GM the Rick has us in this pointless 6 man tag, we might as well make the most of it.
P: It's not like it's totally pointless. You've kind of been feuding with Hardcore. And Los Def and The Def...Well, we're still not sure on that.
L: So, how do we play it?
P: How do we always play it?
DM: Balls to the wall, my brothers.
L: It's the only way to go.
DM: True. We have a problem though.
P: What?
DM: I've been in a whopping 2 tag matches ever.
L: You're kidding. EVER?
P: In every...
DM: Yup. Always been a singles dude. So guess what you guys get to do?
L: Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt Phantos and I to brush up on some fundamentals.
P: Aww, man...
DM: Hey LOOK! Lauren Phoenix! *points*
P: WHERE???!?!? Hellllllooooooooo Nur....aw...Davin. You suck.
*Davin is currently laughing uncontrollably.*
L: All right guys, we have no time to waste here if we're gonna make Davin here a Championship Caliber Tag Team Specialist.
DM: And I wanna learn the 810.
P: No.
DM: Why not?
P: You will kill people. And yourself.
DM: How do you know?
P: Cause you darn near crack your head open on 450s.
DM: Then TEACH ME O GURU OF THE 810!!!
P: I'll try, but only if you teach me the Really Good Diamond Cutter.
DM: Dude, you doing the RGDC, will look ricockulous.
P: GURU!
DM: Fine.
L: Let's get crackin boys.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:33:13 GMT -5
Rabbxt: So we won it.
Blitz: Yea, we did.
Rabbxt: Nice team work out there, man. I honestly wasn't sure if we could pull it off, but we sure did.
Blitz: What was up with you hitting the 450 instead of the 630, though? Or better yet, why didn't you hit the 810? I was pretty sure you wanted to rub that in Nerves' face.
Rabbxt: Nah, man. I was sort of mad at him for getting so pissed about me nailing the 810 in the indies, but I was watching his match backstage.
Blitz: So, you saw...
Rabbxt: Yea, yea, Blitz. I saw him hit the 810. I'm proud of him.
Blitz: You're not mad that he stole that out of your moveset?
Rabbxt: No, not at all. I'm glad he hit it, actually. I didn't go for the 810, or even the 630 because I didn't want to get anywhere close to upstaging him.
**Nerves Agent walks into R&B's locker room.**
Nerves: Rabbxt. Blitz.
Blitz: What's up, Nerves?
Rabbxt: Hey, Nerves. Nice going out there, hitting that 810.
Nerves: Thanks, Rabbxt. Look, I think I was too intent on hitting the first ever 810. As long as I hit it, I'm fine with it. Sorry to get so angry at you.
Rabbxt: Nah, man. That's fine. I understand it. I really didn't want you to be mad at me. That's why I wanted to keep it a secret.
Nerves: Yea, I know. Sorry, anyway, though. Oh, yea! Have you heard that Phantos might be teaching Davin Moreland the move?
Rabbxt: Really? That'd be nice, actually.
Nerves: Yea, dude. That would make four OOWF guys who could land an 810.
Rabbxt: For sure. I wish him the best in that. I'd love to see him hit it.
Blitz: You guys aren't mad that Phantos and Davin might steal your spotlight by hitting that move? What if they hit it every match, just to show off?
Rabbxt: Nah, Blitz. It's fine.
Nerves: I agree with Rabbxt. It would be cool to see them both do it.
Blitz: Alright, I guess. Anyway, I'm out.
**Blitz leaves the locker room at the same time Firewoman walks in.**
Fire: Rabbxt. Blitz.
Nerves: What's up, Fire?
Rabbxt: Hey, Fire. Nice move out there with that nut-shot.
Fire: Yea, well... Anything that has to be done, will be done.
Rabbxt: I agree. So you're the Iron Ma...
Fire: ...
Rabbxt: ...Iron Person Champion.
Fire: That's right. I sure kicked your ass.
Rabbxt: Haha. That, you did. Just watch your back, Fire. People could be all over you, going after that belt.
Fire: Got it, Rabbxt. I just wanted to make sure there's no heat between us now.
Rabbxt: No, not at all. We're still friends, Fire.
Fire: Alright, man. Cool. I'm out.
**Firewoman leaves the locker room.**
Nerves: So we're cool, too?
Rabbxt: Totally. Let's just let that whole rivalry between us go, alright?
Nerves: Definitely.
**Rabbxt and Nerves shake hands, then Nerves leaves the locker room.**
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:33:34 GMT -5
[The Dead is walking! down the hall when he is AGAIN interrupted by Androgynous Mic Stand.]
The Dead: Aw, dammit, you again?
AMS: Sorry, I just wanted to tell you how impressive your victory was last night.
The Dead: It was, wasn't it?
AMS: Of course, and I was wondering if you had any thoughts from last night's event or the posting of next week's card. You are in a gauntlet match, after all...
The Dead: First things first. Last night was a preview of things to come. You saw innovation in that ring. You saw domination. You were all witnesses to the beginning of what will no doubt be a historic career here in OOWF for The Dead.
AMS: Any other thoughts on last night?
The Dead: Yeah, these other "stars" may talk a big game, but what did they do in the ring? It took "The E" twice as long to beat a homeless man as it took The Dead to beat an established wrestler from the HWF.
AMS: I don't know if he was an "established"...
The Dead: And Nerve Agent loses in 45 seconds and wants to call himself a professional? Sure, Firewoman picked up the win, but Harris did all the work for her. Hell, The Dead put more of a beating on Blood Bath than most everyone else last night. The Dead wasn't afraid to come out early and lay him out with a Van Deadinator. And then Rabbxt actually surprises everyone and wins a match, only to lose his belt 10 seconds later. It's laughable.
AMS: Ok, so on to next week. You're scheduled to participate in a "nOOb" gauntlet match. Your thoughts?
The Dead: Already the higher-ups and trying to keep The Dead down. Sure, put The Dead in a gauntlet match. Fine. But four of The Dead's five opponents are "buddies". You don't think they're gonna work together to take The Dead out? Of course they're afraid of what The Dead can do. Doesn't matter though, because next week you will all be witnesses to what The Dead can...
[The Dead notices Firewoman exit the locker room with the Iron Man, er Person, Championship belt. A moment later Nerve Agent leaves the room and walks the opposite way.]
The Dead: Come on, you're going to want to see this.
[Androgynous Mic Stand follows The Dead down the hall where he meets up with Firewoman.]
The Dead: Excuse me...
[Firewoman turns around and BOOM! is nailed with the CTC!]
The Dead: Let that be a warning to you and your little friends.
[The Dead covers Firewoman]
The Dead: Count it!
AMS: 1, 2, 3! Your new Iron Person Champion, The Dead!
[The Dead snatches the belt and walks away.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:33:53 GMT -5
(CTG is working out in a non-airconditioned gym (it's summer there, after all) when his cellphone rings)
CTG: (adds two more reps before tapping on his bluetooth) hello?
??-> I'ma looking for Concorde Grippen
CTG: who?
??-> You know who I'm talking about, Corcode Grippen, the walls among us and the floors I walk on! You think I'm-about to let you come-a here and ruin things even more? What you got, superhero, flatter than speeding mullet-
CTG: Oh, I know who this is! This is Sandoval Portabella
Santino: DON'TA YOU BE STARTING THAT CRAZYTALK! That's-a my game-a
CTG: "Gimmick"
Santino: Whatever
CTG: So you don't want me to come to your company? You don't want to beat me up?
Santino: I'm-a leavin that to your favorite sidekick, Mousehead Johnny
CTG: .... I might have to come up there just to give you the heart punch Moose can't give over the phone. (hangs up)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:34:14 GMT -5
[Blitz and The Nerves Agent are walking down the hall way talking]
Blitz: Rabbxt is actually happy that four OOWF members can almost do the 810.
TNA: Yeah, so am I.
Blitz: What? I thought you were pissed at Rabbxt being able to do it. Not four people can almost do it and you're okay with it.
TNA: Well yeah. Now I am. I mean the 810 is a huge move, and if four people can do that, that's pretty amazing.
Blitz: Yeah I guess so. But what about Phantos and maybe even Davin doing it? Didn't you just get into a fight with Phantos and Lucios not too long ago.
TNA: Yeah, well if they want to take me out, they can do it in the ring. Them being able to do the 810 isn't going to stop me from accomplishing anything.
Blitz: Okay dude, whatever you say.
TNA: Yeah.
[They continue walking and then past The Dead after he won the Iron Man Champion.]
TNA: Dude, you're an asshole. She's like 5'6" 135 lb. woman and you're a 6'1" 215 lb. man! You suck. I bet you couldn't even take her on in a regualar match. I've seen her fight before. She has more balls than you do, and that's saying something seeing as she's a woman. Go back to where ever you came from with your Rock gimmicks, and RVD moves.
The Dead: You're just jealous I won it first.
TNA: Uh, no. If I was jealous of you, I would kick your ass right here and take the belt. But I'm not going to cause I'm not jealous. Firewoman's my friend, you're lucky I don't kick your ass for the hell of it, let alone take your precious belt that you've only had for like an hour.
[And with that Blitz and The Nerves Agent walk away with The Dead staring stupidly after them.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:35:08 GMT -5
Suddenly the OOWF-Tron screams to life in Whangarei, New Zealand! (Cheap pop!)
The screen shows someone adjusting a camera from the front, then backing away with a remote in his hand. The scene is obviously a Race and Sportsbook, probably somewhere in Las Vegas, Nevada (Cheap pop!) Hmmm, who could this possibly be?
The man steps back, and we see Attitude Adjuster! (And surprisingly fit looking, too.)
AA: What in the Las Vegas…whoooo!!!!...Winter is going on in the OOWF? Johnny Adrenaline and I are gone for a couple months, weighing our options with other, more prestigious federations, and the OOWF turns to this? What. The. Hell?!?!?
Look at this tag team division. Are you kidding me? Los Defensestrators haave the tag team titles? The two gimmick-stealing masked guys? Come on! How many times did Johnny and I wipe the mat with those guys? And it’s readily apparent who carried who to those 5-star matches. Baby! I can still carry toothpicks to 5-star performances. Then there’s Mentos and Lucha Libre, claiming they are the uncrowned champions. Uncrowned champions? Get real. Johnny and I ARE THE champions still! After all, we still have the belts! That’s right. I got the belts back. Right here! (AA turns and grabs two OOWF tag team title belts from a desktop, holding them high in the air.) I LOVE the first month of college basketball!
You know, I could go on and on about the lack of talent in the OOWF, and I’m sure if I called Johnny he’d have a thing or two to say as well. But right now, I don’t want to bother him. He’s probably somewhere on a beautiful Caribbean island, in the middle of 18 holes of scratch golf. Besides, I can say what we want to say without him. See, Johnny E-Mailed me some video recently that we both found shocking. Monkeys at the Blackjack Tables, roll the footage!
Now as much as we’d still like to headbutt The Rick in the groin…wait a second, that sounds bad…we can fix that in post-production…our bigger problem was with the message. See, if there’s one thing about Johnny and I, it’s we’re wrestling purists. And we don’t care much for those ruining storylines just because the talent level is down. Canadian Dragon, LD Williams (and probably LD’s ugly momma—yeah, I said it), you guys are no longer Weapons X. We took that from you! That’s right. We remember. Titles versus the team, and Johnny and I won! Don’t believe me? I still carry the video around. Monkeys at the Craps Table, it’s your turn!
So Williams, Dragon, you better think twice about teaming up again. And if you do, be prepared. AA and JA just might have to come back to the OOWF just to kick your ass and save the OOWF! Because…AA…Equals…Ratings!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:35:26 GMT -5
**Rabbxt turns a corner and sees The Dead walking just feet in front of him. The Dead hears his foot steps and turns around for the clothesline. Rabbxt ducks the clothesline and then back flips over The Dead's leg when he goes for the sweep.**
Rabbxt: Come on, man.
**The Dead goes for a jumping kick, but Rabbxt suicides to the floor, then kips up just in time to dodge an elbow drop.**
Rabbxt: For real, dude?
**The Dead goes for a tackle, but Rabbxt does a front flip over him and lands behind him, while The Dead stumbles onto the floor.**
Rabbxt: You're really going to keep this up?
Dead: Just... What do you want?
Rabbxt: I want you to stop embarassing yourself, for one.
Dead: ...
Rabbxt: And two, I want you to realize what you're in for in this gauntlet.
Dead: What I'm in for? I'm in for a boring match. You and Blitz are a joke. You're constantly fighting and creating too much drama. You'll break sooner than later. The Nerves Agent basically lives around doing one move. The 810. As he knows, he isn't the only person here who can do that move. He needs to just get over the 810. Keep it in his moveset, sure. I'm sure it's fun to do constant flips. Right, Rabbxt?
Rabbxt: ...
Dead: And Firewoman. She's a chick. And she's in the OOWF. That's laughable on its own. I just creamed her and took her belt in less than 10 seconds. And Seamus McNasty. What is that? He's been invisible to me since I've been here. I didn't even know his name until I looked at the card.
Rabbxt: And what makes you so great?
Dead: I... I just am.
Rabbxt: No reason? You just show up here, tell the locker room that you're the greatest, beat down a chick backstage and take her belt, and claim that you're better than all the other new guys who were here before you and have more experience than you in the OOWF?
Dead: Basically, yea.
Rabbxt: That's just how you do things, huh?
Dead: Again, yea. It's what The Dead believe.
Rabbxt: I see. Anyway, you're probably right about that whole "most of the people in the match teaming up on you" thing. We wouldn't have done that if you weren't being such an ass.
Dead: The Dead only does what needs to be done.
Rabbxt: Yea, sure... Whatever, dude. Maybe when you realize what the OOWF is about, you won't be going around and taking titles from chicks whenever you damn well please.
**The Dead gets mad and picks up a steel chair, tossing it at Rabbxt. Rabbxt catches it, but ducks the kick. When The Dead turns back around, Rabbxt throws the chair at The Dead, wrapping it around his head and knocking him out.**
Rabbxt: Annoying people we get around here, sometimes...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:35:45 GMT -5
[The Nerves Agent is walking down a hallway where he finds The Dead sprawled out on the floor]
TNA: Haha, jackass.
[He jumps up onto some recording instruments box and nails a shooting star press on the dead, gets up and walks away.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:36:07 GMT -5
[The Dead gets off the floor just in time for Androgynous Mic Stand to shove a mic in his face]
The Dead: Aww fuck, really? Again?
AMS: Just wanted your thoughts on what just transpired.
The Dead: You didn't see? There are only a few things The Dead needs to say in response. First, Nerve is nothing more than a sucker-puncher. He must still be mad about losing in less than a minute. Secondly, at least Rabbxt admits that he needs the help of three other people to beat The Dead in a match.
AMS: Anything else?
The Dead: Did The Dead say he was finished? The thing that bothers The Dead the most is the blatant sexism running rampant in the OOWF. Both Nerve and Rabbxt blame The Dead for "beating a girl". Are they saying she's inferior, because it sure seems that way. Last time The Dead checked, Firewoman was in the ring with the men, as an equal. When she took that Iron Person Championship, she knew what she was getting into. If The Dead was in her position, he'd be pissed about what his so-called teammates really thought. Hell, at least she proves herself in the ring, instead of running her mouth like Rabbxt and Nerve and their weird man-on-man soap opera. Now get the hell out of my face!
[Androgynous Mic Stand runs away as The Dead heads toward the locker room]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:36:34 GMT -5
**Rabbxt meets up with Nerves in the hallway.**
Rabbxt: What's up, Nerves?
Nerves: I just totally killed that Dead guy with a gainer.
Rabbxt: Ha, really? I wrapped a chair around his head.
Nerves: Ha, I know. I saw him laying there before I hit the gainer.
Rabbxt: Haha.
Rabbxt: He's still talking shit...
Nerves: You said that you needed all of us to beat him?
Rabbxt: No. I said that we're all teaming up on him because he's an ass. I don't know where he got the part about requiring multiple people to pin him...
Nerves: He talks too much.
Rabbxt: Sh...
Rabbxt: Haha. He thinks we're sexist. Wait, were we being sexist?
Nerves: Well, would you have cared if he did what he did to Firewoman to me?
Rabbxt: Totally. You're my friend.
Nerves: And Fire's mine. That's why I cared. I just used the woman thing as a quick response to him.
Rabbxt: Totally. Wait, we don't prove ourselves in the ring, either, now? I thought I won the match for my team... Wait, I did!
Nerves: And I thought I beat down my own team mate because he's a weak-ass nobody... Wait, I did! But, dude... You did lose your belt in under 20 seconds...
Rabbxt: Yea, and to a...
Nerves: ...
Rabbxt: ...friend of mine, at that.
Nerves: I thought you were going to mention her sex.
Rabbxt: Nah. But at least I'm not a bitch about it and I don't go attacking random people backstage. I still don't get why he thinks he's better than everyone.
Nerves: That's just how he is.
Rabbxt: I guess so. Oh, well... I guess I'll just ignore him.
Nerves: After all this shit that's happened?
Rabbxt: Yea, dude. I don't want to deal with him. I'm above that. I won a four-team match with a few of the most respected teams in the OOWF.
Nerves: Respected?
Rabbxt: Well, you know. It's whatever.
Nerves: Gotcha.
[Edited on 12-7-2007 by rabbxt]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:37:04 GMT -5
The Nerves Agent talking to himself: Damn dude, does that Androgynous Mic Stand follow The Dead everywhere he goes?! He never has time to do anything else in his promos but talk to him.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:37:23 GMT -5
**Sexy Female Journalist # 22 approaches L.D. Williams and Canadian Dragon.**
SFJ#22: “L.D., are you embarrassed by the way you won your match with Stank last week.”
LD: “What? Why would I be?”
SFJ#22: “After you mocked Stank’s countout victories…”
LD: “I didn’t mock anything. A win is a win. One of the things I respect about Stank is the fact that he knows and admits that. What I said was that neither one of us would ever be satisfied with anything less than a decisive win, and that’s still true.”
SFJ#22: “This week you’ll be facing Stank and his partner Capellan as you team with this man, Canadian Dragon.”
CD: “The Rick may be useless, but every once in a while he backs into a good idea. Good for us, not so good for Stank and Capellan.”
SFJ#22: “But, since you lost the match to the CSH, are you guys even allowed to team up?”
LD: “Saw that promo too, did you?”
CD: “One – we didn’t book the match. Two – we never agreed to those stipulations.”
LD: “And three, if Johnny and AA, or anyone else for that matter, have a problem with us, I’m begging, begging them to come and do something about it.”
CD: “The Canadian Death Sentence is waiting for anyone who wants to try us.”
**Weapon X walk away, leaving Sexy Female Journalist # 22 staring after them**
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:37:43 GMT -5
Following an exhaustive Tag Team workout, Run DLP is riding in the Dunkin Donuts Limousine showing Davin the sights around New Zealand.
Lucios: … And that steak house, right there on the left, Mr. Michelson’s, has the best Porterhouse cuts on the Islands.
Davin: Cool. We’ll give it a try this week. It’s strange not seeing a Papa Gino’s or D’Angelos around.
Phantos: And that’s a LONG flight to take just to get a Number 9 Steak and Cheese.
Davin: So you guys were here for how long?
Lucios: About 18 months. We wrestled for a group called South Pacific Pro for over a year. We based out of Auckland, but went all over New Zealand, Australia, Indonesia and Singapore once a month. When they sold their territories to IWGP, we went independent until Rick’s International Director of Scouting, Dave Meltzer, gave us a call and we headed back to the states.
Phantos: And then to South America.
Davin: I remember you two joining us this summer. During the Brad Smoley tribute show.
Lucios: Yes, curtain-jerking with Puck Dupp and Chile-Bean Amazega.
Davin: Good ol’ Puckster. I think half the roster kicked his ass at one time or another.
(They ride on in silence for a moment; Davin drinking a Dunkin Donuts Double-Brewed Ice Coffee, The Uncrowned Champions polishing off 1-litre bottles of Aquafina. Phantos’ Sprint PCS Phone rings and he has a text message.)
Phantos: Whoa!
Davin: What P-Dawg?
Phantos (looking @ Lucios) Nothing, I get a daily text update from this website I visit.
Lucios: God, it isn’t that porn star again, is it?
Phantos: (stammering) well.. you see…It’s just a picture…
(Davin grabs Phantos’ phone and opens up the latest message. He holds the phone out for the camera to see)
Davin: She has some nice tits ol’ buddy. (Laughs heartily)
(Phantos grabs his phone back and hastily presses some buttons. )
Lucios: (shaking his head) As long as you are ready to take care of business come Wednesday.
Phantos: I will be, don't worry partner. Hey! we’re almost at the arena. I want to get on the trampoline for a while before our promo.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:38:02 GMT -5
SFJ65: D.H. Magnusson, this week will make your third title match with your partner Spin Hansen against tag team champions Los Defenstrators. Some people are say-
DHM: How in the hell are you doing that?
SFJ65: Doing what?
DHM: Speaking in bold like that.
SFJ65: Oh. They taught us that at SFJCC.
DHM: SFJCC?
SFJ65: Sexy Female Journalist Community College.
DHM: I gotta stop asking questions. What were you saying?
SFJ65: Some people are saying that you and Spin can't beat Los Defe -
DHM: Stop right there, Shannon.
SFJ65: Why do keep calling us all Sha -
DHM: I said stop right there. Some people are saying the me an' Spin can't beat those two hairballs? Some people are idiots. Los Defenstrators can't beat us. We been screwed outta those belts twice now...But that don't matter to me. What matters to me is the fact those two monkeys have snuck past Spin an' me twice now. There ain't gonna be a third time. Bring whatcha got boys, and pray it's enough. You wanna bring out chairs? Me an' Spin'll take your damned heads off with 'em. You wanna bring out your window? We'll ram the damned thing down your throats!
*DHM takes a deep breath looking down*
DHM: Y'see Shannon, it ain't about me an Spin havin' the belts. Not entirely. It's about makin' sure those two monkeys don't have 'em. We got the premier tag team division in all of wrestling here in the OOWF. Phantos and Lucios, the BFFs...hell, even the real Defenstrators and whoever happens to be in that all-Canadian gang runnin' around - and that ain't countin' all these new kids poppin' up every week. Some of them are doin' okay from what I see. The only team that draggin' the whole down is the so-called champs. Los Defenstrators, I want...I NEED you to listen very closely. You're a joke. You started off as a joke, and you never stopped bein' one. The only problem is that once a joke runs too long, it quits bein' funny. It's time for your punchline boys. And if there's one thing me an' Spin know about, it's punching. Don't worry about walkin' out that ring with your belts boys, worry about bein' able to walk.
You got your soundbyte, now get out. I got work to do. I gotta find Stank. I been puttin' off meeting him.
SJF65: Wouldn't he be in the Destroyitarium?
DHM: You looked around you, Shannon? The whole country is one big Destroyitarium.
SFJ: My name isn't....Oh, nevermind.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:38:20 GMT -5
(Spin Hansen is EXITING A MEN'S ROOM!)
SH: Gods, I need to quit challenging Firechild to hot-pepper eating contests.
D.H. Magnusson (From around the corner): Spin, that you?
SH: Yeah, it's me. A word to the wise... don't go in there for a while. Trust me on this.
DHM: Uh... yeah. Thanks for sharin' that with me, man. You just missed one of the SFJs an' her oh-so-witty repartee.
SH: Which one was it?
DHM: Shannon.
SH: Ahh. Her.
DHM: Yeah, an' I'm about sick and tired of her yappin' on and on about how we can't seem to pull a win off against those guys.
SH: I'm telling you... we're getting screwed, and I'll tell you why-- the refs. None of the refs here give me any respect, ever since I tried bringing in one of my own.
DHM: That Hightower guy? What happened to him?
SH: Fired after the only match he refereed. Fucking Glaw still can't seem to handle the fact that Drink and Destroy beat his guys fair and square in the end. The only people here who respect me are you, Stank, Outback Jack, and maybe Moose.
DHM: Maybe Moose?
SH: You never know with Moose. There's a reason why I've been doing extra training in the boiler room lately... and that's to get focused and make everyone respect me... and as an extension, respect us. This is long overdue, but I've got a few people for us to meet. C'mon.
(The two start walking toward the Destroyitarium...)
DHM: Oh, yeah. One more thing. How come the Destroyitarium an' its fully-stocked bar follow you guys everywhere we go?
SH: Did you ever play No Mercy for the Nintendo 64?
DHM: I never had it, but I played it once or twice.
SH: Y'know how every time you were backstage, there was that door that led to a bar?
DHM: Yeah.
SH: Same kind of thing. I think.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:39:00 GMT -5
** L.D. Williams and Canadian Dragon return to their locker room to find the door covered in notes.**
LD: “What the…” (starts to laugh)
CD: “Challenges…”
LD: “This one on Aquafina letterhead is from Run DLP’s ‘representatives’ -even their challenges are sponsored?”
CD: "It's amazing what a good agent can do."
LD: “This one with the crayon drawings has got to be the BFF.”
CD: “Spin and DHM, Cap and Stank – Funny."
LD: "What the hell is a Rabbxt?”
CD: Don’t ask. Check this one out – I can’t even tell if these are supposed to be letters!”
LD: “That’ll be SYB and his pet animal – Watch out!”
**Weapon X duck as a brick with a note attached thuds off the door.**
LD & CD: “Defenestrators.”
CD (Picking up the brick): “And not the good ones either.”
LD: “Looks like the only people we didn’t annoy is the champs and the has-beens.”
CD: “Well, it was worth a shot.”
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:39:18 GMT -5
**Rabbxt and Blitz have gathered the Nerves Agent and Firewoman into their locker room. They go around to every camera planted in the room and shut off the volume. They turn the lights out so no one can see any hand motion or read any lips.**
Rabbxt: Alright, guys. That gauntlet match may be a tough one. And only one of us can win it. But we all agree that it should be one of us to win it, right?
Blitz: Agreed, Rabbxt.
Nerves: Definitely.
Fire: As long as it isn't The Dead.
Nerves: Total ass.
Rabbxt: Yea, yea. But that's not what matters right now. We've got to plan for the gauntlet. We're all four together. The Dead and that Seamus guy are by themselves. If the four of us take the two of them out of the match early, we can all four go at it until one of us win.
Blitz: And I think this is a perfect strategy. Much better than your other strategy talks, Rabbxt.
Rabbxt: Thanks, Blitz.
Nerves: I think the plan seems good.
Fire: Seems alright with me.
Rabbxt: I was thinking of a couple of big spots, if we could pull them off.
Nerves: I think I know what you're thinking...
Rabbxt: You got it. That Dead guy was talking shit on the 810. Nerves, we've both done it. If we can get Seamus and Dead both down in opposite corners, we can hit the duel 810.
Nerves: I'm in. Think of the pop that'll get.
Blitz: What if that doesn't work out? We need some back-up plans.
Rabbxt: Right. Blitz, you've got one of the cleanest Shooting Stars I've ever seen. And I think I'm right there with you.
Blitz: Agreed. I could argue that yours looks cleaner than mine.
Rabbxt: You could argue that, but let's not. We've both got totally awesome Shooting Stars, right?
Nerves: Did you not see my Shooting Star on The Dead? It was perfect... And it was off some random box. Think of it off the top rope.
Rabbxt: But that makes three gainers. There's only two enemies out there.
Nerves: Maybe I can just land on someone's face...
Fire: The Dead. Land on his face. He deserves it.
Rabbxt: Perfect, Fire. There's our second plan for the match.
Blitz: Can we all agree to still be tight after this match, though?
Nerves: Yea, I mean... We've all got some pretty hardcore moves and if we unleash them on each other, are we all completely sure that we won't take any of it the wrong way?
Fire: Well, we know that we're in this match against each other. And we know that we're all going to do whatever it takes to win it. So, unless you're a straight pussy, I think we can all accept the fact that we're going to get the shit kicked out of us by our friends and partners.
Rabbxt: Point taken, Fire. And I totally agree. We're all cool, even after we murder each other out there.
Blitz: For sure. We can take it.
Nerves: Agreed.
**They all go around and turn the lights back on and turn the volume on the cameras back on. They all shake hands and leave, while Rabbxt stays.**
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:39:37 GMT -5
[The Dead happens to be walking down the hallway just in time to see Nerve and Firewoman leave Rabbxt's locker room.]
The Dead: Seems pretty obvious what was just going on in there. The Dead knew they'd have to team up next week to have a chance.
[The Dead looks around for a cameraman and finally spots one.]
The Dead: You! Get over here!
[The cameraman hurries over.]
The Dead: Make sure you get this. Rabbxt, for all your talk about not needing everyone's help next week you're sure acting suspicious. Now, The Dead doesn't know exactly what went on in that room, but he's got a pretty damn good guess. The Dead knows you are afraid. You wouldn't be having secret meetings with your "opponents" if you weren't. And that's ok. The Dead knows he can be intimidating. The Dead knows that you're jealous. Flipping around may pop the crowd, but the way The Dead wrestles is what wins matches.
Oh, and Firewoman, Nerve, and Blitz, you know Rabbxt is playing you, right? He figures if you do the dirty work for him and take me out that he'll be able to sneak in and win the match. Trust The Dead on this one, because The Dead has done the exact same thing before.
[The Dead walks away down the hall.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:39:59 GMT -5
**Blitz, Nerves, and Fire all think about what they were just told before going back into R&B's locker room.**
Fire: The Dead just said...
Rabbxt: I know what he just said. These doors are paper thin.
Nerves: Well, what do you have to say about it?
Rabbxt: He's right.
Blitz: He is? I thought we were all in this together!?
Rabbxt: We are.
Nerves: You just said that everything he said was right.
Rabbxt: That's true, too.
Fire: And you heard the part about us doing the dirty work while you score the pinfall?
Rabbxt: Yes, I heard that.
Blitz: Then how can you say we're working together?
Nerves: I think you're a sneak, Rabbxt.
Fire: You must not know what you're talking about.
Rabbxt: I know exactly what I'm talking about, Fire. All of you, just listen and you'll get it. The Dead told you all that I was getting you all to do the dirty work and allow me to pick up the win, right?
Blitz: Exactly.
Rabbxt: Well, if I was going to sit back and watch you guys take him and Seamus out, I wouldn't have planned out the duel 810 and triple gainer spots. I have to work those, too. If I don't follow through with that, the three of you can easily take me out.
Blitz: Ok. But you said that you're using us to take out The Dead and Seamus. Or... You agreed with The Dead about that.
Rabbxt: True. But you're all using me, too. We're all using each other in this. We're all working spots, guys. We're all using each other to take out those other two noobs.
Nerves: But you said that you're going to sneak in the pinfall for yourself.
Rabbxt: That's what we're all doing, though. After we take Seamus and The Dead out, we all agreed that we're going to beat up on each other to see who can score the pinfall.
Fire: You're a clever one, Rabbxt.
Nerves: That, you are.
Blitz: Yea, I get it now.
Rabbxt: Exactly. The Dead thinks he can trick you guys into turning on me, but he's not as smart as he thinks.
Blitz: So we're all back on the same page?
Nerves: Definitely.
Fire: Totally.
Rabbxt: Alright, sweet. See you two later, I guess.
Nerves and Fire: Peace.
**Nerves and Fire leave the room, while Rabbxt and Blitz stay in it. It is their locker room, after all.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:40:34 GMT -5
Viper is watching the monitor in the back.
DV: Hey Big Dawg! Check this out!
FFM3: Huh?
DV: Oh... sorry. Old habits die hard I guess.
FFM3: You can call me Big Dawg if you want. I am the Big Dawg of LOADED after all.
DV: Eh, that's ok Double F.
FFM3: Double F... I like that. It's kind of like some other guy... Triple... Um... I forget...
DV: Anyways, check this out!
FFM3 and Viper share a laugh.
FFM3: Haha! Those peasants haven't been told about the Invisible Ninja Cameramen! Haha!
DV: Oh man, that's great. Hey, should we show this to The Dead?
FFM3: Nah, no need. People who have "The" as a first name are lame!
The Rock: Hey! That hurt my feelings!
FFM3: IT DOESN'T MATTER IF I HURT YOUR FEELINGS!
The Rock: (walks away crying)
FFM3: I'm RICH BEYOTCH!
Outback Jack walks in to the LOADED locker room.
DV: What do you want?
OBJ: Well, it looks like GMTheRick finally learned the same thing everone else already knew.
DV: And what's that?
OBJ: That you can't beat Stank.
FFM3: OH SNAP!
OBJ: So now he wants you to face me. Well, let me tell you something. Just like Stank - I'm keeping this belt. (points to the Intercontinental belt)
DV: I see it differently. I see it as GMTheRick giving me an opportunity to take your gold before I take Stank's gold. This is my shot to become the first true double champion in the company.
Voltage: Hey! I was the gnarliest double champion EVER!
Ecosystem: You forgot "woohoo!"
Voltage: Woohoo!
DV: Will you idiots shut up?
Volt: But I was....
OBJ: Listen to Viper and shut the hell up. And by the way, I don't want seeing you two, or Capslock (FFM3: McCAPPINGTON!) interfering in this match.
Volt: What are you talking about? Eco and I never interfere in Donnie's matches.
OBJ: Excuse me?
Eco: No, it's true. He won't let us.
OBJ: Then what's this?
Outback Jack puts a video tape into LOADED's monitor:
Eco: See? That wasn't us!
Volt: Yeah. That was Los Defenestrators. Not us.
OBJ: Shut your stupid fucking mouths. Just know, if you two and Capslock (FFM3: It's McCAPPINGTON you dolt!) And if you do... well, unlike Altrageous (Alt: It's CHRIS ALT, asshole!) I have some people (Stank and Spin: We're DRINK & DESTROY motherfuckers!) ready and willing to even things out.
OBJ leaves.
DV: Say, what the hell was that all about last week anyway? I mean, it took long enough but I know you;re not Los Def.
Eco: Thank god.
Volt: Finally!
DV: Yeah. Los Def are the champs and you're not.
Eco: Way to rub it in...
DV: So since why come in dressed as Los Def? Come on, I know this was you guys this time.
Volt: Uh....
Eco: It wasn't us, really.
DV: Stop with it. The real Los Def has no reason to run in on a match of mine on my behalf...
Volt: Well... yea, It WAS us dressed as Los Def... yeah...
DV: Why would you do that?
Volt: Um... you said you didn't want me and Volt helping you out in matches. You didn't say anything about El Voltaje and La Ecosistema!
DV: *groans* Ok, I'll give you a pass on that one.
Volt: Woohoo! He gave us a pass! Whiich is the OPPOSITE of a fail! WE'RE A+ STUDENTS!
FFM3: See, THAT's the kind of scholastic aptitude we need around here!
DV: *groan* I'm leaving.
FFM3: I'll go with you.
Viper and McCappington leave the LOADED locker room.
Eco: Why did you lie?
Volt: Dude, why did Los Def help out Viper in the first place?
Eco: I don't know, man.
Volt: Well, let's have Donnie on our good side, ok? I smell trouble a 'brewin...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:41:09 GMT -5
**Rabbxt and Blitz are still in their locker room.**
Rabbxt: You know what we need in here?
Bitz: A bathroom?
Rabbxt: No. A trampoline.
Blitz: Isn't that some kind of gimmick infringement?
Rabbxt: I think so. Damn Phantos and Lucios.
Blitz: Oh, no. You know what I just noticed?
Rabbxt: Trampoline's are getting more expensive?
Blitz: No. Look around you and tell me what you see.
Rabbxt: Alright... I see an end table, a lamp, a plasma TV, a broken stereo, bunk beds, some kind of ninja with a camera, a recliner...
Blitz: There!
Rabbxt: A recliner?
Blitz: No! The ninja cameraman...
Rabbxt: Oh, yea. There's a bunch of... Oh, shit!
**Rabbxt and Blitz beat up all five ninja cameramen and smash their cameras and the tapes that were in their cameras.**
Rabbxt: I hope we got all the ninjas.
Blitz: We're pretty ninja ourselves, so I'm thinking we got them all.
Rabbxt: You don't think there was a live feed of this being recorded by the guys in the truck, do you?
**Cuts to Rabbxt and Blitz going crazy in the truck with the guys.**
Rabbxt: Get out of the fucking chair!
Blitz: Do what he says! We're armed!
Monkey1: Oh, God! Here! Sit!
Rabbxt: Everyone evacuate the truck! Now!
Blitz: Come on! Move it! Move it!
All monkies: Ahh!
**All the truck monkies leave the truck, screaming and scared for their lives. Rabbxt and Blitz destroy every piece of evidence that the ninja cameramen sent to the truck.**
Rabbxt: That should do it.
Blitz: Good work, buddy.
Rabbxt: Alright, guys! You can all come back in and get back to work!
Blitz: You heard him! Let's go!
**All the truck monkies get back to work and Rabbxt and Blitz walk back to their locker room.**
Rabbxt: So, how about that trampoline?
Blitz: We can't do it, Rabbxt.
Rabbxt: Ugh...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 10:41:30 GMT -5
Nerves and Firewoman are WALKING~! The ninja-cam picks up their conversation mid-sentence.
FW: ... and while it was really, really out of character for me to walk out of a room with a title belt that needs to be defended 24/7 without even looking both ways... almost like someone else was in control of me or something, I really don't need you guys sticking up for me. I appreciate it but I don't need it.
Nerves: I know, but ...
FW: Seriously, I'm trying to make it as a wrestler, not as a gimmick, and to have you guys berating other wrestlers for doing just what they would do to any other wrestler, it just sends the wrong message. So thanks, but quit it.
Nerves: Fine, I got it.
FW: Besides, The Dead and Seamus McNasty are not the only ones we need to worry about. We'll be wrestling each other. SOMEONE is going to play dirty. I intend to be ready for it, and trust NO ONE.
Nerves: Well, we did make those plans...
FW: Sure, and I'll sticke with them. As long as the four of you stick with them.
Arriving at Firewoman's Locker Room (tm), she goes in and shuts the door. Ninja camera dude follows her inside, apparently materializing through the closed door. Firewoman starts working out on the heavy bag, punches and kicks.
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